| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:09] | Very funny, Hope, | 喜旺真调皮啊 |
| [00:10] | but, uh, you need your spoon to eat your oat meal. | 可没了勺子 你怎么吃糊糊呢 |
| [00:11] | No! | 就不要 |
| [00:14] | Denied. | 不给面子啊 |
| [00:15] | She did the same thing to me last night | 昨晚她不肯吃豆子 |
| [00:17] | when she wouldn’t eat her peas. | 也是这样把碗朝我一丢 |
| [00:19] | Yeah, she’s getting an attitude. | 咱家喜旺脾气见长啊 |
| [00:20] | Yesterday I told her not to touch the knobs on the stove. | 昨天我让她别碰煤气开关 |
| [00:22] | She didn’t use her fingers, | 万幸她没比中指 |
| [00:24] | but her eyes were flipping me the bird. | 不过她的眼神已经说明了一切 |
| [00:25] | She’s just being funny. | 她只是好玩而已 |
| [00:26] | She’s testing you. | 人这是试探你 |
| [00:27] | She’s like that crazy old dead guy in North Korea | 就像朝鲜那个翘辫子的疯老头 |
| [00:29] | with all those missiles. | 捣鼓导弹搅合你 |
| [00:31] | She’s almost as tall. | 他俩都快差不多高了 |
| [00:32] | You need to keep that in check. | 你得管管她了 |
| [00:33] | What do you mean, like yell her or something? | 什么意思 冲她吼几句 |
| [00:35] | We’re best friends. | 我们可是铁哥们 |
| [00:36] | Best friends don’t yell at each other. | 铁哥们要相亲相爱 |
| [00:38] | Sure they do, what about the Three Stooges? | 少来 没看过活宝三人组吗 |
| [00:38] | 《活宝三人组》经典歌舞剧电影 讲述三人为达目的不惜采取各种可笑的方法 | |
| [00:40] | or the Car Talk guys? | 《车迷天下》的冤家兄弟 |
| [00:42] | Rizzoli and Isles. | 还有《妙女神探》 |
| [00:44] | Good morning. | 各位早啊 |
| [00:45] | Coffee? | 来点咖啡吗 |
| [00:46] | Uh, no thanks. Do you guys have tea? | 不用 有茶吗 |
| [00:48] | Yes, we have tea | 有哇 不过我们 |
| [00:50] | after we finish cleaning our chimney. | 一般清完烟囱才喝茶 |
| [00:53] | What say | 这样吧 |
| [00:54] | we make a couple of mugs and sip it with our pinkies out, | 我们泡上几杯 翘着兰花指 品品茶 |
| [00:58] | and then we’ll put another shrimp on the barbie. | 然后再送你瓶脑白金 |
| [01:02] | I’m just gonna take this little skit | 废这么半天话 |
| [01:04] | as your way of telling me that you don’t have tea. | 就是说没茶咯 |
| [01:05] | Oh, no, we have tea. | 不不 我家有茶 |
| [01:06] | It’s on that shelf behind the crackers | 就在放咸饼干那层 |
| [01:07] | next to the beef bouillon cubes. | 挨着牛肉味浓汤宝 |
| [01:08] | Oh, I forgot about those. Grab me one. | 差点忘记浓汤宝了 帮我拿一块 |
| [01:10] | They’re like meat-flavored hard candies. | 它们就像肉味硬糖 |
| [01:14] | Something’s under the house. | 屋子底下有东西 |
| [01:16] | Oh, no! | 又来了 |
| [01:18] | What was that? | 怎么了 |
| [01:19] | I hear teeth. I hear claws. | 听那尖牙利爪摩挲的吱吱声 |
| [01:21] | I hear a tail. | 一甩一甩地小尾巴 |
| [01:24] | It’s a beaver! | 是海狸 |
| [01:25] | It’s not a beaver, you always say beaver. | 那不是海狸 你老这么说 |
| [01:28] | I think you just like saying beaver. | 我看你就是喜欢说这个词 |
| [01:29] | I do like saying beaver. | 海狸 念着多顺口啊 |
| [01:32] | Raccoon. | 我说是浣熊 |
| [01:33] | Don’t worry. I’ll get rid of it. | 别一惊一乍的 我来搞定 |
| [01:36] | Isn’t that kind of more of a husband job? | 这不是男人该干的活吗 |
| [01:37] | Well, you’d think. | 就是说啊 |
| [01:39] | Some people around here get a little nutty | 不过某些人一看到小动物 |
| [01:41] | when it comes to small animals. | 就神经兮兮的 |
| [01:42] | Just marsupials and aquatic mammals. | 人家也就怕那种长袋子和水里游的 |
| [01:45] | And raccoons, dirty little weasels. | 浣熊也好吓人 还有脏兮兮的小鼬鼠 |
| [01:47] | Oh, and weasels. | 没错 鼬鼠 |
| [01:49] | Fortunately, I hate turning the lights on | 好在我讨厌每周五 |
| [01:50] | every Friday night for the orthodox Jewish family across the street, | 给对街那家犹太人开灯 |
| [01:52] | so Burt takes care of that. | 就跟伯特做了交换 |
| [01:54] | Okay, all right, all right. | 好吧 好吧 |
| [01:56] | Uh, give me one more shot. | 我再试一次 |
| [01:58] | Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu melech ha-olam badoor? | 天佑我主 嘛咪嘛咪哄[犹太教祈祷词] |
| [02:07] | Oy vay, those Bronsteins are so meshuganah. | 那家人确实轰轰癫癫的[犹太语] |
| [02:21] | She was the first Porkchester of my collection. | 她是我收藏的第一个小猪娃 |
| [02:24] | The little swine I feel in love with, | 我的初恋小猪猪 |
| [02:27] | who introduced me to the world of pig-ur-enes, | 引领我进入了猪娃的世界 |
| [02:31] | and now she’s gone. | 现在就这么没了 |
| [02:35] | Well, we could scoop up the pieces | 我们可以把碎片扫一扫 |
| [02:36] | and put her in the urn with Paw Paw. | 放在爷爷的骨灰坛里 |
| [02:39] | He’d probably like some company anyway. | 他可能正缺个伴儿呢 |
| [02:43] | Or, I could just try to fix her. | 我还是试着修修看吧 |
| [02:50] | How is Hope? | 喜旺今天乖不 |
| [02:51] | Well, her serial killer mother would be very proud. | 她那杀手老妈一定会倍感骄傲 |
| [02:54] | She slaughtered her first victim today. | 她今天首开杀戒 |
| [02:56] | We lost a Porkchester. | 我们失去了一个好猪娃 |
| [02:57] | Oh, I’m sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [03:00] | Are you sure Hope did it? | 真是喜旺干的吗 |
| [03:01] | Yes, I’m sure she did it. | 肯定是她 |
| [03:03] | And that’s not all, I caught her in the hallway today | 还不止呢 今天她在走道上 |
| [03:05] | drawing on the wall with markers. | 用记号笔往墙上乱涂乱画 |
| [03:07] | I washed it off, | 我洗掉后 |
| [03:08] | but then I had a big clean spot on the wall. | 发现墙上干净的这块好不搭调 |
| [03:11] | So, now I got to either wash the whole wall, | 所以我要么把整面墙都洗一遍 |
| [03:13] | or figure out how to make the spot dirty again. | 要么想法子把那块再弄脏 |
| [03:15] | We should only buy markers that are the color of our walls. | 就该只买和咱家墙一个色的记号笔 |
| [03:17] | Then, when I was washing up the marker, | 就在我埋头洗墙时 |
| [03:19] | she climbs up on the chair, grabs two Porkchesters, | 她竟爬上椅子 抓起两个猪娃 |
| [03:22] | and throws them at me! | 朝我扔过来 |
| [03:24] | I could only catch Paddy. | 我只救下了帕蒂 |
| [03:27] | Did you yell at her? | 你吼她了吗 |
| [03:29] | Well, I’m not yelling at her. | 才没有 |
| [03:31] | I want her to like me. | 我可不想她讨厌我 |
| [03:32] | Well, I’m not yelling at her. I want her to like me, too. | 我也不要凶她 搞得她讨厌我啊 |
| [03:34] | Well, grandmothers don’t yell. | 咱做奶奶的从不大小声 |
| [03:36] | We get to give them butterscotch candies and nickels. | 我们向来唱红脸 |
| [03:38] | Parents have to do all the dirty work. | 白脸留给当爹妈的唱 |
| [03:41] | And besides, she’s hardheaded like you were. | 再说了 她跟你一样牛脾气 |
| [03:42] | I don’t think yelling’s going to be strong enough. | 嚷嚷也起不到效果 |
| [03:45] | Are you saying I should spank her? | 你是让我打她屁屁吗 |
| [03:47] | Not hard, just a… | 装装样子而已 |
| [03:49] | little eensy-weensy “Boop,” just to get her attention. | 轻轻一拍 让她记住教训 |
| [03:53] | It worked with you. | 这招对你很灵 |
| [03:54] | Wait, are you saying you spanked me? | 等等 你以前常打我屁屁吗 |
| [03:57] | See, you don’t even remember it. | 瞧 你自己都不记得了 |
| [03:58] | How bad could it have been? | 能严重到哪去 |
| [04:00] | You were just a little older than Hope is now | 你那会也就比喜旺大一点儿 |
| [04:02] | when you started to be a real pain in the butt | 一让你吃蔬菜 |
| [04:04] | about eating your vegetables. | 你就成了混世小魔王 |
| [04:05] | Take a bite, Jimmy. | 吉米 就咬一小口 |
| [04:06] | Bite me, Burt. | 有种咬我 伯特 |
| [04:08] | After we let you get away with that, | 你那次得逞后 |
| [04:09] | you wouldn’t listen to us when we told you | 让你关电视去睡觉 |
| [04:11] | it was time to turn off the TV and go to bed. | 你也不肯听了 |
| [04:13] | Come at me, bro! Come at me! | 来啊 哥们 倒是来啊 |
| [04:15] | Let’s do this! | 过来啊 |
| [04:16] | Come at me, bro! Ah! | 有种打我啊 傻大个儿 |
| [04:18] | We couldn’t even get you to clean up your room. | 你甚至不肯乖乖打扫自己的房间 |
| [04:24] | Magazine says to be encouraging. | 杂志上说了 要鼓励孩子 |
| [04:26] | Hey, son of mine. | 爹爹的乖宝宝 |
| [04:29] | What do you say we take some pride in our play space | 打扫一下自己的小天地多关荣呀 |
| [04:32] | and clean up our room? | 咱也光荣一把 好吗 |
| [04:38] | How do you like me now, son? | 小子 这下你满意了吧 |
| [04:44] | I think it’s time to spank him. | 我看得揍他一顿了 |
| [04:45] | I thought we both agreed to be the | 咱不是说好要当那种 |
| [04:46] | do-nothing-but-hope-for-the-best kind of parents? | 坐等奇迹的爹妈吗 |
| [04:48] | Well, that’s not working anymore, | 看来是行不通了 |
| [04:50] | and we’re running out of options. | 我们被逼到绝路上了 |
| [04:54] | And windows. | 咱家窗户也是 |
| [04:55] | I guess it needs to be done. | 看来是非打不可了 |
| [04:57] | Okay, good luck. | 祝你好运 |
| [04:58] | Wait, why do I have to spank him? | 凭什么让我打啊 |
| [05:00] | If you do the spanking, | 你要是肯打他 |
| [05:01] | I’ll do something you don’t want to do. | 我就替你干你不愿干的活 |
| [05:03] | What do you hate doing? | 你讨厌干什么 |
| [05:04] | Answering stupid questions. | 回答愚蠢的问题 |
| [05:06] | Sorry, but you just set me up so perfectly. | 不怪我 这可是你自己下的套 |
| [05:08] | – Burt, pick something. – Okay, um… | -伯特 随便挑一个 -那就 |
| [05:11] | You’re responsible | 你负责 |
| [05:12] | for getting all the rodents out from under the house. | 弄走房子底下所有的啮齿动物 |
| [05:14] | And for picking up dog poop, if we ever get a dog. | 要是咱家养狗 你负责捡狗屎 |
| [05:16] | Deal. And while you’re spanking your son, | 就这么定了 你一会儿打儿子屁屁时 |
| [05:18] | make sure you tell him he’s never getting a dog. | 告诉他 这辈子别想养狗狗了 |
| [05:23] | As hard as it was to do, after that one spanking, | 虽然难下狠手 但是打完后 |
| [05:26] | you were like a totally different kid. | 效果显著 |
| [05:29] | We didn’t even have to tell you to clean your room anymore. | 你开始主动收拾自己的房间 |
| [05:32] | All clean! | 超干净 |
| [05:33] | Please don’t spank me again. | 千万别打我屁屁 |
| [05:37] | You ate your vegetables… | 你还乖乖吃蔬菜了 |
| [05:42] | Delicious, Mommy. Please don’t spank me again. | 好好吃哦 妈咪 千万别打我屁屁 |
| [05:48] | and you stopped putting up a fight at bedtime. | 到点儿也老老实实上床睡觉了 |
| [05:50] | Okay, Jimmy, time for bed. | 吉米 该睡觉了 |
| [05:55] | Time to hit the sack. | 睡觉觉咯 |
| [05:57] | Please don’t spank me again. | 千万别打我屁屁 |
| [06:01] | I can’t believe you spanked me. | 真不敢相信你打了我屁屁 |
| [06:04] | It had to be done. | 我别无选择 |
| [06:04] | And it only had to be done once. | 一次性搞定 |
| [06:08] | No, no, no. No, no. | 别 别 别 别 |
| [06:10] | Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t. | 住手 别扔啊 |
| [06:11] | Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t! | 放开小猪猪 我的小祖宗 |
| [06:14] | Okay. | 镇静 |
| [06:15] | Okay, deep breaths! | 深呼吸 |
| [06:16] | Deep breaths. | 深呼吸 |
| [06:18] | Deep breaths… | 深深深呼吸 |
| [06:20] | Look, I know this looks bad, | 我知道现在有点揪心 |
| [06:21] | but kids go through phases, | 不过成长必经阶段嘛 |
| [06:23] | and I’m not ruining my relationship with her | 我可不想采用这种速战速决的手段 |
| [06:25] | as a quick-fix for this phase. | 而毁了我们父女感情的 |
| [06:27] | Yeah, well, when you finally come to your senses | 等你哪天幡然醒悟 |
| [06:30] | and end up spanking her, you’ll see | 打她屁屁之后 你就知道 |
| [06:32] | we’re not the idiots you think we are. | 我们才不是二缺父母呢 |
| [06:35] | Why did you stop? | 怎么停了 |
| [06:39] | Burt? | 伯特 |
| [06:39] | Do you have superglue on your finger? | 你手上粘了强力胶 是不是 |
| [06:41] | Okay, no problem. | 镇定 没事的 |
| [06:43] | On the count of three, we’ll just pull apart like a wishbone. | 数到三就能轻松分开了 |
| [06:45] | Well, my wish is that I end up | 我只祈求 |
| [06:48] | with a little piece of your finger on my nose | 你的手指掉点肉 |
| [06:51] | instead of you having a little piece of my nose on your finger. | 给我留个完好的鼻子 |
| [06:53] | Okay, I’m going to wish for the opposite of that. | 我跟你的愿望正好相反 |
| [06:55] | Understood. | 可以理解 |
| [06:56] | So, whoever gets the bigger piece gets their wish. | 幸运之神将肉落谁家 立见分晓 |
| [06:59] | – You ready? – No. | -准备好了吗 -没有 |
| [07:00] | Too bad. One, two, three. | 那也没辙 一 二 三 |
| [07:15] | What are you doing? | 你干嘛呢 |
| [07:17] | Preparing a date for Mr. Raccoon. | 对浣熊先生使点美熊计 |
| [07:20] | “Jennifer Aniston” by Jennifer Aniston. | 詹妮弗·安妮斯顿出的同名香水 |
| [07:23] | No man can resist this. | 没男人能抵挡诱惑 |
| [07:25] | Except Brad Pitt. | 除了布拉德·皮特 |
| [07:26] | And John Mayer. | 还有约翰·梅尔 |
| [07:27] | – And Vince Vaughn. – And Bradley Cooper. | -文斯·沃恩 -布莱德利·库伯 |
| [07:29] | And that homeless-looking guy from Counting Crows. | 还有乌鸦乐团那个活像流浪汉的家伙 |
| [07:32] | So you’re just going to lure him out and trap him humanely? | 你打算引诱它出来 活捉它吗 |
| [07:35] | No. | 不 |
| [07:35] | I stuffed a bunch of razor blades in here. | 这里面全是刀片 |
| [07:37] | He’s gonna hump this thing to death. | 它一扑倒就死翘翘了 |
| [07:44] | Could I just suggest something else? | 我能提点意见吗 |
| [07:45] | ‘Cause I could sing to him, | 我可以唱歌 |
| [07:47] | and then we could lure him out. | 引它出来 |
| [07:49] | Just think, we could set him free. | 然后把它放生 |
| [07:51] | He could live a long comfortable life in the wild. | 让它回归大自然 从此自由自在地生活 |
| [07:53] | It’s a filthy raccoon. | 不就只脏浣熊 |
| [07:55] | It’s not a whale. | 又不是鲸鱼 |
| [07:56] | 《威鲸闯天关》 讲述小男孩将被捕鲸鱼威利放生大海的电影 | |
| [07:56] | We’re not freeing Willy. | 你当放生威利呢 |
| [07:58] | Come on, Virginia. | 别这样 维吉妮亚 |
| [08:00] | Look at his face. | 看看它的小脸蛋 |
| [08:02] | I mean, I’m sure if we got to know him… | 要是咱们能多了解它一点… |
| [08:04] | All right. Stop. | 得了 打住吧 |
| [08:05] | If you want to sing a song, just give it a shot. | 想唱就唱吧 |
| [08:08] | Do you know any raccoon songs? | 你会唱浣熊的歌吗 |
| [08:09] | Yeah, I do actually. I wrote a song when I was six | 还真知道 我六岁时写了一首歌 |
| [08:12] | to help lure my cat out from under my bed. | 把小猫从床底下哄出来了 |
| [08:13] | I’m just going to change the words | 改改歌词 |
| [08:15] | so it should be perfect. | 一样能用 |
| [08:22] | *You heard a noise, so you fled* | *听到声音 你惊慌了* |
| [08:27] | *And now you’re scared, under my… house* | *躲在屋底 你害怕了* |
| [08:32] | *No need to run* | *不要惊慌* |
| [08:35] | *No need to scat* | *无须害怕* |
| [08:37] | *You’re just a little nervous because you’re a… raccoon.* | *小紧张的 小浣熊啊* |
| [08:46] | Hey, you fixed the Porkchesters. | 你把猪娃修好了啊 |
| [08:48] | Well, I couldn’t find every piece but… | 没找着所有的碎片 |
| [08:51] | Do you think your mom will notice that Polly Porkchester | 你觉得你妈会发现波利的鼻子 |
| [08:53] | has a piece of macaroni for a snout? | 是通心粉做的吗 |
| [08:55] | No, but she might notice that you used cheese puffs for hooves. | 不会 但奶酪泡芙做的猪蹄可瞒不过去 |
| [09:05] | No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. | 别啊 住手 可别再画了 |
| [09:07] | Ah, what are you doing? | 你这是干嘛呢 |
| [09:08] | I thought we were buddies. | 咱俩不是好朋友吗 |
| [09:10] | Buddies don’t do this. | 好朋友可不兴这样 |
| [09:13] | *We’ve got to be admittin’* | *我们不得不承认* |
| [09:15] | *With you we are so smitten* | *迷上了你这小可爱* |
| [09:17] | *That’s why this song we’ve written* | *所以为你写下这首歌* |
| [09:20] | *So please come out* | *快出来吧* |
| [09:22] | *Sweet…* | *可爱的* |
| [09:24] | *Little… raccoon.* | *小浣熊* |
| [09:30] | Yeah, I don’t think it’s working. | 我看是没戏了 |
| [09:30] | I think he’s fallen asleep. | 它都睡着了 |
| [09:32] | Yeah, he might be a little bit bored. | 可能是这首太无聊了 |
| [09:33] | But I think he’ll love the techno remix. | 也许电子混音才是它的菜 |
| [09:35] | I’m going to go get Shelley’s laptop and turntables. | 我去拿雪莉的笔记本和唱盘 |
| [09:41] | All right, buddy, you had your chance. | 好了 哥们 我给过你机会了 |
| [09:45] | Let’s do this thing. | 还是我这招靠谱 |
| [09:46] | That’s right, give it a sniff. | 对嘛 多闻几下 |
| [09:50] | Damn. | 该死 |
| [09:52] | Another rejection for Jennifer Aniston. | 又是一个不鸟詹妮弗·安妮斯顿的主 |
| [09:57] | Oh, hey, what do you got there, honey? | 宝贝 你手里拿着什么呢 |
| [10:01] | Oh, no, Hope. | 不会吧 喜旺 |
| [10:02] | You took the knobs off the stove? | 你把煤气灶的开关拔下来了 |
| [10:05] | Way to go, Dad. | 老爸 瞧你干的好事 |
| [10:06] | Hope wondered into your zone | 喜旺在边上 |
| [10:08] | and you just let her play with the stove again. | 你怎么就任由她捣腾炉子啊 |
| [10:11] | Dad? | 老爸 |
| [10:28] | What the hell’s going on? | 什么情况 |
| [10:29] | Hey, you can’t park your bike there, man. | 哥们 那儿不准停自行车 |
| [10:31] | Hope took all the knobs off the stove again. | 喜旺又把煤气开关拧下来了 |
| [10:33] | I guess she left the gas on. | 煤气估计也没关 |
| [10:35] | I opened all the windows and the doors. | 我把门窗都打开了 |
| [10:37] | Should be cleared out soon. | 应该一会儿就好 |
| [10:38] | Oh, here it comes! | 又来了 |
| [10:41] | Jimmy, she could have killed your father. | 吉米 她差点杀了你爸 |
| [10:44] | She could have killed all of us. | 我们差点就全死在她手上了 |
| [10:45] | We keep telling her “no” and she’s not listening. | 她根本把我们的话当耳旁风 |
| [10:48] | You need to make her not so abstinent. | 不能再让她任意妄为了 |
| [10:51] | You’re right. You’re right. | 你说的没错 |
| [10:52] | I can’t believe I’m saying this | 虽然于心不忍 |
| [10:53] | but I guess I have to spank her. | 但我是该打她屁屁了 |
| [10:57] | Hopefully it’ll just be the one time. | 但愿一次就能奏效 |
| [10:59] | And not too hard. | 下手别太狠了 |
| [11:00] | Just enough so she knows you still love her, | 让她知道你还爱她 |
| [11:02] | but also so she knows you mean business. | 但你也不是和她闹着玩的 |
| [11:04] | Somewhere between Mary Poppins and Precious. | 尽量把握在《欢乐满人间》和《珍爱人生》之间 |
| [11:08] | I’m okay. | 我没事了 |
| [11:14] | Mm. Yeah. I’m good. | 真的好了 |
| [11:16] | Hope, sometimes a father has to spank his child. | 喜旺 有时候爸爸不得不打孩子的屁屁 |
| [11:20] | It could be worse. | 这已经算好的了 |
| [11:21] | In Modern Family, | 在《摩登家庭》里 |
| [11:22] | that guy shot his kid to teach him a lesson. | 有个家伙为了教训孩子还朝他开枪呢 |
| [11:24] | And everybody just loved that. | 那收视率高得让人眼红 |
| [11:26] | Jimmy, wait! | 吉米 等等 |
| [11:28] | Oh, don’t do it. I can’t let you spank her. | 别打她 你不能打她 |
| [11:30] | Look, I don’t like it either, but she’s out of control, | 我也不想这样做 可是她太不听话了 |
| [11:33] | and it worked when you spanked me, so… | 既然你打我屁屁凑效了 那么… |
| [11:35] | No, it didn’t. | 不是这样的 |
| [11:38] | I told your mother I’d spank you | 我跟你老妈说 我会打你屁屁 |
| [11:40] | but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. | 但我下不了手 |
| [11:51] | You never actually got better. | 其实你一直是老样子 |
| [11:52] | I just made your mother think you did. | 我不过是唬你妈妈来着 |
| [12:07] | Delicious, Mommy. | 好好吃哦 妈咪 |
| [12:08] | Please don’t spank me again. | 千万别打我屁屁 |
| [12:10] | Anything you refused to do, I did for you. | 任何你不想做的事 我都替你做 |
| [12:16] | And the thing I couldn’t do for you, I faked. | 我做不了的 就替你打掩护 |
| [12:25] | Don’t forget to use those headphones I bought you. | 别忘了戴我给你买的耳机 |
| [12:28] | I-I can’t believe that you didn’t spank me. | 你竟然没打我 |
| [12:30] | I mean, you told me to spank Hope | 那你还让我打喜旺屁屁 |
| [12:32] | because it worked when you spanked me. | 声称你打我屁屁很管用 |
| [12:34] | I’m not perfect. | 我也会犯错啊 |
| [12:35] | Nobody’s perfect. Look at you. | 人无完人 看看你自己 |
| [12:37] | You’re made of triangles. | 满身都是小星星 |
| [12:39] | Hmm. Okay, might have a little gas left in my brain. | 我脑子里好像还有煤气 |
| [12:43] | I’m telling Mom. | 我去告诉老妈 |
| [12:44] | Aw, so now you’re a rat. Nice. | 好啊 你还学会告密了 |
| [12:46] | I didn’t see you so anxious to tell the truth when you were | 别忘了幼儿园里就你一人能看《阿森尼奥》 |
| [12:48] | the only kid in preschool who got to watch Arsenio. | 那时也没见你急着打小报告 |
| [12:57] | *You heard a noise* | *你听见了声响* |
| [12:59] | Play louder. | 再大声点 |
| [13:00] | I think he’s covering up his ears. | 他好像把耳朵捂住了 |
| [13:01] | *Now you’re scared under my house…* | *躲在屋底 惊慌失措* |
| [13:04] | How’d it go? | 怎么样了 |
| [13:06] | Did you spank her? Did she cry? | 打了吗 她哭没 |
| [13:07] | I couldn’t hear over DJ Jazzy Sabrina. | 刚DJ杰西·塞布丽娜的音乐太嗨了 |
| [13:10] | No, I didn’t spank her. | 我没打她 |
| [13:11] | And guess what I found out: dad never spanked me. | 而且我还发现老爸也从没打过我 |
| [13:14] | He only pretended to, | 他都是装的 |
| [13:15] | and then let me do whatever I wanted behind your back. | 他背着你任我为所欲为 |
| [13:18] | Is that true, Burt? | 真的吗 伯特 |
| [13:19] | You’re a jerk, you know that? | 你是个混蛋 你知道吗 |
| [13:20] | When you were four, we promised we’d never tell. | 你四岁时 我们拉钩钩要保密的 |
| [13:22] | We made a cross-the-streams-and-hope-to-die pee-pee promise. | 说好有难同当 有尿同撒的 |
| [13:25] | You never spanked him? | 你从没打过他 |
| [13:27] | You lied to me? | 你竟然忽悠我 |
| [13:28] | Yes, I lied. | 是的 |
| [13:30] | We are no longer pee-pee brothers. | 我不要再跟你有尿同撒了 |
| [13:31] | I’m okay with that. | 我无所谓 |
| [13:32] | Guys. Guys, keep arguing. | 各位 继续吵 |
| [13:34] | I think it’s freaking him out. | 他好像被吓到了 |
| [13:35] | He’s looking for a way out. | 他要出来了 |
| [13:37] | Do you know how many critters I have had to wrangle | 你知道 为了补偿你动手打咱儿子 |
| [13:39] | from underneath this house because I thought you spanked our son? | 我解决了房底下多少只小动物们吗 |
| [13:42] | Forty-six, Virginia! | 四十六只 维吉妮亚 |
| [13:44] | Forty-six! | 四十六只 |
| [13:45] | Oh, guys… | 各位 |
| [13:46] | Guys, maybe take it down a notch, | 各位 消消火气 |
| [13:48] | he’s starting to look a little aggressive. | 他好像要被激怒了 |
| [13:50] | Two dozen rats, 12 possums, | 两打老鼠 十二只负鼠 |
| [13:52] | seven raccoons, and three rabid squirrels. | 七只浣熊 还有三只得狂犬病的松鼠 |
| [13:54] | You think this hasn’t been hard on me? | 你以为我容易吗 |
| [13:55] | Hard on you? | 你有什么不容易的 |
| [13:56] | Burt, I got rabies. | 伯特 我可是得了狂犬病 |
| [13:59] | Rabies! | 是狂犬病 |
| [14:00] | Oh, so now that’s a bad thing? | 现在这倒成坏事了 |
| [14:02] | When’s the last party we were at | 哪次聚会不是一群人围着你 |
| [14:03] | where you didn’t have half a dozen people around you | 听你吹你的狂犬病奇遇记 |
| [14:05] | laughing at your “How I got rabies” story? | 听得哄堂大笑 |
| [14:07] | Oh! Oh, dear God! | 天哪 快闪 |
| [14:11] | Oh, God! | 天哪 |
| [14:21] | It all makes sense now. | 我终于明白了 |
| [14:23] | They never disciplined me. | 你们从没管教过我 |
| [14:25] | I still don’t eat vegetables, | 我还是不吃蔬菜 |
| [14:26] | my room’s a mess, and I can’t fall asleep | 房间里一团糟 |
| [14:28] | without thinking about things that make me go “Hmm.” | 不看电视就睡不着觉 |
| [14:30] | Do you think that raccoon is going to be okay? | 你说那只浣熊不会有事吧 |
| [14:33] | I mean, I’m really glad that I took that infant CPR class, | 还好我学过一些婴儿急救知识 |
| [14:35] | but it’s just… the shape of the mouth | 可惜浣熊的嘴型 |
| [14:37] | is completely different on these creatures. | 完全不一样 |
| [14:39] | It’s impossible to get a tight seal. | 根本没法把嘴对上 |
| [14:42] | I can’t do the same thing my dad did. | 我不能重蹈我爸的覆辙 |
| [14:44] | I have to stop trying to be Hope’s friend | 不能再对喜旺慈眉善目了 |
| [14:46] | and make sure that she-she grows up with discipline. | 一定要让她循规蹈矩 |
| [14:48] | And I’m not going to be lazy about it. | 我得上点儿心了 |
| [14:50] | I’m going to read the books and I’m-I’m gonna do this right. | 我要多看书 把一切带上正轨 |
| [14:52] | Jimmy… my raccoon might be dead | 吉米 我的浣熊都要死了 |
| [14:54] | and this is all you’re thinking about? | 你还有心思想这些 |
| [14:56] | “Your” raccoon? | “你的”浣熊 |
| [14:57] | Oh, God, I’m sorry. | 天哪 不好意思 |
| [14:58] | “Our” raccoon. | 是”我们的”浣熊 |
| [15:01] | – Oh, God, he’s alive. – Yep. | -谢天谢地 他还活着 -没错 |
| [15:03] | It’s probably got a concussion, | 它可能得了脑震荡 |
| [15:04] | so the most important thing | 所以最要紧的 |
| [15:05] | is to keep it awake for the next 48 hours. | 是在接下来的四十八小时里让它保持清醒 |
| [15:07] | If it seems okay after that, then you can let it go. | 那之后它看起来没事 就可以把它放了 |
| [15:09] | – And if he doesn’t seem okay? – I’d still let it go. | -要是不好呢 -也让它走吧 |
| [15:16] | Well… I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news. | 我有好消息和坏消息 |
| [15:18] | Unfortunately, the good news isn’t for you. | 不幸的是 好消息不是给你的 |
| [15:26] | What’s that? | 那是什么 |
| [15:27] | Chicken wire. | 铁丝网 |
| [15:28] | I’m gonna put it up around the porch | 我要给整个门廊围上一圈 |
| [15:30] | so no more animals can get underneath us. | 这样就没有动物可以钻到房子下面去了 |
| [15:32] | I know, it’s an old house, | 我知道这房子旧了 |
| [15:33] | you shouldn’t sink money into it, but what the hell? | 不值得在这上面花钱 但豁出去了 |
| [15:36] | Why didn’t you ever do that before? | 你之前怎么不弄 |
| [15:38] | It was never my job before. | 之前又不关我事 |
| [15:39] | So you wouldn’t do it to make my life a little easier? | 你就不能帮我减轻点负担吗 |
| [15:42] | Did you ever want to help me | 那你什么时候帮我清过 |
| [15:43] | clean the bugs out of the light fixtures? | 灯罩里的虫子 |
| [15:45] | There’s just so many of them. | 那尸体遍布 |
| [15:47] | It’s tragic. | 惨不忍睹 |
| [15:48] | They’re flies, Virginia. | 那些是苍蝇 维吉妮亚 |
| [15:49] | They’re born in poop. | 它们应粪而生 |
| [15:51] | Every day after that is a gift. | 活一天 享一天福 |
| [15:53] | Ah, we never should have done the crappy jobs separately. | 我们就不应该单独做这些烂活儿 |
| [15:56] | We should’ve worked together. | 应该一起去做 |
| [15:57] | You’re right. No more of that. | 你说得对 不会再这样了 |
| [16:00] | Too bad we didn’t learn this sooner. | 早点想通就好了 |
| [16:02] | Maybe Jimmy wouldn’t be so screwed up. | 说不定吉米就不会这么一无是处了 |
| [16:04] | He’s not that screwed up. | 他也没有那么遭啦 |
| [16:05] | Come on, he’s a slob with lousy sleep habits | 得了吧 你看他又懒 又不肯好好睡觉 |
| [16:07] | who never eats his vegetables. | 还不愿意吃蔬菜 |
| [16:09] | He’s like Dennis the Menace | 除了没法让我们每天开怀大笑 |
| [16:10] | except he doesn’t make us laugh every day. | 他就跟淘气阿丹一个德性 |
| [16:12] | Well, maybe it’s not too late. | 说不定还有救 |
| [16:13] | We are still his parents. | 我们不还是他父母吗 |
| [16:15] | Yeah, you’re right. | 有道理 |
| [16:16] | And if he’s going to live under our roof, | 他要是想住在咱的屋檐下 |
| [16:18] | he’s going to live under our rules. | 就得守咱们的规矩 |
| [16:20] | Burt, it’s not our roof. | 伯特 这不是我们的屋檐 |
| [16:23] | Don’t bring that up when I’m laying down the law. | 别破坏气氛 刚有点一家之主的感觉 |
| [16:28] | All right, Hope, | 好了 喜旺 |
| [16:29] | we are gonna do this by the book. | 我们照着书上来 |
| [16:34] | “Daddy loves you very much, | “爸爸很爱你” |
| [16:36] | “But it’s time for you to go to bed. | “不过你得上床了” |
| [16:38] | “Half circle. | “括号” |
| [16:39] | “Gently stroking head, loving but firm. | “轻轻摸头 有力且充满爱意” |
| [16:41] | “Half circle. | “括号” |
| [16:43] | I will see you in the morning.” | “一边说 明早见” |
| [16:49] | I’ll see you in the morning. | 明早见 |
| [16:58] | – You ready? – I guess. | -准备好了吗 -差不多 |
| [17:05] | What was that? | 那是什么 |
| [17:06] | Don’t look. | 别看 |
| [17:08] | Well, I did it. Hope’s in bed. | 我搞定了 喜旺上床睡觉了 |
| [17:10] | Fingers crossed she stays there, | 但愿她能躺得住 |
| [17:11] | because I want to watch some… | 因为我想看… |
| [17:13] | Where’s the TV? | 电视机呢 |
| [17:17] | There is no more TV. Not after 8:00. | 从今以后 过了八点不准看电视 |
| [17:20] | It doesn’t encourage good sleep habits. | 这不利于养成良好的睡眠习惯 |
| [17:22] | – You’re kidding, right? – No. | -你们开玩笑吧 -没有 |
| [17:23] | We are absolutely serious, and committed to follow through. | 百分百认真 而且坚决贯彻 |
| [17:26] | Guys, quit being jerks. | 伙计们 别犯浑了 |
| [17:27] | This is the finale of Celebrity Pet Swap. | 今天有《明星换宠物》的大结局 |
| [17:29] | Flavor Flav’s getting his cat back tonight. | 弗雷佛·弗雷福今晚就能拿回他的猫了 |
| [17:31] | It wears a little clock on the collar. | 它的项圈上还别了个钟呢 |
| [17:33] | I’m sorry, Jimmy. | 不好意思 吉米 |
| [17:34] | Actions have consequences. | 种什么因得什么果 |
| [17:36] | Yeah. You guys acted like terrible parents, | 说得好 你们没尽到父母的责任 |
| [17:39] | and now you have to deal with the consequences. | 就得接受由此带来的后果 |
| [17:41] | Watch your tone, young man. | 说话小心点 臭小子 |
| [17:42] | You guys just feel guilty. | 你们不过是内疚罢了 |
| [17:44] | These techniques are for little kids. | 这些伎俩是用来对付小孩的 |
| [17:45] | You missed your chance to do the right thing. | 你们已经错过教育我的机会了 |
| [17:49] | I, however, did not. | 不过 我还有机会 |
| [17:52] | Hope, you need to stay in your crib. | 喜旺 你得待在小床上 |
| [17:55] | It’s sleep time. Come on. | 去睡觉吧 走 |
| [17:58] | I’m serious, Hope. | 不跟你开玩笑 喜旺 |
| [17:59] | You have to stay in your bed. | 你得待在床上 |
| [18:01] | And I know you can understand me. | 我知道你听得懂 |
| [18:02] | If Dick Cheney’s spider monkey | 要是迪克·切尼的蜘蛛猴 |
| [18:04] | can understand Flavor Flav, | 能听懂弗雷佛·弗雷福的话 |
| [18:05] | you can understand me. | 你肯定也能听懂我 |
| [18:13] | What are you doing? | 干嘛呢你 |
| [18:14] | I’m getting a sweet treat. | 我要吃甜食 |
| [18:15] | Is it still okay if I have a sweet treat? | 这总可以吧 |
| [18:25] | Oh, this is ridiculous. | 太荒谬了 |
| [18:26] | What, am I not allowed to eat anymore? | 怎么着 都不让我吃东西了吗 |
| [18:28] | Oh, no, you’re allowed to eat. | 那倒不是 |
| [18:30] | And you can even have a sweet treat. | 只要把晚饭吃了 |
| [18:31] | As soon as you finish your dinner. | 就让你吃甜食 |
| [18:36] | Did you get that out of the garbage? | 这不会是从垃圾箱里翻出来的吧 |
| [18:38] | Yes, but it was between two other TV dinners, | 没错 不过是夹在其他冷冻食品当中 |
| [18:40] | so it’s only been touched by its own kind. | 所以不脏的 |
| [18:42] | And you, young man, are not allowed to eat anything else | 听着熊孩子 你要不把这些豆子吃完 |
| [18:45] | until you have finished your peas. | 就别想吃其他东西 |
| [18:47] | This is ridiculous. | 太离谱了 |
| [18:48] | All right, I’m going to Sabrina’s. | 我去塞布丽娜家 |
| [18:51] | – Where are my keys? – You mean these? | -我的钥匙呢 -你是说这个吗 |
| [18:53] | – My keys, to my van? – It’s my van. | -我的车钥匙 -是我的车 |
| [18:55] | Oh, no, this was my pee-pee brother’s van, | 不 这属于我有尿同撒的好兄弟的 |
| [18:58] | and he’s dead. | 他已经不在了 |
| [18:59] | Give me those keys. | 把钥匙给我 |
| [19:00] | Go fish. | 来拿呀 |
| [19:02] | Hey. Get your hand out of my… | 别碰我的… |
| [19:04] | Ow, ow, ow! What the hell was that? | 什么东西 |
| [19:06] | It’s my bottle opener key chain. | 我的开瓶器钥匙扣 |
| [19:08] | Give me those! | 给我 |
| [19:09] | You’re not going anywhere! | 你哪儿也别想去 |
| [19:10] | You’re not getting a sweet treat until you eat your peas! | 不吃完豆子 什么甜食也别想吃 |
| [19:12] | You don’t tell me what to do. | 别想命令我 |
| [19:13] | – I’m your father. You will eat your peas.- No! | -我是你爸爸 吃了你的豆子 -不吃 |
| [19:15] | – Eat your peas! – Screw you! | -吃不吃 -去死 |
| [19:17] | That is it, young man! | 够了 小伙子 |
| [19:22] | – Eat your peas! – What are you doing? | -吃不吃 -你干嘛 |
| [19:24] | What I should’ve done 20 years ago. Eat your peas! | 做二十年前没做的事 吃不吃 |
| [19:26] | I hate you! | 我恨你 |
| [19:27] | Eat your peas! | 吃不吃 |
| [19:48] | Oh, my God. She ate a pea. | 天哪 她吃了颗豆子 |
| [19:51] | I bet it’s because she saw your dad spanking you. | 肯定是她看老爸打你屁屁 |
| [19:53] | She doesn’t want it to happen to her. | 她不想也被打 |
| [19:55] | Eat your peas. | 吃不吃 |
| [19:59] | I don’t know if we just got incredible lucky, | 我不知道我们是走了狗屎运 |
| [20:01] | or we invented a new form of discipline. | 还是发明出了一种新型教育方式 |
| [20:03] | But it worked very well for us. | 反正这招很管用 |
| [20:05] | And except a few times when dad got carried away, | 除了老爸有时候太入戏 |
| [20:08] | it wasn’t too bad for me. | 对我来说 也没什么损失 |
| [20:11] | Pick up your toys! | 把你的玩具捡起来 |
| [20:13] | We never did figure out whether spanking was right or wrong, | 我们最终没搞清打屁屁对不对 |
| [20:16] | but we did find out that by working together | 但我们确实懂得了 |
| [20:18] | we can come up with the best solution for our problem. | 三个臭皮匠顶个诸葛亮 |
| [20:21] | And that wasn’t just true for spanking. | 不光是打屁屁这件事 |
| [20:22] | It was true for a lot of things. | 很多问题也迎刃而解 |
| [20:27] | One of the best parts of being in a relationship | 有个爱人最大的好处 |
| [20:29] | is doing things together. | 就是可以同心协力解决问题 |
| [20:30] | Whether it’s keeping a raccoon with a concussion awake… | 不管是让脑震荡的浣熊保持清醒 |
| [20:36] | …or setting the little guy free. | 还是将小家伙放生 |
| [20:38] | Things are always easier if you have a partner… | 常言道 男女搭配干活不累 |
| [20:43] | Good bye, Robert. | 再见 罗伯特[男子名] |
| [20:46] | Or Roberta. | 或是萝伯塔[女子名] |
| [20:47] | I never really did get a good look. | 我一直没仔细看 |
| [20:56] | And mom and dad learnt that | 爸妈意识到 |
| [20:57] | the chores they thought were so unpleasant | 以前独自一人做的苦差 |
| [20:59] | weren’t so bad when they weren’t doing them alone. | 其实一起做的话 也没那么痛苦 |
| [21:07] | It is better doing stuff together. | 一起做事感觉好多了 |
| [21:15] | Even if all you’re doing | 尽管他们今天做的事 |
| [21:16] | is making more stuff for you to do together tomorow. | 不过是给明天的自己添麻烦 |
| [21:28] | Dad and I even became pee-pee brothers again. | 我和老爸又变回了有尿同撒的好兄弟 |
| [21:32] | But you don’t want to see that. | 不过 非礼勿视啦 |