| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:01] | Living in an old house has its challenges. | 住在老房子里麻烦多多 |
| [00:04] | Like how the water won’t run | 比如洗衣机一开始漂洗 |
| [00:06] | while the washing machine is on its rinse cycle. | 我们就停水 |
| [00:10] | Spin cycle! | 甩干程序 |
| [00:14] | And the air conditioner won’t kick on | 再比如恒温器不到51度 |
| [00:16] | unless the thermostat thinks it’s 125 degrees. | 空调也闹罢工 |
| [00:19] | Ow, it’s burning my thumb. | 老娘的拇指要烧着了 |
| [00:21] | Just power through it. | 忍忍嘛 |
| [00:22] | Or having to learn the combination | 连开个门 |
| [00:23] | to open the front door that sticks. | 都讲求技巧 |
| [00:25] | Hurry. | 快点啦 |
| [00:26] | I’m trying. | 我在努力 |
| [00:27] | It’s push, twist left, pull, twist right, | 是先推 向左拧 再拉 向右拧 |
| [00:30] | lift and open, right? | 最后提起就能开 没错吧 |
| [00:31] | No, no, no, that’s the back door! | 不 不 不 那是后门好吗 |
| [00:33] | The front door is twist left, pull, twist right, lift, stomp. | 前门是左拧 拉 右拧 提 跺脚 |
| [00:38] | But that’s just part of living in an old house. | 这不过是老房子里的一部分生活罢了 |
| [00:41] | And the longer you live there, | 在这种地方住得越久 |
| [00:43] | the more it all just becomes normal. | 这种诡异的生活就变得越平常 |
| [00:46] | I’m waiting for the spin cycle. | 我在等甩干程序 |
| [00:50] | I think this is the first time | 这是我第一次 |
| [00:52] | I’ve ever seen your meat whistle, Burt. | 看到你的小弟弟吧 伯特 |
| [00:54] | I believe that’s true. | 应该是吧 |
| [00:56] | Not a fan. | 真不是我的菜 |
| [01:41] | We are so, so, very, very, very sorry for your loss. | 我们真的十分特别相当非常超级遗憾 |
| [01:47] | Thanks for using your funeral voice, | 谢谢你演得这么像 |
| [01:49] | but nobody really cared for my grandmother. | 但没人真会在意我祖母的 |
| [01:51] | Well, we wanted to be here for you. | 我们想来安慰一下你 |
| [01:54] | And Jimmy said there might be shrimp? | 内个 吉米说有虾吃 |
| [01:56] | Help yourself. | 自便吧 |
| [01:59] | Oh, you brought Maw Maw. | 曾奶奶也来了 |
| [02:00] | Where’s the body? | 尸体在哪 |
| [02:01] | Oh, it’s in the kitchen. | 在厨房呢 |
| [02:03] | She was worried people wouldn’t pay their respects up-close, | 她怕大家不会近距一睹遗容 |
| [02:05] | so she surrounded herself with the buffet. | 就把自己安排在餐桌旁了 |
| [02:09] | Good idea. | 干得漂亮 |
| [02:10] | You, at my funeral, | 我葬礼的时候 |
| [02:13] | fill my bellybutton with ranch dressing, | 用我的肚脐眼装沙拉酱 |
| [02:15] | so people will have to dip their carrot sticks in there. | 这样大家的胡萝卜都得在我肚脐里蘸蘸 |
| [02:18] | I’m gonna write that down. | 我会记下来的 |
| [02:19] | Okay. | 好 |
| [02:21] | Is your mother here yet? | 你妈来了吗 |
| [02:22] | She’s around here somewhere. | 就在这附近转悠吧 |
| [02:23] | Give me something to talk to her about. | 帮我想点话题 |
| [02:25] | Talk about her. She’s a big fan. | 说她就好了 这是她最爱的话题 |
| [02:27] | She went to India and she picked up yoga. | 她去了印度学习瑜伽 |
| [02:28] | Yoga? I don’t know anything about yoga. | 瑜伽 我啥也不懂啊 |
| [02:30] | Did she pick up anything else in India? | 她在印度还做了点别的没 |
| [02:32] | Diarrhea. | 拉肚子 |
| [02:34] | Okay. Good. | 这个行 |
| [02:36] | I’ve got a strong five minutes on diarrhea. | 拉肚子我倒是能说上两句 |
| [02:44] | Make sure you bury me in a dress like this. | 你埋我的时候 给我穿这样的裙子 |
| [02:47] | It looks custom-made. | 这像是高级定制的 |
| [02:48] | I’ll try to find you one kinda like it. | 我会找找看有没有差不多的 |
| [02:49] | Not kinda like it. Just like it. | 不要差不多 就要这样的 |
| [02:51] | And don’t forget to wrap my head in tin foil | 还有别忘了用锡纸把我脑袋包着 |
| [02:53] | so worms don’t get in. | 免得虫子钻进来 |
| [02:54] | Yeah, I already told you I’m not doing that. | 我说过了 你想都别想 |
| [02:56] | It’s weird and it’s a waste of foil. | 奇怪死了 还浪费锡纸 |
| [02:58] | I’m not taping one of your eyes open either. | 我也不会用胶带粘着一只眼睛 让它睁开的 |
| [03:00] | Oh, come on, that’ll be hilarious. | 喂喂喂 那样多欢乐啊 |
| [03:14] | Mom, this is my boyfriend Jimmy. | 妈妈 这是我男朋友吉米 |
| [03:16] | Jimmy, this is my mother, who is so self-involved that, | 吉米 这是我永远活在自己世界的妈 |
| [03:19] | though I have now said your name twice, | 即使我说两次你的名字 |
| [03:21] | I bet she has no idea what it is. | 她也不会有印象 |
| [03:23] | Jimmy. | 吉米 |
| [03:25] | Still doesn’t. | 你看 |
| [03:26] | Let’s not do this. Not today. | 别这样 至少今天别这样 |
| [03:28] | Your grandmother is dead. | 你祖母去世了 |
| [03:30] | We should be celebrating. | 我们要庆祝才是 |
| [03:32] | I may not have been the perfect mother, | 我也许不是完美妈妈 |
| [03:34] | but I was a hell of a lot better to you than Nana was to me. | 但比起你外婆对我 我对你算很好了 |
| [03:37] | That woman once elbowed me in the nose | 我不过在温布尔登网球赛上说了两句话 |
| [03:40] | because I was talking during Wimbledon. | 那女人竟然就用手肘打我鼻子 |
| [03:43] | When you were 12, | 外婆有没有在你十二岁的时候 |
| [03:44] | did Nana leave you alone for a weekend | 周末把你一个人扔在家里 |
| [03:46] | so she could fly to Vegas with her boyfriend? | 然后和男友飞去了拉斯维加斯 |
| [03:49] | Hey, you don’t know Richard Dawson | 你又不认识理查德·道森[演员] |
| [03:51] | because he’s dead now, but he used to be a big deal. | 虽然现在他死了 他那时可是大明星 |
| [03:55] | So, India. | 那什么 印度啊 |
| [03:58] | I hear that place can be a real bummer on the tummy. | 听说那地方相当能让胃部不适哦 |
| [04:02] | Is my daughter dating you to hurt me? | 我女儿和你在一起就是为了伤害我吗 |
| [04:05] | I hope not. | 不是吧 |
| [04:07] | Right before I die, I want to be frozen | 死之前 我想被冻起来 |
| [04:09] | so they can bring me back after they discover the cure | 等医疗技术发展到能治百病时 |
| [04:11] | for whatever disease I had. | 再把我救活 |
| [04:13] | And, of course, the cure for being frozen to death. | 当然得先发明怎么救活冻死的人 |
| [04:15] | Frozen, huh? What do they call that? | 冻起来 那叫什么来着 |
| [04:17] | Cryogenics. | 低温学 |
| [04:18] | I thought cryogenics was a religion. | 我还以为低温学是宗教 |
| [04:20] | No, no, no, you’re thinking of Science-ology. | 才不是 你指的是科学教 |
| [04:23] | It’s that religion that writer started. | 是个作家创建的宗教 |
| [04:23] | 科学教是作家罗恩·哈伯德建立的邪教组织 传播所谓科学教教义 进行非法心理治疗 谋取钱财 | |
| [04:25] | L… More Leonard. | 叫L 李奥纳多什么的 |
| [04:27] | And they use their science to freeze you | 他们用科学论把你冻起来 |
| [04:29] | and bring you back to life, huh? | 然后让你起死回生 |
| [04:31] | We should look into that. | 我们也去研究下吧 |
| [04:32] | Guys, I think the conversation | 各位 我怎么感觉 |
| [04:34] | may have taken a wrong turn somewhere. | 越说越不对劲了 |
| [04:35] | If everybody could come to the living room, | 大家可以来下客厅吗 |
| [04:37] | my grandmother had a video she made before she died, | 我奶奶生前录了段视频 |
| [04:40] | she wanted everyone to watch. | 希望大家都可以看看 |
| [04:43] | Yeah, she didn’t think anybody was gonna want to do that either, | 她也预计大家不会想看 |
| [04:45] | so she put a chocolate fountain in there. | 所以她在旁边放了巧克力喷泉 |
| [04:57] | Hello, everyone. | 大家好 |
| [04:58] | In case you’re shedding any tears for me, | 如果你们正在为我哭泣 |
| [05:01] | please don’t. | 还是免了吧 |
| [05:02] | By the time you see this, I’m going to be in Heaven | 此时此刻 我正在天堂 |
| [05:06] | getting plowed by my dead husband. | 跟我死去的丈夫鱼水交欢呢 |
| [05:08] | When he sees me wearing his favorite dress, | 当我穿着他最爱的裙子出现时 |
| [05:11] | I’m going to knock his halo off. | 我让他做鬼也风流 |
| [05:14] | I guess some of you are curious as to what | 我料想你们其中一些人很好奇 |
| [05:16] | I’m going to do with my money. | 我会怎么处理我的财产 |
| [05:20] | Hello, Tamara. | 是吧 塔玛拉 |
| [05:22] | Now, how would I know that | 我当然知道 |
| [05:23] | you would be in the most comfortable chair? | 你会坐在最舒服的椅子上了 |
| [05:26] | Because I know you like the back of my hand. | 我对你了如指掌 |
| [05:28] | You’re a spoiled brat. | 你这个被宠坏的小妖精 |
| [05:30] | You have no respect for marriage or money | 你对婚姻 对金钱没有丝毫尊重 |
| [05:32] | and because of that, | 正因如此 |
| [05:35] | you get nothing. | 你什么都得不到 |
| [05:36] | – I hate you. – I hate you, too. | -我恨你 -我也恨你 |
| [05:39] | All of the cash I have will be donated | 我所有的存款将捐给 |
| [05:41] | to a non-profit organization | 一个非盈利组织 |
| [05:43] | dedicated to getting rid of non-profit organizations. | 从而消灭所有非盈利组织 |
| [05:48] | The only thing left is this house. | 剩下的只有这座房子了 |
| [05:50] | And I’ve decided to give it to the only relative | 我决定把它留给唯一没离过婚 |
| [05:53] | who hasn’t broken my heart by getting a divorce: | 没让我伤心的亲戚 |
| [05:56] | Sabrina. | 塞布丽娜 |
| [05:58] | As soon as you get married, | 只要你结婚了 |
| [06:00] | you can move in and start a family. | 你就可以搬进来 组建家庭 |
| [06:12] | Rest in peace, sweetheart. | 安息吧 亲爱的 |
| [06:14] | See you on the other side. | 我们天堂见 |
| [06:16] | I don’t know why we can’t talk about this! | 我不明白为什么不能商量一下呢 |
| [06:18] | Just stop it! | 别说了 |
| [06:19] | Jimmy, you saw that house. | 吉米 你也看到那栋房子了 |
| [06:20] | The sooner you two are married, the sooner we can all move in. | 你们越早结婚 我们就能越早搬进去 |
| [06:24] | That sounded a little like | 这话说得好像 |
| [06:25] | you think you’re gonna live there, too. | 你觉得你们也会住进去一样 |
| [06:26] | Uh, yeah. | 不是吗 |
| [06:28] | Jimmy lived here for 25 years. | 吉米可在这住了25年呢 |
| [06:29] | He owes us. | 他欠我们的 |
| [06:30] | This isn’t your house. It’s Maw Maw’s. | 这可不是你的家 这是曾奶奶的 |
| [06:32] | And I would like to live in it alone | 我真心希望在我死之前 |
| [06:34] | just once, before I die. | 可以独自住在这 |
| [06:36] | So hurry up and ask that long-haired pretty boy | 所以赶紧向这个长发俊小伙求婚吧 |
| [06:39] | to marry you before the Republicans get back in office | 等共和党上台了 |
| [06:41] | and make it a sin. | 这就不合法了 |
| [06:42] | Maw Maw, I’m not telling you this again: I’m a woman. | 曾奶奶 我再说一次 我是女人 |
| [06:45] | And I’m not telling you this again: | 我也再强调一次 |
| [06:47] | Show me your vagina and I’ll believe you. | 让我看看你的小妹妹 我才信你 |
| [06:49] | – No! – Burt showed me his. | -不 -伯特都给我看他的了 |
| [06:52] | I know that sounded like I have a vagina. | 说得好像我有小妹妹似的 |
| [06:55] | I don’t. | 我没有 |
| [06:56] | She’s referring to… | 她指的是… |
| [06:57] | I was peeing the other day… | 我那天正在嘘嘘 |
| [06:59] | I’ll explain later. | 以后再解释吧 |
| [07:01] | Now, look, since they brought it up, | 那好吧 既然说起这事了 |
| [07:03] | it is a nice house, | 那房子的确很赞 |
| [07:05] | and I mean, it’s not like we never talked about… | 我们也不是没有谈到过… |
| [07:08] | No, no, no, no, Jimmy. | 别 别 别 吉米 |
| [07:09] | No. | 别这样 |
| [07:11] | Listen, my whole life I’ve had to worry about | 我的人生都在担心 |
| [07:12] | people liking me for my family’s money. | 别人因为我家的钱喜欢我 |
| [07:16] | Look, you fell in love with me for who I really am. | 你爱上的是真实的我 |
| [07:18] | I don’t some stupid house to be the reason we got engaged. | 我可不想我们订婚是为了什么破房子 |
| [07:23] | Then it won’t be the reason. | 那就不为此结婚 |
| [07:24] | You guys are being selfish. | 你们太自私了 |
| [07:26] | What about Hope? | 那喜旺怎么办 |
| [07:27] | She’d be in a better school district. | 她能上更好的学校的 |
| [07:29] | You really want her going to the same schools Jimmy went to? | 你们真想她上吉米的破母校吗 |
| [07:31] | Mom, my schools were not that bad. | 我学校没有那么差吧 |
| [07:33] | Name four consonants. | 说出四个辅音[吉米误以为是大洲] |
| [07:35] | America, Europe, Mexico, and the North Pole. | 美国 欧洲 墨西哥 北极[还是说错了] |
| [07:37] | Is that right? I don’t know. | 他说对了吗 我不知道 |
| [07:38] | I went to the same schools. | 我上的也是那所学校 |
| [07:40] | Mom, just drop it, okay? | 妈 就别提了 好吗 |
| [07:42] | I didn’t even think about the schools. | 我真没想到上学的问题 |
| [07:44] | I mean, it’s good. | 那边的学校是不错 |
| [07:45] | It’s where I went. | 我在那儿上的学 |
| [07:47] | It’s not like I never thought about us getting married. | 咱俩又不是没想过结婚的事 |
| [07:52] | So… | 那么… |
| [07:53] | I guess we should get married? | 我们就结婚吧 |
| [07:56] | It seems to make sense. | 好像合情合理 |
| [07:58] | Did we just get engaged? | 我们刚才是订婚了吗 |
| [07:59] | I think we did, yeah. | 我想是的 |
| [08:01] | Burt, go get the champagne I was saving for | 伯特 去把我珍藏的香槟拿来 |
| [08:02] | when Oprah comes crawling back to network TV. | 本想留到奥普拉沦落到上网络电视那天的 |
| [08:06] | I mean, you want to do this, right? | 你是真心想结婚的吧 |
| [08:07] | Oh, yeah, yeah, totally I do. | 当然啦 绝对的 |
| [08:10] | Um, I think there’s just… | 我只是觉得… |
| [08:12] | I guess when I dreamt about | 我梦想过 |
| [08:14] | the man that I loved proposing to me, | 爱人向我求婚的情景 |
| [08:17] | I think I might have thought I would feel something | 我以为会有些 |
| [08:20] | that I’d never felt before, but you know, | 前所未有的特殊感觉 但是… |
| [08:23] | it’s just the house and I-I don’t know… | 现在凭空有了栋房子 |
| [08:25] | At least you’re getting married for a house. | 至少你们还有栋房子 |
| [08:27] | When she got married, | 这丫头结婚时 |
| [08:28] | all she got was a ten-pound baby with a two-pound nose. | 只有个鼻子大得吓人的拖油瓶 |
| [08:31] | Jimmy, you know what? | 但是吉米 |
| [08:33] | All that really matters is that I love you. | 我爱你 这就足够了 |
| [08:35] | No. | 不行 |
| [08:36] | No, I want you to feel | 我希望你接受求婚时 |
| [08:37] | like you always dreamed you would feel when you got engaged. | 能感到从小就期盼的那种感觉 |
| [08:40] | I can do better. I-I take back my proposal. | 我能做得更好 刚才的求婚不算数 |
| [08:42] | No, Jimmy, really it’s fine. | 不用了 吉米 真的没关系 |
| [08:43] | Please, let me try again. | 再给我一次机会 好吗 |
| [08:45] | I want to do this right. | 我想给你个完美的求婚 |
| [08:48] | Okay. Fine. | 好吧 |
| [08:49] | – We’re no longer engaged. – Thanks. | -我们没有婚约了 -谢谢 |
| [08:57] | They’re not engaged anymore. | 订婚取消了 |
| [08:59] | Seriously? | 不是吧 |
| [09:02] | Well, help me find the cork. | 帮我找找瓶塞 |
| [09:17] | The first step was to find out what kind of proposal | 首先 要背着塞布丽娜 |
| [09:19] | Sabrina had always dreamed up without asking her. | 调查她梦想中的求婚场景 |
| [09:22] | Oh, and then when we were 11, | 11岁的时候 |
| [09:23] | she wanted it to be at a surprise party | 她想被亲朋好友簇拥着 |
| [09:26] | surrounded by friends and family. | 在惊喜派对上得到求婚 |
| [09:27] | She also thinks a Jumbotron proposal’d be cool. | 她觉得大屏幕求婚也不错 |
| [09:31] | It’s in her diary: page 82. | 参见她的日记第82页 |
| [09:34] | Oh, and then she went through | 然后上高中后 |
| [09:35] | a “guy on a white horse” phase in high school, | 她沉溺于”白马王子”的幻想 |
| [09:38] | and that was followed by a skywriting phase. | 接着又迷上了空中横幅 |
| [09:40] | Her diary never mentions horses or skywriting. | 她日记里从没提过马呀飞机什么的 |
| [09:43] | She does talk about some creepy guy at work. | 倒是提到过一个奇葩同事 |
| [09:46] | I think it’s Chet. | 我觉得她说的是切特 |
| [09:52] | – Hello. – Hey, Mom, check out my profile page. | -喂 -老妈 看我的个人主页 |
| [09:55] | I finally got my new gal pal to stand still long enough for a photo. | 终于找到愿意站着和我合影的妹子了 |
| [10:04] | So, what do you think? | 给个意见呗 |
| [10:06] | I vote for skywriting. | 我支持空中求婚横幅 |
| [10:07] | – Jumbotron. – White horse. | -大屏幕 -骑白马 |
| [10:08] | What? No way! | 什么 搞笑吧 |
| [10:10] | I wanted it to be perfect, | 我想尽善尽美 |
| [10:12] | but she wanted so many different things. | 但她的想法太多了 |
| [10:14] | Which was I supposed to do? | 我到底该选哪个呢 |
| [10:17] | I got it. | 有了 |
| [10:18] | Good! | 太好了 |
| [10:20] | This was beginning to bore me. | 我都要厌烦了 |
| [10:21] | By the way, if you’re going with the white horse, | 对了 如果准备骑白马[也有海洛因的意思] |
| [10:24] | I think I can get that for you. | 我应该能帮你搞到 |
| [10:27] | We’re talking about heroin, right? | 我们是在说海洛因吧 |
| [10:38] | He’s gonna to ask you to marry him. | 他要向你求婚啦 |
| [10:40] | – Maw Maw! – It’s okay. | -奶奶 -没关系 |
| [10:42] | When you asked me to go bowling but wear my nicest dress, | 你约我打保龄球 却要我穿最美的裙子 |
| [10:44] | I kinda knew something was up. | 我就差不多猜到了 |
| [10:46] | Well, act surprised. | 那就装作很吃惊 |
| [10:47] | He’s really looking forward to this. | 他超期待今晚的 |
| [10:49] | Oh, crap, I lost a meatball. | 见鬼 我掉了颗肉丸 |
| [10:51] | Virginia? | 维吉妮亚 |
| [10:52] | I’m looking. | 马上找 |
| [10:54] | This is why I told you to go with the pork chop! | 所以才要你吃猪排嘛 |
| [10:58] | From now on, flat food only in the car. | 以后不准圆形食物上车 |
| [11:01] | I don’t know if I can do this, Virginia. | 我有点犹豫 维吉妮亚 |
| [11:03] | What do you mean? You already said yes. | 为什么 你不都答应了吗 |
| [11:05] | This is just for fun. | 这次纯属娱乐 |
| [11:06] | Yeah, I know, but if he wants me to feel something | 我知道 但是如果他期待我 |
| [11:09] | that I never felt before and I just… | 感到前所未有的幸福 |
| [11:10] | I don’t think that’s going to happen. | 我不认为会有那样的感觉 |
| [11:12] | Virginia. | 维吉妮亚 |
| [11:13] | I’m looking. | 找着呢 |
| [11:14] | I know that he loves me | 我知道他爱我 |
| [11:16] | and he’s not asking me to marry him because of a house, | 向我求婚不是为了房子 |
| [11:18] | but there’s no doubt that | 但不可否认 |
| [11:19] | he’s asking me right now because of a house. | 他现在求婚 就是因为房子 |
| [11:22] | I think my grandmother’s ruined this for me. | 我觉得外婆把这场求婚给毁了 |
| [11:25] | Well, then you gotta fake it. | 那就只好假装没被毁了 |
| [11:29] | – What? – Look… | -什么 -听我说 |
| [11:30] | Sometimes they work and work and work | 有时他们极尽所能 |
| [11:34] | and they want you to feel something you never felt before, | 想给你前所未有的感觉 |
| [11:37] | and you know there is no way you’re ever gonna get there. | 而你知道 这永远不可能实现 |
| [11:40] | So… you fake it. | 那就假装它实现了吧 |
| [11:44] | You do that? | 你会这样吗 |
| [11:46] | I love Mike and Molly, | 我超爱看《胖子的爱情》 |
| [11:49] | but Burt broke our VCR killing a spider, | 但伯特为了打蜘蛛把录像机砸了 |
| [11:51] | so if a show’s getting close and I’m not, | 所以剧要播的时候 我却看不到 |
| [11:55] | I just put on a little performance of my own. | 我就自导自演一段 |
| [11:57] | I faked it last night… | 我昨天晚上是装的 |
| [12:00] | and I was by myself. | 就我一个人 |
| [12:01] | I blamed it on the arthritis, but… | 我埋怨是关节炎的问题 |
| [12:05] | the truth is… | 其实我就是 |
| [12:07] | I just lost interest. | 没了性致 |
| [12:11] | Okay. Ready? | 准备好了吗 |
| [12:19] | So, what do you say? | 如何 |
| [12:20] | Will you marry me? | 你愿意嫁给我吗 |
| [12:23] | Yes, yeah! | 愿意 愿意 |
| [12:25] | Yeah, Jimmy! | 吉米 |
| [12:26] | Oh, my God, Jimmy! | 天哪 吉米 |
| [12:28] | Jimmy, I want to marry you! | 吉米 我愿意嫁给你 |
| [12:29] | I’m gonna marry you! | 我要嫁给你了 |
| [12:31] | I’m gonna marry you, yeah! | 真的要嫁给你了 |
| [12:32] | Yes! Yes! Yes! | 我愿意 我愿意 |
| [12:35] | Yes, oh God, yes! | 我愿意 我愿意 |
| [12:40] | Jimmy just proposed the crap out of that girl. | 吉米的求婚让这姑娘都乐疯了 |
| [12:43] | I told you I could do it. | 我就说会成功吧 |
| [12:51] | Pop. | 嘣 |
| [12:56] | After almost three years of being in love with Sabrina, | 喜欢上塞布丽娜快三年了 |
| [12:59] | I couldn’t believe we were actually engaged. | 真不敢相信我们会走到订婚的这一步 |
| [13:01] | And Sabrina’s mom seemed to be warming up to me. | 她妈妈好像也开始接受我了 |
| [13:04] | Kind of. | 基本算是吧 |
| [13:06] | Sabrina, Timmy… | 塞布丽娜 蒂米 |
| [13:08] | – Jimmy. – Jimmy. | -是吉米 -吉米 |
| [13:10] | In a lot of ways, | 从各种方面来看 |
| [13:12] | I don’t think that you’re good enough for my daughter. | 我始终认为你配不上我女儿 |
| [13:21] | To Sabrina and Timmy. | 敬塞布丽娜和蒂米 |
| [13:22] | Jimmy. | 吉米 |
| [13:23] | Most importantly, Sabrina and I | 最重要的是 我和塞布丽娜 |
| [13:25] | were as happy as we’ve ever been. | 如胶似漆 比过去还甜蜜 |
| [13:31] | In lieu of words strung together to form sentences, | 我为这对新人准备了一段幻灯片 |
| [13:35] | I have prepared a slide show to celebrate the life | 代替我的千言万语 |
| [13:38] | of the bride and groom. | 来庆祝这桩喜事 |
| [14:03] | Okay… | 好吧 |
| [14:04] | those were supposed to go by a lot faster. | 这几张本来是该快速闪过的 |
| [14:09] | Look, it’s Insane Clown Wussy. | 看啊 是疯狂小丑巫溪 |
| [14:15] | We all go through phases, Dad. | 谁没个不堪回首的岁月啊 老爸 |
| [14:17] | Ha! Speaking of phases. | 说起不堪回首 |
| [14:19] | Hey, Mom, you remember that summer? | 妈妈 你还记得那年夏天吗 |
| [14:21] | I think that was the only summer | 我记得也就只有那个夏天 |
| [14:23] | you had your old nose and your new boobs. | 你隆了新胸部却还留着你原本的鼻子 |
| [14:27] | I’m just saying, | 真没想到 |
| [14:28] | I can’t believe you got a boob job before a nose job. | 你竟然放着鼻子不整先隆了胸 |
| [14:34] | Your grandmother did this my nose. | 这个怪鼻子还不是拜你奶奶所赐 |
| [14:37] | I wanted her to see that it did not affect my self-esteem. | 我要让她知道这丝毫影响不到我的自信 |
| [14:40] | But, in order for that to work, I needed much bigger boobs. | 但要想有自信 我的胸怀就必须更宽广 |
| [14:45] | Just stop coming on the boat with me and my friends, okay? | 总之你别跟着我和我朋友上船就是了 |
| [14:48] | No matter how big your new boobs are, | 不管你胸怀多宽广 |
| [14:50] | the boys aren’t going to hook up with you. | 男生们都不可能看上你的 |
| [14:51] | You’re old. | 你个老太婆 |
| [14:52] | If the boat tips over, | 等到翻船的时候 |
| [14:55] | those boys are gonna be | 那些毛小子就会争先恐后 |
| [14:57] | clinging to me for dear life. | 往我这对救命气囊上爬了 |
| [14:59] | And I am not old. | 况且我才不老 |
| [15:00] | I can name every single character on Laguna Beach. | 《拉古纳海滩》里的每个角色我都叫得出名 |
| [15:06] | Come on, man. | 拜托 兄弟 |
| [15:08] | You’re in my math class. | 我数学课上见过你 |
| [15:09] | No, I’m not. | 你认错人了 |
| [15:10] | I’m that guy’s father, Burt Chance. | 我是那孩子的爸 我叫伯特·吉斯 |
| [15:13] | Go ahead, ask me anything. | 继续问啊 继续考我 |
| [15:15] | I memorized it all. | 我都背下来了 |
| [15:17] | I’ll take that beer. | 啤酒我买了 |
| [15:19] | But I hate to drink alone. | 可是人家不想一个人喝 |
| [15:21] | Unless you think I’m too old. | 你不会嫌人家老吧 |
| [15:34] | What are you wearing? | 你穿的这是什么 |
| [15:36] | I’m not sure. | 我也不知道 |
| [15:37] | I got most of this at a yard sale. | 我是从庭院旧货甩卖上买来的 |
| [15:39] | I think it’s like a cool Goth back brace. | 估计是哥特式的后撑吧 |
| [15:42] | It’s a corset. | 这是紧身胸衣 |
| [15:44] | Seriously? | 真的吗 |
| [15:45] | Like, one of those old-timey bras they wore | 这是你在我这个年纪时 |
| [15:47] | back when you were my age? | 流行的老式内衣吗 |
| [15:49] | Get the hell out of my car! | 从我的车里滚出去 |
| [16:03] | *Hana loka mu’s the word for bride* | *哈娜罗卡姆是新娘之意* |
| [16:05] | *Noka Nu is how you say groom* | *纳卡奴则是新郎官* |
| [16:08] | *And when the Hana loka mu meets the little Noka Nu* | *当新娘遇上新郎* |
| [16:11] | *They have a Takaniki honeymoon* | *蜜月甜蜜又浪漫* |
| [16:14] | *I don’t actually know any Hawaiian* | *我不懂夏威夷语* |
| [16:16] | *And I just made up all those words* | *单词纯属瞎掰的* |
| [16:19] | *But let’s a raise a glass of booze* | *让我们举杯畅饮* |
| [16:21] | *For the upcoming nuptials and wish you* | *祝福这段好姻缘* |
| [16:24] | *A Nakiliki Mekaliki Maki Hoki Poo!* | *但愿人长久 千里共婵娟* |
| [16:41] | What are you doing? | 你们在干嘛 |
| [16:42] | Uh, your father wanted to take a bath | 你爸想泡个澡 |
| [16:46] | and I lost an earring in the… | 我的耳环又不小心掉进去了 |
| [16:49] | Grown-up stuff. We’re doing grown-up stuff. | 少儿不宜 我们在做成人爱做的事 |
| [16:51] | Well… don’t get used to this house | 你们别太把这儿当自己家了 |
| [16:53] | ’cause I think just blew it for all of us. | 我才发现事情被我搞砸了 |
| [16:55] | I made out with Sabrina’s mom. | 我以前和塞布丽娜的妈妈有一腿 |
| [16:56] | Jimmy, do you know how inappropriate that is? | 吉米 你知道这是多么不得体的行为吗 |
| [16:59] | The… | 你 |
| [17:01] | What is going on in here? | 这是怎么回事 |
| [17:03] | Look… you have got to get back out there and act normal. | 听着 你快回去 表现得自然点 |
| [17:06] | Act normal? | 自然点 |
| [17:07] | Are you kidding me? | 你让我怎么自然 |
| [17:09] | You’re gonna be my mother-in-law and seven years ago, | 现在你都快成我丈母娘了 |
| [17:12] | we were making out in the back of a car. | 可七年前我们在车里耳鬓厮磨过 |
| [17:15] | Just get it together. | 打起精神来 |
| [17:17] | I am trying to have a better relationship with my daughter | 我想要和我女儿好好相处 |
| [17:20] | and that is never gonna happen if she finds out about this. | 如果她发现这事 那这母女关系就彻底吹了 |
| [17:23] | So, if anyone asks what we were doing in here, | 要是别人问我们当时在车里干吗 |
| [17:25] | let’s all just say cocaine. | 就说我们是在嗑药吧 |
| [17:31] | My husband wasn’t my first choice, but back then | 我老公并非我最优选择 |
| [17:35] | there was no way my parents were going to let me marry | 可谁让我父母当年不同意我 |
| [17:37] | a Jewish guy or a black guy or a… or an Asian guy. | 嫁给犹太人 黑人和亚洲人 |
| [17:40] | I often wondered what happened to Wang. | 梦醒时分 我总是很怀念我的小王 |
| [17:43] | That was the black guy. | 他是个黑人 |
| [17:45] | His nickname was Wang. | 他的绰号是”王” |
| [17:51] | I don’t know what to do. | 我不知道该怎么办 |
| [17:53] | I can’t lie to Sabrina. | 我不能向塞布丽娜撒谎 |
| [17:56] | Don’t be an idiot. | 别傻了 |
| [17:57] | You didn’t know it was Sabrina’s mother when it happened. | 你当时又不知道那是塞布丽娜的妈妈 |
| [18:00] | It’s seven years. | 都过了七年了 |
| [18:01] | You probably don’t even remember what her fake boobs felt like. | 你也许都不记得她假咪咪的手感了 |
| [18:04] | – Do ya? – Burt. | -摸起来怎样 -伯特 |
| [18:06] | Oh, come on. I got married at 17. | 别这样 我17岁就结婚了 |
| [18:09] | The closest I ever got to a fake boob | 我人生中最接近假咪咪的一次 |
| [18:10] | was going up Kathy Conklin’s shirt | 是拉起凯西·康克林的衬衫 |
| [18:12] | and coming out with a plastic baggy full of mashed potatoes. | 结果发现那是一塑料袋土豆泥 |
| [18:14] | I have to assume they’ve gotten better. | 我就是问问她的手感是不是更好 |
| [18:16] | Jimmy, you would only be telling Sabrina | 吉米 你跟塞布丽娜说这件事 |
| [18:18] | what happened to make yourself feel better. | 不过让你自己好过一些 |
| [18:20] | Think about Sabrina. | 站在塞布丽娜的角度想 |
| [18:21] | How is she going to ever kiss you again | 她知道你跟她妈妈搞上以后 |
| [18:23] | knowing you made out with her mother? It’s gross. | 还怎么跟你亲亲 想想就恶心 |
| [18:25] | So I’m supposed to go out there | 那么我应该回到外面 |
| [18:27] | and act normal for the rest of the night? | 整个晚上都假装无事吗 |
| [18:28] | For the rest of my life? | 假装一辈子吗 |
| [18:30] | Yeah, fake it. | 是啊 假装没事 |
| [18:31] | The way Sabrina totally faked how happy she was | 就像今晚你跟塞布丽娜求婚时 |
| [18:33] | when you proposed tonight. | 她假装得那样 |
| [18:34] | What? She wasn’t faking it. | 什么 她不是装的 |
| [18:36] | Come on, she said your name a bunch of times, | 傻孩子 她不断重复你的名字 |
| [18:39] | threw in a few “Oh Gods,” | 穿插着几句”天啊” |
| [18:41] | did all your mother’s Monday night moves. | 完全和你妈妈周一之夜的套路一样 |
| [18:42] | Wha…? I didn’t… | 啥 我没啊 |
| [18:44] | Can’t believe she was faking it. | 真不敢相信她是假装的 |
| [18:46] | She seemed so excited. | 她看起来如此兴奋 |
| [18:47] | She only faked it because she loves you. | 她是因为爱你才假装的 |
| [18:49] | And that’s why you need to fake it with her. | 所以你也要假装没事 |
| [18:51] | So get out there and act like nothing’s wrong. | 现在装作若无其事的出去吧 |
| [18:57] | If you knew I fake it on Monday nights, | 你既然都知道我周一之夜都是假装的 |
| [18:58] | why haven’t you ever said anything? | 你为什么都不说呢 |
| [19:00] | ‘Cause you put on a great show | 因为你表演得不错 |
| [19:02] | and then I get to watch Mike and Molly. | 而且我还想看接下来的《肥肥和胖胖》 |
| [19:07] | And even though it started out with | 即使我们的关系起始于 |
| [19:09] | what they would call today a date rape, | 现在你们所谓的”迷奸” |
| [19:11] | our marriage lasted 67 years. | 我们的婚姻还是持续了67年 |
| [19:15] | And, uh, since I suddenly can’t remember where I am | 现在我突然想不起来这是什么地方 |
| [19:20] | or who any of you people is, | 而你们又都是谁 |
| [19:23] | well, I’ll just say “Happy New Year’s.” | 那我就用”新年快乐”混过去吧 |
| [19:25] | Happy New Year. | 新年快乐 |
| [19:29] | Seven years ago, I made out with your mother in the back of a car. | 七年前 我和你妈在她车后座亲热过了 |
| [19:33] | And I fiddled with her knockers a little. | 我还摸了几把她的假咪咪 |
| [19:36] | I am so sorry, all right? | 我真的很抱歉 |
| [19:39] | I just… I didn’t want you to kiss me | 只是 我不想你亲我 |
| [19:40] | because I thought you might not want to kiss the guy | 因为我觉得你不会想吻 |
| [19:42] | who made out with your mother. | 和你妈亲热过的男人 |
| [19:43] | Although, I mean, you have kissed the guy | 尽管你过去已经亲过 |
| [19:45] | who made out with your mother, | 和你妈亲热的男人 |
| [19:46] | you just, you just didn’t know it. | 但你当时不知情啊 |
| [19:48] | Look, I didn’t know it. | 我当时也不知道 |
| [19:49] | I just found out when I watched the video | 我看录像时才知道 |
| [19:50] | that I’d made out with your mother. | 我和你妈亲热过 |
| [19:51] | Is it just me or is he saying the words | 是我出现幻觉还是 |
| [19:53] | “I made out with your mother” way more than he needs to? | 他一直不必要地重复”我和你妈亲热过” |
| [19:55] | Yeah, I don’t know why he’s doing that. | 我也不知道这孩子咋了 |
| [19:57] | You know, I’m sure that he has brushed his teeth | 亲爱的 都过了这么多年了 |
| [19:59] | a whole bunch since then, sweetheart. | 他肯定刷过很多次牙了 |
| [20:01] | And, also, the boobs that he grabbed, | 再说了 他抓过的咪咪 |
| [20:02] | they’re not even mine anymore. | 现在也不在我身上了 |
| [20:04] | After the recall, your Uncle Andy turned them | 我把假体拿下来后 你安迪叔把它们 |
| [20:06] | into an art piece for Nana. | 做成奶奶的艺术品了 |
| [20:12] | Go ahead. | 想摸就去摸吧 |
| [20:14] | I’m sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [20:15] | I just love you so much | 我太爱你了 |
| [20:17] | that I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life | 我不想余生带着谎言 |
| [20:19] | keeping any secrets from you. | 和你过日子 |
| [20:21] | So, if you don’t want to marry me, you don’t have to. | 你要是不愿意嫁给我 不用勉强 |
| [20:25] | But I want to marry you. | 但我想娶你 |
| [20:27] | Really badly. | 特别想 |
| [20:29] | So… I’m gonna ask you again. | 所以 我再问你一次 |
| [20:34] | Will you marry me? | 你愿意嫁给我吗 |
| [20:40] | Yes. | 我愿意 |
| [20:46] | By being willing to lose everything, | 冒着失去一切的风险 |
| [20:48] | I was able to show Sabrina | 我向塞布丽娜展示了 |
| [20:50] | I loved her 100% for who she was | 我对她百分百的爱 |
| [20:52] | and give her the feeling she’s been waiting for her whole life. | 也满足了她此生一直追求的感受 |
| [20:56] | And she didn’t have to fake it. | 这次她可不需要假装 |
| [21:03] | And we weren’t the only ones | 而我们并不是 |
| [21:05] | who weren’t going to fake it anymore. | 唯一一对坦诚相待的人 |
| [21:12] | All right, we are recording Mike and Molly, | 好的 我们录下了《肥肥和胖胖》 |
| [21:17] | so you can take as much time as you need. | 你可以尽情地慢慢来了 |
| [21:19] | But try not to take too much time, | 不过也别花太多时间了 |
| [21:20] | I’m recording some of my favourite Karate movies. | 我还录了几部我最爱的空手道电影呢 |