| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:04] | Don’t wake her up. | 别把她吵醒了 |
| [00:06] | I’m trying to screw as quietly as I can, | 我已经很努力往里塞了 |
| [00:08] | but I’m having trouble getting it in the hole. | 可就是瞄不准啊 |
| [00:12] | Did you hear what I said? | 听听我都说了什么 |
| [00:14] | I said I’m trying to get… | 我说我已经很努力… |
| [00:15] | Yeah, I heard what you said. | 行了 我都听见了 |
| [00:16] | Shut up and screw faster, so we can get this | 闭嘴 瞄准点 |
| [00:18] | over with and go to sleep. | 快点完事我们也好睡觉去 |
| [00:20] | Did you hear what you just said? | 听听你都说了什么 |
| [00:21] | I did. I said it on purpose. | 我知道 我故意的 |
| [00:23] | Recently Burt and I invested in a dead bolt | 最近伯特和我设计了一种插销 |
| [00:27] | due to the fact maw maw has been doing | 以防奶奶大半夜的 |
| [00:29] | quite a bit of wandering in the middle of the night. | 四处梦游 |
| [00:34] | *Hey, mambo! Mambo italiano!* | *曼波啊 意式曼波舞* |
| [00:38] | *Oh, hey, mambo!* | *跳起来* |
| [00:39] | Maw maw, get down from there. | 奶奶 快下来 |
| [00:40] | You’re gonna break your neck! | 你会把脖子摔断的 |
| [00:41] | *Go, go, go, you mixed-up Sicialiano* | *跳吧 跳吧 跳吧 别跳成了西西里舞* |
| [00:44] | *All you Calabraise do the mambo like a crazy with a…* | *卡拉布里亚人都在疯狂地舞着曼波* |
| [00:48] | During the day we can keep an eye on her, | 白天我们还能看着她 |
| [00:50] | but at night, we have no idea of knowing if she gets loose. | 但三更半夜的 叫我们如何是好 |
| [00:57] | *Try an enchilada with a fish baccala* | *不如干鱼鳕鱼一块儿炖* |
| [01:03] | *I love-a how you dance a rhumbah* | *虽然爱看你跳起伦巴的样子* |
| [01:06] | *But take some advise, paisano, learn how to mambo* | *但土包子 还是学学曼波吧* |
| [01:10] | *If you gonna be a square, you ain’t-a gonna go nowhere* | *因为方步舞只会让你一事无成* |
| [01:17] | She put makeup on me again while I was sleeping, didn’t she? | 她又在我睡着的时候给我化妆了是吧 |
| [01:20] | *Go, go, joe, shake it like-a Giovanno* | *且舞且乐 尽情摇摆* |
| [01:23] | Where do you think she got it? | 你说这是她从哪儿弄来的 |
| [01:25] | Who knows? | 天知道 |
| [01:27] | Come on, maw maw. | 回屋了 曾奶奶 |
| [01:28] | *Italiano!* | *意式舞曼波啊* |
| [01:35] | *That’s nice!* | *真不错* |
| [01:37] | There you go. | 大功告成 |
| [01:39] | Now, we should be able to sleep in peace. | 这下我们终于可以安然入眠了 |
| [01:47] | You didn’t check to make sure she was in there? | 你难道都没看看她在不在房里吗 |
| [01:51] | Hey. | 好啊 |
| [01:53] | Aw, damn it, maw maw! | 我去 又来 |
| [01:55] | * Hey mambo!* | *啊 曼波舞* |
| [01:56] | Maw maw, no! | 奶奶 不要啊 |
| [01:58] | Off! | 下来 |
| [02:16] | Nice shirt. | T恤不错 |
| [02:17] | Is that Versace? | 名牌吧 |
| [02:20] | Oh, gag-tee dot com. | 原来是淘宝货 |
| [02:22] | They do good work, too. | 做工也不错 |
| [02:24] | Hey, sweetie? | 亲爱的 |
| [02:25] | Y-you’re not gonna wear that out tonight, are you? | 你今晚不会就穿这身儿出去吧 |
| [02:27] | Yeah, why not? | 没错啊 怎么了 |
| [02:28] | It’s funny. | 多搞笑啊 |
| [02:29] | And I-I’ve worn it before. | 而且我之前也穿过啊 |
| [02:31] | You know what it means, right? | 你看懂了衣服上的笑点吧 |
| [02:32] | The hand’s pointing down at his … | 那手指向他的… |
| [02:34] | I-I do know what it means, yeah. | 我知道笑点在哪儿 |
| [02:36] | Listen, it was fine when we were friends. | 我们还是朋友时 这倒无伤大雅 |
| [02:39] | You know, but now that we’re engaged, uh, | 但现在我们都订婚了 |
| [02:41] | It’s just the things that you do, they say something about me. | 你的一举一动都和我息息相关 |
| [02:44] | And though that shirt might say | 尽管这身T恤只是想表明 |
| [02:45] | that your penis is stupid, | 你的小弟弟很二 |
| [02:47] | it absolutely says my vagina is an idiot. | 这不等于吐槽我的小妹妹吗 |
| [02:53] | It’s my favorite shirt. | 可这是我最喜欢的T恤了 |
| [02:54] | Um, it’s the only one I’ve ever taken to a dry cleaners. | 别的衣服我今天都洗了 只剩这件了 |
| [02:57] | So, I think I’m gonna wear it? | 所以我别无选择 |
| [03:02] | Okay, fine. | 好吧 随你 |
| [03:06] | Nice. | 干得漂亮 |
| [03:07] | Don’t let her change who you are, man. | 不能让她随意摆布你 伙计 |
| [03:10] | Chicks always try to do that. | 女人最爱来这套 |
| [03:11] | I’ve been video chatting with this girl online | 我一直和一个姑娘视频聊天 |
| [03:14] | And lately she’s been like, | 最近她就老说 |
| [03:15] | “Take off your weird baby mask, | 快摘了那张怪娃娃脸面具吧 |
| [03:16] | I want to see your face.” | 我想看你真人 |
| [03:19] | I’m like, “Take off your horse-head mask first.” | 我就说 那你得先把你的马面卸了 |
| [03:22] | She wanted me to change but she wasn’t willing to change. | 真是只许州官放火 不许百姓点灯 |
| [03:26] | Girls are crazy. | 小妞们脑子都不正常 |
| [03:36] | Mm, another inch and a half. | 我又长高了3厘米 |
| [03:39] | Every year, like clockwork. | 每年如此 准得跟钟一样 |
| [03:40] | Dad, you’re not growing an inch and a half every year. | 别自欺欺人了 爸爸 |
| [03:43] | Doorjamb don’t lie. | 门框才不会骗人 |
| [03:44] | If that were true, | 如果真是这样的话 |
| [03:45] | you’d be seven foot, fourteen inches tall by now. | 那你现在都快两米了 |
| [03:48] | I think it might be time to consider the possibility | 我觉得你们应该想想 |
| [03:50] | that your house is sinking. | 会不会是你们家房子下陷了 |
| [03:54] | That’s mine. | 这是我的 |
| [04:07] | Oh, come on, you both watched | 真受不了 |
| [04:09] | Three cartoons today about sharing. | 你们忘了今天的动画片里教说要懂得分享吗 |
| [04:12] | Did you learn nothing? | 你们都看到哪里去了 |
| [04:17] | Time to put on your jammies. | 该上床睡觉喽 |
| [04:25] | Maw maw and Hope are a lot alike. | 奶奶跟喜旺真是棋逢敌手 |
| [04:27] | It’s sweet. | 真有爱 |
| [04:28] | I hope I have a baby rival when I’m her age. | 真希望我到她这把年纪也能有个奶娃对手 |
| [04:36] | – Is that a neighbor? – I don’t recognize her. | -她住这区吗 -没见过 |
| [04:39] | Should we see what she wants? | 我们要不要看看她想干嘛 |
| [04:41] | I say no. | 还是算了吧 |
| [04:42] | When is someone you don’t know ringing | 陌生人找上门来 |
| [04:44] | your doorbell ever a good thing? | 哪一次是好事 |
| [04:45] | What about that time that overnight delivery guy | 上次不就有一个快递员 |
| [04:47] | accidentally delivered the neighbor’s package here. | 不小心把邻居家的包裹送到我们家来了嘛 |
| [04:50] | We might use that medicine some day. | 那些药说不准哪天就能派上用场呢 |
| [04:52] | What happened to that neighbor? | 我们的邻居后来怎么样了 |
| [04:54] | I haven’t seen him. | 再也没见过 |
| [04:56] | Fine, but if it’s bad, you’re gonna be | 好吧 但如果是什么坏事 |
| [04:58] | the one to deal with it, not me. | 你去搞定 别拖我下水 |
| [05:00] | I want to watch Wipeout. | 我还要看《勇敢向前冲》呢 |
| [05:01] | They’re doing farmers versus plumbers. | 今天有农民大战水管工的比赛 |
| [05:06] | Hello. Is this the Chance residence? | 你们好 请问是吉斯家吗 |
| [05:10] | Why? | 怎么了 |
| [05:11] | Because I’m looking for the Chance residence. | 我找他们有事 |
| [05:14] | Why? | 什么事 |
| [05:15] | I can only tell you that if this is the Chance residence. | 我就是想问问这里是不是吉斯家 |
| [05:25] | Yeah, it’s the Chance residence. | 是的 这里是吉斯家 |
| [05:28] | Great. | 太好了 |
| [05:29] | Uh, my name is Joan Erightsdale and I’m from social services. | 我是社工部的琼·芮斯戴尔 |
| [05:33] | I’m here to investigate a complaint that we had | 奉命来调查一宗 |
| [05:35] | about the welfare of a child living in this residence. | 关于你们家的儿童福利案 |
| [05:39] | You didn’t let me finish. | 等等 听我说完 |
| [05:40] | It’s the Chance residence… | 吉斯一家其实 |
| [05:41] | over there. | 住对面 |
| [05:43] | Sorry I’m late, Chances. | 对不起 我来晚了 吉斯夫妇 |
| [05:44] | Up until about an hour ago, totally thought it was Sunday. | 一小时前我才意识到今天不是星期天 |
| [05:49] | Okay, take care, Chances. | 保重啊 吉斯一家 |
| [05:56] | Nine times out of ten, guy doesn’t say a word. | 十有八九 男人嘴里是吐不出象牙来的 |
| [06:05] | So, a complaint about the welfare of a child? | 这么说 有人起诉我们家的儿童福利问题 |
| [06:07] | I can’t even imagine what that would be. | 我都不知道那是什么玩意儿 |
| [06:08] | You know what? | 知道吗 |
| [06:09] | This is getting heavy. | 这事儿搞大了 |
| [06:11] | I’ll go get us some marshmallows. | 我去拿点棉花糖来 |
| [06:14] | You know, it’s probably nothing. | 可能也没多大事 |
| [06:16] | We just have to follow up on these things. | 我们只是照例跟踪调查一下 |
| [06:17] | Oh, sure, of course. | 当然 |
| [06:19] | But if it’s just one random complaint, | 但如果只是个胡乱的投诉 |
| [06:21] | how can you even trust it? | 你们怎么就轻易相信了呢 |
| [06:22] | Tell me about it. | 我哪儿知道啊 |
| [06:23] | For example, I have | 比如说 我养了只小猫 |
| [06:25] | a cat– her name is Muffin. | 我叫它松饼 |
| [06:28] | Oh, my. | 亲娘嘞 |
| [06:29] | Thank you. | 可爱吧 |
| [06:31] | Anyway, I am a great cat owner. | 总之 我是个超称职的猫主人 |
| [06:34] | But one time I was at the mall | 但有一次我在商场 |
| [06:36] | and Muffin just jumped out of my arms and she landed on her head. | 小松饼突然从我怀里跳了出去 头部着地 |
| [06:39] | And someone reported me to the SPCA, | 有人就向动物保护协会举报了我 |
| [06:41] | and they said that I dropped her, but I didn’t. | 他们说是我把她扔下去的 但其实不是 |
| [06:43] | She jumped. | 明明是她自己跳下去的 |
| [06:45] | Was she wearing that outfit when she jumped? | 她跳下去的时候穿的就是刚才那行头吗 |
| [06:47] | ‘Cause you could probably make an argument that she was trying | 这样你就能以她有自杀倾向 |
| [06:48] | to commit suicide, which isn’t funny at all. | 来抗辩了 我这笑话是不是太冷了 |
| [06:50] | Can I see that picture? It’s adorable. | 我能再看一下那张照片吗 太可爱了 |
| [06:55] | Hey… The government’s here to take the baby. | 政府要带走我们的娃 |
| [06:58] | They think we’re putting her in danger. | 他们认为我们置她于水深火热 |
| [06:59] | Hurry, toss her over here. | 快点 把她扔过来 |
| [07:01] | I’ll hide her under the car. | 我把她藏到车底下去 |
| [07:03] | What’s going on? | 怎么回事 |
| [07:04] | Social services got a complaint | 社工部接到投诉 |
| [07:06] | and now they’re here to check on Hope. | 派人来这看看喜旺的情况 |
| [07:07] | Complaint? Well, what was it? | 投诉 投诉什么 |
| [07:09] | I’m guessing it’s when you couldn’t find a towel. | 我猜是因为你没找着毛巾那次 |
| [07:13] | Turn around. | 转个身 |
| [07:16] | I’m sure that wasn’t it. | 肯定不是这个原因 |
| [07:18] | If it’s anything, it’s that stupid scooter-stroller | 就算有问题 那也一定是老爸发明的 |
| [07:20] | that dad invented. | 那个傻缺滑轮婴儿车 |
| [07:27] | See you at the park, slowpoke! | 公园见 呆呆兽 |
| [07:29] | You’re crazy. People love that thing. | 你疯了吧 大家都爱死那玩意儿了 |
| [07:31] | They honk their horns and yell, “Hey, scooter-stroller guy!” | 他们甚至鸣笛喊我”开滑轮婴儿车的哥们儿” |
| [07:34] | I might just become a small town novelty | 我可能已经成为小镇里的新潮人物了 |
| [07:36] | like Dancin’ Dan or that guy with the bunny ears who walks | 就像跳舞丹或者抱着紫色十字架 |
| [07:40] | around at night carrying that giant purple cross. | 在夜晚穿梭的那个兔耳男 |
| [07:42] | What do they call him? | 他们怎么叫他来着 |
| [07:43] | – Easter Joe. – Easter Joe! | -复活乔 -对 复活乔 |
| [07:44] | You don’t think someone complained about you, do you? | 会不会人家投诉的是你 |
| [07:46] | You said you got a lot of dirty looks | 你说过上周在杂货店 |
| [07:48] | at the grocery store last week. | 很多人朝你翻白眼 |
| [07:55] | Once she stopped throwing a fit, she was having a blast | 以前她闹完就笑 |
| [07:57] | and now she loves being pulled around by shopping carts. | 现在她可爱被购物车拖着到处走了 |
| [08:00] | I had to stop her the other day | 前几天我还硬生生 |
| [08:01] | from hitching a ride with a homeless guy. | 阻止了她搭一个流浪汉的顺风车 |
| [08:03] | Look, guys, you do a really good job with Hope. | 各位 你们真的把喜旺照顾得很好 |
| [08:05] | I really don’t think there’s anything to worry about. | 我真心觉得没什么好担心的 |
| [08:07] | Well, we can’t be too careful. | 小心一点总不为过嘛 |
| [08:09] | So, just make everything look okay | 只要保证社工走之前 |
| [08:10] | until the social worker leaves. | 一切正常就可以了 |
| [08:12] | Clean up this room. | 把房间打扫干净 |
| [08:15] | Okay, but come on out when you finish the book of job. | 读完约伯书就出来 |
| [08:18] | The bible will still be here when you get back. | 圣经在这等着你回来哦 |
| [08:21] | This may just be an old lady talking, | 我一个老太婆就随便说说 |
| [08:23] | but your ugly kid looks an awful lot like an ugly cat. | 但你家这孩子丑得跟只猫似的 |
| [08:26] | Okay, maw maw, let’s go. | 好了 奶奶 咱回去吧 |
| [08:28] | You know you’re supposed to be in your room. | 你该老老实实待在自己屋里 |
| [08:29] | Sorry about that. | 真抱歉 |
| [08:31] | My son must forgot to lock her door. | 我儿子一定忘了给门上锁了 |
| [08:34] | She’s a little batty, but don’t worry. | 她是有点不正常 但别担心 |
| [08:37] | We never leave her alone with the child. | 我们从来不会让她单独跟孩子共处的 |
| [08:38] | Oh, that’s probably a good idea. | 这是个好主意 |
| [08:42] | – Let me out! – Settle down! | -放我出去 -别吵 |
| [08:43] | We have company. | 这有客人呢 |
| [08:46] | Seriously though, wouldn’t it be cool | 说正经的 如果我是小镇名流 |
| [08:48] | if I was a small-town celebrity? | 会不会酷毙了 |
| [08:49] | People make fun of Dancin’ Dan and Easter Joe, | 大家取笑跳舞丹和复活乔 |
| [08:51] | but I know for a fact that Chubby’s Burgers gives them | 但我听说胖子汉堡店都让他们吃白食 |
| [08:53] | free food if they promise not to urinate in the parking lot. | 只要他们保证不在停车场撒尿 |
| [08:56] | I can promise not to do that. | 这我也能保证做到 |
| [08:58] | Wha-what is this? | 这…这是啥 |
| [09:00] | That’s trash, toss it. | 垃圾 扔了 |
| [09:01] | Ho, ho, ho, nice try. | 想蒙混过关吗 |
| [09:03] | Come on, it’s time to get rid of this stuff. | 该扔了这些破烂玩意儿了 |
| [09:05] | I mean, even the social worker would agree a three-year-old | 就连社工都会认同 一个三岁的娃 |
| [09:07] | should not have to be confused by | 不该陷于入自己玩具和爸爸玩具 |
| [09:08] | what are her toys and what are her daddy’s toys. | 傻傻分不清楚的苦境 |
| [09:11] | Well, fine. | 好吧 |
| [09:12] | You can get rid of a few toys, but the shirt stays. | 那些玩具你挑着扔吧 但这件衬衫不能丢 |
| [09:15] | Fine, and while we’re throwing stuff out, | 行啊 我们这就开始扔废物 |
| [09:19] | I am done waking up next to this every morning. | 我真是受够了每天早上一睁眼就看到这女人 |
| [09:22] | – Jennifer! – Maggie! | -章子怡 -巩俐 |
| [09:32] | Here I go. We are out of marshmallows. | 没有棉花糖了 |
| [09:34] | But I did find a piece of taffy. | 但还是被我找到一块太妃糖 |
| [09:37] | Oh, I’m hypoglycemic. | 我低血糖 |
| [09:39] | Oh, I have an aunt who has cerebral palsy. | 好巧 我有个大姨妈脑瘫 |
| [09:44] | Okay, I’m not sure what those two things have | 我不明白你说的 |
| [09:46] | to do with each other. | 跟我的病有什么关系 |
| [09:47] | Just someone I know with a disease. | 我就是想说我也认识一个病人 |
| [09:49] | Didn’t want you to feel like you were all alone out there. | 好让你觉得自己不是一个人在战斗 |
| [09:52] | Oh, here’s our little angel. | 我们的小天使来了 |
| [09:55] | That’s a little girl. | 怎么是个女宝宝 |
| [09:57] | Where is the little boy? | 男宝宝去哪了 |
| [09:59] | – Excuse me? – The complaint is about | -你说什么 -投诉说 |
| [10:01] | a little boy, five years old. | 有个五岁的小男孩 |
| [10:02] | He was seen crowd-surfing at a Smokey Floyd concert. | 在烟枪老弗的演唱会上被人举在头顶传来传去 |
| [10:07] | That wasn’t Hope, that was Jimmy. | 那不是喜旺 是吉米 |
| [10:19] | That happened 20 years ago. | 都20年前的事了 |
| [10:21] | This is embarrassing. | 好尴尬 |
| [10:22] | Um, we’re a little behind because of budget cuts. | 由于预算削减 我们的资料有点陈旧 |
| [10:25] | You know, last week, I went to check on a child | 上周我是要去看一个 |
| [10:28] | who was being kept in a cage | 被关在笼子里的小朋友 |
| [10:30] | and I found a teenager in a pen. | 结果看到的是一个困在围栏里的小青年 |
| [10:33] | That better not be the last piece of taffy. | 千万别是最后一块太妃糖 |
| [10:36] | Maw maw, no. | 奶奶 别闹了 |
| [10:38] | Room, room. Room, room, room. | 回屋 回屋 给我回去 |
| [10:40] | I’ll go nail the window shut. | 我要去把窗户钉死 |
| [10:44] | I’m sorry about that. | 真抱歉让你看到这一幕 |
| [10:45] | But, like I said, we try to keep her away | 就像我跟你说过的 我们尽可能 |
| [10:46] | from the baby as much as possible. | 让她跟宝宝保持距离 |
| [10:48] | I see that. | 看到了 |
| [10:50] | We’re gonna need to change gears here. | 咱得转移下重点了 |
| [10:51] | I’m beginning to be a little bit concerned | 我开始有点担心 |
| [10:54] | that you are abusing your grandmother. | 你们在虐待祖母 |
| [10:55] | Abusing her? | 虐待她 |
| [10:59] | She abuses us. | 是她虐待我们好吧 |
| [11:01] | She gave me a wet willy once | 有次她吮完手指就直接往我耳朵里戳 |
| [11:02] | that almost punctured my eardrum. | 差点没把我的耳膜戳破 |
| [11:04] | Her spit has touched my brain. | 口水都要弄到我脑子里了 |
| [11:07] | I couldn’t find any nails. | 我找不到钉子 |
| [11:08] | But I broke a bottle on the ground under the window, | 不过我在她窗户下打破了一个酒瓶 |
| [11:10] | so that should deter her from jumping out again. | 这样她应该不敢再往外跳了 |
| [11:12] | Okay. I’m gonna need to ask her some questions. | 我得去问她几个问题了 |
| [11:19] | You just had to answer the door, didn’t you? | 谁让你手贱去应门的啊 |
| [11:21] | I could be knee-deep in watching farmers and plumbers | 我本可以去看那些农民和水管工 |
| [11:23] | getting nailed in the face with big red balls. | 被大红球砸到脸上的节目 |
| [11:26] | Did you hear what you just said? | 你知道你刚说啥了不 |
| [11:28] | Not in the mood, Burt. | 没心情跟你开玩笑 伯特 |
| [11:30] | They shave me when I’m sleeping. | 他们在我睡觉时给我剃毛 |
| [11:33] | They made me live in the greenhouse for a week. | 他们让我在花房住了一周 |
| [11:37] | They wanted to go through my poo to look for gold. | 他们想在我的粑粑里找金子 |
| [11:41] | She’s making us sound crazy. | 她把我们说得像疯子一样 |
| [11:43] | The lady needs to know | 那位社工需要知道 |
| [11:44] | that we love maw maw unconventionally. | 我们是多么无常理地爱着奶奶 |
| [11:46] | I think you meant “Unconditionally,” | 你是想说”无条件”吧 |
| [11:48] | Though “Unconventionally” kinda works. | 但”不合常理”也说得通 |
| [11:50] | You actually stumbled into saying something kinda clever there. | 算歪打正着了 |
| [11:53] | I did that once before. | 我以前也说过这样的话 |
| [11:54] | Burt, when did I do that? | 伯特 我什么时候说过来着 |
| [11:55] | When your uncle died, | 你叔叔死的时候 |
| [11:57] | you said we had to go hear his “last will and tentacle”. | 你说我们要听他的”临终遗愿和触角”了 |
| [12:00] | Then he actually left his pet octopus to your cousin. | 然后发现他真把宠物八爪鱼留给你表姐了 |
| [12:02] | That’s right. That was crazy. | 没错 那太牛了 |
| [12:12] | Well, this is all very disturbing. | 你祖母反应的情况都很不好 |
| [12:14] | Look, before you go judging us, | 在你做出判断之前 |
| [12:16] | – You need to know… – What do I need to know? | -你需要知道… -需要知道什么 |
| [12:17] | That among other things, she tells me | 别的不提 就说她说 |
| [12:19] | you threaten to hit her with a stick in order | 你为了不让她弹钢琴 |
| [12:20] | to get her to stop playing the piano? | 竟然吓唬要用棍子打她 |
| [12:22] | Threaten, not hit. Threaten to hit. | 吓唬 不是真打 吓唬要打而已 |
| [12:25] | She says you force her to eat hot sauce. | 她说你逼着她吃很烫的酱 |
| [12:27] | No, no, no. | 不 不 不 |
| [12:28] | I put hot sauce on my arms when it looks | 我只是在她看起来想咬人的时候 |
| [12:30] | like she’s in a biting mood. | 在自己手臂上涂上热酱而已 |
| [12:31] | If it ends up in her mouth, | 如果她真吃了 |
| [12:32] | that’s the price she pays for being nippy. | 那就是自作自受嘛 |
| [12:34] | You wrapped her in plastic wrap to try to subdue her! | 你为了让她听话 竟用塑料膜把她包起来 |
| [12:36] | Let me get this straight. | 这么说吧 |
| [12:37] | If you wrap somebody in seaweed, | 把人用海藻包起来 |
| [12:39] | it’s a spa treatment, | 叫做护理 |
| [12:40] | And you wrap somebody in saran wrap, and it’s a crime. | 用塑料来包 那就成犯罪了是吧 |
| [12:42] | Obama! | 都怪奥巴马 |
| [12:43] | I have no other choice but to start a formal investigation. | 我必须对你们家进行正式调查了 |
| [12:46] | – What? – Just fill these out, | -什么 -填好这些表 |
| [12:48] | complete the required tasks, | 完成上面要求的任务 |
| [12:49] | I’ll be back in one week for a second inspection. | 我一周后来进行复查 |
| [12:52] | If there is not a major improvement in her treatment, | 如果她的待遇没有得到显著改善 |
| [12:54] | we will be forced to put her in a state-run home. | 我就只能把她送到养老院去了 |
| [12:58] | Oh, wherever it says “child”, | 还有 上面说到的”儿童” |
| [13:00] | could you just put “old person”? | 你们都当成”老人”就行了 |
| [13:01] | Because I don’t feel like going back | 我不想再回办公室 |
| [13:02] | to the office for those other forms. | 换新的表格了 |
| [13:06] | No, you can’t do this. | 别 这样不科学啊 |
| [13:09] | You have no idea what it’s like to deal with her | 你完全不懂每天跟她打交道 |
| [13:11] | on a daily basis! | 有多抓狂 |
| [13:12] | She’s crazier than a face-eating hobo! | 她比那个啃脸的流浪汉还疯狂 |
| [13:15] | Hey! Can you keep it down? | 你们声音小点行不 |
| [13:17] | Some of us are trying to land a plane in there. | 我正要指挥飞机着陆呢 |
| [13:20] | I know everyone is nervous, | 我理解大家的紧张情绪 |
| [13:21] | but hopefully, everyone will be on the ground | 但我还是希望飞机会在一小时内 |
| [13:23] | in Minneapolis within the hour. | 于明尼阿波里斯市着陆 |
| [13:25] | Please come back and listen to this! | 求求你回来听听这段吧 |
| [13:29] | If we didn’t want them to take maw maw away, | 我们如果不想曾奶奶被带走 |
| [13:31] | we had our work cut out for us. | 就得完成那些要求 |
| [13:33] | First, we needed to prove we cared about her health. | 首先要证明我们关心她的健康 |
| [13:36] | This isn’t a Tom Jones concert. | 这不是汤姆·琼斯的演唱会 |
| [13:38] | It’s a doctor’s office! | 这是医生办公室 |
| [13:42] | No, no, no, no, no! | 别 别 别 |
| [13:44] | Ah, that’s deep! That’s really deep! | 好深 真的好深 |
| [13:46] | She got me deep! | 她咬得好深啊 |
| [13:47] | Maw maw, you need to see the doctor for your check-up | 奶奶 你要医生那做检查 |
| [13:50] | or they’re gonna take you away. | 不然他们就会把你带走了 |
| [13:52] | Good. I want to go on a vacation. | 好啊 我正想度假呢 |
| [13:54] | I think she got a tendon. | 她好像咬到筋腱了 |
| [13:56] | My pinky’s not working right. | 我的小指不正常了 |
| [13:57] | Trust me, you do not want to go where they are taking you. | 相信我 你不会想去他们带你去的地方 |
| [13:59] | Should I get the leash out of the trunk? | 我要把车里的绳子拿出来吗 |
| [14:01] | No, they said no leashes. | 不行 他们说不能用绳子 |
| [14:02] | “Number 87: No restraints of any kind”. | “87条 不能施以任何形式的限制” |
| [14:05] | “Do not strap the elderly person in bed. | “禁止将老年人绑在床上” |
| [14:08] | “Do not–” And we assume this goes without saying– | “禁止”–这就说得很清楚了– |
| [14:10] | “put the elderly person on a leash.” | “用绳子牵着老年人” |
| [14:13] | Ah… there’s a lot of stuff in here. | 条条框框会不会太多啊亲 |
| [14:16] | You know, I heard that old folks homes are | 我听说现在的养老院 |
| [14:17] | actually really nice nowadays. | 其实条件挺不错的 |
| [14:19] | Burt, she took care of me my whole life. | 伯特 她照顾了我一辈子 |
| [14:21] | I’m not gonna let them take her away. | 我不能就让别人把她带走了 |
| [14:23] | I owe it to her. | 这是我欠她的 |
| [14:25] | We just got to get her to cooperate. | 我只要让她配合就行了 |
| [14:29] | Maw maw, if you don’t go in there, they’re gonna… | 奶奶 如果再不进去 别人就… |
| [14:32] | put you in the nuthouse, | 会把你送到疯人院去 |
| [14:34] | and shock your brains with electricity. | 然后电击你的脑袋 |
| [14:40] | Fine. I’ll see the doctor. | 好吧 我去看医生就是了 |
| [14:42] | But I just know he’s gonna tell me I’m pregnant. | 但我知道他会告诉我我怀孕了 |
| [14:45] | I’m 480 months late. | 我都怀了480个月了 |
| [14:48] | Once maw maw was on board, things got a little easier. | 一旦奶奶开始合作 事情就要简单些了 |
| [14:52] | But not completely easy. | 好吧也没那么简单 |
| [14:55] | Oh, uh, first of all, I didn’t ask you to get naked. | 首先 我没让你脱光衣服 |
| [14:59] | Secondly, this is the waiting room. | 其次 这里是候诊室 |
| [15:02] | Normally we have ways of keeping her under control, | 我们一般情况还是有办法制住她的 |
| [15:04] | but the state’s kinda got our hands tied at the moment. | 不过现在政府不准了 |
| [15:07] | Luckily for us, we knew | 幸运的是 我们认识 |
| [15:09] | a certified elder-care professional, | 一位认证的老年护理专业人士 |
| [15:11] | and she agreed to give us our eight hours | 她答应给我们进行八小时的 |
| [15:12] | of mandatory old person training. | 义务老年人护理训练 |
| [15:14] | Topics to avoid: | 应避免的话题 |
| [15:19] | Topics they enjoy: | 喜欢的话题 |
| [15:25] | Excuse me. This might be my mother. | 不好意思 可能是我妈 |
| [15:30] | Hello? | 在吗 |
| [15:32] | Hello…? | 在不在哟 |
| [15:36] | Hello? | 在不在呀 |
| [15:37] | Hello? | 在不在嘛 |
| [15:40] | Hello…? | 不在是不是啦 |
| [15:42] | According to the state, we couldn’t leave maw maw alone | 政府说 我们不能让奶奶白天独自一人 |
| [15:45] | during the day, so I had to take her to work with me. | 所以我得带着她去工作 |
| [15:48] | Maw Maw, Liberace’s gay! | 奶奶 列勃拉斯是同性恋 |
| [15:48] | 列勃拉斯 著名钢琴家60年代的红星 被传是同性恋 因艾滋病去世 | |
| [15:52] | And since the lock wasn’t allowed, | 由于不让锁门 |
| [15:54] | we had to figure out a new way to keep track of Maw Maw at night. | 我们得另想办法 追踪曾奶奶晚上的行迹 |
| [15:59] | Somehow we needed to convince her to eat something healthier | 还得苦口婆心地劝她别吃泡菜和太妃糖 |
| [16:01] | than pickles and taffy. | 吃点健康食品 |
| [16:03] | Come on, Maw Maw. | 别这样啊 奶奶 |
| [16:04] | If you don’t eat this, they’re gonna… | 要是你不吃这个 他们会… |
| [16:07] | take you to a place where they stick a tube down your throat | 带走你 然后用管子和打气筒 |
| [16:09] | and feed you with a bicycle pump. | 强行给你灌食 |
| [16:14] | It wasn’t easy, | 这真挺难办的 |
| [16:17] | but we were doing the best we could. | 但我们尽力了 |
| [16:26] | I got her. | 我去抓她 |
| [16:35] | Hey, Easter Joe. | 嗨 复活节乔 |
| [16:37] | Hey, scooter-stroller guy. | 嗨 滑板推车男 |
| [16:44] | He’s… | 他竟然… |
| [16:50] | What beautiful petunias, Maw Maw. | 你栽的牵牛花真美呀 奶奶 |
| [16:53] | Oh, thank you. | 谢啦 |
| [16:55] | Joan? What?! | 琼 什么风把你刮来啦 |
| [16:57] | I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow. | 我还以为你明天才来呢 |
| [16:59] | No, the visitation is today. | 不 视察是今天 |
| [17:02] | That’s why I called this morning. | 我今早不是打过电话了 |
| [17:05] | Sorry, we just had such a busy day of | 失礼失礼 今天一直忙着搞 |
| [17:08] | fun senior activities. | 有趣的老年娱乐活动 |
| [17:09] | Come on in. | 进来吧 |
| [17:11] | Do you like pie? | 要不要来个派 |
| [17:12] | Maw Maw and I made a banana cream pie | 我和奶奶做了个香蕉奶油派 |
| [17:13] | with just a touch of laxatives, | 里面加了一米米泻药 |
| [17:15] | so the trains run on time. | 给老人家通通肠 |
| [17:18] | The fox is in the henhouse. | 有敌情 有敌情 |
| [17:20] | Whose socks are on the pet mouse? | 啥米啥米 |
| [17:22] | They’re coming in. | 她们进屋了啦 |
| [17:28] | Where’d you get that shirt? | 你的上衣是哪儿来的 |
| [17:29] | In the dumpster behind the grocery store. | 从杂货店后面的垃圾箱里捡的 |
| [17:31] | I like it because it says “I’m whimsical”, | 我很喜欢 因为上面写着我是个怪胎 |
| [17:33] | but acknowledges that | 同时也承认 |
| [17:34] | me and my penis aren’t always on the same page. | 我的蛋蛋和我不一样 |
| [17:37] | I can’t believe you threw it away. | 真不敢相信你把它扔了 |
| [17:39] | Dancin’ Dan gets to wear that shirt, but I don’t? | 跳舞丹能穿 我却不能 |
| [17:41] | I mean, how is that fair? | 这不科学啊 |
| [17:42] | I don’t know. Dancin’ Dan will not be sleeping with me tonight. | 哦 但跳舞丹今晚可不会跟我睡 |
| [17:45] | Will you, Dancin’ Dan? | 对吧 跳舞丹 |
| [17:46] | I think your first statement answered you subsequent question, | 其实你的前一句话就是答案 |
| [17:48] | but if you insist on rubbing it in, no. | 但既然你非要为难我 没错我不能 |
| [17:52] | So, will we be spending the evening together | 所以你是要和我共度良宵呢 |
| [17:54] | or are you with stupid? | 还是独守你的笨老二呢 |
| [18:01] | Enjoy the shirt, Dan. | 尽情穿吧 丹 |
| [18:06] | So, in addition to the doctor visits, | 除了带曾奶奶看医生外 |
| [18:08] | we’ve stocked the fridge with all kinds of fruits and vegetables | 我们还储备了各类的蔬果 |
| [18:11] | so Maw Maw can have a balanced diet. | 保证她营养均衡 |
| [18:13] | And you see we have all kinds of healthy juices: | 还有各种健康果汁 |
| [18:16] | cran-apple, cran-grape, cran-banana. | 苹果越橘汁 葡萄越橘汁 香蕉越橘汁 |
| [18:20] | If a cranberry has had sex with it, we’ve got it. | 只要和越橘汁有一腿的 咱都有 |
| [18:23] | Very good. | 非常好 |
| [18:25] | I’m a big cran fan myself. | 我也超爱蔓越橘 |
| [18:28] | There is no longer a lock on her door, | 我们也不再缩她的门 |
| [18:31] | no glass outside her window, | 窗户外也没碎玻璃 |
| [18:32] | and she’s no longer shackled to the radiator. | 也再不会把她铐在暖气片上了 |
| [18:35] | You didn’t know about that, did you? | 哎哟说漏嘴了 |
| [18:37] | Never happened. | 你什么都没听见哦 |
| [18:38] | The point is, she’s free to come and go as she wishes, | 重点是 她现在进出自由 |
| [18:40] | as you will see. | 你等会儿也看得到 |
| [18:41] | And lastly, because she likes to just sit in her room and read– | 最后一点 我们没有轮流抱她的情况下 |
| [18:45] | that is, when we aren’t taking turns giving her hugs– | 她喜欢窝在房里看书 |
| [18:48] | one of the hardest things for us to figure out | 这里最大的难题 |
| [18:49] | was how to get her to exercise more. | 就是怎样才能让她有多活动活动 |
| [18:58] | A motion detector on the light– | 灯光的动作感应装置 |
| [19:00] | that’s very clever. | 这招真聪明 |
| [19:01] | Thanks! | 谢谢 |
| [19:03] | Someone else invented the sensor. | 机器是别人发明的 |
| [19:06] | We-we just installed it. Yeah. | 我们只负责安装 |
| [19:09] | It’s a lot spookier when you go out to the garage now, | 车库现在是面目全非 |
| [19:11] | but Maw Maw’s worth it. | 不过为了奶奶也值了 |
| [19:14] | I’ve gotta hand it to you. | 不得不说 |
| [19:15] | You’ve really turned things around. | 你们的行为真的有了很大改观 |
| [19:17] | Well, it wasn’t easy, but we just love her so much. | 真挺不容易的 但我们太爱她了 |
| [19:20] | We can’t imagine not having her here with us. | 我们都不敢想没有她会怎样 |
| [19:23] | Plus, I don’t want you to shock my brain. | 而且我也不想让你电我的脑袋 |
| [19:25] | Excuse me? | 什么 |
| [19:28] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [19:29] | She didn’t understand what we meant | 她不太能理解我们说的 |
| [19:30] | when we said the state would take her away, so… | 政府要带她走的意思 |
| [19:34] | To get her to cooperate, we just kinda had to… | 为了得到她的配合 我们不得不 |
| [19:36] | imblemish the truth a little. | 把真相夸张了一点 |
| [19:39] | – Really? – They told me about you. | -是吗 -他们告诉我你的事了 |
| [19:42] | They said you were gonna dip my feet in custard | 说你要把我的脚蘸上调料 |
| [19:45] | and feed ’em to wild hogs. | 拿去喂野猪 |
| [19:48] | We had to tell her that | 我们都是被逼的 |
| [19:49] | so she would put her shoes back on at salad plantation. | 不然她就不会在沙拉原材料种植园穿上鞋子 |
| [19:55] | You’re an evil woman. | 你这个坏女人 |
| [19:56] | No, I’m not. I’m really not. | 不是这样的 真的 |
| [19:58] | I care a great deal about you, Barbara June. | 我非常关心你 芭芭拉·琼 |
| [20:01] | Then why do you want me to run in a giant hamster wheel | 那你为什么想把我关进巨型仓鼠转轮 |
| [20:03] | to power your model train set? | 让我给你的火车模型发电呢 |
| [20:05] | No one is going to do anything bad to you. | 没有人想要害你 |
| [20:09] | These people have been lying. | 这些人都是骗你的 |
| [20:11] | So I’d like you to go ahead and pack a bag. | 我想请你去收拾行李 |
| [20:13] | And I’m gonna take you somewhere | 然后我要带你去一个 |
| [20:15] | where you’re going to be much happier. | 能让你过得更开心的地方 |
| [20:17] | Oh, goody! Oh, I’m going on a trip! Whoo! | 太好啦 我要去旅行啦 |
| [20:21] | You can’t do that! | 你不能这么做 |
| [20:22] | We did what you told us to! | 我们都完成你的任务了啊 |
| [20:24] | And in doing so, | 但为了完成任务 |
| [20:24] | you replaced physical abuse with mental abuse. | 你们就由躯体虐待转为心理摧残 |
| [20:27] | Mental abuse? Is that even a thing? | 心理摧残 有这个东西咩 |
| [20:29] | First of all, you’re the only one | 首先 除了你之外 |
| [20:30] | who ever said we were physically abusing her. | 从来没人说过我们虐待她 |
| [20:33] | And we’re just doing what we need to do | 再说我们所做的一切 |
| [20:34] | to get her to do the things on your stupid list! | 还不都是为了让她按你的蠢单子做事 |
| [20:37] | You bureaucratic cat-dropper! | 你这个装腔作势的摔猫妹 |
| [20:39] | I wish I knew more about you | 不好意思和你不熟 |
| [20:40] | so I could come up with a better insult! | 我都想不出狠点的话骂你 |
| [20:42] | Actually, that one cut right to the bone! | 刚才那个就足够了 |
| [20:55] | I can’t believe they took her. | 不敢相信她真被带走了 |
| [21:01] | Tune in next week for more skin… | 下周敬请收看 更多露肉 |
| [21:06] | more action… | 更多暴力 |
| [21:11] | and more pg-13 violence. | 以及限制级镜头 |
| [21:16] | And tell your friends to watch, too. | 叫你的朋友也来看哟 |
| [21:18] | A lot of people worked really hard on this thing. | 大家为了这个剧可辛苦了 |