| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:09] | Oh, hi, there. | 大家好 |
| [00:12] | I’ve been put in a nursing home. | 我被塞进一家疗养院了 |
| [00:14] | Oh, you didn’t know that? | 啥 你还不知道 |
| [00:15] | Who is she talking to? | 她跟谁说话呢 |
| [00:17] | I don’t know. | 不知道 |
| [00:17] | She’s losing it. Yesterday, she said | 她已经痴呆了 昨天她说 |
| [00:19] | she won an Oscar and slept with Warren Beatty. | 自己得过奥斯卡 还和沃伦·比蒂[演员]上过床 |
| [00:22] | I guess you’re wondering how I got here. | 你肯定好奇我怎么到这来的吧 |
| [00:24] | Well, it all started a long, long time ago, | 在很久很久以前 |
| [00:27] | when the Harlem Globetrotters played | 哈林篮球队第一次 |
| [00:29] | their first game in Hinckley, Illinois, | 去伊利诺斯州的欣克利城比赛 |
| [00:32] | and after the game, a very sweet, nice woman made her way onto the bus | 赛后 一位美丽的姑娘溜进了球员大巴 |
| [00:39] | and nine months later, I was born. | 过了9个月 我就呱呱落地了 |
| [00:42] | And 86 years after that… | 又过了86年 |
| [00:44] | a social worker came to check up | 一位社工人员来调查 |
| [00:46] | on my great-granddaughter Hope. | 我曾曾孙女喜旺的生活情况 |
| [00:48] | At first, she seemed like a nice lady. | 一开始 她看上还像个好人 |
| [00:51] | I have a cat. | 我养了只小猫 |
| [00:52] | Her name is Muffin. | 它叫做松饼[又有女性下体的意思] |
| [00:54] | Oh, my. | 亲娘嘞 |
| [00:55] | But then she stopped worrying about Hope | 可她放着喜旺不管 |
| [00:57] | and started worrying about how I was being treated. | 反而担心起我的生存状况了 |
| [01:00] | That better not be the last piece of taffy! | 千万别是最后一块太妃糖 |
| [01:02] | Maw Maw, no! Stop | 奶奶 别闹了 |
| [01:04] | The way that you treat this poor old woman is reprehensible. | 你们对待这位可怜老太的方式令人发指 |
| [01:08] | I’m taking Barbara June somewhere | 我要把芭芭拉·琼送去 |
| [01:10] | where she can get the care that she deserves. | 能给她良好照顾的地方 |
| [01:12] | You don’t understand. We have to treat her like that. | 发生这种事呢 大家都不想的 |
| [01:14] | She’s crazy! | 但她是个疯子呀 |
| [01:15] | Who wouldn’t be? | 这种情况谁能不疯 |
| [01:16] | You torture her with hot sauce, | 你用辣酱折磨她 |
| [01:18] | you tie her up in Saran Wrap and imprison her in her room! | 用保鲜膜裹她 还把她锁在房间里 |
| [01:21] | Hey, it’s hard on us, too. | 我们也造孽啊 |
| [01:23] | We got to reuse that Saran Wrap. | 那保鲜膜我们还得回收利用呢 |
| [01:25] | All our sandwiches taste like talcum powder and mothballs. | 搞得三明治吃起来像痱子粉和樟脑球一样 |
| [01:28] | So, she had me taken away to this state-run nursing home. | 于是 她把我送到了州立疗养院里 |
| [01:32] | And now you’re all caught up. | 现在你懂了吧 |
| [01:34] | So, if you’ll excuse me, Mr. Wall, | 那么我失陪一下先 墙先生 |
| [01:37] | I promised to explain everything to the water fountain as well. | 我答应了饮水机 也要和它讲一遍呢 |
| [01:51] | You have to let my grandmother out of here. | 把奶奶还给我 |
| [01:53] | This place is depressing, and for some reason, | 这地方气氛压抑 |
| [01:56] | you have your Thanksgiving decorations up. | 还诡异地过早摆上感恩节装饰了 |
| [01:58] | It’s gonna confuse her. | 这会让她搞不清状况的 |
| [02:00] | Some of our residents don’t make it to their favorite holiday, | 有些病人已经活不到他们喜欢的节日了 |
| [02:03] | so we have Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving every three weeks. | 所以我们每三周轮流过圣诞节复活节感恩节 |
| [02:07] | Just let me see her. | 总之我要见她 |
| [02:08] | I’m sorry, but for her own protection, | 抱歉 但出于对她的保护 |
| [02:10] | the state prohibits you from seeing Barbara June Thompson. | 州政府禁止你们和芭芭拉·琼·汤普森见面 |
| [02:13] | Oh, yeah? | 哟 |
| [02:14] | Well, you can tell the state | 那你去告诉州政府呀 |
| [02:16] | that two years ago we earned enough to pay taxes, so… | 两年前 我家收入也曾达到过缴税的水平 |
| [02:21] | they work for us. | 政府就是我们的公仆 |
| [02:23] | Hey, buddy. | 老兄 |
| [02:25] | Same shirt! | 咱们衬衫一样啊 |
| [02:26] | Oh, my God, it’s me from the past. | 我的天 这不是年轻时的我吗 |
| [02:29] | I knew you’d come. | 我就知道你会来看我的 |
| [02:31] | Listen to me. | 听我说 |
| [02:34] | When you go on that business trip to Bangkok, | 你去曼谷出差的时候 |
| [02:37] | wear a condom. | 千万记得带套 |
| [02:44] | He seemed cool. | 这老头挺有型啊 |
| [02:46] | Hey, just for the record, when you go crazy, | 那什么我问一下先 如果你疯了 |
| [02:49] | do you want me to put you in a place like this, | 你是希望我送你到这种地方来 |
| [02:50] | or do you want to just be a burden to me and the kids? | 还是宁愿成为我和孩子们的累赘 |
| [02:53] | No, definitely put me in a place like this. | 当然是立马送我来这 |
| [02:55] | And you want me to do the same for you, right? | 换成是你 你也希望我这么做对吧 |
| [02:56] | Oh! No, I’m not going crazy. | 不 我可不会变疯子 |
| [02:59] | Oh, no. No one in my family ever has. | 我没有这个家族病史 |
| [03:00] | Yeah, you’re gonna go crazy. | 但你发疯是必然的 |
| [03:02] | She’s right, Jimmy– | 她说得对 吉米 |
| [03:03] | everybody goes bananas in our family: there’s Maw Maw, | 我们家最后下场都是疯子 奶奶如此 |
| [03:05] | there’s Crazy Uncle Mike, Crazy Uncle Tim. | 疯子麦克叔如此 疯子提姆叔如此 |
| [03:07] | Didn’t you say you had a… a Crazy Uncle Bobby | 你不是说还有个疯子波比叔 |
| [03:09] | who would only travel via Jet Ski? | 出门只肯坐水上摩托艇 |
| [03:12] | Took him six months to get to Arizona. | 他花了半年才抵达亚利桑那州 |
| [03:15] | Man, this place is on lockdown. | 我去 这地方戒备太严了 |
| [03:17] | It’d be easier getting into Tim Tebow’s pants. | 钻提姆·堤博的裤子都比这容易 |
| [03:20] | Maybe this is the best thing for Maw Maw. | 也许这样对奶奶更好 |
| [03:22] | And we could make some extra money by turning her old room | 我们可以把她卧室改成家庭旅馆 |
| [03:24] | into a bed-and-breakfast. | 赚点外快 |
| [03:26] | Hey, we could rent it out to an old person | 或者是把房间租给 |
| [03:27] | who says and does funny things and acts all kooky, | 一个又好笑又疯癫的老家伙 |
| [03:30] | but this time, we won’t get attached. | 但不管他怎么疯 我们都不用管就是 |
| [03:32] | We’re not turning her room into anything | 谁也不准改造奶奶的房间 |
| [03:34] | because it’s still her room. | 那始终是她的房间 |
| [03:36] | We need to figure out a way to sneak her out of here. | 我们得想个法子把她偷出来 |
| [03:38] | Well, Mom, they’re gonna know it was us who took her. | 妈 人家一猜就知道是我们偷的 |
| [03:41] | So… | 那 |
| [03:42] | we’ll hide her. | 我们就把她藏起来 |
| [03:43] | Maw Maw deserves to live out her days in her own home, | 奶奶就该在自己家安度晚年 |
| [03:46] | surrounded by her loving family, | 和她亲爱的家人一起 |
| [03:48] | who is hiding her in the attic. | 虽然得把她藏在阁楼里 |
| [03:50] | – It certainly worked for Anne Frank. – See? | -安妮·弗兰克就是这么过来的 -看 |
| [03:52] | Worked for Sabrina’s friend, and it’ll work now. | 塞布丽娜的朋友都可以 奶奶也能行 |
| [03:54] | It’s time for this family to sack up. | 全家总动员的时刻到来了 |
| [03:57] | We’re breaking her out of this hellhole. | 我们要把奶奶从水深火热中拯救出来 |
| [04:02] | So far we have figured out | 目前我们已经确定好 |
| [04:04] | which random household item will represent each one of us. | 哪件家用品代表哪个人了 |
| [04:07] | And I still don’t think | 我还是不觉得 |
| [04:09] | it’s funny that you made me the nutcracker. | 你用胡桃夹子代表我这事很好笑 |
| [04:10] | Oh, it’s not what you think. | 不是你想得那样 |
| [04:12] | It has nothing to do with that creepy vacant stare you do. | 又不是讽刺你那空洞又诡异的眼神 |
| [04:14] | We just chose that because you’re always | 是说你总 |
| [04:16] | breaking Jimmy’s balls. | 夹破吉米的蛋蛋 |
| [04:20] | There’s the stare. | 又来了 |
| [04:21] | Jimmy! | 吉米 |
| [04:21] | And there’s the crunch. | 就是这种狠劲 |
| [04:23] | Okay. Does anybody actually have a plan? | 够 所以说到底想出计划了没有 |
| [04:25] | I do. | 我想出来了 |
| [04:27] | I have the perfect plan. | 保证万无一失 |
| [04:30] | 第42届格莱美颁奖夜 詹妮弗著名的绿色雪纺礼服 | |
| [04:30] | Sabrina, wearing the J.Lo Grammy dress, | 我们让塞布丽娜穿上詹妮弗·洛佩兹的格莱美战袍 |
| [04:33] | will use her feminine wiles to distract the security guard. | 色诱保安 |
| [04:43] | Then I’ll stroll in, | 然后就我来 |
| [04:45] | dressed as the handsome cable repairman to the stars, | 扮成全宇宙最帅电缆工出场 |
| [04:47] | Bulk Masterson. | 化名伯克·马斯特森 |
| [04:59] | Once inside, we’ll disengage the security cameras, | 进门首先就要解除监控设备 |
| [05:06] | which will allow time for Virginia and Jimmy to make their move. | 为维吉妮亚和吉米争取行动时间 |
| [05:10] | They’ll be dressed as food delivery people | 他们将扮成送餐员 |
| [05:11] | to deliver 75 red velvet cupcakes. | 派送75个红丝绒纸杯蛋糕 |
| [05:19] | 74 of those cupcakes | 其中74个蛋糕 |
| [05:20] | will contain knockout drops that I’ve personally made | 含有我自制的迷药 |
| [05:23] | from chamomile tea, antihistamines, | 成分包括甘菊茶 抗组胺剂 |
| [05:25] | and pharmaceutical grade horse tranquilizers. | 以及医药级马匹镇静剂 |
| [05:35] | The 75th cupcake is the one Maw Maw will eat. | 余下一个蛋糕是给奶奶的 |
| [05:38] | You’ll know it by the initials M.M. | 上面标了MM以防混淆 |
| [06:04] | If something goes wrong, | 如遇突发状况 |
| [06:05] | Jimmy’s cart will also be loaded with a tray of pies | 吉米的推车上有一盘派 |
| [06:08] | that will have guns baked into them. | 里面藏了把枪 |
| [06:15] | Okay. I guess I just love Maw Maw more than you. | 只能说你没我那么爱奶奶了 |
| [06:18] | Who are you kidding? | 想忽悠谁啊 |
| [06:20] | This is about you getting to lick the bowl | 你不过是想蹭那 |
| [06:22] | after I bake 75 cupcakes. | 75只小蛋糕的边角料而已 |
| [06:24] | Well, if you’re gonna throw the baby out with the bathwater… | 你这就得不偿失了 |
| [06:26] | Sometimes I wish I’d never given you | 看来那本印着每日金句的日历 |
| [06:28] | that phrase-of-the-day calendar. | 我算是白给你了 |
| [06:29] | Measure once, cut twice, Virginia. | 三思而后行啊 维吉妮亚 |
| [06:32] | Here’s what we’re gonna do: | 还是听我的 |
| [06:33] | Jimmy, do you still have all your stupid magic supplies? | 吉米 你那套白痴魔术道具还在吗 |
| [06:37] | Oh, no, they’re not magic. | 那不是魔术哦 |
| [06:38] | They’re illusions. | 是幻象 |
| [06:47] | They’re under my bed. | 在我床底 |
| [06:55] | I’m not saying it’s not uncomfortable, | 我也觉得难受 |
| [06:57] | I’m just saying it’s doable. | 但也只有这样才可行 |
| [07:00] | A bottle of water, a couple adult diapers… | 这儿有瓶水 还有几片成人尿布 |
| [07:02] | With enough postage, we could finally | 只要攒够邮费 |
| [07:03] | take that dream vacation to Hershey, Pennsylvania. | 心心念念的宾夕法尼亚好时之旅不再遥不可及 |
| [07:05] | But how are we gonna fit back in the box | 可是吃了那么多巧克力 |
| [07:07] | after we eat all that chocolate? | 我们还挤得进来吗 |
| [07:09] | Nope, there is no Amazing Jimmy on the list. | 名单上没有”奇才吉米”这个人 |
| [07:13] | And I’ve gotten into a lot of trouble lately | 而且最近我因为把关太松 |
| [07:15] | for letting people in. | 连续被打劫 |
| [07:16] | We’ve had a whole string of robberies. | 我可挨了不少批 |
| [07:19] | Well, the truth of it is, is… | 事实上 |
| [07:23] | I was on the list, | 我的名字本来在名单上 |
| [07:24] | but I made my name disappear. | 但我把它变没了 |
| [07:32] | How’d you do that? | 你是怎么做到的 |
| [07:35] | Well, you go right on in, buddy. | 进去吧 兄弟 |
| [07:37] | They’re gonna love you. | 你会大受欢迎的 |
| [07:39] | Oh, man. I’m glad neither one of us is claustrophobic. | 幸好我俩都没有幽闭恐惧症 |
| [07:42] | I know. It’s bad enough that there’s not enough air | 是啊 缺氧环境下 |
| [07:44] | and the walls are closing in on me. | 又是黑压压的一片 太恐怖了 |
| [07:57] | I got a lot more sympathy for those illegal immigrants. | 我现在无比同情非法移民 |
| [07:59] | It was tight in there. | 里面真小 |
| [08:01] | Now I know why conjoined twins hate each other. | 终于明白连体婴儿为什么互相厌恶了 |
| [08:04] | Is that true? | 真的吗 |
| [08:05] | Has to be. | 一定是 |
| [08:06] | All right. Let’s go save Maw Maw. | 好啦 拯救奶奶芭芭拉行动启动 |
| [08:11] | You ready? | 准备好了吗 |
| [08:12] | Let’s do this. | 行动 |
| [08:37] | Attention, nursing home staff, | 养老院的各位 请注意 |
| [08:39] | we are about to make a resident announcement. | 下面播报一则通知 |
| [08:42] | Attention, residents! | 住客们请注意 |
| [08:44] | There will be a magic show in the auxiliary room! | 活动室将上演一场精彩绝伦的魔术表演 |
| [08:47] | A magic show! | 魔术表演 |
| [08:50] | There she is. | 找到她了 |
| [08:52] | Boring. | 无聊 |
| [08:53] | Boring. | 真无聊 |
| [08:55] | Ooh, that’s good. Oh. | 这个好 |
| [08:57] | Oh my God… | 神啊 |
| [08:58] | they blend all their food into smoothies! | 他们把所有食物都打成了糊 |
| [09:03] | Oh, man. | 娘亲啊 |
| [09:04] | If people knew this is what they were in store for, | 要是他们知道自己喝的是什么 |
| [09:06] | they’d never bother flossing. | 就再也不用担心剔牙了 |
| [09:07] | Focus, Burt. | 别打岔 伯特 |
| [09:08] | Jimmy knows six magic tricks. | 吉米只会六个魔术 |
| [09:10] | That only leaves us about ten minutes | 所以我们只有10分钟的时间 |
| [09:11] | to sneak Maw Maw out of here. | 带奶奶溜走 |
| [09:13] | Oh, their bowel movements must be smooth as butter. | 这下肠滑得跟菊花上抹了黄油似的了 |
| [09:15] | Thanks for ruining butter for me. | 谢谢你啊 我再也不吃黄油了 |
| [09:24] | I’m gonna need a volunteer from the audience. | 我们需要一位观众上台互动 |
| [09:27] | Jimmy, we didn’t practice with a volunteer. | 吉米 我们没准备互动环节 |
| [09:29] | Oh, I’ve been thinking about it. | 我一直在琢磨 |
| [09:30] | I think the reason that | 为什么 |
| [09:31] | everybody in my family’s losing it is because | 我们全家都疯疯癫癫的 |
| [09:33] | we’re all doing something wrong. | 一定是我们做事的方式不对 |
| [09:35] | So I need to find an old person who’s still sharp | 所以我想找个这么大年纪脑子还好使的老人 |
| [09:38] | so I can ask them what they did right. | 问问他生命的真谛 |
| [09:40] | That’s a good idea. | 好主意 |
| [09:43] | How about you, sir? | 就这位先生了 |
| [09:44] | I bid ten dollars. | 我出10美元 |
| [09:45] | Okay, not you. | 算了 |
| [09:46] | You… lady. | 那位女士 |
| [09:48] | I love grapes! | 我喜欢吃葡萄 |
| [09:51] | Sit down. | 请坐 |
| [09:54] | That’s the best lasagna I ever drank. | 这是我喝过最美味的烤宽面条 |
| [09:57] | Hey, he’s leaving. He’s leaving. This is our chance | 他走了他走了 机会来了 |
| [10:03] | Maw Maw. | 奶奶 |
| [10:04] | Maw Maw. | 奶奶 |
| [10:06] | It’s us. | 是我们 |
| [10:07] | We’re here to bust you out of here. | 我们来救你了 |
| [10:09] | Oh, great. Oh. | 太好了 |
| [10:11] | But my… my mask seems to be stuck. | 但我的面具好像卡住了 |
| [10:20] | Aliens! | 外星人 |
| [10:22] | It’s the aliens! | 是外星人 |
| [10:24] | They’ve come to make us young. | 他们来帮我们返老还童 |
| [10:27] | Take us to the cocoons. | 给我们也织个茧吧 |
| [10:30] | Aliens, aliens, aliens… | 外星人 外星人 外星人 |
| [10:34] | Aliens! Aliens! | 看 有外星人 外星人 |
| [10:34] | Aliens! … | 外星人 |
| [10:38] | Aliens! … | 外星人 |
| [10:42] | A-Any more volunteers? | 还有志愿者吗 |
| [10:44] | Bingo! I have bingo! | 哦耶 我赢啦 |
| [10:48] | Hey, kid, if you’re not gonna do a trick soon, | 孩子 你再不赶紧表演个把戏 |
| [10:51] | I’m gonna go chat up | 我就要去跟新来的 |
| [10:52] | that crazy new broad they brought in. | 那个疯婆娘搭讪了 |
| [10:55] | Word is she’ll do anything for taffy. | 据说一颗太妃糖就能牵着她鼻子走 |
| [10:58] | Wait, do you know your name and where you are? | 等等 你知道自己的姓名以及身处何地 |
| [11:02] | Henry. And I’m at the worst magic show ever. | 我叫亨利 正在看史上最烂魔术秀 |
| [11:04] | Yeah, he knows exactly where he is. | 很好 他很清楚状况嘛 |
| [11:06] | May I ask you a question? | 能问你一个问题吗 |
| [11:08] | See, I’ve been trying to find an old person | 我一直想找一个 |
| [11:09] | who hasn’t lost their marbles so I can ask ’em, | 脑筋清醒的老人 因为我想问问 |
| [11:12] | “How’d you do it?” | “你怎么这么清醒” |
| [11:13] | Good genes and crossword puzzles. | 良好的基因和填字游戏 |
| [11:16] | Puzzles and pants, got it. | 智力游戏加短裤嘛 明白了 |
| [11:18] | Any chance you’re ever gonna get that kid | 你到底还要不要把那孩子 |
| [11:20] | out of the trunk or what? | 从箱子里变出来 |
| [11:31] | How did you do that? | 你怎么做到的 |
| [11:32] | Unlike you, I used to be a magician. | 跟你这冒牌货不一样 我以前是正牌魔术师 |
| [11:39] | All right, everyone, | 好了 各位 |
| [11:40] | time for some afternoon roughage. | 该吃午后粗粮餐啦 |
| [11:43] | Those of you who have trouble getting around, | 行动不便的同志 |
| [11:45] | might want to start towards the bathroom as you’re eating. | 可以边吃边向卫生间进军了 |
| [11:48] | Great, this is just the distraction we need. | 很好 我们可以趁乱行动了 |
| [11:50] | Remember what happened the last time we tried to get Maw Maw | 还记得上次我们让奶奶 |
| [11:52] | to eat something other than pickles for lunch? | 午餐时吃点泡菜之外的东西吗 |
| [11:55] | Go get the trunk. | 快去搬箱子 |
| [11:56] | I want pickles. | 我要泡菜 |
| [11:58] | These are pickles. | 这就是泡菜呀 |
| [11:59] | They’re Japanese pickles. | 是日本泡菜哟 |
| [12:03] | The Japanese. | 小日本 |
| [12:04] | First they shrank the car, now they made pickles orange. | 他们先是生产迷你车 现在又做橙色泡菜 |
| [12:09] | I love those clever little bastards. | 爱死这些聪明的小鬼子了 |
| [12:13] | I can’t believe it. | 简直无法相信 |
| [12:14] | It was hard to admit, but people in the nursing home | 尽管我不愿承认 但养老院的工作人员 |
| [12:17] | knew a lot of tricks for taking care | 比我们更懂 |
| [12:19] | of old people that we didn’t. | 搞定老人的的小花招 |
| [12:20] | And their ways weren’t just easier, | 他们的方法不仅更简单 |
| [12:23] | they were a lot cheaper. | 而且更廉价 |
| [12:29] | God! | 你妹啊 |
| [12:30] | At home, Maw Maw liked to bite people | 在家时 一给奶奶喂药 |
| [12:32] | when they tried to give her her pills. | 她就咬人 |
| [12:34] | So, Burt would have to use a bunch of our hot sauce | 所以伯特得用一堆辣酱 |
| [12:36] | to get the job done. | 才能完成任务 |
| [12:42] | Aah, ooh, oh, God. | 辣死姐了 |
| [12:44] | But the nursing home people actually made it fun. | 而养老院的工作人员却让一切变得有趣 |
| [12:47] | And they didn’t waste a taco night’s worth of hot sauce. | 而且又没浪费够吃整晚墨西哥卷饼的辣酱 |
| [12:50] | Neck candy. | 脖子里的糖豆豆 |
| [12:54] | And when Maw Maw decided to play | 当奶奶决定弹奏 |
| [12:56] | “The Chinese Torture Song…” | 义勇军折磨曲的时候 |
| [13:08] | Time to wrap this up. | 该把她裹起来了 |
| [13:09] | We had our way of dealing with it. | 我们有解决之道 |
| [13:13] | And in doing so, we wasted 20-sandwiches-worth of plastic wrap. | 为此 我们浪费了够包20个三明治的保鲜膜 |
| [13:18] | But they figured out a way to change the station. | 但他们却找到更好的解决方法 |
| [13:38] | Okay, hello, everyone! | 大家好 |
| [13:40] | The therapy animals are all being moved | 做治疗的宠物都被移回 |
| [13:43] | into the auxiliary room and guess who just got certified? | 辅助间了 猜猜谁拿到证书啦 |
| [13:47] | Meet Dr. Muffin, Purr-H.D. | 参见我们的松饼博士 当当 人文学博士哟 |
| [13:52] | And my mother said I’d never end up with a doctor. | 老妈还说我这辈子都不可能跟博士有一毛钱关系 |
| [13:59] | Jimmy’s bringing the van around back. | 吉米正把车开到屋后就位 |
| [14:01] | Let’s do this. | 行动吧 |
| [14:03] | We can’t take her, Burt. | 我们不能带走她 伯特 |
| [14:05] | The staff here is so much better with Maw Maw than I am. | 奶奶待在这比在我身边好多了 |
| [14:08] | I think I just lost patience over the years | 这些年来 我渐渐失去耐心 |
| [14:10] | and started treating her crappy. | 简单粗暴地对待她 |
| [14:14] | I owe it to her to let her stay. | 我该让她留在这儿 |
| [14:17] | Well, I know it’s hard, but you’re doing the right thing. | 我知道这很不好受 但你做得对 |
| [14:21] | We’ll come visit her every day. | 我们会每天都来看她的 |
| [14:23] | Or every week. | 或者每个星期 |
| [14:25] | Unless we’re tired or busy. | 除非实在太累或太忙 |
| [14:28] | We’ll try, that’s the important thing. | 我们会尽力的 这才是重点 |
| [14:34] | Keep an eye on your husband, sweetheart. | 看好你老公 亲爱的 |
| [14:37] | I’m horny and I don’t play by the rules. | 姐淫荡得很 不守妇道 |
| [14:40] | I’m not wearing any diapers. | 人家没有穿尿不湿哦 |
| [14:46] | Did you hear what she just said? | 你听见她刚才说的话了吗 |
| [14:48] | I told you we didn’t have to wear diapers. | 就说我们根本不用穿尿不湿的 |
| [14:49] | Yeah, and I’m starting to feel a little self-conscious. | 对 我开始有点不舒服了 |
| [15:01] | I’m a crazy old lady. | 我是个疯癫的老妇人 |
| [15:03] | Hey, who are you? | 你是哪位 |
| [15:05] | You get out of my house. | 滚出我家 |
| [15:07] | I appreciate you trying to help, really. | 感谢你的帮助 真的 |
| [15:09] | But, this isn’t going to make me stop missing Maw Maw. | 但我对奶奶的思念 斩不断 理还乱 |
| [15:13] | You really miss her, huh? | 你真的很想念她吗 |
| [15:14] | She’s only been at the nursing home a week | 她只在养老院待了一周 |
| [15:16] | and they take better care of her than we ever have. | 他们就能把她照顾好 我们望尘莫及 |
| [15:18] | And this is where our guests take their meals. | 这里就是我们的宴客间 |
| [15:22] | Feel free to dine with “Al fresco.” | 跟”户外运动者”吃饭别拘谨噢 |
| [15:25] | Unless that means “Naked.” | 除非他同时还是裸着的 |
| [15:26] | I’m not exactly sure, I just, uh, copied some stuff | 我不太确定 我只是从 |
| [15:28] | out of a fancy motel pamphlet. | 一个高档酒店的宣传册上抄了点东西 |
| [15:30] | Speaking of which, can I see that indoor toilet | 说到这个 我可以看一下 |
| [15:32] | you wrote so much about? | 你巨幅描写的室内厕所吗 |
| [15:33] | Yeah, right down the hall. | 可以 就在走廊尽头哟 |
| [15:36] | What’s going on? | 什么情况 |
| [15:37] | I told you. | 我告诉过你 |
| [15:37] | I’m turning Maw Maw’s room into a bed and breakfast. | 我在把奶奶的房间改造成家庭旅馆 |
| [15:39] | The guy needs a place to stay for the holidays. | 这家伙需要个假期能待的地儿 |
| [15:41] | And, apparently, he got most of the blood I donated last year, | 而且我去年献的血大部分都用在这孩子身上 |
| [15:44] | so we’re practically related. | 所以严格说来 我们是有血缘关系的 |
| [15:45] | What’s he paying you with? | 他给了你什么好处 |
| [15:46] | This shirt. | 一件T恤 |
| [15:48] | Plus, he pinky promised | 而且我们拉过勾了 |
| [15:49] | if he ever finds a bag of money | 要是他在树林里 |
| [15:50] | in the woods, I get half. | 发现了什么宝贝都会和我平分 |
| [15:52] | You sure he wasn’t crossing his fingers? | 你确定他没耍赖 |
| [15:53] | He did the first time, but I made him do it again. | 一开始他是想糊弄我 但我又让他重拉了一次 |
| [16:02] | How’s the crossword puzzle going? | 字谜填的怎么样了 |
| [16:03] | Not good. | 不怎么样 |
| [16:04] | I mean, it’s just so hard. | 太难了 |
| [16:06] | I don’t know how the geniuses at TV Guide make these things. | 《电视指南》里的那些神人是怎么捣鼓出这玩意儿的 |
| [16:08] | Well, I wouldn’t beat yourself up too much. | 别难过了 |
| [16:10] | Your TV only gets two channels. | 你们家的电视也就俩频道 |
| [16:14] | Hello? | 你好 |
| [16:15] | I’m not sure how to say this. | 我真不知道如何开口 |
| [16:17] | I have some bad news about your grandmother. | 但你们家奶奶的情况不太好 |
| [16:20] | Oh, no. | 天啊 不是吧 |
| [16:22] | She’s gone, isn’t she? | 她仙逝了 是吗 |
| [16:23] | Oh, she’s gone all right. | 不 她精神着呢 |
| [16:25] | She’s gone bat-crap crazy. | 发疯了一样上蹿下跳 |
| [16:29] | I thought I’d seen everything here. | 我以为我在这儿已经够见多识广的了 |
| [16:30] | I lived through the great Senior Syphilis Epidemic of ’08, | 我都熬过了08年的梅毒大传染 |
| [16:35] | but I never thought I’d see a hostage situation. | 但没想到这辈子还有机会见识人质挟持案 |
| [16:37] | She took people hostage? | 奶奶挟持了人质吗 |
| [16:38] | Worse! she’s barricaded herself in the animal therapy lounge. | 比这糟多了 她把自己反锁在动物疗养室 |
| [16:44] | How many times do I have to mark my territory | 跟你们说了多少遍 这是我的地盘 |
| [16:47] | for you filthy cats? | 你们这群脏猫 |
| [16:50] | This is my side of the room. | 这块地是老娘的 |
| [16:51] | What happened? | 出什么事了 |
| [16:52] | She seemed so happy the last time we were here. | 上次我们来的时候 她还很开心的样子 |
| [16:55] | When were you here? | 你什么时候来过 |
| [16:56] | I’ll ask the questions. | 是我该质问你 |
| [16:58] | What got her so upset? | 你们怎么把她惹毛的 |
| [16:59] | The residents had just finished their turkey | 老人们当时刚刚吃完火鸡 |
| [17:01] | and stuffing smoothies and then, it was time for dessert, | 喝完饮料 接着甜点就上来了 |
| [17:03] | and then somebody ate the last piece of taffy. | 然后有人把最后一颗太妃糖给吃了 |
| [17:05] | What? You never want to take away this woman’s taffy. | 什么 永远不要动奶奶的糖 |
| [17:08] | Not unless you got a handful of circus peanuts. | 除非你拿一捧花生跟她换 |
| [17:09] | But we didn’t know that. | 我们哪知道啊 |
| [17:12] | Whoa, whoa, now you’ve had enough taffy, Barbara June. | 哇哇哇 你今天吃得够多了 芭芭拉·琼 |
| [17:15] | Let’s give the last piece to someone else. | 不如把最后一块让给别人吧 |
| [17:19] | Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down, Barbara June. | 哇哇哇 芭芭拉·琼 冷静点 |
| [17:22] | Why, why? | 为什么 为什么这么对我 |
| [17:24] | Why don’t we just relax | 放轻松 |
| [17:26] | and watch some fish, hmm? | 咱们来看看鱼吧 |
| [17:33] | No, don’t scare the clown fish. | 不要吓着小丑鱼 |
| [17:35] | They’re very sensitive. | 他们可胆小了 |
| [17:43] | Candy, candy, candy. | 糖来了 糖来了 |
| [17:44] | I have candy. | 我这里有糖 |
| [17:45] | Yum, yum. | 很好吃的哦 |
| [17:47] | That’s not candy. | 这不是糖 |
| [17:48] | That’s generic Thorazine. | 这是镇静剂 |
| [17:54] | And then she barricaded herself in the animal therapy lounge. | 之后就她把自己锁在动物疗养室里了 |
| [17:57] | You! | 你 |
| [17:58] | You’re the one who stuck me in this hellhole. | 就是你把我困在这个鬼地方的 |
| [18:04] | Which cat is yours? | 哪一只是你的猫啊 |
| [18:06] | None of them. | 没一只是我的 |
| [18:07] | I would never bring my cat here, never. | 我才不会把自己猫猫带过来呢 从不 |
| [18:18] | Oh, God, please, don’t hurt my Muffin! | 上帝啊 千万不要伤害我的松饼 |
| [18:23] | How could she hurt your… | 她怎么伤害你的 |
| [18:25] | My cat, my cat’s name is Muffin. | 那是我的猫 我的猫猫叫松饼 |
| [18:32] | Anything you want to say before I disprove the whole | 我马上就要终结猫有九条命这个大谎言 |
| [18:35] | nine lives theory? | 你还有什么想说的吗 |
| [18:38] | Oh, God, you people need to do something! | 天啊 快帮帮我 |
| [18:39] | Get in there and stop her before she hurts my Muffin. | 快进去阻止她 别让她伤害我家松饼 |
| [18:42] | I’m really gonna need you to just say cat. | 我觉得你还是说咪咪比较好 |
| [18:44] | I don’t care what you do to that woman, | 我不管你用什么手段对付这个疯婆子 |
| [18:46] | just save my cat. | 只要把我的咪咪救出来就行 |
| [18:47] | I’ll be honest with you– a balance beam accident left me | 老实跟你们说吧 我以前从平衡木上掉下来过 |
| [18:50] | with a tilted uterus, and Muffin is as close to a child | 所以我的子宫易位了 松饼对我来说 |
| [18:53] | as I’ll ever have. | 就像是我的孩子一样 |
| [18:55] | You heard the lady. | 你们都听到了 |
| [18:57] | We got the green light, people. | 我们可以撒手干一场了 |
| [18:59] | It’s go time. | 上 |
| [19:43] | Muffin! | 松饼 |
| [19:45] | Aah, aah, Mexican no-no sauce. | 要命 是墨西哥变态辣酱 |
| [19:48] | Aah, aah! | 不 不 |
| [19:49] | Oh, God, aah, aah! | 天啊 辣死了 |
| [20:05] | Oh… finally… | 终于 |
| [20:08] | somebody who knows how to control me. | 有人能制得住我了 |
| [20:14] | Even that stupid do-gooder | 现在连那个很傻很天真的老好人 |
| [20:15] | with the dumb-looking cat had to admit, | 和她那只神情呆滞的猫咪都承认 |
| [20:17] | everyone would be better off if Maw Maw went home. | 奶奶能搬回家 所有人都松一口气 |
| [20:23] | Of course, that did mean that Natesville’s | 不过 纳什维尔的 |
| [20:25] | only one-star bed and breakfast would have to close down. | 一星酒店不得不关门大吉了 |
| [20:30] | Awkward. | 囧 |
| [20:34] | And since Maw Maw was expecting a Thanksgiving Dinner | 奶奶一直很盼望万圣节的晚宴 |
| [20:37] | we gave her one. | 于是我们给她办了一场 |
| [20:38] | Plus we decided to try some of the tricks we learned | 而且我们也开始尝试一些 |
| [20:40] | from the folks at the nursing home. | 从疗养院那里学来的法子 |
| [20:42] | Maw Maw? | 奶奶 |
| [20:50] | Instead of grabbing the Saran Wrap, hot sauce | 奶奶吵得人不得安生的时候 |
| [20:52] | and spray bottle every time Maw Maw started to annoy us, | 我们也不再用塑料膜 辣酱和喷瓶了 |
| [20:55] | we got a little more creative with our solutions. | 而是与时俱进 不断创新 |
| [21:01] | Things around the house actually got a little more peaceful | 家里的一切都在变得愈发和谐 |
| [21:04] | and on those rare occasions | 偶尔的偶尔 |
| [21:05] | where we had to bring out the big guns, | 我们才会使出那些杀伤性武器 |
| [21:07] | well, sometimes that’s just what family has to do. | 特殊情况特殊对待嘛 |
| [21:11] | Your damn pet monkey stole the last piece of taffy. | 你养的小臭猴偷了我最后一块糖 |
| [21:18] | And nothing says family | 当你八十六岁的外祖母 |
| [21:19] | like squirting your 86-year-old grandmother in the face so she | 要用火炉锹打你的孙女的时候 |
| [21:22] | won’t hit your granddaughter with a fireplace poker. | 小喷一下 无可厚非 |
| [21:26] | Tune in next week for the exciting conclusion. | 欢迎下周收看精彩的大结局 |
| [21:31] | Just kidding. | 开玩笑的 |
| [21:32] | No, you can’t stretch this crap into a three-parter. | 这破剧要是还拍成三部曲 谁会看啊 |