| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:04] | We found some extra Halloween boxes. | 又发现了几箱万圣节的东西 |
| [00:06] | And by the way, your kid is still screaming for her num-num. | 还有 你的娃还在哭着喊着要奶嘴 |
| [00:10] | Seriously, Jimmy, | 我说真的 吉米 |
| [00:12] | either she gets her pacifier or I get a sedative. | 给她奶嘴 要不就给我镇静剂 |
| [00:14] | One of us is gonna be addicted to something, you choose. | 我俩总得有一个变成瘾君子的 选吧 |
| [00:16] | The book said to try and go cold-turkey | 书上说如果别招都不管用 |
| [00:18] | if nothing else works, and nothing else has worked. | 就试试不鸟她 别招也确实都不管用 |
| [00:24] | See? Doesn’t Daddy look silly with… | 你瞧 你爹含着奶嘴是不是傻 |
| [00:33] | I think we should look at the pros and cons | 我们可以先讨论一下 |
| [00:34] | of not giving Hope her num-num. | 不给她咬奶嘴的利弊 |
| [00:36] | The pro, she’s learning to take care of herself. | 利是 她能学着自己照顾自己 |
| [00:38] | Con, she’ll start sucking her thumb, mess up her teeth, | 弊是 她改吸拇指 害牙长不好 |
| [00:40] | end up going to Winter Formal with her gay best friend | 多年后的冬季舞会只有好基友相伴 |
| [00:42] | because nobody asked the girl with massive braces and headgear. | 因为没人会邀请头戴矫正器的牙套妹 |
| [00:46] | I’ll get her the pacifier. | 我马上去拿奶嘴 |
| [00:49] | Speaking of pros and cons, | 说到利与弊[又有警察与罪犯之意] |
| [00:52] | what if I dress as a pro | 不如我扮女警 |
| [00:55] | and you can go… as a con. | 你扮罪犯 |
| [00:58] | Yeah, and you could hit me with this old rubber nightstick. | 你还可以用这条橡皮警棍抽我 |
| [01:02] | Wait a minute. | 等一下 |
| [01:03] | These aren’t costumes. | 这些不是万圣节戏服 |
| [01:05] | This is Maw Maw and Paw Paw’s old sex box! | 是奶奶跟爷爷的情趣箱 |
| [01:26] | Hey, I found a couple “C” Batteries in Maw Maw’s sex box. | 我在奶奶的情趣箱里找到了几个二号电池 |
| [01:28] | We can finally play electronic Battleship. | 我们终于可以玩电子战舰游戏啦 |
| [01:30] | And you made mice-mallows? | 你还做了棉鼠糖 |
| [01:33] | I don’t care what those guys running for president say, | 我才不听那些总统竞选人瞎扯 |
| [01:35] | this is the best country in the world. | 这就是全世界最好的国家 |
| [01:37] | Sorry, Burt, I can’t play Battleship with you. | 抱歉 伯特 我不能跟你玩战舰游戏 |
| [01:39] | It’s Bunko night. | 今晚该轮玩骰宝了[骰子游戏] |
| [01:41] | But last Thursday was Bunko night. | 上周四晚不也是骰宝之夜吗 |
| [01:42] | Every Thursday’s Bunko night. | 每周四晚都是骰宝之夜啊 |
| [01:44] | Every Thursday? Forever? | 从今往后每个周四 每个 |
| [01:46] | You’ll be okay. | 你会习惯的 |
| [01:47] | Here. Have a mice-mallow. | 来 吃个棉鼠糖 |
| [02:01] | – Feel better? – A little bit. | -开心点没 -一点点 |
| [02:05] | E-5. | E-5格 |
| [02:11] | Miss. | 未击中 |
| [02:32] | B-4. | B-4格 |
| [02:34] | Miss. | 未击中 |
| [02:34] | Do you know anything about gay people? | 你对同性恋群体知道些啥不 |
| [02:37] | I think sometimes they like to wear handkerchiefs. | 他们好像挺爱带手帕 |
| [02:40] | Okay. I can work with that. | 好吧 这我行 |
| [02:43] | Do you need to… | 你需要 |
| [02:44] | buy a handkerchief? | 买手帕吗 |
| [02:46] | – What? No. – ‘Cause it’d be cool if you did. | -啥 才不要 -买了我也不介意哟 |
| [02:48] | No, Sabrina has this gay friend, Jordan, | 不是 塞布丽娜有个基佬朋友叫乔丹 |
| [02:50] | and every time he and his boyfriend come to town, | 他跟他男人每次过来玩 |
| [02:52] | I end up looking like an idiot. | 我总表现像傻缺一样 |
| [02:57] | It’s like our drama teacher from eighth grade, remember? | 跟我们八年级时的戏剧老师一样 记得吗 |
| [03:00] | Mr. K– he was always talking about his mystery wife. | K老师嘛 总爱说他的神秘老婆 |
| [03:02] | We called her Mrs. Beard. | 我们都叫她胡子姐 |
| [03:04] | Well, guess where I ran into him. | 猜猜我在哪碰见他了 |
| [03:06] | It starts with “Fire” and it ends with “Island.” | 第一个字是火 第二字是岛喔 |
| [03:08] | Oh, you’re so bad! | 你太坏了 |
| [03:10] | Oh, James looks lost. | 詹姆士好像听不懂 |
| [03:12] | No. I… | 我 我懂啊 |
| [03:14] | Your teacher’s wife had some unfortunate facial hair, | 你们师母悲剧地脸上长了胡子 |
| [03:16] | and then he ended up on a burning island. | 然后去了一个在燃烧的岛 |
| [03:20] | Uh, no, we just had a… | 不 是我们的老师他 |
| [03:21] | teacher who’s obviously gay who refused to come out. | 明明是基 又死不肯出柜 |
| [03:24] | Oh, I get it. Yeah, it’s stupid | 原来如此啊 那样是很蠢 |
| [03:26] | when a gay guy tries to act like a normal person. | 明明是基佬 还装正常人 |
| [03:30] | Jimmy. | 吉米 |
| [03:32] | I did it again? | 我又说错话啦 |
| [03:34] | – That’s offensive? – You didn’t know that, either? | -这也算冒犯 -你也不知道啊 |
| [03:36] | How am I supposed to know that? I don’t know any gay people. | 我哪可能知道 我又没有同性恋朋友 |
| [03:38] | When I watch Will & Grace, I’d fall asleep. | 每次我看《威尔与格蕾丝》都打瞌睡 |
| [03:41] | Till that lady with the squeaky voice came on. | 然后被里面的尖嗓子女人吵醒 |
| [03:43] | Is it weird that we don’t really know any gay people? | 我们不认识任何同性恋是不是很奇怪啊 |
| [03:46] | We clean pools and cut lawns. | 我们是清理泳池打理草坪的 |
| [03:48] | There’s not a lot of gay guys in that profession. | 这种职业里可没什么同性恋 |
| [03:50] | It’s not like we’ve been avoiding them. | 我们又没有刻意避开他们 |
| [03:51] | I guess that’s true. | 有道理 |
| [03:53] | But it doesn’t help me not look like an idiot. | 可又不能帮我不犯傻 |
| [03:55] | And they’re staying with her again this week. | 他们这周又要来找她玩了 |
| [03:57] | You know what you should do? You should go to a gay bar. | 给你支个招 去同性恋酒吧 |
| [04:00] | Wait. What? | 啥 |
| [04:01] | You need to find out what’s okay to say and not to say, | 你得搞清什么能说 什么不能说 |
| [04:03] | and what all these words mean. | 还有那些同性恋用语啥意思 |
| [04:06] | It’s like how I used | 像我以前 |
| [04:07] | to have nothing to say to Cockney Carl | 跟伦敦佬卡尔也没话聊 |
| [04:08] | while he was repairing my mower. | 他帮我修割草机时总冷场 |
| [04:10] | Then I learned some Cockney rhyming slang. | 后来学了点伦敦话 |
| [04:12] | Na we can rabbit and pork aw the nickel and dime. | 现在我们就能乱七八糟聊个不停了 |
| [04:15] | Yeah, would you come with me? | 那你能陪我去吗 |
| [04:18] | I have always wanted to know what goes on in those places. | 我倒是一直都好奇里面都在干嘛 |
| [04:21] | Who buys the drinks? | 谁请谁喝酒呢 |
| [04:22] | Do they have a women’s bathroom, | 里面有女士卫生间吗 |
| [04:24] | or just twice as many urinals? | 还是放了两倍的小便斗呢 |
| [04:26] | If you say to the bartender, “I’m in the mood for some nuts,” | 如果你对酒保说 我想来点坚果[蛋蛋] |
| [04:29] | what do you get? | 他会给你啥呢 |
| [04:30] | When you think about it, I’m super gay-curious. | 仔细想想 我对基佬还真好奇 |
| [04:33] | Aw, but I’m right in the middle of a game. | 但我游戏还没玩完呢 |
| [04:35] | Against yourself? | 自己战自己吗 |
| [04:36] | I’m very evenly matched. I’m guaranteed to win. | 两方旗鼓相当 我必然会赢 |
| [04:38] | I’m the perfect opponent. | 我真是完美的对手 |
| [04:39] | You’re also guaranteed to lose. | 但你也必然会输 |
| [04:41] | True. I hate losing. | 也对 人家最讨厌输了 |
| [04:43] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [04:45] | I offer myself a draw. | 我对自己提议和局 |
| [04:47] | Draw accepted. | 同意和局 |
| [04:50] | Let’s go. | 走吧 |
| [05:00] | What? | 哼哧什么 |
| [05:01] | I don’t know. | 说不上 |
| [05:02] | I assumed there’d be more… | 我还以为会有很多 |
| [05:04] | hot pants. | 紧身裤 |
| [05:06] | Burt? | 伯特 |
| [05:07] | Steve! | 史蒂夫 |
| [05:08] | Guy! | 阿男 |
| [05:10] | What are the odds that two other straight… | 在这里碰巧遇到两个直男多不容… |
| [05:12] | Wait a minute. | 等等 |
| [05:14] | Are you telling me my wholesale flower vendors are gay? | 我的花朵供应商原来是基佬 |
| [05:18] | Guilty. | 矮油 |
| [05:19] | What are you doing here? Are you… | 你来这里干嘛 难道你也 |
| [05:21] | No, my son’s nervous to meet someone, | 不是啦 我儿子有点害羞 |
| [05:23] | so I just thought I’d offer support. | 所以我就来这给他打气 |
| [05:25] | Oh, he’s your son. | 是你儿子啊 |
| [05:28] | We were saying you could do a lot better. | 我们刚还在说 你完全可以找个更好的 |
| [05:33] | Let us buy you a drink. | 我们请你喝一杯吧 |
| [05:34] | Okay. | 好啊 |
| [05:35] | Bye, Jimmy. Good luck. | 再见 吉米 祝你好运 |
| [05:37] | Here I thought the most interesting thing | 我觉得你最好玩的事情就是 |
| [05:39] | about you was you were a guy named Guy. | 你是个名叫阿男的男人 |
| [05:42] | Ooh, I’ve got oodles of secrets. | 我有超多秘密的哦 |
| [05:44] | And I’ve got oodles of time. | 我也有超多时间哟 |
| [05:46] | I think. | 反正我是这么觉得的 |
| [05:48] | “Oodles” Is a gay form of measurement, right? | “超多”是基佬专用量词吧 |
| [05:52] | While Dad was getting to know some old friends better, | 老爸忙着深入了解老友 |
| [05:55] | I went work. | 我也随之进入状态 |
| [05:56] | That’s amazing. | 真是帅呆了 |
| [05:58] | So, “Glory hole” has nothing to do with a donut. | 所以”寻欢洞”跟甜甜圈没有半毛钱关系咯 |
| [06:00] | Oh, I get it. | 我明白了 |
| [06:02] | Is it true you guys wax the fellas? | 你们真的会爆男人的菊花吗 |
| [06:04] | I have a lot of dreams about dolphins. | 我常常梦到海豚 |
| [06:07] | Does that mean anything? | 这梦会不会预示着什么啊 |
| [06:08] | So, if you bite me, | 如果你咬了我一口 |
| [06:09] | there’s absolutely no chance I’ll turn gay? | 我也不会被传染 变成同性恋吧 |
| [06:13] | Oh, maybe I did just make that up in my head. | 我瞎讲讲的 |
| [06:14] | Oh, I get it! | 啊 我懂了 |
| [06:16] | A bear’s a guy. | 原来熊就代表基佬 |
| [06:17] | Ah, that makes way more sense. | 啊我懂了 |
| [06:19] | Well, you know, it’s not nearly as impressive. | 其实也没什么好大惊小怪的 |
| [06:21] | Well, of course, I mean, | 是啊 当然了 |
| [06:23] | who wouldn’t want a shower made out of gold? | 谁不想洗个黄金浴 |
| [06:34] | Where were you? | 上哪儿鬼混了 |
| [06:35] | It’s so late. | 三更半夜才回家 |
| [06:37] | I was at a gay bar with Jimmy. | 我和吉米去基吧了 |
| [06:39] | I was having so much fun, I just lost track of time. | 玩疯了 没注意时间 |
| [06:46] | You were where? | 哪儿 |
| [06:47] | It was amazing, Virginia. | 真是太好玩了 维吉妮亚 |
| [06:49] | It changed my life. | 颠覆了哥的人生啊 |
| [06:50] | Changed my life! | 彻底颠覆了 |
| [06:52] | Changed your life how? | 嘛意思 |
| [06:53] | It was fabulous. | 太神奇了 |
| [06:54] | I could order those fruity drinks I love | 各种果酒我都可以随便点 |
| [06:56] | without feeling judged by some breeder. | 完全不用担心被种畜们说三道四 |
| [06:58] | Breeder? | 种畜 |
| [06:59] | That’s me and you because we make babies. | 我们俩就是种畜 因为我们能生儿育女 |
| [07:02] | I’m telling you, this place was incredible. | 说真的 那地方太神奇了 |
| [07:03] | Get this. I fast-danced. | 知道吗 我还跳霹雳舞了 |
| [07:05] | You fast-danced? | 你跳霹雳舞了 |
| [07:07] | In public? | 在众目睽睽之下 |
| [07:08] | You hate fast-dancing in public. | 你不是最讨厌在大庭广众下跳霹雳舞的吗 |
| [07:10] | That’s because there’s always women around that I know | 谁让那些臭三八 |
| [07:11] | are making fun of the way my shoulders go up and down. | 老爱对我晃肩膀的方式冷嘲热讽 |
| [07:15] | But at The Polka Dot, there’s no women. | 但在波点酒吧一个女的都见不着 |
| [07:22] | You look like you’re trying to shake a lizard off your back. | 你这样子就像是要把背上的蜥蜴抖下去 |
| [07:25] | That’s just what a woman would say. | 你们女人就会这么说 |
| [07:26] | But at The Polka Dot, | 但在波点 |
| [07:27] | they just make a circle around you and clap. | 大家只会把你围起来 为你喝彩 |
| [07:30] | I can’t wait till next Thursday. | 真希望下个星期四快点到 |
| [07:31] | So, while I’m at Bunko, your Thursday night thing’s | 那以后周四晚上 我玩骰子 |
| [07:34] | going to be hanging out at a gay bar? | 你逛基吧 |
| [07:36] | Is it too weird? | 是不是有哪里不对 |
| [07:37] | It’s weird, isn’t it? | 这不对 是吧 |
| [07:39] | No. | 没啊 |
| [07:40] | I have my thing with the ladies. | 既然我有女伴一起玩 |
| [07:42] | I guess you should get to have your thing with the boys. | 那你也该和男同志们一起 |
| [07:44] | Thanks. | 多谢了 |
| [07:45] | And don’t worry, I’ll always be the same guy you married. | 别担心 我永远都会是你当年嫁的那个直男 |
| [07:57] | Do you think it be weird if I shaved my chest? | 如果我把胸毛剃了 会不会怪 |
| [07:59] | Some of the other guys are doing it. | 有人就这么干了 |
| [08:02] | Give it a try. | 试试嘛 |
| [08:10] | Okay, two words. | 两个词 |
| [08:14] | Freddy Mercury. | 佛莱迪·摩克瑞[皇后乐队同性恋主唱] |
| [08:16] | You got it, Jimmy. | 你居然猜对了 吉米 |
| [08:17] | I’m turning in my gay card. | 你真的好基喔 |
| [08:18] | – ‘Cause Freddy Mercury is gay. – Yeah, I-I got that. | -因为佛莱迪·摩克瑞是同性恋 -我明白 |
| [08:21] | Even though he never came out publicly, | 尽管他至死都没有出柜 |
| [08:23] | after his death, he became a gay icon. | 但死后居然成了同志标杆 |
| [08:24] | I’m sure he and Rock Hudson are laughing about it | 我肯定他正和洛克·哈德森[同性恋演员] |
| [08:27] | over Cosmopolitans in gay heaven right now. | 在基佬天堂里吹牛呢 |
| [08:29] | Rumor has it | 听说 |
| [08:30] | it’s somewhere above Palm Springs. | 这个基佬天堂就在棕榈泉市上空 |
| [08:31] | Am I right, fellas? | 对不对呀 基友们 |
| [08:35] | Well, as much as we love charades, | 我们真是爱死哑谜游戏了 |
| [08:38] | there’s another reason why we came to visit. | 但我们今天来还有另一个原因 |
| [08:42] | Remember how in high school you were so generous | 记得高中那会儿吗 你多大方啊 |
| [08:44] | and let borrow your leggings when I went through | 把打底裤都借给我了 谁叫我那时候正在 |
| [08:45] | my Elizabeth Berkley Showgirls phase? | 走伊丽莎白·伯克利的《美国舞娘》风呢 |
| [08:47] | Oh, my God, I still think | 矮油 我现在还觉得 |
| [08:48] | you would have been better in that movie than she was. | 要是你去演那部电影 绝对比她惊艳 |
| [08:50] | – Oh, I agree. – Thank you. | -我也觉得 -谢谢 |
| [08:52] | But now we want to borrow something | 现在我们得向你借点 |
| [08:54] | even more important of yours: | 比打底裤还金贵的东西了 |
| [08:56] | an egg and your uterus. | 我们要借你的卵子和子宫 |
| [08:57] | – What? – What? | -啥 -啥 |
| [08:58] | We want to have a family, but we’re both sterile. | 我们想要三口之家 但我们都无法生育 |
| [08:59] | If you ever spend time in Africa, | 如果你会去非洲的话 |
| [09:01] | do not wear glow-in-the-dark G-strings | 千万不要穿街边买的 |
| [09:03] | that you bought on the street. | 夜光丁字裤 |
| [09:03] | They don’t have an FDA there. | 那边可没什么监管局 |
| [09:05] | Anyway, Elijah’s brother said he would donate | 话说回来 以利亚的哥哥说他可以捐精 |
| [09:07] | and I figured you’re like a sister to me, so… | 而我一直都把你当妹妹看的 所以 |
| [09:09] | Friends. Acquaintances, really. | 只是朋友 好吧最多是熟人 |
| [09:14] | Yes. | 我愿意 |
| [09:15] | Of course I will, yes. | 我当然愿意 |
| [09:16] | – Oh, my God, really? – Yes. | -妈妈咪呀 真的吗 -是的 |
| [09:18] | I love you. | 我爱你 |
| [09:26] | So you agreed to rent out your fiance’s uterus? | 这么说 你同意出租未婚妻的子宫了 |
| [09:30] | I wouldn’t call it “renting.” | 出什么租 |
| [09:32] | They’re not paying us. | 他们又不付钱 |
| [09:33] | So, you agreed to let someone freeload on her uterus’ couch? | 就是说你同意他人免费使用你未婚妻的子宫 |
| [09:37] | That’s even worse. | 更悲催好吗 |
| [09:38] | Well, I didn’t agree to anything. | 我啥都没同意 |
| [09:39] | I just lost the argument. | 只是不知道怎么反驳 |
| [09:42] | I just thought we would have discussed it | 我觉得你在同意为别人怀小孩前 |
| [09:44] | before you agreed to have another man’s baby. | 应该先和我商量下 |
| [09:46] | Oh, my God, you’re right. | 天啊 对哦 |
| [09:47] | Yeah, I mean, we’re engaged. | 毕竟我们都订婚了 |
| [09:49] | We should talk about these things. | 我们应该什么事都有商有量 |
| [09:50] | Let’s just discuss this in a reasonable manner. | 来理性地讨论下这件事 |
| [09:53] | Here are my pros: | 我这样做的利是 |
| [09:54] | Jordan and Elijah would make great fathers. | 乔丹和以利亚绝对会是对好爸爸 |
| [09:56] | Hope would have a cousin. | 喜旺也能多个表弟或表妹 |
| [09:58] | For nine months I’d have huge boobs. | 我还能连续九个月拥有大咪咪 |
| [10:00] | Let’s hear the cons. | 现在你来说弊吧 |
| [10:01] | All right, uh, here we go. | 好的 听好了 |
| [10:02] | Number one, | 第一 |
| [10:04] | when I think about you doing it, it makes my tummy hurt… | 想到你要怀别人的孩子 我就肚子疼 |
| [10:09] | And now, I’m realizing I shouldn’t have numbered these | 好吧 我好像不用列举 |
| [10:10] | – because that’s it. – Okay. | -因为这就是全部的理由 -那就成了 |
| [10:13] | Looks like I’m having their baby. | 看样子我马上就能升级做大肚婆了 |
| [10:16] | Your problem is you’re trying to win an argument with words. | 你居然想用言语来赢得争论 |
| [10:20] | We’re not word people, Jimmy. | 我们又不是会说话的人 吉米 |
| [10:21] | We’re more… uh… | 我们是那种 |
| [10:32] | Listen, | 听着 |
| [10:32] | within our family, | 关起门来 |
| [10:34] | we can debate each other | 我们一家子是可以平等对话的 |
| [10:35] | because none of us is that great with words. | 因为我们没一个会说话的 |
| [10:37] | It’s a fair fight. | 大家水平相当 |
| [10:38] | But out there in the world, | 但走出家门 |
| [10:40] | there are people who can use words as weapons. | 外面有些人可是毒舌得很 |
| [10:42] | They’re crafty. | 狡猾得很 |
| [10:44] | That’s close, but not quite right. | 差不多是这意思 也不全对 |
| [10:46] | You’ll never win an argument with Sabrina | 你永远都说不过塞布丽娜的 |
| [10:49] | unless you learn how to be… | 除非你学会 |
| [10:55] | Trickerish. | 使诈 |
| [10:56] | I like it. | 说得好 |
| [10:57] | Trickerish. | 使诈 |
| [10:58] | You need to learn how to be more trickerish. | 你得更耍耍小计谋 |
| [11:00] | – Trickerisher. – Trickerisher. | -做个奸人 -没错 |
| [11:02] | But I already said that she could have the baby. | 可我已经同意她代孕了 |
| [11:05] | But what if Jordan and Elijah | 如果乔丹和以利亚 |
| [11:07] | change their minds? | 改变想法了呢 |
| [11:09] | That is very offensive, Virginia. | 不好吧 维吉妮亚 |
| [11:11] | They were born this way. | 他们一出生就是那样的啊 |
| [11:12] | Not about being gay. | 又不是说要把他们掰直 |
| [11:14] | We need to get them to change their minds about wanting a baby. | 只是试图改变他们要孩子的想法 |
| [11:18] | That is the definition of trickerish. | 这就叫做使诈 |
| [11:20] | So we came up with a plan | 于是我们想了个计划 |
| [11:22] | to make Jordan and Elijah realize | 让乔丹和以利亚意识到 |
| [11:23] | they’d be giving up their fabulous life if they had a baby. | 有了孩子 生活就全毁了 |
| [11:26] | And the best day to do that on was Gay Christmas, | 计划实施的最佳时间是同志圣诞节 |
| [11:30] | or Halloween as we call it. | 也就是我们说的万圣节 |
| [11:31] | Step 1 was dressing Hope up | 第一步 把喜旺好好打扮一番 |
| [11:33] | as something Jordan and Elijah couldn’t resist. | 让乔丹和以利亚无法抗拒 |
| [11:39] | And step 2 was making sure that | 第二步 |
| [11:40] | Sabrina was out of the way. | 确保塞布丽娜不会来搅局 |
| [11:44] | James. | 詹姆士 |
| [11:45] | Didn’t you see the costume sign-up sheet? | 你没看认领单吗 |
| [11:47] | I already called “Buying-in-Bulk Hulk”. | 我已经选了”多买绿巨人”了 |
| [11:50] | Oh. You better just go home | 你还是回去吧 |
| [11:51] | because you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. | 我发起脾气来可不好看 |
| [11:55] | I’ll call somebody else in. | 我找人顶你 |
| [11:57] | Hey, you know, Sabrina’s available. | 塞布丽娜有空 |
| [11:59] | Step 3… | 第三步 |
| [12:01] | Trick or treat. | 不给糖就捣蛋 |
| [12:03] | …set the bait. | 放诱饵 |
| [12:04] | Jimmy, she’s so cute. | 吉米 她真超可爱的诶 |
| [12:07] | Hello. What? | 喂 什么 |
| [12:10] | A fire at the orphanage? | 孤儿院失火了 |
| [12:13] | I’m on my way. | 我这就过去 |
| [12:14] | Hey, guys, can you help me out? | 能帮帮我吗 |
| [12:15] | I’m a volunteer fireman, and I don’t have time to drop… | 我是火线义工 现在来不及把喜旺 |
| [12:17] | Just go, go, go. We got her. | 快去吧 交给我们就好 |
| [12:19] | Bring back some calendars. | 去大显身手吧 |
| [12:22] | Step 4: | 第四步 |
| [12:23] | pull the pin and wait for the explosion. | 扯掉奶嘴 等待喜旺爆发 |
| [12:43] | You’re dressing as a mailman? | 你这是要扮成邮递员吗 |
| [12:45] | I’m one of the Village People. | 我要扮成”村民”乐团成员 |
| [12:46] | There’s no mailman in the Village People. | 村民里又没有邮递员 |
| [12:48] | I know there isn’t. I was gonna say… | 我知道没有 我是想说 |
| [12:50] | I added a mailman to the Village People | 我在村民里加入了邮递员 |
| [12:52] | ’cause I deliver the biggest package. | 因为我的包裹最大 |
| [12:56] | Is that weird for a straight guy | 直男在同性恋酒吧这么说 |
| [12:58] | to say to another guy in a gay bar? | 是不是很奇怪 |
| [12:59] | No, I think we’re still on the good side of weird here. | 还好 也不是什么坏事 |
| [13:01] | So for Bunko Night, | 你就准备在骰宝之夜 |
| [13:03] | you dressed up as… | 打扮成个 |
| [13:05] | a lady with a spaghetti stain on her pants? | 裤子上沾了意面酱的大妈 |
| [13:08] | No, they called off Bunko ’cause it’s Halloween. | 今天万圣节 骰宝取消了 |
| [13:11] | Oh. Oh, I didn’t know… | 那什么 我之前不知道 |
| [13:13] | Well, maybe I shouldn’t… | 那我是不是… |
| [13:18] | …go. | 该留下 |
| [13:18] | No, you should go. | 不 你去吧 |
| [13:20] | What if the Indian needs to | 万一印第安酋长 |
| [13:21] | send an urgent letter to the construction guy? | 要给建筑工人送急件呢 |
| [13:23] | I’ll just give candy to the kids. | 我可以给孩子们发糖 |
| [13:25] | You know I love that. | 你知道我爱干这个 |
| [13:26] | Cool. | 真好 |
| [13:27] | I’d bring you with me, | 我也愿意带你去 |
| [13:29] | but all the other married guys’ wives | 但他们都没告诉老婆 |
| [13:30] | don’t even know they’re there. | 自己在那儿玩 |
| [13:38] | Have fun. | 玩得开心 |
| [13:41] | Trick or treat. | 不给糖就捣蛋 |
| [13:43] | – Just take the whole thing. – Thank you. | -全拿去吧 -谢谢 |
| [13:45] | I’m going to bed. | 我去睡了 |
| [13:52] | Honey, stop. | 别这样 宝贝 |
| [14:00] | Hey, what are you doing here? | 你怎么来了 |
| [14:01] | We had to close the store early. | 我们被迫提早关门了 |
| [14:02] | Barney had a toxic reaction | 巴尼对绿色颜料 |
| [14:03] | to all the green body paint he was wearing. | 严重过敏 |
| [14:09] | It’s burning. My face is burning. | 我的脸在燃烧 在燃烧啊 |
| [14:23] | So I thought I’d drop off my moped | 所以我就想把车扔这儿 |
| [14:24] | and go meet Jordan and Elijah at the Polka Dot. | 去波点酒吧找乔丹和以利亚玩 |
| [14:26] | What are you doing here? | 你在这里干嘛 |
| [14:28] | You know, Hope got tired of trick or treating, | 喜旺要糖要腻了 |
| [14:30] | so I left her with my mom, | 所以我把她交给老妈 |
| [14:31] | and then I came back to, uh, to scare some kids. | 自己出来吓小孩玩 |
| [14:35] | Seems like the type of thing a… | 还真像 |
| [14:37] | normal 25-year-old man would do. | 25岁的正常男人会做的事 |
| [14:39] | No, it’s fun. Watch. | 真的很好玩嘛 你看 |
| [14:46] | Nice. | 漂亮 |
| [14:49] | So you wanna come to the Polka Dot, | 所以你是要去波点酒吧 |
| [14:50] | or do you wanna scare more kids? | 还是继续吓小孩呢 |
| [14:52] | Polka Dot. | 酒吧 |
| [15:07] | Hey, nice costume, pal. | 这一身不错嘛 老兄 |
| [15:09] | Not many people can pull off Hitler. | 能驾驭希特勒的人可不多 |
| [15:13] | Hey. Uh, listen, buddy. | 听着 伙计 |
| [15:16] | I… Virginia? | 我 维吉妮亚 |
| [15:18] | Sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [15:20] | Am I ruining guys’ night? | 我是不是扫你兴了 |
| [15:21] | No, thank God it’s you. | 不会 幸好是你 |
| [15:23] | Good. ‘Cause I missed you. | 那就好 因为我想你了 |
| [15:25] | Besides I really wanted to see you dance. | 而且我真的很想看你跳舞 |
| [15:27] | Then I must be a cat stuck in a tree | 那我就是只被困在树上的猫 |
| [15:29] | and the fire truck is here, | 现在消防车到了 |
| [15:30] | ’cause it is time for me to get down! | 因为我该下去了[也有派对开始之意] |
| [15:36] | I can’t believe how long we had to stand in that line. | 想不到会排那么久的队 |
| [15:39] | I know. This place gets really crowded | 是啊 一让蒙脸 |
| [15:40] | when you’re allowed to wear a mask. | 大家就都来了 |
| [15:44] | Hey, wait. Is that your dad? | 你看 那是你爸吗 |
| [15:47] | Yeah. | 是他 |
| [15:48] | I’ve never seen him happier. | 没见他这么开心过 |
| [15:53] | Okay, that’s a little much. | 有点过了吧 |
| [15:57] | Dad. | 老爸 |
| [15:58] | I think you might have had a little too much to… | 你是不是有点太 |
| [16:01] | – Mom? – That’s right. I’m here. | -妈妈 -没错 就是我 |
| [16:03] | We’re queer. | 咱就是基佬 |
| [16:04] | Get used to it. | 你怎么着吧 |
| [16:06] | Wait a second. | 等一下 |
| [16:07] | If you guys are here, | 你们都在这儿 |
| [16:09] | then who’s watching Hope? | 那谁在照看喜旺呢 |
| [16:11] | Okay, I admit it: I made a mistake. | 我知道错了 |
| [16:13] | I’ll just tell them I’m sorry. | 我会向他们道歉的 |
| [16:14] | No, Jimmy, you ruined Halloween for two gay men. | 不 吉米 你毁了两个基佬的万圣节 |
| [16:17] | “Sorry” is not gonna cut it. | 道个歉就没事了吗 |
| [16:23] | Where’s Hope? | 喜旺呢 |
| [16:25] | – Sleeping. – Oh, so sweet. | -睡觉呢 -可甜了 |
| [16:28] | – She didn’t scream the whole time? – Oh, she screamed. | -她一直都没哭闹吗 -哭惨了 |
| [16:30] | We had to find a way to stop her from screaming, | 我们一直想办法让她停下来 |
| [16:33] | and believe me, we tried everything. | 都把所有招都试遍了 |
| [16:36] | Eventually, when we calmed down, | 最终 我们冷静下来 |
| [16:38] | we realized we’d learned how to deal with this | 想起来在育儿书里 |
| [16:39] | from all the parenting books we’d read. | 学过怎么应对这种情况 |
| [16:41] | You read parenting books? | 你们还读育儿书 |
| [16:43] | Yeah. | 当然咯 |
| [16:44] | Who’d have a child without doing the research? | 谁养孩子不得做点研究啊 |
| [16:46] | Um, maybe someone who’s prepared to make | 有些准备好了犯些可爱错误的人 |
| [16:48] | a series of hopefully entertaining mistakes. | 就不会嘛 |
| [16:50] | Well, anyway, because of her age, | 总之 基于她的年龄 |
| [16:52] | and the behavior she was exhibiting, | 和行为表现 |
| [16:53] | we realized that what she wanted was her pacifier. | 我们判断她是想要奶嘴 |
| [16:56] | And we knew we could settle her down by just getting one. | 我们知道给她个奶嘴就万事大吉了 |
| [16:58] | But then we thought: | 但我们又想 |
| [16:59] | that was just helping us. | 这样做只是方便了我们 |
| [17:00] | So we decided to wean her off of it entirely. | 所以我们决定让她彻底戒掉奶嘴 |
| [17:03] | We read that going cold turkey on the pacifier | 我们读到过 突然扯掉奶嘴 |
| [17:05] | – could be traumatizing for a child. – But… | -对一个奶娃娃来说是个重创 -但是 |
| [17:07] | what if we could find a num-num | 如果我们能找到一个 |
| [17:09] | that would gradually go away on its own? | 能自己慢慢消失的奶嘴呢 |
| [17:11] | Got it! | 就是它了 |
| [17:32] | And once we got past the whole num-num issue, | 等我们度过这个难关后 |
| [17:34] | we were able to relax and have a great time | 就放松了下来 |
| [17:36] | with your fantastic daughter. | 跟你女儿共享天伦了 |
| [17:41] | Wow. That’s amazing! | 太有才了 |
| [17:43] | I’ve been trying to get her to kick the habit, | 我一直努力想让她戒掉这个习惯 |
| [17:45] | and it looks like you guys did it. | 你们竟然做到了 |
| [17:46] | You guys are good at this. | 你们挺擅长这个的啊 |
| [17:48] | You guys are gonna be such great dads. | 你们会是一对伟大的父亲 |
| [17:50] | Well… if we get a baby as great as Hope. | 除非我们有个像喜旺这么可爱的宝宝 |
| [17:52] | Uh, hint, hint. | 咳咳 小暗示喔 |
| [17:54] | You guys want to keep Hope? | 你们想留下喜旺 |
| [17:55] | No. | 不是 |
| [17:56] | But we want one just like her. | 但我们想要一个她这样的娃 |
| [17:58] | We were talking about it, | 我们刚在讨论这个问题 |
| [17:59] | and is there any way you’d consider being our donor | 不知道你是否愿意代替以利亚的哥哥 |
| [18:01] | instead of Elijah’s brother? | 为我们捐精 |
| [18:04] | – What? – Wait. | -什么 -等下 |
| [18:05] | If you’re using my egg, | 如果你们要用我的卵子 |
| [18:07] | and Jimmy’s sperm, | 还有吉米的精子 |
| [18:08] | aren’t we just | 那不就相当于 |
| [18:09] | having a baby that we’re giving to you? | 我们生个孩子直接送给你们 |
| [18:11] | No, that’d be too weird. | 不 那就太诡异了 |
| [18:13] | Ugh. And, um… to be honest, | 其实 |
| [18:15] | you weren’t Elijah’s first choice anyway. | 反正以利亚的首选又不是你 |
| [18:17] | Not that you aren’t great. | 不是说你不好 |
| [18:18] | It’s just that Petra’s so much better. | 只是佩特拉要好得多 |
| [18:21] | – Petra? – Our barista. | -佩特拉 -我们的咖啡师 |
| [18:23] | She’s tall, | 她又高 |
| [18:23] | has gorgeous blonde hair… | 又是个金发妹子 |
| [18:25] | A barista? | 咖啡师 |
| [18:26] | I’m losing out to a barista? | 我竟然输给一个咖啡师 |
| [18:28] | Aren’t you a cashier at a grocery store? | 你不就是个杂货店的收银员吗 |
| [18:31] | Yeah. | 对 |
| [18:32] | But I do that ironically. | 但我那样做是在讽刺社会 |
| [18:35] | I am honored that you guys would ask. | 你们的邀请我深感荣幸 |
| [18:37] | – Wha… – I’ll do it! | -啥 -我愿意 |
| [18:39] | – Really? – Yes. | -真的吗 -真的 |
| [18:40] | We’re having a baby! | 我们要生娃啦 |
| [18:49] | How does this work with Petra? | 我怎么跟佩特拉联系 |
| [18:50] | Do I call her? | 我打电话给她吗 |
| [18:51] | Do you call her? I mean… | 还是你们打给她 我是说 |
| [18:59] | You should come look at Hope while she’s sleeping. | 你真该来看看喜旺睡着的样子 |
| [19:01] | She looks just like a little angel. | 就是个小天使 |
| [19:04] | Imagine something that cute | 想象一下这么可爱的小娃 |
| [19:05] | that could also work an espresso machine. | 还会做咖啡 |
| [19:07] | Okay, first of all, this Petra? | 好了 首先 这个佩特拉 |
| [19:10] | She’s steaming milk, not splitting atoms. | 只是会煮个牛奶 又不是分裂原子 |
| [19:12] | Second of all… | 其次 |
| [19:13] | Jimmy… | 吉米 |
| [19:14] | I thought we were going to talk about big decisions | 我以为作重要决定时 |
| [19:17] | before we went and just… made them. | 我们会先商量再决定的 |
| [19:19] | You’re right. You’re right. That was a rash decision. | 对 对 这个决定太草率了 |
| [19:21] | We totally should’ve done pros and cons. | 我们应该好好分析利弊的 |
| [19:23] | Pros, they’ll be great fathers. | 利是 他们会是好父亲 |
| [19:25] | Instead of a cousin, Hope will have a half-sister. | 喜旺能有个同父异母妹妹 而不是表妹 |
| [19:27] | And you won’t have any stretch marks. | 另外 你也不会长妊娠纹了 |
| [19:30] | Wow, I’ve actually got pros. | 我还真数得出来啊 |
| [19:32] | This is fun when you have pros. | 这感觉真好 |
| [19:34] | Okay, what are the cons? | 弊是什么 |
| [19:43] | I got nothing. | 我无话可说 |
| [19:44] | Really? | 真的吗 |
| [19:45] | I won an argument with words? | 我竟然赢了一场言语争论 |
| [19:48] | – It looks that way. – Cool. | -貌似是 -好棒 |
| [19:50] | Well, let’s go and tell the guys the good news. | 我们去跟他们宣布这个好消息吧 |
| [19:53] | Um… no, you go ahead. | 不 你先去吧 |
| [19:54] | I… I don’t feel so good. | 我有点不舒服 |
| [20:01] | Are you sick? | 你病了吗 |
| [20:04] | I don’t know. | 不知道 |
| [20:06] | This whole thing just kind of makes my stomach hurt. | 这件事搞得我肚子疼 |
| [20:12] | You know what? | 这样吧 |
| [20:14] | I don’t think I want to be the sperm donor. | 我想我还是不捐精了 |
| [20:16] | – Really? – Yeah. | -真的吗 -对 |
| [20:18] | Look, I know how you feel. | 我懂你的感受 |
| [20:19] | Sometimes you can’t explain or defend | 有时候有些感受 |
| [20:22] | why you feel a certain way about something, | 说不明辩不清 |
| [20:24] | but that doesn’t mean you’re not right. | 但这不代表你就是错的 |
| [20:26] | If this makes you feel weird, | 如果你觉得不舒服 |
| [20:28] | that’s enough for me. | 这理由对我来说就足够了 |
| [20:29] | You win. | 你赢了 |
| [20:30] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [20:32] | God, Jimmy, I’m sorry. | 吉米 对不起 |
| [20:34] | I mean, I really should have done the same thing | 你说肚子疼的时候 |
| [20:36] | when you said your stomach hurt. | 我也该像你这么体贴的 |
| [20:37] | It’s okay. | 没关系 |
| [20:38] | At least we got a good story out of it. | 至少我们从中有所收获嘛 |
| [20:41] | And the only person I want to donate sperm to | 我只想把精子捐给 |
| [20:44] | is you. | 你 |
| [20:46] | That didn’t sound as romantic out loud as it did in my head. | 说出来就没有想象中那么浪漫了 |
| [20:50] | I guess we should probably go tell Jordan and Elijah. | 我们该去告诉乔丹和以利亚 |
| [20:52] | I can’t believe I have to deny people my sperm. | 真不敢相信我要拒捐精子 |
| [20:55] | I mean, there was a time I couldn’t give this stuff away. | 有段时间我都没法消耗 |
| [21:11] | This is starting to get weird, isn’t it? | 有点怪异了 对吧 |
| [21:12] | Yeah. | 对 |
| [21:14] | Yeah, it’s getting weird. Let’s get out of here. | 越来越怪了 咱走吧 |
| [21:16] | All right, but walk slow. | 好 慢点走 |
| [21:17] | The cucumber in my pants is starting to slip. | 我裤子里塞的黄瓜要滑出来了 |