| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:02] | I’m proud to announce that this Saturday | 我自豪地宣布 |
| [00:04] | Howdy’s will be teaming up with the Natesville Radishes | 本周六毫迪超市与纳什维尔萝卜队 |
| [00:07] | to sponsor the first annual 1k walk to fight ABS, | 将联合发起首届”对抗ABS杯”一公里漫步活动 |
| [00:11] | angry bowel syndrome. | 就是肠易怒综合症 |
| [00:12] | Now, ABS is similar to irritable bowel syndrome, | 它虽与肠易激综合症相似 |
| [00:15] | except your bowels are in a blind rage. | 但发作起来泻死你没商量 |
| [00:17] | And we’re lucky to have Ricardo Montes as our spokesman. | 我们还有幸请到里卡多·蒙特斯做代言人 |
| [00:21] | Together we can make a difference. | 团结就是力量 |
| [00:23] | ABS may not be the number one bowel disorder in the world, | 全世界患ABS患者在肠病患者中不是第一多的 |
| [00:25] | but it’s rapidly pushing number two. | 但已直逼第二多了 |
| [00:27] | Is that true, Barney, or is it just a load of crap? | 是吗巴尼 别说这种屎一样的废话啦 |
| [00:31] | Hey, hey, hey, no brown humor. | 不要屎啊屎的 |
| [00:33] | Poopy jokes are too easy. | 排泄物玩笑谁都会开 |
| [00:35] | Angry bowel syndrome can affect anybody. | 任何人都可能患上肠易怒综合症 |
| [00:37] | Your father, your mother, even your boss. | 你们的老爸老妈 甚至你的老板 |
| [00:41] | That’s right, your boss. | 没错 你的老板 |
| [00:42] | And it’s because of behavior like this | 而且正是因为你们这种行为 |
| [00:44] | that I suffered in silence for years. | 我被这病摧残多年 却一直硬憋着 |
| [00:46] | Sadly, I was too embarrassed to make a stink about it. | 真遗憾 我觉得太丢脸 公开来怕臭着别人 |
| [00:50] | I’ll walk the 1k. | 我要参加漫步活动 |
| [00:54] | And you guys should be ashamed of yourselves. | 你们该感到羞愧 |
| [00:56] | Barney’s up here courageously admitting | 巴尼勇敢地公开承认了 |
| [00:58] | that he has a serious condition, | 自己的严重病症 |
| [00:59] | and you guys are acting like children. | 你们却表现得像一群熊孩子 |
| [01:01] | Thank you, James. | 谢谢你 詹姆士 |
| [01:02] | At least there’s someone here that knows | 至少还有人知道 |
| [01:03] | that ABS is nothing to joke about. | 不该拿ABS开玩笑 |
| [01:05] | We need to voice our support | 我们必须发起倡议 |
| [01:07] | because silence can be deadly. | 一直忍着会憋死人的 |
| [01:09] | The fight against ABS will get | 同ABS做斗争 |
| [01:11] | the push it deserves to finally make a big splash. | 你就能快活地一泻千里 |
| [01:14] | Sufferers of this condition | 被这种病缠身的人 |
| [01:15] | are tired of hiding like turtles in their shells. | 已经受够了做缩头乌龟了 |
| [01:18] | It’s time for this turtle’s head to poke out. | 他们该把龟头翘起来了 |
| [01:20] | Barney, you’re not doing yourself any favors. | 巴尼 我真替你捉急啊 |
| [01:22] | Uh… Ricardo. | 里卡多 |
| [01:24] | Could you please stop pinching that loaf? | 别去拔那一坨了行吗 |
| [01:26] | Oh, come on. Seriously? | 救命啊 你这是要逆天吗 |
| [02:02] | Hot potato. Hot potato. | 烫手山芋 烫手山芋 |
| [02:04] | What have the Japanese done to our potatoes?! | 小鬼子怎么把山芋搞成这样了啊 |
| [02:07] | We’re just playing a game, Maw Maw. | 我们只是在玩游戏好吗奶奶 |
| [02:09] | Whoever’s holding that thing when it lights up loses. | 灯亮的时候落到谁手里 谁就输了 |
| [02:11] | Oh, my god, Jimmy, you totally missed it. | 吉米 你错过好戏了 |
| [02:13] | Later, in the stock room, | 后来在储藏室 |
| [02:14] | Frank asked Barney if there was gonna be | 弗兰克问巴尼 |
| [02:15] | child care provided at the 1k | 活动现场是否有提供幼儿看护服务 |
| [02:17] | because his cousin wanted to drop her kids off at the pool. | 他表姐想把”小宝宝们”拉在那里 |
| [02:20] | Look, I can see how lots of diseases are easy to joke about. | 我知道很多病症笑点很低 |
| [02:24] | But this isn’t some disorder that makes you walk or talk funny– | 但这种病又不是跛腿或口吃 |
| [02:27] | This is angry bowel syndrome. | 这可是肠易怒综合症啊 |
| [02:29] | It’s not a laughing matter. | 它不是用来搞笑的 |
| [02:31] | I hope you weren’t making jokes, Jimmy. | 希望你没拿它开玩笑 吉米 |
| [02:33] | Oh, I wasn’t. I said I would be in his charity walk. | 那当然 我还报名了他的慈善漫步活动 |
| [02:35] | Good! And I hope you stood right up | 好样的 我还希望你勇敢地站出来 |
| [02:37] | and told everyone that you suffered from it. | 告诉所有人你得过这个病 |
| [02:40] | You had ABS? | 你得过ABS |
| [02:42] | JABS — juvenile angry bowel syndrome. | 是JABS 儿童肠易怒综合征 |
| [02:45] | No, surprisingly, I didn’t tell my coworkers and my fiancée | 真奇怪 我居然没告诉同事和未婚妻 |
| [02:48] | that I used to almost poop my pants. | 我以前经常差点拉裤子 |
| [02:49] | Yeah. “Almost”. | 是啊 “差点” |
| [02:51] | I’m fine now. | 现在已经好了 |
| [02:52] | It was a problem when I was younger, | 这都是小时候的事了 |
| [02:53] | and the school nurse said it was stress-related. | 学校护士说是紧张引起的 |
| [02:55] | Mostly because my parents made me be the tiebreaker in their arguments. | 主要是因为爹妈吵架时总让我投票 |
| [02:58] | – Gas bill. – Electric bill. | -煤气费 -电费 |
| [03:00] | We can only afford to pay one. | 我们只付得起一个 |
| [03:02] | Jimmy, you decide. | 吉米 你来决定 |
| [03:03] | – Electric bill. – Gas bill. | -电费 -煤气费 |
| [03:05] | – Electric bill. – Gas bill. | -电费 -煤气费 |
| [03:06] | – Electric bill! – Gas bill! | -电费 -煤气费 |
| [03:10] | My tummy hurts. | 我肚肚疼 |
| [03:11] | – Jelly! – Glazed! | -果酱甜甜圈 -糖浆甜甜圈 |
| [03:13] | Jimmy, you decide what we’re having for dinner. | 吉米 你来决定我们晚餐吃什么 |
| [03:15] | – Jelly. – Glazed. | -果酱的 -糖浆的 |
| [03:16] | – Jelly. – Glazed. | -果酱的 -糖浆的 |
| [03:17] | – Jelly. – Glazed. | -果酱的 -糖浆的 |
| [03:18] | I think I got to poop. | 人家要去便便了 |
| [03:20] | Come on! We’ll take a bus down to L.A., | 来嘛 我们坐个车到洛杉矶 |
| [03:22] | grab a big-screen TV, and we’ll come right home. | 扛个大屏电视就回来嘛 |
| [03:25] | The riots aren’t real, Burt! | 这个暴乱是虚构的 伯特 |
| [03:27] | It’s a TV show. | 这是个电视节目 |
| [03:29] | Remember when I changed the drapes | 上次我换了个窗帘 |
| [03:30] | and you thought we quantum leaped? | 你就以为我们穿越了呢 |
| [03:32] | Well, I say we go. | 我说我们应该去 |
| [03:33] | Well, I say we don’t. | 我说我们不去 |
| [03:35] | Jimmy, what do you think? | 吉米 你觉得呢 |
| [03:37] | Can’t we all just get along? | 表折腾我了嘛呜呜呜 |
| [03:45] | If you two would just learn to make a decision, | 要不是你俩总瞎吵 做不了决定 |
| [03:47] | I wouldn’t still be known in some circles as “Poops-his-pants Chance.” | 我早就能摆脱”拉裤子吉斯”的外号了 |
| [03:50] | Ha! You lose! | 你输了 |
| [03:52] | No, I didn’t. | 我没有 |
| [03:53] | If it’s a tie, | 如果平局 |
| [03:54] | the receiver loses. | 接到的人输 |
| [03:55] | No, no, no. We changed that rule after the incident | 不不 芝士蛋糕仓库[著名虚拟餐馆]事件后 |
| [03:58] | at the cheesecake warehouse. | 规则就改了 |
| [03:59] | Hander-offer loses. | 传过来的人输 |
| [04:00] | – Receiver! – Hander-offer! | -接的人 -传的人 |
| [04:02] | Jimmy, you call it. | 吉米 你来决定 |
| [04:03] | – Hander-offer. – Receiver. | -传的人 -接的人 |
| [04:04] | – Hander-offer. – Receiver. | -传的人 -接的人 |
| [04:05] | – Hander-offer. – Receiver! | -传的人 -接的人 |
| [04:07] | I gotta go to the bathroom. | 我要去厕所了 |
| [04:13] | Oh, no, Yoshi’s working tonight. | 糟了 今晚哟西当班 |
| [04:19] | Who’s Yoshi? | 哟西是谁 |
| [04:19] | He’s one of the table chefs. | 他是这里的一位烧烤师傅 |
| [04:21] | He’s totally in love with Virginia. | 对维吉妮亚情有独钟 |
| [04:22] | Every time we come here, he gets all flirty, | 每次来 他都挑逗我 |
| [04:24] | and it usually catches me off guard. | 总是趁我不备扔吃的过来 |
| [04:27] | Shrimp for the pretty lady? | 花姑娘 来个虾吗 |
| [04:28] | Where? | 哪儿呢 |
| [04:32] | Shrimp for the pretty lady? | 花姑娘 来个虾吗 |
| [04:37] | Ooh! Hot shrimp! | 烫死老娘了 |
| [04:38] | Hot, hot shrimp! | 好烫好烫 |
| [04:40] | This time I’m gonna be ready. | 这次我要拿出胖伴娘抢花球的精神 |
| [04:42] | Like a fat bridesmaid catching the bouquet. | 摩拳擦掌地侯着 |
| [04:47] | Origami Yoshi. | 哟西 |
| [04:49] | Long time no see. | 好久不见 |
| [04:50] | Ah, Chance family. | 是吉斯一家啊 |
| [04:52] | So nice to serve friendly faces. | 见到熟脸真好啊 |
| [04:54] | So nice to have our faces served. | 有人往脸上抛吃的也真好啊 |
| [05:00] | Oh, god. | 天呐 |
| [05:02] | Wyatt just walked in with his family. | 怀特和他家人来了 |
| [05:05] | I haven’t seen him since we broke up. | 我们分手后还没见过面呢 |
| [05:07] | Damn it. | 闹哪样啊 |
| [05:13] | What are you doing? | 你搞什么 |
| [05:14] | Hiding. | 避难 |
| [05:15] | Come on. We’re all adults. | 别这样 大家都是成年人了 |
| [05:16] | It’ll be fine. | 没什么的啦 |
| [05:17] | Jimmy, how awkward is it gonna be if they walk by | 吉米 如果他们看到我坐这桌 |
| [05:20] | and they see me sitting at this table? | 该有多尴尬啊 |
| [05:22] | How awkward would it be if they sat at our table | 如果他们和我们坐一桌 而你却躲在桌子底下 |
| [05:24] | and you were under it? | 不是更尴尬吗 |
| [05:30] | Look who’s here. | 看看谁来了 |
| [05:31] | Wyatt… | 怀特 |
| [05:32] | And yaour parents. | 还有令尊令堂 |
| [05:34] | How long has it been? | 我们是不是好久没见面了 |
| [05:35] | ’cause it feels like it’s just been forever. | 感觉好像都是上辈子的事了 |
| [05:38] | Nope, just since February 13. | 不是上辈子的事 也就二月十三号 |
| [05:40] | And if I remember correctly, | 如果我记得没错的话 |
| [05:41] | Wyatt gave you flowers and chocolate for valentine’s day. | 怀特当时为你献上了情人节的鲜花和巧克力 |
| [05:45] | And in exchange, you crushed his heart into a million pieces | 而你却恩将仇报 让他脆弱的真心遍体鳞伤 |
| [05:49] | and leapt into bed with the first buffoon to come along. | 然后随便跟个二货上了床 |
| [05:54] | In my day, they called women like that “whores.” | 在我那个年代 这种女人被称做”贱货” |
| [05:57] | But it never bothered me. | 不过我从不在乎别人的眼光 |
| [06:06] | So, Wyatt, Wyatt’s parents, | 怀特 怀特爹妈 |
| [06:09] | guess we were all in the mood for Asian tonight, huh? | 看来我们今天都想来点亚洲风情 是吧 |
| [06:14] | Was I supposed to say “oriental”? | 我是不是应该说”东方情调” |
| [06:15] | Shh! I’m focusing on the shrimp. | 闭嘴 我的眼里只有虾仁 |
| [06:17] | That’s a nice shirt you got there, Jimmy. | 吉米 T恤不错嘛 |
| [06:19] | Is it new or secondhand? | 新的还是二手货 |
| [06:20] | Because I know how you like to get things | 我知道你这人就喜欢 |
| [06:22] | other people have already had. | 搞一些别人搞过的东西 |
| [06:23] | Actually, it is secondhand. | 还真是二手货 |
| [06:25] | Yeah, my mom picked it up at the thrift store. | 我娘从旧货店里给我搞来的 |
| [06:27] | So, is the neck hole all stretched out? | 那口子会不会被搞得太大了 |
| [06:30] | That can happen when the guy before you had | 如果衣服之前主人的头要是比你大很多的话 |
| [06:32] | a much bigger head. | 那领口肯定会被撑大吧 |
| [06:33] | Oh, yeah. | 是啊 |
| [06:34] | I mean, god knows how many guys | 是啊 鬼知道在我之前 |
| [06:36] | wore this shirt before me. | 有多少人穿过这件衣服 |
| [06:37] | Just so you know, | 给你提个醒 |
| [06:38] | he’s not talking about your shirt. | 他说的不是你的T恤 |
| [06:43] | Oh, hey, for the record, this shirt fits me real well. | 你给我听好了 这件T恤很适合我 |
| [06:47] | In fact, sometimes, I like to wear this shirt | 而且有时我一个星期 |
| [06:49] | two or three times a night. | 有两三个晚上都穿她呢 |
| [06:50] | And sometimes, the shirt likes it when | 而且 这件T恤也很喜欢我 |
| [06:52] | I pull its hair just a little bit. | 尤其是我轻轻撩动她的秀发的时候 |
| [06:53] | Okay, that’s enough talk about the shirt. | 打住 T恤的话题到此为止 |
| [06:55] | I don’t know if you’ve ever tried on an older shirt, | 我不知道你有没有试过复古版的T恤 |
| [06:58] | but I’d be willing to have sex with you. | 不过我倒是很愿意和你搞一搞 |
| [07:01] | I didn’t think it was possible. | 我觉得这不大可能 |
| [07:02] | You people have ruined hibachi garlic-mango salmon for me. | 你们这些混蛋毁了我的铁板洋葱芒果三文鱼 |
| [07:05] | Well, it’s best if you laid off | 那你就去掉洋葱芒果嘛 |
| [07:06] | the garlic-mango anyway, sweetheart. | 味道会更好哦亲 |
| [07:08] | I have it once a year, and I sleep in the guest room. | 我一年就能吃上一次 吃了还只能睡客房 |
| [07:10] | You got nothing to complain about. | 所以你够了 |
| [07:12] | Yoshi’s dancing the shrimp. | 哟西正在翻炒虾仁 |
| [07:13] | He’s gonna flip it any second. | 他随时准备抛掷 |
| [07:14] | By the way, you still have some of my stuff. | 随便说一句 你那儿还有我一些东西 |
| [07:16] | I want my “Brazilliant amazonian” hair gel back. | 把我的”巴西亚马逊”发胶还给我 |
| [07:19] | Why don’t you just buy some more? | 你再去买不就好了 |
| [07:20] | They discontinued it. | 厂家不生产了 |
| [07:21] | One stupid chimp dies of cancer, | 一个二逼青年用了之后得癌症死了 |
| [07:22] | and my hair has to look like crap. | 我的头发也跟着苦逼了 |
| [07:24] | I’ll give you your precious hair gel back | 我可以把你的宝贝发胶还你 |
| [07:26] | when I get my ice cream maker back. | 不过你也得把我的冰淇淋机还我 |
| [07:27] | No way! You can get another ice cream maker, | 没门 冰淇淋机还能买得到 |
| [07:30] | I can’t get any more brazilliance. | “巴西亚马逊”再也买不到了 |
| [07:34] | The lemon is in the hat. | 柠檬已入帽 |
| [07:37] | Here comes the shrimp, folks. | 筒子们 虾仁就要有主了 |
| [07:40] | Shrimp for the pretty lady? | 花姑娘 来个虾吗 |
| [07:41] | You betcha. | 当然 |
| [07:50] | So… we ordering dessert here | 那么我们是在这里吃甜点 |
| [07:53] | or are we going out for ice cream? | 还是出门买冰淇淋 |
| [07:58] | The whole thing is dumb to begin with– | 我都要被这事蠢哭了 |
| [08:00] | tossing shrimp around in this economy. | 经济这么不景气 还要乱扔虾仁 |
| [08:02] | Plus, he was looking at me the whole night | 而且 他整晚都在盯着我看 |
| [08:04] | and then he tosses the shrimp at her? | 但最后却把虾丢给了塞布丽娜 |
| [08:06] | What kind of man shrimp-teases a woman like that? | 哪有男人这样用虾和女人调情的 |
| [08:08] | We’re still on this, I see. | 还在纠结这件事啊 |
| [08:10] | Because it’s just rude! | 谁叫他那么不懂礼貌 |
| [08:12] | And why her? | 而且 凭什么是塞布丽娜 |
| [08:14] | You don’t think it’s because she’s younger, do you? | 别跟我说就凭她比我年轻 |
| [08:16] | No. Besides, you look great for your age. | 不是 而且你都这把年纪了还是很漂亮啊 |
| [08:19] | “For my age”? | 我这把年纪 |
| [08:21] | Wait… | 等等 |
| [08:22] | I’m at the “For my age” age? | 我已经到老到要说”这把年纪”了吗 |
| [08:24] | That’s just around the corner from “good for you, | 这是说我就快到 |
| [08:26] | still staying active” age. | “真厉害啊 还保持着活力”的年纪了吗 |
| [08:28] | No, I mean… | 不是 我是说 |
| [08:31] | What’s wrong with you? | 你是怎么了 |
| [08:32] | My back. | 我的背 |
| [08:34] | Must’ve been those chairs at the restaurant. | 肯定是因为餐馆的椅子不好 |
| [08:36] | Oh, my god, and you’re at the “making bad excuses | 天啊 你这幅德行就像是到了 |
| [08:39] | for your body falling apart” age. | 要为体能下降瞎找借口的年纪了 |
| [08:43] | Are we getting old? | 我们是不是变老了 |
| [08:44] | What? No. | 啥 才没有 |
| [08:48] | Damn. | 次奥 |
| [08:49] | I’m gonna get an ice pack. | 我要去找个冰袋敷下 |
| [08:50] | But that doesn’t mean I’m getting old. | 但这并不意味着我就老了 |
| [08:52] | It’s just like every pro athlete in their prime does | 每一个身强力壮的职业运动员 |
| [08:54] | after they play a game… | 在大赛过后都会这么做的 |
| [08:56] | Or sit in an uncomfortable chair. | 有时坐了不舒服的椅子也会这样 |
| [09:00] | You think maybe we are getting old? | 你觉得我们是不是真变老了 |
| [09:02] | I’ll show you who’s getting old. | 来看看究竟谁变老了 |
| [09:05] | All right! | 好啊 |
| [09:06] | Okay! | 行啊 |
| [09:09] | Yeah! | 好哦 |
| [09:13] | Come on. | 来吧 |
| [09:15] | You come on. | 你上 |
| [09:16] | My back’s killing me. | 我的背快疼死了 |
| [09:18] | I’m exhausted. | 我也快累死了 |
| [09:19] | I’m not getting on top. | 我才不要上位 |
| [09:20] | Well, I’m not getting on top. | 我也不要 |
| [09:21] | Well, I’m not getting on top. | 我更不要 |
| [09:23] | Jimmy! | 吉米 |
| [09:24] | I can hear you through the wall, | 我一直隔墙听着呢 |
| [09:26] | and I’m not settling it! | 这事别找我 |
| [09:31] | We are old. | 我们真的老了 |
| [09:36] | How did this happen to us? | 怎么会这样呢 |
| [09:38] | First the shrimp, then your back. | 先是那虾 然后又是你的背 |
| [09:40] | I mean, other than the seven | 想想我怀胎九月 |
| [09:41] | out of the nine months I was pregnant, | 除了养胎的七个月 |
| [09:43] | we used to party every night. | 我们哪一天不是夜夜笙歌的 |
| [09:46] | Getting old isn’t so bad. | 变老又不是什么坏事呀 |
| [09:48] | You can say whatever the hell you want, | 随你说什么疯话傻话 |
| [09:50] | nobody pays any attention. | 都没人管 |
| [09:52] | Maw maw, stop babbling. | 奶奶 别瞎插话 |
| [09:53] | We’re trying to talk about something here. | 我们在谈正经事呢 |
| [09:55] | We need to start acting younger. | 我们应该更有青春的活力一些 |
| [09:57] | I say we go get those shoes with the wheels in them. | 不然去试试那些带轱辘的鞋 |
| [10:01] | You’re right. If those 40-year-olds on Glee | 你说得对 《合唱团》那帮演员都快四十了 |
| [10:03] | can act like teenagers, then so can we. | 还能演高中生 那我们也行 |
| [10:11] | Thank you for supporting this worthy cause. | 感谢各位对此项伟大事业的慷慨解囊 |
| [10:13] | Now, for every dollar donation to fight ABS, | 现在 每位报名参赛的选手 |
| [10:16] | you get the chance to try and catch | 都有机会与我们纳什维尔的大球星里卡多 |
| [10:17] | a pitch from natesville’s own Ricardo Montes. | 在棒球上一决高低 |
| [10:20] | And if you do, you win free groceries for an entire week. | 胜出者在超市一星期内的消费都可以免单哟 |
| [10:26] | So good luck, everyone. | 祝大家好运 |
| [10:28] | Throw the heat. | 扔狠点 |
| [10:31] | I only know one speed. | 我扔球时只有一个速度 |
| [10:34] | Bullet. | 那就是快如子弹 |
| [10:38] | Toma. | 中 |
| [10:44] | Ugh. Well hello, Wyatt. | 你好 怀特 |
| [10:46] | What are you doing here? | 你来这干什么 |
| [10:48] | Just buying crappy hair products | 买点烂护发产品 |
| [10:49] | that, whoop-de-do, didn’t give a monkey cancer. | 噢啦啦 不能让猴子得癌症哟 |
| [10:52] | Well, you know, I did tell you | 我告诉过你 |
| [10:53] | that can have your rain forest hair goop back | 只要你把冰激凌机还给我 |
| [10:54] | as soon as I get my ice cream maker. | 你马上就能拿回那什么热带雨林发胶 |
| [10:56] | That sounds like a fair deal to me. | 不是挺公平的嘛这 |
| [10:57] | Fair? | 公平 |
| [10:58] | She gave me that ice cream maker for my birthday. | 那台冰淇淋机是她作为生日礼物送我的 |
| [11:01] | Really? It was… it was a gift? | 真的吗 原来是生日礼物啊 |
| [11:02] | A gift that I gave to you while we were in a relationship, | 那礼物是我们谈恋爱时送你的 |
| [11:05] | which we are not anymore, so it is no longer a gift. | 但我们都分了 所以那也不算是礼物了 |
| [11:07] | That is crazy. | 瞎扯吧你 |
| [11:08] | You broke up with me. | 是你跟我提的分手 |
| [11:09] | Only ’cause I was sick of your face, Wyatt. | 还不是因为你这张脸看起来太烦人了 怀特 |
| [11:11] | How is that my fault? | 这又不是我的错 |
| [11:12] | Listen, just give me my ice cream maker back. | 听着 把我的冰淇淋机还给我 |
| [11:14] | You are wearing my dead grandma’s earrings. | 你还戴着我死去奶奶的耳环呢 |
| [11:16] | Why don’t you give those back? | 你怎么不还给我啊 |
| [11:17] | When your dead grandmother asks for them back, | 等你死去的奶奶来要 |
| [11:18] | I will give them back. | 我就还 |
| [11:23] | You guys ever hear of a relationship rule | 你们有没有听说过这样一条恋爱规则 |
| [11:25] | where after you break up with someone, | 当你跟某人分手之后 |
| [11:27] | you have to give them back everything they gave you, | 就得归还他们送你的所有东西 |
| [11:29] | even if it was a gift? | 即便是作为礼物送出去的 |
| [11:31] | Even if it was a gift? | 即便是作为礼物送出去的 |
| [11:33] | No. That sounds like something some kooky chick made up. | 没有 听起来像是哪个疯婆子瞎编的 |
| [11:37] | That’s why the only gifts I give my lovers | 所以我给前女友们的礼物 |
| [11:38] | are the things that I do with my mouth, | 都是用嘴来的 |
| [11:40] | so if they want to return such gifts after we break up, | 如果我们分手后她们想归还的话 |
| [11:44] | that’s up to them. | 就随她们便咯 |
| [11:46] | I agree. | 握爪 |
| [11:48] | When my ex-wife and I split up, | 我跟前妻离婚的时候 |
| [11:49] | I let her keep our vacation condo, | 我把我们的度假屋留给她了 |
| [11:51] | and she let me keep the mortgage on our vacation condo. | 而她把我们度假屋的贷款留给我了 |
| [11:55] | Marriage– really great decision. | 婚姻啊 真是美妙的决定 |
| [11:58] | Hey, Jimmy… | 吉米 |
| [11:59] | I’ll see you tomorrow. It’s on. | 明天见 开战 |
| [12:02] | What does he mean, “It’s on”? | 他说”开战”是什么意思 |
| [12:03] | Ugh. I was fighting with Wyatt. | 我在跟怀特吵架 |
| [12:04] | Things were said, names were called, | 脏话也骂了 狠话也撂了 |
| [12:06] | body part sizes were mocked. | 那什么的尺寸也嘲笑过了 |
| [12:08] | Long story short, he’s racing you in the 1k, | 长话短说 他要跟你在漫步活动中比赛 |
| [12:10] | and when you win, I’m gonna get my ice cream maker back. | 要是你赢了 我就能拿回我的冰淇淋机 |
| [12:13] | I have to compete in a walk-race against Wyatt | 为了个冰淇淋机 |
| [12:14] | just for an ice cream maker? | 就要我跟怀特赛走 |
| [12:15] | An ice cream maker, my honor, your pride. | 就是一个冰淇淋机 大人 殿下 |
| [12:17] | Whatever you need to motivate you to man-up and beat his ass. | 要怎样来激励你雄起打他个落花流水 您开口 |
| [12:20] | I love you… unless you lose. | 我爱你 但如果你输了可就不好说了 |
| [12:25] | Oh, great! | 这下好了 |
| [12:26] | Now I have to compete in a race | 现在为了个我压根不信的东西 |
| [12:28] | for something I don’t even believe in. | 我要跟别人比赛了 |
| [12:29] | I am with you. | 我同意 |
| [12:30] | This ABS thing sounds totally made up. | 那什么ABS听上去完全是就是扯淡 |
| [12:40] | Oh, what’s all that? | 这都是什么 |
| [12:42] | Ah, your mom and I wanted to get new outfits, | 我跟你妈想买些新衣服 |
| [12:44] | so I went to the cool store at the fancy mall. | 所以我去了大商场里的一家很酷的店 |
| [12:46] | I think it’s called apple-crappy and felch. | 好像叫烂苹果吸精 |
| [12:49] | Ah, pretty sure it’s not. | 肯定不叫这个名字 |
| [12:50] | – Hey, can I ask you a question? – Sure. | -可以问你个问题吗 -问吧 |
| [12:52] | Sabrina’s been fighting with Wyatt, | 塞布丽娜在跟怀特吵架 |
| [12:53] | but she’s the one who’s wrong, so how do I…? | 但其实是她不对 我要怎么 |
| [12:56] | Easy. You don’t. Ever. | 简单 千万别嘴贱 |
| [12:58] | But she’s really wrong. | 但真是她错了 |
| [13:00] | Listen, when your mother and I were younger, | 听着 我和你妈年轻时 |
| [13:02] | I used to point out when she was wrong all the time, | 她一犯错我就会指出来 |
| [13:04] | but then we would argue, | 但接着我们就会争吵不休 |
| [13:05] | which would stress you out, you’d poop your pants, | 吵得你抓狂 吵得你拉裤子 |
| [13:07] | and she’d be mad at me for weeks. | 她就会因此跟我生好几个礼拜的气 |
| [13:09] | So now, as long as she’s not arguing with me, | 所以现在只要她不是跟我吵 |
| [13:11] | no matter how wrong she is, I just back her up. | 不管她错得多离谱 我都站她那一边 |
| [13:14] | I’m telling you, Mel Gibson is Jewish. | 告诉你 梅尔·吉布森是犹太人 |
| [13:17] | I saw something about it on TV. | 我在电视上看到的 |
| [13:19] | His father’s either a rabbi or a nazi hunter, right, Burt? | 他老爸不是犹太教士就是反纳粹 对吧伯特 |
| [13:22] | That’s right, honey. | 对 亲爱的 |
| [13:24] | I’m telling you, it’s a giant. | 告诉你 这是巨人 |
| [13:26] | No! I’m telling you, | 不 我告诉你 |
| [13:28] | the big green guy on the can of peas is the Hulk, | 豌豆罐上的绿色大人是无敌浩克 |
| [13:31] | and he gets angry when you don’t buy his vegetables. | 要是你不买他的蔬菜 他就会发火 |
| [13:33] | – Right, Burt? – That’s right, honey. | -对吧伯特 -对 亲爱的 |
| [13:35] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [13:36] | I am telling you, | 我告诉你 |
| [13:38] | that cute, little black kid on the TV wrote a dictionary. | 电视上那个可爱的黑娃子写了部字典 |
| [13:42] | That’s why he never acted again. | 所以他息影了 |
| [13:44] | He didn’t have to, right, Burt? | 他没那个必要了 对吧伯特 |
| [13:45] | That’s right, honey. | 对 亲爱的 |
| [13:47] | The basic fact is, you can either be happily married, | 你要搞清楚 要么鸾凤和鸣 |
| [13:50] | or you can be right, but you can’t be both. | 要么追求正义 但二者不可兼得 |
| [13:52] | Dit-dit-dit! | 咳咳 有情况 |
| [13:55] | Hey, you bought us clothes, too? | 你也给我们买了衣服吗 |
| [13:57] | So did I. I went to that suburban outfitters place. | 我也买了 我去了郊区的服装店 |
| [14:01] | The gal told me these were totes cool, and I totes agreed. | 那妹纸跟我说这些超赞 我也超觉得 |
| [14:04] | So you and I are totes gonna wear ’em out to a club tonight | 所以我们今晚超得穿上这些去夜店 |
| [14:08] | and totes have a totes unreal time. | 去享受超梦幻的一晚 |
| [14:10] | How random is that? | 多逍遥 |
| [14:11] | – You sound young as hell. – Thanks, brah. | -你听起来真有青春的活力 -多谢 小哥 |
| [14:24] | Burt, everybody’s looking at their phones. | 伯特 大家都在看手机 |
| [14:26] | We should look at our phones, too. | 我们也应该把手机拿出来看 |
| [14:34] | Burt, Virginia, look at you out past 9:00. | 伯特 维吉妮亚 晚九点后还能看到你们啊 |
| [14:38] | Good for you, staying active. | 真厉害啊 还保持着活力啊 |
| [14:40] | No, we’re not staying active. We are active. | 我们才不用保持活力 我们一直都活力四射 |
| [14:43] | Why are you carrying that flat version of yourself around? | 你干嘛搬着自己的人形纸板 |
| [14:46] | Oh, Barney lets me borrow him at night. | 巴尼同意我晚上借他一用 |
| [14:48] | Uh, you see, I’m-I’m in a committed relationship, | 你知道的 我是个忠于妻子的丈夫 |
| [14:50] | but, uh, he… he can get all the tail he wants. | 但他可以去搞所有想搞的女人 |
| [14:53] | So, later in the night, | 所以 晚点的时候 |
| [14:55] | if there is a mix-up, no one is the wiser. | 如果有情况 他就是上选了 |
| [14:59] | Hey, flat guy and his wingman, come on in. | 纸板人和操控纸板的人 进来 |
| [15:03] | Come with me. You can be our entourage. | 跟我来 你们可以跟我们一起进来 |
| [15:11] | I’m going to need to see some I.D. | 给我看看身份证 |
| [15:13] | What? Really? | 什么 真的吗 |
| [15:15] | I mean, of course. | 我是说 没问题 |
| [15:17] | He wants to see some I.D. | 他要看身份证 |
| [15:19] | Here you go. | 给 |
| [15:22] | Okay. Sorry, you just look a lot younger than you actually are. | 好了 抱歉 你只是看着太显小了 |
| [15:25] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [15:27] | And you are very good at your job. | 你工作做得真好 |
| [15:29] | I’m sure it’s a lot harder than it looks, | 这工作肯定比看起来难多了 |
| [15:30] | standing in front of a door, holding a clipboard. | 站在门前 抱着个笔记板什么的 |
| [15:33] | Probably need to see my I.D., too. | 恐怕也要看看我的身份证吧 |
| [15:35] | Uh, not with that much ear hair. | 看你这耳毛的量就不必了 |
| [15:39] | Look on the bright side, baby. | 往好处想 亲爱的 |
| [15:41] | You got yourself a trophy wife. | 你坐拥一个软妹老婆 |
| [15:49] | Aah! Oh, man! | 吓死爹了 |
| [15:52] | Is it gonna be this loud the whole time? | 声音一直会这么大吗 |
| [15:59] | And though that date was going well, | 尽管约会的气氛不错 |
| [16:01] | and I thought it would lead to another, and | 我以为还会有下一次 |
| [16:03] | maybe finally finding the love of my life, | 也许我终于找到了真爱 |
| [16:06] | unfortunately, somebody else was on that date. | 但很不幸 那是别人的真爱 |
| [16:09] | And his initials were “ABS.” | 而且他的姓名缩写还是ABS |
| [16:11] | All right, Jimmy, all you got to do is just go out there | 吉米 你只要一心奔向终点就好 |
| [16:14] | and just win back what’s rightfully mine. | 赢回本应属于我的东西 |
| [16:16] | Okay, I’ll do my best to win back the ice cream maker | 好的 我会尽全力赢回冰淇淋机 |
| [16:20] | that, though you gave it to Wyatt as a gift, | 尽管那是你送给怀特的礼物 |
| [16:21] | is still rightfully yours. | 仍然应当属于你 |
| [16:23] | That’s all I ask for. | 那是我的全部要求 |
| [16:31] | – What the hell is up with your hair? – Nothing. | -你头发是搞神马东东 -没啥 |
| [16:33] | Just decided to touch it up a little, that’s all. | 就稍微染了一下 仅此而已 |
| [16:36] | Well, you look like one of those birds | 你看上去就像”瓦尔德兹”漏油事件中 |
| [16:37] | from that Juan Valdez oil spill. | 沾上石油的鸟一样 |
| [16:39] | Oh, please. It’s such a double-standard. | 还双重标准了嘿 |
| [16:42] | How come you get to cheat to look younger? | 你伪装年轻就行啊 |
| [16:45] | I’ve seen your drawer in the bathroom. | 我看见厕所里的发票了 |
| [16:47] | It’s one set of vampire fangs away from being a special effects studio. | 你从特效工作室买了组吸血鬼假牙 |
| [16:54] | And once I’d cleaned her tile floor, | 有一次我打扫她的瓷砖地板 |
| [16:55] | and she loaned me a robe, | 她借给我一套浴衣 |
| [16:56] | I thought we had really bonded, | 我还以为我们真的在一起了 |
| [16:59] | but she never returned my calls. | 但她后来就不跟我联系了 |
| [17:02] | They never do. | 她们都不联系我 |
| [17:06] | And now, here to start our race, | 现在 准备开始比赛 |
| [17:08] | our ABS spokesman, Ricardo Montes. | 有请ABS代言人 里卡多·蒙特斯 |
| [17:16] | I will be honest, i did not know what ABS was, | 说实话我之前不知道ABS是啥 |
| [17:20] | and I have now realized that it is the poopy disease, | 我现在知道了 原来就是便便疾病 |
| [17:24] | Uh, so I will not risk startling you by firing the gun to start. | 为了不吓到你们 我就不鸣枪了 |
| [17:29] | I’ll just yell, “Go!” | 我就直接喊”开始” |
| [17:32] | Uh, but understand that when I say “Go,” | 搞清楚哈 我喊”开始”的时候 |
| [17:35] | I, um… I don’t mean… Go, right? | 我不是让肚子开始 明白吧 |
| [17:41] | You know, I’ll just quietly say, “Walk.” | 不然我就轻声说”开走”好了 |
| [17:47] | Walk. | 开走 |
| [17:57] | Why are you walking so fast? | 你干啥走这么快 |
| [17:58] | I’m not walking that fast. | 我走得不快啊 |
| [17:59] | I’m just walking at the speed a young man walks at. | 年轻人都这速度 |
| [18:02] | What up with that, yo? | 跟不上了吧 |
| [18:03] | This is not a competition. | 咱又不比这个 |
| [18:06] | Says the old woman who’s losing. | 看来某老女人要输了 |
| [18:09] | I’ve been really nice up to now, Burt, | 我一直都挺客气的 伯特 |
| [18:10] | but you’re being ridiculous. | 是你在无理取闹 |
| [18:12] | I’m a year and eight months younger than you. | 我比你年轻一年零八个月呢 |
| [18:14] | LOL. | 咩哈哈 |
| [18:15] | Hashtag… You couldn’t keep up with me if you wanted to. | #你想追也追不上我# |
| [18:18] | Hashtag, Virginia is awesome. | #维吉妮亚无敌# |
| [18:20] | Reply all. | 回复给所有人 |
| [18:25] | Why do you even care about this? | 你这么认真干什么 |
| [18:26] | You know she’s wrong. | 你明知道是她错了 |
| [18:27] | – I don’t necessarily know that. – You know it. | -我才没有 -你就有 |
| [18:30] | And you’re still trying to beat me so you can take my ice cream maker | 你还是想打败我 好赢回冰淇淋机 |
| [18:32] | when you already have everything. | 但你已经啥都有了 |
| [18:33] | Everything? Everything I have is secondhand. | 啥都有了 我有的都是二手的 |
| [18:36] | I mean, do you know what it’s like to have another man’s name sewn into | 你知道内裤腰带上绣着其他男人的名字 |
| [18:38] | the waistband of your underpants? | 是啥感觉吗 |
| [18:39] | It doesn’t matter. That’s nothing. | 这有什么 这什么都不算 |
| [18:40] | Sabrina was all I had, and you took her from me. | 塞布丽娜是我的一切 你把她夺走了 |
| [18:43] | I’m never going to get married | 我失去了我的真爱 |
| [18:44] | ’cause I lost the love of my life to you. | 我永远都结不了婚了 |
| [18:47] | Congratulations on having it all. | 恭喜你啥都有了 |
| [18:49] | Are you crying? | 你这是哭了吗 |
| [18:50] | No! | 才没有 |
| [18:51] | I kind of felt sorry for Wyatt. | 我有点替怀特感到遗憾了 |
| [18:53] | It seemed like he really needed a win. | 感觉他真的需要赢一次 |
| [18:55] | But still, I didn’t want to disappoint Sabrina. | 但我又不想让塞布丽娜失望 |
| [18:57] | Faster! He’s pulling ahead! | 快点 他超过去了 |
| [19:00] | I mean, uh, Hope, winning and losing doesn’t matter. | 喜旺 我是说 输赢不重要 |
| [19:03] | It’s trying that counts. | 尽全力就好 |
| [19:04] | Pick up the pace, sally! | 加快脚步 爆发吧 |
| [19:08] | Walk, Wyatt! Walk! | 快走 怀特 快走 |
| [19:10] | Walk! Walk like the love of your parents depends on it! | 快走 爹娘爱不爱你就看你行不行啦 |
| [19:14] | Give it up, Virginia. | 放弃吧 维吉妮亚 |
| [19:15] | You look like you’re chasing after a school bus | 你看着像睡过头了20年 |
| [19:17] | you overslept by 20 years. | 还妄想去追校车似的 |
| [19:18] | Well, the way your hair dye is running down the side of your head, | 你头上的染发剂从两侧留下来的摸样 |
| [19:20] | you look like a old man candle. | 就像根老人活蜡烛一样 |
| [19:22] | And then, with my parents arguing, i couldn’t even concentrate. | 我爹妈吵得我都无法集中精力了 |
| [19:26] | Fine, but at least I look totes younger than you. | 好吧 但至少我看起来比你超年轻多了 |
| [19:29] | Would you stop saying totes, Burt? You’re not even saying it right. | 伯特 你都说不对”超” 就别说了好吗 |
| [19:31] | I totally totes am. What do you think, Jimmy? | 我就是超对的 你怎么看 吉米 |
| [19:34] | Who looks younger– your mother, or me? | 谁看起来更年轻 你妈还是我 |
| [19:35] | Yeah, Jimmy, who’s younger? | 吉米 谁年轻 |
| [19:37] | Jimmy, catch up to him! | 吉米 快追上他啊 |
| [19:39] | Well, who’s younger? | 快说 谁年轻 |
| [19:40] | Yeah, who’s younger? | 就是 谁年轻 |
| [19:42] | I didn’t know what to do. | 我不知道该怎么办 |
| [19:43] | Choose my mother or my father? | 选我妈还是我爸 |
| [19:45] | Let Wyatt win? Make Sabrina happy? | 让怀特赢还是让塞布丽娜开心 |
| [19:47] | In the end, I decided to go with my gut. | 最后 我决定跟着感觉走 |
| [19:55] | And at that moment, my gut decided it had to go. | 在那一刻 我得跟着肠子的感觉走 |
| [20:02] | No! No! | 不 不 |
| [20:04] | No! No! | 不 不 |
| [20:06] | Who wants homemade ice cream? | 谁想吃自制冰淇淋啊 |
| [20:08] | I do! | 我想吃 |
| [20:12] | You okay? | 你没事吧 |
| [20:15] | Uh, I think I pulled something. | 我可能拉伤了 |
| [20:23] | Here… let me help you. | 来 我帮你 |
| [20:25] | No, you finish. You were right. | 不 你到终点了 你是对的 |
| [20:27] | Maybe it’s time for me to admit that I’m not young anymore. | 也许我该承认我不再年轻了 |
| [20:30] | So? | 那又怎样 |
| [20:31] | Maybe we’re both getting old. | 也许我们都在变老了 |
| [20:34] | At least we’ll grow old together. | 至少我们是一起变老的 |
| [20:36] | Oh, that’s sweet, baby. | 好感人 宝贝儿么么哒 |
| [20:38] | Aah! Hair dye in my eyes! | 染发剂流到眼睛里了 |
| [20:40] | Hair dye in my eyes! | 染发剂流到眼睛里了 |
| [20:42] | I’ll be your eyes, baby. | 我就是你的双眼 宝贝儿 |
| [20:43] | Bear left, bear left. | 向左转 左转 |
| [20:45] | That’s when mom and dad realized you couldn’t avoid growing old, | 我爸妈最终意识到 变老是无法避免的 |
| [20:48] | but it was all right, | 但这无关紧要 |
| [20:49] | as long as they were going to do it together | 至少他们可以一起变老 |
| [20:51] | and help each other over the finish line. | 并相互扶持到终点 |
| [20:53] | Turn around, Burt! | 向后转 伯特 |
| [20:54] | When you’re in a relationship, | 当你身在一段感情之中 |
| [20:56] | You have to find ways to support each other. | 你得找到互相支持的方法 |
| [21:02] | Even if it’s in a way your partner might not expect. | 即使那会和爱人期待的有所出入 |
| [21:12] | Mom also learned that no matter how young you are, | 妈妈还意识到不管你多么年轻 |
| [21:15] | There is always somebody younger. | 总有人比你更年轻 |
| [21:17] | Shrimp for the pretty lady? | 花姑娘 来个虾吗 |