| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:01] | Well, you’re right, Maw Maw. | 你说得对 奶奶 |
| [00:03] | The old gray mare, | 那匹老灰马 |
| [00:04] | she ain’t what she used to be. | 她早已青春不再 |
| [00:07] | You’re not gonna believe what I just saw. | 你肯定不相信我刚看到了什么 |
| [00:09] | I just watched an 86-year-old woman | 我刚看了一个86岁的老女人 |
| [00:10] | giving herself a Brazilian wax. | 在给自己做巴西式热腊脱毛 |
| [00:12] | Try me. | 继续 |
| [00:13] | I was mowing Anderson’s yard, | 在安德森家的院子里除草的时候 |
| [00:15] | and I heard this commotion. | 我听到了骚动声 |
| [00:16] | I would go over the bushes into the park, | 我穿过灌木丛进入公园 |
| [00:18] | and I saw him forcing his way on top of her. | 看到一个大叔强行推倒了萝莉 |
| [00:21] | Oh my god. | 天呐 |
| [00:23] | Burt! | 伯特 |
| [00:23] | It was horrible. I just finally get away. | 太可怕了 我刚离开现场 |
| [00:25] | What did you do? | 那你是怎么做的 |
| [00:26] | I shouted, “Get off of her!” | 我冲他喊 放开那个萝莉 |
| [00:28] | He looked up at me with that caught look in his eye. | 他抬头看到我 一脸被抓现行的表情 |
| [00:30] | He took off running. | 然后就跑路了 |
| [00:31] | Was she okay? | 那她怎么样了 |
| [00:32] | I don’t know. She scurried up a tree and was gone. | 不知道 她蹿上树不见了 |
| [00:36] | Burt… are we talking about a human? | 伯特 你说的这是人类吗 |
| [00:39] | Squirrel. | 是松鼠 |
| [00:40] | Damn it, Burt. | 见鬼 伯特 |
| [00:41] | If you’re going to come home with these stories, | 讲这种事情之前 |
| [00:43] | you have to lead with the species, | 把物种先交待清楚好吗 |
| [00:45] | so I know if I should care or not. | 害我瞎紧张 |
| [00:46] | Well, that’s easy for you to say. | 站着说话不腰疼 |
| [00:48] | You’re not on the front lines of Mother Nature’s twisted playground. | 你又没亲临过大自然邪恶的游乐场 |
| [00:51] | I’m faced with squirrel rapists, | 而我亲眼见识了松鼠强奸犯 |
| [00:53] | birds ripping innocent worms from their homes, | 小鸟把无辜的虫虫拖出家门 |
| [00:55] | and I saw that whole family get electrocuted. | 还有小动物全家都遭电刑致死 |
| [00:58] | They were moths. | 不就是蛾子吗 |
| [01:00] | I bet you’d be crying your eyes out | 我敢说如果换成蝴蝶 |
| [01:01] | if it was a family of butterflies. | 你非把眼泪哭干不可 |
| [01:04] | A moth is just an ugly butterfly, Virginia. | 飞蛾就是丑一点的蝴蝶啊 维吉妮亚 |
| [01:07] | Racist. | 你种族歧视 |
| [01:19] | Do not get out of that bed, Hope. | 别下床哦 喜旺 |
| [01:21] | You hear how low my voice is? | 你听到我声音有多低了吧 |
| [01:23] | That means I’m serious. | 这说明我是认真的 |
| [01:29] | Good parenting, Jimmy. | 教女有方 吉米 |
| [01:30] | Kids will do anything if you just say it low enough. | 只要声音够低沉 就不怕管不好小孩 |
| [01:32] | Run to the store. | 快去趟商店 |
| [01:33] | We need some more beer. | 啤酒不够了 |
| [01:34] | And take 45 minutes. | 过45分钟再回来 |
| [01:35] | Your father and I are feeling frisky. | 我和你爸饥渴难耐了 |
| [01:37] | 30 minutes should be fine. | 半个小时就够了 |
| [01:39] | Okay, I know it’s stupid, but I have tried everything else. | 我知道这样很蠢 但我没别的办法了 |
| [01:44] | Okay, Sabrina’s here. | 塞布丽娜来了 |
| [01:45] | I’m gonna start the intervention, | 我要开始教育她了 |
| [01:47] | but you two promised to help. | 说好了要帮忙的哦 |
| [01:51] | Hey, guys. | 大家好 |
| [01:51] | Enough talk– it’s time for you to listen. | 废话少说 听从教育 |
| [01:53] | Now sit down. | 坐下 |
| [01:54] | You’re up, Jimmy. | 上 吉米 |
| [01:58] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [02:01] | You know I love you, | 你知道我是爱你的 |
| [02:03] | and as difficult as this may be, I think it’s time | 也许这有点困难 我想是时候该 |
| [02:06] | that we have an honest, heart-to-heart talk about something | 针对一个我们一致关注的问题 |
| [02:09] | that we all feel is becoming a problem. | 促膝长谈一次了 |
| [02:12] | Okay, yes, sometimes I eat dirt. | 好吧我承认我有时会吃土 |
| [02:14] | So what? Einstein ate dirt– Einstein. | 那又怎样 爱因斯坦也吃土 爱因斯坦啊 |
| [02:19] | This wasn’t about the dirt, was it? | 不是吃土的问题 对吧 |
| [02:22] | Is this about me mentally counting | 是因为我会默数 |
| [02:24] | the number of words I say in every sentence? 13. | 自己所说的每句话的单词数吗 13个 |
| [02:26] | You know what? Burt was right. I should just listen, okay. | 好吧伯特是对的 我乖乖听着吧 |
| [02:28] | We feel you– once in a while, but not often, | 我们觉得你…有那么几次…并不很多 |
| [02:32] | yet more than we’d like, but sometimes… | 但我们有点介意…有时候… |
| [02:35] | Don’t pull your weight when it comes to taking care of Hope. | 轮到你照顾喜旺的时候别避重就轻 |
| [02:38] | Sorry, Jimmy, but the baby would have been a grown-up | 抱歉 吉米 等你说完 |
| [02:39] | by the time you finished that sentence. | 孩子都长大成人了 |
| [02:41] | I do lots of stuff with Hope. | 我经常带喜旺啊 |
| [02:43] | Yeah, but you only do the fun stuff. | 没错 但你只带她去玩 |
| [02:51] | I thought you were taking her to the dentist. | 你不是带她去看牙医了吗 |
| [02:54] | Oh, did you say “dentist”? | 你说的是”看牙医”啊 |
| [02:56] | Because we both thought you said “Play in the mud.” | 我们还以为是”玩泥巴”呢 |
| [02:58] | I’m gonna grab some towels and we can clean her up. | 我去拿毛巾 咱们帮她擦干净 |
| [03:13] | W-where have you been? | 你跑到哪里去了 |
| [03:14] | We sent you out for socks. | 不是让你买袜子吗 |
| [03:15] | We’re late for the church pageant. | 教堂演出要迟到了 |
| [03:17] | We went to the carnival. | 我们去了嘉年华 |
| [03:20] | Show her what we won. | 给她看我们的战利品 |
| [03:22] | You’re gonna need to buy a filter and a tank for that | 你得在三小时内给它买好 |
| [03:24] | within the next three hours. | 过滤器和水槽 |
| [03:25] | Bye, Hope. | 再见 喜旺 |
| [03:25] | Bye, Mr. Swimmy-pants. | 再见 泳裤先生 |
| [03:29] | Hair, gum. | 头上那是口香糖 |
| [03:31] | Bummer. | 不想弄了 |
| [03:37] | Okay, you’re right. I do avoid the tough stuff. | 你说得对 我的确避重就轻 |
| [03:38] | It’s okay. You can change. | 没关系 你可以做出改变 |
| [03:42] | What if it’s hereditary? | 万一这是遗传的呢 |
| [03:43] | What if I just don’t have the parenting gene? | 万一我天生就不会带孩子怎么办 |
| [03:46] | Okay, it’s called geophagy. | 我那叫做食土癖 |
| [03:47] | I sense you have questions. Go ahead. | 我感觉你有问题 问吧 |
| [03:50] | Do you have to wash your hands before you eat dirt? | 吃土前要洗手吗 |
| [03:51] | If it falls on the ground, is there a five-second rule? | 如果掉在地上 五秒原则还有效么 |
| [03:53] | Have you ever tried sand? | 你有没有试过吃沙 |
| [03:54] | Is Mexican dirt spicy? | 墨西哥的土是不是辣的 |
| [03:56] | If you swallow an apple seed, will you poop a tree? | 如果吞下了苹果的种子 会拉出苹果树吗 |
| [03:59] | Oh, she’s up again. | 她又起床了 |
| [04:02] | Oh, it’s the fifth time. | 这都第五次了 |
| [04:07] | Hope, you have to go to bed. | 喜旺 你必须上床睡觉 |
| [04:09] | No. | 不要 |
| [04:11] | I don’t know what to do. | 我无计可施了 |
| [04:12] | My voice doesn’t go any lower than this. | 我的声音已经不能再低了 |
| [04:15] | You want to find out if you have the parenting gene? | 你不是想知道自己会不会带孩子吗 |
| [04:16] | Why don’t you spend the next two hours | 接下来的两个小时 |
| [04:18] | trying to keep her in that bed? | 就试着不让她下床吧 |
| [04:20] | Okay, I can do this. | 行 交给我 |
| [04:26] | Hope, | 喜旺 |
| [04:27] | it’s bedtime. | 该睡了 |
| [04:28] | I want you to go into your room, | 我要你回房去 |
| [04:30] | and I want you to get in your bed, | 爬上床 |
| [04:32] | and I don’t want you to come out until morning. Okay? | 明早之前都待在里面 好吗 |
| [04:35] | Okay. | 好的 |
| [04:43] | I’m gonna be good at this. | 我还真是擅长育儿啊 |
| [04:48] | It’s killing you, isn’t it? | 纠结了吧 |
| [04:50] | Of course. | 当然 |
| [04:50] | I’m a landscaper. I’m surrounded by dirt. | 我是个扫庭院的 每天被土包围着 |
| [04:53] | What if I’ve been wasting money on food my whole life? | 我这大半辈子买吃的不会都是在浪费钱吧 |
| [04:56] | Did you see that? | 你们看到了吗 |
| [04:57] | Hope went into the bedroom. | 喜旺回房睡觉了 |
| [04:59] | She’s never done that for me. | 我让她睡她从来不听我的 |
| [05:00] | Look, don’t beat yourself up about it. | 别因为这个折磨自己 |
| [05:02] | You’re like a Mr. Mom. | 你就像个温柔妈妈 |
| [05:04] | Maybe Hope sees Sabrina as the Mrs. Dad, | 喜旺大概是把塞布丽娜当作严厉爸爸了 |
| [05:06] | you know, the one who lays down the law. | 立下规矩的都是爸爸 |
| [05:08] | There are tons of sensitive, nurturing fathers | 全国有成千上万个 |
| [05:12] | raising kids all over America | 娘兮兮的奶爸 |
| [05:13] | and on almost every TV show– | 电视上也尽是这样的肥皂剧 |
| [05:15] | except for Tim Allen. | 只有蒂姆·艾伦不是 |
| [05:17] | He’s all man. | 人家才是纯爷们 |
| [05:19] | Anyway, my point is, Hope will be proud of you | 总之 我认为 不管你是什么德行 |
| [05:22] | no matter what you are, | 喜旺都会为你自豪的 |
| [05:23] | just the same way you’re proud of your dad. | 就像不管你爹什么德行 你也会以他为傲的 |
| [05:28] | Nope, nope. | 不 不 |
| [05:29] | I’m still gonna need to pack a lunch. | 我以后中午还是得带盒饭吃 |
| [05:49] | Burt. | 伯特 |
| [05:51] | I saw him. | 我看见了 |
| [05:52] | I saw the squirrel. | 我看见那只猥琐的松鼠了 |
| [05:53] | Beady little eyes, fluffy white tail? | 棕色小眼睛和白毛尾巴的那只吗 |
| [05:55] | Yes, he’s a monster. | 就是他 就是那只禽兽 |
| [05:57] | Right there in broad daylight. | 光天化日之下无法无天 |
| [05:59] | He saw me watching, | 他知道我在看 |
| [06:00] | and I think he liked it. | 我想他喜欢被围观 |
| [06:02] | That little pervert has no shame. | 那小变态简直是道德败坏 无羞无耻啊 |
| [06:03] | We got to do something about this. | 我们得采取措施 |
| [06:05] | If we don’t help the victims, who will? | 如果我们袖手旁观 那谁帮受害者啊 |
| [06:07] | The possums, the groundhogs? | 难道指望负鼠和土拨鼠吗 |
| [06:09] | They’re afraid of their own shadow. | 自己的影子都能把他们吓个半死 |
| [06:11] | Humans are the smartest in the animal kingdom, | 人类是动物王国中最聪明的 |
| [06:13] | except possibly the dolphins, | 也许只比海豚笨点 |
| [06:15] | but those arrogant bastards aren’t gonna do a damn thing. | 但那些自负的海豚又能做什么呢 |
| [06:18] | So what are we gonna do? | 那我们该怎么办 |
| [06:20] | We are going to make it our life’s mission | 现在这件事就是我们的人生目标 |
| [06:21] | to catch that squirrel and put an end | 一定要抓住这只猥琐松鼠 |
| [06:23] | to his rampage of unwelcome humping. | 阻止他继续这种令人恶心的乱搞行为 |
| [06:25] | This might be the most important thing we ever do. | 这将是我们人生中最大的壮举 |
| [06:35] | Hey, you guys don’t see me as a Mr. Mom, do you? | 你们不会也觉得我像个”男妈妈”一样吧 |
| [06:38] | Not me. | 我不这么想 |
| [06:39] | I just think of you as a guy who’s obsessed with his kid– | 我只是觉得你带孩子上瘾 |
| [06:42] | driving her all around, | 天天带着到处转 |
| [06:44] | making sure her tights match her outfit. | 还得担心她的衣服配不配她的裤子 |
| [06:46] | That’s exactly what a Mr. Mom does. | 你这不就是在描述”男妈妈”呢 |
| [06:49] | Oh, then, you are getting a mug on Mr. Mother’s Day. | 那你肯定能在”男妈妈节”那天抱个大奖回来 |
| [06:52] | You know, I must concur with Frank. | 我和弗兰克想得一样 |
| [06:54] | The James we all know has a tender heart | 我们认识的詹姆士就是一个心地善良 |
| [06:56] | and a gentler touch, | 性格更是温顺的人 |
| [06:57] | which is why I always have you stack the avocados. | 所以我每次都找你做堆鳄梨这种细活呢 |
| [07:00] | So what? | 那又如何 |
| [07:01] | You’re a maternal guy with beautiful, soft hands. | 你双手细腻 全身都散发着母性光辉 |
| [07:04] | There are worse things you could be. | 这也不是特别糟糕的事啊 |
| [07:06] | True, I could be a dirt-eater. | 是啊 我还没吃土呢 |
| [07:08] | Einstein ate dirt– Einstein. | 爱因斯坦也吃土 爱因斯坦啊 |
| [07:11] | You know, I can sympathize with you, James. | 其实我很理解你 詹姆士 |
| [07:13] | Being raised by two moms, | 我是被两位母亲养大的 |
| [07:14] | I wasn’t always the strong masculine authority figure I am today. | 所以我以前也不像如今这么有阳刚之气 |
| [07:18] | What helped me tap into my rough-and-tumble | 知道是什么激发出了我纯爷们的一面吗 |
| [07:20] | was becoming an auxiliary policeman. | 是我当上了协警 |
| [07:23] | That’s why they call me badass Barney around here. | 所以这里的人常常叫我恶警察巴尼呢 |
| [07:25] | No, it’s ’cause you have an unattractive rear end. | 才不是 那是因为你的臀部实在有点搓 |
| [07:28] | It’s both reasons. | 两者兼而有之好不好 |
| [07:30] | Listen, James, I’m going to be on patrol all weekend. | 听着 詹姆士 这个周末我要巡逻 |
| [07:33] | You should come with me. | 你应该加入我 |
| [07:34] | Oh, that would be amazing, | 太好了 |
| [07:35] | but I can’t. I got to take care of Hope all weekend. | 但我去不了 我周末得在家看喜旺 |
| [07:38] | No, Jimmy, you should go. | 不 吉米 你得去 |
| [07:40] | Get your rough-and-tumble on with Barney. | 跟巴尼学学什么叫纯爷们 |
| [07:41] | I could watch Hope till Monday. | 我可以周末在家陪喜旺 |
| [07:43] | – You sure? – Yeah, of course. | -真的吗 -当然 |
| [07:45] | My god, that would be great. | 天啊 太好了 |
| [07:46] | I have a uniform you can borrow. | 我还可以借你一件制服 |
| [07:47] | N-no, of course, I can’t let you borrow my achievement star, | 不过我的军功章不能借你戴 |
| [07:50] | but I can show you how I made it. | 但我可以向你展示我的雄风 |
| [07:51] | You’re welcome to tag along, too, Frank. | 你也可以加入 弗兰克 |
| [07:53] | There gonna be a lot of marching, | 有没有很多列队行进 |
| [07:55] | hanging out with dudes? | 或者群体聚会 |
| [07:56] | Not really. | 没有 |
| [07:58] | Pass. | 那我不去了 |
| [08:03] | Yeah, little creep’s up there | 那个小坏蛋在上头呢 |
| [08:06] | just wagging his big white tail, | 现在正摇着他的白色大尾巴 |
| [08:08] | not a care in the world. | 对周围的一切毫不关心 |
| [08:10] | Are you sure these pellets | 你确定这些药丸 |
| [08:11] | won’t hurt the other squirrels? | 不会伤到其他的松鼠吗 |
| [08:13] | They’re perfectly safe. | 绝对安全 |
| [08:14] | I use these pellets to relocate gophers all the time. | 我总是用这些药丸对付鼹鼠 |
| [08:17] | The little black pellets put the gophers to sleep | 麻醉小黑丸是用来麻醉鼹鼠的 |
| [08:19] | so they don’t suffer when the little white pellets kill ’em, | 这样他们吃下致命小白丸后就不会感到痛苦了 |
| [08:22] | But, see, I always take the little white pellets out. | 但是 我总把致命小白丸挑出来 |
| [08:24] | – So the gophers just go to sleep? – Yeah. | -那鼹鼠们就只是睡着了 -是啊 |
| [08:26] | How can you be sure you haven’t accidentally killed one? | 你怎么能肯定 就从没误杀过一只 |
| [08:29] | I’ve been trapping and relocating | 这么多年来 我一直跟踪和定位 |
| [08:30] | the same gophers for years. | 同一群鼹鼠的踪迹 |
| [08:32] | They summer at the millers’ and winter at the golf course. | 他们夏天在磨坊附近 冬天就到高尔夫球场 |
| [08:34] | Crafty. | 挺狡猾 |
| [08:35] | How many gophers? | 一共多少只 |
| [08:36] | Five– Jackie, Tito, Marlon, Jermaine, and Michael. | 五只 杰克 提托 马龙 杰梅恩和麦克 |
| [08:40] | Once, when they were knocked out, | 有一次 他们被迷晕了 |
| [08:41] | I put a little glove on Michael. | 我给麦克戴上了一只小手套 |
| [08:43] | You should have seen him dancing around, | 你真该看看他醒来后瞎蹦乱跳 |
| [08:44] | trying to shake it off. | 急着把手套甩掉的样子 |
| [08:46] | I’m remembering it now. | 我到现在都记得那情形 |
| [08:49] | That’s hilarious. | 太欢乐了 |
| [08:50] | – I’m sorry you’re missing this. – Me, too. | -你没见着太可惜了 -我也这么想 |
| [08:53] | I’m surprised they haven’t come up with something | 真奇怪 居然还没有人发明出 |
| [08:54] | that you can plug into both our heads | 那种能植入人脑的东西 |
| [08:56] | so we can see each other’s memories. | 这样我们就能分享各自的记忆了 |
| [08:57] | You know, I bet they will. | 我相信会有的 |
| [09:00] | I bet they will. | 一定会有的 |
| [09:02] | – What’s he doing now? – He’s still just dancing around. | -麦克现在干嘛 -他还在乱蹦 |
| [09:15] | Anyone else smell pig? | 没人比你更二了 |
| [09:18] | You know, I’m surprised that thing fits you. | 这件衣服居然挺合身 太让我惊讶了 |
| [09:20] | Wasn’t that Barney’s uniform from when he was fat? | 这是巴尼减肥前穿的那件吧 |
| [09:22] | I look better coming than going. | 你没看见背后的玄机 |
| [09:28] | So you and I are going to have so much fun this weekend. | 我们俩周末一定要大玩特玩 |
| [09:32] | You want to go steal some candy | 等那两个假警察分神了 |
| [09:34] | while the fake cops are distracted? | 我们一起去偷点糖果吧 |
| [09:40] | Well, James, | 早啊 詹姆士 |
| [09:41] | Are you ready to clean up the mean streets of Natesville? | 准备好去整顿纳什维尔的穷街陋巷了吗 |
| [09:44] | I just hope you don’t come across any criminal mastermind | 但愿你不会遇到像我这样的天才罪犯 |
| [09:46] | who figures out how to do this. | 瞬间让你屁滚尿流 |
| [09:51] | Uncool, Frank. | 别闹 弗兰克 |
| [09:53] | Don’t worry, James. | 别担心 詹姆士 |
| [09:54] | A good auxiliary policeman always carries safety pins. | 好的辅警总会随身携带安全别针的 |
| [09:57] | It’s the only weapon we’re allowed to carry. | 这也是我们被批准携带的唯一武器 |
| [09:59] | I need you to open it, though. | 但你得帮我打开一下 |
| [09:59] | I always prick myself with the pointy part and get an ouchy. | 我总是会被针尖给刺到 好疼好疼的 |
| [10:30] | So, what do we do now? | 我们现在要干什么 |
| [10:33] | Call the dispatcher, let her know we’re on duty, | 打给调度员 告诉她我们当班 |
| [10:36] | and she’ll give us the location of our first call. | 她会告诉我们第一个执勤地点 |
| [10:39] | Eagle Nine awaiting assignment, | 雄鹰九号等待分配 |
| [10:41] | preferably not in a hilly neighborhood. | 最好不要崎岖地带 |
| [10:43] | Oh, god, | 神呐 |
| [10:44] | that’s that idiot from the grocery store who made his own badge. | 是杂货店那个给自己做徽章的白痴 |
| [10:48] | 10-4, Eagle Nine. | 好的 雄鹰九号 |
| [10:49] | Patrol south Natesville. | 去纳什维尔南部巡逻 |
| [10:51] | We’re expecting some rough stuff down there this morning. | 我们预计今晨那片区域会局势紧张 |
| [10:53] | There’s nothing going on in south Natesville. | 纳什维尔南部啥事都没有 |
| [10:55] | I know, but if I make him feel like a cop, | 我知道 但如果我让他觉得自己真是警察了 |
| [10:57] | he gives me half-priced rump roast. | 就可以半价买臀肉 |
| [10:59] | It’s good to know we’ve got your boots on the ground. | 很高兴你们已开始执勤了 |
| [11:02] | Sorry, James, I was gonna let you sit up front and steer, | 抱歉 詹姆士 本想让你上前来掌舵的 |
| [11:04] | but sounds like we have a date with danger. | 但我们好像要和危险有个约会了 |
| [11:10] | Turn signals… out! | 转向灯 走你 |
| [11:20] | – I hope it worked. – Oh, it worked. | -希望起作用了 -肯定起作用了 |
| [11:26] | I forgot how much Dancin’ Dan likes corn. | 我忘了跳舞丹有多爱吃玉米了 |
| [11:28] | Let’s just figure out which one is our guy and go catch him. | 赶紧锁定目标 逮捕凶手吧 |
| [11:36] | I don’t see him. | 没看到 |
| [11:37] | Starting to get a weird feeling | 有种不祥的预感 |
| [11:38] | like this whole thing’s some kind of trap. | 这一切像是个圈套 |
| [11:43] | Ooh, there he is! Get the skimmer ready. | 在那 准备好网兜 |
| [11:45] | Soon as he hops on one of those roofied squirrel girls | 他一扑上哪个被放倒的姑娘 |
| [11:47] | and gets distracted, we’ll catch him. | 我们就去杀他个措手不及 |
| [11:53] | What the heck’s he doing? | 他到底在干嘛 |
| [11:54] | Maybe the sick bastard only likes it when they fight back. | 臭变态可能觉得有反抗才刺激 |
| [12:01] | Go, go, go! | 快上 |
| [12:07] | Should we kill him? | 要做了他吗 |
| [12:09] | We can’t kill him. | 我们不能杀他 |
| [12:10] | I only believe in the death penalty for people. | 我只支持给人类判死刑 |
| [12:12] | We should gouge his eyes out like in the Bible. | 我们应该参照圣经 挖出他的眼珠 |
| [12:14] | You only gouge his eyes out if he’s an eye-gouger. | 除非他的罪行也是挖眼珠才行 |
| [12:18] | “Eye for an eye” means you do to him what he did to them. | “以眼还眼”是以其人之道还治其人之身 |
| [12:21] | Well, I’m not doing that. | 那我才不干呢 |
| [12:24] | I guess we got to give him life in prison. | 看来得判他无期徒刑了 |
| [12:26] | Isn’t that basically us having a pet squirrel? | 那不就是养他当宠物吗 |
| [12:28] | Pretty much. | 差不多吧 |
| [12:31] | Hey, Jimmy. | 吉米 |
| [12:32] | How’d the rough-and-tumble go? Bust any skulls? | 战果如何 爆头了吗 |
| [12:34] | Not great. I spent eight hours | 不咋地 过去的整整八小时 |
| [12:36] | staring at Barney’s sweaty neck, | 我都得盯着巴尼汗津津的脖子 |
| [12:37] | and I only got to experience one real crime scene. | 到头来只见识了一个真实的犯罪现场 |
| [12:40] | This is… disgusting. | 真是…太恶心了 |
| [12:44] | No matter how many times you walk these streets, | 你以为对这里的一切都司空见惯了 |
| [12:48] | some things will still turn your stomach. | 却总会有让你反胃的意外惊喜 |
| [12:50] | Now let’s put these recyclables where they belong. | 咱们让这些可循环垃圾归队吧 |
| [12:54] | Glass. | 玻璃瓶 |
| [12:57] | Aluminum. | 铝制品 |
| [12:58] | Glass. | 玻璃瓶 |
| [12:59] | Oh, my god! That’s a foot! | 天呐 有只脚 |
| [13:02] | That’s a human foot! | 是人脚 |
| [13:03] | It’s a human foot! | 是人脚 |
| [13:05] | Oh, hold the boat. | 不对 等一下 |
| [13:07] | It’s just a shoe with a half-eaten burrito in it. | 就是只鞋 里面塞了吃到一半的玉米煎饼 |
| [13:12] | Hopefully tomorrow will be better. | 希望明天会更好 |
| [13:14] | What’s with the empty cage? | 那个空笼子是干什么的 |
| [13:18] | Lockdown! | 全面封锁 |
| [13:28] | Clear. | 没有 |
| [13:32] | Clear. | 没有 |
| [13:34] | He’s still here somewhere, I know it. | 我敢肯定他就在这附近 |
| [13:36] | Why did you have a squirrel in a cage? | 你们干嘛在笼子里关松鼠 |
| [13:38] | Clear. | 没有 |
| [13:39] | I think he could have gotten away. | 我觉得它可能跑了 |
| [13:42] | It’s on me! | 在我头上 |
| [13:44] | The claws! The claws! | 爪子 爪子 |
| [13:47] | Get it off. Get it off me! | 讨厌 放开我 |
| [13:49] | Why did you have a squirrel in a cage?! | 你们干嘛在笼子里关松鼠 |
| [13:54] | Are you sure you’re okay? | 你确定没事吗 |
| [13:55] | Yeah, mostly. | 还行吧 |
| [13:57] | I don’t really want to talk about | 我不太想说 |
| [13:58] | what he tried to do to my ear. | 他把我的耳朵怎么样了 |
| [14:00] | That squirrel is way too dangerous | 这只松鼠太危险了 |
| [14:01] | to be kept in a house with Hope. | 绝不能和喜旺共处一室 |
| [14:02] | Well, if we can’t kill him and we can’t keep him here, | 我们不能杀他 也不能养他 |
| [14:05] | what are we gonna do, release him? | 那该怎么办 放了他吗 |
| [14:06] | We’re gonna have to. | 只能这么做了 |
| [14:08] | But we can’t just send him out there | 但不能就这么放了他 |
| [14:09] | to be a repeat offender. | 让他再度作恶 |
| [14:11] | I think we have to… | 我想我们得… |
| [14:13] | castrate him. | 阉了它 |
| [14:15] | Okay. | 好 |
| [14:15] | I’ll get the knockout pills. You get the scissors. | 我拿迷药 你拿剪刀 |
| [14:17] | No, we can’t do it ourselves. | 不行 咱自个儿弄不好 |
| [14:19] | Jimmy’s missing part of an ear from a haircut we gave him. | 之前给吉米理发 把他的耳朵剪缺了 |
| [14:21] | We’re not dabbling in tiny testicles. | 咱不能殃及小蛋蛋 |
| [14:27] | I’m so happy I’m not really involved in this story. | 幸好这次挨刀的不是我 |
| [14:32] | Would the closest unit please respond | 请最近的巡警前往 |
| [14:34] | to 827 Variel street for a domestic disturbance call. | 瓦瑞尔大街827号 该住宅或发生骚乱 |
| [14:37] | Neighbors report lots of yelling. | 邻居称持续听到喊叫声 |
| [14:38] | Hey, let’s take that call. | 我们接了吧 |
| [14:40] | We’re not allowed to do that. | 这不合规矩 |
| [14:41] | It’s just a noise disturbance. | 不就是噪音干扰吗 |
| [14:42] | With a lot of yelling. | 还有好多喊叫声呢 |
| [14:43] | We can handle it! | 我们能搞定的 |
| [14:45] | James, do not. | 詹姆士 别去 |
| [14:47] | I really don’t think we should! | 我真心觉得不该去 |
| [14:50] | Damn it, James, I let you steer as a treat! | 见鬼 詹姆士 让你掌舵是给你面子 |
| [14:54] | If you have any final words for your testicles, | 对你的老二还有什么要交代的 |
| [14:56] | I suggest you say them now, ’cause in five minutes, | 我劝你现在就说 因为再等五分钟 |
| [14:58] | you’re gonna be squeaking soprano. | 你就要成公公了 |
| [15:00] | Oh, look, a pet squirrel. | 看呐 宠物松鼠 |
| [15:02] | Unusual, impractical, and unsanitary. | 不同寻常 不切实际 不讲卫生 |
| [15:04] | No, no, no. | 不不不 |
| [15:05] | We’re not crazy people who keep squirrels as pets. | 我们不是养松鼠的疯子 |
| [15:08] | No, we just need to have this little bastard castrated. | 我们是要阉了这小杂种 |
| [15:10] | Excuse me? | 你说什么 |
| [15:11] | That little guy’s a sexual predator! | 这个小鬼是个淫魔 |
| [15:13] | He was chasing down the females | 它推倒良家妇女 |
| [15:15] | and taking them against their will. | 还霸王硬上弓 |
| [15:17] | Just because they’re not wearing clothes, | 人家没穿衣服 |
| [15:18] | doesn’t mean they’re asking for it. | 不代表人家就想要啊 |
| [15:19] | Hide your cats, hide your mice, | 把你的阿猫阿狗都藏好 |
| [15:21] | ’cause he’s raping everybody up in here. | 他见谁强奸谁 |
| [15:23] | Have you guys ever been to the zoo in springtime? | 你们春天的时候进过动物园吗 |
| [15:26] | Not that we don’t appreciate the vacation suggestion, | 谢谢你的度假提议 |
| [15:28] | but we’re in a bit of a hurry. | 但我们有点忙 |
| [15:30] | No, I’m just trying to say that what you saw | 不 我的意思是 你们看到的情景 |
| [15:32] | is a completely natural process. | 再自然不过了 |
| [15:34] | It’s how animals mate. | 动物就是这么交配的 |
| [15:36] | In fact, the female was probably | 事实上 可能正是姑娘们 |
| [15:38] | giving off pheromones to encourage him. | 散发信息素诱惑他呢 |
| [15:41] | I see what’s going on here. | 我算是看明白了 |
| [15:43] | Good old boy’s club, huh? | 一伙的是吧 |
| [15:44] | Blame the victim. | 让无辜少女背黑锅 |
| [15:46] | Obviously we came to the wrong place. | 显然我们来错地方了 |
| [15:48] | We’ll just go to another vet. | 再找别的兽医就好了 |
| [15:49] | But if this little guy dies in some back-alley neutering job, | 但如果这小家伙被哪个黑医生整死了 |
| [15:52] | it’s on your conscience. | 你就后悔一辈子吧 |
| [15:54] | I can’t let you take this squirrel. | 你们不能带走这只松鼠 |
| [15:55] | I’m releasing him into the wild. | 我要把他放生 |
| [15:57] | What are you doing? No, no, no, no! | 你想干嘛 别别别 千万别 |
| [15:58] | He’s gonna hump! | 它要跳出来了 |
| [16:00] | Virginia, cover your ears! | 维吉妮亚 把耳朵堵住 |
| [16:04] | If your daughter was a squirrel, | 如果你女儿是只松鼠 |
| [16:06] | you would never have done that. | 你绝对不会这么做的 |
| [16:12] | How many times have I told you | 我说过多少遍了 |
| [16:13] | to keep your hands off my workbench?! | 别碰我的工作台 |
| [16:16] | All right, you two, hold her down. | 你俩按住她 |
| [16:19] | We got to do something. | 我们得做点什么 |
| [16:21] | If you don’t stand still, | 你再乱动 |
| [16:22] | I’m gonna cut off your finger. | 小心我切掉你的手指 |
| [16:24] | Cover me. | 掩护我 |
| [16:28] | Ah! Dang it! | 该死 |
| [16:31] | I have to start wearing my thimble again. | 又要开始戴顶针了 |
| [16:35] | Natesville Auxiliary Police. | 纳什维尔辅警 |
| [16:37] | Uh, you have the right to voluntarily open up this door. | 你有权自己开门 |
| [16:41] | What do you want? I’m busy. | 想怎样 我忙着呢 |
| [16:43] | Hurry up! It hurts! | 快来 很痛的 |
| [16:45] | I know! Shut up! | 我知道 闭嘴 |
| [16:47] | Do you know how to get rid of splinters? | 你知道怎样挑刺吗 |
| [16:49] | I’m watching my sister’s kids, man; | 我在帮姐姐照看孩子 伙计 |
| [16:51] | I’m in way over my head. | 我快要被折腾死了 |
| [16:53] | Give me that safety pin. | 把别针给哥 |
| [17:28] | Thank you, officer. | 谢谢你 警官 |
| [17:36] | That vet sure treated us like we’re idiots. | 那兽医当咱是傻子 |
| [17:39] | We’re not idiots. | 咱才不傻 |
| [17:40] | Of course not. | 就是的 |
| [17:42] | I mean, even if that is how animals have sex, | 就算动物真是那样做爱的 |
| [17:44] | how were we supposed to know that? | 我们咋能知道呢 |
| [17:46] | Well, you’re supposed to be the expert. | 你应该是专家啊 |
| [17:48] | You’re a landscaper. | 你是扫庭院的啊 |
| [17:50] | Your whole workday is outside. | 你的工作就在户外 |
| [17:52] | From night to noon, you’re in their world. | 一天到晚跟它们混在一起 |
| [17:54] | I don’t stare. | 我又不偷窥 |
| [17:56] | I’m not a pervert. | 我又不是变态 |
| [17:58] | Who do you think I am, | 你当我是那只乌鸦啊 |
| [17:59] | that creepy crow that hangs out by the playground? | 阴测测地晃来晃去 吓死个人 |
| [18:02] | I don’t care what the vet says. | 管他怎么说呢 |
| [18:03] | Any normal person who saw what we saw | 任何正常人看到那情景 |
| [18:06] | would have hunted down that squirrel, captured him, | 都会追捕他 抓获他 |
| [18:08] | kept him in a cage till he escaped, | 把他关起来 被他逃了 |
| [18:10] | and then with no other options, sentenced him to castration. | 然后别无选择 只得阉割 |
| [18:16] | We’re not gonna tell anybody about this, are we? | 这事得烂在肚子里 对吧 |
| [18:17] | Absolutely not. | 必须的 |
| [18:23] | Hey, what are you doing here? | 你怎么在这儿 |
| [18:24] | I had to bring her home. | 我必须带她回来 |
| [18:26] | I just couldn’t do it. | 我做不到 |
| [18:27] | I just don’t think I have what it takes to be a mother. | 我不会是个好母亲的 |
| [18:30] | I mean, God tried to tell me by giving me narrow hips, | 上帝给我造了个小屁股来提醒我 |
| [18:32] | but I just didn’t listen. | 我却不听劝 |
| [18:33] | First, she wanted to watch her dee Dee the Dancing Dolphin DVD. | 首先 她让我给她放《舞蹈海豚迪迪》 |
| [18:37] | And I love Morgan Freeman, | 我很爱摩根·弗里曼 |
| [18:38] | but somebody has got to tell that guy | 但必须有人告诉他 |
| [18:40] | that it is okay to turn down a job. | 不想做的工作完全可以拒绝 |
| [18:42] | And when that was finally over, | 后来终于演完了 |
| [18:44] | Hope wanted to watch it again. | 喜旺还想再看一次 |
| [18:46] | And again. | 又一次 |
| [18:48] | And again. | 又一次 |
| [18:50] | And again. | 又一次 |
| [18:51] | And then she wanted to play “Knock down the block tower.” | 接下来她想”推大楼” |
| [18:53] | so I built her a block tower and she knocked it down, | 于是我堆起大楼 她推倒 |
| [18:55] | while she watched Dee Dee The Dancing Dolphin. | 同时看着《舞蹈海豚迪迪》 |
| [18:57] | Again. | 一次 |
| [18:58] | And again. And again. | 又一次 又一次 |
| [19:01] | And then she wanted to hear harriet hugs a hippo, | 然后她想听”喇嘛与哑巴” |
| [19:03] | Which, by the way, is ten “H” Words strewn together | 就是好多韵母相同的字 |
| [19:06] | to make sentences, all right? | 组成的绕口令 |
| [19:07] | “Harriet happily hugs a hairy hippo while a horse hugs a ham.” | 提鳎目的喇嘛要拿鳎目换别喇叭哑巴的喇叭 |
| [19:10] | And how do I know that? | 我怎么背下来的呢 |
| [19:11] | Because I read it to her 20 times | 因为我给她读了二十遍 |
| [19:13] | while she knocked down the block tower, | 同时她还要推大楼 |
| [19:14] | while watched Dee Dee The Dancing Dolphin. | 同时还看着《舞蹈海豚迪迪》 |
| [19:16] | Again. And again. And again. | 一次又一次 没完没了 |
| [19:20] | And that’s when I passed out. | 然后我就昏倒了 |
| [19:23] | And that’s when this happened. | 然后我就成了这样 |
| [19:25] | And that is when I started calling | 然后我开始胡乱使唤 |
| [19:26] | random nannies from my childhood, | 以前那些保姆的名字 |
| [19:28] | so I could go to the bathroom and drink a peach martini | 好趁空去洗手间喝杯小酒 |
| [19:30] | and read us magazine. | 看杂志 |
| [19:32] | And that is when I realized: | 于是我发现 |
| [19:35] | I’m just like my mother. | 我跟我妈一个德行 |
| [19:37] | You’re not like your mother. | 你跟你妈不一样 |
| [19:38] | You love being with Hope. | 你喜欢跟喜旺在一起 |
| [19:40] | You’re just better at the fun stuff, | 只是你比较擅长带她玩 |
| [19:42] | and I’m better at being nurturing. | 而我比较擅长管教她 |
| [19:44] | And it’s okay, as long as Hope has both of us. | 只要咱俩都在喜旺身边就好 |
| [19:53] | While I was on patrol, | 我巡逻的时候 |
| [19:54] | I stumbled across someone’s organic garden, | 偶然发现了一个有机花园 |
| [19:56] | and I brought you a treat. | 就给你带了份礼物 |
| [19:59] | They grew strawberries in this. | 这是用来种草莓的 |
| [20:03] | I love strawberries. | 我喜欢草莓 |
| [20:12] | Hope, what are you doing out of bed? It’s late. | 喜旺 你怎么下床了 都几点了 |
| [20:15] | Let me do this. | 让我来 |
| [20:16] | It’s the one thing I’m good at. | 我也就擅长这个了 |
| [20:19] | Hope, I need you to go back to bed | 喜旺 我要你回房去 |
| [20:22] | and go to sleep, okay? | 上床睡觉 好吗 |
| [20:23] | No! | 不要 |
| [20:26] | Why isn’t this working? | 怎么没用了 |
| [20:28] | I don’t know. | 我不知道 |
| [20:30] | Hope, I said it’s time to go to bed. | 喜旺 我说该睡觉了 |
| [20:33] | No, mommy. | 不要嘛 妈咪 |
| [20:37] | She called me “mommy”. | 她叫我妈咪 |
| [20:41] | Sabrina may not have proved to herself she was mother material, | 塞布丽娜或许觉得自己不会当妈 |
| [20:45] | but by spending a whole weekend doing all the hard work, | 但这周末 她整整两天任劳任怨 |
| [20:47] | she proved it to Hope. | 让她得到了喜旺的认可 |
| [20:50] | And while being called mommy didn’t make all the | 被叫妈咪虽然不能降低 |
| [20:51] | monotonous, boring parts of raising a kid any easier, | 养孩子的无聊程度 |
| [20:54] | it made them worth it. | 但使一切付出变得值得 |
| [20:56] | Of course, the downside was that once a kid bonds with you | 坏处是一旦和孩子建立起亲子关系 |
| [20:58] | and knows that you love them unconditionally, | 让她知道你的爱是无条件的 |
| [21:00] | they aren’t afraid of you anymore. | 孩子就不再怕你了 |
| [21:04] | Right on time. Come in! | 来得正好 进来 |
| [21:06] | So, sometimes you have to call a professional authority figure. | 所以有时你得请专业权威人士 |
| [21:10] | Hope, go to bed this instant! | 喜旺 立刻给我上床 |
| [21:19] | Well, glad I could help. | 很高兴能帮上忙 |
| [21:21] | I have to head down to the hospital now | 我还得去趟医院 |
| [21:22] | and get a statement from Dancin’ Dan. | 听跳舞丹说明情况 |
| [21:24] | Apparently, some sicko drugged him in the park | 肯定是哪个神经病在公园给他下了毒 |
| [21:25] | and gave him a nasty ear infection. | 让他的耳朵被严重感染了 |