| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:05] | Work gave us these stupid smartphones, | 公司给我们发了这该死的智能手机 |
| [00:07] | and I don’t know how to use it. | 老娘根本就不懂用 |
| [00:09] | How can I help you? | 请问您需要什么帮助 |
| [00:11] | I told you, stop calling me. | 我跟你说了 别再打电话给我了 |
| [00:12] | You have the wrong number. | 你打错电话了 |
| [00:14] | Leave my wife alone. | 别再烦我老婆了 |
| [00:16] | You’d like to leave your wife? | 您是想离开您的老婆吗 |
| [00:18] | Searching for divorce attorneys in your area. | 正在搜索您所在区域的离婚律师 |
| [00:21] | That’s not what I said, home wrecker! | 我可没这么说 你这家庭破坏狂魔 |
| [00:23] | Guys, guys, guys, that’s not a person. | 二位 二位 那并不是真人 |
| [00:26] | It’s an automated personal assistant. | 那是个智能私人助理系统 |
| [00:28] | When you figure out all the cool stuff that phone does, | 等你搞清楚那手机的各种酷炫功能 |
| [00:30] | you’re gonna love it. | 你一定会爱死它的 |
| [00:31] | Yeah, that’s what our manager at work said. | 好吧 我们的经理也是这么说的 |
| [00:33] | And then she hit us with a ton of new corporate policies. | 然后她宣布了一堆新的公司规章制度 |
| [00:36] | They want us to take pictures of the houses we clean. | 他们要求我们把打扫的那些房子拍下来 |
| [00:39] | Which means they don’t trust us. | 摆明了不信任我们嘛 |
| [00:41] | Which sucks ’cause now we have to really clean the houses. | 真烦 这样我们就得真枪实弹地搞打扫了 |
| [00:44] | Well, at least you got a cool new phone out of it. | 至少你有了一款酷炫的新手机啊 |
| [00:47] | I hate it. It’s too complicated. | 我讨厌这个 太复杂了 |
| [00:49] | I butt-dialed Burt three times on the way to work. | 在上班路上 我的屁股不小心打给伯特三次 |
| [00:51] | Your butt makes up for in appearance | 你的屁股虽然说不了话 |
| [00:53] | what it lacks in communication skills. | 但至少长得不错 |
| [00:55] | That’s pretty impressive. | 那可真了不起 |
| [00:57] | My butt has only two tricks. | 我的屁股只有两个功能 |
| [00:59] | One is, uh, disgusting, | 第一个 恶心了点 |
| [01:01] | and the other is looking amazing in jeans. | 另一个就是穿上牛仔裤看着很正 |
| [01:06] | Now that you have a new phone, | 既然你现在有了新手机 |
| [01:06] | you can follow me on WikiVids. | 你可以在维基视频上关注我 |
| [01:08] | What’s WikiVids? | 维基视频是什么 |
| [01:09] | It’s a site where I post videos of the eggs I make | 是个网站 我把自己煎好的蛋拍成视频传上去 |
| [01:11] | and my funny little comments about them. | 再加上一些有趣的评论 |
| [01:13] | I kind of interpret what they look like. | 我其实就是描述一下它们的外形 |
| [01:16] | I call this one “Yolko Ono.” | 我把这个称作”小野洋蛋” |
| [01:18] | See how the egg broke up the hash browns? | 看到那个蛋把薯饼分成两半了吗 |
| [01:20] | Oh, look at that. | 瞧瞧啊 |
| [01:21] | Now, that is art. | 那简直是艺术啊 |
| [01:23] | You should open up a museum | 你应该开个博物馆 |
| [01:25] | where you bring these out to people, | 把这些菜端上来 |
| [01:27] | and then they get to eat it. | 人们可以去吃 |
| [01:29] | Isn’t that just a restaurant? | 那不就是个餐馆吗 |
| [01:30] | Everything’s been done! | 什么都被别人先想到了 |
| [01:32] | You know, if you hate your phone so much, | 其实 如果你那么讨厌自己的手机 |
| [01:34] | we could switch phones. | 我们可以换一下的 |
| [01:35] | My flip phone takes lousy pictures, | 我的翻盖手机拍照很模糊的 |
| [01:37] | so you don’t have to clean that good. | 那样的话 你就不用打扫得那么干净了 |
| [01:38] | Yeah, I guess we could do… | 是啊 我觉得我们是可以… |
| [01:41] | He wants something from us. | 他想要从我们这里得到东西 |
| [01:42] | We should get something in return. | 我们也要从他那里获得一些好处 |
| [01:44] | You thinking “Pick-a-Pocket, Pick-a-Pocket, | 你是想玩 “选口袋 选口袋 |
| [01:46] | We Want Everything in Your Pockets”? | 口袋里的东西统统交出来”的游戏吗 |
| [01:47] | It’s a good day for it. Jimmy’s wearing cargo pants. | 今天是个好时机 吉米穿的是多袋工作裤 |
| [01:49] | Ooh, can we make him jump? | 我们能让他跳一下吗 |
| [01:50] | No, no, no, no, no, you know the rules. | 不行 不行 你们知道规则的 |
| [01:52] | One turn, one pocket, no touching, no whining. | 一次转身一个口袋 不许摸不许反悔 |
| [01:55] | I-I’m gonna go… | 我要选 |
| [01:57] | right… left… | 右边 左边 |
| [01:58] | right… left… | 右边 左边 |
| [01:59] | Right front! | 右边那只前口袋 |
| [02:04] | Oh, damn, we were getting that anyway. | 该死 怎么着我们都是拿到手机 |
| [02:07] | What was in the other pockets? | 其他口袋里都有些什么 |
| [02:10] | Keys! | 钥匙 |
| [02:15] | Wallet! | 钱包 |
| [02:17] | Fruit pie! | 水果派 |
| [02:19] | Oh, man, we could have had a fruit pie! | 天啊 我们该对水果派下手的 |
| [02:29] | I want another roll. | 我想再来一个面包卷 |
| [02:33] | Sorry, Maw Maw, I didn’t make enough | 抱歉 曾奶奶 我做得不够 |
| [02:34] | for both of you to have two. | 不够你们各分两个 |
| [02:36] | You’re gonna have to split it with Hope. | 你只能和喜旺平分了 |
| [02:38] | You know, there’s a lot of really great stuff | 话说 在新的公司规章制度上 |
| [02:40] | in these new corporate policies. | 加了很多好规定啊 |
| [02:42] | I mean, a week’s paid vacation, | 一周带薪年假 |
| [02:44] | – 401K… – 401K? | -401K -401千米 |
| [02:44] | 401K为美国养老保险制度 音同410千米 | |
| [02:48] | No, thanks. | 免了 谢谢 |
| [02:49] | I ran a 5K once and almost puked. | 我之前跑了五千米就差点吐了 |
| [02:52] | Oh, hey, you get health care. | 嘿 你竟然有医疗保险呢 |
| [02:54] | Actually, it says spouses are covered, too. | 实际上 这保险范围还包括配偶 |
| [02:57] | You guys could finally go to the doctor. | 你们终于能看得起医生了 |
| [02:58] | We’re not sick. | 我们可没生病 |
| [02:59] | You don’t have to be sick to go to the doctor. | 不必非得等生病了再去看医生吧 |
| [03:02] | Why would you go to a doctor if you’re not sick? | 如果没生病 干嘛去看医生啊 |
| [03:04] | Like, to say hello? | 难道是去打招呼吗 |
| [03:06] | Hello, Doctor. | 你好啊 医生 |
| [03:07] | Hello, Burt. How are you? | 你好 伯特 你还好吗 |
| [03:09] | Not sick. | 反正没病 |
| [03:10] | Wonderful. Thanks for stopping by. | 太好了 谢谢你顺道来看我 |
| [03:19] | Fine. | 好吧 |
| [03:21] | Enjoy the carbs, fatso. | 好好享受碳水化合物吧 小胖几 |
| [03:23] | Guys, you have to get checkups. | 各位 你们必须定期做检查 |
| [03:26] | Otherwise little things, they turn into big things. | 不然小毛病会变成大问题的 |
| [03:28] | It only takes one spark to burn down the whole forest. | 小洞不补 大洞吃苦 |
| [03:31] | The only doctor I go to is Dr. Vajajay. | 我唯一看的医生就是殷道 |
| [03:34] | He’s Indian. That’s his name. | 他是印度人 名字就是那样的 |
| [03:35] | He looks after my hoo-hah. | 他是我的妇科医生 |
| [03:37] | Gross. | 真恶心 |
| [03:38] | I assure you, it is not. | 我敢跟你保证 一点都不恶心 |
| [03:42] | Okay, this is LeBron James and the Giant Peach. | 好了 这是勒布朗·詹姆斯和飞天巨桃 |
| [03:48] | What are you doing? | 你在干什么呢 |
| [03:48] | I’m gonna make videos of fruits and vegetables | 我打算将水果和蔬菜弄成著名运动员的样子 |
| [03:50] | made to look like famous athletes. | 然后拍些视频 |
| [03:52] | I’ve got Wayne Grapesky, | 我这里有韦恩·葡萄茨基[冰球运动员] |
| [03:55] | Pear Bryant. | 梨·布莱恩[贝尔·布莱恩/橄榄球运动员] |
| [03:56] | Uh, I’m trying to think of a baseball player | 我还在想一个棒球选手 |
| [03:57] | I could use for strawberries, but… | 可以用草莓来弄 不过 |
| [03:59] | nothing’s coming to me. | 暂时没什么灵感 |
| [04:01] | Don’t you think it’s a little derivative? | 你不觉得这不够原创吗 |
| [04:02] | No, it’s a big peach. | 不 那是个大桃子呢 |
| [04:04] | I mean it’s not very original. | 我是说这不是你自己的主意 |
| [04:06] | I do food. | 我也是拍食物的 |
| [04:07] | You’re just copying my idea. | 你这是在抄袭我的创意 |
| [04:09] | So? It’s just a silly video thing. | 那又怎样 不过是愚蠢的视频而已 |
| [04:12] | A silly video thing? | 愚蠢的视频而已 |
| [04:15] | I think the 28 people | 我觉得那28位 |
| [04:16] | who follow “Sabrina’s Yolk of the Day” | 关注”塞布丽娜每日蛋黄秀”的人 |
| [04:17] | might disagree with you. | 可不同意你的观点 |
| [04:22] | Wait a minute. | 等一下 |
| [04:24] | Strawberry Bonds. | 草莓·邦兹 |
| [04:26] | Oh, how dumb am I? | 我真是够蠢的 |
| [04:32] | What’s going on with your toe freckle? | 你脚趾上那个斑怎么了 |
| [04:33] | I’m not sure. | 我不知道 |
| [04:35] | I’m worried it’s getting bigger. | 我有点担心 它越来越大了 |
| [04:37] | Maybe your toe is getting smaller. | 或许是因为你的脚趾变小了吧 |
| [04:39] | Well, that worries me, too. | 那也一样令人担忧啊 |
| [04:40] | Either one of those things | 不管是哪个原因 |
| [04:41] | could be the spark that starts the fire. | 都可能是最终酿成大祸的小火星 |
| [04:43] | That’s what Sabrina said about the doctor. | 那是塞布丽娜关于医生的看法 |
| [04:46] | I’ve been thinking about that, too. Listen. | 我也在想那事 听着 |
| [04:53] | I think my neck crack’s getting worse. | 我觉得我的脖子响得更严重了 |
| [04:54] | Sounds like someone’s making popcorn under my head. | 就好像有人在我脑袋底下做爆米花 |
| [04:57] | Sometimes my ear just starts hurting. | 我的耳朵也会时不时很痛 |
| [04:59] | Like, I’ll just be standing somewhere, | 比如我站在某个地方 |
| [05:01] | and then, suddenly, ow! | 然后突然间 |
| [05:03] | Did it just happen? | 又疼了吗 |
| [05:04] | No, I was just dramatizing. | 没有 我在演啦 |
| [05:06] | It only happens a couple times a week. | 每周也就一两次 |
| [05:07] | You know what else? Sometimes when I pee, | 你知道吗 我有时撒尿 |
| [05:09] | it comes out in two different directions. | 尿会分叉 |
| [05:11] | I’m dramatizing, too. | 我也只是在演而已 |
| [05:12] | My after-breakfast eye twitch | 我早餐后会眼皮跳 |
| [05:14] | is now sometimes lasting all the way till lunch. | 现在有时会一直持续到午餐时间 |
| [05:16] | No matter how much coffee I drink to relax myself, | 无论我喝多少咖啡来放松自己 |
| [05:19] | it just doesn’t stop! | 就是停不下来 |
| [05:20] | My jaw hurts like crazy when I go like this. | 我这样做的时候 下巴会疼得超厉害 |
| [05:23] | – Ooh, that looks painful. – It is. | -那看起来就很疼 -没错 |
| [05:26] | I hate to say it, but maybe Sabrina was right. | 我不想承认 但是塞布丽娜说得对 |
| [05:28] | We need to see a doctor. | 我们该去看医生了 |
| [05:30] | Maybe she was right about other things. | 也许有些事情上她是对的 |
| [05:32] | Do you really think there’s a country called Chad? | 你真信世界上有个叫乍得的国家吗[非洲国家] |
| [05:35] | Yeah, and everyone there carries a a tennis racket | 信啊 而且那里的每个人都带着网球拍 |
| [05:38] | and wears a sweater tied around their shoulders. | 披着一件毛衣 袖子系在肩上 |
| [05:44] | I’m starting to get worried. | 我开始焦虑了 |
| [05:45] | I think I have everything. | 每项症状我都有 |
| [05:47] | Muscle weakness? Check. | 肌无力 有 |
| [05:48] | Fatigue? Check. | 疲劳 有 |
| [05:50] | Form of payment? Check. | 付款方式 有 |
| [05:52] | I know. Do I get dizzy? | 我知道 我会眩晕吗 |
| [05:54] | When you spin around a lot. | 如果你一直转圈的话 |
| [05:56] | Damn it! | 该死 |
| [05:58] | Virginia Chance? | 维吉妮亚·吉斯 |
| [06:00] | Nice to meet you. | 很高兴见到你 |
| [06:02] | Gotcha! | 中招了 |
| [06:03] | I love that one. | 我喜欢这招 |
| [06:04] | Do it to all my new patients. | 对我所有的新病人都玩这招 |
| [06:06] | My philosophy is, laughter is the best medicine. | 我的理念是 没保险的话 |
| [06:09] | Unless you have insurance. | 开怀大笑是一方良药 |
| [06:10] | In that case, medicine is the best medicine. | 有保险的话 那药就是最好的药 |
| [06:13] | Okay. | 好了 |
| [06:14] | Let’s go look under your hood. | 进来检查吧 |
| [06:18] | Stay strong. | 要坚强哦 |
| [06:26] | Hey, guys, I don’t usually post spill videos, but… | 各位 我一般不发什么东西洒了的视频 但是 |
| [06:29] | you don’t see a crocodile with Abe Lincoln’s head every day. | 长着林肯的头的鳄鱼也不是每天都能看到的 |
| [06:33] | Guys? | 各位 |
| [06:38] | All right, well, | 好了 |
| [06:39] | that was an amusing diversion, but we should… | 这太逗了 但我们应该 |
| [06:42] | Oh, you know what? We can bleach the chicken tomorrow. | 你知道吗 鸡可以明天再漂白 |
| [06:44] | Let’s watch it again. | 咱再看一遍吧 |
| [06:45] | You guys watching my daily “Yolk of the Day” Video? | 你们在看我的”今日蛋黄秀”视频吗 |
| [06:47] | No. Jimmy posted this hilarious new WikiVid. | 不是 吉米在维基视频发了一段超搞笑的 |
| [06:51] | And you should probably get your cholesterol checked. | 你可能该去查查你的胆固醇水平了 |
| [06:54] | Let me see this. | 让我看看 |
| [06:55] | This better not be food-related. | 最好别跟食物有关 |
| [06:58] | I was never a fan of the Three Stooges. | 我从来都不喜欢三个臭皮匠 |
| [07:01] | I found them sweaty and clumsy | 我觉得他们满身是汗 笨手笨脚 |
| [07:04] | and not very entertaining. | 一点也不好玩 |
| [07:06] | To be clear, the Three Stooges | 说直白点 我就是这么叫 |
| [07:09] | is what I called Wilfrid’s genitals. | 威尔弗里德的生殖器的 |
| [07:15] | Unless you are one, | 年轻的时候 |
| [07:16] | old people are funny. | 看老年人还真搞笑 |
| [07:18] | Yeah. I guess it’s funny. | 是啊 我觉得挺有意思的 |
| [07:20] | It’s a little simple. | 就是太没技术含量了 |
| [07:21] | Simple? | 没技术含量 |
| [07:22] | Yeah. I mean, when you have as many | 是啊 当你有27个粉丝时 |
| [07:23] | as 27 followers, they want you to challenge them | 他们希望你从艺术和理智层面上 |
| [07:26] | artistically and intellectually. | 去挑战他们 |
| [07:28] | Oh, I thought you had 28. | 我还以为你有28个粉丝呢 |
| [07:30] | I did. | 我原来有 |
| [07:31] | I’m sorry, Sabrina, | 很抱歉 塞布丽娜 |
| [07:32] | but between the nun that does the chicken dance, | 但看完跳小鸡舞的修女 |
| [07:34] | the cat that plays the piano | 弹钢琴的小猫 |
| [07:35] | and James’ hysterical new videos, | 和詹姆士的搞笑新视频 |
| [07:37] | I don’t have the time to stare at eggs | 我实在看不出来那些蛋 |
| [07:40] | until they look like Steve Buscemi. | 哪里像史蒂夫·布西密[演员] |
| [07:43] | All done. | 好啦 |
| [07:44] | Oh, you’ve gone blind. | 你都成瞎子了 |
| [07:46] | We should have come sooner. | 我们早就该来了 |
| [07:47] | I’m not blind. | 我没瞎 |
| [07:49] | When they give you an eye exam, they delete your pupils. | 他们做眼部检查时 会屏蔽你的瞳孔 |
| [07:52] | But the good news is, the only thing wrong with me is my eyes. | 但好消息就是 我唯一的毛病就是我的眼睛 |
| [07:54] | Nothing glasses can’t fix. | 戴副眼镜就没问题啦 |
| [07:55] | It’s just a slight prescription. | 小方子而已 |
| [07:57] | It… it’d be like going from standard definition to high-def. | 就 就好比是从标准画质提升到高清画质 |
| [08:01] | And I’m sorry you have to make such a… | 很抱歉你不得不… |
| [08:03] | spectacle of yourself. | 出这么大个洋相 |
| [08:08] | He’s a lot more funny once you find out | 你一旦发现自己不是将死之人 |
| [08:09] | you’re not dying. You’ll see. | 他就好玩多了 你会懂的 |
| [08:27] | Well, it took 87 years, | 尽管花了87年的时间 |
| [08:31] | but now, officially, my neck looks like my vagina. | 但现在 我的脖子终于看起来像我的阴道了 |
| [08:38] | Her neck does look like a vagina. | 她的脖子看起来确实像阴道 |
| [08:41] | Where’s Sabrina? | 塞布丽娜在哪里 |
| [08:42] | She took her, uh, break a half hour ago. | 她半个小时前去休息了 |
| [08:45] | No fair, all right? | 不公平 知道吗 |
| [08:46] | You said that my video was deflippititive, | 你说我的视频”非研状” |
| [08:48] | and now you’re being defibrilitive. | 现在你才是”非研状” |
| [08:50] | I think the word you’re looking for is derivative. | 我想你要说的词是非原创 |
| [08:52] | Whatever. All right, if I can’t film food, | 无所谓 好吧 如果我不能拍食物 |
| [08:54] | then you can’t take advantage of my crazy great-grandmother | 那你也不能利用我的疯狂曾祖母 |
| [08:57] | to amuse strangers. | 来娱乐陌生人 |
| [08:59] | – That’s my thing. – Come on. | -那是我的创意 -拜托 |
| [09:00] | You and I should both be able to record whatever we want… | 你和我都应该想录什么就录什么 |
| [09:02] | Sounds like someone with 27 followers talking. | 还真是有27个粉丝的人说出来的话 |
| [09:06] | 35. Thank you very much. | 35个了 非常感谢你 |
| [09:08] | Oh, 35. I remember when I had 35 followers. | 35啊 我记得我有35个粉丝 |
| [09:11] | that was… four followers ago. | 但那是新增四个粉丝以前的事了 |
| [09:15] | Oh, yeah? | 是吗 |
| [09:16] | Well, your phone is pink. | 你的手机是粉色的 |
| [09:18] | Yep. Whatever, 35. | 是啊 无所谓啊 35粉 |
| [09:23] | Well, everything checks out– your eyes, | 都检查完了 你的眼睛 |
| [09:25] | your heart, blood pressure. You’re in great shape. | 你的心脏 血压都没问题 你很健康 |
| [09:28] | Well, that wasn’t so bad. | 那还不错嘛 |
| [09:30] | I might think about getting a regular checkup | 我考虑每隔六七年 |
| [09:31] | every six or seven years. | 做一次常规检查 |
| [09:32] | Some of those tests were actually kind of fun. | 有的检测其实还挺有意思的 |
| [09:35] | Do that little hammer again. | 再用那个小锤子给我敲一敲 |
| [09:39] | That is wild! | 真爽 |
| [09:42] | Does that work on other parts of the body, too? | 敲身体其他部位也会这样吗 |
| [09:45] | ‘Cause I could really use that magic hammer in the bedroom. | 我在床上也正好需要这么个神奇锤子 |
| [09:47] | Just, uh, one more thing. | 还有一件事 |
| [09:49] | Just turn around, bend over and… | 转身 弯腰 然后 |
| [09:53] | promise you can keep a secret. | 要保守秘密哦 |
| [09:55] | All right. | 没问题 |
| [10:00] | And that feels like your finger in my doggy door. | 感觉像是你的手指插进了我的后庭 |
| [10:02] | Oh, it’s just a routine test, Burt. | 这只是一项常规检查 伯特 |
| [10:04] | Well, if you’re trying to get my knee to move again, | 如果你是想让我的膝盖动起来 |
| [10:06] | it’s twitching pretty good, so you can stop now. | 它现在抖得厉害 你可以停手了 |
| [10:09] | Your prostate feels a little… boggy. | 我感觉你的前列腺摸有些湿软 |
| [10:14] | And your finger feels a little biggy. Oh! | 我感觉你的手指有点粗大 |
| [10:16] | How of… how often do you have sex? | 你多久行一次房事 |
| [10:18] | Like this? Never. | 像这样吗 从没有过 |
| [10:20] | No, like, with your wife. | 不是 是跟你老婆 |
| [10:22] | Sex can be good for your prostate. | 行房事对你的前列腺有好处 |
| [10:25] | I’ll keep that in mind. | 我记好了 |
| [10:26] | In the meantime, I want to do a colonoscopy | 我还要做个结肠镜检查 |
| [10:29] | just to make sure this isn’t a sign of a larger problem. | 确保你没有更大的毛病 |
| [10:33] | Fine. Can’t be any worse than what we’re doing now. | 好 总不会比现在做的事更不爽吧 |
| [10:36] | Well, we pass a fiber-optic camera through your anus, | 我们要从你的肛门插进一个光纤摄像机 |
| [10:39] | and we have a little look-see. | 稍微查看一下里面的情况 |
| [10:41] | I stand corrected. | 我错了 |
| [10:50] | I can’t believe it. | 简直不敢相信 |
| [10:52] | Everything’s so clear. | 世界如此清晰 |
| [10:55] | The birds, the clouds… | 鸟儿 云儿 |
| [10:57] | I can even see that bus bench all the way across the street. | 连对街的公交长椅我都看得到 |
| [11:01] | “50% off glasses at Glasses Land.” | 眼镜世界全场半价 |
| [11:04] | That would’ve been nice to know an hour ago. | 要是一个小时前看到的就好了 |
| [11:06] | Come on, the doctor said I have to have | 快走 医生说我要多行房事 |
| [11:08] | more sex to un-bog my colon. | 让我的结肠不那么湿软 |
| [11:09] | You got your prescription filled; now it’s my turn. | 按方抓药 你的药抓好了 现在该我了 |
| [11:11] | He didn’t actually write it down, | 虽然他没有清楚地把药方写下来 |
| [11:12] | but I’m thinking twice daily after meals. | 但我觉得应该每日两次 饭后服用 |
| [11:15] | Here we go. | 开路 |
| [11:16] | I can’t believe e how clear everything is. | 简直不敢相信世界如此清晰 |
| [11:20] | This is probably what Helen Keller felt like | 海伦·凯勒[盲人作家]戴上眼镜后 |
| [11:21] | when she got her glasses. | 应该也是这感觉 |
| [11:26] | This is the first test I’m actually excited to study for. | 我第一次这么兴奋地复习备考[体检] |
| [11:28] | I wonder if this is how they came up with the term “Cramming.” | “灌输式学习”这个词是不是就是这么来的 |
| [11:34] | We really need to paint out here. | 这边真该好好重漆一下了 |
| [11:36] | Virginia… | 维吉妮亚 |
| [11:37] | I’m sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [11:43] | This carpet is really stained. | 这地毯真是脏死了 |
| [11:46] | Focus. | 专心点 |
| [12:05] | Oh, that’s a banana peel. | 是香蕉皮啊 |
| [12:08] | I thought it was my bracelet. | 之前还以为是我的手链 |
| [12:14] | No. I can’t have sex in here, Burt. | 不行 我没法在这滚床单 伯特 |
| [12:16] | – This house is disgusting. – Take the glasses off. | -这屋子太恶心了 -把眼镜摘了 |
| [12:19] | Oh, good idea. | 好主意 |
| [12:25] | No, I can’t do this. | 不行 我做不到啊 |
| [12:26] | I just keep imagining everything I’m not seeing. | 我总是在想象我看不到的一切 |
| [12:29] | Well, maybe you should start focusing | 或许你可以专注于 |
| [12:30] | on what you are seeing. | 你眼前看到的 |
| [12:34] | Oh, my God… is that the face | 天呐 你跳性感舞步的时候 |
| [12:36] | you make when you do your sexy dance? | 就是这幅表情吗 |
| [12:39] | Ah, these glasses are ruining everything! | 这副眼镜真是坑爹神器 |
| [12:46] | Oh, hey, Dad. | 老爸 |
| [12:48] | How’s it going? | 怎么样 |
| [12:49] | I got to drink a gallon of laxative in an hour. | 我要在一个小时内喝掉一加仑泻药 |
| [12:53] | On the plus side, | 好消息是 |
| [12:54] | I’m pretty sure that buffalo nickel | 我三年级时吞掉的那枚水牛镍币 |
| [12:55] | I swallowed in third grade is finally gonna resurface. | 终于要重见天日了 |
| [12:58] | Okay, well… | 好吧 |
| [12:59] | time to go see if crazy Maw Maw | 去看看疯狂的曾奶奶 |
| [13:01] | can help me break 50 followers. | 能不能让我粉丝破50了 |
| [13:10] | Hey, uh, Maw Maw, | 曾奶奶 |
| [13:12] | you, uh, got anything stuck in your craw today? | 胃又堵上了吗 |
| [13:14] | No, I just cleaned my craw. | 没有 我只是在清理肠胃 |
| [13:17] | Keep talking. | 继续说 |
| [13:23] | Why does your bedroom smell like my mother’s breath? | 你的卧室怎么闻起来像我妈的口气 |
| [13:25] | I found some wine stains on the carpet, | 我发现地摊上有些酒渍 |
| [13:27] | and I couldn’t get them out, | 又洗不掉 |
| [13:28] | so I’m gonna make it look like | 所以我就想让它看起来 |
| [13:29] | one of those Jackson Polack paintings. | 像是杰克逊·波兰的画作 |
| [13:32] | Sure, that’s one way of doing it. | 嗯 也是个办法 |
| [13:33] | With these damn glasses, | 有了这副破眼镜 |
| [13:35] | I notice every little imperfection around the house. | 这屋子里的所有小毛病我都看得清清楚楚 |
| [13:38] | Hand me that green magic marker. | 把那个绿色的记号笔递给我 |
| [13:39] | I saw a plant outside that needs a touch-up. | 外面有株植物需要润一下色 |
| [13:42] | That sounds very sensible. | 这是个好题材 |
| [13:49] | Virginia obsessively cleaning, take one. | 维吉妮亚过度清洁 第一幕 |
| [13:57] | That’s a little better. | 好一点了 |
| [14:01] | That could work. | 还行 |
| [14:05] | Ready! | 准备好了 |
| [14:09] | Shut the door. It looks like it’s snowing in here– | 把门关上 跟下雪了似的 |
| [14:11] | there’s so much dust floating in the air. Ooh. | 空气中灰尘太多了 |
| [14:14] | I’d say take the glasses off, | 我想让你摘了眼镜 |
| [14:15] | but the whole Sarah Palin thing is really working for me. | 但你这幅萨拉·佩林的样子让我很性奋啊 |
| [14:15] | 美国女政治家 戴眼镜 曾猎杀驼鹿 | |
| [14:19] | Can you tell me about a moose you shot? | 跟我说说你猎杀过的驼鹿吧 |
| [14:23] | Ooh. Someone’s in the mood. | 有人已经开始动起来了嘛 |
| [14:25] | No, that’s my stomach. | 不对 是我的胃 |
| [14:27] | I think the pre-colonoscopy beverage | 先前喝的结肠饮料 |
| [14:29] | is doing something crazy to my… Uh-oh. | 效果有点… |
| [14:32] | Hot soup! | 热翔来袭 |
| [14:38] | It’s like I ate a waterfall! | 爷之前喝的那是一个瀑布啊 |
| [14:41] | Look at this. First thing this morning, | 看呐 今早第一大事 |
| [14:44] | and I’ve already got three new followers. | 我新增了三个粉丝 |
| [14:45] | Thank God you’re here. | 太好了你回来了 |
| [14:47] | I need a ride to the hospital. | 快送我去医院 |
| [14:48] | I did not want to use this sign. | 我不想用这个牌子 |
| [14:49] | Where’s Virginia? | 维吉妮亚呢 |
| [14:51] | Please tell me she’s obsessively cleaning something. | 请告诉我她又在疯狂搞卫生 |
| [14:53] | She’s locked herself in our bedroom. | 她把自己锁在我们的卧室里 |
| [14:54] | Jackpot. | 中大奖了 |
| [14:56] | Last chance, Virginia! | 最后一次叫你 维吉妮亚 |
| [14:58] | Just need another minute! | 再等一下 |
| [15:01] | I can’t go out in public looking like this. | 这幅死样子怎么出去见人 |
| [15:05] | Hey, Virginia. Open up! | 维吉妮亚 开门 |
| [15:06] | Saw some brown leaves outside | 外面有些棕色树叶 |
| [15:08] | that could use a fresh coat of paint. | 需要润点色 |
| [15:09] | Oh, dang. | 真讨厌 |
| [15:11] | Hey, I-I just want to stick my arm in. | 开个缝 让我把手塞进去就行 |
| [15:16] | Hey, Maw Maw. | 曾奶奶 |
| [15:17] | Obama’s a genius. | 奥巴马真是个天才 |
| [15:19] | And… go. | 一二三 |
| [15:19] | You’re not filming me anymore. | 不许你再拍我了 |
| [15:21] | I know what you’re up to. | 我知道你想干什么 |
| [15:22] | Yesterday, I was at Howdy’s. | 昨天我去毫迪超市了 |
| [15:27] | Maw Maw, tell me what happened next. | 曾奶奶 告诉我接下来发生了什么 |
| [15:29] | So I told Rosa Parks I couldn’t move over | 然后我就告诉罗莎·帕克斯我挪不开 |
| [15:33] | because I had all these shopping bags. | 因为我拎了太多购物袋 |
| [15:37] | Who knew she was gonna turn it | 谁知道她会小题大做 |
| [15:38] | into such a big to-do? | 闹出这么大名堂 |
| [15:42] | Hey, that crazy, wrinkled old bitty | 那个满脸褶子的疯婆子 |
| [15:43] | is stealing all my stories. | 偷了我的故事 |
| [15:45] | In my bathtub, wearing my shower cap! | 坐在我的浴缸里 还戴着我的浴帽 |
| [15:48] | Wait a minute. I know what’s going on. | 等一下 我明白了 |
| [15:51] | Somebo… | 有人 |
| [15:52] | Oh, crap. Lost it. | 糟了 又忘了 |
| [15:57] | Tell me what’s going on. | 告诉我怎么回事 |
| [16:00] | They told me everything. | 他们把一切都招了 |
| [16:01] | I’m cutting you off. | 不许再拍我 |
| [16:03] | Come on, Maw Maw. | 别这样嘛 曾奶奶 |
| [16:04] | I’ve got nothing else to film. | 我没啥别的可录了 |
| [16:06] | All right, Jimmy, let’s go. | 好了 吉米 出发了 |
| [16:08] | I don’t want to miss my appointment | 我可不想错过预约 |
| [16:09] | and go through that prep again. | 再忍受一次术前准备的煎熬 |
| [16:10] | At the end there, I was pooping out cereals | 再拉下去 70年代就停产的那些麦片 |
| [16:12] | they haven’t made since the ’70s. | 都要被我拉出来了 |
| [16:20] | I do not like the idea of this one bit. | 我一点都不喜欢这个主意 |
| [16:23] | The smallest camera I’ve ever seen was on a watch, | 我见过的最小的摄像机是装在手表上的 |
| [16:25] | and that would still scrape going in. | 哪怕那么小 插进去的时候都会刮伤 |
| [16:27] | Yeah, well, just think of it as a medical device, not as a camera. | 把它看成一种医疗器械就好 别当它是摄像机 |
| [16:30] | It’s just a little tube that’s five feet long. | 不过是一根五英尺长的小管子 |
| [16:33] | “In the unlikely event of death…” | 死亡概率极低 |
| [16:36] | Oh, my God. | 天啊 |
| [16:37] | Doc! | 医生 |
| [16:38] | This says I could die. | 这上面说 我可能会送命 |
| [16:40] | You didn’t tell me that. | 你之前没跟我说 |
| [16:41] | That’s just the disclaimer | 就是个免责申明 |
| [16:42] | for anyone going under general anesthetic. | 所有要接受全身麻醉的病人都要签的 |
| [16:44] | Don’t worry, Burt. | 别担心 伯特 |
| [16:45] | Only one out of every 10,000 people dies while they’re under. | 全麻的死亡概率只有万分之一 |
| [16:48] | How many of these have you done? | 你做过多少起这种手术 |
| [16:49] | About 10,000. | 差不多一万起吧 |
| [16:51] | Never had a problem. | 从没出过问题 |
| [16:53] | Jimmy… | 吉米 |
| [16:55] | he’s overdue for a death. | 到一万了还没死过人 |
| [16:57] | It’s gonna be me. I can feel it. | 所以要轮到我了 我有预感 |
| [16:59] | Get me the hell out of here. | 带我出去 |
| [17:01] | I don’t want to die with a camera up my poop chute. | 我不想死的时候 菊花里还插着摄像机 |
| [17:03] | Dad, it says “Unlikely.” | 老爸 都说了死亡率低了 |
| [17:05] | “Unlikely”? Unlikely things happen all the time. | 死亡率低 概率低的事天天都在发生 |
| [17:09] | Michael Jordan grew a Hitler mustache. | 迈尔克·乔丹长出了希特勒的胡子 |
| [17:11] | That came out of nowhere. Nowhere! | 简直莫名其妙 莫名其妙 |
| [17:13] | Jimmy Chance has done it again. | 吉米·吉斯又传新视频了 |
| [17:21] | It can’t be that bad. | 也许没那么糟啊 |
| [17:25] | Ooh. That’s not good. | 确实不太乐观 |
| [17:26] | – Can I pop it? Just… – No! | -我能挤爆它吗 -不 |
| [17:29] | Ever since I got these glasses, they’ve just made my life worse. | 戴上眼镜之后 我的生活变得愈发悲催 |
| [17:33] | First, I saw how worn-out this house was, | 先是看清了这个屋子有多不堪 |
| [17:35] | and then when I started cleaning the mirrors, | 等我擦干净家里的镜子后 |
| [17:37] | I saw the house wasn’t the only thing looking a little worn. | 又发现 不堪的不止是这个屋子 |
| [17:40] | Well, not everyone can afford new clothes. | 不是所有人都买得起新衣服 |
| [17:44] | What’s the matter with my clothes? | 我衣服怎么了 |
| [17:45] | Oh. Nothing. | 没什么 |
| [17:46] | I was talking about my face. | 我说的是我的脸 |
| [17:49] | I tried wearing more makeup | 我往脸上摸更厚的粉 |
| [17:50] | and fixing my hair, | 整理发型 |
| [17:52] | but underneath all that, I still got these little lines | 但胭脂水粉之下 我还是能看见 |
| [17:55] | and dark circles under my eyes. | 眼角的细纹和黑眼圈 |
| [17:57] | Virginia, you still look great. | 维吉妮亚 你还是很漂亮的 |
| [18:00] | Yeah, I know. | 我知道 |
| [18:02] | But I don’t look 25. | 但我已经不是25岁时的水嫩样了 |
| [18:04] | I could pass for 28, tops. | 至少也得看着像28啊 |
| [18:07] | But these damn glasses make Burt look even better, | 可伯特在这副眼镜之下变得更帅了 |
| [18:09] | and I just know that eventually he’s gonna realize | 我知道 他最终会意识到 |
| [18:12] | I’m not the hot piece of ass I was one or two months ago. | 我会慢慢人老珠黄 |
| [18:15] | Don’t some people say that it’s what’s | 人们不是常说 |
| [18:17] | on the inside that counts? | 内心美才是最重要的吗 |
| [18:18] | Yeah. Ugly people. | 是啊 丑人都这么说 |
| [18:21] | Burt and I used to make fun of people | 以前伯特和我常常一起嘲笑 |
| [18:22] | who said things like that. | 说这种话的人 |
| [18:23] | Now he’s gonna be making fun of me. | 现在他也会嘲笑我了 |
| [18:25] | Pretty sure he’s got other things on his mind. | 他现在还没心思想这事 |
| [18:29] | I don’t want to die! | 我不想死 |
| [18:31] | It’s every father’s dream to outlive his son. | 虽然我们嘴上都说不愿白发人送黑发人 |
| [18:33] | We all lie and say it’s the opposite, | 但每个父亲的梦想都是活得比儿子久 |
| [18:35] | but it’s time you knew the truth, Jimmy! | 但我现在把真相告诉你了 吉米 |
| [18:38] | – No! – I’m coming, Burt! | -不 -我来了 伯特 |
| [18:39] | No! No! | 不 不 |
| [18:43] | Burt! | 伯特 |
| [18:44] | Whoa! Not the best time to startle me. | 这时候吓我可不好 |
| [18:47] | How’d you get in here? | 你怎么进来的 |
| [18:48] | Same as you. Through the back door. | 和你一样啊 走后门[后庭] |
| [18:50] | That’s a good one. | 这个梗好 |
| [18:52] | Write that down, nurse. | 记下来 护士 |
| [18:55] | What the hell is that? | 那是什么鬼东西 |
| [18:56] | That’s your husband’s colon. | 那是你老公的结肠 |
| [18:58] | At that moment, my mom saw | 就在那时 老妈看见了 |
| [19:00] | the most disgusting part of my dad. | 老爸身上最恶心的器官 |
| [19:06] | But it didn’t change how she felt about him. | 但这并没有改变她对老爸的感情 |
| [19:10] | And even though she almost lost her lunch, | 尽管她已经快把午饭吐出来了 |
| [19:13] | she gained some perspective on her relationship with my dad. | 她却更加清楚地明白了她与老爸之间的感情 |
| [19:16] | If she could still love him after seeing | 如果在见识了老爸最恶心的部分之后 |
| [19:18] | how gross he was on the inside, | 她依然爱他 |
| [19:20] | then, of course, he would love her | 那老爸也一定会永远爱她 |
| [19:22] | no matter what she thought about her outsides. | 无论她如何贬低自己的容貌 |
| [19:31] | Well, that’s one in a row for you, Wild Bill. | 一排撂倒一个就行 西部枪神 |
| [19:38] | I’m alive. | 我还活着 |
| [19:39] | Yeah, and they said everything looks great. | 是啊 医生说一切正常 |
| [19:42] | Well, actually, it looks disgusting, | 其实 看着怪恶心的 |
| [19:43] | but that’s how it’s supposed to look, so you’re gonna be fine. | 但恶心才正常 所以你会没事的 |
| [19:47] | Wow, that is some zit. | 你长青春痘了 |
| [19:50] | No, it’s cute. | 挺可爱的 |
| [19:52] | Look like you did back in high school. | 跟你还是个高中生一样 |
| [19:54] | I don’t know about the glasses, though. | 但这副眼镜嘛 我就搞不懂了 |
| [19:56] | Every time I come in to kiss you, | 每一次我想吻你的时候 |
| [19:57] | I see my own reflection, and let’s face it, | 都能从镜片上看到我自己 不得不承认 |
| [20:00] | I’m not as young as I used to be. | 我已经不是当年的年轻小伙儿了 |
| [20:02] | I’ll get contacts. | 我换隐形眼镜 |
| [20:03] | They’re having a 50% off sale at Glasses Land. | 眼镜世界全场五折 |
| [20:06] | Hey, Burt. | 伯特 |
| [20:08] | Think this belongs to you. | 这个是你的吧 |
| [20:10] | Hey! My buffalo nickel. | 我的水牛镍币 |
| [20:13] | Thanks, Aquaman. | 谢谢你 水行侠 |
| [20:16] | I think he’s still feeling the anesthesia. | 他还没从麻醉里缓过来呢 |
| [20:23] | Hey, what are you doing? | 你干什么呢 |
| [20:24] | I thought we agreed not to put Hope | 我们不是说好 不把喜旺的视频 |
| [20:25] | in any videos that we post. | 传上网的吗 |
| [20:26] | Oh, no, Jimmy, I’m not gonna post this. | 不是的 吉米 我不会上传的 |
| [20:28] | I-I’m done with that. | 我玩够了 |
| [20:30] | It’s dumb to compete over these silly little videos. | 为了这种傻不啦叽的视频争来争去太无聊了 |
| [20:33] | And, look, we already inadvertently compete over | 你看 我们已经不知不觉地争了好多事了 |
| [20:36] | Hope’s affection and whose hair looks better, | 像是喜旺更喜欢谁啊 谁的发型更好看 |
| [20:39] | who finishes first in the bedroom. | 谁是床上小霸王啊 |
| [20:41] | Undefeated. | 在下独孤求败 |
| [20:43] | Yes, you are. | 可不是嘛 |
| [20:45] | Hey, you, come here. | 过来 |
| [20:53] | Has Jimmy posted anything? | 吉米上传什么视频了吗 |
| [20:55] | No. | 没有 |
| [20:56] | What about Sabrina? | 塞布丽娜呢 |
| [20:57] | No. | 啥都没有 |
| [20:58] | What do we do now? | 那我们现在怎么办 |
| [20:59] | I guess we could live our lives. | 活出自己的人生 |
| [21:02] | What lives? | 什么人生 |
| [21:10] | Oh, look. | 快看 |
| [21:12] | “People screaming like goats.” | 像山羊一样叫的人 |