| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:00] | Oh, you’re dead. | 你死了 |
| [00:01] | Over the years, my parents’ backyard had been home | 这些年来 我家的后院一直都是 |
| [00:04] | to rabid raccoons, a hive of killer bees, | 狂暴浣熊的老巢 杀人蜜蜂的蜂窝 |
| [00:06] | and a chunk of frozen blue airplane poop | 甚至还有一大块 |
| [00:08] | that cannonballed into the hot tub. | 坠落在浴缸里的蓝色冰冻飞机残骸 |
| [00:10] | All these were more pleasant than what was going on here. | 但比起现在的状况 这些玩意都不算事儿 |
| [00:13] | It all started because of a bad smell. | 这一切还得从一股恶心的味道说起 |
| [00:20] | What is that? | 什么味儿啊 |
| [00:22] | Ooh. Is that us? | 天 是我们身上的吗 |
| [00:24] | You smell like fertilizer. | 你闻着像肥料 |
| [00:26] | Mm. You smell like toilet bowl cleaner. | 你闻着像洁厕剂 |
| [00:27] | Well, it’s not us. | 好吧 不是我们 |
| [00:30] | Oh. Oh, I think I’m getting warmer. | 我感觉越来越热了 |
| [00:35] | Ooh, I also think I found the smell. | 我好像找到味道的来源了 |
| [00:36] | My eyes are tearing up, look at that. | 我眼睛都快被臭爆出来了 你瞧瞧 |
| [00:41] | I think it’s got to be the rug. | 我觉得是那块地毯 |
| [00:42] | Or what’s under the rug. | 或者地毯下的什么东西 |
| [00:44] | Oh, wait. | 等等 |
| [00:45] | Are you sure you want to do that? | 你确定要这么干吗 |
| [00:47] | I gotta know, Virginia. | 我必须搞明白 维吉妮亚 |
| [00:48] | I gotta know. | 我必须搞明白 |
| [00:53] | Why did I want to know? | 我这是何苦啊 |
| [00:54] | Oh. Oh, why? You can’t unsmell that. | 天 苍天啊 这味道 想不闻都难 |
| [01:06] | I was curing some nice jerky under that rug. | 我在那毯子底下腌肉干呢 |
| [01:10] | Well, let’s clean it off, take it outside for a couple of days. | 我们把烂肉收拾了 把这弄到外面晾几天 |
| [01:12] | This is my house. | 这是我的房子 |
| [01:14] | No one’s leaving me outside for a couple of days. | 没人可以把我放在外面晾几天 |
| [01:17] | I’m talking about the rug, maw maw. | 我说的是这毯子啊 奶奶 |
| [01:18] | Just take it outside. I hope it doesn’t | 赶紧弄出去吧 我就希望 |
| [01:20] | attract any more animals. | 别再引来其他动物了 |
| [01:21] | More animals mean more jerky. | 动物越多肉干越多 |
| [01:24] | It’s the circle of jerky. | 这就是肉干的循环系统 |
| [01:28] | Hey, guys. | 两位 |
| [01:29] | Barney’s freaking out about his first date with Maxine. | 巴尼要和玛克辛初次约会 他紧张疯了 |
| [01:33] | He’s asking everybody to go with him for moral support. | 他请大家作陪 给他一点精神支持 |
| [01:35] | But I’m a terrible wingman. | 但我总是帮倒忙 |
| [01:37] | Women can’t resist my potent sexual magnetism. | 因为女人没法抵挡我强大的男性魅力 |
| [01:41] | Sabrina, eyes up here. | 塞布丽娜 看我的脸 |
| [01:43] | Frank, your fly’s open. | 弗兰克 你没拉拉链 |
| [01:44] | Can’t sell if you don’t advertise. | 酒香还怕巷子深 鸟大也怕拉链关 |
| [01:46] | What did you tell Barney? | 你跟巴尼怎么说的 |
| [01:48] | I just made up an excuse. | 我编了个借口而已 |
| [01:49] | Told him I’m gonna get a perm. | 我跟他说我要去烫个小卷毛儿 |
| [01:51] | Well, I think we should support Barney. | 我觉得我们得支持下巴尼 |
| [01:52] | I’m not going. It’s not because of Barney. | 我不会去的 不过跟巴尼没关系 |
| [01:55] | It’s ’cause of my aunt Maxine. | 是因为我伯母玛克辛 |
| [01:56] | It’s like she’s always criticizing | 她总是不停地批判我吃的东西 |
| [01:58] | everything I eat and what I wear and… | 穿的衣服以及 |
| [02:01] | how I married a guy who’s just completely beneath… | 我嫁给了一个完全躲在我羽翼下的 |
| [02:03] | my wings. | 男人 |
| [02:05] | Like the wind. | 风一样的男子 |
| [02:06] | You can stop. | 你可以闭嘴了 |
| [02:07] | Hey, Sabr… …immy. You see what I did there? | 嘿 塞布米 听到我怎么叫你们了吗 |
| [02:11] | I combo’d your names | 我把你俩的名字合在一块 |
| [02:12] | because you’re my favorite couple. | 因为你们是我最爱的一对 |
| [02:13] | – How would you two like to go on a double date… – Oh, we can’t. | -你俩跟我一起来个四人约会如何 -不行 |
| [02:16] | We… have to go to our | 我们得去上我们的 |
| [02:17] | first fencing lesson. | 第一堂击剑课 |
| [02:19] | – Yeah, they’re gonna teach us how to build a… – Fight with swords. | -他们会教我们怎么造篱 -用剑打架 |
| [02:21] | Wow. Everyone I’ve asked said they were busy tonight. | 这样啊 所有人都跟我说晚上没空 |
| [02:25] | Never realized it would be so hard to arrange a foursome. | 真没想到组个”四人行”这么难 |
| [02:27] | Is that how you’re phrasing it? | 你是这么跟人说的 |
| [02:29] | Because I think that’s a problem. | 我估计问题在这上面 |
| [02:32] | You know who would love to go on a double date? | 你知道谁会想跟你组个四人约会吗 |
| [02:34] | My parents. | 我爸妈 |
| [02:35] | And they’re totally free on Tuesdays. | 并且周二他们肯定有时间 |
| [02:36] | Because their favorite tv show moved to Fridays. | 因为他们最爱的电视剧改到周五了 |
| [02:38] | Great idea, guys. | 好主意 |
| [02:43] | Bur…ginia. | 伯吉妮亚 |
| [02:45] | Did you see what I did there? | 注意到我怎么叫你俩了吗 |
| [02:46] | I combo’d your names because you’re my favorite couple. | 我把名字合在一块 因为你们是我最爱的夫妇 |
| [02:48] | Oh. Hey, I like that. | 哇 我喜欢 |
| [02:50] | And we’ll call you Barn… | 我们得叫你巴… |
| [02:53] | …nobody. Sorry. | 没伴 抱歉了 |
| [02:54] | Halfway into that, I realized | 讲到一半我才记起来 |
| [02:55] | you don’t have a girlfriend. | 你没有女朋友 |
| [02:57] | While that’s been true since the mid-aughts, | 在我的前半生里 情况确实如此 |
| [02:59] | I am now currently in a relationship with Maxine. | 但我现在跟玛克辛谈恋爱了 |
| [03:01] | Albeit long-distance and mostly virtual. | 尽管是异地网恋 |
| [03:03] | Well, good for you, Barney. | 不错啊 巴尼 |
| [03:05] | Does Maxine know? | 玛克辛知道这事儿吗 |
| [03:07] | Not only does she know, but tonight is our first in-person date. | 她当然知道 今晚就是我们第一次真人约会 |
| [03:10] | And I could not be more… terrified. | 不过我现在超级紧张 |
| [03:13] | Would you two please come with? | 你们俩跟我一起去行吗 |
| [03:16] | Dinner’s on me. | 我请客 |
| [03:17] | Well, sounds more fun | 听起来要比 |
| [03:19] | than scraping the dead meat smell out of our floor. | 刮我们毯子下那团臭肉要好玩得多 |
| [03:21] | Sure, we’d love to. | 没问题 我们很乐意 |
| [03:22] | Oh, thank god you’ll be there. | 你们能去真是太好了 |
| [03:25] | Because I tend to compensate for awkward silences | 我都打算往嘴里塞面包来 |
| [03:27] | by stuffing bread in my mouth. | 缓和约会沉默时的尴尬了 |
| [03:42] | Our reservation’s at 7:00. | 我们订在晚上七点 |
| [03:48] | This place is so fancy. | 这地方太有情调了 |
| [03:50] | They give you free soup. | 还给免费汤呢 |
| [03:52] | It’s lukewarm and a little lemony, | 尝起来温温的 还有点柠檬味 |
| [03:53] | but it’s free. | 不过免费的嘛 |
| [03:54] | That’s for your fingers. | 这水是给你的手指准备的[洗手的] |
| [03:55] | Oh, so it’s like finger sandwiches, | 噢 这就相当于手指三明治咯 |
| [03:57] | but with soup. | 只是换成汤了 |
| [04:02] | I will never understand the rich. | 我永远搞不懂富人 |
| [04:04] | Welcome to Prairie, | 欢迎来到”大草原餐厅” |
| [04:05] | Natesville’s first farm-to-table restaurant, | 纳什维尔第一家”农场直达餐桌”的餐厅 |
| [04:07] | where all of our meats… | 我们的肉都 |
| [04:08] | Yeah, yeah, yeah, we get it, we know all the animals | 行了 别说了 我们知道 |
| [04:10] | had a great life before they were | 所有动物在被残忍屠宰之前 |
| [04:11] | brutally slaughtered, but we’re ready to order. | 都过着幸福快乐的日子 我们准备点菜了 |
| [04:13] | So you don’t want to meet your chicken? | 那你们不想见见你们要吃的鸡吗 |
| [04:15] | No. But the lady will have him roasted in mustard sauce | 不想 但这位女士想要烤鸡 |
| [04:19] | with fingerling potatoes. | 配黄芥末酱 加小西红柿 |
| [04:21] | And my husband will have | 我的老公要一份 |
| [04:23] | the pork shoulder with the roasted red vegetables. | 猪肩焗红凤菜 |
| [04:26] | That’s exactly what I wanted, but you forgot one thing. | 还真是我想点的 但你忘了一个 |
| [04:27] | Oh, that’s right. | 哦 对了 |
| [04:29] | Even though my husband’s not having the lobster, | 尽管我老公不吃龙虾 |
| [04:31] | he would like the bib. | 但虾头还是可以接受的 |
| [04:35] | And I will have… | 我要点 |
| [04:37] | Allow me. | 我来吧 |
| [04:38] | My lovely date will have the veal. | 我亲爱的女伴想要一份小牛肉 |
| [04:41] | – Chick… – Bzzt. | -鸡肉 -不 |
| [04:44] | Lobst… | 龙虾 |
| [04:45] | Vealchicklobst. | 牛鸡龙虾肉 |
| [04:46] | That sounds better than turducken. | 这听起来比火鸭鸡更好吃 |
| [04:48] | That’s okay, Barney, I got it. | 算了 巴尼 我自己来吧 |
| [04:49] | And I will have the bison steak. | 我要一份野牛排 |
| [04:51] | No gluten, no trans fats, | 无蛋白 无反式脂肪 |
| [04:52] | No dairy, no sugar, no salt. | 不加奶 不加糖 不加盐 |
| [04:54] | I’ll have all her “no’s” on the side. | 她不要的我全都要 |
| [04:56] | They sound delicious. | 听起来都很好吃 |
| [04:57] | And above all, no legumes. | 最重要的一点 别加豆子 |
| [04:58] | That’s nuts. | 那是坚果哎[真是疯了] |
| [04:59] | You said it, not me. | 你说的 我可没说 |
| [05:02] | Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. | 你好 我叫蒙托亚 |
| [05:04] | You killed my father. Prepare to die. | 你杀死了我的父亲 准备受死吧 |
| [05:07] | En garde. | 预备 |
| [05:09] | Parry, Parry, thrust. | 佩里 佩里 出击 |
| [05:10] | My name isn’t Perry, you fool. | 我不叫佩里 二货 |
| [05:11] | Prepare to taste my bendy sword. | 尝尝我的柔剑吧 |
| [05:18] | – We are so lame, aren’t we? – What? | -咱俩弱爆了 是吧 -什么 |
| [05:21] | What if, instead of just picking up one of these flyers | 咱们还捡这些传单 |
| [05:23] | to show to Barney, | 给巴尼看干嘛 |
| [05:24] | we actually took one of these classes ourselves? | 自己参加不是更好吗 |
| [05:27] | It was then that I realized narrating other people’s activities | 直到那时我才意识到叙述别人的故事 |
| [05:29] | was just disguising the fact | 只是为了掩饰 |
| [05:31] | that we had none of our own. | 我们自己没有故事这个事实 |
| [05:36] | I’m kind of upset I didn’t meet that chicken. | 没有见到这只鸡 还真有点难过 |
| [05:39] | I want to thank him for being so delicious. | 我想感谢它长得这么好吃 |
| [05:40] | This pig is pretty amazing, too. | 这头猪也相当不错啊 |
| [05:43] | I’m kind of surprised they don’t eat each other more often. | 我有点奇怪它们竟然忍住没有互吃 |
| [05:45] | Mm. If your shoulder tasted this good, | 如果你的肩膀也这么好吃 |
| [05:47] | I’d have a hard time stopping myself. | 我肯定要憋到内伤 才能忍住不把你给吃了 |
| [05:49] | – Excuse me. – Yes, ma’am? | -服务员 -有什么需要 女士 |
| [05:50] | Number one, I don’t remember ordering extra attitude. | 第一 这服务态度是额外赠送的吗 |
| [05:53] | And number two, this steak is delicious, | 第二 这牛排太好吃了 |
| [05:55] | there’s no way it wasn’t cooked with trans fats. | 绝不可能不含反式脂肪 |
| [05:59] | Come on, Maxine. | 何必呢 玛克辛 |
| [06:01] | You sent it back three times. | 你都退回三次了 |
| [06:03] | Maybe at this point what you’re tasting is the chef’s saliva. | 也许你现在尝的是主厨的口水 |
| [06:05] | Barney, it’s a $60 steak, just let me handle it. | 巴尼 这牛排60刀呢 我来处理就好 |
| [06:07] | I was just trying to defuse the situation. | 我只是想缓和下气氛 |
| [06:10] | You don’t have to snap at me in front of my friends. | 你也不用在我朋友面前不给面子啊 |
| [06:12] | That wasn’t snapping, this is snapping. | 这才是不给你面子[响指] |
| [06:15] | Now why would you do that? | 你干嘛要这样 |
| [06:16] | You know the art of snapping has always eluded me. | 你明知道我打不来响指 |
| [06:20] | What are you gonna throw in my face next? | 你下一步还想给我展示什么 |
| [06:22] | The fact that you can fold your tongue or tiptoe? | 卷舌或者踮脚走吗 |
| [06:24] | Barney, we are in a restaurant. | 巴尼 我们在餐厅呢 |
| [06:26] | I refuse to make a scene. | 我不想闹得太难看 |
| [06:29] | I refuse to make a scene! | 我不想闹得太难看 |
| [06:35] | So… | 那什么 |
| [06:38] | You really can’t tiptoe? | 你真的不会踮脚走吗 |
| [06:40] | I was an obese child raised by two lesbians | 我小时候是个小胖子 |
| [06:42] | who only wore sandals. | 两个妈妈都只穿拖鞋 |
| [06:45] | I never stood a chance. | 从来没机会踮脚 |
| [06:54] | I think it’s working. | 有点用了 |
| [06:55] | I knew if we scraped hard enough, we’d get the smell out. | 只要我们用力刮 就能整好 |
| [06:58] | Let’s hope this | 希望这个 |
| [06:59] | “Angel’s whisper” can help us do the rest of the job. | “天使气息”能帮我们搞定余下的工作 |
| [07:03] | Mm. Guess that is what that would smell like. | 应该就是这个味 |
| [07:07] | Aah, I got a splinter. | 我被刺到了 |
| [07:08] | I’ve got, like, ten of ’em. | 我脚上有十来个小刺呢 |
| [07:10] | Ow. Welcome to our new reality. | 这就是我们的新生活 |
| [07:12] | Paradise from the ankles up. | 脚踝以上都是地狱 |
| [07:14] | Oh, hello. | 你好 |
| [07:15] | Yes, I know it’s the middle of the night, | 我知道已经深夜了 |
| [07:17] | I just really, really need your help. | 但我真的很需要你的帮助 |
| [07:20] | I feel like a fool. | 我觉得自己太傻了 |
| [07:21] | I acted horribly rude at the restaurant tonight. | 我今晚在餐厅太失礼了 |
| [07:24] | Like that time you barged into someone’s house ugh. | 跟大半夜的 闯入别人家 |
| [07:26] | In the middle of the night? | 一样失礼吗 |
| [07:27] | Listen, I really like Barney, and I do not want to lose him. | 我真的很喜欢巴尼 我不想失去他 |
| [07:31] | I don’t think he’s gonna find someone before morning. | 天亮之前他应该还找不到新欢吧 |
| [07:33] | In fact, knowing Barney, you probably have five to ten years | 其实 根据我们的了解 你还有五到十年 |
| [07:36] | to solve this problem. | 来解决这个问题 |
| [07:37] | Well, I’m not the kind of person | 我不喜欢把问题 |
| [07:38] | to wait until the morning to solve a problem. | 拖到第二天早上解决 |
| [07:40] | Well, we are. | 我们就喜欢 |
| [07:41] | Sometimes we put things off till the afternoon, | 有时候我们还会把事情拖到下午 |
| [07:43] | or maybe three months later. | 拖上个三个月也没问题 |
| [07:45] | Look, I saw the way you two were at dinner tonight. | 我看到你们晚餐时的样子了 |
| [07:48] | Ordering for each other, so in sync. | 为彼此点菜 相当有默契 |
| [07:51] | Can Barney and I maybe just | 巴尼和我能不能 |
| [07:53] | watch you for a couple days just to… | 观摩你们一阵子 |
| [07:55] | get a feeling for how you do what you do? | 学习一下你们的相处方式 |
| [07:58] | I’ll pay you. A lot. | 我会付钱的 很多噢 |
| [08:01] | Oh, you think we’re so desperate for money that we’ll be used | 你以为我们这么缺钱 就一定会答应 |
| [08:03] | as guinea pigs in your bizarre relationship experiment? | 给你们当奇怪的两性关系试验小白鼠吗 |
| [08:05] | Because if that’s what you think we are… | 如果你是这么想的话 |
| [08:07] | – the answer is yes. – Really? | -恭喜答对了 -真的吗 |
| [08:09] | We need a new rug to cover this splinter minefield on the floor. | 我们需要个地毯盖住这片小刺丛 |
| [08:12] | Besides, what’s the worst that could happen? | 而且 还能有什么更坏的事会发生吗 |
| [08:15] | That’s just what comic strip Cathy says every Monday, | 每周一的凯西连环画都是这么说的 |
| [08:17] | then, boom, she can’t fit into a bathing suit. | 但有天她突然胖得连泳衣都穿不进去了 |
| [08:19] | Oh, come on, Burt. | 别介嘛 伯特 |
| [08:20] | A new rug? | 一个新地毯哎 |
| [08:22] | I always hear people bragging about | 我老是听人家炫耀 |
| [08:23] | how their carpets match their drapes. | 他们家地毯跟窗帘有多搭 |
| [08:25] | You’re right. | 说得对 |
| [08:26] | I want to be one of those people. | 我也想加入他们的队伍 |
| [08:33] | – Good morning. – Good morning. | -早上好 -早上好 |
| [08:35] | Good morning. And, full disclosure, | 早上好 事先声明 |
| [08:38] | I will be recording this | 出于培训目的 |
| [08:39] | for training purposes. | 我要录像 |
| [08:41] | That is not a problem. | 完全没问题 |
| [08:43] | I was just about to whip up some breakfast. | 我要去做早餐了 |
| [08:46] | While I retrieve the breakfast beverages. | 我呢 就去拿早餐饮料 |
| [08:48] | I’ll miss you. | 我会想你的 |
| [08:49] | I’ll miss you more. | 我更想你 |
| [08:57] | I hope everybody likes sticks and scones. | 希望大家都喜欢面包棒和烤饼 |
| [09:01] | Wait, you made those already? | 什么 你都做好了 |
| [09:04] | Well, we made the batter last night before we went to bed. | 昨晚睡觉前我们先把面糊打好了 |
| [09:06] | And we got up at 4:00 to put them in the oven. | 然后早晨四点起来把它们放进烤箱 |
| [09:09] | And then we went back to bed | 然后回到床上 |
| [09:10] | for a couple more hours of cuddling. | 再拥抱依偎上几个小时 |
| [09:12] | We always say, | 我们总是说 |
| [09:13] | “Love is the most important part of a complete and balanced breakfast.” | 爱 是一顿全面均衡的早餐中最重要的成分 |
| [09:17] | If you’re not gonna be real, this isn’t gonna work. | 你们要是不来真的 这都是白搭 |
| [09:20] | Exactly. Listen, we don’t need a show, | 对啊 我们不想看你们表演 |
| [09:23] | we just need to see how you really live. | 我们想看你们真实的生活 |
| [09:26] | Ah, thank god. | 谢天谢地 |
| [09:27] | Come on out, maw maw. | 出来吧 奶奶 |
| [09:30] | What’s with the spread? | 这么丰盛是咋回事 |
| [09:31] | Is it Christmas already? | 已经到圣诞节了吗 |
| [09:35] | I’ll be in the bathroom if anybody needs me. | 如有需要请到卫生间找我 |
| [09:41] | It’s okay, she’s got a tv tray in there. | 别担心 她那里面有台电视呢 |
| [09:53] | Aren’t you two taking your Barney excuse a little far? | 能不能带着你们忽悠巴尼的借口走远点 |
| [09:56] | Well, we actually went to fencing lessons. | 我们真的去上击剑课了 |
| [09:59] | Turns out our lying might have led us to a real passion. | 最后 开头的谎言激发了我们真正的激情 |
| [10:02] | I get to do my light saber sound. | 听听我的光剑之声 |
| [10:06] | And when he does that sound, | 每次他耍这种声音 |
| [10:08] | I get to stab him in the chest with a sword. | 我都会用剑刺进他的胸膛 |
| [10:09] | I actually really love my perm, too. | 其实我也很爱我的小卷毛儿 |
| [10:13] | I’m thinking about keeping it forever. | 我要永远保持这个发型 |
| [10:16] | Oh, you’re gonna make your perm… | 你要把你的小卷毛儿 |
| [10:19] | What’s that word I’m looking for? | 我想说什么来着 |
| [10:20] | Always there… | 永远保持 |
| [10:22] | Not temporary… | 经久不衰 |
| [10:23] | – Tenured… – Let’s just give him some space. | -终生不变 -让他自己呆一会 |
| [10:25] | – …Perpetual. – He’ll get it. | -永久 -他会想出来的 |
| [10:27] | – Infinite in its sameness. – Okay. | -无限相似 -好 |
| [10:29] | No. | 不对 |
| [10:31] | Enduring, forever, | 持久 永恒 |
| [10:33] | durable, persistent… | 耐用 稳固 |
| [10:36] | So, are you guys always about three and a half inches apart | 你们坐沙发的时候 |
| [10:38] | when on the couch? I guess. | -都离着三寸半吗 -差不多吧 |
| [10:41] | W-we kind of go where the couch dip tells us. | 这要看两个沙发垫隔多远 |
| [10:42] | And, I’m sorry, I-I was kind of caught up | 不好意思 我刚刚只顾着 |
| [10:44] | watching the lion eat the baby meerkat, uh, | 看狮子吃小猫鼬 |
| [10:47] | but who initiated the hand-holding? | 谁先牵谁的手的 |
| [10:49] | Uh… Uh, we can’t really figure it out. | 我们也不记得了 |
| [10:51] | It just kind of happens on its own. | 自然而然就牵起来了 |
| [10:53] | Guys, please, we’re paying you for answers. | 两位 求你们了 我们花钱求教 |
| [10:56] | Calm down, Maxine. | 冷静点 玛克辛 |
| [10:57] | I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated | 对不起 但我实在是大失所望 |
| [10:58] | because they agree on everything and they never, ever fight. | 因为他们俩永远步调一致 没有争吵 |
| [11:01] | That’s not true. We used to fight. | 不是的 我们以前也常吵架 |
| [11:02] | Yeah, we weren’t always perfect. | 是啊 我们也不是事事如意的 |
| [11:05] | All couples fight in the beginning. | 所有的情侣在最初阶段都会争吵的 |
| [11:07] | You know who saved us? | 知道是谁救了我们吗 |
| [11:09] | You won’t believe this, | 说出来你未必相信 |
| [11:10] | but it was that former daytime talk show host | 是以前主持日间访谈节目的 |
| [11:12] | Sally Jessy Raphael. | 萨利·杰西·拉斐尔 |
| [11:14] | Yeah. SJR says that couples fight over three things: | 没错 她说情侣吵架无非是因为三件事 |
| [11:17] | Parenting, sex and being broke. | 教育娃儿 滚床单 钱没了 |
| [11:19] | We were like, “Oh, my god, that’s us. | 当时我们就震惊了 这不就是我俩吗 |
| [11:22] | Can she see us through the TV?” | 她是不是透过电视看见了我们 |
| [11:24] | It’s like she was talking directly to us. | 那些话就好像是她专门说给我俩听的 |
| [11:25] | Teaching us that if a cross-dressing skinhead | 她教育我们 只要不为了教育孩子 |
| [11:28] | and a break-dancing rabbi can stay married | 性和钱争吵 一个有异装癖的平头男 |
| [11:30] | just by not fighting over sex, parenting, and money, | 和一个跳霹雳舞的犹太教牧师也能双宿双飞 |
| [11:32] | then so could we. | 那我们也可以 |
| [11:33] | But those problems aren’t our problems. | 但我们没有那些问题 |
| [11:36] | Yeah. Maxine makes a good living | 是啊 玛克辛衣食无忧 |
| [11:38] | and I haven’t bought groceries in 20 years. | 我也是个资深超市店长 |
| [11:40] | So cheddar isn’t an issue, money or cheese. | 所以我们不愁没钱没吃的 |
| [11:42] | And children probably aren’t in play because I sold | 孩子更别提了 因为我早就在多年前 |
| [11:45] | most of my eggs years ago | 卖掉了自己大部分的卵子 |
| [11:46] | to pay for business school. | 以换得上商校的学费 |
| [11:48] | So that just leaves sex, | 那就只剩下性了 |
| [11:49] | which isn’t a problem because Barney refuses to make a move. | 这方面也没问题 因为巴尼根本不肯有所行动 |
| [11:53] | I’m sorry. I… | 对不起嘛 人家… |
| [11:54] | I get nervous. | 人家会紧张的 |
| [11:56] | Maybe it’s because of my ex-wife’s pet name for me, | 可能是因为我的前妻给我起的昵称是 |
| [11:59] | “The guy who can’t give me an orgasm.” | “没法给我高潮男” |
| [12:02] | One year, she even put it on my birthday cake. | 有一年 她还把这个昵称写在了我的生日蛋糕上 |
| [12:05] | Barney, would it help you | 巴尼 如果我给你定个蛋糕 |
| [12:07] | if I sent you a cake that said “do me anytime”? | 上面写”随时可滚床单女” 你会好点吗 |
| [12:10] | Is that an invitation? | 这是邀请吗 |
| [12:13] | – Be gentle. – No. | -温柔点行吗 -不行 |
| [12:15] | Judging from how Barney shivered when she took his hand, | 她拉着他的手时 巴尼都抖成筛子样了 |
| [12:18] | this won’t take too long. | 以此看来 他们应该很快会完事儿的 |
| [12:19] | Well, I just got kicked out | 我的3P提议被拒绝了 |
| [12:20] | of a three-way in my own bedroom. | 还被踢出了自己的房间 |
| [12:25] | Big mistake. | 那是他们的损失 |
| [12:27] | I’m a great utility player. | 我可是全能选手 |
| [12:31] | Wow, these are, like, real rugs. | 这些都是货真价实的地毯啊 |
| [12:34] | These are a lot nicer than the ones Jorge sells | 比乔治挂在加油站后面卖的那些 |
| [12:35] | behind the gas station. | 好看多了 |
| [12:36] | Yeah, I don’t think he sells those. | 我觉得那些不是卖的 |
| [12:38] | I think he’s just showing off how many rugs he has. | 他只是想炫耀自己毯子多 |
| [12:40] | You know, I think this may be the first time | 这应该是我们第一次 |
| [12:42] | we’ve actually bought anything new for the house. | 为家里添置的真正的新东西 |
| [12:44] | Yeah. The stuff’s either maw maw’s or hand-me-downs | 是啊 家里的东西不是奶奶的 就是二手的 |
| [12:48] | or “Hey, look, they’re throwing that out”s. | 还有就是捡别人家扔的破烂 |
| [12:49] | It’ll be so nice to have a rug that doesn’t glow | 能有一条不那么脏兮兮的地毯 |
| [12:51] | like the milky way under a black light. | 真是太好了 |
| [12:54] | Burt, it’ll be our special rug. | 伯特 这会是一条意义非凡的地毯 |
| [12:56] | And I see the perfect one. | 我已经挑到最好的一条了 |
| [12:57] | Me, too. | 我也是 |
| [12:59] | That one. | 那条 |
| [13:04] | But this one is so luxury. | 这条多奢华啊 |
| [13:07] | I could really see myself reading | 我仿佛能看见自己在火炉前 |
| [13:09] | in front of the fireplace on this. | 坐在这上面看书 |
| [13:11] | I mean, if I read | 我是说 如果我读书 |
| [13:13] | and our chimney wasn’t filled with raccoons. | 而家里烟囱也没被浣熊堵上的话 |
| [13:14] | Every time I look at it, I’m gonna hear the word “Shag” | 可我一看见这块毯子 我就想到”毛茸茸”这个词 |
| [13:17] | in my head and that’s gonna urge me to do | 一想到这个词 我就情不自禁地 |
| [13:19] | my Austin Powers impression | 想要模仿《王牌大贱谍》 |
| [13:20] | Every time, baby. Yeah! | 来吧 宝贝 来吧 |
| [13:23] | I hate when I do that. | 我不喜欢自己这样 |
| [13:25] | Look at this. | 但看这条毯子 |
| [13:26] | Iental rug. | 多么具有东方风情的毯子啊 |
| [13:28] | The correct term is Asian-American rug. | 其实是叫亚美风情毯啦 |
| [13:31] | Besides, that pattern | 你看那些花纹 |
| [13:33] | is busier than a Chinese fire drill. | 简直把人眼都看花了 |
| [13:35] | I still like this one. | 我还是喜欢这条 |
| [13:36] | But… I’ve heard orange is the new black, | 但我听说 橙色现在就代表了黑色 |
| [13:39] | but I definitely do not want a black rug. | 我真的不想要一条黑色的毯子 |
| [13:41] | I mean, African-American rug. | 那不是成了非裔毯子了吗 |
| [13:43] | Burt, we could carve pumpkins on this rug, | 伯特 我们可以在这毯子上刻南瓜 |
| [13:46] | Spill orange juice, give each other spray tans. | 泼橙汁 互喷晒肤液 |
| [13:50] | The possibilities are endless. | 这里蕴含了无线的可能性 |
| [13:52] | – Name one more thing. – You name one more thing. | -再说一种可能性 -你先说 |
| [13:56] | Well, I guess we wouldn’t have to worry | 我们可以不再担心 |
| [13:58] | if we touched it with barbeque chip fingers. | 毯子被吃薯条的手指碰脏了 |
| [14:00] | Or cheese puff fingers. | 吃过芝士泡芙也没问题 |
| [14:02] | Fine, the possibilities are endless. | 好吧 是可以随心所欲 |
| [14:03] | But I still want that rug. | 但我就是喜欢那条 |
| [14:06] | Oh, my god. | 天啊 |
| [14:07] | Are we fighting over a rug? | 我们这是为一条毯子吵起来了吗 |
| [14:09] | There is no rug fight. | 没有为毯子争吵这一条啊 |
| [14:10] | So maybe this is the money fight? | 我们这是为钱而吵吗 |
| [14:12] | No, the money fight is when we’re broke | 不是 没钱的时候才会为钱吵 |
| [14:14] | and can’t afford to buy anything. | 什么也买不了的时候才会为钱吵 |
| [14:15] | Maxine gave us plenty of cash, so it can’t be that. | 玛克辛给了我们很多钱 所以不符合啊 |
| [14:18] | It can’t be the sex fight after what we did twice this morning. | 也不是为了滚床单而吵 今早还滚了两次呢 |
| [14:22] | Well, that just leaves the parenting fight. | 那就只剩教育孩子了 |
| [14:24] | And as happy as it would make me, I can’t figure | 我倒是想让吉米背黑锅 |
| [14:26] | any way we can pin this on Jimmy. | 可这事怎么也跟他扯不上关系啊 |
| [14:27] | I know. I had that thought, too, and I got nothing. | 我也试过往吉米身上推 但说不通啊 |
| [14:29] | That means… | 也就是说… |
| [14:32] | we’ve discovered a fourth kind of fight. | 我们发现了第四类争吵 |
| [14:34] | That bitch Sally Jessy lied to us. | 贱人萨利·杰西是个大骗子 |
| [14:36] | Is it also possible that… | 那是不是说 |
| [14:38] | baby mamas don’t always lead to drama? | 少女妈妈这种事也未必都能拍成电视剧 |
| [14:40] | Uh… I don’t know what to believe anymore! | 这世界还有什么可相信的 |
| [14:43] | Burt, we’re not prepared for another kind of fight. | 伯特 我们对于这种新的争吵毫无准备 |
| [14:45] | Let’s just get out of here. | 赶紧撤吧 |
| [14:49] | This is Clarence. | 这是克莱恩斯 |
| [14:51] | Now, not only are you gonna be eating him tonight, | 今晚你们不仅能享用到他的鲜肉 |
| [14:53] | but the batter that we’re gonna fry him in is gonna be made | 用来煎炸的鸡蛋面糊 |
| [14:55] | with eggs from his lifelong partner, Lucy. | 也正是取材于他一生的伴侣露西所下的蛋 |
| [14:58] | There they are. | 他们来了 |
| [15:00] | Natesville’s perfect couple. | 纳什维尔的完美夫妻 |
| [15:01] | The love savers. | 爱情的拯救者 |
| [15:03] | Do you know that, before you two, | 知道吗 在你们出现之前 |
| [15:05] | I always shied away from public displays of affection, | 我总是不愿在大庭广众之下做出亲热的举动 |
| [15:08] | But now… | 但现在… |
| [15:10] | Well… someone’s not getting up to go to the salad bar anytime soon. | 看来已经有人已经迫不及待了 |
| [15:15] | We’re so happy you could let us buy you dinner | 非常高兴今晚能请你们俩吃饭 |
| [15:17] | as a thank you for all you’ve done for us. | 谢谢你们为我们所做的一切 |
| [15:19] | Sorry we’re late. | 抱歉我们来迟了 |
| [15:21] | We were at the rug store. | 我们去了地毯商店 |
| [15:22] | Oh, what kind of rug did you buy? | 买了什么样的毯子 |
| [15:24] | What’s with the third degree? | 关你毛事 |
| [15:25] | Jeepers, Burt. | 天啊 伯特 |
| [15:26] | My queen just asked you a question. | 我的女王大人不过是问了你一个小问题 |
| [15:28] | Are you mad at us? | 你生我的气了吗 |
| [15:29] | I’m sorry. It’s not you, | 对不起 不是你的错 |
| [15:30] | It’s-it’s us. | 是我们自己的问题 |
| [15:32] | Are you two fighting? | 你们吵架了吗 |
| [15:33] | You never fight. | 可你们从不吵架的 |
| [15:34] | What’s going on? | 怎么了 |
| [15:35] | Drugs? Infidelity? | 毒品 出轨 |
| [15:38] | Banned german pornography? | 岛国爱情动作片 |
| [15:40] | I’m just spitballing. | 我已经满嘴跑火车了 |
| [15:41] | We can’t agree on which rug to buy. | 我们在买毯子问题上意见不统一 |
| [15:43] | Which is crazy ’cause we agree on everything else in our lives, | 这太疯狂了 其他的事情我们完全合拍 |
| [15:46] | From which animals go to heaven… | 比如哪些动物可以上天堂 |
| [15:48] | Dogs, cats, bigfoots, elephants. | 狗 猫 大脚怪 大象 |
| [15:49] | – …to the best kind of ice cream. – Bubble gum. | -到最好吃的冰激凌 -泡泡糖味儿 |
| [15:51] | Then why do you come in every week and buy a pint of chocolate? | 那你为啥每周都来买一品脱的巧克力味儿 |
| [15:53] | Hey. Whatever happened to grocer-customer confidentiality? | 顾客还有没有购物隐私权了 |
| [15:57] | The Patriot Act changed everything. | 《爱国者法案》[涉及公民隐私]改变了世界 |
| [15:58] | Is this true, Burt? | 这是真的吗 伯特 |
| [16:00] | Are you really sneaking around to buy chocolate ice cream? | 你真的偷偷跑去买巧克力冰激凌 |
| [16:03] | Maybe? | 好像有 |
| [16:04] | See? This is what you get for listening to that Sally Jessy Raphael. | 瞧 叫你们听那什么萨利·杰西·拉斐尔的吧 |
| [16:08] | You never take advice from someone with three names. | 永远不要采取名字是三个词的人建议 |
| [16:12] | Lee Harvey Oswald, | 像李·哈维·奥斯沃啦[刺杀肯尼迪的凶手] |
| [16:13] | John Wayne Gacy, | 约翰·韦恩·格西啦[著名凶手 杀人小丑] |
| [16:15] | Mary Louise Parker– | 玛丽·路易·帕克啦[演员 曾出演《单身毒妈》] |
| [16:16] | they’re all notorious psychopaths. | 他们都是些臭名昭著的变态 |
| [16:19] | – She’s right. – Of course I’m right. | -她是对的 -我当然是对的 |
| [16:21] | And there aren’t just three types of fights. | 而且世上才不止三种吵架类型 |
| [16:22] | There’s millions, and I think that you two have been avoiding them. | 而是有成千上万种 而你们一直在逃避吵架 |
| [16:25] | You know, if you don’t clear the air every once in a while, | 如果你不定时清理一下情绪 |
| [16:27] | stuff builds up until it explodes. | 负能量就会一直叠加 直到爆炸 |
| [16:29] | Next thing you know, you’re crying in a bubble bath | 等你再反应过来 你已经在泡着澡 |
| [16:31] | listening to Linda Ronstadt, | 听着琳达·洛斯达的歌[乡村歌手] |
| [16:33] | trying to forget the image of your cousin | 努力把你表哥与已经成为你前妻的女人 |
| [16:34] | tongue-kissing your now ex-wife. | 激情湿吻的画面从脑海中抹去 |
| [16:36] | That sounds awful. | 听起来好虐心 |
| [16:38] | I don’t want to listen to Linda Ronstadt. | 我不喜欢听琳达·洛斯达 |
| [16:39] | I like Linda Ronstadt. | 我喜欢听琳达·洛斯达 |
| [16:42] | She brings a sassy latin flavor to the adult contemporary genre. | 她给成人现代流派音乐带来了一丝挑逗的拉丁味 |
| [16:45] | Oh, my god. We don’t agree on anything anymore. | 哦妈妈咪呀 我们对什么的看法都不一致了 |
| [16:49] | It’s like fight dominoes. | 这就像吵架多米诺效应 |
| [16:50] | You two need a good, healthy brawl. | 你们需要好好地健康地吵上一架 |
| [16:52] | I think he’s right, Burt. | 我觉得他是对的 伯特 |
| [16:53] | Me, too. I love you. | 我也觉得 我爱你 |
| [16:55] | I love you, too. | 我也爱你 |
| [16:59] | This fight’s off to a terrible start. | 这吵架的开场白不太对啊 |
| [17:02] | Okay, name-calling, screaming and dish-throwing are allowed. | 现在开始 你们可以互爆粗口 互扔碟子 |
| [17:06] | Any reference to your opponent’s mother is considered a low blow | 任何问候对方母亲的行为都是卑鄙下流 |
| [17:09] | and is encouraged. | 并被鼓励的 |
| [17:10] | Yes. And, remember, you don’t have to be able to take it | 是的 记住 你们无需接盘对方的攻击 |
| [17:13] | to dish it out. | 可以随便发泄情绪 |
| [17:16] | Hey! Guys! | 大伙儿 |
| [17:18] | Barney just texted us and told us you were about to have a fight. | 巴尼刚给我们发短信说你们要吵架了 |
| [17:21] | What’s going on? | 这是咋了 |
| [17:22] | You guys never fight. | 你俩从不吵架啊 |
| [17:23] | Apparently that’s our problem. | 那显然是我们的问题所在 |
| [17:24] | What’s the fight about? Is it me? | 你们为啥要吵架 是我不好吗 |
| [17:25] | Did I do something wrong? | 是我做错了什么吗 |
| [17:27] | Jimmy, honey, you know we would blame it on you | 吉米宝贝儿 你懂的 要是这事儿能怪你 |
| [17:29] | – if we could. – Okay. Come on. Let’s get started. | -我们早就怪你了 -来吧 开始吧 |
| [17:40] | We really don’t know how to start. | 我们真心不知道怎么开始 |
| [17:42] | Why don’t you start with something small, like, um… | 你们可以从小事开始吵 比如 |
| [17:45] | maybe he chews too loud. | 他吃饭吧唧嘴的声音太大 |
| [17:46] | I like the way I chew. | 我喜欢吧唧嘴 |
| [17:48] | You said it made you | 你说那声音让你有安全感 |
| [17:49] | feel safe to know I was snacking nearby. | 因为这样你就知道我在身边 |
| [17:51] | I was lying. Okay? I mean, I also said | 我那是善意的谎言好吗 我还说过 |
| [17:53] | that I like those silly little underwear that you wear in our bedroom. | 我喜欢你在卧室里穿的傻×小内裤呢 |
| [17:56] | They’re my “manties,” and they make me feel virile. | 它们都是我的心肝小男裤儿 给了我飒爽雄风 |
| [17:59] | Let me tell you something, mister– | 我现在就明说了吧 先生 |
| [18:00] | the only part of a man’s wardrobe that should have satin | 男人衣柜里唯一一件缎料的衣服 |
| [18:03] | is the lining of his smoking jacket! | 只能是晚间便服 |
| [18:06] | Do you two mind? It’s kind of hard for Virginia and I | 你们能不能注意点儿 这样搞得我和维吉妮亚 |
| [18:09] | to start a fight with all this tension in the air. | 很难开始吵架 这气氛太紧张了 |
| [18:10] | Please don’t fight. Mommy and daddy love each other. | 不要吵架嘛 妈咪爱爸比 爸比爱妈咪 |
| [18:12] | Mommy and daddy love each other. Mommy and daddy love each other. | 妈咪爱爸比 爸比爱妈咪 |
| [18:14] | Hey, hey. Hey. Don’t turn away from this, Jimmy. | 吉米 不要试图逃避这种事儿 |
| [18:15] | I’m telling you, it’s totally healthy for children to see | 听好了 小孩看见父母有不同意见 |
| [18:18] | that their parents don’t always agree. | 完全是正常健康的 |
| [18:20] | I know what you’re getting at, but I still refuse to fight | 我明白你的意思 但我还是不想 |
| [18:22] | in front of Hope. | 在喜旺面前吵架 |
| [18:22] | My parents fought in front of me | 我爹妈经常在我面前吵 |
| [18:24] | all the time and I turned out okay. | 我这不也好好地长大了吗 |
| [18:26] | You’re a rich girl who married into all this. | 你是个富二代啊这不一样 |
| [18:28] | Something went pretty wrong. | 这不对啊 |
| [18:30] | All right. | 好吧 |
| [18:32] | En garde! | 预备 |
| [18:36] | Which one of you’s gonna pay me the $40 I spent on supplies? | 你什么时候才还我那四十块钱 |
| [18:40] | Don’t anybody give him a nickel. | 谁都别给他半个子儿 |
| [18:42] | I’m not paying for this! | 老娘才不为这一头鸟毛付钱 |
| [18:45] | Now all the tufts of hair on my body will look the same! | 现在我全身的毛都是一样的了 |
| [18:48] | That’s the beauty of it! | 这正是美之所在啊 |
| [18:50] | That’s why you get a perm. | 这正是你烫了个小卷毛的原因啊 |
| [18:52] | Now give me my money! | 现在给我付钱 |
| [18:53] | You want to talk about not sexy? | 想知道滚床单时 什么东西最扫兴吗 |
| [18:55] | How ’bout we start with your o-face. | 不然我们先从你高潮时的表情说起吧 |
| [19:01] | Not sexy! | 一点都不性感 |
| [19:04] | That’s when my parents sneaked back into the house. | 就在那时我爹妈溜回房间 |
| [19:06] | They couldn’t help but think about Sally Jessy Raphae as they watched | 看到我们为了性吵架 |
| [19:09] | the rest of us fight about sex… | 他们不由地想萨利·杰西·拉斐尔 |
| [19:11] | Ooh, look at my ass and my little… | 看我这小屁股和小小 |
| [19:12] | tiny little underwear. I look like a child. | 迷你内裤 我看起来就像个小孩 |
| [19:14] | …Parenting… | 为了育儿吵架 |
| [19:16] | You really want Hope to see this? | 你真想让喜旺看到这种场面 |
| [19:17] | Yep. It’s gonna empower her when I kick your ass. | 她看到我胖揍你时 准会饱获能量 |
| [19:19] | …and money. | 为了钱吵架 |
| [19:20] | I’m sick of this! I’m spending all day… | 我受够了 我花了一整天 |
| [19:27] | I know how I look! I look good! | 我知道我看起来怎样 我看起来很好 |
| [19:34] | – I don’t want to fight. – Me neither. | -我不想吵架 -我也不想 |
| [19:36] | Good. Burt, if you want chocolate ice cream, | 那就好 伯特 如果想吃巧克力冰激凌 |
| [19:39] | then just get chocolate ice cream. | 那就去买好了 |
| [19:41] | You don’t have to lie to me. | 你不用对我撒谎的 |
| [19:42] | I was only lying because, while I like chocolate, | 我撒谎只是因为 虽然我喜欢巧克力冰激凌 |
| [19:46] | I love watching you enjoy bubble gum ice cream even more. | 但我更喜欢看到你享受泡泡糖味冰激凌 |
| [19:49] | You do? | 真的吗 |
| [19:50] | I think that’s why I was so upset about the rug. | 我想这是为何挑地毯时我那么沮丧的原因 |
| [19:52] | – What? – Seeing you happy makes me happy | -怎么说 -看到你开心我就很高兴了 |
| [19:55] | so I give in on a lot of things. | 所以我为此放弃了很多东西 |
| [19:56] | I just thought this time I’d pick something. | 这次我就想也想满足一下自己 |
| [19:59] | I had no idea that the rug was so important to you. | 我不知道那块地毯对你来说那么重要 |
| [20:02] | We’re never gonna be world travelers. | 我们永远都不会去环游世界 |
| [20:04] | That rug made me feel like I was actually | 那块地毯让我觉得自己好像 |
| [20:07] | on vacation in Asian America. | 真的在亚美地区度假似的 |
| [20:10] | The rug you like makes me feel | 那块你喜欢的地毯让我觉得 |
| [20:11] | like I’m in my parents’ basement. | 自己身处我爹妈的地下室 |
| [20:13] | Oh, my god. | 哦天哪 |
| [20:15] | That’s why I like it so much. | 这就是我那么喜欢它的原因 |
| [20:17] | Burt, do you remember what we used to do on that rug | 伯特 你记不记得我们年少时 |
| [20:20] | when we were teenagers? | 在地毯上干过的事儿 |
| [20:31] | We made some real sparks on that rug. | 我们在地毯上摩擦了出真正的火花 |
| [20:33] | Yes, we did. Now I totally want that rug. | 啊是的 现在我超想要那块地毯了 |
| [20:36] | Oh, wait a minute. | 等等 |
| [20:36] | We’ve got a whole yard full of people out there fighting. | 我们后院现在站了一群吵架的人呢 |
| [20:40] | Should we tell ’em we made up? | 要不要告诉他们我俩和好了 |
| [20:42] | I have a better idea. | 我有个更好的主意 |
| [20:45] | You want to take it for a test drive? | 你想来个”试摩”吗 |
| [20:46] | I think that I do. | 我想啊 |
| [21:04] | Let me know when you two lovebirds are done with the rug. | 你们这对粘腻小情人折腾完地毯通知我一声 |
| [21:07] | If this tastes as good as it fights, | 如果这味道和这闹劲儿一样给力的话 |
| [21:09] | this is gonna be some great jerky. | 肯定能做成好肉干 |