| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:04] | Before we move off this topic, | 在我们结束这个话题之前 |
| [00:06] | can I ask if you’re currently a hologram? | 我可以问你现在是不是全像投影吗 |
| [00:08] | Hold on. One sec. | 对…等等 等我一下 |
| [00:12] | Left a bag of Funyuns down there last week. | 我上星期留了一袋洋葱圈饼干在下面 |
| [00:14] | Didn’t want to waste our time. | 我不想浪费我们的时间 |
| [00:15] | Okay, let’s do it. Therapy me. | 好 来吧 咨询我吧 |
| [00:19] | Do you need to take that? | 你需要接这通电话吗 |
| [00:21] | No. Just the President. | 不用 只是总统而已 |
| [00:22] | Maybe we should turn off the phone. | 或许我们应该把手机关机 |
| [00:24] | President of the United States. | 美国总统 |
| [00:25] | Thought you might think that was cool. | 你或许会觉得很酷 |
| [00:27] | You like it when people think you’re cool? | 你喜欢别人觉得你很酷的感觉吗 |
| [00:28] | You’re extra analytical today. Looking to remodel your kitchen? | 你今天特别爱分析 你是想重新装潢厨房吗 |
| [00:31] | Sanchez! I know you’re in there! | 山查兹 我知道你在里面 |
| [00:34] | When I call you directly it’s an emergency. | 我如果直接打给你就代表有紧急状况 |
| [00:37] | I was in therapy. Don’t stigmatize mental health. | 我在做心理咨询 不要污名化心理健康 |
| [00:39] | How rude of me. | 我真失礼 |
| [00:40] | – Hello, I’m President Andre Curtis. – Yes, I recognize you. | －你好 我是安德雷克提斯总统 －是 我认得你 |
| [00:43] | Oh? How nice. | 是吗 真棒 |
| [00:44] | It’s not nice to recognize a president, can we go? | 认得总统没什么好棒的 我们能走了吗 |
| [00:48] | In 1961, the CIA secretly relocated the Loch Ness Monster to Lake Erie | 中情局在１９６１年 偷偷将尼斯湖水怪运到了伊利湖 |
| [00:53] | and replaced her bones with titanium. | 并把它的骨头换成钛金属 |
| [00:55] | She was then bit by several werewolves, | 它之后还被几只狼人咬过 |
| [00:57] | giving us the ultimate anti-submarine weapon. | 让我们得到了终极反潜武器 |
| [00:59] | Got it. | －了解 －不过苏联人 |
| [01:01] | But the Soviets smuggled in a leprechaun, | 偷偷夹带了矮精灵进来 |
| [01:02] | who turned Nessie’s bones to silver, giving her the were-version of AIDS. | 把尼斯湖水怪的骨头变成银 让它得了狼人版的艾滋病 |
| [01:06] | She sank to the bottom and we assumed she was dead. | 它沉到了湖底 我们以为它死了 |
| [01:08] | But she was only asleep. Now she’s awake… | 但它只是睡着了 它现在醒了 |
| [01:11] | and hungry. You can’t date my shrink. | －而且很饿 －你不能跟我的咨询师交往 |
| [01:13] | What? Bro, | 什么 兄弟 |
| [01:15] | – you’re nuts. – Then don’t date my shrink. | －你想太多了 －那就别跟我的咨询师交往 |
| [01:17] | I’m not dating your shrink! | 我没有跟你的咨询师交往 |
| [01:19] | She probably doesn’t even like me. | 说不定她根本就不喜欢我 |
| [01:21] | – Stand down, Sanchez! – Tell him to stand down! | －住手 山查兹 －你应该叫他住手 |
| [01:23] | Would you let him bang your therapist? | 你会让他上你的咨询师吗 |
| [01:25] | I don’t believe in therapy! | 我不相信心理咨询 |
| [01:26] | What the hell does that even mean, you don’t believe in it? | 这又是什么意思 你不＂相信＂心理咨询 |
| [01:29] | – He’s a scientologist. – Don’t date my shrink! | －他是山达基教徒 －别跟我的咨询师交往 |
| [01:31] | And don’t be a Space Mormon! | 你别当太空摩门教徒 |
| [01:33] | – Why not? – It’s silly! | －为什么 －因为很蠢 |
| [01:35] | Sorry, it’s a cheap shot. | 对不起 我不该这样攻击你 |
| [01:37] | Worship how you want. | 你想信什么教都可以 |
| [01:39] | – I like Tom Cruise. – Thank you. | －我喜欢汤姆克鲁斯 －谢谢 |
| [01:41] | – Therapy’s working. – Keep it in your pants. | －心理咨询很有用 －管好你的下面 |
| [02:17] | Welcome back to Mr. Stabby! | 欢迎回到《刺刺先生》 |
| [02:20] | Let’s get another question from the audience! | 我们再开放现场观众提问吧 |
| [02:24] | Why do people get tickets to his tapings? | 怎么会有人索票参加他的节目录影 |
| [02:26] | It’s a fame-obsessed culture. | 现代人太沉迷于名气了 |
| [02:29] | – Mr. President. – I’ve got an emergency, Rick. | －总统先生 －有紧急事件 瑞克 |
| [02:31] | Another President mission? | 总统又要派任务给你 |
| [02:32] | You just killed the Loch Ness Monster for him. | 你才刚帮他杀了尼斯湖水怪而已 |
| [02:34] | -Tell that little bitch to zip it. – You can’t talk to me like that! | －叫那废物闭嘴 －你不能这样骂我 |
| [02:37] | Tell him he can’t talk to me like that… | 跟他说他不能这样骂我 |
| [02:38] | – You can’t talk to Morty like that. – Whatever. | －你不能这样骂莫蒂 －随便啦 |
| [02:40] | I’ll portal over. | 我马上传送过去 |
| [02:42] | I’ve seen this one anyway. The audience dies. | 反正我看过这集了 观众会死掉 |
| [02:47] | Rick, thanks for coming. | 瑞克 谢谢你来一趟 |
| [02:49] | We’ve got a situation in the state of Virginia. | 维吉尼亚州出了点状况 |
| [02:51] | – Bigfoot. – That’s Montana. | －大脚怪 －那是蒙大拿州 |
| [02:52] | – Nazis. – That’s… everywhere. | －纳粹分子 －那个到处都有 |
| [02:55] | That’s an exaggeration, sir. | 你太夸大了 总统 |
| [02:57] | Jesus, Carl, you too? | 天啊 卡尔 连你也这样 |
| [02:59] | The problem in Virginia is… love. | 维吉尼亚州的问题是爱 |
| [03:02] | You’ve heard the state motto, | 你听过他们的宣传口号 |
| [03:03] | “Virginia is for Lovers”? | ＂维吉尼亚州是情人之州＂吗 |
| [03:04] | Well, now they’ve codified it into law. | 他们现在把这点编入法律了 |
| [03:06] | Virginia has declared itself literally | 维吉尼亚州宣告自己是情人之州 |
| [03:08] | and exclusively for lovers. | 而且只欢迎情人进入 |
| [03:10] | – Sounds boring. – It gets worse. | －听起来很无聊 －不只如此 |
| [03:12] | There’s no crime, no poverty, | 没有犯罪 没有贫穷 |
| [03:14] | and suspiciously, no complaints. | 而且还莫名地没有任何抱怨 |
| [03:16] | The governor just hit a hundred percent roval rating. | 州长的支持率达到了百分之百 |
| [03:19] | And that’s worse? | 这样不好吗 |
| [03:20] | A hundred percent? | 百分之百吗 |
| [03:21] | Get on the web, Dwayne, | 多上网看看吧 杜万 |
| [03:23] | there’s no such thing as a hundred percent of anything. | 任何东西都不可能达到百分之百 |
| [03:25] | America knows and incinerates a cult when it sees one. | 美国一秒就能认出且消灭邪教 |
| [03:28] | But I can’t do that to all of Virginia, | 但我不能消灭整个维吉尼亚州 |
| [03:30] | so we need to infiltrate. | 所以我们得渗透进去 |
| [03:32] | I volunteer to do acid to prove I’m not a cop. | 我自愿吃迷幻药证明自己不是警察 |
| [03:34] | No lone wolves. | 不能单独行动 |
| [03:35] | We need a crack team for this one. | 我们需要菁英团队 |
| [03:37] | Rick, meet Fleeflak. | 瑞克 这位是弗利富来克 |
| [03:38] | He might be able to tell the future. | 他或许有办法预测未来 |
| [03:40] | – Might? – We’re waiting to find out. | －＂或许＂ －我们还不确定 |
| [03:42] | Onyx here is a weapons specialist, | 阿尼克斯是武器专家 |
| [03:43] | and our eye in the sky’s my chief of staff bot, Chi-Chi. | 我的幕僚长机器人奇奇 会在空中帮我们监控情势 |
| [03:47] | – Sleek. – Yes, an excellent team. | －真酷 －没错 这个团队非常优秀 |
| [03:49] | But there’s something missing… | 但还少了点什么 |
| [03:51] | A psychology expert, perhaps. | 可能是心理学专家 |
| [03:53] | Fuck me! | 真是够了 |
| [03:54] | You pretended to need a crack team so you could get Wong’s number? | 你为了想要到王医师的电话号码 就假装需要菁英团队 |
| [03:57] | Get her number? | ＂要到她的电话号码＂ |
| [03:58] | I own the CIA, | 中情局归我管 |
| [03:59] | if I wanted I could get her genome . | 我连她的基因都查得到 |
| [04:01] | So you wanted what from me, permission? | 所以你是想得到我的许可吗 |
| [04:03] | You got it. It’s a free country, | 我允许你 你也常说 |
| [04:04] | so you’re always saying. | 这是自由国家 |
| [04:06] | That’s certainly all I’d be willing to pay. | 这国家简直一文不值 |
| [04:07] | You’re making me choose? | 你要逼我二选一 |
| [04:08] | You or her? | 在你和她之间 |
| [04:10] | There’s three billion women on this planet | 这个地球上有３０亿位女人 |
| [04:11] | that have nothing to do with me. | 跟我一点关系都没有 |
| [04:13] | Can you blame them? | 你能怪她们吗 |
| [04:14] | – You suck. – Wait! Danger! | －你烂透了 －等等 危险 |
| [04:18] | Wow that’s great, buddy. | 你画得真好 小子 |
| [04:20] | It’s goin’ right on the fridge. | 我要贴在冰箱上 |
| [04:26] | I appreciate your lending your expertise to this mission, Doctor Wong. | 谢谢你为这次的任务 |
| [04:28] | to this mission, Doctor Wong. | 贡献你的专业 王医师 |
| [04:30] | – Gun? – No thank you. | －你要枪吗 －不用了 谢谢 |
| [04:31] | I was surprised to receive your call, but excited. | 我很意外会接到你的电话 但我也很兴奋 |
| [04:34] | I haven’t done field work since grad school. | 我上次做田野工作是读研究所的时候 |
| [04:37] | We think the people of Virginia | 我们认为维吉尼亚州的民众 |
| [04:38] | have become some kind of hippy sex cult. | 已经变成了某种嬉皮性爱邪教 |
| [04:41] | I haven’t done that since grad school either. | 我上次接触那种东西 也是读研究所的时候 |
| [04:44] | Doctor Wong, you are a firecracker! | 王医师 你真劲爆 |
| [04:46] | Sir, we’ve reached the border. | 总统 我们抵达州界了 |
| [04:48] | Halt! | 停车 |
| [04:51] | I’m so sorry, Mr. President, Virginia is closed to visitors. | 真抱歉 总统先生 维吉尼亚州现在不接受访客 |
| [04:54] | I thought it was for lovers. | 我还以为你们是情人之州 |
| [04:56] | I’m a lover. You guys lovers? | 我是情人 你们是情人吗 |
| [04:58] | I appreciate that, | 那很棒 |
| [05:00] | but the rest of your country doesn’t need Virginia’s love right now. | 但是你国家的其他部分 现在不需要维吉尼亚州的爱 |
| [05:03] | You know, the last time a state talked that way, | 上一次有州说这种话时 |
| [05:06] | we had to have a whole thing. | 状况搞得非常复杂 |
| [05:08] | And? | 所以呢 |
| [05:09] | And this time the other side has nukes. | 而且这次另一边有核弹 |
| [05:13] | Let them in. | 放他们进去吧 |
| [05:16] | – Well done, Doctor. – Call me Helen. | －做得好 医师 －请叫我海伦 |
| [05:25] | As you can see, Virginia has no crime, no poverty. | 如你们所见 维吉尼亚州没有犯罪 没有贫穷 |
| [05:28] | – All goods are freely given. – Communist bastards. | －所有物品都是免费提供的 －共产混蛋 |
| [05:31] | – And all goods are freely made. – Communist bastards! | －所有物品都是免费生产的 －共产混蛋 |
| [05:34] | So what happened? Tell me the secret. | 究竟发生了什么事 把秘密告诉我吧 |
| [05:36] | Well, if I tell you, you’ll tell everyone. | 如果我告诉你 你就会告诉所有人 |
| [05:39] | But if I show you, you won’t have to. | 但我如果让你亲眼看看 你就不用告诉所有人了 |
| [05:41] | How unsettling and cryptic of… | 你这样讲很令人不安又神… |
| [05:47] | My God, so that’s it? | 天啊 原来是这样 |
| [05:49] | You’re all just drunk? | 你们都只是喝醉了 |
| [05:52] | Sir! It’s some kind of body snatching hive-mind! | 总统 这是某种控制身体的集体意识 |
| [05:54] | Finally your religion comes in handy! | 你的信仰总算派上用场了 |
| [05:56] | No! My only chance at meeting Will Smith! | 不 我唯一能见到 威尔史密斯的机会没了 |
| [06:05] | Pick up your phone, asshole, when I call it’s an actual emergency! | 你得接电话 混蛋 我会打给你就代表有紧急状况 |
| [06:10] | Rick? | 瑞克 |
| [06:12] | Unity. | 同一体 |
| [06:13] | Take it easy, take it easy… | 冷静点… |
| [06:14] | I can explain, just let me get things under control. | 我能解释 先让我把状况控制住 |
| [06:18] | You controlling things is the explanation | 你控制事物就是解释了 |
| [06:19] | and we agreed you wouldn’t do it where I work. | 我们明明说好了 你不能在我工作的地方做这种事 |
| [06:23] | The fuck are you spraying me with? | 你在用什么鬼东西喷我 |
| [06:25] | A new scent I picked up after you left. | 是我在你离开之后开始用的香水 |
| [06:28] | I call it “Separation.” | 名字就叫＂分离＂ |
| [06:29] | You concocted a me repellent? | 你调制出了＂驱我剂＂ |
| [06:31] | Does that look like a bad idea? | 这点子难道不好吗 |
| [06:35] | Rick, are you in a relationship with the population of Virginia? | 瑞克 你是在跟 全维吉尼亚州的人谈恋爱吗 |
| [06:38] | We dated. | 我们交往过 |
| [06:42] | I just want to talk. | －我只是想谈谈 －我只是想谈谈 |
| [06:44] | I’m pretty sure you have trillions of cell phones. | 我相信你应该有无数台手机 |
| [06:46] | No, come back, let’s talk! | 不 快回来 我们来谈谈 |
| [06:52] | Thank god you had a crack team with you. | 幸好你带了菁英团队来 |
| [06:54] | – Where’s Helen? -“Helen?” | －海伦在哪里 －＂海伦＂ |
| [06:56] | She initiated first name… | 是她叫我这样叫她… |
| [06:59] | Call in a chopper! I’m being cock blocked! | 呼叫直升机 有人想坏我的好事 |
| [07:02] | Rick! It’s me. | 瑞克 是我 |
| [07:05] | I was released from Unity. | 同一体释放了我 |
| [07:06] | Cool, so you won’t mind if I spray this. | 很好 那你应该就不介意我喷这个 |
| [07:08] | Wel… I won’t, but we’re surrounded and Unity knows your reload time. | 我不介意 但我们被包围了 而且同一体知道你的装填时间 |
| [07:13] | I really believe you and Unity should talk. | 我真心认为你和同一体应该谈谈 |
| [07:16] | How would you know? You’re just a nutritionist. | 你懂什么 你就只是个营养师而已 |
| [07:18] | When you work in nutritionism as long as I have, | 跟我一样研究营养学这么久的话 |
| [07:21] | you get a certain feel… | 对这种事就会有… |
| [07:27] | Calm down. We came because we’re worried about you. | －冷静点 我们是因为担心你才来的 －冷静点 我们是因为担心你才来的 |
| [07:30] | – Why? – We hear things, Rick. | －为什么 －我们听说了一些事 瑞克 |
| [07:32] | I tried calling but… | 我有试图打给你 但… |
| [07:34] | is it true you’re looking for… him again? | 你是不是真的又在找＂他＂了 |
| [07:37] | You almost died last time. | 你上次差点就死了 |
| [07:39] | That’s none of your business. | 这跟你无关 |
| [07:40] | – You’re our business. – You quit that business! | －你的事当然跟我们有关 －你的事当然跟我们有关 |
| [07:42] | And you’re fired from that business! | 你离职了 你也被开除了 |
| [07:44] | And I’m using your last paycheck | 我要用你最后的薪资 |
| [07:46] | to cover the stapler you stole which was my heart! | 补贴你偷走的钉书器 也就是我的心 |
| [07:49] | Civil War, baby! | 内战 宝贝 |
| [07:53] | Sorry. That was supposed to be suppressive. | 抱歉 我只是想达到镇压效果 |
| [07:58] | Rick, wait! | 瑞克 等等 |
| [08:02] | – Thank you, Andre. – Thank you, Helen. | －谢谢你 安德雷 －谢谢你 海伦 |
| [08:04] | It’s time to put these bastards on ice. | 我们该处理这些混蛋了 |
| [08:07] | – Cue up the dome! – Yes sir! | －启动穹顶 －遵命 |
| [08:31] | Do you have a dome the size of every state? | 你有各个州大小的穹顶吗 |
| [08:35] | You’ll need a second date for that answer. | 你要跟我约第二次会才会知道 |
| [08:37] | Barf. | 我要吐了 |
| [08:40] | A nation in turmoil tonight as the entire state | 国家今晚陷入了混乱 |
| [08:41] | of Virginia | 整个维吉尼亚州 |
| [08:43] | continues to be trapped inside an energy dome. | 持续被困在能量穹顶之中 |
| [08:46] | The White House released a statement dismissing | 白宫发表了声明 |
| [08:47] | the President’s shouts of “Civil War, baby.” | 表示总统喊出＂内战 宝贝＂ |
| [08:50] | as hyperbole. Shonda, | 只是夸饰而已 |
| [08:52] | what do we make of that? | 香妲 你怎么看 |
| [08:53] | More like Hyper Bully, Tom. | 他简直就是恶霸 汤姆 |
| [08:55] | Shit. Shonda came to play. | 天啊 香妲真呛 |
| [08:57] | This President has been in office | 这位总统就任期间发生过 |
| [08:58] | for how many alien invasions? | 几次外星人入侵事件了 |
| [09:00] | Not to mention the mutant turkeys, | 更别提变种火鸡 |
| [09:02] | the abandoned White House orbiting our planet, | 废弃白宫绕着地球转 |
| [09:04] | the eco-conscious dinosaurs… | 还有环保意识恐龙的事 |
| [09:05] | Then he sees Virginia | 然后他看到了维吉尼亚州 |
| [09:06] | with its perfect economy and synchronized lawn mowing, | 和他们完美的经济以及同步割草 |
| [09:09] | so he shoots them | 所以就对他们开枪 |
| [09:10] | and puts them in a dome? | 然后把他们关在穹顶里 |
| [09:12] | – Classic Curtis. – Will someone mute the god damn news? | －标准的克提斯作风 －谁能把新闻转成静音吗 |
| [09:14] | If I want a list of my failures, | 我如果想听自己所有的错 |
| [09:16] | I’d dig up my mother. | 我就会把我妈挖出来 |
| [09:17] | I’m… sorry, that’s a turn off, right? | 我…我很抱歉 你不喜欢这样 对吧 |
| [09:20] | Guy screaming about his mother in a war room? | 男生在战情室里大吼自己妈妈的事 |
| [09:22] | Sanchez! America hates your dome! How long is it going to be up? | 山查兹 美国人讨厌你的穹顶 多久之后才能打开 |
| [09:25] | Hope you marked that. It was his dome in the chopper. | 有注意到吗 穹顶在直升机上时 |
| [09:27] | Now it’s mine. | 是他的 现在变成我的了 |
| [09:28] | It will contain that part of Unity until I shut it down, | 在我关掉之前 穹顶会把同一体的那部分关着 |
| [09:31] | because… one of us here, Knows how to set boundaries. | 因为在场有一个人 知道该怎么划清界线 |
| [09:34] | Rick, I agree that my accepting this mission was inappropriate, | 瑞克 我同意 我接下这个任务并不恰当 |
| [09:37] | – when I was invited, I didn’t know… – That he was hitting on you? | －我受邀的时候并不知道… －他想搭讪你吗 |
| [09:40] | I was aware of potential romantic motivations. | 我知道他可能另有意图 |
| [09:43] | And I was open to them. | －我也有兴趣接受 －太好了 |
| [09:45] | But I did not know you and I would be crossing paths. | 但我并不知道我们会相遇 |
| [09:48] | You mean you didn’t care. | 你根本就不在乎 |
| [09:49] | Because on one hand, you got professional ethics, | 因为你一只手上有你的职业伦理 |
| [09:51] | and in the other hand you got world-famous schlong. | 另一只手上是举世闻名的老二 |
| [09:53] | – Now I get to beat you. – Bring it… | －我现在可以打你了 －放马过来 |
| [09:55] | Alien vessel approaching Earth! It’s hailing us! | 外星太空船正在接近地球 并且在呼叫我们 |
| [09:57] | – Put it through. – I don’t work for you. | －转接过来 －我不是你的属下 |
| [09:59] | You couldn’t, you suck. I’ll do it. | 那当然 你烂透了 我自己来 |
| [10:02] | Mr. President. | 总统先生 |
| [10:03] | Lady, you bring that ship to America’s planet, | 小姐 你如果把这艘船 开到美国的星球来 |
| [10:05] | I’m launching four thousand warheads. | 我就会发射四千颗导弹 |
| [10:07] | Three thousand of which will turn out to work. | 其中三千颗会发挥作用 |
| [10:09] | Then I’ll call China and you’re really fucked. | 然后我会打电话给中国 到时候你就真的完蛋了 |
| [10:11] | Let’s listen to Unity. | 我们先听听同一体要说的话 |
| [10:13] | – Are you still here? – Are you? | －你还在这里吗 －那你呢 |
| [10:14] | If I wanted Earth, I would have taken it. | 我如果想要地球 我早就拿下来了 |
| [10:16] | – Bullshit. – Gimme a break. | －才怪 －少来了 |
| [10:17] | You cut eight million pieces of me off. | 你把我身上的八百万个部分切断了 |
| [10:19] | It hurt. | －很痛 －你还真可怜 |
| [10:21] | You’ve made it clear we can’t be friends, Rick, | 你已经讲得很清楚了 我们没办法当朋友 瑞克 |
| [10:23] | but I need to reconnect those people so I can properly release them. | 但我得重新跟那些人连接上 才有办法好好释放他们 |
| [10:26] | They’re hosting a mindless collective, | 他们现在的集体意识并没有意识 |
| [10:28] | if it connects to another mind, it could become its own colony. | 如果连接上了另一个意识 就会变成独立的群体 |
| [10:32] | You made a Powerpoint? | 你还做了简报吗 |
| [10:33] | I needed you to understand how serious this is. | 你得搞清楚这件事有多严重 |
| [10:35] | – I can handle it. – We got the spray, bitch! | －我应付得来 －我们有喷雾 臭女人 |
| [10:38] | Don’t talk to them like that. | 别这样跟同一体说话 |
| [10:39] | Rick, do you not trust Unity? | 瑞克 你不信任同一体吗 |
| [10:41] | – Shut up. – Apologize. | －闭嘴 －道歉 |
| [10:43] | – Eat me. – Do you not trust me, Rick? | －咬我啊 －你不信任我吗 瑞克 |
| [10:44] | – Who would? – Let Rick answer. | －谁会信任你 －让瑞克回答 |
| [10:47] | Baby, I know you want to help, but… | 宝贝 我知道你想帮忙 但… |
| [10:48] | …Andre. I think we need to move slower. | 安德雷 我觉得我们得放慢步调 |
| [10:50] | Slower? I haven’t even touched you | 放慢 我连碰都还没碰过你 |
| [10:52] | and you’re already back seat war rooming. | 你就已经开始干政了 |
| [10:53] | – Andre. – Helen. | －安德雷 －海伦 |
| [10:54] | – Rick? – I don’t trust you. | －瑞克 －我不信任你 |
| [10:56] | You ghosted me to focus on your work. | 你为了专心工作就对我搞失踪 |
| [10:58] | Your work is absorbing the universe. | 你的工作就是要吸收宇宙 |
| [11:00] | But it’s my universe. Please go. | 但这是我的宇宙 请你离开 |
| [11:02] | We’ll spray the Virginians before they touch anyone. | 我们会在维吉尼亚人碰到任何人之前 先拿药水喷他们的 |
| [11:04] | I’m sorry you lost a finger, | 很抱歉你少了一根手指 |
| [11:06] | but that’s the price of surprise butt play. | 但这就是突袭走后门得付出的代价 |
| [11:08] | Goodbye. | 再见 |
| [11:09] | Goodbye. | 再见 |
| [11:11] | Alien vessel is departing. | 外星太空船正在远离 |
| [11:12] | Good job, people, | 做得好 各位 |
| [11:13] | I’ll run the aerosol cannon from the chopper, | 我会从直升机上发射气溶胶炮 |
| [11:15] | we need the optics. | 我们需要控制舆论 |
| [11:17] | Send out a press release. | 发一篇新闻稿 |
| [11:18] | “President sprays Virginia with the opposite of bullets.” | ＂总统用子弹的相反 喷射维吉尼亚州＂ |
| [11:20] | Write it better than that. | 写个更好的标题 |
| [11:22] | You riding shotgun or you staying butt hurt? | 你要坐副驾驶座吗 还是要赌气留下来 |
| [11:24] | Suck my dick and lose my number. | 去死吧 把我的号码删掉 |
| [11:26] | You too. | 你也是 |
| [11:27] | If you invite me to the wedding I will shit in the punch. | 你们如果邀我去参加婚礼 我一定会在饮料里拉屎 |
| [11:31] | He’ll be back. What would you like for dinner? | 他会回来的 你晚餐想吃什么 |
| [11:34] | I’m not interested in taking this further. | 我没兴趣跟你进一步发展 |
| [11:36] | What? Why? | 什么 为什么 |
| [11:37] | That’s insane. How can you be a therapist and insane? | 你疯了 你这个咨询师怎么会发疯 |
| [11:41] | Since you’re asking for feedback, | 既然你想听我的看法 我诚心建议 |
| [11:44] | my sincere advice is that you overcome your need for approval. | 你最好克服自己对认可的需要 |
| [11:46] | Okay, you want to play it that way? | 好吧 你想来这套吗 |
| [11:48] | There’s an exit tunnel by the ladies room. | 女厕旁边有个出口通道 |
| [11:51] | It gets lots of use! | 有很多人会走那里 |
| [11:52] | And not just by sex workers! | 而且不只是性工作者 |
| [11:55] | Can you at least tell security I did the dumping? | 你可以至少跟警卫说是我甩了你吗 |
| [12:02] | – You okay? – Yes. | －你还好吗 －还好 |
| [12:04] | The news said Virginia was a hive… mind. | 新闻报道说 维吉尼亚州变成了集体意识 |
| [12:06] | Yes. | 对 |
| [12:07] | – Was it… – Yes. | －是吗 －是 |
| [12:08] | My god, dude, whatever, | 天啊 大哥 随便 |
| [12:10] | when’s the last time you saw your therapist… | 你上一次做心理咨询是什么时候 |
| [12:11] | – Today. – Well, then she sucks! | －今天 －那她还真烂 |
| [12:13] | – No Shit! – Well stop yelling at me! | －废话 －别再对我大吼了 |
| [12:15] | – I need boundaries! – Well here’s a big one, fuck face! | －我需要界线 －那我就给你一条大界线 混蛋 |
| [12:21] | Sorry. | 对不起 |
| [12:27] | Arriving at the dome, sir. | 抵达穹顶了 总统 |
| [12:28] | Good! I don’t need anybody! | 很好 我不需要任何人 |
| [12:30] | – What? – What? I said good! | －什么 －什么 我说＂很好＂ |
| [12:32] | Tell me when we’re there! | 到了就跟我说一声 |
| [12:33] | – We are! – Roger that! | －我们到了 －收到 |
| [12:35] | Just gonna see how we’re looking! | 我来看看大家反应如何 |
| [12:36] | And there’s Helicopter One with the forementioned gas, | 画面上的直升机一号 载着我们先前提到的气体 |
| [12:39] | and you can actually see President Curtis inside, | 我们还能看到机上的克提斯总统 |
| [12:41] | checking his phone to see if this will make people like him. | 他正在看手机 确认这么做会不会赢得大家的喜爱 |
| [12:44] | There he is frowning now, of course, as he realizes | 他现在正在皱眉 因为他意识到了 |
| [12:47] | no amount of spectacle | 他再怎么作秀 |
| [12:48] | is going to undo his last debacle. | 都没办法弥补先前的失误 |
| [12:50] | Shonda? Not Shonda, | －香妲 －别问香妲 |
| [12:52] | she hates me. It’s true, Tom, I mean, | －她很讨厌我 －没错 汤姆 |
| [12:53] | yes, President Curtis is going to release Virginia | 对 克提斯总统 马上就会让维吉尼亚州 |
| [12:56] | from yet another alien threat, | 脱离又一次的外星威胁 |
| [12:58] | but when they are free to speak their minds, | 但当他们能自由表达自己的想法时 |
| [13:01] | does he really think they’re going to say “What a President?” | 他真的认为他们会说 ＂天啊 总统真棒＂吗 |
| [13:03] | Deactivating dome, sir! | 关闭穹顶中 总统 |
| [13:05] | The fact is, nothing short of literally a one hundred percent approval rating | 克提斯如果想在下次选举中胜选 |
| [13:08] | is gonna save Curtis in the next election. | 他就一定要得到百分之百的支持率 |
| [13:12] | Let her rip, sir! | 请开始 总统 |
| [13:14] | One hundred percent approval. | ＂百分之百的支持率＂ |
| [13:18] | Whoopsie! I’ll be right back! | 糟糕 我马上回来 |
| [13:20] | – Sir! – I just gotta get the thing… | －总统 －我去拿一下那个东西 |
| [13:22] | How is that going to work? | 什么 你要怎么拿 |
| [13:27] | Give it to me. Give me that hive! | 快给我吧 给我集体意识 |
| [13:34] | Mother forgive me. Just forgive me. I need it. | 妈妈 原谅我吧 原谅我 我需要这个 |
| [13:41] | Holy…. | 我的… |
| [13:44] | – Shit! – Shit! | －天啊 －天啊 |
| [13:48] | Loved ones are gathered here to reunite with the captives, who appear to walking, | 俘虏的亲朋好友都聚集在此 想跟他们团聚 |
| [13:51] | quite eagerly, and now running, | 他们现在走得很快 |
| [13:53] | in perfect unison, toward them, | 还同步开始跑向亲朋好友了 |
| [13:55] | such a beautiful scene, everyone kissing. | 好美妙的画面 大家都在亲吻 |
| [13:57] | And now everyone that got kisses is kissing everyone else. | 刚刚被亲的人现在都在亲别人 |
| [14:00] | Heartfelt, almost disgusting kisses, | 感人又接近恶心的吻 |
| [14:02] | the wave of affection is headed in all directions, | 爱的浪潮正朝着四面八方前进 |
| [14:05] | hello, sir… | 你好 先生… |
| [14:07] | The President has saved us. | 总统拯救了我们 |
| [14:08] | He’s the best President, | 他是最棒的总统 |
| [14:09] | the best man, really, ever, his mother was wrong. | 他是史上最棒的人 是他妈错了 |
| [14:12] | Did somebody close the lady tunnel? | 有人把小姐通道关起来吗 |
| [14:19] | Hey, Rick, | 嘿 瑞克 |
| [14:20] | – was Unity – – She’s gone and I don’t care! | －同一体… －她已经走了 而且我不在乎 |
| [14:23] | I think she’s back. | 她好像回来了 |
| [14:27] | Someone order cranky dick? | 有人点脾气差的混蛋吗 |
| [14:28] | – I said I was sorry. – No you didn’t. | －我已经道歉过了 －你才没有 |
| [14:30] | I said it quietly, shut up. | 我小声道歉过了 闭嘴 |
| [14:31] | Now Governor, can you explain why all of Virginia ran in all directions and | 州长 你能解释 为什么全维吉尼亚州的人 |
| [14:34] | puked on everyone in the country? | 会朝四面八方奔跑 并对着全国人民呕吐吗 |
| [14:36] | It’s simple, News Man. | 这很简单 主播 |
| [14:38] | They puke in love of President. | 他们是出于对总统的爱而吐 |
| [14:40] | We approve of the President. Everyone does. | 我们支持总统 每个人都是 |
| [14:43] | Sorry, Governor | 抱歉 州长 |
| [14:44] | but you’re making me bring Shonda into this. Thanks, Tom. | －这我就得问问香妲的看法了 －谢了 汤姆 |
| [14:47] | Governor, I can assure you | 州长 我能向你保证 |
| [14:48] | that no matter how you personally may feel… | 无论你个人怎么想… |
| [14:52] | Good president. President good good good. | 总统好棒 总统好棒棒 |
| [14:55] | Are you okay? Josh just vomited into your mou… | 你还好吗 乔许刚刚对着你的嘴呕… |
| [15:00] | I get it now. | 我现在懂了 |
| [15:01] | What a President! Approval here! | 好棒的总统 我支持他 |
| [15:03] | President approved! | 我也支持总统 |
| [15:05] | I thought Unity promised to never do this. | 我还以为同一体承诺过 再也不会做这种事 |
| [15:07] | That’s not Unity. | 那不是同一体 |
| [15:08] | You kids stay inside and lock up. | 你们待在屋内 把门窗锁上 |
| [15:09] | Dad’s still out shopping. | 爸还在外面买东西 |
| [15:10] | Then stay inside, lock up and plug your ears. | 那就待在屋内 把门窗锁上再把耳朵塞住 |
| [15:12] | Where are you going? | 你要去哪里 |
| [15:14] | Therapy. | 去做咨询 |
| [15:16] | Thank God. | 谢天谢地 |
| [15:34] | You’re rehired. | 我要再次雇用你 |
| [15:36] | Is that Unity? | 那是同一体吗 |
| [15:37] | It’s your boyfriend. | 那是你男朋友 |
| [15:39] | He must have linked with the severed hive-mind. | 他一定是连上了被截断的集体意识 |
| [15:40] | He’s going to assimilate the earth faster than I can fight it. | 他会很快就把整个地球吸收掉 我会来不及对抗 |
| [15:43] | And you want me to talk to him. | 所以你希望我跟他谈谈 |
| [15:44] | There’s no talking to him. | 跟他谈是行不通的 |
| [15:45] | No human mind can keep itself together | 控制成千上百万人的时候 |
| [15:47] | while controlling millions of people. | 任何人都没办法保持理智 |
| [15:49] | So where are we going? | 所以我们要去哪里 |
| [15:50] | I need Unity’s help. | 我需要同一体的协助 |
| [15:51] | So you need to convince her I’m worth it. | 所以你得说服她 我值得她这么做 |
| [15:53] | – You aren’t. – So lie. | －你不值得 －那你就得说谎 |
| [15:58] | Inbound vessel detected. | 侦测到太空船正在靠近 |
| [16:00] | Tell him to turn around. | 叫他调头离开 |
| [16:01] | – Tell me in person. I’m already here. – God damnit. | －亲自告诉我吧 我已经来了 －该死 |
| [16:04] | But your ship was just… | 但你的太空船才刚… |
| [16:05] | You have your gimmicks, I have mine. | 你有你的把戏 我也有我的把戏 |
| [16:06] | This is my therapist, she can vouch for me. | 这位是我的咨询师 她可以帮我担保 |
| [16:08] | We met. She was me for a second. | 我们见过面 她曾短暂变成我过 |
| [16:10] | What do you want, Rick? | 你想怎样 瑞克 |
| [16:11] | Look, it’s clear you weren’t lying when you said you could’ve | 听着 你之前说你可以占领全地球 |
| [16:13] | taken over Earth | 显然不是在说谎 |
| [16:14] | because your finger just took over America. | 因为你的手指已经占领全美国了 |
| [16:16] | I need you to help me fix that. | 我需要你帮我解决这个问题 |
| [16:18] | It took that to make you believe me? | 你非得到这个地步才会信任我吗 |
| [16:20] | Why should I believe you? | 我干嘛信任你 |
| [16:21] | You show up unannounced and hijack a state. | 你一声不响就出现 还挟持了一整个州 |
| [16:23] | I called you! Multiple times! | 我打了好几通电话给你 |
| [16:26] | You ghosted me. | 是你对我搞失踪 |
| [16:28] | Rick, is that true? | 瑞克 是真的吗 |
| [16:29] | She dumped me, why would I answer her calls? | 她都甩了我 我干嘛接她电话 |
| [16:31] | Alright, I’m gonna commit a cardinal sin in couple’s therapy here, | 好 我现在要犯下情侣咨询的大忌了 |
| [16:34] | but Rick,I think you’re wrong. | 瑞克 我觉得你错了 |
| [16:36] | Bringing you was a mistake. | 我不该带你来的 |
| [16:38] | You had an outer space lady who was worried for your life | 有一位外太空小姐很担心你是生是死 |
| [16:41] | and your response was hostile enough to cause a huge problem. | 你的反应却充满了敌意 甚至还引起了大麻烦 |
| [16:44] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [16:45] | Now you’re asking her to both forgive you and solve it? | 你现在竟然想叫她原谅你 并帮忙解决麻烦 |
| [16:49] | Unity, I think the reason Rick brought me here is | 同一体 我觉得瑞克会找我来 |
| [16:51] | that he doesn’t know how to indicate to you he’s changed, | 是因为他不知道 要怎么向你表达他变了 |
| [16:55] | because he’s changing very slowly. | 因为他改变的速度很慢 |
| [16:57] | But he is. | 但他有在改变 |
| [16:59] | Alright, anyone else wanna call me a baby? | 好吧 还有其他人也想骂我幼稚吗 |
| [17:01] | Maybe we can drag this out until Earth is fully assimilated? | 要不要干脆拖到 整个地球被完全吸收算了 |
| [17:05] | Alright, so you’re asking for an invasion. | 好吧 所以你希望我展开侵略吗 |
| [17:45] | Hold ‘em back! They love me, they just forgot! | 挡住他们 他们爱我 他们只是忘了 |
| [17:48] | They just forgot! They just forgot! | －他们只是忘了… －他们只是忘了… |
| [17:53] | No! Stop! You love me! | 不 住手 你们爱我 |
| [17:56] | Why’re you stopping? | 什么 你们干嘛住手 |
| [17:58] | I’ve won you over? | 你们被我说服了吗 |
| [18:03] | Good! You’re here! | 太好了 你们来了 |
| [18:04] | Unity, kept them warm for you. | 同一体 我帮你好好守住了他们 |
| [18:07] | They went a little crazy but, | 他们刚刚有点疯狂 但是… |
| [18:08] | anyway, seems like this is all over. | 总之呢 看来这一切都结束了 |
| [18:11] | Helen, we could grab some coffee? | 海伦 我们可以一起去喝咖啡 |
| [18:12] | Wait Unity, what are you doing? | 等等 同一体 你要干嘛 |
| [18:16] | Alright, Rick, that’s everyone. | 好 瑞克 我吸收完所有人了 |
| [18:18] | Nice job, Une. | 做得好 同一体 |
| [18:19] | Well. This has been quite a session. | 这次的咨询还真是不简单 |
| [18:22] | Hope you do group discounts. | 希望你有团体折扣 |
| [18:25] | Actually, just send the bill to the White House. | 其实呢 你直接把账单寄给白宫吧 |
| [18:28] | I wouldn’t be doing this for anyone else, Rick. | 我可不会为别人做这种事 瑞克 |
| [18:30] | It was nice to team up again. | 是啊 再次跟你联手的感觉很棒 |
| [18:32] | No, I mean I wouldn’t be doing it. | 不是 我的意思是我不想这么做 |
| [18:35] | I’ve never released hundreds of millions of people before. | 我从来没有一次释放这么多人过 |
| [18:38] | This is gonna suck. | 一定会很难受 |
| [19:17] | Here… it’s over. Nice job, Une. | 好 都结束了 做得好 同一体 |
| [19:20] | I’m fine. | 我没事 |
| [19:21] | You want a painkiller? | 要不要来颗止痛药 |
| [19:23] | I’m on a few of them right now. | 我现在有吃几颗 |
| [19:26] | No thank you. | 不用了 谢谢 |
| [19:27] | I mean, you can hang out if you want, come see the kids, | 你如果想来找我玩也可以 来看看孩子们 |
| [19:32] | I trust you now. | 我现在信任你了 |
| [19:34] | That’s nice but I don’t trust you. | 真棒 但我不信任你 |
| [19:37] | Fair enough. | 合情合理 |
| [19:59] | Hey Rick, it’s Unity. | 嘿 瑞克 我是同一体 |
| [20:02] | Give me a call, okay? | 请回我电话 好吗 |
| [20:03] | Hey Rick, Unity. | 嘿 瑞克 我是同一体 |
| [20:05] | Look, cards on the table, | 听着 我就跟你直说了 |
| [20:06] | I heard you were going after that guy again. | 我听说你又要去找那个人了 |
| [20:08] | Just made me worried, give me a call. | 我很担心 请回我电话 |
| [20:11] | Look I get it, I dumped you, you’re ignoring me. | 听着 我懂 我甩了你 所以你故意不理我 |
| [20:14] | But, I care about you and I just wanna know you’re alright. | 但我很在乎你 我只是想确定你没事 |
| [20:18] | Hey Rick, listen I’m just gonna stop by Virginia, okay? | 嘿 瑞克 听着 我会去一趟维吉尼亚州 好吗 |
| [20:21] | I don’t know what state you live in | 我不知道你住在哪一州 |
| [20:23] | but I’ll camp out there and try to reach you. | 但我会在那边扎营并试图联系你 |
| [20:25] | Hope you’re okay. | 希望你没事 |
| [20:27] | Hey, Rick. David Miscavige here. | 嘿 瑞克 我是大卫密斯凯维吉 |
| [20:29] | Heard you were saying some really great things about Scientology. | 听说你帮山达基教说了很多好话 |
| [20:32] | If you ever wanna meet Travolta… | 你如果想见屈伏塔… |
| [20:33] | And playback. | 结束播放 |
| [20:38] | You uh, really went all in on that approval? | 你真的为了得到认可 全力以赴了 对吧 |
| [20:44] | Shonda’s gonna eat me alive. | 我一定会被香妲痛批 |
| [20:47] | – Fuck em. – Thanks, Rick. | －管他们去死 －谢了 瑞克 |
| [20:51] | Don’t take this the wrong way, but | 别误会我的意思 但… |
| [20:54] | I think I might need therapy. | 我好像需要去咨询 |
| [21:34] | And we’re back with Mr Stabby. | 欢迎回到节目现场 来宾是刺刺先生 |
| [21:36] | What do you say to people who say, “I don’t want to get stabbed. | 你对那些说＂我不想被刺＂ |
| [21:39] | I want to go a show, | ＂我只是想去看节目录影＂ |
| [21:40] | I have a right to not get stabbed.” | ＂我有权不被刺＂的人 有什么话想说 |
| [21:42] | Well, Gary, I have a right to arms and legs. | 盖瑞 我有权有手有脚 |
| [21:45] | But I wasn’t born with those. | 但我出生时没手没脚 我并不认为这代表 |
| [21:48] | And I don’t think that means I should be boxed out of an industry where, | 我就应该要被排除在这个圈子之外 |
| [21:50] | let’s face it, there’s zero representation of people with swords for arms and legs. | 说实话 这个圈子里完全没有 手跟脚都是剑的人 |
| [21:54] | But do you have to take questions from the audience? | 但你非要开放观众提问不可吗 |
| [21:57] | People come to my show because they want the experience. | 大家来看我的节目 是因为他们想要那样的体验 |
| [22:00] | If they didn’t want it, they’d stop coming. | 如果大家不想要 就不会有人来了 |
| [22:02] | Your show has resulted in the deaths of 58,000 attendees. | 你的节目造成了 五万八千名现场观众死亡 |
| [22:07] | Well, you’re talking about it. | 这不就有讨论度了吗 |