| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:02] | Give him the procedure now! | 立刻帮他做手术 |
| [00:03] | Or I will shut this hospital down. | 否则我让这家医院关门 |
| [00:07] | A Jane Hollis filled out a Missing Person’s Report | 简·霍利斯上报她丈夫 |
| [00:09] | for her husband, Bill. | 比尔失踪了 |
| [00:11] | I think if we find this Jane Hollis, | 如果我们能找到简·霍利斯 |
| [00:12] | we might be able to figure out who the killer is. | 说不定就能知道凶手是谁了 |
| [00:14] | People came by from the hospital. | 医院那边来了两个人 |
| [00:16] | They asked about you. | 问起了你 |
| [00:18] | Do you think we need to do something about it? | 你觉得我们要做点什么吗 |
| [00:21] | I’ll take care of everything. | 我会处理好一切的 |
| [00:24] | The patient was admitted | 病人入院的时候 |
| [00:25] | complaining of lower back pain and abdominal cramps. | 抱怨下背部疼痛和腹部绞痛 |
| [00:27] | Now, the routine X ray showed a– | 常规X光检查显示 |
| [00:29] | an enormous mass in his stomach. | 他的胃部有一个巨大肿块 |
| [00:31] | We don’t have the results from the MRI yet. | 核磁共振报告还没有出来 |
| [00:33] | I don’t understand. Why do you need me? | 我不明白 你找我干什么 |
| [00:35] | I don’t need you, he was asking about you. | 不是我找你 是病人找你 |
| [00:36] | Said you guys used to date. | 说你们曾经约会过 |
| [00:37] | And his symptoms started when you broke up. | 他的症状是在你们分手之后开始出现 |
| [00:39] | It’s not Hannity, is it? | 不会是汉尼提吧 |
| [00:41] | That was supposed to be way on the deal. | 那可不是我们说好的 |
| [00:52] | Hi, Cathy. | 凯茜 |
| [00:54] | Weston. | 韦斯顿 |
| [00:56] | What’s going on? | 什么情况 |
| [00:57] | What’s going on is that Mr. Gardner has an abdominal tumor. | 情况是加德纳先生有一个胃部肿瘤 |
| [01:00] | The size of a grapefruit. | 西柚大小 |
| [01:02] | We need to get this thing out immediately. | 我们得马上摘除 |
| [01:04] | Oh, dear God. Wes, | 天啊 韦斯 |
| [01:07] | When did the stomach pains begin? | 什么时候开始胃痛的 |
| [01:10] | When you left me, Cathy. | 在你离开我的时候 凯茜 |
| [01:12] | When you broke my heart. | 在你伤我心的时候 |
| [01:14] | That’s sort of when the pain started. | 就是开始痛的时候 |
| [01:16] | Wait. You guys used to go out? | 等等 你们交往过 |
| [01:18] | Um, yes, we did. | 是的 |
| [01:20] | As a matter of fact. | 其实吧 |
| [01:23] | After the wallace murders… | 在华莱士校园谋杀案后… |
| [01:27] | Cathy and I ran off together. | 凯茜和我远走高飞了 |
| [01:32] | I got a part-time job teaching English at the University of Oregon | 我在俄勒冈大学找了个教英语的兼职 |
| [01:35] | So I could fulfill my lifelong dream | 这样我就可以实现人生梦想 |
| [01:36] | of growing a beard and living in a log cabin | 留着大胡子 住在小木屋里 |
| [01:39] | and staring a microbrewery. | 造鲜酿啤酒 |
| [01:42] | How’s the pumpkin dunkelweizen? | 德国南瓜黑啤怎么样 |
| [01:44] | Really good. | 非常赞 |
| [01:57] | See, as it turns out, | 可后来发现 |
| [01:58] | Cathy was just pretending to be super supportive, | 凯茜只是假装很支持我 |
| [02:01] | When all she really wanted to do was drive a wedge | 她真正想做的是 |
| [02:03] | between my daughter and me, | 挑拨我们父女 |
| [02:05] | whom I ended up not seeing for over a year. | 导致我已经一年多都没有见过我女儿了 |
| [02:11] | Cut through the fundus. | 底部剪开 |
| [02:12] | Retractor, please. | 牵开器 谢谢 |
| [02:14] | And then a bunch of people got botulism | 然后一群人被我法式烘焙酿制的 |
| [02:15] | from my french toast-infused IPA. | 印度淡酒弄的肉毒中毒 |
| [02:17] | Because a bunch of mice got into the mash | 因为一群老鼠钻进了我的麦芽浆 |
| [02:19] | and my book about quarters was a huge flop. | 我出版的关于25美分的书又很失败 |
| [02:22] | Um, shouldn’t we be putting him under? | 不是应该麻醉他吗 |
| [02:24] | He insisted on staying awake during the procedure. | 他坚持手术全程保持清醒 |
| [02:26] | So I gave him an epidural. | 所以我就给他硬膜外麻醉 |
| [02:27] | – Retractor. – Yeah, you need to hear this, cathy. | -牵开器 -你得听着 凯茜 |
| [02:30] | You need to know the devastation that you caused | 你得知道你起身离开我的生活后 |
| [02:32] | when you just up and walked out of my life! | 所造成的破坏 |
| [02:34] | Hey, hold on. | 等等 |
| [02:36] | You wrote a book about quarters? | 你写了一本关于25美分的书 |
| [02:38] | Yes. It was called | 是的 名字叫做 |
| [02:39] | Quarters An American History. | 《25美分 一部美国历史》 |
| [02:44] | Damn it, it’s our most important coin. | 该死的 这是我们最重要的硬币 |
| [02:48] | No, all right. | 好吧 |
| [02:50] | Look, I said it then,and I’ll say it now, | 听着 我之前就说过 我再说一遍 |
| [02:53] | I just don’t see how you can say | 我只是不能理解为什么 |
| [02:55] | that one coin is more important | 你非要说一种硬币 |
| [02:56] | – than another. – Yeah, | -比别的更重要 -嗯 |
| [02:58] | I know, Cathy. | 我知道 凯茜 |
| [03:00] | I remember. | 我记得 |
| [03:01] | Because that was the last thing that you said to me | 因为那是你彻底离开我生活之前 |
| [03:03] | before you walked out of my life forever. | 对我说的最后一句话 |
| [03:06] | And that’s when the stomach pain started. | 也就是胃痛开始的时候 |
| [03:09] | Look, Wes, | 听着 韦斯 |
| [03:10] | I promise I will try to make this right for you. | 我保证会尽力补偿你 |
| [03:13] | This is really weird. | 这太奇怪了 |
| [03:14] | – What? – What? | -什么 -什么 |
| [03:15] | What? What’s weird? | 什么 什么很奇怪 |
| [03:17] | That thing in your stomach. | 你胃里的东西 |
| [03:19] | It’s not a tumor. | 不是肿瘤 |
| [03:25] | It’s a giant hair ball. | 是一个巨大的发团 |
| [03:29] | Looks like Trump’s wig. | 看起来就像川普的假发 |
| [03:38] | It’s called Trichobezoar. | 这叫做胃部发球症 |
| [03:40] | It’s, uh… basically doctor talk for hair ball. | 这是医生对发团的叫法 |
| [03:44] | Listen, you know, | 听着 |
| [03:45] | You would have made our lives a lot easier | 如果你一开始就对我们说实话 |
| [03:47] | and the operation a lot safer. | 本可以让我们大家都轻松点 |
| [03:48] | If you just would have told us the truth. | 也能让手术更安全点 |
| [03:50] | How did he get that much hair in his stomach? | 他胃里哪来的那么多毛发 |
| [03:51] | Duh. He’s obviously been dating | 他很明显跟街头抗议分子 |
| [03:53] | one of those Occupy Wall Street or Pussy Riot girls, | 或者朋克乐队的妹子约过会 |
| [03:56] | who think not shaving their cooter | 他们认为不刮阴毛 |
| [03:57] | is some kind of political protest against the patriarchy or something. | 是对父权制的一种政治抗议手段 |
| [04:00] | Are you saying that that’s a giant ziploc bag | 你是说那个巨大的塑封袋 |
| [04:03] | full of commie pubes? | 装着的全是共党分子的阴毛 |
| [04:04] | No, they’re not pubes. | 不 不是阴毛 |
| [04:05] | Mr. Gardner suffers from a condition called trichophagia. | 加德纳先生得了一种叫食毛症的病 |
| [04:08] | Oh, it’s from the Greek. | 名字起源于希腊语 |
| [04:10] | “Trichia” meaning “Hair,” | “Trichia”是指”毛发” |
| [04:11] | and “Phagein” meaning “To eat.” | “Phagein”是指”吃” |
| [04:13] | Yes, exactly, that’s exactly right, yeah. | 对 非常正确 |
| [04:15] | It’s a psychological disorder | 这是种会导致人们 |
| [04:17] | that causes, people to pull out and then eat their own hair. | 拔出并吃掉自己头发的心理障碍 |
| [04:21] | Number five, how have you never come down with that? | 五号 你怎么没患上这病 |
| [04:23] | Seriously. That seems right up your alley. | 说真的 感觉挺适合你的 |
| [04:25] | Look, like I told you guys during the surgery, | 做手术时我就告诉你们了 |
| [04:27] | I was all stressed out after Cathy and I broke up. | 凯茜和我分手之后 我压力太大 |
| [04:30] | I was managing pretty well | 我本来处理得还不错 |
| [04:31] | until Grace moved to Stanford to work on her master’s. | 直到格蕾丝去了斯坦福读硕士 |
| [04:35] | She is… so far away. | 她离我那么遥远 |
| [04:38] | She’s doing great, by the way. | 不过她读得不错 |
| [04:40] | Thanks for any of you for bothering to ask. | 如果你们有谁想问的话 |
| [04:42] | Anyway… the beer company was a bust, my first book tanked, | 总之啤酒公司倒了 我第一本书也失败了 |
| [04:45] | and I lost my job at rural Oregon because I refused to use | 在俄勒冈州乡下的工作也丢了 因为我拒绝 |
| [04:48] | trigger warnings before screening horror movies to the students. | 在给学生放恐怖电影之前提醒他们 |
| [04:51] | Obama’s America. | 这就是奥巴马的美国 |
| [04:52] | I was home alone all the time. | 我成天自己待在家里 |
| [04:55] | All stressed out, trying to write my second book, | 压力很大 想写好我的第二本书 |
| [04:57] | Historical Playlists. | 《从前的播放列表》 |
| [04:59] | And one day, I just started picking out my hair and eating it. | 突然有一天我就开始拔自己的头发再吃下去 |
| [05:04] | I didn’t even realize that I was doing it. | 我甚至没意识到自己做了什么 |
| [05:07] | It was… it was unconscious. | 那都是无意识的行为 |
| [05:10] | Before I knew it, I had this giant bald spot on the side of my head. | 不知不觉 我脑袋上就有了好大一块秃斑 |
| [05:14] | Yeah, that went on for about three months. | 持续了大概三个月 |
| [05:16] | And then, check this out, I went to a Tony Robbins seminar | 然后我去了托尼·罗宾斯的研讨班 |
| [05:19] | and he got me to stop by yelling at me. | 他通过吼我让我停了下来 |
| [05:22] | That man’s head is even bigger in person. Yeah. | 当面看那家伙的头更大 |
| [05:25] | And I-I thought that I had just poo-pooed out all of my hair. | 而且我以为我把头发都拉出来了 |
| [05:28] | I had no idea that it was stuck in there. | 根本没想到它们在我肚子里卡住了 |
| [05:30] | – I’m just glad that this all worked out. – Sweet. | -还好现在都解决了 -真好 |
| [05:35] | And I guess it kind of gave me an excuse | 而且这给了我理由 |
| [05:37] | to come see you again, Cathy. | 来再见你一面 凯茜 |
| [05:40] | And I’m grateful that my hair grew back before I did. | 我很庆幸来见你之前头发已经长出来了 |
| [05:44] | Yeah. I really love that big, bushy head of hair. | 我确实很喜欢你那一头浓密的头发 |
| [05:49] | I used to get naked and | 我以前经常脱光了衣服 |
| [05:50] | put him in a headlock between my thighs and then look in the mirror | 把他的头夹在大腿中间照镜子 |
| [05:53] | and try to pretend I was a porn star from the 1970s. – Oh, man… | -假装我是个七十年代的色情明星 -天啊 |
| [05:59] | – Wait, stop it. You remember? – Of course I remember. | -等等 你还记得 -我当然记得 |
| [06:02] | – Do you still have those… – I have the Polaroids. | -你还有… -我还有那些宝丽来相片 |
| [06:06] | – Oh, my… – Those… those were good times. | -天啊 -那会儿可真是好时光 |
| [06:12] | – Sorry. – Sorry. | -抱歉 -抱歉 |
| [06:13] | Dr. Holt, Uh, if I am well enough, do you think that… | 霍尔特医生 你觉得我现在恢复得怎么样 |
| [06:19] | I could take this beautiful young woman out for dinner tonight? | 我今晚能请这位漂亮的姑娘吃晚餐吗 |
| [06:23] | Maybe give her a little bit of… sex after? | 也许饭后再上个床 |
| [06:26] | Okay. I think I’m gonna go to my office. | 好了 我要回办公室了 |
| [06:29] | Um, girls, your rounds. | 姑娘们 你们该巡房了 |
| [06:32] | Doctor… | 医生… |
| [06:37] | Now, you two have… chemistry, huh? | 你们俩之间有化学反应啊 |
| [06:39] | What are you, jealous? | 怎么了 你嫉妒吗 |
| [06:40] | Oh, no. Chanel and I are doing great. | 当然没有 我和香奈儿好着呢 |
| [06:45] | – She is really, really a terrific girl. – A lot of reallys. | -她是个很好很好的女孩 -这么多”很好” |
| [06:50] | So, are you two gonna start dating again? | 那你们俩要重新开始约会吗 |
| [06:52] | Well, I think considering our past, | 考虑到我们的过去 |
| [06:55] | and the fact that you are really unavailable, | 以及你现在有主的事实 |
| [06:58] | I think there’s a very good chance that Wes and I | 我跟韦斯很有可能 |
| [07:00] | will be exchanging a hair ball or two, if you know what I mean. | 会交换一下”发团” 你懂我的意思吧 |
| [07:03] | – Oh, yeah. – Yeah. | -知道 -没错 |
| [07:05] | – Do you have a problem with that? – No. | -你有问题吗 -没有 |
| [07:08] | No, I’m just glad that we’re all… so damn happy. | 我只是觉得我们都很开心 真不错 |
| [07:12] | Good. Me, too. | 很好 我也是 |
| [07:18] | Hey, kids, Shay-day Zayday here, | 宝贝们 我是”仙女”扎丹 |
| [07:20] | and I know you guys are asking, “what’s the gag for the day?” | 我知道你们要问了 “今天的笑话是什么” |
| [07:23] | Well, I’m here to tell you that the gag is | 我来告诉你们 笑话就是 |
| [07:26] | we’re curing everybody in this hospital. | 我们要治好医院里的每个人 |
| [07:29] | Hey, gramps, what’s the gag with you? | 老爷爷 你有什么笑话 |
| [07:31] | I’m sorry? T-t-the what? | 我没听清 你说什么 |
| [07:34] | You know, the gag, the dope, the hibby-jibby. | 就是笑话啊 笑点啊 俏皮话 |
| [07:37] | Mr. Abromowitz, it looks like you’ve been diagnosed with tuberculosis. | 阿布拉威斯先生 看来你患了肺结核 |
| [07:41] | 1918 called, it wants its disease back. | 1918打来电话 要把它的疾病要回去 |
| [07:46] | All right, Zay-niacs, | 好了 扎啤宝贝们 |
| [07:47] | That’s the gag for the day. | 这就是今天的小笑话 |
| [08:06] | 下次想要什么 迪克·沃尔夫 还是芝加哥图书馆员 #每日笑话#当日笑话# | |
| [08:14] | What? | 搞什么 |
| [08:18] | What’s up? I got a surprise for you. You ready? | 你好啊 我有惊喜给你 准备好了吗 |
| [08:26] | Have you ever courted a girl before? | 你之前撩到过妹吗 |
| [08:27] | Yeah, tons of girls. | 当然 大把的 |
| [08:29] | Ever close the deal? | 有没有成功上床的 |
| [08:31] | Few times. | 有几次 |
| [08:32] | Actually once. | 其实只有一次 |
| [08:34] | Online thing. You know, cyber sex, you know. | 网恋 网络性交 你懂的 |
| [08:37] | But when we actually met, | 但是当我们见面的时候 |
| [08:38] | it turned out to be my cousin Leon | 我发现原来是我的表哥里昂在耍我 |
| [08:40] | catfishing me ’cause he was mad | 他为了两年前感恩节的时候 |
| [08:41] | that I took the last turkey leg two years ago at thanksgiving. | 我吃掉了最后一根火鸡腿而报复我 |
| [08:43] | But that boy can write some cyber. | 但他确实很会撩 |
| [08:46] | He need to do an erotic novel. | 他都能写小黄书了 |
| [08:49] | Here’s the gag. | 科普一个趣闻 |
| [08:50] | Girls don’t like it when you’re eager. | 妹子不喜欢太主动的人 |
| [08:52] | Any time I post anything on social media or text you, | 每次我在社交软件发文或者短信你 |
| [08:55] | you respond before I even get a chance to finish typing. | 我刚打完你就秒回 |
| [08:57] | And… it’s unattractive. | 这样很没魅力的 |
| [09:00] | Look, I like you, but when you seem desperate, | 我挺喜欢你的 但当你看上去如饥似渴 |
| [09:04] | it’s a turn-off. | 我就完全没感觉了 |
| [09:06] | Damn, Zayday. | 该死 扎丹 |
| [09:07] | All right. Well, you know what? Noted. | 好吧 我记住了 |
| [09:09] | Can I talk to you about something? | 我能和你说件事吗 |
| [09:11] | I was thinking about the costume that the Green Meanie wears. | 我在想绿魔穿的衣服 |
| [09:14] | It’s very specific and elaborate. | 是非常精致特别的 |
| [09:16] | You can’t just buy something like that at a costume store, | 你不可能在戏服店里直接买到 |
| [09:18] | which means he had… | 也就意味着 |
| [09:19] | Either the killer is an expert tailor and mask maker, | 除非凶手是个资深裁缝还会做面具 |
| [09:22] | or he had it made by someone who is. | 不然他一定是让别人帮他定做的 |
| [09:24] | Okay, I was thinking the second option. | 我觉得是后者 |
| [09:25] | Okay, so, then, all we have to do | 我们只需要 |
| [09:27] | is use ourselves as bait to draw the Green Meanie in, | 用我们自己把绿魔引出来 |
| [09:30] | and then figure out a way to cut a piece of fabric off his costume. | 然后想个办法从他的服装上割下一块布 |
| [09:33] | And bring it around to all the fabric stores in the area, | 然后带着布去附近所有布料店去问 |
| [09:35] | see if they recognize it. | 看店家能否认出来 |
| [09:36] | Like they do in those forensics shows. | 就像法医节目那样 |
| [09:38] | Okay, this is not a forensics show, all right? | 这不是法医节目好吧 |
| [09:40] | That is an unnecessarily dangerous and extremely complicated plan! | 这是一个冒着不必要的风险且极其复杂的计划 |
| [09:44] | Why don’t we just go to the shops and describe it to ’em? | 我们为什么不去店里直接和店家描述呢 |
| [09:46] | Not if they’re in on it in some way. | 如果店家也参与了就行不通了 |
| [09:48] | We need a piece of evidence to put pressure on them to talk. | 我们需要证据来逼他们招供 |
| [09:50] | If they know there’s a way we can tie ’em to the murders, | 如果他们知道我们能将他们和谋杀关联起来 |
| [09:52] | they’ll be more willing to give up the killer. | 他们就会更愿意供出凶手 |
| [09:55] | Just hope we don’t get killed in the process. | 但愿我们在调查过程中不被灭口吧 |
| [09:57] | Although it may stop me from texting you as much. | 但这样可能会减少我给你发消息的次数 |
| [10:01] | Wishful thinking. | 一厢情愿 |
| [10:03] | What?! | 什么 |
| [10:04] | I can’t believe you don’t like my text messages. | 你居然不喜欢我给你发的消息 |
| [10:07] | You know, I often wonder what my life would be like | 我经常会想如果我当初不做外科医生 |
| [10:09] | if I didn’t become a surgeon. | 我的生活将会是怎样 |
| [10:13] | Are you recording this? | 你在录像吗 |
| [10:14] | Yeah. I have this amazing filter that makes you look | 是啊 我有一个很赞的滤镜可以让你 |
| [10:17] | like a dog with a huge tongue. Keep talking. | 看上去像条舌头很大的狗 继续说话 |
| [10:19] | Well, anyway, my dad wanted me to become a lawyer… | 我爸想让我当律师 |
| [10:21] | Oh, my god, that’s hilarious! | 天啊 太搞笑了 |
| [10:24] | Because he represented the Nixon administration | 因为他在水门事件审讯期间 |
| [10:27] | during the Watergate Hearing. | 为尼克松政府辩护 |
| [10:28] | Would you…? Do you mind | 你介不介意 |
| [10:29] | – putting the phone down, please? – Oh. Like here? | -把手机放下来 -这里可以吗 |
| [10:31] | No. I meant… Yeah, that’s what I meant. | 不 我是说 是的 我就是这个意思 |
| [10:35] | I’m listening! | 我在听 |
| [10:37] | Your uncle sold Waterford Crystal to Cynthia Nixon. | 你叔叔把沃特福德水晶卖给了辛西娅·尼克松 |
| [10:40] | Yeah. Anyway, it was… It was my mother. | 是啊 总之是因为我母亲 |
| [10:44] | My mother was the one who wanted me to become a doctor | 我母亲想让我成为一名医生 |
| [10:46] | ’cause she really loved “Mash”. | 因为她很爱看《陆军野战医院》 |
| [10:48] | Wait. What? Mash, like… | 等下 什么泥 就像… |
| [10:50] | Oh, like mash potatoes? | 就像土豆泥吗 |
| [10:52] | No. Like, M.A.S.H the TV show. | 不 是电视剧《陆军野战医院》 |
| [10:55] | You know. Took place during the Korean War? | 就是讲朝鲜战争的那部 |
| [10:59] | But it was really about Vietnam? | 但其实是暗讽越南战争的 |
| [11:03] | Only the most popular television show in the history of TV? | 电视史上最受欢迎的节目 |
| [11:06] | I think you mean “Boy Meets World”. | 我觉得你说的是《淘气小子看世界》 |
| [11:09] | – “Boy Meets World”. – Uh, hello? | -《淘气小子看世界》 -不是吧 |
| [11:11] | Boy Meets World? Cory and Topanga. | 就是《淘气小子看世界》 科里和托潘加啊 |
| [11:13] | The greatest love story ever. | 最伟大的爱情故事 |
| [11:18] | You should really watch “Boy Meets World”. | 你真该看看《淘气小子看世界》 |
| [11:19] | You know… | 你知道… |
| [11:21] | I’m starting to feel the age gap a bit. Are you? | 我感觉咱俩有点代沟 你呢 |
| [11:24] | I’m sorry. I’m trying. I mean… | 对不起 我在努力了 |
| [11:26] | I listened to the oldies station all day, | 我整天都在听那些老歌电台 |
| [11:28] | I-I learned about Blink-182 | 我还知道了眨眼182乐队 |
| [11:30] | and Smash Mouth and Chumbawamba… | 破嘴乐队和查巴旺巴 |
| [11:32] | I got an idea. Let’s go to the bedroom. Shall we? | 我有个主意 我们去卧室吧 |
| [11:52] | Are you having a good time? | 你享受吗 |
| [11:54] | Yeah. Why? | 享受啊 怎么了 |
| [11:56] | Well, you seem to be looking around the room a lot… | 可你好像老是在看其他地方 |
| [11:58] | Quite a bit… | 一直看 |
| [12:06] | Are you yawning? | 你在打哈欠吗 |
| [12:09] | What? | 什么 |
| [12:10] | – Yawning. – No! Why would… | -打哈欠 -没有 怎么这么说 |
| [12:14] | No? | 没有吗 |
| [12:22] | Are you texting? | 你在发短信吗 |
| [12:26] | Uh, no. | 不是 |
| [12:28] | I’m snapchatting. | 我在用快拍聊天 |
| [12:29] | Snapchatting? | 用快拍聊天 |
| [12:30] | Look. Brock. | 听我说 布洛克 |
| [12:31] | I’m sorry, okay? But… | 我很抱歉 好吗 可是… |
| [12:33] | I’m hot. | 我很性感 |
| [12:35] | I don’t have to be good in bed. | 我不需要床上功夫很好 |
| [12:36] | I just lay here and let hot dudes pork me. | 我只需躺在这让性感帅哥插我就行了 |
| [12:39] | But for you, I’ll let you look at my boobs. | 但是对你 我可以让你看我的胸 |
| [12:42] | They’re right here. | 就在这里 |
| [12:50] | You missed me, didn’t you? | 你怀念我了吧 |
| [12:55] | A real woman, | 一个真正的女人 |
| [12:57] | who’s been around the block a couple times. | 一位和你做过好几次的熟女 |
| [13:00] | You know, a brassy old girl | 你懂的 一个放荡的大女孩 |
| [13:01] | who really knows what she’s doing. | 一个对做爱驾轻就熟的人 |
| [13:04] | – Oh, Cathy… – Good… | -凯茜 -很好 |
| [13:07] | What did you just say? | 你刚说什么 |
| [13:09] | What? Did you just call me Cathy? | 你居然管我叫凯茜 |
| [13:11] | No! No, I said… | 没有 我说的是… |
| [13:13] | Bathy. | 洗澡澡 |
| [13:14] | – Oh, bathy. – Yeah. I… | -洗澡澡 -是啊… |
| [13:16] | Look, I-I love making love to you, but sometimes, | 我很喜欢和你做爱 但有时候 |
| [13:19] | I think it would be great if we just lit some candles | 点上几根蜡烛 倒点香槟 |
| [13:21] | and… and popped some champagne and took a bathy. | 洗个鸳鸯浴什么的就很好了 |
| [13:24] | – Oh, do you? – Yeah. | -真的吗 -是啊 |
| [13:26] | No! | 才不是 |
| [13:27] | You just called me Cathy, | 你刚才明明叫我凯茜 |
| [13:28] | Because you were thinking of Dean Munsch. | 因为你刚才想的就是蒙什教务长 |
| [13:30] | I was… That’s crazy. | 我… 拉倒吧 |
| [13:32] | Is that her first name, even? | 她的名字里有凯茜吗 |
| [13:34] | You know what? | 那行吧 |
| [13:35] | Continue. | 咱继续 |
| [13:36] | I’ll be listening to spotify. | 老娘要听歌 |
| [13:38] | That way you can yell the name of whatever dusty old hag | 这样你高潮时想着哪个脏老太婆 |
| [13:41] | takes you there. | 就随便叫吧 |
| [13:51] | Looking for me? | 找我吗 |
| [14:57] | Surprise, bitch. | 没想到吧 傻逼 |
| [15:01] | Now! | 上 |
| [15:47] | You okay? | 你没事吧 |
| [15:48] | I’m fine. | 没事 |
| [15:51] | I got it. | 拿到了 |
| [15:58] | Is everyone in target heart rate? | 大家都在靶心率了吗 |
| [16:00] | Here we go! Get ready… | 马上开始 准备好… |
| [16:04] | Set… and go! | 预备 开始 |
| [16:11] | Well, hey, Brock. | 布洛克 |
| [16:15] | Well! I just broke out the old workout tapes, | 我把以前的健身录像翻出来了 |
| [16:18] | just trying to get my body back into fine-tuned shape | 就是为了恢复体型 |
| [16:20] | now that Wes Gardner is back in my pants. | 毕竟韦斯·加德纳又回来找我了 |
| [16:24] | Oh! Something I learned from him… | 对了 我还在他那学到了一件事… |
| [16:26] | The male multiple orgasm? | 一夜多次郎 |
| [16:28] | Not a myth. | 绝对不是梦 |
| [16:29] | I think I made a terrible mistake. | 我觉得我犯了个大错误 |
| [16:31] | What? | 怎么了 |
| [16:33] | Chanel’s great and all, but… | 香奈儿是个好姑娘 可… |
| [16:36] | The thing is, usually when you sleep with a 24-year old, | 问题是 跟一个24岁的姑娘上床 |
| [16:39] | the sex is, like… You know. | 做起爱来就会… 你懂的 |
| [16:41] | You can’t walk for weeks. It’s a whole thing. Yeah. | 简而言之就是几星期都下不来床 |
| [16:43] | The issues really start when you have to, you know, | 然而一旦开口跟她们说起这事 |
| [16:46] | actually talk to them. And with Chanel… | 问题就来了 到香奈儿这… |
| [16:49] | the whole thing is lame. | 做爱就非常糟 |
| [16:50] | Oh, poor Brock. | 可怜的布洛克 |
| [16:53] | Rest assured, you are not the first seaman to have been fooled | 别担心 你不是第一个以为和年轻妹子 |
| [16:57] | by the St. Elmo’s fire of a young girl furburger. | 做爱会很爽的男人 |
| [17:00] | I’m just sorry that you came to your senses too late. | 我只是觉得惋惜 你到现在才想明白 |
| [17:04] | You see, you and Wes are virtually interchangeable. | 你看 你和韦斯从外表看几乎差不多 |
| [17:08] | I mean, he’s six foot… | 他一米八的个子… |
| [17:10] | whatever, brown hair, blue eyes. Well-educated. | 棕发碧眼 有文化 |
| [17:13] | Aware there’s a G-spot and | 很了解G点 |
| [17:14] | – know how to find it. – Please, Dean Munsch. | -也知道怎么发现G点 -拜托 蒙什教务长 |
| [17:16] | “Please, Dean Munsch,” what, sweetheart? | 你”拜托蒙什教务长”什么呢 宝贝 |
| [17:19] | Please, Dean Munsch, | 拜托 蒙什教务长 |
| [17:20] | will you… give us the night off | 能给咱俩放一晚上假吗 |
| [17:22] | so I can go get those shoes that Chanel really wants? | 我好帮香奈儿买她心仪的鞋 |
| [17:25] | That’s what I thought. | 和我想一块去了 |
| [17:26] | Oh, my darling. You’re the best! | 亲爱的 你是最棒的 |
| [17:30] | I can’t wait to get into bed with you later | 我迫不及待想和你上床了 |
| [17:32] | and rock your world. | 让你爽翻天 |
| [17:34] | If you play your cards right, | 如果你活好的话 |
| [17:36] | I may even move a little. | 我甚至还能动两下 |
| [17:44] | So, I don’t know if menopause makes old crones | 我不知道是不是绝经让你这老妪 |
| [17:47] | lose their ability to think or see clearly, | 开始脑抽眼瞎了 |
| [17:50] | but Dr. Brock Holt is my man. | 但布洛克·霍尔特医生是我的人 |
| [17:54] | Oh, you. | 瞧瞧你 |
| [17:56] | Sweet, sweet girl. | 甜心宝贝 |
| [17:58] | You see, he’s your man | 你要知道 他是你的人 |
| [18:00] | because I let him be your man, | 是因为我把他让给了你 |
| [18:02] | and he will be your man until I decide to take him from you | 当我决定夺走他的时候 他就不是你的人了 |
| [18:07] | which won’t be very difficult. | 而且易如反掌 |
| [18:08] | You see, men like Brock | 像布洛克这种男人 |
| [18:10] | seem to be attracted to women who can do long division | 往往会被那些高学历 |
| [18:13] | and who have a sex swing in their bedrooms. | 而且卧室有性爱秋千的女性所吸引 |
| [18:19] | Enjoy it while it lasts. | 把握当下吧 |
| [18:25] | Wait a minute… | 等一下 |
| [18:28] | Why am I leaving? This is my office. You should be exiting. | 我为什么要走 这是我办公室 你走 |
| [18:31] | I am not exiting just so you can end our conversation | 你这么威胁完 让我走我就走啊 |
| [18:33] | on your dramatic threat. | 我才不走 |
| [18:35] | Why would I help you like that? | 我为啥要让你得逞 |
| [18:37] | I am just gonna stand here. | 我就在这里站着 |
| [18:41] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [18:43] | Make yourself at home. | 随你便 |
| [19:00] | She says I text her too much. | 她说我给她发的短信太多了 |
| [19:01] | And yeah, maybe I do. | 好吧 或许是有点 |
| [19:03] | Like, when I get up in the morning, | 就像我早晨起床 |
| [19:04] | I’ll send her a text, like, | 我给她发条短信 |
| [19:05] | “Hey, I just woke up, are you still asleep?” | “我刚醒 你还在睡吗” |
| [19:07] | But then she won’t text me back! So, then I’ll be, like, look, | 但她不回我 所以我会再发一条 |
| [19:09] | “No need to write me back if you still asleep.” | “如果你还在睡就不用回我了” |
| [19:11] | But then I’m, like, she not asleep. She got to be awake. | 但我接着会想她没在睡觉 她肯定醒了 |
| [19:13] | So now I’ll text again, like, look. | 我会再发一条信息 |
| [19:15] | “If you asleep, It’s okay. But call me when you wake up | “如果你还在睡 没事 起床之后打给我 |
| [19:18] | though you should not feel obligated…” | 但你不要感觉有负担” |
| [19:19] | Okay! I’m gonna stop you right there. | 好了 我要打断一下 |
| [19:21] | Give me your phone. | 把手机给我 |
| [19:23] | What? Why? | 什么 为什么 |
| [19:24] | Because you’re being a total creeper. | 因为你太奇葩了 |
| [19:26] | I mean, I would be stunned if Zayday hasn’t already | 我很惊讶为什么扎丹 |
| [19:29] | taken out a restraining order against you. | 现在还没有对你下禁令 |
| [19:31] | Chanel’s right. You’re definitely blowing it. | 香奈儿说得对 你这是在作死 |
| [19:33] | Um… I don’t agree. | 我不同意 |
| [19:35] | I, for one, would love if a guy would text me that much. | 至少我很喜欢一个男的给我发很多短信 |
| [19:38] | Or at all. | 其实能发就好 |
| [19:40] | There. Problem solved. | 好了 问题解决 |
| [19:42] | I blocked Zayday’s number from your phone. | 我把你手机上扎丹的号码拉黑了 |
| [19:43] | That way if she texts you, you won’t know, | 这样她给你发短信的话 你就看不到 |
| [19:45] | so you won’t be tempted to text her back right away. | 你也不会忍不住立刻回她短信了 |
| [19:47] | Then at 9:00 p.m. on the dot, every day, | 然后每晚九点整的时候 |
| [19:49] | the phone will automatically unblock her number, | 手机会自动解禁她的号码 |
| [19:51] | and you’ll receive | 你就可以收到 |
| [19:52] | any text messages she may have sent you throughout the day, | 她一天内给你发的所有信息 |
| [19:54] | and you’re allowed to respond with… one text. | 而你只能回一条信息 |
| [19:58] | Then after an hour, | 然后过一个小时 |
| [19:59] | your phone will automatically reblock the number | 你的手机会自动重新屏蔽她的号码 |
| [20:00] | and it’ll seem like you’re playing it cool, | 看起来就像你很淡定 |
| [20:02] | and she’ll probably be less creeped out by you | 她可能就没那么被你吓到 |
| [20:04] | and that’s my good deed for the year! | 我今年要做的好事也成了 |
| [20:06] | Oh, and don’t think just because I’m helping you doesn’t mean | 还有 别以为我在帮你就不代表 |
| [20:09] | I don’t think that you’re the Green Meanie | 我不认为你是绿魔了 |
| [20:10] | because I still have my suspicions. | 因为我还是有所怀疑 |
| [20:12] | All right, that’s like a double-double negative | 好吧 你那话两个双重否定 |
| [20:13] | and a negative, but whatever… | 再加一个否定 不过随便了 |
| [20:15] | Whatever that means, I’ll take it, okay? | 不管那是什么意思 我都接受 |
| [20:16] | Thanks, chanels. | 谢了 香奈儿们 |
| [20:20] | Who the hell I’m-a text? | 这下我给谁发短信 |
| [20:26] | Come back tomorrow, we’re closed. | 明天再来吧 我们关门了 |
| [20:28] | Please, no, it’ll only take a second. | 拜托不要 只需一会就行 |
| [20:30] | I just need to know if you’ve seen this fabric before? | 我只需要知道你之前是否见过这种布料 |
| [20:42] | Why don’t you come in? | 进来吧 |
| [20:50] | Oh, I-I’m so sorry. I’ve just… | 很抱歉 只是我 |
| [20:53] | been in every fabric store in a 50-mile radius, and… | 已经去了50英里内每家布店 |
| [21:01] | Maybe you can tell me where someone might’ve gotten that? | 或许你能告诉我从哪儿能得到这种料子 |
| [21:05] | Follow me. | 跟我来 |
| [21:27] | Midnight green velvet pleather. | 午夜绿天鹅绒仿皮革 |
| [21:30] | Very exotic. | 非常奇特 |
| [21:31] | So you’ve seen that fabric before? | 所以你曾见过这种料子 |
| [21:33] | Oh, yes. | 是的 |
| [21:35] | I’ve made several interesting costumes with this fabric. | 我用这种料子做了几件有趣的服装 |
| [21:38] | Big, scary ones. | 大而可怕的服装 |
| [21:41] | With a green mask and horns. | 每件一个绿色带角面具 |
| [21:43] | I think we’re talking about the same costume. | 我们说的应该是同一服装 |
| [21:45] | Like, uh, uh, a swamp monster with a long, green cape? | 像是一个有绿长斗篷的沼泽怪物 |
| [21:49] | Yes, that’s the one. | 是 就是那种 |
| [21:51] | I made three of them. Same design, but different sizes. | 我做了三件 设计相同 但尺寸不同 |
| [21:55] | When was this? | 什么时候做的 |
| [21:57] | One was years ago. | 一件是很多年前 |
| [22:00] | 1986, I think. | 应该是1986年 |
| [22:01] | I-I remember the year, | 我记得年份 |
| [22:02] | because that was year Karate Kid II came out. | 因为那年《龙威小子续集》上映 |
| [22:05] | I got a handy in the theater. | 有人在剧院给我撸了一发 |
| [22:07] | The next one was a few months ago. | 第二件是几个月前 |
| [22:10] | I remember that one | 我记得那件 |
| [22:10] | because I went to try this new Italian place in town, | 是因为我去城里新开的意大利餐馆吃饭 |
| [22:13] | and I got a handy under the table. | 有人在桌下给我撸了一把 |
| [22:16] | The last one was just a few weeks ago. | 最后一件就在几星期前 |
| [22:19] | I don’t remember any handies associated with that one. | 我不记得那件跟什么手活有关 |
| [22:23] | They all paid in cash. | 都是现金支付 |
| [22:25] | And I don’t keep receipts. | 而且我不保留收据 |
| [22:26] | Wait, do you remember anything else? | 等等 你记得其他事吗 |
| [22:28] | Like who placed the order or what they looked like? | 比如谁订的货 他们长什么样 |
| [22:31] | Well, the second one was all by mail. | 第二件完全是邮件往来 |
| [22:33] | They just sent me the measurements | 他们只给我了尺寸 |
| [22:34] | and a P.O. Box to mail the costume to. | 还有一个寄服装的邮政信箱 |
| [22:36] | The first one and the third one– | 第一件和第三件 |
| [22:38] | it was the same person who ordered those. | 是同一个人订的 |
| [22:41] | Nice old lady. | 和善的老太太 |
| [22:43] | Pretty hands. | 有着一双好看的手 |
| [22:45] | But I don’t remember her name. | 但是我忘了她叫什么 |
| [22:47] | An old lady? | 一个老太太 |
| [22:49] | Jane. | 是简 |
| [22:50] | It could be Jane Hollis. | 可能是简·霍利斯 |
| [22:51] | She could have got the first and the third, | 她可能订了第一套和第三套 |
| [22:52] | but who ordered the second? | 但是是谁订了第二套呢 |
| [22:55] | Oh, uh, thanks. | 谢谢 |
| [22:56] | That’s all I need to know. | 这些信息已经够了 |
| [23:06] | And then I just put in ear buds and started listening to Spotify, | 然后我就戴上耳机开始听音乐 |
| [23:08] | and I guess I dozed off or something… | 我可能睡过去了或是什么 |
| [23:10] | Oh, my God, Chanel! | 天哪 香奈儿 |
| [23:11] | You are so lucky. | 你好幸运 |
| [23:12] | Okay, if a hot doctor asked me to take a bathy with him, | 如果一个性感医生邀请我和他共浴 |
| [23:16] | I would think that I had died and gone to heaven. | 那简直就是在天堂啊 |
| [23:18] | He didn’t say “Bathy.” He said “Cathy,” | 他说的不是”共浴”而是”凯茜” |
| [23:20] | As in Dean Cathy Boxmunch– | 是凯茜·蒙什教务长的凯茜 |
| [23:22] | I mean, if he’s still hung up on her, | 如果他还迷恋着她 |
| [23:24] | I don’t know what I’m suppose to do. | 我真不知道该怎么办了 |
| [23:26] | I mean, I’m hot, I’m young, I’m skinny. | 我年轻貌美 性感纤细 |
| [23:28] | She’s as old as the hills and a total bitch. | 而她年老色衰 还是个不折不扣的婊子 |
| [23:30] | How am I supposed to compete with that? | 我该怎么和那种人竞争 |
| [23:32] | You could always put in a little more effort. | 你永远可以再努力一点 |
| [23:34] | Well, how? | 怎么努力 |
| [23:36] | Um, I don’t know. | 我不知道 |
| [23:37] | Maybe, like, take sex classes or something? | 或许你可以去上个性爱课程之类的 |
| [23:39] | “Sex classes,” Number Three? | 性爱课程 三号 |
| [23:40] | And where do you imagine they offer these sex classes? | 那你觉得这种性爱课程在哪上课呢 |
| [23:45] | Chanel, if I may. | 香奈儿 我可以说几句吗 |
| [23:48] | I believe you’re going about this all wrong. | 我觉得你想错了 |
| [23:57] | Maybe it isn’t about the sex. | 也许不是因为性爱 |
| [24:00] | Maybe it’s about the cultural differences | 也许是因为你和布洛克来自不同的年代 |
| [24:02] | between yours and Brock’s respective generations. | 导致的文化差异 |
| [24:04] | Maybe he and Dean Munsch can bond over shared experiences | 也许他和蒙什教务长通过共同的经历建立情感 |
| [24:07] | in a way that you and he never can. | 而你和他不可能这样 |
| [24:09] | – No… ?- But if that’s the case, | -不 -但如果是这个原因 |
| [24:11] | then the solution is simple. | 那就很好解决了 |
| [24:13] | We, the Chanels, are gonna teach you everything | 我们香奈儿们会教你关于 |
| [24:15] | that there is to know about Brock’s generation. | 布洛克那个年代的所有事情 |
| [24:17] | We are gonna throw him a dinner party, | 我们要给他办个晚会 |
| [24:19] | and he is gonna feel completely at home. | 他会感觉像在家里一样轻松自在 |
| [24:20] | And he’s gonna be, like, “Oh, my God, Chanel | 他肯定会感动地想 “天啊 香奈儿 |
| [24:24] | “Gets me just as much as Dean Munsch does, | 像蒙什教务长一样懂我 |
| [24:26] | except she’s younger and hotter.” | 只是她更年轻更性感 |
| [24:28] | Hester, once again you’ve proven yourself | 海丝特 你再次证明了 |
| [24:30] | to be the sharpest, most canny Chanel. | 你是最聪明 最机智的香奈儿 |
| [24:33] | I mean, no wonder you found it so easy | 难怪你那么容易 |
| [24:34] | to orchestrate a string of murders and frame us for it. | 策划了一系列的谋杀以及成功陷害了我们 |
| [24:36] | Thank you. | 多谢夸奖 |
| [24:37] | A themed dinner party for Brock is a fantastic idea. | 为布洛克举办一个主题晚会的主意太棒了 |
| [24:41] | Ladies, we have work to do. | 女士们 我们要干活啦 |
| [25:01] | I know I told you to play it cool, | 我知道我和你说要淡定点 |
| [25:03] | but now is not the time– I need you. | 但不是这个时候 我需要你 |
| [25:06] | The gag is I know who bought the costumes. | 我知道是谁买了那个服装 |
| [25:09] | Two of them, but just call me back. | 查清两件了 反正你回我电话就对了 |
| [25:12] | Please, ASAP. | 拜托了 尽快 |
| [25:43] | I need to talk to you. | 我要找你谈谈 |
| [25:45] | Or… | 还是 |
| [25:46] | should I talk to the police? | 要我找警察谈谈 |
| [26:02] | Why are you here? | 你来这儿做什么 |
| [26:04] | Why didn’t you go straight to the police? | 你怎么不直接去找警察 |
| [26:07] | My experience with the police? | 我接触过的警察 |
| [26:09] | They couldn’t find sand on a beach. | 他们瞎得什么都找不到 |
| [26:11] | And I also wanted you to know that I understand your pain. | 而且 我想告诉你 我懂你的痛苦 |
| [26:16] | What happened to your husband was terrible. | 你丈夫的遭遇很可怕 |
| [26:18] | And I get why you would want | 我也能理解 |
| [26:19] | the hospital to close down forever, | 你为什么想让医院永久停业 |
| [26:21] | but this isn’t the way. | 但这么做不是办法 |
| [26:25] | Tell me where your son is, | 告诉我你儿子在哪 |
| [26:27] | and let me help you turn yourselves in. | 让我陪你去自首吧 |
| [26:31] | Too bad you weren’t working at the hospital | 真可惜他们杀害我老公的那一晚 |
| [26:33] | the night they murdered my husband. | 你还没在医院工作 |
| [26:37] | You’re very kind. | 你很善良 |
| [26:40] | It was hard enough to lose the love of my life. | 失去我一生的挚爱已经很痛苦 |
| [26:45] | The heartbreak was really just the beginning. | 但心碎只是痛苦的开端而已 |
| [26:48] | Then there was the rage I felt | 当我发现这些罪人 |
| [26:51] | when I realized that no one was going to pay for their crimes. | 并没有付出应有的代价 我愤怒不已 |
| [26:55] | I told the police | 我告诉警察 |
| [26:56] | that my husband would not have checked himself out. | 我老公不可能自行出院 |
| [27:00] | Would not have walked out on me. | 他不可能丢下我 |
| [27:03] | But they didn’t believe me. | 但警察不相信我 |
| [27:05] | The paperwork was all right there, they said. | 他们说 他的出院文件写得清清楚楚 |
| [27:09] | Maybe he got cold feet about being a father, they said. | 他们说 他害怕当父亲而临阵脱逃了 |
| [27:14] | So I had that costume made to look like the one | 所以我定做了一套服装 |
| [27:16] | that ass-jerk doctor was wearing the night they killed my Bill, | 和当晚害死我家比尔的混账医生穿的一模一样 |
| [27:21] | and then I told my brother to go kill everyone | 然后叫我哥在我丈夫过世一周年那天 |
| [27:23] | on the anniversary of my husband’s death. | 去屠杀所有人 |
| [27:26] | Wait, “Brother”? | 等等 你说哥哥 |
| [27:29] | Well, he was bigger and stronger than I was, | 他比我大 比我壮 |
| [27:32] | and he also was kind of a psychopath. | 而且还是个神经病 |
| [27:36] | He died a year later in a fight with a roller derby team. | 一年后他和轮滑阻拦赛队的人打架被打死了 |
| [27:40] | I miss him. | 我很想念他 |
| [27:43] | But knowing him, he probably deserved it. | 但我了解他 他罪有应得 |
| [27:47] | So I vowed to never let that hospital open again. | 所以我发誓 绝不能让那家医院重新开张 |
| [27:53] | And I raised my son to take that same pledge. | 我让我儿子也立下相同的誓言 |
| [27:56] | Every night before bed, | 每晚睡前 |
| [27:59] | we’d say our prayers and promise that | 我们祷告并且发誓 |
| [28:01] | if that hospital ever tried to open again, | 要是这医院胆敢重新开张 |
| [28:04] | we would start killing people until they just had to close. | 我们会大开杀戒 逼他们关门大吉 |
| [28:09] | But those people had nothing to do | 但那些人和你丈夫的死 |
| [28:10] | with what happened to your husband. | 毫无瓜葛 |
| [28:13] | It was innocent patients. | 他们只是无辜的病人 |
| [28:15] | Why are you trying to bring logic into this conversation? | 你为什么要用逻辑跟我对话 |
| [28:19] | You do realize that we are insane people, right? | 你应该知道我们是疯子吧 |
| [28:25] | Who is? | 谁是疯子 |
| [28:27] | What’s the gag? | 这笑点在哪 |
| [28:28] | Look, I need to know… | 听着 我得知道… |
| [28:33] | Wait, did you dim the lights? | 等等 你把灯光调暗了吗 |
| [28:37] | No. | 没有啊 |
| [28:38] | But I did put Lorazepam in your tea, sweetheart. | 但我在你的茶里放了劳拉西泮 亲爱的 |
| [28:43] | You’ll pass out in just a few moments. | 你在几分钟之内就会晕过去 |
| [28:48] | No, but the gag can’t be that I pass out. | 不 这个笑话可不能是我晕过去啊 |
| [28:51] | I-I need to… | 我还要… |
| [29:16] | Why, hello there, flyboy. | 你好呀 空军哥哥 |
| [29:21] | Look, gals, our boy Brock is home from the war. | 姑娘们 我们的布洛克从战场上回来了 |
| [29:24] | Hip-hip, hooray! | 胜利万岁 |
| [29:28] | Extry! Extry! It’s victory in Europe. | 大好消息 欧洲战场胜利 |
| [29:30] | The Krauts have surrendered. | 德国佬投降了 |
| [29:32] | Everyone gather ’round the wireless. | 大家都围过来听无线电 |
| [29:34] | President Roosevelt is about to give a fireside chat. | 罗斯福总统要发表炉边谈话了 |
| [29:37] | Hi, I’m Shirley Temple, America’s sweetheart. | 我是秀兰·邓波儿 美国甜心 |
| [29:40] | …and at the solicitation of Japan, | 至于对日本的劝降 |
| [29:44] | was still in conversation with its government… | 目前还在与其政府进行谈判 |
| [29:48] | Chanel, what…? | 香奈儿 这是怎么… |
| [29:51] | What is going on? | 这是怎么回事 |
| [29:52] | Oh, sit down, fella! Take a load off. | 快坐下 伙计 放松放松 |
| [29:55] | I’ve cooked you a homemade meal from scratch. | 我现学现卖 给你做了顿大餐 |
| [29:57] | It’ll really stick to your ribs. | 保证你能吃个饱 |
| [29:58] | It’s your favorite. | 这可是你的最爱 |
| [29:59] | Liver and onions, and a tall glass of milk. | 洋葱炒肝 配上一大杯牛奶 |
| [30:02] | But make sure you save room for dessert. | 但你要留着点肚子吃甜点 |
| [30:04] | Edith lent me her ration card to buy some sugar, | 伊迪丝借给我配给证 我买了糖 |
| [30:06] | so I baked you a cake. | 所以我给你烤了个蛋糕 |
| [30:07] | Why are you talking like that? | 你干嘛这么说话 |
| [30:09] | Eat up. Let us women take care of you. | 都吃光吧 让我们女人好好照顾你 |
| [30:11] | All right, look… | 好吧 听着 |
| [30:13] | Stop. I-I need you to explain | 别这样 我现在就要你解释 |
| [30:15] | what’s going on right now. | 这是怎么回事 |
| [30:16] | Well, I’m just trying to show you how familiar I am | 我只是想要展示 我对你成长的文化环境 |
| [30:19] | with the culture you grew up in. | 有多么熟悉 |
| [30:20] | And we just want to thank you for the sacrifices you’ve made | 而且 我们要对你的牺牲表示感谢 |
| [30:24] | being a member of the greatest generation! | 你可是来自”最伟大的一代” |
| [30:26] | All right, stop, stop. Everyone stop, please. | 够了 大家都停下 拜托 |
| [30:30] | Number Five, stop dancing. | 五号 别跳舞了 |
| [30:36] | How old do you think I am? | 你以为我有多大 |
| [30:39] | Honestly, I have no idea. | 老实说 我不知道 |
| [30:41] | You could be 40, you could be 60. | 你可能40岁 也可能60岁 |
| [30:43] | It’s very hard to tell. | 很难看出来 |
| [30:44] | You realize, for me to be part of the “Greatest generation,” | 你知道吧 如果我来自”最伟大的一代” |
| [30:47] | I’d have to be, like, 80, right? | 我差不多得80岁了 |
| [30:50] | Well, I’m sorry. I… | 抱歉 |
| [30:53] | It’s just you were talking about that show | 这只是因为你提过 |
| [30:55] | that took place during World War II, | 那部以二战为背景的电视剧 |
| [30:56] | and I thought the reason you loved it so much was because, | 我还以为 你那么喜欢它 |
| [30:58] | you know, it reminded you of your childhood. | 是因为它让你想起了童年时光 |
| [31:00] | M.A.S.H. Didn’t take place in World War II! | 《风流医生俏护士》讲的不是二战的事 |
| [31:03] | Well…All right, | 好吧 |
| [31:05] | look, I’m flattered that you-you-you | 听着 我很荣幸 你为了让我们建立联系 |
| [31:07] | did all this for us to connect, | 做了这么多事情 |
| [31:09] | but if I’m being honest, I’m a little offended. | 但是说实话 你有点冒犯到我了 |
| [31:12] | You’re “Offended”?! | 我”冒犯”到你了 |
| [31:13] | A little bit, yeah. | 是有一点 |
| [31:15] | I’m gonna go home. | 我要回家了 |
| [31:16] | No… | 不要 |
| [31:17] | Thanks. | 谢谢你 |
| [31:19] | Ladies. | 姑娘们 |
| [31:20] | Good-bye, Dr. Holt. | 霍尔特医生再见 |
| [31:22] | When I grow up, i’m gonna run for Congress! | 我长大以后要参加国会议员竞选 |
| [31:24] | Shut up, Number Five! | 闭嘴 香奈儿五号 |
| [31:32] | Well… | 那… |
| [31:34] | you ready for round two? | 你准备好再来一轮了吗 |
| [31:36] | Cathy. | 凯茜 |
| [31:37] | I cannot tell you | 我简直无法表达 |
| [31:39] | how amazing it feels to be back together with you again. | 重新和你在一起的感觉有多好 |
| [31:42] | I mean, I ca– . can’t even believe my luck. | 真不敢相信我的运气 |
| [31:45] | Just a few days ago, I was a nervous wreck | 仅仅几天前 我还是个 |
| [31:47] | with a giant hairball in his stomach. ? | 胃里有个大毛球的神经质 |
| [31:49] | And now suddenly, I feel like myself again. | 而现在突然间 我又找回了自己 |
| [31:53] | I guess you’re my missing piece. | 我想你就是我生命中缺少的东西 |
| [31:59] | Ah, Wes, I must admit i’m as surprised as you are. | 韦斯 我必须承认我和你一样惊讶 |
| [32:03] | When I walked out on you because you were such a loser, | 我当时离开你 因为你那时是个大废柴 |
| [32:07] | and I couldn’t stand your daughter, | 而我又受不了你的女儿 |
| [32:08] | I was convinced it was the right thing to do. | 我确定应该这样做 |
| [32:11] | But then when I felt those hands on this body again, | 但后来我又感受到了你的抚摸 |
| [32:14] | I was like, “Cathy, you are a moron.” | 我想 “凯茜 你真是个白痴” |
| [32:18] | This is the guy you should be banging. | 这才是你应该推倒的男人 |
| [32:23] | Oh, my God, look out! | 天啊 小心 |
| [32:44] | I have an idea. | 我有个主意 |
| [32:45] | Is that body spray? What, are you 12?! | 这是身体喷雾吗 搞什么 你才12岁吗 |
| [32:47] | On three, you kick. Oh. | 我数到三你就踢 |
| [32:49] | One, two, three. | 一 二 三 |
| [32:54] | Let’s go! Let’s go! | 快跑 快跑 |
| [32:55] | – Let’s go. ?- What are you talking about?! | -快跑 -你说什么呢 |
| [32:57] | – Let’s stay and fight. – I just had surgery. | -我们留下来和他打 -我刚做了手术 |
| [32:59] | I am not about to pop my stitches. | 我不想伤口又裂开 |
| [33:09] | Damn it. | 妈的 |
| [33:12] | Someone doesn’t like the fact that you and I are back together. | 有人不喜欢我们又在一起了 |
| [33:15] | Who? | 谁 |
| [33:17] | Dr. Brock Holt, that’s who. | 布洛克·霍尔特医生 就是他 |
| [33:32] | Oh, no. | 不 不 |
| [33:35] | Not again. | 怎么又是这样 |
| [33:37] | Help me! | 救救我 |
| [33:41] | Help me! Help me! | 救救我 救救我 |
| [33:54] | Can we talk? | 我们能聊聊吗 |
| [34:03] | I’ve been thinking about the party that you threw me, | 我一直在想你给我办的聚会 |
| [34:07] | and-and how you thought that maybe I was in my 80s. | 还有你觉得我已经八十多岁了 |
| [34:10] | Brock, I’m sorry if I offended you. | 布洛克 如果你受到了冒犯我很抱歉 |
| [34:12] | – I was just– ?- Oh, let me finish. | -我只是… -让我说完 |
| [34:13] | And I was offended and actually afraid, really, | 我当时的确感到受了冒犯而且很担心 |
| [34:17] | for the future of our country, but… | 我们国家的未来 但是 |
| [34:20] | the more I thought about it, the more I realize how sweet it was. | 我越想越觉得这其实很贴心 |
| [34:24] | I mean, you were really trying to make a connection, | 你努力地想要建立联系 |
| [34:26] | – and you put in all that effort to… ?- Yeah. | -你那么用心地… -是呀 |
| [34:28] | to bridge our age gap and… | 弥补我们的年龄差距 |
| [34:31] | Well, I’ll tell you, I’ve come to a decision. | 听着 我做了一个决定 |
| [34:36] | Oh, my God, you’re proposing. You’re proposing. | 天啊 你要求婚了 你要求婚了 |
| [34:38] | What? Propo–? Oh, because of the knee? | 什么 求… 因为我跪下了吗 |
| [34:40] | No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I have a… | 不是的 我… |
| [34:42] | I have a bum knee, | 我膝盖不太好 |
| [34:43] | and sometimes if I sit in the same position too long, | 如果我同一个姿势坐太久 |
| [34:45] | it kind of locks out, so I have to, | 我的膝盖就动不了了 所以我得 |
| [34:47] | ooh, do knee bends and stretch. | 做膝盖弯曲伸展 |
| [34:49] | Want to stretch it out. Like, do like, like what I just did. | 要伸展开 就像我刚才做的那样 |
| [34:52] | It’s fine now… | 现在没问题了 |
| [34:53] | I get it! | 我懂了 |
| [34:58] | But I do want to commit to you. | 但我真的想要对你一心一意 |
| [35:02] | I want you to commit to me. | 我也想让你对我一心一意 |
| [35:04] | I want us to commit to each other for real. | 我希望我们彼此能真正交心 |
| [35:07] | ?I want you, Chanel. | 我想要你 香奈儿 |
| [35:09] | I want you and no one else. ? | 我想要你 只有你 |
| [35:12] | Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! | 好的 好 好 好 |
| [35:16] | ?Brockie. | 小布布 |
| [35:17] | – Chanela. – I knew it. | -小香香 -我就知道 |
| [35:19] | Let me get this straight– | 来理一理 |
| [35:20] | you’re back together with Chanel, | 你又跟香奈儿在一起了 |
| [35:22] | but you want to have an affair with me? | 但你想跟我有一腿 |
| [35:24] | Yes, exactly, and not a one-time thing. | 是 没错 但不是那种一夜情 |
| [35:26] | I want a long-term affair. | 我想要长期跟你偷情 |
| [35:27] | Something that lasts years. | 大概有好几年的那种 |
| [35:29] | I’m sorry. I am just trying to wrap my head around this. | 不好意思 我理解起来有点困难 |
| [35:33] | Well, I like dating Chanel. I mean, sort of. | 我喜欢跟香奈儿在一起 有点喜欢吧 |
| [35:36] | We get back together, | 我们复合了 |
| [35:37] | she makes me do a Facebook live announcement | 她让我在脸书上直播宣布复合 |
| [35:39] | and a Reddit AMA to all her followers, | 让我给她在红迪给她的粉丝做问答 |
| [35:41] | which are a bunch of nutters, | 们都是一群疯子 |
| [35:43] | let me tell you this much. | 我就跟你说这么多吧 |
| [35:44] | And I don’t even know if she likes dating me. | 我根本不知道她是不是喜欢和我在一起 |
| [35:47] | I mean, I know she likes saying that she dates me, but | 我知道她喜欢说她和我在一起了 |
| [35:50] | if I try to craft a sentence | 但如果我想要说一句 |
| [35:51] | that’s longer than four or five words, | 超过四个或者五个词的话时 |
| [35:52] | by the time I get to the end, | 等到我说完这一句 |
| [35:53] | she’s back checking her phone again. | 就又开始玩手机了 |
| [35:55] | So why not break up with her? I thought of that. | -那为什么不跟她分手呢 -我想过这个 |
| [35:58] | ?But then the thought occurred to me… | 但我又想到 |
| [36:01] | it’s a perfect cover for us. | 这正好给我们打掩护啊 |
| [36:04] | See, | 你想 |
| [36:05] | you keep dating, uh– what’s his name? | 你也去约会 跟那个谁来着 |
| [36:07] | – Wes. – Wes. It’s more sexy and European if you do. | -韦斯 -韦斯 跟他约会更性感更欧洲范 |
| [36:11] | And if he thinks that Chanel and I are together, | 如果他觉得我和香奈儿在一起了 |
| [36:13] | then there’s no way he’ll suspect | 那么他就不会怀疑 |
| [36:14] | that the two of us are having something on the side, see? | 咱们两个之间会有什么事发生 |
| [36:17] | So… what do I get out of it? | 那 我有什么好处 |
| [36:21] | What do you…? | 你有什么 |
| [36:22] | Are you seriously asking me that question? | 你问我这个问题是认真的吗 |
| [36:25] | I think it’s pretty obvious, don’t you? | 我觉得很明显了 对吧 |
| [36:31] | Double the pounding. | 双倍激情 |
| [36:33] | Exactly. | 没错 |
| [36:34] | Double the pounding. | 双倍激情 |
| [36:35] | Twice the amount of ruggedly-handsome men | 有两个已到中年帅气迷人的男人 |
| [36:38] | of a certain age just dying for a taste. | 渴望着你的滋味 |
| [36:41] | Doesn’t that sound tempting? | 听起来不诱人吗 |
| [36:44] | And, uh… Aah! What’s his name again? | 而且 他叫什么来着 |
| [36:47] | – Wes. – ?Wes. | -韦斯 -韦斯 |
| [36:48] | Wes must be pushing 50 by now, right? | 韦斯现在肯定快五十了吧 |
| [36:51] | And I guarantee | 我保证 |
| [36:51] | there’s gonna be a night or two, try as he might, | 肯定会有那么几个晚上 他尽管很努力了 |
| [36:54] | That he just can’t perform. | 可他就是无法满足你 |
| [36:56] | And that’s just when you might get an emergency call saying | 而这时候你或许会接到一通紧急电话 |
| [37:00] | “We need you at the office, Dean Munsch, right away.” | “蒙什教务长 请立刻赶回办公室” |
| [37:03] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [37:05] | All right. | 好了 |
| [37:07] | I think I’m getting one of those calls. | 我觉得我马上就要接到电话了 |
| [37:10] | It’s coming in right about now. | 就是现在 电话铃响了 |
| [37:17] | *Texting, no texting, no texting* | *不发短信 不发短信 不发短信* |
| [37:18] | *No te-te-te-te-te-te-texting* | *不发短信* |
| [37:20] | *Hey, eh, oh, ignore the girl, ignore the girl* | *别理她 别理她* |
| [37:23] | *Ignore the girl, ignore the girl.* | *别理她 别理她* |
| [37:25] | Right. Come on, baby. You got this. | 好了 来吧 宝贝 你能行的 |
| [37:29] | Hour and a half. Just easy. | 再撑一个半小时 小意思 |
| [37:31] | You can do this. Chamberlain, you can do this! | 你能行的 张伯伦 你能行的 |
| [37:33] | It’s nothing. Be strong. Baby, be strong. | 没什么大不了的 坚强起来 宝贝 |
| [37:36] | And he’s at the free throw line. | 他来到了罚球线 |
| [37:37] | Bong. Here we go. He’s hot, lady. | 进了 再来一发 他真性感 女士们 |
| [37:40] | Kobe! | 科比附体 |
| [37:45] | Shaq. | 这一投是奥尼尔 |
| [38:10] | Chainsaw…? | 电锯 |
| [38:29] | Hey, Mr. Gardner. | 嗨 加德纳先生 |
| [38:30] | I’m Chamberlain. I work at the hospital. | 我是张伯伦 我在医院工作 |
| [38:32] | Hey, I was doing some dance cardio, | 我刚正在跳有氧舞蹈 |
| [38:33] | trying to get back into shape post-surgery. | 努力在术后恢复身材 |
| [38:36] | Yeah, great thinking. Hey, do you mind if I come in? | 是啊 好想法 我能进来吗 |
| [38:38] | I got to talk to you about something. | 有些事情想跟你聊聊 |
| [38:39] | Yeah, come on in. | 当然 进来吧 |
| [38:41] | – Hey, do you want a juice, huh? – ?Nah. | -喝果汁吗 -不了 |
| [38:44] | Have a ketchup sandwich or something? ? | 那要不要吃个番茄酱三明治或者别的什么 |
| [38:46] | I don’t drink juice. Hey, I got a question. | 我不喝果汁 我有个事情问你一下 |
| [38:48] | Um, I was going, you know, | 我之前在 你知道的 |
| [38:50] | gathering all the medical waste to dump into the swamp, | 收集整理要丢到沼泽里的医疗废物 |
| [38:52] | and I found some really weird stuff | 然后我在从你胃里取出的那个大发团里 |
| [38:54] | in your giant-ass hairball. | 发现了一些非常奇怪的东西 |
| [38:56] | Like suspicious stuff. | 很可疑的东西 |
| [38:59] | Hey, have any of the Chanels or Zayday told you anything | 香奈儿们和扎丹有没有跟你说过 |
| [39:02] | about my daughter Grace? | 我女儿格蕾丝的事 |
| [39:04] | Well, they just said she was really nice, | 他们只说过她人非常好 |
| [39:06] | and she always thought she was right. | 以及她总是认为自己是对的 |
| [39:08] | Oh, and Chanel said that her hair was freakishly big, | 对了 香奈儿还说她的发冠异常巨大 |
| [39:10] | like, you know, the dude from Nightmare Before Christmas. | 就像《怪诞城之夜》里那家伙一样 |
| [39:12] | Or like one of those Macy Day parade floats. | 或者梅西感恩节彩车游行里的异装女郎 |
| [39:15] | I figured she was exaggerating. | 我估计她是夸大其词了 |
| [39:18] | She’s a ray of sunshine is what she is. | 她是一缕阳光 |
| [39:21] | Too sweet for this world. | 对于这个世界来说她太善良了 |
| [39:24] | But she was… she was on her way to doing something great, | 但她当时正走在成就一番事业的道路上 |
| [39:27] | like working for Elizabeth Warren or being a, | 比如为伊丽莎白·沃伦工作或者成为一位 |
| [39:29] | an adorable, yet completely not ironic hat model. | 招人喜欢但完全不奇怪的帽子模特 |
| [39:33] | Until the Chanels came along. | 直到香奈儿们出现 |
| [39:37] | You know, she seemed… she seemed fine, you know, | 你知道吗 她表面看起来没事 |
| [39:41] | with all the craziness that was going on at Wallace University, | 尽管华莱士大学发生了那么多疯狂事件 |
| [39:43] | the, the hazings and all the murders. | 那些欺辱霸凌和谋杀案件 |
| [39:47] | And she was just covering. | 而她默默承受着 |
| [39:49] | It got to her deeply. | 这对她的心灵造成了严重的创伤 |
| [39:52] | Yeah, that’s when the signs of the trauma started to show, | 就是那时候创伤的迹象开始慢慢显现 |
| [39:56] | and she stopped sharing all the boring details | 她不再跟我分享她生活中的 |
| [39:59] | of her life with me. | 那些点点滴滴 |
| [40:02] | During that Katy Perry, Taylor Swift feud, | 水果姐和霉霉的撕逼大战中 |
| [40:07] | she sided with Katy. | 她站水果姐 |
| [40:08] | – No. ?- Yeah. | -不会吧 -是这样 |
| [40:10] | And no matter how many hats I bought her, | 不管我给她买多少帽子 |
| [40:13] | no matter how cute and whimsical they were, | 不管是可爱的还是古怪的 |
| [40:16] | she refused to wear any. | 她都不愿意戴 |
| [40:17] | She was not the same person. She was changed. | 她不再是以前那个她了 她变了 |
| [40:21] | All because of those Chanels. | 都是因为那群香奈儿们 |
| [40:24] | So is that why you start eating hair? | 所以你就开始吃头发了吗 |
| [40:27] | – Is that her hair in there with your hair? – ?Listen, | -那里面也有她的头发吗 -听着 |
| [40:30] | when I heard that Dean Munsch was starting that hospital, | 当我听说蒙什教务长开了医院 |
| [40:32] | and all the Chanels were gonna be working there, I thought, | 那群香奈儿们也会在那里工作 |
| [40:34] | that doesn’t seem fair. | 我觉得这很不公平 |
| [40:37] | Not when my daughter was locked up in a mental institution, | 我女儿还被她们害得 |
| [40:39] | because of what they did to her. | 关在精神病医院 |
| [40:43] | Wait. Hold up, I thought you said she went to Stanford. | 等等 你不是说她去斯坦福了吗 |
| [40:48] | Stanford Mental Asylum. | 斯坦福精神病医院 |
| [40:52] | You have to score in the 99th percentile | 高考分数排名在前1%的人 |
| [40:54] | in your SATs just to get in. | 才能入选 |
| [40:56] | – Yeah, I know about that. ?- Yeah. | -这我知道 -对吧 |
| [40:58] | I couldn’t allow them to get away with it. | 我绝不能让她们就这么逍遥法外 |
| [41:03] | How come… how come they get to become doctors | 她们怎么就能成为医生 |
| [41:06] | when my little Grace gets locked up? | 而我的乖女儿格蕾丝却被关起来了 |
| [41:09] | And then once that Green Meanie started killing people, | 后来那个绿魔开始大开杀戒 |
| [41:11] | I thought, “Well, | 我就想 |
| [41:14] | “What better way to get to them | “既能复仇又不会遭人怀疑 |
| [41:15] | without anyone suspecting me? | 这简直太棒了 |
| [41:17] | “I could take the Chanels out, | 我可以除掉香奈儿们 |
| [41:19] | and everyone would just suspect the other Green Meanie.” | 所有人都会怀疑另一个绿魔” |
| [41:22] | So why did you start eating all that hair? | 那你为什么开始吃头发 |
| [41:27] | I went to the hair salon | 我去了美发店 |
| [41:28] | and paid them for the droppings on the floor. | 买下了剪落在地的头发 |
| [41:31] | And then I went home… and I pounded them. | 回家把它们捣碎 |
| [41:35] | I had to get pretty drunk in order to do that, | 我得喝得酩酊大醉才能做到 |
| [41:36] | so, clearly, I accidentally ate a bunch of other stuff | 显然 我不小心把桌子上 |
| [41:39] | that was just laying around the table. | 其他东西也吃了 |
| [41:42] | Why, dude? | 为什么呢 |
| [41:43] | Because now I’m in. | 这样我才能打进内部 |
| [41:46] | Now I can move in and out of the hospital freely. | 如今我可以自由出入这家医院 |
| [41:51] | Which means that I can finally get my revenge on the Chanels. | 终于可以找香奈儿们复仇了 |
| [41:56] | Now, unfortunately, | 不幸的是 |
| [41:58] | now that you have heard all of this, | 现在你知道了一切 |
| [42:01] | I can’t let you leave. | 我不能让你离开 |
| [42:05] | Actually, I got to make a phone call. | 事实上 我得去打个电话 |
| [42:11] | I’m just kidding, man. | 我开玩笑的 老兄 |
| [42:14] | – That was pretty good, though, wasn’t it? – Yeah, that was… | -骗到你了吧 -是啊… |
| [42:16] | Come here, man. Let’s get a hug. | 来拥抱一下 |
| [42:25] | There. | 好了 |
| [42:48] | I’m at Jane Hollis’ house! Come quickly! | 我在简·霍利斯家 快来 |
| [42:51] | We were right. She is the mother of the killer. | 我们猜的没错 她就是凶手的妈妈 |
| [42:53] | Call me back. | 给我回话 |