| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:00] | I have more friends than anyone else I know, | 我的好友数量比任何我认识的人都要多 |
| [00:02] | and every single day, more people ask to be friends with me. | 每一天 都有更多的人请求加我好友 |
| [00:09] | Seeing that number creep up does make me feel good. | 看着好友申请数量攀升 确实爽歪歪 |
| [00:14] | But for all my online friends, | 但除了网上的好友 |
| [00:16] | in the real world, I only have one. | 在现实生活中 我只有一个好友 |
| [00:18] | – Hey! – Hey. | -嘿 -嘿 |
| [00:20] | There you are. Got you something. | 你来了 有东西要给你 |
| [00:24] | What is that? | 这是啥玩意 |
| [00:26] | It’s a landline. | 有线座机 |
| [00:29] | Before touchscreens, there was touch-tone. | 触摸屏出现之前 是按键式电话 |
| [00:32] | And before touch-tone, | 按键电话之前呢 |
| [00:33] | there were rotary phones, like this one. | 就是像这样的旋转拨号盘电话 |
| [00:36] | Henry and I spend a lot of time together, | 亨利和我经常待在一起 |
| [00:38] | and we never have sex. | 可是我们从没上过床 |
| [00:40] | We are, in the truest sense of the word, friends. | 我们可以说是最符合朋友的定义了 |
| [00:44] | This phone will teach you to be patient. | 这部电话会教会你有耐心 |
| [00:49] | It is not fast. It does not store numbers. | 拨号不快 不能存储号码 |
| [00:51] | So you may have to learn some. Or… | 所以你得记住一些号码 或者 |
| [00:53] | you could use one of these. | 可以用这个 |
| [00:56] | See, that’s what made our friendship so great. | 瞧 就是因为这些 我们的友谊才如此美妙 |
| [00:58] | Henry was always teaching me stuff, | 亨利总是在教我 |
| [00:59] | and I was always letting him. | 我总是让他教我 |
| [01:01] | That’s why I thought nothing could come between us. | 因此我以为 我们之间不会有他人插足 |
| [01:04] | – Hi. – Hi. | -嗨 -嗨 |
| [01:06] | – His door’s closed. – I see that. | -他办公室的门关了 -我看到了 |
| [01:08] | I’m about to open it. | 我正要打开呢 |
| [01:09] | No, no, no. | 不不不 |
| [01:10] | Uh, it’s intentionally closed. It’s staying closed. | 他特意关上的 不能打开 |
| [01:13] | What’s that supposed to mean? | 这话什么意思 |
| [01:14] | Well, he’s in there with someone | 他在里面跟某个人一起 |
| [01:15] | and doesn’t want to be disturbed. | 不想被打扰 |
| [01:17] | Shut up. | 得了吧 |
| [01:18] | I’m serious, Eliza. | 说真的 伊莉莎 |
| [01:20] | He asked me to make sure no one bothers him. | 他让我来确保没人打扰他 |
| [01:23] | Who’s in there? | 里面是谁 |
| [01:24] | I’m not at liberty to — | 我无权透… |
| [01:25] | – Is it Saperstein? – No. | -萨珀斯坦吗 -不是 |
| [01:27] | – Joan? – No. | -琼 -不是 |
| [01:28] | Is it Larry, Linda? | 拉里 琳达 |
| [01:29] | No. No. | 不是 不是 |
| [01:31] | Is it Obama? | 是奥巴马吗 |
| [01:32] | No. | 不是 |
| [01:34] | Is it Tobey Maguire? | 是托贝·马奎尔[演员]吗 |
| [01:35] | No. | 不是 |
| [01:36] | – Is it Tobey Maguire, you little bitch?! – No. | -是托贝·马奎尔吗 你个小婊砸 -不是 |
| [01:38] | No. | 不是 |
| [01:45] | Julia, this is my… contemporary, | 茱莉亚 这是我的… 同事 |
| [01:48] | Eliza. | 伊莉莎 |
| [01:49] | Eliza, I present, for your consideration, Julia, | 伊莉莎 这位是茱莉亚 |
| [01:53] | the gentlewoman I’m courting. | 我正在追求的淑女 |
| [01:54] | What? | 什么 |
| [01:55] | Henry, thank you | 亨利 谢谢你 |
| [01:56] | for the enjoyable conversation and the lime-infused water. | 跟我的愉快谈话 和酸橙水 |
| [02:00] | No, thank you for making the schlep | 不 应该谢谢你大费周章 |
| [02:02] | and providing the curried chicken salad. | 带来的咖喱鸡肉沙拉 |
| [02:10] | Henry? | 亨利 |
| [02:11] | Are you low-key dating that tiny woman? | 你在跟那个小不点女子秘密约会吗 |
| [02:14] | Well, increasingly, things are moving in that direction, so… | 事情的确正在朝这个方向飞速发展 所以 |
| [02:18] | I would have to say yes. | 我只能承认了 |
| [02:20] | Officially, yes, I am. | 正式承认了 是的 |
| [02:26] | Thank you, Charlie. | 谢谢 查理 |
| [02:48] | What seems to be the problem? | 有什么问题吗 |
| [02:49] | What? No, it’s not a — nothing. | 什么 不 没事 |
| [02:51] | It’s just — it’s weird that you didn’t tell me | 只是 很奇怪你竟然没告诉我 |
| [02:53] | that you officially started dating someone. | 你已经开始跟别人正式约会了 |
| [02:55] | We just became official like six seconds ago. | 我们差不多六秒前才正式确认的 |
| [02:56] | Yeah, but if I hadn’t have asked, | 是啊 可如果我不问的话 |
| [02:57] | you wouldn’t have told me. | 你就不会告诉我了 |
| [02:58] | – So? – So? | -所以呢 -所以 |
| [02:59] | I tell you every single detail about my love life with Freddy. | 我跟弗雷迪的情事 我可一字不落地都告诉你了 |
| [03:02] | That is a habit I’m desperately trying to break you of. | 我可是特别急切地想改掉你这个习惯 |
| [03:06] | Lest we not forget, you were the one | 可别忘了 当初是你 |
| [03:07] | who was giving me grief about not getting any. | 因为我没有女朋友而对我百般刁难的 |
| [03:11] | I thought you’d be happy for me. | 我以为你会为我高兴的 |
| [03:13] | But, funnily enough, they never are. | 但可笑的是 她们从来不会为你高兴 |
| [03:15] | Now, I typically don’t like to generalize, but I will say, | 一般我不喜欢一棒子打死 但我还是要说 |
| [03:18] | with the exception of Phylicia Rashad, | 除了菲利西亚·拉斯海德[女演员]之外 |
| [03:20] | whom I once chatted with on a layover at O’hare airport, | 那次滞留在奥黑尔机场时我跟她聊过几句 |
| [03:24] | all women are highly emotional | 所有的女人都是感情丰富 |
| [03:26] | and deeply jealous creatures. | 醋意十足的生物 |
| [03:28] | Julia doesn’t seem to be that — | 朱莉亚看上去可不是… |
| [03:30] | Uh, doesn’t seem to be. | 看上去不是 |
| [03:31] | I’m telling you, the two of us are really simpatico, | 告诉你 我跟她真的非常合得来 |
| [03:33] | more so than anyone else I’ve ever dated. | 比我约会过的其他人都要合得来 |
| [03:36] | We’re both well-groomed, but not overly ornate. | 我们都爱好干净整洁 但却不过度粉饰 |
| [03:44] | Neither of us feel compelled to fill every silence with mindless chatter. | 我们也都不会强迫自己用无意义的聊天打破沉默 |
| [03:50] | And when we do make conversation, | 但当真正聊起来时 |
| [03:51] | we always see eye-to-eye. | 我们总是想法一致 |
| [03:53] | Holding hands or locking pinkies? | 牵手还是勾手指 |
| [03:55] | Locking pinkies. | 勾手指 |
| [04:01] | Well, enjoy the pinky-holding while it lasts | 抓紧机会好好享受勾手指吧 |
| [04:04] | because when Julia catches wind of how much time | 要是茱莉亚听到了风声 |
| [04:06] | you’re spending with Eliza, | 知道了你经常跟伊莉莎在一起 |
| [04:07] | She’s gonna get all weird and threatened. | 她就会感到自己受到了威胁 变得超级诡异 |
| [04:10] | Just — oh, hold on. | 然后… 等等 |
| [04:12] | Hey, there, lover. | 嗨 亲爱的 |
| [04:13] | No, I’m with Henry. | 不 我跟亨利在一起 |
| [04:15] | Yes, I am. | 真的 |
| [04:18] | All right, I’ll put him on right now. | 好 我现在就让他跟你说话 |
| [04:20] | Henry, say hi to my wife. | 亨利 跟我老婆打个招呼吧 |
| [04:22] | – No, no, no. – Just let her hear your voice! | -不不不 -让他听到你的声音就行 |
| [04:28] | Hi, Nancy. It’s Henry. | 嗨 南希 我是亨利 |
| [04:30] | No, it’s not Larry doing a voice. | 不 不是拉里在学我说话 |
| [04:32] | – It’s really me. – Good, good. | -真的是我 -很好 |
| [04:34] | Oh, God, just because he’s dating someone else | 天呐 他在跟别人约会 |
| [04:36] | does not mean things between us will change. | 并不意味着我们之间的关系会有所改变 |
| [04:39] | No way — I’m just being paranoid. | 不可能的 是我想太多了 |
| [04:41] | You’re not being paranoid. | 你没有想太多 |
| [04:45] | You remember Thistle from my book club? | 你还记得我读书俱乐部的西斯托尔吗 |
| [04:48] | She and I were hard-core bffs. | 我们以前可是亲到不行的闺蜜 |
| [04:50] | We canned peaches together, | 我们曾一起做黄桃罐头 |
| [04:52] | nostalgia-read Judy Blume books together. | 一起怀旧读朱迪·布鲁姆的书 |
| [04:54] | We were even on the same menstrual cycle. | 甚至大姨妈都一起来 |
| [04:56] | But then she started dating Balthazar | 可后来 她开始跟巴尔萨泽约会 |
| [04:57] | and singing backup in his Ashkenazi Klezmer band, | 又在他的犹太克莱兹默乐队唱和声 |
| [05:00] | and just like that, our friendship was over. | 就这样 我们的友谊走到了尽头 |
| [05:04] | Well, luckily, Henry doesn’t listen to Klezmer. | 幸好亨利不听克莱兹默音乐 |
| [05:07] | Oh, no. It wasn’t the Klezmer. | 不 不是因为克莱兹默 |
| [05:08] | It was Balthazar. | 是因为巴尔萨泽 |
| [05:10] | He felt threatened by our friendship. | 他觉得我们的关系影响到了他 |
| [05:12] | And Thistle knew I didn’t like him, | 西斯托尔也知道我不喜欢他 |
| [05:13] | which drove a wedge between us. | 所以我们俩之间就有了隔阂 |
| [05:16] | If I had just been more supportive of him, | 如果我当时能支持他们在一起 |
| [05:19] | maybe I’d still be friends with her. | 也许现在我跟她还能是朋友 |
| [05:26] | We need to talk. | 我们需要谈谈 |
| [05:27] | I’m sorry for how I reacted. | 抱歉我做出那样的反应 |
| [05:28] | I’m sorry I sprung this Julia news on you. | 抱歉我那么突然地告诉你茱莉亚的事情 |
| [05:30] | But I’ve thought about it, | 但我仔细想过了 |
| [05:31] | and I want to be super-supportive. | 我非常支持你们 |
| [05:32] | I hope you can be super-supportive | 我希望你能支持 |
| [05:34] | Because I really do like Julia. | 因为我真的很喜欢茱莉亚 |
| [05:35] | I get it. I get it. And I’m dating someone, too. | 我知道 我知道 我也在跟人约会 |
| [05:37] | – Hi, Freddy. – Hey. | -嗨 弗雷迪 -嘿 |
| [05:40] | Even though he’s a tool, I try to be encouraging. | 虽然他只是个工具 我也努力鼓励你们在一起 |
| [05:42] | As I will be of your tiny, sterile, | 我也会同样对待你小巧 无菌 |
| [05:44] | micro, pocket lady-boy. | 玲珑的口袋男人婆 |
| [05:45] | Listen, and as far as our friendship goes — | 听着 至于我们的友谊 |
| [05:47] | Nothing has to change. I completely agree. | 不必有任何变化 我完全同意 |
| [05:51] | I was gonna say we should probably make some modifications. | 我本来想说 我们也许应该做一些调整 |
| [05:54] | What kind of modifications? | 什么样的调整 |
| [05:56] | Well, we probably don’t need quite as many work sessions, | 也许我们不需要那么多的培训时间了 |
| [05:58] | since you’ve been doing so well recently. | 因为你最近表现得非常不错 |
| [06:00] | Uh, what are you talking about? | 瞎说什么呢 |
| [06:02] | Yesterday was Linda’s birthday, | 昨天琳达过生日 |
| [06:03] | And I didn’t sign her card because my nails were wet. | 我没有在卡片上签名 因为我的指甲油没干 |
| [06:05] | I’m not doing well. I’m just — I’m not. | 我表现得并不好 真的不好 |
| [06:08] | There she is! There’s our number-one sales rep. | 在这呢 我们的头号销售代表 |
| [06:11] | My little shooting star! | 我的小流星 |
| [06:13] | Me? No, no, no, no. | 我吗 不不不 |
| [06:15] | I am consistently late to work. | 我上班经常迟到 |
| [06:17] | And sometimes I turn in receipts for personal expenses. | 有时我还拿私人花费的发票去报销 |
| [06:20] | Well, you know who else was a bit of a rule-breaker? | 你知道还有谁喜欢破坏规矩吗 |
| [06:24] | Harriet Tubman. | 哈丽特·塔布曼[废奴主义者] |
| [06:26] | Like you, she had a — she had a lot of followers. | 跟你一样 她也有很多追随者[粉丝] |
| [06:29] | Yeah, a lot of followers. | 很多追随者 |
| [06:31] | How many followers would you say you have? | 你有多少粉丝来着 |
| [06:35] | Um, across all platforms? | 所有社交平台加起来吗 |
| [06:38] | – Roughly 300,000, sir. – Wow. | -差不多三十万吧 老板 -哇 |
| [06:42] | That’s — that’s significantly more than Tubman. | 那 那要比塔布曼多多了 |
| [06:45] | Although, to be fair, | 不过话说回来 |
| [06:45] | she did have a lot more on her plate than, uh… | 她要处理的事情的确… |
| [06:49] | you do. | 比你多 |
| [06:50] | How would you like to introduce our keynote speaker | 你愿不愿意作为我们主题演讲者的介绍人 |
| [06:53] | at the pharmaceutical conference next week? | 出席下周的医药大会 |
| [06:56] | Me? | 我吗 |
| [06:57] | We could use a little star power. | 我们需要一些明星的力量 |
| [07:00] | And I’m not afraid to tell you | 我可以毫不畏惧地告诉你 |
| [07:02] | Joan sucked the life out of pharmaceuti-con last year. | 去年的医药大会 琼简直弱爆了 |
| [07:05] | But this year, | 今年 |
| [07:06] | I really want to grab people’s attention. | 我真的很想吸引观众的目光 |
| [07:08] | So, what do you say? | 你意下如何 |
| [07:10] | Will you get up there | 你愿意登上舞台 |
| [07:11] | and make Kinderkare Pharmaceuticals proud? | 让金德凯制药为你骄傲吗 |
| [07:13] | – I’d be honored, sir. – Great. | -万分荣幸 老板 -太棒了 |
| [07:15] | And I’m sure with Henry by my side… | 我相信有亨利在我身边… |
| [07:19] | I can’t lose. | 必能无往不胜 |
| [07:25] | I thought we were gonna eat lunch together, like always. | 我以为咱们要一起吃午饭的 跟以往一样 |
| [07:27] | I’m sorry. I promised Julia. | 抱歉 我答应了茱莉亚 |
| [07:29] | Henry, this isn’t a good time for Julia. | 亨利 眼下这会儿可不适合陪茱莉亚 |
| [07:31] | I have pharmaceuti-con coming up, | 马上就要开医药大会了 |
| [07:33] | and I need your help preparing for the keynote speech. | 我需要你帮忙准备主题演讲 |
| [07:35] | Eliza, you are introducing the speech, not giving it. | 伊莉莎 你只是介绍人 不用演讲 |
| [07:37] | All you got to say is, “Here’s this guy.” | 你只需要说 “有请这个人” |
| [07:39] | And if you can remember his name, all the better. | 要是你能记住他的名字 那就更好了 |
| [07:41] | So… | 所以 |
| [07:42] | – You’re not gonna help me? – I just did! | -你不帮我了吗 -我刚刚帮过了 |
| [07:44] | How’s my hair? | 我的头发怎么样 |
| [07:45] | – Black. Same as always. – Thank you. | -很黑 一如既往 -谢谢 |
| [07:48] | Hey, if you want to eat lunch in my office, you’re welcome to. | 你要是想在我办公室里吃午饭 请便 |
| [07:51] | What’s that supposed to mean? | 那是什么意思 |
| [07:55] | I think he just means that it’s okay to eat in his office, | 我觉得他的意思是 你可以在他办公室里吃午饭 |
| [07:57] | even though he’s not gonna be in there. | 虽然他并不会在办公室里 |
| [07:59] | And you don’t think that’s weird? | 你不觉得这很怪异吗 |
| [08:01] | I mean, he’s on his way to eat lunch with his new girlfriend, | 他要去跟新女友吃午饭 |
| [08:03] | and he’s telling me to eat in his office? Hello! | 却让我在他办公室里吃 拜托醒醒吧 |
| [08:06] | Okay, I’m surmising | 好吧 我猜 |
| [08:08] | that you’re worried now that Henry’s dating… | 你是担心亨利现在在约会… |
| [08:10] | Ooh! She whose name shall not be spoken. | 那个不能说出名字的神秘女人 |
| [08:13] | …Julia… | 茱莉亚 |
| [08:15] | that he won’t want you in his life anymore. | 他就不再需要你了 |
| [08:17] | I know I’m probably just being paranoid. | 我知道 可能是我多虑了 |
| [08:20] | No, you’re not being paranoid. | 不 你没有多虑 |
| [08:21] | That’s pretty much the script, unless… | 故事基本上就是这个套路 除非 |
| [08:24] | you do something to flip it. | 你来个大翻盘 |
| [08:26] | Well, I tried being, like, supportive. | 我试过 支持他们 |
| [08:28] | Oh, no, no, no, no, no. | 不不不不不 |
| [08:29] | I’m not talking about being supportive. | 我可不是让你支持 |
| [08:31] | Little Miss Muffet needs to recognize. | 玛菲特小姐需要意识到你的存在 |
| [08:35] | Now, what you need to do is the same thing I did | 你需要学学我 多年前 |
| [08:37] | when this lady from my urban league who does hair | 我城市联盟里的女发型师 |
| [08:39] | was trying to steal my best friend, Camilla. | 想要偷走我的闺蜜卡米拉 |
| [08:43] | What did you do? | 你做了什么 |
| [08:44] | I took the bitch down. | 我拿下了那个小婊砸 |
| [08:49] | Look at this profile pic. | 看这张照片 |
| [08:51] | Ugh. That is tasteful and demure. | 有品位 够端庄 |
| [08:54] | And these reviews… | 还有这些评论 |
| [08:56] | “After years of being misdiagnosed, | 多年被误诊之后 |
| [08:59] | “Dr. Julia honed in on the true cause | 茱莉亚医生诊断出了 |
| [09:01] | “of my son’s neurogenic bladder disorder. | 我儿子神经源性膀胱病的真正病因 |
| [09:04] | “Thanks to Dr. Julia, Truman is now peeing freely.” | 多亏了茱莉亚医生 楚门现在可以自由地撒尿了 |
| [09:08] | Oh, way to go, Truman. | 你真棒 楚门 |
| [09:10] | Okay. Okay. Okay. | 好吧 好吧 |
| [09:11] | But they’re not all Trumans. | 其他病人可不全都是楚门啊 |
| [09:12] | I mean, look right here. | 看看这里 |
| [09:14] | “Wait time was a little longer than expected.” | 等待的时间比想象中的要久 |
| [09:16] | “But only because Dr. Julia was performing | 但那是因为茱莉亚医生 |
| [09:19] | “Emergency urethral reconstructive surgery”? | 正在实施紧急尿道重建手术 |
| [09:22] | “Dr. J is a hero.” | 茱医生是个英雄 |
| [09:24] | Okay, but… | 好吧 可是 |
| [09:27] | I got nothing. | 我竟然无言以对 |
| [09:30] | Since I couldn’t find a visible hole in Julia’s character, | 既然找不到茱莉亚性格上有什么明显漏洞 |
| [09:33] | I decided to poke one. | 我决定自己戳一个洞出来 |
| [09:36] | Mmm! Tea time! | 下午茶呀 |
| [09:38] | Don’t mind if I don’t. | 我不需要 不要介意哦 |
| [09:40] | What? You don’t want tea? | 什么 你不想喝茶 |
| [09:42] | There’s no need to specify that you don’t want something, | 你没有必要明确说出自己不需要什么 |
| [09:44] | particularly if it hasn’t been offered. | 尤其是也没人主动问你呀 |
| [09:45] | Duly noted, Earl Grey. | 记住了 格雷伯爵小茶哥 |
| [09:48] | Okay, you’re acting weird. | 好吧 你举止很怪异啊 |
| [09:50] | I’m being weird? | 我怪异 |
| [09:51] | I’m not the one who loves urine. | 对尿情有独钟的又不是我 |
| [09:53] | What did you say? | 你说什么 |
| [09:54] | Baby urine. Isn’t that your new lady’s fave? | 小孩的尿 那不是你那位新女友的最爱吗 |
| [09:57] | Her fave? | 她的最爱 |
| [09:58] | Julia’s a pediatric urologist. | 茱莉亚是儿科泌尿医生 |
| [10:00] | Like I said. | 跟我说的一样啊 |
| [10:02] | Urology is not the study of urine. | 泌尿学不是研究尿 |
| [10:04] | It is the study of the urinary-tract system, | 研究的是人的泌尿系统 |
| [10:05] | which includes the kidneys, the adrenal glands, the bladder, | 包括肾脏 肾上腺 膀胱 |
| [10:08] | as well as the male reproductive organs. | 以及男性生殖器官 |
| [10:10] | Oh, hello. Paging Dr. Peen. | 好吧 喂 呼叫丁丁医生 |
| [10:12] | She’s a pediatric urologist. | 她是小儿泌尿科医生 |
| [10:14] | Oh, hello. Paging Dr. Baby-peen. So sorry. | 呼叫小男孩丁丁医生 真不好意思 |
| [10:17] | Okay, you are being incredibly juvenile. | 你真是太幼稚了 |
| [10:20] | Henry, come on. Come on. | 亨利 拜托 拜托 |
| [10:22] | You’re still coming over tonight, right, | 你今晚还会来我家的对吧 |
| [10:24] | to help me with the keynote thingy? | 来帮我准备那个主题演讲什么的 |
| [10:27] | Henry? | 亨利 |
| [10:28] | So, I’ll start on the risotto if you want to prep | 如果你要准备炖小羊腿和调味蔬菜 |
| [10:30] | the lamb shanks and mirepoix for braising. | 那我就开始做意大利调味饭 |
| [10:33] | Braise, huh? | 炖菜对吧 |
| [10:35] | What is the E.T.A. on a braise? | 话说… 做炖菜大约需要多久 |
| [10:38] | Do you have somewhere to be? | 你还要去什么地方吗 |
| [10:39] | Uh, not immediately, but I may have this one work thing | 不是马上去 但是晚些时候我确实有点 |
| [10:42] | – to take care of later tonight. – Fine. | -工作上的事要处理 -没事 |
| [10:45] | If it’s not fine, you can say so. | 如果有事 你可以尽管直说 |
| [10:46] | I can probably blow it off. | 或许我可以推掉 |
| [10:48] | Oh, no. | 不 |
| [10:49] | I’m sorry if I sound punishing, Henry. | 抱歉我的语气有些严厉 亨利 |
| [10:51] | That’s my default cadence. | 但我的默认语调就是这样 |
| [10:52] | It’s fine. Sincerely, I’m not mad. | 真的没事 我没生气 |
| [10:56] | Truth told, I had a… rough day at work. | 说实话 我今天工作上有点不顺心 |
| [11:00] | Oh, I’m sorry. You want to talk about it? | 很遗憾 你想跟我聊聊吗 |
| [11:03] | Some idiot left a bunch of negative feedback | 有些笨蛋在网上留言 |
| [11:04] | – about me online. – What? | -攻击我 -什么 |
| [11:07] | They kept insisting that I got my “Peen-hd” | 他们一直说我拿到的是尿科 |
| [11:09] | in “Urinology.” | 丁丁博士学位 |
| [11:11] | Have you ever heard of something so incredibly ignorant? | 你听到过如此荒谬无知的评论吗 |
| [11:15] | Unfortunately, I have. | 很不幸 我听到过 |
| [11:24] | I think I was being stood up. | 我好像被放鸽子了 |
| [11:27] | I’d never actually been stood up before, | 以前我从未被人放过鸽子 |
| [11:30] | so I wasn’t totally sure. | 所以我也不是很确定 |
| [11:39] | I checked all my phones to make sure | 我检查了所有电话 |
| [11:40] | they were in working order. | 确保它们没坏掉 |
| [11:45] | They were. | 没坏掉 |
| [11:47] | Hello? Hello? | 喂 喂 |
| [11:48] | Hello? Hello? | 喂 喂 |
| [11:49] | Hello. I’m talking to myself. | 喂 我在跟自己说话 |
| [11:51] | I’m talking to myself. | 我在跟自己说话 |
| [11:55] | So I sat by the phone waiting for Henry to call. | 所以我就坐在电话旁 等亨利打给我 |
| [12:01] | But he didn’t. | 但是他没有 |
| [12:04] | Henry? | 亨利 |
| [12:08] | Oh, uh, yeah, yeah, I do have three minutes | 有啊 我有三分钟时间 |
| [12:10] | to answer a few short questions about my water usage. | 来回答关于我用水量的几个小问题 |
| [12:12] | Abso– | 当… |
| [12:14] | Uh, I got to go. | 我得挂了 |
| [12:21] | Yes! | 太棒了 |
| [12:22] | – I knew you’d come. – Hold your mirth. | -我就知道你会来 -先别急着高兴 |
| [12:24] | I’m here for one reason, and one reason only. | 我来这里只有一个原因 |
| [12:27] | To help me learn to say “Here’s this guy”? Huh? | 帮我学习如何介绍演讲人对吗 |
| [12:30] | How could you have left those negative reviews of Julia online? | 你怎么能在网上留言攻击茱莉亚呢 |
| [12:33] | That is a career you’re messing with, and why? | 你是在破坏别人的事业 为什么 |
| [12:36] | Because you can’t stand anyone but you soaking up my attention. | 因为你无法忍受除你之外的其他人吸引我的注意力 |
| [12:40] | You are not the sun, Eliza. | 你又不是太阳 伊莉莎 |
| [12:42] | The world does not revolve around you. | 世界不围着你转 |
| [12:47] | You’re right. | 说得对 |
| [12:48] | I think I’m the sun. | 我觉得自己就是太阳 |
| [12:49] | And I hear from your tone that I’m not. | 可是很明显你觉得我不是 |
| [12:52] | Point bees, until we figure out who the sun is, | 重点是 除非我们弄明白谁是太阳 |
| [12:55] | maybe we need to go back to meeting | 不如我们还是回到以前 |
| [12:57] | like one to three times per week. | 一周见面一到三次吧 |
| [12:59] | You do need help. | 你确实需要帮助 |
| [13:01] | But you’re not gonna get it from me. | 但是我不会帮你了 |
| [13:02] | I think we’re done here. | 我们到此为止吧 |
| [13:05] | Wait — done with our conversation, or done with this friendship? | 等等 是这次谈话还是我们的关系到此为止啊 |
| [13:08] | Henry, just clarify! | 亨利 你说清楚啊 |
| [13:15] | Henry had dumped me. | 亨利把我甩了 |
| [13:17] | I was legit friendless | 我正式没朋友了 |
| [13:18] | and feeling so-cal sorry for myself. | 我真为我自己感到难过 |
| [13:21] | #thestruggleisreal. | #是真的难过# |
| [13:25] | Beep, beep. | 哔哔 |
| [13:26] | Excuse us. | 借过一下 |
| [13:27] | Wow. | 哇塞 |
| [13:28] | You know something? | 你们知道吗 |
| [13:30] | No one has ever baked me a cake. | 从来没人给我做过蛋糕 |
| [13:33] | This is the closest I’ve ever come to someone | 现在是我离有人给我做蛋糕 |
| [13:35] | baking me a cake — | 最接近的情况 |
| [13:36] | Standing near a cake that was baked for someone else. | 站在一个为别人做的蛋糕旁边 |
| [13:40] | And now that I’ve lost the only real friend I ever had, | 而我又失去了有史以来自己唯一真正的朋友 |
| [13:43] | I’m guessing my future is gonna be pretty cake-less. | 将来都不会有人给我做蛋糕了吧 |
| [13:45] | Pretty cake-less, you guys. | 不会有蛋糕的将来 两位 |
| [13:53] | Sorry, can you move? | 抱歉 能让我们过去吗 |
| [13:55] | We need to get this cake to Balthazar | 我们得赶快把这个蛋糕给巴尔萨泽 |
| [13:56] | before the fondant starts to sweat. | 否则方旦糖就要化掉了 |
| [13:58] | You baked a cake for Balthazar? | 你们给巴尔萨泽做了个蛋糕 |
| [14:00] | I thought you guys hated Balthazar. | 我还以为你们都讨厌巴尔萨泽呢 |
| [14:02] | We do. But we miss Thistle. | 是的 但是我们想西斯托尔了 |
| [14:04] | So we’re bringing this as an olive branch. | 所以我们把这个蛋糕当做橄榄枝 |
| [14:06] | There’s nothing in the world a moist cake can’t cure… | 世界上没什么是一个松软的蛋糕无法治愈的… |
| [14:09] | except alcoholism. | 除了酗酒 |
| [14:12] | Have a great one. | 我们先走了 |
| [14:17] | And that’s when I realized… | 所以我意识到… |
| [14:19] | Since there’s nothing in the world, | 既然世界上除了酗酒之外 |
| [14:20] | besides alcoholism, that a moist cake can’t cure, | 没有什么是一个松软的蛋糕无法治愈的 |
| [14:23] | I thought I’d bake one for Julia | 所以我就想给茱莉亚做个蛋糕 |
| [14:24] | to show that I do respect her profession | 来告诉她我尊重她的职业 |
| [14:27] | and that I now know where the prostate is. | 现在我也知道前列腺在哪里了 |
| [14:32] | Dernk! | 就是这里 |
| [14:34] | Oh. Looks delicious. | 看起来很好吃的样子 |
| [14:36] | Save me a slice of the bladder. | 给我留块膀胱吃呗 |
| [14:38] | Will do… | 没问题… |
| [14:39] | if you will call Julia’s office, pretend to be my mother, | 但前提是你假装是我妈妈打电话到茱莉亚办公室 |
| [14:41] | and see if you can get her to squeeze me in | 试试能不能让我插个队 |
| [14:42] | for an appointment this afternoon. | 今天下午去预约见她 |
| [14:44] | – No. – But if I make nice with Julia, | -不行 -但是如果我跟茱莉亚和好 |
| [14:46] | maybe she’ll let me stay friends with Henry. | 可能她就会让我跟亨利继续做朋友了 |
| [14:48] | No. | 不行 |
| [14:49] | Please? | 拜托拜托 |
| [14:50] | No. | 不行 |
| [14:52] | Look, you’re already a mom, and you give good phone. | 你本来就是个当妈的 而且很擅长打电话 |
| [14:55] | This will be easy for you. | 对你来说小菜一碟 |
| [15:01] | Hello, I’d like to make an appointment | 喂 我想帮一个 |
| [15:02] | for an adult white lady carrying a prostate cake. | 拿着前列腺蛋糕的白人成年女士预约 |
| [15:06] | Yes, 3:15’s fine. | 好 三点一刻没问题 |
| [15:17] | Does one of you have a teen Vogue or something? | 你们有人有《时尚》少女版之类的书吗 |
| [15:19] | I’d even take a Good Housekeeping at this point. | 《家政》杂志我都不嫌弃哦 |
| [15:22] | Moms? | 各位妈妈 |
| [15:29] | That one’s my favorite. | 那本是我最喜欢的 |
| [15:33] | “The Courageous Kitty”? | 《勇敢的小猫咪》 |
| [15:34] | What’s so courageous about her? | 它怎么勇敢了 |
| [15:36] | Did she come out to her parents? Huh? | 它是跟自己父母出柜了吗 |
| [15:40] | It’s about a scared little kitty | 故事是讲一只害怕的小猫咪 |
| [15:42] | who doesn’t think she can cross the river | 它觉得自己无法过河 |
| [15:45] | – to get to her first rodeo. – What? | -去参加第一场表演 -什么 |
| [15:48] | But she just keeps believing in herself. | 但是它一直坚信自己 |
| [15:51] | And she realizes that she can make it. | 然后它意识到自己能做到 |
| [15:54] | And then she does make it. | 然后它就真的做到了 |
| [15:57] | And she stays on the boat for nine — | 它还在船上待了九… |
| [16:00] | This is your favorite book? | 这就是你最喜欢的书吗 |
| [16:02] | Then I realized — | 然后我意识到 |
| [16:04] | That little girl | 这个小女孩 |
| [16:04] | with the terrible taste in literature | 虽然文学品味很差 |
| [16:06] | was there for a reason. | 但是她出现是有原因的 |
| [16:08] | It burns when I oopsy. | 我嘘嘘的时候好疼 |
| [16:11] | Okay, two reasons. | 好吧 两个原因 |
| [16:12] | And the second one was to help me believe in myself. | 第二个原因就是来帮我找到自信 |
| [16:15] | I don’t need to grovel or beg. | 我不用卑躬屈膝去求人 |
| [16:17] | I’m the courageous kitty, but hotter. | 我就是那只勇敢的猫咪 而且我更性感 |
| [16:21] | And I can handle pharmaceuti-con all on my own. | 而且我靠自己完全可以搞定医药大会 |
| [16:31] | Look at this cake one of my patients made me. | 快看病人给我做的蛋糕 |
| [16:34] | Wow! | 哇塞 |
| [16:35] | A child made that? | 这是孩子做的吗 |
| [16:36] | Yes, a child with a very thorough | 对 而且这个孩子 |
| [16:38] | understanding of the urological system. | 对人体泌尿系统非常熟悉 |
| [16:41] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [16:53] | May I offer you a piece of the urethra? | 你要不要来一块泌尿管吃 |
| [16:56] | No. | 不了 |
| [16:57] | Irritable bowel? | 易激肠部分呢 |
| [16:58] | Oh…or just irritable? | 还是说你 你被激怒了 |
| [17:03] | I’m not irritable. I-I-I’m fine. | 我没有不开心 我没事 |
| [17:04] | I’m fine. | 我没事 |
| [17:07] | Mmm! This is good! | 哇 好好吃 |
| [17:12] | Henry… | 亨利 |
| [17:13] | One needn’t be the mentalist | 不用有超感 |
| [17:15] | to see that something is bothering you. | 我也能看出来你有烦心事 |
| [17:19] | Okay, I’m sorry. | 好吧 很抱歉 |
| [17:21] | It’s just, um… | 就是… |
| [17:24] | Do you know that contemporary of mine I introduced you to? | 你记得我介绍给你的那个同事吗 |
| [17:27] | The jolly ginger giantess. Yes, I remember. | 那个高个红发美女 我记得 |
| [17:30] | Ooh, she was a skyscraper, she was. | 她个子真是太高了 真的 |
| [17:32] | Right. | 对 |
| [17:34] | The thing is, she’s more than a contemporary. | 其实她不止是我的同事 |
| [17:36] | She’s more like a friend. | 她更像我的朋友 |
| [17:39] | The two of us are pretty close, actually. | 其实我们俩走得挺近的 |
| [17:42] | And? | 然后呢 |
| [17:43] | And… | 还有… |
| [17:44] | Eliza… | 伊莉莎 |
| [17:47] | She has a big event tonight, and it is the kind of thing | 她今晚要参加一个大型活动 通常 |
| [17:50] | that I would normally | 这种情况下 |
| [17:52] | be there for to offer her support. | 我会去支持她给她加油打气的 |
| [17:54] | But I didn’t — | 但是我不想… |
| [17:55] | I didn’t want it to be an issue between us. | 我不想让这个让我们之间产生误会 |
| [18:00] | Well, why would it be an issue? | 为什么会产生误会 |
| [18:02] | I’m a self-assured woman. | 我对自己有充分的自信 |
| [18:03] | Of course I expect you to have female friends. | 我当然希望你有自己的女性朋友 |
| [18:06] | I myself have throngs of male cohorts. | 我自己也有一群男性朋友 |
| [18:08] | So you don’t mind if I — | 所以你不会介意我去… |
| [18:10] | Throngs? | 一群 |
| [18:11] | What — what — what constitutes a throng? | 你说的一群是有多少 |
| [18:13] | Oh, more than a gaggle, less than a swarm. | 就介于一小群和一大群之间吧 |
| [18:17] | Go help your normous friend. It’s no problemo. | 快去帮你的大个儿朋友吧 我没问题的 |
| [18:20] | I won’t have a cow. | 我不会生气 |
| [18:23] | “The Mentalist” and I will be here | 《超感警探》和我会在这等着你 |
| [18:24] | waiting for you when you get back. | 回来一起看 |
| [18:33] | You are Phylicia Rashad. | 你简直就是菲利西亚·拉斯海德 |
| [18:37] | I get that a lot. | 经常有人这么说我 |
| [18:40] | Ladies and gentlemen, we welcome you | 女士们先生们 欢迎大家 |
| [18:41] | to Kinderkare Pharmaceuticals’ | 来参加金德凯制药 |
| [18:44] | strides in children’s medicine symposium. | 迈入儿童药品领域庆祝大会 |
| [18:46] | 医药大会 主题演讲介绍人 伊莉莎·杜丽 | |
| [18:47] | Now, here to introduce our keynote speaker, | 接下来有请主题演讲介绍人 |
| [18:50] | – Ms. Eliza Dooley. – As I stepped onto the stage, it hit me. | -伊莉莎·杜丽小姐 -我踏上主持台时意识到了 |
| [18:53] | I was on my own. | 现在只能靠自己了 |
| [18:54] | I couldn’t believe that my only friend | 真不敢相信我唯一的朋友 |
| [18:56] | was missing the most important moment | 竟然错过了我要介绍的这个人的 |
| [18:58] | in the guy I was introducing’s life. | 生命中最重要的时刻 |
| [18:59] | There she is. There she is. | 她上台了 上台了 |
| [19:05] | Thank you. | 谢谢大家 |
| [19:09] | And now this guy. | 下面有请发言人 |
| [19:20] | Thank you. | 谢谢大家 |
| [19:23] | Shine bright like a diamond. | 如钻石般闪耀 |
| [19:26] | Thank you so much. | 非常感谢大家 |
| [19:28] | Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. | 谢谢 女士们先生们 |
| [19:31] | I had killed it, | 我成功了 |
| [19:32] | but no amount of new friend requests | 但是不论有多少人申请加我好友 |
| [19:33] | could replace the one person | 都不能取代现实生活中 |
| [19:35] | who had unfriended me in real life. | 那一个跟我解除好友关系的人 |
| [19:37] | Told you you could do it. | 我就说你没问题的 |
| [19:40] | Hey. You showed up. | 你来了啊 |
| [19:45] | And what happened to me not needing you anymore? | 你不是说我不需要你了吗 |
| [19:49] | Are you kidding? | 开什么玩笑 |
| [19:50] | You didn’t sign Linda’s birthday card | 因为你刚涂了指甲油 |
| [19:52] | because your nails were wet. | 所以你都没在琳达的生日贺卡上签名 |
| [19:54] | What about the tardiness and the petty-cash fraud? | 你上班迟到和骗公司钱用的事呢 |
| [19:58] | Not to mention your tendency to use emojis in work memos. | 还有你竟然在工作备忘录中使用表情符号 |
| [20:01] | – Your rudeness to children. – Hey. | -还对小孩子没礼貌 -说什么呢 |
| [20:04] | Constant gum-chewing. | 还一直嚼口香糖 |
| [20:06] | And that landline I gave you, | 还有我给你的那部有线电话 |
| [20:07] | which has been off the hook for at least 24 hours. | 应该有至少24小时听筒没挂到电话上了吧 |
| [20:10] | Oh, God. I’m sorry. | 天哪 不好意思 |
| [20:13] | Come on. | 来吧 |
| [20:20] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [20:27] | I heard someone in here has a burning pee-pee! | 我听说有人嘘嘘的时候疼疼呢 |
| [20:33] | You’re not a child. | 你不是小孩子 |
| [20:35] | But I acted like one. | 但是我的行为很像 |
| [20:38] | Did Henry send you? | 是亨利让你来的吗 |
| [20:39] | No. | 不是 |
| [20:43] | I want to apologize for writing those stupid reviews. | 我想为写下那些白痴评论向你道歉 |
| [20:46] | Well…Thank you. | 这个啊 谢谢 |
| [20:51] | And I’m gonna make it up to you | 我要向你弥补 |
| [20:52] | by writing a new one that says | 我再去给你评论 |
| [20:54] | you reconstructed my oopsy | 就说你治好了我嘘嘘的问题 |
| [20:55] | and gave me one of your kidneys. | 而且把自己的肾给了我一个 |
| [20:56] | Please, don’t do that. | 别这样做 拜托 |
| [20:58] | False reviews of any kind are a strict breach of — | 任何虚假评论都是严重违反… |
| [21:00] | Even if they come from | 即使评论是 |
| [21:01] | the Urine-versity of Southern Bladderfornia? | 南膀胱福尼亚泌尿大学写的吗 |
| [21:03] | Especially if they come from | 尤其是评论是 |
| [21:04] | the Urine-versity of Southern Bladderfornia. | 南膀胱福尼亚泌尿大学写的 |
| [21:11] | Now, if you will excuse me, | 先失陪了 |
| [21:12] | I have some actual patients to see. | 我得去看真正的病人了 |
| [21:15] | Yeah. | 好 |
| [21:17] | Bye. | 拜拜 |
| [21:17] | And that’s when I realized — | 这时候我意识到 |
| [21:19] | Julia and I may never be friends, | 我和茱莉亚可能永远都成不了朋友 |
| [21:21] | but at least I was the bigger person. | 但至少我比她个子高点儿[更成熟] |