| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:02] | – Who’s this? – Joy Kleinman. | -这是谁 -乔伊·克莱曼 |
| [00:05] | Life coach, cancer survivor, | 人生导师 癌症康复患者 |
| [00:07] | and joyologist. | 以及快乐学家 |
| [00:09] | Hello, voyagers! | 大家好 探险家们 |
| [00:12] | Hi, Joy. | 好啊 乔伊 |
| [00:13] | I am a blogger. I saw the light. | 我是博主啦 我看到了天堂之光 |
| [00:15] | You have a knack for storytelling. | 你说故事很有一套 |
| [00:17] | – You gotta use that. – Thank you. | -你得好好利用啊 -谢谢 |
| [00:19] | Baby cathy is gonna live forever. | 小凯西将永垂不朽 |
| [00:21] | Oh, you like it in here with Willy, don’t you? | 你喜欢跟伟立泡鸳鸳浴 是不是 |
| [00:24] | I’m running gay phone sex business. | 我在做同性电话性爱这一行 |
| [00:26] | I’m thinking about checking out a bible group. | 我在考虑参加一个圣经小组 |
| [00:28] | Respect for god, that’s everlasting. | 对上帝的敬畏 是永恒不朽的 |
| [00:30] | Are we gonna see you morrow, Alexis? | 明天你还来吗 艾利克西斯 |
| [00:32] | Most likely. | 差不多吧 |
| [00:33] | I want all of you to find your joyful path. | 希望你们找到通往快乐的道路 |
| [00:36] | You might be surprised at what is | 当你找到生命中那些最快乐的时刻 |
| [00:39] | your most joyful moment. | 也许自己都会大吃一惊 |
| [00:42] | I want another baby. | 我想再要个孩子 |
| [01:40] | Paul? | 保罗 |
| [01:41] | Paul? | 保罗 |
| [01:43] | Paul? | 保罗 |
| [01:45] | – Paul! Paul! – Oh, god! | -保罗 保罗 -天哪 |
| [01:46] | No, I’m– I’m okay, honey. | 没事 我…没事 亲爱的 |
| [01:48] | It’s so…so not my fault. | 这还真…真不怪我 |
| [01:49] | I can’t cum and talk at the same time, Jesus | 我高潮的时候说不出话来 天哪 |
| [01:52] | I thought you were dying. | 我刚都以为你死掉了 |
| [01:55] | Do you think it’s crazy | 你觉不觉得很疯狂 |
| [01:56] | that we’re talking about adopting a baby? | 我们这样还要领养个婴儿 |
| [01:58] | No. | 不会 |
| [01:59] | What I think is crazy is what a turn off | 让我觉得疯狂的是 滚完床单 |
| [02:01] | it is talk about babies after sex, | 就聊孩子竟然会这么”泻火” |
| [02:03] | even though ironically that’s how you get babies. | 虽然讽刺的是 不滚床单就生不出孩子 |
| [02:07] | I must admit, | 我必须承认 |
| [02:08] | as annoying as that | 尽管乔伊·克莱曼那种 |
| [02:10] | Joy Kleinman retreat was, | 静修方式挺讨人嫌 |
| [02:12] | it really did lead us to a good place. | 不过倒也真的让我们感觉更好了 |
| [02:14] | Tell me about it. | 可不是嘛 |
| [02:15] | Ever since she thumbs-upped my site, | 自从她推荐了我的网站 |
| [02:17] | my god, I’ve had so many readers come to the blog. | 天啊 博客的访问量就与日俱增 |
| [02:20] | I mean, people from all over the world. | 世界各地哪的人都有 |
| [02:21] | This lady from China posted on the site today. | 有位中国的女士今天还在博客里留言了 |
| [02:24] | Can you believe that? | 真是难以置信 |
| [02:25] | – Oh, that’s great. – I know | -太棒了 -是啊 |
| [02:27] | It’s as if what I’m saying, I mean, it really matters. | 就好像我说的那些话还是有分量的 |
| [02:30] | You know, honey? | 是不是 亲爱的 |
| [02:33] | You know what I mean, honey? | 你懂我意思吗 亲爱的 |
| [02:40] | Yeah, I’ll make all your dreams come true, buddy. | 好的 我会让你的春梦成真 老兄 |
| [02:44] | You just give me your credit card number | 只需告诉我您的信用卡账号 |
| [02:46] | while I pull my big ole nine-incher | 我先把那紧身牛仔裤脱了 |
| [02:49] | out of my tight True Religions. | 亮出那久经沙场的家伙事儿 |
| [02:51] | Okay, 0-1-9-2-6-8… | 好的 019 268… |
| [02:55] | Fuck you! | 操你妈的 |
| [02:57] | Oh, is this Willy Wanker again? | 伟立·万艾可 又是你 |
| [03:00] | Seriously, dude, you need to get a life. | 说真的老哥 你得找点正经事干 |
| [03:02] | I had a life, butt whistle, and you stole it. | 我本来有事干 都被你这贱货搅黄了 |
| [03:05] | And if you don’t give me my phone number back, | 你要是不把这电话号码还我 |
| [03:06] | I swear to god | 我对天发誓 |
| [03:07] | I will foist those stupid pink lady slippers | 要把你这双傻逼粉色女式拖鞋 |
| [03:11] | up your dirty derriere. | 塞你那脏兮兮的屁股里 |
| [03:12] | Oh yeah? I’d love to see– | 是吗 那我倒要看看… |
| [03:18] | It’s called reverse phone lookup, jackass. | 这叫反向号码查找 蠢货 |
| [03:22] | Jesus christ. | 我的上帝啊 |
| [03:28] | I pictured you less dapper. | 我还以为你是个龌龊邋遢汉 |
| [03:30] | And I piured you better looking. | 我还以为你是个帅气美男子 |
| [03:32] | Guess we were both wrong. | 看来我俩都没能猜对 |
| [03:34] | Well, well, well, we, well, | 瞧瞧 瞧瞧 瞧瞧 瞧瞧 |
| [03:37] | This is a real shit-hole. | 真是个垃圾堆 |
| [03:39] | Look I’ve been patient, | 听着 我可一直耐着性子 |
| [03:41] | but this is getting silly, Willy. | 但你越来越过分了 伟立 |
| [03:43] | You gotta stop harassing me. | 别再来骚扰我了 |
| [03:45] | You know as well as I do I came by this business | 你自己心知肚明 我是光明正大地 |
| [03:47] | fair and square. | 步入这行的 |
| [03:50] | Fair? | 光明正大 |
| [03:51] | You call it fair that just because I was | 就因为我晚了一会儿交电话费 |
| [03:54] | a millisecond late paying my phone bill | 你就接手了我的热线 |
| [03:55] | you were able to inherit my hotline | 还盗用我的身份 |
| [03:57] | and steal my identity? | 这叫光明正大吗 |
| [03:58] | No one can do me but me. | 没有任何人可以取代我 |
| [04:01] | Then how come in the month since I’ve been you, | 那为什么我假扮你的这个月 |
| [04:03] | my weekly phone calls have gone up from 15 to 80? | 每周来电数从15通上涨到80通 |
| [04:08] | – That many? – Yeah. | -有这么多 -是的 |
| [04:11] | You only received these calls because of me. | 你能接到这些来电还不是因为我 |
| [04:13] | I invented Willy Wanker. You owe me. | 我一手打造的伟立·万艾可 你欠我的 |
| [04:16] | Oh, do I? | 是这样吗 |
| [04:16] | Did Steve Jobs invent the iMac? | iMac是史蒂夫·乔布斯发明的吗 |
| [04:18] | No. | 不是 |
| [04:19] | Did Mark Zuckerberg come up with the concept for Facebook? | 脸谱网的点子是马克·扎克伯格想到的吗 |
| [04:21] | No. | 不是 |
| [04:21] | But did they both have the business savvy | 但是不是正因为有了他们的商业头脑 |
| [04:23] | to make those ideas 1,000 times better, | 才能让这些点子不断精进 |
| [04:25] | and therefore reap the rewards of said creations? Yes! | 最后使上述发明获得丰厚回报 是的 |
| [04:28] | Face it, buddy, | 认命吧 老兄 |
| [04:29] | I’m the Steve Blowjobs | 我就是那史蒂夫·巧不湿 |
| [04:31] | and the Mark Fuckerberg | 还有那马克·扎克勃哥 |
| [04:33] | of the gay phone sex industry. | 掌握着基友色情热线产业 |
| [04:35] | You’re just pissed off | 你气急败坏 |
| [04:36] | ’cause I’m a better Willy Wanker | 不就因为我这个伟立·万艾可 |
| [04:37] | than you will ever be. | 比你的出色得多 |
| [04:38] | Oh, please. | 你省省吧 |
| [04:40] | Name the steps of a lemon baller. | 请详述”柠檬蛋丸”的操作步骤 |
| [04:42] | Twist, lick, finger, suck. | 揉搓 舔舐 拨弄 吸吮 |
| [04:43] | Also known as the tequila | 也被称作”龙舌兰” |
| [04:45] | and very nice after a round of ass-cubing. | 玩一次”冰封屁眼”后效果更佳 |
| [04:47] | Ass-cubing, what’s that? | “冰封屁眼” 那是什么 |
| [04:48] | Trade secret. | 商业机密 |
| [04:49] | Damn you! | 去你妈的 |
| [04:50] | Fine, you won’t give me back my identity, | 好吧 既然你不肯还我身份 |
| [04:54] | I’ll steal yours. | 我就盗取你的 |
| [04:55] | Whoa, well, seeing as how I don’t have | 这敢情好 因为我根本没有 |
| [04:57] | a driver’s license or a credit card | 驾驶执照或是信用卡 |
| [04:58] | and most of that mail belongs to a dead woman, | 这里大部分信件还都是寄给一个死去的女人的 |
| [05:00] | I’d say your shit out of luck. | 不得不说你真背到家了 |
| [05:02] | Hey, but look on the bright side. | 不过看开点吧 |
| [05:03] | Sunset casual is having their annual sale. | 日落休闲装正在进行年度特卖 |
| [05:07] | I refuse to leave these premises | 拿回我电话号码之前 |
| [05:08] | unless I get my phone line back. | 我绝不会离开此地 |
| [05:11] | Then have fun sleeping outside. | 那祝你在大街上睡得舒服 |
| [05:14] | I will destroy you. | 我定会灭了你 |
| [05:27] | Carbs. | 碳水化合物 |
| [05:31] | I missed the stupid bus. | 我误了操蛋的校车 |
| [05:32] | Can you drive me to school? | 你能载我去学校吗 |
| [05:34] | No, I’m going in late. | 不行 我要迟到了 |
| [05:36] | Your father and I have an appointment. | 我和你爸爸约了人 |
| [05:37] | You can walk with me, | 你可以跟我一起走 |
| [05:38] | but you have to help me carry | 但你得帮我拿非洲社团的 |
| [05:40] | my African drum circle stuff for Afro club. | 非洲集体鼓乐用具 |
| [05:43] | What kind of an appointment? | 你们约了什么人 |
| [05:44] | A doctor’s appointment? | 是约了医生吗 |
| [05:46] | Well, no. | 不是 |
| [05:48] | Actually, it’s an appointment with a lawyer. | 其实我们约的是律师 |
| [05:51] | I knew it. | 我就知道 |
| [05:52] | You guys are getting a divorce. | 你们要离婚了 |
| [05:53] | No, it’s nothing bad. | 不是 不是坏事 |
| [05:55] | We have a meeting with an adoption lawyer. | 我们是约了负责领养的律师 |
| [05:57] | No way. You’re adopting a baby? | 不是吧 你们准备领养孩子吗 |
| [05:59] | We’re just finding out what our options are. | 我们就是看一下都有什么选择 |
| [06:01] | We were gonna wait to tell everyone | 我们本打算有进一步的消息时 |
| [06:02] | once we have more information. | 再跟大家说这事的 |
| [06:03] | Seriously? Can’t we go a single month | 当真吗 咱们不能有个把月 |
| [06:05] | where something crazy isn’t happening? | 不整这些乱七八糟的事吗 |
| [06:07] | We know it’s been a bit of a roller coaster | 我们知道最近几个月的日子 |
| [06:08] | the past few months. | 有点起伏不定 |
| [06:10] | That’s kinda the idea though. | 不过也正是因为这个 |
| [06:11] | Your mom and I, we both got so close to death, | 我和你妈妈都与死神擦肩而过 |
| [06:13] | It made us want to celebrate life. | 这种经历让我们想要享受生活 |
| [06:15] | And wouldn’t it be cool | 如果你有个弟弟或妹妹 |
| [06:17] | to have a little brother or a little sister? | 不是也挺好的吗 |
| [06:19] | You should adopt from Ghana. | 你们应该从加纳领养一个 |
| [06:21] | I think we’re just looking into domestic adoptions now. | 我们先看看国内的领养机构吧 |
| [06:24] | Because you probably want a perfect little white baby, | 因为你们想要个完美的白人宝宝吧 |
| [06:26] | just like everybody else. | 就像别人一样 |
| [06:27] | You know what? Color-blind, my ass. | 知道吗 鬼才信你们没种族偏见 |
| [06:29] | Andrea. | 安德莉亚 |
| [06:30] | My name is Ababuo. | 我叫阿霸波 |
| [06:32] | Come on, whitey, let’s go. | 快点儿 白鬼 咱们走 |
| [06:43] | You will never guess who just texted me back. | 你肯定猜不着谁刚刚回我短信了 |
| [06:45] | Joy Kleinman. | 是乔伊·克莱曼 |
| [06:46] | Back? You wrote her? | 回短信 你给她发短信了 |
| [06:48] | Yeah, to thank her for being a fan. | 是啊 感谢她一直支持我们 |
| [06:50] | Listen to this. | 我给你念 |
| [06:51] | “Why don’t you thank me in person? | “怎么不过来当面道谢呢 |
| [06:53] | “Click on link for two free tickets | “点击这个链接可以获得两张 |
| [06:55] | to my talk tomorronight in Minneapolis.” | “明晚我在明尼阿波里斯市讲座的免费票” |
| [06:57] | How cool is that? | 这不是很好吗 |
| [06:58] | We’re free tomorrow night, right? | 明晚我们没什么事吧 |
| [06:59] | Yeah. Ohh. | 是啊 |
| [07:01] | Look how sweet. | 看他们多可爱 |
| [07:04] | Can you imagine us with one of these? | 我们要是能领养一个该多好 |
| [07:06] | Mr. and Mrs. Jamison? | 是贾米森先生和太太吗 |
| [07:07] | Hi, I’m so sorry to keep you waiting. | 你们好 非常抱歉让你们久等了 |
| [07:09] | Fred Bobick. | 我是弗雷德·伯比克 |
| [07:10] | Please, sit down, sit down. | 请坐 请坐 |
| [07:11] | So I understand that you folks | 据我所知两位是想 |
| [07:13] | want to learn more about adoption? | 多了解一些关于领养的事宜 |
| [07:14] | Yes. | 是的 |
| [07:15] | We just wanted to get an idea of what was involved. | 我们想大致了解一下相关事宜 |
| [07:18] | Well, you have come to the right place. | 好的 你们算是来对地方了 |
| [07:20] | I’ve recently had some heart issues, | 我最近心脏出了点儿问题 |
| [07:22] | which have been dealt with and I’m fine, | 但是已经搞定了 现在没事了 |
| [07:23] | but I just wanted to make sure that wouldn’t– | 我想确认一下这不会影响… |
| [07:26] | We’d be okay with that. | 不会影响收养 |
| [07:26] | Yeah, he has an I.C.D. device in his chest. | 是这样 他胸部装了一个心脏除颤器 |
| [07:29] | It’s kind of a pacemaker. | 算是种起搏器 |
| [07:30] | Well, you know, I really don’t see that | 好的 我并不认为 |
| [07:32] | as being much of an issue at all, | 这会有多大影响 |
| [07:33] | as long as you’re in good health. | 只要你们身体健康就好 |
| [07:36] | And actually, that’s something we wanted | 实际上 这正是我们想要 |
| [07:38] | to get your input on. | 跟你讨论的问题 |
| [07:40] | I do technically have melanoma, | 严格意义上说我有黑素瘤 |
| [07:42] | but my doctor says I’m doing great. | 但我的医生说我目前状态很好 |
| [07:44] | My tumors are virtually undetectable. | 我的肿瘤基本检查不出来了 |
| [07:46] | I’m gonna just stop you right there. | 我得打断你一下 |
| [07:49] | Um, you know, it’s difficult enough | 你们知道 光是说服一个准妈妈 |
| [07:52] | to convince an expectant mother | 把她即将出生的孩子 |
| [07:55] | to hand over her newborn to a couple | 交给你们这种高龄父母 |
| [07:57] | of your advanced age, | 就已经不是易事了 |
| [08:01] | especially if one of you is undergoing cancer treatment. | 而你还在接受癌症治疗就更是难上加难了 |
| [08:03] | Advanced age? | 高龄吗 |
| [08:05] | Fred, within this chest beats the heart | 弗雷德 我这胸腔内跳动的 |
| [08:08] | of a horny teenager. | 是颗躁动的少年心 |
| [08:09] | Look, well, maybe we could– | 你看 也许我们可以 |
| [08:10] | We could help with some of your less desirable kids | 可以从你们待领养的小天使中间 |
| [08:14] | from your angels in waiting program. | 选一个不那么受欢迎的 |
| [08:17] | One with special needs, or… | 有特殊需要的 或者是… |
| [08:19] | a moustache? | 还有长胡子的 |
| [08:20] | You know, the challenged kids need even more help, so… | 有缺陷的孩子会需要更多照料 所以 |
| [08:23] | What about adopting abroad? | 那么跨国领养呢 |
| [08:24] | Yeah, it’s not gonna happen. | 那也没戏 |
| [08:27] | Look, why don’t you just come back and see us | 你们还是等癌症治愈之后 |
| [08:29] | when you’re cancer-free? | 再过来找我们吧 |
| [08:36] | One minute, everyone. | 还剩一分钟 各位 |
| [08:42] | Hey there, sis. | 嘿 老姐 |
| [08:44] | Is there something you wanna tell me? | 有什么事想跟我坦白的吗 |
| [08:46] | Sean, what are you doing? | 肖恩 你这是干嘛 |
| [08:46] | Or maybe you were just gonna wait | 还是你打算等下去 |
| [08:47] | and spring this whole adoption thing on me | 哪天再突然告诉我你领养了个孩子 |
| [08:50] | just like you did with your fucking cancer. | 就像你得癌症时一样瞒着我 |
| [08:53] | Okay, why don’t we take this discussion | 好了 我们不如到走廊里 |
| [08:55] | out in the hall? | 谈这个问题 |
| [08:56] | Oh, what, I’m sorry, is this private information? | 咋啦 不好意思 这是个人隐私吗 |
| [08:58] | I just assumed your whole class knew | 我还以为全班都知道了呢 |
| [09:00] | since everyone seems to know everything before me. | 不是每个人都比我知道得早吗 |
| [09:02] | Just keep working, everyone. | 你们继续答题 |
| [09:05] | Are you trying to get us both fired? | 你想害我们俩都被解雇吗 |
| [09:07] | My dead fetus is barely fucking cold, Cath. | 我死去的孩子还尸骨未寒呢 凯西 |
| [09:10] | I know it was hard for you to lose the baby, | 我知道失去那个孩子你真的很难过 |
| [09:12] | and I am sorry that happened. | 我也为你难过 |
| [09:13] | I-I really am. | 真的很难过 |
| [09:15] | But this, this is not about you. | 但是这件事 跟你无关 |
| [09:16] | This is about me. I want a baby, Sean! | 是因为我自己 我想要个孩子 肖恩 |
| [09:19] | Of course you do. | 你当然想了 |
| [09:20] | You need something to fill the fucking cancer hole, right? | 你需要填补癌症导致的空虚对吧 |
| [09:22] | No, I have a right to chase some happiness | 不是那样 在我经历了这么多事之后 |
| [09:24] | after everything I went through. | 我有追求幸福的权利 |
| [09:25] | I can’t believe I have to deal with this shit | 我简直不敢相信除了跟踪狂之外 |
| [09:28] | on top of a fucking stalker. | 还得应付这种破事儿 |
| [09:31] | What? | 什么 |
| [09:32] | Are you off your meds? | 你是不是没吃药 |
| [09:46] | You were right, there really are some nice things in here. | 你说得对 这里真有一些好玩意儿 |
| [09:50] | How the fuck did you get in my house? | 你他妈的怎么进来我家的 |
| [09:52] | Wouldn’t you like to know. | 你难道不想知道… |
| [09:54] | You know what, no! | 你知道吗 我不想 |
| [09:56] | I don’t really care. | 爷不在乎 |
| [09:57] | I got nothing better to do today. | 反正今天也没什么要紧事 |
| [09:59] | You wanna go all “Occupy Anus Street” on my ass. | 你要玩”占领菊花街” |
| [10:03] | I’m up for the challenge. | 我就奉陪到底 |
| [10:04] | Fine by me. | 我无所谓 |
| [10:11] | Call from Richard Hughes. | 理查德·休斯来电 |
| [10:16] | Richard. | 理查德 |
| [10:18] | I’ve missed your sweet touch. | 你的爱抚让我念念不忘 |
| [10:19] | Shall we commence with some passionate ass play? | 快来跟我展开激烈的菊花运动吧 |
| [10:22] | “Commence”? | 你说”展开” |
| [10:23] | No wonder you couldn’t pay your phone bill. | 难怪你连电话费都付不起 |
| [10:25] | About-face, Sergeant Dick. | 向后转 大屌中士 |
| [10:27] | You better pull those camouflage briefs down, boy. | 趁早扒掉你的迷彩小内裤 |
| [10:30] | It’s time for some corporal punishment | 下面这项体罚叫做 |
| [10:32] | of the digital kind! | 双指绝杀 |
| [10:33] | Oh, yeah, you know what I like. | 真棒 你知道我好这口 |
| [10:35] | Yeah, I do. | 没错 我很了解 |
| [10:36] | Now tickle my balls | 现在 过来把玩我的蛋蛋 |
| [10:38] | and lick them ever so delicately. | 再温柔地吮吸它们 |
| [10:40] | Uh, oh, okay. | 好吧 |
| [10:41] | You’re supposed to be getting him off. | 你应该让他爽一下 |
| [10:43] | I bet you’d rather have my finger up your ass. | 还是尝尝我手指的滋味吧 |
| [10:45] | And my buddha-shaped dildo. | 再试试我的无敌大鸡鸡 |
| [10:48] | – And my fist! – And my riding crop. | -还有我的拳头 -还有我的马鞭 |
| [10:50] | All at once? | 一齐来吗 |
| [10:51] | That’s too many things up my ass. | 我的菊花塞不下了 |
| [10:52] | Too many! Too many things up my ass! | 要爆肛了 要爆肛了 |
| [10:55] | You annoying prick. | 你这该死的家伙 |
| [11:10] | It is — it is so nice to be back. | 能回到这儿真好 |
| [11:14] | Just, I hate working those international flights. | 我恨死飞国际航班了 |
| [11:17] | The passengers, they get bored. | 时间一久 乘客们无聊 |
| [11:19] | They get needy. | 就缠着你不放 |
| [11:20] | Well, that’ll all change | 一旦你拿到了飞行执照 |
| [11:21] | once you get your pilot’s license, right? | 一切就会变好了 不是吗 |
| [11:23] | The experience is so different in the cockpit. | 驾驶舱里完全是另一个世界 |
| [11:25] | It nice being the one in control. | 操控一切的感觉棒极了 |
| [11:28] | You have kids, Kirby? | 你有孩子吗 科尔比 |
| [11:29] | Nope. | 没有 |
| [11:30] | But I do have eight brothers and sisters. | 但我有八个兄弟姐妹 |
| [11:35] | Really? | 真的吗 |
| [11:36] | I can’t imagine growing up with that many people. | 难以想象和那么多人一起长大 |
| [11:38] | Yeah, it was fucking nuts. | 是啊 很让人崩溃 |
| [11:40] | Someone was always mad at somebody. | 总是吵来吵去 |
| [11:41] | You never knew whose underwear you had on. | 内裤也经常穿错 |
| [11:44] | What about you, kids? | 你呢 有孩子吗 |
| [11:46] | Yeah. | 有啊 |
| [11:49] | I have two. | 两个呢 |
| [11:51] | Our oldest Adam is in college. | 大的那个叫亚当 在读大学 |
| [11:53] | He’s a pre-med major. | 念的医学预科 |
| [11:55] | And then our younger one, Ella. | 小的那个叫艾拉 |
| [11:59] | We had her much later. | 比亚当小很多 |
| [12:01] | She’s kinda like the dessert to our main course. | 她是我们平淡生活中的点缀 |
| [12:06] | She really likes ballet. | 她很喜欢芭蕾 |
| [12:08] | – Yeah? – Yeah. | -是吗 -是的 |
| [12:09] | Hey, next round’s on me! | 下轮酒我请 |
| [12:11] | All right! All right all right! | 太棒了 太棒了 |
| [12:22] | Yeah? | 请进 |
| [12:24] | I’m sorry, Dr. Sherman just called. | 很抱歉 谢尔曼医生刚来过电话 |
| [12:26] | He’s still in surgery | 他还在手术中 |
| [12:27] | and won’t be able to make it after all. | 今天无论如何来不了了 |
| [12:30] | Oh, shoot, I really want to talk to him. | 糟糕 我必须得和他谈谈 |
| [12:32] | There’s no way for me to see him before he goes on vacation? | 在他休假前我都没机会见到他了吗 |
| [12:34] | I could take aessage. | 我可以帮你留言 |
| [12:35] | Maybe he’ll get back to you by the end of the day? | 也许今晚他能和你电话联系 |
| [12:38] | Uh, okay. | 好吧 |
| [12:38] | I just — tell him I wanted to ask him | 告诉他我就是想问问 |
| [12:41] | if he could possibly write a note for me. | 能不能给我开一份证明 |
| [12:44] | I just need something that says I’m in good health. | 就说我的身体状况很健康 |
| [12:46] | And if he could maybe leave out the part about my still having cancer, | 如果能别提我癌症尚未治愈 |
| [12:50] | that would be great. | 那就最好不过了 |
| [12:53] | You know, why don’t you just have him call me. | 这样吧 你还是让他打给我吧 |
| [12:55] | I’ll do that. | 知道了 |
| [13:19] | Honey, if we wanna be on time for Joy’s thing, | 宝贝 要想赶上乔伊的讲座 |
| [13:22] | We’re gonna have to leave in about an hour | 我们就得在一小时内出发 |
| [13:23] | to beat the downtown traffic. | 不然城里会很堵 |
| [13:26] | Whatcha doing? | 你在干嘛 |
| [13:28] | I’m copying Dr. Sherman’s signature. | 我在模仿谢尔曼医生的签名 |
| [13:30] | Which one’s best? | 哪一个最像 |
| [13:35] | Where did you get these? | 你从哪里搞来这些东西的 |
| [13:37] | I stole them. | 偷来的 |
| [13:38] | I found out the only way to get the adoption ball rolling | 能让我们收养孩子的唯一办法 |
| [13:40] | is to have a doctor’s note that says I’m healthy, | 就是取得医生开具的健康证明 |
| [13:42] | so I’m writing one. | 所以我要自己写一份 |
| [13:43] | Are you insane? | 你疯了吗 |
| [13:46] | Honey, it’s illegal. | 宝贝 这是违法的 |
| [13:48] | You can’t forge a doctor’s note. | 你不能伪造医生的证明 |
| [13:50] | I thought we agreed we were gonna take a little time | 我说我们花点时间做点调查 |
| [13:52] | and do some more research. | 你不是同意了吗 |
| [13:53] | I did. | 没错 |
| [13:55] | Without that note, it will take years | 没有那份证明 我们要等很多年 |
| [13:56] | to prove that I’m healy enough to care for a baby. | 才能证明我的健康状况足以收养婴儿 |
| [14:00] | Well, then, | 那么 |
| [14:02] | we’re just gonna have to wait. | 我们就只能等了 |
| [14:04] | Aren’t we? | 不是吗 |
| [14:10] | So let’s see, my parents just told me | 是这样的 我父母刚告诉我 |
| [14:12] | they wanna adopt a baby, | 他们想收养一个婴儿 |
| [14:14] | which is, like, totally insane. | 我觉得他们完全疯了 |
| [14:16] | Well, clearly you’ve never seen a Jackass movie then, | 显然你没看过《蠢蛋搞怪秀》 |
| [14:19] | ’cause I’d say stapling your nutsack is insane. | 拿图钉订鸡鸡的人才算疯好吗 |
| [14:23] | Wanting to give a kid a better life, not so bad. | 给一个孩子带来更好的生活 不算坏 |
| [14:26] | Yeah, I know, it’s just, like, | 我知道 但是 |
| [14:28] | things were finally going okay for half a second. | 我家好不容易才消停一阵子 |
| [14:31] | And who needs more things to change, right? | 谁会希望另生枝节啊 对吗 |
| [14:34] | Look, I know. It sucks. | 听着 我知道这糟透了 |
| [14:36] | But we’re not steering the ship. | 但我们不是命运的掌舵人 |
| [14:37] | So basically you’re saying we have no control. | 你是说我们无法掌控自己的生活吗 |
| [14:39] | No, what I’m saying is having faith | 不 我是说有信仰的意义在于 |
| [14:41] | means you don’t need control. | 你无需掌控生活 |
| [14:43] | God’s watching out for you. | 有上帝为你留意一切 |
| [14:49] | How ’bout we — we close things up with prayer? | 在散会前我们一起做个祷告吧 |
| [14:58] | Lord, watch over us | 主 请给予我们庇护 |
| [14:59] | and keep us | 让我们 |
| [15:02] | and those douchebags on Jackass | 还有那些搞怪秀里的蠢蛋们 |
| [15:06] | safe from harm. | 远离灾祸 |
| [15:07] | Amen. | 阿门 |
| [15:08] | Amen. | 阿门 |
| [15:10] | Have a great week, everybody. | 祝大家本周愉快 |
| [15:14] | Come with me. | 跟我来 |
| [15:22] | What — what the fuck? | 你这 搞什么鬼 |
| [15:24] | I might as well not even have a lock on the door. | 我干脆把那没用的门锁卸掉算了 |
| [15:26] | I know you’re probably not speaking to me, | 我知道你可能不想和我说话 |
| [15:28] | but I just wanted to say | 但我想告诉你 |
| [15:30] | I’m glad I have a brother. | 我很高兴我有个弟弟 |
| [15:32] | And I’m glad it is you. | 也很庆幸我弟弟是你 |
| [15:35] | And you got your wish. | 而且你的愿望实现了 |
| [15:38] | Looks like the baby thing isn’t happening, so… | 领养的事看来是不太可能了 |
| [15:40] | I just did a numero uno all over the bathroom floor, | 我刚刚在你的卫生间地上尿了一滩 |
| [15:43] | And a deuce is on the way. | 现在又想拉屎了 |
| [15:46] | Who the hell is that? | 那他妈是谁啊 |
| [15:47] | My stupid stalker. | 那个蠢货跟踪狂 |
| [15:49] | Wait, you mean that was for real? | 所以 你上次是说真的 |
| [15:51] | What, you thought I made him up? | 不然呢 你以为是我编的么 |
| [15:52] | Like I have an imaginary stalker? | 我臆想出个跟踪狂 |
| [15:54] | Jesus, even I’m not that crazy. | 就算是我也没疯到那份上 |
| [16:00] | Shoot! It’s Paul texting. I have to go. | 该死 保罗给我发简讯了 我得走了 |
| [16:03] | We’re gonna go hear Joy Kleinman speak tonight. | 我们今晚要去听乔伊·克莱曼的讲座 |
| [16:06] | Oops, just dropped your toothbrush in the toilet. | 矮油 我把你牙刷掉马桶里了 |
| [16:10] | Hey, where is this speaking thing? | 等等 这个讲座在哪举行 |
| [16:13] | Downtown. Why? | 市中心 怎么了 |
| [16:14] | That’s far enough. | 不错 够远 |
| [16:18] | I’m coming with you. | 我跟你一起去 |
| [16:20] | Wait, you’re just…you’re just gonna leave him here? | 等等 你打算就把他留在这儿 |
| [16:22] | Alone in your home? | 一个人呆在你家 |
| [16:23] | If I lock him out, | 就算我把他锁外边 |
| [16:24] | he will just find a way to get in. | 他也会想个法子进来的 |
| [16:27] | And p.s., I’m still not talking to you. | 还有 我们还在冷战期 |
| [16:29] | Corn? | 怎么会有玉米 |
| [16:30] | When the hell did I eat corn? | 我他妈什么时候吃玉米了 |
| [16:40] | I don’t know what you’re doing, | 我不晓得你到底在干嘛 |
| [16:41] | but it’s starting to freak me out. | 但是你要吓着我了 |
| [16:44] | Don’t worry. | 别担心 |
| [16:48] | God, help me help Adam. | 神啊 请让我帮助亚当 |
| [16:52] | Let him know your love and protection the way I do. | 让他像我一样对你的爱和庇护深信不疑 |
| [16:56] | Let him give over his life to yo loving hands. | 让他将自己的生命置于你慈爱的双手中 |
| [17:01] | Okay. | 好了 |
| [17:04] | – Run! – What? | -快跑 -什么 |
| [17:06] | Holy shit! | 操 |
| [17:07] | Praise Jesus! | 赞美基督 |
| [17:12] | Oh, shit. | 操 |
| [17:13] | I can’t believe we– Jesse, we could have died! | 我真不敢相信 杰茜 我们会死的 |
| [17:15] | Yeah. But we didn’t. | 对 但我们没死 |
| [17:18] | Because God protected us. | 因为有上帝在保护我们 |
| [17:20] | Just like he protects all of his children. | 上帝会保护他所有的孩子 |
| [17:24] | What? What’s so funny? | 怎么了 你笑什么 |
| [17:26] | If we’re all God’s children, | 如果我们都是上帝的孩子 |
| [17:28] | that makes you my sister. | 那你就是我妹妹了 |
| [17:36] | Welcome to the family. | 欢迎加入这个大家庭 |
| [17:40] | And we are the biggest obstacle to our joy. | 在追求快乐的路上最大的障碍就是我们自己 |
| [17:43] | Ladies, I’m speaking primarily to you, | 女士们 这主要是对你们说的 |
| [17:45] | because we are the greatest culprits. | 因为我们就是罪魁祸首 |
| [17:49] | Let me let you in on a little secret. | 让我告诉你们一个小秘密 |
| [17:52] | We are worthy. | 我们是有价值的 |
| [17:55] | Oh, you didn’t hear me way in the back? | 什么 太远了没听到吗 |
| [17:56] | Let me say it a little bit louder. | 那让我大声点再说一次 |
| [17:58] | We are worthy. | 我们是有价值的 |
| [18:01] | What did I say? | 我刚刚说了什么 |
| [18:02] | We are worthy. | 我们是有价值的 |
| [18:05] | Thank you. Very good. | 谢谢 棒极了 |
| [18:07] | Now, as a little reward, you can go into those goody bags | 现在 作为奖赏 你可以看看 |
| [18:10] | that you got when you came in. | 进来时拿到的小袋子 |
| [18:12] | And I want you to take out the lipstick. | 然后把里面的唇膏拿出来 |
| [18:15] | That’s right, now put it on. | 很好 现在把它涂在嘴上 |
| [18:17] | Yep. | 没错 |
| [18:18] | It’s bright. | 颜色非常鲜艳 |
| [18:21] | Because you are going to stand out to the world. | 因为你要让整个世界为你眼前一亮 |
| [18:25] | Because from this moment on, | 因为从此刻开始 |
| [18:26] | you are going to fucking kiss joy on the mouth. | 你要亲吻快乐的人生 |
| [18:32] | That’s right. | 没错 |
| [18:33] | That’s right. You deserve it. | 就是这样 这是你应得的 |
| [18:35] | All of you. You, yes, you do. | 你们所有人 没错 你们应得的 |
| [18:37] | That’s right. | 很好 |
| [18:38] | Oh, dear, now I feel really a little bad | 现在 我真的有点同情 |
| [18:41] | for the guys out there with no lipstick, | 那些没涂唇膏的家伙了 |
| [18:43] | but I’m not gonna let you off the hook | 不过我不会放过你们的 |
| [18:45] | because you can’t just sit in your chair | 你们不能干坐在椅子上 |
| [18:47] | and let life grab you by the balls, no. | 让人生把你耍的团团转 不行 |
| [18:51] | We only get one chance to live. | 每个人只有一次生命 |
| [18:54] | Well, at least most of us. | 起码大多数人只有一次 |
| [18:55] | Actuly, I know someone who got a second chance. | 其实 我知道有个人得到了第二次生命 |
| [19:01] | Paul? | 保罗 |
| [19:03] | Paul? | 保罗 |
| [19:04] | Paul Jamison. | 保罗·贾米森 |
| [19:06] | How ’bout coming up here | 你愿意上台来 |
| [19:07] | and sharing your story with us? | 给大家讲讲你的故事吗 |
| [19:08] | Paul got a second chance. | 保罗得到了第二次生命 |
| [19:09] | Wouldn’t you all like to hear | 你们是不是都想听听 |
| [19:11] | about Paul’s story? | 听听保罗的故事 |
| [19:14] | Come on up, Paul. | 来吧 保罗 |
| [19:15] | That’s right. I know you want to come up here. | 这就对了 我就知道你愿意上台来 |
| [19:18] | That’s right, bring him up. | 好极了 大家欢迎他 |
| [19:21] | Paul. | 保罗 |
| [19:23] | Here you go. Come on up. | 来吧 上台来 |
| [19:43] | I, um, clearly wasn’t prepared for this | 我 我显然没有料到会这样 |
| [19:46] | because I would have dressed better. | 不然我就会穿得体面点了 |
| [19:54] | So where do– where do I begin? | 那么 我 我应该从哪开始呢 |
| [19:57] | Um, I guess with my heart attack. | 我看就从我心脏病发讲起吧 |
| [20:01] | I had one recently | 最近 我经历了一次心脏病发 |
| [20:04] | and am told that I was dead for three minutes. | 医生说 我有三分钟处于死亡状态 |
| [20:09] | Which is weird, because it felt longer. | 这有点怪 因为我觉得应该更长才对 |
| [20:11] | But when I woke up, | 不过 我醒来后 |
| [20:14] | there was this light. | 就看到了一道光 |
| [20:16] | And I know it just sounds like | 我知道这听起来 |
| [20:17] | the most cliche bullshit thing that you ever heard of, | 像是有史以来最老套的傻话 |
| [20:21] | but imagine every wonderful thing | 但是 试想一下所有你能想到 |
| [20:28] | You can think of enveloping you. | 最美好的事物都在你身边 |
| [20:33] | Happiness, sex, pastrami. | 幸福 性爱 熏牛肉 |
| [20:39] | And it just– I didn’t want to come back. | 那实在是 我原本不想回来 |
| [20:43] | It just felt so right. | 那感觉实在是太美好了 |
| [20:46] | But I did come back. | 但我还是回来了 |
| [20:48] | I came back to my bills and my problems. | 回来面对所有账单和所有问题 |
| [20:52] | You know, my– my bullshit. | 还有 你们懂的 所有那些破事 |
| [20:55] | Like the faucet on my bathroom sink. | 比如 洗手间里水槽的水龙头 |
| [20:57] | The hot water faucet on my bathroom sink, | 那个出热水的水龙头 |
| [21:00] | it keeps breaking, and it’s really annoying. | 它总是坏掉 我快要被它烦死了 |
| [21:03] | You know, so last week I decided | 所以 上周我决定 |
| [21:05] | I was gonna spend the afternoon fixing it. | 我要用一个下午把它修好 |
| [21:07] | And I couldn’t get it to work. | 但是我怎么都弄不好 |
| [21:08] | And I got so angry. I started yelling at it, | 然后 我气得开始冲它喊 |
| [21:10] | “What the fuck is wrong with you?” | “你他妈的到底有什么毛病” |
| [21:14] | And that’s when I caught sight of myself in the mirror, | 就在这时 我在镜子中看到了自己 |
| [21:16] | and I said, “What’s wrong with me? | 我问自己 “我怎么了 |
| [21:22] | “Why do I have any right “getting stressed out about anything | “明知那道光就在前方 我怎么能够 |
| [21:26] | when I know that that light is waiting for me?” | “为任何事而焦躁沮丧呢” |
| [21:28] | And here’s the thing, | 事实就是 |
| [21:31] | It’s not just when you die. | 不用等到你死去 |
| [21:33] | It’s here. | 它就在这里 |
| [21:36] | I think it’s here. I think it’s all around us. | 我认为它就在这里 围绕着我们 |
| [21:38] | And it’s just waiting for us to tap into it. | 等待我们有朝一日走向它 |
| [21:42] | I might have had to die to wake up, | 或许我只有死过一次才能醒悟 |
| [21:46] | but you don’t have to. | 但你们不必如此 |
| [21:47] | You… | 你们 |
| [21:50] | You don’t have to. | 你们真的不必 |
| [21:53] | Yeah, ha! | 说得好 |
| [22:06] | Yeah, Paulie! | 说得好 保尼 |
| [22:21] | I’m so glad I stalked you here. | 我太庆幸跟踪你到这儿了 |
| [22:23] | She is amazing. | 她真棒 |
| [22:25] | It was like Joy was speaking right to me. | 她说的每句话都像是为我量身定做 |
| [22:30] | I do deserve more. | 我的确值得更多 |
| [22:31] | I want to find my happiness. | 我想找到快乐所在 |
| [22:33] | You can have the Wanker business. | 色情热线归你了 |
| [22:35] | I can? | 真的吗 |
| [22:37] | Running a sex line was never a good fit for me. | 性爱电话这活从来都不适合我 |
| [22:40] | I always felt such shame. | 我总是感觉特别羞愧 |
| [22:42] | I could never tell my mother | 我永远没法告诉我妈 |
| [22:43] | what I really did for a living. | 自己是靠什么糊口的 |
| [22:45] | But you, | 但是你 |
| [22:46] | you seem to have no shame. | 你似乎毫无廉耻之心 |
| [22:49] | Well, thank you. | 谢谢你这么说 |
| [22:51] | I need to pursue my real dream, | 我要追寻真正的梦想 |
| [22:53] | to be a singer-songwriter entertainer. | 成为一个歌手兼词作者 |
| [22:56] | I never thought I was worthy. | 我从没想过自己有价值 |
| [22:58] | But now I know I am. | 但现在我知道我有 |
| [23:02] | Good-bye, Willy. | 再见了 伟立 |
| [23:14] | Paul? | 保罗 |
| [23:17] | We just wanted to tell you how much we loved your story. | 我们只是想表达一下对你故事的喜爱 |
| [23:20] | So inspiring. | 特别激动人心 |
| [23:21] | Thank you very much. | 非常感谢 |
| [23:22] | That so nice of you to say that. | 听到你们这么说真好 |
| [23:23] | One of my girlfriends was asking if you were single, | 我的一个闺蜜想知道你是否单身 |
| [23:27] | and I said, “Um, a catch like that, | 然后我说 “那么迷人的男人 |
| [23:29] | I doubt it.” | “肯定有伴了” |
| [23:30] | You didn’t say that. | 真的假的 |
| [23:31] | I did. | 真的 |
| [23:34] | Are you? | 你是单身吗 |
| [23:39] | But please tell your friend | 但是请告诉你的朋友 |
| [23:41] | that she made my day. | 我不胜荣幸 |
| [23:44] | – Bye. – Bye. | -再见 -再见 |
| [23:46] | I had a hunch you’d be a natural. | 我早预料你会有演讲天赋 |
| [23:49] | You had a hunch…about me? | 你预料到…我吗 |
| [23:50] | Yeah, that’s why I invited you. | 没错 所以我才请你来 |
| [23:52] | It was an audition. | 这是场面试 |
| [23:54] | And you passed with flying colors. | 而你成功通过了 |
| [23:57] | Yeah, so I was thinking that maybe, | 所以我想 或许 |
| [24:01] | if you’re interested, | 如果你感兴趣的话 |
| [24:02] | you’d wanna come back and try it again and– | 你可以再来试一次 |
| [24:04] | only of course the next time you’d get paid for that gold. | 当然下次我会给你精彩的演讲付报酬的 |
| [24:08] | Are you kidding me? | 开什么玩笑 |
| [24:09] | Yes, the answer is yes I would like to do it again. | 还用问吗 我当然愿意再来一次 |
| [24:12] | Good. | 很好 |
| [24:14] | All right, well, then I’ll have my assistant | 这样吧 我让我的助理 |
| [24:16] | call your assistant. | 打给你的助理 |
| [24:17] | Joy, there’s some people that want to say hi to you. | 乔伊 有几个人想跟你打声招呼 |
| [24:20] | I don’t have an assistant. | 我没有助理 |
| [24:30] | Wait, I’m saving myself. | 等等 我要保留处子之身 |
| [24:32] | Oh, it’s all good. You know, we can stop. | 没关系的 我们可以停下来 |
| [24:35] | No, no, no, I just mean we can’t use the front door. | 不不不 我只是说我们不能走前门 |
| [24:38] | But… | 但是 |
| [24:40] | You can go in the other way. | 我的后门为你敞开 |
| [24:49] | I was wondering where you ran off to. | 我还想你跑哪儿去了 |
| [24:51] | Joy. | 乔伊 |
| [24:52] | Nice to see you. | 很高兴见到你 |
| [24:54] | Thank you for the tickets. | 谢谢你的赠票 |
| [24:55] | Oh, sure. | 不客气 |
| [24:57] | You’re not wearing my lipstick. | 你没涂我的唇膏 |
| [25:00] | Oh , yeah. | 的确 |
| [25:01] | Just, um, feeling kind of blah. | 我只是 没那个心情 |
| [25:04] | Not your fault. | 不是你的错 |
| [25:06] | Maybe I can help. | 或许我能帮你一把 |
| [25:08] | Not much you run a secret baby selling while I don’t know about. | 除非你私下做着卖孩子的生意 |
| [25:10] | What | 什么 |
| [25:12] | Oh, I– | 是这样 |
| [25:14] | I want to adopt a baby, | 我想领养一个孩子 |
| [25:15] | but apparently nobody wants to give a kid | 但是显然没人愿意把孩子托付给 |
| [25:17] | to the cancer lady. | 一个癌症患者 |
| [25:19] | No, they hear the word “Cancer” | 他们一听到”癌症”这个词 |
| [25:21] | and people think you’re the boogeyman. | 就跟见了鬼似的 |
| [25:24] | Can’t say I blame them. | 这也怨不得他们 |
| [25:28] | I know this sounds stupid, | 我知道这听起来挺傻的 |
| [25:30] | but I just– | 但我只是 |
| [25:33] | I just thought if maybe I got a baby | 只是想如果有个孩子 |
| [25:35] | it would somehow magically guarantee | 或许意味着我能够 |
| [25:37] | I’d be around to take care of it. | 一直活下去照料他 |
| [25:41] | Oh, it’s not stupid. | 这一点都不傻 |
| [25:43] | But if you want something, | 但如果你想要什么 |
| [25:44] | if you really want something, | 真的非常想要 |
| [25:45] | you don’t ask for it. | 光乞求没用 |
| [25:47] | You demand it. | 要誓不罢休 |
| [25:49] | Shout it out to the fucking universe | 对着该死的全世界喊出来 |
| [25:50] | because you deserve it. | 因为那是你应得的 |
| [26:04] | There, now you’re wearing my lipstick. | 看 现在你涂上我的唇膏了 |
| [26:13] | Bathroom’s all yours. | 浴室归你了 |
| [26:15] | Excellent. | 很好 |
| [26:16] | I’m gonna take the longest, hottest shower ever. | 我要去泡个史上最长的热水澡 |
| [26:20] | The minute I got off stage, | 一走下那个舞台 |
| [26:22] | my sweat had a total pit parade. | 我就汗流浃背了 |
| [26:25] | You did good tonight. | 你今晚干得不错 |
| [26:28] | I did, didn’t I? | 可不是嘛 |
| [26:30] | You wouldn’t believe how many new readers | 你怎么也想不到我的博客 |
| [26:31] | I have on the blog. | 新增了多少读者 |
| [26:32] | It’s like it got infected by the Joy virus. | 就好像感染了乔伊病毒 |
| [26:35] | You know, I’m really out there. | 你知道吗 我可算成名了 |
| [27:00] | Cathy, did you go on my blog last night | 凯西 你昨晚登了我的博客 |
| [27:03] | and post about how we wanted a baby? | 然后写了我们非常想要孩子吗 |
| [27:04] | I did. | 是的 |
| [27:06] | I thought if we put it out to the universe, who knows? | 我想如果向全世界宣告 也许会梦想成真 |
| [27:09] | Well, this guy just wrote me. | 有个人刚给我留言 |
| [27:13] | And his wife’s pregnant. | 他的妻子怀孕了 |
| [27:16] | And they’re looking for a good family. | 他们想给孩子找个好人家 |
| [27:20] | Do they wanna meet us? | 他们想和我们见面吗 |
| [27:22] | Do they– | 他们 |
| [27:25] | Oh, they want– they want to meet us! | 他们 他们想和我们见面 |
| [27:26] | They–ha ha! | 他们 |