| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:03] | It’s a funny thing about dads — | 关于”爸爸” 有个现象很有趣 |
| [00:05] | They always tend to be creatures of habit. | 他们总是喜欢循规蹈矩 |
| [00:07] | At least, my father was. | 至少我爸是这样 |
| [00:09] | He liked what he liked, and he hated change. | 他喜欢他所喜欢的 他讨厌改变 |
| [00:12] | Ever since I can remember, he wore the same shoes, | 从我记事开始 他就穿着同一双鞋 |
| [00:15] | He ate the same breakfast. | 吃着同样的早餐 |
| [00:17] | I’m home! | 我回来了 |
| [00:19] | Don’t anybody bother me! | 大家别来烦我 |
| [00:21] | And every day, he’d come home at 5:15, | 每天 他5点15分回家 |
| [00:23] | park his pants at the door, sit in the same chair, | 把长裤脱在门口 坐在同样的沙发上 |
| [00:26] | and watch the same show. | 看同样的节目 |
| [00:28] | If you tried to change anything, | 如果你想改变任何东西 |
| [00:30] | he’d fight you tooth and nail. | 他会和你拼命 |
| [00:31] | That’s why my mom created the illusion | 所以我妈创造出 |
| [00:33] | everything stayed the same, but it wasn’t. | 所有东西都一成不变的幻觉 但其实不是 |
| [00:36] | That magical pair of shoes that never wore out — | 那双永远穿不坏的魔法鞋 |
| [00:39] | She secretly replaced them every eight months. | 她悄悄地每八个月换一双 |
| [00:41] | That laissez-faire attitude about his personal grooming — | 对个人仪表放任的态度 |
| [00:44] | She tended to that, too. | 她暗地里纠正 |
| [00:46] | She even managed to switch him | 她甚至没让他发现 |
| [00:47] | to low-fat cream cheese without him noticing. | 奶油乳酪换成了低脂的 |
| [00:50] | This tastes funny. | 味道怪怪的 |
| [00:51] | – No, it doesn’t. – Okay. | -不是的 -好吧 |
| [00:52] | Yep, Beverly Goldberg had always been the puppet master, | 没错 贝弗莉·金伯格一直是木偶大师 |
| [00:55] | And my dad had no idea. | 而我爸完全不知情 |
| [00:58] | Beverly! | 贝弗莉 |
| [00:59] | That is, until the day she got a new chair. | 直到她帮他换了张新沙发那天 |
| [01:04] | Beverly! Beverly goldberg! | 贝弗莉 贝弗莉·金伯格 |
| [01:06] | What the hell is sitting where my chair should be? | 在我沙发位置上的是个什么东西 |
| [01:10] | Surprise! | 惊喜 |
| [01:11] | I thought it was time for an upgrade. | 我是想时候更新换代了 |
| [01:13] | Don’t you just love it? | 难道你不喜欢吗 |
| [01:15] | Where’s my chair — the one I’ve been sitting in for 20 years? | 我的沙发呢 我坐了二十年的那张 |
| [01:18] | I donated it to goodwill. | 我拿出去捐了 |
| [01:19] | Without telling me?! Why would you do that?! | 都没告诉我 你为什么这样做 |
| [01:21] | Honey, you’re always complaining about how your back hurts. | 亲爱的 你总是抱怨你的背痛 |
| [01:24] | It’s that old chair. | 都是旧沙发害的 |
| [01:25] | You never liked that chair. | 你从来就不喜欢那张沙发 |
| [01:26] | You’ve always been jealous of what we’ve had together. | 你总是嫉妒我们的关系 |
| [01:28] | “We”? Who’s “We”? | 我们 我们是谁 |
| [01:30] | Me and mr. Chair. That’s right, it had a name. | 我和沙发先生 没错 它有名字 |
| [01:33] | Well, it’s not a very good one. | 不是什么好名字 |
| [01:34] | Mine is top-of-the-line. | 我的是现在最好的 |
| [01:36] | You’re gonna love how comfy it is. | 你会喜欢它的舒服劲儿 |
| [01:43] | It’s so spongy. | 像一坨海绵 |
| [01:44] | Honey, you’re gonna have to trust me on this. | 亲爱的 这次你得相信我 |
| [01:46] | I bought it for your own good. | 我是为你好才买的 |
| [01:48] | I can’t breathe. Can’t breathe. | 我没法喘气了 没法喘气了 |
| [01:50] | Well, stop sitting like that. | 别这样坐 |
| [01:51] | You’re sitting uncomfortably on purpose. | 你是故意坐得不舒服 |
| [01:53] | It’s engulfing me. | 我要陷进去了 |
| [01:55] | Stop it! | 快停下 |
| [01:55] | Those are exaggerated body movements. | 你这样动也太夸张了吧 |
| [02:12] | It was March 7, 1980-something. | 那是一九八几年的3月7日 |
| [02:14] | And like every day, I rode the bus. | 和平时一样 我坐校车 |
| [02:16] | Back then, this was the wild west — | 那时候 校车上就跟狂野西部一样 |
| [02:18] | No seatbelts, no security cameras, | 没有安全带 没有监控镜头 |
| [02:20] | no one to stop the one dude who made your life miserable. | 没人阻止那个欺凌你的人 |
| [02:25] | For me, it was an eighth grader named J.C. Spink. | 对我来说 这个人就是八年级的JC·斯平克 |
| [02:29] | Look who it is — Adam Gold-nerd. | 瞧这是谁啊 亚当·金呆格 |
| [02:32] | He may have been tiny, but he was terrible. | 他个子小小 却很讨厌 |
| [02:34] | Can you please lay off today, J.C.? | 你今天能消停下吗 JC |
| [02:36] | I forgot my gym shorts and had to run the mile in jeans. | 我忘了带运动短裤 只能穿着牛仔裤跑步 |
| [02:39] | I have a really bad chafe. | 擦伤的可厉害了 |
| [02:41] | Oh, man. I am so sorry to hear that. | 老天 真替你难过 |
| [02:44] | Hey, everybody. | 大家注意 |
| [02:45] | Adam has got some sting-y thighs. | 亚当今天大腿痛 |
| [02:47] | So if I see one spitball hit this kid, | 如果我看到有人冲他吐口水纸团 |
| [02:50] | you will have to deal with me. | 你就是跟我过不去 |
| [02:51] | Thanks, dude. That’s — that’s really — | 多谢了 哥们 这真是… |
| [02:56] | Everybody get their asses in their seats — | 所有人给我坐到座位上 |
| [02:59] | Especially you, Spink! | 尤其是你 斯平克 |
| [03:01] | Yes, sir. | 是 先生 |
| [03:02] | Mind if we share? | 不介意一起坐吧 |
| [03:06] | I was plastered up against that window for the next 20 minutes. | 接下来二十分钟 我的脸一直被压在车窗上 |
| [03:09] | And then I saw Barry doing what he did best — flipping out. | 然后我看到巴瑞做他最拿手的事情 发疯 |
| [03:12] | No! No! No, no, no! | 不是 不是 不是 |
| [03:17] | What the hell is his deal? | 他这是搞什么 |
| [03:19] | Where the hell is my Sports Illustrated football phone?! | 我的《体育画报》橄榄球电话在哪里 |
| [03:21] | Damn it. Where?! Where?! Where?! | 见鬼 哪里 哪里 哪里 |
| [03:25] | – Unreal! Unreal! – That’s my big brother, Barry. | -搞错没 -那是我哥巴瑞 |
| [03:27] | He’s clinically insane. | 他是确诊的精神病 |
| [03:29] | For real? | 真的吗 |
| [03:31] | The doctors gave up on him. | 医生已经放弃治疗他了 |
| [03:33] | He’s too crazy for their modern medicine. | 他太疯狂了 现代医学束手无策 |
| [03:35] | Where is my phone?! | 我的电话在哪里 |
| [03:37] | And if you don’t back off, I’m bringing him on this bus, | 如果你不收手 我会让他上车 |
| [03:41] | and he’ll smear you against a window. | 他会让你的脸贴着车窗 |
| [03:45] | J.C. was running scared. | JC害怕了 |
| [03:47] | Now I just had to get Barry on board. | 现在我只需要让巴瑞上车就行 |
| [03:49] | Unfortunately, he was a little preoccupied | 不幸的是 他正忙着 |
| [03:51] | with more urgent matters. | 解决更紧急的问题 |
| [03:52] | The dude on tv said | 电视上的人说 |
| [03:54] | my football phone would be here in eight weeks. | 我的橄榄球电话八个星期就到了 |
| [03:57] | It’s been 10! | 已经十周了 |
| [03:58] | I mean, what am I supposed to do, huh? | 我应该怎么做 |
| [04:01] | Make phone calls on a phone-shaped phone | 用电话形状的电话打电话 |
| [04:03] | like some kind of animal? | 像没进化的动物一样吗 |
| [04:04] | I say good day to you, sir. | 拜拜啦您呐 先生 |
| [04:07] | Rough stuff, man. | 很棘手吧 |
| [04:09] | I can see you’re going through a lot. | 我看得出来你碰到难题了 |
| [04:12] | Speaking of difficult problems, | 说到难题 |
| [04:13] | is there any way you would start | 有没有可能 |
| [04:14] | riding the bus to school with me again? | 你陪我坐校车上学 |
| [04:16] | Why would I ride the bus with you | 我为什么要陪你坐校车 |
| [04:17] | when I carpool with Erica | 我明明可以和爱丽卡 |
| [04:19] | and her smoking-hot friend Lainey | 还有她超性感的朋友兰妮拼车 |
| [04:20] | who secretly loves me but is too afraid to act on it? | 兰妮暗恋我 却害怕得不敢表现出来 |
| [04:22] | Look. | 听着 |
| [04:23] | There’s this kid who’s making my life hell. | 车上有个小子让我生不如死 |
| [04:25] | And if you were there, he’d leave me alone. | 如果你在车上 他会放过我的 |
| [04:27] | I do have an air of badass about me. | 我的确有恶棍的气场 |
| [04:30] | So you’ll do it? | 你愿意吗 |
| [04:32] | I’ve given it a lot of thought, | 我考虑了很久 |
| [04:33] | and I’m respectfully declining your stupid-ass invitation. | 我决定婉拒你愚蠢的邀请 |
| [04:36] | Please! I’m begging you! | 拜托 我求你了 |
| [04:37] | I’ll give you all my garbage pail kids. | 我把所有的垃圾桶小孩卡给你 |
| [04:39] | See? They’re like baseball cards, but hilarious. | 看 就像棒球卡 但是更搞笑 |
| [04:42] | One day, these will be worth millions. | 总有一天 这些会值几百万 |
| [04:44] | They’re not. | 想得美 |
| [04:44] | All right. Fine. Whatever. I’m in. | 好吧 随便 我同意了 |
| [04:47] | – For real? – Listen, bro. | -真的吗 -听着 老弟 |
| [04:48] | You’re literally the most annoying, un-athletic, | 你真的是我认识的最烦人 最没运动细胞 |
| [04:51] | four-eyed, almost girl-like dork I’ve ever met. | 像女生一样的四眼呆子 |
| [04:54] | But you’re my brother, and no one beats you up but me. | 但你是我弟弟 只有我可以揍你 |
| [04:58] | I was touched, insulted, and kind of angry, | 我觉得感动 被羞辱了 又有几分生气 |
| [05:01] | But I’d gotten what I wanted. | 但我心想事成了 |
| [05:05] | No, stop! | 不 别这样 |
| [05:06] | Once the chair molds to your body, there’s no going back! | 一旦你在沙发上坐出印记 就再也无法恢复了 |
| [05:09] | – It’s imprinted to you for life! – Wha? | -它一辈子都会契合你的身形 -什么 |
| [05:11] | The first 48 hours are the most important. | 最开始48小时是最重要的 |
| [05:13] | Get up! Get up! | 起来 起来 |
| [05:15] | Aw, damn it. | 见鬼 |
| [05:17] | Now it’s got your tiny girl imprint. | 现在上面有你瘦弱小女生的印记了 |
| [05:20] | This is truly the worst thing to ever happen to me. | 这真的是我碰到的最糟糕的事 |
| [05:23] | Okay. I’m gonna leave you to whatever this is. | 好吧 虽然不明白 但我不打扰你俩了 |
| [05:44] | What is that pitch?! | 这算是什么投球 |
| [05:51] | – I see you! – Oh, crap! | -我看到你了 -见鬼 |
| [05:53] | Don’t make me get up! | 别逼我起来 |
| [05:55] | I don’t like getting up! | 我不喜欢站起来 |
| [05:58] | – Get the hell outta here! – Run! | -快滚 -快跑 |
| [06:02] | His beloved chair was gone, and my dad was livid, | 他心爱的沙发没了 我爸非常生气 |
| [06:05] | So he decided to strike back where she’d feel it most — | 所以他决定在最能打击我妈的地方反击 |
| [06:09] | The kitchen. | 厨房 |
| [06:13] | What is this? W-what’s happening? | 怎么啦 出什么事了 |
| [06:14] | Where’s my stove? | 我的炉子呢 |
| [06:16] | Surprise! | 惊喜 |
| [06:17] | Don’t you love it?! | 你不喜欢吗 |
| [06:19] | Murray, where is my stove? | 默里 我的炉子在哪里 |
| [06:21] | You know, you’re always complaining | 你总是抱怨 |
| [06:23] | about slaving away in the kitchen, | 在厨房做饭太辛苦 |
| [06:25] | so I got you a gift. | 所以我送了份礼物给你 |
| [06:28] | Dinner’s in a half an hour. | 半小时后就要吃晚饭了 |
| [06:29] | What the hell am I supposed to cook with? | 你叫我拿什么做饭 |
| [06:33] | The microwave — a new miracle of technology | 微波炉 高科技的新奇迹 |
| [06:36] | that magically cooked food in a tenth of the time. | 只用以前十分之一的时间 就能神奇地烹饪食品 |
| [06:39] | And, man, did it boil my mom. | 老天 我妈快气疯了 |
| [06:42] | My god. How does it work? | 我的天 这是个什么原理 |
| [06:44] | I know you’re gonna think I’m crazy when I say this. | 我知道说这话你会觉得我疯了 |
| [06:48] | Magic. | 魔法 |
| [06:49] | – I’d buy that. – Totally. I agree. | -我要买这个 -我同意 |
| [06:50] | It’s not magic, people. | 各位 这不是魔法 |
| [06:52] | It’s an evil food box. | 这个邪恶的食品箱 |
| [06:55] | Hot. It’s hot. It’s hot. | 好烫 好烫 |
| [06:58] | Popcorn in four minutes! | 四分钟就爆出爆米花 |
| [07:00] | A cure for polio, a man on the moon, | 小儿麻痹症能治好了 人类上了月球了 |
| [07:04] | and now this. | 现在又有了这个 |
| [07:05] | Hey! Are you nuts? | 喂 你疯了吗 |
| [07:07] | That food’s been radiated. It’s like poison in a bag. | 食物被辐射过了 这是一包毒药 |
| [07:12] | Bev, I did this for your own good. | 贝弗 我这样做是为了你好 |
| [07:15] | That small wonder over there | 那边的小小奇迹 |
| [07:17] | is gonna make your life so much better. | 会让你的生活轻松得多 |
| [07:20] | You’re playing a very dangerous game. | 你在玩一个非常危险的游戏 |
| [07:22] | Are you sure you want to take me on? | 你确定要我参加吗 |
| [07:24] | Oh, I’m sure — | 我确定 |
| [07:26] | In honor of my fallen comrade, mr. Chair. | 为了纪念我阵亡的战友 沙发先生 |
| [07:31] | Your fallen comrade smelled like an envelope full of farts! | 你阵亡的战友闻起来一股臭屁味 |
| [07:36] | I just heated up a lasagna | 我刚刚加热了千层面 |
| [07:38] | in the time it took for your relationship to collapse. | 只用了你们小两口谈崩的时间 |
| [07:42] | While my mom was trying not to go nuclear, | 我妈尽量不发动核战时 |
| [07:44] | things were about to blow up on the bus. | 校车上就要炸开锅了 |
| [07:47] | Hey, Gold-nerd! | 金呆格 |
| [07:49] | Look whose brother didn’t show up. | 看谁的大哥没出现啊 |
| [07:51] | Time for target practice. | 射击练习时间到 |
| [08:00] | I think it’s time you leave my little brother alone | 我想是时候你别再欺侮我的弟弟了 |
| [08:02] | or I’ll spit at you… | 否则我会冲你吐口水 |
| [08:04] | Without a ball! | 没有纸团 |
| [08:06] | It’ll be all spit. | 全是口水 |
| [08:07] | No ball? | 没有纸团 |
| [08:08] | C-come on, man. That’s crazy. | 拜托 这也太离谱了吧 |
| [08:11] | That’s right. | 没错 |
| [08:12] | And there’s a good chance I have mono, | 而且我很大可能有单核细胞增多症 |
| [08:14] | ’cause I sleep an insane amount. | 因为我睡得太多了 |
| [08:17] | Listen up, little bus people. | 听好了 校车小乘客们 |
| [08:19] | There’s a new sheriff in town, | 新的老大来了 |
| [08:21] | and his name is Barry Norman Goldberg. | 他叫巴瑞·诺曼·金伯格 |
| [08:25] | If you have anything to say to my little bro, | 如果你有话要跟我弟弟说 |
| [08:28] | you say it to me first. | 得先跟我说 |
| [08:30] | Except you, Tyler. You can speak to me directly. | 除了你 泰勒 你可以直接跟我说 |
| [08:32] | He’s cool. We were in “Pippin” together. | 他没事 我们一起演音乐剧《皮平》来着 |
| [08:34] | I am quite the song-and-dance man. | 歌舞表演我相当拿手 |
| [08:36] | Tyler, not helping! | 泰勒 话太多了 |
| [08:38] | Beat it, loser. | 让开 衰人 |
| [08:41] | I couldn’t believe it. | 我不敢相信 |
| [08:43] | After years of torturing me, | 在折磨我多年后 |
| [08:44] | Barry actually came to my rescue. | 巴瑞居然成了我的救命恩人 |
| [08:47] | Dude, thank you. | 老兄 谢了 |
| [08:48] | No problem. | 不客气 |
| [08:50] | Now give me your lunch. | 把你的午饭给我 |
| [08:52] | Being awesome makes me hungry. | 做英雄让我好饿 |
| [08:56] | You’re supposed to use the spreader. | 你应该用小餐刀 |
| [09:00] | Consider it used. | 已经用了 |
| [09:01] | And just like that, my new bodyguard became my new bully. | 于是 我的新保镖变成了新一代恶霸 |
| [09:05] | And at home, my mom and dad’s battle had become a war. | 而家里 老妈和老爸的斗争已经升级为战斗了 |
| [09:12] | His tightie-whitie drawer had been invaded by boxers. | 他的紧身内裤抽屉 被平角裤入侵了 |
| [09:18] | Here you go, sweetie. | 给你 宝贝 |
| [09:20] | Straight out of the radioactive heat box. | 直接从放射性加热箱里出来的 |
| [09:25] | It’s like eating egg-flavored newspaper. | 像是吃鸡蛋味的报纸 |
| [09:28] | All right, we need to talk. | 好了 我们需要谈谈 |
| [09:29] | Oh, morning, sweetie. | 早上好 亲爱的 |
| [09:31] | Would you like some microwaved egg rubber? | 你想来点微波炉鸡蛋胶吗 |
| [09:32] | No. I would like my underpants back. | 不 我要我的内裤 |
| [09:35] | Oh, well, you’re holding them. | 你不拿着吗 |
| [09:37] | No, no. These are not my underpants. | 不 这不是我的内裤 |
| [09:38] | Mine are white, tight, and they keep the fellas in place. | 我的是白色紧身的 让小伙子们待在合适的位置 |
| [09:41] | Not hungry. | 我不饿了 |
| [09:42] | Well, now you have boxers. | 现在你有平角裤了 |
| [09:44] | You know, scientific research shows | 科学研究表明 |
| [09:46] | that you need to let your privates breathe, | 你需要让私密部位得以透气 |
| [09:48] | especially if we’re gonna have more kids one day. | 尤其是如果以后我们还要再生孩子的话 |
| [09:50] | First, I will never wear shorts under my pants. | 首先 我永远不会在长裤里穿短裤 |
| [09:53] | It’s madness! | 这是疯狂的行为 |
| [09:54] | And second, having more children | 第二 再生孩子 |
| [09:56] | is literally my worst nightmare! | 是我最可怕的噩梦 |
| [10:00] | You’ll understand when you have horrible kids. | 等你有了闹心孩子你就会明白了 |
| [10:02] | Sweetie, I’m only doing this for your own good. | 亲爱的 我这样做是为了你好 |
| [10:05] | You want war? | 你要开战吗 |
| [10:07] | You got one. | 那就来吧 |
| [10:12] | My mom thought she had struck the death blow | 我妈觉得拿走老爸的白色紧身内裤 |
| [10:14] | by taking away my dad’s tightie-whities. | 就是给出了致命一击 |
| [10:16] | Little did she know, things were about to get ugly — | 但她内心也知道 接下来的招数要变恶毒了 |
| [10:19] | – Real ugly. – Well, well. | -非常恶毒 -瞧啊 |
| [10:21] | – Look who finally came around on the boxers. – Nope. | -看来某人终于接受平角裤了 -没有 |
| [10:24] | – But you’re dressed for work. – Yep. | -但你穿着好准备上班了 -是的 |
| [10:27] | – So everything’s just all free in there? – Yep. | -这么说里面空荡荡的吗 -是的 |
| [10:30] | No! | 不是吧 |
| [10:31] | You’re an adult man in society. You need another layer! | 你是社会中的成年人 你下面只裹一层是不行的 |
| [10:35] | People won’t see it, but they’ll sense it. | 人们看不到 但会感觉到 |
| [10:38] | You wanted my boys to breathe. | 你希望我的小伙子们透气 |
| [10:39] | Well, they’re taking a big breath. | 他们现在正尽情呼吸呢 |
| [10:42] | That’s right. The three amigos, they’re dining alfresco. | 没错 三个朋友 正在露天就餐呢 |
| [10:46] | Have a nice day. | 祝你今天愉快 |
| [10:48] | Why are you patting my head? What’s happening? | 你为什么拍我的头 出什么事了 |
| [10:50] | Nothing. Nothing at all. | 没事 没什么事 |
| [10:53] | What did you do? What did you do? | 你做了什么 你做了什么 |
| [10:56] | Holy | 你娘… |
| [10:59] | Where’s my aqua net? | 我的”水网”呢[发胶品牌] |
| [11:01] | Oh, your can of hair spray! | 你的发胶啊 |
| [11:04] | Yeah. | 是的 |
| [11:05] | I got rid of it for your own good. | 我扔了 是为了你好 |
| [11:07] | Did you know it’s burning a hole in the ozone layer? | 你不知道这东西在臭氧层上烧了个洞吗 |
| [11:11] | I don’t want to hear about some imaginary layer in the sky. | 我不想听什么天空中想象的层 |
| [11:14] | I’m leading a PTA meeting in 30 minutes, | 我三十分钟后就要主持家长教师会了 |
| [11:16] | and I need to command respect with my giant hair! | 我需要用蓬松的发型让人肃然起敬 |
| [11:19] | You get me the chair, I’ll give you the hair. | 你把沙发还我 我就把头发还你 |
| [11:22] | Oh, you think you beat me on this? | 你觉得你让我没辙了吗 |
| [11:24] | Well, our daughter has a whole arsenal of hair products, | 我们的女儿有一整套的美发用品 |
| [11:27] | and she has been dying to give me a new look. | 她巴不得能有机会给我改变形象 |
| [11:30] | Oh, my god. What did I just hear? Is this real? | 我的天 你说什么 这是真的吗 |
| [11:32] | Are we finally getting rid of that terrible blonde helmet? | 我们终于要甩掉那可怕的金色安全帽了吗 |
| [11:35] | Okay, close your eyes. I’m doing your bangs. | 闭上眼睛 我先整理刘海 |
| [11:38] | This is gonna be totally rad. | 效果会相当惊艳的 |
| [11:51] | How’s it looking? | 看起来怎么样 |
| [11:54] | Really, really awesome. | 非常非常漂亮 |
| [12:01] | – I know! – Oh, my god! | -我知道 -我的天 |
| [12:03] | – I know! – How did this happen?! | -我知道 -怎么会这样 |
| [12:05] | I don’t know! | 我不知道 |
| [12:07] | It fried my hair! | 我的头发被施了电刑 |
| [12:09] | Like, really quickly. It’s so unhealthy. | 就那么一下 你的头发太不健康了 |
| [12:12] | It’s like you have a head full of sagebrush. | 就好像你长了满头的灌木蒿 |
| [12:15] | – I know! – Oh, my god! | -我知道 -我的天 |
| [12:17] | What are we gonna do about this?! | 这下该怎么办 |
| [12:20] | Okay. Okay. Let’s take a chill pill. | 好了 咱们先冷静一下 |
| [12:22] | I know I can fix this. | 我知道我可以搞定的 |
| [12:25] | Hi, PTA. | 老师家长们好 |
| [12:27] | Let’s talk spring fling. | 咱们来谈谈春季嘉年华的事 |
| [12:29] | What’s with your hair? | 你的头发怎么了 |
| [12:31] | Don’t look at it, Karen. | 别看 凯伦 |
| [12:35] | Afternoon, friends. | 下午好 朋友们 |
| [12:37] | You’re all looking particularly small today, huh? | 你们今天看起来都特别的矮小啊 |
| [12:40] | Hey, Tyler. | 泰勒 |
| [12:43] | Cool frisbee. | 好酷的飞盘 |
| [12:48] | My frisbee. | 我的飞盘 |
| [12:49] | Yo, Spinkter. | 斯屁克 |
| [12:52] | Give me those cheese doodles. | 把芝士条给我 |
| [12:54] | Just take them, Barry. | 拿去吧 巴瑞 |
| [12:55] | Who’s this Barry you speak off? | 你说的巴瑞是谁 |
| [12:57] | Take them… | 拿去吧 |
| [12:59] | Bus lord. | 校车上帝 |
| [13:01] | That’s right. | 这才对 |
| [13:02] | My plan for a bodyguard had backfired, | 我的保镖计划适得其反 |
| [13:04] | and now it was up to me to banish our evil bus lord. | 现在该我出手 驱逐咱们邪恶的校车上帝了 |
| [13:08] | You know, I think I got this bus stuff handled, | 我想校车上的事我可以应付了 |
| [13:10] | so it’s probably time you go back and ride | 也许是时候你继续和爱丽卡 |
| [13:12] | with Erica and her smoking-hot friends. | 还有她性感的朋友一起坐车了 |
| [13:14] | Dude, I’m never going back. | 老弟 我永远不会走了 |
| [13:16] | This bus is mine now. It’s my home. | 这辆校车现在是我的了 是我家 |
| [13:19] | Now, leave me be. I find you boring. | 快走开 我觉得你好无趣 |
| [13:21] | Stop! | 停下 |
| [13:22] | What just happened on your shirt? | 你的T恤是怎么回事 |
| [13:25] | Oh, it’s hypercolor. | 这个叫超色 |
| [13:26] | The color changes when you touch it. | 碰了就会变色 |
| [13:27] | I bought it with my lawn-mowing money. | 我用剪草坪的钱买的 |
| [13:29] | – I want it. – What? No! | -给我 -什么 不行 |
| [13:31] | You’ll stretch it out. | 你会撑坏的 |
| [13:32] | Good point. | 有道理 |
| [13:34] | Then you will use your hard-earned money | 那你就要用你辛苦赚来的钱 |
| [13:36] | to buy me one that accommodates my muscular body. | 给我买一件适合我魁梧身材的 |
| [13:46] | Your brother’s a real ass-bag. | 你哥哥真是个混蛋 |
| [13:48] | Yes. Yes, he is. | 没错 他是的 |
| [13:50] | This whole thing’s been a very eye-opening experience. | 这次的遭遇让我恍然大悟 |
| [13:54] | I’m sorry for the way I treated you. | 抱歉我以前那样对你 |
| [13:56] | It won’t happen again. | 我不会再那样了 |
| [14:00] | What do you say we get Barry off this bus for good? | 咱们把巴瑞永远赶下校车怎么样 |
| [14:02] | There’s no way. | 不可能的 |
| [14:03] | Oh, there’s always a way. | 总是会有办法的 |
| [14:08] | Okay, look, everybody. Come here. | 听着 各位 过来 |
| [14:10] | We all know where we sit on this bus. | 我们都知道自己在校车上的位置 |
| [14:13] | Some of us are back-row material. | 有些人天生是坐后排的料 |
| [14:15] | Some, like me, kind of float in the middle. | 像我这样的 在中间徘徊 |
| [14:17] | A few of us totally suck and sit in the front. | 有些人超级差劲 坐在前排 |
| [14:20] | But for once, | 但哪怕一次也好 |
| [14:21] | let’s forget about what row we sit in. | 让我们忘记我们坐在哪一排 |
| [14:23] | For once, let’s work together and take back our bus! | 哪怕一次 我们齐心协力 夺回校车 |
| [14:26] | – Now who’s with me? – I am! | -谁赞同 -我 |
| [14:28] | Damn it, Tyler. | 见鬼 泰勒 |
| [14:30] | You scared the crap out of me. | 你吓死我了 |
| [14:32] | But I love the enthusiasm. | 但我欣赏你的热情 |
| [14:38] | Whoa, stop! | 快住手 |
| [14:39] | Don’t park your pants at the door. | 别在门口脱长裤 |
| [14:41] | Rumor has it you’re going alfresco. | 有传闻说你现在走露天路线了 |
| [14:43] | Oh, damn it. I forgot. I miss my underpants. | 见鬼 我忘了 我想念我的内裤 |
| [14:47] | Ah, you’ll get used to it. | 你会习惯的 |
| [14:49] | I’ve been going alfresco since the ’70s. | 从七十年代开始 我就一直走露天路线了 |
| [14:51] | My dad didn’t think he could miss anything | 我爸觉得不会有比白色紧身内裤 |
| [14:53] | more than his tightie-whities. | 更让他想念的东西了 |
| [14:55] | Boy, was he wrong. | 他太天真了 |
| [14:56] | What the hell? | 搞什么 |
| [14:57] | Tv’s gone, Mur. | 电视没了 默里 |
| [14:59] | Yeah, I see that. | 我看到了 |
| [15:00] | Beverly took it. | 贝弗莉拿走了 |
| [15:01] | I figured that. | 我知道 |
| [15:02] | – You lost the war, pal. – Stop talking. | -这场战争你输了 伙计 -别说了 |
| [15:05] | You know, I’ bven watching these fish for 10 minutes, | 我看这些鱼已经看了十分钟了 |
| [15:07] | and I got to tell you, it’s some entertaining stuff. | 我得告诉你 挺有意思的 |
| [15:11] | These two fish, they’re complete opposites. | 这两条鱼 它们完全不同 |
| [15:14] | They’ll never get along, but they have to. | 它们永远合不来 但它们必须共处 |
| [15:17] | They live in close quarters. | 它们住在短兵相接的地方 |
| [15:19] | Stop talking! | 别说了 |
| [15:20] | Isn’t it great? | 是不是很棒 |
| [15:21] | It’s like being in the lobby of a Benihana. | 就像待在红花铁板烧餐厅的大厅 |
| [15:24] | And the best part about it is | 最棒的地方就是 |
| [15:26] | you need to constantly tend to it. | 你需要经常打理鱼缸 |
| [15:28] | Getting rid of the tv, that’s nuts. | 扔掉电视 真是疯了 |
| [15:30] | That’s the glue that holds this family together. | 把咱一家人凝聚在一起的就是电视 |
| [15:32] | Everyone know that tv strains your eyes. | 所有人都知道电视会让眼睛疲劳 |
| [15:34] | I did this for your own good. | 我这样做是为了你好 |
| [15:36] | Don’t do anything for my own good, okay? | 别再为了我好做什么了 |
| [15:38] | I’m fine. I don’t need your help. | 我很好 我不需要你帮忙 |
| [15:39] | Really? Do you know how many things I do for you, | 是吗 你知道我为你做了多少事 |
| [15:42] | things you don’t even know anything about? | 多少你根本不知道的事吗 |
| [15:45] | So sue me if I want you | 你去告我啊 |
| [15:47] | to sit in a chair that’s not a disgusting fart trap | 我不让你坐一张恶心的 |
| [15:50] | that ruins the scheme of my entire living room. | 毁掉我整个客厅格调的屁垫子 |
| [15:52] | Right there! You did it for you. | 说出口了 你是为了你自己 |
| [15:56] | What? | 什么 |
| [15:57] | That hurts your back — a chair that hurts your back. | 那个让你背痛 沙发让你背痛 |
| [16:01] | Too late. You said it. | 太迟了 你说出口了 |
| [16:03] | Yes, that chair may be old, | 对 那张沙发是旧了 |
| [16:05] | but it’s because I-I sit in it, I sleep in it, I eat in it, | 那是因为我坐在上面 睡在上面 吃在上面 |
| [16:09] | I even raised our children from it. | 我甚至在上面带孩子 |
| [16:10] | I know you do a lot for me. | 我知道你为我做了很多 |
| [16:12] | You do, and I love you for it. | 是的 我很喜欢这一点 |
| [16:13] | But you didn’t get rid of that chair for me. | 但你不是为了我扔掉那张沙发 |
| [16:16] | You got rid of that chair for you. | 你扔掉沙发是为了你自己 |
| [16:22] | Things were still hell on the bus, | 校车上依然犹如地狱 |
| [16:24] | and now our evil emperor had new clothes. | 现在我们的邪恶君主有了新衣服 |
| [16:27] | Step aside. | 让开 |
| [16:29] | Hands off the hypercolor. | 别碰我的超色 |
| [16:31] | Don’t touch the bod. | 别碰我 |
| [16:32] | What are you doing? Move. | 你做什么 让开 |
| [16:35] | Nah. I don’t think I’m gonna do that. | 不 我不会让开 |
| [16:36] | This isn’t a request. | 这不是要求 |
| [16:38] | Either you do it or I’ll throw you off the bus. | 你要是不让开 我就把你扔下校车 |
| [16:40] | That’s where you’re wrong, dude. | 这点你就说错了 老哥 |
| [16:42] | This isn’t your bus anymore. | 这不再是你的校车了 |
| [16:43] | Says who? | 谁说的 |
| [16:45] | Says me. | 我说的 |
| [16:57] | You owe me a frisbee. | 你欠我一个飞盘 |
| [16:58] | Let’s get him! | 把他赶下去 |
| [17:00] | Yeah! | 是的 |
| [17:04] | Bye! | 再见 |
| [17:09] | Hands. | 手印 |
| [17:11] | There’s so many hands. | 好多手印 |
| [17:12] | While Barry was no longer king of the bus, | 巴瑞不再是校车之王 |
| [17:15] | my mom was looking for my father’s throne. | 我妈则去寻找我爸的御座 |
| [17:17] | Uh, hi. I’m looking for a Mr. Nitrous. | 大家好 我找奈崔斯先生 |
| [17:20] | This is he. And it’s just Nitrous. | 就是我 叫我奈崔斯就行 |
| [17:22] | Mr. Nitrous is my dad. | 奈崔斯先生是我爸 |
| [17:24] | That’s nice. | 真好 |
| [17:25] | Listen, I was just at the goodwill, | 我刚去了捐赠中心 |
| [17:26] | and I was told that you purchased something that I need. | 得知你买了我需要的东西 |
| [17:30] | That’s my chair, sweetie. | 这是我的沙发 亲爱的 |
| [17:31] | No way, lady. I will never give you my chair. | 不可能 女士 我绝对不会把沙发给你 |
| [17:34] | This thing’s my throne. It’s shaped perfectly to my body. | 这是我的御座 与我的身形完美结合在一起 |
| [17:38] | Not your body, my husband’s body, | 不是你的身形 是我老公的身形 |
| [17:41] | which also is very similar to your body. | 和你的身形的确挺接近的 |
| [17:44] | Let me just buy it back from you. | 我花钱买回去 |
| [17:46] | Name your price. | 说个价钱 |
| [17:47] | – Show me your boobs. – No! | -给我看咪咪 -不 |
| [17:48] | – Then give me $1 million. – No. | -给我一百万 -不 |
| [17:50] | – I’d very much like to revisit the boob conversation. – No. | -我想重启咪咪话题 -不 |
| [17:53] | – Show me your boobs. – No! | -给我看咪咪 -不 |
| [17:54] | Then give me $1 million. | 那就给我一百万 |
| [17:56] | Okay, I feel like we’re going in circles, Nitrous. | 我觉得咱们在兜圈子 奈崔斯 |
| [17:59] | And if you ask me this house is full of boobs. | 要我说这屋子里全是笨蛋[与乳房同词] |
| [18:02] | I’m looking at them. | 我正看着呢 |
| [18:03] | And this place is a pigsty, and you’re all dressed like slobs. | 这个地方根本就是猪圈 你们全是懒汉模样 |
| [18:06] | And when was the last time | 上一次 |
| [18:07] | one of you ate a meal with a vegetable? | 你们吃蔬菜是什么时候 |
| [18:11] | It’s been a long time. | 好久了 |
| [18:13] | Yeah. You don’t need boobs. You need your laundry done. | 你们不需要咪咪 你们需要洗衣服 |
| [18:16] | You need your bed made. | 你们需要换床单 |
| [18:17] | You need to…Scour every surface in this house | 你们需要 洗刷这屋子里的每寸地方 |
| [18:20] | before one of you gets a wicked staph infection. | 被葡萄球菌感染就太迟了 |
| [18:23] | It’s just… We don’t know how. | 只是 我们不会做啊 |
| [18:26] | Mama’s here, Nitrous. | 妈妈来了 奈崔斯 |
| [19:00] | While my mom cleaned up her mess with my dad, | 我妈收拾她和老爸的烂摊子时 |
| [19:02] | I was hoping Barry would forgive my dirty work. | 我希望巴瑞能原谅我背后耍招 |
| [19:04] | Hey, big news. | 重大消息 |
| [19:06] | The mailman came. Special delivery for Big Tasty. | 邮差来了 给大甜甜的快递 |
| [19:09] | Wow! Great! | 哇 好棒 |
| [19:11] | It’s a phone! It’s a football! | 是个电话 还是个橄榄球 |
| [19:14] | Whatever. | 随便啦 |
| [19:16] | So, y-you finally got it. That’s cool, right? | 你终于拿到了 没事了 对吗 |
| [19:20] | So that means we’re cool, too, right? | 这也代表我们没事了 对吗 |
| [19:23] | You led a mutiny against me, dude. | 你发动兵变推翻我 老弟 |
| [19:25] | We are most definitely not cool. | 我们绝对不会没事 |
| [19:26] | I didn’t have a choice. You went mad with power! | 我别无选择 你被权力冲昏了头脑 |
| [19:29] | Listen — I know from the outside it may | 听着 我知道从表面看 |
| [19:31] | seem like I have a perfect life, but the truth is | 也许你会觉得我的人生很完美 但事实是 |
| [19:35] | there are a lot of jerks at school | 学校里有很多混蛋 |
| [19:36] | that aren’t so nice to me. | 对我不太友好 |
| [19:39] | It was cool to have a place where I had respect for once. | 终于有一次能在一个地方获得尊重 感觉好棒 |
| [19:42] | I…Didn’t know that. | 我并不知道 |
| [19:44] | Here. | 给 |
| [19:46] | Take your garbage pail kids back. | 把垃圾桶小孩卡拿回去吧 |
| [19:49] | You don’t need to pay me to protect you. | 你不需要付出什么让我保护你 |
| [19:51] | I want to because you’re my brother. | 我想保护你 因为你是我弟弟 |
| [19:55] | As for my mom, she got her hair back…Eventually. | 至于我妈 终于又恢复了蓬松的发型 |
| [19:59] | Come on. Can’t I give it one more try? | 拜托 我不能再试一次吗 |
| [20:07] | And most importantly, my dad got his chair back. | 更重要的是 我爸拿回了他的沙发 |
| [20:10] | Oh, my god! | 老天爷 |
| [20:14] | I can’t believe it. | 真不敢相信 |
| [20:15] | Don’t thank me. I did it for your own good. | 不用谢我 我这样做是为了你好 |
| [20:24] | Mr. Chair. Mr. Chair! | 沙发先生 沙发先生 |
| [20:29] | Smells like beer. | 一股啤酒味 |
| [20:31] | – No, it doesn’t. – Okay. | -没有 -好吧 |
| [20:41] | Erica! | 爱丽卡 |
| [20:42] | I’ve been honking for forever. | 我按了半天的喇叭 |
| [20:44] | We’re gonna be late for school. | 上学要迟到了 |
| [20:45] | I overslept. Give me a second. | 我睡过头了 稍等下 |
| [20:47] | What’s up, Lainey? Got some good news. | 还好吗 兰妮 有好消息哦 |
| [20:50] | I’m gonna ride with you guys again. | 我又要和你们一起坐车了 |
| [20:51] | Please. | 得了吧 |
| [20:53] | Got some hypercolor there, huh? | 这是超色吗 |
| [20:56] | Yeah. You, uh… Digging it? | 是的 你 喜欢吗 |
| [20:59] | Actually… | 事实上 |
| [21:01] | Yes, I am. | 我挺喜欢的 |
| [21:03] | You’re looking really good, Bar. | 你样子好帅啊 巴瑞 |
| [21:04] | Got to be honest. Never thought of you this way. | 我得说实话 从未想过你有这样的一面 |
| [21:09] | Oh, no. | 不 |
| [21:11] | Is it hot in here? | 这里很热吗 |
| [21:13] | Oh, yeah. | 是的 |
| [21:14] | It’s hot. | 好热 |
| [21:16] | Lainey, stop messing with him. Let’s go. | 兰妮 别逗他了 我们走 |
| [21:21] | I knew she was messing with me. | 我知道她在逗我 |
| [21:23] | I mean, come on. Do I look stupid? | 拜托 我看起来是个傻子吗 |