| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:01] | Back in the ’80s, stand-up comedy exploded. | 八十年代 单口相声正流行 |
| [00:04] | We’d spent hours watching the greats like sam kinison, | 杰出演员的表演我们一看就是几小时 比如山姆·金尼森 |
| [00:06] | garry shandling, billy crystal, | 盖瑞·桑德林 比利·克里斯托 |
| [00:08] | and, my personal favorite, the diceman. | 以及我的个人最爱 戴斯 |
| [00:11] | I can’t believe he said that! | 真不敢相信他这样说 |
| [00:13] | I know! | 就是啊 |
| [00:14] | They weren’t just my heroes. | 他们不仅是我的英雄 |
| [00:15] | They were my inspirations. | 也是我的灵感 |
| [00:17] | Sure, I never stood | 当然 我从来没有 |
| [00:18] | in front of a red brick wall with a microphone. | 拿着麦克风站在红砖墙前 |
| [00:22] | But I still fancied myself quite the comedian. | 但我依然想象自己是杰出的喜剧演员 |
| [00:25] | Nothing but rim. | 好歹碰到框了 |
| [00:28] | Yep, I wasn’t afraid to get my hands dirty to get a laugh. | 为了博大家一笑 我不怕弄脏自己的手 |
| [00:31] | – Oh, you got a little something. – Uh, right here? | -你这里有东西 -这里吗 |
| [00:33] | – Right here. – Oh, right — right — right here, yeah. | -这里 -这这这里 |
| [00:36] | And I knew one day I’d get | 我知道有一天 |
| [00:37] | the get the ultimate achievement in comedy — | 我会达到喜剧界的终极成就 |
| [00:39] | – Class clown. – Sorry I’m late. Yearbook is killing me. | -成为班级活宝 -对不起我迟到了 年鉴真是要我的命 |
| [00:42] | Here, let me carry that for you. | 我来帮你拿 |
| [00:43] | So you can see who’s getting voted class clown? | 这样你可以看到谁被选为班级活宝 |
| [00:45] | Nice try. | 想得美 |
| [00:46] | Please. Just let me see it. | 拜托了 让我看看 |
| [00:47] | For your sugar bear? | 为了你的糖果熊 |
| [00:49] | Just take it. | 给你 |
| [00:53] | Yes! I got best hair on a man. | 太棒了 我是最佳秀发 |
| [00:55] | – Oh, yeah. – Shut up, Dave Kim. | -太棒了 -闭嘴 金戴夫 |
| [00:58] | Read it and weep. I am… | 看完就哭吧 我是… |
| [01:01] | Unfortunately, I got the opposite of that. | 遗憾地是 我是和活宝正相反的人 |
| [01:04] | “Nicest guy”? Are you freaking kidding me? | “最好的人” 你耍我吗 |
| [01:07] | – What? It’s a good thing. – No, it’s not. | -怎么啦 这是好事 -不是 |
| [01:09] | “Nicest guy” is code | “最好的人”是指 |
| [01:10] | for “boring guy who just has okay hair.” | 无聊的人 头发一般 |
| [01:15] | So, who’s getting class clown? | 谁是班级活宝 |
| [01:17] | Better not be mike levy | 最好别是迈克·利维 |
| [01:18] | ‘Cause he didn’t choose for milk to come out of his nose. | 牛奶从鼻子里出来可不是他的本意 |
| [01:20] | He has a deviated septum. So lucky. | 他有鼻中隔弯曲症 真幸运 |
| [01:23] | David sirota — by a landslide. | 大卫·西罗塔 绝对优势当选 |
| [01:25] | Are you kidding me? | 你开玩笑吗 |
| [01:26] | People think that putz is funnier than me? | 大家觉得那个笨蛋比我搞笑吗 |
| [01:31] | Okay. Whoever’s doing that, just stop it! | 好了 不管是谁 快停下 |
| [01:34] | Just stop right now. | 马上停下 |
| [01:36] | David sirota isn’t funny. He’s ridiculous. | 大卫·西罗塔不是搞笑 他是荒谬 |
| [01:38] | Always dancing in the halls and talking trash at gym. | 总是在过道里跳舞 在体育课上说坏话 |
| [01:41] | And this bit with Mr. Woodburn — | 而且对付伍德伯恩老师的这招 |
| [01:43] | Amateur hour. | 太业余了 |
| [01:44] | Everyone knows making poots is cheap. | 大家都知道模仿放屁很低级 |
| [01:50] | I am an adult and an educator, | 我是成年人 是教育工作者 |
| [01:52] | and I command you to stop right now | 我以史蒂夫·霍金的名义 |
| [01:54] | in the name of stephen hawking. | 命令你立刻停止 |
| [01:55] | Just stop it! | 快住手 |
| [01:56] | Is sirota funnier than me? | 西罗塔比我搞笑吗 |
| [01:58] | For sure, bro. You’re not funny. | 当然了小弟 你并不搞笑 |
| [01:59] | Of course I am! It’s a fact. | 我当然搞笑 这是事实 |
| [02:01] | Like africa’s hot or the sun sets in the west. | 就像非洲很热 太阳在西边落下一样 |
| [02:04] | I don’t know about that stuff, | 我不知道这些事 |
| [02:05] | but I definitely know you’re not funny. | 但我肯定知道你不搞笑 |
| [02:07] | Erica, back me up here. | 爱丽卡 替我说话 |
| [02:08] | I’d like to, but barry’s right. | 我也想 但巴瑞是对的 |
| [02:11] | You use comedy as a defense mechanism, | 你把笑话当作是防御工具 |
| [02:13] | but that doesn’t make you | 这并没有让你成为 |
| [02:14] | a funny person that people laugh with. | 逗大家乐的搞笑的人 |
| [02:16] | It makes you a lame-o that people laugh at. | 而是成为被大家取笑的逊角色 |
| [02:18] | But funny’s my thing. | 但搞笑是我的专长 |
| [02:19] | I mean, I’m not an athlete or a brain or a theater star. | 我不是运动员 不是尖子生 不是戏剧明星 |
| [02:23] | So, if I’m not funny, what am I? | 如果我不搞笑 那我是什么 |
| [02:26] | You’re really nice. | 你是个好人 |
| [02:28] | Stop saying that! | 别再这样说 |
| [02:30] | I’m funny, | 我很搞笑 |
| [02:31] | and there’s nothing you or anyone else can say | 你和其他人说什么 |
| [02:33] | that can change my mind. | 也不能改变我的想法 |
| [02:34] | That’s right, squishy. | 没错 小宝贝 |
| [02:35] | I think you are the funniest boy in the whole wide world. | 我觉得你是全世界最搞笑的男孩 |
| [02:40] | We rest our case. | 我方陈述完毕 |
| [02:41] | You’re a wild and crazy guy! | 你是个狂野疯狂的家伙 |
| [02:44] | Again, we rest our case. | 再一次 我方陈述完毕 |
| [02:59] | It was may 10, 1980-something, and my dad was pondering | 那是一九八几年的5月10日 我爸在沉思 |
| [03:02] | the number-one issue plaguing all fathers. | 令所有父亲最头痛的问题 |
| [03:05] | Okay, I’m going to lainey’s. | 我要去兰妮家 |
| [03:06] | Not so fast! | 慢着 |
| [03:07] | You didn’t fill up the car last night. | 你昨晚没把油加满 |
| [03:09] | I want a full tank when you get home, no excuses! | 你回家时要加满 不准找借口 |
| [03:12] | Like all dad’s, mine was obsessed with the gas tank. | 和所有父亲一样 我爸对油箱很执着 |
| [03:15] | I drove the car this morning. There’s a ton of gas in it. | 我今早开了车 还有很多油 |
| [03:18] | All right, let’s take a walk, shall we? | 那我们去看看好吗 |
| [03:20] | Look at the gas gauge! Look at it! | 看油表 快看 |
| [03:23] | Yeah, so? It’s half full. | 怎样 还有一半 |
| [03:24] | Which is as good as empty! | 和空的一样 |
| [03:26] | Ugh, not this again! | 又来了 |
| [03:27] | We never break the half-a-tank threshold. | 永远不能少于一半 |
| [03:29] | My car, my rules! | 我的车 我的规矩 |
| [03:32] | Fine, then I’ll just walk everywhere | 好的 从此以后 |
| [03:34] | for the rest of my life! | 我去哪里都走路 |
| [03:39] | Yeah, go out walking in that. | 出去走吧 |
| [03:42] | This is how it went with my dad and my sis. | 我爸和我姐就是这样 |
| [03:44] | They were the two most stubborn people on the planet. | 他们是世界上最固执的两个人 |
| [03:47] | I told you, no chewing gum with your braces! | 我跟你说了 戴着牙箍不能吃泡泡糖 |
| [03:50] | God, it’s just a pinch! I can do what I want! | 只是一点点 我想做什么都行 |
| [03:52] | My gum, my rules. | 我的泡泡糖 我的规矩 |
| [03:54] | Yep, the tiniest of arguments could last months. | 小小的争论也可以持续几个月 |
| [03:57] | Both had to win, and neither would ever back down. | 两人都要赢 没人肯让步 |
| [04:00] | Ha! I win! | 我赢了 |
| [04:02] | Even if it meant | 哪怕意味着 |
| [04:03] | going to the hospital with a bubble-gum-related injury. | 因为泡泡糖受伤要去医院 |
| [04:06] | Erica, please. | 爱丽卡 求你了 |
| [04:07] | – There might be lightning outside. – Good. | -外面可能有闪电 -很好 |
| [04:10] | I would rather get struck by a bolt of red-hot sky fire | 我宁愿被灼热的天火劈中 |
| [04:13] | than cave to his stupid will. | 也不向他愚蠢的想法屈服 |
| [04:15] | Okay, you know what? I’ll fill up the tank. | 这样吧 我去加满 |
| [04:17] | No. You got to back me up on this. | 不 这次你得支持我 |
| [04:19] | My car, my rules. | 我的车 我的规矩 |
| [04:21] | I support you on every stupid, little thing. | 每件愚蠢的小事我都支持你 |
| [04:24] | You mean sit in your chair and blindly yell, | 你是说坐在沙发上盲目地大叫 |
| [04:26] | “Listen to your mother”? | “听你妈妈的” |
| [04:27] | – Exactly. – No. | -正是 -不 |
| [04:29] | Do not back him up on this. He is wrong, and you know it. | 别支持他 他错了 你知道的 |
| [04:33] | Just do what your father says. | 照你爸说的做 |
| [04:35] | I can’t deal with you people! | 你们真是不可理喻 |
| [04:37] | It seemed round one went to erica. | 似乎第一回合爱丽卡赢了 |
| [04:41] | God, I can’t wait to get out of this house | 老天 我真是等不及离开这个家 |
| [04:43] | and get away from you! | 远离你们 |
| [04:45] | But actually, round one went to my dad. | 但实际上 第一回合我爸赢了 |
| [04:48] | And that is how you parent. | 教育孩子就得这样 |
| [04:52] | Man, barry and erica have really got in my head. | 巴瑞和爱丽卡说的让我放不下 |
| [04:54] | Am I unfunny? | 我不搞笑吗 |
| [04:56] | Are people laughing at me, not with me? | 大家是取笑我 而不是被我逗乐吗 |
| [04:58] | Absolutely not. | 当然不是 |
| [05:00] | You got your sense of humor from me, | 你的幽默感可是遗传我的 |
| [05:02] | and I’m hilarious. | 我可搞笑了 |
| [05:05] | * My girlfriend had a kitty * | 我的女友有只猫 |
| [05:07] | – She came from kansas city – Oh, my god, stop. | -她来自堪萨斯 -老天 停下 |
| [05:11] | Hilarious. | 好笑 |
| [05:12] | But I still need to find a way | 但我还是得找到办法 |
| [05:14] | to beat david sirota for class clown. | 战胜大卫·西罗塔成为班级活宝 |
| [05:16] | Well, then, let me help. | 那让我帮忙 |
| [05:17] | You know, when I was your age, | 我在你这么大时 |
| [05:20] | I was busboying in the catskills. | 我在卡茨基尔做杂工 |
| [05:22] | I saw all the greats. | 我见过所有的大师 |
| [05:24] | Really? Like who? | 是吗 都有谁 |
| [05:25] | Harry “bottles” mcnaughton, stubby kaye, | “瓶子”哈里·麦克诺顿 矮子凯伊 |
| [05:29] | the kippleman brothers. | 基普曼兄弟 |
| [05:30] | One would talk and then the other one would talk, | 第一个说话 然后另一个说话 |
| [05:33] | and then the first one would talk. | 然后第一个又说 |
| [05:34] | Their act was actually just okay. | 他们的表演只是一般 |
| [05:37] | Yeah, it doesn’t sound very current. | 听起来现在不流行了 |
| [05:39] | But I’ve, like, memorized tons of jokes | 但我记住了所有我喜欢的 |
| [05:42] | from all my favorite comedians. | 喜剧演员的很多笑话 |
| [05:44] | Maybe I can bring some of their stuff into school. | 我可以在学校里讲这些笑话 |
| [05:46] | Yes. Let others do the work for you. | 对 让别人为你效劳 |
| [05:48] | And so, I pulled out all the greats. | 于是 我拿出了大师们的看家本领 |
| [05:51] | Great wall of china! | 中国长城 |
| [05:52] | – First, sam kinison. – Aah! Aah! Say it! Say it! | -先是山姆·金尼森 -快说 快说 |
| [05:56] | And then I sprinkled in a little gallagher. | 然后来了点加拉格尔 |
| [05:59] | And then finish them off | 最后结束是 |
| [06:00] | with a classic poem by andrew dice clay. | 安德鲁·戴斯·克雷的经典诗篇 |
| [06:03] | Old mother hubbard went to the cupboard | 哈伯德大妈去橱柜 |
| [06:06] | to get her dog a bone. | 给她的狗拿骨头 |
| [06:08] | When she rover took over | 当她走到… |
| [06:10] | and gave her a | 给她… |
| [06:14] | Go to your room! | 回你房间去 |
| [06:17] | I’m sorry I yelled and punished you. | 对不起我吼了你 惩罚了你 |
| [06:20] | Yeah, I hadn’t seen that side of you before. | 我从来没见过你的这一面 |
| [06:22] | I just don’t understand how you could say | 我只是不明白 你怎么能 |
| [06:24] | those horrible things about old mother hubbard. | 对哈伯德大妈说出这样可怕的话 |
| [06:27] | That’s her dog. They’re friends. | 那是她的狗 他们是朋友 |
| [06:29] | I guess barry and erica are right. I’m not funny. | 我想巴瑞和爱丽卡是对的 我并不搞笑 |
| [06:31] | Pal, you’re funny, but comedy is personal. | 你搞笑 但喜剧是针对个人的 |
| [06:34] | Think of jokes from your world, stuff you know about. | 从你的世界 你知道的事中想笑话 |
| [06:38] | – You think? – Of course. | -你这样想吗 -当然 |
| [06:40] | Take my favorite comedian, don rickles. | 比如说我最喜欢的喜剧演员 唐·里克斯 |
| [06:42] | He tells jokes about the people in his world. | 他讲的笑话 对象就是他那个世界的人 |
| [06:45] | And he keeps it personal. | 他保持了针对个人 |
| [06:47] | Keep it personal. | 针对个人 |
| [06:49] | Yeah. I think that could work. | 我想这应该有用 |
| [06:52] | Thanks, pops. | 谢谢你 老爷子 |
| [06:53] | Anytime. | 不客气 |
| [06:55] | Old mother hubbard just wanted to feed her poor dog, and he — | 哈伯德大妈只是想喂她的狗 |
| [06:59] | Got to let it go, man. Got to let it go. | 别想了 别再想了 |
| [07:01] | Meanwhile, erica had a plan on how to defeat my dad, | 与此同时 爱丽卡有了击败老爸的计划 |
| [07:04] | and it required stirring up | 需要激怒 |
| [07:05] | the most easily stirred-up person on the planet. | 这世界上最容易被激怒的人 |
| [07:08] | Damn it! I’m so mad at dad! | 见鬼 爸真是气死我了 |
| [07:11] | Aren’t you mad? | 你不生气吗 |
| [07:12] | No. Why? Should I be? What did he do now? | 不 为什么 我应该生气吗 他做了什么 |
| [07:15] | Well, he’s always saying, “my car, my rules,” | 他总是说 “我的车我的规矩” |
| [07:17] | And forcing us to fill up his gas tank | 强迫我们加满他的油箱 |
| [07:19] | like we’re his slaves. | 好像我们是他的奴隶 |
| [07:20] | He is always talking about that stupid gas! | 他总是在说愚蠢的汽油 |
| [07:24] | It makes me very angry. | 令我非常生气 |
| [07:26] | Well, we can fight back. | 我们可以还击 |
| [07:27] | I say we pool our money together and buy our own ride. | 我们凑钱买自己的车 |
| [07:30] | That way, dad can never say “my car, my rules” ever again. | 这样爸永远不能再说”我的车我的规矩”了 |
| [07:34] | Yes! Let’s fight! | 对 我们还击 |
| [07:35] | God, I have so much rage in my body right now. | 老天 现在我全身充满了怒气 |
| [07:38] | Well, let’s do this. | 我们行动 |
| [07:39] | I only have 60 bucks. How much you got? | 我有60块 你有多少 |
| [07:41] | Oh, I have to move some stuff around, | 我得想想办法 |
| [07:43] | but roughly $1,200. | 差不多1千2 |
| [07:44] | Dollars? How? | 美元吗 怎么可能 |
| [07:46] | Basically, you’ve inherited dad’s stubbornness, | 基本上 你遗传了爸的固执 |
| [07:49] | and I inherited his cheapness. | 我遗传了他的小气 |
| [07:51] | You see, every day for lunch, mom gives me $2. | 妈每天给我两块钱午餐费 |
| [07:53] | I spend 25 cents on chocolate milk | 我花2毛5买巧克力牛奶 |
| [07:56] | and eat food scraps off friends’ plates and random tables. | 然后吃朋友和其它桌上的剩饭菜 |
| [07:59] | We can get any car we want. | 我们想买什么车都行 |
| [08:00] | See? Right here. Look at this sweet, little cabriolet. | 看这里 漂亮的小敞篷车 |
| [08:03] | No, no, no! | 不行 |
| [08:04] | It’s my cash, and I know exactly what we’re buying. | 我的钱 我知道我们要买什么 |
| [08:07] | – A crappy van? – Better. | -破面包车 -更好的 |
| [08:10] | Better, indeed. Like every kid back then, | 的确更好 像那时所有孩子一样 |
| [08:12] | barry dreamed of being part of the a-team. | 巴瑞梦想成为天龙特攻队一员 |
| [08:14] | They were soldiers of fortune | 他们是雇佣兵 |
| [08:15] | who drove the toughest, most badass, | 开着最霸道 最牛叉 |
| [08:17] | most red-striped ride to ever hit the road. | 印着最拉风红条纹的车上路 |
| [08:20] | Barry, we are not buying the a-team van. | 巴瑞 我们不会买天龙特攻队的面包车 |
| [08:22] | It’s not happening. | 这不可能 |
| [08:23] | Oh, it’s happening. | 我们会买的 |
| [08:24] | And I’ll be hannibal ’cause I’m the smart one. | 而且我是汉尼拔 因为我是最聪明的一个 |
| [08:26] | We’re getting my sporty little soft-top, understand? | 我们买小敞篷跑车 明白吗 |
| [08:29] | End of discussion. | 讨论结束 |
| [08:30] | And with that, barry did exactly what he wanted. | 就这样 巴瑞做了他想做的 |
| [08:33] | He bought the van. | 他买了面包车 |
| [08:43] | Stop sign! That’s a stop sign! | 停车标志 那是停车标志 |
| [08:46] | What’s that smell? | 这是什么味道 |
| [08:47] | The smell of action. | 行动的味道 |
| [08:55] | What the hell is this thing? | 这是什么鬼东西 |
| [08:57] | Freedom. My van, my rules. | 自由 我的车 我的规矩 |
| [09:01] | This is why I eat garbage. | 这是我吃垃圾的原因 |
| [09:08] | In the standoff of stubbornness with my dad, | 在与我爸的固执僵局中 |
| [09:10] | erica had taken the upper hand. | 爱丽卡占了上风 |
| [09:13] | What’s wrong with you? | 你们什么毛病 |
| [09:15] | Who buys a crap van | 谁会买辆破面包车 |
| [09:17] | with bald tires, a broken headlight? | 轮胎磨光了 前灯破了 |
| [09:19] | And look — it’s leaking oil on my driveway. | 看 在我的车道上漏油 |
| [09:22] | It’s even worse in here. No way! | 这里面更糟糕 别想 |
| [09:25] | You’re not driving this. It’s a death trap. | 你们不能开这车 这是死亡陷阱 |
| [09:27] | Forget about driving it. They’re not keeping it. | 开什么呀 留都不能留下 |
| [09:30] | Oh, yes, we are. Face it. I won. | 我们要开 面对现实吧 我赢了 |
| [09:33] | My van, my rules. | 我的车 我的规矩 |
| [09:34] | Oh, that’s too bad | 太可惜了 |
| [09:36] | because it’s my house, my rules. | 我的房子 我的规矩 |
| [09:38] | House trumps van. | 房子大过车 |
| [09:40] | You can’t do that. You can’t just change the rules. | 你不能这样 你不能随便改规矩 |
| [09:43] | Well, that is a valid point, but, uh, tough crap. | 非常有道理 但说了也白说 |
| [09:46] | This isn’t fair. We paid for it. | 不公平 我们买的 |
| [09:48] | – Paid for it! – With our own money. | -买的 -用我们自己的钱 |
| [09:50] | – Money! – And if it’s your house, your rules, | -钱 -如果是你的房子 你的规矩 |
| [09:52] | then we’ll just move out and live in the van. | 那我们就搬出来住面包车里 |
| [09:54] | Live in a van! | 住面包车里 |
| [09:55] | Wait, what? | 慢着 什么 |
| [09:57] | Don’t think of it as a van. | 别把这个想成是面包车 |
| [09:58] | Think of it as a studio apartment of freedom. | 想成是代表自由的单身公寓 |
| [10:00] | I don’t think I can agree to live in a van. | 我可不会同意住面包车 |
| [10:02] | Well, I love this idea. | 我喜欢这主意 |
| [10:03] | Murray, no! | 默里 不行 |
| [10:04] | Our babies can’t live in a van. | 我们的宝贝不能住面包车 |
| [10:07] | They could get snatched | 他们可能被 |
| [10:08] | by a kidnapper who wouldn’t need a creepy van | 绑匪抓走 对方连破面包车都不需要 |
| [10:10] | because he’s being conveniently provided with one. | 因为人质已经提供车给他了 |
| [10:12] | But none of that matters | 这些都不重要 |
| [10:14] | ‘Cause you completely back me up, right? | 因为你完全支持我对吗 |
| [10:18] | Blindly and without question? | 无条件无疑问地支持 |
| [10:20] | Fine, I’ll back you up. | 好吧 我支持你 |
| [10:22] | Even though I did make cobbler la mode | 不过我今晚做的甜点是 |
| [10:25] | for dessert tonight. | 脆皮水果馅饼 |
| [10:27] | That’s french talk for “pie and ice cream.” | 这句法语的意思是馅饼加冰淇淋 |
| [10:30] | Stay with me, and I’ll let you paint a red stripe. | 支持我 我让你给车油漆红条纹 |
| [10:32] | How does that sound, hannibal? | 怎么样 汉尼拔 |
| [10:34] | Erica wins! | 爱丽卡赢了 |
| [10:35] | She called me the tv character I like. | 她用我喜欢的电视角色名叫我 |
| [10:37] | Both erica and my dad refused to stand down, | 爱丽卡和我爸都拒绝让步 |
| [10:40] | so I decided to lighten the mood with a little stand-up. | 我决定用单口相声来缓解下气氛 |
| [10:43] | Hello, there, everybody. | 大家好啊 |
| [10:44] | Seemed like it was a good time for a little comedy. | 似乎是讲点小笑话的好时候 |
| [10:46] | – No. – No, thank you. – Go away. | -不是 -不 谢谢 -走开 |
| [10:48] | So, I hear | 我听说 |
| [10:49] | erica is gonna be hanging out in the back of a van. | 爱丽卡要住在[鬼混]面包车里 |
| [10:52] | Or as she likes to call it, a typical saturday night. | 她喜欢称之为 典型的周六夜 |
| [10:55] | – Zing! – What is this? | -够劲 -什么意思 |
| [10:57] | And, of course, there’s my mom. | 当然了 还有我妈 |
| [11:00] | Always saying, “I have failed as a mother.” | 总是说 “我这个当妈的失败了” |
| [11:02] | Crazy, right? | 疯狂对吗 |
| [11:03] | Although, if you think about it, | 不过 如果仔细想想 |
| [11:05] | two of her kids are living in a van, | 她俩孩子住在面包车里 |
| [11:07] | and the other one’s gone into comedy. | 另一个进军了喜剧界 |
| [11:09] | Ay-oh! | 哎哟 |
| [11:10] | What is this? | 什么意思 |
| [11:11] | And look — there’s the mur-man. | 看 这是老默 |
| [11:13] | My dad is such a slothful sack of crap, | 我爸真是懒骨头 |
| [11:16] | even his armchair’s like, “really? Again?” | 就连他的沙发也会说 “不是吧 又来坐” |
| [11:19] | – What the hell is this?! – I bombed. | -这是什么鬼意思 -我搞砸了 |
| [11:22] | See, the problem here | 问题在于 |
| [11:23] | is you horribly misinterpreted my advice. | 你完全曲解了我的建议 |
| [11:26] | You said, “do rickles.” I did rickles! | 你说模仿里克斯 我模仿了里克斯 |
| [11:29] | No, I said come up with personal material like rickles, | 我说像里克斯一样以个人素材为笑料 |
| [11:33] | not do insult jokes about your family to your family. | 不是对家人讲羞辱他们的笑话 |
| [11:37] | The good news is, | 好消息是 |
| [11:38] | you had no problem coming up with the funny. | 你想出笑话没问题 |
| [11:41] | Now all you got to do is find the right audience. | 现在你只需要找到正确的观众 |
| [11:43] | Really? You think if I come up with something big, | 是吗 你觉得如果我想出超级大笑话 |
| [11:45] | I still have a shot at class clown? | 我还有机会成为班级活宝吗 |
| [11:47] | Absolutely. | 当然了 |
| [11:49] | Now, don’t misinterpret my advice again. | 别再次曲解我的建议 |
| [11:52] | Don’t be hurtful. Just be funny. | 不要伤人 只要搞笑 |
| [11:54] | I 100% got it. | 我百分百明白 |
| [11:56] | But I didn’t. | 我没明白 |
| [11:58] | Desperate for an easy laugh, I iced a hat box | 我绝望地想博大家笑 于是给帽盒加上奶油 |
| [12:00] | to give to my overly sensitive science teacher. | 送给我那过度敏感的科学课老师 |
| [12:03] | And it would be epic. | 这将会成为经典 |
| [12:06] | What’s this? It’s not even my birthday. | 这是什么 今天不是我生日 |
| [12:08] | Trust me. You deserve this. | 相信我 这是你应得的 |
| [12:11] | So, you just… | 你就是… |
| [12:16] | You don’t know how much this means to me. | 你不知道这对我来说意味着什么 |
| [12:18] | I…I honestly thought about quitting this job. | 我真的在考虑辞职了 |
| [12:20] | I thought you kids didn’t care about science. | 我以为你们这些孩子不在乎科学 |
| [12:22] | But this cake means the world to me, | 但这蛋糕对我来说意味着一切 |
| [12:25] | changes everything. | 改变了一切 |
| [12:27] | Thank you so much, adam. | 非常感谢你 亚当 |
| [12:28] | My new life starts today! | 我的新生活从今天开始 |
| [12:30] | Who wants a piece? | 谁想来一块 |
| [12:37] | We’re looking at what? A mean-spirited prank? | 这是什么 坏心肠的恶作剧吗 |
| [12:39] | Pretty much. | 差不多吧 |
| [12:42] | Okay, then. | 那好吧 |
| [12:43] | Everyone read chapter six. I’ll be in my office. | 大家看第六章 我去办公室 |
| [12:45] | I need some time to think. | 我需要时间思考下 |
| [12:47] | Do not knock on this door. | 别敲门 |
| [12:48] | Dude, that was brutal. | 哥们 太残忍了 |
| [12:51] | Come on, guys. It was a joke. | 别这样 只是个笑话 |
| [12:53] | I-It’s me, the class clown. | 我可是班级活宝 |
| [12:55] | It’s not official, but it could be, right, guys? | 虽说还没正式当选 但我可能会是 对吗 |
| [12:58] | I don’t know what that was, but it was mean. | 我不知道这是什么意思 但太刻薄了 |
| [13:00] | Well, at the very least, | 至少现在 |
| [13:01] | maybe now I won’t be voted nicest guy. | 我不会当选为最好的人了 |
| [13:03] | Just so you know, I was the one who nominated you. | 告诉你 是我提名你的 |
| [13:05] | What? Why? | 什么 为什么呀 |
| [13:06] | Why not? Since when is being nice a bad thing? | 为什么不行 什么时候开始做好人是坏事了 |
| [13:09] | Since we’re in middle school. | 从我们上初中开始 |
| [13:10] | It’s basically the worst thing you can say about a dude. | 这基本上是对一个男生最差劲的评价 |
| [13:13] | Not to me. | 我不觉得 |
| [13:14] | Everyone is always trying to be funny or cool | 所有人都试着搞笑装酷 |
| [13:16] | or someone they’re not. | 伪装自己 |
| [13:18] | The last thing I want is to be with some clown. | 我最不想的就是和什么活宝在一起 |
| [13:20] | I just want to be with you. | 我只想和你在一起 |
| [13:22] | Or at least, I did. | 至少我曾经是 |
| [13:24] | I was no longer the class clown or the nicest guy in school, | 我不再是学校里的活宝或最好的人 |
| [13:27] | and it felt awful. | 感觉难受极了 |
| [13:29] | Meanwhile, erica and barry were feeling even worse | 同时 爱丽卡和巴瑞在臭烘烘的新家里 |
| [13:32] | in their stinky new home | 感觉更难受 |
| [13:33] | adorned with a poorly painted red stripe. | 装饰性的红色条纹丑到家了 |
| [13:36] | God, come on! Would you quit moving?! | 拜托 你别动了行吗 |
| [13:39] | You keep kicking me in the face! | 你一直踢我的脸 |
| [13:40] | Hey, you’re the one who wanted to sleep head-to-feet. | 是你要求头对脚睡的 |
| [13:42] | Well, I am not sleeping face-to-face with you. | 我可不会和你脸对脸睡 |
| [13:44] | It’s super weird. | 超级诡异 |
| [13:45] | No, what’s super weird is we’re living in a fricking van. | 不 诡异的是我们住在该死的面包车里 |
| [13:49] | Look at us. We’re van people. | 看我们 我们是面包车游民 |
| [13:52] | I don’t want to be van people. | 我不想做面包车游民 |
| [13:54] | You should have just filled up his damn gas tank. | 你应该给他加满油 |
| [13:56] | Barry, this is not about the gas. | 巴瑞 重点不是汽油 |
| [13:58] | It’s about freedom, honor, | 是自由 尊重 |
| [14:00] | and rubbing it in dad’s face when I win. | 还有我胜利时让爸没面子 |
| [14:02] | But how long is that gonna take? | 这需要多长时间 |
| [14:03] | Until he cracks. | 到他投降为止 |
| [14:04] | But dad’s too stubborn, and I’m too hungry. | 但爸太固执 我好饿 |
| [14:07] | Can’t I just sneak in and grab a giant hunk of brisket? | 我不能溜进家里拿块牛腩肉吗 |
| [14:10] | No brisket! | 没有牛腩肉 |
| [14:11] | Our days of food and comfort are over. | 我们有吃有喝的舒心日子结束了 |
| [14:13] | This van is our home now, | 面包车现在是我们的家 |
| [14:16] | and this canned tuna, our brisket. | 这个吞拿鱼罐头是我们的牛腩肉 |
| [14:18] | Now eat it. | 快吃 |
| [14:23] | Stop! What are you doing?! | 停下 你在做什么 |
| [14:25] | – I can’t — I’m tilting it. – You’re tilting it! | -我不行 我弄歪了 -你弄歪了 |
| [14:26] | – I don’t belong here, okay?! – Stop tilting it! | -我不属于这里 -别弄歪了 |
| [14:28] | – Just take it outside! – Brisket! | -拿出去 -牛腩肉 |
| [14:34] | Mama. | 妈妈 |
| [14:35] | It’s me, lovebug. | 是我 小宝贝 |
| [14:37] | What are you doing out here? | 你出来做什么 |
| [14:39] | Eating tuna and getting ready to use the potty bush. | 吃吞拿鱼 准备去灌木丛便便 |
| [14:41] | I hate being van people. | 我讨厌做面包车游民 |
| [14:43] | Shh. I brought you a home-cooked meal. | 我为你拿了家里的饭菜 |
| [14:47] | Yes. | 很好 |
| [14:48] | Go to town. | 用力吃 |
| [14:49] | Good boy. Like a little badger. | 好孩子 像小獾一样 |
| [14:53] | You. | 你 |
| [14:54] | You. | 你 |
| [14:55] | What is wrong with you?! | 你什么毛病 |
| [14:56] | You couldn’t even last one night? | 你连一晚都坚持不了吗 |
| [14:57] | You were supposed to back me up, Bevy, | 你应该支持我的 贝弗 |
| [14:59] | and that doesn’t mean bringing the boy dinner. | 这并不意味着可以给儿子送晚餐 |
| [15:01] | Dear lord, what did he do to that corn?! | 老天 他对这玉米做了什么 |
| [15:04] | Well, I’m sick of this, murray. Adam was right. | 我受够了 默里 亚当是对的 |
| [15:06] | I have failed as a mother, literally. | 我这当妈的太失败了 真的 |
| [15:09] | Our children are van people. | 我们的孩子是面包车游民 |
| [15:12] | Please end this. | 请结束这一切 |
| [15:14] | Fine. | 好的 |
| [15:15] | Barry, I will buy your portion of the van — | 巴瑞 这车你的份额我买了 |
| [15:17] | Full price, in cash. | 全价现金 |
| [15:19] | Deal. | 成交 |
| [15:20] | My van, my rules! I win! | 我的车 我的规矩 我赢了 |
| [15:24] | You will never win. | 你永远不会赢 |
| [15:25] | You see this face? This is the face of a winner. | 看到这张脸了吗 这是胜利者的脸 |
| [15:28] | And I don’t care how long it takes. | 我不管要花多长时间 |
| [15:30] | I will crush you with the weight of a thousand suns. | 我会犹如万丈光芒一样击垮你 |
| [15:33] | Never! | 永远别想 |
| [15:34] | I will douse your suns with a thousand buckets of water. | 我会用上千桶水灭了你的光芒 |
| [15:38] | Stop. I hate how you two always do this. | 别说了 我讨厌你们这样做 |
| [15:40] | Me? It’s his fault. | 我 是他的错 |
| [15:41] | No, it’s both of you. | 不 你们都有错 |
| [15:44] | You both think you’re so different, | 你们都觉得自己和对方不一样 |
| [15:45] | but you’re exactly the same. | 其实你们完全一样 |
| [15:47] | So, if you’re not gonna end this, I will. | 如果你们不结束这一切 我来 |
| [15:49] | I demand that you hug each other. | 我命令你们拥抱对方 |
| [15:53] | Where are the damn huggies? | 拥抱在哪里 |
| [15:58] | Turns out my fake cake for Mr. Woodburn | 结果我送伍德伯恩老师的假蛋糕 |
| [16:00] | got me in a very real amount of trouble. | 给我带来了相当大的麻烦 |
| [16:02] | Thanks for coming. | 感谢前来 |
| [16:03] | As you know, adam’s little joke | 你们也知道 亚当的小笑话 |
| [16:05] | has sent Mr. Woodburn to a very dark and horrible place. | 让伍德伯恩先生陷入了黑暗可怕的境地 |
| [16:09] | I can assure you, adam is very sorry for what he did. | 我可以向你保证 亚当非常抱歉他的所为 |
| [16:13] | I’m really, really sorry. | 真的真的对不起 |
| [16:15] | That’s — that’s fine. | 没关系 |
| [16:16] | But we may be dealing with larger issues here. | 但我们可能要解决更大的问题 |
| [16:19] | When a nice boy like adam acts out, | 像亚当这样的好孩子有这样的表现时 |
| [16:22] | it’s usually because… | 通常是因为 |
| [16:24] | Something’s going on at home. | 家里有问题 |
| [16:26] | What are you saying, earl? | 你想说什么 厄尔 |
| [16:27] | Well, I’m saying it came to my attention | 我是说我注意到 |
| [16:29] | that a couple of your children are van people. | 你的两个孩子是面包车游民 |
| [16:32] | No, no, no. None of our children are van people. | 不 我们没孩子是面包车游民 |
| [16:35] | They tried to live in a van, | 他们想住在面包车里 |
| [16:37] | but those morons didn’t even make it through the night. | 但那两个白痴连一晚都坚持不了 |
| [16:40] | What my husband means | 我丈夫是说 |
| [16:42] | is that there was a minor disagreement | 因为小小的意见不一致 |
| [16:44] | that resulted in our kids briefly moving | 导致我的孩子们短暂地搬到了 |
| [16:47] | into a carpeted vehicle. | 铺有地毯的车里 |
| [16:50] | What you doing? | 你做什么 |
| [16:51] | Um, I’m just taking some notes. | 记笔记 |
| [16:53] | Looks like a “v.” | 看起来是个V字 |
| [16:54] | You better not be writing “van people.” | 你最好别写面包车游民 |
| [16:56] | I can confirm that the “v” is for “van.” | 我能确认这个V代表面包车 |
| [16:59] | How dare you question our parenting? | 你怎敢质疑我们教育孩子的方式 |
| [17:01] | I’ll have you know that we are very loving and kind, | 我告诉你 我们是有爱心而且和蔼的父母 |
| [17:05] | and each one of our little angels | 我们每一个小天使 |
| [17:06] | cherishes every moment spent in our home. | 都非常珍惜在家里的每一刻 |
| [17:10] | There you are! | 你们在这里 |
| [17:11] | Erica’s at the bus station. | 爱丽卡在汽车站 |
| [17:13] | She told lainey she’s buying a ticket to new york | 她告诉兰妮她要买票去纽约 |
| [17:15] | so she never has to live in your stupid house again. | 这样她再也不用住在你那个烂房子里了 |
| [17:20] | True to her word, | 说到做到 |
| [17:21] | my sister went to new stubborn heights by fleeing the state. | 我姐的固执上升到了新高度 她要离开这个州 |
| [17:24] | We’re blocked in by a bus?! | 我们的车被巴士堵住了 |
| [17:26] | How is that even possible?! | 这怎么可能 |
| [17:27] | It’s a school! | 这是学校 |
| [17:29] | We’re never gonna make it in time. | 我们不可能及时赶时 |
| [17:30] | Oh, yes, you will. | 你们可以 |
| [17:39] | Stop with that song! | 别唱了 |
| [17:41] | Shut up! I love you, but shut up! | 闭嘴 我爱你 但是闭嘴 |
| [17:49] | No, no, no, no, no, not slower! Faster! | 不要慢 要快 |
| [17:52] | Hit the gas, barry! | 踩油门 巴瑞 |
| [17:54] | What’s happening? | 出什么事了 |
| [17:55] | Why isn’t my “a-team” van working? | 为什么我的天龙特攻队面包车不动了 |
| [17:57] | Look. You ran out of gas. | 看 没油了 |
| [17:59] | But there was half a tank this morning. | 但今早油箱还有一半 |
| [18:01] | Morons! | 白痴 |
| [18:04] | Okay, we got to mobilize and track down my little girl. | 我们得组织起来找我的宝贝女儿 |
| [18:07] | I’ll call the police and set up a roadblock. | 我报警要他们设置路障 |
| [18:08] | Murray, you call all your new york city furniture contacts. | 默里 你打给所有的纽约家具商联系人 |
| [18:11] | Honey, she’s right there. | 亲爱的 她在那里 |
| [18:15] | Ohh, my little munchkin. I got to go squeeze her. | 我的小可爱 我要去抱紧她 |
| [18:18] | No, no, no, no. | 不不 |
| [18:21] | I think I should be the one to talk to her. | 我想和她谈谈的人应该是我 |
| [18:29] | Well, if you were trying to kill us from worry, | 如果你想让我们担心死 |
| [18:33] | you’re the big winner here. | 你是大大的赢家 |
| [18:36] | No, you are. | 不 你才是 |
| [18:37] | I know I always talk about | 我知道我总是说 |
| [18:38] | how much I hate this house and your dumb rules. | 我有多讨厌这个家以及你愚蠢的规矩 |
| [18:42] | But when I actually got a chance to go, | 但当我真有机会离开时 |
| [18:45] | I couldn’t do it. | 我却做不到 |
| [18:46] | Yeah. This one really got away from us. | 对 我们的确做不到 |
| [18:50] | I am so damn stubborn that I almost ran away | 我太固执了 我差点离家出走 |
| [18:52] | because I didn’t want to put gas in the car. | 就因为我不想给车加油 |
| [18:55] | All right. | 好了 |
| [18:56] | So, you and me, we don’t back down. | 你和我 我们不会让步 |
| [18:58] | I don’t see that as a bad thing. | 我不觉得这是坏事 |
| [19:00] | – You don’t seriously believe that, do you? – Oh, yeah. | -你才不是真心这样想 -是的 |
| [19:03] | When I was your age, I was a crappy student. | 我在你这个年纪时 成绩很差 |
| [19:06] | There was this guidance counselor who told me | 有个辅导员跟我说 |
| [19:09] | that I should take up a trade | 我应该学门手艺 |
| [19:11] | ‘Cause no college would ever take a guy like me. | 因为没有大学会收我这样的学生 |
| [19:14] | So out of spite, I worked my butt off. | 为了争口气 我拼命学习 |
| [19:18] | I got into penn state, | 我进了宾大 |
| [19:20] | and that’s where I met your mother. | 在那里认识了你的妈妈 |
| [19:21] | So, I literally wouldn’t be here | 如果你不是如此固执 |
| [19:23] | if you weren’t such a pigheaded jerk? | 根本就不会有我的存在 |
| [19:25] | That is correct. | 正确 |
| [19:26] | And mark my words, when you do finally leave this house, | 记住我的话 到你最终离开这个家时 |
| [19:30] | the world better watch out. | 外面的世界最好小心了 |
| [19:35] | But give me a few more years. | 但再给我几年时间 |
| [19:38] | I’m not ready to let you go just yet. | 我还没准备好让你走 |
| [19:43] | As my dad and my sister finally embraced who they were, | 我爸和我姐终于接受了真正的自我 |
| [19:46] | I realized it was time for me to do the same. | 我意识到我也要这样做 |
| [19:49] | Mr. Woodburn, I made you this. | 伍德伯恩老师 我为你做的 |
| [19:52] | I don’t get it. What’s the joke? | 我不明白 这是什么笑话 |
| [19:54] | No joke. | 没有笑话 |
| [19:55] | Just wanted to show my favorite teacher | 只想让我最喜欢的老师知道 |
| [19:58] | that I’m sorry. | 我很抱歉 |
| [19:59] | Favorite? Wow. Thank you. | 最喜欢的吗 谢谢你 |
| [20:02] | ‘Cause in the end, it’s not about labels people give you. | 因为最后 别人给你贴什么标签不重要 |
| [20:05] | It’s about being okay with who you really are. | 重要的是坦然接受真正的自己 |
| [20:07] | That was nice, adam. | 这样做真好 亚当 |
| [20:09] | Yeah, well, that’s what I was going for. | 是的 我就是想这样 |
| [20:12] | And I may not have been the class clown, | 虽说我不是班级活宝 |
| [20:14] | but lucky for me, | 但我很幸运 |
| [20:15] | nice guys don’t always finish last. | 好人并不总是吃亏 |
| [20:39] | Please welcome david sirota | 请欢迎大卫·西罗塔 |
| [20:51] | Okay, enough with this potty mouth in the leather trousers. | 别再看什么穿皮裤的喜欢说脏话的人 |
| [20:55] | I’m gonna show you what funny was back in my day. | 我要让你们看看我那个年代什么叫搞笑 |
| [20:59] | * I took my new girl to the fishing hole * | 我带着新女友去鱼洞 |
| [21:03] | * I gave her my jacket ’cause she was cold * | 我把外套给她穿 因为她很冷 |
| [21:06] | * I puckered my lips, I offered my tongue * | 我撅起嘴 伸出舌 |
| [21:10] | * And that’s when she said | 这时她说 |
| [21:12] | * “no, thank you. We’re done” | 不用 谢谢 我们结束了 |
| [21:17] | That was…good. | 很好 |
| [21:19] | Yeah, I liked the part about the — | 我喜欢那一段 |
| [21:22] | What was it? The fishing place? | 钓鱼的地方是什么来着 |
| [21:24] | -Hole. -He said hole. | -洞 -他说了洞 |