| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:01] | Back in the ’80s, my mom forced us | 八十年代时 我妈逼我们 |
| [00:03] | to take the most embarrassing family photos in human history. | 拍摄了人类史上最丢人的全家福 |
| [00:07] | Did we agree because we loved her? | 我们是因为爱她而同意的吗 |
| [00:09] | Oh, god, no. We did it ’cause she guilted us. | 才不是呢 我们同意是因为她打了内疚牌 |
| [00:12] | This is so brutal. | 这太残忍了 |
| [00:13] | But one day | 但有一天 |
| [00:14] | when you abandon me in an old-age home and never visit, | 你们把我抛弃在养老院不来看我时 |
| [00:17] | you’ll look at these pictures | 你们可以看着这些照片 |
| [00:18] | and remember how much I loved you. | 记起我有多爱你们 |
| [00:20] | Now, everybody say “mahalo.” | 现在 大家一起说谢谢 |
| [00:21] | Mahalo! | 谢谢 |
| [00:23] | And her guilting wasn’t just for family photos. | 她的内疚牌可不止用在全家福上 |
| [00:25] | It was for family everything. | 只要是与家庭有关的全用 |
| [00:27] | Baby, if you don’t eat, | 宝贝 如果你不吃饭 |
| [00:29] | then I have failed as a mother. | 我这个当妈的就太失败了 |
| [00:31] | I’m gonna die one day, but have fun with your friends. | 有一天我会死的 但你和朋友玩得开心点 |
| [00:34] | When I die, don’t have a funeral. | 我死以后 别举行葬礼 |
| [00:36] | I don’t want to take up anybody’s time. | 我不想耽误大家的时间 |
| [00:38] | And then there was her signature guilt move. | 还有她的标志性内疚牌 |
| [00:40] | If we were driving and she didn’t get her way, | 如果我们在开车 她没得逞 |
| [00:43] | she’d jump out of the car and threaten to walk home. | 她会跳下车威胁说要走回家 |
| [00:46] | Get back in the car, mom! | 上车 妈 |
| [00:47] | We want to have a picnic with you, okay? | 我们想和你一起野餐 行了吗 |
| [00:50] | Yeah! | 是的 |
| [00:50] | I’m so stoked to eat chicken salad on the ground! | 能在草地上吃鸡肉三明治 我真是开心死了 |
| [00:54] | Well, if that’s what you want, then…yay! Picnic! | 如果这是你们想要的 那么 野餐吧 |
| [00:57] | Yep. It was her guilt world, and we were just living in it. | 没错 我们生活在她的内疚世界中 |
| [00:59] | Hey, where are the car keys? | 车钥匙呢 |
| [01:01] | We’re gonna grab a bite before the movie. | 在看电影前我们要去吃东西 |
| [01:02] | Movie? | 电影 |
| [01:03] | I thought we had plans to bedazzle all day. | 我们不是计划好今天钉亮片吗 |
| [01:05] | I…think you might have dreamed that. | 这恐怕是你的梦吧 |
| [01:07] | Well, it’s possible, but we’re all set up, | 有可能 但都准备好了 |
| [01:09] | so let’s make those drab clothes sparkle, huh? | 我们就让死气沉沉的衣服亮起来吧 |
| [01:12] | – Oh, no. What is that?! – Oh, my god! | -这什么玩意儿 -我的天 |
| [01:14] | It’s a harlequin clown riding a unicorn high-fiving a dolphin. | 这是小丑骑在独角兽上和海豚击掌 |
| [01:19] | Duh. | 这还不明显吗 |
| [01:19] | Yeah…I think we’re gonna pass on the debazzler. | 我们还是不参与钉钉片了 |
| [01:22] | Okay, now you’re just embarrassing yourself. | 别这么没文化好吗 |
| [01:24] | It’s bedazzler, as in regular items become dazzled. | 这叫钉亮片 就是钉起来亮成一片 |
| [01:30] | And if you don’t want to do that, | 如果你们不想做这个 |
| [01:31] | I’ll just join you at the movie. | 我就和你们一起看电影好了 |
| [01:32] | – No way! – Oh, my god! | -不可能 -我的天 |
| [01:33] | Come on. | 拜托 |
| [01:34] | I hardly ever get to see you anymore, | 我都见不到你们了 |
| [01:36] | and you’re both growing up so fast, | 你们成长得太快了 |
| [01:38] | and…you did promise we’d spend the day together. | 你们答应了今天和我在一起 |
| [01:41] | Again, that was a dream. | 再说一遍 那是你的梦 |
| [01:43] | It’ll be fun. | 会很好玩的 |
| [01:45] | Afterwards, we can grab a bite, split a giant cookie, | 看完后 我们可以吃东西 分着吃饼干 |
| [01:48] | you can ride the little mall train if you’re still into it. | 如果你喜欢 还可以坐商场里的小火车 |
| [01:51] | Ain’t no thang. | 没什么的 |
| [01:52] | Okay, here is the thang. | 有什么 |
| [01:54] | No. | 不 |
| [01:55] | Wow. I am being rejected | 拒绝我的两个人 |
| [01:56] | by two people who were tethered to my body for nine months | 居然是通过一根食物绳子 被栓在我身体里 |
| [01:59] | by a food cord. | 长达9个月的人 |
| [02:01] | That’s right. | 没错 |
| [02:02] | Everything I ate you got a tiny, mushed-up version of. | 我吃的一切 你们都获得了糊状的一小部分 |
| [02:05] | Everything! | 一切 |
| [02:06] | I don’t think that’s how science works. | 我想科学方面的事实不是这样的 |
| [02:07] | You know what? Go. | 算了 走 |
| [02:09] | I’m not even sad. I’m great. | 我根本不伤心 我很好 |
| [02:11] | Aw, come on. | 别这样 |
| [02:13] | Not the little pack of tissues! | 别拿小包纸巾 |
| [02:15] | Mom tears are the worst tears ever! | 妈妈的眼泪最让人受不了 |
| [02:17] | Fine. Well, if we have no choice… | 好吧 如果我们没选择 |
| [02:19] | Oh, that’s so sweet! | 太好了 |
| [02:20] | And don’t you worry. | 你们别担心 |
| [02:22] | I promise you won’t even notice I’m there. | 我保证 你们根本不会觉得我在场 |
| [02:24] | Hey, check out my new jacket. | 看我的新夹克 |
| [02:28] | – Oh, no! – Oh, my god! | -不要 -我的天 |
| [02:45] | It was May 11, 1980-something, | 那是一九八几年的5月11日 |
| [02:47] | and my dad was pumped to spend the day | 我爸很激动 他要和他的真爱 |
| [02:49] | with his one true love — the Phillies. | 费城人队共度一天 |
| [02:51] | Hello, wonderful family, | 你们好 可爱的家人 |
| [02:53] | who I’m not gonna be seeing for the next six glorious hours! | 接下来辉煌的6小时 我都看不到你们了 |
| [02:59] | Wait. Where are you going? | 你去哪里 |
| [03:00] | To the phillies game with Vic. | 和维克去看费城人队的比赛 |
| [03:01] | You never told me that. Did you mark it in the calendar? | 你没跟我说过 你在日历上写了吗 |
| [03:04] | You have a calendar? Where’s this calendar? | 你有日历吗 在哪里 |
| [03:05] | It’s on my desk. | 在我桌上 |
| [03:06] | Wait — you’ve got a desk? | 慢着 你有桌子吗 |
| [03:08] | Where’s this desk? | 在哪里 |
| [03:09] | You can’t go. | 你不能去 |
| [03:10] | Erica and Barry have graciously invited me | 爱丽卡和巴瑞好心邀请我 |
| [03:13] | to see a scary/sexy teen-vampire movie. | 去看恐怖兼性感青少年吸血鬼电影 |
| [03:16] | Who is gonna watch the baby? | 谁看着宝宝呢 |
| [03:18] | – Is that me? – It is. | -是说我吗 -是的 |
| [03:19] | I told you — I’m not the baby! I’m a grown, adult man! | 我告诉你了 我不是宝宝 我是成年人 |
| [03:23] | And could you please start this orange? | 麻烦帮我剥橙子 |
| [03:25] | Come on, Bevy! | 别这样 贝弗 |
| [03:26] | Can’t the boy stay home alone for the day? | 这小子就不能一人在家待一天吗 |
| [03:28] | I mean, he is 11 — or 14 or whatever. | 他都11岁还是14岁了 |
| [03:31] | No! | 不 |
| [03:31] | The last time I went out power-walking, | 上次我出去竞走 |
| [03:33] | I came home and found him hiding in the broom closet. | 回家后发现他躲在杂物间 |
| [03:36] | See, that’s on you, ’cause you bought a house with a ghost. | 这怪你 因为你买的房子闹鬼 |
| [03:40] | Again with the ghost. There are no ghosts! | 又来了 世界上没有鬼 |
| [03:42] | Sure. | 是啊 |
| [03:43] | People don’t die with unfinished business. | 人们死的时候都没有心愿未了 |
| [03:45] | Must be nice to live in your world. | 活在你的世界中真好 |
| [03:47] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [03:48] | We’re going to the ballgame. Go get your glove. | 我们去看比赛 去拿手套 |
| [03:49] | My Michael Jackson glove or my nintendo power glove? | MJ的手套还是任天堂的力量手套 |
| [03:53] | Really? | 就这样还要带他去 |
| [03:54] | And so, my dad took me to watch the Phillies play | 于是 我爸带我去旧老兵球场 |
| [03:56] | at old veterans stadium, | 看费城人队比赛 |
| [03:58] | a beautiful world-class arena — | 这是一座美丽的世界级竞技场 |
| [04:00] | When it was built. | 在它初建的时候 |
| [04:01] | Now it was falling apart at the seams, | 现在已经残旧不堪 |
| [04:03] | but we loved it anyway. | 但我们依然很喜欢 |
| [04:04] | Dad, I got to pee. | 爸 我要尿尿 |
| [04:05] | Well, the bathroom’s right up there. | 厕所在上面 |
| [04:07] | Go ahead. | 去吧 |
| [04:08] | You want me to go by myself? | 你要我一个人去吗 |
| [04:09] | Yeah. | 是的 |
| [04:10] | Forget what your mother said. You’re not a baby. | 别想着你妈的话 你不是宝宝 |
| [04:12] | Now stop acting like a moron and go! | 别这么白痴 快去 |
| [04:15] | But I didn’t have the guts, | 但我没勇气 |
| [04:16] | so my dad took me, like the little moron baby I was. | 所以爸带我去 好像我还是白痴宝宝一样 |
| [04:20] | The men’s room at veterans stadium | 老兵球场的男厕所 |
| [04:21] | was a nightmarish hellscape of people and pee everywhere. | 是人间人与尿的噩梦地狱 |
| [04:25] | What’s that? | 那是什么 |
| [04:25] | It’s a trough. | 那是尿槽 |
| [04:27] | Aim for a cigarette butt and make a game of it. | 瞄准烟屁股开始尿 |
| [04:30] | But w-where’s the dividers? | 隔板在哪里 |
| [04:32] | Where’s the handle to flush?! | 冲水柄在哪里 |
| [04:34] | Where’s the dignity, man?! | 尊严在哪里 |
| [04:36] | If you don’t like it, use the stall. | 如果你不喜欢 就用隔间 |
| [04:43] | Mother of mercy. | 我的妈呀 |
| [04:45] | What happened in there? | 那里出了什么事 |
| [04:47] | It’s on the walls. | 墙上有 |
| [04:48] | It’s on the walls. | 墙上有 |
| [04:50] | Please hurry it up. | 麻烦快点 |
| [04:51] | I feel weird being in here not doing anything. | 在这里什么也不做感觉怪怪的 |
| [05:01] | In that moment, | 在那一刻 |
| [05:02] | I had what all men experience at one point or another — | 我体验了所有男人在所难免的经历 |
| [05:05] | Stage fright. | 怯场 |
| [05:06] | I couldn’t go. | 我尿不出来 |
| [05:07] | My mind said yes, but my bladder said no. | 我心里想尿 但膀胱说不行 |
| [05:11] | I’m done. | 我尿完了 |
| [05:12] | Let’s get the hell out of here | 咱们快离开这里 |
| [05:13] | so I can breathe through my nose again. | 我可以再次用鼻子呼吸 |
| [05:15] | While I was running away from my fears, | 我逃离恐惧时 |
| [05:17] | Barry and Erica were sitting through a real horror show, | 巴瑞和爱丽卡正亲历一场恐怖秀 |
| [05:19] | and I don’t mean the movie. | 我说的不是电影 |
| [05:22] | So, which boy is lost? | 哪个男孩走丢了 |
| [05:23] | His poor mother must be going insane. | 他可怜的妈妈一定会疯掉 |
| [05:27] | Oh! I snuck in some snacks. | 我偷偷带了一些零食 |
| [05:29] | Got microwave popcorn, some chips, | 微波炉爆米花 薯片 |
| [05:32] | and a beautiful tomato. | 还有个漂亮的番茄 |
| [05:34] | I don’t want a tomato! | 我不吃番茄 |
| [05:35] | Well, it’s the last day before it turns. | 今天是保质期最后一天 |
| [05:37] | Somebody’s gonna eat it. | 总得有人吃 |
| [05:42] | This has been the best day. | 今天真是开心死了 |
| [05:44] | Yeah. It’s a real shame it’s over. | 真丢人 现在结束了 |
| [05:47] | Oh, it doesn’t have to be. | 没必要啊 |
| [05:48] | I’m gonna make us a dinner reservation at red lobster. | 我要在红龙虾餐厅订晚餐的位子 |
| [05:51] | Now, it’s not lobstober or shrimptember or clamuary, | 现在没有龙虾十月 小虾九月或蛤一月的优惠 |
| [05:55] | so you’re gonna have to order carefully. | 你们点菜时要小心 |
| [05:57] | What the hell happened out there? | 出什么事了 |
| [05:59] | Mom happened. | 出了妈这个事 |
| [06:01] | Whew. You know, she guilted us into hanging out with her again. | 她又打内疚牌 让我们和她在一起 |
| [06:03] | You know, it is seriously not normal for teenagers | 这真的不正常 十几岁的少年 |
| [06:06] | to spend this much time with their mothers. | 和母亲这样频繁地共度时光 |
| [06:07] | I rode the train, man! | 我坐了火车 |
| [06:09] | I rode the tiny train! | 我坐了小火车 |
| [06:12] | Look. | 看 |
| [06:13] | She took a picture and everything! | 她拍了照片 |
| [06:15] | Okay, I can’t watch you suffer like this anymore. | 你们这样受苦 我看不下去了 |
| [06:19] | Follow me. I’m about to change your lives. | 跟我来 我要改变你们的人生 |
| [06:21] | – How? – I’m gonna teach you how to defeat your mother. | -怎么变 -我要教你们击败你们的母亲 |
| [06:25] | It’s natural for teenagers to separate from their parents. | 青少年和父母分开是很正常的事 |
| [06:29] | But your mother loves you so much, | 但你们母亲太爱你们了 |
| [06:31] | she’ll never let that happen. | 她永远不会允许这样 |
| [06:32] | That’s why it’s my job to — | 所以我的工作是 |
| [06:34] | Why are you wearing that outfit? | 你为什么要穿这身衣服 |
| [06:36] | You’re gonna teach us how to fight mom, right? | 你不是要教我们打赢妈妈吗 |
| [06:38] | No! I’m gonna teach you to combat her guilt. | 不 我是要教你们打赢她的内疚牌 |
| [06:42] | Ohhhh! That makes more sense. | 这下有道理多了 |
| [06:44] | Should I go change back? | 我要换回衣服吗 |
| [06:45] | Just focus on me. He’ll get what he gets. | 跟我说就行 他明白多少是多少 |
| [06:47] | If you’ve noticed, | 你们注意就会发现 |
| [06:48] | when your mom tries to guilt me, it doesn’t work. | 你们妈妈向我打内疚牌时 是没用的 |
| [06:51] | That’s because of my simple mantra — | 那是因为我有简单的口头禅 |
| [06:54] | “It’s not real. Don’t feel.” | 这不是真的 别上当 |
| [06:57] | What’s not real? | 什么不是真的 |
| [06:58] | The pain she’s in. | 她经历的痛苦 |
| [06:59] | Her guilt and tears are just a manipulation. | 她的内疚牌与泪水只是控制你们的手段 |
| [07:02] | Don’t fall for it. | 别相信 |
| [07:03] | Pops, if your thing was so easy, | 老爷子 如果你的办法这么简单 |
| [07:05] | we would have done it a long time ago. | 我们很久前就用了 |
| [07:07] | Oh, you’re right. | 你是对的 |
| [07:08] | I’m just a silly old man. | 我只是愚蠢的老头子 |
| [07:11] | I-I should just go home, ball up my socks, and go to bed. | 我应该回家叠袜子 上床睡觉 |
| [07:16] | – No, don’t. I’m sorry. – Don’t do that! We love you! | -别 对不起 -别这样 我们爱你 |
| [07:17] | It’s not real! Don’t feel! | 这不是真的 别上当 |
| [07:20] | Wait. That was just an act? | 慢着 你刚才是演戏吗 |
| [07:21] | Yes! | 是的 |
| [07:22] | My god, you’re weak and soft! | 老天 你们真够没用的 |
| [07:24] | Say it with me. “it’s not real. Don’t feel.” | 跟我一起说 这不是真的 别上当 |
| [07:27] | It’s not real. Don’t feel. | 这不是真的 别上当 |
| [07:30] | Louder! | 大声点 |
| [07:30] | It’s not real! Don’t feel! | 这不是真的 别上当 |
| [07:33] | Not that loud. | 别这么大声 |
| [07:34] | She’ll hear you, and then we’re all in trouble. | 她会听到的 那我们都有麻烦了 |
| [07:37] | As my brother and sister were learning to fight back, | 我哥和我姐学习反击时 |
| [07:39] | I was battling the 64 ounces of mountain dew in my bladder! | 我在对抗膀胱里64盎司的汽水 |
| [07:43] | Dad, I have to pee again. | 爸 我又要尿尿了 |
| [07:45] | What? You just went! | 什么 你刚去了 |
| [07:47] | All right, I’m not gonna sugarcoat this. | 好吧 我就不掩饰了 |
| [07:49] | My bladder shut down. | 我尿不出来 |
| [07:50] | There’s too much pressure at the trough. | 尿槽那里压力太大了 |
| [07:51] | Well, why don’t you use the damn stall? | 那你干嘛不用隔间 |
| [07:53] | Don’t speak of the stall — ever! | 永远别再说隔间 |
| [07:55] | Well, it’s too late. The bases are loaded. | 太迟了 球员就位了 |
| [07:58] | I’m not taking you again. So just go! | 我不会带你去了 你自己去 |
| [08:00] | Isn’t there some private executive washroom | 这里有没有高级的私密性好的厕所 |
| [08:02] | with scented soaps instead of a giant metal river of whiz?! | 里面有香皂 而不是满是尿液的巨大金属槽 |
| [08:05] | When will the hand-holding end, already?! | 父母要管你到什么时候 |
| [08:08] | For once in your life, be a man. | 这辈子哪怕就这一次 做个男人 |
| [08:10] | You don’t think I’m a man? | 你觉得我不是男人吗 |
| [08:12] | All right, let me answer that question with this question. | 我用这个问题来回答你的问题 |
| [08:15] | What superhero is on your underwear right now? | 你今天穿的内裤上是哪个超级英雄 |
| [08:18] | I outgrew those months ago! | 我几个月前就不穿这种内裤了 |
| [08:20] | I’ll show you! I’ll go! | 我让你看看 我自己去 |
| [08:22] | Go! | 去吧 |
| [08:23] | Fine! I’m going! | 很好 我去 |
| [08:24] | Good! You’re doing what I want you to do! | 很好 这正是我想让你做的 |
| [08:27] | Sure, I was mad at my dad, | 我当然生我爸的气 |
| [08:28] | but mostly I was mad at myself, ’cause he was right. | 但主要我还是生自己的气 因为他是对的 |
| [08:31] | So I set out to prove my manhood once and for all, | 所以我着手彻底一次证明我的男子气概 |
| [08:34] | and the first step was going potty by myself! | 第一步就是自己去尿尿 |
| [08:37] | Nope. | 不 |
| [08:38] | Excuse me. Which way to the upper level? | 打扰下 去上面怎么走 |
| [08:40] | I’m thinking the higher you go, the fancier it gets. | 我觉得越高越高级 |
| [08:43] | So I headed up to what I figured was the super-fancy 700 level. | 于是我去了我以为非常高级的700级 |
| [08:47] | Not fancy. Not fancy. | 不高级 一点也不高级 |
| [08:50] | I finally gave up and headed back to my seats. | 我最终放弃想回座位 |
| [08:52] | Just one problem — | 只是有一个问题 |
| [08:53] | I had no idea where my seats were. | 我不知道我的座位在哪里 |
| [09:04] | Oh, balls! | 死定了 |
| [09:09] | Early-bird dinner was over, and Erica and Barry | 晨鸟优惠晚餐结束了 爱丽卡和巴瑞 |
| [09:11] | had been with my mom for six straight hours. | 已经和老妈共度了整整6小时 |
| [09:13] | She was going for seven. | 她打算延长到7小时 |
| [09:15] | Wow. I am stuffed. | 我好饱 |
| [09:18] | What do you say we go home | 我们回家 |
| [09:19] | and burn off some of these calories with a little bedazzling? | 玩钉亮片消耗这些卡路里怎么样 |
| [09:21] | Ugh! Make it stop! | 别这样 |
| [09:23] | It’s too much time with you! | 和你在一起太长时间了 |
| [09:25] | I’m sorry, but I’m done. | 对不起 但我受够了 |
| [09:26] | If spending time with your mother is some kind of torture, | 如果和母亲在一起对你们来说是折磨 |
| [09:29] | then I’ll just walk home. | 那我走回家好了 |
| [09:30] | Stop the car. | 停车 |
| [09:31] | And there it was, her signature guilt move — | 这就是她的标志性内疚牌 |
| [09:34] | Storming out of the car and making us beg her to come back. | 愤然下车 让我们求她上车 |
| [09:37] | Here I go. | 我走了 |
| [09:39] | I’ll probably get flattened by a truck, not that you’d care. | 我可能被卡车轧死 反正你们也不在乎 |
| [09:42] | Aw, man! She’s out of the car! | 老天 她下车了 |
| [09:44] | Now what do we do? | 现在我们怎么做 |
| [09:45] | Nothing. | 不做什么 |
| [09:46] | Remember what pops said? “it’s not real. Don’t feel.” | 记得老爷子说的吗 这不是真的 别上当 |
| [09:49] | I’m walking! | 我走了 |
| [09:50] | We should just drive off and let her walk home. | 我们应该开车 让她走回家 |
| [09:52] | You heard her. | 你听到她说的了 |
| [09:53] | She could be flattened by a truck! | 她可能会被卡车轧死 |
| [09:55] | She’s not a squirrel! | 她又不是松鼠 |
| [09:57] | We’re 10 minutes from home. She’ll be fine. | 离家才10分钟车程 她不会有事的 |
| [09:59] | I’m walking. | 我走了 |
| [10:01] | All right, we need to take a stand and drive away. | 我们要表明态度开车走人 |
| [10:03] | – Are you with me? – I don’t know! | -你支持我吗 -我不知道 |
| [10:05] | Still walking! | 我还在走 |
| [10:06] | I need you to look me in the eye | 我要你看着我的眼睛 |
| [10:07] | and say you are with me. | 说你支持我 |
| [10:09] | I’m with you! | 我支持你 |
| [10:10] | God save my soul, I’m with you! | 上帝拯救我的灵魂 我支持你 |
| [10:17] | I knew you’d come to your senses. | 我就知道你们会想清楚的 |
| [10:19] | We’re doing it! This is really happening! | 我们做到了 这是真的 |
| [10:21] | I’ve never felt so alive in my life! | 我这辈子没觉得这么有活力过 |
| [10:26] | As my brother and sister were flying high, | 我哥和我姐高飞时 |
| [10:28] | my dad was crashing down to reality. | 我爸坠入了现实 |
| [10:30] | Damn it. Where is he? | 见鬼 他在哪里 |
| [10:31] | See, back before cellphones, | 在手机出现前 |
| [10:33] | getting lost was a much bigger deal. | 走丢是件很严重的事 |
| [10:35] | I’m fine. It’s fine. | 我没事 没事 |
| [10:37] | It’s all gonna be fine. | 不会有事的 |
| [10:39] | S-so I’m hungry and alone and may never be rescued. | 我很饿 我一个人 也许永远不会被救 |
| [10:43] | It’s good times. | 但很开心 |
| [10:44] | The only way to actually find someone | 找到某人的唯一办法 |
| [10:46] | was to shout their name really loud. | 就是大声叫名字 |
| [10:47] | Adam?! | 亚当 |
| [10:48] | When that didn’t work, my dad decided to | 叫名字没用时 我爸决定 |
| [10:50] | awkwardly approach anyone who even looked a little like me. | 冒失地拉着看所有和我有些相似的人 |
| [10:54] | Tiny lady. Sorry. | 小个子女士 对不起 |
| [10:56] | Meanwhile, the more I ran around, the more lost I got. | 与此同时 我越跑越迷路 |
| [10:59] | Luckily, my dad came up with the perfect plan | 幸运地是 我爸想到了完美的计划 |
| [11:02] | to track me down. | 来找我 |
| [11:03] | Whoa, whoa. Slow it down there, boss. | 慢着 老大 |
| [11:04] | That’s a restricted area. | 这是禁区 |
| [11:05] | Yeah, yeah — I got separated from my son, | 知道 我和儿子分开了 |
| [11:07] | and I need to make an announcement to the entire stadium. | 我要向球场做个广播 |
| [11:09] | Okay, that makes sense. | 行吧 |
| [11:11] | This kid of yours — what’s he look like? | 你的孩子长什么样 |
| [11:13] | I don’t know. | 我不知道 |
| [11:13] | He’s a boy. He’s normal-looking. | 是个男孩 普通长相 |
| [11:15] | He’s got hair, a face. | 有头发有脸 |
| [11:17] | I-I don’t look at him much. | 我不是经常看他 |
| [11:18] | Uh-huh. And, uh, how old is this boy? | 好吧 你儿子多大了 |
| [11:21] | 11. | 11岁 |
| [11:22] | Or…14. | 或是14岁 |
| [11:24] | Can I just go make my announcement?! | 我可以进去广播吗 |
| [11:26] | Oh, yeah, sure. | 当然 |
| [11:27] | And after, you want to visit the dugout | 之后你想参观休息室的 |
| [11:28] | or shower in the locker room? | 球员休息区或浴室吗 |
| [11:30] | Very funny. | 很好笑 |
| [11:31] | Hey, how are your fielding skills? | 你的外场技术怎么样 |
| [11:32] | You want to play shortstop? | 你想做游击手吗 |
| [11:33] | Just know I will make it through that door. | 告诉你 我会进去的 |
| [11:36] | Better yet, why don’t I have two of my friends escort you | 不如来点更好的 我叫两位朋友护送你去 |
| [11:39] | to the V.I.P. Section? | 贵宾区 |
| [11:46] | My kid’s in there! | 我孩子在里面 |
| [11:49] | While my dad had hit an all-time low, | 我爸沮丧到不行时 |
| [11:52] | Barry and Erica were riding high. | 巴瑞和爱丽卡开心得不得了 |
| [11:54] | Dude, we did it! | 我们做到了 |
| [11:55] | For once, we didn’t give in to her guilt! | 这一次 我们没向她的内疚牌屈服 |
| [11:57] | I know! We totally drove away! | 就是 我们开车走了 |
| [12:01] | I feel so exhilarated, like I just killed a man! | 我好开心 就像我刚杀了人一样 |
| [12:04] | Exactly! | 就是 |
| [12:05] | Wait. What? | 什么 |
| [12:05] | Pops, we did just like you said with mom. | 老爷子 我们按你说的那样对付了妈妈 |
| [12:08] | Way to go, kiddos. I want to hear all about it. | 好样的 孩子们 快说来听听 |
| [12:11] | You know that thing mom does when she storms out of the car | 你知道妈会摔门下车 |
| [12:14] | and then you have to beg her to get back in? | 你得求她上车 |
| [12:16] | Oh, yeah — the big guns. | 知道 她的绝招 |
| [12:17] | Well, we left her on the side of the road like an old mattress! | 我们把她像旧床垫一样 丢在了马路边 |
| [12:21] | Boom! | 厉害 |
| [12:22] | What? Are you nuts?! | 什么 你们疯了吗 |
| [12:24] | You don’t leave your mother on the side of the road! | 你不能把母亲丢在马路边 |
| [12:27] | Who does that? | 谁会这样做 |
| [12:28] | That’s exactly what you said to do. | 是你说要这样做的 |
| [12:29] | That’s not what I said at all! | 这可不是我说的 |
| [12:31] | Why are you making us feel guilty? | 你为什么让我们内疚 |
| [12:32] | I thought you were on our side! | 你不是站在我们这边的吗 |
| [12:34] | My god! What have you done?! | 我的天 你们做了什么 |
| [12:36] | Everybody just chill, okay? | 大家冷静好吗 |
| [12:39] | That’s her. She’s fine. | 她回来了 她没事 |
| [12:42] | Evening. | 晚上好 |
| [12:42] | It was the old man! He put us up to it! | 是这个老头子让我们这样做的 |
| [12:44] | They misunderstood my rhyme! | 他们误会了我的话 |
| [12:46] | It doesn’t matter. | 不重要 |
| [12:48] | Is our mom okay? | 我们的妈妈没事吗 |
| [12:49] | She’s fine. I gave her a lift. | 她没事 我送她回来的 |
| [12:51] | Lucky for her, I was driving down old york road | 她很幸运 我开在约克路上 |
| [12:53] | and was temporarily blinded | 阳光反射在 |
| [12:55] | by the sunlight reflecting off of her bejeweled jacket. | 她亮晶晶的夹克上 让我暂时失明了 |
| [12:57] | Where is she? | 她在哪里 |
| [12:58] | In the back of my cruiser with a little pack of tissues. | 在我的车后座 拿着小包纸巾 |
| [13:00] | She’s pretty certain she failed as a mother. | 她相当肯定 她这个当妈的太失败了 |
| [13:02] | I know this looks bad, | 我知道这看起来很糟糕 |
| [13:03] | but you have to understand she uses guilt to get her way. | 但你得理解 她利用内疚逼我们就范 |
| [13:07] | So… She’s like every mom. | 所以 她和天下妈妈一样 |
| [13:09] | Except in this case, | 只是这一次 |
| [13:10] | you abandoned her on the side of the road. | 你们把她丢在了马路边 |
| [13:13] | Shame on you. | 太无耻了 |
| [13:15] | Shame. | 无耻 |
| [13:19] | Thank you for seeing me home safely, officer. | 感谢你送我安全回家 警官 |
| [13:23] | It was very kind. | 你真是好人 |
| [13:24] | You must be a wonderful son. | 你一定是个好儿子 |
| [13:28] | Mom — | 妈 |
| [13:29] | Bup-bup-bup. | 别说了 |
| [13:30] | I have one thing to say to you. | 我只对你说一句 |
| [13:34] | That was up. | 够了 |
| [13:37] | Only one person felt worse than Barry and Erica — my dad. | 只有一个人比巴瑞和爱丽卡更难受 我爸 |
| [13:40] | He was so desperate to find me | 他不顾一切想找到我 |
| [13:41] | that he sought help in the most unlikely of places — | 居然去了最没希望的地方找帮助 |
| [13:44] | A parking lot full of Philly tailgaters. | 满是费城人队场外野餐球迷的停车场 |
| [13:47] | You guys got an extra ticket you could sell me? | 你有没有多余的票可以卖给我 |
| [13:49] | I-I got tossed out of the stadium. | 我被赶出了球场 |
| [13:51] | I need to get back in. | 我得回去 |
| [13:51] | Why’d you get ejected, chief? | 你为什么被赶出来了 |
| [13:53] | Um, I got into it with a security guard | 我和保安起了冲突 |
| [13:56] | because I lost my son. | 我儿子走丢了 |
| [13:57] | In veterans stadium? | 在老兵球场走丢了 |
| [13:59] | Damn, that is just some bad parenting right there. | 见鬼 你这爹也当得太差劲了 |
| [14:02] | I never let my little fella out of my sight. | 我从来不会让小家伙离开我的视线 |
| [14:07] | Tell you what. | 这样吧 |
| [14:08] | Let me c.b. the other camps around the stadium, | 我问下球场周围的其他扎营者 |
| [14:10] | see if anybody’s seen your kid. | 看有没有人看到你的孩子 |
| [14:11] | Wow. You’d do that? | 你愿意这样做吗 |
| [14:13] | Well, t-thank you. | 太感谢了 |
| [14:14] | It’s what phillies fans do. | 费城人队的球迷就该这样 |
| [14:15] | So, how old is he? What does he look like? | 他多大了 长什么样 |
| [14:17] | Why’s everybody need to know that?! | 为什么大家都需要知道这个 |
| [14:21] | Hey. I-I’m kind of lost. | 我迷路了 |
| [14:23] | Could you please help me find my dad? | 你可以帮我找我爸爸吗 |
| [14:24] | Of course we can help you find your dad. | 当然可以了 |
| [14:27] | Why don’t you step over there with the other lost kids? | 你先过去和其他走丢的孩子坐在一起 |
| [14:32] | As I looked at that line of lost little tykes, | 看着坐成一排的迷路小孩子 |
| [14:34] | I knew I couldn’t join them. | 我知道我不能坐过去 |
| [14:35] | I finally had to man up | 我必须拿出男子气概 |
| [14:37] | and become the 11- or 14-year-old | 变成11岁或14岁 |
| [14:39] | my dad wanted me to be. | 就像我爸希望的那样 |
| [14:40] | No! | 不 |
| [14:41] | Not today! | 今天不行 |
| [14:42] | I’m lost, I’m starving, and I still haven’t peed, | 我走丢了 我很饿 依然没尿出来 |
| [14:45] | but I will survive! | 但我会活下去 |
| [14:49] | As I was finally confronting | 我终于鼓足勇气面对 |
| [14:51] | the most disgusting bathroom in the world, | 全世界最恶心的厕所时 |
| [14:53] | Erica and Barry were about to face | 爱丽卡和巴瑞要面对 |
| [14:55] | the most emotionally manipulative mother in the universe. | 全宇宙最会在情感上操控人的母亲 |
| [14:59] | Hey, mama. | 妈妈 |
| [15:02] | I don’t think she heard you. Do it again. | 她没听到 再说一遍 |
| [15:05] | Oh, stop it. I heard you. I’m just not answering. | 别叫了 我听到了 我不想回答 |
| [15:07] | We feel horrible. | 我们很难过 |
| [15:09] | And we made a little peace offering | 我们做了示好小礼物 |
| [15:10] | to show you how sorry we are. | 向你表达我们的深深歉意 |
| [15:12] | It’s a picture of you. | 这是你的头像 |
| [15:13] | See? | 瞧 |
| [15:15] | You’re smiling, like you used to | 你在笑 在我们把你 |
| [15:16] | before we ditched you on the side of the road like human trash. | 像垃圾一样扔在路边前 你就是这样笑的 |
| [15:19] | Your shading and tones don’t quite capture my loving essence, | 明暗对比以及基调没抓住我慈爱的精髓 |
| [15:23] | but I appreciate the effort. | 但我感谢你们这么努力 |
| [15:24] | Maybe you could teach us. | 你可以教我们 |
| [15:26] | How does that sound? | 怎么样 |
| [15:27] | We bedazzle for the rest of the day. | 今天剩下时间我们可以钉亮片 |
| [15:28] | Well, that’s a good first step, | 这样的开始不错 |
| [15:30] | but it’s gonna take a lot more than rhinestones and glitter | 但要弥补你们所做的 仅仅靠人造钻石 |
| [15:33] | to make up for what you did. | 和亮片可不够 |
| [15:34] | Name it. Anything. | 说出来 什么都行 |
| [15:37] | – I want huggies. – Fine. | -我要抱抱 -好的 |
| [15:38] | – And snuggies. – On it. | -依偎 -行 |
| [15:39] | – And kissies. – Absolutely. | -亲亲 -没问题 |
| [15:40] | And nubbies. | 还有宝宝搂 |
| [15:42] | Lots and lots of nubbies. | 很多很多宝宝搂 |
| [15:44] | I don’t know what that is, and I’m scared to find out, | 我不知道是什么 也害怕知道 |
| [15:46] | but sure. | 但好的 |
| [15:47] | We’re gonna go set up the bedazzler. | 我们去准备钉亮片的东西 |
| [15:49] | We’ll meet you upstairs. | 楼上见 |
| [15:53] | And just like that, my mother realized | 就这样 我妈意识到 |
| [15:55] | that getting abandoned on the side of the road | 被遗弃在马路边 |
| [15:56] | was the best thing that could have happened to her. | 是她碰到的最幸福的事 |
| [15:58] | Mom, are you coming? | 妈 你来吗 |
| [16:01] | I’ll be there in a minute. | 我马上来 |
| [16:05] | It was the bottom of the ninth. | 第九局快结束了 |
| [16:07] | I was still lost, but at least I wasn’t alone. | 我依然在迷路中 但我不孤单了 |
| [16:09] | I guess I just really want to show my dad what I’m made of, you know? | 我只是想让我爸看到真正的我 |
| [16:14] | In here. | 让他心里明白 |
| [16:14] | Does that make sense? | 这说得通吗 |
| [16:18] | Okay, you’ve done that three times. | 你已经这样做了三次了 |
| [16:20] | I don’t know what that means. | 我不知道你什么意思 |
| [16:21] | As I was getting annoyed with my new green friend, | 新的绿色朋友惹我生气时 |
| [16:23] | Barry and Erica were bedazzling | 巴瑞和爱丽卡被彩虹色彩 |
| [16:25] | with all the colors of the rainbow. | 弄得头晕眼花 |
| [16:27] | What’s all this? | 怎么回事 |
| [16:28] | Oh, just a bunch of bedazzmanian devils going crazy! | 只是一群亮片小魔头玩嗨了 |
| [16:35] | It’s been a fun hour. | 这一小时非常好玩 |
| [16:36] | You know what? We’re out of silver studs. | 银色钉没有了 |
| [16:37] | I’m gonna go get some from my craft drawer. | 我去手工艺品抽屉拿 |
| [16:39] | Yes! We need more. | 是 我们需要更多 |
| [16:41] | This is so fun! | 太好玩了 |
| [16:43] | Help us. | 救命 |
| [16:44] | I’m sorry. You hurt her for real. | 抱歉 你们真的伤了她 |
| [16:46] | You got to pay the price. | 你们得付出代价 |
| [16:48] | But we bedazzled everything. | 但我们给所有东西钉上了亮片 |
| [16:50] | Look. | 看 |
| [16:51] | I even bedazzled my Flyers jersey, | 我的飞人队球衣也没幸免 |
| [16:53] | and, in some weird way, I think it looks amazing. | 奇怪的是 我觉得漂亮极了 |
| [16:56] | And what are nubbies? | 什么是宝宝搂 |
| [16:57] | What are nubbies?! | 什么是宝宝搂 |
| [16:58] | She said “nubbies”? | 她说了宝宝搂吗 |
| [17:01] | Oh, you’re way too old for that. | 你们年纪也太大了 |
| [17:02] | I’ll talk to her. | 我跟她谈谈 |
| [17:05] | Bevy, listen, | 贝弗 听我说 |
| [17:06] | the kids don’t deserve all the blame for what they did. | 孩子们做的事不能全怪他们 |
| [17:10] | I may have taught them how to stand up to your guilt. | 我教他们如何反抗你的内疚牌 |
| [17:13] | That was you? | 是你吗 |
| [17:15] | Thank you so much. | 太感谢了 |
| [17:17] | Thank you for this wonderful gift. | 谢谢你这份美好的礼物 |
| [17:20] | W-wait. What’s happening? Y-you’re not angry? | 怎么回事 你不生气吗 |
| [17:23] | This is literally my dream come true. | 我的梦想真的成真了 |
| [17:26] | Now they’re under my thumb forever. | 现在他们永远在我的掌控之下 |
| [17:28] | I get to decide how they live, who they marry, | 我可以决定他们如何生活 嫁谁娶谁 |
| [17:30] | where they take me on vacation, | 带我去哪里度假 |
| [17:32] | and all because they left me on the side of the road. | 都是因为他们把我扔在了马路边 |
| [17:35] | Honey, you can’t hold them hostage with guilt | 亲爱的 你不能用内疚 |
| [17:38] | for the rest of their lives. | 来控制他们一辈子 |
| [17:39] | They’re just gonna end up resenting you. | 他们最终会怨恨你的 |
| [17:41] | But…what else am I supposed to do? | 但我能怎么做 |
| [17:44] | I’m their mom. | 我是他们的妈妈 |
| [17:45] | If it were up to them, they’d never spend time with me. | 要是由他们决定 他们根本不会陪我 |
| [17:48] | Have you ever wondered | 你可曾想过 |
| [17:48] | why they love hanging out with me so much? | 他们为什么那么喜欢和我玩在一起 |
| [17:51] | ‘Cause I don’t force them to. | 因为我不会强迫他们这样做 |
| [17:53] | Also, I’m pretty frickin’ delightful. | 而且我相当讨人喜欢 |
| [17:57] | You are pretty delightful. | 你的确讨人喜欢 |
| [17:59] | And so are you. | 你也一样 |
| [18:06] | Put the stud guns down. You’re free to go. | 放下射钉枪 你们可以离开了 |
| [18:08] | No, really. We’re having fun. | 不 我们真的很开心 |
| [18:09] | You’re not. | 你们不开心 |
| [18:11] | You’ve done this long enough, and we’re even. | 你们已经做了很久了 我们扯平了 |
| [18:14] | But we’re just trying to apologize for what we did. | 我们只想为我们的行为道歉 |
| [18:16] | No, I’m the one who needs to apologize. | 不 我才需要道歉 |
| [18:23] | I guilt you kids way too much. | 我对你们用内疚牌用得太过了 |
| [18:26] | It’s just, uh… | 只是 |
| [18:29] | When you were little, | 你们小时候 |
| [18:30] | all you wanted to do was spend time with me. | 你们只想和我在一起玩 |
| [18:34] | And, you know, a mom gets used to that. | 母亲习惯于这样 |
| [18:38] | You two will never understand | 你们永远不会明白 |
| [18:40] | how much it hurts when that goes away. | 这一切消失时母亲有多痛 |
| [18:44] | I think that’s just the way things are right now. | 我想孩子长大后就会这样 |
| [18:47] | You know, we really meant what we bedazzled. | 我们钉亮片时是真心的 |
| [18:51] | We do love you. | 我们真的爱你 |
| [18:52] | I know. | 我知道 |
| [18:54] | Just no nubbies. | 不要宝宝搂 |
| [18:56] | Deal. | 好的 |
| [18:57] | While my mom had found common ground with Barry and Erica, | 我妈和巴瑞以及爱丽卡找到共识点时 |
| [18:59] | I still hadn’t found my dad. | 我依然没找到我爸 |
| [19:01] | But we weren’t out of options. | 但我们还有办法 |
| [19:03] | Back then, whenever you got lost, | 那时候 无论何时走丢了 |
| [19:05] | the last resort was always the same — meet at the car. | 最后一招都是一样的 在车旁等 |
| [19:11] | Of course, I had no idea where we were parked, | 我当然不知道我们的车停在哪里 |
| [19:13] | so I had to wait until every single car was gone. | 我只有等到其它车全部开走 |
| [19:34] | I was ready to give my dad hell. | 我准备冲我爸大发脾气 |
| [19:36] | I wanted to tell him how I survived on my own | 我要告诉他我自己生存了下来 |
| [19:38] | and proved him wrong. | 证明他错了 |
| [19:39] | I wanted to tell him I was a man. | 我要告诉他我是个男人 |
| [19:41] | I wanted to tell him that I didn’t need him anymore. | 我要告诉他 我不再需要他了 |
| [19:44] | But…instead, I did this. | 但结果我却这样做了 |
| [19:49] | I know. | 我知道 |
| [19:51] | You’re safe. | 你没事 |
| [19:53] | You’re safe. | 你没事 |
| [19:58] | I spent most of that day lost, | 那天我大部分时间处于走丢状态 |
| [20:00] | but what I remember most is what I found. | 但我记得最清楚的是重聚 |
| [20:02] | I found out that I could do okay on my own, | 我发现我一个人也能行 |
| [20:05] | and my dad discovered he didn’t want me to grow up too fast. | 我爸发现 他不想让我成长得太快 |
| [20:10] | Hey, ma. | 妈 |
| [20:12] | Back from another normal day. | 普通的一天结束了 |
| [20:14] | Well, come into the nook. | 过来坐 |
| [20:18] | It’s “battle of the network stars.” | 《电视明星运动赛》开始了 |
| [20:20] | Fonzie sure can throw a javelin. | 方奇扔标枪真帅 |
| [20:22] | That’s the thing about parents — | 父母就是这样 |
| [20:24] | They always drive you crazy. | 他们总是让你发疯 |
| [20:26] | Oh. Got a beautiful tomato if you’re hungry. | 这有个漂亮番茄 你饿了吗 |
| [20:28] | Mom, enough with the tomato. | 妈 别再提番茄 |
| [20:29] | Someone’s gonna eat this thing today. | 反正今天得有人吃掉 |
| [20:31] | But in a world where we all get lost sometimes… | 但在一个我们都会偶尔迷路的世界里 |
| [20:33] | – Stop! Stop, mom! – Kissy shark! Kissy shark! | -别这样 妈 -亲亲鲨鱼来了 |
| [20:35] | Stop! Stop it! | 别这样 |
| [20:37] | …there’s nothing better | 最棒的莫过于 |
| [20:38] | than having people who love you so much, | 拥有深爱你的人 |
| [20:41] | they never want to let you go. | 他们永远不会对你放手 |
| [20:43] | No! No, no, no! Mom, mom! | 别这样 妈 |
| [20:45] | 以此纪念老兵球场 1971年-2004年 | |
| [20:47] | Three…two…fire! | 三 二 点火 |
| [21:03] | Whoa! What is that? | 这是什么 |
| [21:04] | Oh, you mean the shirt? | 你是说衬衫吗 |
| [21:07] | I’m going to the Phillies game later with dad, | 我等下和爸去看费城人队比赛 |
| [21:09] | so I bedazzled this as a joke just to drive him crazy. | 我钉了亮片好玩 想气死他 |
| [21:12] | I mean, I would never wear this to the game. | 我不会穿这个去看比赛的 |
| [21:14] | Unless you think I could maybe wear it to the game. | 除非你觉得可以穿去看比赛 |
| [21:16] | You know, you shouldn’t just wear it to the game. | 你不应该只是穿去看比赛 |
| [21:19] | I would wear it to school. | 是我就会穿着去学校 |
| [21:20] | That’s what I thought! Thank you! | 我也是这样想的 谢谢 |
| [21:23] | I mean, this is a joke, but — but thank you! | 我这是开玩笑 但谢谢 |