| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:00] | Long before online dating, | 在网上约会出现之前 |
| [00:01] | single people bared their souls on videotape, | 单身人士在录像中袒露自己的灵魂 |
| [00:04] | and this is what it actually looked like. | 看上去是这样的 |
| [00:06] | Hi. I’m Maurice. | 你好 我是莫里斯 |
| [00:07] | I’m an executive by day and a wild man by night. | 我白天是经理 晚上是疯狂的男人 |
| [00:10] | I’m not afraid to get sand on my tuxedo | 我不怕晚礼服上沾上沙子 |
| [00:12] | if you’re not afraid to let the wind | 只要你不怕我打开天窗 |
| [00:14] | mess your hair up a little bit when I take the top down. | 风吹乱你的秀发 |
| [00:16] | And video dating had finally hit the suburbs of Philly. | 录像约会风终于刮到了费城的郊区 |
| [00:19] | Excuse me, ladies. | 打扰下 女士们 |
| [00:21] | How would you like to meet the man of your dreams? | 你们想认识你们的白马王子吗 |
| [00:23] | You’re really old. | 你好老了 |
| [00:24] | Ouch. | 真伤人 |
| [00:25] | But, no, I’m talking about | 误会了 我说的是 |
| [00:27] | the romantic wave of the future — | 爱情的未来趋势 |
| [00:29] | video dating. | 录像约会 |
| [00:30] | It’s a real business. | 不骗人的 |
| [00:32] | Using our advanced VHS technology | 利用我们先进的录像技术 |
| [00:34] | and a one-time fee of $399, | 一次性付费399美元 |
| [00:37] | followed by lifetime monthly fees of only $19.99, | 以及终生每月付费19.99美元 |
| [00:40] | anyone can now find love. | 现在任何人都可以找到爱情 |
| [00:42] | So, which of you lonely hearts is looking for Mr. Right? | 你们中哪一颗孤独的心在寻找真命天子 |
| [00:46] | Well, I’m not, but | 我没有 但是 |
| [00:49] | I am not a sad-sack loser. | 我不是没人要的倒霉鬼 |
| [00:51] | I choose to be alone, and it’s the best. | 我是选择单身的 这样最好了 |
| [00:53] | It is the best, isn’t it? | 这样的确最好 不是吗 |
| [00:55] | Well, that’s too bad because for a limited time, | 太遗憾了 因为现在限量推出 |
| [00:57] | anyone that joins the VD community | 加入录约群体的人 |
| [00:59] | gets a free tote bag for just $12.99. | 只需12.99美元 就可以获得免费的手提袋 |
| [01:02] | I am not carrying around a bag that says, “I heart VD.” | 我才不会提着一个写着”我爱VD”的袋子 |
| [01:05] | My God. | 老天 |
| [01:06] | Wait, I have the perfect customer for you — my dad. | 慢着 我有非常适合你的顾客 我爸 |
| [01:09] | He’s totally ready to get back out there. | 他完全准备好重返情场了 |
| [01:12] | Hell, no! | 当然不行 |
| [01:13] | Why would I ever do video dating? | 我为什么要去参加什么录像约会 |
| [01:14] | I’m living the dream. | 我现在活的很滋润 |
| [01:16] | It’s 2:00 in the afternoon, and you’re still in your robe. | 现在是下午两点 你还穿着睡袍 |
| [01:18] | So? A robe is just a long jacket made of towel. | 怎样 睡袍就是毛巾做的长外套 |
| [01:20] | Lots of people wear these. | 很多人穿这个 |
| [01:22] | Not to other people’s homes. | 不会穿到别人家去 |
| [01:23] | In this house, we keep it loose. | 在这个家 我们讲究放松 |
| [01:25] | Dad, it’s been four years since Mom left. | 爸 妈走了已经四年了 |
| [01:27] | Isn’t it time you got set up with someone? | 你难道不应该去相相亲吗 |
| [01:29] | Set up? Did somebody say “Set up”? | 相亲 有人说相亲吗 |
| [01:30] | Who am I setting up? | 我要为谁安排相亲 |
| [01:31] | No, stop. We don’t need your help. | 不 别这样 我们不需要你的帮助 |
| [01:33] | Bill’s gonna do video dating. | 比尔要参加录像约会 |
| [01:34] | Video dating? | 录像约会 |
| [01:40] | I will find you love. | 我会帮你找到爱 |
| [01:42] | Sorry, but, uh, your way of matchmaking | 抱歉 但你做媒的方式 |
| [01:43] | is a thing of the past. | 已经落伍了 |
| [01:45] | Please. I am literally responsible | 拜托 毫不夸张地说 |
| [01:47] | for setting up over 200 couples, | 我做媒超过两百对 |
| [01:49] | which means I’m personally responsible | 也就是说我让六万两千多个孩子 |
| [01:51] | for over 62,000 babies. | 来到了这个世上 |
| [01:53] | Yeah, that’s not real math. | 哪有这样算的 |
| [01:54] | Bill, would you rather put your heart | 比尔 你是愿意将心 |
| [01:56] | in the hands of a proven love champion | 放在久经考验的做媒界冠军手中 |
| [01:58] | or risk everything | 还是冒险将一切 |
| [01:59] | with someone whose romantic record is a little spotty? | 交给爱情记录不咋滴的人 |
| [02:01] | Honestly, I’d rather not do either. | 说实话 我都不想 |
| [02:03] | Hey, my record is not spotty. | 我的记录可不是不咋滴 |
| [02:05] | And I’m, like, the best ever at love. | 我可是爱情高手 |
| [02:07] | Yeah, not so much. | 其实不是 |
| [02:08] | And when you think about it, you’ve only had one boyfriend, | 仔细想想 你只交过一个男友 |
| [02:10] | and that was two years ago. | 还是两年前的事 |
| [02:11] | Right, Dante. What a character. | 对 但丁 真是个人物 |
| [02:13] | His name wasn’t Dante. | 他不叫但丁 |
| [02:14] | He had that small hand. | 他的手很小 |
| [02:16] | Who are you thinking of? And I’m alone by choice. | 你想的是谁 我是自己选择单身的 |
| [02:18] | Ha! Please. | 得了吧 |
| [02:20] | You only liked Geoff after he wanted nothing to do with you. | 杰夫不要你了 你又喜欢他了 |
| [02:22] | Oh, yeah? | 是吗 |
| [02:23] | Well, I’ll show you friggin’ jerkuses | 我会让你们这些该死的人知道 |
| [02:25] | how friggin’ great I am at friggin’ love | 我是多么厉害的爱情高手 |
| [02:27] | when your dad’s walking down the friggin’ aisle. | 等你爹走上该死的红毯时你们就知道了 |
| [02:29] | See, you don’t even know that men don’t walk down the aisle! | 你甚至不知道婚礼上走红毯的不是男人 |
| [02:32] | Gah! Bill, get out of your bath clothes! | 比尔 换下浴袍 |
| [02:34] | – I’m finding you love again. – Okay. | -我要为你寻找爱情 -好吧 |
| [02:36] | Oh! My bad! | 是我不好 |
| [02:37] | I’ll get — Ohh, my back! | 我来 我的背 |
| [02:40] | Don’t worry, pal. I gotcha. | 别担心 伙计 有我在 |
| [02:41] | No, no, Bruce Lee style. Hyah! | 不 要像李小龙那样 |
| [02:44] | Beverly, I’m gonna need a warm towel. | 贝弗莉 我需要热毛巾 |
| [02:46] | Oh, it’s traveling! It’s moving south! Aah! | 转移了 向下去了 |
| [02:49] | Good luck, Schmoops. | 祝你好运 宝贝 |
| [02:49] | Get the small boy. Have the small boy stand on me. | 叫小家伙来 让他站在我背上 |
| [03:07] | It was September 28, 1980-something, | 那是一九八几年的9月28日 |
| [03:10] | the day of the career aptitude test. | 职业能力倾向测验当天 |
| [03:12] | Done! Now all I got to do is sit back | 完成 现在我只需要坐好 |
| [03:14] | and let this test decide my entire future. | 让测验结果来决定我全部的未来 |
| [03:17] | – Got any predictions? – It’ll either make me an NFL punter, | -有想法吗 -要么我是橄榄球联盟的弃踢手 |
| [03:20] | motorcycle detective, or land pirate. | 要么是摩托车侦探 或是陆地海盗 |
| [03:22] | Bookkeeper?! I don’t want to be a librarian! | 簿记员 我可不想做图书管理员 |
| [03:25] | Bookkeeper’s not a librarian, you moron. | 簿记员不是图书管理员 白痴 |
| [03:28] | It’s more like an accountant. | 应该说是会计 |
| [03:29] | Why didn’t I get an awesome job like boat owner | 我为什么不能做很酷的工作 比如说船主 |
| [03:32] | or rap mogul or neighborhood oracle? | 说唱大师 或是街区先知 |
| [03:34] | – What the hell’s an oracle? – A guy who sees the future. | -先知是什么 -可以看到未来的人 |
| [03:36] | I can see your future. | 我可以看到你的未来 |
| [03:37] | You’re mowing lawns for the city. | 你会为全市剪草坪 |
| [03:39] | Never! I will be a rich neighborhood oracle, | 绝不 我会成为富有的街区先知 |
| [03:41] | and nothing you say can stop me. | 你说什么都不能阻止我 |
| [03:44] | Couldn’t predict that, could you? | 没预测出这个 对吗 |
| [03:46] | As Barry was having trouble seeing the future, | 巴瑞看不到未来时 |
| [03:48] | Erica was trying to find Bill his future wife. | 爱丽卡想找到比尔未来的妻子 |
| [03:51] | Trust me, Mr. Lewis, your romantic future starts now. | 相信我 路易斯先生 你的浪漫未来从现在开始 |
| [03:55] | And to my doubters, you can go on down to Sears | 至于怀疑我的人 你们可以去西尔斯百货 |
| [03:58] | and buy a vacuum so you can suck it. | 买个吸尘器去吸吧[去死吧] |
| [04:01] | Yes, Bill, there’s no better place to find love | 对 比尔 最适合寻找爱情的地方 |
| [04:03] | than next to Lady Foot Locker. | 就是女鞋店旁边 |
| [04:04] | Put her there, Bill. John Calabasas, love doctor. | 比尔 在下约翰·卡拉巴萨斯 爱情医生 |
| [04:07] | No medical degree. | 没有医学文凭 |
| [04:08] | I’m legally required to say that now. | 现在依法我必须说这句 |
| [04:10] | Bill, I want to show you something. | 比尔 我给你看样东西 |
| [04:12] | This is a videotape of one of our biggest success stories, | 是我们最成功案例的录像带 |
| [04:15] | and this could be you. | 你也可以这样 |
| [04:20] | Why, hello, there. The name’s Big Al. | 你好 我是老艾 |
| [04:23] | And like a fine wine, | 就像好红酒一样 |
| [04:24] | I just keep getting better with age. | 我是人越老味越醇 |
| [04:27] | My God. That’s why he’s been out every night this month. | 我的天 怪不得这个月他每晚都出去 |
| [04:30] | So let’s have some fun. | 所以 我们开心一下吧 |
| [04:33] | And that’s how love is made. | 爱情就是这样诞生的 |
| [04:36] | I don’t know, Erica. Maybe your mom’s right about all this. | 我不知道 爱丽卡 也许你妈说得对 |
| [04:38] | Your friend makes a good point about me being right, Erica. | 你朋友说我是对的 太有道理了 爱丽卡 |
| [04:40] | Yeah, normally, I just go with the flow, | 通常我会随大流 |
| [04:42] | but I’m starting to take sides here, too. | 但我现在也觉得她是对的 |
| [04:43] | Everyone stop talking. Trust me, Mr. Lewis. | 大家别说了 相信我 路易斯先生 |
| [04:46] | I know love and romance. It’s my jam. | 我懂爱情与浪漫 这是我的特长 |
| [04:48] | So let’s just give it a shot. | 我们来试一下 |
| [04:49] | And three, two, one, get some! | 三二一 努力表现 |
| [04:53] | Hi. This is Bill Lewis of Bill Lewis Flooring and Tile. | 你好 我是比尔路易斯地板瓷砖的比尔·路易斯 |
| [04:55] | I’m looking for a nice, clean lady | 我想寻找一位善良整洁的女士 |
| [04:57] | to spend my days with. | 与我共度时光 |
| [05:00] | It used to be my wife. | 以前是我老婆陪我 |
| [05:02] | Oh, no. | 不 |
| [05:03] | Man, she was pretty. Smelled nice. | 她真漂亮 很香 |
| [05:04] | Tight, little body from all the Jane Fonda. | 身材可苗条了 就像影星简·方达 |
| [05:06] | Son of a bitch, Billy Boy! You had it all! | 他娘的 比利 你曾经拥有一切 |
| [05:09] | – No. – Ouch. – Daddy? | -不 -完蛋 -爸 |
| [05:10] | One day she just walked out on me. | 有一天她就那么走了 |
| [05:12] | All she left behind was this single leg warmer. | 她只留下这个护腿套 |
| [05:16] | I wear it on my arm to keep her close. | 我戴在胳膊上 这样和她亲近些 |
| [05:18] | – Not good. – Hard to watch. | -这样可不行 -看不下去了 |
| [05:19] | Dang it, I miss you so much, pookie! | 见鬼 我好想你 宝贝 |
| [05:22] | So, so much! | 太想你了 |
| [05:24] | Also, you must be stacked. | 而且你身材一定丰满起来了吧 |
| [05:26] | I’m so, so sorry. | 真是对不起 |
| [05:28] | Okay, cut. Great. I think we got it. | 停 太棒了 我觉得可以了 |
| [05:29] | I don’t think you did. | 我不觉得 |
| [05:31] | As Erica’s matchmaking was stalling out, | 爱丽卡的做媒计划进展不顺 |
| [05:33] | Barry’s career planning was just revving up. | 巴瑞的职业规划则有了转机 |
| [05:35] | Corporate leader?! | 公司领导 |
| [05:37] | I know, right? | 我知道 没想到吧 |
| [05:37] | Evy told me what bubbles to fill in, | 艾菲告诉我要怎么填 |
| [05:39] | and now I’m gonna be a CEO. | 现在我将成为总裁了 |
| [05:40] | She says I’m a natural leader. | 她说我是天生的领导 |
| [05:42] | – Sit up straight. – Yes, my love. | -坐直 -是 亲爱的 |
| [05:43] | This is bull crap! | 真是见鬼了 |
| [05:44] | There’s no practical job that will ever meet | 现实中不可能有工作可以满足 |
| [05:46] | Barry’s three criteria for career awesomeness. | 巴瑞的三个职业要求 |
| [05:48] | One — a position of unchallenged authority. | 一 绝对权威 |
| [05:51] | You’re stretching all wrong, Matt Raymer. | 你的拉伸动作完全错了 马特·雷默 |
| [05:53] | I want you to drop into a lunge right here. | 你给我做个弓步 |
| [05:55] | That’s the quad. Work the quad. | 这才是下蹲 用力蹲下去 |
| [05:56] | That is the engine room of the body. | 这是身体的引擎室 |
| [05:58] | Two — No desk or formal pants. | 二 不要办公桌和正式长裤 |
| [06:00] | This is where games are won or lost. | 比赛成不成全看这里 |
| [06:03] | There you go. What are you looking at me for? | 就是这样 你看什么看 |
| [06:05] | And three — It requires athletic skill | 三 需要有运动技巧 |
| [06:08] | and physical intimidation. | 以及人身恐吓 |
| [06:10] | You call that a chest pass, Luke Schmidt? | 这也叫胸前传球吗 卢克·施密特 |
| [06:12] | Run laps till you see God. | 跑圈跑到看见上帝为止 |
| [06:14] | Shake a leg. | 快点 |
| [06:15] | In that moment, | 在那一刻 |
| [06:17] | my brother finally knew what his future would hold — | 我哥终于知道他的未来是什么 |
| [06:19] | kickballs, tube socks, and a shiny whistle. | 踢球 中筒袜 闪亮的口哨 |
| [06:22] | Coach, I want to be your athletic apprentice | 教练 我想做你的运动学徒 |
| [06:24] | so that one day I can take your place | 这样当你翘辫子的那天 |
| [06:26] | when you climb that big rope into the sky. | 我可以顶替你的位置 |
| [06:28] | Ah, I see. Goofing on old Coach, huh? | 我明白了 拿教练开涮是吧 |
| [06:30] | Well, we’ll see who’s laughing after you do 3,000 squat thrusts. | 我们看看你做三千个下蹲伸腿后 笑的人会是谁 |
| [06:34] | No, I’m serious. | 不 我是认真的 |
| [06:35] | I want to teach gym, sir. | 我想教体育 先生 |
| [06:37] | My God. It’s finally happening. | 我的天 终于等到了 |
| [06:40] | I’m gonna be a mentor. | 我要做导师了 |
| [06:42] | – Are you crying? – My eyes are just celebrating. | -你在哭吗 -我的眼睛在庆祝 |
| [06:45] | Here. Take this. | 给 拿去 |
| [06:47] | Training begins now! | 培训从现在开始 |
| [06:49] | Damn it, I broke it! | 见鬼 我弄坏了 |
| [06:50] | Why do I have such powerful lungs? | 为什么我的肺这么强壮 |
| [06:52] | No, it’s a training whistle. | 不 这是训练口哨 |
| [06:54] | You’ll get the tiny, little ball that makes it work | 等你准备好 就会给你这粒 |
| [06:56] | – when you’re ready. – When will that be? | -让口哨响的小球 -那是什么时候 |
| [06:58] | Coach will know. | 教练知道 |
| [06:59] | Now let the physical education education begin. | 现在开始体育教育的教育 |
| [07:03] | First up, drink this mix of celery and cod. | 首先 喝下这罐芹菜鳕鱼汁 |
| [07:06] | Glug hard, boy. Glug hard. | 大口喝 孩子 大口喝 |
| [07:08] | While Barry hit a home run with his new career, | 巴瑞的新职业打出了全垒打 |
| [07:10] | Erica was striking out at matchmaking. | 爱丽卡在做媒上被三振出局了 |
| [07:13] | Swing and a miss. Bill struck out. | 没有击中球 比尔出局了 |
| [07:15] | Not one response to his video. | 他的录像一个回复都没有 |
| [07:17] | How is that possible? | 这怎么可能 |
| [07:18] | Honestly, I’ve never seen such a negative reaction, | 说实话 我从来没见过这么差的反应 |
| [07:21] | and a lot of my clients are just me in different costumes. | 很多录像带 只是我穿着不同的服装 |
| [07:23] | There has to be someone for Bill. | 肯定有适合比尔的人 |
| [07:25] | This thing guarantees a match. | 这东西保证了会找到的 |
| [07:28] | No, it says it “Gurantees a match.” | 不 这上面写的是”包证配对” |
| [07:31] | And that’s not a real word, | 根本没这个词 |
| [07:32] | so it’s not a legally binding contract. | 所以不是有法律约束力的合同 |
| [07:34] | Don’t make me leave empty-handed. | 别让我空手离开 |
| [07:36] | Please, I need to find someone. | 拜托 我得找到一个人 |
| [07:38] | Erica? | 爱丽卡 |
| [07:40] | Oh, hi, guys. What you doing? | 你们好 你们在做什么 |
| [07:42] | Geoff put some charm jewelry on layaway. | 杰夫来分期付款买幸运珠宝 |
| [07:44] | What are you doing? | 你在做什么 |
| [07:45] | Are you video-dating? | 你在参加录像约会吗 |
| [07:47] | What? No, no, no. | 什么 不是的 |
| [07:48] | I’m only here to help set up my best friend’s dad. | 我来这里是帮我最好朋友的爸爸找对象 |
| [07:51] | I know when I say that out loud, | 我知道这话说出来 |
| [07:52] | it doesn’t sound great or real, but it’s both. | 听着不好又不真实 但真的是件好事 |
| [07:55] | Well, best of luck with whatever this is. | 不管是什么 祝你好运 |
| [08:02] | – Gross. – Young love. | -恶心 -年轻的爱 |
| [08:05] | Look, I need to find Bill someone. | 听着 我要为比尔找到对象 |
| [08:08] | It’s how I’m gonna prove that I’m good at this. | 这将证明我很擅长做这事 |
| [08:10] | With the tape Bill made? Not a chance. | 用比尔拍的录像吗 别想 |
| [08:12] | Well, then I’ll make a better one. | 那我拍个更棒的 |
| [08:14] | And I’ve got just the person to help. | 我有可以帮忙的人 |
| [08:16] | Nerd, I need you to make an awesome video for Lainey’s dad. | 呆子 我要你给兰妮爸爸拍段非常棒的录像 |
| [08:19] | Holy balls! My first professional paid gig! | 老天 我第一份专业的收费工作 |
| [08:22] | – I’m not paying you. – Still a professional gig, though. | -我不会付钱的 -依然是专业的工作 |
| [08:24] | – It’s really not. – I see it now. | -也不是 -我知道怎么拍 |
| [08:26] | We open on a time portal | 开场镜头是时间传送门 |
| [08:27] | as Mr. Lewis’ cold, naked body spills to the Earth. | 路易斯先生冰冷赤裸的身体被弹向地球 |
| [08:30] | He rises from the smoke like a Love Terminator. | 他在烟雾中站起身 像爱情终结者一样 |
| [08:33] | Yeah, no nudity or time travel. | 不要裸体和穿越时空 |
| [08:35] | Just make Mr. Lewis look cool — you know, macho. | 就是让路易斯先生看起来很酷 男子汉 |
| [08:38] | We’re making a picture! An Adam F. Goldberg joint. | 我们要拍电影了 亚当·F·金伯格影业 |
| [08:41] | What’s with the “F”? | 为什么加上F |
| [08:43] | There’s another Adam Goldberg at school. | 学校还有一个亚当·金伯格 |
| [08:45] | He’s super-sensitive. | 他超敏感的 |
| [08:45] | I don’t want to cause any marketplace confusion. | 我不想引起任何的市场混淆 |
| [08:47] | Don’t worry about it. No one cares about either of you. | 别担心 没人在乎你们两个 |
| [08:50] | But I wasn’t the only one landing a gig | 我不是唯一一个在自己选择的职业中 |
| [08:52] | in my chosen profession. | 找到活儿的人 |
| [08:55] | That looks broke. Let me fix that. | 看起来坏了 我来修 |
| [08:58] | Hey, I was practicing my tooting skills. | 我在练习我的吹哨技巧 |
| [09:01] | Coach said the whistle is the foundation from which the gymnasium arts were built. | 教练说口哨是体育艺术建立的基础 |
| [09:05] | You’re just gonna sit here and let him do this. | 你就坐在这里让他这样做吗 |
| [09:06] | It was nice and quiet. He said it was for school. | 挺好挺安静的 他说是学校的事 |
| [09:09] | It is! | 是的 |
| [09:10] | I’ve finally decided on a career path. | 我终于决定了职业道路 |
| [09:13] | – I’m gonna be a P.E. Teacher. – Oh, my. | -我要做体育老师 -我的天 |
| [09:16] | Dad, you’re right. It’s time I find my place in society. | 爸 你是对的 是时候找到我在社会上的位置了 |
| [09:18] | And what could impact society more than me teaching youth | 最能影响社会的莫过于我教年轻人 |
| [09:21] | how to do light exercise and parachute games? | 做低强度锻炼以及跳伞游戏 |
| [09:23] | I fully support you 100%. | 我百分百支持你 |
| [09:27] | Seriously?! Dude! | 说真的吗 伙计 |
| [09:28] | I thought you were gonna stomp on this dream like all the others. | 我以为你会像平时一样 粉碎我的梦想 |
| [09:30] | – Nah, it’s too good. – It is. | -不会 这梦想太棒了 -是的 |
| [09:32] | In fact, I’m gonna go grab some shut-eye. | 事实上 我要去睡觉了 |
| [09:33] | It’s 6:30. | 现在才6点半 |
| [09:34] | I’m waking up at dawn. | 我天一亮就得起来 |
| [09:35] | Me and Coach are going on a 12-mile jog, | 我和教练要慢跑12英里 |
| [09:37] | then we’re powering down a classic English breakfast. | 然后我们会吃经典的英式早餐 |
| [09:40] | – Why? – He likes to start each morning | -为什么 -他喜欢每天早晨 |
| [09:41] | with 5,000 to 6,000 calories — | 要摄入五千到六千卡路里 |
| [09:43] | bangers and mash, kippers, kidneys, | 香肠土豆泥 腌鱼 腰花 |
| [09:45] | boiled and fried potatoes, black and white pudding, | 煎土豆 黑白布丁 |
| [09:47] | three kinds of meats. | 三种不同的肉 |
| [09:48] | His mom’s British. | 他妈妈是英国人 |
| [09:50] | Seems like a lot. | 似乎太多了 |
| [09:51] | She’s a handful, but I like her. | 她不好相处 但我喜欢她 |
| [09:53] | Anyway, off to bed. | 总之 我睡觉去了 |
| [09:54] | I don’t understand, Mur. | 我不明白 默里 |
| [09:56] | Are you actually okay with your son being a gym coach? | 你儿子要做体育老师 你没意见吗 |
| [10:00] | Just like everything else, | 和平时一样 |
| [10:01] | the kid will move on to the next stupid dream of his. | 这孩子很快又会追求下一个愚蠢的梦想 |
| [10:03] | And what if he doesn’t? | 如果他没有呢 |
| [10:04] | Believe me, he ain’t getting up | 相信我 他不可能 |
| [10:06] | at 5:00 in the morning to move his body. | 在早上5点起床跑步的 |
| [10:08] | We’re golden. | 我们没什么可担心的 |
| [10:09] | Dig deep. Imagine a jaguar’s chasing you. | 快跑 想象一只豹子在追你 |
| [10:12] | Let’s go. | 我们快跑 |
| [10:13] | I’m miserable, but happier than I’ve ever been. | 我好痛苦 但我从来没这么开心过 |
| [10:19] | It was the day of the big premiere…of a dating video. | 首映当天 虽然是约会录像带 |
| [10:22] | But, hey, it was still a premiere. | 但是 依然是首映 |
| [10:24] | Before I begin, I have a few words to say. | 在我开始前 我想说几句 |
| [10:27] | Webster’s Dictionary defines “Masterpiece” as — | 韦氏词典中定义”杰作”为 |
| [10:30] | Press “Play.” | 按播放键 |
| [10:31] | Okay, without further ado, | 好的 不耽误了 |
| [10:33] | I present to you Bill Lewis, as requested, a real macho man. | 我为大家献上比尔·路易斯 按要求 真正的男子汉 |
| [10:57] | Hi. I’m Bill Lewis. | 你好 我是比尔·路易斯 |
| [10:58] | And I like to dance, get sweaty, and have some fun. | 我喜欢跳舞 流汗 开心 |
| [11:01] | I’m ship shape and ready for love. | 我已经准备好启航恋爱了 |
| [11:03] | Hey, let’s build a relationship. | 嘿 我们来建立一段关系吧 |
| [11:06] | You have the right to fall in love | 你有坠入爱河的权利 |
| [11:08] | with Bill Lewis of Bill Lewis Tile and Flooring. | 和比尔路易斯地板瓷砖的比尔·路易斯一起 |
| [11:11] | Hey, what are you doing? | 你做什么 |
| [11:13] | Destroying this and starting over. | 毁掉这个 重新开始 |
| [11:15] | But I gave you exactly what you asked for — macho. | 但这正是你要求的 男子汉 |
| [11:18] | Your dad was a shirtless cowboy, | 你爸是赤膊牛仔 |
| [11:20] | a sweaty cop, a leather-clad biker. | 汗津津的警察 皮衣摩托车手 |
| [11:22] | Oh, I see it now. | 我明白了 |
| [11:24] | Erica, it’s time to hand me the reins. | 爱丽卡 是时候交给我了 |
| [11:26] | This is the job for the Yentadex. | 这是媒盒的工作 |
| [11:28] | What the hell is that? | 这是什么东西 |
| [11:29] | Every yenta has a Rolodex | 每一个媒婆都有一个名片盒 |
| [11:31] | filled with perfect matches for everyone they know. | 里面全是她们认识的人中的最佳配对 |
| [11:34] | So buckle up, Bill. | 系好安全带 比尔 |
| [11:35] | You’re about to go on the ride of your life. | 你的人生旅途就要开始了 |
| [11:37] | No, there will be no buckling. I’m handling this. | 不 不用系 我会处理 |
| [11:39] | Okay, I appreciate everyone’s help, | 好了 感谢大家帮忙 |
| [11:42] | but I’m shutting this down. | 但大家停手吧 |
| [11:43] | I’m just — I’m not over my wife. | 我只是 我还没忘记我老婆 |
| [11:47] | We all get one true love, and she was mine. | 我们都有一个真爱 她是我的 |
| [11:50] | There is no way you only get one soul mate in life | 人一辈子不可能只有一个灵魂伴侣 |
| [11:52] | because he’s in love with someone else, | 因为他爱上了别人 |
| [11:54] | and then I’m gonna be alone forever, | 我就要孤独终老了 |
| [11:55] | and I’m not gonna let that happen to you, Bill! | 我不会让这种事发生在你身上 比尔 |
| [11:58] | Wow. She’s a passionate young lady. | 她是个热情的年轻姑娘 |
| [12:01] | Got most of her facts wrong, | 说的话很多错了 |
| [12:03] | but her heart’s in the right place. | 但她的心是好的 |
| [12:06] | Hey, guys, I really need your help. | 两位 我需要你们帮忙 |
| [12:08] | Each of you grab a leg and push. | 一人抓我一条腿用力推 |
| [12:10] | I ate nine bananas, | 我吃了九根香蕉 |
| [12:11] | but I’m still cramping up something nasty. | 但依然抽筋抽得痛死了 |
| [12:13] | Damn it, you ate all my bananas? | 见鬼 你把我的香蕉吃完了吗 |
| [12:15] | I’m in real athletic pain! | 我正经历真正的运动员的痛 |
| [12:16] | Sit, Al. | 坐下 老艾 |
| [12:18] | Nobody is touching those legs in those tiny shorts. | 没人要碰那穿着小裤头的腿 |
| [12:20] | These are official coaching bottoms. | 这是正规的教练短裤 |
| [12:23] | Sure, they cinch up the bathing-suit area, | 没错 裤子紧贴着裆部 |
| [12:25] | but Coach says I’ll eventually reach | 但教练说最终我会达到 |
| [12:27] | a healthy level of crotchular numbness. | 健康的裆部麻木境界 |
| [12:28] | For the love of God, take ’em off! | 我的老天爷 脱了吧 |
| [12:31] | You’ll never have kids. | 你这样以后生不了孩子 |
| [12:32] | Gym teachers don’t have kids. | 体育老师没有孩子 |
| [12:34] | Their kids are the students they teach. | 他们的学生就是他们的孩子 |
| [12:37] | All right, enough with this gym crap. | 好了 体育废话说够了 |
| [12:39] | Sit down. “Clash of the Titans” is on. | 坐下 《诸神之战》马上播出 |
| [12:41] | They’ve got oracles. You love oracles. | 里面有先知 你喜欢先知 |
| [12:44] | Eh, seers and wizards | 预言家和巫师 |
| [12:45] | don’t fit into my new, healthy lifestyle. | 不适合我新的健康生活方式 |
| [12:47] | I’m gonna go blend up a power shake. | 我要去做能量奶昔 |
| [12:49] | So much fiber. | 有好多纤维素 |
| [12:50] | The body really is an amazing organ. | 身体真的是很神奇的器官 |
| [12:52] | One point, two points, three points. | 一分 两分 三分 |
| [12:55] | Four points, Barry. | 四分 巴瑞 |
| [12:56] | What imaginary game is he playing? | 他在玩什么想象中的游戏 |
| [12:58] | There’s no way to know. | 不可能知道 |
| [12:59] | I mean, of all his farkakte dreams, | 他有那么多该死的梦想 |
| [13:01] | this is the one he’s going with. | 居然最终选择了这一个 |
| [13:03] | This is a nightmare. | 这是一场噩梦 |
| [13:04] | Do something! | 做点什么 |
| [13:05] | I will! | 我会的 |
| [13:08] | Thanks for sitting down with me, Rick. | 谢谢你见我 瑞克 |
| [13:10] | Anything for my protege’s old man. | 很乐意为我传人的老爸效力 |
| [13:12] | In a way, it’s like we’re married. | 在某种程度上 可以说我们结婚了 |
| [13:13] | Yeah, that’s gonna make this easier. | 是啊 这下就简单了 |
| [13:16] | Uh, thing is, Barry’s not gonna be a gym teacher. | 事实上 巴瑞不会成为体育老师 |
| [13:18] | What’s that now? | 什么意思 |
| [13:19] | I think that Woody Allen said it best. | 我想伍迪·艾伦说得最好了 |
| [13:21] | “Those that can’t do, teach. | 那些没用的 去教书 |
| [13:24] | And those that can’t teach, teach gym.” | 那些连书都教不好的 去教体育 |
| [13:26] | How dare you. | 你好大的胆子 |
| [13:27] | You call that a Woody Allen impression? | 你这也算模仿伍迪·艾伦吗 |
| [13:30] | This is a Woody Allen impression. | 这才是模仿伍迪·艾伦 |
| [13:33] | That’s exactly what I’m doing. | 我正是这样做的 |
| [13:35] | You got to stammer like — like this. | 你得口吃 像这样 |
| [13:38] | Use your hands more. | 多用手势 |
| [13:39] | Forget Woody! | 别管伍迪了 |
| [13:40] | Here’s the deal — | 是这样的 |
| [13:41] | No more physical education education! | 不再有体育教育的教育了 |
| [13:43] | Seems to me you’re implying | 在我看来 |
| [13:45] | that being a gym coach isn’t good enough. | 你是说做体育老师不够好 |
| [13:47] | No, I think what you do is amazing. | 不 我觉得你做的非常棒 |
| [13:49] | Just not for my son. | 只是我儿子不适合 |
| [13:50] | You’ve seen your life. You get it. | 你也看到你这日子过的 你明白的 |
| [13:52] | Well, he may be your son, but he’s my gym son. | 虽说他是你的儿子 但他是我的体育儿子 |
| [13:55] | – That’s not a thing. – Oh, it is. | -根本没这回事 -有的 |
| [13:57] | There’s no such thing. | 根本没这种事 |
| [13:58] | There’s no greater bond in the world | 全世界最伟大的亲情 |
| [14:00] | than between a coach and his boy protege. | 莫过于教练和他的传人儿子 |
| [14:02] | I think except for the bond | 我想更伟大的是 |
| [14:04] | between a dad and his actual boy. | 真正父子间的亲情 |
| [14:07] | Well, may the best father win. | 愿最优秀的父亲胜出 |
| [14:08] | Well, that’s me. I’m his father. | 就是我 我是他父亲 |
| [14:10] | And I’m his coach-father. | 我是他的教练父亲 |
| [14:11] | We’re done here. | 没什么好说的了 |
| [14:12] | And so began the war over Barry’s future. | 关于巴瑞未来的战斗正式打响 |
| [14:15] | Meanwhile, my sister was so shaken by Bill’s words | 与此同时 比尔的话令我姐震惊 |
| [14:17] | that she turned her matchmaking skills on herself. | 她把做媒技巧用到了自己身上 |
| [14:20] | Hi. I’m Erica. I’m not desperate or anything. | 你好 我是爱丽卡 我并不是饥不择食什么的 |
| [14:23] | I just want to make sure | 我只是想确认 |
| [14:24] | that I don’t miss my one chance to have a happy life with Geoff. | 我没有错过和杰夫一起幸福生活的唯一机会 |
| [14:28] | Can I start over? | 可以重来吗 |
| [14:29] | Webster defines “Love” as — nope. | 韦氏词典定义爱情为… 不行 |
| [14:33] | Geoff, Geoff, Geoff, Geoff, Geoff. Okay. | 杰夫… 行了 |
| [14:36] | I think I got it out of my system, | 说够了 不会再说了 |
| [14:37] | so let’s Geoff this one more time. | 咱们再杰夫一遍 |
| [14:40] | I mean, look at this photo of Evy. | 看艾菲的照片 |
| [14:42] | Are you freaking kidding me? | 你开什么玩笑 |
| [14:43] | He’s gonna be an eye doctor | 他会做眼科医生 |
| [14:45] | because he’s gonna follow in his dad’s footsteps. | 因为他要继承他父亲的衣钵 |
| [14:47] | It’s a safe career, | 这是可靠的职业 |
| [14:48] | but we would have had a beautiful home. | 但我们会有个漂亮的家 |
| [14:50] | I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be crying. | 对不起 我不应该哭的 |
| [14:54] | This is bad. | 太糟糕了 |
| [14:56] | I don’t know who this Geoff guy is, | 我不知道这位杰夫是谁 |
| [14:57] | but I think he may have dodged a bullet. | 但我觉得他躲过了一劫 |
| [14:59] | All right, ladies and actual ladies, | 好了 姑娘们和真正的姑娘们 |
| [15:02] | it’s time to pick captains for today’s game, | 是时候选今天的比赛队长了 |
| [15:05] | which would be… | 那就是 |
| [15:06] | It’s your class, Coach. Your call. | 这是你的课 教练 你说了算 |
| [15:08] | Not today. | 今天不是 |
| [15:09] | I want you to take this little cork ball | 我要你拿去这粒软木小球 |
| [15:12] | and jam it into your whistle, Coach. | 放进你的口哨里 教练 |
| [15:14] | Physical education education just got real. | 体育教育的教育来真的了 |
| [15:17] | You mean I’m ready? | 你是说我准备好了吗 |
| [15:18] | Damn right you’re ready. This is your class now. | 那是当然 这是你的课了 |
| [15:21] | Today their fate is in your hands. | 今天他们的命运在你手中 |
| [15:23] | Name your game. | 你决定游戏名字 |
| [15:24] | Anything? Even crab soccer? | 什么都行吗 连螃蟹足球都行吗 |
| [15:26] | You can crab any sport you like, son. | 你想螃蟹任何运动都行 儿子 |
| [15:29] | He who holds the whistle makes the laws. | 他拿着口哨就得听他的 |
| [15:30] | You heard Coach Tasty. Crab formation now! | 大甜甜教练说了 螃蟹阵形 快 |
| [15:35] | That day, Barry invented crab hockey. | 那天 巴瑞发明了螃蟹冰球 |
| [15:38] | As a gym coach, he was a natural. | 他是天生的体育老师 |
| [15:40] | Show me some hustle! | 速度速度 |
| [15:41] | Second place is the first place of losers. | 第二名是失败者的第一名 |
| [15:45] | “Winning” Spelled backwards is “Gninniw.” | 胜利反着拼写就是利胜 |
| [15:51] | It’s never okay to put butter on a doughnut! | 在甜甜圈上涂黄油是错误的 |
| [15:54] | Champions are losers who forgot to give up! | 冠军是忘了放弃的失败者 |
| [15:57] | Sweat is the body’s tears crying away the weakness! | 汗水是身体的眼泪 哭着告别软弱 |
| [16:07] | It doesn’t fit! | 球太大进不去 |
| [16:08] | This game doesn’t make any sense! | 这运动根本说不通 |
| [16:10] | Some things aren’t meant to be crabbed! | 有些运动是不能和螃蟹结合起来的 |
| [16:11] | Then run laps, Atkins! Now! | 去跑圈 阿特金斯 快 |
| [16:16] | How’d it feel, son? | 感觉如何 儿子 |
| [16:18] | I’ll never forget this moment, Coach, as long as I live. | 我永远不会忘记这一刻 教练 此生不忘 |
| [16:21] | Hey, Bar, look what I got for you at Spencer’s Gifts. | 小巴 看我在斯宾塞礼品店给你买了什么 |
| [16:25] | Is that a crystal ball? | 那是水晶球吗 |
| [16:27] | Just like the real professional oracles use. | 真正的职业先知用的就是这种 |
| [16:30] | That’s what you want to be when you grow up, isn’t it? | 你长大后就想做这个 对吗 |
| [16:32] | It is! See you around, Coach. | 是的 回见 教练 |
| [16:36] | What just happened? | 出什么事了 |
| [16:36] | Well, Coach, I’ll put it in terms you can understand. | 教练 我用你能听懂的话来说 |
| [16:40] | You lost. | 你输了 |
| [16:41] | But I gave him a whistle ball. | 但我把口哨里的小球给他了 |
| [16:42] | And I gave him a better ball. | 我给了他一个更好的球 |
| [16:44] | Don’t sweat it. You’ll find another gym son. | 别担心 你还再找到一个体育儿子的 |
| [16:46] | No, for once, someone really looked up to me — | 不 就这一次 真的有人尊敬我 |
| [16:49] | what I do, who I am. | 尊敬我的工作 我这个人 |
| [16:52] | And you took it away with a trip to the toy store. | 你去了趟玩具店就夺走了这一切 |
| [16:55] | I hope you feel good about yourself. | 希望你自我感觉良好 |
| [17:01] | It hurts when you put your tongue to it. | 舌头舔在上面还挺痛的 |
| [17:04] | Convinced she was facing a loveless life alone, | 确信她将面对没有爱的孤独一生后 |
| [17:07] | my sister was desperate to find out her future. | 我姐绝望地想知道自己的未来 |
| [17:10] | Very desperate. | 非常绝望 |
| [17:12] | Hey, um, gonna be honest here. | 我说实话 |
| [17:15] | I’m struggling real bad, | 我现在非常痛苦 |
| [17:17] | and I heard that Dad bought you a crystal ball. | 我听说爸给你买了个水晶球 |
| [17:19] | I’ve been expecting you, my lost child. | 我一直在等你 我迷失的孩子 |
| [17:22] | To be clear, I know this is ridiculous and not real. | 说清楚 我知道这很可笑而且不是真的 |
| [17:24] | I just need to hear something encouraging. | 我只是需要听到一些鼓励的话 |
| [17:26] | I’ve been expecting you, my lost child. | 我一直在等你 我迷失的孩子 |
| [17:30] | Stop talking like that | 别这样说话 |
| [17:31] | and tell me I’ll have a boyfriend one day. | 告诉我有天我会有男友 |
| [17:32] | I’ve been expecting you, my lost child. | 我一直在等你 我迷失的孩子 |
| [17:34] | I hate you. | 我恨你 |
| [17:35] | Then take my hand, | 握住我的手 |
| [17:36] | and let’s journey into tomorrow and beyond. | 让我们踏上明天及未来的旅程 |
| [17:40] | Come on, Mur. | 拜托 默里 |
| [17:42] | Are you sure this is better than gym coach? | 你确定这个比体育老师好吗 |
| [17:46] | From way downtown! Bang! | 三分球 |
| [17:50] | I got a hole in my heart. | 我的心上有个窟窿 |
| [17:55] | Is everything okay in here? | 一切还好吗 |
| [17:56] | What do you care, dream crusher? | 你会关心吗 碎梦者 |
| [17:58] | About the other day… I feel bad. | 那天的事 我很抱歉 |
| [18:00] | I shouldn’t have said that what you do isn’t good enough. | 我不应该说你的工作不够好 |
| [18:03] | What do you feel bad for? Just telling the truth. | 你抱歉什么 你只是说了实话 |
| [18:05] | Look, if Barry wants to have a career like yours, | 如果巴瑞想走你的职业道路 |
| [18:08] | I won’t stand in the way. | 我不会阻碍他 |
| [18:09] | What about his new life as a boy-witch? | 那他做男巫婆的新人生呢 |
| [18:11] | That’s not gonna last. | 不会长久的 |
| [18:13] | Hey, you were the only one | 你是唯一一个 |
| [18:15] | who made him take his future seriously. | 令他认真对待未来的人 |
| [18:17] | Yeah, well, I guess that’s what a halfway decent coach does. | 我想这是还算合格的教练应该做的 |
| [18:20] | More than a coach — gym dad. | 不止是教练 体育父亲 |
| [18:24] | Damn you, Goldbergs. | 见鬼 金伯格家的 |
| [18:27] | You always know how to hit me in my biggest muscle — | 你们总是知道如何戳中我最有力的肌肉 |
| [18:30] | my heart. | 我的心 |
| [18:33] | Although my — my biceps are nuts, huh? | 不过我的二头肌也很棒吧 |
| [18:36] | It wasn’t up to my dad to decide Barry’s future. | 我爸不能决定巴瑞的未来 |
| [18:39] | But Erica was hoping my mom knew hers. | 但爱丽卡希望妈妈知道她的未来 |
| [18:44] | You swore you’d never look in my Yentadex. | 你发誓不会看我的媒盒的 |
| [18:46] | You were right. | 你是对的 |
| [18:48] | I’m, like, really bad at love. | 我对爱情很不在行 |
| [18:49] | Trust me. You’re not. | 相信我 你不是的 |
| [18:52] | I just wish I didn’t blow it with Geoff. | 我只是希望没搞砸和杰夫的事 |
| [18:57] | It really hurts, you know? | 真的很伤心 |
| [18:59] | It just — It hurts. | 很伤心 |
| [19:05] | I know, Schmoops. | 我知道 宝贝 |
| [19:07] | But you’ll find the right guy when the timing is right. | 但时机正确时 你便会找到正确的人 |
| [19:10] | I just know it. | 我就是知道 |
| [19:13] | That day, my sister realized there were no easy answers | 那天我姐明白了 当涉及到理想对象这个问题时 |
| [19:16] | when it comes to who you’re supposed to be with. | 是没有简单答案的 |
| [19:19] | Even though my mom knew otherwise. | 尽管我妈知道答案 |
| [19:23] | Truth is when you’re a kid, the future is always uncertain. | 事实上 当你是孩子时 未来总是不确定的 |
| [19:28] | That’s game. Hit the showers. | 运动结束 去洗澡 |
| [19:30] | There’s no crystal ball that can give you the answer. | 没有水晶球可以给你答案 |
| [19:32] | Hey, Coach. I, uh… | 教练 我 |
| [19:36] | I thought you might want this back. | 我想你可能想要回去 |
| [19:37] | No, keep it. | 不 你留着 |
| [19:40] | Maybe you need a hand putting away those hockey sticks? | 要帮忙收拾冰球棍吗 |
| [19:42] | Eh, you run along. I got this. | 你下课吧 我能行 |
| [19:47] | But with the right people in your corner supporting you, | 但有正确的人在角落支持你 |
| [19:50] | you’ll always come out a winner in the end. | 最终你总会成为胜利者 |
| [20:12] | – Mr. Lewis? – Hello! | -路易斯先生 -你好 |
| [20:14] | The sun’s out. | 太阳出来了 |
| [20:15] | Where’s your day robe and your overall bummer vibe? | 你的日间睡袍和懒惰的模样呢 |
| [20:17] | Well, I guess all this dating talk got me thinking | 关于约会的那些话让我仔细想了想 |
| [20:19] | maybe I am ready to give love another shot. | 也许我准备好再给爱情一次机会 |
| [20:21] | Well, unfortunately, Mom’s not here, | 遗憾地是 我妈不在 |
| [20:23] | and she hides her Yentadex. | 她把媒盒藏起来了 |
| [20:24] | But perhaps I can help. Come, my child. | 也许我可以帮忙 来吧 我的孩子 |
| [20:27] | I see a beautiful, bubbly blonde. | 我看到一个美丽活泼的金发女人 |
| [20:30] | She loves shorts and the beach. | 她喜欢穿短裤 喜欢海滩 |
| [20:32] | Oh, yeah, I like where this is going. | 我喜欢这发展趋势 |
| [20:34] | And she has a friend. | 她有个朋友 |
| [20:35] | – There’s two girls? – Yes, three is company. | -有两个女人吗 -对 三人才能成行嘛 |
| [20:38] | Hot damn. When do I get to meet ’em? | 太好了 我什么时候能见到她们 |
| [20:39] | All you got to do is knock on their door. | 你只需要敲她们的门 |
| [20:42] | – I do? – They’ve been waiting for you. | -是吗 -她们一直在等你 |
| [20:43] | It’s “Three’s Company,” Bill. It’s a popular TV show. | 比尔 这是热门电视《三人行》的剧情 |
| [20:46] | He forgets what he watches, and he thinks it’s the future. | 他忘了这是他看的电视 他以为这是未来 |
| [20:49] | All right! Forget that! | 好的 算了 |
| [20:50] | Let me clear my mind and start over. | 让我理清思绪重新再来 |
| [20:52] | I see you and a woman. | 我看到你和一个女人在一起 |
| [20:53] | One of you is the boss. But who is the boss? | 你们中有人是老板 但谁是老板 |
| [20:58] | I actually saw that coming. | 我还真预测到会这样 |