| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:04] | What are you doing? | 你干什么呢 |
| [00:06] | Dude, I’m freaked out about my meeting with Michael, | 要跟迈克尔见面 所以我特别慌 |
| [00:08] | and if I spend one more second staring at creepo the clown, | 让我再多看一眼「诡异」小丑 |
| [00:10] | I’m gonna lose it. | 我就会崩溃的 |
| [00:11] | You named the clowns? | 你给小丑们起名字了吗 |
| [00:12] | Psycho, Creepo, Crazy head, Stupid Juggling Weirdo, | 「变态」 「诡异」 「疯子」 「蠢杂耍」 |
| [00:16] | Freaky Feet, and Nightmare George Washington. | 「脚怪咖 」 「噩梦版华盛顿」 |
| [00:19] | One of them has to go. | 必须要拿下一个 |
| [00:24] | Sexy mailman. Much better. | 性感邮差男 养眼多了 |
| [00:26] | In five minutes, Michael wants my help investigating | 五分钟后 迈克尔要我帮他 |
| [00:28] | what’s making the neighborhood go nuts, | 查出街区的问题所在 |
| [00:30] | Which is obviously me. | 而我就是原因 |
| [00:32] | I mean, I did promise I would help. | 我确实答应要帮忙了 |
| [00:33] | What do I do here? | 但我要怎么做 |
| [00:34] | Actually, the answer is… | 其实 答案… |
| [00:38] | Right here in this easily understandable comic strip. | 就在这本易懂的连载漫画里 |
| [00:40] | Nope, in this book about the theory of Contractualism. | 不是 就在这本《契约论》里 |
| [00:43] | “What we owe to each other.” | 「我们彼此拖欠」 |
| [00:44] | I saw this movie. | 我看过这部电影 |
| [00:46] | Laura Linney cries in a lake house | 劳拉·琳妮在湖边小屋里啜泣 |
| [00:47] | because Jude Law left her for his ex-wife’s ghost. | 因为裘德·洛为了前妻的鬼魂离开了她 |
| [00:50] | No. | 不是 |
| [00:51] | Quick summary of Contractualism. | 简单介绍一下「契约论」 |
| [00:54] | Imagine a group of reasonable people | 设想一群理性之人 |
| [00:57] | are coming up with the rules for a new society. | 构想出了一个新社会的规则 |
| [00:59] | Like if your uber driver talks to you, | 就好像 的哥跟你搭话 |
| [01:01] | the ride should be free? | 这趟车费就免了吗 |
| [01:03] | Sure, but anyone can veto any rule that they think it’s unfair. | 没错 但大家都可以否决不公平的规则 |
| [01:07] | So if you said, “We should be able to break our promises | 例如你说 「我们可以不遵守诺言 |
| [01:10] | without any repercussions,” | 而没有任何后果」 |
| [01:12] | Someone would veto that rule. | 肯定有人会反对 |
| [01:15] | Well, my first rule would be that no one can veto my rules. | 那我的第一条规矩就是 不允许任何人反对 |
| [01:18] | Well, that’s called tyranny. | 那是暴政 |
| [01:19] | And it’s generally frowned upon. | 会引起民愤 |
| [01:22] | If you make a promise to someone, you should do it. | 如果承诺了别人 就应该信守承诺 |
| [01:25] | Just like I promised to help you and still am, | 就像我答应帮你 就一直在帮你 |
| [01:28] | despite your constant mockery. | 尽管你一再学我说话戏弄我 |
| [01:30] | “Despite your constant mockery.” | 「尽管你一再学我说话戏弄我」 |
| [01:32] | Whatever, you love it. | 别装了 你喜欢这样 |
| [01:34] | So either I help him find the problem, which is me, | 所以要么我帮他找到问题所在 也就是我 |
| [01:38] | and I’m doomed, | 我到时就完蛋了 |
| [01:40] | Or I don’t help him, | 要么我不帮他 |
| [01:42] | and then I’m behaving unethically | 那我就是不守信义 |
| [01:43] | and the whole world goes crazy and I’m caught anyway. | 「善地」大乱 我还是会被识破 |
| [01:48] | I need to figure out a way both help him | 我得想个办法既能帮他 |
| [01:50] | and not help him at the same time. | 又不是真正帮他 |
| [01:52] | That’s literally not possible. | 这根本不可能 |
| [01:54] | Really? | 是吗 |
| [01:55] | I once posed as a hot prom date for my cousin, | 我有一次装成我表弟的性感舞伴 |
| [01:58] | both helping him and later, according to his therapist, | 既是帮他 而后来他的心理医生说 |
| [02:02] | not helping him. | 又不是真正帮他 |
| [02:17] | Hey, Eleanor, thanks for coming in. | 埃莉诺 谢谢你过来 |
| [02:20] | Sorry about the mess. | 抱歉这里很乱 |
| [02:23] | I forgot, you don’t see in nine dimensions. | 忘了 你看不到九维空间 |
| [02:26] | There’s just a lot of… | 就是… |
| [02:27] | there’s a lot of tension in the air right now. | 空气里都弥漫着紧张感 |
| [02:30] | Are you okay, buddy? | 你没事吧 小伙伴 |
| [02:32] | – You seem kind of stressed. – No, no, no, I’m fine. | -你看上去心力交瘁 -不不 我很好 |
| [02:34] | Top of my game, actually. | 我其实状态爆表 |
| [02:36] | Here, let me just… | 过来 让我… |
| [02:38] | Have a seat. | 坐吧 |
| [02:40] | There you go. | 来吧 |
| [02:41] | So to prepare to meet all of you, | 为了准备见你们所有人 |
| [02:45] | I studied the human concept of friends. | 我研究了人类之于朋友的概念 |
| [02:49] | I even watched all ten seasons of the show “Friends.” | 我甚至还看了全十季的《老友记》 |
| [02:53] | Boy, those friends really were “Friends,” weren’t they? | 天 这些朋友是真「朋友」吧 |
| [02:56] | Although… and I realize this is the kind of observation | 尽管 这种观察视角 |
| [02:59] | that would only occur to the mind of an eternal being… | 只有永生之人才会想到 |
| [03:04] | How did they afford that apartment? | 他们怎么住得起那间公寓啊 |
| [03:07] | A waitress and a chef with those | 一个服务员 一个厨师 |
| [03:08] | Manhattan real estate prices. | 曼哈顿的租金又那么贵 |
| [03:11] | Yeah, we were all confused about that too. | 嗯 大家都搞不明白这点 |
| [03:13] | Anyway, it’s been a tough couple of days. | 总之 这几天很不顺 |
| [03:16] | Right now, I could really use a friend | 眼下 我真的需要一个朋友 |
| [03:20] | by my side. | 支持我 |
| [03:21] | Well, you know me. | 你了解我 |
| [03:24] | The person who has audibly promised to help you. | 我着实答应要帮你了 |
| [03:29] | So you need to me house-sit the whole week? | 你要我帮你看一整个星期的家吗 |
| [03:32] | Sounds like somebody’s gonna have a sweet vay-cay. | 看来有人要出去潇洒了啊 |
| [03:34] | As I told you before, my mom is very sick. | 我之前说了 我妈得重病了 |
| [03:37] | I’m gonna help her move into assisted living. | 我要帮她搬进疗养院 |
| [03:39] | Well, I’m here for you. | 我来帮你 |
| [03:41] | And your wi-fi is way better than my neighbor’s, so I’m in. | 你家无线比我邻居家好多了 这里交给我吧 |
| [03:44] | It’s gonna mean taking care of lester too. | 你还要照顾莱斯特 |
| [03:46] | Walk and feed him twice a day. | 每天喂两次 遛两次 |
| [03:48] | Give him his kidney medicine. | 让他吃治肾病的药 |
| [03:49] | Yup, got it… feed his kidneys. | 行 喂他吃他的肾 |
| [03:50] | – Eleanor? – Yeah? | -埃莉诺 -听着呢 |
| [03:51] | This is gonna be a very stressful week for me. | 我这一周肯定会过得很辛苦 |
| [03:54] | I need to know that I can count on you. | 你得靠得住啊 |
| [03:55] | I won’t let you down. | 我不会让你失望 |
| [03:57] | I promise. | 我发誓 |
| [04:03] | Jianyu, my love. | 建宇 亲爱的 |
| [04:05] | How are you? | 你怎么样啊 |
| [04:07] | – I am decidedly so. – That’s very profound. | -甚好 -好有深意啊 |
| [04:12] | Soul mate… | 灵魂伴侣 |
| [04:13] | An idea. | 有个想法 |
| [04:14] | Our neighborhood now features a Spa, | 咱家附近开了间水疗中心 |
| [04:16] | And it offers couples packages. | 推出了情侣套餐 |
| [04:17] | And I thought maybe we could get facials | 我觉得我们可以做个脸 |
| [04:19] | and do Yoga and talk in long, discursive sentences. | 做做瑜伽 谈谈天说说地 |
| [04:25] | What do you say? | 怎么样 |
| [04:28] | Signs point to yes. | 卦象甚好 |
| [04:31] | Marvelous. We’ll go today. | 太棒了 今天就去吧 |
| [04:36] | Dude, you got to come with us to the Spa. | 哥们 你得跟我们去水疗中心 |
| [04:39] | No way. | 才不要 |
| [04:40] | No, that’s really weird. | 这多奇怪啊 |
| [04:41] | You can’t make small talk with her for one day | 你不穿帮的情况下 |
| [04:43] | without being caught? | 不能跟她聊天吗 |
| [04:44] | No, I can’t, and she freaks me out. | 这个真不行 她让我心慌 |
| [04:46] | She’s so pretty, like Nala from “The Lion King.” | 她太漂亮了 就像《狮子王》里的娜拉 |
| [04:48] | And she talks so smart, like… | 她说话还特别有内涵… |
| [04:51] | Nala from “The Lion King.” | 就像《狮子王》里的娜拉 |
| [04:53] | You got to help me. | 你必须得帮我 |
| [04:54] | Well, if I feel sympathy for anyone, it’s Tahani. | 我最同情塔哈妮了 |
| [04:57] | She’s going through the same thing I am, | 她目前的处境跟我一样 |
| [04:58] | but she doesn’t know it. | 只是她还蒙在鼓里 |
| [05:00] | Which means maybe I’m obligated to tell her. | 也许我有义务告诉她 |
| [05:03] | Although maybe it’s better not to know. | 也许她蒙在鼓里是件好事 |
| [05:05] | Is ignorance bliss, | 不明真相是福气 |
| [05:07] | or will the painful truth actually be healing… | 还是伤人的真相能够治愈… |
| [05:09] | You ready, Jianyu? | 可以走了吗 建宇 |
| [05:11] | I cannot wait to just relax and talk and chat | 我等不及和你谈天说地 |
| [05:14] | and just, you know… | 放松一下了 |
| [05:17] | Get to know each other. | 好好了解彼此 |
| [05:20] | Maybe I’ll come too. | 要不我也来吧 |
| [05:24] | Well, Chidi… | 奇迪 |
| [05:25] | It’s just that this is… | 这事吧 |
| [05:26] | This is really more of a couples thing. | 这是情侣之间的共处时间 |
| [05:30] | I know. | 我懂 |
| [05:31] | But Eleanor’s off with Michael, | 但埃莉诺去找迈克尔了 |
| [05:33] | and Jianyu feels comfortable when I’m around. | 而且建宇跟我在一起也比较自在 |
| [05:36] | Right? | 对吧 |
| [05:38] | – Made in Taiwan. – Yes, you were. | -中国台湾制造 -你的确是 |
| [05:41] | You were made in Taiwan. | 你是中国台湾制造 |
| [05:42] | So… | 所以 |
| [05:43] | Couples date! | 情侣约会 |
| [05:45] | Let’s go! | 走吧 |
| [05:48] | I never really looked around your office the first day. | 我刚来时 没打量过你的办公室 |
| [05:52] | What is all this junk? | 这些小玩意都是什么 |
| [05:53] | Well, technically, architects aren’t allowed to own any human objects, but… | 表面来说 「建筑师」不允许拥有人间物品 |
| [05:58] | I just love them so much. | 我就是太喜欢了 |
| [06:00] | And over here, look at this. | 过来瞧瞧这个 |
| [06:02] | Aren’t paper clips the most amazing things in the world? | 回形针是世上最妙不可言的物品了吧 |
| [06:05] | Yeah. Sure. | 是啊 是 |
| [06:07] | Anyway, my current theory is that | 总之 我目前得出的结论是 |
| [06:09] | some object in the neighborhood is a design flaw | 「善地」里的某件物品是个设计缺陷 |
| [06:11] | which is causing everything to go haywire. | 才引出一系列问题 |
| [06:13] | So we need to find that object. | 所以我们得找出那样东西 |
| [06:15] | We’re gonna start with the rocks. | 我们先从石头开始 |
| [06:17] | Now, I’ve investigated all of the rocks in the neighborhood. | 我已经调查过「善地」里的所有石头 |
| [06:21] | These 78 are the most suspicious. | 这七十八块石头最可疑 |
| [06:25] | Maybe to an architect, they might look suspicious, | 对于「建筑师」来说 可能很可疑 |
| [06:27] | but to me, they just look like rocks, | 但对我来说 就是石头而已 |
| [06:29] | so I’m not sure how I can help. | 所以我不确定能帮上忙 |
| [06:31] | Do any of them look defective? | 有没有看起来像次品 |
| [06:34] | Sinister? | 凶象那种 |
| [06:35] | You know, like they’re taunting you? | 像是嘲笑你 |
| [06:37] | Always one step ahead? | 总是棋先一步 |
| [06:39] | You devious little monsters, you. | 你们这些骗人的小恶魔 |
| [06:42] | Okay, let’s take a deep breath here, buddy. | 好了 来深呼吸一下 朋友 |
| [06:44] | You need to chill a little. | 你得冷静一下了 |
| [06:47] | ‘Cause you have a very psycho, | 因为你现在浑身有一种 |
| [06:49] | burnout guy muttering to himself at a library computer” type vibe. | 「图书馆里对着电脑自语的变态男」即视感 |
| [06:53] | It’s my responsibility to solve the problem. | 我的职责就是解决这个难题 |
| [06:56] | What else can I do except keep working? | 除了继续查 我还能怎样 |
| [07:01] | You could stop working. | 你可以停下啊 |
| [07:03] | Look, I promised to help you, | 我答应要帮你了 |
| [07:05] | and honestly, the way I can help you | 说实话 我能帮你的方式 |
| [07:07] | is to force you to take a break. | 就是让你休息 |
| [07:08] | And not working will help me work? | 不继续干活 就有效果吗 |
| [07:11] | Yes! | 是啊 |
| [07:13] | Recharge the old batteries. | 磨刀不误砍柴工 |
| [07:14] | I promise this is gonna help both of us. | 我保证 这能帮到我们两个人 |
| [07:18] | Let’s go. | 我们走 |
| [07:20] | Okay. | 好 |
| [07:22] | Let’s keep our eyes peeled for twigs that may have a nefarious agenda. | 让我们时刻警惕目的不纯的小树枝 |
| [07:26] | Okay, crazy, come on. | 好了 疯老头子 走吧 |
| [07:31] | Hello, Janet. | 你好 珍妮特 |
| [07:32] | Jianyu and I are here for the couples package, please. | 我和建宇来享受情侣套餐 |
| [07:35] | And also I will be joining them. | 我也会跟他们一起 |
| [07:38] | Great, and who is the other half of your couple? | 很好 你的另一半呢 |
| [07:40] | No, no, it’s just me. | 不 只有我一个人 |
| [07:42] | Couples are pairs of people. | 情侣是两个人 |
| [07:44] | Yup, and, there is a pair of people, | 嗯 这里有一对 |
| [07:45] | Tahani and Jianyu. | 塔哈妮和建宇 |
| [07:47] | And then also I am here. | 还有一个我 |
| [07:50] | Great, and who will be joining you? | 很好 谁跟你一起 |
| [07:52] | No one. | 没有人 |
| [07:53] | It’s really quite simple, Janet. | 很简单 珍妮特 |
| [07:54] | They are a couple, | 他俩是一对 |
| [07:55] | and I am a third part of that couple. | 我是电灯泡 |
| [07:59] | A helper part who is here for fun and excitement. | 附属家眷 过来享乐 |
| [08:04] | It’s a three… person couple. | 我们是三人情侣 |
| [08:06] | Does not compute. | 无法分析 |
| [08:08] | Does not compute. | 无法分析 |
| [08:11] | I’m just kidding. | 逗你玩儿呢 |
| [08:13] | I mean, it doesn’t compute, | 确实无法分析 |
| [08:15] | but I’m not gonna explode or anything. | 但我不会爆炸啦 |
| [08:16] | Right. | 好吧 |
| [08:17] | Well, I’ll see you inside, darling. | 我在里面等你 亲爱的 |
| [08:22] | Okay, you have to step up. | 你得加把劲了 |
| [08:24] | Find a way to connect with her without, you know, being you. | 想个法子 不做自己 跟她沟通 |
| [08:27] | What does that even mean? | 这话 我都听不懂啊 |
| [08:29] | Do I talk or not talk? | 我是说话还是沉默啊 |
| [08:31] | Do I be nice to Tahani, | 我是善待她 |
| [08:33] | or do I throw all her jewelry in the toilet? | 还是把她的首饰都冲进厕所 |
| [08:35] | That’s the opposite of being nice? | 你这么理解不善待的反义词吗 |
| [08:37] | So no toilet? | 就是不冲进厕所了 |
| [08:40] | What is it with you and frozen yogurt? | 你怎么对酸奶冰淇淋这么情有独钟啊 |
| [08:42] | Have you not heard of ice cream? | 你没听过冰淇淋吗 |
| [08:43] | Sure, but I’ve come to really like frozen yogurt. | 我知道 但我很喜欢酸奶冰淇淋 |
| [08:46] | There’s something so human about | 因为其中蕴藏着人性 |
| [08:48] | taking something great and ruining it a little | 将很棒的东西 稍加破坏 |
| [08:51] | so you can have more of it. | 这样就能拥有更多 |
| [08:53] | That is very human. | 确实夹杂着人性 |
| [08:55] | Why do you need a human to be your assistant? | 你为什么要找一个人类作为你的助理 |
| [08:57] | I mean, aren’t there more of… | 不是该有更多… |
| [09:01] | whatever you are? | 你这种存在吗 |
| [09:02] | Well, since we’re becoming friends, | 既然我们成为朋友了 |
| [09:06] | like Ross and Phoebe… | 就像《老友记》里的罗斯和菲比 |
| [09:07] | Weird combo to pick, but okay. | 你选的组合也是清奇 不过不是重点 |
| [09:09] | I’m gonna tell you a secret. | 我告诉你一个秘密 |
| [09:12] | Usually, architects don’t live in their neighborhoods. | 通常 「建筑师」不住在自己设计的「善地」 |
| [09:16] | Usually, the people show up, we play the movie, | 通常 人们来到这里后 我们放电影 |
| [09:19] | Janet is there to answer questions, | 珍妮特来回答所有问题 |
| [09:21] | and you’re on your own. | 然后大家就各回各家了 |
| [09:22] | But I had this theory. | 但我有个想法 |
| [09:24] | I thought transition would be easier | 我觉得「建筑师」在场 |
| [09:26] | if the architect were on site | 人们能越快适应这里 |
| [09:28] | for at least the first 1,000 years or so. | 至少头一千年是这样吧 |
| [09:30] | That’s why you’ve been so freaked out. | 所以你才这么慌张 |
| [09:32] | ‘Cause your butt is on the line. | 因为出了事 你要担责 |
| [09:34] | My boss thought I was nuts. | 我的上司觉得我疯了 |
| [09:36] | And if this neighborhood doesn’t work, | 如果这个街区发展不顺利 |
| [09:38] | I am in big trouble. | 我就死定了 |
| [09:40] | But more importantly, | 但更重要的是 |
| [09:42] | I promised all of you that you would be safe and happy. | 我保证会让你们过上安稳幸福的日子 |
| [09:45] | And you just don’t break a promise. | 我不能违背诺言 |
| [09:48] | Unlike Ross when he promised Emily not to talk to Rachel. | 不像罗斯答应艾米丽不去找瑞秋 结果还是去找了 |
| [09:52] | You are really into that show. | 你真是《老友记》的真爱粉啊 |
| [09:54] | You know something? | 你知道吗 |
| [09:55] | I feel better already. | 我感觉好多了 |
| [09:56] | Should we get back to work? | 我们可以回去继续工作了吗 |
| [09:59] | The whole point is to stop thinking about work | 重点就在于你不再想工作的事 |
| [10:02] | and start having fun. | 而是享受生活 |
| [10:04] | Now, what should we do first? | 我们该先做什么呢 |
| [10:22] | This is so interesting! | 太好玩儿了 |
| [10:24] | I mean, there’s no point to it. | 完全毫无意义啊 |
| [10:26] | The images on the screen relate to nothing. | 屏幕上的画面毫无关联 |
| [10:29] | Some time passed, and then it was over. | 时间就这样打发走了 |
| [10:31] | That’s karaoke! | 这就是唱K啊 |
| [10:33] | Let’s do it again. | 再来一遍吧 |
| [10:34] | Okay, my hands are heated to the ideal 105 degrees. | 我的双手加热到理想的四十度了 |
| [10:39] | Who would like to go first? | 谁想先来啊 |
| [10:40] | Well what if I go first, | 我先来吧 |
| [10:42] | and then perhaps Jianyu could stand near me | 然后建宇可以站在我旁边 |
| [10:44] | and share some intimate aspects of his life? | 跟我聊些知心话 |
| [10:48] | Or what if… | 要不… |
| [10:51] | while Janet messages Tahani, | 珍妮特给塔哈妮按摩时 |
| [10:53] | I massage Jianyu? | 我给建宇按摩 |
| [11:01] | Jianyu, darling, let’s discuss the arts. | 亲爱的建宇 我们谈谈艺术吧 |
| [11:05] | I adore the impressionists. | 我最欣赏印象派画家了 |
| [11:09] | Who’s your favorite artist? | 你最爱的画家「艺人」是谁呀 |
| [11:11] | I mean, Pitbull changed the game… | 「嘻哈斗牛犬」很有影响力… |
| [11:15] | Sorry, just working the oft-neglected mandible area. | 抱歉 就是按摩下常被忽视的下颌骨 |
| [11:27] | Man! | 天呐 |
| [11:28] | I didn’t even want that thing. | 我都没想要这玩意儿 |
| [11:29] | Why am I trying to win it? | 我为什还想要抓到 |
| [11:31] | Because the machine says it’s a prize. | 因为这机器标明这是奖品 |
| [11:35] | How many tickets do I get? Six? | 我得了几张游戏券 六张 |
| [11:37] | – Is that all? – Well, watch this. | -这么少吗 -瞧我的 |
| [11:42] | – Is that allowed? Not really. | – 可以这样吗 – 不可以 |
| [11:43] | But it is a time-honored tradition. | 但这是古老的传统 |
| [11:45] | Say no more. I got it. I got it. | 不用说了 懂了 懂了 |
| [11:52] | You know something? | 知道吗 |
| [11:53] | As much as I’ve always wanted to be around humans, | 尽管我一直想很人类待在一起 |
| [11:56] | I think I’ve missed a big part of what makes them wonderful. | 我觉得我忽略了人类最妙不可言的部分 |
| [11:59] | Sometimes all you guys think about is how you can have the most fun. | 有时候 你们就只想着怎么找乐子 |
| [12:04] | Exactly! | 没错 |
| [12:06] | That was practically my mantra. | 这正是我的人生标语 |
| [12:09] | What’s up, dong bait? | 你好啊 小美人 |
| [12:11] | Drop everything you’re doing. | 放下你手中的事 |
| [12:13] | Rihanna is performing in Vegas. | 蕾哈娜去维加斯公演了 |
| [12:14] | I got tickets. We are road-tripping. | 我有票 我们来自驾游吧 |
| [12:17] | I can’t! | 不行啊 |
| [12:19] | I promised I’d house-sit one more day, | 我答应别人要再看一天家 |
| [12:21] | and I have to feed this stupid dog. | 还要喂这条破狗 |
| [12:23] | I’m sorry, does this dog smoke blunts topless on a yacht like a boss? | 不好意思 这条狗会像个大爷在游艇上裸体抽雪茄吗 |
| [12:26] | – ‘Cause that’s how ri-ri do. – That’s a very good point. | -因为蕾蕾才会哦 -说得好有道理 |
| [12:28] | This is floor seats in Vegas for Rihanna. | 这可是蕾哈娜在维加斯演出的前排座啊 |
| [12:31] | The booze is free there. | 酒水全场免费 |
| [12:33] | Do I really need to keep going? | 还要继续说服你吗 |
| [12:38] | Okay, this is dinner tonight, breakfast tomorrow… | 这是今晚的晚餐 这是明早的早饭 |
| [12:41] | I have an idea. | 想到了 |
| [12:45] | This is in case of emergency. | 这是为了以防万一 |
| [12:47] | Do not eat this unless it’s an emergency. | 不到紧急情况 绝不能吃 |
| [12:52] | I’m ready to be a mom. | 我可以当妈了 |
| [13:02] | I’m having trouble getting this mask to stick. | 这些面膜总是涂不上 |
| [13:04] | Yes, it’s ’cause my pores are just so small. | 以为我的毛孔太小了 |
| [13:08] | There’s no way anything could ever adhere to my skin. | 我的皮肤上什么都沾不上 |
| [13:10] | It’s a curse, really. | 真是一种诅咒啊 |
| [13:12] | Jianyu? | 建宇 |
| [13:13] | What are your pores like? | 你的毛孔什么样啊 |
| [13:19] | Janet, can you show me to the sauna, please? | 珍妮特 能带我去桑拿房吗 |
| [13:26] | Dude, she’s trying so hard, | 她费尽心思跟你搭话呢 |
| [13:28] | and you’re giving her nothing! | 而你就像个木头人 |
| [13:29] | Just pick a fact that you know about her | 随便选个你了解她的事 |
| [13:31] | and just muddle through. | 混过去就行了 |
| [13:32] | She said she likes impressionist paintings. | 她说她喜欢印象派画作 |
| [13:36] | Impressionist paintings? | 印象派画作 |
| [13:37] | Okay, say no more. | 行了 不用再说了 |
| [13:39] | No, no, no, I definitely feel like I need to say more. | 不不 我觉得必须得再提点你一下啊 |
| [13:41] | Jia… | 建… |
| [13:44] | So would you say I helped you today? | 你觉得我今天帮到你了吗 |
| [13:47] | So much. | 帮了大忙了 |
| [13:49] | I had fun, I didn’t think about my problems, | 我玩得很开心 没去想自己的麻烦 |
| [13:51] | and I won this ugly yellow toddler, | 我还赢得了这个丑丑的小黄人 |
| [13:54] | which is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. | 这真是我见过最萌系的东西之一了 |
| [13:56] | Thank you so much. | 太谢谢你了 |
| [13:58] | All right, I’ll see you tomorrow, friend. | 好了 我们明天再见吧 朋友 |
| [14:10] | You sure this is where you want to be right now? | 你确定你现在想待在这里吗 |
| [14:13] | At the tea for two couples cafe? | 「情侣专属」咖啡馆 |
| [14:16] | There’s no use avoiding it, Chidi. | 没必要逃避 奇迪 |
| [14:18] | I’m alone. | 我孤身一人 |
| [14:20] | Jianyu and I have nothing in common. | 我和建宇没有任何共同语言 |
| [14:23] | I just want a soul mate. | 我就是想要一个灵魂伴侣 |
| [14:24] | Someone I can share my passions with, | 一个能与我共享激情的人 |
| [14:26] | someone who I can talk to about the ethereal colors of a Degas. | 一个能够畅谈窦加画笔下那些栩栩如生的人物 |
| [14:29] | I love Degas. | 我喜欢窦加「印象派画家」 |
| [14:31] | I took painting lessons as a kid, | 我小时候学过画画 |
| [14:32] | and Degas was always my inspiration. | 窦加一直是我的灵感源泉 |
| [14:34] | And do you like France as much as I do? | 那你也跟我一样喜欢法国吗 |
| [14:36] | Well, they enslaved my country for 300 years. | 他们奴役了我们国家三百年 |
| [14:39] | So no. | 所以不喜欢 |
| [14:41] | – But they have great museums. – Yes. | – 但法国的博物馆很杰出 – 是的 |
| [14:44] | Welcome to my cafe, you two. | 欢迎两位光临 |
| [14:46] | We have a special on soul mate Muffins. | 我们推出了特价情侣松饼 |
| [14:48] | Two for the price of zero. | 情侣免费 |
| [14:50] | Everything is free. | 都是免费 |
| [14:51] | We’re not soul mates. We’re just… | 不 我们不是伴侣 只是… |
| [14:54] | Soul friends. | 灵魂友人 |
| [15:00] | Hey, buddy. | 好朋友 |
| [15:00] | I have all new fun stuff for us to do today. | 我今天准备了更好玩的节目 |
| [15:03] | Eleanor, I have huge news. | 埃莉诺 我有个重大消息 |
| [15:05] | Not working actually worked. | 不干活真有效果了 |
| [15:08] | It did what now? | 你说啥 |
| [15:09] | After our day off, | 我们玩过一天后 |
| [15:10] | with a completely clear head, | 我头脑清醒了 |
| [15:12] | I realized part of what makes humans so fun | 我明白了人类如此有趣的原因之一 |
| [15:15] | is that they’re unpredictable. | 就是其不可预测性 |
| [15:17] | The chaos we’ve been experiencing | 我们正经历的混乱 |
| [15:19] | is exactly what would happen if a resident behaved unpredictably. | 正是居民不可预知的行为而导致 |
| [15:24] | The problem in our neighborhood… | 街区的问题… |
| [15:26] | It’s not a rock or an object. | 不是石头或是物品 |
| [15:29] | It’s one of the people. | 而是其中的人类 |
| [15:32] | We need to celebrate! | 我们得庆祝一下 |
| [15:33] | I know, okay… | 好了 |
| [15:35] | Paper clip shower! | 回形针淋浴喽 |
| [15:40] | So do you think we’re looking for a man, | 我们是要找一个男人 |
| [15:42] | or do you think we’re looking for two men? | 还是找两个男人啊 |
| [15:45] | Not sure. | 不一定 |
| [15:46] | We don’t know anything about this person. | 我们对这个人的信息一无所知 |
| [15:48] | I mean, does he or she even know | 他或她知道 |
| [15:51] | that they caused all these problems? | 自己引发出了这些问题吗 |
| [15:53] | No, that can’t be. | 不可能 |
| [15:54] | I mean, what kind of monster would wreak havoc | 什么样的禽兽会搞出这么大乱子 |
| [15:57] | and then say nothing? | 还能不出一声啊 |
| [15:58] | So this is the main place where | 当时天降垃圾 |
| [16:00] | the garbage fell from the sky. | 就是从这里开始的 |
| [16:02] | – Janet. – Hi there. | -珍妮特 -你好 |
| [16:03] | I need a list of everyone | 列出迎新时 |
| [16:04] | that was here on garbage duty during orientation. | 所有在场清理垃圾的人 |
| [16:11] | Eleanor, our criminal is on this very short list. | 埃莉诺 犯人就在这张短短的名单上 |
| [16:15] | People were flying that day too. | 那天还是飞行日 |
| [16:17] | I’ll add everybody who flew overhead. | 我会把飞过这里的人都加上 |
| [16:20] | Eleanor, our criminal is on this much longer list. | 埃莉诺 犯人的名单加长了 |
| [16:29] | Hey, homey. | 兄弟 你来了 |
| [16:29] | Thanks for your advice. | 谢谢你的建议 |
| [16:30] | I’m about to give Tahani the best gift ever. | 我为塔哈妮准备了最棒的礼物 |
| [16:33] | Check it. | 瞧瞧 |
| [16:36] | What? | 这是啥 |
| [16:36] | She likes impressionist paintings, right? | 她喜欢印象派画作「模仿演员」 对吧 |
| [16:38] | I got her a painting of the best impressionist of all time, | 我找了一副最牛叉的模仿演员画作 |
| [16:42] | Frank Caliendo. | 弗兰克·卡利恩多「以模仿秀著称」 |
| [16:43] | He can do it all… fat Al Pacino, fat Jerry Seinfeld, | 他什么都能模仿 胖版阿尔·帕西诺和杰里·宋飞 |
| [16:45] | Regular John Madden. | 正常版约翰·麦登 |
| [16:47] | “Say hello to my little friend.” | 「跟我的小伙伴打个招呼吧」 |
| [16:49] | “Forget about it.” | 「别闹了」 |
| [16:50] | This is where the sinkhole opened up. | 这里就是地裂的地方 |
| [16:53] | And the guest list that night was limited. | 那晚的宾客名单有限 |
| [16:57] | There were a total of 30 people here that night. | 那晚一共来了三十人 |
| [17:01] | Only 30, huh? | 只有三十人啊 |
| [17:04] | How do you pump your fists again? | 怎么晃拳头来着 |
| [17:07] | Is this it? | 是这样吗 |
| [17:08] | But 66 others passed through | 但开张之前 |
| [17:10] | to take a look before it opened, | 六十六个人经过这里瞧了一下 |
| [17:11] | And everyone else in the neighborhood was in a close radius. | 而剩下的人都住在这附近 |
| [17:15] | Boy, that… doesn’t narrow it down at all. | 天啊 这一点也没缩小范围啊 |
| [17:19] | Feels like the end of the road. | 感觉线索断「末路」了 |
| [17:24] | “End of the road,” Boyz ii men, karaoke. | 《末路》 「大人小孩双拍档」的歌 唱K |
| [17:26] | Let’s go… don’t think about it too much. | 我们走吧 别多想了 |
| [17:28] | Janet. | 珍妮特 |
| [17:30] | My hoodie, please. | 拿帽衫给我 |
| [17:37] | – What’s happening? – I give up. | -什么情况 – 我放弃了 |
| [17:40] | I can’t help the people I promised that I would help. | 我无法帮助我承诺要帮助的人 |
| [17:49] | out of ideas and forcing Joey and Rachel together, | 江郎才尽 让乔伊和瑞秋强行组CP |
| [17:53] | even though it made no sense. | 尽管是没有脑回路的做法 |
| [17:56] | I hope the sinkhole opens up again and swallows me whole. | 我希望那个裂洞再次打开 把我吸进去 |
| [18:06] | Paula! | 宝拉 |
| [18:07] | Hey, girl. | 你好啊 |
| [18:09] | How’s the dog? | 狗狗还好吗 |
| [18:10] | Still fat, Eleanor. | 还胖着呢 埃莉诺 |
| [18:12] | Still fat. | 还胖着呢 |
| [18:13] | The vet says his stomach expanded to the size of a basketball | 兽医说狗狗的胃被撑得像一个篮球那么大 |
| [18:17] | and that it will never shrink. | 而且再也不会缩小了 |
| [18:19] | Well, that’s not my fault. | 这不是我的错 |
| [18:21] | How was I supposed to know he would literally eat all of the food? | 我怎么知道它会把所有食物都吃光啊 |
| [18:25] | It shouldn’t have been an issue. | 这本不该成为问题 |
| [18:27] | You were supposed to be there, | 你本应该看着它 |
| [18:28] | but you broke your promise | 但你违背承诺了 |
| [18:30] | as soon as it wasn’t convenient for you, | 优先考虑你自己了 |
| [18:32] | and now I have a very bulbous dog. | 结果我家狗变得又胖又丑 |
| [18:36] | Well, you know what? | 知道吗 |
| [18:38] | You’re rude. | 你真没礼貌 |
| [18:39] | ‘Cause you didn’t even ask me how the Rihanna concert was. | 因为你都没问下蕾哈娜的演唱会怎么样 |
| [18:43] | She was very late. | 她来得可晚了 |
| [18:45] | And a little drunk. | 还有点醉 |
| [18:53] | I promised to help you, and I will, | 我答应会帮你 就一定会帮 |
| [18:57] | however I can. | 尽一切所能 |
| [18:58] | If you want to look at a million rocks like a psychopath, | 如果你想像个神经病 调查一百万块石头 |
| [19:02] | I’ll be there. | 我会陪着你 |
| [19:03] | If you want to just lay here and cry in your hoodie, | 如果你想躺在这里自怨自艾 |
| [19:07] | I’m cool with that. | 我也没意见 |
| [19:08] | Honestly, I don’t know how I can help you, | 说实话 我不知道怎么能帮你 |
| [19:11] | ’cause I’m just a person | 因为我只是一介凡人 |
| [19:13] | and you’re, like, this super magical Orville Redenbacher type guy | 而你则是神奇牛叉的存在 |
| [19:18] | who invented this entire universe, | 创造了这里的一切 |
| [19:21] | but I’ll do my best. | 但我会尽力而为 |
| [19:25] | I’m right here. | 我就在你身边 |
| [19:27] | My gosh. | 我的天呐 |
| [19:32] | Of course. | 想到了 |
| [19:34] | How did I not see it? | 我怎么没看出来呢 |
| [19:36] | Janet… | 珍妮特 |
| [19:39] | I found the answer to the problem. | 我找到问题所在了 |
| [19:40] | Call a neighborhood meeting. | 通知居民开会 |
| [19:42] | Should it be festive and casual | 喜气洋洋欢乐会 |
| [19:44] | or moribund and devastating? | 还是死气沉沉悲痛会 |
| [19:46] | Moribund and devastating, please. | 死气沉沉悲痛会 |
| [19:48] | Great! | 好 |
| [19:55] | Hello, Jianyu, Chidi. | 建宇 奇迪 你们好 |
| [19:59] | What’s this? | 这是什么 |
| [20:01] | I made you a art. | 我为你画了一幅画 |
| [20:03] | It’s three of me. | 是三个我 |
| [20:06] | It’s ballerinas, | 芭蕾舞者 |
| [20:08] | painted in the style of the impressionists. | 还是印象派画风 |
| [20:10] | Of course. | 当然了 |
| [20:12] | You don’t say things, but you do things. | 你不会用言语表达 只会用行动证明 |
| [20:16] | And you feel things. | 你会感悟 |
| [20:19] | Only my true soul mate could ever give me such a perfect gift. | 只有真正的灵魂伴侣才会赠我如此佳礼 |
| [20:24] | Thank you. | 谢谢你 |
| [20:33] | What’s going on? | 怎么回事 |
| [20:35] | Well, I did what you said. | 我按你说的做了 |
| [20:36] | I honored my agreement to help Michael find the problem, | 我信守承诺帮迈克尔找出问题所在 |
| [20:40] | and he found the problem. | 而他找到「问题」了 |
| [20:43] | I’m so sorry. | 我很遗憾 |
| [20:45] | After I’m gone, take down the rest of those clown paintings. | 我走后 把所有的小丑画都撤下来 |
| [20:48] | But leave up the sexy mailman. | 但性感邮差别拿下来 |
| [20:52] | To remember me by. | 留个念想 |
| [20:54] | Thank you all for your patience with the problems in our neighborhood. | 感谢大家耐心地容忍最近发生的乱子 |
| [20:58] | I have finally discovered the cause. | 我终于找到症结所在了 |
| [21:01] | There was one common link among every incident. | 每件风波之间都有一个联系 |
| [21:05] | And when I figured it out, it was a shock. | 我想明白后 非常震惊 |
| [21:08] | But there’s no escaping it. | 但不可否认 |
| [21:11] | The problem… | 问题… |
| [21:13] | is me. | 就是我 |
| [21:16] | And now… | 现在… |
| [21:18] | I have to leave you… | 我得永远… |
| [21:20] | forever. | 离开大家了 |