| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:11] | Hey, dingdongs. We figured out what’s happened here. | 「傻妹」 我们弄明白怎么回事了 |
| [00:14] | You two are both named Eleanor Shellstrop. | 你们都叫埃莉诺·谢尔斯卓普 |
| [00:17] | The day you died, you were both in Phoenix, Arizona | 你们死的那天 都在亚利桑那州凤凰城 |
| [00:20] | shopping at the same grocery store. | 并在同一家商店买东西 |
| [00:23] | The “Real Eleanor” was attending | 「正牌埃莉诺」当时去参加 |
| [00:25] | a conference on the death penalty, | 一个关于死刑的研讨会 |
| [00:27] | and you stopped by to pick up food for a local homeless shelter. | 你当时去商店买食物送给收容所的人 |
| [00:30] | And “Fake Eleanor” was there buying Margarita mix | 而「冒牌埃莉诺」则是去买玛格丽特酒 |
| [00:34] | and a magazine called “Celebrity Baby Plastic Surgery Disasters.” | 以及杂志《名人孩子整容失败事例》 |
| [00:39] | Incredibly, you both died in the same 10,000ths of a second | 奇妙的是 你俩在同一个万分之一秒 |
| [00:43] | in the same traffic accident | 同一场事故中丧生 |
| [00:46] | because Real Eleanor was trying to save Fake Eleanor’s life | 因为当时「正牌埃莉诺」想去救会「冒牌埃莉诺」 |
| [00:49] | by pushing you out of the way of the truck. | 把你从车旁推开 |
| [00:51] | I guess you really botched that one, eh? | 结果你搞砸了吧 |
| [00:53] | I did, and I am so, so sorry. | 是啊 我真的很抱歉 |
| [00:58] | It’s all good. | 没事 |
| [00:58] | So how did you not realize you had the wrong Eleanor? | 你们怎么会不知道搞错了人呢 |
| [01:01] | We don’t know what people look like… | 我们不知道人们的长相 |
| [01:03] | only names and profiles. | 只有名字和档案 |
| [01:05] | On Earth, they’re just dots on a map. | 人世间 人类都只是点点而已 |
| [01:08] | Whatever, we got our wires crossed, | 无所谓啦 一场乌龙 |
| [01:10] | we picked up the wrong dot… | 我们接错人了 等废话… |
| [01:16] | Point is, there are two Eleanors. | 重点是 有两个埃莉诺 |
| [01:18] | The nice, boring one is yours. | 心善无聊的这位是你们的人 |
| [01:20] | The trash bag is ours… | 而衰女是我们的人 |
| [01:22] | – Wh… – So, trash bag, let’s go. | -什… -衰女 我们走啦 |
| [01:25] | Let’s hit it. And also… | 我们撤 还有… |
| [01:27] | I’m still waiting on that smile, gorgeous. | 我还等你给小爷笑一个呢 小美人 |
| [01:28] | – Trevor. – Where’s that smile? | -特雷弗 -来给爷笑一个 |
| [01:29] | Trevor, how about we negotiate? | 特雷弗 咱们商量一下吧 |
| [01:31] | Maybe give you something else. | 谈谈交换条件 |
| [01:32] | What in the world could you have that we would want? | 你手里能有什么东西是我想要的 |
| [01:35] | All right, how about a unicorn? | 送你一头独角兽如何 |
| [01:37] | Right? I bet you don’t have one of those. | 行吗 你们肯定没有这东西吧 |
| [01:38] | No, that is true, yeah. | 是 是没有 |
| [01:40] | Might be fun to skin it alive, eat its raw flesh, | 生剥了它的皮 生吃了 应该很刺激 |
| [01:43] | maybe break off the horn, grind it up, snort it. | 要不就掰下独角 磨成粉 吸了 |
| [01:46] | Okay, let’s keep talking. Yeah. | 行 这条件不错 继续谈吧 |
| [01:55] | Fake Eleanor, a word? | 「冒牌埃莉诺」 聊一下 |
| [01:57] | It’s just me, man. You can just say, “Eleanor.” | 就是我啊 就叫「埃莉诺」不行吗 |
| [02:00] | Sorry, it just makes things easier. | 抱歉 只是这样更省事 |
| [02:03] | Look, I’m not even sure how it would work for you to stay here. | 听着 我不知道要怎么将你留下 |
| [02:06] | Now that we know there’s a real Eleanor, | 现在「正牌埃莉诺」出现了 |
| [02:08] | but in the meantime, stay on your toes. | 但与此同时 别乱了阵脚 |
| [02:10] | Don’t let Trevor get inside your head. | 别让特雷弗影响了你 |
| [02:14] | Can I ask you something? | 我能问件事吗 |
| [02:16] | Why are you helping me? | 你为什么帮我呢 |
| [02:18] | Well, Chidi made a very good argument on your behalf, | 奇迪替你说了情 讲了好话 |
| [02:21] | but it’s more than that. | 但不止如此 |
| [02:22] | I truly believe that the Good Place is where you belong. | 我是真心认为你的归属应是「善地」 |
| [02:28] | You’re part of our team. | 你是我们的人 |
| [02:32] | Hi! You must be the new student Eleanor Shellstrop. | 你好 你是转校生埃莉诺·谢尔斯卓普吧 |
| [02:35] | I’m Gloria, the senior class secretary. | 我叫葛洛莉亚 高三团支书 |
| [02:38] | Cool. | 了解了 |
| [02:39] | Well, welcome to Adobe High, home of the Scorpi-oties! | 欢迎来到奥多比高中 天蝎灰狼之家 |
| [02:43] | Half the school wanted to be the Scorpions, | 一半学生想把天蝎当吉祥物 |
| [02:44] | half wanted to be the Coyotes, so we compromised. | 而另一半则喜欢灰狼 所以就折衷了一下 |
| [02:47] | Why don’t I give you a tour after lunch? | 不如吃完午饭 我带去转一圈吧 |
| [02:49] | Yeah, no thanks, moptop. | 不必了 「拖把头」 |
| [02:52] | Sorry? | 你说什么 |
| [02:53] | Don’t need your help, | 不需要你示好 |
| [02:54] | don’t wanna sign your yearbook in, like, gel pen, | 也不想用什么荧光笔签你的毕业相册 |
| [02:57] | don’t wanna bedazzle our college essays, or whatever. | 也不想给大学文书增添亮点之类的 |
| [03:00] | I’m here for like six months, | 我就在这里念半年 |
| [03:02] | and I’m gonna fly solo. | 我打算独来独往 |
| [03:04] | Beat it, Gloria. She is, like, such a dork. | 走吧 葛洛莉亚 她就是个书呆子 |
| [03:08] | She, like, loves this school so much. | 她特别迷恋这所学校 |
| [03:10] | Why don’t you come sit with us? | 你过来跟我们坐吧 |
| [03:11] | We’ll teach you which guys are cute | 我们会告诉你 帅哥都有谁 |
| [03:13] | and which teachers are secretly pervs, and… | 变态老师都有谁 还有… |
| [03:15] | Yeah, that’s a hard pass as well. | 我也没兴趣 |
| [03:17] | I don’t wanna get chunky highlights, | 我不想成为焦点 |
| [03:19] | make fun of nerds, and steal your mom’s flavored vodka. | 捉弄乖学生 偷你妈妈的加味伏特加喝 |
| [03:22] | I get your whole “mean girl” thing, | 我懂你们「贱女孩」这一套 |
| [03:24] | and I’m all set with it, thanks. | 我不想参与 谢了 |
| [03:26] | In fact… | 其实… |
| [03:31] | Listen up, everyone. | 大家都听好了 |
| [03:32] | I’m Eleanor, I’m new here, | 我叫埃莉诺 新来的转校生 |
| [03:34] | and as a blanket statement for everyone: | 向大家发一个概括声明 |
| [03:37] | I don’t wanna be a part of whatever little group you’ve formed | 我对你们的小团体都没兴趣 |
| [03:40] | because they’re all equally lame. | 因为都很幼稚 |
| [03:43] | Everybody cool? Great. | 都懂了吗 很好 |
| [03:47] | Hey, that was really cool, | 你刚才那番话 |
| [03:49] | – the way you told all those poseurs… – No. | -怒怼那群装叉的人 真带进 -别跟着我 |
| [03:52] | Michael, welcome. How can I help you? | 迈克尔 欢迎 有什么事啊 |
| [03:54] | Well, if I’m going to save Fake Eleanor, | 如果我要救「冒牌埃莉诺」 |
| [03:59] | I need some help negotiating. | 我需要有人帮忙谈判 |
| [04:00] | I don’t even know what to offer. | 我都不知道能给出什么条件 |
| [04:02] | I mean, what do you get somebody who wants to eat a unicorn? | 连独角兽都吃的人 怎么谈判啊 |
| [04:06] | A unicorn bib, yes! No, no, unicorn holders, | 独角兽围兜 对 不不 独角兽叉 |
| [04:11] | you know, like…like, corn holders, but for unicorns? | 就像玉米叉那样 但来叉独角兽 |
| [04:14] | Perhaps, it’d be better if we just move away | 我们还是别再考虑 |
| [04:15] | from the unicorn thing altogether. | 独角兽相关的东西了吧 |
| [04:17] | No, you’re right, you’re right. | 好 你说得对 说得对 |
| [04:19] | And anyway, there’s a bigger problem: | 总之 还有更严重的问题 |
| [04:21] | the Bad Place Crew… they’re all terrible bullies, | 「恶地」那帮家伙 都是极坏的恶霸 |
| [04:24] | and they outnumber me. | 他们还人多势众 |
| [04:25] | They even have their own Bad Janet. I’ll show you. | 他们甚至有邪恶版珍妮特 给你看下 |
| [04:29] | Bad Janet? | 邪恶版珍妮 |
| [04:29] | What? | 怎么了 |
| [04:32] | Bad Janet, where is the nearest cafe? | 邪恶版珍妮 最近的咖啡厅在哪儿 |
| [04:35] | That’s a good question. | 这个问题问得好 |
| [04:37] | It’s up your mom’s butt, you fat dink. | 就在你妈屁眼里 你个傻逼 |
| [04:42] | What is even the purpose of a Janet who behaves in such a manner? | 这样的珍妮特有什么存在的意义啊 |
| [04:45] | Unclear, but the…the point is | 不知道 但重点是 |
| [04:48] | I never have to deal with negative emotion of any sort. | 我从来不用处理负面情绪 |
| [04:51] | I could use some backup, Tahani. | 我需要有人挺我 塔哈妮 |
| [04:54] | Michael, of course. | 迈克尔 当然没问题了 |
| [04:55] | Why don’t you just bring them all here? | 不如你把他们都带来这里 |
| [04:57] | Surely this magnificent house will placate them. | 这么豪华的房子一定能安抚他们 |
| [04:59] | Perfect, perfect. I’ll be right back. | 太棒了 太好了 我马上回来 |
| [05:02] | Well, here’s… your house. | 这就是你的家了 |
| [05:05] | It’s beautiful… I love Icelandic primitive design. | 真漂亮 我很喜欢冰岛原始风设计 |
| [05:09] | I kind of wish it had a clown nook… | 要是有「小丑一角」就好了… |
| [05:12] | There it is. | 真有啊 |
| [05:13] | Here’s the bedroom. | 卧室在这边 |
| [05:14] | It’s kind of hard to get up on this dumb ledge though, it’s like… | 不过上这个台子 很不方便 就像… |
| [05:21] | You have got to be forking kidding me. | 你他喵的逗我呢 |
| [05:23] | Hey, Fake Eleanor, we used this same clown painting | 「冒牌埃莉诺」 我们用一样的小丑图画 |
| [05:26] | to decorate the room you were supposed to live in down there. | 装饰你在「恶地」住的屋子 |
| [05:29] | I swear to Bieber. | 绝对不是瞎说 |
| [05:30] | Wait, what was your house like? | 等下 你住的房子什么样啊 |
| [05:32] | Well, I was living in what I assume is Eleanor’s worst nightmare. | 我住的房子应该是埃莉诺的噩梦之屋 |
| [05:36] | Every day was basically one endless baby shower | 每天都要为陌生女子 |
| [05:38] | for a woman I didn’t know, | 办准妈妈派对 |
| [05:40] | but also somehow I had to organize it. | 但必须由我来负责安排 |
| [05:43] | And if I didn’t remember everyone’s name, | 而且如果我没记住每一个人的名字 |
| [05:45] | I got a very strong electric shock. | 我就会被电流强击 |
| [05:47] | Yep, that was my pitch. | 没错 是我的主意 |
| [05:48] | And then at night, it was pretty classic torture. | 到了晚上 就是很传统的酷刑了 |
| [05:51] | Flying piranhas, lava monsters, college improv, | 会飞的食人鱼 岩浆怪兽 大学即兴表演 |
| [05:55] | and there was always Jazz music playing. | 还总是伴随着无尽的爵士乐 |
| [05:58] | I hate Jazz. | 我痛恨爵士乐 |
| [06:00] | Every jazz song is like 40 minutes long. | 一听爵士乐 度秒如年啊 |
| [06:02] | It’s like, we get it. | 行啦 知道啦 |
| [06:03] | You can blow on a trumpet. Wrap it up, Elton John. | 就你会吹小号 赶紧完事吧 艾尔顿·约翰 |
| [06:07] | Famously a piano player. | 他是著名钢琴家 |
| [06:09] | I don’t mean to be a bother, | 我也不想麻烦你们 |
| [06:10] | but could I possibly get some water | 但我能不能喝点水 |
| [06:13] | and whatever food doesn’t turn to spiders in your mouth? | 吃点不会入口即化为蜘蛛的食物啊 |
| [06:15] | Of course, so sorry. Let’s get some dinner. | 当然可以了 真失礼 我们去吃晚饭吧 |
| [06:18] | Yeah, we’ll all go. Perfect double date: | 一起去吧 四人约会 多好啊 |
| [06:21] | Two losers, a trash bag, and a demon. | 两个废物 一个衰女和一个恶魔 |
| [06:24] | Let’s hit it. | 走起 |
| [06:29] | All right, Michael, | 好了 迈克尔 |
| [06:30] | we’re going to ply them with delicious food and drink, | 我们让他们吃好喝好 |
| [06:32] | and then we’re going to subtly segue into negotiation. | 然后巧妙地将话题引到谈判上来 |
| [06:35] | They’re sure to be in a good mood. | 他们那时肯定很好说话 |
| [06:36] | Everything is absolutely beautiful. | 一切都如此美好 |
| [06:38] | This sucks, dude. | 太没劲了 「老头子」 |
| [06:41] | Yeah, this food, blows. | 这东西难吃死了 |
| [06:44] | Good Janet. | 良善版珍妮特 |
| [06:45] | Hi, there. | 你好 |
| [06:46] | Give me some Jalapelo Poppers. | 给我来点墨西哥辣椒卷 |
| [06:48] | Sure, quick question: what is a “Jalapello”? | 好 问一下 什么是「墨西哥辣椒」 |
| [06:51] | What is a “Poppers”? | 「卷」是什么 |
| [06:53] | What is “Jalapelo poppers”? | 什么是「墨西哥辣椒卷」 |
| [06:55] | Sorry, guys. see, in the confusion, | 抱歉 各位 出了点风波 |
| [06:58] | Janet got rebooted, | 珍妮特重启了 |
| [07:00] | so she hasn’t quite uploaded all of the info she usually knows. | 所她还没完全载入她以往的知识量 |
| [07:06] | That’s hilarious. | 真是太好玩了 |
| [07:07] | She’s almost as stupid as people. | 她差不多跟人类一样傻 |
| [07:10] | Hey now, come on. Let’s not insult people, please. | 别这样 别再羞辱人类了 |
| [07:14] | I’m Michael, | 我是迈克尔 |
| [07:15] | I love, idiot humans! | 我喜欢傻傻的人类 |
| [07:19] | “I got to admit… that does sound like me.” | 「我得说 学得确实很像」 |
| [07:21] | “I got to admit… that does sound like me.” | 「我得说 学得确实很像」 |
| [07:25] | Nailed it again. | 又学得很像啊 |
| [07:28] | Go get me a drink. | 给姐倒点喝的 |
| [07:29] | Yes, of course. | 好 没问题 |
| [07:33] | Man, this is gonna make a primo dump later on. | 天 等下这会变成第一泡屎 |
| [07:39] | Well, that looks delicious. What is that? | 这看起来很好吃 这是什么 |
| [07:41] | It’s Tom Yum Goong soup. | 冬阴功汤 |
| [07:42] | It reminds me of when I was in Thailand | 让我想起了我在泰国时 |
| [07:44] | rescuing victims of human trafficking. | 从人口拐贩子手中救出受害的事 |
| [07:46] | That sounds so good. | 听起来真不错 |
| [07:47] | I mean, the soup, not the… human trafficking. | 我是说汤 不是说「人口贩子」 |
| [07:50] | and I think your grilled eggplant looks so good. | 而你的烤茄子看起来很好吃 |
| [07:53] | Should we… | 我们要不要 |
| [07:54] | – Splitsies? – Yeah! | -共享 -好 |
| [07:58] | I can’t believe you thought you could pretend to be Real Eleanor. | 你竟然觉得自己可以冒充「正牌埃莉诺」 |
| [08:01] | She’s like a perfect ball of light, | 她就像闪闪发光的明珠 |
| [08:03] | and you’re like a…wet pile of mulch. | 而你就像一堆湿透的木屑 |
| [08:06] | Someone made a person out of wet mulch and leaves | 有人用湿木屑和烂叶做出了一个人 |
| [08:09] | and, like, dead slugs, and that’s you. | 像鼻涕虫死尸 那就是你 |
| [08:12] | Whatever, it’s easy when you’re just born perfect. | 行了 生来完美 人生就顺风顺水 |
| [08:16] | My parents were both dirtbags who split up when I was eight. | 我父母都是人渣 我八岁时 就离婚了 |
| [08:19] | I don’t mean to eavesdrop, | 我不是故意偷听 |
| [08:20] | but did you say your parents got a divorce? | 但你说你父母离异了吗 |
| [08:22] | Yeah, and that kind of thing really changes a person. | 嗯 父母离异对孩子的影响非常深远 |
| [08:25] | I mean, that trauma… it can explain away a lot of behavior. | 这样的心灵伤害会让一个人走上歧路 |
| [08:29] | Of course. | 当然了 |
| [08:31] | Your parents are still together, I guess. | 你的父母还在一起吧 |
| [08:33] | Actually, I…I’m not sure. | 其实我也不知道 |
| [08:35] | I never met my birth parents. | 我从没见过我的亲生父母 |
| [08:37] | They put me in an empty fish tank | 他们把我放在一个空鱼缸里 |
| [08:39] | and abandoned me at a train station in Bangladesh. | 将我丢弃在孟加拉国的一个火车站 |
| [08:42] | Luckily, I was found and adopted by a very nice couple, | 但幸好我被一对好心夫妇收养了 |
| [08:46] | the Shellstrops… | 就是谢尔斯卓普夫妇 |
| [08:47] | – Thank God. – But then they died when I was four…bird flu. | 谢天谢地 -但他们在我四岁时死于禽流感 |
| [08:51] | That’s awful. | 太惨了 |
| [08:52] | Anyway, orphanage burned down, | 总之 孤儿院被烧毁了 |
| [08:53] | yadda yadda yadda, made my way to America, | 一系列遭遇 让我来到了美国 |
| [08:55] | yadda yadda yadda, | 还是老掉牙的故事 |
| [08:57] | learned English from watching “Seinfeld,” | 看《宋飞正传》学会了英语 |
| [08:59] | put myself through law school, and here I am. | 供自己念完了法学院 就是这样了 |
| [09:02] | And, I’m sorry, what… | 不好意思 你… |
| [09:04] | What is it you said happened to you? | 你刚才说你遭遇了什么 |
| [09:06] | The same thing that happens to half of all kids in America? | 全美国一半孩子都经历过的事吧 |
| [09:10] | And for you to have gone through all that, | 你经历了这么多艰辛 |
| [09:12] | and to end up where you did, is just… | 还能有此番成就 真的… |
| [09:16] | It’s just amazing. | 难能可贵 |
| [09:17] | Man, these horndogs are vibing like mofos. | 天 这俩发情猫当我们是空气啊 |
| [09:21] | Am I right, Fake Eleanor? | 是吧 「冒牌埃莉诺」 |
| [09:22] | Please, stop calling me that. | 请别这么叫我 |
| [09:24] | You got it, third wheel. | 没问题 「电灯泡」 |
| [09:27] | Yeah, that wine’s no good. I’m sending it back. | 这酒不这么样 我要退回了 |
| [09:35] | Hey, Janet. | 珍妮特 |
| [09:37] | You look sad. | 感觉你不开心啊 |
| [09:39] | People keep asking me questions that I don’t know the answers to. | 大家一直问我一些我无法回答的问题 |
| [09:42] | That was my whole life on Earth. | 这就是我死前的人生 |
| [09:45] | You know, it doesn’t matter if you know things. | 你掌握了多少知识并不重要 |
| [09:47] | All that matters is what’s in your heart. | 重要的是内心世界 |
| [09:50] | Thanks, Jianyu. | 谢谢你 建宇 |
| [09:51] | I mean, it does matter if I know things, | 虽然我的知识量确实很重要 |
| [09:53] | because I’m an informational delivery system, | 因为毕竟我是信息运载系统 |
| [09:55] | and I don’t have a heart, but thanks. | 而且我要没有心 但心意领了 |
| [09:58] | Jianyu, I know usually you ask me questions, | 建宇 我知道通常是你来问我问题 |
| [10:01] | but can I ask you a question? | 但我能问你一个问题吗 |
| [10:03] | Sure. | 当然了 |
| [10:04] | What are Jalapelo poppers? | 墨西哥辣椒卷是什么 |
| [10:06] | I know this one! | 我知道这个 |
| [10:07] | Okay, they’re deep fried Jalapelos filled with cheese. | 就是油炸的墨西哥辣椒里卷着芝士 |
| [10:11] | One time, at a buffalo Wild Wings in Jacksonville, | 有一次在杰克逊维尔市的水牛城鸡翅烤吧 |
| [10:14] | but the nice one, not the one above the gas station, | 是上乘那家店 不是加油站那家 |
| [10:16] | I ate 50 of them in two minutes. | 我在两分钟内吃完了五十个 |
| [10:19] | Everyone at the hospital was so impressed. | 医院里的人都被我震惊了 |
| [10:22] | Got it. Thanks, Jianyu. | 懂了 谢谢你 建宇 |
| [10:24] | You’re welcome. | 不客气 |
| [10:30] | Why did you do that? | 你抱我干什么 |
| [10:31] | Because you’re the only person here that’s nice to me. | 因为这里就只有你对我最好 |
| [10:35] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [10:41] | Anyone up for a little, icebreaker? | 想不想活跃一下气氛啊 |
| [10:43] | You know, I once did trust falls with Barry Diller, | 我以前跟巴里·迪勒「好莱坞风云人物」玩过「信任背摔」 |
| [10:45] | and it was the beginning of a lifelong friendship. | 从而建立了终生的友谊 |
| [10:47] | And then once we trust each other, | 我们信任彼此之后 |
| [10:49] | then we can discuss making a deal for Fake Eleanor. | 就能商讨一下「冒牌埃莉诺」的交换条件了 |
| [10:51] | This sucks. | 真没劲 |
| [10:52] | How do you guys eat without listening to hard-core porn? | 你们不放A片 怎么吃得下去东西啊 |
| [10:55] | Come on, this is the Good Place, | 行啊 这里是「善地」 |
| [10:58] | you can do anything you want. | 可以随心所欲 |
| [10:59] | What about throwing a rager and totally trashing this place? | 搞个狂欢派对 把这里搞得天翻地覆如何 |
| [11:03] | Yeah, I’d be into that. | 哥就好这口 |
| [11:05] | We could totally go to town. | 我们本可以进城玩儿 |
| [11:06] | You know, I actually don’t think that’s such a good idea. | 我觉得这不太妥 |
| [11:09] | Let’s party! | 狂欢起来吧 |
| [11:18] | So, Chidi tells me that he’s teaching you about ethics. | 奇迪说 他一直在教你伦理学 |
| [11:22] | Yeah, actually, we’ve had some interesting and in… depth classes. | 是 他给我上了几堂有意思有深度的课 |
| [11:26] | He taught me about Plato and Socrates, Immanuel Kant… | 跟我讲了柏拉图 苏格拉底 伊曼努尔·康德 |
| [11:28] | Yeah, cool, shut up. | 行了 闭嘴吧 |
| [11:30] | Let’s cut to the chase here… You two go to Poundtown? | 不废话了 你俩搞了没 |
| [11:32] | Poundtown, bro. You two bang it out? | 搞了没 就是你俩打炮了吗 |
| [11:35] | She hot for teach? Did you pork the dork? | 她喜欢「师生恋」吗 你上了这个呆子吗 |
| [11:37] | C’mon, girl, dish me dem dirty deets. | 说吧 妹子 说说淫荡的细节吧 |
| [11:40] | I assure you, our relationship | 我向你保证 我们之间 |
| [11:42] | was “Teacher-student,” Nothing more. | 就只是单纯的「师生关系」 仅此而已 |
| [11:44] | Chidi, you don’t have to explain anything to me. | 奇迪 你不必跟我解释 |
| [11:46] | Whatever happened before I arrived is none of my business. | 我来「善地」之前的事 都与我无关 |
| [11:50] | Hey, I’d love to see the rest of the neighborhood. | 我想转转这里其它地方 |
| [11:52] | Yes, it’s… it’s incredible. | 可以啊 这里特别棒 |
| [11:54] | there’s an amazing library, | 有很棒的图书馆 |
| [11:56] | there’s a beautiful, piranha-free lake. | 还有美丽的无食人鱼之湖 |
| [11:59] | Well, please, show me everything. | 带我到处看看吧 |
| [12:01] | You ready, Eleanor? | 可以走了吗 埃莉诺 |
| [12:03] | I’ve seen it all already. You guys go ahead. | 我都看遍了 你们去吧 |
| [12:06] | You’d rather be alone with him? | 你更愿意和他待着吗 |
| [12:08] | Fire in the hole… watch your heads, ladies. | 小心 注意你的头 妹子们 |
| [12:11] | My dudes tend to boomerang around the room. | 我的脚趾甲会飞得到处都是 |
| [12:13] | Yeah, I mean, I don’t need to walk around | 我不需要到处转转 |
| [12:17] | and nerd out about old books. I’m good. | 聊什么诗词歌赋 不用了 |
| [12:22] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [12:26] | A bunch of us are gonna go see “Spider-Man 2” tonight. | 我们几个今晚打算去看《蜘蛛侠2》 |
| [12:28] | Do you want to come? | 你要一起去吗 |
| [12:29] | They made a second “Spider-Man”? | 他们拍了第二部《蜘蛛侠》吗 |
| [12:32] | What is there left to say? | 续集有故事讲吗 |
| [12:33] | Sure, whatever, I’m in. | 行 好吧 算我一个 |
| [12:35] | Cool, okay, well, I’ll get tickets for the eight of us, | 好 我买八张票 |
| [12:37] | and you can just pay me back in cash. | 你到时付我现金就可以了 |
| [12:39] | So you can get all the points on your credit card, | 这样信用卡的积分都被你赚到了 |
| [12:41] | and the rest of us get screwed? | 而我们都成冤大头了吗 |
| [12:43] | No way. | 做梦吧 |
| [12:43] | No, it’s just so we can all get tickets before they sell out. | 不是 就是想在售罄之前买到票 |
| [12:46] | Do you want to buy them? | 要不你来买 |
| [12:47] | So you guys can never pay me back, | 让你们有机会不还钱 |
| [12:49] | and I’ll be out like 80 bucks? | 我损失八十块吗 |
| [12:50] | Nice try. I’ll buy my own ticket. | 做梦吧 我自己买票 |
| [12:54] | The rest of the group can do whatever they want. | 你们其他人想怎么都行 |
| [12:59] | Where did she end up? | 她最后坐哪儿了啊 |
| [13:04] | Bought it with points, baby. My points. | 有积分呢 姐妹儿 我的积分 |
| [13:10] | I think I need to find a new place to live. | 我得换个室友了 |
| [13:14] | Don’t…Don’t… | 别 别 |
| [13:16] | All right. | 好了 |
| [13:20] | Want a bump? | 来点不 |
| [13:21] | No, thank you, I… I don’t use cocaine. | 不用了 我不碰可卡因 |
| [13:23] | It’s not cocaine, idiot. We’re snorting time. | 不是可卡因 傻妞儿 我们吸的是「时间」 |
| [13:27] | Sorry…you’re snorting the concept of time? | 什么 你们吸的是「时间概念」 |
| [13:29] | Yeah, it’ll fork you up. | 没错 绝对能让你嗨起来 |
| [13:31] | Yo, monk dude, you know how to tap a keg? | 和尚兄 你知道怎么开啤酒桶吗 |
| [13:35] | Karaoke time! | 唱K时间 |
| [13:38] | Dana, baby, what do you wanna do? | 丹娜 亲 你想唱什么 |
| [13:40] | Okay, Mussolini’s speech? Othe Mel Gibson rant? | 是墨索里尼演说 还是梅尔·吉布森「《勇敢的心》」咆哮 |
| [13:43] | – That’s a classic. – Classic… | -这是经典 -经典 |
| [13:44] | – Let’s do the Nixon Tapes… that’s my jam! – Yeah! | -尼克松录音吧 我的菜 -棒 |
| [13:49] | “What you always have to remember about the Irish is they get mean. | 「关于爱尔兰人 你要记住 他们很卑鄙 |
| [13:52] | Virtually every Irish I’ve known gets mean when he drinks.” | 我认识的爱尔兰人一喝酒就变得很卑鄙」 |
| [13:58] | Michael, tell them to stop. | 迈克尔 别让她们胡闹了 |
| [13:59] | I think I made it pretty clear that I don’t approve. | 我已经说得很清楚了 我不赞同 |
| [14:02] | Hey, idiot. Dance. | 缺心眼 跳舞啊 |
| [14:04] | You got it. | 没问题 |
| [14:05] | “It’s about damn time that the Jew in America realizes | 「美国犹太人也该意识到 |
| [14:08] | he’s an American first and a Jew second.” | 第一身份是美国人 其次才是犹太人」 |
| [14:12] | I lighted him on fire, | 我把他烧着了 |
| [14:13] | and he never spoke again. | 他就跟我绝交了 |
| [14:15] | You know, maybe I’m not as great as Real Eleanor, | 我是没有「正牌埃莉诺」那么优秀 |
| [14:18] | but I’m better than I used to be. | 但我比过去的自己强多了 |
| [14:20] | I’m medium-good. | 我是中上好人 |
| [14:24] | Why haven’t you forkers invented a medium place? | 你们他喵的怎么就没有中间地带啊 |
| [14:27] | Look, I know you’ve been trying to become a “better person,” | 我知道你一直努力想当一个「更好的人」 |
| [14:30] | I mean, you didn’t want to get caught. | 你不想被人识破 |
| [14:31] | I get it. But I read your file… | 我理解 但我看了你的档案 |
| [14:34] | You don’t belong here. | 你不属于「善地」 |
| [14:37] | I mean, she spent her weekends breaking up dog fighting rings. | 她周末都在花时间反对斗狗一事 |
| [14:40] | You once saw a meter maid writing you a ticket, | 而你有次看到女交警给你开罚单 |
| [14:43] | and you barked like a dog till she ran away. | 你像条凶狗一样 把她吓跑了 |
| [14:46] | I mean, honestly, you’ll be happier in the Bad Place. | 真心话 你在「恶地」会更舒心 |
| [14:49] | I mean, don’t get me wrong, you’ll be miserable. | 别误会 你会活得很悲惨 |
| [14:51] | We will torture you, but you’ll also be happier | 我们会折磨你 但你也会很舒心 |
| [14:55] | because you won’t have to keep trying to | 因为你不必为了适应环境 |
| [14:56] | fit in somewhere you just don’t belong. | 而假装去做别人 |
| [15:03] | A’ight. | 好吧 |
| [15:06] | Let’s go. | 我们走 |
| [15:07] | Okay, hold on, I have to ask: is this thing gonna happen? | 慢着 我得问一下 我们俩有戏吗 |
| [15:10] | – You and me? – Ew, no, gross. | -来一炮 -才不要 多恶心 |
| [15:12] | Okay, you know I had to ask, babe. | 好吧 我总得问一下 小美人 |
| [15:22] | Tahani, I’m so sorry. | 塔哈妮 我很抱歉 |
| [15:24] | I will obviously clean all of this up. | 我肯定会清理一切 |
| [15:27] | I don’t care about the house, Michael. | 我不在意房间乱了 迈克尔 |
| [15:29] | I’m just upset that you let them walk all over you. | 我气的是 你在他们面前装孙子 |
| [15:31] | I know… they’re the only thing in the Universe that scares me. | 我也知道 全宇宙中 我最怕他们 |
| [15:36] | I know what I have to do. | 我知道我得怎么做 |
| [15:37] | I just have to be… more accommodating. | 我得更委曲求全 |
| [15:40] | Offer them everything they want, give in to all of their demands, | 对他们有求必应 满足他们一切需求 |
| [15:43] | and then they’ll have to respect me. | 他们就必须尊重我了 |
| [15:44] | No, you need to stand up for yourself. | 不 你得为自己出头 |
| [15:48] | I’m going to tell you the same thing that I told Mark Zuckerberg | 就在马克·扎克伯格把爱德华多·萨维林撵走之前 |
| [15:50] | right before he ousted Eduardo Saverin. | 我跟他也说了同样一番话 |
| [15:52] | You are smart, you are capable, | 你有头脑 有能力 |
| [15:54] | and the time has come to hit “Unfriend.” | 是时候「解除好友」关系了 |
| [15:58] | I also told Mark to lose the “The”. Just “Facebook.” | 我还告诉马克去掉「网站」二字 就留下「脸书」 |
| [16:02] | That was me. | 我想出的主意 |
| [16:15] | My head. | 头好疼 |
| [16:17] | Here, drink this. | 喝下吧 |
| [16:18] | How am I hung over? | 我怎么宿醉了 |
| [16:20] | I thought there were no hangovers here. | 我还以为「善地」之中没有宿醉这种事 |
| [16:22] | Well, the Bad Place Crew requested the hangover filter be turned off. | 「恶地」那帮人要求重启「宿醉」这一功能 |
| [16:26] | They like them. | 他们喜欢这感觉 |
| [16:28] | So, Michael said we’re meeting at Tahani’s place | 迈克尔让我们一小时后 |
| [16:31] | in an hour for a negotiation session. | 去塔哈妮家里谈判 |
| [16:33] | We’ll walk over together? | 我们一起去吗 |
| [16:36] | You don’t have to come, man. I’m good. | 你不来也没事 我自己可以 |
| [16:38] | Just hang out with Real Eleanor | 跟「正牌埃莉诺」待着吧 |
| [16:40] | and name constellations after each other, | 为彼此起星群的名字 |
| [16:42] | or whatever it is nerds do. | 你们学霸之间愉快地玩耍吧 |
| [16:44] | I’m fine on my own. | 我能照顾好自己 |
| [16:45] | Yeah, Eleanor, just because we have a new guest in the house | 埃莉诺 就算家里来了客人 |
| [16:49] | doesn’t mean I’m not still gonna be there for you. | 我还是会像以前一样伴你左右 |
| [16:52] | I’m in this. We’re a team. | 我们共同进退 是一个团队 |
| [16:56] | So you’ve been temping for us for a year now, | 你在这里当临时工已经一年了 |
| [16:59] | and we want to bring you aboard permanently. | 我们想给你转正 |
| [17:01] | We think you’d be a great addition to the team. | 你的加入会给团队增添色彩 |
| [17:03] | Yeah, no. I’m good. | 还是不要了 |
| [17:06] | You’re turning it down? | 你这是拒绝转正吗 |
| [17:08] | I just don’t think I’m really one of you guys. | 我就是觉得跟你们不太搭 |
| [17:12] | You’re all obsessed with this place, man. | 你们都很爱这里 |
| [17:14] | You love working here and talking about working here, | 你们喜欢在这里工作 喜欢谈论这里的工作 |
| [17:17] | and you all hang out like some kind of cult. | 像一群邪教徒 总聚会 |
| [17:19] | We hang out after work because we’re friends. | 我们时常聚餐 因为大家是朋友 |
| [17:21] | I know. It’s weird. | 我知道 太不正常了 |
| [17:23] | If this is how you really feel, | 如果这是你真实的想法 |
| [17:25] | I… I think I have to fire you. | 我就得解雇你了 |
| [17:27] | Severance pay. Love it. | 遣散费 太爽了 |
| [17:29] | Good looking out, boss. | 谢了 老板 |
| [17:32] | Peace! | 姐撤了 |
| [17:33] | You need me to lie to old people | 你想让我欺骗老人 |
| [17:35] | and scare them into buying fake allergy medicine. | 吓唬他们买假药 |
| [17:37] | I get it, man. Which one’s my desk? | 懂了 我坐哪里 |
| [17:39] | That one, over there. | 那边那个 |
| [17:40] | All you gotta do is hit your minimal sales target every week. | 你只要达到每周最低销售额就行了 |
| [17:43] | Cool. And you guys don’t have any lame, | 了解 你们没有那种无聊的 |
| [17:46] | mandatory office hangouts, right? | 强制性的聚餐活动吧 |
| [17:48] | Hell no. | 绝壁没有 |
| [17:49] | Some people go out for a drink after work, | 有些人下班后会去喝一杯 |
| [17:51] | and I like to run the occasional group drill | 我喜欢偶尔组织一下小组演习 |
| [17:53] | to see how fast we can shred evidence, but that’s it. | 看大家能多快毁灭证据 仅此而已 |
| [17:55] | Most days, you’ll be able to avoid even talking to another person here. | 基本上 你在这里都不用跟人交流 |
| [17:58] | Perfect. Happy to be a part of the not-team. | 太棒了 很高兴加入「没人情味」团队 |
| [18:01] | It’ll be a pleasure not hanging out with you. | 不用跟你交流 我也很高兴 |
| [18:04] | All right, let’s begin negotiations. | 好了 我们开始谈条件吧 |
| [18:07] | Now, we would like to discuss various trades that we could… | 我们想商讨一下多种交易… |
| [18:10] | Yeah, we’re not negotiating. | 我们不是来谈条件的 |
| [18:11] | See, Fake Eleanor and I, we bro-ed down pretty hard last night. | 我和「冒牌埃莉诺」昨晚干柴烈火了 |
| [18:15] | We hooked up. | 我们打炮了 |
| [18:16] | No, we didn’t. | 我们才没有 |
| [18:17] | Yeah, but who are they gonna believe…me or a woman? | 但大家会信谁啊 是我还是一介女流 |
| [18:24] | Point is she knows that she doesn’t belong here, | 重点是 她清楚自己不属于「善地」 |
| [18:26] | and she’s giving up. | 她也放弃挣扎了 |
| [18:29] | Is this true? | 真是这样吗 |
| [18:31] | Fake Eleanor, are you giving up? | 「冒牌埃莉诺」 你放弃了吗 |
| [18:32] | Yeah, of course she is. | 当然了 |
| [18:33] | She knows this place isn’t for her. | 她知道自己并非「善地」之人 |
| [18:35] | Let’s go, Dingdong. | 走吧 「傻妹」 |
| [18:36] | Come on. | 走吧 |
| [18:41] | No, I’m not leaving. | 不要 我不走 |
| [18:43] | Come on, sweetheart, we’ve been through this. | 别闹了 亲爱的 我们都讲明白了 |
| [18:44] | You know you don’t belong here. | 你知道你不属于「善地」 |
| [18:47] | You’re right. I don’t… | 你说得对 确实是… |
| [18:52] | But I want to. | 但我想要留下 |
| [18:54] | I used to never want to be a part of any group, | 我以前不想加入任何一个团体 |
| [18:57] | but I’m a different person now | 但我已经洗心革面了 |
| [19:00] | because of the person who helped me, | 因为受帮我之人的影响 |
| [19:03] | and I want to be like him. | 我想成为他那样的人 |
| [19:05] | I want to be like all the people who are here. | 我想成为所有「善地」的人 |
| [19:08] | You can, Eleanor. | 你能做到 埃莉诺 |
| [19:10] | Thanks, Real Eleanor. | 谢谢你 「正牌埃莉诺」 |
| [19:12] | Hey, if you two aren’t gonna make out, just shut up. | 如果你俩不是要搞百合 就别这么亲昵了 |
| [19:15] | Look, if you don’t come with us, | 听着 如果你不跟我们走 |
| [19:16] | we’re gonna have to turn this matter over to Shawn. | 我们就要把这件事上报给肖恩 |
| [19:19] | No, Shawn, really? | 别 肖恩 不是吧 |
| [19:21] | Wha… who’s… Who’s Shawn? | 什… 肖恩是谁 |
| [19:24] | He’s the wise, eternal Judge who sits on high, | 他是凌驾众生之上的智者大法官 |
| [19:27] | has the final say on all disputes between our two realms. | 对善恶之地的一切争端有最终决断权 |
| [19:31] | And his name is… “Shawn”? | 而他的名字就是平凡的「肖恩」吗 |
| [19:33] | Okay, look, I don’t want Shawn involved either, | 听着 我也不想把肖恩牵扯进来 |
| [19:36] | so how about you blow us away with an offer | 不如你开个不错的条件 |
| [19:38] | so we can end this. | 我们内部化解 |
| [19:40] | Okay… | 好吧 |
| [19:43] | Here’s my offer. | 条件如下 |
| [19:47] | You… get… nothing. | 老子什么都不会给 |
| [19:50] | We’re not letting Fake Eleanor go, | 我们不会交出「冒牌埃莉诺」 |
| [19:53] | and we’re not giving you anything. | 也什么都不会给你 |
| [19:54] | Get him, Michael! | 暴虐他 迈克尔 |
| [19:55] | You can summon every evil creature you have, | 你可以找来你所有的邪恶魔怪 |
| [19:58] | every weapon in your arsenal, | 使用所有武器 |
| [19:59] | every four… headed flying bear… | 召唤出每一只「四头飞熊」 |
| [20:02] | they have them down there… | 他们真有这玩意儿 |
| [20:03] | but we are not giving up. | 但我们不会就此罢手 |
| [20:05] | I believe that Eleanor belongs in the Good Place. | 我笃信埃莉诺属于「善地」 |
| [20:09] | If I’m wrong, you can take her to the Bad Place | 如果我错了 你可以带她去「恶地」 |
| [20:11] | and punish her all you want, | 随你处置 |
| [20:12] | just really go to town on her. | 往死里整 |
| [20:14] | Easy, buddy, easy. | 别太激动 |
| [20:15] | But she’s staying here. | 总之她留定了 |
| [20:17] | Now, all of you… | 你们这群人 |
| [20:20] | Get the fork out of my neighborhood. | 他喵的滚出我的地盘 |
| [20:27] | You’re on borrowed time, Fake Eleanor. | 你的好日子也没几天了 「冒牌埃莉诺」 |
| [20:29] | Enjoy it while it lasts. Let’s roll, dummies. | 能享受时 尽量享受吧 我们走 |
| [20:33] | Let’s get one drink for the road. | 走前再喝一杯 |
| [20:34] | Bye. Did you guys hear any of that? | 再见 你们听到了吗 |
| [20:39] | My… | 天 |
| [20:40] | Bravo, Michael, really. | 干得漂亮 迈克尔 真棒 |
| [20:53] | Hello, Jianyu. | 你好 建宇 |
| [20:56] | You got sloppy. | 你大意了 |
| [20:57] | I found your junk food all over the house, | 我在房子里找到了你的垃圾食品 |
| [21:00] | and then, last night, you knew how to tap a keg. | 而昨晚 你竟然知道怎么开桶酒 |
| [21:04] | So I thought I would come in here | 所以我就想进来看看 |
| [21:06] | and investigate your little “meditation” den. | 到你里的「冥想之地」一探究竟 |
| [21:09] | What I found was this. | 而我发现竟是这样 |
| [21:12] | Now, I don’t know who you are, | 我不知你究竟是谁 |
| [21:16] | but I do know that you’re not a Buddhist monk. | 但绝对不是什么佛教弟子 |
| [21:20] | So let’s chat, shall we? | 我们来谈谈吧 |