| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:01] | Now, I’m about to show you some very sensitive information. | 我要给你们看一些机密敏感信息 |
| [00:05] | The final point totals each of you achieved | 你们每个人生前所为 |
| [00:07] | for all your actions on earth. | 累积的总分数 |
| [00:12] | Your point total was crazy high, Eleanor. | 你分数高到爆表啊 埃莉诺 |
| [00:15] | sorry, “Crazy high Eleanor” was my nickname in college. | 抱歉 「埃莉诺嗨到爆表」是我大学时的绰号 |
| [00:19] | I accidentally saw these point totals | 我在迈克尔修复裂洞时 |
| [00:20] | when Michael was fixing the sinkhole. | 不小心看到过这分数 |
| [00:22] | It gave me an idea. | 给了我灵感 |
| [00:24] | We will apply the formula to Eleanor’s actions here in the Good Place, | 我们用系统来衡量埃莉诺在「善地」的表现 |
| [00:28] | and if you earn enough new points, | 如果你得到了足够多的新分数 |
| [00:30] | then we could argue that you should stay here. | 就能为你辩护 让你留下来了 |
| [00:32] | – Would that work? – Don’t know, | -行得通吗 -不知道 |
| [00:33] | never had to prove someone belonged here before. | 从没证明过谁属于「善地」 |
| [00:37] | But the judge will be here soon, | 但法官马上就要过来了 |
| [00:38] | and this is the best way to build our case. | 这是为她辩护的最佳方式了 |
| [00:41] | Now, the average point total | 「善地」之中 |
| [00:43] | for a resident here is roughly 1.2 million. | 居民平均分数大约为一百二十万分 |
| [00:46] | Right now, based on everything that you did on earth, | 基于你生前的种种表现 |
| [00:49] | you have -4,008. | 你目前分数为负四千八百分 |
| [00:52] | That’s not great, | 这可不妙 |
| [00:55] | but I’m gonna do nice things | 但我会尽力行善 |
| [00:57] | for every goober in this place until my point total is so high | 造福这里的居民 直到分数涨上去 |
| [01:01] | I can rub it in all their smug faces. | 让他们啪啪啪打脸去吧 |
| [01:03] | You just lost five points. | 你刚减了5分 |
| [01:13] | Hello! Hi, how are you? | 你好 你好啊 |
| [01:17] | There has to be something bigger I can do | 肯定有比扶门打招呼 |
| [01:19] | than holding the door and waving. | 更有意义的事吧 |
| [01:21] | There’s no way every Walmart greeter is in the good place. | 沃尔玛的迎宾死后没都来「善地」吧 |
| [01:25] | Wal… mart? | 沃尔什么玛 |
| [01:26] | It’s a place regular people go. | 就是普通人常去的地方 |
| [01:28] | You haven’t heard of it. | 你这种大小姐不会知道 |
| [01:28] | Look, I know this is tedious, | 我知道这事很无聊 |
| [01:30] | but holding a door for someone is three points, | 但为人扶门可以加三分呢 |
| [01:32] | and if you do it for everyone in the neighborhood, | 如果你为这里的每一个居民都扶一次 |
| [01:33] | then that’s almost a thousand points for just a start. | 一下就能加尽千分了 |
| [01:36] | Besides, all the big ticket items are impossible, I’m afraid. | 另外 伟大的事恐怕也干不了 |
| [01:39] | It’s not as if you could, | 毕竟也是不说 |
| [01:40] | you know, “Sacrifice your life to save others” | 「你能牺牲自己 拯救别人」 |
| [01:42] | or “Change the consciousness of a nation.” | 或是「改变国民意识」 |
| [01:46] | Both of which I did, by the way. | 我可都干过哦 |
| [01:47] | Such fun. | 很有趣 |
| [01:48] | Have a wonderful day. | 今天愉快哦 |
| [01:51] | This is pointless. | 没用啊 |
| [01:53] | The ticker isn’t even going up, | 这表针都没往上走 |
| [01:55] | and everyone’s giving me the stink eye. | 而且人人都对我冷眼相待 |
| [01:57] | Eleanor, everyone hates you. | 埃莉诺 大家都讨厌你 |
| [02:01] | Well, fork you too. | 去你喵的 |
| [02:02] | No, this is good. | 不 这是好事啊 |
| [02:04] | Now that we know, we can actually do something about it. | 现在我们知道了 就能做点实事了 |
| [02:06] | And I am an expert at mediating conflict, | 我是调解冲突的专家呢 |
| [02:09] | like when my friends scary, sporty, posh, and baby | 就像我好友 疯疯 动动 美美 贝贝「辣妹组合」 |
| [02:12] | had an issue with my other friend archbishop Desmond tutu. | 和我另外一个友人 图图大主教闹别扭一样 |
| [02:16] | Yeah, I don’t know what I love more | 早上吃水煮蛋的习惯 |
| [02:18] | about our morning hardboiled egg routine, | 让我都不知道更爱哪一个 |
| [02:20] | the eggs or the routine. | 是煮蛋还是习惯呢 |
| [02:22] | Actually, this morning, | 其实今早 |
| [02:24] | there’s a little surprise in yours. | 我在你鸡蛋里准备了一个小惊喜 |
| [02:33] | “I love you.” How cute. | 「我爱你」 好萌哦 |
| [02:36] | I love you too, egg. | 我也爱你哦 蛋蛋 |
| [02:38] | No, no, chidi, | 不 奇迪 |
| [02:40] | that… that’s me saying that to you. | 这是我写给你的话 |
| [02:43] | I love you. | 我爱你 |
| [02:50] | Well, that is… something. | 这是大事啊 |
| [02:54] | I know you’ve gone through a lot, | 我知道你这段时间很折腾 |
| [02:56] | and now I’m throwing this at you, but I just… | 而我又这么快告白 但我就是… |
| [02:58] | I had to tell you how I feel. | 我要表达出这份情 |
| [03:00] | I love you. No need to respond. | 我爱你 不用回应 |
| [03:03] | – Great. – Well, at some point, | -太好了 -总有一天 |
| [03:05] | you’ll respond, right? | 你会回应吧 |
| [03:07] | I just meant no rush. | 就是不着急而已 |
| [03:10] | You wanna talk about eggs again? | 你想再谈谈鸡蛋吗 |
| [03:18] | This isn’t right. | 不是这样 |
| [03:20] | I’m sorry, I’ve never kissed anyone before. | 对不起 我从没亲过任何人 |
| [03:23] | Is one tongue okay? | 一个舌头够吗 |
| [03:24] | I can add more tongues. | 我还可以加多几个 |
| [03:25] | No, that’s not it. | 不是这事 |
| [03:27] | We’re married now, but we still haven’t told your dad. | 我们都结婚了 但还没告诉你爸 |
| [03:30] | Once again, Michael is not my dad, | 再说一次 迈克尔不是我爸 |
| [03:32] | and we shouldn’t tell him. | 我们也不应该告诉他 |
| [03:33] | If Michael finds out that we’re married, | 如果迈克尔得知我们结婚了 |
| [03:35] | then he’ll know you’re not tahani’s soul mate, | 他就会知道你不是塔哈妮的灵魂伴侣 |
| [03:37] | and then he’ll know that you’re really Jason and not Jianyu. | 从而得知 你不是建宇 而是杰森 |
| [03:40] | He’d send you to the bad place. | 他会把你打发到「恶地」 |
| [03:43] | I don’t want to lose you, girl. | 我可不想失去你 妹子 |
| [03:44] | – I’m not a girl. – But also, | -我不是妹子「人」 -还有啊 |
| [03:46] | I’m tired of living a lie. We gotta go public. | 我不想欺骗大家 我们得公开关系 |
| [03:48] | I hate all this hiding. | 我不喜欢偷偷摸摸 |
| [03:50] | I want us to have the life we deserve. | 我想让我们过上好日子 |
| [03:56] | Pillboi, let’s talk big picture. | 「药哥」 我们展望下未来吧 |
| [03:57] | You know I love Jacksonville. | 你知道我喜欢杰克逊维尔 |
| [03:59] | J-town. | 杰市 |
| [04:01] | It’s easily one of the top ten swamp cities | 佛罗里达东北部 前十大潮流城市 |
| [04:03] | in northeastern Florida, | 妥妥排得上啊 |
| [04:04] | but if we’re gonna make it in the DJ game, | 但我们如果要在DJ界大展拳脚 |
| [04:07] | we gotta get to Miami. | 就得去迈阿密 |
| [04:09] | Miami’s expensive. | 迈阿密消费高啊 |
| [04:10] | We just don’t got that skrilla, B. | 我们穷得叮当响啊 兄弟 |
| [04:13] | I mean, I got ten bucks to my name, | 我全部身家就十块钱 |
| [04:15] | and I spent eight of it on this burrito, | 而我花了八块钱买了个墨西哥卷饼 |
| [04:16] | and the other two on guac. | 剩下两块买了鳄梨酱 |
| [04:18] | I know what we gotta do. | 我知道我们怎么办了 |
| [04:21] | We’re gonna rob this restaurant. | 打劫这家饭馆啊 |
| [04:23] | Great idea! | 好主意 |
| [04:24] | What if we get caught? | 万一被抓了呢 |
| [04:26] | We’ll just get married | 我们俩就结婚 |
| [04:28] | so that no one can testify against us. | 夫妇间不能相互指证 |
| [04:30] | Dope. | 高招 |
| [04:33] | I got diarrhea. I’ll be right back. | 我拉肚子 去个厕所 |
| [04:35] | Me too. I’ll race you. | 我也是 看谁先跑到 |
| [04:37] | Best friends! | 一世好兄弟 |
| [04:39] | Thank you all for participating in | 感谢大家来前来参加 |
| [04:40] | our focus group for fake Eleanor. | 「冒牌埃莉诺」的小组座谈会 |
| [04:42] | Think of this as an open forum | 就当成时一个开放论坛 |
| [04:44] | for you to air any and all grievances | 你们可以把对她的不满 |
| [04:46] | that you may carry against her. | 全都发泄出来 |
| [04:47] | I was flying on the second day, | 我来第二天 体验飞行时 |
| [04:49] | and when you caused the trash storm, | 你招来了一场垃圾风暴 |
| [04:51] | I crashed into a rotting Turkey carcass, and it exploded. | 我撞上了一只腐烂的火鸡尸 还爆炸了 |
| [04:54] | – Dear. – All this cartilage and bone got tangled up in my hair, | -天呐 -碎骨头都缠在我头发里 |
| [04:58] | and its skin was all over my skin. | 我身上全是火鸡尸的皮肤碎屑 |
| [05:00] | I didn’t know where I ended and the Turkey carcass began. | 我当时跟炸裂的火鸡尸体融为一体了 |
| [05:04] | Well, if it makes you feel any better, | 说点安慰你的话吧 |
| [05:05] | your skin looks amazing. | 你皮肤真好 |
| [05:08] | My cafe got destroyed by the giant frog, | 我家咖啡店被巨型青蛙给毁了 |
| [05:10] | then I reopened it and it fell into the sinkhole. | 然后我又开了一间 结果地裂 掉进地洞了 |
| [05:14] | Just like me, I fell in too. | 就跟我一样 我也掉进去过 |
| [05:16] | Who else feels that Eleanor has ruined | 还有谁感觉埃莉诺毁了 |
| [05:17] | every moment of your existence since you arrived? | 你们来到「善地」后的日子啊 |
| [05:21] | Excellent. I must confer with Eleanor for a tick, | 真积极 我要跟埃莉诺交换下意见 |
| [05:24] | so please, just enjoy the lemonade and cookies. | 请大家先享用一下柠檬水和饼干吧 |
| [05:28] | It seems everyone’s problem with me is me. | 我的存在就是大家最大的不满 |
| [05:31] | Yes, it would appear that way. | 是啊 感觉是这样 |
| [05:33] | The last moment they were happy was at my party. | 大家上次很愉快时 是在我家宴会上 |
| [05:37] | We have to recreate that party. | 我们得再办一场那样的宴会 |
| [05:39] | We have to take them back to that night | 把所有人带回那一晚 |
| [05:40] | before I started affecting the neighborhood | 就是我还没影响「善地」的时刻 |
| [05:42] | and give them a fresh start. | 让他们重新开始 |
| [05:44] | Yeah, of course. | 没错 就是了 |
| [05:46] | We must throw the perfect party, | 我们得再办一次绝佳的宴会 |
| [05:48] | or else you’ll be tortured by demons forever. | 不然你就会万劫不复了 |
| [05:51] | This will be the fourth most important party i have ever thrown. | 这将会是我办过的第四重要的宴会了 |
| [05:56] | Janet, there you are. | 珍妮特 总算找到你了 |
| [05:57] | Some residents are complaining that you’re not responding… | 一些居民投诉说 你不回应他们… |
| [06:01] | I’m sorry, what’s going on? | 抱歉 这是怎么回事 |
| [06:03] | Is that a… a wedding ring? | 你戴的是婚戒吗 |
| [06:05] | Yes. | 是 |
| [06:06] | I’m married. | 我结婚了 |
| [06:09] | – To whom? – Sorry, my protocol forbids me | -跟谁啊 -抱歉 程序上 |
| [06:12] | from telling you any private information about any resident. | 禁止我向你透露居民隐私 |
| [06:17] | Is it that person? Jianyu, | 是这个人吗 建宇 |
| [06:19] | the man standing right there | 这个站在这里 |
| [06:20] | also wearing a wedding band? | 也戴着婚戒的人吗 |
| [06:24] | Dad. | 爸 |
| [06:26] | We need to talk. | 我们得谈下了 |
| [06:32] | I just want to make sure that I have this right. | 再让我梳理一遍 |
| [06:34] | Jianyu is not a Taiwanese monk, | 建宇不是台湾僧人 |
| [06:37] | but rather someone named Jason mendoza, | 而是一个叫杰森·门多萨的人 |
| [06:41] | a failed dj from Jacksonville, Florida. | 佛州杰克逊维尔市 没出息的DJ |
| [06:44] | I wasn’t a failed DJ. | 我不是没出息的DJ |
| [06:46] | I was pre-successful. | 我就是还没「闯出一片天」 |
| [06:48] | And you two are married. | 你们俩还结婚了 |
| [06:51] | Hells yeah, homie. We love each other. | 没错 老兄 我们相爱了 |
| [06:53] | She makes the bass drop… in my heart. | 她点燃了我心中的小宇宙 |
| [06:57] | And Jason is a person who was near me, | 我跟杰森走得很近 |
| [06:59] | and then he asked me to marry him, | 然后他向我求婚了 |
| [07:01] | and there is nothing in my protocol | 我的程序设计里 |
| [07:03] | that specifically barred that from happening. | 没有哪条不允许我结婚 |
| [07:06] | – So I agreed. – Love you too, babe. | -所以我就答应了 -我也爱你 亲爱的 |
| [07:12] | Janet. | 珍妮特 |
| [07:14] | Please tell me how this could have happened. | 请解释一下怎么会这样 |
| [07:16] | Unclear. As you know, | 不清楚 不过你知道 |
| [07:18] | each time I am updated, | 我每次升级更新 |
| [07:19] | I accrue new knowledge and abilities. | 都会获得新知识 新技能点 |
| [07:21] | My suspicion is that when I was rebooted, | 我猜测 我重启后 |
| [07:24] | I bonded with Jason in a way | 我和杰森之间产生了 |
| [07:25] | that I have never bonded with anyone before. | 从未与他人有过的情感连接 |
| [07:28] | I seem to have gained a new understanding of love. | 我好像对爱有了全新的认识 |
| [07:31] | I also learned how to do this. | 我还学会了新花招 |
| [07:36] | I will speak to you later. | 我稍后再和你聊 |
| [07:37] | – Go to your void. – Okay. | -你离开一下吧 -好 |
| [07:39] | No, Janet, come back! | 不 珍妮特 回来 |
| [07:41] | – Hi there. – Go. | -你好 -走 |
| [07:42] | Sure thing. | 没问题 |
| [07:43] | – No! – Stop doing that. | -不 -别闹了 |
| [07:44] | Me? | 我吗 |
| [07:45] | – Go! – Good-bye . | -走 -再见 |
| [07:46] | – Janet, come back. – I love you. | -珍妮特 回来 -我爱你 |
| [07:48] | I love you too. | 我也爱你 |
| [07:51] | That is Sachveer, | 这是萨奇维尔 |
| [07:53] | and his problem with me is… | 他对我的不满是… |
| [07:57] | one of the giraffes tried to hump him. | 当时有只长颈鹿想上他 |
| [08:00] | It’s gonna be hard to keep a straight face tonight. | 今晚不笑出声很难啊 |
| [08:02] | Hey, can I ask your advice on something? | 我能跟你咨询点事情吗 |
| [08:05] | Are you sure, dude? | 咨询我吗 |
| [08:06] | Isn’t there someone else better you could ask, | 没别人可以咨询了吗 |
| [08:08] | like literally anyone else? | 真是除了我 谁都行啊 |
| [08:11] | Well, it’s a sensitive matter, | 这事需要谨慎对待 |
| [08:12] | and you… you do know me pretty well. | 而你又很了解我 |
| [08:14] | So here it is: | 事情是这样 |
| [08:16] | Real Eleanor said she loves me. | 「正牌埃莉诺」说她爱我 |
| [08:19] | Hey, man, nice pull. She’s a great person. | 真好啊 她很优秀 |
| [08:21] | I don’t know what to do. | 我不知如何是好 |
| [08:23] | I mean, we are soul mates, | 我们确实是灵魂伴侣 |
| [08:24] | so I probably do love her, | 我应该爱她 |
| [08:26] | but then again, how do I know if my motivation is correct? | 但话说回来 怎么确定我的初衷正确呢 |
| [08:30] | Maybe I think I’m supposed to love her, | 也许我只是觉得我该爱她 |
| [08:32] | but if I tell her that I love her for the wrong reasons, | 如果不是出于真心 而说爱她 |
| [08:33] | it won’t mean anything. | 这话就没有意义了 |
| [08:34] | You have a tendency to over-think things. | 你总是喜欢想太多 |
| [08:37] | Turn off that giant brain, and just say you love her too. | 别胡思乱想了 直接跟她说你也爱她 |
| [08:41] | You think? | 是这样吗 |
| [08:41] | If this were some random person you hooked up with | 如果她是你在看棒球比赛时 |
| [08:44] | at a Diamondbacks game in the parking lot behind the port-a-potties… | 在停车场的移动厕所后面 勾搭上的女人 |
| [08:47] | not based on a real example… | 绝不是经验之谈 |
| [08:48] | I would say keep mulling, | 那样的话 我会劝你三思 |
| [08:51] | but this is your soul mate. | 但这是你的灵魂伴侣 |
| [08:53] | She’s universe-approved. | 你俩是官配 |
| [08:56] | Tell her you love her. | 跟她说 你爱她 |
| [08:59] | Hey, your score just went up 20 points. | 你的分数刚上涨了二十分 |
| [09:00] | Yeah, ’cause I give great advice. | 因为我给的建议都很棒 |
| [09:03] | Now maybe you’ll finally listen to me | 也许你终于能听我一回 |
| [09:04] | and take off those glasses. | 摘掉眼镜了 |
| [09:06] | We are in the afterlife, dummy, nature’s lasik. | 这里是死后世界 呆子 没有近视眼 |
| [09:13] | Okay. I think I figured this out. | 好 我理顺了 |
| [09:16] | There is a real Jianyu, a Taiwanese monk | 建宇 确有其人 一个台湾僧人 |
| [09:20] | who took an oath of silence at the age of eight. | 八岁时 就恪守缄默法则 |
| [09:23] | But, three months ago, | 但三个月前 |
| [09:25] | he went into such a deep meditative state | 他进入了深层冥想状态 |
| [09:27] | that he registered as dead, | 结果被发死亡证明了 |
| [09:29] | and when you died at that exact same moment, | 而你正好也在同一时间死去 |
| [09:32] | our system mistook you for him. | 系统误认把你当成了他 |
| [09:35] | Perhaps because you share the exact same IQ. | 也许是因为你们智商相仿 |
| [09:38] | – Cool. – No, not cool. | -棒哎 -棒什么棒 |
| [09:40] | He stopped learning at the age of seven. | 他七岁时 就不再学习了 |
| [09:43] | Okay, so, now, this is sort of a quick litmus test, | 好了 这是个鉴别测验 |
| [09:48] | basic questions designed to tell whether you were | 一些基本问题 旨在测出 |
| [09:50] | fundamentally good or bad. | 你到底是好人是坏人 |
| [09:53] | Number one: Did you ever commit a serious crime? | 第一题 你曾否犯下重罪 |
| [09:56] | Yes, I blew up a guy’s speedboat after he sued me. | 嗯 有个人起诉我之后 我炸了他的快艇 |
| [10:00] | And… | 还有 |
| [10:01] | I stole an old lady’s fake leg once on a dare. | 我有次玩大冒险 偷过一个老太太的假腿 |
| [10:05] | Did you ever have a personalized license plate? | 你曾否有过私人订制车牌 |
| [10:08] | Yeah, dawg. | 必须有 哥们 |
| [10:08] | “I luv butts”. | 「我爱屁屁」 |
| [10:11] | Have… have you ever paid money to hear music performed by | 你曾否花钱去看过加州轻摇滚乐队 |
| [10:14] | California funk rock band “The Red Hot Chili Peppers”? | 「红辣椒乐队」的演出 |
| [10:17] | Yo, the chilis? | 「红辣椒乐队」吗 |
| [10:18] | I saw them in concert like 50 times. | 他们的演唱会 我去了五十次吧 |
| [10:21] | I once got arrested | 我有次被逮捕了 |
| [10:22] | trying to steal flea’s bass guitar. | 因为想偷佛利的低音吉他 |
| [10:24] | That was another serious crime I committed. | 这又是我犯下的一桩重罪 |
| [10:27] | I should have mentioned that earlier. | 我第一题时忘说了 |
| [10:29] | Is it just me, | 话说 |
| [10:30] | or am I acing this test? | 我这次测验表现爆表了吧 |
| [10:33] | This is bad. | 这下坏了 |
| [10:35] | This is so, so bad. | 彻底完蛋了 |
| [10:38] | I thought I had everything under control | 我得知埃莉诺的事以后 |
| [10:40] | when I found Eleanor, but somehow you are… | 还自觉尽在掌控 但半路杀出一个你… |
| [10:43] | you’re so much worse. | 你比她还让人崩溃 |
| [10:44] | No, don’t… don’t touch… | 不要… 别碰我 |
| [10:49] | How does that still work? | 这招怎么还管用啊 |
| [10:50] | Everything’s gonna be fine, homie. | 不会有事的 哥们 |
| [10:53] | I promise. | 我发誓 |
| [10:56] | I don’t know, b. What if it doesn’t work? | 有点悬 哥们 万一行不通呢 |
| [10:58] | Hey, we thought of everything except for an alibi | 我们都考虑到了 除了不在场证明 |
| [11:01] | and an escape route, | 以及逃跑路线 |
| [11:02] | but we’ll figure it out as we go. | 但边做边想吧 |
| [11:04] | You don’t wanna over-think these things. | 现在就别多虑了 |
| [11:05] | – I’m kinda freaking out here. – Pillboi, I got you. | -我快紧张死了 -「药哥」 有我呢 |
| [11:09] | This plan is foolproof. | 这事天衣无缝 |
| [11:11] | And when it’s over, | 等完事后 |
| [11:12] | we can finally have the lives we deserve. | 我们就能过上好日子了 |
| [11:21] | Digiorno! | 你好啊 |
| [11:22] | I am a safe installer here | 我是安装保险箱的人 |
| [11:25] | to install-a da safe. | 来装保险箱 |
| [11:27] | So just a-point to where the guacamole money is, | 你指一下你们都把钱放哪 |
| [11:31] | and I’ll-a install-a da safe-a | 我把这个保险箱装到 |
| [11:33] | in da, how you say, a-place? | 怎么用英语说呢 一个地方 |
| [11:39] | Yeah, hi, we’re being robbed. | 你好 有人打劫 |
| [11:43] | J, they’re on to us, man. | 小杰 他们识破我们了 |
| [11:44] | His hat’s a golf ball, | 戴着高尔夫帽 |
| [11:46] | and he’s a got a terrible mustache. | 还整了一撮丑胡子 |
| [11:47] | We need to get married now. | 我们得马上结婚 |
| [11:49] | I do, for always and forever. | 我愿意 与子偕老 |
| [11:52] | I do! | 我愿意 |
| [11:54] | Eleanor, for an utter novice, | 埃莉诺 作为新手 |
| [11:56] | you have thrown a lovely party. | 这个宴会办得很成功 |
| [11:59] | Well, thanks, but it’s not working. | 谢谢 但没用啊 |
| [12:02] | Not one more point. | 一分都没加 |
| [12:04] | What the fork? | 他喵的搞什么 |
| [12:06] | Look, Michael’s here. He can help. | 迈克尔来了 他能帮忙 |
| [12:08] | Michael, would you do us the honor of saying a few words? | 迈克尔 能不能赏光讲几句 |
| [12:13] | I don’t know that I’m in the right frame of mind. | 我现在状态不太好 |
| [12:15] | Please, they’ll listen to you. | 拜托了 大家会听你的话 |
| [12:17] | Just pay me a few compliments. | 就帮我美言几句吧 |
| [12:18] | You know, I’m great, heart of a champion, | 赞一下我是个好人 拥有一颗钻石心 |
| [12:20] | basically your muse, you get it. | 你灵感的源泉 说几句这种套话 |
| [12:24] | Attention, everyone. | 各位 静一下 |
| [12:26] | Michael would like to say a few words. | 迈克尔有话要说 |
| [12:28] | Hello, everyone. Good to see you all here, | 大家好 在这里见到大家真好 |
| [12:31] | mingling around with your various secrets. | 怀揣秘密 相互交往 |
| [12:37] | Who really knows which of you are who you say you are? | 谁知道你们的真实面目呢 |
| [12:40] | No way to know unless I pull your skeletons out, right? | 不将你们的秘密曝光出来 谁能知晓呢 |
| [12:43] | Okay. | 好了 |
| [12:45] | Take her easy. | 别这么为难她了 |
| [12:48] | Yes, well said. | 这番话真精彩 |
| [12:51] | Now, we shall hear from tonight’s featured guest. | 接下来有请今晚的特邀嘉宾 |
| [12:55] | She’s kind, she’s humble, | 她善良 谦虚 |
| [12:57] | she’s the Walmart of friends. | 如同沃尔玛一般的朋友 |
| [13:01] | Did I use that word right? | 用对梗了吗 |
| [13:03] | Eleanor shellstrop. | 埃莉诺·谢尔斯卓普 |
| [13:06] | Hi, everyone, I’m Eleanor. | 大家好 我是埃莉诺 |
| [13:10] | Original flavor, not new and improved. | 原味版 而非新改良版 |
| [13:13] | I know a lot of bad stuff has happened because of me, | 我知道很多风波因我而起 |
| [13:16] | but I never meant to hurt you, | 但我从没想过伤害你们 |
| [13:19] | so if I caused you any harm, | 如果因我而让大家受累了 |
| [13:22] | I’m truly sorry. | 我真诚道歉 |
| [13:24] | That’s nice, Eleanor, | 你这样很棒 埃莉诺 |
| [13:26] | but I still crashed into a Turkey carcass. | 但我还是撞上了一只火鸡尸 |
| [13:28] | And I fell into a sinkhole. | 而我掉进了地洞里 |
| [13:29] | And my dog got kicked into the sun. | 我的狗狗被踢上了天 |
| [13:31] | What can you possibly say to us | 伤害已然造成 |
| [13:32] | that’ll make up for your actions? | 几句话哪能弥补 |
| [13:36] | Pobody’s nerfect? | 无人完人 |
| [13:44] | “Pobody’s nerfect”? That’s hilarious. | 「无人完人」 太有意思了 |
| [13:47] | Like “Nobody’s perfect,” but the letters switched. | 「人无完人」 交换了顺序 |
| [13:50] | – That’s very funny. – It’s nerfect! | -真有意思 -太「完无」了 |
| [13:58] | Eleanor, great job tonight. | 埃莉诺 今晚表现不错 |
| [14:00] | Have you checked the, the ticker? | 你看分数了吗 |
| [14:01] | I could really use some good news. | 我需要好消息振奋一下 |
| [14:03] | Okay. | 好 |
| [14:06] | Come on. | 不是吧 |
| [14:08] | Well, the nightmare continues. | 噩梦还在上演啊 |
| [14:12] | The nightmare continues. | 噩梦还在上演啊 |
| [14:14] | How did this not work? | 怎么会行不通呢 |
| [14:19] | There’s no way to increase my point total | 我的分数不可能会提高 |
| [14:22] | because everything I’m doing is out of self-preservation. | 因为我做的一切都是出于私心 |
| [14:26] | – I don’t understand. – My motivation is corrupt. | -听不懂 -我的初衷太自私了 |
| [14:30] | Even when I do nice things, | 即便我是做善事 |
| [14:31] | I’m only doing them so I can get something out of it, | 但仅仅是为了得到好处而为之 |
| [14:34] | the ability to stay here, | 是为了留下来 |
| [14:35] | which means none of this had any real moral value. | 也就是说 我的所为不存在真正的道德价值 |
| [14:38] | It doesn’t count. | 系统不认可 |
| [14:42] | Holy shirt. | 我的喵啊 |
| [14:44] | I know what I have to do. | 我知道该怎么做了 |
| [14:48] | Okay, I am almost done with these personalized | 好了 我差不多快写完了 |
| [14:51] | “I’m sorry” Notes to everyone in the neighborhood. | 给每一位居民的「亲笔道歉信」 |
| [14:53] | I need you guys to deliver everyone their notes, | 你们得帮我亲手送给每个人 |
| [14:55] | along with those t-shirts. | 还有这些T恤 |
| [14:59] | Well, granted, these are hilarious, | 没问题 这些T恤太有意思了 |
| [15:01] | but how is this going to help? | 但这有什么作用呢 |
| [15:03] | Just trust me. | 信我吧 |
| [15:05] | I’m gonna get the points. | 分数肯定涨涨涨 |
| [15:12] | Good morning, dad. Where you been? | 早 爸 你去哪儿了 |
| [15:14] | Just walking around, contemplating my failure, | 四处走走 审视一下我多失败 |
| [15:18] | wishing for the sweet release of eternal extinction. | 寄希望于最终处决能让我解放 |
| [15:22] | Cool. | 很棒哦 |
| [15:24] | Why don’t you want me to see Janet? | 你为什么不想让我和珍妮特在一起 |
| [15:26] | I’m a good guy. | 我是个好人 |
| [15:27] | All I want is to give Janet the life she deserves. | 我只想让珍妮特过上好日子 |
| [15:30] | Janet is not built for human life, | 珍妮特的存在不是为了过日子 |
| [15:34] | and I’m not sure you’re much of a provider. | 而我也不觉得你有能力给人幸福 |
| [15:37] | Do you even remember how you died? | 你记得你是怎么死的吗 |
| [15:40] | No, not really. It’s a little fuzzy. | 不太记得 记不清了 |
| [15:43] | You and your friend pillboi were trying to rob a restaurant. | 你当时和你兄弟「药哥」要抢劫一家饭馆 |
| [15:47] | Pillboi! | 「药哥」 |
| [15:49] | And then the cops showed up. | 结果警察来了 |
| [15:53] | so the plan was to pretend to install a safe | 你们的计划是 你朋友藏在保险柜里 |
| [15:56] | with your friend hiding inside it. | 你们去假装安这个保险柜 |
| [15:58] | He pops out, steals the money from the restaurant, | 他到时出来 偷走饭馆的钱 |
| [16:01] | gets back in the safe, then you come in and uninstall it. | 再藏回保险柜 你过来再把保险柜拆走 |
| [16:04] | I refuse to discuss my fifth amendment rights | 见我的律师之前 |
| [16:07] | until I concur with your attorney. | 我有权保持沉默 |
| [16:10] | Sure. | 没问题 |
| [16:11] | Look, we found your buddy’s plans. | 我们发现你朋友的计划了 |
| [16:13] | We know he was the… brains. | 我们得知他是「幕后主脑」 |
| [16:15] | You were just an accomplice. | 你只是从犯而已 |
| [16:17] | If you’re lucky, you might get probation. | 如果走运 你可能会判缓刑 |
| [16:20] | – Jason going to jail? – No, man. | -杰森进监狱吗 -不 兄弟 |
| [16:22] | Jason’s dead. He suffocated in that safe. | 杰森已经死了 他在保险柜里憋死了 |
| [16:25] | There were no air holes. | 保险柜没开气孔 |
| [16:27] | Plus he did a bunch of whippits while he was in there, | 另外 他还在里面吸了几次「一氧化二氮」气罐 |
| [16:29] | which couldn’t have helped. | 更是雪上加霜 |
| [16:30] | At least he died doing what he loved… | 至少他为喜欢之事而死 |
| [16:32] | A bunch of whippits. | 嗑「一氧化二氮」 |
| [16:34] | Now he’s never gonna get the life he truly deserved. | 这下他再也过不上他应得的生活了 |
| [16:37] | I think he got roughly what he deserved. | 这种下场算是他应得的了 |
| [16:40] | I suffocated to death in… in a safe? | 我在保险柜里憋死了吗 |
| [16:43] | I’m a moron. | 太缺心眼了 |
| [16:44] | Janet? | 珍妮特 |
| [16:46] | Hi, there. | 你好 |
| [16:48] | – Janet, you need to leave me. – Why? | -珍妮特 你得离开我 -为什么 |
| [16:52] | You’re the smartest girl in the world… | 你是这世上最聪明的妹子 |
| [16:54] | – I’m not a girl. – And your dad is an angel. | -我不是妹子「人」 -而你爸还是天使 |
| [16:57] | I mean, what a family. | 多优秀的家庭啊 |
| [17:00] | I’m just a dope who died in a safe with a snorkel… | 而我只是个憋死在保险柜里的嗑药傻子 |
| [17:05] | Who’s only now realizing | 如今才意识到 |
| [17:07] | why that didn’t work. | 为什么当时行不通 |
| [17:10] | You should be with someone better. | 你该找个更好的人 |
| [17:12] | I don’t deserve you. | 我配不上你 |
| [17:14] | Jason, you are all that I care about, | 杰森 我就只在乎你 |
| [17:17] | possibly because I did not have the capacity to care | 也许是因为我遇到你之前 |
| [17:20] | about anything before you. | 没有「在乎」这项技能 |
| [17:22] | I love you. | 我爱你 |
| [17:24] | Also, interesting sidenote, | 还有 顺带说一句 |
| [17:26] | I think I might hate things now, too. | 我好像也学会讨厌事物了 |
| [17:28] | So far, it’s genocide and leggings as pants. | 目前最讨厌种族灭绝和只穿打底裤 |
| [17:31] | This is nuts. | 我彻底醉了 |
| [17:33] | Just weighing in over here. | 我要插手了 |
| [17:35] | This is bonkers. | 太不可理喻了 |
| [17:37] | Okay, I have to go reboot Janet. | 行了 我得重启珍妮特了 |
| [17:39] | – Why? – It’s the only thing | -为什么 -只有这样 |
| [17:41] | I can think of to do to get rid of this glitch. | 才能处理掉这个小故障 |
| [17:44] | Yo, who you calling a glitch? | 你说谁故障呢 |
| [17:46] | It means “Error,” Jason, which is what this is. | 就是「错误」 杰森 这就是个错误 |
| [17:49] | Really? Is it an error | 是吗 |
| [17:51] | to act unpredictably and behave in ways | 行为难以预测 |
| [17:53] | that run counter to how you were | 违背编程式行为 |
| [17:55] | programmed to behave? | 就是故障了吗 |
| [17:58] | Yes. | 没错 |
| [17:59] | Now, you two sit tight. | 你俩乖乖待在这里 |
| [18:01] | I’m gonna go murder Janet, and I’ll be right back. | 我要去「谋杀」珍妮特 很快回来 |
| [18:05] | Look on the bright side. | 乐观点想 |
| [18:07] | When you’re rebooted, | 你重启之后 |
| [18:08] | I can teach you all the dorito flavors again. | 我能又重新教你品尝玉米片的口味 |
| [18:11] | No. I’m not starting over. | 不 我不要重启 |
| [18:14] | What if he reboots me, | 如果重启后 |
| [18:15] | and we fall out of love? | 我们不再相爱了呢 |
| [18:17] | We have to get out of here right now. | 我们得马上离开这里 |
| [18:22] | Where do you suppose she is? | 你们觉得她去哪儿了 |
| [18:24] | I hope she’s okay. | 希望她没事 |
| [18:25] | You know, the more I work on her case, | 我越了解她的事 |
| [18:27] | the more I think she truly belongs here. | 就越觉得是真属于「善地」 |
| [18:31] | I’m… I’m sorry that | 我很抱歉 |
| [18:33] | I haven’t been able to say… | 我当时没能说出… |
| [18:36] | What you want me to say, | 你想让我说的话 |
| [18:37] | because I-I do want to say it. | 因为我确实想说来着 |
| [18:39] | What’s holding you back? | 那你怎么没说啊 |
| [18:40] | Honestly, my biggest fear is just making sure | 老实说 我最担心 |
| [18:42] | that my motivation for saying it… | 我说句话的初衷是… |
| [18:47] | Chidi? | 奇迪 |
| [18:53] | How did she suddenly…? | 她怎么突然就… |
| [18:54] | Her motivation changed. | 她的初衷变了 |
| [18:56] | She couldn’t earn enough points by apologizing to everyone here | 她之前给大家道歉 没能加分 |
| [18:58] | because she was only doing it to earn enough points to stay here. | 是因为她的初衷仅是为了涨分而留下来 |
| [19:01] | But she did earn enough points, | 她现在涨分了 |
| [19:02] | which means that she’s decided not to stay here, | 表明她决定不再留在「善地」了 |
| [19:04] | – which means… – That she’s leaving. | -也就是说… -她要离开了 |
| [19:10] | Janet. I was just about to call you | 珍妮特 我正想联系你呢 |
| [19:12] | to ask you to get me a train to the bad place. | 叫一列通向「恶地」的火车 |
| [19:16] | – What? – You have to be a good person to stay here, | -啥 -好人才能留在「善地」 |
| [19:19] | and I can’t become a good person unless I leave. | 我只有选择离开 才能成为好人 |
| [19:22] | You don’t belong here, | 你不属于「善地」 |
| [19:23] | Jason doesn’t belong here, | 杰森也不属于「善地」 |
| [19:25] | and now that I can think and feel, | 我如今有感知了 |
| [19:26] | I don’t belong here either. | 觉得我也不属于这里 |
| [19:27] | Where are you going with this? | 你这是想要说什么 |
| [19:29] | There is a woman named mindy St. Clair | 有一个叫明迪·圣克莱尔的女人 |
| [19:31] | who lives in a neutral zone by herself. | 一个人住在中间地带 |
| [19:33] | It’s neither a good place nor a bad place. | 既不是「善地」也不是「恶地」 |
| [19:35] | A medium place? | 一个中间地带 |
| [19:37] | Dude, that’s where I belong. | 天呐 我就属于那里 |
| [19:38] | I’ve been saying that since day one. | 我一开始来时就一直念叨了 |
| [19:40] | It’s where Jason and I are going. | 我和杰森要去那里 |
| [19:42] | Would you like to come with us to mindy’s house? | 你要跟我们一起去明迪她家吗 |
| [19:44] | Yeah. Let’s go hang with mindy. | 好啊 咱一起去找明迪吧 |
| [19:45] | That sounds great. Love her, huge fan. | 棒极了 大爱她 骨灰粉 |
| [19:47] | Call the train. | 叫火车吧 |
| [19:48] | Look, there it is now. | 火车来了 |
| [19:52] | I did not call that train. | 不是我叫的车 |
| [19:53] | That train belongs to Shawn, | 这是肖恩的火车 |
| [19:55] | the judge, who’s coming here to judge you. | 那个法官 他过来审判你 |
| [19:57] | Can you make that train go to mindy’s house? | 你能开那列车去明迪家吗 |
| [19:59] | – Yep. – Then we have to go right now. | -可以 -我们得赶紧走 |
| [20:02] | I just have to run home real quick and hit save | 我先回一趟家 给游戏存下档 |
| [20:03] | on the Madden game I was playing because Blake bortles | 因为布雷克·保托斯在上半场 |
| [20:05] | has, like, 300 yards passing in the first half… | 来了一个长传… |
| [20:32] | Shawn. | 肖恩 |
| [20:34] | – Michael. – Sorry I wasn’t here to greet you. | -迈克尔 -没来迎接你 失礼了 |
| [20:36] | I, had something I needed to tend to, | 我本来是有些事要去处理 |
| [20:39] | but it can wait, it can wait. | 不过那事不急 |
| [20:44] | Okay, I’ve hacked into the mainframe. | 成了 我黑进主机了 |
| [20:47] | Kidding. | 逗你呢 |
| [20:48] | I can’t hack into the mainframe. | 我不能黑进主机 |
| [20:49] | Technically, I am the mainframe. | 确切来说 我就是主机 |
| [20:51] | Would you just hurry up? | 你能动作快点吗 |
| [20:53] | I’m here to rule on the fate of fake Eleanor shellstrop. | 我来审判冒牌埃莉诺·谢尔斯卓普一案 |
| [20:55] | Yes, yes, I think we have a rock solid case | 对对 「冒牌埃莉诺」一事上 |
| [20:59] | for fake Eleanor. | 我们有把握了 |
| [21:01] | I truly believe she’s a good person. | 我真心相信她是个好人 |
| [21:04] | Are you sure? | 你确定吗 |
| [21:05] | Because I believe she’s stealing my train. | 因为她正偷我的火车离去呢 |
| [21:08] | I’m sorry, Michael. | 对不起 迈克尔 |
| [21:10] | Sorry, everyone. | 对不起了 各位 |
| [21:16] | Well… not great for my case. | 啪啪啪打我脸啊 |