| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:16] | – What the hell? – Walk it off, Lululemon. | -搞什么啊 -别惹姐 「运动衣妹子」 |
| [00:20] | 大甩卖 稍微过期 手工鸡尾酒虾 | |
| [00:33] | 英国名媛 塔哈妮 不只是卡米拉的妹妹而已 | |
| [00:37] | “Live every day like it’s your last.” | 「把每一天当成是最后一天来过」 |
| [00:39] | Bite me. I’ma live forever, bitch. | 你闹呢 姐会永生 小婊砸们 |
| [00:42] | Ma’am? It’s $132.21. | 您好 一共132块2角1分 |
| [00:46] | So, big plans this weekend? | 周末狂欢吗 |
| [00:49] | Yep. | 是滴 |
| [00:50] | I’m gonna sit alone in my house watching wedding fails on YouTube, | 我打算宅在家里上网看婚礼搞笑视频 |
| [00:53] | drinking margaritas through a Twizzlers straw | 用纽糖吸管喝着玛格丽特鸡尾酒 |
| [00:55] | until I pass out on top of my vibrator. | 直到醉晕在自慰棒上 |
| [01:00] | Hi there. Do you have a second to talk about the environment? | 你好 有时间聊下环境问题吗 |
| [01:02] | No. Buzz off, whale-humper. | 没有 走开 上鲸鱼的废柴 |
| [01:05] | You know, I see you here all the time, | 我总能在这儿见到你 |
| [01:07] | and you’re always mean to me, | 你对我的态度总是很恶劣 |
| [01:09] | and it really hurts my feelings. | 让我很受伤 |
| [01:11] | It does? | 是吗 |
| [01:12] | Because the minute you’re out of my line of sight, | 因为对我来说 我一转身 |
| [01:14] | I literally forget you exist. | 就忘记你的存在了 |
| [01:16] | Watch. You exist. | 像这样 你这一秒存在 |
| [01:18] | You don’t exist. | 转身就不存在了 |
| [01:19] | You’re bothering me. | 你在烦我 |
| [01:20] | Don’t care if you die. | 管你死活 |
| [01:21] | See? | 明白了吗 |
| [01:23] | Why are you like this? | 你这人怎么这样 |
| [01:26] | Excuse me? Why am I like this? | 你说什么 我怎么这样 |
| [01:28] | You don’t know me, dude. You don’t know what I’m like. | 你不认识我 你根本不了解我是什么样人 |
| [01:31] | Look what you made me do, jag-off. | 瞧你干的好事 「娘炮」 |
| [01:34] | My God, look out! | 我的天 当心 |
| [01:40] | Good, you’re awake. | 你终于醒了 |
| [01:41] | Can I ask you a question about where we’re going? | 我能问一下目的地的事吗 |
| [01:44] | Sure. | 问吧 |
| [01:45] | Where are we going? I forgot. | 我们去哪啊 我给忘了 |
| [01:48] | We’re going somewhere that’s not the Good Place, | 我们目的地既不是「善地」 |
| [01:50] | and it’s not the Bad Place. | 也不是「恶地」 |
| [01:53] | We’re going to a Medium Place. | 我们要去一个中间地带 |
| [01:56] | Is there a 7-Eleven on the way? | 中途有便利店吗 |
| [01:58] | ‘Cause Janet’s powers aren’t working, | 因为珍妮特功能失效了 |
| [01:59] | and I want some gum and some football cards | 而我想买些口香糖和橄榄球卡 |
| [02:02] | and some scratchy tickets. | 还有一些「刮刮乐」 |
| [02:03] | – Go away from me. – Okay. | -你给我走开 -好 |
| [02:13] | Can this train go any faster, Janet? | 这火车能不能再开快点 珍妮特 |
| [02:15] | No pressure, but Jason and I will literally be tortured | 不想给你施压 但如果我们被抓了 |
| [02:18] | for all of eternity if we get caught. | 我和杰森将万劫不复 |
| [02:20] | Don’t worry, there’s no way to tell we’re going to Mindy St. Clair’s house. | 别担心 没人知道我们去明迪·圣克莱尔家 |
| [02:23] | It’ll be our sexy little secret. | 这会是我们之间惹火的小秘密 |
| [02:26] | Jason taught me about sexy things. | 杰森教了我很多「惹火」的事 |
| [02:27] | Yeah? What things did he say were sexy? | 是吗 他眼中「惹火」的事物都有什么啊 |
| [02:29] | Lamborghinis, cool snakes, spinning rims, | 兰博基尼 酷蛇「键盘」 试车 |
| [02:32] | 20,000 followers on Instagram, | 「图享」粉丝达两万 |
| [02:34] | girls with pigtails eating lollipops, | 含棒棒糖的麻花辫妹子 |
| [02:36] | latex pants, Carl’s Jr. ads, and sex. | 乳胶裤 卡乐星汉堡广告「美女众多」 还有性 |
| [02:40] | Some of those are right. | 有些确实是 |
| [02:44] | I’m here to preside over case #00003 | 我是来审判00003号案件 |
| [02:47] | regarding the soul of Eleanor Shellstrop. | 埃莉诺·谢尔斯卓普的灵魂归属一案 |
| [02:49] | The Bad Place has sent Bad Janet to present their argument. | 「恶地」派出了邪恶版珍妮特 来做开庭辩论 |
| [02:53] | What up, ding-dongs? | 「衰人」们好 |
| [02:55] | Yeah, so basically, the Fake Eleanor’s a dirt bag, | 总之「冒牌埃莉诺」是个人渣 |
| [02:58] | and these jabronis are gonna try | 而这些没有脑回路的傻叉 |
| [02:59] | and claim she’s less of a dirt bag now, | 会辩称她没那么人渣 |
| [03:01] | but she just stole your train, | 但她刚偷了你的火车哎 |
| [03:03] | and she still sucks bad. | 她还是很混蛋 |
| [03:07] | And she belongs with us. also, check this out. | 她是我们的人 还有 瞧瞧 |
| [03:14] | Nailed it. | 我厉害了 |
| [03:16] | I’ve ruled the fart inadmissible as evidence. | 本席裁定屁不作为证据 |
| [03:18] | What I will consider is the recent development | 我会将埃莉诺偷我火车一事 |
| [03:19] | of Eleanor stealing my train. | 纳入考量 |
| [03:21] | Now, hold on a second. | 等一下 |
| [03:22] | She stole your train to voluntarily go down to the Bad Place. | 她偷你火车是为了主动去「恶地」 |
| [03:26] | She was sacrificing herself | 她在牺牲自己 |
| [03:28] | because she is a wonderful, selfless… | 因为她是个极好的 无私的 |
| [03:31] | No, don’t… | 别啊 |
| [03:34] | – What’s happening? – I should have warned you. | -这是什么套路 -我之前该跟你们吱一声 |
| [03:36] | Shawn only cares about cold hard facts. | 肖恩只在乎没人情味的客观事实 |
| [03:39] | If he detects any feelings in your voice, | 如果他检测到你说话带有感情 |
| [03:41] | he retreats into a cocoon, | 他就会退缩到一个茧里 |
| [03:43] | so what we need to do now is just be very still and very quiet. | 所以我现在要一动不动 保持绝对安静 |
| [03:56] | Finally. | 终于出来了 |
| [03:57] | – Come… – What did he just say? | -不是… -你没听他刚才说什么吗 |
| [03:59] | Because you’re all so perfect. | 就你们最白莲花 |
| [04:12] | This is truly nothing. | 真是不毛之地啊 |
| [04:15] | So where does this Mindy St. Clair live? | 明迪·圣克莱尔住哪啊 |
| [04:17] | I don’t know. | 不知道 |
| [04:18] | I’m out of range of our neighborhood. | 离开「善地」的范围 |
| [04:19] | I don’t have any of my normal abilities here. | 我的技能点就全失效了 |
| [04:21] | Perfect. | 「真好」 |
| [04:23] | Well, let’s try this way. | 我们走这边看看吧 |
| [04:27] | I’ve never had to walk before. | 我从来没走过路呢 |
| [04:28] | This is fun. | 真有意思啊 |
| [04:32] | Now I’m bored. Walking is dumb. | 我又无聊了 走路真没劲 |
| [04:42] | Well, given that she’s the only person in the neighborhood, | 既然就只有她住在这里 |
| [04:44] | I’m guessing this is the pl… | 这里应该是… |
| [04:46] | She’s naked! | 她裸着啊 |
| [04:48] | Sorry! | 对不起 |
| [04:53] | Who are you? | 你们是谁 |
| [04:54] | I’m Janet. | 我是珍妮特 |
| [04:58] | Hello, Mindy. My name is Beadie. | 你好 明迪 我叫比迪 |
| [05:00] | I’m from the Good Place, | 我来自「善地」 |
| [05:01] | and welcome to your first day in the afterlife. | 欢迎你来到「死后世界」的第一天 |
| [05:04] | What’s up, idiot? | 你好 衰人 |
| [05:05] | Sorry I’m late, babe. Hey, are you pregnant? | 抱歉 我迟到了 亲 你怀孕了吗 |
| [05:09] | – That’s not possible. – Congrats. | -那是不可能的事 -恭喜啦 |
| [05:10] | Yeah, so, Mindy, look. You mostly sucked, | 明迪 是这样 你差劲的地方占大部分 |
| [05:14] | but then you did this one good thing. | 但你后来做了一件大好事 |
| [05:16] | I mean, I still think we should get you… | 我还是觉得你该来「恶地」 |
| [05:17] | They didn’t, but neither did we. | 不属于他们 也不属于我们 |
| [05:20] | A compromise was made: | 于是就折衷了一下 |
| [05:21] | the neighborhood you are in now by yourself. | 你就自己住一个地方 |
| [05:24] | You submitted a list of things you wanted; | 你将需要的物品列个表交上来 |
| [05:26] | the Good Place provided those things. | 「善地」将供给一切 |
| [05:28] | Yeah, and the Bad Place made some modifications. | 而「恶地」将其稍加改动了一下 |
| [05:30] | We got you your favorite beer. | 我们准备了你最爱的啤酒 |
| [05:31] | Yeah, but it’s always warm. | 但永远常温 |
| [05:34] | On your jukebox, you’ll find every song ever sung. | 自动点唱机上 你能找到所有唱过的歌 |
| [05:37] | Yeah, by The Eagles, and it’s only the live versions. | 是老鹰乐队唱的 还都只有现场版 |
| [05:40] | Also, there’s some spoken word poetry from William Shatner. | 还有一些威廉·夏特纳「《波士顿法律》男主」的口语诗 |
| [05:44] | It’s deeply terrible. | 特别让人闹心 |
| [05:46] | You get the idea. Welcome to eternal mediocrity. | 你领会精神了吧 欢迎来到中间世界 |
| [05:49] | – Welcome to the Medium Place. – So what’s up? | -欢迎来到中间地带 -你好不好啊 |
| [05:52] | What’s your deal? Are you single? | 你什么情况 单身吗 |
| [05:53] | What’s going on? | 最近好吗 |
| [05:55] | Sorry about before. | 刚才失礼了 |
| [05:57] | One of the perks of living alone is that I get to just walk around naked. | 一个人住的好处就是 不用穿衣服 |
| [06:02] | My kind of gal. | 就稀罕这种妹子 |
| [06:03] | And I gotta say, you keep it tight. | 我还得说 你身材保持挺好啊 |
| [06:06] | That is the nicest and only thing anyone has said to me in 30 years. | 三十年间 第一次也是仅有一次被人夸呢 |
| [06:10] | So tell us everything. I mean, what did you do to end up here? | 详细说说吧 你怎么会来到中间地带呢 |
| [06:14] | That’s kind of a long story. | 说来话长 |
| [06:15] | – Gonna need a drink or three. – Definitely my kind of gal. | -要先喝几杯 -必须稀罕这种妹子啊 |
| [06:19] | You guys have fun. This is me and Janet’s honeymoon, | 你们聊吧 我和珍妮特是来度蜜月的 |
| [06:21] | so we’re gonna go try and figure out how to have sex. | 所以我们去整明白怎么做爱 |
| [06:26] | So I was a hotshot corporate lawyer in the 1980s. | 我是八十年代的企业律师精英 |
| [06:29] | I only cared about making money and doing cocaine. | 我眼里只有赚钱和吸可卡因 |
| [06:31] | And I was pretty carppy to my family as well. | 我待家人也很薄情 |
| [06:33] | But one night, I had an epiphany, right? | 有天晚上 我突然顿悟 |
| [06:37] | I needed to do something good with my life. | 我这一生得做些善事 |
| [06:39] | So I drew up plans for this foundation | 所以起草了基金会计划 |
| [06:41] | that would help kids all over the world, | 这能帮助全世界的儿童 |
| [06:43] | would advance human rights, revolutionize agriculture, | 能够促进人权运动 彻底改革农业 |
| [06:46] | and just improve every nation and every society in every possible way. | 竭尽所能去改善各个国家与社会的状况 |
| [06:50] | – You were pretty coked-up, huh? – Yeah, man, | -你当时是嗑嗨了吧 -必须的 |
| [06:52] | I was flying high. It was so awesome. | 我当时嗨爆了 超级爽 |
| [06:55] | But… you’re not gonna believe this… | 但说出来吓你一跳 |
| [06:57] | I followed through. | 我真那么做了 |
| [06:58] | Yeah, I woke up the next morning, | 第二天一早醒来 |
| [07:00] | I went straight to the bank, | 我就去了银行 |
| [07:01] | I withdrew my life savings, | 取出生平积蓄 |
| [07:02] | and I was gonna start that charity. | 要创建这个慈善机构 |
| [07:05] | Good for you! | 这真不错啊 |
| [07:06] | And then I immediately fell into subway tracks | 我随后就掉进地铁轨道上 |
| [07:08] | and was electrocuted by the third rail. | 被电轨给电死了 |
| [07:10] | Honestly, not the type of rail I thought was gonna kill me… | 老实说 没想到是因为这种电轨「可卡因」而丧命 |
| [07:13] | ‘Cause I love cocaine. | 因为我太爱可卡因了 |
| [07:16] | Do you have any? I’m just… I shouldn’t… Do you? | 你身上有吗 我不该问… 有吗 |
| [07:20] | – No. – Yeah. I mean, I was just… | -没有 -知道了 我就是… |
| [07:24] | I was just kidding. It was just a joke. | 逗你玩呢 开个玩笑 |
| [07:27] | I mean, who would want to do cocaine right now? | 谁现在会想吸可卡因啊 |
| [07:36] | Are you okay? | 你没事吧 |
| [07:37] | Anyway, so after I died, my sister found my plan, | 总之 我姐在我死后发现了这个计划 |
| [07:40] | and she used my money to start | 于是她用我的积蓄 |
| [07:42] | the Mindy St. Clair Rescue Alliance, yeah. | 创建了「明迪·圣克莱尔救援会」 |
| [07:46] | It’s actually the largest relief aid charity in the world. | 其实就是世上最大的救援慈善机构 |
| [07:49] | So the question was, | 所以问题就变成 |
| [07:51] | did you get credit for all those good person points or not? | 你该不该获得「好人分数」 |
| [07:54] | Exactly. I don’t know how long my case was pending or whatever, | 没错 我不知道这案子拖了有多久 |
| [07:57] | but when I woke up, | 但我醒来时 |
| [07:58] | the two sides had been fighting about me for a long time. | 「善恶」两地就我的问题争论了很久了 |
| [08:02] | Like a stripper over that last bump of coke at the party, | 就像脱衣舞女为最后那一点可卡因争得头破血流 |
| [08:05] | if you know what I mean. | 懂我意思吧 |
| [08:07] | But anyway, they finally came to this compromise, you know? | 总之 双方最后想出了这个折衷的法子 |
| [08:11] | Well, it beats being tortured. | 这要比受酷刑好啊 |
| [08:13] | I was about to turn myself in. | 我当时正想去接受惩罚呢 |
| [08:15] | No. Yeah, there’s no time for that morality nonsense, sweetheart. | 别这么做 把节操道德当路人吧 小美人 |
| [08:20] | This is about survival. | 重点是生存下去 |
| [08:21] | You gotta look out for number one. | 你得先为自己着想 |
| [08:24] | Right, well, we don’t have proof that it doesn’t cure Alzheimer’s. | 是 但也没有证据表明这药不能治愈老年痴呆 |
| [08:28] | Eleanor, we’ve got a surprise for you. | 埃莉诺 我们为你准备了惊喜噢 |
| [08:32] | Yeah, thanks, but I brought my own cake. | 谢了 不过我给自己买了蛋糕了 |
| [08:34] | I know you’ve only worked here a few weeks, | 我知道你在这里就工作了几周 |
| [08:37] | but we have this little office tradition where we all pitch in, and then we… | 但我们公司有个传统 大家都参与… |
| [08:40] | Yeah, no, I get it. It’s just, I know what kind of cake I like. | 嗯 我懂 我清楚自己的蛋糕口味 |
| [08:43] | Plus, it’s Lisa’s birthday next week, | 另外 丽莎下周过生日 |
| [08:44] | and if I let you give me a cake, | 接受你们的蛋糕 |
| [08:46] | that means I gotta pitch in to get Lisa a cake | 就表示我要出钱给丽莎买蛋糕 |
| [08:48] | and sing to her and wear one of those dumb hats you all are wearing right now. | 还得唱生日歌 戴你们戴的破帽子 |
| [08:51] | No, thanks. | 算了吧 |
| [08:52] | This way, I don’t owe you anything, | 这样 我不欠你们 |
| [08:53] | you don’t owe me anything. Later. | 你们也不欠我 走吧 |
| [08:57] | What were we talking about? | 我们接着聊 |
| [08:59] | What is her deal? Why is she like this? | 她什么情况啊 她这人怎么这样 |
| [09:02] | I don’t know, but the meaner she is, | 不了解 但她越这么刻薄 |
| [09:03] | the more it turns me on. Is that weird? | 我就越兴奋 这很变态吗 |
| [09:05] | – You’re my boss. – say that to me again, | -你是我老板 -再说一遍 |
| [09:08] | but more disgusted with me, like I’m a worm. | 但语气再轻贱一些 彻底鄙视我 |
| [09:13] | Eleanor was supposed to be in the Bad Place, | 埃莉诺本应属于「恶地」 |
| [09:15] | arrived here by accident, assumed another person’s identity, | 以另外一个人的身份 误入「善地」 |
| [09:18] | and has now escaped. Is that the whole story? | 现在逃跑了 整件事是这样吧 |
| [09:22] | Well, no. Someone else was sent here by mistake. | 不是 还有一人误入了善地 |
| [09:27] | His name is Jason Mendoza, | 他叫杰森·门多萨 |
| [09:28] | and I believe he’s on the train with Eleanor. | 而他还跟埃莉诺一起上了那列火车上 |
| [09:30] | You knew about Jason? | 你知道杰森了啊 |
| [09:32] | Yes, I know that he’s a fake | 嗯 我知道他是冒牌货 |
| [09:35] | and that he’s married to Janet | 还跟珍妮特成亲了 |
| [09:36] | and that this entire neighborhood is… | 整个「善地」街区… |
| [09:39] | What’s the human expression? | 人类怎么表达来着 |
| [09:40] | Yes, a smokin’ hot turd. | 想到了 乱出翔了 |
| [09:44] | I will deal with Jason Mendoza later. | 我稍后再处理杰森·门多萨 |
| [09:46] | For now, I will hear your arguments for why fake Eleanor Shellstrop | 目前 请你们说说冒牌埃莉诺·谢尔斯卓普 |
| [09:49] | should stay in the Good Place. | 为何该留下来 |
| [09:50] | We can do this, but we must remain emotionless. | 我们能行 但一定得不带任何感情说话 |
| [09:54] | I’m talking “Kristen Stewart on a red carpet” level of emotionless here, all right? | 像「克里斯汀·斯图尔特」「《暮光之城》女主」走红毯那么冷酷 |
| [09:59] | Begin. | 开始 |
| [10:00] | Eleanor dedicated herself to the study of ethics. | 埃莉诺全身心投入了伦理学的学习中 |
| [10:03] | I was blown away by her capacity for self-improvement. | 她大有长进 让我刮目相看 |
| [10:05] | Eleanor is a magnificent person who has grown tremendously in her time here. | 埃莉诺是个了不起的人 来到「善地」后成长很多 |
| [10:09] | Please, I’m begging you, please. | 拜托了 求你了 |
| [10:11] | Voluntarily heading to the Bad Place proves that she is a selfless person. | 主动前往「恶地」 表明她是一个无私的人 |
| [10:16] | Sorry. I’m getting choked up. | 抱歉 我激动地说不出话了 |
| [10:20] | Yes, voluntarily sacrificing herself and heading to the Bad Place | 是 主动牺牲自己前往「恶地」 |
| [10:23] | would be a point in her favor. | 确实会给她加分不少 |
| [10:25] | However, I’ve just received word that | 但我刚收到消息 |
| [10:26] | Eleanor is not currently in the Bad Place. | 埃莉诺目前不在「恶地」 |
| [10:29] | We have no idea where she is. | 我们不知道她在哪儿 |
| [10:30] | – Well, what the… – What? | -什么 -啥 |
| [10:31] | Fork! | 他喵的 |
| [10:46] | I will now review Eleanor’s memories. | 我现在回顾一下埃莉诺的记忆 |
| [10:48] | Her memories? As in, all the things she’s done on Earth? | 她的记忆 你指她生前的一切所为 |
| [10:51] | But perhaps we could take a little break first. | 我们要不先休息一下吧 |
| [10:53] | You know, we’ve been at it for a while, and you must be tired. | 我们搞了这么长时间 你肯定累了 |
| [10:56] | I’ve been asleep in goo for the last 29 years, | 过去二十九年中 我一直沉睡 |
| [10:58] | so I’m good. | 所以不用再睡了 |
| [10:59] | Call up the screen for Fake Eleanor Shellstrop, please. | 请调出冒牌埃莉诺·谢尔斯卓普的记忆 |
| [11:03] | 埃莉诺·谢尔斯卓普 生前最大减分项 | |
| [11:03] | Where should we begin, “Waiters Screamed At” | 从哪开始呢 「对服务员大叫」 |
| [11:05] | or “Cyberbullying of Pregnant Woman from Spin Class”? | 还是「对动感单车课上的孕妇进行网络欺凌」 |
| [11:15] | Hey, you wanna grab a drink or something? | 你要喝点酒吗 |
| [11:18] | No, I kind of have my own private time routine. | 不了 我有自己的生活规律 |
| [11:21] | I thought you’d want company after being here alone for so long. | 还以为你独居这么久 会想要有人陪呢 |
| [11:24] | – No. – Okay, I get it. | -不想 -那好吧 |
| [11:27] | Hey, where did you get that? | 你从哪拿的这本书 |
| [11:28] | That’s not one of my books. | 这不是我的书 |
| [11:30] | I only have Anne Rice vampire novels with water stains, | 我只有水渍斑斑的安妮·赖斯写的吸血鬼小说 |
| [11:33] | and I’ve cut words out of most of them to make pornography. | 我会把大部分单词剪出来 拼成小黄片 |
| [11:35] | My friend in the Good Place gave it to me | 是我在「善地」的朋友给我的书 |
| [11:37] | when he was teaching me ethics. | 他当时教我伦理学 |
| [11:39] | It reminds me of him. | 看到书就想起他 |
| [11:40] | Look, if you wanna survive, | 如果你想生存下去 |
| [11:42] | you have to forget what you left behind. | 就必须忘记曾经的过往 |
| [11:44] | Take that whole experience, | 把过往的经历 |
| [11:45] | crumple it up, throw it in the garbage can. | 都卷在一起 扔进垃圾桶 |
| [11:50] | Okay. Instead of reading, | 好吧 那就不看书 |
| [11:52] | I will watch this VHS copy of “Cannonball Run II.” | 我来看下录像带版《炮弹飞车2》 |
| [11:57] | Or maybe “The Making of ‘Cannonball Run II.'” | 或者《炮弹飞车2之幕后花絮》 |
| [12:03] | Very medium. | 真是很一般啊 |
| [12:04] | Yeah. | 没错 |
| [12:05] | Hey, you two lovebirds figure out how to have sex yet? | 你们这对小情人整明白怎么做爱了吗 |
| [12:08] | No. We tried for two hours, | 没有 我们试了俩小时 |
| [12:09] | but there was just a lot of, like, bumping into each other. | 但都只是互相碰撞 |
| [12:12] | It was weird. | 可奇怪了 |
| [12:23] | This ain’t your bar mitzvah anymore, bitch. | 你的成人礼结束了 小贱人 |
| [12:25] | It’s my 24th birthday! What! Hot tiara, girl. | 变成姐的24岁生日趴了 皇冠挺好看啊 |
| [12:31] | That was “The Crashing and Subsequent Destruction | 这是「贸然闯入后 接着毁掉了 |
| [12:34] | of Vanessa Garcia’s Quinceanera.” | 温妮莎·加西亚的成人礼」 |
| [12:36] | Let’s move on to another event. | 再看下一件事 |
| [12:38] | “Hecking of Mall Santas”? | 「戏弄商场圣诞老人」 |
| [12:41] | “Lifetime Ban from Build-a-Bear Workshop”? | 「终生禁止进入熊熊梦工场」 |
| [12:44] | “Brief Instagram Flirtation with Kid Rock”? No. | 「在『图享』上调戏『摇滚小子』」 不是吧 |
| [12:47] | This is getting away from us. We need to do something quickly. | 情势不利 快想点招啊 |
| [12:51] | Yeah, Judge, request permission to speak somewhat emotionally? | 法官阁下 请求带感情说几句话 |
| [12:56] | Fine. | 行 |
| [12:57] | Dramamine. | 达姆明「晕船药」 |
| [12:58] | Helps with the nausea. Proceed. | 缓解恶心 你说吧 |
| [13:01] | Okay, look, I know, obviously, these memories aren’t great. | 我知道 这显然都不是些什么好回忆 |
| [13:04] | I was particularly disturbed by “started Fire in Mailbox | 我个人最不喜欢 「在邮箱里点火 |
| [13:08] | to get Mailman to take off shirt,” | 只为了邮递员脱掉上衣」 |
| [13:09] | But that was the old Eleanor. | 但这是以前的埃莉诺 |
| [13:12] | She changed. | 她如今改变了 |
| [13:13] | She worked and she studied and she got better. | 她努力学习 变得更好了 |
| [13:16] | And it wasn’t just self-preservation, | 她不仅是为了自保而已 |
| [13:19] | it was real self-improvement. | 她真的洗心革面了 |
| [13:21] | I made the decision to help Eleanor that first week, | 我第一周就选择帮她了 |
| [13:23] | and I’m glad I did. | 我对此很庆幸 |
| [13:25] | Because she’s worth it. | 因为她值得我付出 |
| [13:27] | I, too, helped Eleanor. | 我也帮助了埃莉诺 |
| [13:29] | Not as much as Chidi, surely, | 当然没像奇迪帮那么多 |
| [13:31] | but my help was more friendship | 但我用友谊感化她 |
| [13:33] | and sorely needed fashion advice. | 以及时尚方面的建议 |
| [13:35] | Eleanor deserves to stay. | 埃莉诺 理应留下 |
| [13:38] | Thank you for these testimonials. | 感谢大家的证词 |
| [13:40] | A ruling has been reached. | 我已达成裁决 |
| [13:47] | You want to hear it. | 你们想知道 |
| [13:48] | I forgot how needy humans are. | 我都忘了人类的依赖性多强了 |
| [13:50] | Eleanor Shellstrop is a bad person. | 埃莉诺·谢尔斯卓普是一个坏人 |
| [13:53] | The progress she has made does not offset her actions on Earth. | 她死后的进步抵消不了生前的恶行 |
| [13:55] | She deserves to be in the Bad Place. | 她应该待在「恶地」 |
| [13:58] | As concerning Jason Mendoza, | 至于杰森·门多萨 |
| [14:00] | I have heard no statements nor seen any evidence to suggest… | 我没听到相关证词或见到相关证据表明… |
| [14:04] | He’s from Florida? | 他来自佛州吗 |
| [14:05] | Yeah, he belongs in the Bad Place. | 行了 他也属于「恶地」 |
| [14:07] | No, but how do you intend to enforce this ruling? | 等下 你将如何执行这项裁决呢 |
| [14:10] | You have no idea where they are. | 你都不知道他们在哪里 |
| [14:12] | Bad Janet? | 邪恶版珍妮特 |
| [14:13] | What’s up, fork nuts? | 大家好 「傻叉们」 |
| [14:15] | Engage walkie-talkie protocol. | 开启无线电通话程序 |
| [14:21] | What if you’re here, and I’m like this? | 我在这里 你这样呢 |
| [14:23] | Yes, that may work. | 可能行得通 |
| [14:29] | What is happening? | 什么情况 |
| [14:30] | Is she having an orgasm? Did I do it somehow? | 她这是高潮了吗 是我的功劳吗 |
| [14:32] | Attention Eleanor Shellstrop and Jason Mendoza. | 听好了 埃莉诺·谢尔斯卓普和杰森·门多萨 |
| [14:35] | This is the Almighty Judge on High of All Beings | 我是宇宙万能 凌驾众生之上 |
| [14:37] | Living and Dead for All Eternity. | 永生不灭的大法官 |
| [14:39] | My name’s Shawn. | 我叫肖恩 |
| [14:40] | We do not know where you are | 我们不知道你们在哪儿 |
| [14:41] | but hope you are receiving this message. | 但希望你们能收到这则信息 |
| [14:43] | You have been found to be the rightful property of the Bad Place. | 你们已经被判给「恶地」了 |
| [14:46] | Either return to your original neighborhood, | 你们要么赶紧乖乖回来 |
| [14:48] | or your accomplices Chidi Anagonye and Tahani Al-Jamil | 不然 你们的共犯 奇迪·阿纳贡耶和塔哈妮·阿贾米尔 |
| [14:51] | will go to the Bad Place in your stead. | 会替你们被送入「恶地」 |
| [14:53] | – What? – What? | -什么 -什么 |
| [14:54] | You have four hours. Good-bye. | 给你们四个小时 再见 |
| [14:56] | Your Honor, please, | 法官阁下 别这样 |
| [14:57] | Chidi and Tahani are completely innocent. | 奇迪和塔哈妮完全是无辜的啊 |
| [15:00] | They are not completely innocent. | 他们并不是完全无辜 |
| [15:01] | They told me so themselves. | 他们亲口说了 |
| [15:03] | They aided and abetted two criminals, | 他们窝藏并协助了两名罪犯 |
| [15:04] | one of whom was a DJ. | 其中一个人还是个DJ |
| [15:08] | They’re gonna send Chidi and Tahani to the Bad Place? | 他们要把奇迪和塔哈妮送去「恶地」吗 |
| [15:12] | We’re off the hook, this is amazing! | 那我们安全了啊 太赞了 |
| [15:14] | Babe, we are going to be trying to make love all night long. | 亲爱的 我们可以试着翻云覆雨一整夜啦 |
| [15:35] | We don’t have to go back, though. | 但我们不用非得回去啊 |
| [15:36] | they just said. | 你刚听到了 |
| [15:37] | We can’t let Tahani and Chidi go to the Bad Place. | 我们不能让奇迪和塔哈妮被送去「恶地」 |
| [15:40] | They’re our friends. | 他们是朋友啊 |
| [15:41] | We literally owe it to them. | 我们欠他们的情 |
| [15:43] | If they’re really our “Friends, | 他们要真是「朋友」 |
| [15:45] | then why aren’t they here with us “right now”? | 那他们现在怎么没跟我们在一起呢 |
| [15:48] | Because we ran away. Are you… | 因为我们逃出来了啊 你… |
| [15:51] | Does your brain work, actually? | 你智商是不是欠费啊 |
| [15:54] | Do you have a functioning head? | 要去淘宝给你买个脑子吗 |
| [15:56] | I think he has a good point. | 他说得很对 |
| [15:58] | I wouldn’t go back for those turkeys. | 我就不会为那群傻子自投罗网 |
| [15:59] | How can you say that? | 你怎么能说这种话呢 |
| [16:00] | Think practically here. Okay, you go back, | 你好好想想 现实些 你回去 |
| [16:03] | you turn yourself in, you get sent to the Bad Place, | 主动受罚 被送去「恶地」 |
| [16:06] | and you never see your friends again. | 就再也见不到你的朋友们了 |
| [16:07] | Or you stay here, you’re safe from the Bad Place, | 而你留在这里 就不用去「恶地」了 |
| [16:11] | and you never see your friends again. | 再也见不到你的朋友们了 |
| [16:13] | It’s the same results, | 反正都是再也见不到 |
| [16:14] | except if you stay here, | 不过你留在这里 |
| [16:15] | you don’t get tortured. | 就不必接受酷刑了 |
| [16:16] | – But they do. – That’s their problem. | -但他们会啊 -他们自求多福吧 |
| [16:18] | Your problem is whether you get tortured. | 你受不受酷刑才是最重要的事 |
| [16:21] | Now if you’ll excuse me, | 失礼了 |
| [16:24] | it’s my masturbating time. | 我的自慰时间到了 |
| [16:26] | When isn’t it? We’re going back. | 你一直做来着 我们要回去了 |
| [16:28] | – But… – Now. | -但.. -赶紧走 |
| [16:33] | Can we even make it there in time? | 我们能赶得及到达吗 |
| [16:34] | I believe so, though it’ll be close. | 应该吧 刚刚来得及而已 |
| [16:36] | – Where’s Jason? – Heads up! | -杰森呢 -小心了 |
| [16:38] | Sorry, Eleanor, but I can’t let us leave. | 抱歉 埃莉诺 我们不能走 |
| [16:41] | Bortles! | 炸毁吧 |
| [16:44] | No! | 不要啊 |
| [16:49] | What are you doing, you goon? | 你这是闹哪样啊 二货 |
| [16:51] | Trying to blow up the train. | 炸掉火车啊 |
| [16:52] | Blowing stuff up got me out of so many jams on Earth. | 我生前靠炸东西 摆脱了不少麻烦呢 |
| [16:55] | Let me try again. Do… do you have another bottle? | 我再炸一次 还有瓶子吗 |
| [16:59] | Hi, there, since there’s no Janet here to serve you, | 你们好 珍妮特不在这里服侍你们 |
| [17:01] | I brought you two a little treat. | 我就给你俩带来了两份甜点 |
| [17:03] | – Kind of like a last meal. – Not like a last meal, | – 就像「最后的晚餐」 -不是最后晚餐啦 |
| [17:07] | just, the final food you might ever eat. | 就是吃完这餐 以后就吃不上东西了 |
| [17:12] | I’m gonna miss these little perks when I’m down in the Bad Place, | 到了「恶地」以后 我会怀念这些好处 |
| [17:15] | being forced to wear a… | 到时要被迫 |
| [17:16] | a knock-off handbag and drink tap water. | 用山寨货 喝水龙头里的水 |
| [17:20] | That’s what you think hell is? | 你脑中的地狱是这样啊 |
| [17:23] | Janet, please, we have to go. | 珍妮特 求你了 我们得赶紧走了 |
| [17:25] | I won’t start the train until my husband says it’s okay. | 除非我老公同意 不然我不会开启火车 |
| [17:28] | I’m sorry, Eleanor, but I engaged a ride-or-die protocol | 抱歉 埃莉诺 我使用了「同生共死」程序 |
| [17:31] | so I’m loyal to Jason forever. | 所以我永远都忠于杰森 |
| [17:35] | Buddy. | 兄弟 |
| [17:37] | Come on, we gotta go. | 别犹豫了 我们得走了 |
| [17:39] | I don’t wanna go to the Bad Place. | 我不想去「恶地」 |
| [17:41] | It’s scary, like the movie “Ratatouille.” | 我很害怕 那就像《料理鼠王》 |
| [17:44] | – What? – Yo, I ain’t trying to have rats living in my hat | -啥 -我可不想老鼠住进我帽子里 |
| [17:47] | and pulling my hair to get me to do stuff. | 拽着我头发 控制我做事情 |
| [17:50] | I’m scared too. | 我也很害怕 |
| [17:52] | But we can’t just abandon our friends | 但我们不能就这样抛下朋友 |
| [17:53] | and let them take the fall for us. | 让他们成为背锅侠 |
| [17:55] | Sure we can. It would be so easy to do that. | 当然可以了 这么做多简单啊 |
| [17:58] | We’d just go back to Mindy’s house, chill out… | 我们就回明迪家 冷静一下… |
| [18:00] | I’d get used to room-temperature beer. | 我会习惯常温啤酒 |
| [18:02] | Me and Janet keep trying to solve the problem of how to have sex, | 我和珍妮特继续去琢磨怎么做爱 |
| [18:05] | which could take years. | 可能要琢磨好几年 |
| [18:07] | Let’s just pretend that we didn’t hear the Janet walkie-talkie message. | 我们就假装没收到珍妮特的通讯信息 |
| [18:13] | No, it’s time to own up, dude. | 不 是时候拿出担当了 哥们 |
| [18:15] | I spent my whole life acting like Mindy, | 我这一生都在像明迪那样活着 |
| [18:17] | me first, no matter what, | 一直都是利己主义者 |
| [18:19] | and it literally took dying | 真是搭上一条命 |
| [18:22] | and being around a bunch of good people | 来到一群好人身边以后 |
| [18:23] | to realize that I was kind of a nightmare. | 才让我意识到 自己以前多讨人厌 |
| [18:26] | Why were you like that? | 那你之前为什么那样呢 |
| [18:28] | Well… let me tell you about Doug and Donna Shellstrop. | 我跟你说一下道格和唐娜·谢尔斯卓普的事 你就明白了 |
| [18:32] | Hey, Dad, just a warning, Mom’s gonna be here in a second. | 爸 提个醒 妈马上就过来了 |
| [18:36] | Your mother’s coming? | 你妈要过来吗 |
| [18:37] | Boy, hide the silverware. | 天 把银器都藏起来 |
| [18:39] | You mean the silverware you stole from Mom? | 你是指你从她家偷来的那些吗 |
| [18:41] | Yeah, but she keeps trying to steal it back. | 是啊 她总想给偷回去 |
| [18:43] | I drove here as fast as I could. | 我以最快的速度过来了 |
| [18:45] | You scored free WrestleMania tickets? | 你弄到「摔角大赛」的门票了啊 |
| [18:47] | There are no tickets, Mom. | 没有什么门票 老妈 |
| [18:48] | I knew that was the only way I could get you here. | 我知道只有这么说 你才会过来 |
| [18:51] | Burn. | 被骗了吧 |
| [18:52] | Eleanor, just because your father and I are divorced | 埃莉诺 就算我和你爸离婚了 |
| [18:55] | does not mean you can disrespect me like this, okay? | 也不代表你可以不尊重我 |
| [18:57] | We are a family. | 我们是一家人 |
| [18:59] | Whose birthday is it? | 今天谁过生日啊 |
| [19:00] | – Mine. – Are you serious? No way. | -我过生日 -不是吧 不可能 |
| [19:03] | That was a B.S. foul on Chapman. | 我是说查普曼比赛中犯规太扯了 |
| [19:06] | And since you both forgot, again, | 既然你们又忘记了 |
| [19:07] | which means you definitely didn’t get me a present, again, | 表明你们又忘了给我准备礼物了 |
| [19:10] | I got myself something. | 我就自己准备了 |
| [19:11] | I just need you to sign it. | 你们签一下就行了 |
| [19:14] | Emancipation papers? Honey! | 断绝关系文件 闺女 |
| [19:17] | What does “emancipation” mean? | 「断绝关系」是什么意思 |
| [19:19] | It means I’ll be on my own. | 就是我以后自己照顾自己 |
| [19:20] | All my life, I’ve been taking care of myself and you guys. | 我活到现在 一直在照顾我自己和你们 |
| [19:24] | I work two after-school jobs | 我放学后要打两份工 |
| [19:25] | because you blew half my college fund | 因为你把大学的一半学费 |
| [19:27] | bailing your boyfriend out of jail. | 用来保释你男友了 |
| [19:28] | So irresponsible. | 真不像话 |
| [19:29] | And you blew the other half trying to frame her boyfriend. | 你用另一半学费来陷害她男友 |
| [19:31] | It was so stupid. | 你真是没脑子 |
| [19:33] | He was already guilty, dumbass. | 他已经被判有罪了 蠢货 |
| [19:35] | I’ve been on my own for a while now anyway, | 我自己照顾自己也有一段时间了 |
| [19:37] | and after you sign these papers, it’ll be official. | 你们签完字 就正式脱离你俩了 |
| [19:40] | I won’t owe you anything; you won’t owe me anything. | 我们彼此互不拖欠 |
| [19:42] | Well, if you want me to sign… that’s a joint. | 如果你想让我签字 一卷大麻 |
| [19:46] | Do you have a pen or a lighter? | 你有笔或打火机吗 |
| [19:49] | You’re a really interesting person, Eleanor. | 你这人真有意思 埃莉诺 |
| [19:52] | We should hang out sometime. | 我们有时间该一起玩儿 |
| [20:01] | Wow, your parents sucked. | 你父母太差劲了啊 |
| [20:03] | Yeah, they did, | 确实如此 |
| [20:05] | and I’ve been using their crappy parenting as an excuse | 而我一直拿「父母没好好养育我」当挡箭牌 |
| [20:08] | for my selfish behavior all my life. No more. | 做尽各种自私自利之事 但到此为止了 |
| [20:13] | We know what’s right here. | 我们知道怎么做才对 |
| [20:14] | We have to go back. | 必须要回去 |
| [20:21] | Ride-or-die. | 同生共死 |
| [20:43] | Time is up. | 时间到了 |
| [20:44] | In preparation for your trip to the Bad Place, | 为准备踏上「恶地」的旅程 |
| [20:46] | please put on these fedoras. | 请戴上这两顶帽子 |
| [20:47] | No. | 不 |
| [20:49] | Well, no use delaying the inevitable. | 事到如今 拖延也于事无补 |
| [20:52] | We surrender. Together. | 我们投降 共同进退 |
| [20:56] | Chidi, Tahani, we’re back to save your souls. | 奇迪 塔哈妮 我们回来救你们了 |
| [21:01] | Real weird vibe in here. | 气氛有点尴尬啊 |
| [21:04] | Was definitely expecting some applause. | 我还以为你们会为我鼓掌呢 |
| [21:07] | You’re too late. | 你们来晚了 |
| [21:08] | You… you missed the cut-off. | 错过截止期限了 |
| [21:10] | But we’re here. | 但我们来了 |
| [21:11] | We came here as fast as we could, and we’re here. | 我们尽快赶来了 还是来了啊 |
| [21:14] | So… now what? | 现在怎么办吧 |
| [21:21] | What is the most logical decision? | 眼下最符合逻辑的决定是什么 |
| [21:25] | I made my initial ruling. | 我下了判决 |
| [21:26] | I established a deadline. The deadline was missed. | 我定好了截止期限 而你们来晚了 |
| [21:28] | The original perpetrators are here. | 而两个犯人也回来自首了 |
| [21:32] | This is exhausting. | 脑子要炸裂了 |
| [21:33] | I just want to go back to my container of goo and go to sleep. | 我就是想回黏糊糊的茧里睡一觉 |
| [21:36] | The Bad Place is owed two people. | 「恶地」目前缺两个人 |
| [21:38] | In my opinion, which is an objective fact in this case | 我认为 这是本案的客观事实 |
| [21:41] | and all cases always and forever, | 事实胜于雄辩 |
| [21:42] | you have all done bad things since you arrived here, | 你们来到「善地」之后 都做过坏事 |
| [21:46] | therefore I don’t care which two of you go. | 所以我不在乎谁离开 |
| [21:48] | You can decide. | 你们自己决定 |
| [21:49] | You have 30 minutes. | 给你们三十分钟 |