| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:03] | You’ve got to admit | 你得承认 |
| [00:04] | things are going pretty well since I took over. | 我掌权以后 一切进展顺利 |
| [00:07] | Certainly a lot smoother lately. | 最近确实顺利多了 |
| [00:09] | And based on my surveillance, | 而根据我的监视 |
| [00:11] | our four humans don’t suspect anything. | 这四个人类完全没起疑 |
| [00:13] | Yeah, because we’re killing it. | 必须啊 因为我们牛叉啊 |
| [00:17] | You sure are. | 确实如此 |
| [00:18] | Here are the torture ideas you asked me to write up for next week. | 按你要求 这是下周的精神折磨剧本 |
| [00:24] | So long. | 这么长 |
| [00:25] | You’re not supposed to be torturing me. | 你又不是折磨我 |
| [00:27] | From now on, | 从现在开始 |
| [00:28] | make all your memos one page max with pictures. | 你把所有报告都做成一页纸 还要带图片 |
| [00:31] | Also, Quinston over here already came up with a sick idea | 另外 坤斯通已经想出了一个超绝的点子 |
| [00:35] | for how to torture Tahani. | 来折磨塔哈妮 |
| [00:36] | Tell him, babe. | 让他见识一下 亲 |
| [00:37] | We’re going to have Tahani throw a party for Gunnar’s birthday, | 我们会让塔哈妮为加纳办一场生日宴 |
| [00:39] | but no one will show up | 但无人捧场出席 |
| [00:41] | because we’ll also be throwing a party, | 因为我们也会办一场生日宴 |
| [00:43] | and it will be way better. | 而且办得更精彩 |
| [00:45] | Boom. | 绝了吧 |
| [00:46] | Where do you get these incredible ideas? | 你们怎么想到这么”绝妙”的点子 |
| [00:48] | That one just came to me. | 就那么想到啦 |
| [00:49] | It just like popped right into my noodle. | 灵光闪现 |
| [00:51] | Yeah, that’s right. | 没错 |
| [00:54] | Up top! | 击掌 |
| [00:55] | So that’s their plan. | 所以这就是他们的计划 |
| [00:57] | This doesn’t seem so bad. | 听起来也不怎么狠啊 |
| [00:59] | It really tucks my nuggets. | 真是扎心了 |
| [01:01] | I worked so hard on my torture ideas, | 我花了那么多心思琢磨点子 |
| [01:03] | and theirs are so basic. | 他们的点子这么没档次 |
| [01:05] | These millennials, they have no work ethic. | 这些”千禧一代” 真没职业操守 |
| [01:08] | Sorry, a millennial is someone | 我解释一下 “千禧一代” |
| [01:10] | who has only been torturing people for a thousand years. | 是指”折磨人类”才一千年的一代 |
| [01:14] | A millennial. | 千禧一代 |
| [01:22] | Okay. Coast is clear. | 好了 警报解除 |
| [01:23] | Not a demon in sight. | 视线之内没有恶魔了 |
| [01:25] | Except for, you know… | 除了… |
| [01:26] | Is that what we should call you? “Demon”? | 我们该这么叫你吗 “恶魔” |
| [01:28] | Well, I mean, it’s not really accurate, | 这种说法不太准确 |
| [01:30] | and we consider it to be a little racist. | 我们还觉得这有些种族歧视 |
| [01:33] | But it’s fine. | 但你开心就好 |
| [01:34] | Well, let’s start our first lesson. | 我们开始上第一堂课吧 |
| [01:38] | Tahani and Jason will have to make it up | 塔哈妮和杰森得稍后补课了 |
| [01:40] | since they’re both off being fake-tortured. | 因为他俩要假装被折磨了 |
| [01:42] | All right. | 好吧 |
| [01:42] | Well, I’ve read everything on your syllabus, | 我看过了你的教学大纲 |
| [01:44] | and how do I put this delicately? | 我该怎么委婉地说呢 |
| [01:47] | It’s all, stupid garbage. | 毫无意义 浪费生命 |
| [01:49] | Look, we have to start somewhere. | 我们总得开个头儿 |
| [01:52] | So how about Socrates? | 从苏格拉底讲起吧 |
| [01:54] | All right, all right. | 好 好 |
| [01:55] | Let me just get into the mind-set of a human. | 让我转换到人类模式 |
| [01:59] | “I’m a human, | “我是个人类 |
| [02:00] | and my breathing tube is next to my eating tube. | 我的呼吸管挨着进食管 |
| [02:04] | And look, | 瞧啊 |
| [02:05] | my arms end in stupid little sticks.” | 我胳膊末端好多小分枝哦” |
| [02:08] | Okay. | 好了 |
| [02:09] | Proceed. | 继续吧 |
| [02:10] | Good. | 好 |
| [02:12] | This is so depressing. | 太令人闹心了 |
| [02:14] | I’m being forced to throw a party that I know will fail. | 我要被迫办一场注定会失败的募捐宴 |
| [02:17] | That’s why they’re doing this. | 所以他们才这么做啊 |
| [02:18] | It’s what you’re best at. | 这是你的强项 |
| [02:19] | Just like I’m the best at getting empty water bottles | 就像我的强项是把空水瓶 |
| [02:22] | to stay on the roof of a Pizza Hut. | 扔到必胜客房顶上不倒 |
| [02:24] | You know what? | 想到了 |
| [02:25] | I am the best at planning parties. | 我办宴会最厉害 |
| [02:27] | Vicky may be some demonic torturer from the netherworld, | 虽说薇琪是阴间折磨人类的一把好手 |
| [02:30] | but does she have taste? | 但她有品位吗 |
| [02:31] | Sophistication? | 上档次吗 |
| [02:32] | An encyclopedic knowledge of traditional and avant-garde Belgian floral design? | 通晓传统与前卫交织的比利时花艺设计吗 |
| [02:36] | Yes! She does. | 没错 她就是 |
| [02:38] | No. She doesn’t. | 不 她不是 |
| [02:41] | What if I throw a party that is so amazing | 如果我办一场超绝的宴会 |
| [02:43] | that it’s actually better than the party that’s supposed to win? | 完胜那个本该取胜的宴会呢 |
| [02:46] | When they realize they could have to my party, | 等他们后悔没来我的宴会时 |
| [02:48] | they’ll be sad. | 他们就会被碾压 |
| [02:49] | I won’t be sad. | 我不会被碾压 |
| [02:50] | They’ll be sad. | 他们会被碾压 |
| [02:52] | – Janet! – Hi there. | -珍妮特 -你好 |
| [02:54] | Janet, when I turned 18, | 珍妮特 我满十八岁时 |
| [02:56] | I knelt in front of Princess Grace’s dress mausoleum, | 我跪在格蕾丝王妃的裙子陵墓之下 |
| [02:58] | and I swore to uphold the Hostess Code: | 我起誓要坚守宴会操办守则 |
| [03:01] | “I, Tahani Al-Jamil, | “我 塔哈妮·阿贾米尔 |
| [03:03] | Shall do my level best to make every event… | 一定会倾尽所能 把每一场宴会都办得… |
| [03:07] | too much.” | 华丽到闪瞎所有人” |
| [03:09] | Model tonight’s décor after my 2008 fundraiser | 今晚的宴会布景将借鉴我于2008年 |
| [03:12] | for the Red Cross in Zurich. | 为苏黎士红十字会办的宴会 |
| [03:14] | No. | 不 |
| [03:15] | 2007. | 2007年那场 |
| [03:23] | Man. | 天 |
| [03:24] | Michael is not into your class. | 迈克尔听不进你的课 |
| [03:26] | Right now, I’m the best student. | 目前 我是”好学生”哎 |
| [03:29] | I’m going to be the… | 我会成为… |
| [03:30] | velociraptor. | “迅猛龙” |
| [03:31] | You trying to say “Valedictorian?” | 你是想说”最优生”吧 |
| [03:33] | No. Look, dude, this isn’t your fault. | 才不是 听着 这不是你的错 |
| [03:35] | You’ve been teaching him ethics for half an hour, | 你才教他教了半个小时而已 |
| [03:37] | and he’s been evil since… | 而他当恶魔已经当了… |
| [03:39] | the beginning of time. | 开天辟地以来就开始了 |
| [03:42] | Maybe the reason Michael can’t latch onto the ideas | 也许迈克尔理解不了这些理论 |
| [03:44] | is because he’s immortal. | 是因为他永生不死 |
| [03:46] | Look, look. If you live forever, | 你想 如果你能永生不死 |
| [03:47] | then ethics don’t matter to you | 那道德对你就没用了 |
| [03:49] | because, basically, there’s no consequences for your actions. | 因为基本上 你的行为不会酿成苦果 |
| [03:51] | You tell a lie, who cares? | 你说了谎 又怎样 |
| [03:53] | Wait a few trillion years, the guilt will fade. | 等几万亿年以后 内疚感就会消失 |
| [03:55] | Before I can teach Michael to be good, | 我教迈克尔怎么做好人之前 |
| [03:57] | I have to force him to think about | 我得让他用我们的思维去思考 |
| [03:58] | what we used to think about: | 我们以前思考的问题 |
| [04:00] | that life has an end, | 人生短暂 |
| [04:02] | and therefore our actions have meaning. | 每一次种因 都会得果 |
| [04:05] | That’s what you used to think about? | 你以前思考这种事吗 |
| [04:06] | I used to think about how it’s weird they don’t make pants | 我以前总思考为什么没有一条腿的大裤子 |
| [04:09] | that are just one big pant leg for both your legs. | 让两条腿都能穿进去 |
| [04:13] | You mean a skirt? | 你是说裙子吗 |
| [04:15] | No. | 不是 |
| [04:16] | You’re not getting it. | 你不懂 |
| [04:17] | And my thing is different, so shut up. | 我说的不是一回事 你还是闭嘴吧 |
| [04:19] | – Michael? – Yeah. | -迈克尔 -在 |
| [04:20] | Is there any way that you can die? | 有什么方法让你死去吗 |
| [04:22] | Yeah, actually there is. | 还真有 |
| [04:24] | It’s called retirement. | 叫作”退休” |
| [04:26] | It’s rare, but… | 不常发生 但… |
| [04:27] | when one of us really screws something up… | 如果我们有人闯下大祸… |
| [04:30] | And what happens exactly? | 具体是什么情形 |
| [04:32] | Well, it’s fairly straightforward. | 简单粗暴 |
| [04:35] | My essence would be scooped out of my body with a flaming ladle, | 我的精髓将被灼热的长勺挖出来 |
| [04:39] | and every molecule of my body | 身体的每一个组成分子 |
| [04:41] | would be placed on the surface of a different sun. | 都会散落在无尽个炙热的太阳上灼烧 |
| [04:44] | Sure. | 点赞 |
| [04:45] | So is that what would happen | 你上司发现你换队友了 |
| [04:47] | if your boss found out that you defected to our side? | 你就会经历这一切吗 |
| [04:49] | Yeah. | 是的 |
| [04:50] | Okay, so that might actually happen, | 好吧 这可能真会发生 |
| [04:52] | and if it did there would be no more… | 如果真发生了 那就没有… |
| [04:55] | Michael. | 迈克尔了 |
| [04:56] | Think about that for a second. | 你好好想一下 |
| [04:59] | Imagine being retired. | 想象你被迫退休了 |
| [05:02] | Everyone else is here. | 大家还在这里 |
| [05:03] | But you? Poof. | 而你 消失了 |
| [05:05] | Gone. | 没了 |
| [05:05] | Nothingness. | 化成一缕烟了 |
| [05:06] | Inky black void. | 消失在虚空之中 |
| [05:08] | Done. | 不存在了 |
| [05:10] | Okay. | 好 |
| [05:11] | I’ll think about that. | 我来想象一下 |
| [05:19] | So… | 这么说 |
| [05:21] | you’re saying that I would be… | 你是说我会… |
| [05:27] | No… | 不要啊 |
| [05:30] | Me? | 我吗 |
| [05:43] | Okay! | 很好 |
| [05:44] | Now we’re getting somewhere. | 有进展了 |
| [05:47] | Dude,you broke Michael. | 大哥 你把迈克尔玩坏了 |
| [05:49] | No, no. This is good. | 不不 这是好事 |
| [05:50] | He’s having an existential crisis. | 他正面临”生存危机”呢 |
| [05:52] | It’s a sort of anguish people go through when they contemplate the | 人们顿悟万法无常 空空无大千之时 |
| [05:55] | silent indifference of our empty universe. | 都会经历这番苦痛 |
| [05:59] | Look, the good news is, | 好消息是 |
| [06:00] | if he can work through this, | 如果他能开悟 |
| [06:02] | it’s the first step towards understanding human ethics. | 这就是迈向理解人类道德的第一步 |
| [06:05] | And what if he can’t? | 如果他开悟不了呢 |
| [06:06] | Then, he’ll be a lifeless shell of misery forever, | 那他将会永生永世受尽心灵煎熬 |
| [06:09] | and we’re all doomed. | 我们就全死翘翘了 |
| [06:10] | Okay, I will be right back. | 我马上回来 |
| [06:14] | Gotta go grab some Camus. | 得拿些卡缪[作家 哲学家]的书过来 |
| [06:17] | Hey, buddy. | 小迈迈 |
| [06:19] | How you doing? | 你怎么样啊 |
| [06:20] | Can I get you a snack? | 你想吃零食吗 |
| [06:22] | Do you eat? I can never remember. | 你吃东西吗 我总记不住 |
| [06:24] | What do you eat? Babies? | 你吃什么呀 小宝宝吗 |
| [06:25] | Do you want me to get you a big fat baby? | 你想让我给你拿个胖宝宝过来吗 |
| [06:27] | What flavor baby? | 什么口味的宝宝 |
| [06:28] | How about a Cool Ranch baby? | “清凉农场”口味怎么样 |
| [06:31] | Searching for meaning is philosophical suicide. | 寻找生命的意义就是哲学上的自杀啊 |
| [06:34] | How does anyone do anything… | 了解生命转瞬即逝之后 |
| [06:36] | when you understand the fleeting nature of existence? | 哪还有什么力气再去做什么啊 |
| [06:40] | It’s pretty easy, man. | 很简单 大哥 |
| [06:42] | I mean, you learn about death when you’re a kid, | 你从小就明白了死亡的意义 |
| [06:44] | and it’s just not that big of a deal. | 没什么大不了 |
| [06:51] | Eleanor, | 埃莉诺 |
| [06:52] | baby, I have some sad news. | 宝贝 我有个悲伤的消息 |
| [06:56] | Your doggie, Max, has passed away. | 你的小狗 麦克斯 不在了 |
| [06:58] | Do you know what that means? | 你知道是什么意思吗 |
| [06:59] | Well, sometimes when a dog is very old, | 有时候狗的年纪大了 |
| [07:03] | like, five or six or something, | 比如五六岁了 |
| [07:06] | he crosses a long rainbow bridge, | 他就会越过彩虹桥 |
| [07:09] | and at the end of that bridge | 桥的另一边 |
| [07:10] | is a beautiful farm with lots of grass and trees and, | 是一个树木成荫 绿草遍地的美丽农场 |
| [07:15] | I don’t know, wagons and a rainbow. | 怎么说呢 还有马车啊 彩虹啊 |
| [07:17] | I already said “rainbow.” | 我已经说过”彩虹”了 |
| [07:19] | The point is: | 重点是 |
| [07:20] | that’s where Max is. | 麦克斯就在那里 |
| [07:22] | Can we visit him at the farm? | 我们能去农场看它吗 |
| [07:24] | Nope, because it’s very far away… | 不能 因为农场非常远… |
| [07:27] | in…Guam. | 关岛 |
| [07:30] | It’s in Guam. | 在关岛 |
| [07:30] | – Can we at least… – Okay, look. I’m lying, okay? | -那至少能… -好了 行了 我骗你呢 |
| [07:33] | You caught me. Congratulations. | 被你识破了 你真棒 |
| [07:35] | The farm is made up. | 农场是我瞎编的 |
| [07:36] | The bridge is made up. | 彩虹桥也是 |
| [07:38] | There’s no such place as Guam. | “关岛”这个地方不存在[其实存在] |
| [07:40] | Your dog, Max, is dead in a duffel bag under the deck. | 你的狗 麦克斯 死了 被放在一个旅行袋里 |
| [07:42] | How did he die? | 它怎么死的 |
| [07:44] | The short answer is: I don’t know. | 简言之就是 我不知道 |
| [07:47] | And the slightly longer answer is: | 再加点内容就是 |
| [07:49] | I didn’t know how hot it gets in cars sometimes. | 我不知道有时候车里温度可以那么高 |
| [07:54] | The point is: don’t be sad. | 重点就是 别伤心 |
| [07:56] | Honestly, I’ll get kind of annoyed if you do get sad | 老实说 如果你伤心 我会很闹心 |
| [07:59] | because it’s been a very long day | 因为我今天过得够折腾了 |
| [08:01] | and that bitch Carol from work | 我同事 那个小婊砸卡罗尔 |
| [08:03] | was really on my ass about some stupid thing | 因为一件破事跟我没玩没了 |
| [08:06] | that I don’t even know what it was. | 我都不知道那件破事是啥 |
| [08:08] | And at the end of that long day, | 工作一天 下班后 |
| [08:09] | I had to use one of my favorite duffle bags | 我还得用我最喜欢的旅行袋 |
| [08:11] | to do something very gross that I did not like. | 装一只死狗 烦死我了 |
| [08:15] | Now, let’s celebrate that dead dog’s life | 你去给妈妈拿瓶白葡萄酒 |
| [08:18] | by bringing Mommy another bottle of white. | 我们来庆祝一下这条狗去世了吧 |
| [08:22] | I would say I outdid myself, | 我会说 我超越了自己 |
| [08:24] | but I’m always this good. | 但我一直都这么厉害 |
| [08:26] | So I simply did myself. | 所以我只是正常发挥而已 |
| [08:29] | Everything is perfect. | 一切都如此完美 |
| [08:32] | Red alert, red alert. We need help. | 警报 警报 需要帮忙 |
| [08:35] | What’s wrong with Michael? | 迈克尔怎么了 |
| [08:36] | I know that look. | 我熟悉这表情 |
| [08:37] | He just snorted a bunch of printer toner. | 他刚吸了一堆打印机碳粉 |
| [08:39] | Mike, listen to me, you have nothing to worry about. | 小迈 听我说 你不用担心 |
| [08:41] | You still have around 70% of your brain left. | 你还有70%的大脑好用呢 |
| [08:43] | No, no, this is more like a philosophy overdose. | 不不 他这是”哲学吸收过量”了 |
| [08:45] | Basically, Michael just smoked a big bowl of ennui, | 基本上 迈克尔吸了一大碗”无趣味”知识 |
| [08:48] | and now he’s having an existential crisis. | 他出现”生存危机”了 |
| [08:50] | So, we need to cheer him up. | 所以我们得哄他开心 |
| [08:52] | Look at how pretty the restaurant is. | 瞧着餐厅多漂亮啊 |
| [08:56] | Didn’t Tahani do a good job? | 塔哈妮真棒吧 |
| [08:59] | Parties are mere distractions from the relentlessness of entropy. | 宴会只是让人暂时忘却一切都将毁灭的幌子 |
| [09:03] | We’re all just corpses who haven’t yet begun to decay. | 我们都只是还未开始腐烂的尸体而已 |
| [09:07] | Yeah, but… | 是 但… |
| [09:10] | balloons! | 有气球哦 |
| [09:13] | Okay, we all head over to Vicky’s party together. | 我们全都得去薇琪举办的生日宴 |
| [09:15] | We babysit Michael in shifts | 我们轮流照看迈克尔 |
| [09:16] | so that no one sees he’s a catatonic blob. | 以免别人出他精神崩溃了 |
| [09:18] | Or you could just sit tight. | 你们也可以留在这里 |
| [09:20] | The entire party are going to be heading over here soon. | 大家很快就会转移宴会地点到这里了 |
| [09:23] | Unless I am sorely mistaken. | 除非我大错特错了 |
| [09:35] | I was sorely mistaken. | 我真大错特错了 |
| [09:37] | Okay, bud, whatever is going on right now, | 小迈迈 不管你此刻什么状态 |
| [09:39] | just shove your feelings way down deep, | 把所有感觉都隐藏到内心深处 |
| [09:42] | plaster on a fake smile, | 挤出一张笑脸 |
| [09:43] | and pretend you’re having fun. Okay? | 假装我们很开心 |
| [09:45] | Just like I used to do when someone started talking about their kids. | 就像我以前听别人谈论他们家孩子那样 |
| [09:49] | Hey, welcome, guys. | 欢迎你们啊 |
| [09:51] | Wow, this is… elaborate. | 真是精心打造的宴会啊 |
| [09:55] | Gunnar was an animal rights activist. | 加纳是动物权益保护者 |
| [09:56] | So the theme of the party is “animals.” | 所以我们生日宴的主题就是”动物” |
| [09:59] | Flying station’s over there if you want to fly like a falcon. | 如果你想体验一下猎鹰的感觉 就去飞行小站吧 |
| [10:04] | And over there we filled a ball pit with puppies. | 那边有”海洋球”场 把球换成了小动物 |
| [10:06] | That’s fun. | 很有趣 |
| [10:08] | And have you ever wanted to sit in a kangaroo pouch? | 你有没有想过体验一下袋鼠袋的感觉呢 |
| [10:11] | My whole dang life. | 我这辈子都想啊 |
| [10:12] | So we can all hang out here for a bit | 我们在这里玩一会儿 |
| [10:14] | and then we can head over to your party. | 然后就去你办的宴会 |
| [10:15] | Sound good? | 可以吗 |
| [10:16] | Yo, this place is lit. | 这里太碉堡了 |
| [10:18] | I’m going to go jump in that kangie’s pouch. | 我要跳到袋鼠袋里玩了 |
| [10:21] | All right, Tahani, you just need to walk around the party looking miserable. | 塔哈妮 你得转上一圈 摆出一副惨兮兮的样子 |
| [10:24] | Great, just like that. Perfect. | 棒 就是这样 表情太到位了 |
| [10:26] | And then Chidi and I will keep an eye on Michael. | 我和奇迪看着迈克尔 |
| [10:29] | Where’s Michael? | 迈克尔呢 |
| [10:35] | I think I found him. | 看到他了 |
| [10:36] | There they are! | 他们在那儿啊 |
| [10:37] | Qué pasa, muchachos? | 小伙伴们好啊 |
| [10:39] | Hey there, bud. You okay? | 小迈迈 你还好吧 |
| [10:41] | Okay? I’m a new man. | 还好吗 我焕然一新了 |
| [10:44] | Eleanor, thank you so much for the advice about | 埃莉诺 谢谢你给我的建议 |
| [10:46] | shoving my feelings down deep. | 把感觉隐藏到内心深处 |
| [10:48] | I feel so much better. | 我感觉好多了 |
| [10:50] | It’s like I’m surfing on this wave of positivity. | 满满正能量 感觉爽歪歪 |
| [10:53] | – Is that Janet? – Yeah. | -那是珍妮特吗 -是啊 |
| [10:55] | Have you met my secretary, Jeanette? | 你们见过我的秘书 珍奈特了吗 |
| [10:58] | She’s a lot like Janet, | 她跟珍妮特很像 |
| [10:59] | but she doesn’t pretend like she has all the answers. | 但她不会摆出一副无所不知的样子 |
| [11:02] | Hi, Jeanette. | 珍奈特 |
| [11:03] | No, it’s still me… Janet. | 不 还是我 珍妮特 |
| [11:05] | Michael just asked that I change my appearance, | 迈克尔就是让我换了一身打扮 |
| [11:08] | and also say things like, | 还让我说一些这样的话 |
| [11:09] | “You’re so funny,” | “你真风趣啊” |
| [11:11] | and “So how many quarterbacks are in a home run?” | 以及”全垒打时 有多少个四分卫啊” |
| [11:14] | Man, repressing your feelings is great. | 天 压抑真实情感真实太爽了 |
| [11:17] | I was feeling stressed all the time, | 我一直处于高压之下 |
| [11:19] | and now it’s just so easy. | 如今一切都好轻松哦 |
| [11:22] | Babe, we need to get some food into you. | 亲爱的 要喂你点东西 |
| [11:23] | Get you something to eat. | 给你找点吃的东西 |
| [11:25] | I don’t eat anything. | 我不吃东西 |
| [11:26] | She’s perfect. | 她太完美了 |
| [11:28] | Turn that around. | 转过来 |
| [11:31] | It did kind of hurt actually, but I love it. | 确实有点疼 但我喜欢 |
| [11:34] | So he’s moved on from existential crisis | 他这是从”生存危机” |
| [11:37] | to just straight-up mid-life crisis. | 直接转向”中年危机”了啊 |
| [11:39] | That’s good, right? | 这是好事吧 |
| [11:40] | I knew a ton of guys like that back in Arizona. | 我在亚利桑那时 认识很多这样的男人 |
| [11:42] | I mean, they hit on you when they’re drunk, | 他们喝醉后 泡你 |
| [11:43] | and their breath smells like supplements, | 满嘴臭气 |
| [11:45] | but overall they’re pretty harmless. | 但总的来说 人畜无害 |
| [11:46] | It’s Chinese for “Japan.” | 这是中文 “日本”的意思 |
| [11:48] | So cool. | 好酷 |
| [11:50] | No, no. This is worse. | 不不 这样更糟了 |
| [11:52] | I mean, an existential crisis is an acknowledgement that life is absurd. | “生存危机”是意识到”人生就是一场梦” |
| [11:55] | And that absurdity needs to be confronted, | 而人们要去直面这场人生大梦 |
| [11:56] | but this is just denial. | 但他这是逃避现实啊 |
| [11:58] | And at any moment that denial could collapse, | 而当他无处可逃时 |
| [12:00] | and he’ll be a mess. | 他就会彻底崩溃 |
| [12:01] | He is a Jenga tower of sadness. | 到时一根稻草 就能压死他 |
| [12:03] | For an immortal being, he’s pretty fragile. | 作为一个神仙 他也太脆弱了 |
| [12:06] | I mean the guy contemplates his own death for one forking minute | 这家伙就花了一分钟 想了一下自己的死亡 |
| [12:09] | and completely loses his grip on reality? | 然后就完全崩坏了吗 |
| [12:18] | You didn’t have to come. | 你不用非得过来 |
| [12:19] | I said I’m fine. | 我说了 我没事 |
| [12:21] | Yeah, well, I know you guys weren’t super close, | 我知道你们俩关系不亲 |
| [12:23] | but still. | 话虽如此 |
| [12:24] | It’s hard… losing a parent. | 父亲过世 还是不好受 |
| [12:26] | Eleanor! Mommy’s here, baby! | 埃莉诺 妈妈来了 宝贝 |
| [12:29] | And who is this tall drink of wine? | 这位小鲜肉是谁呀 |
| [12:32] | This is my boyfriend, Sam. | 这是我男友 萨姆 |
| [12:34] | – Sam, this is my mother… – Sister! Sister… | -萨姆 这是我妈 -姐姐 她姐 |
| [12:37] | It’s not going to work. | 装不成了 |
| [12:37] | It’s my ex-husband’s funeral. | 这是我前夫的葬礼 |
| [12:39] | Thanks for blowing my cover, Doug! | 都是你害我没法装嫩钓小鲜肉了 |
| [12:42] | Listen, baby. Don’t be sad, okay? | 听着 宝贝 别伤心 |
| [12:45] | Your father wasn’t great. | 你父亲不是什么好人 |
| [12:46] | Let’s call him what he was: | 就直说他的本质吧 |
| [12:48] | a fart in the shape of a man. | 一个披着人皮的渣滓 |
| [12:51] | Can you just chill? | 你能消停一会儿吗 |
| [12:52] | I don’t want to turn Dad’s funeral into a roast. | 我不想让爸的葬礼变成联欢会 |
| [12:54] | I’m not. I’m just saying he sucked. | 我没有啊 我就是他是个烂人 |
| [12:56] | I mean, the only photo they could get of him was a mug shot. | 他的遗像都只能用他的狱照 |
| [12:59] | He was doof. | 他是个二傻子 |
| [13:00] | So don’t be sad that he’s gone. | 所以别因为他的死而难过 |
| [13:03] | I’m not sad. I’m fine. | 我不难过 我很好 |
| [13:04] | Good! | 这就好 |
| [13:05] | You know, I had a long running bet with Eleanor’s father | 我和埃莉诺她父亲打了赌 |
| [13:07] | that I would outlive him. | 看我俩谁命长 |
| [13:08] | You want to guess who won that one? Come on, guess. | 你猜谁赢了 猜一下 |
| [13:10] | Well, we’re at his funeral. It’s pretty clear… | 这是他的葬礼 肯定是… |
| [13:11] | I did! I won! | 是我啊 我赢了 |
| [13:12] | He’s dead! Up top! | 他死了 击掌 |
| [13:17] | Is there a bar? I’m just going to… | 有吧台吗 我去… |
| [13:22] | – Did my mom slip you her hotel room key? – Yes. | -我妈把她房卡悄悄塞给你了吗 -是 |
| [13:24] | Yes, she did. | 是的 |
| [13:28] | Thanks so much for coming to Gunnar’s birthday party. | 感谢各位出席加纳的生日宴 |
| [13:31] | Now, there was a little bit of a mix up, | 但发生了小误会 |
| [13:33] | and Tahani also planned a birthday party over at the restaurant. | 塔哈妮在餐厅也为他办了生日宴 |
| [13:36] | So… why don’t we all head over there? | 不如我们过去吧 |
| [13:39] | No need. This party is far superior. | 不用了 这里的宴会更精彩 |
| [13:42] | I’m sure yours is amazing. | 你的宴会肯定也很棒 |
| [13:43] | Well, I did fine on the décor, | 我的布景确实很棒 |
| [13:45] | but I don’t have, you know, | 但我可没有 |
| [13:47] | actual unicorns you can ride. | 一头可以骑的真独角兽 |
| [13:51] | So you all just stay here and have fun. | 所以大家还是继续在这里玩乐吧 |
| [13:54] | Okay, well, if that’s what you want. | 好吧 如果这是你的意愿 |
| [13:56] | Let’s all get back to the party, then. | 我们就继续庆祝吧 |
| [13:58] | Hang on, there, mis amigos! | 等一下 我的朋友们 |
| [14:00] | – I want to make a toast. – No, no, no, Michael, boy. | -我想讲几句 -别别 迈克尔 坏了 |
| [14:02] | Okay, I know what you’re thinking. | 我知道你们怎么想 |
| [14:04] | Birth is a curse, and existence is a prison. | 出生是个诅咒 生存如同牢笼 |
| [14:08] | But don’t think about that. | 但别去想这些了 |
| [14:10] | Don’t be sad, you guys. | 别难过 各位 |
| [14:12] | Focus on something great like Drakkar Noir… | 把目光放在精品上 比如黑色达卡香水 |
| [14:16] | which I am wearing a lot of tonight. | 我今晚喷了很多呢 |
| [14:18] | Or the Sharper Image Catalog. | 或是夏尔普图像商城的产品 |
| [14:20] | What can’t those guys ionize? | 为什么不能离子化 |
| [14:23] | By the way, I am feeling amazing. | 话说 我感觉棒极了 |
| [14:25] | I’m going to do some push-ups. | 我要做几个俯卧撑 |
| [14:27] | Then we’ll go around the room | 然后我们到处转一下 |
| [14:28] | and name our favorite cheese. | 给最喜欢的芝士起名字 |
| [14:30] | Okay, that’s good with the speeches. | 好了 讲得不错 |
| [14:32] | That’s good, yeah. | 不错啊 |
| [14:33] | Let’s all get back to the party. | 我们继续狂欢吧 |
| [14:35] | What was that? | 你什么情况 |
| [14:35] | You didn’t run any of that by me. | 你没事先跟我打招呼啊 |
| [14:37] | I know, I know. I’m sorry, babe. | 我知道 我知道 抱歉 亲 |
| [14:39] | Listen, when you guys first took over, | 听着 你们一开始掌权时 |
| [14:41] | I was upset, but it’s all good now. | 我很不开心 但我现在不介意了 |
| [14:44] | I mean, anger is toxic. | 愤怒有害身心健康 |
| [14:46] | I’m not about that negativity. | 我不是负能量的人 |
| [14:48] | Mi torture es su torture. | 这场戏谁导演都一样啦 |
| [14:51] | I am so happy you’re in charge. | 我很高兴你掌权了 |
| [14:53] | Okay, well, good. | 好 很好 |
| [14:56] | Namaste, chica. | 安好 姑娘 |
| [14:59] | Do you want to dance? | 你想跳舞吗 |
| [15:00] | – No. – Okay. | -不想 -好吧 |
| [15:03] | I’m leaving. | 我要走了 |
| [15:04] | I’m too miserable to stay here for one more second. | 我在这里很痛苦 实在待不下去了 |
| [15:06] | Why? There are baby monkeys and dolphins to ride | 为啥啊 这里有猴宝宝 可以骑海豚 |
| [15:09] | and the game of “Hungry, Hungry Hippos” with actual hippos. | 还有”饥饿河马”的游戏 用真河马玩呢 |
| [15:12] | This party is way better than ours. | 这个宴会甩我们的宴会几条街啊 |
| [15:15] | Why are you miserable? | 你怎么一副惨兮兮的样子 |
| [15:19] | You stay and have fun. | 你留下来好好玩吧 |
| [15:21] | I’m going to go and throw myself a pity party… | 我要去自怨自艾了 |
| [15:23] | though I doubt I can even throw one of those properly. | 尽管我严重怀疑我连”这种派对”都办不好 |
| [15:30] | God, I love this stuff! | 天 我太喜欢这玩意了 |
| [15:34] | Let’s keep the party going. | 继续嗨起来啊 |
| [15:35] | What now, huh? Want to hit the clubs? | 接下来干啥 想去夜店吗 |
| [15:38] | Vegas! | 维加斯 |
| [15:39] | No, no, no, even better… Dubai. | 不不 更棒的地方 迪拜 |
| [15:42] | Jeanette, make us a Dubai. | 珍奈特 造个迪拜出来 |
| [15:45] | I kind of feel like maybe we should wind down, have a… | 我觉得我们该消停一下… |
| [15:49] | No, no, can’t do that. Can’t stop moving. | 不 不行 停不下来 |
| [15:50] | Can’t stop moving. | 不能停啊 |
| [15:51] | If I stop moving, I’ll start thinking | 一停下来 我就会思考 |
| [15:52] | and if I start thinking, | 一思考 |
| [15:53] | I’ll start thinking about things I don’t want to think about, | 我就会想一些我不愿去想的事 |
| [15:55] | like death. | 比如死亡 |
| [15:59] | I’m thinking about it now. | 我此刻就正想呢 |
| [16:01] | Yep, thinking about death again. | 是滴 又在想了 |
| [16:02] | I know. Jeanette and I have been taking samba lessons, huh? | 我知道了 我和珍奈特学了桑巴舞 |
| [16:06] | Let us show you how to do it. | 给你们展示一下舞姿 |
| [16:07] | I think Vicky bought his excuse, | 他应该骗过薇琪了 |
| [16:09] | but we need to snap him out of this. | 但我们得让他恢复常态 |
| [16:11] | Which one of these confusing French books will make him normal again? | 这里哪本法语书能让他恢复正常啊 |
| [16:14] | It’s not that easy. | 没那么简单 |
| [16:16] | I mean, emotionally, he’s all over the map right now, | 他情感大爆发 崩溃在边缘 |
| [16:18] | and I can’t believe I’m saying this, | 我信了你的邪 |
| [16:19] | but I don’t think this can be solved with a book. | 我觉得书本解决不了他的问题了 |
| [16:22] | What’s the big whoop? | 有什么大不了啊 |
| [16:23] | I dealt with death, and I was fine. | 我面对过”死亡” 我就没事啊 |
| [16:25] | Were you? I mean, you never had one moment | 是吗 你生命中就没有一刻 |
| [16:27] | where you were freaked out by the permanence of death? | 当你想到”死亡” 你很崩溃吗 |
| [16:31] | Never one moment like that? | 一次都没有过吗 |
| [16:33] | Hey, man, you got toothbrush holders? | 有牙刷座吗 |
| [16:35] | Sure, yeah, right over here. | 有 这边 |
| [16:37] | What’s this? | 这是什么 |
| [16:38] | Who has four toothbrushes? Like, Bill Gates or something? | 谁会有四个牙刷啊 比尔·盖茨那种富豪吗 |
| [16:42] | No, that’s like, for a family. | 不是 一家人啊 |
| [16:46] | Family? | 一家人 |
| [16:47] | Like, a whole family and their toothbrushes all together? | 一家人 他们的牙刷都放在一起吗 |
| [16:51] | Two slots for the parent toothbrushes | 两个放父母的牙刷 |
| [16:52] | and two slots for their kids? | 两个放孩子的 |
| [16:57] | Yep. | 是啊 |
| [16:58] | So the parent toothbrushes can be close to the kid toothbrushes and… | 这样父母的牙刷就能紧挨着孩子的牙刷… |
| [17:03] | watch over them and… | “照看”它们… |
| [17:06] | They can all talk about their… | 它们可以谈自己的… |
| [17:09] | toothbrush feelings. | 作为牙刷的感觉吗 |
| [17:11] | And they can hold their little toothbrush hands when they’re sad? | 它们会在牙刷宝宝伤心难过时 握着它们的小手吗 |
| [17:16] | Make sure no harm ever comes to their little bristles? | 确保它们的牙刷宝宝不会受伤害 |
| [17:21] | Sure. | 没错 |
| [17:29] | Do you need Kleenex? | 你需要舒洁纸巾吗 |
| [17:30] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [17:32] | Sorry. I’m so embarrassed. | 抱歉 我失态了 |
| [17:34] | A family pack? | 家庭装吗 |
| [17:46] | I don’t know if what I’m going to say | 我不知道我要说的话 |
| [17:47] | is going to hurt or help, | 是帮倒忙 还是帮上忙 |
| [17:48] | but screw it. | 但不管了 |
| [17:50] | Do you know what’s really happening right now? | 你知道你现在是怎么回事吗 |
| [17:52] | You’re learning what it’s like to be human. | 你正了解做人的感受 |
| [17:54] | All humans are aware of death. | 人类都清楚终将一死 |
| [17:58] | So we’re all a little bit sad… | 所以我们都会有些难过… |
| [18:00] | all the time. | 总是哀愁 |
| [18:01] | That’s just the deal. | 世间法则如此 |
| [18:03] | Sounds like a crappy deal. | 这法则很烂啊 |
| [18:07] | Well, yeah. It is. | 确实是 |
| [18:09] | But we don’t get offered any other ones. | 但人这辈子就活一次 没得选 |
| [18:12] | And if you try and ignore your sadness, | 如果你想逃避这种悲伤 |
| [18:14] | it just ends up leaking out of you anyway. | 最终还是会抵不过悲伤的力量 |
| [18:16] | I’ve been there. | 我经历过 |
| [18:18] | And everybody’s been there. | 所有人都经历过 |
| [18:19] | So don’t fight it. | 所以别去抗拒 |
| [18:20] | In the words of a very wise bed, Bath, and Beyond employee I once knew… | 套用一位”床上用品商店”店员的话就是 |
| [18:26] | “Go ahead and cry all you want. | “哭吧哭吧不是罪 |
| [18:28] | But you’re going to have to pay for that toilet plunger.” | 依旧要付皮搋子费” |
| [18:36] | I got you something to eat. | 我拿了些食物给你 |
| [18:37] | I’m not hungry. | 我不饿 |
| [18:40] | I just want to sit and stare at nothing | 我只想双眼无神地坐着 |
| [18:43] | and silently scream for the rest of time. | 剩余的时间里 无声的呐喊 |
| [18:46] | I might be way off-base here, | 可能我完全想错了 |
| [18:49] | but you seem kind of bummed. | 但我感觉你不开心啊 |
| [18:50] | I really thought I could throw a better party than | 我真以为我可以办一场 |
| [18:53] | a magical, all-powerful being. | 胜过魔法神仙的宴会 |
| [18:56] | And moreover, what’s this say about me, | 此外 这事见人品啊 |
| [18:58] | about the life I lived? | 我这一生有何意义 |
| [19:00] | The way they’re torturing me | 他们折磨我的方式 |
| [19:01] | is through event planning mishaps, | 就是让我宴会办得不顺利 |
| [19:03] | and it works. | 还真奏效了 |
| [19:05] | Am I really that shallow? | 我真那么肤浅吗 |
| [19:08] | Listen, back in Jacksonville, | 听着 以前在杰克逊维尔 |
| [19:11] | I was in charge of a 60-person dance group. | 我负责管理一个六十人的舞队 |
| [19:14] | Whenever we auditioned a new dancer, | 我们每次招募新人时 |
| [19:16] | we would rate them in five categories: | 我们会按五个方面给他们打分 |
| [19:19] | dancing ability, coolness, | 舞技 范儿 |
| [19:21] | dopeness, freshness, | 酷炫风 活力度 |
| [19:23] | and smart-brained. | 智商在线程度 |
| [19:25] | I would give you an eight in every category. | 每一项 我都会给你打八分 |
| [19:28] | Well, eight isn’t bad, I suppose. | 八分应该算不错吧 |
| [19:30] | No, no. Eight is the best. | 不不 八分是最高分 |
| [19:32] | It was a scale of 1-13, | 一到十三分 |
| [19:34] | but eight was highest. | 但是八分最高 |
| [19:36] | The scale went up and then back down | 评分超过八分就又下去了 |
| [19:37] | like a tent. | 像帐篷那样的曲线 |
| [19:38] | Why? It’s not important. | 为什么 这不重要 |
| [19:40] | Lately, you’ve been really down on yourself. | 最近 你有些失落 |
| [19:43] | But you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met… | 但我认识的人中 你最牛掰了 |
| [19:46] | besides Michael, | 除了迈克尔 |
| [19:48] | and he was constantly torturing us | 他总之折磨我们 |
| [19:50] | so I’d only rank him a ten. | 所以我给他打十分吧 |
| [19:51] | Which is worse than an eight? | 没有八分高吗 |
| [19:53] | That’s so unnecessarily confusing. | 虽然不是重点 但让人蒙圈 |
| [19:56] | The point is: you’re cool, | 重点是 你很有范儿 |
| [19:58] | dope, fresh, and smart-brained. | 很酷炫 有活力 智商还在线 |
| [20:02] | I’ve never seen you dance, but I bet you’re good. | 我没见你跳过舞 但你肯定舞技很高 |
| [20:06] | ‘Cause you’re good at everything. | 因为你各方面都很厉害 |
| [20:08] | You’re awesome. | 你碉堡了 |
| [20:10] | Be nicer to yourself. | 别对自己这么苛刻 |
| [20:12] | Thank you, Jason. | 谢谢你 杰森 |
| [20:16] | From one eight to another. | 我们都是八分 干杯 |
| [20:21] | Excellent progress this week. | 这周进展不错 |
| [20:23] | Tahani devastated by party mishap. | 因为生日宴不顺利 塔哈妮很崩溃 |
| [20:26] | Eleanor continue to be a selfish monster creating burden for Chidi.” | 埃莉诺继续表现得像个自私毒妇 折磨奇迪 |
| [20:30] | “Selfish monster?” | “自私毒妇” |
| [20:32] | I brought you back from the brink of an existential coma, dude. | 我从你的”生存危机”中解救了你 大哥 |
| [20:35] | No, no. I have to embellish your misery | 不不 我必须在这些假报告上 |
| [20:37] | on these fake torture reports | 说你们过得很悲惨 |
| [20:39] | so that my boss doesn’t get suspicious. | 免得我上司怀疑 |
| [20:41] | But really… | 但真心话是 |
| [20:43] | I am grateful you pulled me out of my funk. | 我很感激你解救我于”放任自流” |
| [20:46] | Well, now that you’ve become acquainted with existential crises, | 既然你已经从”生存危机”中开悟了 |
| [20:50] | I thought we could read “Death” by philosopher Todd May. | 我想可以学一下哲学家托德·梅尔的《死亡》 |
| [20:54] | Sounds like the perfect beach read. | 听起来像休闲读物啊 |
| [20:56] | Should we wait for Tahani and Jason? | 我们要等塔哈妮和杰森吗 |
| [20:58] | Where are those goofballs? | 这俩缺心眼儿哪去了 |
| [21:01] | So… we should probably discuss– | 我们也许该谈谈… |
| [21:05] | That was awesome! | 太爽啦 |
| [21:08] | It was. | 确实 |
| [21:10] | Surprisingly so. | 各种惊喜意外 |
| [21:12] | But we should still discuss– | 但我们还是该谈一下 |
| [21:14] | Want some breakfast? I know how to make cereal. | 想吃早餐吗 我知道怎么做麦片 |
| [21:16] | – Sure, but, Jason, we should– – Okay, be right back. | -好 但杰森 我们该… -好 马上回来 |