| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:00] | Okay. I don’t know about you guys, | 我不知道你们怎么想 |
| [00:01] | but I say we leave this miserable shirthole. | 我觉得我们要离开这个鬼地方 |
| [00:04] | Now wait. Wait. Not so fast. | 等下 别那么急 |
| [00:06] | Now getting to the Good Place is pretty tricky. | 前往”善地”没那么容易 |
| [00:09] | There’s no train to catch. | 没有通往那里的列车 |
| [00:11] | I have to design a complicated, unique, transportation vehicle. | 我得设计出一个复杂 特别的交通工具 |
| [00:15] | – Is it Optimus Prime? – What? | -是”擎天柱”吗 -啥 |
| [00:17] | I can’t believe we get to ride a real-life Optimus Prime. | 我们竟然要坐上现实版”擎天柱”了 |
| [00:20] | I call right nipple! | 我要坐”右胸” |
| [00:21] | That’s shotgun on Optimus Prime. | 就是”擎天柱”的前排位置 |
| [00:23] | Look. This vehicle, which is decidedly not Optimus Prime– | 听着 这个交通工具 绝不是”擎天柱” |
| [00:28] | has never been built before. | 之前没人造出来过 |
| [00:30] | So I’m gonna need a few days to do this. | 所以我得花上几天时间来完成 |
| [00:32] | Dude, we just escaped by the skin of our teeth. | 大哥 我们才虎口脱险 |
| [00:34] | And any second now, shawn is gonna realize that | 肖恩随时都有可能发现 |
| [00:36] | we are not at Mindy St. Clair’s. | 我们不在明迪·圣克莱的家 |
| [00:38] | So whatever this magical Good Place-mobile is, | 所以不管这个去往”善地”的神奇工具是啥 |
| [00:41] | now’s the time to whip it out, B. | 你得赶紧做出来 老哥 |
| [00:43] | I agree. And although I believe I’ve asked you this question already– | 没错 虽然我知道我已经问过了… |
| [00:46] | There is no business class. | 没有商务舱 |
| [00:48] | Michael, they’re right. We gotta go. | 迈克尔 她们说得对 我们得走了 |
| [00:54] | Okay. Here goes nothing. | 好 变出来 |
| [00:55] | Janet, if you would. | 珍妮特 你来吧 |
| [00:57] | And presto! | 巴啦啦变吧 |
| [01:03] | Forgot to log in first. | 忘记登录了 |
| [01:04] | Gotta answer my security question. | 得输入密保问题 |
| [01:07] | What was the name of your childhood pet? | 童年宠物的名字 |
| [01:09] | Korzoth, the ten-headed dog-spider. | 柯造斯 一只十头蜘蛛狗 |
| [01:13] | And presto! | 巴啦啦变吧 |
| [01:18] | Dope. | 拽 |
| [01:20] | We did it, guys. We won. | 我们成功了 我们赢了 |
| [01:22] | We’re going to The Good Place in a fricking gold balloon. | 我们要坐着金闪闪的热气球去往”善地”了 |
| [01:26] | – Shotgun! – It’s a hot air balloon. | -前排 -这是个热气球 |
| [01:28] | What does that even mean? | 哪有前排给你坐 |
| [01:29] | Top of the balloon. Ultimate shotgun. | 热气球顶端 终极前排座 |
| [01:40] | So many memories of this place. | 这个地方充满了回忆啊 |
| [01:42] | Eating frozen yogurt, and then having diarrhea, | 吃酸奶冰淇淋 然后拉肚子 |
| [01:45] | and then eating more frozen yogurt, | 然后吃更多酸奶冰淇淋 |
| [01:46] | and then more diarrhea. | 拉更多次肚子 |
| [01:48] | Maybe I should’ve realized this wasn’t the Good Place | 也许我一开始就该意识到这里不是”善地” |
| [01:51] | ’cause of all the diarrhea. | 因为总拉肚子 |
| [01:52] | Maybe you shouldn’t be eating all of that frozen yogurt right now. | 你这时应该少吃点酸奶冰淇淋吧 |
| [01:55] | We’re about to be on a balloon, man. | 马上就要坐热气球了 兄弟 |
| [01:57] | What do you think our new home will be like? | 你觉得我们的新家会是什么样子 |
| [01:59] | I’m picturing Hawaiian beach, | 我幻想的是夏威夷海滩 |
| [02:01] | unlimited mai tais, and a phone. | 迈泰鸡尾酒无限畅饮 还有手机 |
| [02:05] | I miss my phone so much. | 我想死我的手机了 |
| [02:07] | I bet I have so many texts. | 手机上肯定有很多短信 |
| [02:08] | I just want us all to be together. | 我只想我们都在一起 |
| [02:10] | Separate houses, obviously. | 显然 住在不同的房子里 |
| [02:12] | Large lawns. I’d have a tasteful moat. | 房前大片草坪 优美的河道 |
| [02:15] | I don’t care where I live, | 我不在乎我住在哪里 |
| [02:17] | as long as they have more of this frozen yogurt. | 只要那里有更多这种酸奶冰淇淋就行了 |
| [02:19] | Why? Why? | 脑回路清奇 为什么啊 |
| [02:21] | An unlimited library. | 一座无限图书馆 |
| [02:24] | All of my philosophy heroes walking around, | 我所有的哲学偶像都在里面 |
| [02:26] | waiting to be engaged in rigorous intellectual debate, | 等着来一场有深度的智力辩论 |
| [02:28] | and I hope that library is air-conditioned, | 我希望图书馆里有空调 |
| [02:31] | because we are going to be working up quite a sweat. | 因为我们会辩得热火朝天 |
| [02:34] | And soul mates! I hope they’re real. | 还有灵魂伴侣 希望真有这种配置 |
| [02:38] | I mean, you know for all of us. | 让每个人都有一个 |
| [02:41] | I hope everyone gets someone special. | 我希望大家都有一个真心伴侣 |
| [02:45] | Good news! We’ve got a handle on the controls. | 好消息 我们有眉目了 |
| [02:47] | Who’s ready to go balloonin’? | 准备好坐热气球了吗 |
| [02:49] | Okay, I think we figured it out. | 好了 我们应该弄明白了 |
| [02:52] | I pieced together this design from a number of ancient manuscripts, | 我从一些古老的手稿中 拼凑了这个设备 |
| [02:55] | which Janet will now interpret for you. | 珍妮特来给你们解释一下 |
| [02:57] | The balloon will only transport those | 这只热气球只会乘载 |
| [02:59] | who have attained self-realization. | 完成自我实现的人 |
| [03:01] | Each traveler will step upon the scale, | 每个乘客要踏上检测台 |
| [03:03] | and her soul shall be weighed. | 称一下灵魂的重量 |
| [03:05] | If she’s the best version of herself, | 如果她是最好版本的自己 |
| [03:07] | it will permit her to board. | 就允许搭乘 |
| [03:08] | If not, passage will be denied. | 如果不是 就不能乘载 |
| [03:11] | Cool. Cool. Cool. We got this. | 了解 很好 我们能行 |
| [03:14] | I don’t know about you guys, | 我不知道你们的情况 |
| [03:15] | but I am definitely the best version of myself. | 但我绝对是最好版本的自己 |
| [03:19] | I know a shirt-ton about ethics now, ’cause I studied. | 我现在对伦理道德倒背如流 因为姐学过了 |
| [03:23] | And I read books that weren’t even written by the Real Housewives. | 而且我看的书都不是低俗真人秀明星写的 |
| [03:27] | Relax, everyone. We’re all gonna be fine. | 别紧张 各位 我们肯定没问题 |
| [03:35] | Man. I didn’t believe anything I was saying. | 天 我刚才的话都是壮胆 |
| [03:37] | I just– In I go. | 我就… 我进去了 |
| [03:44] | Well, I mean… | 这还用想嘛 |
| [03:51] | Dip! | 赞 |
| [03:57] | Nuts! | 该死 |
| [03:58] | It’s okay! The pattern is green, green, green, red. | 没事 规律是绿 绿 绿 红 |
| [04:01] | Remember that when it starts up again. | 再来一次时 记住这个规律 |
| [04:03] | I’m sorry, everyone. | 抱歉 各位 |
| [04:04] | I just have some worries as well as some concerns | 我就是有些不安与担心 |
| [04:07] | that could potentially turn into outright fears. | 可能最终会变成恐慌 |
| [04:10] | There they go. They’re fears now. | 好了 现在变成恐慌了 |
| [04:12] | Okay, I know this mood. | 没事 我了解这种感受 |
| [04:14] | Come with us, Dr. Freakout. | 跟我们来 “方寸大乱”博士 |
| [04:16] | That was a joke. | 只是个玩笑 |
| [04:17] | We are actually very good friends. | 我们其实关系很好 |
| [04:19] | Okay, here’s the thing. | 问题是这样 |
| [04:21] | That balloon wants us to be the best version of ourselves. | 热气球想让我们成为最好版本的自己 |
| [04:24] | But for the four of us, that’s not just a metaphor. | 但对我们四个来说 这不是比喻 |
| [04:26] | There have literally been 802 different versions of us. | 我们经历了802场戏 有802个版本的自己 |
| [04:31] | And how do I know that this version is the best version of myself? | 我怎么知道哪一场戏中 才是我最好版本的自己 |
| [04:34] | How do I know it’s not version #85, or 322, or 558? | 我怎么知道不是85场 322场 558场呢 |
| [04:38] | Or 69, or 420? | 或是69[体位] 420[大麻] |
| [04:40] | And then you get into the whole idea of consciousness. | 然后就会深入思考这一观点 |
| [04:43] | And I mean just forget about best. | 先别想什么最好版本了 |
| [04:44] | And what version of Chidi is even real? | 哪一场戏中的奇迪才是真奇迪呢 |
| [04:46] | What happens here? Does he eventually tire himself out? | 什么套路 他最终会把自己念叨烦吗 |
| [04:48] | Usually, but this one seems to be getting stronger as he goes on. | 通常是 但这回好像是唐僧上身了 |
| [04:51] | Chidi… and this Chidi is an imposter! | 奇迪… 这个版本的奇迪是个冒牌货 |
| [04:55] | Okay. This is pretty simple, bud. | 好了 其实很简单 |
| [04:57] | You’ve been our teacher this whole time. | 你一直以来都是我们的导师 |
| [04:59] | And we are much better because of you. | 我们变好了 都是你的功劳 |
| [05:02] | If we’re the best versions of ourselves, | 如果我们是最好版本的自己 |
| [05:04] | which that balloon just proved, | 热气球检测台刚才已经证明了 |
| [05:07] | then you definitely are. | 那你肯定就是了 |
| [05:09] | So in a way, | 这就是说 |
| [05:10] | it doesn’t matter if I was better in version 492 or whatever, | 我在492场中是不是表现更好 并不重要 |
| [05:15] | because the best version of me | 因为最好版本的我 |
| [05:17] | is just as much about my effect on the world around me | 就是我对周围世界的影响 |
| [05:20] | as it is about my own egocentric self-image. | 就是以我为中心的自我看法 |
| [05:25] | I really meant that much to you guys? | 我对你们真有那么重要吗 |
| [05:26] | Of course you did. | 当然了 |
| [05:28] | Now let’s get you back on that scale, dorkus. | 我们重回检测台吧 小呆瓜 |
| [05:35] | Chidi, ready to try again? | 奇迪 准备好再试一次了吗 |
| [05:38] | Yeah. All right. | 好 来吧 |
| [05:42] | Yeah! Yeah! | 太好了 太好了 |
| [05:49] | Yeah. | 棒 |
| [05:54] | Dope! | 拽 |
| [06:01] | Chidi got in my head. | 我被奇迪影响了 |
| [06:04] | It’s just that thing Chidi said about previous versions of myself. | 就是奇迪之前说的话 以前版本的自己 |
| [06:07] | It’s screwing me up. But I can fix it. | 搞砸通过这事了 但我能解决 |
| [06:12] | I stole this from your house the first night we were here. | 我们第一晚认识时 我从你家偷了这个 |
| [06:15] | Okay. Should be the best version of myself now. | 好了 现在我是最好版本的自己了 |
| [06:20] | Come on, scale. Be cool. | 别啊 检测台 别这样啊 |
| [06:21] | Guys, we’re just not ready. | 各位 我们就是没准备好 |
| [06:23] | – I think we should regroup and try again tomorrow. – Hang on. | -我们该重整旗鼓 明日再战 -等一下 |
| [06:25] | I know the answer. | 我知道原因了 |
| [06:26] | I know why I’m not my best self. | 我知道问题所在了 |
| [06:28] | Do you remember that version of me from the tape of us at Mindy’s? | 你记得我们在明迪家被偷录的那一场吗 |
| [06:33] | Where I was vulnerable and emotional and honest? | 我当时打开心房 流露真情的那次吗 |
| [06:38] | That Eleanor is a better Eleanor than this one. | 那个埃莉诺比现在的埃莉诺要更好 |
| [06:42] | And that is not an easy thing for me to say, | 而让我说出这种话 难于登天 |
| [06:44] | “You’re not better than me” was my yearbook quote. | “你才不比我强” 这是我的座右铭 |
| [06:48] | Michael, can you tell us a little bit about that version? | 迈克尔 你能说说那场戏吗 |
| [06:51] | Reboot number 119. | 第119场 |
| [06:53] | All the restaurants were kabob places. | 所有饭馆都是烤肉串餐馆 |
| [06:56] | You had a pet lizard which I made poop on you all the time. | 你有一只宠物蜥蜴 被我设计成总在你身上拉屎 |
| [06:59] | No, can you tell us more about | 不 你能详细说说 |
| [07:00] | Chidi’s and my relationship from that version? | 我和奇迪在那一场的感情吗 |
| [07:03] | Right. Sorry. | 好 抱歉 |
| [07:04] | Well, you got really into ethics, | 你当时学伦理学得起劲儿 |
| [07:06] | and you spent a lot of time together. | 你们总待在一起 |
| [07:08] | Once you handed him a tissue right before he sneezed, | 有一次 他打喷嚏之前 你递给了他一张纸巾 |
| [07:12] | and that simple act of anticipating his needs | 这个善解人意的小举动 |
| [07:15] | made him fall for you. | 让他对你燃起了爱火 |
| [07:17] | One night you took a walk along the lake, | 有一天晚上 你们到湖边散步 |
| [07:20] | and you had your first kiss, | 你们第一次接吻了 |
| [07:23] | which gross. | 让我吐一会儿 |
| [07:25] | Kissing is gross. | 接吻最恶心了 |
| [07:27] | You just mash your food holes together. | 就是两个进食口搅在一起 |
| [07:29] | It’s not for that. | 嘴巴不是用来干这种事啊 |
| [07:32] | Anyway, it just you know bloomed after that. | 总之 这之后 爱火以燎原之势蔓延了 |
| [07:37] | Look, there are obviously some undealt-with issues here. | 显然 你们之间还有未解心结 |
| [07:40] | I propose that everyone who was green | 我提议绿灯通过的人 |
| [07:42] | go ahead and board the magic balloon, | 先登上魔法热气球 |
| [07:44] | and set out to the Good Place. | 去往”善地” |
| [07:46] | Sort of like an advance team. | 就像是先遣小队吧 |
| [07:47] | We’ll put our names in or book a table. | 我们先去占个位置 订张桌子 |
| [07:50] | However it works. | 反正按那边的规矩来 |
| [07:51] | And then we’ll send back the magical balloon | 然后我们再让魔法热气球回来 |
| [07:52] | for the red light people later on. | 来接红灯的人 |
| [07:54] | It’s a perfect plan. | 多妙的一招 |
| [07:58] | No! It’s not working! | 不要啊 失效了 |
| [07:59] | It probably thinks I’m Eleanor. | 可能误以为我是埃莉诺了 |
| [08:01] | It is I, Tahani. | 是本公主 塔哈妮 |
| [08:03] | In case you were wondering, | 满足一下你们的好奇心 |
| [08:04] | I am by definition the best version of myself, | 根据定义 我就是最好版本的自己 |
| [08:07] | because my operating system is always updating. | 因为我的操作系统一直更新 |
| [08:09] | I’m not sure that’s true, Janet. | 那可不一定 珍妮特 |
| [08:11] | You still haven’t talked to Jason about your romantic baggage, | 你还没和杰森解开情感包袱 |
| [08:14] | and the three of you are in some sort of weird love triangle. | 你们三个还有一段狗血三角恋 |
| [08:18] | You don’t know what you’re talking about. | 你这是瞎说 |
| [08:19] | Also, love isn’t a triangle. | 还有 爱情不是三角形 |
| [08:21] | It’s a five dimensional blob, so– | 而是五维对象 所以… |
| [08:23] | Okay. If you’re so perfect, step on the scale. | 好吧 如果你纯洁如白莲 那就去检测吧 |
| [08:25] | Fine. | 行 |
| [08:28] | I think I broke it. | 我给玩坏了 |
| [08:29] | No! My beautiful balloon scale! | 不 我美丽的热气球检测台 |
| [08:32] | It’s not yours. | 这不是你的 |
| [08:33] | No, no, please stop fighting. | 别吵了 你们别吵了 |
| [08:35] | Man. This stinks. | 天 这感觉太难受了 |
| [08:37] | I’m having this feeling where– | 我现在出现的感觉… |
| [08:39] | what is it called? You know, where you– | 怎么说来着 就是… |
| [08:40] | you did a thing and you’re sad after it? | 你做了一件事 事后很难过 |
| [08:43] | After-sad? Is that– no. | 事后难过 是… 不是 |
| [08:45] | You humans have so many emotions! | 你们人类怎么这么多情感啊 |
| [08:48] | You only need two: | 你们需要两个就行了 |
| [08:50] | Anger and confusion! | 愤怒与混乱 |
| [08:51] | Michael, what’s going on? | 迈克尔 怎么回事啊 |
| [08:53] | The problem isn’t any of you. | 问题不在你们身上 |
| [08:56] | This whole balloon thing is a fake. | 热气球这事是我编出来的 |
| [08:58] | The truth is, | 事实是 |
| [08:59] | I have no idea how to get into the Good Place and I never have! | 我不知道怎么去”善地” 从来都不知道 |
| [09:07] | Well, Michael’s right. | 迈克尔说对了 |
| [09:08] | I’m angry and confused. | 我很愤怒 也很混乱 |
| [09:14] | So months ago, | 几个月前 |
| [09:17] | when you said you had this whole complicated plan | 你说你有一个复杂的计划 |
| [09:18] | for getting us to the Good Place– | 可以让我们去往”善地”… |
| [09:20] | It was a lie. | 是个谎言 |
| [09:21] | I assumed if I bought myself some time, | 我想如果能拖延一下 |
| [09:23] | I could figure out a way in. | 我就能想到进入的办法 |
| [09:25] | Guys, I tried a billion different ways. | 各位 我试了十亿种不同的办法 |
| [09:28] | Not an exaggeration! | 不是夸张的说法 |
| [09:29] | I actually tried one billion and twelve different plans. | 我是真尝试了十亿零十二种办法 |
| [09:32] | But the only way into the Good Place | 但进入”善地”的唯一方式 |
| [09:35] | is by being a good person on Earth. | 就是生前是个好人 |
| [09:38] | This is unforgivable. | 太过分了 |
| [09:39] | How many times can you betray us? | 我们供你如神仙 你却耍我们千百遍 |
| [09:41] | I’m sorry. | 对不起 |
| [09:42] | I really am, | 真心抱歉 |
| [09:43] | because while I was searching for a way to get in, | 因为我在想办法进入”善地”期间 |
| [09:46] | I was also taking your ethics classes, | 还同时在上你的伦理道德课 |
| [09:48] | learning why it was bad to lie. | 明白了撒谎为何不好 |
| [09:50] | So not only did I fail at getting us into the Good Place, | 所以我不仅没法让大家去”善地” |
| [09:53] | I also learned the error of my ways. | 我还意识到自己的错误了 |
| [09:56] | Real rock bottom for a demon, I’ll tell you. | 这对恶魔来说 最惨不过了 真格的 |
| [10:00] | But this was not torture. I was stalling! | 但这不是折磨你们 我只是拖延时间 |
| [10:02] | So I could keep searching for a way in. | 这样 我才能继续想办法 |
| [10:05] | I would’ve been happy if you were to live in this neighborhood forever, | 如果你们一直住在这里 我就高枕无忧了 |
| [10:08] | but then Shawn came and just ruined the whole thing. | 但肖恩出现了 打破了我的美梦 |
| [10:12] | So what happens now? | 现在怎么办 |
| [10:14] | Shawn will eventually figure out you’re not at Mindy’s, | 肖恩最后会发现你们不在明迪家 |
| [10:17] | and he’ll realize that someone on the inside was helping you. | 他会意识到有内鬼帮你们 |
| [10:22] | So you’ll go to the real Bad Place forever, | 所以你们会到”恶地”永世受折磨 |
| [10:25] | and I will be– be retired. | 而我会被迫”退休” |
| [10:27] | You’re– you’re mad at me. | 你很生气 |
| [10:29] | I’m not mad. | 我没生气 |
| [10:31] | I’m just disappointed. | 我就是很失望 |
| [10:32] | Come on. Everyone knows that’s worse. | 不是吧 这比生气的杀伤力更大 |
| [10:35] | So this really is the end. | 这么说 真是结束了 |
| [10:38] | Completely out of options, are we? | 我们穷途末路了 对吧 |
| [10:40] | Not completely out of options. | 也不是完全没戏唱了 |
| [10:43] | We can do what the Shellstrops have always done | 我们可以发挥谢尔斯卓普的一贯精神 |
| [10:47] | when the chips are down. | 危急关头时 |
| [10:49] | Ignore our problems, and drink heavily. | 忽略问题 尽情买醉 |
| [10:53] | Janet! | 珍妮特 |
| [10:54] | A million bottles of your finest booze, please! | 来一百万瓶最好的佳酿 |
| [10:59] | – You all right? – Kind of. | -你没事吧 -还好吧 |
| [11:03] | I asked Michael if I could pop the giant balloon, | 我问迈克尔可不可以爆掉那个大气球玩儿 |
| [11:05] | and he said no. | 他说不行 |
| [11:07] | Then I asked if I could suck the helium out of it | 然后我又问 能不能吸里面的氦气 |
| [11:09] | to make my voice sound funny so it cheers everyone up, | 通过变声 来逗大家笑 |
| [11:12] | and he just kind of sighed and walked away. | 结果他叹了口气 就走开了 |
| [11:16] | So I guess that one is still on the table. | 所以我想这事还有戏 |
| [11:20] | Are you and me cool? | 我们没事吧 |
| [11:22] | Not exactly. | 不能说没事 |
| [11:24] | I think perhaps given everything, | 我想鉴于发生的一切 |
| [11:27] | it’s best we end our relationship. | 我们还是分手吧 |
| [11:29] | It’s probably about time I stopped relying on others | 我觉得是时候不再依赖他人 |
| [11:31] | for my sense of self-worth or happiness. | 来寻找自我价值或幸福感了 |
| [11:35] | You know my whole life, | 我这一辈子 |
| [11:37] | whenever I encountered any obstacles, | 每次我遇到难事时 |
| [11:39] | I would simply say, “I would like to speak to a manager.” | 我总会简单说一句 “把你们经理找来” |
| [11:44] | But in our relationship, there was no manager. | 但我们的感情中 没有”经理”这一说 |
| [11:46] | There was no one who could fix this for me except for me. | 除了我自己 没人能帮我解决这个问题 |
| [11:52] | My mom was a manager at a pet store. | 我妈是宠物店的经理 |
| [11:55] | Does that help? | 这点有用吗 |
| [11:56] | No, and please don’t launch into one of your long stories– | 没用 别又开始叨叨你以前无聊的破事了… |
| [11:59] | She got fired after I robbed the pet store where she worked. | 我打劫了她工作在的宠物店之后 她就被解雇了 |
| [11:59] | Please, no. Please, please, Jason. | 真的 求你别说了 |
| [12:02] | We actually robbed it together. | 我们其实是里应外合 |
| [12:02] | No, no, no. Please stop. | 你这是念咒啊 别说了 |
| [12:03] | Long story short, it was all a dream. | 长话短说 其实就是做了一场梦 |
| [12:08] | Thank you, Jason, for making this moment a little easier for me. | 谢谢你 杰森 让我觉得跟你分手 太明智了 |
| [12:16] | Dude, here’s where I’m at. | 我现在的感觉就是 |
| [12:17] | Feelings are stupid. | 感觉这事太逊了 |
| [12:19] | Yeah. Who needs ’em? | 就是 谁需要感觉 |
| [12:20] | But, in case feelings aren’t stupid, | 但是呢 如若感觉并非如此 |
| [12:25] | and in the case that we are eternally doomed, | 如果我们真的马上就要完蛋了 |
| [12:27] | I thought it might be worth mentioning that I do… | 我觉得该说一句 我… |
| [12:31] | have feelings for you. | 对你确实有感觉 |
| [12:33] | And I know you don’t feel the same way. | 我知道你对我没感觉 |
| [12:35] | And although that fills me with anger and confusion– | 尽管这让我很恼火 很混乱… |
| [12:41] | Michael was right on the money. | 迈克尔的洞察力真好 |
| [12:43] | I just wanted you to know the truth. | 我就是想让你知道实情 |
| [12:47] | You are– I mean– | 你是… |
| [12:49] | No. Don’t say anything. Don’t. | 别 什么都别说 别说 |
| [12:50] | I want to. I want to… | 我想说 让我说… |
| [12:53] | Here’s the thing about me. | 我这个人是这样 |
| [12:54] | You know the sound that a fork makes in the garbage disposal? | 你知道叉子在垃圾处理机里发出的声音吗 |
| [12:59] | That’s the sound that my brain makes all the time. | 我脑子里就一直都是这个声音 |
| [13:04] | It’s just this constant grinding about things I’m afraid of | 就是一直在纠结我害怕的事 |
| [13:08] | or things that I want or want to want | 或我想要做的事 或我想要做想要做的事 |
| [13:11] | or want to want to want to– | 或想要做想要做想要做… |
| [13:14] | Is it grinding in there right now, bud? | 你脑子又开始纠结地嗡嗡作响了吧 |
| [13:16] | Yep, but the point is– | 嗯 但重点是 |
| [13:18] | the circumstances under which me met | 我们相识的情况 |
| [13:20] | are completely insane. | 实在太奇葩了 |
| [13:22] | And that just makes the grinding harder. | 所以就会让我更加纠结 |
| [13:25] | I just wish we met the way normal people meet. | 要是我们像普通人那样相识就好了 |
| [13:28] | Like at a philosophy conference, | 比如在一个哲学研讨会上 |
| [13:30] | or after one of my philosophy lectures. | 或是听完我的哲学课之后 |
| [13:32] | Or you came knocking on my office door | 或者你来敲我办公室的门 |
| [13:35] | asking for help with philosophy. | 想请教我一些哲学问题 |
| [13:37] | Is that how you think people meet? | 你脑中普通人是这样相识的啊 |
| [13:40] | I don’t know how normal people meet. | 我不知道普通人都怎么相识 |
| [13:42] | You’re such a nerd. | 你真是呆萌的书生啊 |
| [13:45] | Attention, everyone. | 各位 我来讲几句 |
| [13:47] | We may not know exactly which version of ourselves | 我们也许不清楚哪一个版本 |
| [13:50] | was technically our best self, | 才是我们最好的自己 |
| [13:52] | but you know what? | 但是呢 |
| [13:53] | I like who we are right now. | 我喜欢这个版本的大家 |
| [13:55] | To this version of us. | 敬这一场的自己 |
| [13:57] | To the good people we’ve all become. | 敬我们都向善了 |
| [14:00] | And to Eleanor, our unofficial leader. | 还有 敬埃莉诺 “山寨小队长” |
| [14:02] | You pack a lot of heart and grit into that diminutive frame. | 你个头虽小 但充满了爱心与毅力 |
| [14:06] | Like a scrappy little auto mechanic. | 就像个斗志旺盛的汽车修理工 |
| [14:09] | That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, babe. | 这算是你头一回夸我了 美人 |
| [14:11] | And I’ll take it. | 我接受了 |
| [14:12] | – And to Janet, the best robot. – Not a robot. | -还有珍妮特 最棒的机器人 -不是机器人 |
| [14:14] | – Girl. – Not a girl. | -妹子 -不是妹子 |
| [14:15] | – And straight up hottie. – I am attractive, yes. | -辣妹 -我确实很有吸引力 |
| [14:18] | Any of us could have ever asked for. | 认识如此佳人 夫复何求 |
| [14:20] | Thanks, guys. | 谢谢各位 |
| [14:21] | Because of the way we were conceived of and created, | 鉴于我们特别的孕育和产生方式 |
| [14:24] | Janets don’t typically give speeches. | 珍妮特一般不会发表讲话 |
| [14:28] | She’s done. She’s not gonna give a speech. | 她说完了 她的意思就是不发表了 |
| [14:30] | Okay. Cool. | 好 行 |
| [14:31] | One more toast. | 还要再敬一个人 |
| [14:32] | To Michael! | 敬迈克尔 |
| [14:33] | Michael! | 迈克尔 |
| [14:36] | Who is easily the best version of himself. | 他很容易就进阶为最好版本的自己了 |
| [14:39] | Granted, the bar was low. He is a demon. | 因为起点低嘛 毕竟他是个恶魔 |
| [14:42] | But he made a mistake and admitted he was wrong, | 但他犯了错 勇于承认错误 |
| [14:46] | which makes him better than 90% of all humans. | 这点就比90%的人类强很多 |
| [14:49] | And you know what, it wasn’t really Michael’s fault. | 而且这事也不能怪迈克尔 |
| [14:52] | We weren’t getting into the Good Place anyway. | 我们怎么都去不了”善地” |
| [14:54] | I mean, look at us. | 瞧瞧我们的德行 |
| [14:55] | A self-obsessed socialite, | 一个自恋的名媛 |
| [14:58] | a ridiculous giraffe, an absurd British aristocrat, | 身高上碾压男人 什么破英国贵族 |
| [15:01] | a narcissistic attention seeker. | 天天怒刷存在感 |
| [15:03] | – Are these all me? – Yes. | -说的都是我吗 -是啊 |
| [15:05] | I was gonna do eight for you, and one for everyone else. | 我是打算用八条来形容你 然后一人来一条 |
| [15:08] | The point is Michael, we forgive you. | 重点是 迈克尔 我们原谅你了 |
| [15:10] | I mean, at least you tried to find a way to the Good Place. | 你至少努力去想办法进入”善地”了 |
| [15:14] | And that’s the greatest thing someone can do, | 做到这一点 就是了不起 |
| [15:15] | just try your best. | 尽到你最大努力 |
| [15:18] | So we hereby name you an honorary human. | 所以我们封你为”荣誉人类” |
| [15:25] | And we would like to present you with this human starter kit. | 奖励你”人类新手大礼包” |
| [15:30] | Car keys! | 车钥匙 |
| [15:31] | So I could lose them, and say, “Has anyone seen my car keys?” | 这样我就可以弄丢之后说 “有人看见我车钥匙了吗” |
| [15:35] | I can do that you know that thing where– | 我可以到处找也找不着… |
| [15:38] | Thank you! | 谢谢 |
| [15:40] | And Band-Aids for your stupid, fragile bodies. | 还有创口贴 你们脆弱的小身体总能用到 |
| [15:43] | And look at this. | 瞧瞧 |
| [15:45] | A stress ball with a dumb corporate logo. | 一个带有公司破标识的压力球 |
| [15:48] | I can’t wait to keep finding this | 我等不及要体验到处找这玩意 |
| [15:50] | and then almost throw it away, | 然后差点就给扔了 |
| [15:51] | and then think, “No, I’ll use it.” | 而转念一想 “别了 我会用到” |
| [15:56] | Guys. | 小伙伴们 |
| [15:58] | A Dr. Oz diet book because you’re all such suckers. | “奥兹医生”的《节食计划》 因为你们都好矫情 |
| [16:02] | This is all garbage that I have no real use for. | 这都是对我毫无用处的垃圾 |
| [16:06] | That’s right. Welcome to being human, buddy. | 没错 欢迎你加入”人类军团” |
| [16:08] | To Michael! | 敬迈克尔 |
| [16:43] | – You don’t remember? – No. | -你不记得吗 -不记得啊 |
| [16:45] | Of course you don’t! | 你当然不记得了 |
| [16:47] | That’s mean! | 过分了啊 |
| [16:48] | That was version one! | 那是第一场发生的事 |
| [16:52] | Michael, there’s a message coming in from Shawn. | 迈克尔 肖恩给你发信息了 |
| [16:56] | “Finish shutting everything down. | “完成收尾工作 |
| [16:58] | Sending train first thing tomorrow. | 明天一早派火车过去 |
| [17:01] | Humans will be captured and tortured soup. | 那几个人类会被抓 被折磨成汤汁 |
| [17:05] | Sorry. Autocorrect. Soon. | 抱歉 输入法惹的祸 是”很快” |
| [17:08] | Although weirdly, | 但说来也怪 |
| [17:09] | I did just finish turning someone into soup. | 我确实刚把某人变成汤汁了 |
| [17:12] | So random. Okay. Bye.” | 随口一说而已 再见” |
| [17:17] | What do you guys think the Bad Place is going to be for you? | 你们觉得你们的”恶地”会是什么样子 |
| [17:20] | I’ll probably go to a Skrillex concert. | 我应该是去史奇雷克斯的演唱会 |
| [17:23] | And I’ll be waiting for the bass drop, | 我会等着”燥起来” |
| [17:26] | and it– | 然后 |
| [17:29] | it’ll never come. | 永远都等不到 |
| [17:31] | For me it’ll be camping. | 对我来说 会是露营 |
| [17:33] | Like, I’ll just always be camping. | 一直去露营 |
| [17:35] | I’m pretty good at turning every place I go into my personal hell, | 我是自带煎熬的体质 走到哪 哪就是地狱 |
| [17:40] | so I think they’ll have a lot of options for me. | 所以应该会给我超多选择 让我纠结 |
| [17:44] | Mine will obviously be an eternity spent in the Swiss Alps. | 我的地狱显然就是永世待在阿尔卑斯山了 |
| [17:48] | That sounds amazing. | 听起来好棒啊 |
| [17:50] | In Autumn. The off-season. | 是秋季 淡季啊 |
| [17:53] | Yeah. Still fine. You’d be fine. | 还是挺好啊 你还是会过得很好 |
| [17:56] | Who are we kidding? | 还用想嘛 |
| [17:57] | You’ll probably be running the place in like a week. | 你说不定一周之内就会统治那里了 |
| [17:59] | She’ll be like, “Hibbledy-dibbledy, | 她会操着一口英音说 |
| [18:01] | this simply won’t do. I demand to speak to your manager.” | “本宫觉得不行 把你们经理找来” |
| [18:05] | – Again! Again! – “Your manager.” | -再模仿一次 -“找经理” |
| [18:10] | Of course! That’s it. | 想到了 有点子了 |
| [18:13] | We should speak to the manager. | 我们该找”经理”谈一下 |
| [18:15] | Wait, you said that there was a judge who decides on disputes | 等下 你说有一个法官专门审理 |
| [18:19] | between the Good Place and the Bad Place, right? | “善地”与”恶地”的纠纷 对吧 |
| [18:21] | Some sort of head honcho I could pace in front of | 我可以找一个能理论的负责人 |
| [18:24] | and plead our case to | 容我们辩护的人 |
| [18:25] | and maybe even wag a finger at disapprovingly. | 甚至可以指责反驳的人 |
| [18:29] | I thought about that. It’s a non-starter. | 我考虑过了 不可行 |
| [18:31] | Judge rarely hears cases. | 法官很少审理案子 |
| [18:33] | And the only way to get to the Judge’s office is through a portal, | 而且要到法官的办公室只能通过一个传送门 |
| [18:37] | and we can never get to that. | 我们没法过去 |
| [18:40] | Why not? | 为什么 |
| [18:41] | We’d have to walk through the actual Bad Place, | 因为我们得穿过真正的”恶地”才能过去 |
| [18:44] | in plain sight, without getting caught. | 要在众目睽睽之下 还不能被人识破 |
| [18:47] | Reach and pass through the portal, | 到达之后 通过那个传送门 |
| [18:50] | convince the judge to hear us out, | 劝说那个法官听我们上诉 |
| [18:52] | even though we didn’t go through the proper channels. | 即使我们都没按正常流程申请 |
| [18:55] | And then somehow win our unwinnable case. | 然后还要奇迹地赢下一场必败的诉讼 |
| [19:02] | Okay. | 好 |
| [19:04] | Let’s do it. | 就这么干了 |
| [19:06] | – You’re serious? – Yeah! | -你说真的吗 -是啊 |
| [19:08] | What do we have to lose? | 光脚的不怕穿鞋的 豁出去了 |
| [19:14] | All I’ve ever really wanted was to know what it feels like to be human, | 我一直以来都想体验一下当人类的感觉 |
| [19:18] | and now we’re going to do the most human thing of all: | 而做这种事 对人类来说 最家常便饭了 |
| [19:22] | attempt something futile with a ton of unearned confidence | 盲目自信地去做些无用功 |
| [19:26] | and fail spectacularly! | 然后惨败 |
| [19:29] | Get up! Get up! Everyone. | 都起来 都起来 小伙伴们 |
| [19:33] | Get rest tonight. | 今晚好好休息 |
| [19:35] | First thing tomorrow, | 我们明天一早 |
| [19:37] | we’re going to the Bad Place. | 就前往真正的”恶地” |
| [19:41] | We had a lot of good times together. | 我们在一起度过了很多时光 |
| [19:43] | I’ll see you in the next life. | 我们下辈子见吧 |
| [19:45] | Good-bye, clowns. | 永别了 小丑们 |
| [19:47] | Goodbye, modernist architecture | 永别了 现代主义设计风 |
| [19:49] | that I was too trashy to appreciate. | 我之前没啥内涵 不懂欣赏 |
| [19:53] | Good-bye, house. | 永别了 房子 |
| [19:54] | Good-bye, house. | 永别了 房子 |
| [20:01] | What up, idiot? | 你好 傻蛋 |
| [20:02] | This is the 8:22 express to Bad Place Headquarters. | 这是8点22分前往”恶地”总部的特快列车 |
| [20:05] | We’d like to begin the boarding process with our first-class fat dinks. | 头等舱的死肥猪 可以上车了 |
| [20:09] | And there is no overhead storage, | 车上没有行李架 |
| [20:11] | so if you have any bags, | 所以如果你有行李 |
| [20:13] | why don’t you just go ahead and place them up your fat butts? | 不如就塞进你的肥屁股里吧 |
| [20:15] | Sorry about this, Bad Janet. | 对不住了 邪恶版珍妮特 |
| [20:17] | Sorry about what, you fat dink? | 为什么道歉 死肥猪 |
| [20:25] | This was your life’s work. | 这曾是你毕生的心血 |
| [20:27] | Are you okay with leaving the fake Good Place behind? | 放下假”善地” 你真没事吗 |
| [20:30] | As long as I’m with you guys, | 只要我和你们在一起 |
| [20:32] | I’m always in the fake Good Place. | 哪里都是假”善地” |
| [20:35] | That doesn’t sound as nice as you think it does. | 这话没你想像中那么暖心 |
| [20:39] | The real Bad Place was the friends we made along the way. | 一路上结交的友情 才构成了真正的”恶地” |
| [20:44] | No, still nonsence. One more try? | 还是不对 再试一次 |
| [20:48] | In a way, | 某种程度上 |
| [20:49] | the Good Place was inside the Bad Place all along? | “善地”一直存在于”恶地”之中 |
| [20:56] | You know what? That’s technically true. | 这么说还真有点道理呢 |
| [20:57] | I’m gonna give it to you. | 表扬一下 |
| [21:00] | I just made an aphorism. | 我刚才说了金句啊 |
| [21:03] | Hit it, Janet! | 发车 珍妮特 |
| [21:05] | Next stop, the actual Bad Place! | 下一站 真正的”恶地” |