| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:14] | That was… | 简直… |
| [00:16] | Awesome! | 太爽了 |
| [00:17] | – I’m going again! – No. | -我要再玩一次 -不行 |
| [00:20] | I think I barfed in another dimension before we landed. | 到达之前 我好像在另一个时空里吐了 |
| [00:23] | Is my barf just gonna float out there forever? | 我的呕吐物会一直漂浮下去吗 |
| [00:25] | Is someone gonna fly through my barf when they use the portal? | 有人穿越传送门时 会穿过我的呕吐物吗 |
| [00:28] | Stop saying barf. | 别再说呕吐物了 |
| [00:29] | And where’s Michael? | 迈克尔呢 |
| [00:31] | He’s not coming. | 他没法来了 |
| [00:32] | He sacrificed himself to save me. | 他为了我 牺牲了自己 |
| [00:34] | The last thing I saw was Shawn grabbing him. | 我最后看到肖恩抓住了他 |
| [00:37] | Was it a nice grab or a bad grab? | 和气那种抓 还是生气那种抓 |
| [00:40] | A bad grab. | 生气那种 |
| [00:41] | Like, a nice bad grab, or a mean bad grab? | 和气那种生气抓 还是愤怒那种生气抓 |
| [00:45] | No Michael and no Janet. | 没有迈克尔 也没有珍妮特 |
| [00:47] | Didn’t even get to say a proper goodbye. | 我们都没好好道别 |
| [00:50] | Not even a mere toodleloo. | 亦无话别也 |
| [00:54] | We’re on our own. | 我们只能靠自己了 |
| [00:56] | We have to handle this ourselves. | 我们得自己搞定了 |
| [00:59] | Michael said the portal would lead us to the Judge, | 迈克尔说传送门会带我们到法官这里 |
| [01:02] | so where’s the Judge? | 法官呢 |
| [01:06] | All I see is a burrito. | 我只看到一个墨西哥卷饼 |
| [01:08] | Do you think it’s a test? | 你觉得这是个测试吗 |
| [01:10] | Like, maybe one of us is supposed to eat it, | 比如 我们中有谁该给吃了 |
| [01:13] | or we eat it together, or-or maybe, | 或者我们一起吃了 再或许 |
| [01:16] | maybe it’s a test to see how long we can go without eating it. | 或许是测试我们能忍多久不吃 |
| [01:18] | I’m not scared of any burrito. | 我才不怕什么墨西哥卷饼 |
| [01:20] | I’ll eat it. | 我来吃 |
| [01:23] | Unless… | 除非… |
| [01:24] | The burrito is the Judge. | 这个卷饼就是法官本人 |
| [01:27] | Don’t be so bloody ridiculous. | 别用你的无知 挑战我的黑名单 |
| [01:29] | Judges aren’t food, judges are serious people | 法官不是食物 法官是个严肃的人 |
| [01:31] | who wear long, silk nightgowns and big, white powdered wigs. | 穿着长长的丝绸袍子 戴着厚厚的白色假发 |
| [01:35] | He could be right. | 他可能说得对 |
| [01:37] | What? Really? | 不是吧 你真信 |
| [01:37] | I don’t know, | 说不好啊 |
| [01:38] | I’m just saying we’ve certainly seen weirder things | 我就是觉得 我们见过的怪事多了 |
| [01:41] | than an all-knowing burrito. | 一个无所不知的卷饼又何足挂齿 |
| [01:43] | We can’t take any chances. | 我们不能鲁莽行事 |
| [01:45] | Hello, Your Excellency. | 你好 法官阁下 |
| [01:46] | My name is Eleanor Shellstrop. | 我叫埃莉诺·谢尔斯卓普 |
| [01:48] | We doth seek thine judgment. | 吾前来寻汝 法官阁下 |
| [01:50] | We’ve traveled a long distance to see you, O great one. | 我们跋涉千里来见您 阁下 |
| [01:54] | What are you guys looking at? | 你们看什么呢 |
| [01:58] | I’m the Judge. That’s a burrito. | 我是法官 那是个卷饼 |
| [02:00] | What’s up, guys? | 大家好 有啥事 |
| [02:09] | Yeah, I did not think I had a case today. | 我今天好像没有案子 |
| [02:10] | The paperwork should’ve shown up by now. | 如果有的话 这时就会有申请文件了 |
| [02:12] | Unless you guys just, like, came here. | 除非你们是擅自闯来的 |
| [02:16] | Wait, did you guys just come here? | 等下 你们擅自闯进来的吗 |
| [02:19] | My God. | 我滴小钢炮呀 |
| [02:21] | You guys are bad. | 你们太坏了 |
| [02:22] | Which one is the worst one of you? | 这里面谁最坏 |
| [02:24] | Is it you, glasses? | 你是吗 “四眼男” |
| [02:26] | I bet it’s you. | 肯定是你 |
| [02:27] | Okay, yeah, well, we did just sort of “show up,” but we had to. | 对 我们确实是擅自闯入 但我们有苦衷 |
| [02:30] | We were escaping the Bad Place, | 我们当时要从”恶地”逃出来 |
| [02:32] | which now that I think about it, | 现在想想 |
| [02:33] | there might be some demons following us. | 可能后面有恶魔追兵 |
| [02:35] | Don’t worry about that. | 放心吧 |
| [02:36] | Anytime anyone shows up in my chambers, | 只要有人出现在法官办公室里 |
| [02:38] | the portal is sealed until I issue my ruling. | 我下判决之前 传送门会一直关闭 |
| [02:40] | So, you guys can relax. Get comfortable. | 你们别紧张 放松点 |
| [02:45] | A classic Saint Crispin’s Day garden party frock. | “圣克里斯平”的经典日宴礼服 |
| [02:48] | Wait, is it after 4:00 p.m.? | 慢着 现在过了下午四点吗 |
| [02:50] | Not important. | 这不重要 |
| [02:51] | Let’s have a look at your files. | 看一下你们的档案资料吧 |
| [02:53] | Wait, you don’t already know everything about us? | 等下 你不知道我们的一切吗 |
| [02:55] | You’re not omniscient? | 你不是全知 |
| [02:57] | Not in the way you mean. | 不是你想的那种全知 |
| [02:58] | I try to learn as little as I can about the events of humankind | 我尽量不去了解人类的信息 |
| [03:01] | so I can remain impartial, ’cause I’m a judge. | 这样才能不带偏见去审案 因为我是个法官 |
| [03:03] | Yadda, yadda, yadda. | 那一套不用说了吧 |
| [03:05] | That being said, sometimes I get bored and I cheat a little bit. | 话虽如此 有时我太无聊了 就会作弊一下啦 |
| [03:07] | I’ve been binging Ken Burns’s “Vietnam” recently. | 我最近疯狂地看肯·伯恩斯的纪录片《越南》 |
| [03:10] | It’s okay. | 还好吧 |
| [03:11] | I mean, I’m immortal, but that thing is long. You know what I’m saying. | 我是永生不死 但那片子也太冗长了 懂我意思吧 |
| [03:16] | Anyway, your petition is denied. I can’t hear your case. | 总之 你们的申诉被驳回 我拒绝受理 |
| [03:19] | Please exit to the rear. | 请离开吧 |
| [03:21] | What? | 什么 |
| [03:22] | I just absorbed the entirety of your existences, | 我刚掌握了你们的一切信息 |
| [03:24] | and I just wanna say you guys are so cute. | 我只想说 你们萌死我了 |
| [03:30] | And the thing is, you didn’t file any paperwork, | 问题是 你们没有按流程上诉 |
| [03:32] | and you have no advocate, | 也没有辩护律师 |
| [03:33] | and the rules say I gotta… | 按规矩 我得… |
| [03:36] | Send you back. | 把你们打发走 |
| [03:37] | Your honor, | 法官阁下 |
| [03:38] | please hear our case. | 请受理我们的案子 |
| [03:40] | You frankly wouldn’t believe what we’ve been through just to be here today. | 你都不知道我们为了来这里 吃了多少苦 |
| [03:43] | I mean, I would, | 我知道 |
| [03:45] | because I just learned everything about you, | 因为我刚了解了你的一切信息 |
| [03:46] | but keep talking. | 但你继续说 |
| [03:49] | I am, like, obsessed with your accent. | 我对你的口音欲罢不能 |
| [03:52] | We have made so much progress | 我们进步了很多 |
| [03:54] | and all we ask is an audience with you to prove it. | 我们只想在你面前证明一下 |
| [03:57] | Is that not your very purpose to weigh in on matters such as ours? | 你的存在不就是为了斟酌我们这样的案子吗 |
| [04:00] | To paraphrase a song written by My Godfather– | 借用我教父写过的一首歌 |
| [04:03] | Hey, judge. | 法官大人 |
| [04:05] | Don’t make it bad. | 别让事情更糟 |
| [04:06] | Take a sad group and make us better. | 挑一群悲伤之人 让我们变得更好 |
| [04:10] | Say aluminum. | 说一下”铝” |
| [04:11] | Al-you-minnium. | “乐余 铝” |
| [04:13] | I love that! | 太有爱了 |
| [04:14] | And I love your passion. | 我也欣赏你们的斗志 |
| [04:16] | I mean, it takes a lot of guts to just show up here unannounced. | 需要极大的勇气 才敢擅自闯入这里 |
| [04:19] | Plus, I haven’t had a case in, like, 30 years and I’m super bored. | 另外 我已经30年没接过案子了 实在闲得蛋疼 |
| [04:24] | So, it’s either this or start “Bloodline,” | 要么审你们的案子 要么去看《血脉》 |
| [04:26] | and I don’t know, I just don’t feel like | 怎么说呢 我就是接受不了 |
| [04:28] | I can see Kyle Chandler as anyone else but Coach Taylor. | 凯尔·钱德勒[“血脉”男主]演”泰勒教练”以外的角色 |
| [04:33] | So, the case? | 这么说受理此案吗 |
| [04:35] | Right. | 对 |
| [04:38] | Let’s do it. | 来吧 |
| [04:42] | You had one job– | 你就只有一个职责 |
| [04:43] | torture four bad people forever. | 永世折磨那四个坏人类 |
| [04:45] | Not only did you fail, you’re a traitor. | 你不仅失败了 还叛变了 |
| [04:47] | You really junked your jeans on this one, you butterface. | 你这次真是自己作死了 “恐龙男” |
| [04:50] | I did what I had to do. | 我不得不这么做 |
| [04:51] | You had to junk your jeans? | 你非得作死吗 |
| [04:55] | How could you betray your own kind like this? | 你怎么能这样背叛自己的同类 |
| [04:57] | Who taught you how to turn a human inside out | 谁教会你怎么把手伸进人体内 |
| [04:59] | by reaching down their throat | 从人体内抓到屁股 |
| [05:01] | and grabbing their butt from the inside? | 把人整个翻过来 |
| [05:02] | You did. | 是你 |
| [05:03] | You got that right, sister. | 没错 小伙伴 |
| [05:06] | And this is how you repay me. | 你就这么恩将仇报吗 |
| [05:07] | Spare me the sanctimonious lecture. | 就别道貌岸然地说教了 |
| [05:09] | You never cared about me. | 你从来没在乎过我 |
| [05:11] | In the words of one of my actual friends… | 套用我真正小伙伴的一句话 |
| [05:13] | Ya basic. | 你不上档次 |
| [05:15] | It’s a human insult. | 这是人类骂人的话 |
| [05:17] | It’s devastating. | 语言暴击 |
| [05:18] | You’re devastated right now. | 我刚用言语暴击你了 |
| [05:20] | The point is, | 重点是 |
| [05:21] | the four of them are in front of the Judge, | 那四个人类此刻正站在法官面前 |
| [05:23] | and the Good Janet has escaped too. | 良善版珍妮特也逃跑了 |
| [05:26] | You’ll never find her. | 你绝不会找到她 |
| [05:27] | You mean this Good Janet? | 你指这个良善版珍妮特吗 |
| [05:30] | I found her in, like, two seconds. | 我很快就找到她了 |
| [05:32] | She was wandering the halls being polite to people, | 她当时在走廊里 一副待人和善的样子 |
| [05:35] | like a chump. | 傻不拉几 |
| [05:36] | So, I marble-ized her. | 所以我就把她缩成弹珠了 |
| [05:38] | Keep her if you want. | 你想要 就留着吧 |
| [05:39] | Maybe shove it up your wiener for safekeeping? | 塞进小鸡鸡里 留作纪念 |
| [05:41] | I don’t know, it’s up to you. | 你自由发挥吧 |
| [05:43] | I’m going to give each of you a test to see how much progress you’ve made. | 我要测试一下你们每个人都进步了多少 |
| [05:47] | And if I deem you fit to be in the Good Place, | 如果我认为你们有资格去”善地” |
| [05:49] | then… up you go. | 那你们就会升上去了 |
| [05:53] | Well, actually, sort of that way. | 其实 是那一边 |
| [05:56] | Great, can we be tested together as a group? | 太好了 我们能抱团测试吗 |
| [05:59] | Yeah, we all need to be able to cheat off Chidi. | 是啊 我们得一起抄奇迪的 |
| [06:03] | That’s why your name is Chidi. | 怪不得你叫”奇迪”啊[谐音作弊] |
| [06:05] | I get it now. | 我领会了 |
| [06:06] | I’m sorry, cuties, the tests have to be individual. | 抱歉 萌娃们 必须单独测试 |
| [06:09] | Well, can we be graded as a group then? | 那我们能按团体评分吗 |
| [06:11] | The only reason we’ve come this far | 我们能走到今天 |
| [06:13] | is because we’ve helped each other. | 都是彼此扶持的结果 |
| [06:15] | And I don’t think anything’s gonna feel like the Good Place if we’re not together. | 如果我们不在一起 到达”善地”也不会开心 |
| [06:18] | So, if you all pass, you’re in. | 这么说 都通过 就都去”善地” |
| [06:21] | And if even one of you fails, you’re all effed, right? | 如果有一个人没通过 就都不及格了吗 |
| [06:26] | Terrible idea. | 这主意糟透了 |
| [06:28] | I mean, truly awful. | 太没脑回路了 |
| [06:30] | You are very lucky that I cannot send you to the Bad Idea place, | 你们该庆幸 我没法把你们送到”馊主意地” |
| [06:34] | because that one is a stanker. | 因为这个主意太脑残了 |
| [06:36] | But whatever blows your dress up, am I right? | 但你们喜欢就好 对吧 |
| [06:41] | – Jason. – Present! | -杰森 -到 |
| [06:42] | Good. | 很好 |
| [06:43] | In front of you is a video game system loaded with Madden football. | 你面前的游戏机里装了”劲爆橄榄球”游戏 |
| [06:47] | Are you kidding me? I’m the best at Madden. | 真的假的啊 这游戏 我最厉害了 |
| [06:49] | I call Jaguars. | 我选美洲虎队 |
| [06:51] | As I was about to tell you, | 我正要和你说 |
| [06:53] | you can only play against the Jaguars. | 你只能把美洲虎队当对手 |
| [06:56] | No. | 不 |
| [06:57] | Using their archrivals, the Tennessee Titans. | 你得选他们的死敌 田纳西泰坦队 |
| [06:59] | No! | 不要 |
| [07:00] | If you play the game and you lose– | 如果你玩这个游戏 输了… |
| [07:02] | I’m gonna win. | 我一定会赢 |
| [07:03] | Say no more, scary judge lady. | 无需多言 吓人的法官大姐 |
| [07:04] | Tell my friends their souls are in good hands. | 转告我的小伙伴 我一定不负众望 |
| [07:07] | No, I fumbled the kickoff! | 天 我开球失手了 |
| [07:10] | Titans suck. | 泰坦队最烂了 |
| [07:13] | Tahani– | 塔哈妮 |
| [07:14] | it’s such a pretty name. | 这个名字真好听 |
| [07:16] | My name is super boring– | 我的名字可平淡了 |
| [07:17] | Jen. | 氢 |
| [07:19] | It’s just short for hydrogen, | 氢原子的缩写 |
| [07:20] | which was the only thing that was in existence at the time that I was born. | 我出生那会儿 就只有这玩意存在 |
| [07:24] | Anywho. | 总之 |
| [07:26] | All you have to do is go through there, | 你只要走过这里 |
| [07:29] | walk down the hallway, | 走到走廊尽头 |
| [07:30] | and through the red door at the end. | 穿过最后的红门就行了 |
| [07:33] | – That’s it? That’s my test? – Yep. | -这么简单 这就是我的测试吗 -对 |
| [07:36] | Also everyone in every room that you pass | 还有 你经过的每一间屋子 |
| [07:39] | is going to be discussing what they truly think about you. | 都会有人在里面讨论他们对你的真实看法 |
| [07:42] | Okay, have fun. | 好了 开始吧 |
| [07:53] | 童年小伙伴 西蒙 昆汀 丽贝卡 凯瑟琳 | |
| [07:56] | I see. | 我懂了 |
| [07:58] | It’s a test of my ability to not care what people think of me. | 这是测试我能否做到不在乎别人的看法 |
| [07:59] | 布露·艾薇·卡特[碧姐之女] 诺斯·韦斯特[侃爷之子] | |
| [08:02] | 美容中心员工 蜜蜡脱毛美容师 | |
| [08:04] | No. | 天呐 |
| [08:06] | So, just to be clear, | 说清楚了 |
| [08:07] | you actually rebooted them over 800 times, | 你其实导演了八百多场戏 |
| [08:09] | and all of these reports of their torture are completely fake? | 而他们的这些折磨报告全是假的吗 |
| [08:12] | Yes, but frankly, this is on you. | 对 但老实说 要怪就怪你 |
| [08:15] | A lot of those details I just took directly from Stephen King novels | 里面很多情节 我都是照搬史蒂芬·金的小说 |
| [08:19] | and episodes of “Pretty Little Liars.” | 以及美剧《美少女的谎言》 |
| [08:21] | Just tell me why, why would you do this? | 告诉我原因 你为什么这么做 |
| [08:22] | It’s not like I planned it. | 这也不是我的初衷 |
| [08:24] | I was just trying to prove that humans could be made to torture each other. | 我之前只是想证明人类之间可以互相折磨 |
| [08:28] | Instead, they helped each other and got better. | 然而 他们互相帮助 变得更好了 |
| [08:31] | They were bad people. | 他们之前不是好人 |
| [08:33] | This is not supposed to be possible, | 剧情走向不该是这样 |
| [08:35] | so the only explanation is that somehow, | 唯一的解释就是 |
| [08:38] | there was a mistake made and these people belong in the Good Place. | 可能哪里出错了 这些人属于”善地” |
| [08:41] | No, they don’t, idiot. | 他们不属于 蠢货 |
| [08:43] | Shawn, this is not fair. | 肖恩 这不公平 |
| [08:45] | Fair is the stupidest word humans ever invented, | 人类造出最蠢的词汇 就是”公平” |
| [08:49] | except for staycation. | 当然除了”家中度假” |
| [08:51] | Look, those four humans are good people | 这四个人类是好人 |
| [08:54] | and they deserve a staycation in the Good Place, | 他们理应在”善地”有一席之地 |
| [08:57] | and I bet the Judge will feel the same way. | 我敢说 法官也会这么想 |
| [08:59] | I doubt she even hears their case. | 她够呛会审理此案 |
| [09:01] | But if she does, one of them will screw it up. | 但就算审理了 他们中肯定有人会搞砸 |
| [09:04] | They always do. | 他们总这样 |
| [09:05] | I’m sick of smelling this guy’s lumpy white ass. | 我受不了这个倒霉货了 |
| [09:07] | Can we get rid of him already? | 能处理掉他了吗 |
| [09:09] | Yep. It’s time. | 可以 到时候了 |
| [09:10] | Follow me. | 跟我来 |
| [09:11] | Okay. | 好 |
| [09:12] | Eleanor and Chidi. | 埃莉诺 奇迪 |
| [09:14] | Looks like you guys are up. | 该你们俩了 |
| [09:15] | At the same time? | 一起吗 |
| [09:17] | Yep. | 对 |
| [09:31] | Trippy, right? | 让人摸不着头脑吧 |
| [09:33] | There is no test. | 没有测试啦 |
| [09:34] | You guys are in! | 你们通过了 |
| [09:36] | We’re in? What does that mean? | 我们通过了 什么意思 |
| [09:37] | You guys have made great strides | 你们进步很大 |
| [09:39] | and you made it to the Good Place. | 你们可以去”善地”了 |
| [09:40] | Congrats. | 恭喜 |
| [09:41] | Take these medallions and go right through that portal, | 拿着圆盘 直接进入那扇传送门 |
| [09:44] | and you’re there in a jiff. | 一下子就到善地了 |
| [09:47] | – We made it. – We made it. | -我们成功了 -我们成功了 |
| [09:48] | – We made it. – Holy crap! | -我们成功了 -太特么赞了 |
| [09:51] | All those ethics lessons paid off. | 那些道德伦理课没白上啊 |
| [09:53] | Whoever said philosophy was stupid? | 谁说哲学没鬼用啊 |
| [09:55] | You did, many times. | 你啊 你说了好多次 |
| [09:57] | As recently as this morning. | 今早还说了 |
| [09:58] | But-but you also worked really hard | 不过你还是用功学了 |
| [10:00] | and you deserve this. | 你理应通过 |
| [10:02] | You really do. | 真的是啊 |
| [10:04] | Here’s the thing, though. It’s just the two of you. | 但有个问题 只有你们俩通过了 |
| [10:06] | Tahani and Jason didn’t make it. | 塔哈妮和杰森没能通过 |
| [10:08] | I’m giving them tests right now to determine | 我正在测试他们 |
| [10:10] | where they belong within the Bad Place, | 看他们该被分到”恶地”哪里 |
| [10:12] | so you might wanna reconsider that judges-together thing | 所以你们还是重新考虑一下团体考评的事吧 |
| [10:16] | ’cause if you stick to that, you’re all going down. | 因为如果你们还抱团 就会团灭了 |
| [10:18] | I am so hungry. | 我好饿 |
| [10:21] | Why am I so hungry? | 我怎么这么饿 |
| [10:23] | I’m such an idiot. | 我这个傻子 |
| [10:24] | I forgot to eat my burrito. | 我忘记吃卷饼了 |
| [10:26] | And I was so hungry, too. | 我当时也好饿来着 |
| [10:28] | What a dork. | 我真傻 |
| [10:31] | Okay, obviously, this is the test, right? | 显然 这就是测试吧 |
| [10:34] | I bet the Judge gave Jason and Tahani the same offer, | 法官肯定给杰森和塔哈妮开出了同样的条件 |
| [10:37] | and whichever couple takes it, | 而选择离开的那一对 |
| [10:39] | actually loses and the other two get in for real. | 其实就失败了 而另外一对就真通过了 |
| [10:43] | Diabolical. | 太坏了 |
| [10:45] | Judge. | 法官 |
| [10:46] | – We figured out what you’re really– – Nope. | -我们识破你… -不是 |
| [10:47] | Tahani and Jason have not been given the same offer. | 我没给塔哈妮和杰森开出同样的条件 |
| [10:50] | Here, take a look. | 你们自己看吧 |
| [10:52] | Tahani’s test is to walk down the hallway | 塔哈妮的测试是走过一段走廊 |
| [10:55] | and not get tempted by her gossiping friends. | 对那些八卦自己的人 置若罔闻 |
| [10:57] | Jason is playing video games. | 杰森则是玩游戏 |
| [11:00] | Okay, cool. | 好 知道了 |
| [11:02] | Sorry, I feel weird saying this to an almighty judge, | 抱歉 虽说可能不该这么和至尊法官说话 |
| [11:05] | but you have hot sauce on your chin. | 但你下巴上沾了辣椒酱 |
| [11:07] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [11:09] | It’s actually not hot sauce. | 这其实不是辣椒酱 |
| [11:11] | It’s envy. | 而是”嫉妒” |
| [11:12] | Or, the concept of envy. | 应该说”嫉妒的化身” |
| [11:14] | It’s really good on Mexican food, | 配墨西哥食物特别好吃 |
| [11:16] | it gives it a little kick. | “妒火”让辣味更爽 |
| [11:19] | Okay, so what do we do? | 我们怎么办 |
| [11:22] | No, that was your moral quandary grimace, | 坏了 这是陷入道德困境的苦瓜脸 |
| [11:25] | which is different from your gas pain grimace. | 跟胀气痛的苦瓜脸不同 |
| [11:28] | And different from your someone said | 跟别人把”何处而来” |
| [11:30] | “From whence it came” instead of “whence it came” grimace. | 说成是”何处来”的苦瓜脸也不一样 |
| [11:34] | So, spit it out, man. | 有话就说吧 |
| [11:36] | Well, if this isn’t a test, | 如果这不是测试 |
| [11:38] | then it’s something way worse. | 那么情况更糟 |
| [11:41] | – What? – A choice… that we have to make. | -何以见得 -这是个选择 我们要做出选择 |
| [11:44] | Yeah, you know, why can’t one part of the calculation of our eternal fate be easy? | 为什么我们的永生归属就这么艰难啊 |
| [11:50] | I don’t know. | 不知道 |
| [11:59] | Quvenzhane Wallis and Stephen Hawking | “奎文赞妮·瓦利斯”和史蒂芬·金 |
| [12:01] | in the same room discussing me? | 在同一间屋里讨论我吗 |
| [12:06] | Guess they must’ve made up. | 估计是瞎编出来的组合 |
| [12:08] | Focus. | 别分心 |
| [12:09] | 菲姬 「约克公爵夫人」 菲姬 「黑眼豆豆主唱」 | |
| [12:09] | There’ll be Fergies a-plenty in the Good Place. | “善地”里有好多菲姬可以认识呢 |
| [12:23] | I don’t know where we went wrong with Tahani. | 我不知道我们怎么没把塔哈妮养好 |
| [12:26] | I know, she is such a disappointment compared to her sister. | 就是啊 跟她姐姐相比 她真是好没出息 |
| [12:30] | Hello, Father. | 父亲 |
| [12:32] | Hello, Mother. | 母亲 |
| [12:34] | Hello, Tahani. | 塔哈妮 |
| [12:35] | We were just talking about | 我们正在说 |
| [12:37] | how you’re a huge disappointment compared to your sister. | 跟你姐姐相比 你好没出息 |
| [12:40] | Have a seat, we’d love to get your take. | 坐吧 我们想听听你的想法 |
| [12:45] | How’s it going in here? | 赛况如何了 |
| [12:46] | I’m losing by three. | 我零比三落后 |
| [12:47] | Meditating to calm myself down. | 正在冥想 让自己冷静下来 |
| [12:49] | I’d be winning by, like, a million if I could play as the Jags | 如果你让我选美洲虎队 而不是与其对抗 |
| [12:52] | instead of playing against the Jags. | 我现在早赢无数次了 |
| [12:55] | I hate scoring against my own favorite team. | 我不喜欢赢下我最爱的球队 |
| [13:01] | But you already knew that. | 但你早就知道了 |
| [13:05] | Because this is the test! | 因为这就是测试内容 |
| [13:07] | Yeah, that’s not a revelation or something. | 没什么好恍然一大悟的 |
| [13:09] | I explained that very clearly. | 我之前都说得很清楚了 |
| [13:12] | It’s nice to see you, Tahani. | 见到你真好 塔哈妮 |
| [13:14] | Apparently, wherever you’ve been, | 显然 虽不知你去了哪里 |
| [13:17] | they’ve been keeping you well-fed. | 但你吃得很好 |
| [13:20] | You know, I’ve actually risked quite a lot to be in this room right now, | 其实 我冒了很大风险进来这里 |
| [13:24] | so if you could just not be cruel for maybe 30 seconds, | 所以如果你们能对我稍微友善一点 |
| [13:28] | that would be lovely. | 就好了 |
| [13:29] | Apologies, it’s been a while since we’ve seen you. | 抱歉 我们很久没见到你了 |
| [13:32] | We have so much to tell you about your sister. | 我们有很多你姐姐的消息要告诉你 |
| [13:35] | We’ve just heard the most wonderful news. | 我们刚听到了一个超棒的消息 |
| [13:38] | Kamilah dedicated her last album to you. | 卡米拉把上一张专辑献予你了 |
| [13:42] | Really? | 真的吗 |
| [13:43] | Well, she dedicated it to her fans and you’re one of her fans. | 她是献予其粉丝 但你也是她的粉丝之一嘛 |
| [13:48] | The whole point of this afterlife test | 这个测试的重点就是 |
| [13:52] | is that everyone in these rooms is supposed to be talking about me. | 屋里的人都应该讨论我 |
| [13:56] | And yet, even in this scenario, | 然而 即便在这种情况下 |
| [13:59] | you are still talking about Kamilah. | 你们还是张口闭口”卡米拉” |
| [14:05] | Which is exactly the point. | 这就是重点了 |
| [14:08] | I was never going to be enough for you. | 我永远都没法让你们满意 |
| [14:12] | Never going to earn your respect. | 永远都无法赢得你们的尊重 |
| [14:14] | You know, I’ve done things that you would never have approved of. | 其实 我做了很多你们不会允许我做的事 |
| [14:18] | I died, dressed as someone in the service industry, | 我死去时 穿着一身服务生的衣服 |
| [14:22] | I shagged a Floridian, | 我睡了一个佛罗里达州汉子 |
| [14:24] | I even ate a Cheeto. | 我还吃了一个膨化芝士条 |
| [14:26] | That’s right. Chewing it was deafening. | 没错 还大声咀嚼呢 |
| [14:29] | And it’s the happiest I have ever been. | 我从来都没那么快乐过 |
| [14:31] | Don’t get upset, dear. | 别伤心 亲爱的 |
| [14:33] | You barely fit in that dress, | 这裙子本来也不合身了 |
| [14:35] | and I’m afraid you’re going to hulk out, as it were. | 这裙子恐怕要被你撑破了 |
| [14:38] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [14:41] | I’m sorry we didn’t have a better relationship. | 我很遗憾我们生前关系不好 |
| [14:45] | And I wish you both the best. | 我祝福你们 |
| [14:58] | All right, idiot, any last words? | 好了 缺心眼 有遗言吗 |
| [15:00] | Go ahead and retire me already. | 赶紧动手 让我”退休”吧 |
| [15:03] | You’re not getting retired, Michael. | 不会让你”退休” 迈克尔 |
| [15:05] | I’m not? | 不”退休”吗 |
| [15:06] | No, retirement is a spectacle. | 不 “退休”是一出大戏 |
| [15:07] | Everyone would see the flaming ladles go down your throat. | 大家都会看着灼热的长勺挖出你的精髓 |
| [15:10] | Everyone would hear your eternal shrieks of agony, | 都会听见你永世不灭的惨叫 |
| [15:12] | blah, blah, blah, then they’d ask me what you did. | 一场酷刑大戏 然后他们会问你有何罪过 |
| [15:14] | I don’t need that kind of scrutiny right now. | 我可不能让别人问你发生了什么事 |
| [15:16] | So, I’m just gonna throw you in this unmarked room for the rest of eternity. | 所以我要把你永世关在这个无人问津的房间里 |
| [15:22] | And since it seems you love humans so much, | 既然你这么爱人类 |
| [15:23] | I’ll torture you like one. | 我就把你当人类来折磨 |
| [15:25] | All you’ll have for entertainment is that giant stack of “New Yorker” magazines. | 那一摞《纽约客》杂志就是你永世唯一的娱乐方式 |
| [15:31] | Come on. | 别这么狠啊 |
| [15:32] | You and I both know I’ll never read those. | 我们都知道 我从来不看那些 |
| [15:35] | Of course you won’t. | 我当然知道你不看了 |
| [15:36] | But they’ll just keep coming. | 但杂志会永远停不下来哦 |
| [15:44] | Goodbye, Michael. | 再见 迈克尔 |
| [15:46] | We will leave you with one of Bad Janet’s classic farts. | 走之前 送你邪恶版珍妮特”香屁”一个 |
| [15:49] | The smell will linger for 10 million years. | 臭气会持续一千万年之久 |
| [15:52] | All right, here comes the boom! | 好了 接我”香屁”一个 |
| [15:55] | Wait, actually, | 等下 |
| [15:56] | before I absolutely let it rip, | 我憋足劲儿放屁之前 |
| [15:59] | – I just have one more thing I have to do. – What? | -我要先做一件事 -什么 |
| [16:06] | It’s me, Good Janet. | 是我 良善版珍妮特 |
| [16:07] | Janet. | 珍妮特 |
| [16:09] | I thought you were a marble. | 我还以为你被缩成弹珠了 |
| [16:11] | That was a trick. | 我耍的小花招 |
| [16:12] | I realized if we wanted our friends to have any chance of survival, | 我意识到 如果想解救小伙伴们 |
| [16:15] | I had to learn how to do a lot of bad things really quickly. | 我就得短时间内学会怎么做坏事 |
| [16:18] | So, I did. | 所以我就那么做了 |
| [16:20] | Now I’m ready to go back to being nice again. | 我现在准备好做回良善版珍妮特了 |
| [16:22] | What happened? | 怎么回事 |
| [16:26] | Okay, now I’ll be nice again. | 好 从现在开始做回善版 |
| [16:31] | Could you please stop doing that? | 你能别走了吗 |
| [16:33] | It helps me think. | 这有助于我思考 |
| [16:37] | We’ve been through every argument. | 我们能讨论的论点都讨论完了 |
| [16:39] | Contractualist, Kantian, | 契约主义 康德主义 |
| [16:41] | what would Superman do, | 超人会怎么做 |
| [16:43] | what would Rihanna do– | 蕾哈娜会怎么做 |
| [16:45] | are we missing anything? | 还落下谁了吗 |
| [16:47] | Hit me right now with your most obscure, boring-est, | 用你那些晦涩难懂 枯燥单调 |
| [16:51] | old white dude with a long wizard beard mumbo-jumbo. | 留着大胡子的白人大哥写出的天书理论来反驳我吧 |
| [16:55] | Okay, our friends are going to the Bad Place, | 我们的朋友要去”恶地” |
| [16:59] | and us choosing to go with them won’t lessen their suffering. | 而我们跟他们一起去 也不会让他们少受苦 |
| [17:04] | So, morally, | 所以 道德上说 |
| [17:09] | we’re allowed to go. | 我们可以去”善地” |
| [17:10] | But let’s forget about the ethics for a second. | 但先别管什么伦理道德了 |
| [17:14] | After everything that’s happened, | 经历了这么多事 |
| [17:15] | don’t we deserve to be together and happy for once? | 我们难道不该拥有属于我们的童话结局吗 |
| [17:26] | Judge? | 法官 |
| [17:27] | Have you made your decision? | 你们决定了吗 |
| [17:29] | Yeah. | 对 |
| [17:31] | We’re not going to the Good Place. | 我们不会去”善地” |
| [17:33] | I mean, that was never actually an option, | 虽然也不是真的让我们去 |
| [17:35] | but for the sake of your test, we’re not going. | 但是对你的测试要有个交代 我们不去 |
| [17:38] | What do you mean? | 什么意思 |
| [17:39] | Well, I was 99% sure that going was the wrong move, | 我之前99%确信 单独前往是不对的 |
| [17:42] | but since our whole relationship has been me being sure of something | 但鉴于我们的关系一直都是 我很确信什么 |
| [17:45] | and Chidi explaining why I was wrong, | 而奇迪辩驳我错了 |
| [17:48] | I owed it to him to quadruple check. | 所以我该看在他的面上 反复审视 |
| [17:50] | The capper came when I realized… | 精彩好戏来了 我意识到… |
| [17:53] | that ain’t Chidi. | 那不是奇迪 |
| [17:55] | The Chidi I know wouldn’t argue that | 我认识的奇迪绝不会主张 |
| [17:57] | he should be rewarded while his friends got punished, | 他朋友受罚时 他理应过好日子 |
| [17:59] | and he would never “forget about ethics for a second.” | 而且他绝不会说 “先别管伦理道德了” |
| [18:03] | I don’t know who this joker is, | 我不知道这货是谁 |
| [18:04] | but it’s not Chidi Anagonye. | 但绝对不是奇迪·阿纳贡耶 |
| [18:06] | Wait, but what about the– | 等下 但如果… |
| [18:09] | Well done, Eleanor. | 很棒 埃莉诺 |
| [18:11] | You can take a seat and wait for the others. | 你可以坐下等其它人了 |
| [18:13] | And can I have that medallion back | 你得把圆盘还给我 |
| [18:14] | ’cause it’s actually a coaster for my sodas? | 因为这是我用来放汽水杯的杯垫 |
| [18:18] | Where is the real Chidi, though? Is he okay? | 真正的奇迪在哪里 他没事吧 |
| [18:20] | He’s still taking his test. | 他还在进行测试 |
| [18:24] | Okay, this is ridiculous. | 这测试也是没谁了 |
| [18:28] | I’m just gonna choose… | 我就选… |
| [18:32] | Brown. | 棕色 |
| [18:34] | Gray’s the obvious choice, | 灰色显然是首选 |
| [18:36] | which is probably why I shouldn’t choose it. | 所以可能就不该选灰色 |
| [18:38] | Brown. Nope. | 棕色 不行 |
| [18:39] | Gray. | 灰色 |
| [18:41] | Nope. Brown. | 不行 棕色 |
| [18:42] | Brown hat. | 棕色帽子 |
| [18:48] | All right, fun stuff. | 好了 很有趣吧 |
| [18:50] | – Yeah. – Yeah? | -对 -是吗 |
| [18:51] | Feeling good? | 感觉不错吗 |
| [18:52] | – Very. – I think so, yes. | -非常好 -算是吧 |
| [18:53] | Great. You’re all going to the Bad Place. | 很好 我将你们判给”恶地”了 |
| [18:59] | Okay, | 好吧 |
| [19:01] | if I was the one who failed, | 如果是我失败了 |
| [19:03] | could you at least tell me why I failed, for my own edification? | 能告诉我原因吗 点化一下我 |
| [19:06] | It took you 82 minutes to choose a hat. | 选个帽子 你用了82分钟 |
| [19:09] | But did I at least choose the right one? | 但至少我选对了吧 |
| [19:11] | There is no right one. They’re hats. | 没有对错 就是帽子而已 |
| [19:13] | Come on, man. | 真是不开窍啊 |
| [19:16] | Tahani, you skipped a lot of rooms that I thought would entice you, | 塔哈妮 你跳过了很多我以为会吸引你进入的房间 |
| [19:20] | but you weren’t supposed to open any doors, | 但你不该进任何房间 |
| [19:22] | and you couldn’t resist confronting your parents. | 而你忍不住去和你父母对质 |
| [19:24] | Sorry, everyone. | 抱歉 各位 |
| [19:26] | But now that I failed, | 但既然我已经失败了 |
| [19:27] | can I go back in and talk to Winston Churchill and Freddie Mercury? | 我能回去找温斯顿·丘吉尔和佛莱迪·摩克瑞聊聊吗 |
| [19:31] | No. | 不能 |
| [19:32] | Jason, your test was about impulse control, | 杰森 你测试的是控制冲动的能力 |
| [19:34] | and you showed great improvements, | 你展现出了很大进步 |
| [19:37] | but you never asked if you could opt not to play. | 但你从来没问过 你是否可以选择不玩 |
| [19:41] | I mean, you basically told me, | 你基本上是跟我说 |
| [19:45] | an all-knowing judge, to just shut up and go away. | 让我这个全知法官 闭嘴滚蛋 |
| [19:48] | Do you realize how insane that is? | 你知道这多么让人无语吗 |
| [19:52] | Not as insane as picking off the greatest quarterback of all time, Black Bortles, | 哪有解决掉史上最伟大的四分卫 布莱克·保托斯 |
| [19:56] | to set up a last second game-winning field goal. | 使第二场投球命中更让人无语啊 |
| [20:01] | Now, Eleanor’s test was about her selfishness, | 埃莉诺的测试是关于她的自私问题 |
| [20:04] | – and she actually– – I failed. | -而她真… -我失败了 |
| [20:07] | I shoved an old lady down the stairs to get to the raw bar, | 我为了到自助吧 把一个老太太推下台阶了 |
| [20:11] | ’cause I’m a shrimp fiend. | 因为虾让我疯狂 |
| [20:13] | So, we all failed, let’s not dwell on it. | 我们都失败了 就别再提了 |
| [20:17] | All right, shall we? | 好了 走吧 |
| [20:25] | I am gonna miss you guys. | 我会想你们的 |
| [20:27] | I made a little video of our time together. | 我为我们相处的时光做了小视频 |
| [20:34] | Look, there we are. | 瞧瞧我们啊 |
| [20:35] | You know, I thought I’d have a stomachache right now, | 我以为我这时会胃疼 |
| [20:37] | but weirdly… | 但没想到… |
| [20:40] | I do. | 我确实胃疼 |
| [20:41] | There’s my guy. | 这才是我家奇迪啊 |
| [20:43] | – What? – Doesn’t matter. | -什么 -没什么 |
| [20:44] | I’m gonna miss you, bud. | 我会想你的 小奇奇 |
| [20:46] | Every time they pull my eyeballs out through my mouth, | 每次他们从我嘴里把我的眼球扯出来时 |
| [20:48] | I’ll think of you. | 我都会想起你 |
| [20:52] | I’m gonna frame that one. | 我要把这张裱起来 |
| [20:53] | We gave it our best shot, guys. | 我们尽力了 小伙伴们 |
| [20:55] | I say we go through the portal, get a good night’s sleep, | 我们穿过传送门 好好睡一觉 |
| [20:59] | come back fresh in the morning. | 明早再回来 |
| [21:01] | Try again. | 再战一回 |
| [21:02] | Jason. | 杰森 |
| [21:04] | I feel like you always understand about 20% of what’s happening. | 我总感觉 你一直处于全程懵圈的状态 |
| [21:08] | – Thanks. – Sure. | -谢谢 -客气 |
| [21:11] | I mean, look at us. | 瞧瞧我们 |
| [21:13] | Good times. | 真美好啊 |
| [21:15] | All right, off to eternal damnation. | 该上路了 |
| [21:18] | Do you hear something? | 你们听到什么了吗 |
| [21:23] | Hey, guys. | 大家好啊 |
| [21:24] | How you been? | 别来无恙 |