| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:04] | Okay. Okay. Okay. Let’s do sophomore year high school. | 好吧 好吧 考虑下高二的同学 |
| [00:07] | – Nathan Burlingame. – Didn’t like you. | -内森·伯林盖姆 -不喜欢你 |
| [00:10] | Kylie Mansard. | 凯丽·曼萨德 |
| [00:11] | Thought you were cool but intimidating. | 觉得你又凶又犀利 |
| [00:12] | No way. I thought she was intimidating. | 不是吧 我当年还觉得她很凶呢 |
| [00:16] | That’s why I shoved her into that creek. | 所以才把她推进河里 |
| [00:17] | Well, after my chili episode, | “辣椒闹剧”之后 |
| [00:20] | I asked the administration for a one-year sabbatical | 我向行政部门申请休假一年 |
| [00:23] | and, good news, they fired me. | 好消息 我直接被解雇了 |
| [00:25] | So I am free and easy. | 我可以自由自在 随心所欲了 |
| [00:29] | Well, the rest of the Soul Squad is off helping Jason’s dad. | “灵魂小队”其他队员去拯救杰森的父亲了 |
| [00:32] | Who are we saving? | 我们要拯救谁呢 |
| [00:34] | No one from my high school, I will tell you that much. | 反正我的高中同学是没戏了 别问我为什么 |
| [00:36] | Well, before we do anything, | 拯救他人灵魂之前 |
| [00:39] | I have to break things off with Simone. | 我得先和西蒙妮分手 |
| [00:41] | If I slip up and tell her about the universe, | 要是我不小心把宇宙奥秘透露给她 |
| [00:43] | it could doom her for eternity, | 就会害她永生坠入地狱 |
| [00:45] | and I’ve avoided talking to her for so long, | 我已经很久没跟她说话了 |
| [00:46] | she assumed I had laryngitis, and it went too far, | 她以为我的喉炎恶化了 |
| [00:49] | – and now I’m on antibiotics. – Okay, settle down. | -严重到都得服用抗生素了 -淡定 |
| [00:51] | Your moral code means you can’t lie, right? | 你的良知不允许你撒谎 对吧 |
| [00:55] | You need to just ghost her. Disappear. Block her number. | 你得玩消失 不告而别 拉黑她的手机号 |
| [00:58] | Bonus, anything she left in your apartment now legally belongs to you. | 而且 你还可以心安理得霸占她留在你公寓的东西 |
| [01:01] | I’ve done that to dozens of people, | 我经常这么对我前任 |
| [01:03] | and all of them got over it. | 他们都释怀了 |
| [01:04] | Actually, none of your exes have ever gotten over you. | 其实 你的前任都对你念念不忘 |
| [01:06] | You’re damn right they didn’t. | 那可不 姐闪闪惹人爱啊 |
| [01:08] | I just wish I could end things in a way that I knew wouldn’t hurt her. | 我就是想以不让她伤心的方式和平分手 |
| [01:12] | Bing! | 叮 |
| [01:14] | I usually appear out of thin air | 我以前经常凭空出现 |
| [01:16] | and there would be a pleasant bing sound, | 每次都会伴随美妙的”叮”声出场 |
| [01:18] | but I don’t have my powers, so I’m doing my own bings now. | 但我现在没有超能力了 所以只好自带配乐了 |
| [01:21] | Bing! | 叮 |
| [01:24] | Chidi, what if I could create a virtual reality simulation | 奇迪 要不我帮你打造一个虚拟现实模拟机吧 |
| [01:26] | where you could practice different breakup scenarios? | 你可以模拟各种分手的场景 |
| [01:28] | – You can do that? – I think so. | -还有这种操作 -当然啦 |
| [01:30] | I do know everything about you and Simone | 我对你和西蒙妮了如指掌 |
| [01:33] | and computer programming and virtual reality | 精通电脑编程 虚拟现实 |
| [01:35] | and artificial intelligence and the human brain | 人工智能 人类大脑 |
| [01:37] | and everything else. | 我无所不知 |
| [01:38] | I’m kind of a nerd. | 算是美貌与智慧并存了 |
| [01:39] | I’ll start building the simulator now. | 我这就着手打造虚拟机 |
| [01:41] | Bing! | 叮 |
| [01:46] | Don’t- Turn around. | 别看我 转过身去 |
| [01:49] | It’s embarrassing. | 好尴尬 |
| [01:52] | Bing. | 叮 |
| [02:01] | 兰迪·硬汉·野蛮人 不国际机场 | |
| [02:02] | Jacksonville, what up? | 杰克逊维尔 小爷回来了 |
| [02:05] | – Duval! – Duval! | -嗷呜 -嗷呜 |
| [02:09] | Poor Larry. | 可怜的拉里 |
| [02:11] | But… | 但是… |
| [02:13] | “If you love someone set them free.” | “有一种爱叫做放手” |
| [02:16] | My good friend and yoga pupil Sting, no last initial, | 我有个好友兼瑜伽学徒 单名”毒刺”[歌手] |
| [02:19] | told me that. | 这句话是他的至理名言 |
| [02:20] | I can’t wait to show you guys all the cool sites in Jacksonville. | 我等不及带你们俩游览杰克逊维尔的酷炫景点了 |
| [02:23] | Like, that swamp is where me, Pillboi, and Donkey Doug | 比如那个沼泽 我 “药哥” “傻强” |
| [02:26] | used to stand and try and blind pilots with laser pointers, and– | 以前经常在那儿企图用激光笔照瞎飞行员 |
| [02:29] | Maybe we should do the tour | 以后再四处逛逛 |
| [02:31] | after we, you know, save your father’s soul. | 先去拯救你父亲的灵魂吧 |
| [02:34] | I’ve been meaning to ask. | 我一直很好奇 |
| [02:36] | Why are you trying to save your father? | 你怎么想要拯救你父亲呢 |
| [02:38] | I’ve heard you mention your friend Pillboi many times, | 经常听你提起你的好兄弟”药哥” |
| [02:41] | but you’ve not mentioned your father once. | 但从来没听你提过你父亲 |
| [02:43] | What do you mean? | 怎么会 |
| [02:44] | I talk about Donkey Doug all the time. | 我一直把”傻强”挂在嘴边啊 |
| [02:50] | – I’m sorry. The man you call donkey Doug is your father? – Yeah. | -等下 “傻强”是你爸 -是啊 |
| [02:56] | The Donkey Doug with whom you tried to blind airline pilots with laser pointers? | 那个跟你一起用激光笔照瞎飞行员的”傻强” |
| [03:00] | Yeah. | 是呀 |
| [03:01] | The Donkey Doug who’s banned from Disney World for biting Buzz Lightyear? | 那个咬了巴斯光年被迪士尼世界禁入的”傻强” |
| [03:06] | In his defense, he thought it was someone else. | 说句公道话 他当时认错人了 |
| [03:10] | Who? | 认成谁了 |
| [03:11] | So Michael and I have a plan to save my dad. | 我和迈克尔想出了一个拯救我爸的计划 |
| [03:14] | My whole life, Donkey Doug was always getting in trouble | 这么多年 “傻强”一直麻烦不断 |
| [03:18] | because of some get-rich-quick scheme. | 就是因为想一夜暴富 |
| [03:20] | He sold counterfeit truck nuts. | 他卖过伪造的”卡车球” |
| [03:22] | He created a sport | 他曾发明了一种新运动 |
| [03:23] | that was a cross between dodgeball and horseshoes and everybody died. | 穿马蹄铁玩躲避球 参与的人都死翘翘了 |
| [03:27] | – He glued… – This should be easy. | -他还粘… -这个好办 |
| [03:29] | We have plenty of money. | 我们不差钱 |
| [03:30] | If we just give him money, he’ll blow it. | 要是直接给他钱 他会不开心 |
| [03:33] | He’s gotta feel like he did it himself. | 他想自己发家致富 |
| [03:35] | A few years ago, Donkey Doug was very close to getting his electrician’s license. | 几年前 “傻强”差点就拿到电工证了 |
| [03:40] | So if we get him to finish the training, | 如果我们能说服他完成培训 |
| [03:42] | he can earn an honest living | 他就能过上体面的生活 |
| [03:43] | and be on his way to getting more Good Place points, | 慢慢积攒”良善积分”了 |
| [03:46] | which is why we’re all here. | 这正是我们来此的原因 |
| [03:48] | Okay, let’s go save my dad. | 出发拯救我老爸吧 |
| [03:51] | Taxi! | 出租车 |
| [03:59] | Need help with your bags? | 需要帮你放包吗 |
| [04:00] | Nah, I got it. | 不用 我能行 |
| [04:05] | – Damn, Jason! – Dude, Donkey Doug! | -天啦噜 杰森 -傻强 |
| [04:09] | You call him Donkey Doug in person? | 你居然直呼他”傻强” |
| [04:11] | Me and Jason are cool like that. | 我和杰森的关系可铁了 |
| [04:12] | I don’t think of him as my son. | 我不拿他当儿子 |
| [04:14] | I think of him as my boy! | 我当他是兄弟[孩子] |
| [04:16] | I mean, I am your boy. | 我确实是你孩子啊 |
| [04:19] | Yeah, but it’s more like, | 没错 但感觉更像是 |
| [04:20] | “That’s my son right there, son.” | 亲如父子的兄弟 |
| [04:22] | But not like, “Son, son.” | 而不是亲如兄弟的父子 |
| [04:25] | But like, “My boy.” But not like– | 就像好哥们 而不是… |
| [04:27] | Yes, yes, we get it. Thank you. | 好了 我们懂了 不用解释了 |
| [04:29] | This is my friend Michael. | 这位是我的朋友 迈克尔 |
| [04:31] | Crap. You look like a cop. | 天啦噜 你咋这么像警察 |
| [04:33] | Are you a cop? Because if you are, you have to tell me, | 你是警察吗 如果是 必须告诉我哦 |
| [04:36] | and you’re not allowed to arrest me | 如果我不知道你是警察 |
| [04:37] | for anything you saw before I knew you were a cop. | 那我无论做什么 你都不能逮捕我 |
| [04:39] | – I-I’m not a police officer. – Yeah, Michael’s cool. | -我不是警察 -嗯 迈克尔人很好 不用担心 |
| [04:43] | And this is Tahani, who is my wife, I guess. | 这位是塔哈妮 好像是我老婆 |
| [04:46] | Dang, nice pull, son! | 了不得 你小子撞大运了 |
| [04:48] | How about you and me go check out my Jacuzzi | 我们俩去泡鸳鸯浴吧 |
| [04:50] | and put stuff in each other? | 互相填补空虚 |
| [04:52] | Again, I’m his wife. | 提醒一下 我是他的妻子 |
| [04:55] | That’s the first time that line has ever failed. | 我第一次撩妹失败哎 |
| [04:58] | You must really love him. | 你一定很爱他 |
| [05:00] | Welcome to the family! Come on in! | 欢迎回家 快请进吧 |
| [05:03] | This program knows everything about your personality, Simone’s personality, | 这个模拟程序了解你和西蒙妮的性格 |
| [05:06] | and all human relationships. | 精通人类复杂的情感关系 |
| [05:08] | It can’t tell you exactly what will happen, | 该程序不能预测事情的走向 |
| [05:10] | but it will approximate Simone’s reaction to anything you say to her. | 但可以根据你的表现 模拟西蒙妮的反应 |
| [05:14] | Plus, it has Tetris. | 还可以玩俄罗斯方块呢 |
| [05:16] | Would this work with, | 这个程序 |
| [05:18] | say, me and, say, Jason Statham | 能让我和杰森·斯坦森共处一室吗 |
| [05:21] | and instead of a café, | 不是在咖啡馆 |
| [05:23] | it was, say, a room with a futon and a bunch of Red Bull? | 而是在配有柔软大床和红牛的酒店房间里 |
| [05:26] | Why is it that every time a new thing is invented, | 怎么每次出现新发明 |
| [05:29] | humans immediately try to use it for porn? | 你们人类总是用作色情用途呢 |
| [05:31] | Because we’re disgusting. | 因为我们欲火焚身呗 |
| [05:33] | Eleanor and I will be watching on the monitor. | 我和埃莉诺会利用显示器观测模拟动态 |
| [05:35] | We’ll see what you see. Put these in your ears. | 透过你的视角进行观察 戴在耳朵上 |
| [05:37] | They’ll play a tone | 这个会模拟一种声音 |
| [05:38] | that will trick your brain into seeing what I’ve programmed. | 使你看到编程的场景 |
| [05:47] | So this is… | 这就是… |
| [05:49] | – I’m here. – Hey, babe. What did you want to talk about? | -我到了 -亲爱的 你之前想跟我说什么 |
| [05:53] | – Go ahead, Chidi, practice what you want to say to her. – Right. | -加油 奇迪 告诉她心里话 -好 |
| [05:56] | Simone, this has been the best year of my life because of you. | 西蒙妮 去年是我有生以来最幸福的一年 多亏有你 |
| [06:00] | Unfortunately, I have come to learn some information, | 很不幸 我最近得知了一些信息 |
| [06:04] | and it means that we have to end this relationship. | 所以我们不能在一起了 |
| [06:08] | – What information? – I… | -什么信息 -我… |
| [06:11] | – can’t say. – Why not? | -不能告诉你 -为什么 |
| [06:13] | I-I can’t say. | 我不能说 |
| [06:15] | Well, you’ve either gone crazy, | 你不是疯了 |
| [06:16] | or you’re too much of a coward to tell me how you feel. | 就是太懦弱 不敢吐露真实感受 |
| [06:18] | – Which is it? – I-I can’t because of… | -到底是怎样 -我不能说 因为… |
| [06:22] | – Janet! – Who’s Janet? | -珍妮特 -珍妮特是谁 |
| [06:24] | And why are you screaming her name into the sky? | 你怎么朝空中呼喊她的名字 |
| [06:26] | You know what? Whatever. | 算了 就这样吧 |
| [06:27] | – Good-bye, Chidi. – No. No. No. Wait– | -再见 奇迪 -不不不 等下… |
| [06:30] | So… | 嗯… |
| [06:31] | – that didn’t go great. – I disagree. | -进展不顺利 -反对 |
| [06:34] | I thought it was hilarious. | 我觉得超搞笑啊 |
| [06:36] | So, Donkey Doug, Jason told us about your electrician license, | 傻强 杰森告诉我们 你差点拿到电工证 |
| [06:40] | and we have a career opportunity for you. | 我们有份工作给你 |
| [06:42] | Yo, later for that. | 这事等会再说 |
| [06:44] | I got a business proposition for you. Pillboi! | 我有份商业企划跟杰森商量 药哥 |
| [06:51] | – Dip! Jason! – Dip! Pillboi! | -帅啊 杰森 -牛啊 药哥 |
| [06:53] | – Dip! Pillboi! – Dip! Donkey Doug! | -牛啊 药哥 -帅啊 傻强 |
| [06:56] | – Dip! Jason! – This is remarkable. | -帅啊 杰森 -不可思议 |
| [06:58] | – It explains so much. – Dip! Pillboi! | -这样很多事情就讲得通了 -帅啊 药哥 |
| [07:00] | Jason, I thought you were dead. | 杰森 我还以为你死了 |
| [07:01] | But I was alive. I was in Australia. | 活蹦乱跳呢 我去了澳大利亚 |
| [07:04] | I talked to you on the phone last week. | 我上周打电话告诉你了 |
| [07:05] | Yeah, but I forgot. | 是啊 可我忘了 |
| [07:08] | Me and Pillboi have been cooking up something real special. | 我和”药哥”一直在研制特殊产品 |
| [07:12] | And this time, it’s not fake meth. | 这次可不是假冰毒了 |
| [07:16] | All right, Pillboi, tell him about our new product. | 药哥 给他介绍下我们的新产品 |
| [07:19] | Sharks, how much do you spend on energy drinks and body spray in one week? | “创智赢家”们 你们每周在功能饮料和身体喷雾上花多少钱 |
| [07:24] | Three hundred dollars? | 三百美元 |
| [07:25] | Ten hundred dollars? | 一百美元 |
| [07:27] | What if I told you there was a product that combined these two things | 现在 有一种产品结合了两者的功能 |
| [07:30] | for one solution to all of life’s problems and more? | 一劳永逸地解决所有烦恼 |
| [07:35] | I give to you Double Trouble! | 为大家隆重介绍 “双倍烦恼” |
| [07:38] | The world’s first energy drink/body spray. | 全球首款功能饮料兼身体喷雾 |
| [07:42] | So do you spray it on yourself, or do you drink it? | 是喷在身上呢 还是喝进去呢 |
| [07:46] | You both it. This is the one, Jason. | 都可以 这回肯定能行 杰森 |
| [07:48] | We’re gonna be so rich. | 我们要暴富了 |
| [07:50] | I’ll finally be able to pay | 那样我就有钱 |
| [07:51] | to have my calf implants moved back up from my feet. | 把移植到脚上的小腿肌肉移植回腿上了 |
| [07:54] | This is gonna be a lot tougher than we thought. | 情况比预想中棘手啊 |
| [07:57] | Tell me about it. | 可不是吗 |
| [07:58] | Double Trouble sounds amazing. We should bid fast. | “双倍烦恼”很不错啊 我们得赶紧竞拍 |
| [08:00] | The other sharks are gonna want in. | 不然就被其他人拍走了 |
| [08:05] | So I just have to be simple, honest, and declarative | 我只需简明扼要 实话实说 语气坚决 |
| [08:09] | and somehow still protects her feelings. | 同时还要照顾她的感受 |
| [08:11] | I don’t know, man. | 我也没辙了 |
| [08:12] | Maybe just tell her that you’re gay. | 要不告诉她 你是同性恋吧 |
| [08:13] | – I’m not gay. – Fine, bi. | -我不是同性恋 -那就双性恋 |
| [08:15] | – I’m not bi either. – Why not? | -我也不是双性恋啊 -为什么 |
| [08:17] | More guys should be bi. It’s 2018. | 男同志们应该勇敢出柜 大清早就亡了 |
| [08:20] | It’s like, get over yourselves. | 释放你体内的小野兽吧 |
| [08:21] | Is there any way I can try a bunch of different things in a row | 我能不能连续模拟多次不同场景 |
| [08:25] | – to see what works? – Bing. | -比较下怎么说更合适 -叮 |
| [08:27] | Sure, if you want to reset, just snap your fingers. | 没问题 打个响指 就能重新开始 |
| [08:30] | Also, I made some modifications to the tone, | 我调整了进入模拟的声音 |
| [08:32] | so it should make your transition easier. | 你应该会过渡得更顺利 |
| [08:41] | Hey, babe. | 亲爱的 |
| [08:44] | What did you want to talk about? | 你之前想跟我说什么 |
| [08:45] | Well, I don’t love you anymore. | 我不爱你了 |
| [08:47] | – What? – No, no. You don’t understand. | -什么 -不是 你别误会 |
| [08:50] | I don’t technically love you in the same way | 准确地说 我不像以前那样爱你了 |
| [08:54] | because of circumstances. | 因为处境不同了 |
| [08:57] | – What? – Hang on. | -什么 -等下 |
| [09:02] | I don’t know how to tell you this, | 我不知道该怎么跟你说 |
| [09:03] | but I’m dying. | 我快死了 |
| [09:05] | – No, you’re not. – Yes, I am. | -不可能 -是真的 |
| [09:07] | Because we’re all dying slowly, when you think about it. | 仔细想想 其实我们都在慢慢死去 |
| [09:10] | We start dying the moment we’re born. | 从出生起 就踏上了死亡之路 |
| [09:12] | So not a lie. | 所以我这不算撒谎 |
| [09:17] | Okay, here it is. | 是这样 |
| [09:18] | I’m just gonna be perfectly honest. | 我就跟你说实话吧 |
| [09:21] | My real name is Special Agent Rick Justice, FBI. | 我其实是联调局探员 瑞克·贾斯提丝[正义] |
| [09:26] | Nope. | 不行 |
| [09:29] | Simone… | 西蒙妮… |
| [09:31] | the last year has been truly amazing, and with that in mind… | 去年真的很精彩 既然如此… |
| [09:39] | – Will you marry me? – Yes! Yes! Of course I will! | -你愿意嫁给我吗 -愿意 我当然愿意 |
| [09:46] | Wait, what am I doing? | 等下 我这是在干什么 |
| [09:48] | Why did I think this would work? | 结了婚 情况会更棘手啊 |
| [09:49] | Chidi, I’m gonna go ahead and reboot this one myself. | 奇迪 这次我来帮你重启吧 |
| [09:51] | Yeah, good call. | 好的 |
| [09:53] | – So, Simone – Wait. | -西蒙妮 -等下 |
| [09:55] | Before you say anything, I think we should break up. | 先听我说 我们还是分手吧 |
| [09:58] | – You do? – Yes, I love and respect you very much, | -你想分手 -对 虽然我爱你敬你 |
| [10:01] | but we’re heading in different directions. | 但我们不合适 |
| [10:03] | And don’t worry, we don’t have to make a big thing of it. | 别担心 和平分手就好 |
| [10:06] | My God. Okay. This is the one. | 天呐 就是这样 |
| [10:08] | Remember everything. Right leg crossed over left. Coffee’s right there. | 记住所有细节 右腿翘二郎腿 咖啡放这里 |
| [10:11] | One more thing. Suck it, you doink. | 还有 你上当了 傻鸟 |
| [10:14] | Sorry? | 你说什么 |
| [10:16] | This is Eleanor, you idiot. | 我是埃莉诺啦 傻蛋 |
| [10:18] | Janet let me mess with the simulator to screw with you. | 珍妮特同意我进来拿你开涮 |
| [10:21] | – Janet, come on! – Hi, Chidi. | -珍妮特 别这样 -你好 奇迪 |
| [10:22] | This is Janet now. Sorry, it won’t happen again. | 我现在是珍妮特 抱歉 下不为例 |
| [10:25] | – Thank you. – Psych! It’s still Eleanor! | -谢谢 -呆瓜 我还是埃莉诺 |
| [10:27] | I can’t believe you fell for that, you doink. | 你竟然又上当了 傻蛋 |
| [10:31] | We need to break up, but here’s a puppy. | 我们得分手 但这儿有只狗狗 |
| [10:35] | Wait, what? | 等下 你说什么 |
| [10:36] | He’s a puppy, it’s over between us, and he’s cute. | 这是只狗狗 我们俩结束了 它可爱吧 |
| [10:39] | Do you think I don’t hear the bad parts of these sentences? | 你以为拿狗狗打岔 我就听不出你要甩了我吗 |
| [10:41] | His name is Martin, | 它叫马丁 |
| [10:42] | I need my keys back, and he’s a puppy. | 你得把家里钥匙还给我 狗狗可爱吧 |
| [10:46] | You are very bad at this. | 你真是太不擅长提分手了 |
| [10:48] | That’s because I don’t actually want to break up with her. | 因为我其实并不想跟她分手啊 |
| [10:50] | What, do you need me to break up with her for you | 怎么 还得我帮你去说吗 |
| [10:52] | like we’re in middle school or something? | 像中学生一样 |
| [10:53] | Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, please. | 对对对 你去吧 拜托了 |
| [10:56] | – Do that for me. Please. – Fine. | -求你帮帮我 -好吧 |
| [11:00] | Hey, Eleanor. | 埃莉诺 |
| [11:03] | What did you want to talk about? | 你之前想说什么 |
| [11:04] | Well, first of all, you and Chidi are so great together. | 首先 你和奇迪真是配一脸 |
| [11:08] | He really loves you, and I can see why. | 他爱你至深不是没有理由的 |
| [11:10] | You know, you’re brilliant, charming, obviously gorgeous. | 你聪明伶俐 优雅动人 光彩夺目 |
| [11:13] | – You’re sweet to say that. – And your accent is so cute. | -谢谢夸奖 -你的口音也很迷人 |
| [11:16] | Your accent is so cute. | 你的口音才迷人 |
| [11:17] | What? I don’t think I have an accent. | 什么 我才妹有口音呢 |
| [11:20] | I don’t think I have an accent. | 我才妹有口音呢 |
| [11:21] | Stop it! | 别闹 |
| [11:30] | What is happening? | 怎么回事 |
| [11:36] | No! No. This is over. | 不行 你搞不定 |
| [11:38] | Man, come on. It was just getting good. | 别这样啊 就快成功了 |
| [11:41] | Let’s remember the mission. | 记住我们本次的任务 |
| [11:43] | Your father needs to focus on long-term stability. | 帮你父亲过上长期稳定的生活 |
| [11:46] | Also, and perhaps this is less important, | 还有件小事 |
| [11:49] | but there’s an awful lot of dog hair on the furniture, | 家具上有好多狗毛 |
| [11:52] | and I have not seen a dog. | 可我没看到家里有狗 |
| [11:54] | Not bad, right? | 不错吧 |
| [11:56] | Double Trouble comes in three delicious smell-flavors: | “双倍烦恼”有三种迷人香味 |
| [11:59] | Raspberry Perspirant, Cedarwood Melon Blast, | 树莓汗味 爆炸雪松瓜味 |
| [12:02] | and 24-Hour Lemon Musk Xtreme. | 24小时极致柠檬麝香味 |
| [12:06] | That one is also a lube. | 这一款也可以用作润滑剂 |
| [12:08] | Look, Donkey Doug, Double Trouble is dope. | 傻强 “双倍烦恼”酷毙了 |
| [12:12] | On that much, we can all agree on. | 我们三个都这么认为 |
| [12:14] | But you got to think long-term. | 但你得做长远打算 |
| [12:16] | You were good at electricity stuff. | 你对机电很在行 |
| [12:18] | You hooked us up with free porno channels every year ever since the third grade. | 三年级起 你每年都帮我们接入免费的色情频道 |
| [12:23] | It’s good, honest work. | 这才是正经得体的工作 |
| [12:24] | Honest work? Whatever, Dad. | 正经工作 得了吧 老爸 |
| [12:26] | You’re his dad. | 你才是他老爸 |
| [12:29] | This is huge, J. | 这件事很重要 小杰 |
| [12:31] | When Double Trouble pops off, I’ll be able to quit my job at the old folks’ home. | “双倍烦恼”推出后 我就能辞掉敬老院的工作了 |
| [12:35] | Buy a big-ass mansion. | 买栋大别墅 |
| [12:36] | Every day, I’ll wake up, | 每天醒来 |
| [12:38] | get out of bed, brush my teeth, | 下床 刷牙 |
| [12:40] | rinse, go downstairs, | 漱口 下楼 |
| [12:42] | open the fridge, “Damn, we out of milk,” | 开冰箱一看 “坏了 没有牛奶了” |
| [12:44] | get in my car– | 开上车… |
| [12:46] | You don’t have to run through the whole imaginary day. | 你自己憧憬就好了 不用说出来 |
| [12:48] | Jason, I believe in Double Trouble. | 杰森 我相信”双倍烦恼”一定能成 |
| [12:50] | Why won’t you believe in me? | 你怎么不相信我呢 |
| [12:56] | Well, I suppose a little entrepreneurial spirit never hurt anyone. | 有创业精神是好事 |
| [13:01] | You know, reach for the stars, as I said to my good friend Elon Musk. | 瞄准太空嘛 我曾对埃隆·马斯克这么说过 |
| [13:06] | And then he shot his car into space. | 结果他就把特斯拉跑车送入太空了 |
| [13:09] | What a weird creep. Why was I friends with him? | 真是个奇葩 我怎么会和他做朋友 |
| [13:12] | Maybe this is what’ll put your father on the right path. | 也许你父亲能因此走上正轨呢 |
| [13:15] | And, hey, it’s not like he’s robbing a bank. | 他又没去抢银行 |
| [13:18] | – Yeah, it’s a factory. – Excuse me? | -对 是去抢工厂 -什么 |
| [13:22] | Tonight we’re gonna steal some energy drinks from an energy drink factory, | 今晚 我们要从功能饮料厂偷些功能饮料 |
| [13:25] | then still some cologne from a cologne factory. | 然后去香水工厂偷点香水 |
| [13:27] | So it’s actually two factories. | 其实是要抢两间工厂 |
| [13:30] | Then we just got to bottle it all up. | 然后再把饮料和香水倒进一个瓶子 |
| [13:32] | Dip, we gotta rob a bottle factory. | 兄弟 我们还得抢瓶子工厂 |
| [13:34] | – Three factories. – Three factories. | -三间工厂 -三间哦 |
| [13:37] | Stupid Donkey Doug. | “傻强”真傻 |
| [13:39] | I mean, two factories I can understand, but– but three? | 两间工厂我还能理解 三间就太过了吧 |
| [13:43] | You– you might want to consider the possibility that your father’s a lost cause. | 也许你父亲已经无可救药了 |
| [13:49] | I have an idea, but I need your help. | 我有个主意 但需要你们帮助 |
| [13:52] | Will you guys help me? | 你们会帮我吗 |
| [13:54] | I mean, yeah, that-that’s why we’re here, Jason. | 当然了 我们就是为了帮你才来啊 杰森 |
| [13:58] | What’s your idea, darling? | 你有什么办法 亲爱的 |
| [13:59] | We’re gonna save Pillboi. | 我们要拯救”药哥” |
| [14:03] | Okay, real life. I think I’m ready. | 这次要实战了 我准备好了 |
| [14:05] | I’ve the analyzed the ten most successful scenarios | 我分析了十次最成功的的模拟 |
| [14:07] | and compiled the statistically most effective breakup strategy. | 根据数据 总结出了最有效的分手方式 |
| [14:10] | Who said you weren’t a romantic? | 谁说你不浪漫 |
| [14:12] | Every girlfriend I’ve ever had. | 我的历任女友 |
| [14:13] | There she is. Okay. | 她在那儿 我去了 |
| [14:15] | Wish me luck. | 祝我好运吧 |
| [14:22] | Is something wrong? | 有事吗 |
| [14:23] | No, it’s just that we’re usually over there. | 没有 只是我们通常坐那一桌 |
| [14:26] | Doesn’t matter. | 没事了 |
| [14:29] | Okay, so I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about | 我最近一直在想 |
| [14:33] | everything that’s happened in the last year– | 去年的经历 |
| [14:35] | Hi there, what can I get you to drink? | 你好 喝点什么 |
| [14:37] | I’ll have an iced tea, please. | 一杯冰茶 谢谢 |
| [14:38] | Water, thanks. | 一杯水 谢谢 |
| [14:41] | It’s been a time of massive personal and professional growth– | 我个人和专业水准都得到了极大提升 |
| [14:44] | Sorry, sugar with that iced tea? | 抱歉 冰茶加糖吗 |
| [14:45] | – Yes, please. – Right. | -加 谢谢 -好 |
| [14:47] | All in all, it’s been overwhelmingly positive, | 总之 去年有很多好的改变 |
| [14:50] | and I think that’s due in large part to you– | 绝大部分应该归功于你 |
| [14:52] | Sorry, real quick, I’m gonna go on break, | 抱歉 再打断一下 我要休班了 |
| [14:54] | so Helmut will be taking care of you. | 赫尔穆特会服务这桌 |
| [14:57] | Will you be eating with us today? | 两位今天在这里用餐吗 |
| [14:58] | Just please give us one second. | 能回避一下[一秒钟]吗 |
| [15:00] | Yeah, okay. One. | 没问题 一 |
| [15:02] | That was one second. That was a joke. | 一秒已经过了 我开玩笑的 |
| [15:04] | Please get out of here, Helmut! | 你能不能闪远点 赫尔穆特 |
| [15:05] | – Okay, yeah. – All right, look, just– | -好的 -是这样… |
| [15:08] | we need to break up. | 我们分手吧 |
| [15:09] | I am– I am breaking up with you. | 我要跟你分手 |
| [15:10] | – Why? – I can’t– it’s– | -为什么 -我不能说… |
| [15:12] | it’s complicated, but it’s happening. | 情况很复杂 但只能如此了 |
| [15:15] | Ya dumped. | 你被甩了 |
| [15:18] | – Okay. – Wait. Wait, no. | -好吧 -等下 别走 |
| [15:20] | Come back, please. | 回来 拜托 |
| [15:22] | – Yeah, okay! I’m back. – Not you, Helmut. | -好哒 我回来啦 -没叫你 赫尔穆特 |
| [15:29] | Hey, now, listen, Judy, | 听好 朱迪 |
| [15:31] | you can’t mix xannys with these little pink fools. | 镇定药不能和小粉药片混着吃 |
| [15:34] | You’ll be tripping balls | 不然就会疯疯癫癫 |
| [15:35] | like Clarence was when he crawled into the ice machine. | 像克莱瑞斯那样爬进制冰机 |
| [15:38] | Here. | 来 |
| [15:40] | Take half of one of these, | 吃半片这个 |
| [15:41] | wash it down with a 5-Hour ENERGY, | 就着5小时剂量的功能饮料喝下去 |
| [15:44] | and you’ll be golden. | 保证你欲仙欲死 |
| [15:45] | Body high with mild visuals. | 飘飘欲仙 世界一片朦胧 |
| [15:48] | Thanks, Pillboi. | 谢谢你 药哥 |
| [15:50] | Yo, I gotta take off | 我得走了 |
| [15:52] | ’cause I gotta go do a robbery. | 还得去抢劫呢 |
| [15:54] | I mean… I’m sick. | 不… 我病了 |
| [15:59] | Hello, Pillboi. I’m here on behalf of Jason. | 药哥 杰森让我来找你 |
| [16:02] | You won’t be attending the job with Donkey Doug today. | 你今天不用跟”傻强”一起行动了 |
| [16:06] | There’s been a change of plans. | 计划有变 |
| [16:08] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [16:11] | That’s it? | 就这样 |
| [16:12] | You don’t need any more information? | 你不再多问两句 |
| [16:15] | I mean, do you want to tell me? | 你会告诉我吗 |
| [16:17] | – Not really. – Cool. | -应该不会 -那不就得了 |
| [16:19] | Want some pills? | 来两片药吗 |
| [16:24] | I hate this. What if I ruined her? | 这样太渣了 要是我毁了她怎么办 |
| [16:26] | What if I sent her down the wrong path | 要是我引她误入歧途 |
| [16:27] | and she ends up in the Bad Place? | 导致她最后去了”恶地”怎么办 |
| [16:28] | I have to undo what I did. Janet, fire up the simulator. | 我得挽回她 珍妮特 开启模拟机 |
| [16:32] | Dude, no more simulations. | 不准再模拟了 |
| [16:33] | Just talk to her. | 直接去跟她谈 |
| [16:35] | Breakups never end with both people feeling great. | 分手后 总有一人会受伤 |
| [16:38] | But she’s a badass, and her world is bigger than your relationship. | 但她能力出众 爱情不是她的全部 |
| [16:43] | She’ll recover. | 她会缓过来的 |
| [16:45] | Just go. | 去吧 |
| [16:47] | Be a person. | 做个人 |
| [16:49] | Right. Here I go. | 好 我去了 |
| [16:55] | Janet, can I use the simulator? | 珍妮特 我能用下模拟机吗 |
| [16:57] | There’s a very specific Lenny Kravitz concert | 兰尼·卡拉维兹有场演唱会 |
| [16:59] | – I want to be front row at. – Sure. | -我想坐前排 -没问题 |
| [17:02] | FYI, when the system boots up, | 顺便 系统启动后 |
| [17:03] | you might find yourself in a steam room with Jason, | 你可能会和杰森出现在汗蒸房 |
| [17:06] | who will be wearing an old-timey strongman onesie. | 他身穿一件复古硬汉包臀衣 |
| [17:09] | It’s a bug in the system. | 这是系统故障 |
| [17:15] | Pillboi? | 药哥 |
| [17:16] | No, it’s me, Pillboi’s friend Jason. | 不 是我 “药哥”的朋友 杰森 |
| [17:19] | Pillboi’s not coming. | “药哥”来不了了 |
| [17:20] | If you’re here to tell me an energy drink body spray is a bad idea, | 如果你来是想告诉我功能饮料兼身体喷雾没戏 |
| [17:24] | I’ve heard it before from a bank and some doctors. | 银行和医生已经先你一步说过了 |
| [17:26] | I’ma help you make Double Trouble, | 我来帮你制作”双倍烦恼” |
| [17:28] | but you got to leave Pillboi alone from now on. | 但从现在起 你不准再去打扰”药哥” |
| [17:31] | I’m trying to save him. | 我想拯救他 |
| [17:33] | Dip. You got religious and shiz? | 牛啊 你信教了啊 |
| [17:36] | – Amen. – Amen. | -阿门 -阿门 |
| [17:39] | Okay, hurry up and get this crap in my truck. | 快点 把这些搬到我车上去 |
| [17:43] | Jacksonville Police! | 杰克逊维尔警方 |
| [17:44] | Come out with your hands up! | 举起双手 走出来 |
| [17:46] | Are you a cop? ‘Cause if you are, you have to tell us. | 你们是警察吗 如果是 必须告诉我们哦 |
| [17:50] | Yes, this is the police. | 对 我们是警察 |
| [17:52] | Yup, I knew it. It’s the cops. | 我就知道是警察 |
| [17:54] | What do we do? Yo, let’s get out of here. | 怎么办 我们快跑吧 |
| [17:56] | No. | 不 |
| [17:58] | I know I haven’t been the best father in the world. | 我确实不是世上最合格的父亲 |
| [18:01] | I might not have even been in the top five. | 可能前五都进不了 |
| [18:03] | I wanna make up for that. | 我想加以弥补 |
| [18:05] | I’ll distract ’em. You run out the back. | 我引开他们 你从后面逃跑 |
| [18:08] | No, that’s crazy. | 不行 你疯了 |
| [18:09] | It’s what my dad did for me | 我爸曾为掩护我自首了 |
| [18:10] | and his dad for him. | 他的爸爸也为掩护他自首了 |
| [18:12] | And someday, | 总有一天 |
| [18:13] | you’ll do this exact thing for your son. | 你也会为你儿子牺牲自己 |
| [18:15] | I mean, I hope not, | 希望不会有那一天 |
| [18:18] | but thanks, Donkey Doug. | 但还是谢谢你 傻强 |
| [18:22] | – Call me Donkey Dad. – Okay. | -叫我”傻爹” -好 |
| [18:25] | Donkey Dad. | 傻爹 |
| [18:27] | Nah, that sounds wack. Call me Donkey Doug. | 算了 太难听了 就叫”傻强”吧 |
| [18:30] | Cool. | 好 |
| [18:36] | Bortles! | 保托斯[橄榄球员] |
| [18:48] | Here’s the truth. You’re amazing. | 说实话 你很优秀 |
| [18:52] | And my feelings have changed. | 只是我们的感情变质了 |
| [18:54] | I wish I could tell you why. | 我真想告诉你原因 |
| [18:56] | I really, really do, | 我真的很想坦白 |
| [18:58] | but… | 但是… |
| [19:02] | I can’t. | 我不能说 |
| [19:04] | Well… | 好吧 |
| [19:06] | you seem to know what you want, | 你似乎胸有成竹 |
| [19:08] | which is rare for you. | 这对你来说 很难得 |
| [19:10] | Well, I hope you keep the study going. | 我希望你能继续研究 |
| [19:15] | Might help a lot of people. | 也许会造福很多人 |
| [19:18] | Well… | 好吧 |
| [19:20] | see you in the next life. | 来世[死后世界]见 |
| [19:21] | What? Why would you say that? What do you know? | 你为什么这么说 你知道什么了 |
| [19:24] | It’s a figure of speech. | 就是分手放狠话啊 |
| [19:26] | You’re so weird, man. | 你真是神经兮兮 |
| [19:28] | I think maybe this is for the best. | 分手也好 |
| [19:31] | So your covert mission is to continue to report to this job | 你的秘密任务就是继续就职于此 |
| [19:36] | until you receive our signal. | 等我们的信号 |
| [19:39] | Now, this is the most important thing. | 还有件事要铭记于心 |
| [19:41] | You cannot commit any more crimes, | 你不能再犯罪了 |
| [19:45] | and you must help these people as much as you can. | 必须尽力帮助这些老人 |
| [19:50] | – The mission depends on it. – Roger that. | -这关乎任务的成败 -收到 |
| [19:52] | Man, I can’t believe this whole time, | 我居然没想到 |
| [19:55] | you guys were with NASA. | 你们竟然是航空航天局的人 |
| [19:57] | Yes, we are secret astronaut spies. | 对 我们是秘密宇航特工 |
| [20:01] | That is indeed what Jason told you. | 正如杰森所言 |
| [20:04] | Take good care of these old fools, | 照顾好这些老人 |
| [20:06] | and stay out of trouble. | 别惹麻烦 |
| [20:09] | I love you, bro. | 我爱你 兄弟 |
| [20:11] | I love you, bro. | 我也爱你 兄弟 |
| [20:23] | Psych. I got you, bro. | 保重 我挺你 兄弟 |
| [20:24] | I got you, bro. Jag… uars… rule. | 我也挺你 兄弟 “美洲虎队 地表最强” |
| [20:33] | 两天后 匈牙利 布达佩斯 | |
| [20:36] | Well, my sister’s museum exhibit opens tomorrow. | 我姐的博物馆展览明天开始 |
| [20:38] | Are you all ready for some Al-Jamil family reconciliation? | 你们准备好迎接阿贾米尔家的世纪大和解了吗 |
| [20:42] | You know it, wifey. Soul Squad is on a roll. | 肯定的 老婆 “灵魂小队”势如破竹啊 |
| [20:44] | I pretty much nailed that Pillboi thing, | 我简直拯救”药哥”于水火啊 |
| [20:46] | and I got closure with my dad, Donkey Doug. | 也跟我爸”傻强”好好道别了 |
| [20:48] | That remains depressing, | 他进了监狱 |
| [20:50] | but I’m happy for you, bud. | 但我很为你高兴 |
| [20:52] | I never got to do that with my parents, | 我都没机会和我父母好好道别 |
| [20:54] | and now they’re both dead, so it’s impossible. | 他们都死了 想道别也没机会了 |
| [20:57] | So the thing is, one of your parents | 其实 你的父母 |
| [21:01] | is not technically actually dead. | 其中一个还在世 |
| [21:06] | – What are you talking about? – Your mother’s alive. | -怎么可能 -你妈还活着 |
| [21:08] | She faked her own death. | 她假死了 |
| [21:12] | I’m sorry, Tahani, | 抱歉 塔哈妮 |
| [21:13] | I don’t think I’ll be able to stay with you here in Budapest. | 恐怕我没法陪你待在布达佩斯了 |
| [21:16] | Turns out my mom isn’t dead, | 原来我妈没死 |
| [21:18] | so I need to fly back to America | 我得飞回美国 |
| [21:20] | to murder her. | 杀了她 |