| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:00] | Michael designs the new neighborhood. | 迈克尔建一个新社区 |
| [00:01] | The Bad Place gets to choose the four new humans. | “恶地”负责选择四个新人 |
| [00:04] | The other residents will be Janet Babies. | 其他居民由珍妮特的”孩子”扮演 |
| [00:06] | You know, if we pooled our resources, | 我们俩齐心协力 |
| [00:07] | we could be done in two shakes of a lamb’s Derek. | 就能轻松完成”造人大业” |
| [00:10] | Thanks, Derek. | 谢谢 德里克 |
| [00:11] | When you fail, the four humans will be tortured for all eternity. | 你失败后 四个人类会永世遭受酷刑折磨 |
| [00:13] | But guess who’s going to be doing the torturing? | 猜猜看 行刑人是谁 |
| [00:16] | We built a Michael suit. | 我们打造了”迈克尔皮囊” |
| [00:17] | I can’t do it. It’s too scary. | 我做不来 太恐怖了 |
| [00:20] | Hi, John, I’m the architect. Come on in. | 你好 约翰 我是建筑师 请进 |
| [00:22] | The Bad Place didn’t pick the worst people. | “恶地”没有选什么大奸大恶之人 |
| [00:25] | They picked the people who would be the worst for us. | 他们选了让我们抓狂的人 |
| [00:28] | You need to erase my memory and reboot me. | 你得消除我的记忆 重启我 |
| [00:31] | Hi, Chidi, I’m Eleanor. Come on in. | 你好 奇迪 我是埃莉诺 请进 |
| [00:37] | Wow! Just… wow! | 天 惊爆脑回路啊 |
| [00:40] | It’s perfect. Everything is just perfect. | 太完美了 一切都太美好了 |
| [00:43] | I am so, so happy. | 我好开心啊 |
| [00:45] | I’m glad you like it. | 你喜欢就好 |
| [00:47] | It’s so quaint, it feels cozy, | 古色古香 温馨舒适 |
| [00:49] | but also vibrant and limitless. | 同时生机勃勃 令人遐想无限 |
| [00:52] | I can’t believe how… how utterly, completely, | 不敢相信一切都这么 完全 |
| [00:54] | 100% perfect everything is… | 如此完美… |
| [00:56] | You know, let’s keep this moving. | 我们继续走吧 |
| [00:58] | Yeah, sure. | 好 |
| [00:58] | Here is your new home, | 这是你新家 |
| [01:01] | complete with two of your favorite things: | 配有你最爱的两件事物 |
| [01:03] | floor-to-ceiling bookshelves and– | 落地书橱以及… |
| [01:05] | Reading lights! I love reading lights. | 床头灯 我爱死床头灯了 |
| [01:07] | They are great for reading. | 读书好伴侣 |
| [01:08] | And… check this out. Hold out your hand. | 还有一个惊喜 张开手 |
| [01:12] | And think about a book. | 脑中想着一本书 |
| [01:18] | I can summon philosophy books like Thor’s hammer. | 我可以”雷神”上身 召唤哲学书 |
| [01:21] | This is literally my number one dream. | 这是我最大的梦想啊 |
| [01:23] | Also… | 还有 |
| [01:26] | That hurt. | 手好疼 |
| [01:26] | Well, I have a lot to attend to. | 我还有事 |
| [01:29] | Welcome to the Good Place, Chidi. | 欢迎来到”善地” 奇迪 |
| [01:30] | Thank you so much. | 谢谢你 |
| [01:32] | And I’m– I’m sorry. | 很抱歉 |
| [01:33] | This has been so overwhelming, I-I forgot your name. | 一时之间信息量太大 忘记你名字了 |
| [01:38] | – Eleanor. – Eleanor, right. | -埃莉诺 -埃莉诺 |
| [01:40] | Sorry. Eleanor, Eleanor, Eleanor. | 抱歉 埃莉诺 埃莉诺 |
| [01:42] | – Now I’ll never forget. – Well, you might! | -我永远不会忘了 -这可说不准[你已经忘记我了] |
| [01:49] | Okay, can we not… | 能别煽情… |
| [01:51] | Eleanor, you did a brave thing | 埃莉诺 你好勇敢 |
| [01:52] | and I am embracing you and I shall not let you go. | 我要抱抱你 死都不放手 |
| [01:56] | And I’m also embracing you | 我也要抱抱 |
| [01:58] | because this feels warm and my hands are cold. | 因为这样好温暖 我的手好冷 |
| [02:00] | Guys, I’m good. Honestly. | 各位 我真没事 |
| [02:03] | Wasn’t even as bad as I thought. | 没我想象中那么糟 |
| [02:05] | I mean, who cares if he doesn’t remember my name? | 姐心大 不记得我名字 又怎样 |
| [02:07] | Oof… | 扎心啊 |
| [02:08] | I mean, cool. | 大心啊 |
| [02:10] | Good save, bud. | 还好你圆回来了 |
| [02:12] | Let’s just concentrate on the next resident, | 把心思放在下一个居民身上 |
| [02:14] | who gets here in… six minutes. | 还有六分钟就到了 |
| [02:17] | Wait. I need to say something. | 等下 我憋不住要说几句 |
| [02:19] | I know this seems bleak and it feels like we’re all doomed | 我知道前路渺茫 大家好像都要完蛋了 |
| [02:23] | and therefore humanity is doomed. | 全人类也会跟着完蛋 |
| [02:25] | You needed to say that? | 这话就不能憋着吗 |
| [02:27] | The point is, I believe that we’re destined to succeed. | 我要说的是 我相信我们一定会成功 |
| [02:30] | There is nothing that the Bad Place can throw at us that we can’t handle, | 不管”恶地”放什么大招 我们都能招架 |
| [02:34] | because we are an incredible, | 因为我们是一群卓尔不群 |
| [02:36] | inspiring, brilliant group of… | 英姿勃发 出类拔萃 |
| [02:38] | Supercharged, d-bag, ass-wiping maniacs. | 戾气满满 混蛋至极 人见人恨的贱精 |
| [02:41] | I mean, look at you. | 瞧瞧你们 |
| [02:42] | I am so proud of how disgusting and cruel you all are. | 各个人面兽心 丧心病狂 真给我争气 |
| [02:48] | You suck. | 你们坏透了 |
| [02:51] | You all suck donkey butts. | 全都坏到没朋友 |
| [02:54] | Tahani– so, so smart, and sophisticated. | 塔哈妮 冰雪聪明 见多识广 |
| [02:58] | She was the only one who was able to talk me out of that goatee. | 只有她成功说服我不留山羊胡了 |
| [03:00] | Well, I lost that battle with Robert Downey Jr., | 我嘴皮都磨破了 也没说动小罗伯特[钢铁侠] |
| [03:02] | and I’ll be damned if I lose it with you. | 要是劝不了你 我不用做人了 |
| [03:04] | Bambadjan– such an unbelievable dingus. | 巴姆酱 你个无敌傻鸟 |
| [03:07] | And Val. | 小薇 |
| [03:08] | Who’s a bigger skidmark than Val? | 谁敢跟你比贱啊 |
| [03:10] | Maybe your mom. | 你妈呗 |
| [03:14] | Classic. | 神吐槽 |
| [03:15] | We have Janet, | 珍妮特 |
| [03:16] | who can do literally anything. | 哆啦A梦一般的存在 无所不能 |
| [03:19] | She made all the other people in the neighborhood. | 这里的”人”都是她造出来的 |
| [03:23] | Not people. | 都不是人 |
| [03:23] | We have me, | 还有我 |
| [03:24] | who had a momentary setback, but I’m feeling great now. | 虽然短暂地崩溃了一下 但又满血复活了 |
| [03:28] | And that was awhile ago. | 崩溃都是以前的事了 |
| [03:29] | Most of you don’t even remember it, probably. | 你们大部分人都不记得了吧 |
| [03:33] | We have Jason, | 还有杰森 |
| [03:34] | who can… | 他能… |
| [03:39] | And marching us into battle, | 带领我们上战场 |
| [03:41] | our fearless leader, the pride of Phoenix, Arizona, | 无畏的领袖 亚利桑那州 凤凰城之骄傲 |
| [03:45] | Eleanor Shellstrop! | 埃莉诺·谢尔斯卓普 |
| [03:48] | Technically, the pride of Phoenix | 实际上 凤凰城之骄傲 |
| [03:50] | is a life-size statue of Alice Cooper made from cigarette butts. | 是一座真人大小 用烟头堆出来的艾利斯·库柏雕像 |
| [03:53] | It’s outside City Hall. | 就摆在市政厅外 |
| [03:55] | But thank you for the kind words. | 但谢谢你的美言盛赞 |
| [03:57] | With this team, | 这样一个团队 |
| [03:59] | there’s no problem we can’t solve. | 我们必将排除万难 克敌制胜 |
| [04:01] | There is no problem we can’t create. | 我们必将制造万难 摧毁对手 |
| [04:03] | And believe me, we are gonna create some a-problems. | 信我 我们会制造各种丧心病狂的困难 |
| [04:07] | So let’s kick things off with our official Bad Place song. | 一起来唱”恶地”主题曲 正式开场 |
| [04:10] | ♪ 1-877-KARS for Kids ♪ | ♪捐车给孩子♪ |
| [04:14] | ♪ K-A-R-S, Kars for Kids ♪ | ♪捐出你的车给孩子♪ |
| [04:17] | – Are we singing? – Shut up, Glenn. | -大合唱吗 -闭嘴 格伦 |
| [04:26] | I think you look great. | 你这一身绝了 |
| [04:27] | Professional, serious. | 专业 稳重 |
| [04:29] | A proper team leader. | 有大将之风 |
| [04:31] | It does make me feel authoritative, | 我确实感觉官威十足 |
| [04:32] | like that chick from “Law and Order.” | 就像《法律与秩序》的女主 |
| [04:34] | Well, boys, | 各位 |
| [04:36] | looks like we got ourselves an SVU. | 看来这是一位特殊受害者 |
| [04:41] | I’ve never seen the show. | 瞎编的台词 我没看过那部剧 |
| [04:43] | Okay, who we got next? | 下一个是谁 |
| [04:47] | Linda? Come on in. | 琳达 请进 |
| [04:50] | So you, Linda Johannsen, | 你 琳达·约翰森 |
| [04:53] | are in the Good Place. | 进入”善地”了 |
| [04:55] | That’s nice. | 不错 |
| [04:58] | I know this can be a little overwhelming, | 我知道你一下子很难消化 |
| [05:00] | but you’ll get used to it. | 但你会慢慢适应 |
| [05:02] | Do you have any questions? | 你有什么问题吗 |
| [05:05] | Is there a fitness center? | 这里有健身会所吗 |
| [05:06] | There can be, | 这个可以有 |
| [05:07] | plus literally anything else you could possibly wish for. | 另外 你想要什么 都可以有 |
| [05:13] | Just in case we weren’t clear, | 怕你没听清 再说一次 |
| [05:14] | this is the Good Place. | 这里是”善地” |
| [05:16] | A state of eternal happiness. | 永恒幸福之境 |
| [05:19] | Paradise. | 天堂 |
| [05:21] | That’s nice. | 不错 |
| [05:24] | I like that. | 我喜欢 |
| [05:27] | So the Bad Place sent Simone to mess with Chidi, | “恶地”找西蒙妮来干扰奇迪 |
| [05:30] | John to mess with Tahani– | 找约翰来烦塔哈妮 |
| [05:31] | do you think they sent Linda to mess with Jason? | 琳达是来对付杰森的吗 |
| [05:33] | She’s from Norway– | 她是挪威人 |
| [05:34] | is Norway, like, the opposite of Florida? | 挪威跟佛罗里达州完全不对路吗 |
| [05:37] | All I know is she’s boring. | 我只知道她很无聊 |
| [05:39] | She makes Neutral Janet look like Disco Janet. | 跟她相比 “中立珍妮特”都变成”迪斯科珍妮特”了 |
| [05:43] | Disco Janet was around for awhile, years ago. | 几年前 这里有个”迪斯科珍妮特” |
| [05:45] | She was great. | 她可好玩了 |
| [05:47] | I mean, she was a lot, | 有点疯疯癫癫 |
| [05:48] | but she was fun. | 但特别有意思 |
| [05:49] | Actually, that’s a good idea. | 这是个好主意啊 |
| [05:51] | Let’s unload this dead weight. | 我们让这个”闷包”放松一下吧 |
| [05:53] | – Janet? – Hi, there. | -珍妮特 -你好 |
| [05:54] | Linda, this is Janet. | 琳达 这是珍妮特 |
| [05:56] | If you want anything at all, Janet can bring it to you. | 你想要什么 珍妮特都能满足你 |
| [05:59] | Watch. | 瞧好了 |
| [05:59] | Janet, can I have a baby elephant made of pure light | 珍妮特 给我变一只光线象宝宝 |
| [06:03] | that tells you true secrets about the universe? | 能够吐露宇宙真实秘密 |
| [06:07] | Shirley Temple killed JFK. | 秀兰·邓波儿杀死了肯尼迪 |
| [06:09] | See? Anything you want from Janet? | 瞧见没 你想让珍妮特给你变点什么呢 |
| [06:12] | Can I have… | 能给我… |
| [06:14] | a peppermint? | 来一颗薄荷糖吗 |
| [06:15] | Sure. | 可以 |
| [06:19] | I’m gonna go over there now. | 我要去那边了 |
| [06:24] | Stonehenge was a sex thing. | 英国巨石阵其实跟性爱有关 |
| [06:32] | Brent? Come on in. | 布兰特 请进 |
| [06:35] | So you, Brent Norwalk, are dead. | 你 布兰特·诺瓦克 死了 |
| [06:40] | Really? Well, that blows. | 真的吗 真惨 |
| [06:42] | You know what, maybe it’s a good thing, actually. | 其实也算是件好事 |
| [06:44] | Some journalist was poking around, | 有个记者一直挖我黑料 |
| [06:45] | calling all these ladies who used to work for me. | 联系我以前的女下属 |
| [06:47] | You can’t even make a joke these days! | 这年头 玩笑都不能开了 |
| [06:48] | Everything is so PC. | 动不动就上升到”政治正确” |
| [06:50] | And I was an equal-opportunity offender, okay? | 我冒犯别人时 不分种族 好吗 |
| [06:52] | I made jokes about everybody, and by the way, | 谁的玩笑 我都开 而且 |
| [06:54] | I’m the furthest thing from racist. | 我才不是种族歧视 |
| [06:56] | My dentist was a black woman. | 我的牙医就是个黑人大姐 |
| [06:58] | I just think people need to loosen up. | 凡事何必太认真 |
| [07:00] | So, where am I, exactly? | 这是什么地方来着 |
| [07:03] | – The Good Place. – Cool. | -“善地” -不错 |
| [07:07] | Good. | 很好 |
| [07:07] | So, Brent, I see from your file | 布兰特 档案上写着 |
| [07:10] | you were in the materials business. | 你生前做材料生意 |
| [07:12] | Yeah, big time. | 对 范围很广 |
| [07:13] | Strings, chords, vinyl, synthetics, rubber– | 绳啊 弦啊 乙烯基塑料 合成纤维 橡胶 |
| [07:17] | we do vulcanized now, so that’s huge. | 现在做硫化品了 大生意 |
| [07:19] | Plus metals– aluminum, brass, copper… what else… | 还有金属 铝材 黄铜 铜制品 还有什么 |
| [07:22] | – Steel? – No, not steel. | -钢铁 -不做钢铁生意 |
| [07:24] | Steel’s a sucker’s game. | 没出息才会做钢铁生意 |
| [07:26] | Polymers, coatings, internals– | 聚合物 涂料 内件 |
| [07:28] | you crack open an HVAC? | 打开一个暖通空调 |
| [07:29] | That is all us. | 材料都是我们生产的范围 |
| [07:31] | Is there golf here? There freaking better be. | 这里有高尔夫球场吗 最好有 |
| [07:33] | Okay, well, why don’t you explore around a bit while I go far away | 你自己逛一逛 我就不打扰你了 |
| [07:37] | and if you need anything, you can always ask Janet. | 如果有什么需要 就找珍妮特 |
| [07:40] | Janet? | 珍妮特 |
| [07:41] | Hi, there. How can I help you? | 你好 有什么需要 |
| [07:42] | A secretary. Great. | 秘书 真好 |
| [07:43] | – Not a secretary. – Fine, fine. | -我不是秘书 -行 行 |
| [07:45] | Executive assistant. | 行政助理 |
| [07:47] | Here we go with all the terms we gotta learn, right? | 又来尊重女性头衔那一套了吧 |
| [07:49] | Vice-president of helping. Captain Marvel. | 助理副总 惊奇队长[女性] |
| [07:52] | You know what I’m saying. | 你懂我意思吧 |
| [07:54] | I’m not part of this. | 别拉我下水 |
| [07:55] | Let me show you around. | 我带你转一圈 |
| [07:58] | Well, Linda must be here for Jason | 琳达肯定是杰森的克星 |
| [08:00] | because Brent is definitely here to annoy the fork out of me. | 因为布兰特绝对是来折磨我的 |
| [08:04] | Everyone, you may remember Matt from accounting. | 各位 大家记得会计部的马特吧 |
| [08:07] | The Judge has assigned him to our project. | 法官把他派过来了 |
| [08:09] | So I’ll be monitoring the four new humans. | 我会监查四个人类的一举一动 |
| [08:11] | A modified point system will be applied to their actions for the next year, | 新型评分系统会给他们这一年的行为打分 |
| [08:15] | and then we’ll know how much better or worse their behavior is | 这样就能测出 相比生前 |
| [08:17] | than when they were alive. | 他们进步或退步多少 |
| [08:18] | But no one will be able to see what’s happening in real time. | 但没人能够看到实时发生的情况 |
| [08:21] | Good luck saving humanity from eternal doom. | 拯救人类于水火 就靠你们了 |
| [08:29] | Okay, forget about all that stuff. | 好了 这些都不重要 |
| [08:31] | For this first week, | 第一周 |
| [08:32] | all we need to do is figure out what the fork is up with these benches. | 我们只要掌握这些人的底细就行了 |
| [08:36] | So, I made this. | 我做了一张板 |
| [08:38] | We start ’em out on this side, | 一开始放在这一侧 |
| [08:40] | because we’re like, “What’s her deal?” | 因为不清楚对方情况 |
| [08:43] | And when we feel we have a handle on who they are, what makes them tick, | 等弄清他们的来路 掌握他们的心理 |
| [08:47] | we move them to this side– | 就把他们移到这一侧 |
| [08:49] | party time. | 庆祝搞定啦 |
| [08:50] | We already know a lot about Simone… | 我们已经熟知西蒙妮了 |
| [08:52] | so… | 所以 |
| [08:54] | boom, see? | 搞定 瞧见没 |
| [08:55] | One down, three to go. | 搞定一个 还有三个 |
| [08:57] | Let’s go figure out the others. | 来探明其他三个人吧 |
| [08:58] | We can do this. On three. | 我们能行 一起喊 |
| [09:00] | Dead eyes, eat hearts, can’t lose. | 死神眼 吃你心 不能输 |
| [09:03] | Sorry. Old Bad Place rally cry. | 不好意思 “恶地”以前的口号 |
| [09:09] | Janet! He’s walking around again. | 珍妮特 他又跑出来了 |
| [09:12] | Yeah, I see that. Derek, what are you doing here? | 我看见了 德里克 你出来干什么 |
| [09:15] | You’re supposed to stay at Mindy’s. | 你该待在明迪家 |
| [09:16] | I can’t help it. | 人家做不到呀 |
| [09:18] | I’m just such a proud daddy Derek. | 喜当爹 我好骄傲 |
| [09:20] | I mean, will you look at all these beautiful babies that we made? | 瞧瞧我们造出的乖宝宝们 |
| [09:23] | She made them, dude. You barely did anything. | 她造出的宝宝 你没出什么力 |
| [09:26] | Probably just, like, made all the butts. | 你也就在他们屁股上出了点力 |
| [09:29] | I did make all the butts. I made that butt… | 这些屁股确实出自我手 这是我造的屁股 |
| [09:31] | – I made that butt… – Right. | -那个也是我 -没错 |
| [09:32] | I made both those butts. | 那俩屁股也是我的功劳 |
| [09:34] | Derek, you have to stay at Mindy’s house. | 德里克 你得待在明迪家 |
| [09:36] | What if one of our new humans sees you | 如果新入住的人类看见你 |
| [09:38] | and starts asking questions about the weirdo in the tux? | 开始打听穿西装的怪咖 怎么办 |
| [09:41] | Say no more, but before I leave, | 不必多言 但我走之前 |
| [09:43] | can I have a hug in celebration of everything that we created? | 能抱我一下 庆祝我们创造的一切吗 |
| [09:47] | Okay. | 好 |
| [09:49] | That feels so… Derek. | 德里克感觉好美妙 |
| [09:54] | You are all, simply put, good people. | 简言之 你们都是好人 |
| [09:58] | The point of the video is to make them all confront | 放这段录像 目的就是 |
| [10:01] | what kind of people they were on earth. | 让他们面对自己真实的内心 |
| [10:03] | Keep a close eye on our four subjects. | 注意观察这四个目标人物 |
| [10:06] | Try to gauge their reactions, you know? | 仔细打量他们的反应 |
| [10:08] | The subtlest glances, the tiniest flinches. | 细微的眼神 不易察觉的小动作 |
| [10:13] | What about shaking someone by the head? | 摇晃别人脑袋算吗 |
| [10:15] | What does that mean? | 这是什么意思 |
| [10:16] | Boy. | 糟糕 |
| [10:20] | Simone, everything okay? | 西蒙妮 你没事吧 |
| [10:22] | Yeah, well, no– well, actually, it doesn’t matter. | 没事 有事 但这都不重要了 |
| [10:26] | None of this is real. | 这一切都不是真实 |
| [10:28] | Sorry? | 你说什么 |
| [10:28] | I’m a neuroscientist, so I get what’s going on here. | 我是神经科学家 我明白这是怎么回事 |
| [10:31] | You know, clearly, I was in some kind of horrible accident, | 显然 我出意外了 |
| [10:34] | I’m on my deathbed, | 处于临死之际 |
| [10:35] | and this entire thing is just a hallucination constructed by my damaged brain | 大脑受创 创造了这个虚幻的情景 |
| [10:38] | as it slowly shuts down. | 我正在慢慢脑死亡 |
| [10:39] | It’s not real, so I’m just gonna wander around until I wake up or die. | 这不是真的 我去闲逛一下了 等自己醒来或死掉 |
| [10:44] | See you later, figments of my imagination! | 回见 我想象出来的人物们 |
| [10:49] | She’s just gonna go get some popcorn from the… river. | 她就是去河那边 吃点爆米花 |
| [10:54] | There’s a popcorn river. | 这里有一个”爆米花河” |
| [10:56] | I’ll show you guys later. | 我稍后带你们去看 |
| [10:57] | She said keep going without her, so let’s roll it. | 她说不用等她了 我们继续吧 |
| [11:00] | Janet, make a popcorn river. | 珍妮特 变一个”爆米花河”出来 |
| [11:02] | Everyone else, meet at Mindy’s in ten minutes. | 其他人 十分钟后 明迪家开会 |
| [11:05] | Well… we’re off to a fantastic start. | 开头有点不太美好 |
| [11:08] | I wish I could stay and help, | 我也想留下帮忙 |
| [11:09] | but this system is so complex that if I lose concentration | 但这个系统太复杂 如果我分心 |
| [11:12] | for even one billionth of a second, | 哪怕是百万分之一秒 |
| [11:14] | the entire neighborhood could collapse in on itself like a dying star. | 整个善地社区就会像死星一样毁灭 |
| [11:18] | Also, Brent wants a BLT. | 还有 布兰特想要一个三明治 |
| [11:21] | Simone’s reaction is fairly common. | 西蒙妮的反应很平常 |
| [11:23] | When I worked in the Bad Place, | 我以前在”恶地”工作时 |
| [11:24] | some people just wouldn’t believe it when they heard they were dead. | 有些人就是不肯接受自己死亡的事实 |
| [11:28] | How did you convince them? | 你怎么让他们接受了 |
| [11:29] | They’d usually come around by the third or fourth day of mouth fleas. | 一般在第三天或第四天 他们满嘴虱子时 就自然接受了 |
| [11:32] | Obviously not an option here. | 显然这里行不通 |
| [11:34] | But, if Simone doesn’t think this is real, | 但如果西蒙妮认为这里不是真实 |
| [11:36] | she definitely won’t become a better person. | 那她绝不可能去提升自己了 |
| [11:38] | Who can convince her that this actually is the afterlife? | 谁能说动她 让她相信这里是死后世界 |
| [11:41] | We need someone authoritative and reassuring, | 要找一个可信又可靠的人 |
| [11:44] | like… Nelson Mandela or Sir Patrick Stewart | 比如 南非前总统曼德拉或英国著名演员斯图尔特爵士 |
| [11:47] | or really any of my old racquetball partners would do. | 我以前打壁球的球伴都能胜任 |
| [11:49] | I know who it should be. | 我知道找谁了 |
| [11:50] | If you say Blake Bortles, | 你要是敢说布莱克·博特斯 |
| [11:51] | I’m gonna slap you a lot. | 我就抽死你 |
| [11:53] | Chidi! | 奇迪 |
| [11:54] | I believe everything Chidi ever tells me because of his brain | 奇迪说的话 我都信 因为他大脑发达 |
| [11:56] | and how he looks like one of those owls that graduated from college. | 而且他看起来像那种念过大学的书生 |
| [11:59] | Of course. | 可不是嘛 |
| [12:01] | Time to activate our ethical sleeper agent | 该启用我们的伦理学”潜伏特工”了 |
| [12:04] | and introduce him to Simone. | 把他介绍给西蒙妮 |
| [12:06] | I don’t know, Simone isn’t struggling with a philosophy problem. | 不妥 西蒙妮又不是碰上哲学困境了 |
| [12:08] | She’s just, you know, like… being silly. | 她就是犯傻而已 |
| [12:12] | Let’s just get her to the welcome party | 我们就让她来迎新会 |
| [12:13] | and I’m sure she’ll be fine. | 她很快就没事了 |
| [12:16] | Eleanor! | 埃莉诺 |
| [12:17] | Look what my brain did! | 瞧瞧我大脑的创造多奇妙 |
| [12:19] | It’s not real and neither are you. | 这都是虚幻 你也不存在 |
| [12:21] | ♪ I’m in a coma and none of this is real ♪ | ♪我昏迷不醒 一切都是虚幻♪ |
| [12:24] | Okay, I know this is bad and we need a new approach, | 我知道情况不妙 要想个新办法 |
| [12:27] | but… she is wearing the hell out of those foam fingers. | 但她把泡沫手指戴出了新时尚 |
| [12:35] | Dude! Janet told you to stay at Mindy’s. | 兄弟 珍妮特让你待在明迪家 |
| [12:37] | I know, I just came to mix myself a Derek, | 我知道 我就是来调杯酒 |
| [12:40] | and then I’ll be on my way. | 然后就走 |
| [12:43] | Before you leave, I want to call a truce. | 你走之前 我想跟你化解一下矛盾 |
| [12:47] | Feel like you’re trying to get under my skin, but it’s okay. | 你好像想让我不痛快 但没关系 |
| [12:51] | I’ve decided to rise above it. | 我决定退一步海阔天空 不计较了 |
| [12:54] | Well spoken, Mr. Mendoza. | 说得真好 门多萨先生 |
| [12:56] | Let me say in response… | 我来回应一句 |
| [12:58] | I will destroy you. | 我要整死你 |
| [13:03] | Janet is, and always will be, my mommy-girlfriend. | 珍妮特现在是 将来是 永远都是我的”妈妈女友” |
| [13:09] | You have crossed the Rubicon now, pal. | 我们之间 不是你死 就是我亡 |
| [13:18] | Okay, status report. | 汇报一下情况 |
| [13:20] | What have we learned about Linda? | 对琳达了解多少了 |
| [13:21] | Little, I’m afraid, I tried talking to her, | 很少 我努力跟她谈了 |
| [13:23] | but it was the dullest conversation I have ever had, | 但谈话无聊透顶 我快郁闷死了 |
| [13:26] | and this is coming from someone who once split a Xanax with Peter Sarsgaard. | 我可是跟彼得·萨斯加德[演员]分吃一颗抗抑郁药的人 |
| [13:29] | Frankly, I’m glad she’s boring. | 老实说 还好她很无聊 |
| [13:30] | We have enough to worry about. How is Brent doing? | 我们的麻烦够多了 布兰特怎么样 |
| [13:33] | About the same, I’d say. | 半斤八两 |
| [13:35] | Princeton. | 普林斯顿 |
| [13:36] | Graduated in the top half of the bottom half of my class. | 我在中下游学生中以优良成绩毕业 |
| [13:38] | Rowing team, sailing team, class president. | 赛艇队 帆船队 班长 |
| [13:41] | I hung out with all those guys. | 我跟他们都混得很熟 |
| [13:42] | Okay, and John, our favorite gossip columnist? | 好吧 那个八卦营销号 约翰呢 |
| [13:45] | Luckily, before I died, I pumped my face with six vials of Juvederm. | 还好我在死前 我给自己打了六支玻尿酸 |
| [13:49] | I’m hoping that my corpse looks like a waxed tile floor. | 希望我的尸体肤白嫩滑 |
| [13:52] | My ex-boyf is going to be supes jel. | 我前男友要被气炸了 |
| [13:55] | Okay, well, I’m gonna do a loop. | 我要去转一圈 |
| [13:56] | Trying to see who gets me. | 找一下志同道合的人 |
| [13:57] | Our biggest liability right now is Simone. | 目前最大的麻烦就是西蒙妮 |
| [14:00] | Let’s try to keep the three of them away from her. | 一定要阻止另外三个跟她接触 |
| [14:05] | We can’t wait any longer. | 没法再等了 |
| [14:06] | We have to introduce Simone to Chidi. | 我们得介绍西蒙妮和奇迪认识 |
| [14:09] | Why? I-I think she’s doing great. | 何必呢 她状况很好啊 |
| [14:13] | See, she’s getting all the cake-pushing out of her system. | 你看 她开始推蛋糕发泄情绪了 |
| [14:16] | I know it’s painful to think of the two of them… connecting, | 想到他们有一段旧情 我知道你很难受 |
| [14:21] | but Chidi made an incredible sacrifice. | 但奇迪做出了很大牺牲 |
| [14:23] | He had his memories erased so he could help people. | 他抹去了自己的记忆 就为了帮人 |
| [14:27] | And if we don’t let him help Simone, | 如果不让他帮西蒙妮 |
| [14:29] | it’ll be all for nothing. | 这一切都徒劳了 |
| [14:31] | Fine. | 行 |
| [14:34] | Stupid… ethical… | 欠揍 合乎道德 |
| [14:36] | reasonable argument. | 有道理的论点 |
| [14:37] | I wish you were a cake. Push you over. | 你要是蛋糕就好了 把你砸了 |
| [14:39] | Are you still muttering? | 你还在小声抱怨吗 |
| [14:41] | No! I stopped. | 没有 我住口了 |
| [14:43] | Stupid, good-hearing, reformed demon… | 欠抽 听力好 改过自新的臭恶魔 |
| [14:52] | Hey, there, Simone. | 西蒙妮 |
| [14:54] | Shoving people in the pool, huh? | 开始推人进泳池了啊 |
| [14:55] | Yeah, just testing the laws of physics here in my nonsense brain jail. | 就是看一下我幻想的情境是否符合物理定律 |
| [14:59] | Who’s this? | 这是谁 |
| [15:00] | This is Chidi Anagonye. | 这是奇迪·阿纳贡耶 |
| [15:03] | He was a professor of ethics and moral philosophy, | 他生前是一名伦理与道德哲学教授 |
| [15:05] | so I figured he might be able to help… | 我想他应该能帮上忙 |
| [15:07] | Chidi Anagonye, that sounds so familiar. | 奇迪·阿纳贡耶 名字有点耳熟 |
| [15:10] | Where did you teach? | 你在哪里教学 |
| [15:11] | St. John’s University in Sydney. | 悉尼的圣约翰大学 |
| [15:14] | Of course! | 怪不得 |
| [15:14] | I used to teach there. | 我生前也在那里教学 |
| [15:16] | I must’ve seen his name on the faculty list | 我肯定在教师名单中见过你 |
| [15:18] | and now my dying brain is just leaking out random information. | 于是我的大脑开始随机编造了 |
| [15:22] | The human mind is truly incredible! | 人类大脑太神奇了 |
| [15:25] | ♪ I want something else ♪ | ♪需要点别的♪ |
| [15:28] | ♪ To get me through this ♪ | ♪帮我渡过难关♪ |
| [15:30] | ♪ Semi-charmed kind of life, baby, baby ♪ | ♪半魔力生活 宝贝♪ |
| [15:33] | Look, sorry… what-what’s happening now? | 不好意思 你这是什么套路 |
| [15:36] | When I was a kid, my CD alarm clock broke | 我小时候 闹钟坏了 |
| [15:37] | and it used to wake me up to that song every day, | 每天都是这首歌叫我起床 |
| [15:39] | so now I’m singing it to try and wake myself up. | 我现在唱这首歌 想让自己醒来 |
| [15:42] | Okay, well, nice meeting you. | 好吧 幸会 先走了 |
| [15:44] | Nice to meet you too, | 我也很高兴认识你 |
| [15:45] | cute guy generated by my rapidly decaying temporal lobe. | 我正在死亡的大脑颞叶创造出的帅哥 |
| [15:54] | You know, it’s bad enough you guys have taken over my house for a year | 你们霸占我家房子一年 已经够闹心了 |
| [15:58] | and I’ve had to move into the attic, | 我都被迫搬到阁楼了 |
| [16:00] | but now I have to walk in to find Darth Vader’s turd | 结果我又发现黑武士的破玩意 |
| [16:03] | in the middle of my living room. | 放在我家客厅里 |
| [16:04] | I mean, what is this? | 这是啥玩意啊 |
| [16:05] | No time to explain. | 没时间解释了 |
| [16:07] | Also, I kind of forgot. | 而我也不记得这是啥了 |
| [16:09] | Where is Derek’s plunger? The one that kills him. | 杀死德里克的重启杆在哪儿 |
| [16:12] | Yeah, I used to do this whenever I needed some alone time. | 我每次需要独处时 都会这么干 |
| [16:15] | Once, I rebooted him just because he was breathing super loud. | 有一次 他呼吸声太重 我就把他重启了 |
| [16:18] | Then, when he woke up, he was like, “I don’t breathe.” | 结果他醒来说 “我都不呼吸啊” |
| [16:21] | So I don’t know what I heard. | 不知道是不是我幻听了 |
| [16:23] | Well, I’m doing this because he’s trying to steal my girlfriend. | 我这么做是因为他想抢走我女友 |
| [16:25] | Yeah, you don’t need to justify it. | 想杀就杀 不用理由 |
| [16:27] | Again, I do it all the time. | 再说一次 我总这么干 |
| [16:30] | No, no, no, Mindy, please wait, don’t kill me! | 不不 明迪 等一下 别杀我 |
| [16:34] | It’s you? | 是你啊 |
| [16:35] | Okay, well, you certainly don’t have the Dereks to… | 德里克借你胆子 你也不敢… |
| [16:49] | Yeah! | 爽 |
| [16:52] | It’s always good. | 每次感觉都很爽 |
| [16:54] | You know what, Simone? Think of it this way. | 西蒙妮 你这样想 |
| [16:56] | If this is really all a hallucination, | 如果这都是幻象 |
| [16:58] | doesn’t it seem kind of basic? | 怎么会这么低端 |
| [17:00] | I mean, surely, your brain | 你想象的情境 |
| [17:01] | would imagine something weirder than just a nice cocktail party? | 肯定更光怪陆离 远非一个鸡尾酒派对 |
| [17:05] | You mean like that? | 你是说这种事吗 |
| [17:06] | Attention, I have been Dereked. | 全体注意 德里克被谋杀了 |
| [17:09] | That’s probably my doctor. This is all in my head. | 那可能是我的医生 这都是我的幻觉 |
| [17:12] | I’m gonna go eat a knife. | 我去吃一把刀试试看 |
| [17:13] | Attention. Murder has been me. | 全体注意 我被谋杀了 |
| [17:16] | Let me get this straight: | 让我缕清楚 |
| [17:17] | Derek, quote, “Made mean eyes at you,” | 德里克 用你的话说 “恶狠狠蹬了你” |
| [17:20] | so you went to Mindy’s house and murdered him? | 于是你就跑到明迪家 把他”杀”了 |
| [17:23] | Yeah, dog, but his eyes were really mean. | 没错 他的眼神可凶狠了 |
| [17:26] | You’re probably thinking this… | 你们可能觉得是这样滴 |
| [17:29] | but they were more like this… | 但其实是这样滴 |
| [17:32] | Jason, why did you kill Derek? | 杰森 你为什么把德里克”杀”了 |
| [17:34] | I had to get his giant head out of the sky | 我得在那几个人类发现之前 |
| [17:35] | before any of the humans could see, and it was not easy. | 把他那个大头从天空屏中撤下 很耗费功力哎 |
| [17:38] | I was scared Derek was trying to slide into your DMs. | 我怕德里克不要脸 “给你发私信” |
| [17:40] | I hate being scared. It’s– it’s scary. | 我讨厌害怕的感觉 这让我很害怕 |
| [17:42] | I don’t have time for this. | 没空跟你胡闹 |
| [17:43] | I am running a neighborhood and its residents, | 我负责一座社区 管理所有居民 |
| [17:45] | and Eleanor just casually orders me to make popcorn rivers, | 埃莉诺圣旨一下 我还得变个”爆米花河”出来 |
| [17:48] | and Brent won’t stop calling me for stuff. | 而且布兰特还把我当服务生 不停使唤我 |
| [17:53] | Are we still boyfriend-not-a-girlfriend? | 我们还是”男女非人类朋友”吗 |
| [17:55] | We’ll talk about it later. | 这事稍后再说 |
| [17:56] | Okay, executive decision: forget about Simone. | 决策如下 别管西蒙妮了 |
| [17:59] | Janet, make sure she doesn’t come in contact with the other humans. | 珍妮特 别让她跟其他三个人类接触 |
| [18:02] | Let’s focus on Linda. | 来搞定琳达 |
| [18:03] | We ought to be able to figure her out | 我们能琢磨明白她 |
| [18:05] | if we can just liven her up a bit. | 只要让她兴奋起来就可以了 |
| [18:06] | We’ll just, like, sprinkle some cocaine on her peppermints or something. | 就在她的薄荷糖里放点可卡因就行了 |
| [18:09] | Does anyone else find it suspicious that the Bad Place sent someone so dull? | “恶地”派来这么无聊的人 就没人觉得可疑吗 |
| [18:14] | No, it makes perfect sense to me. | 没有 说得通 |
| [18:16] | They are trying to drive us insane | 他们想让我们抓狂 |
| [18:18] | by giving us a big boring glob of plain yogurt. | 于是派了一个无聊透顶的闷货过来 |
| [18:21] | Tomorrow morning, we start Operation Linda. | 明早 我们就开始”破解琳达” |
| [18:24] | Okay, you heard the lady. | 老大发话了 |
| [18:25] | We’ll meet in the town square bright and early. | 我们明天一大清早在广场见 |
| [18:28] | – Janet, set up for Flying Day.- Cool. | -珍妮特 安排”飞行日” -“遵命” |
| [18:30] | I’m not busy or anything, so that’ll be easy. | 我这么”闲” 这种事”小菜一碟” |
| [18:33] | Off you go. | 可以飞了 |
| [18:38] | Linda, how are you enjoying the Good Place? | 琳达 你在”善地”待得还好吧 |
| [18:41] | It’s good. | 很好 |
| [18:44] | Everyone’s flying. | 大家都飞着玩 |
| [18:45] | You don’t want to go flying any higher? | 你不想飞得再高一点吗 |
| [18:48] | No, thanks. | 不用了 |
| [18:50] | Well, okay. | 好吧 |
| [18:51] | Says in your file that you like knitting. | 档案上写着 你喜欢针织 |
| [18:53] | Would you like to do some knitting right now? | 你想现在织吗 |
| [18:55] | No, thanks. | 不用了 |
| [18:56] | Is there another activity you’d like to do now? | 你现在还想玩点别的吗 |
| [18:59] | You also enjoyed listening to birds. | 你还喜欢听鸟叫 |
| [19:03] | Man, Linda, you don’t even look at them? | 天 琳达 你只听不看吗 |
| [19:07] | Let’s go hear some birds. What do you say? | 我们去听鸟叫吧 意下如何 |
| [19:10] | I’m gonna go get another peppermint. | 我要再去吃一颗薄荷糖了 |
| [19:11] | Come on, Lins. | 别这样 琳姨 |
| [19:13] | You can have literally anything you could poss– | 只要你想 你做什么都可以 |
| [19:17] | What the– | 搞什么 |
| [19:28] | Okay, so… | 好吧 |
| [19:31] | Maybe she’s less boring than I thought. | 她没我想象中那么没劲 |
| [19:35] | So let me get this straight, Shawn: | 事情是这样吧 肖恩 |
| [19:37] | you sent a demon in disguise as one of the subjects? | 你派了一个恶魔伪装成人类混入善地了 |
| [19:41] | Yes, he did, Your Honor. | 确实 法官阁下 |
| [19:49] | Luckily, none of the other test subjects saw the mess he made, | 还好其他目标人类没看到他搞出的烂摊子 |
| [19:52] | but he put the experiment at risk | 但他差点毁了整个试验 |
| [19:54] | and he attacked me and Eleanor. | 他还打了我和埃莉诺 |
| [19:56] | And I’m sorry, where’s your shirt? | 不好意思 你上衣呢 |
| [19:58] | I think it got stuck in the skin suit. | 应该是粘在皮囊上了 |
| [20:00] | Well, keep it there. | 那你就别穿了 |
| [20:02] | Damn it, Chris, | 该死 克里斯 |
| [20:03] | you were supposed to slowly undermine them | 你本该放慢节奏搞破坏 |
| [20:05] | and gradually sabotage the experiment, | 慢慢毁掉整个试验 |
| [20:07] | not just go ham on day two, you fart plume. | 而不是在第二天就”大闹善地” “飞毛哪吒” |
| [20:09] | I told you, I’m not an actor. | 我说过了 我又不是个演员 |
| [20:11] | And when you get back here, you won’t be anything. | 等你回来 你什么都不是了 |
| [20:13] | Okay, fine, yes, busted. | 行 我承认了 |
| [20:15] | I’m a rascal. | 我就是这么坏 |
| [20:16] | We’ll come pick him up and replace him with an actual human. | 我们会把他带回来 重新送个人类过去 |
| [20:19] | You will do nothing of the sort, mon ami. | 你可拉倒吧 童鞋 |
| [20:22] | This outrageous act must be punished. | 这种行为必须严惩 |
| [20:25] | Chidi will be the fourth subject in this experiment. | 奇迪来做第四个目标人类 |
| [20:27] | No, no, no, no, no, no. | 不行 不行 |
| [20:29] | He’s perfect because he’s already had his memories erased. | 他太合适了 反正他的记忆都不在了 |
| [20:31] | Although you can’t erase that booty, | 翘臀倒是还在啊 |
| [20:33] | know what I’m saying, blondie? | 秒懂吧 金发妞儿 |
| [20:34] | All due respect, Your Honor, keep it in your robe. | 法官阁下 别这么骚气 有失身份 |
| [20:37] | What she means is thank you, Your Honor, we accept. | 她的意思是 谢谢 法官阁下 我们接受 |
| [20:40] | Chidi’s gonna be our fourth subject. | 奇迪将是第四个目标人类 |
| [20:42] | Chidi can’t be part of the experiment. | 奇迪不能参与试验 |
| [20:43] | They already know that he can improve. | 他们已知他能够提升自己了 |
| [20:45] | That’s like studying for a test, | 这就像专门为考试备战 |
| [20:46] | then acing the test. | 然后轻松考过一样 |
| [20:48] | It’s cheating. | 这是作弊 |
| [20:48] | How is that cheating? | 这怎么是作弊 |
| [20:50] | You’re just falsely accusing us of what you actually did. | 你这是贼喊捉贼啊 |
| [20:53] | No, that’s what you’re doing. | 你才贼喊捉贼 |
| [20:54] | Shawn, I don’t have time for this. | 肖恩 没空跟你们耗 |
| [20:56] | I just started “Deadwood” finally– | 我总算有时间看《枯镇》了 |
| [20:58] | and I need my daily dose of Timothy Olyphant, | 我得去舔屏”蒂莫西·奥利芬特”[男主]了 |
| [21:01] | so I’m gonna make this short. | 所以长话短说 |
| [21:03] | If you so much as breathe on this experiment again, | 你若是再敢暗中破坏试验 |
| [21:07] | I will restart the entire thing from scratch, | 我就重启整个试验 |
| [21:11] | and then I will personally rip off your eyelids | 我会亲自剥掉你的眼皮 |
| [21:15] | and make you watch heartwarming videos | 逼迫你看那种暖心视频 |
| [21:17] | of soldiers coming home to their dogs. | 军人返家与狗狗相拥 |
| [21:22] | Slow down. | 慢点开 |
| [21:26] | Did you put those trash cans there just so you could crash into them? | 你故意在那边放垃圾桶 就为了撞上吗 |
| [21:29] | That wasn’t my fault, I was texting. | 不是我的错 我边开车边发短信呢 |
| [21:31] | Okay, let him go, dung buckets. | 放开他吧 傻叉们 |
| [21:33] | Nice try. | 想得美 |
| [21:34] | We’ll put him on the train and handcuff him to a bench. | 我们会亲自押他上车 把他拷在椅子上 |
| [21:38] | Yeah, forgive us if we don’t trust you not to cheat again. | 狗改不了吃屎 谁信你们不会再出幺蛾子 |
| [21:42] | Surprised you figured out that Linda was a fake, | 真没想到你看出琳达是伪装的恶魔 |
| [21:44] | because we all thought you were too stupid. | 因为我们都以为你很蠢 |
| [21:47] | Well, it was actually Tahani who got suspicious. | 其实是塔哈妮起疑了 |
| [21:52] | That is so embarrassing for you. | 你好没面子哦 |
| [21:54] | Seems like you’re royally forking this up, | 看来你真不行啊 |
| [21:56] | just like we knew you would. | 我们都猜到了 |
| [21:58] | Okay, take off, and give Shawn a message for me. | 你们走吧 替我向肖恩带句话 |
| [22:01] | Tell him that we said, “Boo-yah!” | 就说”暴击吧” |
| [22:05] | Make sure you do the hand motion. | 一定要加上手指动作 |
| [22:06] | Like, “Boo-yah!” | 这样说”暴击吧” |
| [22:08] | Are you listening to me? | 你在听吗 |
| [22:08] | Okay, Michael. | 好了 迈克尔 |
| [22:09] | No, show me– show me how you’re gonna do it. | 不 你学一下 |
| [22:11] | That’s fine. | 算了吧 |
| [22:11] | No, it’s important that she does the hand thing, | 必须要加上手指动作 |
| [22:13] | ’cause it really drives the point home. | 才能让对方掉血 |