| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:00] | So what’s on tap for today? | 今天都有啥新鲜事 |
| [00:02] | Chidi’s study group should be off and running. | 奇迪的学堂应该正常开课了 |
| [00:04] | We can go check in on how Brent’s doing. | 我们可以看一下布兰特的表现 |
| [00:06] | If there’s anyone that can turn that ash-hole into a good person, | 如果真有人能让那个”傻喵”改过自新 |
| [00:10] | it’s Chidi. | 非奇迪莫属 |
| [00:10] | My man used to collect action figures of famous philosophers. | 别人收藏动漫人偶 我男人收藏哲学家人偶 |
| [00:14] | Eleanor, look, it’s a near-mint Arthur Schopenhauer with a working quill! | 埃莉诺 看 这是九成新的叔本华拿着羽毛笔的人偶 |
| [00:19] | What a dork. I love him so much. | 好呆萌 我真的好爱他啊 |
| [00:22] | Chidi might make the new humans better all on his own. | 奇迪凭一己之力就能让这些人洗心革面了 |
| [00:25] | It’s so great he erased his memory. | 他抹去自己记忆 真是一大幸事 |
| [00:28] | But, you know, it’s also quite sad… | 但也很不幸 |
| [00:31] | for you in a way that I always think about and am respect of. | 对你来说很惨 我常挂心上 真心拜服 |
| [00:37] | What the fork? | 搞什么喵 |
| [00:39] | Hi, Eleanor. Hi, Michael. | 埃莉诺 迈克尔 |
| [00:41] | We were just heading off for picnic. | 我们正要去野餐 |
| [00:43] | You know, we were actually just gonna go check in on your new student, Brent. | 我们刚想找你问一下新学生布兰特的情况 |
| [00:48] | You know, I’m not sure that Brent’s in it for the long haul. | 布兰特应该不会坚持来听课 |
| [00:50] | He came to one session, | 他就来听了一次课 |
| [00:51] | and then he said he got a B+ in Moral Values at Princeton, | 他说他在普林斯顿时 “道德观”得了B+ |
| [00:54] | and so maybe he should be the professor. | 他该来教我们 |
| [00:56] | Then he asked me if I knew that he went Princeton. | 他又问我知不知道他毕业于普林斯顿 |
| [00:58] | I said I did. | 我说知道 |
| [01:00] | Then he said he went to Princeton, and he left. | 然后他说 他毕业于普林斯顿 说完就走了 |
| [01:03] | What are you gonna do? | 我也没招啊 |
| [01:04] | Well, just for argument’s sake, | 就当是学术交流 |
| [01:06] | what would Kant say about your duty to help your fellow human beings? | 康德会怎么看你尽责帮助同类 |
| [01:10] | Well, honestly, when the weather is this perfect, | 老实说 这么阳光明媚的日子 |
| [01:12] | I think that Kant would say, | 康德应该会说 |
| [01:15] | “Who’s up for some Frisbee golf?” | “谁想来玩飞碟高尔夫” |
| [01:22] | Guys, you gotta hear this joke I made about Kant. | 各位 我说个”康德笑话”笑死你们 |
| [01:24] | Never seen Chidi like that. | 从来没见奇迪这样过 |
| [01:26] | He was… chillaxing, | 他”极奇悠闲” |
| [01:28] | which is a word I just invented, | 这是我自创的词汇 |
| [01:30] | combing Chidi and relaxing. | 将奇迪和悠闲组合起来 |
| [01:32] | Yeah, I guess once you have the burden of saving humanity removed from your brain, | 失去记忆 卸下拯救全人类的重担 |
| [01:36] | life is dandy. | 生活如此惬意啊 |
| [01:37] | Must be nice, Chidi. | 肯定很爽 奇迪 |
| [01:39] | That’s what’s missing. | 找到问题症结了 |
| [01:40] | Chidi isn’t being tortured. | 没人折磨奇迪 |
| [01:42] | As far as he’s concerned, | 就他看来 |
| [01:43] | he did everything right on Earth, | 他自己生前是个好人 |
| [01:44] | so now he just gets to enjoy himself. | 死后上天堂 就该享福 |
| [01:47] | If we don’t force Chidi into stressful decision-making, | 如果不把奇迪逼进墙角 |
| [01:50] | he won’t get the chance to become a better person. | 他就不会去提升自己 |
| [01:52] | Right. You want to make a pearl, you gotta get some sand in your clam. | 没错 想要珍珠 就得在蛤蜊中放点沙子 |
| [01:56] | Oyster. We need Chidi to live in a world of low-grade dread. | 是生蚝 我们得给奇迪制造一些轻微恐慌 |
| [02:00] | I’ve got this. | 包在我身上 |
| [02:01] | I have a ton of experience making ex-boyfriends’ lives miserable. | 折磨前男友是老娘的拿手绝活 |
| [02:04] | First up, we fill his acoustic guitar with wet cat food. | 首先把湿猫粮放进对方的原声吉他 |
| [02:08] | Judge me all you want. I get results. | 随便鄙视我 总之会让对方抓狂 |
| [02:17] | – Janet, darling? – Hi, there. | -亲爱的珍妮特 -你好 |
| [02:19] | – You dyed your hair. – I did. | -你染发了 -对 |
| [02:21] | After I broke up with Jason, | 我跟杰森分手后 |
| [02:21] | I researched how humans cope with relationships ending, | 我搜索了一下人类分手后都怎么安慰自己 |
| [02:24] | and number eight on the list was doing something dumb with your hair. | 第八项就是 脑子进水去做头发 |
| [02:27] | Number 42 was watch “Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again,” so I did that, too. | 第42项是 再看一次《妈妈咪呀2》 我也看了 |
| [02:31] | It was okay. | 还可以吧 |
| [02:32] | It’s just a lot of the same songs as the first one. | 好多歌曲跟第一部都一样 |
| [02:34] | Well, hopefully, diving back into work was also high on that list | 希望重新投身于工作也包括在内 |
| [02:37] | because we need to help John and I know how. | 因为我们得去帮约翰 而我想到办法了 |
| [02:40] | – SPA day. – SPA day? | -水疗 -水疗 |
| [02:42] | That’s right, Janet. | 没错 珍妮特 |
| [02:43] | I’ve cracked the code. | 我看透他这个人了 |
| [02:44] | See, in 2014, | 2014年 |
| [02:46] | John wrote eleven articles | 约翰写了11篇博文 |
| [02:48] | mocking Gigi Hadid’s vacation at an exclusive resort in Bali. | 嘲笑吉吉·哈迪德选择巴厘岛度假村度假 |
| [02:51] | But then he researched cheap flights to Bali for himself, | 但他自己却上网搜了前往巴厘岛最便宜的机票 |
| [02:55] | and looked into something called… a discount hotel package? | 还查了一下什么”酒店折扣套餐” |
| [02:59] | See, John’s pettiness was the result of feeling excluded by the rich and powerful. | 约翰是因为走不进权贵圈 才这么毒舌 |
| [03:03] | So I, the rich and powerful, | 而我这个黑富美 |
| [03:05] | am going to welcome him into an exclusive world of luxury and pampering! | 将邀请他一起享受有钱人的奢华生活 |
| [03:09] | He loves celebrity gossip. | 他大爱明星八卦 |
| [03:11] | You should tell him about | 你该告诉他 |
| [03:12] | how eight different characters from “Game of Thrones” are based on you. | 《权力的游戏》中有八个角色原型都是你 |
| [03:14] | That is a great idea. | 好主意 |
| [03:16] | See? You’re getting it now. | 瞧 你上道了 |
| [03:18] | First, we open his pores, and then we open his heart. | 首先 先是打开他的毛孔 再让他敞开心扉 |
| [03:22] | We exfoliate the dead skin cells of envy, | 去掉嫉妒化身的死皮 |
| [03:25] | and we detoxify his soul. | 净化他的灵魂 |
| [03:28] | – SPA day. – SPA day. | -水疗 -水疗 |
| [03:30] | I’m so excited for SPA day. | 我好开心来做水疗 |
| [03:33] | I mean, I know I can eat whatever I want and not gain weight | 我知道可以随心所欲地吃 也不用担心长胖 |
| [03:35] | and the air is obviously perfect | 而且空气纯净 |
| [03:37] | and no one has any jobs or stress or problems, | 大家都不用上班 也没有压力或烦恼 |
| [03:39] | but I just feel like I need this. | 但我就是觉得需要放松一下 |
| [03:42] | Well, you are in for a treat | 你有福享了 |
| [03:43] | ’cause I had Janet build an exact replica | 因为我让珍妮特复原了 |
| [03:46] | of Victoria Beckham’s ultra-exclusive private spa. | 维多利亚·贝克汉姆的顶级私人水疗套餐 |
| [03:49] | Posh’s SPA? The Posh Wash? | 奢华水疗 豪华套餐 |
| [03:51] | It’s the most coveted invitation in England. | 英国名流圈做梦都想入会啊 |
| [03:53] | Membership is based on weight and net worth. | 只有体重和资产达标才有资格入会 |
| [03:56] | Gain a pound or lose a pound, and you’re out. | 多一分少一分 都会被除名 |
| [03:59] | Shall we go? | 走吧 |
| [04:01] | Jason, there you are? | 杰森 你在这里啊 |
| [04:03] | – We need your help. – Okay. | -我们找你帮忙 -好 |
| [04:05] | Hand me the jar. | 把罐子给我 |
| [04:07] | – Of what? – The peanut butter jar. | -什么罐子 -花生酱罐子 |
| [04:09] | Get it. | 给我吧 |
| [04:11] | You said you needed help opening a peanut butter jar. | 你说想让我帮你们开花生酱罐子 |
| [04:14] | No, we didn’t. | 我们没这么说 |
| [04:15] | Then who said that? | 那是谁说的呢 |
| [04:18] | No one. Shut up and listen. | 没人说 闭嘴 好好听着 |
| [04:20] | We need your help with something very important. | 我们想找你帮个大忙 |
| [04:22] | Are you sure? I’m probably just gonna mess it up. | 你确定吗 我可能会搞砸 |
| [04:24] | Just like I messed things up with Janet. | 就像我搞砸了跟珍妮特的关系 |
| [04:25] | Dude, helping to save humanity is as good a way as any to get over a breakup. | 帮忙拯救全人类 这是疗愈情伤的好办法 |
| [04:30] | I mean, it’s not like Janet has a car you can key, | 珍妮特又没车 你没法划车 |
| [04:32] | or a house you can “Left Eye” lopes. | 她也没房子 你不能留下”去死”跑掉 |
| [04:35] | Okay. I’m in. I got your back, guys. | 好 我帮 包在我身上了 |
| [04:38] | Now hand me that jar. | 把那个罐子给我吧 |
| [04:40] | Are you speaking metaphorically, | 你这是比喻的说法吗 |
| [04:42] | like the task we’re embarking on | 意思是这次任务 |
| [04:44] | is a metaphorical jar you’re gonna open by accomplishing the task? | 你会像”开罐子那样”搞定吗 |
| [04:50] | Yes. | 是…吧 |
| [04:54] | Goodie. Cucumber water. | 天呐 黄瓜水 |
| [04:56] | Nope. This is fresh water from Oprah’s estate in Maui | 不 这是来自奥普拉在毛伊岛住处的水 |
| [05:00] | with mushrooms from her private bog in the Pyrenees Mountains. | 里面的蘑菇来自她在比利牛斯山脉的私人沼泽 |
| [05:04] | My God. It tastes like candy. | 天呐 味道跟糖果一样 |
| [05:06] | You know what they say. | 大家不常说嘛 |
| [05:07] | A mushroom from Oprah’s bog is better than anything from anywhere else. | 奥普拉沼泽里的蘑菇胜过世间一切 |
| [05:11] | I didn’t know that they said that. | 我不知道还有这种说法 |
| [05:13] | I missed out on all the cool celebrity sayings. | 错过明星语录 好心塞 |
| [05:15] | Say good-bye to FOMO. | 向”局外人”说再见 |
| [05:17] | You can finally experience the best of the best. | 你终于体验到上流生活了 |
| [05:21] | The only thing that would make this any better is some hot goss. | 来点明星八卦 就更锦上添花了 |
| [05:25] | Very well. | 没问题 |
| [05:26] | Our story begins when I ran into Robbie Williams, Heidi Klum, | 我有一次碰见罗比·威廉姆斯[歌手] 海蒂·克鲁姆[前超模] |
| [05:30] | and the remaining members of Fifth Harmony | 以及”五美组合”没单飞的成员 |
| [05:32] | at the Dolce & Gabbana spring show. | 当时在”DG”春季秀上 |
| [05:34] | Hate him, loathe her, over them, cancel it, | 讨厌他 瞧不起她 不再粉她们 取消DG了 |
| [05:36] | tell me everything. | 快爆猛料 |
| [05:38] | So Natalie Portman does all of Scarlett Johansson’s stunts? | 斯嘉丽·约翰逊的特技都是娜塔莉·波特曼完成的吗 |
| [05:41] | – Why? – For the power. | -为何这么想不开 -为了一姐地位啊 |
| [05:42] | Just to say she can. | 为了显示她有这个能力 |
| [05:44] | Sure, I get that. | 说得也是 |
| [05:46] | – Tahani, I feel amazing. Thank you. – You’re quite welcome! | -塔哈妮 我感觉特别好 谢谢 -不客气 |
| [05:52] | You know what would give you an even more luminous glow? | 你知道怎么让自己更加焕发光彩吗 |
| [05:55] | There was this sort of inner treatment that was all the rage on Earth, | 人间盛行一种内心治愈疗法 |
| [05:58] | the study of ethics. | 学习道德伦理 |
| [06:00] | Think of it as a colonic, but for your soul! | 想成是”清肠” 但洗净的是灵魂 |
| [06:03] | Our resident philosopher Chidi Anagonye | 这里有一个哲学教授奇迪·阿纳贡耶 |
| [06:04] | leads an ethics study group in his apartment. | 在他家开设了一个道德学堂 |
| [06:06] | What do you say you and I sit in? | 我们一起去听听如何 |
| [06:08] | Would I like to use my time in heaven to audit a philosophy class? | 我愿意用自己在天堂的时光去听哲学课吗 |
| [06:16] | No. | 算了吧 |
| [06:17] | You stay crazy, girl! Bye. | 你自己去疯吧 妹子 回见 |
| [06:24] | – So how was the picnic? – Amazing. | -野餐怎么样 -特别棒 |
| [06:26] | I mean, there were ants everywhere, but they were so helpful. | 到处都蚂蚁 但这些蚂蚁真给力啊 |
| [06:29] | They carried our wine glasses back and forth | 一直来回给我们搬酒 |
| [06:31] | and they folded our napkins for us. | 还帮我们折餐巾 |
| [06:33] | They were so cute. | 太讨人喜欢了 |
| [06:34] | Wait till you see the otters who do our turn-down service. | 你还没见识它们的”开夜床服务”呢 |
| [06:34] | 一种星级服务 拉起窗帘 把灯光调暗 摆好脱鞋和铺好棉被 准备热茶 点上香氛等 营造出适合睡眠的环境 | |
| [06:36] | Listen, you might know Jianyu, the monk? | 你认识这个和尚 建宇吧 |
| [06:39] | He wants to join your philosophy study group. | 他想参加你的哲学课堂 |
| [06:41] | Sure, we can get that up and running again. | 行啊 我们可以再搞起学堂 |
| [06:43] | Maybe discuss some Lao Tzu and Confucius. | 一起探讨一下老子和孔子 |
| [06:45] | Fun! Everything is so fun. | 太有意思了 一切都如此惬意 |
| [06:47] | Perfect. Just one thing. | 很好 就一件事 |
| [06:49] | So he’s been having kind of a hard time adjusting here. | 他一直没能适应这里 |
| [06:53] | Apparently monks aren’t the most social creatures. | 显然和尚都不擅社交 |
| [06:55] | So just promise me you’ll help him no matter what. | 答应我 你会尽全力帮助他 |
| [06:58] | Eleanor, I swear to you I will look after Jianyu as if he is my own brother. | 埃莉诺 我发誓 我会把建宇当成亲兄弟一样照顾 |
| [07:04] | I mean, a promise from a strict Kantian like yourself | 你如此君子之风 厚德载物 |
| [07:08] | is just about the most ironclad agreement in the universe. | 必定一言既出 驷马难追 |
| [07:12] | Okay. | 好了 |
| [07:14] | – Bye-bye. – Bye. | -再见 -再见 |
| [07:16] | So, Jianyu, would you like some– | 建宇 你想来点… |
| [07:18] | Yo, shut up for a sec. I’m not a Buddhist monk. | 你先别说话 我不是佛教徒 |
| [07:20] | My name is Jason Mendoza. | 我真名叫杰森·门多萨 |
| [07:22] | I’m a DJ from Florida, and I’m not supposed to be here. | 我是个来自弗罗里达的DJ 我不该来”善地” |
| [07:24] | You gotta help me out, homie. | 你得帮帮我啊 哥 |
| [07:26] | I’m scared. | 人家好怕 |
| [07:28] | Tea. I was gonna offer you some tea. | 茶 我本想问你要不要来点茶 |
| [07:32] | Dude, thanks to you, my dream came true. | 哥 多亏你 我的梦想成真了 |
| [07:35] | I have a shiny new butthole. | 我又有新的”男人洞”了 |
| [07:37] | – You okay, homie? – No! | -你没事吧 哥 -有事 |
| [07:39] | I’ve had a stomach ache for a week. | 我胃抽筋都一周了 |
| [07:41] | There have been way too many close calls. | 你多次险些穿帮 |
| [07:43] | Please, I beg you, no more meatball subs. | 求你了 别再吃肉丸潜水艇三明治了 |
| [07:45] | No more drawing boobs in the dirt. | 也别在地上画大胸了 |
| [07:48] | I cannot lie to cover for you. | 我没法为你圆谎 |
| [07:50] | Please remember you’re supposed to be a monk. | 你得记住自己的和尚身份啊 |
| [07:56] | Eleanor and Michael are here. | 埃莉诺和迈克尔来了 |
| [07:57] | What a fun surprise. | 好惊喜 好意外 |
| [07:59] | You’ve done some redecorating. | 你把家重装了啊 |
| [08:00] | Yes, my apartment was decorated in one way, | 我家确实装修了 |
| [08:04] | and now it has been… redecorated. | 现在又重装了一下 |
| [08:06] | And how’s Jianyu? | 建宇怎么样了 |
| [08:07] | I mean, you know how monks are. | 你了解和尚啦 |
| [08:10] | Calm, peaceful, never, you know, shotgunning Cheez Whiz. | 心如止水 毫无杂念 不会一口气干掉奶酪 |
| [08:14] | I mean, what monk would do that? No monk! | 世上有哪个和尚会这么干 没有啊 |
| [08:16] | Anyway… I see you guys are still here. | 话说 你们怎么还没走 |
| [08:19] | We were just dropping by to ask a favor. | 我们就是来找你帮个忙 |
| [08:21] | Can you accompany Jianyu to the luau tonight? | 你能陪建宇来今晚的”夏威夷宴会”吗 |
| [08:24] | He still isn’t really engaging with the Neighborhood, | 他还是不怎么跟人交往 |
| [08:27] | and we were hoping you could help him break out of his shell. | 希望你能帮他不再这么腼腆 |
| [08:30] | Actually, I don’t think I can make it. | 我好像去不了 |
| [08:31] | Why not? | 为什么啊 |
| [08:34] | I just remembered. | 我刚想起来 |
| [08:36] | I can make it, so I will see you there. Okay, bye. | 我又能去了 到时见 再见 |
| [08:45] | I don’t understand why John hasn’t made more progress. | 约翰怎么还没有任何进步 |
| [08:48] | You’ve done so much to make him feel special. | 你花了那么多心思哄他开心 |
| [08:50] | I know. I recreated the private tour of the Louvre | 就是说啊 我重现了卢浮宫的私人之旅 |
| [08:53] | where they let you touch all the art. | 可以触碰所有艺术品的 |
| [08:54] | We rode Aquamans through the water. | 一起在水中驾着”水行侠”畅游 |
| [08:56] | I got so many beauty treatments | 做了那么多美容护理 |
| [08:58] | I fear my hair may be too shiny and lustrous. | 我都怕自己头发的光泽闪瞎众人眼 |
| [09:01] | We’ve been getting on quite well, | 我们最近关系不错 |
| [09:02] | but every time I bring up self-improvement, he just shuts me down. | 但只要我一提到完善自我 就会吃闭门羹 |
| [09:06] | I haven’t encountered this much resistance | 我好久没被拒这么多次了 |
| [09:08] | since I tried to get Timothée Chalamet to go out into the sun. | 上次还是劝”甜茶”多出来晒太阳 结果各种遭拒 |
| [09:11] | You know, I looked at John’s files again. | 我又看了一下约翰的档案 |
| [09:14] | He was hardly a shrinking violet. | 他不是个怕羞的人 |
| [09:15] | If you think he needs help, maybe you should just tell him directly. | 你觉得他需要帮助 就直接告诉他 |
| [09:18] | Perhaps you’re right. | 也许你说得对 |
| [09:20] | I shall go on the attack, | 我该主动出击 |
| [09:21] | just like six of the eight “Game of Thrones” characters who were based on me would do. | 就像《权游》中八个以我为原型的六个角色那样行事 |
| [09:26] | Yeah. | 没错 |
| [09:27] | So how are things going with Chidi? | 你和奇迪进展如何了 |
| [09:29] | Super easy. | 超级简单 |
| [09:30] | All I have to do is be myself, and he’s constantly freaking out. | 我只要做自己就行了 他动不动就抓狂 |
| [09:33] | You have that effect on people, bud. | 你确实有让人抓狂的本事 |
| [09:35] | What else can we do to mess up his life? | 还能怎么给他找麻烦 |
| [09:37] | Listen, E-dog, | 听着 埃妹 |
| [09:39] | I know people don’t look to me for plans or ideas or anything, | 我知道一般没人会找我出主意 听我的话 |
| [09:44] | but maybe we should ease off. | 但这次还是见好就收吧 |
| [09:45] | He’s pretty stressed already. | 他已经焦虑不安了 |
| [09:47] | Please. He’s not even dry-heaving yet. | 拜托 他还没吓到抽筋 哭爹喊娘呢 |
| [09:49] | How many Tums did he take today? | 他今天吃了多少抗胃酸钙片 |
| [09:51] | – Like 20. – That’s nothing. | -20片 -这算啥啊 |
| [09:52] | We don’t stop until it’s a whole bottle. | 等他吃掉一整瓶 才能罢手 |
| [09:54] | Because the more miserable he is, | 因为他越焦灼难安 |
| [09:56] | the more he’s going to teach you, | 他就会教你更多 |
| [09:57] | and then everyone, and then he’ll save humanity. | 然后教育大家 拯救全人类 |
| [10:00] | He’s like Superman with nervous diarrhea. | 他就像是一紧张就闹肚子的”超人” |
| [10:03] | Get ready. I’m gonna make that speech soon. | 准备好 我马上要发表讲话了 |
| [10:08] | Hey, girl. | 妹子 |
| [10:08] | Want to hit up the spa tomorrow? | 想明天一起去水疗吗 |
| [10:10] | I want to try that new “Little Mermaid” treatment, | 我想试一次”小美人鱼”疗法 |
| [10:11] | the one where they remove your vocal chords | 他们会拿走你的声音 |
| [10:13] | and it somehow makes your legs look amazing. | 让你换来迷人双腿 |
| [10:15] | Perhaps, but I was hoping to bend your ear on a more serious matter. | 看情况吧 但我要跟你说一件严肃的事 |
| [10:18] | The things you used to write, | 你以前写的八卦博文 |
| [10:20] | frankly… were hurtful. | 老实说 很伤人 |
| [10:23] | What? Name one. | 瞎说 举个例子 |
| [10:24] | I gained five pounds, | 我长胖了五磅 |
| [10:26] | and you called me Ta-Hammy All-the-Meals. | 你称我为”塔胖妮·阿加米饭” |
| [10:28] | I mean, that’s just poetry. | 这多文艺啊 |
| [10:29] | Well, you were so mean to Daniel Day-Lewis, he quit acting. | 你一张毒舌将丹尼尔·戴·刘易斯送上西天 他都息影了 |
| [10:32] | I’m sorry, | 不好意思了 |
| [10:32] | was he living in character as a man who thought he could pull off boot-cut jeans? | 他是演了一个自以为穿靴型牛仔裤可以很帅的角色吗 |
| [10:35] | You know what? I see what this is. | 我看出你的套路了 |
| [10:37] | This has been a fake friendship. | 你一直对我虚情假意 |
| [10:38] | This whole week has just been a wind-up to a sucker-punch. | 这一周只是你捉弄我的把戏 最后将我暴击 |
| [10:41] | No, it hasn’t. | 才不是 |
| [10:43] | I just want you to recognize that your blog hurt people. | 我只是想让你知道 你的营销号伤害了别人 |
| [10:46] | And you have a chance to be better here. | 你可以在这里改过自新 |
| [10:49] | B’scuse me? | 小婊砸再说一次 |
| [10:51] | You’re telling me to be better? | 你还有脸让我改过自新 |
| [10:53] | While you were gallivanting around with your fancy friends, | 你跟名流们寻欢作乐时 |
| [10:55] | I lived in the real world, so I had bills to pay. | 我活在为五斗米折腰的现实世界 |
| [10:58] | I worked 16 hours a day by myself building a site with millions of readers. | 我一天工作16个小时 打造拥有百万粉丝的八卦营销号 |
| [11:03] | You’re the one with issues, sweetheart. | 你才应该求治疗 亲 |
| [11:05] | If you spot it, you got it. | 心中有屎 看人即屎 |
| [11:07] | Whoosh. | 冲一下 |
| [11:09] | That’s another deuce for the gossip toilet. | 快把这种脏东西冲走 |
| [11:13] | Hello and welcome! Is everyone having fun tonight? | 大家好啊 今晚玩得开心吗 |
| [11:19] | We have an exciting activity planned for all of you. | 我们为大家准备了绝佳活动 |
| [11:23] | You have all been given a magic lava stone. | 每个人手里都拿到了一个魔力火山岩 |
| [11:27] | When you throw them into the bonfire, | 把火山岩扔进篝火 |
| [11:29] | you will receive whatever your soul most desires. | 就会得到你灵魂深处所求之物 |
| [11:35] | Step right up, Matilda. | 来吧 玛蒂尔达 |
| [11:37] | Give it a toss. | 扔吧 |
| [11:45] | My childhood pet, Shell Turtlestein. | 我儿时的宠物 小壳·龟斯汀 |
| [11:50] | I want to do that. | 我也想玩一下 |
| [11:51] | No, you cannot under any circumstances do that. | 不行 你绝对不能扔啊 |
| [11:54] | Okay, but I gotta do that. | 好 但我必须玩一下 |
| [11:56] | No! If you throw that stone, your truest actual desire will appear, | 不行 你扔石头了 你的真实所求就会显现 |
| [12:00] | and who knows what that is? | 谁知道是什么啊 |
| [12:01] | I do. | 我知道 |
| [12:02] | My old motorcycle with Pamela Anderson airbrushed on the side. | 我以前的摩托车 侧面喷漆是”帕米拉·安德森” |
| [12:06] | It exploded a week after I got it | 一周以后就爆炸了 |
| [12:07] | because someone wanted to see what would happen | 因为有人想看把打火机油 |
| [12:10] | if they poured lighter fluid in the engine. | 倒进引擎会怎样 |
| [12:12] | Was that someone you? | 你就是那个人吧 |
| [12:13] | Yep. Turns out it explodes. | 对 结果爆炸了 |
| [12:15] | Called it. | 猜到了 |
| [12:15] | Look, maybe Jianyu the monk likes motorcycles. | 也许建宇和尚喜欢摩托车呢 |
| [12:19] | We don’t know his life. | 我们又不了解他的人生 |
| [12:20] | No monk’s truest desire is a motorcycle with Pam Anderson’s face painted on it. | 世上没有一个和尚的真实所求是一辆印有女星脸的摩托 |
| [12:26] | It wasn’t her face. | 印的不是脸 |
| [12:29] | No! | 不要啊 |
| [12:34] | A sexually explicit motorcycle? | 一辆露骨的摩托车 |
| [12:37] | Whose rock was that? | 这是谁的石头 |
| [12:40] | It’s mine. | 我的石头 |
| [12:42] | Jianyu tossed my rock because he wanted to help me, his friend, | 建宇扔了我的石头 因为他想帮他的好兄弟 |
| [12:47] | who loves motorcycles and Canadian TV actress Pamela Anderson. | 我喜欢摩托车和加拿大女星帕米拉·安德森 |
| [12:52] | Thanks, Jianyu. And now I will ride it away. | 谢谢 建宇 我要骑走了 |
| [12:59] | Can’t wait to cruise the streets in this bad boy. | 等不及开着这辆车在街上拉风了 |
| [13:02] | Yeah, man. | 棒棒哒 |
| [13:03] | Now we’re cooking with gas. | 终于上手了 |
| [13:05] | Well, this was a huge success. | 大成功啊 |
| [13:07] | Chidi’s an absolute mess. | 奇迪惨到家了 |
| [13:09] | We should pop open some champagne. | 我们该开香槟庆祝 |
| [13:10] | Call those magic ants. | 召唤神奇蚂蚁 |
| [13:12] | He’s clearly being tested like never before. | 他显然没经历过这种挑战 |
| [13:14] | Yeah, and now we need to ramp up the pressure. | 我们现在需要加大火力 |
| [13:16] | Eleanor, he told an outright lie. | 埃莉诺 他撒了一个弥天大谎 |
| [13:18] | We don’t want him so freaked out that he can’t help anyone else. | 这可不行 把他吓坏 他就没法帮人了 |
| [13:21] | I think we did enough for the day. | 今天就到此为止吧 |
| [13:22] | No way, dude. We can’t stop now. | 不行 不能现在收手 |
| [13:24] | We have to push him to the edge. | 我们得把他逼至绝境 |
| [13:26] | We have to knead his fragile psyche | 折磨他脆弱的心灵 |
| [13:28] | until he’s hyperventilating and losing his mind. | 直到他喘气吃力 精神崩溃 |
| [13:32] | Guys… | 两位 |
| [13:34] | – Can we talk? – Yeah. | -能聊几句吗 -说 |
| [13:36] | I need to tell you a secret. | 我得告诉你们一个秘密 |
| [13:37] | I… | 我 |
| [13:40] | I can’t… | 我不能… |
| [13:45] | No, no, guys, guys, not now. | 有点眼力 不是时候 |
| [13:51] | I Spent my whole life on Earth battling a stomach ache | 我生前一遇到事 就会胃抽筋 |
| [13:53] | because I never knew what to do. | 因为我一紧张就不知所措 |
| [13:55] | And for a while here, that was gone, | 我来到这里以后 这个毛病好了 |
| [13:57] | but recently, I’ve been miserable. | 但最近 我又开始纠结了 |
| [13:59] | Why, Chidi? You’re in the Good Place. | 为什么啊 奇迪 这里是”善地” |
| [14:01] | I know, but I have this problem, | 我知道 但我遇到了一个问题 |
| [14:03] | and if I choose option A… | 如果我选择A方式 |
| [14:08] | But if I choose option B… | 但如果我选择B方式 |
| [14:11] | No. | 不行 |
| [14:12] | You know, Chidi, | 奇迪 |
| [14:14] | sometimes adversity can lead to growth. | 人都是在逆境中成长 |
| [14:18] | Whatever the moral dilemma is, | 不论你遇到何种道德困境 |
| [14:19] | maybe you’ll come out on the other side better for it. | 也许你会遇强则强 成就更好的自己 |
| [14:23] | Yeah. | 对 |
| [14:25] | No. | 不 |
| [14:26] | I’m used to moral dilemmas. | 我很熟悉道德困境 |
| [14:27] | I like moral dilemmas. | 我喜欢道德困境 |
| [14:29] | They’re my jam, but this just feels like I’m… | 这种问题是我心头好 但这件事… |
| [14:32] | What? | 怎么了 |
| [14:33] | Like I’m being punished somehow. | 就好像我被人惩罚了 |
| [14:35] | And, obviously, I know that’s silly. | 显然这么想 脑子进水了 |
| [14:36] | This is the Good Place. | 这里可是”善地” |
| [14:37] | You two would never do anything to hurt anyone, | 你们也不会伤害别人 |
| [14:39] | but I am seriously worried that I did something wrong, | 但我担心自己做错了什么事 |
| [14:43] | and this is the universe getting back at me. | 这是上天惩罚我的方式 |
| [14:48] | No. | 不好 |
| [14:51] | What’s happening now? | 这是什么情况 |
| [14:52] | No. | 不妙 |
| [14:53] | No, no, no, no, no. | 别哭 别哭 |
| [14:54] | No, I made God cry? | 我这是把”神”都弄哭了吗 |
| [14:58] | Stomach ache. Welcome back, old friend. | 胃抽筋 你又来折磨我了 “真好” |
| [15:01] | I can’t believe John. | 约翰太不可理喻了 |
| [15:03] | The man who once started a protracted Twitter feud with Jacob Tremblay | 这个跟雅各布·特瑞布雷在推特上互撕多日的男人 |
| [15:07] | thinks I’m the one with issues? | 竟然觉得我应该求治疗 |
| [15:09] | Maybe you need to be even more direct with him. | 也许你得选择更直接的方式 |
| [15:11] | Like, punch him in the face. | 比如当面给他一拳 |
| [15:13] | I don’t know. I’m fired up. | 我也不知怎么了 太生气了 |
| [15:15] | You’ve just been very nice to him | 你一直对他这么好 |
| [15:16] | and I don’t like the way he’s treating you. | 我看不惯他这么对你 |
| [15:18] | Maybe it’s not possible. We’re just too different. | 也许我无法拯救他 我们是两个世界的人 |
| [15:20] | He spent his life in the bowels of the Internet, | 他一辈子都活在网络世界里 |
| [15:22] | jealous and miserable with no real friends, | 嫉妒别人 身心痛苦 没有朋友 |
| [15:24] | while I spent my life in the upper echelon of society… | 而我却在上流社会里 |
| [15:28] | jealous and miserable with… | 嫉妒别人 身心痛苦 |
| [15:32] | no real friends. | 没有朋友 |
| [15:34] | Janet. | 珍妮特 |
| [15:35] | I’ve been going about this all wrong. | 我一直用错方式了 |
| [15:37] | Exactly. Here you go. | 没错 给你 |
| [15:40] | No, I’m… | 不用了 |
| [15:42] | Why? Why are you crying? | 你为什么哭啊 |
| [15:44] | This is all my fault. | 这都是我的错 |
| [15:46] | I promised I’d take care of you, Chidi. | 我答应过会守护好你 奇迪 |
| [15:48] | – You did? – Yes. I promised. | -是吗 -对 我答应过了 |
| [15:51] | See, Chidi, the Architect is responsible for the entire Neighborhood, | 奇迪 建筑师要守护整个”善地” |
| [15:55] | so a resident suffering in any way, | 如果有居民不开心 |
| [15:58] | it’s very painful for her. | 她也会很痛苦 |
| [16:00] | Actually, come here. Come here. | 你来 你过来 |
| [16:02] | But don’t worry. | 你别担心 |
| [16:04] | We have a very simple solution for problems here. | 有个简单粗暴的解决办法 |
| [16:07] | Good. What is it? | 真好 什么办法 |
| [16:08] | We eliminate them. | 消灭麻烦 |
| [16:09] | So you just tell us a problem, and we’ll eliminate it, | 你只要说出麻烦是什么 我们就消灭 |
| [16:12] | like, say you had a problem with that vase. | 比如 你看这个花瓶不顺眼 |
| [16:17] | See? | 瞧见没 |
| [16:18] | So just tell me what’s bothering you, | 告诉我 什么让你心烦 |
| [16:20] | I’ll wave my hand, it’ll explode, | 我挥挥手 就能使其爆炸 |
| [16:21] | and you can go back to your otherwise perfect life. | 你就又能回归美好的生活了 |
| [16:26] | The motorcycle. | 那辆摩托车 |
| [16:28] | Yep. That’s my problem. | 对 这辆车让我心烦 |
| [16:30] | For some reason, it just hasn’t been bringing me | 不知何故 这辆摩托车 |
| [16:32] | as much happiness as maybe it wasn’t intended to, | 没给我带来当初想象的快乐 |
| [16:34] | so I’d just as soon get rid of it. | 我想赶紧撇掉 |
| [16:36] | Done. | 没问题 |
| [16:39] | Not again. | 怎么又爆炸了 |
| [16:40] | No more motorcycle. Problem solved. | 没有摩托车了 问题解决了 |
| [16:43] | Great. | 太棒了 |
| [16:44] | Eleanor, I hope you feel better. | 埃莉诺 你没事了吧 |
| [16:46] | No, no, she’ll be fine. She’ll be fine. | 没事 她会没事 别担心 |
| [16:49] | John, I have something to say. | 约翰 我有话要说 |
| [16:51] | Round two. Let’s do this. | 又来打嘴仗了 第二轮开始吧 |
| [16:53] | In 2007, Blake Lively invited me to a birthday party | 2007年 布莱克·莱弗利邀请我去她的生日宴 |
| [16:53] | 《八卦天后》女主 瑞安·雷诺兹（死侍）现任老婆 曾传与小李子交往过 二人曾被拍到游艇亲密照 | |
| [16:56] | held for Leonardo DiCaprio aboard Paul Allen’s mega-yacht. | 莱昂纳多在保罗·艾伦的超级游艇上为她举办 |
| [17:00] | I see we’re dropping names three at a time now. | 你真是不炫耀人脉 就不会开口说话了 |
| [17:02] | The guest list was 100 of the wealthiest, | 来宾都是风云人物排行榜中 |
| [17:04] | most famous members of the glitterati. | 排名前一百的富豪名流 |
| [17:06] | Once aboard, I discovered there was a VIP deck. | 我上船后 发现有一个贵宾区 |
| [17:09] | And within that area, | 而在那边 |
| [17:10] | there was an even more exclusive room | 里面还有更尊贵的包房 |
| [17:12] | that you could only access with a secret PIN, | 只有拿着密匙卡才能进入 |
| [17:14] | which I promptly entered. | 我马上就进去了 |
| [17:16] | And guess who was waiting for me. | 你猜里面都有谁 |
| [17:18] | I hate to admit it, but I have to know. | 我也不想承认 但人家好想知道 |
| [17:20] | – Who? – No one. | -谁啊 -一个人都没有 |
| [17:22] | I was the only one there. | 只有我自己在里面 |
| [17:23] | The party raged on outside, | 大家在外面热闹非凡 |
| [17:25] | but I was so obsessed with status that I never left. | 但我执迷于身份地位 死活不愿离开 |
| [17:29] | I spent the entire night talking to no one. | 我一整晚都孤零零一个人 |
| [17:32] | Riveting story. | 趣事一桩 |
| [17:33] | If only it were longer and sadder. | 像裹脚布又臭又长 而且也没那么惨 |
| [17:35] | The point is, | 重点是 |
| [17:36] | if all you care about in the world is the velvet rope, | 如果你一心只想混入名流圈 |
| [17:40] | you will always be unhappy no matter which side you’re on. | 即使进入上流圈了 你还是会活得很痛苦 |
| [17:43] | You and I are proof of that. | 我们两个就是活生生的例子 |
| [17:46] | But now we’re here. | 但我们如今来到这里了 |
| [17:48] | Can we just start over? | 就不能重新开始吗 |
| [17:53] | If we’re gonna be friends, I need to say something. | 如果我们要做朋友 我得先说件事 |
| [17:58] | I really am sorry for all the posts I wrote about you. | 我很抱歉 我以前总是发帖子黑你 |
| [18:01] | And everything I tweeted. | 发推特衰你 |
| [18:02] | And scrawled on the back of a playbill during the intermission of “wicked” | 以及《魔法坏女巫》中间休息时 我在海报背面乱画 |
| [18:06] | and had someone pass it to you | 然后再找人传给你 |
| [18:07] | and say it was from an anonymous concerned citizen. | 谎称是来自一个匿名良好市民的担忧 |
| [18:10] | That was you? | 是你干的啊 |
| [18:11] | Well, my bangs were making my ears look chunky. | 我当时的刘海显得耳朵很肥 |
| [18:14] | That was a fair hit. | 也难怪你吐槽 |
| [18:18] | It’s a lovely night. | 今夜真好啊 |
| [18:20] | Would you like to go for a walk? | 想一起散步吗 |
| [18:29] | Okay, Jason, new plan. | 杰森 新对策 |
| [18:31] | Instead of just trying to not get caught, | 与其怕被识破而伪装 |
| [18:33] | we’re going to study ethics. | 不如来学伦理道德吧 |
| [18:34] | I’m going to help you become a good person. | 我要帮你成为一个好人 |
| [18:37] | Dope. I always want to get better. | 棒哎 我一直想变得更好 |
| [18:39] | That’s why I spent so much of my time at the free clinic. | 所以我才一直在免费诊所晃悠 |
| [18:42] | Hang on. | 等下 |
| [18:43] | Just editing my syllabus in my head based on that comment. | 根据你刚才的言论 我在想该找哪些书教你 |
| [18:46] | This is gonna be awesome. You rule. | 这一定棒极了 你最牛掰了 |
| [18:47] | You’re like the Pam Anderson boob motorcycle of people. | 对众生来说 你就像”印有帕米拉大胸的摩托车” |
| [18:50] | Thank you. That’s an amazing compliment. | 多谢赞赏 你这比喻也是没谁了 |
| [18:52] | And I’m sorry your actual motorcycle blew up. | 我很遗憾[抱歉] 你的摩托车爆炸了 |
| [18:55] | That’s okay, homie. That’s just what motorcycles do. | 没事 哥 摩托车就是为了爆炸而生 |
| [19:00] | So Chidi’s set with Jason now. | 奇迪开始教杰森了 |
| [19:04] | How are you doing? | 你怎么样了 |
| [19:05] | A little better. | 好点了 |
| [19:06] | But still terrible. | 但还是很难受 |
| [19:08] | You were torturing him because that’s what we had to do. | 你也是迫不得已 才折磨他 |
| [19:11] | I know. | 我知道 |
| [19:12] | But I went too far. | 但我过火了 |
| [19:14] | And what’s worse… I liked it. | 更差劲的是 我很享受 |
| [19:19] | Because I’m angry at him. | 因为我生他的气 |
| [19:21] | For leaving me. | 他离开我了 |
| [19:23] | Which isn’t even remotely fair, | 而这对他来说不公平 |
| [19:25] | because he sacrificed himself for us. | 他是为我们做了这个牺牲 |
| [19:27] | But I’m still angry he abandoned me, | 但我还是很气他离开我 |
| [19:29] | which makes me feel guilty, | 这让我很愧疚 |
| [19:31] | which makes me angry, | 于是就很生气 |
| [19:32] | which makes me want to talk to Chidi | 于是就想找奇迪谈心 |
| [19:34] | because he’s the person I go to when I’m angry. | 因为我每次生气 都会找他 |
| [19:36] | So it’s a real fun cycle. | 情绪就这样恶性循环 很难受 |
| [19:40] | I still don’t have a grip on the human emotional spectrum. | 我还不是很能理解人类的情绪 |
| [19:44] | You guys are often happy when you should be sad | 你们总是该悲伤时 很开心 |
| [19:47] | and angry when you should be happy, | 该开心时 总是很生气 |
| [19:49] | and texting when you should be driving, | 该专心开车时 总是发信息 |
| [19:51] | which is not an emotion, | 这不是情绪问题 |
| [19:53] | I know, but it’s insane. | 但边开车边发信息 找死啊 |
| [19:55] | The point is, in this case, even if it’s not rational, | 重点是 这件事上 即使不理智 |
| [19:59] | you’re allowed to feel a little angry. | 但你也有权生气 |
| [20:02] | Let yourself off the hook. | 放过自己 |
| [20:04] | Process it and work your way through it, | 慢慢接受 化解情绪 |
| [20:07] | and then get your shirt together. | 然后重新振作 |
| [20:09] | Because we have a lot of work to do. | 因为革命尚未成功 仍需努力 |
| [20:12] | Morning, all. | 大家早 |
| [20:13] | Anyone interested in a status report? | 有人想听情况汇报吗 |
| [20:16] | I win. I mean, I’ll start. | 我赢了 我是说 我先开始吧 |
| [20:18] | I have made massive progress with John. | 我在约翰那边进展神速 |
| [20:22] | Great. Is he gonna join Chidi’s class? | 真棒 他会参加奇迪的学堂吗 |
| [20:23] | Philosophy may not be his way forward. | 哲学不是他的进步方式 |
| [20:26] | Genuine human connection shall be his course of study. | 人间真情才是他要学习的课程 |
| [20:29] | And first up on the syllabus, | 而教学第一课就是 |
| [20:31] | he and I will be unironically watching the Britney Spears movie “Crossroads” together. | 我和他会一起看小甜甜的电影《穿越乡间路》 没有违和感 |
| [20:37] | And you’ll have to trust me, | 你们得信我 |
| [20:39] | this is a huge step in the right direction. | 这是走向胜利的一大步 |
| [20:42] | Wonderful work, Tahani. | 干得漂亮 塔哈妮 |
| [20:44] | And, Jason, I mean, bravo. | 还要表扬杰森 真厉害 |
| [20:47] | Thanks, guys. | 过奖 各位 |
| [20:49] | It’s been a tough couple weeks, | 这几周一直不顺心 |
| [20:51] | and it just felt really good to be… brainy and have a useness. | 能彰显才智 发”飞”用武之地 我感觉很好 |
| [20:56] | Sure, bud. | 你说是就是吧 |
| [20:57] | Well, I think we can finally say | 我们终于可以说 |
| [20:59] | that all four of these mofos are on the right path, | 这四个小傻瓜终于走上正道了 |
| [21:02] | so what’s next? | 下一步是什么 |