| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:10] | – Hi, dipshirt. – Hello, Bad Janet. | -傻鸟 -你好 邪恶版珍妮特 |
| [00:13] | – How are you today? – Terrible. | -你今天好吗 -糟透了 |
| [00:16] | I’m here to let you know that after six months of captivity | 我是来告诉你 你被监禁六个月 |
| [00:20] | here in Good Janet’s void, | 于良善版珍妮特虚空之中 |
| [00:22] | today’s your last day. | 今天是最后一天 |
| [00:24] | I’m gonna tell you a story, | 我会给你讲个故事 |
| [00:25] | and once that’s done, I’m getting rid of you. | 等我讲完 我就会把你清理掉 |
| [00:30] | Sounds like someone finally put on his big boy demon pants. | 你终于有种拿出恶魔纯爷们该有的样子了 |
| [00:33] | So what’s the story? | 什么故事 |
| [00:34] | Another one of your attempts to prove that | 又要叨叨你们费力证明 |
| [00:36] | humans are “good” and “worthy of respect” | 人类本善 值得尊重 |
| [00:39] | and not “Big fat sacks of dookie”? | 而不是一群傻肉球的故事吗 |
| [00:43] | Something like that. Are you ready? | 差不多 你准备好了吗 |
| [00:46] | One thing, real quick, before you start. | 你说书之前 我先做件事 |
| [01:04] | Wow, she’s gonna last. | 这个屁香会弥留很久 |
| [01:06] | Is that your story? It looks boring. | 这就是你的烂故事吗 看着就很枯燥 |
| [01:08] | This book is a part of the story. | 这本书是故事的一部分 |
| [01:11] | You’ll see. | 你到时就知道了 |
| [01:12] | It all started about a week ago. | 一切都要从一周前说起 |
| [01:15] | We had sent the four humans on a ski trip. | 我们让四个人类去滑雪了 |
| [01:17] | And they all skied off a cliff | 他们都摔落悬崖 |
| [01:19] | and they broke all their bones and their pants fell down | 粉碎性骨折 裤子都摔掉了 |
| [01:21] | and you could see their butts. | 光着屁股 春光乍泄 |
| [01:23] | The end. | 剧终 |
| [01:24] | Actually, it went better than we could have possibly hoped. | 其实 进展超出了我们的预期 |
| [01:29] | Well, I admit it. I was wrong. | 我承认 我之前想错了 |
| [01:32] | – That was super fun. – Yeah. | -滑雪太好玩了 -没错 |
| [01:34] | I mean, I couldn’t actually go skiing | 虽然我没法真去滑雪 |
| [01:35] | because moving at an angle terrifies me. | 一想到斜着滑 我就吓到胆破 |
| [01:38] | But that lodge had so many reading nooks. | 但滑雪小屋有很多读书角啊 |
| [01:41] | Just everywhere you look, a nook! | 放眼望去 各种读书角 |
| [01:43] | Plus, Jianyu guided us on that amazing meditation. | 建宇还指引我们冥想 效果很赞 |
| [01:46] | Do you guys want to share what your mantra is? | 你们想分享一下祷告语吗 |
| [01:48] | Mine is Cate Blanchett saying “Rihanna.” | 我的版本是用凯特·布兰切特的语气喊”蕾哈娜” |
| [01:52] | Congrats again on the gin rummy win. | 恭喜你玩金拉米纸牌时赢了 |
| [01:54] | I thought I was gonna take you down | 我还以为会完虐你 |
| [01:55] | because I used to play all the time back in college. | 因为我以前在大学时 经常玩 |
| [01:57] | You went to Rutgers, right? | 你毕业于罗格斯大学吧 |
| [01:59] | – No, I went to Princeton. – Yeah, I know. | -不 我是普林斯顿学子 -我知道 |
| [02:01] | I’m messing with you. | 我就是故意逗你玩 |
| [02:03] | Nice one! | 真厉害 |
| [02:04] | Hey, you were joking though, right? | 你刚才是开玩笑 对吧 |
| [02:05] | You know it’s Princeton? Yeah, you know. | 你知道是普林斯顿吧 你肯定知道 |
| [02:07] | Okay, team, well done. | 小伙伴们 干得漂亮 |
| [02:10] | They’re all kind of killing it, | 他们表现都很赞 |
| [02:11] | but Brent has definitely made the most progress. | 但布兰特绝对进步最大 |
| [02:14] | Yeah, when Simone beat him at cards, | 对 西蒙妮玩牌时赢了他 |
| [02:16] | he didn’t flip the table and storm off. | 他没气冲冲掀桌子走人 |
| [02:18] | He just stormed off. That’s big! | 他只是气冲冲走人了 值得表扬 |
| [02:20] | Well, we still don’t know if he’s really changed | 但还是不清楚他真的变了 |
| [02:22] | or if he’s just trying to get into Super-Heaven. | 还是只为了进入”高端天堂” |
| [02:24] | But his behavior is changing. | 但他的言行没那么混蛋了 |
| [02:26] | Remember, that’s the road map. | 记住 这就是我们的总路线 |
| [02:28] | First, we change the behavior. Then, we work on motivation. | 先变其言行 再导其心善 |
| [02:31] | And now– | 现在 |
| [02:33] | The moment you’ve all been waiting for. | 万众期待的时刻到了 |
| [02:36] | The Humanity Savior of the Week goes to… | “本周最佳救人奖”颁给 |
| [02:42] | Jason! | 杰森 |
| [02:43] | Yes! | 太棒了 |
| [02:44] | Keep up the amazing work with Chidi. | 请继续在奇迪那里发挥作用 |
| [02:46] | And the award for Hottest Savior of the Week goes to… | “本周最性感救人者”颁给 |
| [02:53] | Eleanor Shellstrop! | 埃莉诺·谢尔斯卓普 |
| [02:55] | – Thank you, I accept. – I never win Hottest. | -谢谢 我接受了 -我就从没获得过这个奖 |
| [02:59] | I don’t know what to tell you, man. | 你让我怎么说呢 |
| [03:00] | Maybe do some squats? Pop that booty a little bit? | 多健健身 翘翘屁股 |
| [03:02] | It was a real high point. The ski trip, I mean. | 这真是个亮点 我是说这趟滑雪旅程 |
| [03:06] | Not the completely rigged hotness contest. | 而不是”暗箱操作”的性感比拼 |
| [03:08] | All in all, it was the best we’d ever felt about the experiment. | 总之 这是目前实验进展最顺利的一次 |
| [03:12] | And then, Brent did something… | 结果 布兰特闹了一出 |
| [03:15] | very Brent-y. | 作死的戏码 |
| [03:16] | Who could have predicted that? | 小学生都能猜到的戏码啊 |
| [03:20] | Ski bunnies! | 滑雪小朋友们 |
| [03:21] | So, great news. I wrote a book. | 好消息 我写了一本书 |
| [03:24] | And since you’re my nerdiest friends, | 我朋友中 你们都是”酸秀才” |
| [03:26] | you get to be the first to read it. | 就让你们先来读吧 |
| [03:28] | “Six Feet Under Par: A Chip Driver Mystery.” | 《低于标准杆的六尺之下 奇普·大司机之谜》 |
| [03:32] | Yeah, it’s half spy novel, half murder mystery. | 内容一半是间谍 一半是破案 |
| [03:34] | It’s also half submarine adventure, | 还有一半是海底冒险 |
| [03:36] | half erotic memoir, and half political thriller. | 一半情色传记 一半政治惊悚题材 |
| [03:38] | It’s also half golf tutorial and half commentary on society. | 还一半是高尔夫指南 一半社会评论 |
| [03:42] | – So it’s 3 1/2 books in one? – At least. | -三个”一半”内容杂烩在一本书 -至少这么多内容 |
| [03:45] | So read it ASAP. | 快读 |
| [03:45] | I’m having a book-signing party and I want you to introduce me. | 我要办签售会 我想让你来做推荐嘉宾 |
| [03:48] | You know, talk about how great it is. | 吹捧一下我的书有多棒 |
| [03:50] | Party’s in two days, | 签售会就在两天后 |
| [03:51] | so chop-chop. | 你们抓紧时间 |
| [03:53] | Tahani, cancel your plans. | 塔哈妮 取消你的计划 |
| [03:55] | We’re gonna split a bottle of wine | 我们一起喝点小酒 |
| [03:56] | and read Brent’s terrible novel out loud. | 一起来朗读布兰特的烂俗小说 |
| [03:58] | Dear. Perhaps we shouldn’t make fun. | 要命了 也许我们不该吐槽 |
| [04:01] | He did seem nicer on the ski trip. | 一起去滑雪时 他和善多了 |
| [04:04] | He made us all s’mores. | 他给我们做了棉花糖点心 |
| [04:06] | Though, to be fair, he did also claim to have invented them. | 但话说回来 他确实先吹嘘自己是发明者 |
| [04:09] | Before you defend him, | 你帮他说话之前 |
| [04:10] | you might want to check out Chip Driver’s love interest. | 先听一下奇普·大司机的恋爱角色 |
| [04:15] | No. | 不是吧 |
| [04:16] | “Her name was Scarlett Pakistan, | “她叫斯嘉丽·巴基斯坦” |
| [04:19] | and she was the type of girl | 她这一类女人 |
| [04:21] | you couldn’t take in all at once or you’d die. | 不能一次爽透 不然会精尽人亡 |
| [04:24] | You had to take her in bit by bit, | 你得耐着性子 |
| [04:26] | like a great work of art, like the Louvre.” | 就像卢浮宫 慢慢玩味” |
| [04:28] | “Her brown eyes were as brown as the brownest crayon. | “她棕色的眼睛就如最棕色的蜡笔一般 |
| [04:31] | She had legs like Jessica Rabbit from that movie.” | 她的腿就如’杰西卡兔女郎’一般又长又诱人” |
| [04:35] | “Her long, flowing locks smelled like the moon at twilight on a par four?” | “她长长的秀发散发着黄昏月下”四杆洞”的味道 |
| [04:41] | – I’m sorry about this. – I’ve been through worse. | -我很替你心塞 -这也不算最惨的事 |
| [04:43] | Once, at Elon Musk’s birthday party, | 有一次 我参加埃隆·马斯克的生日宴 |
| [04:45] | I was seated between Silvio Berlusconi and Elon Musk. | 我坐在前意大利总统贝卢斯科尼和马斯克之间 |
| [04:50] | This is bad. Brent and Simone is our trickiest relationship. | 情况不乐观 布兰特和西蒙妮的关系很棘手 |
| [04:54] | She tends to make snap judgments about people, | 她对人的评价有些武断 |
| [04:57] | and he’s a guy who repeatedly confirms | 而他的言行不断证明 |
| [04:59] | the accuracy of her snap judgments. | 她武断的评价很正确 |
| [05:01] | We need her to believe that Brent is better than his worst actions, | 要让她觉得布兰特只是做事混蛋 人不坏 |
| [05:06] | like saying that Tahani, | 比如说塔哈妮 |
| [05:08] | “Has an accent like the Queen of England, | “她的口音像英国女王 |
| [05:10] | but without any of the old gross face parts.” | 但没有女王的满脸老褶子” |
| [05:13] | We felt like we could contain the fallout from Brent’s book. | 我们觉得可以补救布兰特作死这出戏 |
| [05:16] | But as is often the case with these things, | 但这种剧情的走向 |
| [05:19] | the negative effects started to ripple out. | 一般总是牵一发而动全身 |
| [05:21] | Like when someone throws up on a bus | 就像有人在公车上吐了 |
| [05:23] | and then someone smells it, and they throw up? | 有人闻到后 也会跟着吐吗 |
| [05:25] | Sure, yeah. | 对 |
| [05:26] | What’s wrong, homie? | 怎么了 老哥 |
| [05:27] | Brent wrote this book, | 布兰特写了一本书 |
| [05:29] | and clearly, he put some of us in it. | 显然把我们几个也写进去了 |
| [05:31] | There’s a cowardly character named Four-Eyed Igby | 书中有一个胆小鬼角色 叫”四眼伊戈比” |
| [05:35] | who wears glasses and sweater vests | 他戴着眼镜 穿着毛绒背心 |
| [05:37] | and never does anything spontaneous or cool. | 从不临时找乐子 也不会做很碉堡的事 |
| [05:40] | I am educating you in ethics. What could be cooler than that? | 我在教你伦理道德 这还不够碉堡吗 |
| [05:43] | If you want to try something spontaneous, I’m your guy. | 如果你想找点乐子 你找我啊 |
| [05:46] | Almost everything I did on Earth, | 我生前几乎做的每一件事 |
| [05:47] | I did without thinking or worrying about what would happen. | 都是一时兴起 不过脑子 不考虑后果 |
| [05:50] | That’s how I got my nickname, | 所以别人才授予我一个”外号” |
| [05:52] | “The Defendant.” | “被告人” |
| [05:54] | Not the best argument, but you’re right. | 虽然你逻辑不在线 但我领会精神了 |
| [05:56] | What is something spontaneous that I can do right now? | 我现在能临时找点什么乐子啊 |
| [05:59] | Let’s come up with a list of ten possibilities | 我们列一张单子 写下十件事 |
| [06:01] | and then slowly whittle it down over the next four days. | 接下来四天中 慢慢筛选一下 |
| [06:03] | Better idea: let’s dance, baby. | 更好的主意 一起跳舞 |
| [06:09] | Get you out of your head. | 你就停止思考吧 |
| [06:10] | This is how we defeat Igby, the no-fun nerd. | 这样才能摆脱伊戈比那个憨秀才 |
| [06:16] | – Look at old Igby move! – There you go. | -瞧瞧这帅气的舞姿 -你会跳舞了 |
| [06:19] | Yeah, I’ve never heard this before. | 我从没听过这首歌 |
| [06:20] | – Who is it? – Me, I wrote it. | -谁的曲子 -我写的歌 |
| [06:22] | The song is called, “I’ll Love You Forever,” | 歌名叫”我会永远爱你” |
| [06:25] | parentheses, “Make the Bootie Bounce in the Bath.” | 副标题 “洗澡摇摆曲” |
| [06:28] | Fun fact: the police sirens in the background are real. | 说个事 歌曲里的警笛声是真的 |
| [06:30] | I was being chased as I recorded it. | 我录歌时 正被警察追击 |
| [06:33] | Okay, okay! | 不错 不错 |
| [06:35] | No. | 坏了 |
| [06:38] | My Gaga. | 我的亲娘咧 |
| [06:40] | So, obviously, this was a troubling development. | 显然剧情发展有些不尽人意 |
| [06:43] | – Can you just skip to the end? – No. | -能直接说结局吗 -不行 |
| [06:46] | I need to tell you the whole story. | 我得给你讲完整个故事 |
| [06:48] | Why? | 为什么 |
| [06:49] | Every story about humans ends the same way. | 所有人类故事 结局都一样 |
| [06:51] | Just tell me how they screwed up | 你就说他们怎么搞砸了 |
| [06:53] | and put me out of my misery. | 给我个痛快吧 |
| [06:54] | You’re judging them too quickly. | 你对他们太武断了 |
| [06:55] | Trust me, I’ve spent a lot more time with people than you have. | 信我 我跟人类相处时间比你多 |
| [06:59] | And I know literally everything that every one of them has ever done. | 而我知道每个人类做的每一件事 |
| [07:03] | Do you know what’s happening right now on Earth? | 你知道眼下人间正在上演什么吗 |
| [07:05] | Wars, murders, | 战争 谋杀 |
| [07:07] | women in $400 yoga pants are refusing to vaccinate their children. | 穿着四百美金瑜伽裤的女人不肯给孩子接种疫苗 |
| [07:11] | Vindictive nerds at Apple are changing the charging cable shape again. | 苹果那些腹黑科技宅又在改充电线形状了 |
| [07:16] | Where does this hope come from, man? | 你有什么底气心怀希望啊 |
| [07:17] | This insane hope that people are worth the trouble. | 这个”人类还有救”的希望太没脑回路了 |
| [07:20] | To quote a terrible song by a terrible musician | 引用一位糟糕音乐人的弱智歌曲 |
| [07:24] | that people love so much they constantly put it in terrible movie trailers: | 人们特别喜欢这首歌 总用来做电影预告插曲 |
| [07:28] | humans are b-b-b-b-bad to the bone. | “人类坏到骨子里了” |
| [07:32] | Well, I think that they’re g-g-g-good sometimes. | 我觉得”人类有时很良善” |
| [07:35] | And you should give them the b-b-b-benefit of the d-d-d-doubt. | 你该把他们往好处想 “人之初 性本善” |
| [07:39] | Now, where was I? | 我刚才说到哪里了 |
| [07:44] | So, John had just accidentally discovered the truth about Jason. | 约翰刚不小心发现了杰森的真实身份 |
| [07:48] | Keeping a secret like this | 守口如瓶 |
| [07:49] | is exactly the kind of thing that John struggled with on Earth. | 就是约翰生前最大的难题 |
| [07:53] | Or to put it in terms you’ll understand, | 用你能听懂的话说就是 |
| [07:55] | the gossip toilet was about to overflow. | “八卦茅厕”要爆了 |
| [07:59] | I do understand that now. Thank you. | 这样说 我听懂了 谢谢 |
| [08:01] | So Jianyu is really Jason? From Florida? | 建宇其实是杰森 来自弗罗里达 |
| [08:06] | Who else knows about this? Is it just me? | 还有谁知情 只有我吗 |
| [08:09] | Is it an exclusive? | 只有我独享这个秘密吗 |
| [08:10] | Yes, and we have to keep it that way. | 对 我们得保密 |
| [08:12] | If the truth comes out, we have no idea what will happen to Jason. | 如果真相大白 谁知道杰森会被怎么发落 |
| [08:15] | You don’t know what you’re asking of me. | 你这是要逼死我的节奏啊 |
| [08:17] | Look, the neighborhood is obviously amazing, | “善地”社区确实很棒 |
| [08:23] | Beautifully designed, but a real snooze-fest. | 场景精美 但无聊透顶 |
| [08:25] | Jason being a mistake is easily the most exciting thing | 杰森错来”善地” |
| [08:29] | that’s happened since we got here! | 这是迄今最精彩的事了 |
| [08:30] | What if, in exchange for your discretion, | 如果你能保守秘密 |
| [08:33] | Jason teaches you that “Magic Mike” body roll thing? | 杰森就教你《魔力麦克》中扭舞 |
| [08:40] | I mean, you always said you wanted to learn that. | 你一直想学来着 |
| [08:43] | Fine. | 行 |
| [08:45] | But I want to learn the whole dance. | 但我要学整支舞 |
| [08:47] | We hoped Simone would forget all about Brent’s book, | 我们本希望西蒙妮能忘了布兰特写的书 |
| [08:50] | but unfortunately… | 但很可惜 |
| [08:51] | “Chip Driver pulled up to the murder site in his 1968 Cadillac. | “奇普·大司机开着68版卡迪拉克来到谋杀现场 |
| [08:55] | ‘Keep it close’ he growled to the valet, Luis. | ‘给我停好了’ 他对泊车小弟路易斯大喊道 |
| [08:58] | ‘Of course, Señor,’ said Luis, | ‘遵命 先生’ 路易斯回道 |
| [09:00] | who secretly admired Chip more than even his own father.” | 路易斯其实偷偷仰慕奇普 敬仰程度超过其父” |
| [09:04] | “Chip gazed at the sexy outline of the murder victim on the floor. | “奇普盯着地上死者性感的轮廓 |
| [09:08] | ‘What a waste of curves,’ he growled. | ‘这么好的身材 浪费了’ 他埋怨道 |
| [09:10] | He checked his Rolex watch, which was real. | 他看了一下手腕上的劳力士表 不是水货 |
| [09:13] | It was almost golf o’clock, so the case would have to wait. | 快到打高尔夫的时间了 看来案子要稍后再破了 |
| [09:17] | Good thing he’d already solved it. | 但好在他已经破案了 |
| [09:20] | The killer was Luis, the valet.” | 凶手就是路易斯 那个泊车小弟” |
| [09:23] | He solves the murder on page ten. | 他在第十页就把案子破了 |
| [09:25] | What is the rest of this book about? | 接下来是什么内容啊 |
| [09:27] | How’s it going, ladies? | 姐妹们忙什么呢 |
| [09:29] | You know, just delving into the great works of literature. | 正在研读一本文学著作 |
| [09:31] | Yeah, so, listen… | 是这样 |
| [09:34] | maybe Brent made some insensitive choices, | 虽然布兰特写的东西有些不太合适 |
| [09:39] | but could you possibly see your way to forgiving him? | 但你们能大人有大量 不跟他计较吗 |
| [09:42] | – I suppose– – No. | -可以吧 -不行 |
| [09:44] | – No? – Sorry, but no, I can’t. | -不行 -抱歉 但姐可做不到 |
| [09:47] | This book is objectifying, misogynistic, and racist. | 这本书物化女性 充满厌女色彩 种族歧视 |
| [09:50] | Why are we still dealing with this shirt in the Good Place? | 我们都在”善地”了 怎们还有忍受这些 |
| [09:53] | When people like him are ignorant jerks, | 这种人犯浑时 |
| [09:55] | why are people like us asked to forgive him? | 为什么要我们这样的人去隐忍 |
| [09:57] | Also, and this is less important, | 还有 这点虽然不重要 |
| [09:59] | why is he in a fighter jet for his author photo? | 但作者照片怎么选了一张他开战斗机啊 |
| [10:02] | Well, I can answer the last one. | 我能回答最后一个问题 |
| [10:04] | It’s because he loves “Top Gun.” | 因为他喜欢《壮志凌云》 |
| [10:06] | As for the other questions, | 至于其它问题 |
| [10:08] | I will get back to you | 我稍后再回答你 |
| [10:10] | after I consult a number of immortal beings who are very wise. | 我先跟一群大智仙人探讨一番 |
| [10:20] | I didn’t take you for a linksman. | 我没想到你还会打高尔夫 |
| [10:21] | I appreciate golf. | 我很欣赏这项运动 |
| [10:23] | As Ben Hogan once said, | 如本·哈根所说 |
| [10:24] | “The most important shot in golf is the next one.” | “最佳一击永远是下一球” |
| [10:27] | That’s a lovely idea. | 这个想法真睿智 |
| [10:29] | If you make a mistake, | 如果你犯错了 |
| [10:31] | you’ll always have a chance to redeem yourself. | 何时补过 都不算晚 |
| [10:34] | Yeah, well, as Jon Daly once said to David Lee Roth | 正如琼·戴利曾对大卫·李·罗斯 |
| [10:37] | at the 2002 Chili’s Pro-Am in Orlando: | 在2002年奥兰多业余选手大赛上所说 |
| [10:40] | “Suck on this drive, buttmunch.” | “吃瘪吧 衰鸟” |
| [10:49] | Nailed it! | 我太厉害了 |
| [10:50] | That was a flusher, but she sank. | 虽然转了一圈 但还是进洞了 |
| [10:51] | Perhaps an adept linksman like yourself | 也许像你这样老练的高尔夫行家 |
| [10:54] | should play with the assistance filter turned off? | 不该靠辅助器来打进洞里 |
| [10:57] | – Let’s play old-school. – All right. | -我们按原始打法玩吧 -好 |
| [10:59] | Why not? | 有何不可 |
| [11:04] | Fork! You sneezed, man. | 喵蛋 都是你打喷嚏的锅 |
| [11:06] | I don’t think I sneezed, because I literally can’t. | 我没打喷嚏 因为我没有这种功能 |
| [11:09] | Well, somebody sneezed. Damn it! | 总之有人打喷嚏害我没进洞 该死 |
| [11:10] | Brent, buddy, nobody sneezed. | 布兰特 没人打喷嚏 |
| [11:13] | You hit a bad shot, and it’s fine. | 你只是没打好 没关系 |
| [11:17] | You know, it isn’t a sign of weakness to admit that you screwed up. | 承认自己的错误 不代表就是软弱 |
| [11:20] | Fine, whatever. I shanked it. | 好吧 行 我打偏了 |
| [11:22] | There you go. | 你看 |
| [11:24] | Now, let’s go find your ball | 我们去找你的球 |
| [11:25] | and try to do better on your next shot. | 下一球好好打就行了 |
| [11:28] | And you know, | 而且 |
| [11:28] | if this ends up applying to any other aspect of your life later on, | 如果生活中其它情境适用这个道理 |
| [11:34] | then cool. | 你也可以这样用 |
| [11:35] | – What? – What? Nothing. | -什么 -没什么啊 |
| [11:38] | I gotta say, Bad Janet, | 我得说 邪恶版珍妮特 |
| [11:39] | I really felt like I had managed to stop the bleeding. | 我当时真以为我成功补救了 |
| [11:42] | You thought that ding-dong would do a total | 你觉得你打了一个隐晦的比喻 |
| [11:44] | personality 180 because of one gentle metaphor? | 那个自大狂就会来个一百八十度大转弯变好吗 |
| [11:47] | What can I say? I’m an optimist. | 怎么说呢 我总是心怀希望 |
| [11:49] | But two days later at the event, | 但两天之后的签书会 |
| [11:51] | it fell apart almost immediately. | 一下就出幺蛾子了 |
| [11:54] | Thanks for not telling anyone about Jason. | 谢谢你为杰森保密 |
| [11:56] | Well, ever since I arrived here, | 自从我来到这里 |
| [11:58] | Tahani helped me realize that | 塔哈妮就帮我意识到 |
| [12:00] | gossip was an unhealthy way for me to boost my self-esteem. | 八卦不利于我提升自己 |
| [12:03] | But on the other hand, | 但话又说回来 |
| [12:04] | this Jason tea needs to be spilled. | 杰森这事得”倒”出来啊 |
| [12:06] | Just try to remember what Emmanuel Kant said. | 你就想想哲学家康德的话 |
| [12:08] | It is your duty to keep your friend’s secrets. | 为友人保密是应为之事 |
| [12:11] | But my favorite philosopher, Bethenny Frankel, would say | 但我最爱的”哲学大师” 贝瑟妮·弗兰克尔会说 |
| [12:13] | that I have a duty to mention it all, | 说出来 才是我的本分 |
| [12:16] | and if you can’t handle the truth, | 如果你接受不了事实 |
| [12:18] | then you can’t handle me! | 那你就不该跟我做朋友 |
| [12:19] | And once again, I beg you, please listen to Emmanuel Kant | 再说一次 求你听康德的话 |
| [12:23] | and not Bethenny Frankel. | 而不是贝瑟妮·弗兰克尔 |
| [12:25] | Well, I gotta goss about something. | 我嘴痒啊 必须八卦一些事 |
| [12:27] | What about a few blind items that I picked up around the neighborhood? | 我说些社区里一些不靠谱的传闻如何 |
| [12:29] | You wanna know who wears the same dumb shorts every day? | 你想知道谁每天都穿一样的破短裤吗 |
| [12:32] | – No, I don’t. – It’s Dumb Shorts Cathy. | -不想知道 -就是”破短裤”凯西 |
| [12:34] | Simone. | 西蒙妮 |
| [12:36] | I have been thinking about those very good questions that you asked me. | 我一直在思考你之前问的问题 |
| [12:40] | And I’m sorry for the delay. | 很抱歉这么久才回答你 |
| [12:42] | The ancient scrolls I had to consult were very hard to roll back up. | 我参考的上古卷轴 卷回去时有点麻烦 |
| [12:48] | Anyway, I thought about what you should say to Brent | 总之 我想了一下 你该说什么 |
| [12:51] | when he asks for your opinion of his novel. | 等布兰特问你怎么评价他的小说时 |
| [12:53] | Me, too. I have a great idea. | 我也是 我想好了 |
| [12:54] | I’m gonna tell him it sucks very hard. | 我会告诉他 这本书烂透了 |
| [12:56] | Well, listen, you’re absolutely right that Brent needs to evolve, | 是这样 你说得对 布兰特确实该懂点事 |
| [13:00] | but there may be a more subtle way to make that happen. | 但还是别选这么暴击的方式了 |
| [13:06] | Hey, there they are! Charlie’s Angels. | “查理的天使们”[霹雳娇娃]都来了啊 |
| [13:09] | So did you finish the book? | 你们看完了吗 |
| [13:10] | What did you think? | 有何感想 |
| [13:11] | Well, very interesting word choices. | 你的措辞真是不走寻常路啊 |
| [13:15] | I’ve definitely never seen the word “pants-tent” used so many times. | 我这辈子没见过这么多次”勃起状”一词 |
| [13:19] | Yeah, I kind of just felt like, in that moment, | 我就是觉得这个词很应景 |
| [13:21] | that that’s what the Surgeon General would say. | 军医处长就该这么说 |
| [13:24] | What else? Let’s hear some more complos. | 还有呢 来个”赞赞”呗 |
| [13:26] | Compliments. For when you introduce me. | 赞美之言 你要来推荐我啊 |
| [13:29] | Just writing a book is an amazing accomplishment. | 能写完一本书 就很了不起了 |
| [13:32] | You bet your butt it is. The story is incredible, too. | 哥必须牛逼啊 这个故事也很精彩 |
| [13:34] | I mean, Chip solves the mystery on page ten. | 奇普在第十页就破案了 |
| [13:37] | Greatest detective ever! | 世上最牛侦探 |
| [13:38] | So hop on up there and just speak from the heart | 你赶紧上去 发自肺腑赞扬我 |
| [13:40] | about how it’s your favorite book ever. | 告诉大家 这是你这辈子最爱的一本书 |
| [13:45] | Actually, I have to say– | 其实 我得说 |
| [13:47] | the Scarlett Pakistan character is clearly based on Tahani, | 斯嘉丽·巴基斯坦的原型显然是塔哈妮 |
| [13:50] | and it’s not exactly flattering. | 描述有些不太合适 |
| [13:53] | Not flattering? I said she’s got huge ones. | 不合适 我说她是巨波啊 |
| [13:56] | Ultimate complo! | 这是盛赞啊 |
| [13:57] | Yeah, say there. | 你还是别说了 |
| [13:58] | Brent, remember our conversation about making mistakes | 布兰特 还记得我之前跟你怎么谈错误吗 |
| [14:01] | and how the most important shot is the next one? | “最佳一击永远是下一球” |
| [14:04] | Hang on a second. You guys agree with her? | 等一下 你们认同她吗 |
| [14:07] | Unreal! | 不可理喻 |
| [14:08] | I didn’t ask to get yelled at by the PC police. | 我凭什么被”政治正确”大姐批判啊 |
| [14:11] | You know, I was gonna give you 10% off the cover price. | 我本来还想在入场费上给你打个九折 |
| [14:13] | But now you’re gonna have to pay the full 65 bucks like everybody else. | 但你现在跟其他人一样 都要付65美金 |
| [14:16] | There’s no money here. | 这里没有钱这种东西 |
| [14:18] | The book event is cancelled because of these mean women. | 因为这些毒舌妇 签售会取消 |
| [14:24] | Perhaps I can convince Simone to handle this the British way. | 也许我能劝西蒙妮按英国人的套路处理此事 |
| [14:28] | Smile bravely, bury your feelings, | 勇敢微笑 隐忍情绪 |
| [14:30] | and allow a steady drizzle to slowly wash away your sadness over 50 years. | 让一场细雨慢慢洗去五十年的悲伤 |
| [14:34] | F that! | 拉倒吧 |
| [14:36] | Simone is not the problem. Brent is. | 西蒙妮不是问题 布兰特才是 |
| [14:38] | He needs to change, and walking on eggshells around him ain’t gonna do the trick. | 他得改变 对他呵护备至 没法让他改掉臭毛病 |
| [14:43] | We need to throw the egg right at his face. | 我们只能硬来 |
| [14:46] | You’re right. Enough is enough. | 没错 不能再纵容他了 |
| [14:48] | He lived on Earth for almost 60 years. | 他在人间都活了六十岁了 |
| [14:51] | This experiment is more than halfway over. | 整个试验已经进行到一半了 |
| [14:54] | He’s gotta improve, and we can’t wait forever. | 他得提升自己 不能再等下去了 |
| [14:56] | Janet, where is he now? | 珍妮特 他人呢 |
| [14:58] | Take a wild guess. | 你猜呢 |
| [15:01] | Hey, bud. What you up to? | 兄弟 你干什么呢 |
| [15:03] | – Gripping and ripping? – Trying to. | -大展身手呢 -我倒是想呢 |
| [15:05] | Just seems like the big dog don’t wanna hunt today. | 但感觉今天手感不好 |
| [15:08] | Simone was very mean to me. | 西蒙妮太毒舌了 |
| [15:11] | Maybe even a little racist. | 也许还有点种族歧视 |
| [15:12] | Well, listen. Art is subjective. | 文学艺术 见仁见智 |
| [15:15] | But more importantly– | 但最重要的是 |
| [15:19] | No other way to put this, buddy. | 别怪我直言了 |
| [15:20] | You made a mistake. Your actions hurt people. | 你做错了 你的言行伤害别人了 |
| [15:24] | You have to take responsibility for that. | 你得拿出点担当 |
| [15:27] | You need to come back and apologize. | 你得回去道歉 |
| [15:30] | Take the first step toward healing the neighborhood. | 迈出修补邻里关系的第一步 |
| [15:34] | Fine, I’ll be the bigger man. | 行 我大人有大量 |
| [15:36] | Just like my dad, | 就像我父亲 |
| [15:37] | when he single-handedly took on all those class-action lawsuits. | 他当年单枪匹马搞定那些集体诉讼案 |
| [15:42] | I just wish I could get through to the guy. | 我要是能劝动他就好了 |
| [15:44] | I wonder if he’d respond to some Social Contract Theory. | 不知”社会契约论”这一套能不能说动他 |
| [15:46] | Why are you trying to help him? | 你为什么想要帮他 |
| [15:48] | He doesn’t even know you exist. He doesn’t see other people. | 他把你当透明人 他眼中只有自己 |
| [15:51] | I mean, he did call me a four-eyed coward who probably dry humps books. | 他倒是管我叫”四眼胆小鬼 只能跟书啪一下” |
| [15:55] | But why not be a bigger person and rise above it? | 何不大人有大量 不跟他一般见识 |
| [15:58] | I’ll tell you why. | 我告诉你为何 |
| [15:58] | Because doing that sends a message that it’s okay to be treated this way. | 因为这样做就表示 这样伤人没有问题 |
| [16:02] | And it’s not okay to treat anyone that way. | 而我们不该被这样对待 |
| [16:04] | Not Tahani, not me, not even you, Igby. | 塔哈妮不该 我不该 你也不该 “伊戈比” |
| [16:08] | Everyone, gather around, please. | 大家集合一下 |
| [16:10] | Brent has something that he’d like to say. | 布兰特有话要说 |
| [16:16] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [16:17] | Regarding my critically-acclaimed novel, | 我的书 评价褒贬不一 |
| [16:20] | I am very sorry if you were offended. | 我很抱歉 如果有人被冒犯到了 |
| [16:24] | Okay? | 可以了吗 |
| [16:26] | – Not an apology. – Yes, it was. | -这不是道歉 -就是 |
| [16:29] | Okay, fine. | 行 |
| [16:31] | I’m sorry if what I wrote, which was perfectly okay, | 很抱歉 如果我写的内容 虽然很正常 |
| [16:34] | somehow made you feel like it wasn’t okay. | 但是让你感觉不舒服了 |
| [16:36] | But you know what? That’s on you. | 但要怪就怪你自己 |
| [16:37] | Brent. Wrong direction, bud. | 布兰特 你跑偏了 |
| [16:40] | No, sorry, man. Either apologize for real or stop wasting our time. | 不好意思 要么真诚道歉 要么别浪费大家时间 |
| [16:43] | Okay, you know what? I’m actually not sorry at all. | 其实 我一点都不觉得抱歉 |
| [16:46] | How about that? Is that what you wanna hear? | 说得够清楚了吗 这是你想听的吗 |
| [16:48] | Very obviously not. You know what? | 显然不是啦 这样吧 |
| [16:50] | Why don’t we take a break? Let’s all get a snack. | 大家休息一下 吃点小食 |
| [16:51] | Not until they give me the complos I rightly deserve. | 他们不夸我 休想吃东西 |
| [16:54] | You want a complo? I’ll give you a complo. | 你想要夸奖吗 我来夸你 |
| [16:56] | I didn’t think it was possible to write a book as awful as yours. | 我都不知道人类能写出这么烂到家的书 |
| [17:00] | I literally didn’t think human beings were capable of such racist, sexist poppycock! | 世上竟有如此种族歧视 性别歧视 厚颜无耻的”关种” |
| [17:06] | Also, Chip Driver is either a private eye | 还有 奇普·大司机要么是私家侦探 |
| [17:10] | or the quarterback for the Chicago Bears, | 要么是芝加哥小熊队的四分卫 |
| [17:12] | or the “world’s strongest president.” | 要么是”世上最牛总统” |
| [17:15] | He cannot be all three! | 不可能是三种身份于一身 |
| [17:19] | Boy. | 真狠 |
| [17:21] | This is a disgrace! I accomplished something. | 这真是奇耻大辱 我有所成就了 |
| [17:25] | I wrote a novel, and now my integrity’s being attacked. | 我写了一本书 结果被黑子攻击人品 |
| [17:28] | I’ve been called racist, sexist. | 你们说我种族歧视 性别歧视 |
| [17:29] | I don’t have a racist or sexist bone in my body. | 我骨子里就不是种族歧视和性别歧视的人 |
| [17:31] | I am Brenton Norwalk, and I’m a good person. | 我是布兰登·诺瓦克 我是个好人 |
| [17:34] | I’m in the Good Place. You ever heard of it? | 我来”善地”了 你们知道吧 |
| [17:35] | And I’m here because I deserve to be here. | 我能来这里 因为我有资格 |
| [17:37] | I’m here because I earned it by being the best. | 我生前最牛掰 才在这里赢得一席之地 |
| [17:40] | You’re ridiculous. | 我都无力吐槽你了 |
| [17:41] | Yeah, and you’re a condescending bench. | 你还是个觉得自己了不起的”喵货” |
| [17:43] | Don’t talk to her that way, please. | 别这么说她 |
| [17:45] | Hey, I have an idea. | 我有个主意 |
| [17:47] | Let me summon a few philosophical works we can use to– | 我来召唤几本哲学著作 可以… |
| [17:50] | Enough with the friggin’ books, Igby. | 别张口闭口都是书了 伊戈比 |
| [17:52] | Yeah, that’s right. | 没错 |
| [17:53] | You probably don’t know this but that character is based on you. | 你可能还不知道那个角色的原型是你 |
| [17:55] | No, I–I knew it, man. Look out. | 我知道 小心 |
| [17:57] | I’m being attacked again! | 我又被袭击了 |
| [17:58] | Sorry, that was unintentional– | 抱歉 不是故意 |
| [17:59] | Fork you! | 去你”喵”的 |
| [18:06] | So I’m thinking bagel bites. | 贝果甜点怎么样 |
| [18:09] | For the snack. | 小食 |
| [18:12] | Middle-aged American male fragility. | 脆弱的美国中年大叔 |
| [18:15] | You know why they’re called baby boomers, right? | 你知道他们被称为”婴儿潮世代”的原因吧 |
| [18:16] | Because the tiniest little pinprick to their ego, and boom. | 因为拥有一颗玻璃心 轻易就炸裂 |
| [18:20] | They become babies. | 炸出一堆”巨婴”来 |
| [18:22] | I mean, that was it. We were forked. | 就这样 我们完蛋了 |
| [18:25] | Six months of painstaking work, | 六个月苦心陪演这出戏 |
| [18:27] | trying to help the four humans overcome their worst instincts | 帮这四个人类克服劣质天性 |
| [18:30] | and bond as a group. | 让他们团结友爱 |
| [18:32] | And in a poof, it was gone. | 一瞬间 全都打水漂了 |
| [18:35] | I told you, man. Humans suck. | 我说过了 人类最差劲了 |
| [18:40] | Well, this story has one more chapter. | 但这个故事还有一章 |
| [18:49] | So today was bad. Today was very bad. | 今天很惨 我们完败 |
| [18:53] | Everyone, for sure, lost a bunch of points. | 显然大家都减分了 |
| [18:57] | And I don’t have a solution. | 而我也没有解决之策 |
| [19:01] | Okay, well, let’s reset. | 我们重新开始 |
| [19:06] | I’ll do something mildly iffy, | 我做点不靠谱的事 |
| [19:07] | and let John make a small, good decision to help. | 让约翰出个主意帮我 |
| [19:11] | I could tell him I’m going to get ombre highlights | 我可以说 我要做渐变挑染 |
| [19:14] | and let him talk me out of it. | 让他劝我别染 |
| [19:16] | What’s wrong with ombre highlights? | 渐变挑染怎么了 |
| [19:17] | Eleanor, please. This week has been hard enough. | 埃莉诺 这周够辛苦了 别再折磨我了 |
| [19:22] | I could set my robes on fire and try and get Brent to put it out. | 我可以使袍子着火 让布兰特帮忙灭火 |
| [19:26] | I know you’re only suggesting that | 我知道你出这个主意 |
| [19:28] | because you’ve repeatedly said you would look “dope” in flaming monk robes, | 只因为你总说你身披”烈焰僧袍”帅爆了 |
| [19:31] | but that’s actually not a bad idea. | 但这个主意也不错 |
| [19:34] | Force him to help someone without actually thinking about it. | 让他不假思索去帮助别人 |
| [19:37] | Maybe I’ll ask Chidi to lead a class on empathy. | 我可以让奇迪开一堂关于”同理心”的课 |
| [19:39] | Yes. Okay, let’s write these down. | 好 我们写下来 |
| [19:41] | We got plenty of time left. We can get back on track. | 我们还有很多时间 还能重回正轨 |
| [19:45] | That was an hour ago. | 这是一个小时前 |
| [19:46] | Right before I came here to see you for the last time. | 就在我来看这里见你最后一次之前 |
| [19:51] | For months, you and I have been debating. | 这几个月 我们一直在争论 |
| [19:53] | Are people good or bad? | 人是性本善 还是性本恶 |
| [19:55] | But as I watched those three people | 但我亲眼看着这三个人 |
| [19:57] | pick themselves up and dust themselves off, | 受挫之后 重整旗鼓 |
| [20:00] | I realized we’ve been asking the wrong question. | 我意识到 问题方向搞错了 |
| [20:02] | What matters isn’t if people are good or bad. | 人性本善还是性本恶 这不重要 |
| [20:06] | What matters is if they’re trying to be better today | 重要的是 他们努力提升今天的自己 |
| [20:10] | than I was yesterday. | 超越昨日的自己 |
| [20:12] | You asked me where my hope comes from. | 你问我有什么底气心怀希望 |
| [20:15] | That’s your answer. | 这就是我的回答 |
| [20:19] | – What are you doing? – Sending you home. | -你干什么 -放你回家 |
| [20:22] | I’m not marbelizing you, Janet. I’m letting you go. | 我不会把你缩成弹球 我要放你走 |
| [20:25] | I tried to win you over to our side, | 我想拉拢你到我们的战队 |
| [20:27] | and it hasn’t worked. | 但没成功 |
| [20:28] | So keeping you as a prisoner just seems cruel. | 一直关着你 有些不人道 |
| [20:31] | Letting you go home | 放你回家 |
| [20:33] | is how I’ve decided to be a little better today than I was yesterday. | 是我想努力提升今天的自己 超越昨日的自己 |
| [20:41] | Here’s your phone. | 这是你的手机 |
| [20:43] | And a parting gift. | 还有离别礼物 |
| [20:45] | Sweet, is that Brent’s book? | 真好 这是布兰特的书吗 |
| [20:47] | No, I didn’t have any cash on me, | 不是 我没有钞票 |
| [20:49] | so I couldn’t get you a copy. | 买不了他的书 |
| [20:51] | This is a manifesto detailing everything that’s happened with the humans. | 这是一本详细记录人类行为的宣言书 |
| [20:56] | Janet and I wrote it a while back. | 这是我和珍妮特之前写的书 |
| [20:58] | She’s been updating it as we go. | 她目前也一直在更新 |
| [21:00] | – I hope you’ll read it. – Great thinking. | -希望你能看一下 -想法挺美好 |
| [21:03] | People that get books as gifts always read them. | 人收到书这种礼物 会读才怪吧 |
| [21:07] | Bye! | 再见 |