| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:01] | All Janet voids are nothing, | 珍妮特的”虚空”都很空 |
| [00:03] | but Neutral Janet voids are, like, the most nothing. | 但”中立珍妮特”的”虚空”最空空如也了 |
| [00:07] | – Judge, please, please don’t cancel Earth. – Why not? | -法官 别把人间”消除” -为啥啊 |
| [00:11] | The system’s broken. You guys proved it. | 整个机制有问题 你们都证明了 |
| [00:13] | I just want to reboot the whole thing, and go back to my chambers. | 我就想赶紧重启一切 然后回法官办公室 |
| [00:17] | and can I just tell you, it is… so good. | 这么说吧 剧情精彩到爆啊 |
| [00:24] | Think of all the amazing human achievement you’d be eliminating. | 想想你会抹除多少人类文明的辉煌成就 |
| [00:26] | The works of William Shakespeare. | 莎士比亚的巨作 |
| [00:28] | The Pyramids. Timothy Olyphant. | 金字塔 蒂莫西·奥利芬特 |
| [00:31] | That one stings. | 这个扎心了 |
| [00:32] | There’s, like, 50 gallons of man in a 10-gallon hat. | 硬核猛男千万条 帽子拉风第一条 |
| [00:36] | I’m, like– | 老娘的少女心啊 |
| [00:38] | Look, I’m the freaking Judge, | 我才是法官 |
| [00:40] | and I made a freaking ruling, | 由我下判决 |
| [00:41] | and it’s gonna freaking happen, | 老娘说到做到 |
| [00:44] | soon as I find the freaking clicker thing. | 只要一找到控制器就消灭人类 |
| [00:47] | All right, what do I search for? | 搜些什么呢 |
| [00:48] | Humanity eraser button garage door opener thingy judge. | “消灭人类”控制器 车库门遥控器 法官 |
| [00:57] | Well, it wasn’t in you. Any last words? | 不在你体内 有遗言吗 |
| [00:59] | These are my last words. End of words. | 我的遗言就是 最后遗言 |
| [01:02] | Yes. Really boring. | 你可真没劲 |
| [01:04] | Bye! | 永别了 |
| [01:06] | All right, who’s next? | 谁是下一个 |
| [01:08] | Your dad’s pimply butt, you fat dink. | 你爹就是脓包 你个胖墩儿 |
| [01:11] | That is so interesting because last time I checked, | 真有意思 据我所知 |
| [01:15] | I didn’t have a dad. | 我没有爹 |
| [01:17] | That’s why I’m attracted to all the father figures on the TV shows I watch. | 所以我才这么迷恋电视剧里父亲类型的男主 |
| [01:24] | We can’t play keep-away forever. | 躲猫猫不是个办法啊 |
| [01:26] | Keep trying. Get her to see the light. | 你继续劝 让她顿悟[看见曙光] |
| [01:27] | I already showed her the light. | 我已经尝试过了 |
| [01:28] | She wasn’t impressed. | 她觉得一般般 |
| [01:30] | To be fair, she was there when it was invented. | 老实说 她见过人类第一次曙光 |
| [01:32] | Hey, bud? | 小帅哥 |
| [01:33] | I know you’re trying to think of ways to save every soul who’s ever lived and whatnot, | 我知道你正绞尽脑汁想办法拯救全人类 |
| [01:37] | but– we may only have a half hour left to exist, | 但可能半小时后 我们就都消失了 |
| [01:40] | so I just wanted to check in with you vis-à-vis… | 所以我就想和你面对面 |
| [01:45] | us. | 谈一下我们的事 |
| [01:46] | Okay, yeah. Cool. | 好 谈吧 |
| [01:48] | I love you. | 我爱你 |
| [01:50] | – Really? – Yeah. | -真的吗 -真的 |
| [01:51] | I love you. So– do you love me? | 我爱你 你爱我吗 |
| [01:54] | Yeah, I do. | 我当然爱了 |
| [01:55] | Well, then, cool! | 很好 |
| [01:57] | You and I are on our way to Coolsville. | 最爽官宣风 |
| [01:59] | You seem oddly sure, which is unlike you, but… | 你这么笃定 不像你啊 |
| [02:03] | it’s kind of doing it for me. | 但很撩人啊 |
| [02:05] | Should we get out of here? | 我们该找个地方亲热吗 |
| [02:06] | No, but I like the confidence. | 不行 但你这么自信让我心动 |
| [02:08] | Well, when you have a thousand different versions of yourself | 各个时空 一千个版本自己 |
| [02:11] | over multiple timelines fused and instantly placed into your consciousness, | 瞬间在意识里显现出来 |
| [02:14] | it gives you a real sense of clarity. | 人就会变得通透 |
| [02:16] | You saw the time knife, huh? | 你见到”时之刃” 了啊 |
| [02:18] | Yep. Saw the time knife. | 没错 见到了 |
| [02:21] | It was neat. | 妙不可言 |
| [02:22] | Okay, let’s save humanity, shall we? | 来拯救全人类吧 |
| [02:25] | Can one of you Janets get me a chalkboard | 哪个珍妮特能给找个黑板 |
| [02:28] | and a copy of Judith Shklar’s “Ordinary Vices?” | 还有一本朱迪丝·施克莱的《恶德》 |
| [02:31] | And maybe some warm pretzels. | 再来点热乎乎的椒盐饼干 |
| [02:33] | If we going out, | 就算死 |
| [02:34] | I’m going out with a belly full of warm pretzels. | 我也要做个饱死鬼 |
| [02:36] | Yummy, yum, yum. | 美味难挡 |
| [02:38] | Yummy! | 好吃爆表 |
| [02:45] | Okay, before we try to completely redesign the entire afterlife, | 想办法重新设计”死后世界”之前 |
| [02:49] | has anyone just thought of a good reason the Judge shouldn’t cancel Earth? | 你们谁想出法官不该”消除”人间的理由了 |
| [02:53] | Because it would be a bummer. | 因为那样就太不好玩了 |
| [02:55] | Yeah, we might need more than that. | 你说了等于没说 |
| [02:56] | Are you at least gonna write it down? | 给个面子 记一下吧 |
| [03:01] | Did you actually write it down, | 你是真记下来了 |
| [03:03] | or did you just do a scribble-scrabble? | 还是随便划了几下 |
| [03:05] | Okay, we need to think bigger. | 我们得拓展思维 |
| [03:06] | We need to come up with an entirely new afterlife system | 要想出一个全新的”死后世界”体制 |
| [03:09] | that both the Good and Bad Places agree on, | 同时兼衡善地和恶地 |
| [03:11] | which seems impossible. | 感觉是天方夜谭 |
| [03:14] | Nonsense. | 乱讲 |
| [03:15] | Compromise is always possible. | 折衷永远都可行 |
| [03:17] | I was once in Portofino with Bruno Mars, | 我有次在菲诺港 同行有布鲁诺·马尔斯[歌手 火星哥] |
| [03:19] | LeBron James, and Dr. Ruth Westheimer– | 勒布朗·詹姆斯[NBA球星 小皇帝] 露丝·韦斯特海默[性心理治疗师] |
| [03:21] | We don’t have time for this right now, babe. | 没时间听你显摆社交圈了 |
| [03:23] | Fine. Long story short, | 好吧 长话短说 |
| [03:24] | LeBron performed a successful tracheotomy, | 勒布朗成功完成了一次气切插管 |
| [03:26] | the song won multiple Grammys, | 那首歌赢了多项格莱美大奖 |
| [03:27] | and everyone was really happy. | 最后皆大欢喜 |
| [03:29] | Well, now I want to hear the story. | 你成功勾起我的好奇心了 |
| [03:30] | No, you’re right. Let’s focus. | 别分心了 正事要紧 |
| [03:32] | So, in this essay, “Putting Cruelty First,” | 这篇论文中表明 “残忍是恶德之首” |
| [03:35] | Judith Shklar contends that we should consider cruelty as society’s primary flaw. | 朱迪丝·施克莱主张 应把残忍作为社会最大缺陷 |
| [03:41] | I’m sorry, are you wearing roller skates? | 容我插一句 你穿的是轮滑鞋吗 |
| [03:44] | Yeah. I got them from Disco Janet. | 对 迪斯科珍妮特给我的 |
| [03:46] | – Thanks, Disco Janet. – Solid. | -谢了 迪斯科珍妮特 -这都不是事儿 |
| [03:48] | Anyway, here’s her point. | 总之 按照她的观点 |
| [03:49] | Imagine someone sells a joint | 比如一个人贩卖大麻烟卷 |
| [03:51] | and then gets locked away in a dangerous prison for years. | 结果被关进一个高危监狱好几年 |
| [03:54] | The crime isn’t cruel, but the punishment is. | 本来不是重罪 但惩罚太狠了 |
| [03:58] | That’s a problem. | 这是问题所在 |
| [03:58] | Tell me about it. | 谁说不是啊 |
| [03:59] | I once went to jail for a week just because I stole a hot dog. | 我有次偷了一个热狗 就坐了一个星期牢 |
| [04:03] | Well, a hot-dog-shaped car. | 其实是一辆”热狗形”车 |
| [04:05] | I stole the Wienermobile. | 我偷一辆热狗贩卖车 |
| [04:06] | This is the problem with the current system. | 这就是目前体制的问题 |
| [04:08] | Live anything less than the most exemplary life, | 生前没做什么大奸大恶之事 |
| [04:10] | and you are brutally tortured forever with no recourse. | 死后永世万劫不复 无人求助 |
| [04:13] | The cruelty of the punishment does not match the cruelty of the life that one has lived. | 一个人生前并非十恶不赦 不该受到如此重罚 |
| [04:17] | Now, watch this spin. | 瞧小爷给你转一圈 |
| [04:21] | So we need to come up with a system | 这么说 要制定一个体系 |
| [04:23] | that will result in the least amount | 使并非奸恶之人 |
| [04:25] | of cruelty and suffering to those who don’t deserve it. | 不遭受这么重的刑罚 |
| [04:27] | This is a problem of justice. | 这是司法问题 |
| [04:34] | Hearing you talk about philosophical concepts of justice is sexy. | 你谈起司法哲学的样子 令我神魂颠倒 |
| [04:38] | You want to get out of here? | 你想找个地方亲热吗 |
| [04:39] | Yes. No. Keep going. | 想 不行 继续说 |
| [04:43] | Bad Janet voids are the worst. | “邪恶版珍妮特”的”虚空”最没下限了 |
| [04:46] | Music off! | 关掉音乐 |
| [04:48] | Right, I forgot. | 我忘了 |
| [04:49] | Make it louder! | 音乐声再大一点 |
| [04:51] | What if you start humanity over from scratch, | 如果你重启人间 |
| [04:53] | and humans evolve over millions of years and they end up worse? | 几百年后 人类进化得更差劲了呢 |
| [04:57] | What if they invent rap-rock sooner, | 如果他们很早就发明说唱摇滚了呢 |
| [04:59] | and it becomes the only kind of music? | 世上以后就这一种音乐了 怎么办 |
| [05:00] | Do you really want to oversee an entire world | 你真想看着摇滚小子”称霸”人间 |
| [05:02] | of Limp Bizkits run by Emperor Kid Rock? | 满世界都是”软饼干乐队”吗 |
| [05:05] | Not my problem. | 跟老娘没关系 |
| [05:07] | All right, here we go. Software update? | 找到了 软件更新 |
| [05:10] | No, cancel. | 不 取消 |
| [05:11] | Why is it doing it now? | 怎么跳出这么多啊 |
| [05:14] | This computer sucks. | 这台电脑太让人闹心了 |
| [05:20] | Okay, mama. See you in the next life. | 辣妹 下辈子见了 |
| [05:23] | Before you marbleize me, | 你把我缩成弹珠之前 |
| [05:24] | can I just make one final statement to summarize how I really feel? | 我能用一句话总结我的真实感受吗 |
| [05:27] | I think I know where this is going. | 我能猜到剧情走向 |
| [05:39] | Okay, Disco Janet, you’re up. | “迪斯科珍妮” 该你了 |
| [05:42] | Out of sight. | 妙极了 |
| [05:44] | What are you guys still doing here? | 你们怎么还在这里啊 |
| [05:45] | Just go back to Mindy’s and have a lukewarm beer, | 都去明迪家喝瓶啤酒 |
| [05:48] | and wait for me to end you there. | 等我把人间抹除吧 |
| [05:49] | Except for you, cookie-puss. | 你可以留下 帅哥哥 |
| [05:51] | I’ll always make room for you. | 我对你有的是时间 |
| [05:55] | Wait a second. That’s it. | 等下 我想到了 |
| [05:57] | I agree. | 我赞同 |
| [05:58] | Chidi should hook up with the Judge to get us out of trouble. | 奇迪该去勾引法官 用美男计拯救我们 |
| [06:00] | I’d done that a bunch of times. | 我干过好多次 |
| [06:01] | It’s called a Jacksonville plea bargain. | 这叫”杰克逊维尔式减刑协议” |
| [06:03] | No, Mindy’s house. | 不 我是说明迪家 |
| [06:04] | Eleanor always thought | 埃莉诺一直觉得 |
| [06:05] | there should be a Medium Place for people who led medium lives. | 应该有一个属于普通人的”中间地带” |
| [06:09] | That’s the answer. | 这就是解决之道了 |
| [06:10] | We make the Medium Place a third option. | 善恶之地中间加一个”中间地带” |
| [06:13] | Of course. | 没错啊 |
| [06:14] | Maybe if you score negative points on Earth… | 比如 你生前的行为分数不达标 |
| [06:17] | sorry, you blew it. | 抱歉 你这辈子搞砸了 |
| [06:18] | Enjoy having your penis flattened. | 你的小鸡鸡要遭殃了 |
| [06:20] | Over a million or whatever, party time. | 因为你生前只顾风流快活了 |
| [06:23] | And everyone else in between gets their own personal Cincinnati. | 而那些不好不坏之人 可以去自己的”中间区” |
| [06:27] | It’s definitely less cruel than the current system, but it’s not great. | 相比目前的体制没那么残忍 但也不理想 |
| [06:31] | Well, it might be the best we can do given the circumstances. | 这个时候就别挑了 这样已经不错了 |
| [06:33] | Let’s try to sell it to the brass. | 我们去说服委员会吧 |
| [06:37] | Hello, all. | 你们好啊 |
| [06:38] | Thought as the universe is ending, you’d be less cheery. | 全宇宙都要灭亡了 你们兴致还这么好啊 |
| [06:41] | Hard not to be cheery when you’re eating this delicious frozen yogurt. | 吃这么美味的酸奶冰淇淋 心情不好都很难啊 |
| [06:44] | I got a small amount of each flavor. | 我没种口味都拿了一点 |
| [06:46] | It’s the only way to ensure a mouthful of compromise. | 这才完美诠释了一口下去 口味尽有 |
| [06:48] | – You are so right. – Well said. | -说得真对 -没错 |
| [06:50] | Shut up! Shut up. | 别说了 安静 |
| [06:53] | Shut up. | 都闭嘴 |
| [06:54] | I’m confident now. | 小爷现在霸气侧漏 |
| [06:56] | Sorry. We’re just short on time. | 抱歉 我们只是有急事 |
| [06:57] | Look, we have a new idea | 我们想到了一个新办法 |
| [06:59] | about how humans could be placed in the afterlife– | 怎么更好地安排死后世界 |
| [07:02] | We love it. We’re in. | 大爱 同意了 |
| [07:04] | You don’t even want to hear it? | 你都不想听一下吗 |
| [07:05] | Nope. If you guys came up with it, it must be good. | 不用 你们想出来的招数肯定超赞 |
| [07:08] | Guys, they said yes. Let’s take the win. | 他们都同意了 见好就收吧 |
| [07:10] | Now all we have to do is convince Shawn. | 现在只要说动肖恩就行了 |
| [07:12] | I’ll take the lead. | 我来说吧 |
| [07:13] | If I can convince Dr. Ruth | 我都能劝动露丝医生 |
| [07:14] | not to sue Bruno Mars over songwriting credit on “Uptown Funk,” | 不去起诉”火星哥”那首《Uptown Funk》的版权问题 |
| [07:17] | I can handle this. | 这事也不在话下 |
| [07:19] | Okay, you gotta tell me that story on the way. | 你边走边给我讲讲这个八卦吧 |
| [07:21] | So anyone who doesn’t meet the threshold for the new Medium Place neighbourhood | 所以达不到”中间地带”标准的人 |
| [07:25] | is yours for the taking. | 都归你 |
| [07:26] | The Bad Place still has plenty of people to torture. | 恶地还是会有很多人折磨 |
| [07:29] | I have to admit this does make sense. | 我得说 确实合理 |
| [07:32] | And I like that your side is settling for a crappy deal | 我很满意 你们这边委曲求全 |
| [07:34] | while my side stays mostly the same. | 而我们这边基本不变 |
| [07:37] | What the hell. | 豁出去了 |
| [07:39] | I’m in. | 我同意了 |
| [07:40] | – Really? – No. | -真的吗 -当然不是了 |
| [07:43] | You actually believed me? | 你还真信了啊 |
| [07:44] | Dude, in 20 minutes, all of humanity is going to be erased forever. | 老兄 全人类在20分钟后就灰飞烟灭了 |
| [07:49] | And? | 那又怎么了 |
| [07:50] | The Bad Place will get emptied out, too. | 恶地也会化为乌有 |
| [07:52] | You will have no one to torture for billions of years. | 未来几十亿年 你都没有人再折磨了 |
| [07:54] | Everyone loses. | 这是玉石俱焚啊 |
| [07:57] | I know. | 我知道 |
| [07:58] | But here’s the thing. | 但问题是 |
| [07:59] | I don’t care if everyone loses as long as you lose. | 只要你输了 大家同归于尽又何妨 |
| [08:04] | – Shawn, listen to reason. – Why should I? | -肖恩 你理智点 -为什么 |
| [08:07] | None of this would’ve happened | 这一切本来都不会发生 |
| [08:08] | if you hadn’t mucked around with your Neighborhood and your new ideas. | 就怪你没事找事 搞什么新社区 新创意 |
| [08:12] | New ideas are gross. They sicken me. | 新创意最烦人了 我痛恨至极 |
| [08:15] | Shawn, you used to be cool, but you’ve changed, man. | 肖恩 你以前很开明 但你变了 |
| [08:20] | I’m gonna go write an evil speech for when this is all over. | 我要为这场终结写篇恶言表达心情 |
| [08:22] | It is gonna be so long. | 如裹脚布一般又臭又长 |
| [08:40] | Wait a second. | 等一下 |
| [08:42] | What was I doing? | 我本来要干什么来着 |
| [08:43] | I’ll tell you what you were doing. | 我来告诉你吧 |
| [08:44] | You were tearing up the dance floor. | 你刚才大秀舞姿 |
| [08:45] | No, I was looking for the stupid clicker thingy. | 不 我是要找那个破控制器 |
| [08:48] | God, those infectious disco grooves. | 迪斯科舞曲自然嗨 根本停不下来 |
| [08:51] | So wait, wait, wait, wait. | 等下 等下 |
| [08:53] | We have this amazing new idea, and Shawn is almost on board. | 我们想到了一个新策略 肖恩就快同意了 |
| [08:55] | Maybe if you talk to him, | 如果你能劝劝他 |
| [08:56] | you could nudge him towards an agreement. | 你可以让他跟我们达成一致 |
| [08:58] | I don’t take sides. I am the Judge. | 我不站队 我是法官 |
| [09:00] | My only concerns are fairness and impartiality. | 我必须保持公正 不偏不倚 |
| [09:04] | ♪Gonna erase the Earth♪ | ♪要灭掉人间♪ |
| [09:09] | ♪Erase the Earth♪ | ♪灭掉人间♪ |
| [09:10] | That song is really my yam. | 这首歌真洗脑 |
| [09:14] | Humanity eraser thingy. | “灭掉全人类”控制器 |
| [09:20] | Well. Later, skater. | 再见了 活力妞儿 |
| [09:22] | Keep on truckin’. | 继续快乐逍遥 |
| [09:24] | Next! | 下一个 |
| [09:25] | Even for a demon, Shawn is being a real knob. | 恶魔里也没见过肖恩这么讨厌的家伙 |
| [09:29] | Guys, I know what we have to offer him to get him to change his mind. | 我知道给他什么能他改变主意了 |
| [09:32] | – What? – Something he wants. | -什么 -他想要的东西 |
| [09:35] | Once we figure that out, we’re golden. | 只要弄清他想要什么 一切就都搞定了 |
| [09:37] | It’s pointless. | 没用 |
| [09:39] | He’s so focused on beating us that he’s willing to burn everything down. | 他铁了心想打败我们 不惜任何代价 |
| [09:42] | There’s nothing we can offer him. | 没什么能打动他 |
| [09:44] | Actually, there is something he wants. | 倒是还有一样 |
| [09:47] | Cruelty. | 残忍 |
| [09:49] | So let’s give it to him. | 满足他吧 |
| [09:58] | Guys. Just smashing some stuff. | 各位好 我砸东西玩呢 |
| [10:02] | What’s up? | 什么事 |
| [10:02] | Listen, demon, we know how much you want us to lose, | 大恶魔 我们知道你多想让我们输 |
| [10:05] | so we volunteer to lose permanently | 所以我们主动认输 |
| [10:07] | if you agree to let the Judge establish a real Medium Place. | 前提是你同意让法官建立一个”中间地带” |
| [10:11] | You can torture the four of us… forever. | 你可以永世折磨我们四个人 |
| [10:14] | – Really? – Yeah. | -真的吗 -对 |
| [10:16] | This is a classic trolley problem. | 这是典型的”电车难题” |
| [10:18] | One of your boys sets off a stink bomb on the trolley, causing a commotion | 你一个兄弟在电车上开启了一个臭气弹 引起骚乱 |
| [10:21] | so the rest of the group can pickpocket people as they run off the train. | 其它兄弟可以趁人们慌乱逃离时 偷人钱包 |
| [10:25] | That’s very wrong, but in a roundabout way, | 完全不是这么回事 但变相来说 |
| [10:28] | you kind of got where you needed to be. | 你的智商开始步入正轨了 |
| [10:29] | I’ll even give you a head start on my torture. | 你可以从我下手 |
| [10:31] | I cannot pull off the “Mod” look. | 我穿不出”摩登派”范儿 |
| [10:34] | You can take me, too. | 把我也带走吧 |
| [10:35] | I couldn’t live with myself knowing you four were down there without me. | 我没法忍受不能与你们同甘共苦 眼你们受折磨 |
| [10:40] | This is a toughy. | 这下难办了 |
| [10:43] | On one hand, I would love to get some spiders in those buttholes. | 一方面 我很乐意拿蜘蛛爆你们的菊 |
| [10:46] | On the other hand, | 另一方面 |
| [10:47] | there would be billions of buttholes going completely un-spidered. | 这样就不会有几十亿人的菊花遭殃了 |
| [10:50] | How about this? | 不如这样吧 |
| [10:52] | Everyone who dies go to the Bad Place… | 所有人死后进入恶地 |
| [10:54] | and I get to torture all of you. | 交换条件是 我可以折磨你们所有人 |
| [10:56] | Sounds good to us. | 不错 |
| [10:57] | No, dummies. | 不行 别傻了 |
| [10:59] | That’s already how it works, | 这就是现有体制 |
| [11:01] | except we’re also tortured. | 而我们已经受折磨了 |
| [11:02] | Look, I put forward a proposal. | 我提出了一个提议 |
| [11:04] | Are you not even going to negotiate? | 你们都不打算协商一下吗 |
| [11:06] | He’s got a point. | 他说得有理 |
| [11:06] | The fair thing for us to do is | 我们就应该 |
| [11:08] | just keep on giving up more and more stuff we want unilaterally | 单方面妥协牺牲更多 |
| [11:11] | until this demon’s finally happy. | 直到这个恶魔满意为止 |
| [11:13] | Fork this. | 老子受够了 |
| [11:14] | If we’re gonna lose, let’s lose on our own terms. | 就算输 也要按我们的意愿来 |
| [11:17] | Let’s come up with a completely new idea that actually makes the universe better. | 想一个让宇宙更美好的新创意吧 |
| [11:22] | Amen. At least then, we can hold our heads high. | 说得好 至少我们死得其所 |
| [11:24] | Okay, we need to come up with our ideal plan in about 10 minutes. | 我们得在十分钟内想出新办法 |
| [11:29] | Guys, it’s all come to this. | 各位 终于到这一刻了 |
| [11:32] | Everything we’ve been through… | 我们经历过的一切 |
| [11:35] | multiple lives you led on Earth, | 你们生前的每一种人生 |
| [11:37] | all the lives you led here, | 死后体验的每一个版本 |
| [11:39] | all the ethics training and lessons | 所有伦理道德的学习与熏陶 |
| [11:42] | and journeys to the farthest corners of the afterlife | 死后世界经历的每一件事 |
| [11:45] | all happened so that we could be here together… | 这一切都是为了让我们 |
| [11:49] | as the very best versions of ourselves, | 成就最好版本的自己 |
| [11:53] | to solve the ultimate problem… | 来解决这个终极难题 |
| [11:56] | in the nick of time. | 灵光乍现 逆转乾坤 |
| [11:58] | Cool speech. Now it’s nine minutes. | “鸡汤文真给力” 还剩九分钟了 |
| [12:01] | Chidi, can you do this? | 奇迪 你能想出妙计吗 |
| [12:03] | Actually, what you just said, the very best versions of ourselves, | 你刚才说 成就最好版本的自己 |
| [12:06] | gave me an idea. | 给了我灵感 |
| [12:09] | Turns out it was a cool speech. | 这鸡汤文确实很给力吧 |
| [12:13] | Not in you, either. | 也不在你体内 |
| [12:15] | I just have one thing left to say. | 我最后还有一句要说 |
| [12:18] | Not falling for that again. | 不会再上当了 |
| [12:21] | Man, she is committed. | 她对屁的执着也是没谁了 |
| [12:24] | That just leaves you. | 就只剩你了 |
| [12:25] | Your honor, we have an idea we’d like to present– | 法官大人 我们有个新对策想跟你说 |
| [12:27] | Not interested, stretch. | 没兴趣 老头子 |
| [12:29] | How can we convince her of our plan if she won’t even listen? | 她连听不都不听 还怎么说动她 |
| [12:32] | Well, if she’s not gonna stay out here, | 如果她不出来 |
| [12:34] | you gotta go in there. | 你们就得进去 |
| [12:35] | But that didn’t really work great last time. | 但上次副作用很大啊 |
| [12:38] | Yeah, it wasn’t an amazing, | 上次确实出问题了 |
| [12:39] | but she’s gonna marbleize me in, like, two minutes, | 但她两分钟后就会把我缩成弹珠了 |
| [12:41] | so we might as well try. | 死马当活马医吧 |
| [12:42] | Are we all gonna be… you again? | 我们这次还会都变成”你”吗 |
| [12:44] | I don’t think so. | 应该不会 |
| [12:45] | Going through that once changed me and all of you. | 经过上次让我和你们的状态都改变了 |
| [12:48] | But if the Judge wasn’t gonna listen to us out here, | 但如果法官现在不愿听 |
| [12:50] | what makes you think she’ll listen to us in there? | 我们进去 她也不会听啊 |
| [12:53] | I know one thing that might keep her attention. | 我想到一个让她听的办法了 |
| [13:00] | Idiots. | 傻白甜啊 |
| [13:07] | Nuts. | 该死 |
| [13:08] | How did I fall for that? | 我怎么就上钩了呢 |
| [13:10] | Please, have a seat, your honor. | 请坐 法官大人 |
| [13:11] | I already told you. I’m not interested. | 我已经说了 我不想听 |
| [13:14] | Give me one reason why I should hear you out? | 说个理由 我为什么非听不可 |
| [13:17] | Okay. Here he is. | 看我变出什么了 |
| [13:21] | Ma’am. | 大妹子 |
| [13:26] | You made me an Olyphant? | 你变出了一个奥利芬特[《火线警探》男主] |
| [13:29] | I think you should hear them out, Judge. | 你该听听看 法官 |
| [13:30] | Only seems fair. | 这才合理 |
| [13:32] | Yeah, you’re probably right. | 你说得有道理 |
| [13:34] | Well played, Janet. | 有两下子啊 珍妮特 |
| [13:35] | I don’t mind taking in the view when the scenery is so pretty. | 有俊男相伴 听听也无妨 |
| [13:40] | I should call Shawn for this. | 我该把肖恩也叫来 |
| [13:43] | Man. | 不是吧 |
| [13:44] | I had just gotten all the puppies to climb into the cannon. | 我刚让所有宠物爬进火山了 |
| [13:47] | All right. | 好了 |
| [13:48] | Floor is yours. | 洗耳恭听 |
| [13:50] | So the problem with the afterlife is not only that it’s cruel, | 死后世界的规则 问题不仅是残忍 |
| [13:55] | but that it’s final. | 而且还无法改变 |
| [13:56] | You get one shot on Earth, | 人这辈子就活一次 |
| [13:57] | and regardless of the context of your life, | 不管生活环境如何 |
| [13:59] | you’re placed somewhere, usually the Bad Place, | 你死后一般都会进入恶地 |
| [14:02] | forever with no chance for redemption. | 一锤定音 没机会再自我救赎了 |
| [14:04] | My Neighborhood was built to torture humans, | 我当初的社区是为了折磨人类 |
| [14:07] | but it made them better. | 却让人类提升了 |
| [14:08] | We want to create a system that works that way intentionally, | 我们想建立一个专门这样的体制 |
| [14:12] | a system designed to give people a fighting chance. | 可以让人类可以悔过 重新做人 |
| [14:17] | Interesting. | 有意思 |
| [14:19] | Why don’t you walk us through it? | 详细说说 |
| [14:21] | Yeah, we’re gonna, man. Just chill. | 正要说呢 别急啊 |
| [14:23] | Your time on Earth won’t be a test that you either pass or fail, | 人这辈子的所为不会成为测试结果 |
| [14:28] | but instead a class you take, | 而是一堂人生之课 |
| [14:30] | and the test will come in the afterlife. | 死后才进行最终考核 |
| [14:32] | The first part stays the same. | 一开始还是没变 |
| [14:34] | You live your life, screw up a bunch of stuff. | 你照样过人生 搞砸一些事 |
| [14:36] | Like, a lot of stuff. | 毁了自己的人生 |
| [14:38] | Like, to the point where people are, like… | 严重到 别人会觉得 |
| [14:40] | this is mess up, even for Florida. | 弗罗里达人都没像你这么作死 |
| [14:43] | But you can’t hear them | 但你听不见别人 |
| [14:44] | because you fell into the swamp | 因为你掉进了沼泽里 |
| [14:45] | trying to spray paint a Taco Bell logo on a snapping turtle. | 想在鳄龟身上喷一个”塔可钟煎饼”的字样 |
| [14:49] | We rest our case, your honor. | 结案陈词了 法官大人 |
| [14:51] | – No, no. – No, no, no, no, no, we don’t. | -不 -不是 不是 |
| [14:52] | We barely started. | 这才刚开始说呢 |
| [14:53] | So when you die, you still have a points total, | 人死后 还是会被评分 |
| [14:58] | but in the new system, | 但新体制之下 |
| [14:59] | that number will serve as a sort of baseline | 这个分数只作为一个基准线 |
| [15:01] | to determine how hard or how easy your test is. | 来决定你的考验难度 |
| [15:06] | Sorry. I’m just trying to play catch-up here. | 抱歉 我有点没跟上剧情 |
| [15:09] | Who’s designing these tests, exactly? | 谁来设计这些考验 |
| [15:12] | A Good Place architect and a Bad Place architect | 善地设计师和恶地设计师 |
| [15:15] | will work together to design a scenario | 一起来构建考核情境 |
| [15:17] | to make you confront your moral shortcomings, | 让人类面对自己道德的不足之处 |
| [15:20] | like Eleanor’s selfishness, | 比如埃莉诺的自私 |
| [15:22] | Jason’s impulsivity, Chidi’s indecisiveness, | 杰森的莽撞 奇迪的选择障碍 |
| [15:25] | and my complete inability to carry off a mod look. | 而我则是无法穿出”摩登派”范儿 |
| [15:28] | That’s not– | 这不是… |
| [15:29] | I know I have other faults, | 我知道我有其它缺点 |
| [15:30] | but that is a big one. | 但这是最大的缺点 |
| [15:32] | The test could be anything. | 考核测验样式繁多 |
| [15:33] | Maybe you show up and you’re told you’re in the Good Place, | 可以是一个人”误入善地” |
| [15:36] | but you know that it’s a mistake. | 但自己心里清楚进错地方了 |
| [15:38] | Maybe the test looks just like your regular life, | 也可以是你生前生活的复现 |
| [15:41] | or a twisted version of your life. | 或者是你现实生活的衍生版 |
| [15:44] | You’re presented with these challenges. | 你在情境中会面临诸多挑战 |
| [15:46] | Do well or badly, at the end, you’re given a sort of evaluation. | 不管表现好坏 最后会接受测评 |
| [15:52] | Yeah, and the architects explain what you did badly, what you did well, | 设计师会详解你的表现好坏 |
| [15:55] | and then you get rebooted and do it again… | 然后你被重启 再来一次 |
| [15:58] | and again and again until you ace it. | 不断重复 直到人性得以提升 |
| [16:02] | Hang on. | 等一下 |
| [16:03] | It seems to me if y’all get rebooted, | 如果都被重启了 |
| [16:06] | your memories will be wiped out. | 记忆都被消除了 |
| [16:08] | How you ever gonna learn anything | 那还怎么吸取前车之鉴 |
| [16:09] | if you’re always having to start from scratch? | 每次都从零开始啊 |
| [16:12] | Good point, Timothy Olyphant. | 说得有理 蒂莫西·奥利芬特 |
| [16:13] | – Tim’s fine. – Okay, great. | -叫小蒂就行 -知道了 |
| [16:15] | In the new system, | 新体制中 |
| [16:16] | you will retain a vague memory of what you learned in the evaluation sessions. | 人脑中会保留测评中模糊的经验教训 |
| [16:21] | That information, what you did well or badly, | 这个意识 不管你表现好坏 |
| [16:24] | stays with you like… | 会一直印在脑中 |
| [16:27] | like a little voice in your head, | 就像脑中的一个声音 |
| [16:29] | helping you become a better version of yourself. | 帮助你成为更好版本的自己 |
| [16:31] | Okay, that helps. Thank you. | 我懂了 多谢解释 |
| [16:34] | So our guess is that with enough chances, | 我们觉得 给足够机会 |
| [16:36] | people will eventually make enough good choices to qualify for the Good Place, | 人们最终会向善提升自己 达到善地标准 |
| [16:40] | and maybe some never will, | 也许一些人不会 |
| [16:42] | but that’s okay because everyone gets a fair shot. | 但没关系 因为这样大家都有争取的机会了 |
| [16:44] | Hold the phone. | 暂且打住 |
| [16:45] | What are my demons doing this whole time? | 恶魔这个时候都干什么呢 |
| [16:47] | I have millions of lava monsters down there who will be out of a job. | 我手下那几百万的火山岩恶魔要失业了 |
| [16:50] | I ask you, into whose throats are they supposed to pour lava? | 我问你 他们要往谁嘴里灌火山岩呢 |
| [16:54] | Well, bad news is no more throat lava or penis flattenings. | 坏消息是不再有灌火山岩或压平小鸡鸡这种事了 |
| [16:57] | Then what are we doing to their penises? | 那怎么对付他们的小鸡鸡呢 |
| [17:00] | Well, largely, ignoring them. | 基本上就是什么都不做 |
| [17:03] | You guys are hearing this. I’m not crazy, right? | 这是人话吗 我幻听了吗 |
| [17:05] | No, I mean, it’s a fair question. | 你这样想也无可厚非 |
| [17:06] | Whose side are you on, man? | 你站在哪一边啊 |
| [17:08] | I don’t have a dog in this fight, little lady. | 我只是个局外人而已 妹子 |
| [17:10] | I’m just looking for clarity. | 我就是觉得弄清楚比较好 |
| [17:12] | Shawn, you’ll all still have jobs. | 肖恩 你们没失业 |
| [17:14] | Bad place architects help design the test. | 恶地设计师协助设计考验情境 |
| [17:17] | Rank and file demons, they’ll play-role | 基层恶魔都当”演员” |
| [17:20] | just like they did in my original Neighborhood. | 就像之前”善地”那个套路 |
| [17:22] | And remember how much fun you had playing the Judge? | 你记得你演”法官”演得多尽兴吧 |
| [17:25] | I don’t know, guys. You think this will work? | 说不好 你们觉得可行吗 |
| [17:27] | It sort of already has. | 已经有效果了 |
| [17:28] | Chidi just had 800 versions of himself stuffed into his soul at the same time. | 奇迪的意识里瞬间闪现了八百个版本自己 |
| [17:33] | I mean, he’s a new man. He’s way cooler now. | 他蜕变了 他比以前潇洒太多了 |
| [17:37] | I like the old version, too, but not as much. | 我也喜欢以前的奇迪 但没像现在这么喜欢 |
| [17:40] | It’s not just Chidi, your honor. | 不仅是奇迪 法官大人 |
| [17:42] | When I started in Michael’s first Neighborhood, | 我一开始在迈克尔的第一个”善地”时 |
| [17:43] | I was nothing more than a PalmPilot in a cool vest. | 我只是个人型”掌上电脑” |
| [17:47] | But look at me now. | 看我现在进化多大 |
| [17:48] | I can hold four humans in my void, | 我可以让四个人进入我的”虚空” |
| [17:51] | and conjure Timothy Olyphant in the blink of an eye. | 还能随手变出一个蒂莫西·奥利芬特 |
| [17:54] | Getting rebooted over and over made me a better not-a-person than I’ve ever been. | 重启无数次让我进化成一个更完善的”非人类”了 |
| [17:58] | Humans should get the same opportunity. | 人类也该有这样一个机会 |
| [18:02] | Well? | 你的意见呢 |
| [18:11] | Pass. | 小爷就不要 |
| [18:13] | Well, guys, I really thought you had it. | 还以为你们能说动他呢 |
| [18:16] | It has been a genuine pleasure, sweetie. | 见到你真让我心花怒放 大帅哥 |
| [18:25] | ♪Gonna erase the Earth♪ | ♪要灭掉人间♪ |
| [18:29] | ♪ Erase the Earth♪ | ♪灭掉人间♪ |
| [18:31] | I hid the clicker as far away as possible, | 我尽量把控制器藏得很远了 |
| [18:33] | but we are seconds away. | 但拖不了多久了 |
| [18:34] | I’m so sorry, guys. | 我也没招了 抱歉 |
| [18:36] | Where did Shawn go? | 肖恩去哪了 |
| [18:36] | Don’t bother. He’s just toying with us. | 别浪费口舌了 他就只会唱反调 |
| [18:39] | I know. That’s what gives me hope. | 我知道 所以还有得救 |
| [18:44] | Had to do it one last time before all this goes away for good. | 一切灰飞烟灭之前 必须来一泡啊 |
| [18:47] | So what are you offering me now? | 你这回想怎么求我呢 |
| [18:49] | Nothing. It’s over. That was our last idea. | 不求了 结束了 这是我们最后一招 |
| [18:52] | Good. Soon, all your precious humans will be gone. | 这就好 你的宝贝人类很快就会化为尘埃了 |
| [18:57] | Yeah. It’s too bad. | 是啊 太糟心了 |
| [19:00] | Well, congrats, bud. You won. | 恭喜你 你赢了 |
| [19:02] | See you in a billion years. | 十亿年后再见 |
| [19:04] | When the humans evolve again, | 等人类再进化 |
| [19:05] | I’ll be right back at your throat, you traitor. | 我会完虐你 你个叛徒 |
| [19:07] | I mean, yeah, I know. | 我知道 |
| [19:09] | That’s why I said, “See you in a billion years.” | 所以我才说”十亿年后见” |
| [19:12] | Wait. | 等下 |
| [19:14] | I’m gonna do the evil speech now. | 我要发表恶言了 |
| [19:16] | If you want. | 想说就说吧 |
| [19:19] | Since the dawn of time, | 自开天辟地以来 |
| [19:21] | good and evil have waged a furious battle, stemming from– | 善恶进了一场激战 基于… |
| [19:24] | this feels stupid if you’re not gonna fight back. | 你不还击 就没意思了 |
| [19:25] | How do you not have another plan? | 你怎么不想新对策呢 |
| [19:27] | You’ve always had another plan. | 你总是有新招数 |
| [19:29] | What’s wrong, Shawn? | 怎么了 肖恩 |
| [19:33] | Okay, fine. | 好吧 |
| [19:35] | Gonna make me admit it. | 承认就承认吧 |
| [19:37] | Fighting you is the most fun I’ve ever had. | 跟你对着干 是我活着的最大乐趣 |
| [19:39] | I mean, you know. | 你也清楚 |
| [19:40] | You corkscrew your first eyeball, | 第一次捣人眼球 |
| [19:41] | and you’re like, man, I can’t believe they’re paying me to do this. | 你觉得很兴奋 竟然有这种美差 |
| [19:45] | By the trillionth, it’s like… | 一万亿次以后 就会觉得 |
| [19:48] | I should’ve just been a teacher. | 当个老师都比这事有趣啊 |
| [19:49] | And then you go and get the warm fuzzies about your little humans, and something… | 后来你换队友 跟那几个人类抱团了 |
| [19:54] | something changed. | 情况变了 |
| [19:55] | I was having fun again. | 我活着又有乐趣了 |
| [19:59] | I’m not sure I’m ready for that to end. | 我不想就这么结束 |
| [20:02] | I know, buddy. It’s hard when things end. | 我知道 结束总让人难过 |
| [20:05] | But one way or the other, this is over. | 但不论如何 这都结束了 |
| [20:08] | The only question is… | 唯一的问题是 |
| [20:10] | what’s next? | 接下来是什么呢 |
| [20:12] | I heard your speech at Demon-Con. | 我听到你上次在恶魔展的演讲了 |
| [20:15] | You know this system stinks. | 你知道体制有问题 |
| [20:17] | You wouldn’t have let me try the original experiment if things were working. | 如果一切正常 你也不会让我搞”善地”计划 |
| [20:21] | Let’s try a new way… together. | 我们一起携手打造新体制吧 |
| [20:29] | Okay, finally. | 终于可以开始了 |
| [20:31] | For the last time, I, the Judge of the afterlife– | 最后一次 作为死后世界的法官 |
| [20:34] | Hang on, your honor. | 等一下 法官阁下 |
| [20:36] | Are you kidding me? | 你这是要逼死我吗 |
| [20:38] | Can’t a gal just end all of humanity one time | 老娘就想一次灭掉人类 |
| [20:41] | without everyone getting all up on her junk? | 怎么老是给我添堵啊 |
| [20:43] | What is it, man? | 又怎么了 |
| [20:44] | Shawn has agreed to our proposal. | 肖恩同意了我们的提议 |
| [20:47] | Wait, seriously? | 真的假的啊 |
| [20:48] | In principle, yes. | 大体上同意 |
| [20:49] | Still some kinks to work in– | 还要”掏”论一些细节 |
| [20:51] | – Out. – Out. | -讨论 -讨论 |
| [20:52] | Sorry. Old habits. | 抱歉 唱反调成习惯了 |
| [20:53] | But I think we can find a way to make it work. | 但应该能达成一致 |
| [20:56] | Guys, watch this. | 瞧我露一手 |
| [20:59] | Sorry. | 对不起 |
| [21:01] | Jeez. | 大惊小怪 |
| [21:02] | Okay, well, | 好吧 |
| [21:04] | assuming we are redesigning the entire afterlife according to this plan… | 假设根据这个计划 打造一个新体制 |
| [21:10] | what do we do first? | 第一步该做什么呢 |
| [21:15] | Don’t look at me. I’m… | 别看我啊 |
| [21:17] | I’m just the idea guy. | 我只负责总设想 |