| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:09] | We’re finally headed to the Good Place. | 我们终于要到善地去了 |
| [00:12] | It’s the “Me” of places! | 至尊之地 |
| [00:14] | I-I got in, I can say stuff like that again. | 我进入善地了 我又有资格炫耀了 |
| [00:17] | Are you sure we’re going the right way, Janet? | 航线正确吗 珍妮特 |
| [00:19] | Well, I’ve never been to the Good Place before, but… yes, I’m sure. | 我从没去过善地 但应该没错 |
| [00:24] | – How? – Because… it feels like I’m on my way home. | -怎么说 -因为有一种归家的感觉 |
| [00:31] | Flying puppy! | 飞天犬 |
| [00:32] | You’re almost there! Just a little further. | 不远了 再飞一会就到了 |
| [00:35] | Flying puppies? | 飞天犬 |
| [00:37] | Dang it, Michael, why didn’t you think of that for your neighborhood? | 迈克尔啊 你当初怎么就没想到呢 |
| [00:40] | These guys are good. | 善地设计师很有想象力啊 |
| [00:44] | I feel just like Dorothy when she lands in Oz. | 我就像桃乐西登陆奥兹国 |
| [01:00] | Excited, incredulous, | 激动 梦幻 |
| [01:02] | much taller than everyone else around me. | 比大家都高一截 |
| [01:05] | What’s everyone wanna do first? | 大家都想先干点什么 |
| [01:07] | – Racing go-karts with monkeys. – Sure. | -跟猴子们赛车 -行 |
| [01:10] | It’s my lifelong dream. | 这是我毕生心愿 |
| [01:12] | Monkeys are the ideal go-kart opponents. | 卡丁车比赛 找猴子们最合适了 |
| [01:14] | They’re funny enough to give the finger, | 够搞笑 知道怎么鄙视人 |
| [01:16] | but not smart enough to win. | 但不够聪明 赢不了 |
| [01:19] | Does that mean me? | 这是指我吗 |
| [01:21] | You’re a Good Janet, and we’re in the Good Place. | 你是良善版珍妮特 我们在善地 |
| [01:23] | I don’t know who else it would mean. | 不指你 还能指谁呢 |
| [01:24] | Okay. No pressure. | 瞬间压力爆棚 |
| [01:26] | I was born to do this– not born. | 我打娘胎就会了 我不是人生的 |
| [01:32] | Okay, so I now know all the information about the Good Place. | 善地的一切信息 我都掌握了 |
| [01:35] | In a nutshell, it slaps. | 简言之 棒到爆表了 |
| [01:37] | First thing to tell you: | 首先要说 |
| [01:38] | humans can’t see the Good Place all at once | 人类没法一次掌握善地 |
| [01:40] | or their brains will be scrambled. | 大脑容易烧掉 |
| [01:43] | Cool, maybe I’ll finally get some of those squigglies on my brain. | 挺好 说不定我的大脑终于能拐弯了 |
| [01:46] | Doctor said my brain’s as smooth as an egg. | 医生说我的大脑就一根筋 |
| [01:49] | You all need to wait out here for a bit so you can adjust. | 你们都要在这里缓一下 |
| [01:51] | When you’re ready, | 等你们准备好了 |
| [01:52] | you will be honored with a welcome gala | 善地将会为你们举行迎新宴 |
| [01:54] | magically planned by the Good Place based on your personalities. | 根据你们的个人喜好量身打造 |
| [01:57] | Like the “Targeted Instagram ad” of parties! | 就像” 图享”通过大数据推送广告一样 |
| [02:01] | You know, I bought the coolest sunglasses from one of those ads. | 我在那些广告中买过一副酷炫太阳镜 |
| [02:04] | Look. | 你看 |
| [02:07] | It’s like I’m inside the Internet. | 就像我在网络中一样 |
| [02:09] | Okay, can we just keep moving? | 我们可以走了吗 |
| [02:11] | You look a little pale. Did you get sick from the hot air balloon? | 你脸色不太好 你”晕热气球”吗 |
| [02:14] | I bet if you throw up, it’ll just be butterflies or something. | 你就算吐了 也只会吐蝴蝶奇幻物吧 |
| [02:16] | I’m fine, I just um– | 我没事 只是 |
| [02:19] | I don’t belong here. | 我不属于这里 |
| [02:20] | There’s no telling what will happen to a demon who steps foot in this place. | 谁都不知道”恶魔”进入善地会怎样 |
| [02:24] | Promise me if I’m vaporized, you guys just keep having fun. | 答应我 如果我灰飞烟灭了 你们继续享受天堂 |
| [02:28] | My goodness, that chime is so soothing, | 这个钟声太暖心了 |
| [02:31] | it feels like my brain is being massaged by– | 就像是大脑… |
| [02:33] | – a baby deer? – Boy. | -被小萌鹿按摩 -坏了 |
| [02:35] | What if that’s some sort of demon alarm to alert the cops that I’m here? | 万一是恶魔警报器 通知警察来抓我怎么办 |
| [02:38] | – You want me to hold your weed? – I don’t have weed. | -要我先帮你保管一下大麻吗 -我没有大麻 |
| [02:43] | Wait a minute. | 等下 |
| [02:44] | Yeah, okay, now I do. | 现在有了 |
| [02:47] | Take this. | 你拿着 |
| [02:47] | They’re ready for you to move inside, | 你们可以进去了 |
| [02:49] | The Good Place Committee is waiting for us. | 我们要去见善地委员会的人了 |
| [02:53] | Man. Look at this place! | 天 瞧瞧这里 |
| [02:57] | Karlie Kloss did like me! | 卡莉·克劳斯确实喜欢我 |
| [02:59] | I knew it! | 我就知道 |
| [03:00] | So about this party… is everyone in the Good Place invited? | 善地的人都来参加这个宴会了吗 |
| [03:04] | Like, is Aristotle gonna be there? | 亚里士多德会去吗 |
| [03:06] | Sorry, Chidi, Aristotle’s in the Bad Place. | 奇迪 亚里士多德在”恶地” |
| [03:08] | He defended slavery. | 他拥护奴隶制 |
| [03:09] | -Socrates? – No, too annoying. Very loud chewer. | -苏格拉底呢 -不在 不招人待见 吃饭声音太大 |
| [03:13] | Plato. – Slavery again. | -柏拉图 -同样拥护奴隶制 |
| [03:15] | You know who is here? Hypatia of Alexandria. | 有个人倒是在 “亚历山大城的海巴夏” |
| [03:15] | 东罗马时期哲学家 世界上第一位才貌双绝的辩才 品德备受称赞杰出的女数学家 天文学家和哲学家 | |
| [03:18] | Do you know her? – Hypatia? | -你知道她吗 -海巴夏 |
| [03:20] | Of Alexandria. – That’s right. | -亚历山大城 -没错 |
| [03:22] | Yeah, I know her. | 我知道啊 |
| [03:26] | Hypatia! | 海巴夏 |
| [03:27] | I’m gonna ask her so many questions | 我有好多问题要问她 |
| [03:28] | pertaining to the grand ideas about the universe, like “why?” | 请教她关于宇宙的高深见解 |
| [03:32] | And also… | 还有 |
| [03:34] | “How?” | 宇宙形成问题 |
| [03:35] | Welcome to the Good Place, everyone. | 欢迎各位来善地 |
| [03:37] | Michael, so happy you made it. | 迈克尔 很高兴你来了 |
| [03:39] | You look radiant. | 你容光焕发啊 |
| [03:41] | You have the calming yet authoritative presence of a bomb-sniffing dog. | 你散发着从容而又可靠的气息 有如搜弹犬 |
| [03:44] | I’d just like to say, | 我只想说 |
| [03:45] | thank you so much for letting me be here with my friends. | 非常感谢你们让我随朋友们前来 |
| [03:49] | I know it’s unorthodox for someone like myself to visit the Good Place, | 我这种人来善地 毕竟有违传统 |
| [03:53] | but it’s just so wonderful, | 但这实在太好了 |
| [03:54] | and I don’t have any weed on me, so no need for the cops. | 我身上没有大麻 不需要找警察 |
| [03:57] | Michael, Michael. You and your friends are heroes. | 迈克尔 你和你四个朋友是大英雄 |
| [04:00] | And you’re more than welcome here. | 我们非常欢迎你 |
| [04:02] | In fact, we have some very exciting news. | 实际上 我们要宣布一个喜讯 |
| [04:04] | While the rest of you get settled in, | 你们几个先安顿一下 |
| [04:06] | we want to give Michael a swearing-in ceremony | 我们想给迈克尔举办宣誓就职典礼 |
| [04:08] | so he can become an official Good Place Architect. | 让他正式成为善地设计师 |
| [04:13] | My goodness. – Michael, please, follow us. | -我的天呐 -迈克尔 请随我们来 |
| [04:18] | Holy fork, that is a soothing chime. | 哎呀呀 这钟声确实暖心啊 |
| [04:21] | It really is the most incredible chime i’ve ever heard, | 这是我听过最动听的钟声了 |
| [04:25] | and that is coming from someone | 而我的教父 |
| [04:26] | whose godfather is the most famous clock in the world. | 可是世上最有名的”钟表”呢 |
| [04:29] | Is Big Ben somehow your godfather? | “大本钟”是你教父吗 |
| [04:33] | That sound means… it’s party time. | 这是提醒我们宴会开始了 |
| [04:40] | When you walk through, | 你们走进去 |
| [04:41] | the event space will transform into a party perfectly tailored to your essences. | 宴会形式会按你们个人喜好完美显现 |
| [04:46] | Let’s link arms and walk through together. | 一起肩并肩走进去吧 |
| [04:57] | Weird… | 神奇 |
| [04:59] | This is the Jacksonville SuperSuites Hotel ballroom where I had my prom | 这是当年杰克逊维尔超豪酒店毕业舞会的舞厅 |
| [05:03] | and also traffic court. | 还是交通法庭 |
| [05:05] | But this has to be my party, because… | 但这肯定是专属我的宴会 因为 |
| [05:08] | that’s the bed pan that Stone Cold Steve Austin | 那是冷石·史蒂夫·奥斯汀[摔角手] |
| [05:11] | used to beat up Vince McMahon in 1998! | 1998年用来揍文斯·麦克马洪的夜壶 |
| [05:15] | It was a classic moment. Don’t judge me. | 那一慕太经典了 别鄙视我 |
| [05:18] | I’m so sorry, guys. | 抱歉 各位 |
| [05:19] | The Good Place uses your life experiences to plan the perfect party, | 善地根据你们生前美好回忆打造这次宴会 |
| [05:23] | but it’s only designed for one person at a time. | 但一次只能为一个人打造 |
| [05:25] | When you walked in as a group, it became– | 你们一起走进去 就变成了 |
| [05:27] | A mishmash of all four of us. | 一个融合四个人喜好的派对 |
| [05:35] | It’s perfect. | 太完美了 |
| [05:38] | No, it’s not, Eleanor, | 不是 埃莉诺 |
| [05:39] | because there’s no go-kart track and no monkeys. | 因为没有卡丁车和猴子 |
| [05:42] | No offense, but you’re being a real smooth brain right now. | 别见怪 你脑子有点不转弯啊 |
| [05:44] | See those Green Doors? | 看见那些绿门了吗 |
| [05:45] | You can use them to visit any time or place, real or imagined. | 可以进入任何时空与地点的真实或梦幻世界 |
| [05:49] | Just think about where you wanna go, | 只想心想着去哪里 |
| [05:51] | and what you wanna do, and walk on through. | 想做什么 走进去就行了 |
| [05:53] | So, one could walk amongst the dinosaurs, | 这么说可以去见恐龙 |
| [05:55] | or witness the very first production of “Hamlet” at the Globe Theater. | 或者观赏《哈姆雷特》第一次在环球剧场上映喽 |
| [05:59] | I’ma go Tokyo drift with monkeys! | 我要去东京跟猴子们赛车 |
| [06:01] | See you in a thousand years! | 一千年以后再见了 |
| [06:04] | Do you mind if I go find Hypatia? | 我能去找一下海巴夏吗 |
| [06:05] | I-I promise it’s strictly platonic. | 我保证对她只是纯欣赏 |
| [06:08] | Technically Neoplatonic. | 应该说是”新柏拉图学派” |
| [06:10] | Whoops. | 这梗也是没谁了 |
| [06:11] | Forget I made that joke and come with me. | 我开玩笑呢 你陪我一起去吧 |
| [06:13] | I’m so nervous to meet her, | 我见她好紧张 |
| [06:14] | and I need someone cool there to change the subject if I say something dumb. | 你这么淡定 如果我到时犯傻 你可以救场 |
| [06:17] | Sure, give me one sec. | 没问题 等我一下 |
| [06:18] | Hey, Tahani. | 塔哈妮 |
| [06:19] | This room is filled with some of the most interesting people that ever lived. | 这里都是史上最有意思的人 |
| [06:24] | Chat them up, learn about their lives, | 你去跟他们认识一下 |
| [06:26] | then… meet back here so that we can make fun of them. | 我们稍后见 一起吐槽他们 |
| [06:30] | Eleanor Shellstrop. | 埃莉诺·谢尔斯卓普 |
| [06:31] | I have been training for this day my entire life. | 姐这辈子就是为了这种场合而生 |
| [06:36] | I am so honored by this gesture. | 我太荣幸就职了 |
| [06:39] | This feels right. This will be my new purpose. | 就该这样 这是我人生的新目标 |
| [06:42] | Everything’s falling into place. | 一切终得圆满 |
| [06:43] | Great, let’s get to it. | 很好 开始吧 |
| [06:45] | Just put on this ceremonial robe. | 长袍加身 |
| [06:48] | Boy, do you have the shoulders for a robe. | 这长袍被你穿出了纯爷们范儿啊 |
| [06:51] | Just sign this scroll. | 签一下字 |
| [06:53] | I’ve never signed my name before. | 我还没签过字 |
| [06:56] | What signature type to choose? | 我该选哪种字体 |
| [06:59] | A “Doctor blob,” Or no, | “墨水医生”字体 不 |
| [07:01] | “Athlete who doesn’t really care about the kid.” | “并非真心在乎儿童的运动员”字体 |
| [07:03] | Oh, wait, no. | 不 等下 |
| [07:04] | “Middle school girl with crush on Zac Efron.” | “扎克·埃夫隆的高中生迷妹”字体 |
| [07:08] | That way, I can put a little heart over the “I”. | 这样就可以加个心在上面了 |
| [07:12] | Perfect, and here is your official medal. | 真棒 加冕勋章 |
| [07:16] | Now I know what Mary Lou Retton feels like. | 我现在知道玛丽·卢·雷顿的感觉了 |
| [07:18] | And great, now you are officially in charge of the Good Place. | 好 现在就由你掌管善地了 |
| [07:22] | I’m sorry. “In charge”? | 什么 “掌管” |
| [07:23] | Yup, you’re the boss now. | 对 这里归你管了 |
| [07:24] | That was all legally binding, and we all quit, effective immediately. | 这是一份法定合约 我们全体辞职 即时生效 |
| [07:28] | That is irreversible, so it’s all your problem now. | 无法毁约 这里交给你了 |
| [07:31] | Don’t try to find us, no take-backs. Okay, bye-bye! | 别来找我们 不准反悔 我们闪了 |
| [07:34] | Hurry up, move, move, go, go! Go, go! | 快撤 快快快 |
| [07:40] | Hello? Fellow Good Placemen? | 有人吗 善地同事们 |
| [07:45] | Anyone in here? | 有人在吗 |
| [07:47] | “Ideas for improving the Good Place.” | “善地改善计划” |
| [07:50] | “Music you can eat.” Boy. | “可以吃的音乐” 什么鬼主意 |
| [07:52] | “Giant mini doughnuts, not just regular doughnuts. Dave will explain.” | “巨型迷你甜甜圈 而非常规尺寸 戴夫会解释” |
| [07:59] | Dave? | 戴夫 |
| [08:01] | Can you explain? | 你能解释吗 |
| [08:04] | Hi, are you– | 你好 你是 |
| [08:05] | are you– are you Hypatia Of Alexandria? | 你是”亚历山大城的海巴夏”吗 |
| [08:08] | Yup, how’s it hangin’? | 是呀 你好啊 |
| [08:11] | It’s hanging really well! | 我非常好啊 |
| [08:12] | I-I gotta say, | 我得说 |
| [08:14] | I was expecting you to be still, you know, Ancient Greek. | 还以为你会是古希腊装扮吗 |
| [08:19] | Well, we sort of stay current in this place. | 我们这里与时俱进 |
| [08:21] | One of the big things from Earth recently, | 最近人间的重大事件有 |
| [08:23] | the Industrial Revolution, | 工业革命 |
| [08:25] | the Manhattan Project, Gangam Style– | 曼哈顿计划 “江南Style” |
| [08:28] | – I feel like I get it. – It’s really her. | -我懂这种文化 -真是她啊 |
| [08:30] | I can just tell, somehow, it’s Hypatia of Alexandria. | 我能感觉出这就是她本尊 |
| [08:33] | I know, babe. Yes it is. | 我知道 宝贝 确实是 |
| [08:35] | Hi, sorry, I’m Eleanor. This exuberant weirdo is Chidi. | 别见怪 我是埃莉诺 这个兴高采烈的小傻子是奇迪 |
| [08:39] | We’re new in town. First question: | 我们刚来 先问件事 |
| [08:40] | How do you get the “Of” in your name? | 你名字里怎么有个”的”啊 |
| [08:42] | Is it just, like, where you hung out the most? | 是因为你常去那里吗 |
| [08:45] | Like, am I “Eleanor of the Cheesecake Factory Bar”? | 比如 我就是”芝士蛋糕工厂酒吧的埃莉诺” |
| [08:49] | Also is it Hy-PAY-shuh, or Hy-PAT-ee-uh? | 还有 是念”海巴莎” 还是”灰巴夏” |
| [08:52] | Or in the Ancient Greek, “Who-PUH-tee-uh?” | 还是按希腊语念成”胡巴沙” |
| [08:55] | There’s a lot of fun debate about this. | 大家对你的名字众说纷纭 |
| [08:56] | You know what, just call me Patty. | 叫我”小夏”就行了 |
| [08:59] | Okay, well– Patty! | 好 小夏 |
| [09:03] | I’m a huge fan. | 我是骨灰级迷弟 |
| [09:04] | I had a poster of you on my wall in high school. | 我高中时 墙上还贴着你的海报 |
| [09:07] | Actually, it was just a poster of Trinity from “The Matrix,” | 其实是《黑客帝国》里的崔妮蒂[女主] |
| [09:09] | but that’s how I imagined you would look | 但我感觉你就长那样 |
| [09:11] | because you’re so cool! | 因为你帅炸了 |
| [09:12] | Oh, is she the reason you got beat up so much? | 她是你经常挨揍的原因吗 |
| [09:14] | – She’s one of ’em. – Wanna get a milkshake? | -原因之一 -想喝奶昔吗 |
| [09:17] | I haven’t been around newbies in a while. | 我好久没见到新人了 |
| [09:19] | You’re a little intense. Let’s get a milkshake. | 你有点紧张 我们去喝奶昔吧 |
| [09:21] | Yeah, they make a milkshake here that’s made out of actual stardust. | 这里的奶昔用星尘制成 |
| [09:25] | – It’s pretty good. – Okay! | -特别美味 -好 |
| [09:27] | – Yeah! Getting milkshakes with Patty. – Yeah. | -太好了 跟小夏一起喝奶昔 -是啊 |
| [09:30] | But can I ask you a couple of questions first? | 但我能先问你几个问题吗 |
| [09:32] | You were a follower of Plotinus, | 你是柏罗丁的追随者 |
| [09:34] | who claimed that contemplation of our ultimate reality– | 他主张终极实体的本质是 |
| [09:36] | Wait, wait, wait, wait. | 打住 慢着 |
| [09:38] | Are you– what’s it called– | 你是那个什么来着 |
| [09:42] | a think-book-man? | “读书思考男” |
| [09:43] | No, a think-read-book-man. | 不是 “阅读思考书籍男” |
| [09:46] | – A philosopher, yes. – Sorry! | -哲学家 对 -抱歉 |
| [09:48] | It’s been so long, my brain is foggy. | 时间太久了 脑子不好使了 |
| [09:51] | Listen carefully before I forget, | 趁我还没忘 听好了 |
| [09:53] | how to say this: | 怎么说呢 |
| [09:55] | you gotta help us, we are so screwed. | 你们得救我们 这里水深火热啊 |
| [10:00] | We are? | 是吗 |
| [10:02] | Hello. | 你好 |
| [10:03] | I’m Tahani Al-Jamil. | 我是塔哈妮·阿贾米尔 |
| [10:05] | I’m Paltibaal. Welcome to paradise. | 我是帕蒂伯 欢迎来到天堂 |
| [10:08] | So, what’s your story? | 说说你的经历吧 |
| [10:10] | Did you cure something, or invent something? | 你是在医学或发明领域有何成就 |
| [10:13] | I helped the poor in Ancient Phoenicia. | 我在古腓尼基救助过穷人 |
| [10:15] | Excellent! | 真厉害 |
| [10:17] | I once had a Soul Cycle instructor named Phoenicia. | 我曾经一个有氧健身教练也叫腓尼基 |
| [10:22] | How did you die? | 你怎么死的 |
| [10:24] | I got a cut on my hand. | 手上切了个口子 |
| [10:26] | The year was 2491 BC, so that’s pretty much all it took. | 公元前2491年 那时医学不发达 |
| [10:30] | You got a cut, or you drank water that wasn’t hot enough, | 你被割伤了 或水没烧开就喝了 |
| [10:33] | and then boom, dead. | 就会死翘翘 |
| [10:35] | I would’ve killed for a vaccine. | 要是当时有疫苗就好了 |
| [10:37] | Any vaccine. | 什么疫苗都行 |
| [10:38] | It’s crazy that you guys just don’t like them now. | 你们现在还抵制疫苗 不知好歹 |
| [10:42] | So what’s your favorite part about living here? | 你在这里最喜欢什么 |
| [10:45] | I mean, it’s perfect. | 这里尽善尽美 |
| [10:47] | We’re all having orgasms literally all the time. | 我们一直都享受”高潮”状态 |
| [10:50] | I died a virgin, so that’s real crazy. | 我死前是个处男 所以真挺不可思议 |
| [10:55] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [10:56] | It’s so nice to get to work alongside another Good Janet. | 跟另外一个良善版珍妮特共事 感觉真好 |
| [10:58] | Yes, it is. | 是啊 |
| [11:00] | Janet, can I get a Coke? | 珍妮特 能给我一杯可乐吗 |
| [11:03] | No, a water. | 不 一杯水 |
| [11:05] | No, a lamp. | 不 一盏灯 |
| [11:08] | No, a cat. | 不 一只猫 |
| [11:10] | So, people just ask you for things with no rhyme or reason? | 这里的人就随便让你变东西出来吗 |
| [11:13] | Yes, and then I get them for them. | 对 我什么都会给变出来 |
| [11:16] | It’s great. | 特别好 |
| [11:17] | Can I get a spaceship? | 能变一个太空船吗 |
| [11:20] | No, one huge Junior Mint. | 不 一个大薄荷糖棒 |
| [11:23] | No, a Coke. | 不 一杯可乐 |
| [11:28] | Wow, this milkshake is incredible. | 这个奶昔太好喝了 |
| [11:31] | Right? This is how I spend most of my time. | 好喝吧 我一直都这样生活 |
| [11:33] | Sitting in beautiful places, drinking my milkshake, | 悠哉地坐在美景中 喝着奶昔 |
| [11:36] | slowly peeing into my pants, | 慢慢尿在裤子里 |
| [11:38] | which instantly evaporates and leaves no trace. | 尿水马上就会气化 不留痕迹 |
| [11:42] | Sounds fun. | 真好 |
| [11:43] | But didn’t you want to tell us how we’re all screwed? | 你之前不是说 这里水深火热吗 |
| [11:46] | Damn it! | 对 忘了 |
| [11:48] | This is the exact problem! | 这就是问题所在 |
| [11:50] | On paper, this is paradise. | 这里确实是天堂 |
| [11:53] | All your desires and needs are met, | 一切愿望都会被满足 |
| [11:55] | but it’s infinite, and when perfection goes on forever, | 但永生不灭 一直尽善尽美 |
| [11:59] | you become this glassy-eyed mush person. | 人就会渐渐失去活力 变得呆滞 |
| [12:02] | But… no! | 不是吧 |
| [12:04] | Because– | 因为 |
| [12:06] | No. | 不要啊 |
| [12:07] | Because, Patty, no! | 因为 小夏 别这样啊 |
| [12:09] | Yes, I’m telling you. I used to be cool, man. | 确实是这样 我以前特别拉风 |
| [12:13] | I studied so much things. | 我学富五车 |
| [12:16] | Art and music and the– | 艺术 音乐 还有 |
| [12:19] | the one with the number piles? | 一堆数字是什么来着 |
| [12:22] | Where I’d be like, “Two!” And you’d be like, “Six!” | 我说”二” 你会回应”六” |
| [12:26] | – Math? – Yes! | -数学 -对 |
| [12:27] | And then I came here where time stretched out forever, | 结果来到天堂 不死不灭 |
| [12:32] | and every second of my existence was amazing, | 每一秒都无限美好 |
| [12:35] | but my brain became this big dumb blob. | 但我的大脑停滞了 |
| [12:38] | So we finally make it into the Good Place, | 我们终于进入善地了 |
| [12:40] | and now we’re just gonna become zombies? | 结果要变成”僵尸”了吗 |
| [12:42] | Why haven’t you told anyone about this? | 你怎么不跟别人说呢 |
| [12:45] | About what? | 说什么 |
| [12:45] | – Dude! – Damn it! | -能不能行了 -该死 |
| [12:49] | We have to find the others. Right now. | 我们得赶紧召集小伙伴 |
| [12:52] | Look, there’s math on my shirt. | 我衣服上有”数学” |
| [12:54] | – Come on! – Is it an “S” or a math? | -快走 -这是”数学” 还是”S” |
| [12:57] | Have you seen Eleanor and Chidi? | 你见到埃莉诺和奇迪了吗 |
| [12:59] | There’s something very wrong with this party, | 这个宴会不对劲 |
| [13:00] | and it’s not just that the caviar is being served on top of Jell-O shots. | 不仅是把鱼子酱放在果冻甜酒上的问题 |
| [13:04] | We are the first new people here in 500 years, | 我们是五百年来第一批进善地的人 |
| [13:07] | and no one seems to care. | 这里似乎没人在意 |
| [13:09] | I know, even the Good Janets are kind of weird. | 是啊 连良善版珍妮特都有些不对劲 |
| [13:12] | They’re like, “Hi, there!” | 对方就是一副”请吩咐”的样子 |
| [13:14] | When I do it, it’s cool, but when they do it, it’s lame. | 我这么说时 有灵魂 但对方这么说 很无趣 |
| [13:17] | Hey, guys. Having fun? | 各位 玩得开心吗 |
| [13:19] | Great. So, little update. | 很好 有事要说 |
| [13:21] | The Good Place is a disaster. | 善地出问题了 |
| [13:23] | Everyone here is a happiness zombie, | 这里的人都是大脑退化的”僵尸” |
| [13:24] | and no one is doing anything about it, | 没人来改善这种情况 |
| [13:26] | because by the time they realize it’s happening, | 因为他们意识到时 |
| [13:28] | everyone is too far gone to care. | 都已经麻木了 |
| [13:30] | Dear. | 我的天 |
| [13:32] | Hello, I’m Tahani. | 你好 我是塔哈妮 |
| [13:33] | Hi, I’m milkshake. Do you want a milkshake? | 你好 我是奶昔 你想喝奶昔吗 |
| [13:35] | Okay, we need to tell someone | 我们得找人汇报情况 |
| [13:37] | before we’re too zonked out to remember why we’re here. | 不然我们也会精神涣散 忘记初衷了 |
| [13:39] | – We need to find the Committee. – The Committee is me. | -我们得去找委员会 -委员会就是我 |
| [13:42] | I am Committee. It me. | 我就是委员会 |
| [13:44] | – What? – They tricked me. | -啥 -我被他们套路了 |
| [13:46] | And put me in charge of the Good Place and then literally ran away. | 他们把大权交给我了 然后逃之夭夭了 |
| [13:49] | And then what happened? | 然后呢 |
| [13:50] | The sorting hat put you in Hufflepuff? | “魔法分院帽”把你分进”赫奇帕奇学院”了吗 |
| [13:50] | 源自《哈利波特》 “分院帽”将新生分到不同学院 赫奇帕奇学院是霍格沃茨魔法学校的四大学院之一 相较之下 比较平庸 | |
| [13:52] | Roasted. | 吐槽狠吧 |
| [13:53] | Come on, I know we have problems. You can’t expect me to ignore this. | 就算遇到麻烦了 但他穿成这样 不是逼我吐槽吗 |
| [13:56] | Hang on, we’re in paradise. | 先别急 我们在天堂 |
| [13:57] | Surely, some people here are enjoying themselves. | 肯定有人享受这里的时光 |
| [14:00] | Hey, guys. I’m back. | 小伙伴们 我回来了 |
| [14:01] | Go-karting with monkeys got boring really fast. | 跟猴子们玩卡丁车 很快就腻了 |
| [14:04] | – It did?— -No. Damn it. | -是吗 -坏了 |
| [14:07] | Jason, your lifelong dream got old that quickly? | 杰森 你毕生所愿这么快就玩腻了 |
| [14:11] | I mean, monkeys and go-karts was fun for a while, | 跟猴子们赛车一开始确实很有意思 |
| [14:14] | then I was like, “You know what’d be cool? | 然后我就想 还有更好玩的事 |
| [14:18] | Hippos in go-karts.” | 河马玩卡丁车” |
| [14:19] | And I was like, yo, “What about Draculas with jetpacks?” | 然后又觉得 “吸血鬼德古拉玩喷射飞行包”更有趣 |
| [14:22] | I did like 50 combos, | 我组合了五十种吧 |
| [14:24] | and then I just kind of wanted to hang out with you guys again. | 然后就想回来找你们玩了 |
| [14:27] | Okay, that’s it in a nutshell. | 这就一句总结了 |
| [14:30] | ‘Cause you get here and you realize that anything’s possible, | 因为你来到这里 意识到一切皆有可能 |
| [14:33] | and you do everything, and then you’re done. | 你什么都能尝试 都做完了 |
| [14:35] | But you still have infinity left. | 但你永生不灭 |
| [14:38] | This place kills fun, and passion, | 这里让一切失去活力与乐趣 |
| [14:40] | and excitement, and love, | 还有刺激与爱 |
| [14:42] | till all you have left are milkshakes. | 最后只有奶昔为伴 |
| [14:45] | The Good Place committee obviously knew about this. | 善地委员会显然知道此事 |
| [14:47] | Why didn’t they try and solve it? | 他们怎么没去解决 |
| [14:49] | They did. They tried everything. | 他们想办法了 什么都试过了 |
| [14:51] | Just last week, they made the unicorns bigger, | 上周 他们还把独角兽变得更大了 |
| [14:54] | and then they gave them more horns, | 然后加了更多角 |
| [14:56] | and then they made them chubbier. | 然后还将其变得更胖了 |
| [14:58] | I mean, really, they just made a bunch of weird fluffy rhinos. | 他们就是变出了一堆奇形怪状的绒毛犀牛 |
| [15:02] | The Committee members aren’t human, | 委员会成员不是人类 |
| [15:04] | so they couldn’t understand the problem. | 看不出问题本质 |
| [15:05] | The second I showed up, | 而我一来 |
| [15:07] | they jumped off this sinking ship and made me captain. | 他们就脱身 让我来收拾烂摊子了 |
| [15:10] | Well, I’m not giving up. | 我才不会放弃 |
| [15:13] | We worked too hard and went through too much. | 我们历经九九八十一难才荣登善地 |
| [15:15] | And I’m not just gonna sit back and turn into some | 我才不会坐以待毙 把我们自己 |
| [15:18] | slack-jawed sweatpant-wearing orgasm machine. | 变成一群空洞无灵魂 只会享乐的”行尸走肉” |
| [15:21] | My God, I’m describing my dream existence like it’s bad. | 这以前是我的梦想 我现在却如此嫌弃 |
| [15:24] | What is wrong with this place? | 这是什么鬼地方啊 |
| [15:26] | We just redesigned this system, | 我们才确立新体制 |
| [15:28] | and soon millions of people are going to start pouring in thinking they’re in paradise, | 很快就会有上百万人来到这个自诩”天堂”的地方 |
| [15:31] | only to become a joyless husk. | 结果变成无灵魂的呆子 |
| [15:34] | It’s Coachella. | 这是柯契拉音乐节 |
| [15:35] | We’ve invented Cosmic Coachella. | 我们创造了宇宙版柯契拉音乐节 |
| [15:37] | We have to fix this. | 我们得想法补救 |
| [15:39] | What if we do what I did to you in the original Neighborhood? | 不如效仿我一开始对你们做得那样 |
| [15:42] | Erase their memory every once in a while? | 时不时消除一下记忆 |
| [15:45] | That way, paradise would seem fresh and new. | 大家就不会那么快觉得腻了 |
| [15:48] | You were doing that to torture us. | 你那么做是为了折磨我们 |
| [15:50] | Actual paradise can’t use the same playbook as hell. | 真正的天堂不能用地狱的手段 |
| [15:53] | Okay, well, I have a solution. | 好吧 我有一计 |
| [15:56] | Remember what I said to you when you were going through | 你经历”中年危机 打耳洞 开跑车”时 |
| [15:59] | your “Midlife crisis, one earring, red convertible” phase? | 还记得我对你说的话吗 |
| [16:02] | – “You look so stupid.” – After that. | -“你看起来像个傻叉 -这句话之后 |
| [16:04] | You said that every human is a little bit sad all the time, | 你说每个人类总是有点哀伤 |
| [16:08] | because you know you’re gonna die. | 因为大家知道人终有一死 |
| [16:11] | But that knowledge is what gives life meaning. | 但就因如此 人才活得有意义 |
| [16:16] | The way to restore meaning to the people in the Good Place is to let them leave. | 解决这里问题的办法是让这些人”离去” |
| [16:21] | Leave? And go where? | “离去” 上哪里 |
| [16:23] | This is the last… | 这里是最终… |
| [16:29] | Can we just do that? | 我们能这么做吗 |
| [16:32] | You’re the head of the Good Place now. | 你是善地的老大 |
| [16:34] | Seems to me, you can do whatever you want. | 你想怎么样 就怎么样 |
| [16:41] | Where’s Michael? | 迈克尔呢 |
| [16:45] | Okay. | 好 |
| [16:48] | Nothing to do but announce the big change. | 宣布重大改革最有意思了 |
| [16:52] | Whatever happens, it’s cool, my babies. | 天空飘来五个字 这都不是事 |
| [16:55] | It’s very cool. | 这都不是事啊 |
| [16:59] | Did you smoke that weed, bud? | 你抽大麻了吗 |
| [17:03] | I did. | 对 |
| [17:04] | I was kind of freaked out, | 我有点慌张 |
| [17:05] | so I smoked some grass, but now I’m great. | 就吸了点大麻 但我现在感觉好极了 |
| [17:08] | Let’s change the afterlife, and then Taco Bell. | 先改变死后世界 再改变”塔可饼”店 |
| [17:15] | Baby! | 真给力 |
| [17:16] | Okay. I’m gonna do the talking. | 还是我来说吧 |
| [17:19] | Hi, everyone, can I have your attention, please? | 各位好 大家注意一下 |
| [17:21] | Hi, my name’s Eleanor Shellstrop. | 我叫埃莉诺·谢尔斯卓普 |
| [17:23] | Hope you’re having fun at our Flor-izona British library extravaganza. | 希望大家在我们的”弗罗桑那英国图书馆狂想宴”上尽兴了 |
| [17:30] | I guess you don’t really have fun anywhere, | 你们应该嗨不起来了 |
| [17:33] | which is the point. | 这就是重点了 |
| [17:35] | It doesn’t seem like this is paradise for you. | 这里感觉不像是天堂了 |
| [17:38] | You’ve basically been on a never-ending vacation, | 你们基本上出于无限假期状态 |
| [17:41] | and vacations are only special because they end. | 而假期有期限才更显珍贵有趣 |
| [17:45] | So we have an idea. | 所以我们想出一个良策 |
| [17:47] | We’re gonna set up a new kind of door. | 我们会建立一个新通道 |
| [17:49] | Um, somewhere peaceful, so that when you feel happy | 一个安详之地 当你们觉得幸福 |
| [17:53] | and satisfied and complete, | 圆满美好 |
| [17:54] | and you want to leave the Good Place for good, | 想永远离开善地之时 |
| [17:56] | you can just walk through it, | 就可以通过那扇门 |
| [17:57] | and your time in the universe will end. | 从此消失在宇宙之中 |
| [18:02] | You don’t have to go through it if you don’t want to, | 如果不想去 可以不去 |
| [18:05] | but you can, | 但你们可以选择去 |
| [18:07] | and hopefully, knowing that you don’t have to be here forever | 知道自己不用永远困在这里 |
| [18:10] | will help you feel happier while you are. | 希望能帮你们重拾快乐 |
| [18:12] | What will happen when we go through it? | 走过这扇门之后会怎样 |
| [18:16] | Well, we don’t really know, exactly. | 我们也不清楚 |
| [18:18] | All we know is, it will be peaceful, | 我们只知道 将走得很安详 |
| [18:20] | and your journey will be over. | 人之旅程会就此结束 |
| [18:24] | You led great lives. | 你们生前都很了不起 |
| [18:26] | You earned your place here. | 死后才荣登善地 |
| [18:28] | So stay here as long as you like. | 你们想在这里多久都行 |
| [18:31] | Use the Green Doors to see and do every single thing you want to see and do. | 通过这扇”绿门”去尽情体验想做的事 |
| [18:39] | And when you’re ready… walk through one last door, | 待时机到了 就走过最后这扇门 |
| [18:44] | and be at peace. | 安详离去 |
| [18:47] | Does that sound good? | 这个主意如何 |
| [18:57] | Seems like they’re into it. | 他们好像很中意 |
| [19:05] | It’s DJ music, make some noise! | DJ放音乐了 燥起来 |
| [19:09] | That’s my boyfriend! | 那是我男友 |
| [19:12] | I’m glad you’ll be able to enjoy things again. | 我很开心 你又有活力了 |
| [19:14] | Art, math, philosophy, like you used to. | 就像你以前一样 又喜欢艺术 数学 哲学了 |
| [19:16] | Yeah, me too. | 我也很高兴 |
| [19:17] | I’ve been dreaming of ending the ennui of this eternal existence for a long time, | 我很久之前就一直想结束这场无聊的永生 |
| [19:23] | but now I think I’ll stick around for a while. | 但我现在想留下一段时间 |
| [19:26] | It felt good to– make brain words. | 又能用大脑说词语 很棒 |
| [19:31] | Still mushy. I’ll get it back. | 脑子还是有点锈 多用用就好了 |
| [19:34] | We’re lucky we ran into you. It saved us. | 我们碰见你真走运 这拯救了大家 |
| [19:37] | That’s not what saved you. | 不是这事拯救了你 |
| [19:44] | – It was your friendships. – Yeah, I know, I got it. | -而是你的友谊 -我懂 |
| [19:46] | Sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [19:47] | Still not sharp. | 还是不太灵光 |
| [19:54] | Kept most of it the same. | 保存了大部分设计 |
| [19:55] | Even made myself a office nearby. | 还在附近建了一个办公室 |
| [19:59] | Jason, I-I… | 杰森 我 |
| [20:00] | Kind of took a wild guess. | 我猜了一下你的取向 |
| [20:04] | I finally get to accomplish my goal of living in a Stupid Nick’s! | 我终于如愿住在”傻尼克烤翅店”旁边了 |
| [20:08] | I know anything you do for eternity gets boring, | 我知道永生让一切都变得索然无味 |
| [20:10] | but I swear I will never get sick of wings! | 但我永远不会厌倦鸡翅啊 |
| [20:14] | Well, I’ll see you all tomorrow. | 大家明天见了 |
| [20:17] | And every tomorrow after that. | 今后每一天都相伴 |
| [20:19] | You know, Michael, at the end of the day, you were right. | 迈克尔 到最后 你说得没错 |
| [20:24] | Everything is fine. | 一切安好 |
| [20:44] | This is what we’ve been looking for since the day we met. | 这是我们相识起就期待的美好 |
| [20:48] | Time. | 时光 |
| [20:50] | I think that’s what the Good Place really is. | 这才是善地的真谛 |
| [20:53] | It’s… not even a place, really, it’s just… | 不是这个地方 而是 |
| [20:56] | having enough time with the people you love. | 跟自己所爱之人相伴 |
| [20:59] | You’re right. | 你说得没错 |
| [21:02] | And we have as long as we want. | 我们可以长长久久在一起 |
| [21:07] | If you keep hogging this blanket, | 但你如果一直跟我抢毯子 |
| [21:08] | I’m probably gonna walk through that door in, like, three days, so… | 我可能三天后就会进入那扇门 消失于宇宙了 |
| [21:16] | I’ll miss you. | 我一定会想你 |