| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:06] | 30 days has September, all the rest have 31, | 9月有30天 7月8月10月都是31天 |
| [00:11] | except for Judith, who has 28. | 但是朱迪丝的月经周期是28天 |
| [00:15] | Hey, Alan. Meet Don. | 嘿 艾伦 这是唐 |
| [00:18] | Hello, Don. | 哈喽 唐 |
| [00:19] | Hello, Alan. | 哈喽 艾伦 |
| [00:21] | Don drove me home and I don’t have any money. | 唐开车送我回来 我没带钱 |
| [00:25] | Okay, uh, is Don a cabbie? | 好吧 唐是不是计程车司机呀? |
| [00:27] | No, no. Don is a close, personal friend. | 不 不 唐是一个老友 |
| [00:33] | Don is a cabbie. | 唐是计程车司机 |
| [00:34] | He has enough friends, and he wants his $80. | 他才没你这种朋友 他是来要80块车钱的 |
| [00:37] | What happened to your money? | 你的钱都哪儿去了? |
| [00:39] | Good question. | 问得好 |
| [00:41] | You know how easy Texas Hold ‘Em looks on TV | 电视上演德克萨斯扑克大赛的时候 |
| [00:43] | when you can see the other guys’ hole cards? | 在电视机前看别人牌的时候 觉得简单吧? |
| [00:46] | Yeah. | 是嘛 |
| [00:47] | Very different in real life. | 真正去赌的时候就不是这么回事儿了 |
| [00:51] | 20 40 60 80 Uh, 20, 40, 60, 80. | |
| [00:58] | No tip? | 不给小费? |
| [01:00] | Hold on. | 等等 |
| [01:02] | Let’s see, five dollars… | 我找找 5块… |
| [01:06] | Keep your money, Mr. Trump You need it more than I do. | 还是算了吧 赌神先生 你比我更需要这钱 |
| [01:11] | Are we still on for lunch? | 还一起去吃午饭不? |
| [01:20] | I think you offended Don. | 你肯定把唐惹生气了 |
| [01:23] | He’ll get over it. Where’s your car? | 他不记仇的 你的车呢? |
| [01:25] | Don’t change the subject. You owe Don an apology. | 别转移话题 你应该跟唐道歉 |
| [01:30] | -Oh, hey, a calendar. -Yeah. | -哟呵 日历啊 -嗯 |
| [01:33] | -What’s “JMC” stand for? -Nothing. | -“JMC”是什么意思? -没什么 |
| [01:38] | Oh, come on. John Mellencamp Cougar? | 快说 约翰·梅伦坎·美洲狮? (美国摇滚歌手兼作曲) |
| [01:43] | No. | 不是 |
| [01:44] | Jumping Methodist… cougar? | 约翰·梅伦坎…美洲狮? |
| [01:49] | No. | 不是 |
| [01:50] | Then I give up. | 好吧 我不猜了 |
| [01:52] | Well, if you must know, it stands for “Judith’s menstrual cycle.” | 如果你非要我说 告诉你 就是”朱迪丝的月经周期” |
| [02:00] | Get out. | 不是吧 |
| [02:02] | No, look. This is when Judith and Herb broke up. | 是真的 你看 这天是朱迪丝跟哈珀分手的日子 |
| [02:05] | And this is the day that I had sex with her. | 而这天是我跟她上床的日子 |
| [02:09] | Dude… you need a better hobby. | 老弟… 你还真是变态 |
| [02:14] | Judith is now five months pregnant. | 朱迪丝现在已经怀孕5个月了 |
| [02:17] | Oh, yeah, right. | 喔 是了是了 |
| [02:19] | She’s probably in that sweet spot where her boobs are big and cushy | 她现在应该到了咪咪又大又圆 |
| [02:22] | but her ass is still normal. | 但是屁屁还是老样子的阶段了 |
| [02:25] | Charlie, it is almost certain that I am the father of Judith’s baby. | 查理 我基本上已经肯定 我就是朱迪丝孩子的父亲了 |
| [02:30] | Are you still grinding on this? | 你干嘛还在纠结这事儿? |
| [02:32] | What if it’s a girl? I always wanted a daughter. | 如果是女儿呢? 我一直都想要个闺女 |
| [02:35] | I finally get one and some other guy gets to be her dad. | 我终于有女儿了 但是她却要认别的男人做老爸 |
| [02:38] | I feel like the universe is playing some horrible practical joke on me. | 感觉就像是给我开了一个国际大玩笑 |
| [02:44] | I lost $8,000 playing poker. | 我玩牌输了8000块 |
| [02:47] | I have no idea where my car is, | 完全不记得我的车停在哪儿了 |
| [02:50] | threw up in my mouth three times, | 到现在也已经反酸恶心三次了 |
| [02:53] | and I’m still having a better night than you are. | 跟你一比 貌似我还算好的了 |
| [02:57] | I don’t expect you to understand. | 你是没法理解的了 |
| [02:59] | You don’t know the joy of being a parent. | 你不知道为人父母的乐趣 |
| [03:01] | Of watching a part of you grow and develop, blooming into a fully formed human being. | 看着孩子们长高长大 看着他们慢慢长大成人 |
| [03:20] | Four times. | 第四次 |
| [03:32] | Jake, your father’s here. | 杰克 你爸来接你了 |
| [03:35] | -So, how you doing? -Good. | -感觉怎么样? -很好 |
| [03:38] | -Over the morning sickness? -Yes, Alan. | -晨吐已经过去了吧? -没事 艾伦 |
| [03:40] | Uh, by my calculations probably about a week, ten days ago? | 我算了一下 过去了一个星期 差不多10天了吧? |
| [03:45] | That sounds right. | 没错 |
| [03:46] | Good, good. You have a nice break till the, | 不错不错 除非你的痔疮复发 |
| [03:49] | uh, till the old hemorrhoids come a-callin’. | 你接下来这段时间会好受些了 |
| [03:51] | Jake1 | 杰克 |
| [03:55] | Judith, are we gonna talk about the elephant in the room? | 朱迪丝 我们啥时候谈谈那事儿? |
| [03:58] | What elephant? | 啥事儿? |
| [03:59] | Come on, you, me, the baby? | 别装了 你和我 还有这孩子? |
| [04:02] | -I mean, we did have unprotected sex… -You shut your mouth. We did not. | -我们做的时候没带套… -你给我闭嘴 我们没有 |
| [04:06] | Yes, we did. | 我们明明就有 |
| [04:07] | Read my lips. We did not have sex. | 看我口型 我们没有上床 |
| [04:10] | Oh, hey, Alan. How goes it? | 喔 嘿 艾伦 吃饭了没? |
| [04:11] | Oh, uh, fine, Herb. Uh, how you doing? | 喔 刚吃过 哈珀 你呢? |
| [04:13] | Proud as a peacock. | 俺无比骄傲 |
| [04:15] | -Honey, did you show him the sonogram? -No. | -亲爱的 你没他给B超的照片? -没 |
| [04:17] | -Oh, you should see her, Alan. -Her? So, it is a girl? | -喔 你真应该看看她 艾伦 -她? 这么说 这是个女孩? |
| [04:21] | Yep, one fresh-faced little fetus sans wee-wee. | 是哇 一个活生生的小脸蛋 |
| [04:25] | I always wanted a sans wee-wee. | 我超想要一个小女儿的 |
| [04:28] | Well, you can’t have mine. | 反正这个不是你的 |
| [04:30] | No, no, of course not. | 恩恩 我不跟你抢 |
| [04:32] | Hey, wanna see how we’re decorating the nursery? | 嘿 想看看我们弄的婴儿房不? |
| [04:34] | He doesn’t wanna see the nursery, Herb. | 他没说要看婴儿房 哈珀 |
| [04:35] | Sure I would. You going with mermaids? | 我当然想看 你买了美人鱼没有呀? |
| [04:37] | Little girls love mermaids. | 小女孩最喜欢美人鱼了 |
| [04:38] | Actually, I was thinking little ponies. | 我本来还想着买小马的 |
| [04:40] | -Little ponies? -Yeah, why? | -小马马? -是呀 有什么问题嘛? |
| [04:42] | Oh, gosh… Little ponies have little penises. | 哦哟… 小马马不是有小鸡鸡嘛 |
| [04:46] | Really? I didn’t notice that on the stencils. | 真的? 我还真没仔细看那个购物目录 |
| [04:49] | -Let’s go take look. -I’m ready. | -现在就去看看嘛 -我收拾好了 |
| [04:52] | Oh, uh, I’ll be right back. I’m just going to go see the baby’s room. | 喔 我马上就出来 先去看看婴儿房 |
| [04:54] | He never wants to see my room. | 他从来就没去过我房间 |
| [04:56] | That’s because your room is a pig sty. | 因为你房间就跟猪圈一样 |
| [04:59] | I didn’t ask for a reason. | 我就随便问下 |
| [05:08] | Alan, buddy, I’m getting a little concerned about your drinking. | 艾伦 老弟呀 我有点担心你酗酒 |
| [05:12] | I don’t have a problem. | 我才没有酗酒 |
| [05:13] | Well, I do. You’re swillin’ my good stuff. | 我担心啊 你在浪费我的好酒 |
| [05:18] | Here. Have some Old Wal-Mart. | 来来 你就喝喝过期超市货就得了 |
| [05:24] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [05:27] | What’s this? | 这是什么? |
| [05:28] | Ugh, a diary I kept during Judith’s pregnancy. | 朱迪丝怀孕时我写的日记 |
| [05:30] | Jennifer, Jocelyn, Jasmine, Jolene? | 珍妮弗 乔斯林 茉莉花 茱莲妮? |
| [05:34] | Some of the names that we picked out in case Jake had been a girl. | 如果那个时候生的是女孩 就从这里头挑一个名字 |
| [05:37] | Oh, man, can you imagine him as a chick? | 苍天大地呀 他要是女的还了得? |
| [05:41] | Woof1 | 想都不敢想 |
| [05:45] | Yeah, well, that’s not how it turned out. | 呃 反正生下来的是男孩了 |
| [05:47] | Think about it though. | 真要想想 |
| [05:48] | Every weekend, me, you and a big ugly girl with a bad haircut. | 每个周末 我们都要跟一个 发型难看的丑女在一起 |
| [05:53] | I’m gonna have a daughter, Charlie. | 我要有女儿了 查理 |
| [05:55] | Okay, okay, first of all, you don’t know it’s your kid. | 好吧好吧 你还不知道是不是你的呢 |
| [05:59] | All we know is that when Judith and Herb | 现在我们知道只是朱迪丝跟哈珀 |
| [06:01] | broke up you nailed Judith. | 分手了 然后你上了朱迪丝 |
| [06:03] | Then when they reconciled, Herb nailed Judith. | 然后他们和好了 就轮到哈珀上朱迪丝了 |
| [06:06] | So, the only thing we know for sure is that despite all outward appearances, | 所以我们总结一下就是 虽然她长得很老姑婆 |
| [06:09] | Judith is a slut. | 但她骨子里是荡妇 |
| [06:12] | Hey, I’m aware that technically either one of us could be the father, | 嘿 我也知道虽然我俩都有可能 是这个孩子的父亲 |
| [06:15] | but I know in my gut that this is my sweet bastard child. | 但是我心里很清楚这就是我的野种 |
| [06:19] | You don’t know squat. | 就你 你知道啥 |
| [06:21] | And you wanna talk technically? | 你想知道真实情况不? |
| [06:23] | Technically, maybe neither one of you is the father. | 也许实际上 你俩谁都不是孩子老爸 |
| [06:27] | Oh, dear God, Charlie. What have you done? | 偶滴神 查理 连朱迪丝你也搞了? |
| [06:30] | Not me, you fool. | 不是我 你个笨蛋 |
| [06:32] | -Although if I had known she was that easy, may… -Stop1 | -不过如果我知道她这么随便的 我就… -闭嘴 |
| [06:36] | All I’m saying is there could very well be some guy in her driveway | 我是说有可能是一个拿着吹叶机 |
| [06:39] | with a leaf blower pining away for “baby Juanita.” | 站在车道上的男人 然后就生下了”Juanita”(西班牙语) |
| [06:42] | That’s just ridiculous. Judith won’t even eat Mexican food. | 别傻了 朱迪丝连墨西哥菜都不吃 |
| [06:46] | Look, even if you’re right, | 听着 就算你是孩子老爸 |
| [06:49] | doing anything about it, it’s just gonna destroy a marriage. | 你这么做 是在破坏人家的家庭 |
| [06:52] | I know, I know. It’s just… | 我知道 我知道 只是… |
| [06:54] | it’s so hard to ignore my paternal instincts. | 要压抑 我的父性实在是太难了 |
| [06:55] | Sure, I see those instincts with Jake and I admire them. | 恩 我看你对杰克的父爱就很强大 我超佩服你的 |
| [07:00] | If I was his dad, I would’ve dropped him off at an orphanage | 如果我是他爸 我早把他丢到孤儿院去了 |
| [07:03] | with 20 bucks and a bag of doughnuts. | 再扔给他20块钱和一盒甜甜圈 |
| [07:05] | No, you wouldn’t. He was adorable when he was a baby. | 不 你不会的 他小的时候还是很可爱的 |
| [07:08] | Baby? I’m lking about last week. | 小时候?我是说上个礼拜 |
| [07:13] | I walked into his room. He was trying to bite his toenails. | 我去他房间的时候 他正想咬他的脚趾甲 |
| [07:18] | Let’s be honest. That’s monkey behavior. | 实话说 就跟猴子似的 |
| [07:22] | son inot a monkey. | 我儿子不是猴子 |
| [07:23] | My point here is, rget the baby. | 我是说 别管那个孩子了 |
| [07:26] | -You’ve already got a kid to raise. -Yeah, I guess. | -这个你都养不活呢 -也是 |
| [07:39] | He’s not a monkey. | 他不是猴子 |
| [07:47] | Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing? | 喔 喔 喔 你在干嘛? |
| [07:49] | I don’t wanna watch football. | 我不想看橄榄球 |
| [07:51] | Nobody cares what you wanna watch. | 爱看不看 |
| [07:53] | Why do you get to decide evything around here? | 为什么这里都你做主? |
| [07:56] | Oh, I don’t know. | 噢 不晓得 |
| [07:57] | Maybe it’s because I bought everything around here. | 或许是因为这些都是我的 |
| [08:00] | Oh, right, play the money card. That’s all you got. | 得得 又开始说你有钱 你也就这点本事了 |
| [08:02] | That’s all I need. Now shut up. | 这还不够吗 闭嘴 |
| [08:07] | No, you shut up. | 靠 你闭嘴 |
| [08:13] | All right, I’m gonna count to three and then I’m gonna kick your ass. | 听着 我现在数到三 完后我就要揍你一顿 |
| [08:18] | Ooh, I’m scared. | 哟哟哟 我好怕怕 |
| [08:21] | 1 2… One. Two. | |
| [08:25] | I’m only leaving ’cause I’m bored. | 我是因为无聊才走的 |
| [08:29] | He keeps growing, I’m screwed. | 他要是再长大点 我就制不住他了 |
| [08:33] | Hey, hey, uh, you wanna hear what I wrote the night you were born? | 嘿 嘿 你想听听你出生的那天晚上 我都写了什么呢? |
| [08:36] | Not really. | 完全不想 |
| [08:38] | Oh, come on. Come on. Uh, sit down. You’ll like it. | 来嘛 来吗 过来坐 你会喜欢的 |
| [08:42] | It’s kind of a poem. | 就跟诗词一样 |
| [08:46] | “My son, my son, my only one. | “吾子 吾子 吾之独子 |
| [08:49] | You open my heart like the morning sun.” | 尔若朝阳照亮吾心” |
| [08:52] | “Your tiny face, your tiny hand. | “亲汝脸庞 触汝手掌 |
| [08:55] | Never have I felt a love so grand. | 此爱恒久不变” |
| [09:01] | Gay. | 你个同性恋 |
| [09:09] | What do you know about poetry, you monkey? | 你懂啥诗词 你个大猴子? |
| [09:17] | Oh, hey, Herb. | 噢 嘿 哈珀 |
| [09:19] | Just thought I’d stop by and see if you needed any help with the baby’s room. | 我刚好路过 就来看看你家婴儿房 装修要不要我帮忙 |
| [09:21] | Thanks, I’m painting today. | 谢谢 我今天正打算刷墙呢 |
| [09:23] | Oh, great. Just call me Vincent Van “Gogh-ing” to help you. | 哇 这么巧呀 我来帮你 |
| [09:29] | Funnier in my head. Let’s go. | 还是不说出来比较好 走吧 |
| [09:32] | Oh, Judith, look who stopped by to help paint the baby’s room. | 喔 朱迪丝 看看谁来帮我们 装修婴儿房了 |
| [09:34] | Surprise. | 惊喜吧 |
| [09:35] | Herb doesn’t need any help, Alan. | 哈珀不需要你来帮忙 艾伦 |
| [09:37] | -Yes, I do. -Yes, he does. | -我要的 -你看 他要的 |
| [09:39] | Come on, I’m just finishing up the base coat, but I’m gonna start on the unicorn stencils. | 来吧 我才刚刷了底漆 不过我正要开始拼独角兽模型 |
| [09:42] | Unicorns? Oh, Herb, that’s just a pony with a strap-on1 | 独角兽? 晕 哈珀 这个不就是小马马的SM版嘛 |
| [09:52] | I know, tell me about it. | 可不是嘛 |
| [09:53] | It’s like nine kinds of “suck” in an eight-suck bag. | 简直就是比烂还烂 无敌宇宙霹雳烂 |
| [09:57] | -Hey, Jake? -Gotta go. | -嘿 杰克? -我挂了 |
| [09:59] | I didn’t mean to interrupt your call. | 我不是有意打扰你打电话的 |
| [10:01] | Yeah, well, you should’ve thought of that before you barged in. | 那你闯进来之前就应该注意点 |
| [10:06] | Yeah. | 好吧 |
| [10:08] | The reason I barged in was to apologize for threatening to kick your ass. | 我闯进来的原因就是为 我之前威胁要揍你道歉来的 |
| [10:12] | I wouldn’t really do that. | 我不会这么做的 |
| [10:14] | You couldn’t really do that. | 你是做不到 |
| [10:19] | Anyway, I was thinking about ordering a pizza. You interested? | 那么 我正要叫匹萨外卖 你要不要来点? |
| [10:22] | No, thanks. | 不用了 谢谢 |
| [10:24] | Maybe you didn’t hear me. Pizza. | 你没听清楚吧 匹萨 |
| [10:28] | Dough, sauce, cheese, grease, meat. I’ve seen you lick the box. | 面 酱 酪 油 肉 我都见过你舔那个盒子 |
| [10:32] | I’m not hungry. | 我不饿 |
| [10:34] | -Okay, what the hell’s wrong with you? -Nothing. | -你抽什么风呢? -我好着呢 |
| [10:37] | Fine. Be that way. | 好吧 随你便 |
| [10:42] | I know what’s going on here. | 我知道是怎么回事了 |
| [10:45] | You’re bent out of shape ’cause your mom’s having another baby. | 你最近越来越肥了 因为你老妈要给你生妹妹了 |
| [10:47] | -No, I’m not. -It’s okay. Nothing to be ashamed of. | -我才没有 -没事 没啥丢脸的 |
| [10:50] | In fact, I know exactly how you feel. | 我与你感同身受 |
| [10:52] | My mom’s second child ruined my life. | 我老妈的第二个儿子毁了我的童年 |
| [10:56] | That’s my dad. | 那是我爸 |
| [10:59] | Listen, it wasn’t all bad. | 听着 也不全是坏事 |
| [11:02] | When babies grow up a little, you can have fun with ’em. | 等小屁孩长大点了 你就可以随便戏弄他了 |
| [11:05] | You know, pee in their canteen, teach ’em to stutter. | 在他们水壶里撒尿啦 故意教他们口吃啦 |
| [11:09] | Of course, the down side is they’re so damaged later on | 当然了 坏的方面是他们在搞砸一切之后 |
| [11:12] | they move into your guest room | 会搬到你的客房住 |
| [11:13] | with their kid and never leave. | 还带着他们的孩子 并且赖着不走 |
| [11:16] | Not that I don’t love having you here. | 不是说我不喜欢你住在这里 |
| [11:18] | You’re a delight. | 你是个开心果 |
| [11:21] | I’m fine with the baby. | 我不是因为小孩的事 |
| [11:23] | -Really? -Yeah. I’m actually kinda looking forward to it. | -真的? -是 其实我很想有个妹妹 |
| [11:27] | Well, that’s a novel approach. | 这可就稀奇了 |
| [11:29] | So if it’s not the baby, why have you been such a dillweed lately? | 既然不是小孩的事 你为什么最近郁郁寡欢呢? |
| [11:33] | None of your business. | 不关你事 |
| [11:34] | So it’s a girl. | 那就是为情所困啦 |
| [11:35] | Just get out of my room. | 赶紧滚出我的房间 |
| [11:37] | -Make me. -God, you’re such a child. | -你让我走 我就走啊 -天呐 你真幼稚 |
| [11:43] | Oh, yeah, it’s a girl. | 哦 没错 你的确为情所困 |
| [11:46] | -Hmm, Jolene. -Yeah. | -嗯 茱莲妮 -对 |
| [11:49] | Jolene Melnick. | 茱莲妮 梅尔尼克 |
| [11:52] | Nope, I don’t think so. | 不 我觉得不好听 |
| [11:53] | Why not? You could call her Jo or Josie. | 为什么? 你可以叫她Jo或者Josie |
| [11:56] | Kinda wanted to name her after my Grandma Mildred. | 我想以我祖母米尔德里德的名字给她命名 |
| [11:59] | -Mildred Melnick? -Yeah. We could call her Mil, or Millie. | -米尔德里德 梅尔尼克? -咱们可以叫她Mil或Millie |
| [12:03] | I’m sorry, Herb. | 对不起 哈珀 |
| [12:04] | But with a name like Mildred you might as well call her Staff Sergeant Melnick. | 但是叫米尔德里德的人 你还是会称她为上士梅尔尼克 |
| [12:09] | Herb, can you get the cookies for me? | 哈珀 你给我拿些小甜饼好吗? |
| [12:10] | Oh, sure. We, uh, keep ’em on the top shelf of the pantry. | 好的 我们把小甜饼放在食品室的最顶层 |
| [12:13] | -You know… Jake. -Yeah. | -你知道的…杰克 -我明白 |
| [12:16] | Charlie keeps his fudge nuggets in the trunk of his car. | 查理把奶油巧克力软糖 藏在他汽车的后备箱里 |
| [12:19] | Thank you, dear. | 谢谢你 亲爱的 |
| [12:22] | What are you doing here? | 你在这里干什么? |
| [12:25] | I’m helping my friend, helping you. | 我在帮助我的朋友 帮助你 |
| [12:27] | If not for me, our little girl would be surrounded by metaphorical pony peni. | 要不是我 咱们的小女儿 就会被小马的老二所包围 |
| [12:31] | Our little girl? | 咱们的小女儿? |
| [12:32] | Alan, I don’t know what you imagine happened between you and me, | 艾伦 我不知道你幻想你我之间发生了什么 |
| [12:34] | but if you say anything to Herb, | 但如果你跟哈珀提起半个字 |
| [12:36] | I swear to God I’ll put a gun in your mouth | 我发誓 我会拿枪打破你的喉咙 |
| [12:38] | and paint these walls with your brains. | 用你的脑浆粉刷这些墙壁 |
| [12:40] | I think we settled on mermaids. | 我想咱们一致同意用小美人鱼图案了 |
| [12:43] | Cookie for my cookie? | 亲爱的 给你小甜饼 |
| [12:44] | Oh, yum. Thank you. | 太好了 谢谢你 |
| [12:50] | Pregnancy’s a wild ride, huh? | 妊娠期这段很疯狂 是吧? |
| [12:52] | One minute she’s loving and affectionate, the next minute she’s, well… | 一分钟前她还深情款款 下一分钟她就… |
| [12:56] | Cruel, vengeful, castrating? | 残忍 报复 想阉了你? |
| [12:59] | I was going to say moody. | 我本想说喜怒无常 |
| [13:01] | Wait for it. | 走着瞧吧 |
| [13:04] | Of course I want to go to the party. | 我当然想去参加派对了 |
| [13:07] | ‘Cause my stupid uncle won’t let me. | 因为我的蠢伯伯不让我去 |
| [13:12] | I don’t know, ’cause he’s old and clueless. | 我不知道 因为他又老又愚蠢 |
| [13:15] | No, I can’t sneak out. | 不行 我不能溜出来 |
| [13:16] | ‘Cause I gotta be here to change his adult diapers. | 因为我得留下给他换成人尿布 |
| [13:18] | Otherwise he just sits in his own filth. | 否则 他就会坐在他自己的屎尿上 |
| [13:22] | I know, it’s really gross. | 我知道 的确很恶心 |
| [13:25] | -Hi there. -Gotta go. | -你好啊 -我得挂电话了 |
| [13:29] | You’re not supposed to listen to my private conversations. | 你不该偷听我的私人谈话 |
| [13:32] | You’re not supposed to tell people I crap my pants. | 你也不该告诉别人我拉裤子 |
| [13:35] | Okay, whatever. | 随便你怎么说 |
| [13:41] | So what’s the deal with this party that I’m supposedly not letting you go to, | 那个我不让你参加的派对 到底是怎么回事 |
| [13:45] | like I actually give a rat’s ass about your social life? | 好像我在意你的社交生活似的? |
| [13:48] | Just leave me alone. | 别烦我 |
| [13:50] | You know that’s not going to happen. | 你知道我不会袖手旁观的 |
| [13:51] | Come on. You can trust me. | 拜托 你要信任我 |
| [13:53] | You told me never trust a guy who says “trust me.” | 你跟我说过 别相信对你说”相信我”的人 |
| [13:55] | Did you trust me when I told you that? | 我告诉你那些时 你相信我了吗? |
| [13:58] | I’m confused. | 我被你搞糊涂了 |
| [13:59] | Of course you are. Now tell me why you don’t want to go to this party. | 你当然得相信我啦 现在告诉我 你为何不想去这个派对 |
| [14:03] | I can’t tell you. It’s embarrassing. | 我不能告诉你 这很尴尬的 |
| [14:04] | Okay, okay. | 好吧 好吧 |
| [14:08] | How about I tell you something embarrassing about myself first? | 我先告诉你一些我的尴尬事 怎么样? |
| [14:11] | Like what? | 什么事? |
| [14:12] | Well, let’s see. | 听我讲 |
| [14:14] | All right, about 15 years ago, I was in Bangkok. | 大约15年前 我在曼谷 |
| [14:22] | -What? -Bangkok. | -怎么了? -曼谷(与bang cock同音 译为猛击老二) |
| [14:26] | It’s a real place, you nimrod. | 这是一个真实的地名 白痴 |
| [14:29] | Still funny though. | 还是很好笑啊 |
| [14:31] | Anyway, I was in this bar and I met this beautiful woman, | 不管怎样 我在酒吧里遇见一个美女 |
| [14:35] | and I was a little drunk and I didn’t notice the Adam’s apple. | 而且我有点醉了 所以没注意她的喉结 |
| [14:42] | But later that night… | 但那晚之后… |
| [14:46] | Well, believe me, I was really embarrassed. | 相信我 我当时非常尴尬 |
| [14:49] | Girls don’t have Adam’s apples. | 女孩没有喉结 |
| [14:53] | Oh, dude, you are such a ‘mo. | 老兄 你实在太笨了 |
| [14:58] | No, no, no, no, we just kissed. | 不不不 我们只是接吻而已 |
| [15:00] | Oh, that’s even worse1 | 那就更糟了 |
| [15:03] | All right. I shared. Now you share. | 好了 我分享了 现在该你了 |
| [15:06] | You didn’t have to share that. | 你也不用分享这种故事吧 |
| [15:09] | A fart in the lunch line would’ve made your point. | 就说个 你在吃午饭的时候放了个响屁 就得了呗 |
| [15:13] | I get it. I’m sorry. Now talk. | 我知道了 对不起 轮到你了 |
| [15:17] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [15:18] | Well, there’s this girl I kinda like and she’s gonna be at the party tonight. | 我挺喜欢的一个女孩 她会参加今晚的派对 |
| [15:23] | And she… said she wants to hook up with me. | 而且她说 她想和我亲热 |
| [15:27] | And you’re nervous. | 你很紧张 |
| [15:28] | Well, she’s gone out with a ninth grader and I think she’s done stuff. | 她和9年级生一起出去过 我想她有过一些经验吧 |
| [15:32] | Okay, I get it. | 好 我明白了 |
| [15:34] | You’ve got yourself an experienced older woman who knows more than you. | 你喜欢一个年纪比你大的 经验丰富的女孩 |
| [15:37] | Everybody knows more than me. | 所有人都比我懂的多 |
| [15:39] | You should hear some of the things my friends have done. | 你该听听我的朋友们都干过什么 |
| [15:41] | Oh, please. How old are your friends? | 行了吧 你的朋友几岁? |
| [15:43] | Same age as me. | 和我一样大 |
| [15:48] | -How old are you? -Fourteen. | -你几岁了? -14岁 |
| [15:50] | Mmm, horrible age. | 可怕的年龄 |
| [15:54] | All right, first of all, whenever 14-year-old boys talk about sex, they’re lying. | 首先 14岁的男孩谈论性时 他们都是在吹牛 |
| [15:59] | But for a guy like you, the truth can be a powerful tool. | 但对于你来说 真相是最强大的工具 |
| [16:06] | -What? -Powerful tool. | -又怎么了? -强大的”工具” |
| [16:10] | Stay with me, Jake. | 别想歪了 杰克 |
| [16:11] | How about a powerful tool in Bangkok? | 曼谷的强大”工具”怎么样? |
| [16:15] | Jake, what I’m trying to tell you here is that the truth can work for you. | 杰克 我想告诉你的是 真相能帮助你 |
| [16:19] | What truth? That I don’t know what I’m doing? | 什么真相? 是”我不知道自己在干什么”吗? |
| [16:21] | Yep, play to your strengths, which in your case is ignorance. | 发扬自己的长处 对于你来说就是愚昧无知 |
| [16:26] | Here, I’ll show you. | 我来给你做示范 |
| [16:31] | You gently cup her face in your hands, look her in the eye and tell her, | 你用双手温柔地托住她的脸 深情地凝视她 并告诉她 |
| [16:36] | “I’m new at this and I’m trusting you to be patient with me.” | “我没有经验 我相信你会耐心地教我” |
| [16:40] | You’re kidding. | 你开玩笑吧 |
| [16:42] | Nope. Girls eat that crap up. | 不 女孩都信这套鬼话 |
| [16:46] | And I’ll tell you something else–that line will work for you all the way through college. | 我还要告诉你 这句台词在你大学期间会一直适用 |
| [16:50] | Or in your case, your second hitch in the Navy. | 对于你来说 你第二次参加海军时也适用 |
| [16:55] | Now go get dressed and I’ll take you to that party. | 现在去换衣服吧 我送你去派对 |
| [16:59] | Thanks, Uncle Charlie. | 谢谢你 查理伯伯 |
| [17:00] | No problem, buddy. | 不客气 老弟 |
| [17:01] | Still didn’t need to hear that Bangkok story. | 不过 你也不用讲那段曼谷的故事啊 |
| [17:04] | I’m sorry. | 对不起 |
| [17:05] | It’s going to give me nightmares. | 会让我做恶梦的 |
| [17:09] | Welcome to the club. | 欢迎来到我的世界 |
| [17:15] | All right, we’re agreed on a Montessori preschool. | 好 我们通过了Montessori式的学前教育 |
| [17:17] | But what about child care? | 那儿童保育呢? |
| [17:19] | Oh, well, uh, Judith’s mother has already told us we can count on her for baby-sitting. | 朱迪丝的母亲告诉我们 她会来照顾孩子 |
| [17:24] | What? | 什么? |
| [17:26] | Oh, nothing, nothing. Lenore’s a lovely woman. | 没什么 丽诺尔是个可爱的女人 |
| [17:27] | I’m, I’m sure the baby will be fine. | 我相信孩子会没事的 |
| [17:29] | Oh, okay, good. | 那就好 |
| [17:31] | Yeah. She’s probably got a lid on those dons by now. | 嗯 她应该已经痊愈了 |
| [17:36] | What demons? | 痊愈? |
| [17:37] | Oh, ah, well, it’s no biggie. | 哦 没什么大不了的 |
| [17:39] | Um, she just, uh, hit a little rough patch with the prescription pills… | 她只是有点吃药上瘾而已… |
| [17:44] | the intervention, the, the rehab. | 强制治疗啦 反复发作啦 |
| [17:48] | There was an intervention? | 有过强制治疗? |
| [17:49] | And rehab. Um, three times. | 还复发过 三次呢 |
| [17:53] | Three times? | 三次? |
| [17:54] | Well, so far. | 到目前为止 |
| [17:56] | Oh, dear God, what the hell happened? | 天呐 到底怎么回事? |
| [18:00] | Golly, I-I didn’t want to be the one to tell you. | 天啊 我本来不想告诉你 |
| [18:03] | Alan, please. | 艾伦 求你了 |
| [18:06] | All right, um, Lenore was baby-sitting one night, | 好吧 有一天晚上丽诺尔在看孩子 |
| [18:10] | and when Judith and I came home, | 当朱迪丝和我回家时 |
| [18:12] | we found her face down in a bowl of H agen-Dazs | 我们发现她的头栽在哈根达斯的碗里 |
| [18:15] | with a couple of Percocets in her hair. | 头发里还有几片镇痛药 |
| [18:17] | You’re kidding. | 你不是开玩笑吧 |
| [18:18] | Well, that’s not the scary part. | 这还不是最可怕的地方 |
| [18:20] | Um, we heard some shrieking and, uh, | 我们听到一些尖叫声 |
| [18:23] | found baby Jake with his head stuck in a doggie door trying to fend off a raccoon. | 发现小杰克的头卡在狗门里 为了躲一只浣熊 |
| [18:29] | A raccoon? | 一只浣熊? |
| [18:30] | Yeah. Yeah.We-we got him all the shots just to be safe, | 是 为了确保他的安全 我们给他打了很多针 |
| [18:33] | but he was never the same after that. | 但那之后他就好像变了一个人 |
| [18:37] | Judith never told me about this. | 朱迪丝从没告诉过我这件事 |
| [18:40] | Well, it’s her mother, Herb. What’s she gonna say? | 那是她的母亲 哈珀 她还能怎么说呢? |
| [18:42] | But tell you what, sneak up on Jake one night wearing | 但我需要告诉你 如果哪天晚上杰克戴着 |
| [18:44] | a Davy Crockett hat and see what happens. | Davy Crockett的帽子 去看看到底什么事 |
| [18:48] | Anyway, if you ever need a-a sitter for little Jolene, you, uh, you call Uncle Alan. | 如果你需要一个保姆照看小茱莲妮 你可以找艾伦叔叔 |
| [18:55] | How’s it going in here? | 你们做得怎么样了? |
| [18:56] | Oh, honey, good news. | 亲爱的 好消息 |
| [18:58] | Alan’s offered to baby-sit | 艾伦提出要照看孩子 |
| [18:59] | so we don’t have to risk calling your mother. | 这样我们就不用冒险打电话给你母亲了 |
| [19:02] | Get out1 | 滚出去 |
| [19:05] | A raccoon? | 一只浣熊? |
| [19:07] | And you believed him? | 你竟然相信他? |
| [19:08] | Are you insane? | 你疯了吗? |
| [19:17] | How do I look? | 我看起来怎么样? |
| [19:20] | -She already likes you, right? -Yeah. | -她喜欢你 对吧? -对 |
| [19:23] | Then you look great. | 那你看起来很棒 |
| [19:27] | Let’s go. | 咱们走吧 |
| [19:32] | Hello? | 你怎么了? |
| [19:38] | I’m still not real sure about this. | 我还是不确定 |
| [19:41] | What’s the big deal? I told you how to handle it. | 有什么大不了的? 我都教你如何应对了 |
| [19:44] | I know. I just… | 我知道 只是… |
| [19:47] | I just don’t want to go. | 我不想去 |
| [19:50] | All right… All right. | 好吧 好吧 |
| [19:53] | No hurry. | 不着急 |
| [19:55] | It’s not like they’re going to stop makin’ girls. | 天涯何处无芳草 |
| [20:04] | how about we order that pizza and watch a movie? | 咱们要份披萨饼 一起看电影 怎么样? |
| [20:06] | Cool. I should probably change back into my eating shirt. | 好啊 我还是换回我吃东西时的衣服吧 |
| [20:10] | Don’t worry. You can’t ruin this shirt. | 没关系 你不会这件衣服毁了 |
| [20:15] | What the hell is that cologne? | 你抹古龙水了? |
| [20:17] | Air freshener from the toilet. | 是厕所的空气清新剂 |
| [20:21] | I figured I was spraying it anyway. | 我想喷什么不是喷啊 |
| [20:27] | 14 years later | 14年后 |
| [20:38] | Oh, hey, Judith. What’s up? | 你好 朱迪丝 有什么事吗? |
| [20:41] | Actually, quite a bit. | 实际上 是有点事 |
| [20:43] | Is something wrong? | 出什么事了? |
| [20:45] | No, uh, it’s just, um, I think it’s time you knew the truth. | 不 只是…我想是告诉你真相的时候了 |
| [20:50] | What truth? | 什么真相? |
| [20:52] | Marlene Melnick is your daughter. | Marlene 梅尔尼克是你的女儿 |
| [20:56] | I knew it. For 14 years I have known it. | 我就知道 14年来我一直坚信这一点 |
| [21:00] | Well I told her everything and she wants to live with her real dad. | 当我告诉她真相后 她想和她的生父住在一起 |
| [21:06] | That’s great. | 太好了 |
| [21:07] | It’s OK, honey, come on in. | 没关系 亲爱的 过来吧 |
| [21:11] | Hi, daddy. | 你好 老爸 |
| [21:21] | Is there anything to eat? | 你这儿有什么好吃的吗? |