| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:00] | Previously on Two and a half men | 好汉两个半前情回顾 |
| [00:02] | I think you should move in. | 我想要你和我一起住 |
| [00:04] | You bet your ass you’re not gonna do it. | 你最好是不会这么做 |
| [00:06] | I’m moving in with Lyndsey | 我要搬去和琳赛住 |
| [00:07] | Alan. | 艾伦 |
| [00:08] | Lyndsey and I. | 琳赛和我 |
| [00:09] | have decided to live together. | 我们决定同居 |
| [00:12] | Well, here we are. | 就这样子了 |
| [00:13] | Final good-bye. | 最后的道别 |
| [00:14] | One can only hope. | 期待已久 |
| [00:16] | Alan? | 艾伦 |
| [00:18] | Melissa? | 梅莉莎 |
| [00:19] | I’ve missed you. | 我很想你 |
| [00:20] | So, seeing anybody? | 有约会的对象了吗 |
| [00:21] | Nope. You? | 没有 你呢 |
| [00:23] | No. | 没有 |
| [00:24] | – Alan? – I’ll explain later. – Hey, Charlie. | -艾伦 -等会再给你解释 -你好 查理 |
| [00:26] | Don’t worry, I’m still moving in with Lyndsey. | 别担心 我还是会搬去琳赛家的 |
| [00:28] | This will just be my pied-a-terre. | 我只是最后的疯狂 |
| [00:33] | – I’m sorry I have to go. – Me, too. | -对不起 我必须要走了 -我也不想的 |
| [00:35] | I mean that you have to go, not that I have to go. | 我的意思你必须要走 我不是必须要走 |
| [00:38] | Why would I have to go? I live here. | 我不需要走的 我住在这里 |
| [00:41] | Can we do this again? | 我们还能再做一次吗 |
| [00:42] | Again? | 还做啊 |
| [00:43] | Well, maybe you can do it again, but men are different. | 也许你可以 但是男人还是需要充充电的 |
| [00:46] | I mean another time. | 我说的是再找个时间 |
| [00:48] | Oh, oh, sure. Why not? | 那是必须的 为啥不呢 |
| [00:49] | I live here. | 我可是住在这的 |
| [00:51] | Okay. Bye. | 好的再见 |
| [00:53] | Bye. | 再见 |
| [00:58] | All right, I know what you’re going to say. | 行了 你也不用说了我都明白 |
| [01:00] | I don’t think you do. | 我觉得你还是不明白 |
| [01:01] | It was wrong. I’m cheating on Lyndsey. | 我人品太差 我欺骗了琳赛 |
| [01:04] | I’m lying to Melissa… | 我又骗了梅莉莎 |
| [01:06] | No, no, no, no, no. | 你丫闭嘴吧 |
| [01:07] | What I was going to say is, you don’t live here. | 我要说的是 你不住在这里 |
| [01:10] | You moved out! Ah… | 你已经滚球了 |
| [01:13] | Not officially. | 我可是非官方的搬出去了 |
| [01:14] | I never actually made it to Lyndsey’s house. | 我还没搬去琳赛家呢 |
| [01:15] | Speaking of which, I should get going. | 说到这 现在真的要去琳赛家了 |
| [01:17] | Alan, Alan, listen to me. | 艾伦 艾伦 你给我听好了 |
| [01:18] | If you screw this up with Lyndsey, you’re going wind up back here. | 如果和琳赛搞砸了 你就别想卷铺盖回来 |
| [01:21] | And you need to understand something. | 我再强调一次 |
| [01:22] | There is no back here. | 你的一根头发都别想回来 |
| [01:24] | I got it, got it. | 明白 明白 |
| [01:25] | You know, it was a crazy impulse. | 昨天只是一时的冲动 |
| [01:27] | Old girlfriend– it was a one time thing. | 前女友嘛 一次鸳梦重温而已 |
| [01:29] | Uh, well, technically it was a two time thing. | 技术上讲两次而已 |
| [01:32] | The second one was in the shower. | 第二次是鸳鸯浴的时候 |
| [01:34] | Well, that is where you’ve been practicing. | 平时你也就是在那练习的 |
| [01:40] | You know, | 话说回来了 |
| [01:41] | you have to admit this is a very curious turn of events. | 你要承认事情这样变化有点小诡异 |
| [01:44] | I mean, seven years ago I arrived on this very doorstep | 7年前我就站在这个门垫上 |
| [01:47] | heartbroken and alone. | 寂寞 伤透了心 |
| [01:49] | And you had chicks coming out the kazoo. | 而你却是夜夜笙歌不断 |
| [01:52] | Now look at us. | 现在再看看你和我 |
| [01:54] | The student has become the master. | 学生已经超越老师了 |
| [01:57] | Arrigato, sensei. | 拜谢老师 |
| [02:01] | Ow! | 疼哦 |
| [02:02] | You’re welcome, grasshopper. | 别客气你这个死色鬼 |
| [02:14] | Lyndsey, you in here? | 琳赛你在吗 |
| [02:17] | What took you so long? | 你怎么耽误了这么久 |
| [02:18] | I was getting worried. | 我都担心了 |
| [02:20] | Oh, well, saying good-bye to Charlie turned out | 和查理道别 |
| [02:22] | to be tougher than I thought it was going to be. | 结果分别比我想的艰难 |
| [02:24] | He didn’t want to see his baby brother go. | 他不想他的小弟弟离开 |
| [02:27] | – You’re kidding. – Nope. | -真的啊 -可不是 |
| [02:28] | You know, Charlie may be prickly and crusty | 查理看起来又顽固又易怒 |
| [02:31] | on the outside, but inside, he’s all soft and gooey. | 实际上他心肠软又敏感 |
| [02:33] | Kind of like a pudding-filled cactus. | 貌似就是个布丁馅的仙人掌 |
| [02:37] | Well, I’m glad you’re back, | 很开心你能来 |
| [02:39] | because I have a moving in present for you. | 我可准备了礼物祝贺你搬进来 |
| [02:43] | Oh, great. | 太棒了 |
| [02:45] | Please don’t be sex, please don’t be sex. | 不要做爱 不要做爱 |
| [02:47] | Ta-da! | 瞧啊 |
| [02:49] | Oh, boy, sex. | 老天爷啊 又要做爱 |
| [02:54] | I sent the kids to the movies, | 我让孩子们去看电影了 |
| [02:56] | so it’s just you and me. | 现在只有你和我 |
| [02:58] | So no interruptions. | 没人打扰是吧 |
| [03:00] | Goody. | 太 爽了 |
| [03:02] | Come on, unwrap your present. | 来吧 把礼物拆包 |
| [03:04] | All right, um, but how about, uh, | 好的 但是你瞧 |
| [03:06] | we make this one about your pleasure? | 这次我们全力让你愉悦好不 |
| [03:08] | Aren’t you in the mood? | 你没性趣吗 |
| [03:09] | Of course I’m in the mood. | 还用问吗 我当然有 |
| [03:11] | I’m a man. | 我可是个男人 |
| [03:12] | Men are always in the mood. | 男人永远都是有性趣的 |
| [03:14] | Mmm, sex. | 爱爱好棒哦 |
| [03:18] | How about we do the first one fast, | 我们第一次快一点 |
| [03:20] | and the second one nice and slow. | 第二次好好的享受下过程 |
| [03:22] | Second one… | 还要搞第二次 |
| [03:26] | Oh, yay. | 天啊 |
| [03:32] | End of an era, huh, Charlie? | 查理 一个时代结束了 |
| [03:34] | Yep. | 可不是 |
| [03:35] | From now on, no brother, no nephew. | 从现在开始没有弟弟 没有侄子 |
| [03:39] | Just the sounds of the ocean | 只有大海的声音 |
| [03:41] | punctuated by the soft voices of prostitutes | 伴随着妓女们柔声软语的谎言 |
| [03:43] | lying about the enormity of my sexual organ. | 赞扬着我的小弟弟有多强壮 |
| [03:47] | You do know how to paint a picture. | 你确实会描绘美好景象 |
| [03:50] | What can I say– I have the heart of a poet. | 我有着一颗诗人的心 |
| [03:53] | Unfortunately, the rest of you is a drunken scumbag. | 可惜其余的呢就是个醉醺醺的混蛋 |
| [03:56] | Cheers. | 干杯 |
| [04:02] | Ah. Ah. | 爽啊 |
| [04:05] | Hello? | 有人在吗 |
| [04:08] | Don’t move, don’t breathe. | 别动 憋着气 |
| [04:11] | Charlie? Berta? | 查理 波塔 |
| [04:14] | Oh, there you are. | 你们在这呢 |
| [04:18] | Um, listen, | 你瞧 |
| [04:20] | I know I said it was a one time thing with Melissa, | 我知道说过和梅莉莎是一次鸳梦重温 |
| [04:22] | but she called and wanted to see me and I just couldn’t say no. | 但是她打电话约我出去 我不知道该怎么拒绝 |
| [04:26] | So she’s coming here? | 所以她要到这里 |
| [04:27] | This is where I live. | 她认为 |
| [04:29] | You know, as far as she’s concerned. | 我住在这里 |
| [04:31] | Could you excuse me for a minute? | 不好意思离开下 |
| [04:33] | Take your time. | 没关系 |
| [04:34] | Thank you. | 谢啦 |
| [04:36] | Come, let’s talk. | 来吧咱聊聊 |
| [04:39] | – Okay.. – Are you insane?! | -好的 -你他妈的脑子进水了啊 |
| [04:42] | Have you lost your mind?! | 然后又养了鱼吗 |
| [04:44] | I know, I know it’s crazy. | 我知道这样很疯狂 |
| [04:45] | I know my future is with Lyndsey, | 我知道我将来要和琳赛在一起 |
| [04:46] | but I have so much chemistry with Melissa. | 但是我和梅莉莎真的好来电 |
| [04:48] | You can’t keep this up! | 你不能骗多久的 |
| [04:49] | Don’t I know it. Last time I was with Melissa, | 我了解的 和梅莉莎做爱之后 |
| [04:51] | I had to fake an orgasm with Lyndsey. | 再和琳赛在一起的时候我只能假装高潮了 |
| [04:52] | What?! | 说什么鬼 |
| [04:54] | How does a man fake an orgasm? | 男人怎么假装高潮 |
| [04:57] | Ah! Ah! Ah…! | 啊 啊 啊 |
| [04:58] | I get it. I get it. I get it. | 明白了 明白了 明白了 |
| [05:01] | Please. Please, I’m begging you. | 拜托 拜托 我求你了 |
| [05:06] | Okay, that’s Melissa. | 梅莉莎到了 |
| [05:07] | No, Alan, this ends now. | 不行 艾伦 这件事到此为止 |
| [05:09] | I swear, last time. | 我发誓这是最后一次 |
| [05:10] | Oh, you got any Viagra? | 你有伟哥吗 |
| [05:11] | What?! | 你说什么 |
| [05:12] | Not for now– | 现在不需要 |
| [05:13] | for when I go home to Lyndsey, | 是等我回家跟琳赛亲热的时候 |
| [05:14] | so I don’t have to, you know. | 我不需要 像这样 |
| [05:21] | – God, I missed you. – I missed you, too. | -我想死你了 -我也想你 |
| [05:24] | Hey, Charlie. | 嗨 查理 |
| [05:26] | Hey. | 嗨 |
| [05:29] | I know a guy. | 我有路子 |
| [05:31] | Ten grand, you’ll never have to see Zippy again. | 只要一万 你就能永远跟讨厌鬼说拜拜 |
| [05:34] | Ten grand? | 一万? |
| [05:35] | Actually he charges $500, but there’s a finders fee. | 事实上他收五百 不过还要加上中介费 |
| [05:41] | Alan, dinner’s on the table. | 艾伦 晚饭做好了 |
| [05:43] | Coming. | 来了 |
| [05:45] | You’re a great cook, Mrs. MacElroy. | 您的厨艺很棒 麦克洛伊太太 |
| [05:47] | Jake, I told you, call me Lyndsey. | 杰克 我跟你说过了 叫我琳赛 |
| [05:49] | Yes, ma’am. | 是的 女士 |
| [05:50] | You are such a sweetie. | 你真是个小可爱 |
| [05:52] | You could learn something from him. | 你可以跟他学学 |
| [05:54] | Suck up. | 马屁精 |
| [05:55] | Suck up with a drumstick. | 鸡腿的马屁也要 |
| [05:58] | Hey, I noticed this old pipe on the mantle. It’s a beauty. | 我发现了这个老烟斗 是个好东西 |
| [06:00] | Oh, it was my grandfather’s. | 那是我祖父的 |
| [06:02] | They don’t make ’em like this anymore. | 他们现在不做这形的了 |
| [06:05] | Hello, boys. | 孩子们 好啊 |
| [06:06] | How about a little orange juice with your dinner? | 晚餐配一点柳橙汁如何呢 |
| [06:10] | Is he high? | 他是不是嗑药了 |
| [06:12] | I wish. | 我希望他是 |
| [06:13] | I love a man with a pipe. | 我爱死了有烟斗的男人 |
| [06:16] | You should get some tobacco for it. | 你应该买些烟草来 |
| [06:17] | Your dad’s gonna smoke a dead guy’s pipe. | 你爸爸要抽一个死人的烟斗 |
| [06:20] | At least he didn’t get hair plugs | 至少他没有像你爸一样 |
| [06:22] | and ralph on my babysitter like your dad. | 植发以及在呕吐在保姆身上 |
| [06:26] | Now boys, behave yourselves, | 孩子们 自重 |
| [06:28] | or I’ll pull out my ba-ba-ba-belt. | 不然我就会抽出我的 皮 皮 皮 皮带 |
| [06:31] | Alan, sit down. | 艾伦 坐下 |
| [06:33] | White meat or dark meat? | 白肉还是红肉 |
| [06:35] | I’ll take a… ?Ba-ba-ba-breast. ? | 我选 胸 胸 胸 胸部 |
| [06:38] | Is that supposed to be somebody? | 你是在学某人吗 |
| [06:39] | It’s Bing Crosby. | 是平·克劳斯贝[老牌明星] |
| [06:44] | Who? | 谁 |
| [06:45] | Bing Crosby. The black guy with the sweater. | 平·克劳斯贝 一个穿着夹克的黑人 |
| [06:47] | He used to have a TV show. | 他之前有个电视节目 |
| [06:48] | That’s Will Smith, dumbass. | 那是威尔·史密斯 蠢蛋 |
| [07:03] | That’s weird. | 奇怪了 |
| [07:15] | Hey, Charlie. | 嗨 查理 |
| [07:17] | Oh, boy. | 我的天 |
| [07:20] | Isn’t this nice– eating together as a family? | 这不是很好嘛 像个家庭一样共进晚餐 |
| [07:23] | It certainly is, Mother. | 确实很像 孩子他妈 |
| [07:25] | Maybe afterwards we can gather around the fireside | 晚餐后 我们还可以围在炉边 |
| [07:28] | and sing a song or two. | 唱唱歌 |
| [07:31] | Seriously, Alan, that’s not funny anymore. | 艾伦 我说认真的 已经不好笑了 |
| [07:35] | And don’t call me “Mother.” | 还有 别叫我孩子他妈 |
| [07:36] | Sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [07:40] | And in this house, we don’t talk on the phone during dinner. | 在我们家 我们吃饭时间不讲电话 |
| [07:45] | Terrific rule, but, uh, but I just have to take this. | 很好的规矩 但我必需得接这通电话 |
| [07:50] | Charlie, what’s up? | 查理 什么事 |
| [07:54] | She’s there now? | 她现在在那边吗 |
| [07:57] | What do you want me to do? | 那你想要我怎么做 |
| [08:01] | We’re all going to die, Charlie. | 我们都会死的 查理 |
| [08:03] | No, no, no, don’t send her over here! | 不 不 不 别把她送来这 |
| [08:07] | No, I’ll be right there. | 别啊 我马上就来 |
| [08:09] | Just give me a minute. | 给我点时间 |
| [08:14] | Let me tell you something. | 我告诉你件事 |
| [08:16] | This is now my house, too. | 现在这也是我家 |
| [08:18] | If I want to talk on the phone, I’m gonna talk on the phone. | 如果我想讲电话 我就会讲 |
| [08:21] | What’s wrong with you? Don’t you nag me, woman. | -你怎么了 -少跟我唠叨 女人 |
| [08:24] | Where are you going? | 你要去哪里 |
| [08:25] | I’m going to take a drive and cool off… | 我开车出去 冷静下 |
| [08:28] | Mother. | 孩子他妈 |
| [08:35] | Here you go. Thanks. | -酒来了 -谢谢 |
| [08:37] | Doesn’t Alan usually come home right after work? | 艾伦通常不是一下班就回家的吗 |
| [08:39] | Usually. | 通常是 |
| [08:41] | Hope he didn’t get into an accident. | 希望他别发生什么意外 |
| [08:42] | Nah, I’m not that lucky. | 不会的 我没这么好运 |
| [08:44] | How can you say that? | 你怎么可以这么说 |
| [08:47] | I’m just stating a fact. | 我只是在陈述事实 |
| [08:49] | Charlie, I’m home from work. | 查理 我下班到家了 |
| [08:50] | Melissa? | 梅莉莎 |
| [08:51] | What the heck. | 怎么回事 |
| [08:53] | I wanted to surprise you, but you were so late, | 我想给你个惊喜 但是你好迟 |
| [08:56] | we started to worry. | 我们都开始担心了 |
| [08:57] | She’s using the royal “we.” | 她是在说她自己 |
| [09:00] | I would have been home earlier, | 我本来可以早点回到家的 |
| [09:02] | but we had, uh, a situation at the office. | 但是办公室那里出了点状况 |
| [09:04] | Oh, no. | 不会吧 |
| [09:06] | What happened? | 发生什么事了 |
| [09:09] | Well, I, uh, uh, lost a patient. | 我失去了一个病人 |
| [09:14] | Oh, my God, someone died? | 天啊 有人死了吗 |
| [09:16] | Oh, no, no, no. | 不是 不是 |
| [09:17] | Uh, not, you know, lost like died. | 不是死了 |
| [09:20] | Uh, more like, misplaced. | 比较像是 搞丢了 |
| [09:23] | Thank goodness. | 谢天谢地 |
| [09:25] | Alan? | 艾伦 |
| [09:26] | Yeah? | 怎么样 |
| [09:27] | I’m just wondering– | 我只是好奇 |
| [09:29] | how does a chiropractor misplace a patient? | 一个脊椎按摩师怎么把病人弄不见 |
| [09:36] | Good question. | 好问题 |
| [09:38] | I thought so. | 我也这么觉得 |
| [09:40] | Well, uh, uh, he’s an elderly fellow | 他是一个年长者 |
| [09:44] | who in addition to scoliosis, | 有脊椎突出的毛病 |
| [09:47] | uh, also has Dementia. | 他还有老人痴呆症 |
| [09:50] | So I-I just spent the last hour and a half | 所以我花了一个半小时 |
| [09:54] | driving up and down Ventura Boulevard | 开车在万特乐大道寻找 |
| [09:56] | looking for a, you know, shirtless, hunched over 80-year-old man. | 一个衣不蔽体 又驼背的八十多岁老头 |
| [10:00] | Found quite a few. | 还找到好几个 |
| [10:02] | But none of them were mine. | 但没有一个是我要找的 |
| [10:05] | So he’s still out there? | 那他还在外面吗 |
| [10:10] | Yeah. | 是的 |
| [10:13] | Did you call the police? | 你有打给警察吗 |
| [10:17] | Yes, Charlie, I did. | 有 查理 我打了 |
| [10:19] | What did they say? | 他们怎么说的 |
| [10:21] | They thanked me for my help, | 他们感谢我的帮助 |
| [10:25] | and, uh, told me to go home | 然后呢 叫我回家 |
| [10:27] | and let them do their job. | 让他们做他们的分内事就行了 |
| [10:28] | So, uh, so here I am– home. | 所以 现在我到家啦 |
| [10:31] | Better late than never. | 迟到总比不到好 |
| [10:33] | Oh, please, you’ve never given never a chance. | 得了吧 你就没有给”不回来”一次机会 |
| [10:36] | Do you mind? | 你介意吗 |
| [10:37] | Actually I do. I thought I made that clear. | 事实上我介意 我原以为我说清楚了 |
| [10:39] | All right, all right. | 好吧 |
| [10:40] | Melissa, we can’t do this anymore. | 梅丽莎 我们不能再这样下去了 |
| [10:43] | – I agree. – You do? | -我同意 -真的吗 |
| [10:45] | Yes. I think I should move in here with you. | 是的 我觉得我应该搬过来 |
| [10:48] | Here? | 到这里 |
| [10:49] | Here? | 到这里 |
| [10:50] | Why don’t we talk about it after we make love. | 我们何不”日后再说” |
| [10:52] | Uh, okay. | 好的 |
| [10:56] | It could work. | 这也行 |
| [11:06] | Okay, I’m just gonna go home and get some things. | 好吧 我先回家拿点东西 |
| [11:08] | I’ll be back in a little while. | 马上回来 |
| [11:09] | Great. | 好极了 |
| [11:16] | That’s really getting annoying. | 你这样真的很烦人 |
| [11:18] | Do me a favor, talk me through this. | 帮我个忙 跟我说清楚这怎么回事 |
| [11:21] | Excuse me? | 什么 |
| [11:22] | What’s your strategy? | 你的策略是什么 |
| [11:23] | ‘Splain it to me, Lucy! | 露西(带来光明和智慧的人) 解释给我听 |
| [11:26] | Okay, admittedly, I may have overplayed my hand a little. | 好吧 我承认 我可能有点玩大了 |
| [11:30] | A little? | 有点 |
| [11:31] | You’re living with Lyndsey and you asked Melissa | 你和琳赛住在一起 而你又叫梅丽莎 |
| [11:34] | to move in here! | 搬到这里 |
| [11:37] | Yeah, I got to work on that. | 是的 我得好好想想那个问题 |
| [11:38] | So, listen, | 听着 |
| [11:40] | when Melissa comes back, make some sort of excuse. Uh… | 梅丽莎回来时 帮我找个借口 |
| [11:43] | Oh, what, you mean like “I was cruising Ventura Boulevard | 什么 你是说像”我在万特乐大道上驾车 |
| [11:45] | for an old, shirtless hunchback”? | 来回寻找一个没穿衣服的弓背八旬老人”那样吗 |
| [11:47] | Yeah, not my finest moment. | 是 我出丑了 |
| [11:49] | You’re experienced at that kind of thing. | 你对那种事早就上下其手了 |
| [11:51] | No, no, I’m experienced at promiscuity. | 不 我比较习惯乱交 |
| [11:53] | This is polygamy. | 你这是一夫多妻 |
| [11:54] | And frankly, I find it extremely distasteful. | 老实说 我最讨厌你这种了 |
| [11:57] | Oh, oh, this you find distasteful? | 你讨厌这个吗 |
| [12:00] | The man who was asked to leave Bangkok for moral turpitude | 那个因为道德败坏而被责令离开曼谷的人 |
| [12:03] | finds this distasteful? | 讨厌这个? |
| [12:07] | That was a misunderstanding. | 那是误解 |
| [12:09] | I had no idea it was an endangered species. | 我并不知道它是濒危物种 |
| [12:12] | Well, nothing I’m doing requires a ten-day quarantine | 我没有做过那种需要十天隔离 |
| [12:15] | and a series of rabies shots. | 和一系列疫苗注射的事 |
| [12:18] | Oh. Hello. | 你们好 |
| [12:20] | Oh, Mom, thank God you’re here. | 老妈 谢天谢地你来了 |
| [12:22] | Your sarcasm is unappreciated, Charlie. | 查理 我不喜欢你的反讽 |
| [12:24] | No, no, really. You got to talk to Alan | 不是 真的 你得和艾伦好好谈谈 |
| [12:26] | and tell him not to screw up this thing with Lyndsey. | 并叫他别把和琳赛的好事搞砸了 |
| [12:28] | – Who’s Lyndsey? – My girlfriend. | -琳赛是谁 -我女友 |
| [12:30] | You have a girlfriend? | 你都有女友了 |
| [12:31] | He moved in with her. | 他搬过去和她同居了 |
| [12:33] | You moved in with a girlfriend? | 你和女友同居 |
| [12:35] | Yeah, and he’s cheating on her with his ex-girlfriend, | 是的 而且他背着她和前女友偷腥 |
| [12:37] | and he invited that one to move in here. | 并邀请后者到这里住 |
| [12:40] | When were you planning to tell me all this? | 你打算什么时候告诉我这一切 |
| [12:42] | We’re telling you now. | 我们现在就在告诉你 |
| [12:43] | So as usual, | 所以和以往一样 |
| [12:44] | I’m the last to know. | 我是最后一个知道的 |
| [12:46] | Mom, Mom, focus. | 老妈 注意 |
| [12:47] | He moved out. | 他搬出去了 |
| [12:49] | After seven years of putting up with him and his kid, | 我忍受了他和他儿子七年后 |
| [12:51] | he finally moved out. | 他终于搬走了 |
| [12:52] | And I need him to stay out. | 而我要他别回来 |
| [12:53] | So Jake is gone, too? | 所以杰克也走了吗 |
| [12:55] | No one thought to call me. | 没人想过打电话告诉我 |
| [12:57] | Okay, as usual, you’re just useless. | 好吧 同以往一样 你还是不给力 |
| [13:01] | Alan, this can’t go on any longer. | 艾伦 不能再这样下去了 |
| [13:03] | You have to choose between Lyndsey and Melissa, | 你必须在琳赛和梅丽莎之间做出抉择 |
| [13:05] | and you have to choose now. | 现在就要 |
| [13:07] | You’re right, you’re right. | 你说得对 |
| [13:10] | What to do? | 该怎么做呢 |
| [13:12] | When did he start smoking a pipe? | 他什么时候开始抽烟斗了 |
| [13:15] | I don’t know. This is new. | 我不知道 对我来说也是新闻 |
| [13:17] | That’s probably Lyndsey. | 很可能是琳赛打来的 |
| [13:19] | Which one is Lyndsey? | 琳赛是哪只 |
| [13:20] | The one he moved in with. | 他搬过去和她同居的那只 |
| [13:21] | What’s wrong with her? | 她什么毛病啊 |
| [13:22] | Single mom, teenage son. | 单亲妈妈 带着个十多岁儿子 |
| [13:25] | So desperate? | 这么说是因为绝望? |
| [13:26] | Like a goldfish in a leaky bag. | 就像漏水的袋子里的金鱼 |
| [13:29] | Oh, my God. | 天啊 |
| [13:31] | Lyndsey is apologizing to me. | 琳赛向我道歉了 |
| [13:34] | Says she was wrong. | 说她错了 |
| [13:36] | About what? | 什么错了 |
| [13:37] | What difference does it make? | 那重要吗 |
| [13:39] | I won an argument with a woman. | 我赢得了与一个女人之间的争执 |
| [13:42] | Which is why she’s the gal for you. | 所以她就是你命中注定的那位 |
| [13:45] | Go to her. | 快去找她 |
| [13:46] | Love her, cherish her. | 爱她 珍惜她 |
| [13:48] | I don’t know. | 我不知道 |
| [13:49] | Okay, then take her for granted and treat her like crap | 好吧 那就不把她当回事 当她是垃圾 |
| [13:52] | until she hangs herself, but go! | 直到她上吊自尽 但还是去吧 |
| [13:54] | What about Melissa? | 那梅丽莎怎么办 |
| [13:56] | You have to break that off. | 你得和她分手 |
| [13:57] | You’re right, you’re right. | 你说得对 |
| [13:58] | I have to step up and be a man. | 我得昂首挺胸 做个男人 |
| [14:00] | What are you doing? | 你在干什么 |
| [14:01] | I’m telling Melissa it’s over. | 我要告诉梅丽莎我们俩结束了 |
| [14:03] | With a text? | 发短信告诉吗 |
| [14:06] | Well, I’m putting a little sad face at the end. | 我会在短消息末尾加个难过的表情 |
| [14:11] | All right, well, uh, guess it’s time to go home | 好吧 我想我该回家了 |
| [14:16] | and come clean with Lyndsey. | 和琳赛说清楚 |
| [14:17] | No, no, no. No coming clean. | 表 不要搞清楚 |
| [14:19] | Unless you’re banging Mr. Bubble. | 除非你是想跟泡泡先生搞 |
| [14:24] | But I-I don’t want to build our new life together | 但我不想和她把新家庭建立在 |
| [14:27] | on a foundation of lies. | 一系列谎言之上 |
| [14:28] | Oh, yes, you do. | 不 你就该那么做 |
| [14:31] | Listen to your mother. | 听老妈的 |
| [14:34] | Trust me. | 相信我 |
| [14:35] | No good ever comes from revealing an indiscretion. | 揭露自己生活的不检点永远不会有好果子吃的 |
| [14:38] | And you know this how? | 你怎么知道的 |
| [14:39] | I’d rather not say. | 我还是不说为好 |
| [14:41] | Wait, so you’re saying when you were married… | 等等 你是说你结婚时 |
| [14:44] | Whoa, whoa, when did everything become about me? | 什么时候这一切都变成谈论我了 |
| [14:47] | When we were born. | 我们出生时 |
| [14:49] | Hey, don’t get me started on that. | 别让我说起那个 |
| [14:50] | My episiotomy still itches. | 我做了外阴切开术的地方还痒痒呢 |
| [14:56] | My point, Alan, is, it is not fair to ease your conscience | 我是说 艾伦 把你犯的罪甩给你爱 |
| [15:00] | by dumping your sins on the woman you love. | 的女人来让自己良心好过些对她是不公平的 |
| [15:02] | Yeah, Alan, don’t be selfish. | 对 艾伦 别太自私 |
| [15:05] | What now? | 现在又怎么了 |
| [15:09] | Melissa’s not taking it well. | 梅丽莎无法接受 |
| [15:12] | “I hate you, you stupid cork soaker”? | 我恨你 你个傻帽的阳委男 |
| [15:15] | Auto spell check. | 拼写检查功能 |
| [15:18] | Anyway… I got to go. | 不管怎样 我得走了 |
| [15:20] | Bye, Mom. | 再见 妈妈 |
| [15:26] | Okay, we dodged a bullet. | 好了 我们成功脱险了 |
| [15:28] | Yep. So now that he’s gone, | 是啊 既然他已经走了 |
| [15:30] | what are you gonna do with that empty room? | 你拿那间空房间怎么办 |
| [15:32] | Uh, why do you ask? | 你为什么问这个 |
| [15:34] | I was just thinking, it might be nice to spend | 我只是想 周末偶尔在这里 |
| [15:35] | the occasional weekend here on the beach. | 海滩边度过也蛮惬意的 |
| [15:40] | Oh, darling, you should see your face. | 亲爱的 你真该看看你的表情 |
| [15:50] | Oh, thank God you’re back. | 谢天谢地 你回来了 |
| [15:52] | Sorry I stormed off like that. | 对不起 我不该那样生气走人 |
| [15:54] | No, no, you had every right. | 别这么说 你有这个权利 |
| [15:57] | I’m sorry I treated you like you were some kind of houseguest. | 我应该说对不起 把你当客人看待 |
| [15:59] | That’s okay, I’m used to it. | 没关系 我习惯了 |
| [16:01] | Seven years with Charlie, | 跟查理生活了七年 |
| [16:02] | a dozen years with Judith | 跟朱蒂丝生活了十几年 |
| [16:04] | and all that time with my mom. | 还有跟我妈过的日子 |
| [16:06] | Well, from now on, this house is your home. | 从现在起 这就是你的家 |
| [16:09] | And if you want to talk on the phone during dinner, | 如果你想在吃饭时接电话 |
| [16:11] | you just go right ahead and do it. | 你就尽管接 |
| [16:12] | Really? | 真的吗 |
| [16:14] | Can I hang my chiropractor of the year plaque on the wall? | 我能把年度按摩师牌匾挂墙上吗 |
| [16:16] | Of course. | 当然可以 |
| [16:18] | In the living room? | 挂客厅哦 |
| [16:19] | Wherever you want. | 哪里都行 |
| [16:20] | Charlie made me hang it in my bathroom. | 查理要我挂在我的厕所里 |
| [16:22] | Well, I’m not Charlie. | 我不是查理 |
| [16:24] | And I’m proud you’re chiropractor of the year. | 而且我为你得奖而骄傲 |
| [16:26] | Oh, oh, not this year, uh, 2002. | 不是今年的 是2002年的 |
| [16:29] | After that, they tightened up the voting rules. | 之后他们就加强了投票规则 |
| [16:32] | So, uh, what about acidophilus milk? | 那酸奶呢 |
| [16:36] | What about it? | 怎么了 |
| [16:37] | – I like it. – Then we’ll get it. | -我喜欢酸奶 -那就买 |
| [16:39] | And I can keep it in the refrigerator? | 能放冰箱里吗 |
| [16:41] | Where else would you keep it? | 不然还能放哪 |
| [16:42] | Charlie made me keep all my dairy products | 查理要我把我的乳制品 |
| [16:44] | in an ice chest in the garage. | 放在车库的冰柜里 |
| [16:46] | That’s terrible. | 太过分了 |
| [16:47] | I lost so much cheese. | 少了我好多奶酪 |
| [16:51] | Oh, honey. | 亲爱的 |
| [16:52] | Well, this is your home now. | 这里就是你的家了 |
| [16:54] | And you can put your cheese wherever you want. | 你想把奶酪放哪就放哪 |
| [16:56] | Can I sing show tunes in the shower? | 我洗澡时能哼歌吗 |
| [16:59] | Charlie didn’t let you sing show tunes? | 查理连这个都不许吗 |
| [17:01] | No, that was my mother. | 不是 是我妈 |
| [17:02] | Said I was effeminate enough already. | 她说我已经够娘娘腔了 |
| [17:04] | Well, as far as I’m concerned, you are all man. | 我觉得你是个男子汉 |
| [17:08] | Oh, Lyndsey. | 琳赛 |
| [17:10] | You’re too good to me. | 你对我太好了 |
| [17:11] | Oh, it’s only what you deserve. | 你值得我对你好 |
| [17:14] | Okay, I-I can’t live with this guilt. | 我不能负疚过日子 |
| [17:17] | I have to confess something. | 我要对你坦白 |
| [17:19] | What? | 什么 |
| [17:21] | Uh, a few days ago, I-I ran into an ex-girlfriend, | 几天前 我遇见一个前女友 |
| [17:24] | who I had a lot of chemistry with. | 我和她有过很深感情 |
| [17:26] | And you had sex with her. | 于是你就跟她上床了 |
| [17:27] | Let me finish. | 让我说完 |
| [17:31] | No. | 没有 |
| [17:35] | I-I did not have sex with her. | 我没和她上床 |
| [17:38] | Then why do you feel guilty? | 那你为什么内疚 |
| [17:39] | Uh, well, after I ran into her, | 我遇见她后 |
| [17:43] | I, uh, uh, I-I found myself, | 我 我发现 |
| [17:47] | uh, fantasizing a-about her. | 我一直意淫她 |
| [17:51] | Fantasizing? That’s it? | 意淫 就这样 |
| [17:53] | That’s it. | 没错 |
| [17:54] | Uh, and nothing crazy, just straight missionary. | 发乎情止乎礼那种 |
| [17:56] | Sweetie, we all fantasize. | 宝贝 大家都会意淫 |
| [18:00] | Every time I go to the car wash, I imagine myself | 我每次去洗车都想象自己 |
| [18:03] | being bent over a soapy BMW by a man with calloused hands | 被一个满手老茧 又没绿卡的男人 |
| [18:06] | and no green card. | 按在打满肥皂的宝马上蹂躏 |
| [18:08] | Really? Every time? | 真的吗 每次都这样 |
| [18:10] | It’s not always a BMW. | 也不是每次都在宝马上 |
| [18:12] | Come on, let’s go to bed. | 走吧 睡觉去吧 |
| [18:13] | Si, senorita. | 遵命 小姐[西班牙语] |
| [18:16] | Don’t ruin it. | 别扫兴 |
| [18:33] | Oh, crap. | 晕死 |
| [18:40] | – Where is he? – I don’t know. | -他在哪 -我不知道 |
| [18:42] | I’m gonna give you one last chance. | 我给你最后一次机会 |
| [18:45] | Where is he? | 他在哪 |
| [18:46] | I’m sorry. I don’t… | 抱歉 我不 |
| [18:57] | What’s going on? | 怎么回事 |
| [18:59] | She kneed me in the nuts. | 她用膝盖顶我蛋蛋 |
| [19:02] | What’d you do to her? | 你怎么得罪她了 |
| [19:03] | Nothing. | 没有 |
| [19:05] | What’d he do to you? | 他干了什么坏事 |
| [19:06] | He won’t tell me where his brother is. | 他不告诉我他弟弟在哪 |
| [19:08] | I can’t. | 我不能说 |
| [19:09] | I’m not a rat. | 我不是叛徒 |
| [19:10] | What are you going to do to Alan when you find him? | 你找到艾伦要干什么 |
| [19:13] | Oh, same thing I did to Charlie, but worse. | 跟查理一样 但会更惨 |
| [19:15] | He’s at Lyndsey’s. | 他在琳赛家 |
| [19:16] | 1182 Bonnie Meadow Drive. | 邦尼梅多路1182号 |
| [19:20] | Sherman Oaks, big blue house. | 在雪曼橡树区 蓝色的大房子 |
| [19:29] | I’m sorry, Charlie. | 对不起 查理 |
| [19:34] | Oh, stop whining. | 得了 别叫了 |
| [19:36] | On some level, I’m sure you had it coming. | 你肯定早料到了这是迟早的报应 |
| [19:44] | So I was thinking of | 那啥 我想 |
| [19:45] | turning that little storage room into a den. | 把小储藏室改成个小窝 |
| [19:47] | You know, kind of a man cave. | 就像男人的洞穴 |
| [19:49] | Whatever you want, sweetie. | 随你怎么改 宝贝 |
| [19:51] | – Really? – Mm-hmm. | -真的吗 -嗯 |
| [19:52] | So I can get a flat screen, maybe a wet bar? | 那我能装个纯平电视 或者小吧台呢 |
| [19:56] | If that’s what it takes to make you happy here. | 只要你高兴就行 |
| [19:58] | Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. | 爽啊爽啊爽啊 |
| [20:01] | Enough talking. | 别说了 |
| [20:03] | Let’s make love in our home. | 我们在咱家爱爱吧 |
| [20:05] | Oh, yes, our home. | 对 咱家 |
| [20:13] | Do you smell something burning? | 你有没有闻到烧焦味 |
| [20:20] | Here you go. | 给你 |
| [20:21] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [20:23] | How are you feeling? | 感觉如何 |
| [20:24] | I think she punched my right nut up into my rib cage. | 她简直把我右边的蛋蛋顶到胸腔了 |
| [20:28] | Poor baby. | 可怜的娃 |
| [20:30] | You want Mommy to take a look? | 要不要妈妈给你瞧瞧 |
| [20:32] | No, thanks. | 那倒不必 |
| [20:33] | I have seen them before. | 我又不是没看过 |
| [20:35] | I know. | 我知道 |
| [20:37] | I imagine they’re hanging a lot lower now. | 它们现在应该下垂很多了吧 |
| [20:41] | Right back at ya, Mom. | 彼此彼此 老妈 |
| [20:44] | Touche darling. | 承让承让 儿子 |
| [20:55] | You will never guess what happened. | 你们绝对猜不到发生了什么事 |