| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:03] | Sorry I’m late. | 抱歉 我来迟了 |
| [00:04] | I’ve been waiting here for over an hour. | 我在这等一个多小时了呢 |
| [00:06] | I’d to pee in that bush. | 害我得在那草丛里尿尿 |
| [00:08] | I shutter to think what you used to wipe. | 我都不敢想你用什么擦了 |
| [00:11] | Well, did you knock on the door | 你有试着敲门看看吗 |
| [00:12] | to see if Walden and Berta were home? | 看看沃顿或波塔在不在家 |
| [00:14] | Yeah, they invited me in, but I said I’d rather pee | 他们还”邀请”我进来呢 但我说 |
| [00:16] | on my feet while an azalea tickled my crack. | 我”想要”被杜鹃瘙到股沟 脚上溅到尿 |
| [00:19] | Okay, actually, it’s, uh, it’s an oleander. | 那是夹竹桃不是杜鹃 |
| [00:22] | That’s probably not the salient part of your story. | 不过想必这不是你故事的重点 |
| [00:27] | You know, none of this would have happened if I had a key. | 要是我有钥匙 就不会有这些事了 |
| [00:30] | Uh, come on. We’ve been over this. | 别这样 我们谈过这事了 |
| [00:31] | I just, I feel like I’m overstepping my boundaries with Walden | 我觉得如果问沃顿 能否配一把钥匙给我女朋友 |
| [00:34] | by asking if my girlfriend can have a key. | 可能会太不知好歹嘛 |
| [00:36] | Well, I feel like an unwelcome guest in this house. | 我还觉得自己是这家不欢迎的客人呢 |
| [00:38] | I’m an unwelcome guest in this house. | 我就是个他们不欢迎的客人 |
| [00:41] | I don’t think you’re taking me seriously. | 我觉得你没在认真跟我谈 |
| [00:43] | Isn’t it enough that you have the key to my heart? | 你拥有我心房的钥匙还不够吗 |
| [00:45] | Oh, bite me. | 那算毛啊 |
| [00:47] | Okay, I get it. I get it. | 好啦 我明白 我明白 |
| [00:49] | You’re upset, and you have every right to be. | 你心里不爽 你也有权不爽 |
| [00:51] | But why don’t we just, you know, take a deep breath, | 但我们何不就一起深呼吸 |
| [00:52] | maybe open a bottle of wine, | 开瓶酒来喝喝 |
| [00:54] | uh, take a bath, | 一起洗个澡 |
| [00:55] | light some candles. | 点上蜡烛 |
| [00:56] | Do you actually believe | 你不会真相信 |
| [00:57] | I’m going to have sex with you tonight? | 我们今晚还会滚床单吧 |
| [00:59] | I can’t believe you ever have sex with me. | 你每次跟我滚床单我都不敢相信 |
| [01:02] | But you’re here now. You look lovely. | 但你人都来了 还看起来超美 |
| [01:03] | You have an empty bladder, so why not? | 膀胱也清空了 择日不如撞日嘛 |
| [01:05] | You know what? Keep the key. | 好了 你自己留着那破钥匙吧 |
| [01:07] | Ah, Lyndsey, come on. | 琳赛 乖嘛 |
| [01:09] | Don’t be like this. | 你别这样嘛 |
| [01:11] | What, you’re just going to mark your territory and leave? | 你就这么撒尿画完地盘后就要走人啦 |
| [01:23] | Son of a bitch. | 他奶奶的 |
| [01:24] | Bet you wish you gave me that key now. | 现在后悔你不给我一把钥匙了吧 |
| [01:51] | You’re going to keep doing that | 我要是不问你怎么了 |
| [01:52] | until I ask you what’s wrong, aren’t you? | 你就会一直唉声叹气 对吧 |
| [01:55] | What’s wrong? | 怎么了 |
| [01:57] | Kate updated her Facebook status. | 凯特网上更新了状态 |
| [02:00] | Still no mention of me. | 还是没提到我 |
| [02:02] | Let it go. | 你就放手吧 |
| [02:04] | She’s eating a bagel. | 她在吃贝吉饼 |
| [02:07] | We used to eat bagels. | 我们以前都一起吃呢 |
| [02:08] | Here. | 给 |
| [02:09] | Now you’re eating bagels together. | 你可以跟她一起吃了 |
| [02:13] | I miss her. | 我好想她 |
| [02:14] | Oh, boo-hoo-hoo. | 哪又怎样 |
| [02:15] | I miss waking up next to Burt Reynolds. | 我还怀念在毕雷·诺斯身旁醒来的日子呢 |
| [02:20] | What, it happened. | 干嘛 真发生过好吗 |
| [02:24] | – Morning. – Morning. | -早安 -早安 |
| [02:28] | Where-where’s Lyndsey? | 琳赛上哪了 |
| [02:29] | I thought she was spending the night. | 我还以为她昨晚来过夜呢 |
| [02:31] | Me, too. | 我也以为啊 |
| [02:31] | But then she decided I suck. | 但她说我是个烂人 |
| [02:34] | Why? | 为什么 |
| [02:35] | Did it take her so long to figure that out? | 她这么久才醒悟啊 |
| [02:39] | I don’t know what happened. | 我也不知道怎么了 |
| [02:40] | It just came out of nowhere. | 就突然变成这样了 |
| [02:41] | It always does. | 都是这样的啦 |
| [02:43] | You know who knew relationships? Your brother. | 你知道谁很懂感情吗 你哥 |
| [02:46] | Oh, please, his lasted an hour at a time. | 拜托 他的感情只能维持一小时 |
| [02:49] | An hour and a half if he was drunk. | 或喝醉时维持一个半小时 |
| [02:52] | Exactly. | 对啊 |
| [02:53] | He treated women like rental cars. | 他视女人如租来的车 |
| [02:56] | You pay for them when you need them, | 需要的时候去付钱来用 |
| [02:57] | and it’s someone else’s job | 但其他那些 |
| [02:58] | to empty out the trunk and hose them down. | 打扫清洗的烂活都不用自己做 |
| [03:03] | Well, I’m not paying for sex. | 我才不要付钱上妞呢 |
| [03:06] | And he can’t afford to. | 而他是付不起 |
| [03:07] | I don’t need a hooker. I have Lyndsey. | 我才不需要招妓呢 我有琳赛 |
| [03:12] | You should lead with that when you apologize to her. | 你跟她道歉时 记得用这句开头 |
| [03:15] | Oh, we will be fine. | 我们会没事的 |
| [03:16] | This whole thing will blow over and be gone by tomorrow morning. | 这件事到了明天 自然会烟消云散了 |
| [03:19] | So would the hooker. | 妓女也会啊 |
| [03:29] | Look who finally decided to grace us with his presence. | 看看是谁来让我们这里蓬荜生辉啦 |
| [03:33] | I needed some time. | 我之前想静一静 |
| [03:34] | Kate and I split up. | 我跟凯特分手了 |
| [03:36] | One second. Another woman left you? | 等等 又一个女的离你而去啦 |
| [03:38] | She moved to New York. | 她搬去纽约了 |
| [03:40] | They’re crossing state lines to get away from you now. | 还越过洲际线来躲开你吗 |
| [03:43] | Yeah, yeah… | 是是是 |
| [03:45] | I’m a loser. | 我是个废柴 |
| [03:46] | I’m alone. | 我没人要 |
| [03:47] | And meanwhile, you’re having wild, crazy sex | 而你呢 你跟我的前妻享受着 |
| [03:50] | with my ex-wife like I could never imagine. | 我想象不到的疯狂性爱 |
| [03:52] | Oh, you don’t have to imagine it. | 你不必费心想象 |
| [03:54] | Look, let me-let me paint you a word picture. | 让我用文字描述给你听 |
| [03:56] | Uh, the candles were flickering; | 浪漫烛火摇曳 |
| [03:58] | the music was playing; | 音乐缓缓响起 |
| [04:00] | and she rode me like I was a giant, pink pogo stick. | 她像玩弹簧高跷一样骑着我的大棒 |
| [04:04] | You’re not a giant anything. | 你全身就没一处是”大”的 |
| [04:07] | That’s funny. | 真好笑 |
| [04:08] | You know what else is funny? | 你知道什么事也很好笑吗 |
| [04:09] | You’re alone. | 你没人要 |
| [04:12] | Okay, I get it. | 行 我明白 |
| [04:13] | It’s a joke. | 就是个笑话 |
| [04:14] | Women always leave me. | 女人们总是离我而去 |
| [04:16] | I get it. | 我明白可以了吧 |
| [04:17] | Well, you know what? It still hurts. | 但你知道吗 这还是很伤心 |
| [04:18] | Not that I expect you to understand how it feels | 但我也不强求你能够明白 |
| [04:21] | to have your heart broken by someone you love | 这种被心爱的人伤到心都碎了的感觉 |
| [04:23] | because that would actually require you having a heart. | 因为没都没心 哪能体验心碎 |
| [04:26] | – Do you even know how it feels… – She dumped me. | -你知道那是什么感… -她甩了我 |
| [04:28] | What? | 什么 |
| [04:30] | Bridget left me. | 布里奇特离开我了 |
| [04:34] | Are you serious? | 你说真的吗 |
| [04:35] | She-She said I was inconsiderate, condescending, | 她说我轻率又骄傲 |
| [04:40] | and that I look like a lesbian art teacher. | 看起来像个教艺术的拉拉老师 |
| [04:46] | I-I don’t know what to say. | 我都不知道说啥了 |
| [04:49] | Other than you do look like a lesbian art teacher. | 除了你真看起来像个艺术老师拉拉 |
| [04:51] | I’m glad that my pain can make you happy. | 我的痛苦能让你快乐 我很荣幸 |
| [04:54] | Oh, wait, you have no idea. | 你完全不能想象啊 |
| [04:56] | Let me paint you a word picture. | 我用文字描述给你听 |
| [04:59] | Flowers are blooming. | 我内心百花盛开 |
| [05:00] | Birds are singing. | 鸟儿歌唱 |
| [05:02] | Angels are farting rainbows. | 天使都放屁出彩虹了 |
| [05:04] | That’s not funny, all right? | 这不好笑好吗 |
| [05:05] | My-my life is falling apart. | 我感觉人生都支离破碎了 |
| [05:08] | Come on. I’m just giving you a hard time. | 好啦 我只是挖苦挖苦你嘛 |
| [05:10] | I’m sorry. | 我很遗憾 |
| [05:12] | It’s gonna be okay. | 会没事的 |
| [05:13] | No, it’s not. I loved her. | 才不会呢 我很爱她呢 |
| [05:14] | I know. I did, too. | 我知道 我也爱过她啊 |
| [05:16] | And then I realized she’s the broken one. | 但后来我才发现 原来有问题的是她 |
| [05:19] | You think so? | 你也这么觉得吗 |
| [05:21] | Yeah, of course. I… she dumped me | 当然啊 她甩了我 |
| [05:23] | to be with you. I mean… | 就为了跟你这货好 这… |
| [05:24] | Hey, that… | 喂 你这话 |
| [05:25] | Shh, it gets better. | 安静 这事越来越妙了 |
| [05:30] | Here ya go. | 给你 |
| [05:34] | We got chicken and star soup | 这是罐头鸡汤 |
| [05:35] | and grilled cheese sandwich with the crust cut off. | 还有烤好切皮的芝士三明治 |
| [05:38] | I-I got dumped by my girlfriend, | 我是被女朋友抛弃 |
| [05:40] | not pushed off the monkey bars at recess. | 不是在休息时间被人推下儿童攀吊架 |
| [05:43] | And that’s why I put whiskey in your sippy cup. | 所以我在你的奶杯里倒了威士忌 |
| [05:48] | What’s going on? | 发生什么事了 |
| [05:49] | Oh, Billy got dumped by Bridget. | 比利被布里奇特甩了 |
| [05:51] | Oh, man, I’m sorry. | 天啊 深表同情 |
| [05:53] | Me and my girlfriend are going through | 我和我的女朋友现在 |
| [05:55] | a bit of a rough patch ourselves. | 也在小小地闹矛盾 |
| [05:57] | So, she sewed you up in your sheets while you were sleeping | 那她有在你睡觉的时候 用床单把你包起来缝上 |
| [06:00] | and started beating you with a broom? | 然后用扫把打你吗 |
| [06:02] | Uh, no. | 没有 |
| [06:03] | Then it’s not a rough patch. | 那就不算闹矛盾 |
| [06:07] | What is it that makes relationships so difficult? | 是什么让恋爱变得这么难啊 |
| [06:10] | – Women. – Women. | -女人 -女人 |
| [06:11] | Exactly. | 正确 |
| [06:12] | I mean, when was the last time you were dating someone | 我是说 我们什么时候跟人约会的时候 |
| [06:14] | and you decided to ask | 问对方 |
| [06:16] | “Where is this relationship going?” | “这段感情会怎么发展啊” |
| [06:19] | Or “are you mad at me?” | 或是”你是不是生我气” |
| [06:21] | Yeah, or “What’s all this glittery, sparkly stuff | 对啊 还有”你裤子上那些闪闪的白点 |
| [06:24] | on your pants?” | 是什么玩意” |
| [06:28] | Guys ask questions that you can answer. | 男人会问一些能回答上来的问题 |
| [06:29] | Like, “How are we fixed for ham? “ | 比如”我们有火腿吃吗” |
| [06:33] | Why is my beer empty? | 为什么我的啤酒没了 |
| [06:36] | God, I hate it when Lyndsey asks me that. | 天啊 我最烦琳赛问我这个问题了 |
| [06:39] | Oh, I’m sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [06:41] | Wait, were we doing guys’ or girls’ questions? | 等等 我们是在说男人问题还是女人的问题 |
| [06:44] | Yeah, on the other hand, there’s no better feeling | 是啊 另一方面 没有什么感觉能比 |
| [06:46] | than when you’re in a loving, happy relationship. | 处于一段有爱开心的感情更棒 |
| [06:48] | The sweet release of black tar heroin’s a close second. | 黑焦油海洛因的上市也只能屈居第二 |
| [06:52] | Well, the good news is neither one of you guys | 好消息是你们俩 |
| [06:55] | are going to be single for long. | 谁也不会单身太久 |
| [06:56] | I mean, you got looks and money. | 你玉树临风 家财万贯 |
| [06:58] | Thank you, Alan. | 谢谢你 艾伦 |
| [06:59] | And you’ve got… | 而你… |
| [07:02] | money. | 腰缠万贯 |
| [07:03] | That’s true. | 那倒是 |
| [07:04] | Yeah, and what about you? You got… | 那你呢 你… |
| [07:08] | most of your hair… | 头发大多还在 |
| [07:11] | both eyes. | 眼睛也没瞎 |
| [07:14] | Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, no, you’ve got a… | 对啊 对啊 我是说 你… |
| [07:19] | You’ve got… | 你… |
| [07:21] | To go apologize to my girlfriend. | 得去跟我女朋友道歉 |
| [07:23] | Exactly. | 正确 |
| [07:26] | By the way, how are we fixed for ham? | 对了 我们有火腿吃吗 |
| [07:34] | Alan. | 艾伦 |
| [07:36] | Oh, uh, hey-hey, Lyndsey. | 你好啊 琳赛 |
| [07:39] | What are you doing here? | 你来干嘛 |
| [07:40] | Well, I’ve left you a few messages since yesterday. | 我昨天给你留了几通留言 |
| [07:42] | I don’t know if you got them. | 不知道你是否收到 |
| [07:43] | I did. | 收到了 |
| [07:45] | Oh, o-okay. | 好吧 |
| [07:47] | Well, you look nice. | 打扮得真漂亮 |
| [07:51] | Did someone die? | 有人死了吗 |
| [07:53] | I’m going out. | 我要出门 |
| [07:54] | – Ooh, girls’ night out? – No. | -跟女性朋友玩吗 -不是 |
| [08:00] | Did someone die? | 有人死了吗 |
| [08:03] | I have a date with Dr. Staven. | 我约了斯达文医生 |
| [08:06] | Wait, Dr. Staven, your-your gynecologist? | 斯达文医生 你的妇科医生吗 |
| [08:08] | That’s right. | 对 |
| [08:09] | Is-is this about the other night? | 是不是因为那晚 |
| [08:10] | Because I said I was sorry. | 我已经道过歉了啊 |
| [08:12] | Look, if it’ll make you feel better, | 如果能让你好过点 |
| [08:13] | you can lock me out and I’ll pee in your bush. | 你也可以不让我进去 让我尿在你的草丛里啊 |
| [08:16] | Okay, that came out much worse than I meant it. | 好吧 这话说出来跟我的本意差太多了 |
| [08:19] | Okay, I have to get going. | 好了 我得走了 |
| [08:21] | Are you mad at me? | 你是不是生我的气 |
| [08:24] | No, we just have different ideas of | 不 我们只是对这段感情的发展 |
| [08:26] | what a relationship should be. | 有不同的想法而已 |
| [08:28] | Well, then let’s just sit down and talk about it. | 那我们就坐下好好谈谈 |
| [08:30] | Nothing to talk about. | 没什么可谈的 |
| [08:31] | Oh, yeah, right. Like a woman is ever done… | 是啊 好像你们女人真有可能停嘴… |
| [08:33] | She’s mad at me. | 她果然在气我 |
| [08:36] | They’re hot when they’re angry, aren’t they? | 她们生起气来更性感 对吧 |
| [08:38] | Oh, Herb. | 赫伯 |
| [08:40] | Geez, you scared me. | 天啊 你吓到我了 |
| [08:41] | Little trouble in paradise? | 在天堂碰到小麻烦了吗 |
| [08:42] | Oh, yeah, you know, relationships… | 是啊 恋爱难免的啦… |
| [08:45] | Hey, want to come across the street for a beer | 想来对面街坐下来喝一杯 |
| [08:46] | and talk about it? | 好好谈谈吗 |
| [08:47] | Oh, sure. Thanks. | 当然 谢啦 |
| [08:49] | So, uh, what are you doing over here anyway? | 你怎么会在这里啊 |
| [08:51] | Oh, just seeing if Lyndsey’s coming out for her 6:15 jog. | 只是来看看琳赛6点15分会不会出来慢跑 |
| [08:54] | – Oh, you jog with her? – No. | -你跟她一起跑吗 -不啊 |
| [08:57] | Oh, you know, I don’t think | 我觉得朱蒂丝 |
| [08:58] | Judith is going to be too happy to see me. | 见到我会不开心 |
| [09:00] | Oh, don’t worry. She’s gone. | 别担心 她走了 |
| [09:07] | Okay, when you say “Gone”” | 好吧 当你说她”走了”时 |
| [09:08] | do you mean she’s traveling, | 你是指她去旅行了 |
| [09:10] | or is her head in that cooler? | 还是指她的头在那个小冰箱里 |
| [09:14] | She left me, Al. | 她离开我了 艾伦 |
| [09:16] | Oh, my God, what happened? | 上帝啊 发生什么事了 |
| [09:18] | Yeah, I had a moment of weakness with my receptionist. | 我跟我的前台小姐出了次轨 |
| [09:21] | Actually, 36 and a half moments of weakness. | 确切来说 是出了36.5次轨 |
| [09:24] | Uh, a half? | 怎么还有0.5次 |
| [09:26] | Judith walked in during 37. | 那一次到一半时 朱蒂丝走了进来 |
| [09:28] | Herb, how could you? | 赫伯 你怎么能这样呢 |
| [09:33] | This is my receptionist. | 这是我的前台小姐 |
| [09:36] | I would have finished 37 while she was watching. | 即使她看着 我也要干完第37次 |
| [09:52] | Hey, man, thanks for inviting me over. | 伙计 谢谢邀请我过来 |
| [09:54] | I really appreciate it. | 我真的很感激 |
| [09:54] | Ah, come on, you’d do the same thing for me. | 拜托 换做我你也会这么做 |
| [09:57] | We both know that’s not true, | 咱俩都知道我不会 |
| [09:58] | but it’s sweet of you to say. | 但你这么说我很高兴 |
| [10:01] | And besides, breakups are like a bruise, | 而且 分手就像淤青 |
| [10:04] | and I want to be there | 我想在你的淤青 |
| [10:05] | when yours turns from dark purple to yellow. | 从深紫变黄的时候 陪着你 |
| [10:08] | That is the meanest thing you’ve ever said. | 那是你这辈子说过最毒的一句话 |
| [10:11] | Kudos. | 不错嘛 |
| [10:14] | Okay, here’s a question: | 问你个问题 |
| [10:17] | – who’s your dream schtupp? – What? | -你梦中想私会的对象是谁 -什么 |
| [10:21] | Any woman in the world, one night, who’s it going to be? | 跟世界上随便一个女人搞一夜情 快说是谁 |
| [10:23] | Oh, that’s easy: Kate. | 很简单 凯特 |
| [10:25] | Oh, see, right there. | 这就是问题所在 |
| [10:26] | That’s why I wouldn’t have you over. | 这就是为什么我不会请你来我家 |
| [10:27] | Who picks their ex-girlfriend? | 谁会选自己的前女友啊 |
| [10:29] | I mean, I’m talking any woman in the world. | 我是说世界上任何一个女人 |
| [10:32] | Okay, dead or alive? | 那好 去世的还是在世的 |
| [10:33] | It doesn’t matter. | 无所谓啦 |
| [10:35] | – Do I have to know her? – Nope. | -我得认识她吗 -不用 |
| [10:37] | What if she doesn’t like me? | 万一她不喜欢我怎么办 |
| [10:38] | I… for the love of God. | 我… 天啊 |
| [10:40] | – In the game she has to like you. – Okay. | -在我的假设里她一定是喜欢你的 -好吧 |
| [10:44] | Can she be animated? | 她可以是动漫人物吗 |
| [10:45] | Like a-like a cartoon? | 比如说动画那种吗 |
| [10:47] | What? You want to be chomped by Ms. Pacman? | 怎么 你想被吃豆小姐咬得格格响吗 |
| [10:49] | No, but I always had these weird feelings | 不是啊 但是我看到兔八哥男扮女装时 |
| [10:52] | when I used to see Bugs Bunny in drag. | 总会有这种奇怪的想法 |
| [10:54] | Fine, she can be animated. | 好吧 可以是动漫人物 |
| [10:56] | Her place or mine? | 在她家还是我家 |
| [10:58] | Who cares? | 有什么区别 |
| [10:59] | I do. | 当然有 |
| [11:00] | It’s hard for me to relax in strange surroundings. | 在陌生环境下我没法放松 |
| [11:02] | Okay, you know what? Just forget it. | 好吧 你猜怎么着 算了 |
| [11:03] | But-but I didn’t pick a girl. | 但 但是我还没选呢 |
| [11:05] | Just shut up. You ruin everything. | 闭嘴吧 趣味都让你毁了 |
| [11:08] | Mother Teresa. | 特蕾莎修女 |
| [11:11] | What?! | 什么 |
| [11:12] | That woman gave her whole life | 她一生都在 |
| [11:15] | for the benefit of mankind. | 为人类谋福利 |
| [11:17] | And one man should give her a little something back. | 应该有个男人为她”做”点什么 |
| [11:21] | Hey, guys. | 嘿 伙计们 |
| [11:25] | Oh, Alan’s girlfriend is taller than I would have thought. | 艾伦的女朋友可比我预想的要高 |
| [11:29] | Herb, uh, you remember Walden. This is Billy. | 赫伯 你还记得沃顿吧 那是比利 |
| [11:31] | Oh. Hello, Billy. | 你好 比利 |
| [11:33] | Alan tells me you got, uh, dumped by Walden’s ex-wife. | 艾伦说你被沃顿的前妻甩了 |
| [11:36] | Yeah. I got dumped by Alan’s ex-wife. | 我被艾伦的前妻甩了 |
| [11:39] | I guess that makes us dump brothers. | 这么说我们俩是被甩兄弟啊 |
| [11:41] | That’s, uh… | 这 |
| [11:43] | Who is this guy? | 这家伙谁啊 |
| [11:44] | You don’t recognize your own dump brother? | 你不认识自己的被甩兄弟吗 |
| [11:47] | Herb is the most recent victim | 赫伯是朱蒂丝 |
| [11:49] | of Judith’s unrelenting assault on mankind. | 无情残害全人类的最新受害者 |
| [11:52] | Oh, it sounds like just the kind of horrible ball-breaker | 听起来就像那种总被我遇到的 |
| [11:55] | I always end up with. | 蛋疼女友 |
| [11:56] | She available? | 她放下这段感情了吗 |
| [11:58] | Not emotionally. | 情感上还没 |
| [12:00] | And she’s only physically available twice a year. | 而且肉体上一年也只有两次机会 |
| [12:02] | – Twice? – Uh, birthdays and Valentine’s Day. | -两次 -生日和情人节 |
| [12:05] | Oh, that explains it. | 原来是这样 |
| [12:06] | My birthday’s on Valentine’s Day. | 我生日正好是情人节那天 |
| [12:11] | I thought you were going to see Lyndsey. | 我以为你会去找琳赛 |
| [12:12] | I did… | 我去了 |
| [12:13] | right as she was going out on a date. | 正赶上她要赴约 |
| [12:15] | – Gut-punch. – Yikes. | -当头一棒啊 -真巧 |
| [12:17] | With her gynecologist. | 跟她的妇科医生去约会哦 |
| [12:18] | Shut up! | 那惨了 |
| [12:21] | What? | 怎么 |
| [12:21] | That man is a trained vagina handler. | 那人可是阴道专家 |
| [12:23] | You do not want him down there. | 你不会希望他对她下面”动过手脚”的 |
| [12:25] | He-He’s already been down there. | 他 他已经”动过了啊 |
| [12:27] | Yeah, on business. | 看病那是公务 |
| [12:28] | You don’t want him to return on a pleasure cruise. | 但你不会希望他是为了快感而来吧 |
| [12:32] | I mean, he could take apart | 我是说 他闭着眼都能 |
| [12:33] | and reassemble her undercarriage blindfolded. | 把她的”底座”拆了又装呢 |
| [12:36] | You’re more like a guy trying | 而你只有普通人试着组装 |
| [12:37] | to put a bookshelf together from IKEA. | 一个宜家书架等级的能力 |
| [12:40] | Well, you know what? I don’t care. | 你猜怎么着 我不在乎 |
| [12:41] | I don’t need her. | 我不需要她 |
| [12:42] | That’s a good attitude. | 这态度不错 |
| [12:43] | Exactly. Who needs women? | 没错 谁需要女人 |
| [12:44] | – Not me. – Me, neither. | -我不需要 -我也是 |
| [12:50] | Know what we should do? | 知道我们该干点什么吗 |
| [12:51] | Go to a bar and pick up some women? | 去酒吧泡妞吗 |
| [12:52] | Yup. | 对 |
| [12:57] | All right, this is not gonna be that hard. | 不会有多难的啦 |
| [12:59] | I mean, look at us. We’ve got a doctor, | 我是说 我们中有医生 |
| [13:01] | a billionaire, another billionaire. | 亿万富翁 还有个亿万富翁 |
| [13:03] | Billionaire’s permanent houseguest. | 还有亿万富翁的永久房客 |
| [13:05] | Ooh, he said I’m permanent. | 他说我是”永久”房客 |
| [13:09] | Check out the talent at three o’clock. | 看右边的美眉 |
| [13:13] | Hotsy-totsy! | 正点啊 |
| [13:16] | Oh, I got dibs on the blonde. | 我要那个金发妞 |
| [13:18] | – Oh, who’s taking the manly one? – What manly one? | -谁上那个男人婆 -什么男人婆 |
| [13:20] | Herb’s got the one with the adam’s apple. | 有喉结的那个就给赫伯吧 |
| [13:23] | Okay, what are we gonna do here, guys? | 好吧 我们怎么行动 |
| [13:25] | You know, uh, what’s the plan? | 就是 要有个计划吧 |
| [13:26] | I mean, uh, teams of two, | 是两人一组 |
| [13:27] | every man for himself, uh, shock and awe? | 各自分头行动还是过去吓唬她们 |
| [13:31] | Or we just send in the tall, handsome guy | 或者就派那个又高又帅 |
| [13:32] | with the big Johnson. | 老二又大的家伙去 |
| [13:34] | I’ll see what I can do. | 那我去试试 |
| [13:35] | Oh, not you. Pretty boy here. | 不是说你 是这位小帅哥 |
| [13:38] | Well, I am more than just a pretty face. | 我又不是只漂亮花瓶 |
| [13:40] | Come on, man. | 你去吧 |
| [13:42] | You can be like the-the great white shark, | 你可以当大白鲨 |
| [13:43] | and we’ll be the plucky little pilot fish | 我们就你身边的小鱼 |
| [13:45] | who swim alongside you and feed off your scraps. | 游在你身边 吃你吃剩的渣子 |
| [13:49] | Why do I have to be cursed with all of this? | 为什么我的命运是这样 |
| [13:51] | Back off. | 闪开 |
| [13:52] | I will seal the deal. | 这事我包了 |
| [13:57] | I’ve seen this movie before. | 我之前看过这桥段 |
| [13:58] | You’re going to enjoy it. | 你们好好观赏吧 |
| [14:01] | Hi. I hate to interrupt, | 你们好 我无意打扰各位 |
| [14:03] | so I’m just gonna cut right to the chase. | 所以我就直奔主题了 |
| [14:05] | I’m neither tall, nor handsome, | 我既不高也不帅 |
| [14:07] | but I’m incredibly rich. | 但老子超级有钱 |
| [14:09] | So which of you would like the honor | 你们中谁愿意跟我”睡”一晚 |
| [14:12] | of sleeping with me for… $5,000? | 然后拿走五千块呢 |
| [14:21] | I apologize. | 很抱歉 |
| [14:23] | Ten thousand. | 一万块 |
| [14:36] | Gentlemen, | 先生们 |
| [14:38] | the bar has been lowered. | 我先把她们的标准降低了 |
| [14:43] | This is a great idea, Herb. | 这个主意太棒了 赫伯 |
| [14:45] | Yeah, but we shouldn’t call him Herb. | 但是我们不该叫他赫伯 |
| [14:48] | We should call him Erb. | 应该叫他饿伯 |
| [14:52] | Well, as a doctor, | 作为一名医生 |
| [14:53] | I have access to some pretty righteous chronic. | 我接触过一些特别假正经的慢性病患者 |
| [14:56] | You’re a pediatrician. | 你是一名儿科医生 |
| [14:58] | I prescribe it to the parents. | 但处方是开给父母啊 |
| [15:01] | This would be way better | 要是有四个辣妞在这儿 |
| [15:02] | if there were four hot women in here. | 一定很爽啊 |
| [15:03] | Yeah, and none of you. | 是啊 把你们全换成妞 |
| [15:06] | Please, the only way you could satisfy four women | 拜托 你唯一能一次满足四个女人的情况 |
| [15:08] | is if they were cannibals. | 就是她们是食人动物 |
| [15:11] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [15:12] | Yeah. Look, I will have you know, | 听着 我想你知道 |
| [15:14] | I have no trouble satisfying multiple women. | 我完全可以同时搞定好几个女人 |
| [15:16] | In fact, that’s kind of the reason | 实际上 正因为这一点 |
| [15:18] | I ended in this big bowl of sausage soup. | 我才泡在这碗”香肠”汤里 |
| [15:21] | What do you mean? | 什么意思 |
| [15:22] | Bridget and I would enjoy the occasional threesome. | 我和布里奇特喜欢偶尔来个”三人行” |
| [15:26] | And by “occasional,” | “偶尔”的意思是 |
| [15:27] | I mean every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night. | 每周五 周六和周日的晚上 |
| [15:31] | Whoa, whoa, Bridget, like, my Bridget? | 哇 是我那位布里奇特吗 |
| [15:33] | Yup. She was a weekend warrior. | 是啊 她可是个周末狂人 |
| [15:37] | The closest we ever came to a threesome | 我们最算得上三人行的一次就是 |
| [15:39] | was one time we dog-sat, and I left the bedroom door open. | 有一次我们在”做” 卧室门没关 |
| [15:42] | Me and that beagle made eye contact | 我跟那只猎兔犬在最不合时宜的时刻 |
| [15:44] | at the most inopportune moment. | 互换了眼神 |
| [15:48] | Oh, my God. | 天啊 |
| [15:50] | One word of advice. | 给你个建议 |
| [15:51] | Do not look up from the lap of a girl | 不要瞄完西夫韦公司 |
| [15:54] | you just picked up at Safeway | 小妞的大腿 |
| [15:55] | and say to your girlfriend, | 就对你女朋友说 |
| [15:57] | “My God, I never want this to end!” | “天哪 我希望此刻永存” |
| [16:00] | Aah, threesomes never work out. | 三人行永远是不行的啊 |
| [16:02] | Somebody always feels left out. | 总有人会被冷落到 |
| [16:04] | That’s why my receptionist and I got another couple and swing. | 所以我和我的前台会叫上另一对换换 |
| [16:07] | Ooh! Stringbean’s a freak. I like it. | 原来瘦高个儿喜欢重口味 我喜欢 |
| [16:10] | Yeah, if you and, uh, Bridget ever get back together, | 如果你和布里奇特重归于好 |
| [16:12] | maybe she’d like to become a Herbivore. | 也许她会愿意来赫伯这里转转 |
| [16:16] | I will keep that in mind. | 我会考虑下的 |
| [16:20] | Okay, so I lied to the woman I love about who I am. | 我对我爱的女人隐瞒了身份 |
| [16:23] | Herb cheated on his wife. | 赫伯出轨了 |
| [16:25] | And Billy spent too much time | 比利花了太多时间 |
| [16:26] | yodeling in the wrong canyon. | 在错误的”山谷”唱”山歌” |
| [16:30] | Why did you and Lyndsey break up? | 你和琳赛为什么分手 |
| [16:32] | She wanted a key to the house. | 她要这房子的钥匙 |
| [16:38] | And? | 然后呢 |
| [16:39] | And I said no. | 然后我拒绝了 |
| [16:41] | Why? | 为什么 |
| [16:44] | Well, it’s-it’s not mine to give. | 我没这个权利 |
| [16:45] | It’s your house. | 那是你的家 |
| [16:46] | Since when does that matter to you? | 你何时开始在意这个问题了 |
| [16:49] | Since I don’t want my girlfriend | 从我不希望我的女友 |
| [16:51] | to have unrestricted access to my house. | 可以自由进出我的家开始 |
| [16:53] | And we’re back to your house. | 现在又成了你的家吗 |
| [16:55] | I like my space! | 我希望有私人空间 |
| [16:57] | I-I want to keep my options open. | 我希望还有其它选择 |
| [16:59] | Options? You have op-shun. | 选择 你只有回避[音似] |
| [17:03] | Shun. As in, all other girls shun you. | 回避 所有女人都回避你 |
| [17:08] | Look, Alan, don’t be a schmuck. | 艾伦 别犯傻了 |
| [17:09] | If you’re gonna throw away your relationship, | 如果你想要感情完蛋 |
| [17:11] | do it for a good reason. | 也要有个漂亮的理由 |
| [17:12] | Like spending too much time face down in the checkout girl. | 比如说花太多时间压倒收银妹子 |
| [17:16] | Yeah, or, uh, fooling around | 对 或是与 |
| [17:18] | with your hot, young receptionist | 年轻貌美的前台鬼混 |
| [17:20] | who lets you wear a diaper while riding her around the office. | 穿着纸尿裤骑着她在办公室里转悠 |
| [17:26] | Is one example. | 举个例子而已 |
| [17:28] | Nobody’s gonna think about that next time we see you. | 下次见你时 没人会想到这个 |
| [17:32] | My point is, you’re the only one of us | 我的意思是 你是我们中 |
| [17:34] | who has a chance to get his girl back. | 唯一有希望追回另一半的 |
| [17:36] | What about all that stuff about not needing women? | 我们不是说不需要女人吗 |
| [17:38] | We only said that because we don’t have women. | 我们这样说是因为我们没有女人 |
| [17:40] | – Really? – Of course. Lyndsey is awesome. | -真的吗 -当然 琳赛好得没话说 |
| [17:43] | She really is. She’s got the face of an angel, | 的确是 她有天使的面孔 |
| [17:45] | buttocks you can bounce a quarter off, | 臀部的弹性可以弹起硬币 |
| [17:47] | and a bosom that just makes you wish she was your mother. | 那胸部 让人直希望她是自己老妈 |
| [17:53] | But I’m saying she’s awesome. | 总之她好的没话说 |
| [17:55] | Just give her the key, Alan. | 把钥匙给她 艾伦 |
| [17:57] | Give her anything she wants. | 她要什么给什么 |
| [17:58] | Well, it’s a little late. She’s out with another guy. | 太迟了 她和其他男人出去了 |
| [18:00] | Well, no, it’s not too late. | 不 不算太迟 |
| [18:01] | Go get her. Go do it for yourself. | 去追回她 为了你自己 |
| [18:04] | Do it for all of us who can’t get our girl back. | 为了我们这些追不回自己女人的人争口气 |
| [18:06] | – Yeah! – Come on, go get her. | -对 -去追回她 |
| [18:07] | Okay, okay, you’re right. | 好的 好的 你们说得对 |
| [18:09] | You’re right. I’m gonna do it! | 说的对 我去追回她 |
| [18:10] | – I’m gonna do it for all of us! – There you go. | -我要为我们争口气 -这就对了 |
| [18:20] | I cannot believe he is our only hope. | 我不敢相信他是我们唯一的希望 |
| [18:31] | I don’t know what the problem is. | 这样哪有什么不好啊 |
| [18:32] | This is delightful. | 这明明很爽啊 |
| [18:35] | Oh, boy. | 我的妈呀 |
| [18:37] | Alan? | 艾伦 |
| [18:37] | Oh, Lyndsey. Lyndsey, hi. Hi. | 琳赛 琳赛 你们好 |
| [18:39] | I-I just need two minutes. | 给我两分钟就好 |
| [18:41] | Were you peeing in my bushes? | 你刚才是冲着我的灌木尿尿吗 |
| [18:43] | What? No. No. Hi. I’m, uh… | 什么 才没有 你好 我是… |
| [18:44] | I’m Alan Harper. | 我是艾伦·哈勃 |
| [18:45] | No thanks. | 不用握手了 |
| [18:47] | Alan, this is not a good time. | 艾伦 现在不是合适的时候 |
| [18:49] | Okay, just-just hear me out, okay? | 听我说几句好吗 |
| [18:50] | Look, she said this wasn’t a good time. | 她说了现在不合适 |
| [18:52] | Get him! | 捉住他 |
| [18:53] | Walden, what are you doing? | 沃顿 你们在做什么 |
| [18:55] | – You’ll thank us later. – Put me down. | -等下再感谢我们 -放开我 |
| [18:56] | – Who are you? – You look lovely, Lyndsey. | -你们是什么人 -你好漂亮 琳赛 |
| [18:59] | What the hell is going on? | 到底是怎么回事 |
| [19:00] | I swear I had nothing to do with this. | 我发誓这事跟我没关系 |
| [19:02] | Why did they just take my date away? | 他们怎么把我的约会对象捉走了 |
| [19:04] | Don’t worry. I think they’re just trying to help. | 别担心 我想他们只是想帮忙 |
| [19:06] | Help with what? | 帮什么忙 |
| [19:07] | Okay, I-I know this seems crazy, | 我知道这看起来很疯狂 |
| [19:09] | but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and… | 但我想了很久 |
| [19:12] | here. | 给你 |
| [19:13] | What’s this? | 这是什么 |
| [19:15] | A key to the house. | 家里的钥匙 |
| [19:16] | I want you to have it. | 我想给你 |
| [19:18] | Really? | 真的吗 |
| [19:19] | Yes, yes, you’re my girlfriend. | 是的 你是我的女朋友 |
| [19:20] | Mi casa es su casa. | 我的家就是你的家[西班牙语] |
| [19:23] | Actually, | 事实上 |
| [19:24] | mi casa es Walden’s casa | 我的家是沃顿的家 |
| [19:26] | es su casa. | 就是你的家 |
| [19:28] | I think I went to high school with a Sue Casa. | 我想我有个高中同学叫苏·卡萨[音同你的家] |
| [19:30] | Which is ironic, because she ended up homeless. | 讽刺的是 她最终落得无家可归 |
| [19:32] | Sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [19:33] | Anyway, the point is, | 总之 重点是 |
| [19:35] | the key is yours. | 钥匙是你的了 |
| [19:37] | What made you change your mind? | 是什么令你改变想法 |
| [19:39] | I love you, Lyndsey. | 我爱你 琳赛 |
| [19:40] | What really made you change your mind? | 到底是什么令你改变想法 |
| [19:43] | All right, here we go. | 好吧 说实话 |
| [19:45] | The fact that while you could certainly do better, | 没了我 你绝对可以找到更好的 |
| [19:48] | there’s no way I ever could. | 而我绝对不行 |
| [19:51] | Alan, that is so sweet. | 艾伦 你嘴真甜 |
| [19:54] | And so true. | 也太正确了 |
| [19:57] | So I know Herb and Walden, | 我认识赫伯和沃顿 |
| [19:59] | but who’s the lesbian in the bathrobe? | 那个穿浴袍的女同志是谁 |
| [20:11] | Sorry about kidnapping you. | 抱歉我们绑架了你 |
| [20:12] | Ah, don’t worry about it. | 没事 |
| [20:13] | It was never gonna work with Lyndsey and me. | 反正我和琳赛也不会有戏 |
| [20:15] | Outside of her vagina, we have nothing in common. | 除了她的阴道外 我们没什么共同点 |
| [20:18] | Doctor to doctor, | 医生对医生 |
| [20:19] | can I ask you a medical question? | 我可以问你个医学问题吗 |
| [20:21] | Is it beautiful? | 她那里漂亮吗 |
| [20:23] | Herb. | 赫伯 |
| [20:24] | Sorry about that, Dr. Staven. | 抱歉 斯达文医生 |
| [20:26] | Oh, please, call me Steven. | 好啦 叫我斯蒂文吧 |
| [20:27] | Well, Steven Staven? | 你叫斯蒂文·斯达文吗 |
| [20:30] | It’s made me a stronger person. | 让我受尽嘲笑 最后成为人上人 |
| [20:32] | You know, you wear that robe better than Judith ever did. | 你穿这浴袍 比茱蒂丝穿起来漂亮多了 |
| [20:35] | Really? I feel boxy. | 真的吗 我觉得又矮又胖 |
| [20:37] | No, no. | 不会 |
| [20:39] | What was that? | 什么情况 |
| [20:44] | Oh, crap. | 见鬼 |
| [20:45] | Run, Steven Staven! | 快跑 斯蒂文·斯达文 |
| [20:46] | Run! | 快跑 |
| [20:48] | Oh, wait! | 等等我 |
| [20:49] | Herb’s down! | 赫伯倒下了 |
| [20:50] | Leave him! | 别管他了 |
| [20:52] | Oh, dear God, help me! | 上帝啊 救命 |
| [20:54] | Tell Lyndsey I love her! | 告诉琳赛我爱她 |