| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:03] | Tell me, Henry, | 亨利 跟我说说 |
| [00:05] | why do you want to be Mr. Schmidt’s assistant? | 你为什么想成为施密特先生的助理 |
| [00:07] | He’s my hero. | 他是我的英雄 |
| [00:09] | I know everything about him. | 我知道有关他的一切 |
| [00:11] | “Possible stalker.” | “极可能成为跟踪粉” |
| [00:15] | And why do you think you’re qualified? | 你凭什么觉得你能胜任这份工作 |
| [00:17] | Like him, I graduated high school at 16. | 我跟他一样 16岁就高中毕业 |
| [00:20] | Then I completed the four-year computer science program | 哈佛四年的计算机科学本科学位 |
| [00:22] | at Harvard in just under two years, | 我只花两年就完成了 |
| [00:23] | during which, I founded an Internet startup, | 中间我还创立了一家网络公司 |
| [00:26] | and I’m currently two semesters shy of my law degree. | 目前只差两学期就能拿到法学学位了 |
| [00:29] | So, “No law degree.” | 所以就是”没有法学学位” |
| [00:33] | Let me tell you a few things | 让我告诉你几件 |
| [00:34] | about Walden Schmidt you may not know. | 你所不知道的沃顿·施密特事情 |
| [00:36] | – Uh, the man is a genius. – I knew that. | -他是一个天才 -我知道 |
| [00:40] | “Likes to interrupt.” | “喜欢打断别人” |
| [00:44] | He thinks in a different way than the rest of us. | 他与我们其他人的思考模式完全不同 |
| [00:46] | His mind is always working. | 他的大脑一刻都不停息 |
| [00:48] | Every time he opens his mouth, | 每当他开口说话 |
| [00:49] | it’s because he has something important to say. | 都是因为他有重要的话要说 |
| [00:51] | Love the new toilet paper you bought, Alan. | 爱死了你买的新厕纸了 艾伦 |
| [00:54] | It’s like sliding down a rainbow. | 就像是越过天际的彩虹 |
| [00:57] | Except the pot at the end doesn’t have any gold in it. | 除了彩虹的尽头里的筒[锅]里没有金子 |
| [01:00] | When you hear something this good, | 当你听到这样的金玉良言时 |
| [01:01] | you should write it down. | 赶紧拿笔记下啊 |
| [01:04] | I’m sorry. Who’s this? | 抱歉 这是谁啊 |
| [01:05] | Oh, this is, uh, Henry Johnson. | 他… 他是亨利·强森 |
| [01:07] | He’s interviewing for the assistant job. | 他来为助理的职位做面试 |
| [01:09] | Uh, assistant job? | 什么助理职位 |
| [01:11] | Hi, Mr. Schmidt. | 你好 施密特先生 |
| [01:13] | It’s such an honor… | 我深感荣幸能… |
| [01:14] | Eye contact. | 不能有眼神接触 |
| [01:17] | It’s okay, Henry. | 没事的 亨利 |
| [01:22] | Alan, can I talk to you for a second. | 艾伦 我能跟你聊两句吗 |
| [01:23] | Uh, no problem, Mr. Schmidt. | 没问题 施密特先生 |
| [01:27] | Tie? Really. | 你还打领结 不是吧 |
| [01:29] | Not looking good, Hank. | 看起来不太行啊 小亨亨 |
| [01:33] | What’s up? | 怎么了 |
| [01:35] | Why are you interviewing Henry to be my assistant | 为什么你面试他来当我的助理 |
| [01:37] | when I just hired you to be my assistant? | 我不是才请你来当我助理吗 |
| [01:39] | Oh, no, no, he’s interviewing to be my assistant. | 不不不 他是来面试当我助理 |
| [01:42] | Your assistant? | 你的助理吗 |
| [01:43] | Well, intern, actually. | 其实是实习助理 |
| [01:44] | He’s not gonna cost us a penny, | 请他完全不用花我们钱 |
| [01:45] | and he’s gonna do all the menial stuff I don’t want to do. | 他还会帮我做所有我不想做的活儿 |
| [01:48] | Well, why don’t I just hire him for free | 那我何不直接免费请他 |
| [01:50] | and cut out the middle man? | 然后把你这个中间人给踢走 |
| [01:52] | And in case I’m going too fast, | 以防你没听懂 |
| [01:53] | you’re the middle man. | 我是说你就是这中间人 |
| [01:54] | But I’m the big picture guy. | 我是负责大方向的人啊 |
| [01:55] | See, bringing Henry on to Team Schmidt… | 你看 把亨利带进咱这施密特团队… |
| [01:58] | Whoa, whoa, whoa! Team Schmidt? | 什么 什么施密特团队 |
| [01:59] | Yeah, I’m gonna get hats and shirts made. | 我还打算去做标语的帽子跟衣服呢 |
| [02:01] | Well, Henry is. | 这个亨利会去打点的 |
| [02:03] | We’re gonna have a new slogan. | 我们会有个新标语 |
| [02:04] | “No bull-Schmidt.” | 不放狗”施” |
| [02:07] | “Schmidt happens.” | “施”事难料 |
| [02:11] | You’re a Schmidt head. | 你就是个”施”屁精 |
| [02:15] | I hired you to be my assistant to help you out financially | 我请你当我的助理 是帮你解决经济难关 |
| [02:18] | ’cause you had close your chiropractic office. | 因为你的整脊诊所得关闭 |
| [02:20] | I didn’t have to close it; I’m in a rent dispute. | 我那也不是倒闭 只是欠房租而已 |
| [02:22] | People in rent disputes don’t fake their own death. | 普通欠房租的人不会用装死来逃债 |
| [02:26] | Oh, I’ll get that. | 我去开门吧 |
| [02:27] | You are looking good today, boss. | 老板 你今天看起来很犀利哦 |
| [02:29] | That’s why he got good toilet paper. | 难怪他买上好的厕纸了 |
| [02:31] | So my ass is clean while he’s kissing it. | 这样他在拍马屁时 我屁股很干净 |
| [02:34] | Huh, my 12:00 must be early. | 预约12点面试的人早到了 |
| [02:37] | Someone who really wanted this job | 真的很想要这份工作的人 |
| [02:39] | would’ve taken the initiative. | 就会花这个心思 |
| [02:40] | Too late, Harvard. | 太迟了 哈佛仔 |
| [02:45] | Hello. | 你好 |
| [02:46] | Hi. You Alan Harper? | 你好 你是艾伦·哈勃吗 |
| [02:48] | Yes, I am. And, uh, and you are…? | 我是 那请问你是… |
| [02:51] | Your niece. | 你侄女 |
| [02:52] | Eurniece? | 你叫妮芝女吗 |
| [02:54] | That’s a… that’s a pretty name. | 这名字很美啊 |
| [02:55] | Is that Dutch? | 是荷兰名字吗 |
| [02:56] | No, I’m Jenny. | 不 我叫珍妮 |
| [02:57] | I’m your brother Charlie’s daughter. | 我是你哥哥查理的女儿 |
| [02:59] | – Uh, Henry? -Yes? | -亨利 -在呢 |
| [03:01] | Catch me. | 扶着我 |
| [03:18] | I’m sorry, did-did you say that you’re… Charlie’s daughter? | 抱歉 你说… 你说你是查理的女儿吗 |
| [03:22] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [03:23] | Listen, I got a wicked hangover. | 我现在还有严重宿醉 |
| [03:25] | You got any aspirin, ibuprofen, | 有阿司匹林 布洛芬 |
| [03:27] | rum, Scotch, tequila, vodka? | 朗姆酒 威士忌 龙舌兰 或伏特加吗 |
| [03:30] | Uh, yeah, yeah, come on in. | 有啊 进来吧 |
| [03:32] | Uh, Henry, uh, get her an aspirin and vodka. | 亨利 帮她拿阿司匹林与伏特加来 |
| [03:35] | On it! | 现在就去 |
| [03:36] | – Kitchen’s that way. – Damn it! | -厨房在那边 -靠 |
| [03:41] | I-I can’t believe this. | 我真是不敢相信 |
| [03:42] | I mean, I can, but I-I can’t. | 其实我可以想象到 但又没想到 |
| [03:44] | I mean, how did this happen? | 怎么会这样呢 |
| [03:46] | From what my mom told me… | 我妈跟我说的是 |
| [03:48] | Ooh, can we… can we maybe turn down the lights? | 我们可以先把灯关暗一点吗 |
| [03:52] | That’s the sun. | 那是太阳 |
| [03:54] | Right, I hate the sun. | 好吧 我恨太阳 |
| [03:55] | It’s like God calling you an alcoholic. | 感觉像是上帝在叫你酒鬼[宿醉怕光] |
| [03:59] | Anyway, according to my mom, | 据我妈所说 |
| [04:01] | it was love at first sight. | 他们是一见钟情 |
| [04:03] | They met in a bar, | 在酒吧里碰面 |
| [04:04] | they got drunk and had sex in the bathroom. | 喝醉酒 然后在厕所里打了一炮 |
| [04:07] | It was like a freakin’ Disney movie. | 就跟迪士尼电影一样梦幻 |
| [04:11] | Poke-a-hot-ass. | 宝嘉康蒂[捅她屁屁] |
| [04:16] | And where did the kid go for the vodka? Poland? | 他是去哪里拿我的伏特加啦 波兰吗 |
| [04:18] | Look, I don’t mean to be rude, | 我无意冒犯 |
| [04:20] | but how do I know that you’re really Charlie’s daughter? | 但我们怎么能确定你是查理的女儿呢 |
| [04:22] | I mean, this could be some kind of scam. | 你也有可能是骗子啊 |
| [04:25] | I have a picture of us together. | 我有一张我们的合照 |
| [04:27] | It’s in here somewhere. | 就在我手机里 |
| [04:28] | Oh, look. | 看 |
| [04:30] | My vagina. | 我的阴道 |
| [04:34] | Oh, wait, that’s not mine. | 等等 那不是我的 |
| [04:38] | Oh, that’s mine. | 这个才是我的 |
| [04:41] | Ah, there you go. | 你看 |
| [04:42] | This was taken at my fourth birthday party. | 这是我四岁生日派对上拍的 |
| [04:44] | Just a heads up, I might vomit; | 先说一声 我可能会吐 |
| [04:46] | where’s the nearest bathroom? | 最近的厕所在哪 |
| [04:47] | Oh, right down the hall. | 走廊走到底 |
| [04:48] | Okay, I think we’re good, | 好吧 暂时没事 |
| [04:49] | but it’s always nice to have a plan. | 但先知道总是比较好 |
| [04:52] | Anyway, this was party was the last time I saw him. | 那一次派对是我最后一次见到他 |
| [04:54] | After that, he just sent checks. | 在那之后 他就只寄支票而已了 |
| [04:56] | He-he sent checks? | 他还寄支票啊 |
| [04:57] | Yeah, my mom didn’t want him to have anything to do with me, | 对啊 我妈不想他跟我有任何接触 |
| [05:00] | but he always made sure I was taken care of. | 但他一直都确保我有被妥善照顾 |
| [05:02] | He never said a word about any of this to me. | 他从来没跟我说过这些事啊 |
| [05:04] | I’m his brother, his-his blood. | 我是他弟弟 留着同样的血 |
| [05:06] | Were they big checks? | 支票数额大吗 |
| [05:08] | Yeah, got one every month. | 对啊 还每个月都寄呢 |
| [05:09] | Bastard. | 王八蛋 |
| [05:11] | My mom just called me special. | 我妈都叫我”特别的小姑娘”而已 |
| [05:14] | This Henry guy is awesome. | 这个亨利太棒了 |
| [05:15] | Did you know I won a spelling bee in fifth grade? | 你知道我五年级的时候赢过拼字大赛吗 |
| [05:20] | I didn’t! | 我自己都不知道 |
| [05:25] | Who’s this, Henry’s assistant? | 这又是谁 亨利的助理吗 |
| [05:29] | Walden, this is Jenny, | 沃顿 这是珍妮 |
| [05:30] | my brother’s daughter. | 我哥的女儿 |
| [05:34] | Really? | 真的吗 |
| [05:36] | – Hi. – Hi. | -你好 -你好 |
| [05:38] | I, uh, didn’t know Charlie had a daughter. | 我都不知道查理有个女儿 |
| [05:41] | Neither did I. | 我也不知道 |
| [05:42] | He sent her checks, big checks. | 他还给他寄大额支票 大额哦 |
| [05:46] | Not that that matters now. | 不过这也无所谓啦 |
| [05:48] | Every month! | 每个月啊 |
| [05:51] | Hey, am I related | 我跟这个 |
| [05:52] | to Abercrombie & Fitch over here? | 帅气男模有任何血缘关系吗 |
| [05:55] | No, I own the house. | 没有 我只是屋主而已 |
| [05:57] | Oh. I assumed it was Alan’s. | 我还以为是艾伦的房子呢 |
| [06:00] | So does he. | 他也这么以为 |
| [06:03] | So, uh, tell us more about you. | 多跟我们说说你的事吧 |
| [06:05] | Not much to tell. | 没啥能说的 |
| [06:07] | I was born in New York, | 纽约出生 |
| [06:08] | got kicked out of a few private schools, | 被几所学校踢出去过 |
| [06:10] | tried to become a doctor to make my mom happy, | 尝试要读个医生学位让我妈高兴 |
| [06:12] | dropped out, became an actress to piss her off. | 后来休学 去当个女演员来气死她 |
| [06:16] | An actress, oh. | 女演员啊 |
| [06:17] | Your father loved actresses. | 你老爸可喜欢女演员了 |
| [06:19] | Yeah, I was only going to med school | 我去读医学院的唯一原因 |
| [06:20] | so I could write myself prescriptions for oxy. | 就是能帮自己搞到高档止痛药的处方签 |
| [06:23] | Oh, your father loved oxy. | 你老爸可喜欢那个了[止痛药上瘾] |
| [06:27] | Sorry it took so long. | 抱歉让你等了这么久 |
| [06:28] | Here’s vodka and two aspirin. | 你的伏特加跟两片阿司匹林 |
| [06:30] | Thank God. Oh. | 谢天谢地 |
| [06:35] | I was wrong; I am gonna puke. | 我之前错了 我想吐 |
| [06:38] | Your father loved to puke. | 你老爸也喜欢吐 |
| [06:43] | So, when I was, like, five, | 我五岁时 |
| [06:44] | my mom married this total loser named Rob. | 我妈嫁给了这个废柴 鲍伯 |
| [06:47] | He moved in with us and never looked for a job, | 他搬进我家 然后从不找工作 |
| [06:50] | but he’s been sponging off of her ever since. | 跟寄生虫一样在我家白吃白喝 |
| [06:52] | Who does that? | 怎么会有这种人呀 |
| [06:56] | So, uh, how long you been in L.A.? | 你来洛杉矶多久了 |
| [06:58] | Couple weeks. | 几周吧 |
| [06:59] | And you got a place to stay? | 有地方住吗 |
| [07:01] | He asks, knowing full well she’s a Harper. | 他知道她是哈勃家的人 还是问了 |
| [07:03] | Yeah, I’m crashing at a friend’s house. | 我暂住在朋友家里 |
| [07:06] | That’s great. Friends are great. | 太好了 有朋友真是太好了 |
| [07:08] | You should make some friends, Alan. | 你也应该去交些朋友啊 艾伦 |
| [07:11] | So, just the two of you live here? | 所以 就你们两个人住在这里吗 |
| [07:13] | Uh, well, my son, your cousin Jake, | 我儿子 你堂弟杰克 |
| [07:15] | uh, used to live with us, but he’s in the army now. | 他以前也住在这里 但他去参军了 |
| [07:17] | Stationed in Japan. | 驻扎在日本 |
| [07:19] | Oh, that’s impressive. | 那很不错啊 |
| [07:20] | Because of the time difference, | 因为有时差 |
| [07:22] | he thinks he lives in the future. | 他觉得自己住在未来 |
| [07:24] | Maybe we can call him and find out | 那我们可以打给他 |
| [07:25] | when this headache’s gonna go away. | 问问我的头痛什么时候会好 |
| [07:28] | Oh, and, uh, you have a grandmother. | 你还有个祖母 |
| [07:29] | Oh, that’s great! | 那太好了 |
| [07:31] | In theory. | 理论上来说是吧 |
| [07:33] | When she finds out she has a granddaughter, | 她要知道了她还有个孙女 |
| [07:35] | she’s gonna have a heart attack. | 估计会心脏病发 |
| [07:36] | You know, I’m gonna call her right now. | 那我现在立刻打电话告诉她吧 |
| [07:42] | This is it. | 就是这里 |
| [07:43] | This was your dad’s room. | 你老爸生前住的房间 |
| [07:47] | I always tried to imagine what my dad’s life was like. | 一直以来 我一直幻想他的生活会是如何 |
| [07:51] | It’s weird to finally see it. | 真看到了反而有点奇怪 |
| [07:53] | I never met him, but I heard he was quite a guy. | 我从没见过他 但听说他活得挺爷们 |
| [07:55] | I heard he was a drunken man whore. | 我听说他就是个醉酒男淫虫 |
| [07:59] | Like I said, quite a guy. | 正如我所说 活得挺爷们 |
| [08:01] | So, uh, | 所以… |
| [08:03] | – this your and Alan’s room? – What? | -这是你跟艾伦的房间吗 -什么 |
| [08:05] | No. | 不 |
| [08:07] | No, no, no, no, no, no, no. | 不不不 不是 |
| [08:08] | We’re not… I’m not… | 我们不… 我不是… |
| [08:10] | The, um… really? | 这个… 不是吧 |
| [08:12] | You really don’t think I can do better than Alan? | 你真觉得我找不到比艾伦更好的人选吗 |
| [08:15] | I don’t know. | 我不知道啊 |
| [08:16] | Maybe he’s got a huge schlong. | 说不定他胯下有”巨蟒” |
| [08:19] | Well, we’re not a couple, and he doesn’t. | 我们不是一对 他也没有”巨蟒” |
| [08:22] | Which is fine. I mean, not that size matters. | 也无所谓啦 大小不是重点 |
| [08:25] | Not that I was looking. | 我也不看那个 |
| [08:25] | I’m not gay. | 我不是同性恋 |
| [08:28] | So why is he still living here? | 那他为什么还住在这里 |
| [08:30] | Well, at first… | 一开始… |
| [08:32] | then… | 然后… |
| [08:33] | I don’t know. | 我真的不知道 |
| [08:36] | So, um, | 所以… |
| [08:38] | this is where your dad used to sleep. | 这里就是你老爸以前睡觉的地方 |
| [08:40] | I got a new mattress, | 我换了新床垫 |
| [08:41] | and I replaced the carpets and the drapes | 换了新地毯 新窗帘 |
| [08:45] | and pretty much anything that could absorb fluid. | 以及所有可能沾上体液的东西 |
| [08:50] | If these walls could talk. | 要是这些墙壁能说话多好 |
| [08:51] | They’d probably say, “Can I get a towel?” | 那它们估计会说”快给我毛巾擦擦” |
| [08:55] | So, I mean, | 我的意思是 |
| [08:55] | I wish there was more that Charlie left behind. | 我也希望查理有留下更多东西 |
| [08:58] | You know, other than Alan. | 除了艾伦之外的东西 |
| [09:00] | So… | 所以… |
| [09:03] | my dad stood in this same spot, staring out at the ocean. | 我老爸曾站在这个位置 看着外面的大海 |
| [09:07] | I wonder what was going through his mind. | 我真好奇他脑海中会有什么 |
| [09:09] | I wonder what he was thinking. | 好好奇他当时想着什么 |
| [09:11] | Besides, of course, | 当然啦 除了 |
| [09:12] | “how can I nail those two hot surfer chicks out there?” | “我怎么样才能搞到那两个冲浪辣妹呢” |
| [09:17] | Huh, now I’m thinking it. | 现在我也在想了 |
| [09:19] | Oh, please. | 拜托哦 |
| [09:21] | With your looks and this house, I’m sure you do fine. | 你这长相加这间房子 你泡妞肯定手到擒来 |
| [09:24] | Well, you’d think that, but the truth is, | 你是这么想 但实际上 |
| [09:26] | when it comes to women, I’ve never really been much | 碰到女人这事情 我从来都没办法 |
| [09:28] | of a casual sex kind of guy. | 单纯跟人做炮友 |
| [09:30] | And every time I do get close to one, | 每次我跟那个人越来越亲近 |
| [09:32] | she ends up pulling away from me, | 她却开始远离我 |
| [09:33] | and then I wind up back in this room, | 最后我又孤单回到这个房间 |
| [09:35] | thinking where I went wrong again. | 想着我哪里又做错了 |
| [09:39] | Alone. | 独自一人 |
| [09:42] | So alone. | 好孤单啊 |
| [09:50] | Oh, yeah. | 是啊 |
| [09:51] | You’re not gay. | 你真的不是同性恋 |
| [09:56] | Mom, I have some news for you. | 妈 我有个消息要告诉你 |
| [09:57] | Sit down. | 你先坐下 |
| [10:00] | Okay, push him off and sit up. | 好吧 把他从你身上推开 坐起来 |
| [10:03] | Um, I know this is gonna come as quite the shock, | 我知道这消息可能会有点震撼 |
| [10:05] | but it turns out Charlie has a daughter. | 反正情况就是 查理有个女儿 |
| [10:10] | Mom? Mom? | 妈 妈 |
| [10:13] | Are you dead? | 你死了吗 |
| [10:16] | Oh, good. | 没死就好 |
| [10:17] | Um, no, I know. | 不 我知道 |
| [10:19] | I know, it’s crazy, right? | 我知道这太突然了 |
| [10:20] | Yeah, no, she’s here now. | 她就在这里 |
| [10:22] | Well, well, come on over. | 你快过来吧 |
| [10:25] | Okay, finish first and then come over. | 好吧 你先搞完然后过来 |
| [10:28] | Good news. Uh, my mother’s on her way over. | 好消息 我妈妈要来 |
| [10:31] | First time I’ve ever said that. | 第一次觉得这是好消息 |
| [10:33] | Wow, insta-family. | 哇 好大一家子 |
| [10:36] | Uncle, grandmother, | 叔叔 奶奶 |
| [10:37] | step-hot-guy. | 叔叔认识的帅哥 |
| [10:39] | I’m sorry, I don’t know what to call you. | 抱歉 实在不知道怎么称呼你 |
| [10:41] | Oh, step-hot-guy works. | 没关系 叔叔认识的帅哥挺好 |
| [10:43] | All that’s missing is my dad. | 就差爸爸一个人 |
| [10:45] | Actually, he’s here, too. | 其实 他也在这里 |
| [10:48] | Um, follow me. | 跟我来 |
| [10:50] | Uh, where are we going? | 去那里啊 |
| [10:51] | Uh, well, you know how sailors get buried at sea? | 你知道水手都是海葬的吗 |
| [10:53] | Yeah. | 知道啊 |
| [10:54] | I keep Charlie in the liquor cabinet. | 我把查理放在酒柜里 |
| [10:57] | Let’s see. | 过来看看 |
| [10:59] | Uh, Johnnie Walker, Jack Daniel’s… | 尊尼获加 杰克丹尼 |
| [11:03] | Charlie Harper. | 查理·哈勃 |
| [11:06] | Huh, he looks different than his pictures. | 跟照片不一样啊 |
| [11:10] | Um, Charlie, this is your daughter Jenny. | 查理 这是你女儿珍妮 |
| [11:14] | Hi, Dad! | 老爸你好啊 |
| [11:17] | This seems weird. Does this seem weird to anybody else? | 太奇怪了 你们不觉得很怪吗 |
| [11:19] | Yes, it’s weird. | 的确很怪 |
| [11:21] | Almost as weird as when we take him to the movies. | 更怪的是 我们还带他去看过电影 |
| [11:29] | Charlie, I wish you were here | 查理 我多希望你能在这里 |
| [11:31] | to see how beautiful your daughter turned out. | 看看你的女儿出落得多么漂亮 |
| [11:34] | I-I think you’d be impressed. | 我相信你也会惊异 |
| [11:36] | I think a lot of… | 我相信许多 |
| [11:41] | Oh, not again. | 靠 又撒了 |
| [11:44] | I ain’t cleaning that up. | 老娘可不帮你清理这活儿 |
| [12:02] | Oh. Oh, look. | 看啊 |
| [12:03] | A quarter. | 25分钱 |
| [12:08] | Unbelievable. | 难以置信 |
| [12:09] | You even mooch off the dead. | 居然从死人身上揩油 |
| [12:13] | One more. | 再来一杯 |
| [12:14] | Yeah, you’re Charlie’s daughter. | 不愧是查理的女儿呀 |
| [12:16] | You don’t seem very surprised. | 看来你不感到意外啊 |
| [12:17] | Only surprised there aren’t more of you running around. | 我只是意外他才有你这么一个孩子 |
| [12:21] | God, I loved your dad. | 天啊 我太爱你爸爸了 |
| [12:24] | I remember the first time I met him, | 记得第一次见面的时候 |
| [12:26] | he asked me if I knew how to do three things: | 他问我会不会做这三件事 |
| [12:29] | cook, clean and score an eight ball | 做饭 打扫卫生 凌晨2点半 |
| [12:31] | 2:30 in the morning. | 能帮他搞到毒品 |
| [12:34] | I told him I didn’t know how to cook or clean. | 我说我不会做饭 也不会打扫卫生 |
| [12:36] | I’ve been here ever since. | 从那时起我就留在这个家里了 |
| [12:40] | I’m-I’m sure you have a story about Charlie | 查理的故事里一定有 |
| [12:42] | that doesn’t involve drugs. | 无关毒品的事吧 |
| [12:44] | Okay. One time at Mardi Gras… | 有的 一次在狂欢… |
| [12:47] | Or alcohol. | 也无关饮酒 |
| [12:49] | All right. | 好的 |
| [12:50] | Once when Charlie was in Vegas… | 一次查理在拉斯维加斯… |
| [12:51] | Or hookers. | 也无关妓女 |
| [12:54] | Geez, you’re really tying my hands! | 你真是给我出了个大难题 |
| [12:58] | Okay, I got it. | 我想到了 |
| [12:59] | It was New Year’s Eve, | 那天是新年前夜 |
| [13:01] | and Charlie was super not drunk, | 查理完全没喝醉 |
| [13:04] | and he was with this crazy not hooker, | 跟一个疯但不是妓女的人在一起 |
| [13:07] | and he decided to have his sphincter bleached. | 然后他决定漂白一下肛门 |
| [13:10] | Whoa! Whoa! What? | 什么 什么 |
| [13:12] | Why? | 为什么啊 |
| [13:13] | Because he cared about women. | 因为他很心疼女人 |
| [13:17] | Unfortunately, it got infected, | 不幸的是 括约肌感染了 |
| [13:19] | and he needed me to dab a little ointment… | 他要我帮忙涂点软膏 |
| [13:24] | I’m sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [13:25] | It’s just that I miss him so much! | 我只是太思念他了 |
| [13:28] | God took the wrong Harper! | 上帝不该带走哥哥 应该带走弟弟 |
| [13:34] | Where is my granddaughter? | 我的孙女在哪呢 |
| [13:36] | Did it just get cold in here? | 是不是感觉到温度骤降 |
| [13:40] | Oh, my God. | 天啊 |
| [13:42] | Look at you. | 看看啊 |
| [13:44] | Mom, this is Jenny. | 妈 这是珍妮 |
| [13:46] | Jenny, this is Evelyn. | 珍妮 这是伊芙琳 |
| [13:48] | You are so beautiful. | 你真漂亮 |
| [13:50] | You remind me of me ten years ago. | 让我想起了十年前的我 |
| [13:54] | Your father was the apple of my eye. | 你父亲是我的至爱 |
| [13:56] | My greatest gift. | 我最好的礼物 |
| [13:58] | My reason for living. | 我活着的理由 |
| [13:59] | Uh, hello. | 我在旁边呢 |
| [14:03] | Hello, Alan. | 你好啊 艾伦 |
| [14:05] | I can’t believe I finally have a grandchild. | 不敢相信我终于有了一个亲孙子 |
| [14:09] | You already have a grandchild– Jake. | 你已经有孙子了 杰克不是吗 |
| [14:11] | Oh. Sure. Yeah. | 他啊 是的 |
| [14:16] | So, Jennifer… | 那么 珍妮弗 |
| [14:17] | Actually, it’s Jenny. | 其实我叫珍妮 |
| [14:19] | Darling, you’re not 12 anymore. It’s Jennifer. | 宝贝 你不是12岁了 该叫珍妮弗 |
| [14:22] | We are going to have so much fun together: | 我们要一起做许许多多有趣的事情 |
| [14:24] | lunching, shopping, taking care of those eyebrows. | 吃吃午饭 逛逛商场 修修眉毛 |
| [14:29] | Where are you staying while you’re in town? | 你来这里都住哪儿 |
| [14:30] | I’m crashing on a friend’s couch. | 我睡在一个朋友的沙发上 |
| [14:32] | Not anymore. You’ll stay with me. | 以后不会了 你要跟我住在一起 |
| [14:34] | Aw! I love you, Evelyn. | 我爱你 伊芙琳 |
| [14:37] | Whoa, whoa! If she’s staying anywhere, | 就算住下 |
| [14:38] | she’s gonna stay at my place. | 也要住我这儿 |
| [14:39] | And by “Your place,” do you mean | 你口中的“你这儿”是指 |
| [14:41] | the office that you stopped paying rent at | 那间你不再交租的办公室 |
| [14:44] | or the house that you’ve never paid rent at? | 还是这座你从不交租的房子 |
| [14:47] | Look, I’m not gonna let my mom screw her up | 我不能让我妈妈像毁了我和查理 |
| [14:48] | like she did me and Charlie. | 一样毁了她 |
| [14:50] | Hey! I was a good mother. | 我是个好母亲 |
| [14:52] | No, you know who was a good mother? | 错 你知道谁才是好母亲吗 |
| [14:54] | Our housekeeper Adela. She even breast-fed me. | 咱家的管家阿德拉 她甚至喂过我奶水 |
| [14:57] | She had just had a baby. | 她刚刚生了孩子 |
| [14:59] | And when the milk truck is parked on the street, | 牛奶车就停在路边的时候 |
| [15:01] | you don’t go to the grocery store. | 谁还跑去商店买呢 |
| [15:04] | Besides, you-you used to gnaw on me. | 而且 你以前总是咬我 |
| [15:08] | You’re gnawer. | 你是个啮齿动物 |
| [15:14] | You know what? She’s gonna stay in Jake’s room. | 知道吗 她要住在杰克的房间 |
| [15:15] | Whoa, whoa, no. | 不行 |
| [15:17] | I do not want Jake’s room to become Jenny’s room. | 我不希望杰克的房间变成珍妮的房间 |
| [15:20] | You know, in fact, there is no Jake’s room | 实际上 根本就没有什么杰克的房间 |
| [15:22] | and there’s no Jenny’s room. | 也没有什么珍妮的房间 |
| [15:23] | There’s just Walden’s room. | 只有沃顿的房间 |
| [15:25] | And Charlie’s room. | 和查理的房间 |
| [15:28] | Why don’t we let her decide? | 让她自己决定好吗 |
| [15:30] | Yeah, yeah, it’s up to her. | 对 应该由她自己决定 |
| [15:30] | Is anyone listening to me?! | 有人在听我讲话吗 |
| [15:33] | Jennifer? | 珍妮弗 |
| [15:35] | Where’d she go? | 她去哪了 |
| [15:39] | Nice job, Alan. | 看你干的好事 艾伦 |
| [15:40] | You made another woman disappear. | 你又气走了一个女人 |
| [15:43] | Can you believe her? | 你能相信吗 |
| [15:44] | What did I do to her to make her hate me so much? | 我做什么了 她这么讨厌我 |
| [15:50] | Oh, oh. What, you, too? | 你也讨厌我吗 |
| [15:54] | Son of a… | 真他妈的 |
| [15:56] | Ooh, a nickel! | 五分钱 |
| [16:00] | This is ridiculous. | 真是荒谬 |
| [16:01] | We’re never going to find her. | 我们不可能找到她的 |
| [16:02] | I don’t understand why she ran off like that. | 我不明白她为什么会这样走掉 |
| [16:04] | I can think of two reasons. | 我可以说出两个原因 |
| [16:09] | First I lost my Charlie, | 我先是失去了我的查理 |
| [16:11] | now I’ve lost my Jennifer. | 现在我又失去了我的珍妮弗 |
| [16:13] | You still have your Alan. | 你还是拥有你的艾伦 |
| [16:14] | Oh! Don’t make it worse. | 拜托别雪上加霜了 |
| [16:22] | Oh, God, my granddaughter’s gone forever. | 老天 我的孙女就这样永远地离开了 |
| [16:25] | Oh, there she is at the bus stop. | 她在公车站 |
| [16:28] | Oh, God, my granddaughter rides the bus! | 老天 我的孙女居然坐公车 |
| [16:37] | Jenny, what are you doing? | 珍妮 你在这里干嘛 |
| [16:38] | I’m trying to get away from you people. | 想远离你们这些人 |
| [16:41] | Look, I just wanted to see where my dad lived. | 我只想看看我爸生活过的地方 |
| [16:43] | I didn’t want to screw up your family. | 我不想让你们一家人失和 |
| [16:45] | Uh, for the record, | 提醒一下 |
| [16:46] | they were screwed up long before you got here. | 在你出现很久之前 他们一家人就不和了 |
| [16:48] | It’s true. | 这是真的 |
| [16:49] | H-Hey, if I’m screwed up, it’s your fault. | 如果我不成材 也是你的错 |
| [16:51] | You raised me. | 你养育了我 |
| [16:52] | I didn’t raise you, Adela did. | 我没养育你 你奶妈是阿德拉 |
| [16:54] | Look, I already have a messed-up family. | 我已经有一个破碎的家了 |
| [16:57] | I-I don’t need another one. | 我不需要再多一个 |
| [16:59] | Oh, we’re sorry. | 对不起 |
| [17:00] | This is just how we express our love. | 这是我们表达爱的方式 |
| [17:02] | – Through hate. – Oh, no, no, no. | -通过恨来表达 -不是的 |
| [17:04] | W-We don’t hate each other. | 我们并不恨对方 |
| [17:05] | I mean, the truth is, my mother is an amazing woman. | 事实上 我母亲是一位了不起的女性 |
| [17:10] | I mean, she-she raised two kids on her own, | 她独力养大了两个孩子 |
| [17:12] | she’s a successful businesswoman, | 她是成功的商业女性 |
| [17:14] | she has impeccable taste. | 她的品味无懈可击 |
| [17:17] | Thank you, Alan. | 谢谢你 艾伦 |
| [17:19] | Oh, right. | 对 |
| [17:20] | Uh, and Alan is… | 艾伦是… |
| [17:23] | the reason I had my tubes tied. | 是我结扎输卵管的原因 |
| [17:28] | Because she knew she would never do better than me. | 因为她知道她永远生不出比我更优秀的孩子了 |
| [17:33] | Please, sweetheart, I just found you. | 求你了 亲爱的 我刚和你相认 |
| [17:36] | I can’t lose you now. | 现在我不能失去你 |
| [17:38] | We want you to be a part of our lives. | 我们希望你能成为这个家的一份子 |
| [17:40] | What do you say? | 你怎么说 |
| [17:42] | Well, if I’m gonna be a part of this family, | 如果我能成为这个家的一份子 |
| [17:44] | I’m gonna need a drink. | 我需要喝一杯 |
| [17:45] | You hear that, Charlie? | 听到了吗 查理 |
| [17:47] | Your daughter needs a drink. | 你的女儿需要喝一杯 |
| [17:49] | You’re looking the wrong way, Mom. | 你应该向地狱看 妈 |
| [17:54] | A toast. To Charlie Harper. | 干杯 敬查理·哈勃 |
| [17:56] | My brother, your son, your father, and your… | 我的哥哥 你的儿子 你的父亲 你的… |
| [18:00] | Guy who got hit by a train so I could buy his beach house? | 被火车撞死了 我能买他海边别墅的人 |
| [18:04] | Sorry, Evelyn. | 对不起 伊芙琳 |
| [18:05] | It’s okay. I got the commission. | 没关系 中介费没流外人田 |
| [18:07] | To Charlie. | 敬查理 |
| [18:10] | So, is that the bathroom | 我的生命的奇迹就是从 |
| [18:13] | where the miracle of my life began? | 这间厕所开始的吗 |
| [18:17] | It is. | 是的 |
| [18:19] | Want to see it? | 想看看吗 |
| [18:20] | I do. | 想 |
| [18:22] | Text a picture of it to my mom. | 拍张照片发给我妈 |
| [18:23] | Should be good for some guilt money. | 没准能让她内疚寄钱给我 |
| [18:26] | I’ll run interference. | 我去帮你赶人 |
| [18:29] | All right, everybody out! | 大家出来 |
| [18:30] | Woman visiting the place of her conception! | 有女士想参观自己被受孕的地方 |
| [18:35] | I can’t tell you how relieved I am to finally have an heir. | 我终于有了继承人 真是如释重负呀 |
| [18:38] | Wait, what? | 等等 什么 |
| [18:40] | She’s my granddaughter. | 她是我的孙女 |
| [18:42] | I want to provide for her. | 我要让她衣食无忧 |
| [18:43] | And since I wasn’t around | 既然她生命的前25年 |
| [18:44] | for the first 25 years of her life, | 我都不在她的身边 |
| [18:46] | it’s only fitting that she inherit my estate. | 她继承我的财产也是合情合理的 |
| [18:49] | You weren’t around for the first 45 years of my life. | 我生命的前45年你都不在我身边 |
| [18:51] | You have Walden! | 你有沃顿 |
| [18:53] | Oh, oh, do I? Do you see a ring on this finger? | 是吗 这上面有婚戒吗 |
| [18:56] | Don’t worry, darling. | 别担心 亲爱的 |
| [18:57] | There’s a little something for you in my will. | 我的遗嘱里会留一点给你的 |
| [18:59] | A little something? | 一点吗 |
| [19:00] | Look, if you knew | 如果你知道 |
| [19:01] | you were gonna get everything, | 我死后一切归你 |
| [19:02] | you would’ve smothered me with a pillow years ago. | 你会在多年前就用枕头闷死我了 |
| [19:05] | That is not true. | 你这么说就不对了 |
| [19:06] | If I knew I had money coming, I’d hire a professional. | 如果我知道我有钱进帐 我会请个职业杀手 |
| [19:12] | – How’d it go? – Great. | -怎么样 -非常好 |
| [19:13] | I laughed, I cried. | 我笑了 我哭了 |
| [19:15] | I peed. | 我尿了 |
| [19:18] | How are you guys doing over here? | 你们这桌有什么需要 |
| [19:20] | Can I get you anything else? | 还要点什么吗 |
| [19:23] | Yeah, we might need a designated driver | 我们可能需要一个酒后代驾司机 |
| [19:25] | to get us back to his beautiful beach house. | 送我们回他漂亮的海边别墅 |
| [19:29] | I’ll take you guys. I get off in 15. | 我可以送你们 我十五分钟后下班 |
| [19:32] | Great. Thanks. | 太好了 谢谢 |
| [19:36] | She’s cute. | 她很漂亮 |
| [19:37] | Told ya. | 我说了吧 |
| [19:38] | Malibu beach house gets you laid every time. | 马里布的海边别墅能让你次次得手 |
| [19:43] | Not every time. | 不是次次得手 |
| [19:49] | Oh, my God, this house is amazing! | 我的天 这房子真是太漂亮了 |
| [19:52] | Well, it’s… Yeah. | 这房子… 对 |
| [19:55] | And look at that view. | 看这个风景 |
| [19:57] | It’s even better from the bedroom. | 从卧室看更漂亮 |
| [19:59] | – Want to see? – Yeah. | -想看看吗 -想 |
| [20:01] | After you. | 你先请 |
| [20:04] | Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. | 等一下 |
| [20:05] | Where are you going? | 你去哪里 |
| [20:07] | Up to show her. | 上去为她介绍 |
| [20:08] | Oh, you thought…? | 你以为… |
| [20:10] | Oh, no-no-no-no-no, she’s mine. | 别误会 她是我的 |
| [20:12] | Next time I’ll get two. | 下次我要泡两个双飞 |
| [20:19] | What just happened? | 刚刚发生了什么事 |
| [20:21] | Charlie’s back. | 查理回来了 |
| [20:34] | Good morning. | 早上好 |
| [20:34] | No, no, not good. | 不 不好 |
| [20:36] | I slept in the guest room of my own house, | 我在自己家睡客房 |
| [20:38] | and I’m pretty sure I still have some of your brother in my ear. | 我相当肯定我的耳朵里有你哥的灰 |
| [20:41] | Don’t worry, tonight I’ll tell Jenny | 别担心 今晚我会告诉珍妮 |
| [20:43] | that your bedroom’s off limits. | 你的卧室她禁止入内 |
| [20:44] | No, there is no tonight! | 不 没有今晚 |
| [20:45] | But she’s family. | 但她是一家人 |
| [20:46] | Not my family. | 不是我的家人 |
| [20:48] | And I’m gonna tell her she can’t stay. | 我会告诉她 她不能留下 |
| [20:50] | – Morning. – Hi. | -早上好 -你们早 |
| [20:52] | You girls have a good night? | 你们昨晚还好吗 |
| [20:54] | Oh, yeah. | 不错 |
| [20:56] | I’m surprised I can even talk. | 我真惊讶我还能说话[口交过度] |
| [21:01] | – You were saying? – Shut up. | -你刚才说什么 -闭嘴 |