| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:10] | What are you doing, Alan? | 你干啥呢 艾伦 |
| [00:12] | Gazing at you in the morning light. | 在早晨的阳光下凝视你 |
| [00:14] | Aw, that’s sweet. | 真甜蜜 |
| [00:16] | And creepy. | 也很吓人 |
| [00:18] | I just… I can’t remember | 我只是…记不得 |
| [00:19] | the last time we woke up together. | 我们上一次一起起床的时候了 |
| [00:21] | And we’re not the only two up. | 今天可不止我们俩”起”了哦 |
| [00:23] | Cock-a-doodle-doo, you. | 大公鸡哥早上好 |
| [00:25] | That’s just creepy. | 你的行为真变态 |
| [00:27] | Where you going? | 你要去哪里 |
| [00:28] | I have to pick Larry up from the airport. | 我得去机场接拉里 |
| [00:30] | Oh, have Larry take a cab and stay here with me. | 叫他打车吧 留下来陪我嘛 |
| [00:33] | I’ll even give you $50 for the fare. | 最多我帮他报销50块车费啦 |
| [00:39] | All right, all right, I’ll walk you out. | 好啦 好啦 我送你出去 |
| [00:41] | Let me just tuck the old rooster back in the barn. | 先让我把”老公鸡”收回谷仓里吧 |
| [00:48] | Oh. Hi. | 你们好啊 |
| [00:49] | Jenny, this is Lyndsey. | 珍妮 这是林赛 |
| [00:51] | – This is Lyndsey, too. – It’s Leslie. | -她也叫林赛呢 -我叫莱斯利 |
| [00:54] | Oh, that’s a pretty name. | 你名字真好听 |
| [00:59] | I really enjoyed myself last night. | 我昨晚玩得很舒服 |
| [01:01] | Well, I really enjoyed myself watching you enjoy yourself. | 你自己”舒服”时 我也看得很舒服 |
| [01:07] | Got a little traffic jam here. | 路口有点小堵车啊 |
| [01:10] | “Pretty lady pileup on the PCH in Malibu. | 马里布海滩区的高速发生美女堵车 |
| [01:13] | I know at least one of them was rear-ended.” | 我知道至少其中一位美女被人”撞”屁股了 |
| [01:19] | Sorry, girls. | 抱歉了 姑娘们 |
| [01:20] | This one’s mine. | 这货是我的 |
| [01:23] | – I’ll see you. – Okay. Bye. | -再见 -好 再见 |
| [01:25] | – Call me. – Call me. | -要打给我哦 -打给我哦 |
| [01:27] | Call me. | 打给我哦 |
| [01:30] | I’m not calling. | 我才不打 |
| [01:32] | I’m not calling. | 我也不打 |
| [01:34] | She’s not calling. | 她也不会打的 |
| [01:50] | Okay, okay. This is ridiculous. Why can’t we go to a hotel? | 够了够了 这也太傻了 为啥不去开房 |
| [01:53] | Are you gonna spring for a room? | 你愿意出房费吗 |
| [01:54] | Traditionally, the mistress does not pay. | 自古以来情妇就不用出钱 |
| [01:58] | I’m sorry. I just don’t have a lot of time, | 抱歉嘛 我没那么多时间 |
| [01:59] | and I have a lot of other errands to run. | 而且我有很多杂事要处理 |
| [02:01] | So I’m just an errand? | 那我也只是一件杂事吗 |
| [02:03] | No. But you are on my to-do list. | 当然不是 但你也在我待”做”单上 |
| [02:06] | So what do you say we do it in the backseat? | 不如我们去”后座”做吧 |
| [02:08] | Really? I’d say you’re usually drunk | 真的吗 你通常不都是喝醉了 |
| [02:11] | – before you let me do… – Alan. | -才让我从后面… -艾伦 |
| [02:14] | I’m talking about the backseat of the car. | 我说的是这车的后座 |
| [02:16] | Oh. Oh, sorry. Sure. | 不好意思 当然可以 |
| [02:18] | Oh, there’s a box of stuff back here. | 后面有很多东西啊 |
| [02:20] | Just shove that junk in the trunk. | 把那堆垃圾扔进车尾就行[鸡鸡插菊花就行] |
| [02:24] | I’m getting a lot of mixed messages here. | 我觉得你说的话很有歧义 |
| [02:26] | Wh-What is this stuff anyway? | 话说那堆是什么东西 |
| [02:27] | Bunch of old clothes of Larry’s. | 都是拉里的旧衣服 |
| [02:29] | I’m giving them to Goodwill after I squeeze you in. | 我把你塞进去[插进去] 再把它们捐给慈善衣店 |
| [02:32] | I did that one on purpose. | 这个双关是我故意的 |
| [02:36] | This is nice stuff. | 这些都是好衣服啊 |
| [02:38] | I have to bring some stuff to Goodwill. | 我也有东西要拿去慈善衣店 |
| [02:40] | Why don’t I just take this, too? | 要不我帮你拿过去吧 |
| [02:41] | Really? What do you have to bring to Goodwill? | 是吗 你有什么东西可以捐的 |
| [02:43] | Uh, all of my old clothes ’cause I just got a new wardrobe. | 我的全部旧衣服 因为我刚刚有新衣服了 |
| [02:52] | Morning. | 早上好 |
| [02:54] | Afternoon. | 都下午了 |
| [02:55] | Oh, thank God. I thought I was drinking in the morning. | 谢天谢地 不然我以为我早上就开始酗酒 |
| [02:59] | Jenny… | 珍妮 |
| [03:00] | where do you see yourself in five years? | 你觉得五年之后自己是什么样子 |
| [03:03] | Little house on the beach in Hawaii with Kate Upton. | 与凯特·阿普顿住在夏威夷海滩的小屋 |
| [03:06] | Wait, Kate Upton’s straight. | 凯特·阿普顿是异性恋啊 |
| [03:08] | Give me two weeks. | 给我两周时间掰弯她 |
| [03:10] | What I’m saying is, you didn’t just move out here | 我想说的是 你不会搬出来 |
| [03:12] | to party and drink, did you? | 就为了派对和酗酒吧 |
| [03:14] | Well, I want to be an actress, so… | 我想成为一名演员 所以 |
| [03:16] | yeah. | 是的 |
| [03:18] | I mean, seriously, what are you doing about your career? | 严肃点 那你打算怎么去追求你的事业 |
| [03:20] | Are you looking for an agent? | 你要找经纪人吗 |
| [03:21] | Are you taking acting classes? | 你要去上表演课吗 |
| [03:23] | Oh, my God. If I squint, | 天啊 如果我眯着眼看 |
| [03:26] | you’re, like, a prettier version of my mom. | 你还真像我妈 不过比她漂亮多了 |
| [03:30] | I’m pointing out that it’s the middle of the day | 我的重点是 现在都已经是中午了 |
| [03:32] | and you still haven’t done a single thing yet. | 而你今天却还什么事都没有干 |
| [03:34] | I could say the same thing about you. | 这句话也可以用来说你啊 |
| [03:37] | Oh. There. | 瞧 |
| [03:38] | I just sold a company for $25 million. | 我刚把公司卖了 卖了2500万呢 |
| [03:42] | Really? | 真的吗 |
| [03:43] | No, I bought a Groupon for Indian food. | 假的呗 我刚买了印度餐的优惠劵 |
| [03:46] | But it’s still more than you’ve done. | 但起码也比你强 |
| [03:48] | Oh, oh, sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [03:49] | What’s that? Oh. Why, yes, | 这是什么 没错 |
| [03:51] | it is a $5,000 Armani suit. | 这就是价值5千块的阿玛尼西服 |
| [03:54] | Wow. $5,003 just walked into the room. | 5千块的西服和3块钱的人格刚走进来了 |
| [03:59] | It’s one of Larry’s old suits. | 这是拉里的旧衣服 |
| [04:00] | He was gonna give it to charity, but I stole it just in time. | 他本来打算捐掉 还好我及时偷回来 |
| [04:04] | Alan, you’re going to hell. | 艾伦 你会下地狱的 |
| [04:06] | Yes, but you’re going to Heaven, | 没事 反正你会上天堂 |
| [04:07] | and I’ll just be your plus-one. | 到时带上我就行 |
| [04:09] | Sweet. Somebody else for you to judge. | 好啦 有其他人来让你批评了 |
| [04:12] | I’m gonna go Google Kate Upton. | 我要去网上搜索凯特·阿普顿了 |
| [04:16] | You’re already having sex with this guy’s girlfriend. | 你已经睡了这家伙的女友了 |
| [04:18] | Now you’re wearing his clothes? | 现在你还穿了人家的衣服 |
| [04:20] | I know. How awesome am I? | 就是 我牛逼吧 |
| [04:23] | I have a hot blonde girlfriend, | 我有个金发辣妹女友 |
| [04:24] | a closet full of designer clothes | 整个衣橱都是名牌衣服 |
| [04:25] | and a beach house. | 还有一座海滩别墅 |
| [04:28] | Where to begin? | 要我怎么说呢 |
| [04:30] | Not your girlfriend, not your clothes | 你女友不是你的 衣服不是你的 |
| [04:32] | and– how many times do I have to say this?– | 而且你要我说多少遍 |
| [04:34] | it’s not your beach house. | 这海滩别墅也不是你的 |
| [04:37] | In fact, if you took away everything | 老实说 如果你丢弃一切 |
| [04:38] | that was Larry’s or mine, | 我和拉里的东西 |
| [04:40] | you’d be alone on the street in your underwear. | 那你会穿着内裤流落街头 |
| [04:42] | Actually, I’d be naked. | 错 我会光着身子 |
| [04:46] | Please tell me you’re wearing Larry’s underwear and not mine. | 拜托告诉我你穿的是拉里的内裤 不是我的 |
| [04:49] | Yes, they’re Larry’s. | 没错 就是拉里的 |
| [04:51] | Although my bug is a little snug in his rug. | 不过他的内内我穿着有点紧 |
| [04:55] | King to rook four. Checkmate, Alan’s penis. | 小内内装不下大蛟龙 也就是我的鸡鸡 |
| [04:59] | I don’t think I’ve ever said this. | 这句话我从来没跟你说过 |
| [05:01] | In fact, I don’t know if anyone has ever said this, but… | 其实我觉得应该也没有人会跟你说过 |
| [05:04] | Alan Harper, you’re better than this. | 艾伦·哈勃 你没有这么次 |
| [05:08] | I’m just making the best of what I’ve got. | 我只是尽可能利用我手里的资源 |
| [05:09] | You know, when life gives you lemons, | 如果生活给了你柠檬 |
| [05:11] | you take the lemon’s clothes | 你把那颗柠檬的衣服拿走 |
| [05:12] | and have sex with his girlfriend. | 再睡了他的女友 |
| [05:16] | Where do you see you and Lyndsey in five years? | 你觉得五年之后你和琳赛会怎么样 |
| [05:18] | Don’t answer! It’s a trap! | 别回答 这是个陷阱 |
| [05:22] | All I’m saying is, is you deserve a real relationship. | 我想说的是 你值得拥有一份真正的感情 |
| [05:25] | Well, what would you do if you were in my shoes? | 如果你站在我的角度[穿着我的鞋]呢 |
| [05:27] | First, I’d give them back to Larry. | 首先 我会把鞋子还给拉里 |
| [05:30] | And then I would tell Lyndsey that things have to change | 然后我会告诉琳赛 这样下去不行 |
| [05:33] | and I want more, and if she can’t give me what I want, | 我要更进一步 如果她不给我想要的 |
| [05:35] | then I’m not gonna give her what she wants. | 那我也不会给她 她想要的 |
| [05:37] | You do know what she wants, though, right? | 你知道她想要的是什么吧 |
| [05:42] | That was sex. | 是性爱 |
| [05:44] | No, that was sad. | 错 是悲哀 |
| [05:45] | But you know what? | 但算了 |
| [05:47] | Hey, if you’re happy, then so be it. | 如果你开心的话 那就这样吧 |
| [05:49] | No, no, no. You’re right. I’m-I’m gonna tell her that… | 不不 你说得对 我会告诉她 |
| [05:51] | I want more, you know, that I’m not just a, you know, | 我要更进一步 我不只是一根 |
| [05:54] | human vibrator. | 人类电动棒 |
| [05:55] | Although… how cool would that be? | 如果我真是的话 那一定酷毙了 |
| [06:01] | How bad must this Larry guy be in bed? | 这个叫拉里的家伙床上功夫是糟到什么程度啊 |
| [06:08] | That was amazing. | 真是太棒了 |
| [06:10] | Tell your friends. | 麻烦广而告之 |
| [06:13] | Although, were you buzzing at one point? | 不过你中间还发出嗡嗡的震动声吗 |
| [06:16] | Oh, yeah, sorry. | 是的 抱歉 |
| [06:17] | I was just trying something new. | 我只是在试新招而已 |
| [06:18] | No, no, whatever you did definitely worked. | 没关系 你的新招很有用 |
| [06:21] | Alan Harper, pleasing women since 2003. | 艾伦·哈勃 从2003年开始就给女人带来欢愉 |
| [06:25] | That’s when I got divorced. | 那是我离婚的那一年 |
| [06:27] | You always make me laugh. | 你总是让我笑 |
| [06:29] | If that’s the case, then be with me all the time. | 那这样的话 你就一直跟我在一起吧 |
| [06:32] | What? | 什么 |
| [06:33] | I want you back. I’m tired of being the other man. | 我想跟你复合 我受够了当第三者 |
| [06:35] | Oh, don’t do this. We’re having such a good time. | 别这样 我们现在不是挺开心吗 |
| [06:38] | Exactly. We have the best sex, I-I make you laugh… | 就是啊 我们性生活很棒 我能让你笑 |
| [06:41] | Often simultaneously. | 这两者经常是同时的 |
| [06:43] | What could Larry possibly give you that I don’t? | 拉里能给你什么 是我不能给你的 |
| [06:45] | There’s just something about him. | 他就是有一些特别 |
| [06:47] | You’d have to know him to understand. | 你要了解他才会明白 |
| [06:49] | He-he satisfies a different part of me. | 他满足我的另一部分 |
| [06:52] | Point to it and I’ll buzz it. | 告诉我哪里 我去震一下 |
| [06:55] | Alan, I know this is hard on you. | 艾伦 我知道这对你来说很难 |
| [06:57] | And, yes, I know I said “hard on.” | 没错 我知道我说了”很难[硬]” |
| [06:59] | I just want to see more of you. | 我只是想多点看见你 |
| [07:01] | Okay, how about this? | 不然这样好了 |
| [07:03] | Larry takes spinning classes on Tuesday and Thursday nights. | 周二和周四晚上拉里去单车健身 |
| [07:05] | You can see more of me then. | 那两晚我可以跟你多待会儿 |
| [07:07] | Fine. | 好吧 |
| [07:08] | But I am not gonna be at your beck and call forever. | 但我不会永远都随叫随到 |
| [07:11] | I have my dignity. | 我也是有尊严的 |
| [07:13] | That would carry more weight | 要是不穿拉里的内裤的话 |
| [07:14] | if you weren’t wearing Larry’s underwear. | 这话还稍微有点可信度 |
| [07:16] | Well, the joke’s on you. | 说错了吧 |
| [07:17] | This is Walden’s underwear. | 我穿的是沃顿的内裤 |
| [07:25] | You have a second? | 能占用你一秒时间吗 |
| [07:25] | I just finished my second. | 我刚喝完两杯[一秒] |
| [07:27] | What I need is a third. | 你该给我第三杯 |
| [07:29] | I will fill your cup, but I will fill it | 我会给你斟满 但是我会用 |
| [07:31] | with knowledge, potential and opportunity. | 知识 潜能和机遇斟满你的酒杯 |
| [07:34] | But bourbon makes me feel smarter, prettier and taller. | 但是波旁酒让我自我感觉更加聪明 漂亮 高挑 |
| [07:39] | What is this? | 这是什么 |
| [07:40] | A friend of mine teaches an acting class, | 我一个朋友在教表演课 |
| [07:42] | – and there is a spot for you. – Really? | -班上还有名额哦 -真的吗 |
| [07:45] | Yeah, this guy’s the best. | 当然 他非常厉害 |
| [07:47] | Here, check out his credits. | 他的演出经验非常丰富 |
| [07:49] | CSI, urinating bum number three. | 《犯罪现场调查》中饰演撒尿流浪汉四 |
| [07:53] | Dexter, headless victim number two. | 《嗜血法医》中饰演无头受害人二 |
| [07:56] | That ain’t easy. | 很难演的 |
| [07:59] | Why are you doing this? | 你为什么要让我上课 |
| [08:01] | ‘Cause I like you. | 因为我喜欢你 |
| [08:02] | And… | 而且 |
| [08:04] | I don’t want you to wake up one day and realize | 我不希望有一天你醒来发现 |
| [08:06] | that you’ve wasted your life | 自己虚度一生 |
| [08:07] | and you have nothing to show for it. | 什么成就都没有 |
| [08:09] | What I’m saying is, | 我的意思是 |
| [08:10] | I don’t want you to turn out like Alan. | 我不希望你变成艾伦那样 |
| [08:15] | I don’t want two Alans. | 我不想有两个艾伦 |
| [08:18] | I can’t have two Alans. | 我也承受不起有两个艾伦 |
| [08:20] | Okay, all right, all right, all right. Calm down. | 好吧 好吧 冷静一点 |
| [08:22] | I’ll-I’ll go to the class, okay? | 我去上课 好吧 |
| [08:24] | Thank you. | 谢谢你 |
| [08:26] | Uh, but you’re gonna pay for it, right? | 但学费你来付 对吧 |
| [08:28] | Oh, it’s starting already. | 已经开始有艾伦的雏形了 |
| [08:31] | Alan, Larry’s at spin class. Where are you? | 艾伦 拉里去健身了 你在哪儿啊 |
| [08:33] | I can’t make it. I-I think I’ve got food poisoning. | 我今天去不了 可能食物中毒了 |
| [08:36] | Oh, no. What’d you eat? | 怎么回事 你吃什么了 |
| [08:37] | Well, I had some crappy crepes, | 我吃了点劣质薄饼 |
| [08:39] | and now I’ve got some crepe-y craps. | 现在要拉薄饼稀屎了 |
| [08:43] | Oh, that’s awful. | 太倒霉了 |
| [08:44] | I hope you feel better. | 祝你赶快好起来 |
| [08:45] | Thanks. Me, too. | 谢谢 我也希望好起来 |
| [08:47] | Tonight I’ll be hugging the toilet, | 今晚我只能抱着厕所了 |
| [08:49] | but I’ll be thinking of you. | 但我心里想的是你 |
| [08:51] | Bye. | 再见 |
| [09:00] | Um, hey, is this bike taken? | 这辆自行车有人用吗 |
| [09:02] | Nope, help yourself. | 没 请自便 |
| [09:03] | Great. First-timer. | 太好了 我是第一次来 |
| [09:06] | Welcome. I’m Larry. | 欢迎你 我是拉里 |
| [09:08] | I’m… Jeff. | 我叫…杰夫 |
| [09:12] | Nice to meet you, Jeff. | 很高兴认识你 杰夫 |
| [09:14] | So, you’re a newbie, huh? | 你是个新手对吧 |
| [09:15] | Well, yeah, how hard can it be? | 对啊 不过这有什么难的 |
| [09:16] | It’s just riding a bike. | 不就是骑自行车嘛 |
| [09:19] | I used to have those same exact shoes. | 我以前也有双一模一样的鞋 |
| [09:23] | Even had a hole in the same spot. | 连破的位置也一模一样 |
| [09:26] | Well, I’ve got my eye on the ones you’re wearing. | 你现在穿着那双我也看中了 |
| [09:41] | Isn’t this great? | 感觉很棒吧 |
| [09:43] | Kill me! | 简直要命啊 |
| [09:46] | You got this. | 你可以的 |
| [09:47] | The only thing I’ve got is a blister | 我唯一的”可以”感觉到的是 |
| [09:49] | in the space between my balls and my ass. | 屁股和蛋蛋之间磨起了水泡 |
| [09:52] | Come on, Jeff. Don’t quit! | 加油 杰夫 不要放弃 |
| [09:53] | You can do it! | 你能做到 |
| [09:54] | I can’t. | 我不能 |
| [09:55] | Yes, you can! | 你行的 |
| [09:56] | You can keep it up for a few more seconds! | 你再坚持几秒钟 |
| [10:00] | I’m doing it! | 我做到了 |
| [10:02] | I’m doing it! It’s working! | 我做到了 真的有用 |
| [10:05] | I’m a maniac! | 我是运动狂人 |
| [10:07] | I’m a maniac! | 我是运动狂人 |
| [10:09] | Attaboy. Don’t go soft on me! | 好小子 不用让着我 |
| [10:11] | Finish strong! | 加油到底 |
| [10:18] | I was pedaling toward the light. | 我朝着光明一直蹬啊 |
| [10:20] | It was so beautiful. | 那场景太美了 |
| [10:22] | My pop-pop was there. | 我爷爷在那儿 |
| [10:24] | He was smoking his pipe. | 他抽着烟斗 |
| [10:25] | It smelled like cinnamon and cherries. | 有桂皮和樱桃的味道 |
| [10:28] | Come on. Let’s get you off this bike, Jeff. | 下来吧 杰夫 |
| [10:30] | Who’s Jeff? | 杰夫是谁 |
| [10:33] | Boy, you really are out of it. | 看来你真是累坏了 |
| [10:34] | Come on, we’ll get you some water. | 过来喝点水吧 |
| [10:36] | Whoa, whoa, whoa! You’re still clipped in there! | 等一等 还没解开固定带呢 |
| [10:37] | Pop-Pop, help! | 爷爷 救我 |
| [10:38] | Don’t worry. I got you. I got you. | 别担心 我救你 我救你 |
| [10:40] | Oh. You’re so strong. | 你好强壮 |
| [10:42] | I feel so safe. | 我觉得好安全 |
| [10:45] | That was so much harder than I thought. | 蹬车可比我想象得难多了 |
| [10:46] | But you did it. | 但是你做到了 |
| [10:47] | Uh, well, yeah, thanks to you. | 对啊 多亏了你 |
| [10:49] | Nice job, Larry. | 表现不错 拉里 |
| [10:50] | – See you Thursday? – You know it. | -周四来吗 -当然了 |
| [10:53] | I can see why you like these cycling classes. | 我知道你为什么喜欢蹬车健身了 |
| [10:56] | Wouldn’t mind taking her on a Tour de Pants. | 载她蹬一次裤子之旅吧 |
| [10:59] | That’s funny. But I actually got a girlfriend. | 有意思 但我有女朋友了 |
| [11:01] | Hey, I’ve got towels at home. | 我家里也有毛巾啊 |
| [11:03] | Doesn’t mean I’m not taking a couple of these with me. | 但不代表我不能拿两条这里的 |
| [11:05] | No, Lyndsey’s great. | 不 琳赛是个好女人 |
| [11:07] | I know what it’s like to have a girl you’re crazy about. | 为女人疯狂的滋味我懂的 |
| [11:09] | I had a girl I would have killed for. | 我爱的女人 为她杀人我都愿意 |
| [11:12] | You ever kill anybody, Larry? | 你杀过人吗 拉里 |
| [11:15] | You’re… you’re hilarious. | 你 你太搞笑了 |
| [11:16] | Yeah, I-I actually did dabble | 上世纪80年代我确实 |
| [11:18] | in stand-up comedy back in the ’80s. | 演过单口喜剧 |
| [11:20] | I-I had this one bit about Nixon working in a diner. | 表演在餐馆工作的尼克松 |
| [11:23] | I am not a cook. | 我不是厨子 |
| [11:26] | The ’80s? What, were you, like, five? | 80年代 你那时5岁吗 |
| [11:30] | There really is something about him. | 他的确有特别之处 |
| [11:33] | Uh, do you need to answer that? | 你要接一下电话吗 |
| [11:35] | No, it’s just a work call. | 不用 工作上的事 |
| [11:36] | Wait. Does that say… does that say “Billy Joel”? | 等等 手机显示的是”比利·乔尔”吗 |
| [11:39] | Oh, yeah, yeah. I manage musicians, | 是的 我是一名音乐经纪人 |
| [11:40] | so I’m trying to sign him, but I’ll call him back. | 正想签他 等会我会打给他 |
| [11:42] | I’m talking to you. | 现在正跟你交谈呢 |
| [11:43] | But he’s a rock star. | 但他是个摇滚歌星啊 |
| [11:45] | Rock stars aren’t so impressive | 摇滚歌星喝瓶白酒 喝瓶红酒 |
| [11:47] | when they’ve had a bottle of white, a bottle of red | 在你家鱼塘撒尿的时候 |
| [11:48] | and they’re peeing in your koi pond. | 就没那么讨人喜欢了 |
| [11:50] | What do you do, Jeff? | 你是干什么工作的 杰夫 |
| [11:52] | Oh, I’m just a-a chiropractor. | 我只是个整脊师 |
| [11:54] | Just a chiropractor? | 什么只个整脊师 |
| [11:56] | Your hands heal. | 你的手是治病之手 |
| [11:57] | You know what these hands do? | 你知道我的手能干什么吗 |
| [11:59] | They roll over drummers before they choke on their own vomit. | 鼓手被呕吐物呛死之前 我帮他们翻身 |
| [12:03] | I make people fart when I press down on their backs. | 我用手按压病人背部时他们会放屁 |
| [12:07] | Hey, I’m gonna grab a smoothie. | 我去喝点饮料 |
| [12:08] | – You want to…? – Oh, I should probably head… | -你要不要… -我该… |
| [12:09] | My treat. | 我请客 |
| [12:10] | …over to the smoothie bar with my new friend Larry. | 和我的新朋友拉里去喝饮料 |
| [12:13] | I swear, I had that same shirt, too. | 我发誓 我也有件一模一样的T恤 |
| [12:15] | Looks like we’re into a lot of the same things. | 看来我们有很多”共同之处”啊 |
| [12:24] | Whoa! Where were you? | 你去哪儿了 |
| [12:26] | Lance Armstrong’s gay Halloween party? | 阿姆斯特朗举办同性恋万圣节聚会了吗 |
| [12:31] | Very funny. | 有意思 |
| [12:32] | Wait. | 等等 |
| [12:33] | Is that a thing? Did you get invited? | 有这个聚会吗 你收到邀请了 |
| [12:35] | No. Where were you? | 没有 你去哪儿了 |
| [12:37] | Oh, I was at spin class with Lyndsey’s boyfriend. | 我和琳赛的男朋友练习蹬车去了 |
| [12:42] | Should I ask why or just wait to see it on 48 Hours? | 我是现在问一下原因 还是等缉凶节目上看 |
| [12:47] | I simply wanted to find out what he’s got that I don’t. | 我只是想看看他哪里比我强 |
| [12:50] | Other than… mental health, pride and his own underwear? | 除了心理健康 自尊心和内裤吗 |
| [12:55] | That’s just it. He does have it all. | 真的是这样 他什么都好 |
| [12:57] | I can totally see why Lyndsey loves him. | 我完全理解琳赛为什么爱他 |
| [12:59] | He’s-he’s kind, he’s generous, | 他既友善 又大方 |
| [13:00] | he’s got a smile that lights up a juice bar. | 他一个微笑能迷倒整个吧台 |
| [13:03] | And-and the kicker is, he likes me. | 而且奇怪的是他喜欢我 |
| [13:08] | And did his smile light up | 他要是知道你在搞他女朋友 |
| [13:09] | when you told him you were plowing his girlfriend? | 这微笑还能绽放得出来吗 |
| [13:13] | No. Alan is plowing his girlfriend. | 不 搞她女朋友的是艾伦 |
| [13:16] | Larry’s friend, Jeff, will be joining him | 而杰夫 作为拉里的朋友 |
| [13:19] | in his luxury box at the Laker game tomorrow night. | 明晚要去豪华包厢观看湖人队的比赛 |
| [13:23] | I-I just have to cancel my plans with Lyndsey. | 只好取消和琳赛的约会了 |
| [13:28] | You’re telling me you would rather | 你是说宁愿和拉里 |
| [13:29] | spend the evening in Larry’s box? | 在他的”包厢”里共度夜晚吗 |
| [13:35] | How’d the acting class go? | 表演课上得怎么样 |
| [13:37] | It was great. | 非常棒 |
| [13:38] | We did this improv exercise | 我们做了即兴表演练习 |
| [13:39] | where I had to pretend to be high. | 我要假装很嗨 |
| [13:41] | I nailed it. | 我演得超棒 |
| [13:44] | Oh, uh, you know, in college, uh, | 在大学时 |
| [13:45] | I-I did a little musical theatre. | 我参演过音乐剧 |
| [13:47] | And the winner | 史上最佳 |
| [13:48] | for the least surprising sentence ever goes to… | 见杆子就往上爬得主 |
| [13:51] | Alan Harper! | 艾伦·哈勃 |
| [13:54] | Scoff if you will, but, uh, | 你要笑就笑吧 但是 |
| [13:55] | I actually starred in our production of Cats. | 我真的主演过学校制作的《猫》 |
| [13:57] | And the new winner for least surprising sentence ever… | 新一届史上最佳见杆子就往上爬得主 |
| [14:00] | Okay, I will have you know that the campus newspaper said | 我告诉你 校报说 |
| [14:03] | that my portrayal of Rum Tum Tugger | 我对摇滚猫的演绎 |
| [14:05] | was purrfect. | 喵不可言 |
| [14:07] | I’ve never seen Cats. | 我没有看过《猫》 |
| [14:09] | You’ve never seen…? | 你从未看过… |
| [14:10] | * The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat. * | * 摇滚猫是只好奇的猫 * |
| [14:16] | Well, if you’re coming out of the closet, | 如果要出柜 |
| [14:18] | come out dancing. | 舞着出来效果最好 |
| [14:23] | Boy, | 老天 |
| [14:24] | this really makes you feel like a man, doesn’t it? | 这真是让人感觉自己是个男子汉 对吗 |
| [14:26] | Basketball, cheerleaders, a crisp Pinot Noir. | 篮球 啦啦队员 一杯爽口的黑皮诺葡萄酒 |
| [14:31] | There’s beer in the fridge, too. | 冰箱里有啤酒 |
| [14:33] | What? And undo all that spinning? Oh, no. | 什么 让单车课的成果泡汤吗 不 |
| [14:35] | A second on the lips, a month on the hips. | 嘴上快活一秒钟 屁屁辛苦一个月 |
| [14:39] | Did you ever do this gay character in your stand-up? | 你曾经在表演单口相声时模仿过这个同志角色吗 |
| [14:42] | Yeah. It was a real crowd-pleaser. | 是啊 深受观众喜爱 |
| [14:45] | I, uh… I also do a-a character who’s really cheap. | 我还模仿过非常抠门的角色 |
| [14:49] | “Hey, is everything here free? Even those shrimp”” | 这里的一切都不要钱吗 连虾都是吗 |
| [14:51] | Nice. | 真棒 |
| [14:53] | If I kept going, I’d say, “Hey, uh, | 如果继续下去 我就会说 |
| [14:54] | can I get a to-go container?” | “给我一个打包盒好吗” |
| [14:57] | Help yourself, you cheap queer. | 请自便 你这个抠门的基佬 |
| [15:03] | Hey, uh, can I get a to-go container? | 给我一个打包盒好吗 |
| [15:18] | Hope we don’t end up on the Kiss Cam. | 希望”亲亲摄像机”不要找上我们 |
| [15:24] | I’ve been told my kisses are like French fries. | 别人告诉我 我的吻就像炸薯条一样 |
| [15:26] | Can’t stop with just one. | 试一下就停不了口 |
| [15:32] | Lyndsey, what a surprise! | 琳赛 好意外啊 |
| [15:36] | Lyndsey? | 琳赛 |
| [15:37] | Hey, sweetie. My plans fell through. | 亲爱的 我的安排取消了 |
| [15:39] | Well, now you can meet Jeff. | 你可以认识杰夫了 |
| [15:40] | Jeff, this is my girlfriend Lyndsey. | 杰夫 这是我的女友琳赛 |
| [15:44] | He’s always joking around. Get over here! | 他可会说笑话了 过来吧 |
| [15:50] | Hi. | 你好 |
| [15:52] | Hi. | 你好 |
| [15:54] | So, this is the guy you were telling me about? | 你一直说的家伙就是他吗 |
| [15:56] | Yes, uh, uh, Lyndsey, was it? | 琳赛 对吗 |
| [15:59] | Uh-huh. | 是的 |
| [16:02] | I’m sorry. I didn’t catch your name. | 对不起 我没记住你的名字 |
| [16:04] | This is Jeff. Jeff Strongman. | 这位是杰夫 杰夫·斯壮曼[猛男] |
| [16:12] | Strongman? That’s uniqu aname. | 斯壮曼 好特别的名字 |
| [16:15] | Uh, it’s-it’s German. | 这是德国名字 |
| [16:16] | Uh, it’s actually pronounced Strungmin. | 事实上发音是”死得慢” |
| [16:21] | Strungmin? | 死得慢 |
| [16:23] | It almost sounds made up, doesn’t it? | 听起来真像是个瞎掰的名字 对吗 |
| [16:26] | Yeah, well, it’s not, so shut up. | 不是的 闭嘴 |
| [16:32] | Sweetie, it-it’s cold in here. | 亲爱的 这里好冷 |
| [16:34] | I think I left a jacket in the car. Would you mind? | 我的外套在车里 帮我拿好吗 |
| [16:36] | Of course. | 没问题 |
| [16:38] | Hey, I can trust you alone with my girlfriend, right? | 我女友单独跟你在一起我能放心吧 |
| [16:41] | If you can’t, then my name’s not Jeff Strungmin. | 如果不能 那我就不叫杰夫·死得慢 |
| [16:50] | What the hell is going on, Jeff? | 你在搞什么 杰夫 |
| [16:52] | Are you trying to break me and Larry up? | 你想拆散我和拉里吗 |
| [16:54] | No, I would never do that to Larry. | 不 我永远不会对拉里下黑手 |
| [16:57] | Then what are you doing here? | 那你在这里做什么 |
| [16:59] | I just… I wanted to figure out what Larry has that I don’t | 我只是想搞清楚拉里到底哪里比我强 |
| [17:01] | so that I could be more like him, | 这样我能变得更像他 |
| [17:03] | and then you’d come back to me. | 你就会回到我的身边 |
| [17:04] | Look, I already have a Larry. | 我已经有了一个拉里了 |
| [17:07] | If you turned into Larry, I’d have to find another Alan. | 如果你变成了拉里 我就得再找一个艾伦了 |
| [17:09] | – Really? – Yes, you idiot! | -真的吗 -是的 你这个白痴 |
| [17:11] | Don’t you get it? | 你不明白吗 |
| [17:13] | No man has ever turned me on like you do. | 没有男人能像你这样令我欲火焚身 |
| [17:15] | It’s a gift and a curse. | 这是天赋 也是诅咒 |
| [17:19] | Shut up. | 闭嘴 |
| [17:20] | I’ll stop talking, but I won’t stop… | 我不说了 但我不会停止… |
| [17:23] | No, stop it. | 住手 |
| [17:26] | I’m still mad at you! | 我还在生你的气 |
| [17:27] | Well, I don’t blame you. | 我不怪你 |
| [17:28] | I have been very naughty. | 我太顽皮了 |
| [17:29] | Perhaps I should be punished. | 也许我需要惩罚调教下 |
| [17:32] | Let’s go. | 我们走 |
| [17:33] | What…? Wait. Where? | 什么 慢着 去哪里 |
| [17:35] | We’ll do it in the bathroom. | 我们去洗手间做 |
| [17:36] | – Seriously? – Oh, yeah. | -真的吗 -没错 |
| [17:37] | Beats the hell out of the Kiss Cam. | 比起这个 “亲亲摄像机”算个屁 |
| [17:46] | How did the acting class go? | 表演课怎么样 |
| [17:48] | I didn’t go. | 我没去 |
| [17:49] | Liar! | 骗子 |
| [17:51] | I talked to my friend, and he said you didn’t go, | 我跟我朋友谈过了 他说你没去 |
| [17:55] | so admit it! | 你就承认吧 |
| [17:58] | I just did. | 我已经承认了 |
| [18:00] | I know! | 我知道 |
| [18:02] | And I wasn’t prepared for that. | 我没准备好台词应对你的坦白 |
| [18:05] | I went to the first class, but it was lame. | 第一课我去了 太差劲了 |
| [18:07] | It doesn’t meant that you’re not gonna learn something from it. | 这并不代表你学不到东西 |
| [18:10] | Do you think that I just said, “Oh, I have a software idea | 你觉得我只是说说 “我发明了一个软件 |
| [18:13] | and I’m gonna sell it for a billion dollars the next day”? | 第二天我要把它卖上十亿价钱” |
| [18:16] | I Googled you. That is what happened. | 我上了网查过你 这是真事 |
| [18:20] | The point is, is that, if-if that hadn’t happened, | 重点是 如果这事没发生 |
| [18:22] | I would have been willing to work for it. | 我也愿意为之奋斗 |
| [18:24] | Look, I-I get it, | 我明白 |
| [18:25] | but all this touchy-feely stuff just freaks me out. | 但这些煽情婆婆妈妈的东西让我无所适从 |
| [18:29] | Half the reason I got into acting | 我想表演有一半原因 |
| [18:31] | was so I could pretend to be someone else, | 是我可以假装成别人 |
| [18:33] | not so I could spend time thinking about | 这样不用花时间去想 |
| [18:35] | how I don’t get along with my mom. | 我和我妈合不来 |
| [18:38] | And how I never knew my father. | 我永远无法了解我的父亲 |
| [18:39] | How I’m 25 years old | 我已经25岁了 |
| [18:41] | and living in the guest room of a stranger’s house. | 却住在陌生人的客房里 |
| [18:47] | I’m sorry. | 对不起 |
| [18:48] | I didn’t mean to stir all this up. I just… | 我不是有心提起这些 只是… |
| [18:51] | And that’s why I don’t need acting lessons. | 这就是为啥我不需要上表演课 |
| [18:58] | You know what? | 知道吗 |
| [19:00] | If you don’t want to help yourself, | 如果你自己都不帮自己 |
| [19:03] | I can’t force you. | 我也不能强迫你 |
| [19:05] | But the choices that you make today | 但你今天做出的决定 |
| [19:08] | are going to affect you for the rest of your life. | 将会影响你的一生 |
| [19:10] | And as long as you live under my roof… | 只要你还住在我的屋檐下 |
| [19:13] | Oh, God, kill me. | 我的天 杀了我算了 |
| [19:19] | – Is everything okay? – Yeah. | -你还好吗 -没事 |
| [19:22] | The only thing I can feel in your pants | 你裤子里我唯一能感觉到的 |
| [19:23] | is the shrimp that you stole. | 就是你偷的虾 |
| [19:25] | I’m sorry. I’m-I’m just nervous. | 对不起 我只是有些紧张 |
| [19:27] | Can you do this or not? | 你到底行不行 |
| [19:29] | I don’t think so. | 这样不太好吧 |
| [19:30] | I mean, what would Larry say? | 拉里会怎么说 |
| [19:32] | Come on, Jeff. Don’t quit. | 加油 杰夫 不要放弃 |
| [19:36] | What? | 什么 |
| [19:37] | I didn’t say anything. | 我什么也没说 |
| [19:39] | You can do it. | 你可以做到 |
| [19:40] | Yes, you can. | 你能行 |
| [19:42] | You know what? Maybe I can do this. | 知道吗 也许我可以 |
| [19:45] | Really? | 真的吗 |
| [19:46] | Attaboy. | 好样的 |
| [19:47] | Don’t go soft on me. | 别客气 |
| [19:49] | Go, Jeff, go. | 上啊 杰夫 上啊 |
| [19:50] | Oh, Alan. | 艾伦 |
| [19:52] | Call me Jeff. | 叫我杰夫 |
| [20:07] | Guess who got an audition. | 猜猜谁有了面试机会 |
| [20:09] | – Really? – Yep. | -不是吧 -是的 |
| [20:11] | That’s amazing. Tell me about it. | 太好了 跟我说说 |
| [20:13] | Well, I went back to the acting class. | 我回去上表演课 |
| [20:18] | Isn’t that funny? | 真有意思 |
| [20:20] | The thing I suggested you do | 我建议你做的 |
| [20:22] | that you didn’t want to do | 你并不想做的 |
| [20:24] | turned out to be the exact thing that you should have done. | 原来是你应该做的事 |
| [20:27] | Yeah, well, after about an hour of that acting crap, | 是啊 上了一小时生不如死的课后 |
| [20:31] | I had to go get a drink. | 我必须得喝一杯 |
| [20:32] | So, I bailed and went to a bar | 我逃课去了酒吧 |
| [20:33] | where I met a casting director. | 在那里我碰到了一个选角导演 |
| [20:35] | Turned out she was a lesbian, so I had a leg up. | 原来她是同志 所以我有了优势[抬起腿] |
| [20:40] | And when I put it down, I had an audition. | 我放下后 就有了面试 |
| [20:50] | You have got to stop doing that. | 你不要再这样做了 |
| [20:52] | And you have to stop looking so pretty when you sleep. | 那你就不要再做个睡美人了 |
| [20:55] | Okay, I heard it that time. It was creepy. | 这话我听过 太诡异了 |
| [20:58] | You know what? I don’t have to go anywhere today. | 我今天哪里也不用去 |
| [21:00] | – Really? – Yeah. | -是吗 -是的 |
| [21:01] | Larry’s got a friend picking him up at the airport. | 拉里有朋友去机场接他 |
| [21:05] | Oh, shoot! Shoot! Shoot! | 见鬼 见鬼 见鬼 |