| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:02] | There is something I… | 有件事 |
| [00:03] | probably should’ve told you before we slept together. | 在上床前我就应该告诉你的 |
| [00:06] | Oh, God. Husband or herpes? | 是有老公了 还是有性病 |
| [00:08] | For the first 40 years of my life, | 在40岁以前 |
| [00:10] | I was a man named Paul. | 我是一个叫保罗的男人 |
| [00:18] | You don’t look… 40. | 你看起来不像…40岁 |
| [00:27] | I love Christmas in Malibu. | 我喜欢马里布的圣诞节 |
| [00:30] | I just saw Santa Claus smoking a joint on the beach. | 我刚看见一个圣诞老人在海滩上抽大麻 |
| [00:33] | No, that’s just Crazy Don. | 那是疯子老唐啦 |
| [00:34] | He’s a homeless guy with a beard who asks girls | 他是个长着白胡子的流浪汉 喜欢假扮圣诞老人 |
| [00:36] | to sit on his lap and try to find the North Pole. | 让姑娘们坐他大腿 寻找”北鸡”的变态 |
| [00:40] | This came for you. | 你有包裹 |
| [00:42] | I’m pretty sure it’s from Jake. | 我敢肯定是杰克寄来的 |
| [00:44] | He spelled “Malibu” M-A-L-I-B-O-O. | 他把马里布写成”马里奶” |
| [00:48] | Oh. No, actually, | 不 其实他写成 |
| [00:49] | it’s “Maliboobs.” | “马里奶子”了 |
| [00:52] | He put little nipples on the O’s. | 还在上面画了奶头呢 |
| [00:55] | I just can’t get used to Christmas without him. | 圣诞节他不在 真让我不习惯 |
| [00:57] | It’s just not the same. | 感觉完全不一样了 |
| [00:58] | Remember how he used to screw up Christmas carols? | 还记得以前我们怎么乱唱圣诞歌吗 |
| [01:01] | * Shark named Harold * | * 鲨鱼哈罗德 * |
| [01:02] | * Could not sing * | * 不会唱歌 * |
| [01:04] | * Let’s all go to Burger King * | * 一起去吃汉堡王 * |
| [01:10] | Oh, look. He sent a note. | 看 他还留了字条 |
| [01:12] | Oh. Here we go. | 我念念 |
| [01:14] | “Hey, guys. Uh, sorry I can’t be there. | “大伙们 抱歉今年我不在 |
| [01:16] | I am having a lot of fun in Japan. | 我在日本玩得很开心 |
| [01:18] | Uh, Christmas is very commercial here. | 圣诞节在这里被搞得很商业化 |
| [01:21] | Sometimes I think they don’t even remember | 有时我觉得他们都忘了圣诞节是 |
| [01:23] | It’s Santa’s birthday. | 圣诞老人诞生日[其实是耶稣] |
| [01:26] | I hope you enjoy this little homemade holiday treat.” | 希望你们喜欢我亲手做的节日小点” |
| [01:29] | Aw, maybe he baked us cookies. | 可能他给我们烤了饼干呢 |
| [01:32] | Oh, dear Lord, it’s sushi. Oh! | 我勒个去 是寿司 |
| [01:35] | Oh, man. | 我的天啊 |
| [01:37] | Well, at least he tried. | 他也尽力了 |
| [01:39] | He packed ’em in ice. | 他里面放了冰块保鲜呢 |
| [01:42] | Well, it’s better than the time he sent us those Easter eggs. | 已经比以前他复活节送我们彩蛋那次好了 |
| [01:44] | Mmm. And that poor, poor bunny. | 被塞进蛋里的真兔子太可怜了 |
| [01:52] | Looks like, uh, Jenny’s Christmas present | 看来珍妮的圣诞礼物 |
| [01:53] | got here early. | 已经提前到位了 |
| [01:55] | And from the sounds of it last night, | 而且从昨晚的声响来看 |
| [01:56] | It’s a Scream My Name Elmo. | 是个”喊我名字”玩偶 |
| [01:59] | Guys, this is Brooke. | 这位是布鲁克 |
| [02:01] | Um, Brooke, this is my uncle Alan, | 布鲁克 这是我叔叔艾伦 |
| [02:03] | and this is Walden. | 这是沃顿 |
| [02:04] | Walden runs the Alan sanctuary. | 沃顿是艾伦庇护所的经营人 |
| [02:08] | – Hi. – Hi. Nice to meet you. | -你好 -你好 很高兴见到你 |
| [02:10] | Where did, uh, you two meet? | 你们俩在哪认识的 |
| [02:11] | At my work. | 我上班的地方 |
| [02:12] | Oh, and, uh, what do you do? | 那你是做什么的呢 |
| [02:14] | I’m an esthetician. | 我是个美容家 |
| [02:15] | – Ooh, an esthetician. – Very impressive. | -美容家啊 -佩服佩服 |
| [02:18] | You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you? | 你们完全不知道这是干嘛的吧 |
| [02:20] | – No. – Zero. | -不知 -完全不懂 |
| [02:22] | How do I put this? | 我该怎么说呢 |
| [02:23] | Do you guys like hairless vaginas? | 你们喜欢剃光毛的下阴吗 |
| [02:25] | – Aw, yeah. – Yeah. | -当然 -当然啊 |
| [02:27] | Okay, there you go. That’s what I do. | 那就是啦 我就是做这个的 |
| [02:28] | You know, waxing, tweezing, threading and plucking. | 蜜蜡除毛 镊子夹毛 刮毛 拔毛 |
| [02:33] | She plucked the hell out of me last night. | 她昨晚”拔”的我爽歪歪 |
| [02:35] | Ooh, and brought a whole new meaning to “Ho, ho, ho.” | 给圣诞老人的”嚯嚯嚯”[音似妓女]带来了新解释 |
| [02:41] | Listen, you want to go get some breakfast? | 你想一起去吃个早饭吗 |
| [02:42] | Nah, I got to bounce. Thanks again. | 不了 我得走了 谢谢 |
| [02:44] | See you. | 再见 |
| [02:49] | Did I just get blown off? | 我刚是被人拒绝了吗 |
| [02:51] | – Oh, yeah. – Yeah. Big-time. | -是的 -绝对是啊 |
| [02:53] | Well, no biggie. | 无所谓 |
| [02:55] | I’ll just go back to plucking myself. | 我回房间自己”拔”自己吧 |
| [02:59] | I feel bad for her. | 真替她难过 |
| [03:00] | Do you remember the first time you were rejected by a woman? | 还记得自己第一次被女人拒绝的时候吗 |
| [03:03] | Yeah. When the maternity nurse handed me to my mom. | 记得 是产房护士把我递给我妈的时候 |
| [03:22] | Care for some mulled cider, mull-lady? | 想要来点加糖苹果酒吗 糖心女士 |
| [03:26] | Thanks, but I can’t. | 谢谢 但我不能喝 |
| [03:27] | I take hormones, | 我在吃荷尔蒙药 |
| [03:28] | and the acid in the cider makes my beard grow. | 里面的酸会让我胡子又开始长 |
| [03:32] | God, you are so lucky. | 你真好运 |
| [03:34] | I wish I could grow a beard. | 我真希望我能长大胡子 |
| [03:37] | Oh. Look what else I have, Hmm? | 你看我还拿了什么 |
| [03:39] | a, uh, sprig of mistletoe. | 一株榭寄生[暗示亲吻] |
| [03:41] | Okay, great. Game’s in overtime. | 好 这下好了 要打加时赛 |
| [03:43] | Come on! | 上啊 |
| [03:51] | I had the craziest day at the mall today. | 我今天在商场过了疯狂的一天 |
| [03:55] | You heard me about the overtime, right? | 你听到了我说打加时赛吧 |
| [03:57] | You heard me about the mall, right? | 你也听到了我说商场吧 |
| [04:00] | Darn it. | 靠 |
| [04:07] | Is everything okay down there? | 你下面没事吧 |
| [04:10] | Oh. My bad. | 我错了 |
| [04:11] | I got phantom nuts. | 忘了蛋蛋已离我远去 |
| [04:16] | You can scratch mine if you want. | 你可以改挠我的蛋蛋啊 |
| [04:19] | Hey, Paula, | 宝拉 |
| [04:19] | – I’m just… – Oh, sorry. | -我刚… -抱歉 |
| [04:21] | I didn’t realize you had company. | 我不知道你有客人 |
| [04:23] | No, no. Come on in. Uh… | 没事 进来吧 |
| [04:25] | Rachel, this is Alan. | 瑞秋 他是艾伦 |
| [04:26] | Alan, this is my ex-wife. | 艾伦 他是我前妻 |
| [04:28] | Oh. I, uh… I didn’t know you were married. | 我都不知道你结过婚 |
| [04:30] | Uh, then again, I didn’t know you had a penis, so… | 不过我之前也不知道你有过鸡鸡 所以… |
| [04:32] | She lost them both at about the same time. | 这两样东西她是同时失去的 |
| [04:35] | – Nice to meet you, Alan. – Oh. You, too. | -很高兴见到你 艾伦 -幸会幸会 |
| [04:37] | It’s really great that you guys are still friends. | 你们俩还能当朋友 这真是太棒了 |
| [04:38] | Yeah. And thankfully the same shoe size. | 更好的是我们鞋子穿同号的 |
| [04:41] | By the way, those silver platforms that you lent me | 对了 你借我的那双银色高跟鞋 |
| [04:43] | really did a number on my back. | 让我背疼得超级厉害啊 |
| [04:44] | Oh, I’m sorry. But you’re in luck. | 太不好意思了 不过你真走运 |
| [04:46] | Alan here is one of the top chiropractors in Los Angeles. | 艾伦是洛杉矶区的顶尖整脊师 |
| [04:50] | Well, I was named, uh, | 我是有被提名啦 |
| [04:52] | one of the “Top Chiropractors to Watch” | 是被个人伤害律师协会给提名为 |
| [04:53] | by the Personal Injury Lawyer Trade Association. | “最该注意的整脊师” |
| [04:57] | Yeah, he’s just being modest. | 他只是在谦虚 |
| [04:58] | Last night, he threw my back out. | 昨天晚上 他把我的腰闪了 |
| [05:01] | This morning, fixed it. | 今天早上 弄好了 |
| [05:05] | Well, maybe I can come by your office. | 好吧 不如我哪天去工作室找你 |
| [05:07] | Oh, well, uh, I-I closed my office. | 我的工作室已经关了 |
| [05:09] | Uh, I’m actually semi-retired. | 其实我已经半退休了 |
| [05:11] | Uh, I-I do philanthropic work | 我跟一个亿万富翁 |
| [05:13] | out in Malibu with a billionaire. | 在马里布做慈善工作 |
| [05:15] | We, uh… we run a sanctuary. | 我们经营一家庇护所 |
| [05:17] | What kind? | 哪种呀 |
| [05:18] | Uh, you know, the homeless, unemployed middle-aged men, | 比如 无家可归的中年失业人士 |
| [05:21] | lesbian alcoholics, the usual. | 女同性恋酒鬼 很普通的这些 |
| [05:23] | That’s nice. | 真好 |
| [05:25] | Well, um, maybe you’d make a house call | 那 你能不能上门出诊 |
| [05:28] | if that’s not too weird? | 会不会太奇怪 |
| [05:29] | No weirder than me dating a dude. | 能怪得过我跟一个男人约会吗 |
| [05:35] | Oh. Somebody’s been sneaking the cider. | 看来某人偷苹果酒喝了哟 |
| [05:37] | What? Really? | 什么 真的吗 |
| [05:50] | Looks like someone’s celebrating the 12 steps of Christmas. | 看来你在庆祝圣诞节的十二个阶段 |
| [05:55] | Yeah, well, I’ve had a tough morning. | 好吧 我今天早上过得很不顺 |
| [05:57] | You want to talk about it? | 想聊聊吗 |
| [05:58] | Let’s rap. | 倾诉吧 |
| [06:01] | “Rap”? | 倾诉 |
| [06:03] | You’re like the creepy guidance counselor I had in high school. | 你的语气就像我高中的怪胎心理老师一样 |
| [06:08] | “Tell me all about your lesbian experiences. | “跟我讲讲你作为同性恋的经历吧 |
| [06:10] | I can’t help you unless I know every detail.” | 只有知道全部细节 我才能帮你呀” |
| [06:13] | God, I hated her. | 太讨厌她了 |
| [06:16] | She was good in bed, though. | 不过她床技不错 |
| [06:19] | Really? Tell me about it. | 是吗 跟我讲讲 |
| [06:20] | I can’t help you unless I know every detail. | 只有知道全部细节 我才能帮你呀 |
| [06:25] | Oh, come on. You’re a relationship guy, right? | 别这样 你相信爱情的 对吗 |
| [06:28] | I don’t know. I mean, I-I do believe | 不知道 不过我是相信 |
| [06:29] | there is someone out there for everyone. | 每个人都会找到自己的另一半 |
| [06:31] | I’m just terrified that my someone is Alan. | 我只是很担心我的另一半会不会是艾伦 |
| [06:35] | So… how do you know | 所以 你怎么确定 |
| [06:36] | when you want to be in a relationship? | 自己是否愿意开始一段感情 |
| [06:39] | The first sign is that you start asking people, | 最开始的迹象是 你开始问别人 |
| [06:41] | “How do you know when you want to be in a relationship?” | “怎么确定自己是否愿意开始一段感情” |
| [06:45] | Oh, God. | 天啊 |
| [06:46] | Sick of plucking yourself already? | 不想继续自己”拔”自己了吗 |
| [06:49] | Is it the, uh, girl from yesterday? | 是因为昨天那个女孩吗 |
| [06:52] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [06:54] | Brooke. | 布鲁克 |
| [06:56] | Why don’t you just call her? | 直接打给她不行吗 |
| [06:58] | No. No. I’m the girl that gets called. | 绝对不行 一般都是别人打给我 |
| [07:01] | I don’t do the calling. | 我从不给别人打电话 |
| [07:03] | Oh, my God, she gave you a fake number. | 天啊 她给你的是假号码 |
| [07:06] | It’s possible she lives in the back of a Mexican restaurant. | 她住在一家墨西哥餐馆也是有可能的 |
| [07:11] | Hey, look, if you really like this girl, | 听我说 如果你真喜欢这个女孩 |
| [07:13] | look her up on Facebook and send her a message. | 就去脸书上找她 然后给她发信息 |
| [07:15] | Oh, or… send her a picture of your boobs. | 或者直接给她发你胸部的照片 |
| [07:19] | That’s desperate. | 这做法太没自尊了 |
| [07:21] | Besides, she already has a picture of my boobs. | 再说 她已经有我胸部的照片了 |
| [07:24] | Or the busboy in the back of the Mexican restaurant has it. | 不过也可能是墨西哥餐馆的服务生收到的 |
| [07:29] | All right, look. | 好吧 是这样 |
| [07:30] | Sometimes in life | 有时候吧 |
| [07:33] | you have to take a risk | 需要去冒险 |
| [07:34] | and put yourself out there. | 放手去追求 |
| [07:36] | Sometimes it doesn’t work. | 有时候会失败 |
| [07:38] | But sometimes it does. | 但有时候会成功 |
| [07:41] | And sometimes | 有时候 |
| [07:43] | it works so well that you end up proposing to them | 一切都很顺利 然后你向对方求婚 |
| [07:45] | and they say no | 结果被拒绝 |
| [07:48] | and all you’re left with is a custom designed ring | 只剩下一个无法退货的定制戒指 |
| [07:51] | that you can’t return whose very existence mocks you. | 留着你身边嘲笑你 |
| [08:00] | – You want to rap about it? – Shut up! | -要不要倾诉一下 -闭嘴 |
| [08:05] | I will have this set up in a sec. | 一分钟之后就安好了 |
| [08:08] | Oh! My back. | 我的腰啊 |
| [08:10] | Oh, my God, are you okay? | 天啊 你还好吗 |
| [08:14] | Little chiropractor humor. | 按摩师的小幽默 |
| [08:16] | I call it “Cracking you up.” | 我称之为”暖身笑话” |
| [08:18] | Hop on up. | 上去吧 |
| [08:20] | How long have you and Paula been dating? | 你跟宝拉在一起多久了 |
| [08:23] | Oh, just a-a couple of weeks. | 几周而已 |
| [08:24] | You know, still holding hands, running the water while I pee. | 还在拉手 尿尿时得开水龙头掩饰 |
| [08:28] | How long were you and Paul together? | 你跟保罗在一起多久了 |
| [08:30] | 20 years. | 二十年 |
| [08:31] | Wow. That’s pooping while the other one showers. | 那你们可以一人洗澡一人拉屎啊 |
| [08:35] | Uh, so, uh, Paul’s change | 所以 你应该 |
| [08:37] | must have been a big adjustment for you. | 很不适应保罗的”变化”吧 |
| [08:39] | Oh, I was pretty angry at first. | 我一开始很生气 |
| [08:42] | When he said he wanted to become a woman, | 他说想变成女人 |
| [08:43] | I grabbed a knife from the kitchen | 我从厨房抓了一把刀 |
| [08:44] | and offered to do the surgery myself. | 说我非常乐意帮忙 |
| [08:48] | Baggage just stowed for takeoff. | 可以打包带走了 |
| [08:50] | Um, at least the two of you are in a healthy place now. | 不过你们现在的关系很健康 |
| [08:53] | Oh, it’s not easy. | 其实很不容易 |
| [08:55] | Can you imagine how annoying it is | 你体会一下我有多烦 |
| [08:57] | that she’s a better-looking woman than I am? | 她居然长得比我还好看 |
| [08:59] | And the boobs, by the way, | 不过她的胸部 |
| [09:00] | exact copies of mine. | 是照着我的整的 |
| [09:02] | Well, I think you’re both very beautiful, | 我觉得你们两个都很美 |
| [09:04] | and, uh… and kudos on the boobs. | 对了 胸部也很赞 |
| [09:07] | Would you mind working a little lower? | 你能不能往下面按按 |
| [09:09] | Oh, sure. Let’s, uh… | 当然可以 |
| [09:10] | let’s narrow it down to the lumbar region. | 我们来处理一下腰椎部分 |
| [09:12] | Uh, where does it hurt? Uh, L5? L4? | 哪里疼 L4节腰椎 还是L5节 |
| [09:15] | Lower. | 再往下 |
| [09:16] | Okay, we’re into the-the sacral region. | 好的 我们进入了尾椎部分 |
| [09:19] | Uh, that’s S2. S3? | S2节 还是S3呢 |
| [09:21] | A-A little lower. | 再 再下面一点 |
| [09:24] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [09:25] | Uh, I believe we are out of the S’s | 看来我们离开了”尾椎”区 |
| [09:28] | and into the asses. | 进入了”犯罪”区 |
| [09:30] | How does that feel? | 你感觉如何 |
| [09:32] | Uh, like the tension has moved out of your back | 感觉你背上的紧绷感转移到了 |
| [09:34] | and into my pants. | 我的裤裆里 |
| [09:37] | I’m sure this is wildly inappropriate, | 我知道这疯狂的举动很不恰当 |
| [09:38] | but I’m very attracted to you. | 但是我很喜欢你 |
| [09:40] | Well, I’m-I’m flattered. Uh-uh, it’s just that… | 我受宠若惊 不过… |
| [09:44] | I’m dating your ex-husband. | 我已经跟你前夫在一起了 |
| [09:47] | Boy, that was a weird thing to hear yourself say. | 天啊 听自己说这话感觉太诡异了 |
| [09:50] | I understand. | 我明白 |
| [09:52] | Let me know if you change your mind. | 改变主意的话 记得联系我 |
| [09:56] | You do realize your hand is still on my ass. | 你知道你的手还在我屁股上吧 |
| [09:59] | I do. | 我知道 |
| [10:00] | Still there. | 还在那哦 |
| [10:02] | I’m just glad you don’t know where my other hand is. | 幸好你不知道我另一只手放在哪 |
| [10:09] | Hi. So, I have you down for | 你好 我给你用的是 |
| [10:11] | the total bro-zilian wax. | 全套的男性除毛 |
| [10:14] | Yeah, I wasn’t really sure which one to choose. | 对 我不是很确定该选哪一种 |
| [10:16] | It was either that or the Butt Reynolds. | 不选那个 就得选屁特·雷诺兹[男星] |
| [10:19] | Wait, don’t I know you? | 等等 我认识你吧 |
| [10:20] | Yeah, I’m Walden. | 是的 我是沃顿 |
| [10:22] | Hang on. Did you chase me out of your house | 等等 几天前我是不是和你老婆偷情 |
| [10:24] | the other day for banging your wife? | 然后被你赶出来了 |
| [10:25] | ‘Cause she came on to me. | 其实是她先勾搭的我 |
| [10:28] | No, uh, you hooked up with my friend Jenny. | 不 你和我朋友珍妮搞了一晚 |
| [10:30] | Uh, we live in Malibu. | 我们住在马里布 |
| [10:32] | Oh, yeah, yeah, Jenny. Yeah, she was a lot of fun. | 对 对 珍妮 她很有意思的 |
| [10:35] | Oh-oh, God, does she have herpes? | 天啊 她有性病吗 |
| [10:36] | Is that why you’re here? | 所以你才来这里吗 |
| [10:38] | No, that is not why I’m here. | 不 那不是我来的原因 |
| [10:40] | Actually, I wanted to see if you… | 其实我是来找你 |
| [10:47] | Okay. Oh, my God. | 好吧 疼死我了 |
| [10:48] | How ’bout a little heads-up next time? | 下次事先提醒一下好吗 |
| [10:50] | Okay, heads-up. | 好的 “提醒一下” |
| [10:56] | So, why are you here? | 那你为什么来这里 |
| [11:00] | Well, um, my-my friend Jenny– | 我朋友珍妮 |
| [11:02] | she thinks that you’re really cool. | 她觉得你很不错 |
| [11:04] | And this is kind of awkward. | 说起来有些尴尬 |
| [11:05] | I don’t really know how to say this. | 我不太懂怎么说 |
| [11:07] | Take her out again! | 再约她一次吧 |
| [11:10] | Yeah, I don’t know. | 我也不知道怎么办 |
| [11:11] | I mean, I like to keep it casual. | 我是说 我喜欢顺其自然 |
| [11:12] | Lesbians get too attached, | 拉拉通常会变得过于依赖 |
| [11:13] | and then somebody always ends up screaming or crying. | 最终其中一方就会落个哭天喊地的下场 |
| [11:20] | I get that. | 我明白 |
| [11:22] | Um, uh, but here’s the thing. | 但是重点是这里 |
| [11:24] | Like, Jenny’s really awesome, | 珍妮是个很不错的人 |
| [11:27] | and I think if you took a chance to get to know her | 我想如果你有机会去了解她 |
| [11:30] | that you would really like her. | 你一定会很喜欢她 |
| [11:31] | Yeah? I don’t know. Turn over. | 是吗 我不知道 翻过来 |
| [11:34] | What? | 什么 |
| [11:35] | All fours, butt up. | 四肢着地 屁股朝上 |
| [11:38] | This… | 这… |
| [11:39] | This reminds me of a horrible prison nightmare I once had. | 这让我想起那个蹲监狱的恶梦 |
| [11:47] | You know, I got to say, | 我想说的是 |
| [11:49] | if you’re willing to go through all of this for your friend, | 如果你愿意为你的朋友遭这份罪 |
| [11:51] | she must be all right, huh? | 说明她这个人还不赖 是吧 |
| [11:53] | – Yeah. – I’ll give her a call. | -是啊 -我会给她打电话 |
| [11:56] | Okay. | 好了 |
| [11:57] | This one’s gonna hurt. | 这一下会很疼 |
| [11:59] | This one? | 这一下吗 |
| [12:00] | Mommy! | 妈妈呀 |
| [12:35] | Some might say that a guy who does this out in the open | 我会觉得你大庭广众之下做这个 |
| [12:38] | wants his housekeeper to catch him. | 是故意想让你的管家逮个正着 |
| [12:42] | No, I-I… | 不是的 我… |
| [12:45] | Oh, hey, Johnson and Johnson. | 强生公司 |
| [12:49] | And Johnson. | 还有鸡鸡[强生] |
| [13:00] | Hold on. | 等等 |
| [13:01] | Weren’t you the one that called the house meeting | 不是你召开家庭会议 |
| [13:02] | about no more masturbating in the kitchen? | 说不许在厨房手淫吗 |
| [13:05] | No, I… I, uh… | 不 我… |
| [13:08] | I got groomed. | 我去修体毛了 |
| [13:10] | Actually, I went down to Brooke’s salon… | 其实 我去了布鲁克的美容店 |
| [13:14] | and asked her if she would go out with you again. | 问她愿不愿意再跟你约会 |
| [13:16] | Are you insane?! | 你疯了吗 |
| [13:18] | What, you think I can’t get my own dates? | 你觉得我搞不定自己的约会吗 |
| [13:20] | Do I look like a child? | 我看起来像个小孩吗 |
| [13:21] | No, but thanks to Brooke, I do. | 不 但是多亏了布鲁克 我变回”小孩”了 |
| [13:26] | And thanks to me, | 而多亏了我 |
| [13:29] | she wants to go out with you again. | 她愿意再次跟你约会 |
| [13:32] | She wants to go out with me again? | 她愿意再次跟我约会 |
| [13:33] | What did she say? | 她怎么说的 |
| [13:34] | You want to rap about it? | 你想倾诉一下此刻心情吗 |
| [13:38] | She said that she would call you in a few days, | 她说几天后会给你打电话 |
| [13:41] | and that my balls would stop burning by tomorrow. | 明天我的蛋蛋就不疼了 |
| [13:45] | Or wait. | 等等 |
| [13:46] | Was it that she would call you tomorrow, | 还是明天她会给你打电话 |
| [13:48] | and my balls would stop burning in a few days? | 几天后我的蛋蛋就不疼了呢 |
| [13:52] | Let me know when she calls. Okay? | 她给你打电话时记得告诉我 好吗 |
| [13:54] | Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. | 谢谢你 我内心深处说感谢你 |
| [13:57] | You are welcome from the bottom of my scrotum. | 我阴囊深处对你说不客气 |
| [14:06] | That was amazing. | 感觉太棒了 |
| [14:07] | I got to tell you. | 我要告诉你 |
| [14:08] | The guy who built your hoo-hah is an artist. | 打造你阴道的那个家伙真是个艺术家 |
| [14:11] | He’s like van Gogh, but instead of cutting off ears, | 他就像梵高一样 但是他没有切掉自己的耳朵 |
| [14:14] | he’s cutting off… well, you know. | 而是切掉了你的…你懂的 |
| [14:18] | – Hey. – What? | -嘿 -什么事 |
| [14:20] | Can we talk about us? | 能聊聊我们的事吗 |
| [14:22] | Oh, God, can’t I… can’t I just buy you something? | 天啊 我不能给你买样东西就好吗 |
| [14:24] | Well, gifts are always welcome, | 礼物我当然欢迎 |
| [14:27] | but, uh, I was just wondering if we were exclusive. | 但是 我只是想问我们是不是只属于彼此 |
| [14:31] | Okay, look, Alan… | 是这样 艾伦 |
| [14:34] | …I like you, but I always… I always promised myself | 我喜欢你 但是我一直都向自己保证 |
| [14:37] | that if I had the courage to become a real woman, | 如果我有勇气变成一个真正的女人 |
| [14:40] | that that woman… | 那么这个女人 |
| [14:42] | would be a total slut. | 会是一个十足的荡妇 |
| [14:45] | Okay, so-so… so, just to clarify… | 好的 那么 先说清楚 |
| [14:48] | …you… or me are free | 你 或者我 都可以随便 |
| [14:50] | to date anybody else, anybody in the world? | 跟世界上别的任何人约会 对吧 |
| [14:53] | Yes. | 对 |
| [14:54] | Okay, if that’s what you want. | 好吧 如果你想这样就这样吧 |
| [15:06] | Oh, hey, you look great. | 你看起来很漂亮哦 |
| [15:08] | No, I don’t. | 才不呢 |
| [15:09] | I’ve tried on, like, a hundred outfits. | 我试了好像100套衣服了 |
| [15:11] | Butch, femme, lipstick, pixie. | 阳刚的 阴柔的 性感的 调皮的 |
| [15:14] | There was even a dark moment | 甚至有那么一段郁闷的时间 |
| [15:15] | where I was wearing one of Alan’s polos. | 我还试穿了艾伦的一件马球衫 |
| [15:18] | Oh, actually, they’re called “polas.” | 事实上 它们叫做”破驴衫” |
| [15:20] | He buys them at a gas station. | 他在一个加油站买的 |
| [15:22] | If you look close, the guy’s not playing polo. | 靠近点会看到衣服上的那个人不是在打马球 |
| [15:24] | It’s a gardener riding a donkey. | 那是一个园丁在骑一头驴 |
| [15:28] | I’m a nervous wreck. | 我紧张死了 |
| [15:29] | Oh, come on. You’re going to be fine. | 放轻松 你会表现得很好的 |
| [15:31] | – Just be yourself. – Right. | -做你自己就好 -好的 |
| [15:33] | Right. Right, just be myself. | 好的 好的 做我自己 |
| [15:37] | WWJD W.W.J.D.? | |
| [15:40] | What would Jenny drink? | 珍妮要喝什么 |
| [15:43] | I don’t think that alcohol is the answer. | 我觉得酒精不能解决问题 |
| [15:45] | Well, clearly, you don’t know the question. | 显然 是你不知道问题是什么 |
| [15:50] | On vodka, on soda, | 加上伏特加 加上苏打水 |
| [15:52] | on blender, on mixer! | 倒入搅拌机 混合在一起 |
| [15:56] | Okay, I’m just gonna go back to blowing myself. | 好吧 我继续吹小弟了 |
| [16:04] | So, uh, did you ask Santa for anything special this year? | 今年你有没有向圣诞公公要特别的礼物 |
| [16:07] | Oh, just someone to stuff my stocking. | 有人把我的”长袜”塞满就行 |
| [16:10] | Oh. Someone’s on the naughty list. | 是嘛 某人在圣诞公公的淘气名单上 |
| [16:12] | Well, I hope that won’t keep me from getting a nice big package. | 希望这样不会妨碍我得到一份精美的”大礼” |
| [16:16] | Oh, don’t you worry. | 不用担心 |
| [16:18] | I’m sure Santa’s got something in his sack for you. | 我相信圣诞公公的大袋子里一定有好东西给你 |
| [16:21] | Ooh, look who’s on the naughty list now. | 现在谁上了淘气名单啊 |
| [16:24] | But you have to be careful | 但你得当心 |
| [16:24] | about shipping rates around the holidays. | 假日期间的邮费 |
| [16:26] | You could pay extra for a package that’s oversized | 超大尺寸包装 或是不规则形状的 |
| [16:30] | or an irregular shape. | 得额外加钱 |
| [16:36] | Rachel? | 瑞秋 |
| [16:38] | – Paula? – Alan? | -宝拉 -艾伦 |
| [16:39] | What’s going on here? | 这是怎么回事 |
| [16:40] | Uh, well, this is a… an awkward coincidence. | 这种巧遇真是有些尴尬 |
| [16:42] | It’s not a coincidence. I come here every Friday night, | 这不是巧遇 我每个周五晚都来 |
| [16:44] | – and she knows it. – Oh, this is completely innocent. | -她知道 -这是无心之失好吧 |
| [16:47] | Oh, please. You’re wearing my screw-me pumps! | 得了吧 你穿着我的”上我吧”高跟鞋 |
| [16:49] | That’s funny. Uh, I have a screw-me pump, too. | 真好笑 我也有一个”上我吧”水泵[与高跟鞋同词] |
| [16:52] | I only need it when I’m drinking too much. | 我只有喝多了才需要 |
| [16:57] | All the women in the world, and you have to pick my ex-wife? | 全世界这么多女人 你非挑我的前妻 |
| [16:59] | Uh, first of all, I don’t actually get to pick. | 首先 轮不到我来挑 |
| [17:01] | I’m more of a take-what-comes kind of guy. | 我属于”主动上门绝不嫌弃”的类型 |
| [17:04] | Besides, you said we weren’t exclusive. | 而且 你说了我们不是专一恋爱关系 |
| [17:06] | Yeah, he can date whoever he wants. | 对 他想和谁约会都行 |
| [17:08] | Okay, you only brought him here to make me jealous. | 你带他来这里 只是为了让我嫉妒 |
| [17:10] | Oh, please. Don’t flatter yourself. | 得了吧 少往自己脸上贴金 |
| [17:11] | Okay, let’s all… let’s just calm down here. | 好了 大家冷静下 |
| [17:13] | Hey, I see it now. | 我现在看出来了 |
| [17:15] | You guys do have the same boobs. | 你俩的咪咪真是一模一样 |
| [17:23] | Jenny? | 珍妮 |
| [17:25] | Are you okay? | 你还好吗 |
| [17:26] | I’ll be right there. | 我马上出来 |
| [17:30] | Can you knock again so I can find the door? | 你再敲下门好吗 我好找到门在哪里 |
| [17:32] | Okay, I’m coming in. | 我进来了 |
| [17:35] | Hey, Walden! | 沃顿 |
| [17:37] | Are you drunk? | 你喝醉了吗 |
| [17:38] | No, I only had one drink. | 没有 我只喝了一杯 |
| [17:41] | Okay, I went to a lot of trouble for you, | 我为了你自找了不少麻烦 |
| [17:43] | and you are going on this date. | 这次约会你一定要去 |
| [17:46] | Why do you care so much? | 你这么在乎干嘛 |
| [17:48] | Well, I can give you a bro-zilian reasons why. | 我给你一个”超级蛋疼”的理由 |
| [17:50] | Now, come on. | 快起来 |
| [17:51] | – Let’s get you sobered up. – Okay, let me just use | -你快去醒酒 -好的 我先用下 |
| [17:54] | the bathroom real quick. | 洗手间 |
| [17:56] | Jenny? | 珍妮 |
| [17:58] | That’s not the bathroom. | 那不是洗手间 |
| [18:00] | Too late. | 太迟了 |
| [18:03] | How could you do this to me? | 你怎么能这样对我 |
| [18:05] | It hurts losing the man of your dreams, doesn’t it? | 失去白马王子的感觉很伤心吧 |
| [18:07] | Please. Alan is not the man of my dreams. | 拜托 艾伦怎么会是我的白马王子 |
| [18:09] | He’s just the only guy who didn’t think | 他只是唯一一个男人 |
| [18:11] | an inside-out wiener was a deal breaker. | 觉得从里向外翻的老二 不是甩人理由 |
| [18:13] | I’ve also been told I have nice eyes, but okay. | 你还说了我有双美丽的眼睛 不过算了 |
| [18:19] | Well, you were the man of my dreams. | 你以前是我的白马王子 |
| [18:21] | Don’t you see what’s going on here? | 你还不明白是怎么回事吗 |
| [18:23] | You still care for her, | 你依然在乎她 |
| [18:25] | and you’re just trying to make her jealous by dating | 你只是想通过约会一个勃大茎深的 |
| [18:27] | a sexy, handsome, well-endowed man. | 性感帅气男 让她嫉妒 |
| [18:31] | I do still have feelings for you. | 我的确对你还有感觉 |
| [18:32] | And you still have feelings for her, | 你对她也还有感觉 |
| [18:34] | despite taking a lover whose charm and wit is only matched | 尽管你的情人 他的魅力与睿智只有他自己 |
| [18:36] | by his unbridled passion in the boudoir. | 在闺房中放肆的热情才能匹敌 |
| [18:41] | I do miss you. | 我的确想你 |
| [18:42] | I miss you, too. | 我也想你 |
| [18:45] | Oh, how nice is this? | 真是太感动了 |
| [18:47] | You two should kiss. | 你们应该亲亲 |
| [18:49] | Come here. | 过来 |
| [18:53] | You two are probably gonna want a picture of this. | 你们两个可能需要拍照留念 |
| [19:01] | Let’s get some coffee in you. | 你去喝点咖啡 |
| [19:03] | Okay, I’ll have a half-caff Zach Braff. | 好 我要低咖啡因的扎克·布拉夫[《实习医生风云》主角] |
| [19:12] | Perfect. | 这下可好 |
| [19:16] | It’s a tale as old as time. | 永恒的传说不会错 |
| [19:17] | Don’t wax your ass to help your roommate’s lesbian niece. | 别给自己的屁股脱毛 来帮助室友的同志侄女 |
| [19:23] | Hey, Waldo! | 沃尔多 |
| [19:25] | Hi, Baldo. | 你好啊 小沃沃 |
| [19:30] | Brooke, are you drunk? | 布鲁克 你喝醉了吗 |
| [19:31] | No, I’m merloaded. | 不 是梅洛红酒喝多了[merlo+loaded] |
| [19:35] | You drank that whole bottle yourself? | 你自己喝了一整瓶吗 |
| [19:36] | It’s okay. I’m gonna eat later. | 没事 我等下吃点东西 |
| [19:43] | Come on. | 进来 |
| [19:45] | I’m sorry. | 对不起 |
| [19:47] | I never do second dates, | 我从来没和人约会过第二次 |
| [19:49] | and I was nervous ’cause I really like Jenny. | 我很紧张 因为我真心喜欢珍妮 |
| [19:52] | Hello. Hey, there’s Jenny! | 你好 珍妮在这里 |
| [19:54] | Okay, nap date. | 好的 打盹约会 |
| [19:56] | Uh, good idea. | 好主意 |
| [20:01] | How cute. | 真可爱 |
| [20:02] | It’s like two drunk, gay puppies. | 像两只喝醉的同志小狗狗 |
| [20:10] | They’re gonna want a picture of this later. | 她们稍后会想要拍照留念的 |
| [20:25] | ‘Twas the night before Christmas | 今乃平安之夜 |
| [20:27] | when all down the beach not a creature was stirring, | 海滩一片宁静 众生修身养性 |
| [20:31] | not even a leech. | 白吃鬼也入眠 |
| [20:33] | Alan was nestled, all snug in his bed, | 艾伦紧抱暖被 悠然床中独卧 |
| [20:36] | while visions of lesbians danced in his head. | 女同缠绵场景 脑中不断浮现 |
| [20:40] | Brooke and Jenny were sleeping, a long winter’s nap, | 布鲁克与珍妮相依相偎 长长的冬日赖床正当时 |
| [20:44] | surrounded by bottles with nary a cap. | 满地酒瓶 盖空见底 |
| [20:47] | Jenny was nervous and frightened, | 珍妮紧张且害怕 |
| [20:49] | but took a big chance. | 但依然冒险一试 |
| [20:51] | She let Brooke in her heart, as well as her pants. | 布鲁克攻陷她的心 也脱掉了她的裤子 |
| [20:55] | While Berta in her vest and I in my hattie | 波塔身穿背心 敝人头戴红帽 |
| [20:59] | had just baked our brains out | 圣诞”大餐”烟雾缭绕 |
| [21:01] | with a big Christmas fatty. | 我俩灵魂已经出窍 |
| [21:04] | We started to doze, we hadn’t a care. | 瞌睡虫袭来 烦恼皆抛开 |
| [21:08] | Happy Christmas to all. My balls have no hair. | 圣诞快乐齐分享 敝人蛋蛋亮光光 |