| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:03] | I’m dead. | 我死了 |
| [00:03] | You’re in the hospital. | 你人在医院呢 |
| [00:05] | You had a mild heart attack. | 你犯了轻微心脏病 |
| [00:06] | I almost died, Alan. | 我差点死掉 艾伦 |
| [00:07] | But the important thing is you didn’t. | 但重要的是你没有死 |
| [00:09] | Other than you guys and my mom, I got nobody. | 除了你们和我妈 我就没有别人了 |
| [00:11] | At least you got Jake. | 至少你还有杰克 |
| [00:13] | I want to have a kid of my own. | 我想有个自己的孩子 |
| [00:14] | – You are obviously more than qualified. – Thank you. | -你的条件非常好 -谢谢 |
| [00:17] | I’d start looking at golden retriever puppies, | 我会着手帮你找一只黄金猎犬幼犬 |
| [00:19] | ’cause there’s no way you’re getting a baby. | 因为你根本不可能领养到孩子 |
| [00:20] | You’re a single guy, and the system | 你是单身男性 |
| [00:22] | is really geared towards married couples. | 本机构更倾向于已婚夫妇 |
| [00:24] | Alan Harper, will you marry me? | 艾伦·哈勃 嫁给我好吗 |
| [00:30] | Wait. You seriously want to marry me? | 等等 你真的想娶我吗 |
| [00:33] | Yes. | 是的 |
| [00:34] | Alan Jerome Harper, | 艾伦·杰罗姆·哈勃 |
| [00:36] | would you be my wi…? | 你愿意当我的妻… |
| [00:40] | Hus…? | 丈… |
| [00:42] | Life buddy? | 人生伙伴吗 |
| [00:43] | Okay, I’m a little confused. | 我其实有点迷糊 |
| [00:45] | And not like the time I-I got that massage from that lady-boy. | 跟我某次被人妖按摩的那种”迷糊”不一样 |
| [00:51] | Look, I want to adopt a kid, | 我想要领养一孩子 |
| [00:54] | and the quickest way for me to do that is to get married. | 而对我来说 最快的方法就是结婚 |
| [00:56] | And if I’m gonna settle for someone, | 如果我得随便挑个人过 |
| [00:58] | it might as well be you. | 还不如跟你过呢 |
| [01:00] | That’s exactly what my first wife said. | 我第一任妻子也是这么说的 |
| [01:03] | Listen, I-I know this sounds crazy, | 我知道这听起来很疯狂 |
| [01:06] | but you would be doing me the biggest favor of my life. | 但你可以帮我这辈子最大的一个忙 |
| [01:09] | Walden, there are literally millions of women | 沃顿 外面有千千万万个女人 |
| [01:11] | who would marry you at the drop of a hat. | 抢破头都要跟你结婚 |
| [01:13] | Yeah, but I wouldn’t be half as happy | 但跟她们在一起不会有 |
| [01:14] | with any of them as I would be with you. | 跟你在一起时的一半快乐 |
| [01:18] | Go on. | 接着说 |
| [01:21] | When-when I think of the ten things I want in a wife, | 我对我老婆有十个要求 |
| [01:24] | you have nine of them. | 你能做到其中九个 |
| [01:26] | You’re my best friend, you’re trustworthy, | 你是我最好的朋友 你值得信任 |
| [01:28] | you’re loving, you’re smart, you’ll never leave me. | 你充满了爱 你很聪明 你永远不会离开我 |
| [01:32] | Married or not, till death do us part. | 不管结没结婚 到死都赖着你 |
| [01:34] | You’re funny, you’re understanding. | 你很幽默 你懂我心思 |
| [01:37] | You don’t care if I leave the toilet seat up. | 你不在意我有没有把马桶座放下 |
| [01:39] | I actually prefer it. | 其实正合我意 |
| [01:41] | Although, the other night, I forgot it was up, | 不过有一天晚上 我忘了它没放下来 |
| [01:43] | and I had a surprise splash-down. | 我一个扑通就掉下水 |
| [01:46] | I was like a turtle on its back. | 感觉就像青蛙翻了身 |
| [01:49] | Right there. That’s another one. | 你看 这又是另一个我喜欢的点 |
| [01:50] | As long as you’re around, | 只要你在我身边 |
| [01:51] | I will never be the most awkward guy in the room. | 我永远不会是场上最丢人的一个 |
| [01:54] | So, what’s the one thing | 所以我没有满足 |
| [01:55] | you want in a wife that I don’t have? | 你对你老婆的要求的唯一一点是什么 |
| [01:59] | Oh. Right, right. | 懂了 懂了 |
| [02:01] | I-I do not have one of those. | 那个东西我没有 |
| [02:04] | I barely have one of these. | 我有的”这个”都不是很够数了 |
| [02:09] | I mean, how would this work exactly? | 所以 我是该怎么帮你呢 |
| [02:11] | I mean, we’re gonna pretend to be a couple? | 我们就假装是一对夫妻吗 |
| [02:13] | We wouldn’t pretend. | 我们不是假装 |
| [02:14] | We’re actually going to be a same-sex married couple. | 我们就当一对真的同性已婚夫妻 |
| [02:17] | And like most married couples, we will not have sex. | 而就跟大多数已婚夫妇一样 我们不做爱 |
| [02:22] | Not even on my birthday? | 我生日那天也不做吗 |
| [02:25] | Sorry, sorry… flashback to the first wife. | 抱歉 抱歉 回想起跟前妻的往事了 |
| [02:29] | So, so, I can have crazy, anonymous sex | 所以我可以疯狂地跟任何女人 |
| [02:32] | with any woman I want? | 随便做爱吗 |
| [02:33] | No. You will still be you. | 不会 你始终还是原来的你 |
| [02:37] | Oh. | 好吧 |
| [02:40] | Mr. Alan Harper-Schmidt. | 艾伦·哈勃施密特先生 |
| [02:44] | Dr. Alan Schmidt. | 艾伦·施密特医生 |
| [02:46] | What are you doing? | 你在干嘛 |
| [02:48] | Oh, just trying to see what sounds best. | 我试试哪一种念起来比较好听 |
| [02:51] | Yes, Mr. And Mr. Harper-Schmidt, | 是的 哈勃施密特先生与先生 |
| [02:53] | welcome back to the Four Seasons. | 欢迎回到四季酒店 |
| [02:54] | Your ocean front suite is ready. | 你们的海景房已经准备妥当 |
| [02:57] | Okay, cut the Schmidt. | 少说屎[施密特]话了 |
| [02:59] | Oh, yeah, I’d have to put up with that Schmidt. | 对哦 我还得忍受这件屎事 |
| [03:02] | But you know what? I’m gonna own it. | 不过呢 我掌握得住 |
| [03:03] | I don’t give a Schmidt. | 我才不鸟这些屎事 |
| [03:06] | What are you saying? | 你什么意思 |
| [03:07] | I’m saying, yes, I’ll marry you, you big dumb Schmidt. | 我意思是好 我嫁给你 你个大笨屎密特 |
| [03:14] | Oh, please tell me that’s ChapStick in your pocket. | 请告诉我 你裤裆鼓起的是护唇膏 |
| [03:32] | Hi, Mom. Thanks for coming over. | 妈 谢谢你来一趟 |
| [03:34] | What is so important | 啥事这么重要 |
| [03:35] | that I had to leave halfway through my bikini wax? | 我比基尼热蜡除毛到一半也拉我来 |
| [03:39] | I look like a black and white cookie. | 我下面看起来像黑白饼干 |
| [03:43] | In one fell swoop, there goes cookies and vaginas. | 你一句话摧毁了我对饼干与阴部的爱 |
| [03:50] | What’s going on? | 怎么回事 |
| [03:51] | Is this another intervention? | 不会又是开批斗会吧 |
| [03:53] | For the millionth time, I do not have a drinking problem. | 我再说第一百万次 我没有酗酒问题 |
| [03:57] | No, Evelyn. It’s-it’s a celebration. | 不是的 伊芙琳 这是庆祝 |
| [03:59] | Well, in that case, | 如果是这样 |
| [04:00] | I’ll have a double martini and hold the vermouth. | 我要一杯双份马丁尼 别放苦艾酒哦 |
| [04:02] | Hello. I’m Robin. I’m Walden’s mother. | 你好 我是罗宾 沃顿的妈妈 |
| [04:04] | Oh, how nice to finally meet you. | 很高兴终于见到你 |
| [04:06] | You have a wonderful son and amazing breasts. | 你有个很棒的儿子 以及很棒的双峰 |
| [04:10] | Who did them? | 谁做的 |
| [04:11] | God? | 上天做的 |
| [04:12] | Well, he’s still the best. | 他始终还是业界第一 |
| [04:15] | Although Dr. Schenkman runs a close second. | 不过申克曼医生的手艺也离他不远了 |
| [04:18] | They are lovely. | 的确是很棒 |
| [04:20] | Okay, can everyone stop talking about my mom’s boobs? God. | 好了 大家可以不要在谈论我妈的胸了吗 |
| [04:24] | Oh, my God, that’s why I had so many friends in high school. | 我终于知道为何高中时我这么多朋友了 |
| [04:28] | So, what’s the big announcement? | 所以有什么大事要宣布 |
| [04:30] | Uh… Well… | 其实呢 |
| [04:33] | Alan and I… | 艾伦与我… |
| [04:35] | We’re getting married! | 我们要结婚了 |
| [04:36] | Dude! What the hell! We agreed I was gonna say it. | 喂 你搞毛 说好了我来宣布 |
| [04:39] | Sorry, sorry. I’m just so excited. | 抱歉抱歉 我太激动了 |
| [04:40] | Uh, no offense, but can’t you do better than Alan? | 无意冒犯 但你找不到比艾伦更好的吗 |
| [04:46] | Back up. You are marrying him? | 等等 你要娶他吗 |
| [04:49] | Yup. | 是啊 |
| [04:51] | What was that for? | 干嘛打我 |
| [04:52] | For marrying Zippy. | 因为你要娶废柴 |
| [04:54] | Hey! Why are you hitting me?! | 那你干嘛打我 |
| [04:56] | For being Zippy. | 因为你是废柴 |
| [04:58] | This sounds great, except for one thing. | 这听起来不错啊 除了一个问题 |
| [05:00] | You guys aren’t gay. | 你们不是基 |
| [05:02] | No, we’re not gay. | 不 我们不是基 |
| [05:04] | We are getting married because… | 我们结婚是因为 |
| [05:06] | it’ll make it easier for him to adopt a child! | 这样他要领养孩子比较容易 |
| [05:07] | Aah, come on! | 干嘛又抢我词 |
| [05:10] | Uh, thank you, Berta. | 谢谢 波塔 |
| [05:11] | Hold on. You want a child? | 等等 你想领养个孩子 |
| [05:13] | Yes. | 是的 |
| [05:14] | I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my life, | 我最近一直在思考我的人生 |
| [05:17] | and I believe that having a kid | 我相信孩子能为我的人生 |
| [05:19] | would add more meaning to it. | 增添更多意义 |
| [05:20] | Parenthood can be very rewarding. | 为人父母的确能获益良多 |
| [05:23] | Some of the time. | 但也不尽然 |
| [05:26] | So, this marriage is just a sham? | 所以你们只是假结婚吗 |
| [05:28] | I didn’t march in all of those gay rights parades | 我去参加那些同性恋游行 |
| [05:31] | so you guys could make a mockery of | 可不是来让你们玩弄 |
| [05:32] | our hard-won civil liberties. | 我们拼来的公民自由 |
| [05:34] | You marched in those parades | 你去参加那些游行 |
| [05:36] | so you could get drunk and pick up chicks. | 不过是为了喝酒和泡妞 |
| [05:38] | Hard-won chicks. | 拼来的妞 |
| [05:41] | All right, look, we’re not making a mockery of anything, | 好啦 听着我们没有玩弄任何事物 |
| [05:43] | and I get the challenges that gay couples face, | 我也明白同性恋伴侣会面临什么挑战 |
| [05:46] | but I-I also know that there are a lot of kids out there | 但我还知道这世上有很多孩子 |
| [05:49] | that are just looking for a good home, | 在寻找一个好的家庭 |
| [05:51] | and I think we can provide that. | 而我们可以提供一个家啊 |
| [05:53] | And I get health insurance. | 这样我也有医保了 |
| [05:56] | You guys are lucky you’re in California. | 你们真该庆幸你们是在加州 |
| [05:57] | In some states, they still don’t let gay couples get married | 在某些州仍不允许同性恋结婚 |
| [06:00] | or adopt kids. | 或领养孩子 |
| [06:02] | You know, when I was in Utah, | 当我在犹他州时 |
| [06:03] | I vomited on a police officer, | 我吐在一名警察身上 |
| [06:05] | and I was arrested. | 结果被逮捕了 |
| [06:07] | Simply for being gay. | 就因为我是同性恋 |
| [06:12] | Wow, this is a lot to take in. | 这信息量太大了 |
| [06:14] | My son is going to get married and have a child with… | 我的儿子要结婚要领养孩子 而伴侣是… |
| [06:19] | Oh, God, where… where did I go wrong? | 上帝啊 我到底做错了什么啊 |
| [06:26] | Oh, there he is, my same-sex shorty. | 他回来了 我的同性伴侣 |
| [06:31] | My friend with no benefits. | 我同住不同床的朋友 |
| [06:35] | My boo. | 我的情郎 |
| [06:38] | You know, I do have 99 problems, and you’re all of them. | 我有99个问题 而你就是全部的根源 |
| [06:43] | What’s all this? | 这些都是什么 |
| [06:44] | Uh, oh, I’m, uh… | 我… |
| [06:45] | I’m making a dream board for our wedding. | 我在做我们婚礼的梦想板 |
| [06:47] | Uh, there’s also a Pinterest page, | 在品趣志也有一个页面 |
| [06:49] | or you can go to: Alan and Walden’s big day dot com. | 或者你可以输入艾伦和沃顿大喜之日.com |
| [06:52] | Yeah, I got the link you sent me. | 我知道 我收到你发的链接了 |
| [06:55] | Uh, I really loved the photoshopped picture | 我很喜欢你电脑合成的那张照片 |
| [06:57] | of both us peeking around the same tree. | 就是我们俩从一棵树后面探出头来 |
| [07:02] | However, you know, | 不管怎样 |
| [07:04] | we’re not doing, like, a big, lavish wedding. | 我们不会办一个奢华的大型婚礼 |
| [07:06] | Oh, okay, I get it. | 没事 我懂 |
| [07:08] | You know, small destination wedding. | 在度假地办个小型婚礼也行 |
| [07:10] | Just the two of us, the beach, | 咱俩在海滩 |
| [07:11] | wearing leis around our necks, | 脖子上戴着花环 |
| [07:13] | matching linen shirts, sand tickling our toes. | 身着情侣亚麻衬衫 沙子在亲吻我们的脚趾 |
| [07:16] | Seagulls flying overhead. | 海鸥在我们头上盘旋 |
| [07:23] | And where do you see this happening? | 你怎么会瞎想到这种画面呢 |
| [07:26] | Well, obviously, there’s Hawaii and Cabo. | 显然 我们有夏威夷和卡波海滩可供选择 |
| [07:31] | I’d be happy with either one of those. | 随便哪个我都没意见 |
| [07:32] | Um, but I hear that Greece is fabulous this time of year. | 但我听说这个季节的希腊非常美 |
| [07:35] | And just FYI, Mykonos is very friendly to same-sex couples. | 顺便说一句 米科诺斯对同性伴侣可是非常友好哟 |
| [07:38] | Opa! | 好吧 |
| [07:41] | Nopa! | 不好吧 |
| [07:44] | We’re getting married in the courthouse. | 我们会在法院结婚 |
| [07:46] | Please tell me the “courthouse” is a chic bar in Ibiza. | 请告诉我”法院”是地中海伊比沙岛的一间时髦酒吧 |
| [07:48] | No, it’s a rundown courthouse | 不 就在连锁润滑油公司 |
| [07:50] | around the corner from the Jiffy Lube. | 转角处的一间破旧的法院 |
| [07:53] | We’ll pay 50 bucks, | 花50块钱 |
| [07:54] | we’ll do some paperwork, | 签一些文件 |
| [07:56] | and if you’re good, we’ll go outside to the food truck, | 如果你没意见 我们可以去外面的快餐车 |
| [07:58] | and I’ll buy you a gyro. | 给你买个希腊皮塔三明治 |
| [08:00] | Opa! | 好吧 |
| [08:04] | Okay. I see. | 好吧 我懂了 |
| [08:07] | What’s wrong? | 怎么了 |
| [08:08] | Nothing. | 没事 |
| [08:11] | Talk to me. | 说吧 |
| [08:13] | No, it’s fine. | 真没事 |
| [08:14] | You know, I just wanted to make sure | 我只是想尽力确保 |
| [08:16] | this whole thing was special for us, | 整件事是特别的 无论是对我们而言 |
| [08:17] | for you, but, you know, it’s no big deal. | 还是对你而言 但其实也没什么大不了的 |
| [08:19] | I’m sure we can still make it special. | 我相信我们仍能让它变得特别 |
| [08:22] | Maybe, uh… maybe Jenny can take some pictures on her iPhone. | 或许就让珍妮拿手机 帮我们拍几张照片吧 |
| [08:28] | Alan, come on. | 艾伦 别这样 |
| [08:29] | Don’t touch me. | 别碰我 |
| [08:33] | Look, this isn’t about us. | 这事的重点不是我们 |
| [08:36] | It’s about bringing a kid into our lives. | 而是我们要领养一个孩子 |
| [08:38] | It’s a simple business transaction, | 这只是简单的商业交易 |
| [08:40] | like paying an electric bill, or buying dinner, or… | 就像交电费 或请客吃饭 或… |
| [08:43] | writing a rent check. | 写支票交房租 |
| [08:45] | Stop me when I land on something you’ve actually done. | 麻烦在我说到你有做过的事情时喊停 |
| [08:49] | I just got excited | 人家刚才超兴奋的 |
| [08:49] | because I’ve never had the wedding I always dreamed of. | 因为我从未拥有过梦想中的婚礼 |
| [08:52] | Right, the wedding that every little boy dreams of. | 是啊 那些小少男的白日梦婚礼 |
| [08:57] | You know, we still need to get each other rings. | 我们还是要给对方买戒指的 |
| [09:01] | We can just get something online. | 随便在网上买俩就行 |
| [09:03] | Or we could go into Beverly Hills and have brunch, | 或者我们可以去比佛利山庄 吃个早午餐 |
| [09:07] | and go ring shopping together. | 然后一起去买戒指 |
| [09:09] | Really? | 真的吗 |
| [09:11] | Sure. | 当然 |
| [09:13] | Because I do have ideas. | 因为我的确对戒指有些想法 |
| [09:21] | Hey, Berta, do we have any carrots? | 波塔 咱们家有”白”萝卜吗 |
| [09:23] | Oh, wait. I’ve got 14 karats of white gold | 慢着 我有一只14克拉的”白”金戒指 |
| [09:25] | right here. | 请看这里 |
| [09:28] | You’ll make a beautiful bride, Zippy. | 你会是一个漂亮的新娘 废柴 |
| [09:31] | Hey, there’s my future baby daddy! | 我未来宝宝的爸爸来了 |
| [09:34] | If I got to listen to this, I got to be a lot higher. | 如果要我听这种肉麻对话 那我要大涨薪水 |
| [09:41] | Hey, uh, I got some paperwork for you to sign. | 我这有些文件需要你签 |
| [09:43] | Oh, uh, and I’ve got some paperwork for you to sign. | 我也有些文件需要你签 |
| [09:45] | Guess it’s true. Married couples do start to think alike. | 人们说得没错 已婚夫妇想法会变得一致 |
| [09:48] | Maybe soon, we’ll start to look alike, | 或许不久后 我们长相也会一致 |
| [09:49] | he said hopefully. | 他满怀希望地说 |
| [09:52] | It’s the application form for our marriage license. | 这是我们结婚证的申请书 |
| [09:56] | – Oh, look at you. – Yeah. | -瞧瞧你 -是啊 |
| [09:58] | I guess somebody’s gonna get that money | 我猜某人会拿这笔钱 |
| [09:59] | for that Mani-pedi he wants after all. | 去做一直想做的手部和足部护理 |
| [10:02] | Ah, you spoil me. | 是你宠坏人家啦 |
| [10:03] | No, I’m just trying to be a good business partner. | 不是啦 我只是努力当个生意好伙伴 |
| [10:05] | The Johnson to your Johnson. | 你棒 我棒 双棒合璧 |
| [10:09] | Wait, that-that didn’t come out right. | 等等 这话听起来怎么这么别扭 |
| [10:10] | So, uh… so what do you need me to sign? | 那你想让我签什么 |
| [10:13] | Uh, just this. | 这个 |
| [10:14] | Oh. What’s that? | 那是什么 |
| [10:16] | Oh, it’s a simple dissolution of services agreement. | 只是一份简单的散伙服务协议 |
| [10:21] | Oh, you-you mean, like a… like a prenup? | 比如像婚前协议书吗 |
| [10:24] | Yup. So, it’s not a big deal. | 对 这没什么大不了的 |
| [10:26] | Just go ahead and sign it, he said hopefully. | 快签吧 他满怀希望地说 |
| [10:30] | Why do we need a prenup? | 我们为什么要签婚前协议 |
| [10:32] | And here we go. | 果不其然 |
| [10:35] | When couples get married, | 一对伴侣结婚时 |
| [10:37] | finances become complicated, | 财产变得很复杂 |
| [10:39] | and this just simplifies it. | 这样就能简化了 |
| [10:41] | Oh, does it? | 是吗 |
| [10:42] | ‘Cause it seems like it’s pretty simple right now. | 因为现在的状况倒是挺简单的 |
| [10:44] | You don’t trust me. | 你不信任我 |
| [10:45] | Okay, that’s not true at all. | 不是这样的 |
| [10:47] | Isn’t it? | 是吗 |
| [10:48] | I mean, is this what you really think of me? | 你就是这么看待我的 |
| [10:51] | That I’m some kind of gold digger? | 我就是一个拜金男吗 |
| [10:54] | Okay, yes, I have lived here four years rent-free. | 好吧是的 我在这里免费住了四年 |
| [10:58] | Look, why do you have to make this difficult? | 你干嘛非得把这事儿搞这么复杂 |
| [10:59] | You know, why do you make everything so difficult? | 你干嘛非得把所有事搞这么复杂 |
| [11:02] | It’s like yesterday at brunch, when you sent back the champagne | 比如昨天吃早午餐的时候 你把香槟退了 |
| [11:05] | because the bubbles didn’t taste like mouthful of stars? | 因为酒的泡沫尝起来没有”满口星星”的感觉 |
| [11:09] | If it doesn’t explode in your mouth, what’s the point? | 如果泡沫在嘴里不爆开 还有什么意思 |
| [11:11] | You said that to the waiter, too, and it was troubling then! | 你对服务生也这么说的 听起来就很黄 |
| [11:15] | Look, I’m just trying to protect my assets. | 我只是想保护我的财产 |
| [11:18] | Oh-oh, yeah? Well, then maybe I should protect my assets. | 是吗 那我也应该保护我的财产 |
| [11:20] | You know, don’t worry, | 别担心 |
| [11:21] | I’m pretty sure that your VHS copy of Dirty Dancing | 我保证你的《热舞》录像带拷贝 |
| [11:24] | and your complete collection of Ghostbusters trading cards are safe. | 和你的《捉鬼敢死队》卡牌全集非常安全 |
| [11:29] | I am a collector of ’80s movie memorabilia. | 我喜欢收集80年代的电影物品 |
| [11:32] | And hobby mocking is not an attractive color on you. | 嘲笑别人的兴趣可不会招人喜欢 |
| [11:37] | Hobby mocker. | 兴趣嘲笑者 |
| [11:39] | I also have one other asset that you cannot have, | 我还有一样你得不到的财产 |
| [11:41] | my dignity. | 我的尊严 |
| [11:43] | – Your dignity?! – Mm-hmm. | -你的尊严 -是 |
| [11:44] | – Your dignity…? – Yes. | -你的尊严 -是的 |
| [11:45] | Really? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure that the security guard | 真的吗 因为我肯定就是因为你 |
| [11:47] | at the shopping mall had to remove the bench | 超市的保安才不得不把 |
| [11:50] | from outside of Victoria’s Secret because of you! | 《维多利亚的秘密》店外的板凳给搬走 |
| [11:54] | Mall flogger! | 商场”只看不买”者 |
| [11:56] | I got to tell you, I’m having a lot of second thoughts right now. | 我告诉你 我现在开始有很多疑虑了哦 |
| [11:58] | Really? Because this is exactly where I want to be in my life, | 是吗 你以为向一个47岁的男人求婚 |
| [12:01] | begging a 47-year-old man to marry me. | 是我这一生梦寐以求的事情吗 |
| [12:04] | Now sign the prenup! | 快点签了婚前协议 |
| [12:06] | I agreed to marry you, but that doesn’t mean you get | 我同意和你结婚 不过这并不代表 |
| [12:08] | to shove whatever you want down my throat | 你把什么东西塞进我嘴里 |
| [12:10] | and expect me to swallow it! | 我就得吞下去 |
| [12:12] | Do-do you… do you even hear | 你 你听听 |
| [12:15] | the words that you are saying?! | 你说的话不恶心吗 |
| [12:17] | How about these words? The wedding’s off! | 那这些话如何 婚礼取消 |
| [12:25] | I can’t even get Alan Harper to marry me. | 连艾伦·哈勃都不愿意跟我结婚 |
| [12:39] | Boy, this better be important. | 小子 你最好有要事 |
| [12:41] | I just saw you two days ago. | 我两天前才见了你 |
| [12:43] | Walden and I broke up. The-the wedding is off. | 沃顿和我分手了 婚礼也取消了 |
| [12:46] | Oh, Alan. | 艾伦 |
| [12:48] | You had a rich husband on the hook | 你本来手握钻石王老五 |
| [12:49] | and you couldn’t reel him in. | 你却让他溜走了 |
| [12:52] | What happened? | 发生了什么事 |
| [12:53] | Well, he asked me to sign a prenup and I refused. | 他让我签婚前协议 我拒绝了 |
| [12:56] | Well, of course you refused. | 你当然得拒绝 |
| [12:59] | The woman I paid to raise you did not raise a fool. | 我付钱给人养你长大 可不能养个傻子 |
| [13:02] | Mom, I don’t want his money. | 妈妈 我不想要他的钱 |
| [13:07] | Never say that again. | 再说这种蠢话试试 |
| [13:10] | Is that a new ring? | 这是新的戒指吗 |
| [13:11] | Feels like Cartier. | 触感像卡地亚的 |
| [13:13] | Yes, it is. And you know who gave it to me? | 是的 你知道是谁给我的吗 |
| [13:15] | My rich husband. | 我的富老公 |
| [13:16] | When Marty and I married, | 马蒂和我结婚的时候 |
| [13:18] | the only thing I was willing to sign | 我唯一愿意签署的协议是 |
| [13:20] | was his do not resuscitate order. | “拒绝心肺复苏术”的协议 |
| [13:23] | Walden says this wedding is just a-a business transaction. | 沃顿说我们的婚姻只是商业交易 |
| [13:26] | H-How many business transactions end | 有多少商业交易 |
| [13:28] | with the release of grand monarch butterflies? | 落得个好结果 |
| [13:31] | Darling, it is just business. | 亲爱的 不要感情用事 |
| [13:33] | He’s using you to get what he wants, | 他利用你 得到他想要的 |
| [13:36] | and you should be using him to get what you want: | 你也应该利用他 得到你想要的 |
| [13:39] | financial security. | 经济保障 |
| [13:41] | I’m not doing it for financial security. | 我这么做不是为了经济保障 |
| [13:43] | Walden genuinely wants a child, | 沃顿很想要一个孩子 |
| [13:44] | the same way that I wanted Jake and-and you wanted… | 正如我想要杰克 正如你想要 |
| [13:47] | Charlie. | 查理 |
| [13:49] | I just thought that after four years together | 我以为同居4年 |
| [13:51] | that he would trust me when it comes to money. | 他应该在钱上面对我很信任 |
| [13:53] | Oh, darling, after 47 years, I don’t trust you. | 亲爱的 相识47年 我还是不信任你 |
| [13:57] | aybe, uh, a-a prenup is justified. | 或许 婚前协议是合理的 |
| [14:00] | Maybe I am just a sponge. | 或许我只是一个海绵 |
| [14:01] | A-a-a parasite. | 一只寄生虫 |
| [14:04] | And-and he tolerates me because he’s my best friend. | 他一直容忍我 因为他是我最好的朋友 |
| [14:08] | And I’ve let him down, | 而我却让他失望了 |
| [14:10] | and all I want to do is make him happy. | 我只想让他开心 |
| [14:13] | Best friend. Happy. | 最好的朋友 开心 |
| [14:16] | I just have no idea where you got | 我不知道你是从哪里学来的 |
| [14:18] | these warped views on marriage. | 这些婚姻歪理 |
| [14:20] | He wouldn’t sign a prenup? | 他不肯签婚前协议 |
| [14:22] | No, he got all upset and he threw a hissy fit. | 对啊 他很不开心还大发脾气 |
| [14:26] | You don’t trust me. The wedding’s off. | 你不信任我 婚礼取消 |
| [14:28] | I’m going to Ibiza by myself? | 我要一个人去伊比沙岛[地中海西岸] |
| [14:31] | Let’s face it, the man is simply not your equal. | 面对现实吧 他配不上你 |
| [14:34] | If the two of you were on a plane that crashed | 如果你俩同在一架飞机上 |
| [14:36] | in the mountains, Alan would be the first person eaten. | 飞机撞毁之后 艾伦肯定会第一个被吃掉 |
| [14:40] | On the other hand, | 换句话说 |
| [14:41] | you’re handsome, successful, smart. | 你帅气 成功 聪明 |
| [14:43] | You would be eaten last. | 你肯定是最后一个被吃掉的 |
| [14:45] | You’re just saying I’d be eaten last ’cause you’re my mom. | 你说我会最后一个被吃掉 因为你是我妈妈 |
| [14:49] | Well, listen, I know you’re serious about this child thing, | 听我说 我知道你是认真对待孩子的事情 |
| [14:52] | so I mentioned your situation to a very cute intern at work. | 所以我告诉了公司的一个可爱的实习生 |
| [14:56] | You didn’t. | 不是吧 |
| [14:57] | Oh, Jessica’s very amenable to striking a business deal. | 洁西卡非常能接受这种交易 |
| [14:59] | Plus, | 还有 |
| [15:00] | she’s already visited Dr. Schenkman, | 她已经拜访了隆乳圣手申克曼医生 |
| [15:03] | if you know what I mean. | 你肯定懂我的意思吧 |
| [15:04] | Mom, that’s exactly what I don’t want. | 妈妈 我就是不想这样 |
| [15:07] | I don’t even know this Jess… | 我都不认识这个… |
| [15:08] | Holy Schenkman. | 我勒个申克曼 |
| [15:11] | Look, I-I w… | 我… |
| [15:18] | No, she’d be eaten first. | 不 她会第一个被”吃”掉 |
| [15:22] | Look, no, I want someone that I can trust. | 我需要一个我能信任的人 |
| [15:24] | That’s why I picked Alan in the first place. | 所以我才优先选择了艾伦 |
| [15:26] | How can you possibly trust him? | 你怎么可能信任他 |
| [15:28] | He siphons gas out of your car. | 他偷你车里的油 |
| [15:30] | Technically, I never caught him. | 其实我从没当场抓住过他 |
| [15:32] | I just assumed that he did it | 我猜是他干的 |
| [15:33] | ’cause the garden hose smelled like gas | 因为花园的橡胶软管有汽油的味道 |
| [15:35] | and one time he burped near a candle | 有一次 他在蜡烛旁边打嗝 |
| [15:36] | and it lit the couch on fire. | 把沙发都烧起来了 |
| [15:39] | I don’t know why you ever | 我都不理解一开始 |
| [15:40] | let Alan live with you in the first place. | 你为什么会让艾伦住进来 |
| [15:42] | Uh, for starters, he saved my life. | 首先 他救过我的命 |
| [15:44] | And… he’s been there for me, | 其次 他一直陪在我身边 |
| [15:47] | every time that I needed him | 每次当我需要他时 他都在 |
| [15:48] | and even times when I didn’t. | 连不需要的时候 他都在 |
| [15:51] | The bottom line is… | 最重要的是… |
| [15:54] | he’s my best friend. | 他是我最好的朋友 |
| [15:55] | Jessica could be your best friend. | 洁西卡也能成为你最好的朋友 |
| [15:56] | I’m not going out with Jessica. | 我不会和洁西卡约会的 |
| [15:58] | Fine. I get it. | 好 我懂了 |
| [16:00] | I do have another intern that you might like better. | 还有另一位实习生 你也许会更喜欢 |
| [16:02] | His name is Derek. He does Pilates… | 男孩叫德里克 爱好普拉提 |
| [16:04] | Mom, I’m not gay! | 妈 我不是同性恋 |
| [16:06] | I-I just want to marry a man. | 我只是想和男人结婚 |
| [16:08] | Why is that so difficult to understand? | 怎么就这么难理解了呢 |
| [16:21] | – Listen… – About earlier… | -我说 -之前… |
| [16:22] | Uh, that-that’s, that’s my fault. | 那…是我的错 |
| [16:25] | I-I totally get why I need to sign a prenup. | 我完全理解为什么要我签婚前协议 |
| [16:28] | I mean, there’s guys standing at freeway onramps | 站在高速入口前的假人 |
| [16:31] | that make more money than I do. | 赚的都比我多 |
| [16:33] | You know what, you don’t need to sign it. | 你不用签了 |
| [16:35] | Despite my mother’s objections | 尽管我母亲的反对 |
| [16:38] | and despite everything I’ve learned from… | 尽管有违我所有的从… |
| [16:39] | two seasons of Basketball Wives, | 两季《球星太太团》里学到的知识 |
| [16:42] | I trust you completely. | 我完全信任你 |
| [16:44] | That’s nice, but, uh, | 真贴心 但… |
| [16:45] | I already signed it and sent it to your attorney. | 我已经签好寄给你的律师了 |
| [16:48] | Really? | 真的吗 |
| [16:49] | Thank you. I-I owe you. | 谢谢你 我欠你一个人情 |
| [16:51] | You owe me nothing. | 你什么都不欠我 |
| [16:53] | I mean, other than two dollars for the envelope | 除了买信封的两美元 |
| [16:55] | and $1.75 for postage. | 和一块七毛五的邮票钱 |
| [16:58] | Nothing for gas? | 汽油钱不用我出吗 |
| [16:59] | No, I just filled up. | 不用 我自己加回来了 |
| [17:06] | Will you still be my husband? | 你还愿意当我丈夫吗 |
| [17:09] | You know I can’t quit you. | 你知道我对你欲罢不能 |
| [17:10] | Listen, I-I know this isn’t the wedding | 我知道这并不是 |
| [17:12] | that you’ve always dreamed of, | 你的梦中婚礼 |
| [17:13] | but I-I got a little surprise for you for the ceremony. | 但我在婚礼给你准备了惊喜 |
| [17:16] | Tell me Vera Wang started making tuxes. | 难道是王薇薇开始做燕尾服了吗 |
| [17:20] | Even better. | 比那更棒 |
| [17:21] | * When a man loves another man * | * 当一个男人爱上了一个男人 * |
| [17:27] | * Can’t keep his mind on nothing else * | * 对他来说什么都不重要了 * |
| [17:30] | Oh… my… God. | 我 的 天 |
| [17:33] | It’s like you live inside my dreams. | 简直就像在梦里一般 |
| [17:35] | Happy wife, happy life. | 老婆好 才是真的好 |
| [17:38] | Uh, fellas, can we get this going? | 同志们 我们能速战速决吗 |
| [17:39] | There’s a lot of gay couples here who’d like to get married | 后面有一大群同性恋情侣还等着 |
| [17:41] | before the Supreme Court changes its mind. | 赶在最高法院改主意之前结婚呢 |
| [17:44] | Plus, this place is crawling with cops, | 还有 这地方到处都是条子 |
| [17:46] | and I’ve got six months to a year hidden in my purse. | 我包里还藏着六到十二个月的”罪行” |
| [17:49] | * When a man loves another man * | * 当一个男人爱上了一个男人 * |
| [17:52] | Kill it, Bolton. | 别唱了 波顿 |
| [17:57] | Hello, Michael. | 好啊 迈克尔 |
| [17:58] | You know, I have a vibrator named after you. | 我有根电动棒是以你命名哦 |
| [18:00] | Well, that’s very flattering. | 受宠若惊 |
| [18:02] | Would you like me to sign it? | 用我帮你签名吗 |
| [18:04] | I have a special pen. | 我有根特殊的”大笔” |
| [18:07] | What a coincidence. | 真巧 |
| [18:08] | I have a bit of a nasty habit | 我有个下流的坏习惯 |
| [18:10] | of putting the tips of pens into my mouth. | 喜欢把”笔尖”含在嘴里 |
| [18:15] | We’re here to join Walden Schmidt | 我们在此见证沃顿·施密特 |
| [18:17] | and Alan Harper in legal marriage. | 和艾伦·哈勃的合法婚姻 |
| [18:20] | Have you two written your own vows? | 有自己的婚誓要宣读吗 |
| [18:21] | No, the, uh, standard… the standard | 没有 标准的就行 |
| [18:23] | “Or richer, for poorer” actually fits us quite well. | “不论富有还是贫穷”还挺贴切的 |
| [18:25] | Actually, | 其实 |
| [18:26] | I’ve written a little something down. | 我自己写了点东西 |
| [18:29] | What? You didn’t. | 什么 你不是吧 |
| [18:30] | I wanted to surprise you. | 我想给你惊喜嘛 |
| [18:32] | Vows and Bolton? | 誓言加波顿 |
| [18:34] | – When a man… -Not the cue, Bolton. | -当一个男人… -那不是喊你唱歌 波顿 |
| [18:40] | Today, | 今天 |
| [18:41] | I’m marrying my best friend. | 我要跟我最好的朋友结婚 |
| [18:43] | Do not cry. | 不许哭 |
| [18:45] | Keep it together, Alan. | 坚持住 艾伦 |
| [18:47] | In the last four years, I’ve been through a lot. | 在过去的四年中 发生了很多事 |
| [18:51] | Uh, there’s been good times and bad times. | 生活有起有落 |
| [18:55] | But through it all, you were there. | 但由始至终 你都在我身边 |
| [18:59] | And I can’t imagine a future without you. | 我无法想象没有你的未来 |
| [19:04] | I guess what I’m trying to say is… | 其实我想告诉你的是… |
| [19:07] | I love you. | 我爱你 |
| [19:09] | I love you, too. | 我也爱你 |
| [19:14] | This is the gayest wedding I’ve ever been to. | 这是我参加过最基情的婚礼 |
| [19:18] | I think it’s beaut… Wh-Whose hand is on my ass? | 讲得太好了…我屁股上是谁的手 |
| [19:21] | – Sorry. – Sorry. | -抱歉 -抱歉 |
| [19:24] | Walden, | 沃顿 |
| [19:25] | do you take Alan to be your lawfully wedded husband? | 你是否愿意接受艾伦成为你的合法丈夫 |
| [19:29] | I do. | 我愿意 |
| [19:31] | And, Alan, do you take Walden to be your… | 艾伦 你是否愿意接受沃顿成为你的… |
| [19:33] | Try and stop me. | 谁敢拦我试试 |
| [19:35] | I now pronounce you married. | 我宣布你们成为合法伴侣 |
| [19:39] | You may kiss. | 你们可以接吻了 |
| [19:40] | Oh. Oh, yeah. | 对 |
| [19:42] | Um, kiss. Right. | 接吻 好的 |
| [19:45] | Aw, what the hell. | 管他呢 |
| [19:51] | * When a man loves another man… * | * 当一个男人爱上了一个男人 * |
| [20:02] | Morning. | 早安 |
| [20:04] | Hey. There’s the old balls and chain. | 我的老伴儿来了 |
| [20:09] | How was your wedding night? | 你的新婚之夜如何 |
| [20:11] | Much like my first one. | 和第一次结婚一样 |
| [20:13] | I spent it masturbating alone. | 我自撸到天明 |
| [20:16] | You’re the only guy I know | 你是我唯一见过的结婚礼物 |
| [20:17] | that would register for lotion and tissues. | 要求收乳液与纸巾的人 |
| [20:22] | That was some party last night, huh? | 昨晚的派对真够劲儿 |
| [20:24] | Yeah, it must have been. I woke up out here. | 肯定挺疯狂 我在这儿醒过来的 |
| [20:26] | And I’m pretty sure I’m wearing Jenny’s underwear. | 我非常确定我穿的是珍妮的内裤 |
| [20:29] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [20:30] | The whole evening’s a little fuzzy for me, too. | 昨晚的事都记不太清了 |
| [20:35] | The last thing I remember is | 我只记得你 |
| [20:36] | you doing body shots off of Michael Bolton. | 喝迈克尔·波顿身上的酒 |
| [20:41] | All of us did body shots off of Michael Bolton. | 我们所有人都喝迈克尔·波顿身上的酒了 |
| [20:50] | Even our moms got along. | 连我们的妈妈们都能和谐共处 |
| [20:51] | I wasn’t sure they’d click at first, but… | 开始我也不确定俩人能合得来 |
| [20:54] | in the end, they came together. | 但最后她们相处的还真和谐 |
| [20:56] | * When a man loves two women… * | * 当一个男人爱上两个女人 * |