| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:05] | How is it possible that kids weigh twice | 孩子为什么在睡着时 |
| [00:08] | as much when they’re asleep? | 体重比平常重两倍呢 |
| [00:10] | I know. | 是啊 |
| [00:11] | And he should weigh less after his little mishap | 按理说他在游乐设施上发生的”事故”后 |
| [00:13] | on the spinning teacups. | 他应该排掉了一些重量啊 |
| [00:17] | Felt bad for that girl in the Cinderella costume | 真对不起那个坐在我们后面 |
| [00:19] | in the cup behind us. | 穿着灰姑娘礼服的小姑娘 |
| [00:21] | She was right in the splash zone. | 她可算是”天降鸿福”啊 |
| [00:25] | – I’m exhausted. – Me, too. | -我累死了 -我也是 |
| [00:27] | I’m also sticky and dirty and sweaty and slimy. | 我身上又粘又脏又汗又糊 |
| [00:31] | I’m like the seven dwarfs of disgusting. | 我就像是七个恶心版小矮人 |
| [00:34] | Ugh, I should not have eaten that funnel cake. | 我不应该吃那个漏斗蛋糕的 |
| [00:38] | Well, I see your funnel cake | 我看见你吃漏斗蛋糕 |
| [00:39] | and raise you a deep-fried Snickers stuffed into a Twinkie. | 我又多吃一个炸巧克力棒夹心饼 |
| [00:44] | I think I blacked out briefly. | 我吃到后来都断片了 |
| [00:51] | Is being a dad always this tiring? | 当爸爸会一直都这么累吗 |
| [00:54] | These are the best moments of your life. | 这些是你人生中最美好的时光 |
| [00:57] | And they are over so fast. | 而且会转瞬即过 |
| [01:00] | Seems like only yesterday, | 仿佛犹如昨天 |
| [01:02] | Jake was holding my hand in the haunted house. | 杰克还在鬼屋里抓着我的手 |
| [01:05] | Now he’s half a world away in the army, | 而今天 他却在世界另一端的军队里 |
| [01:09] | wondering if a “dishonorable discharge” | 想着”开除军籍”是不是 |
| [01:11] | is something you get from a dirty geisha. | 从”军妓”身上染的一种病 |
| [01:39] | Walden? | 沃顿 |
| [01:40] | What? | 干嘛 |
| [01:44] | What do you want? | 有事吗 |
| [01:45] | Are you asleep? | 你在睡觉吗 |
| [01:46] | Yes. | 是啊 |
| [01:49] | That’s what people do at… | 人们在… |
| [01:52] | 5:30 in the morning. | 清晨5点半时都是在睡觉 |
| [01:56] | Is it okay if I can make breakfast? | 我可以去做早餐吗 |
| [01:59] | Sure. | 可以 |
| [02:00] | Thanks. | 谢谢 |
| [02:05] | Walden? | 沃顿 |
| [02:06] | Walden’s not here, please leave a message. | 沃顿不在 请留言 |
| [02:10] | How do you like your pancakes? | 你想要怎么样的煎饼 |
| [02:12] | Quietly. | 安静地做 |
| [02:14] | In three hours. | 三小时后端给我 |
| [02:17] | With blueberries. | 还要加蓝莓 |
| [02:20] | Okay, I’ll go make them. | 好 我去做 |
| [02:26] | Oh, God. | 天啊 |
| [02:27] | Flames. | 炉灶 |
| [02:33] | Walden? | 沃顿 |
| [02:34] | Ready or not, here I come. | 不管你躲好了没 我来抓你啦 |
| [02:36] | What? | 你说什么 |
| [02:38] | Louis and I, we’re playing hide and seek. | 我跟路易斯在玩捉迷藏 |
| [02:40] | He’s under his bed, hiding | 他自己房间的床下 躲着 |
| [02:41] | and I’m in the kitchen, seeking sleep. | 我在厨房里 偷睡 |
| [02:45] | I hear ya. | 我懂 |
| [02:46] | I barely got my eight hours. | 我也没睡满八小时 |
| [02:49] | I don’t know if I can handle this. | 我不知道我能不能搞定 |
| [02:51] | Little boys have a lot of energy. | 小男孩精力可旺盛了 |
| [02:53] | They’re like cute little crackheads. | 就像是可爱的小毒虫 |
| [02:56] | Except crackheads have better toilet aim. | 但那些毒虫上厕所瞄得准多了 |
| [02:58] | No, no, this isn’t about being tired. | 不是累的问题 |
| [03:00] | I just, I don’t know if I’m cut out to be a dad. | 我是不知道我是否适合当个爸爸 |
| [03:02] | Hey, I didn’t think I could live in a Malibu beach house for free, | 我也曾以为我没办法在马里布的海滩别墅白住 |
| [03:05] | but I figured it out. | 但我有我的办法 |
| [03:08] | Well, I don’t know if I can figure this out. | 但我不知道我有没有办法搞定他 |
| [03:10] | I mean, Th-this kid has bounced around | 这孩子从小就辗转于 |
| [03:12] | the foster care system his whole life. | 各个寄养系统 |
| [03:14] | I mean, I-I don’t know what he needs. | 我不知道他到底需要什么 |
| [03:15] | I mean, does he need structure? | 是需要有人教他规矩 |
| [03:17] | Does he need freedom? | 还是给他自由 |
| [03:18] | Does he need medication? | 还是需要吃药 |
| [03:21] | I should have asked that before they dropped him off. | 在机构把他给我之前 我应该先问下 |
| [03:25] | All he needs is your love and support. | 他需要的是你的爱与支持 |
| [03:29] | That’s a bunch of crap. | 那简直就是屁话 |
| [03:30] | Walden, every parent goes through this. | 沃顿 每个家长都经历过这阶段 |
| [03:33] | B-But you’re actually doing a great job. | 其实你已经做得很好了 |
| [03:35] | You’re just overwhelmed because this is all so new, | 你会不知所措是因为这些事情你从来没做过 |
| [03:38] | a-and you’re trying to be everything to him all the time. | 而且你想随时扮演他所需要的角色 |
| [03:40] | You know, full-time dad, full-time playmate. | 当他的全职爸爸 全职玩伴 |
| [03:42] | You have to give yourself a break. | 你得给自己休息的时间 |
| [03:44] | How? | 怎么休息 |
| [03:44] | He’s 24-7. | 他永远不休息 |
| [03:46] | He’s like the Energizer bunny. | 就像是电池广告里的超持久兔子 |
| [03:48] | You know why you never met the Energizer bunny’s dad? | 你知道为什么从来没见过那只兔子的老爸吗 |
| [03:51] | ‘Cause one night, he went out for cigarettes, | 因为有一天晚上 他说出门抽根烟 |
| [03:53] | and he just kept going and going and going. | 然后他就一直走一直走 最后走没了 |
| [03:57] | One thing that’ll help is getting Louis some friends. | 给路易斯找朋友是个不错的办法 |
| [04:00] | Playdates. | 找玩伴 |
| [04:01] | They chase each other around for hours, | 孩子们会不停地追逐几个小时 |
| [04:03] | eventually they pass out like work dogs. | 到最后就会精疲力尽 累到晕过去 |
| [04:06] | Kid’ll be in bed by 8:00, | 孩子晚上八点去睡觉 |
| [04:07] | then it’s you, me, a bowl of popcorn | 然后就是你与我 一大碗爆米花 |
| [04:08] | and binge-watching The Good Wife. | 狂看《傲骨贤妻》 |
| [04:12] | Okay, so what? | 所以咧 |
| [04:12] | So, I just… I’ll just Google a place | 我就上网搜搜哪里可以找到 |
| [04:14] | to meet a fun cute six-year-old. | 爱玩可爱的六岁小朋友吗 |
| [04:16] | Oh, yeah. No. | 不 不行 |
| [04:18] | I heard it when I said it. | 这句话说得像恋童癖了 |
| [04:23] | Uh, this place is awesome. | 这地方太赞了 |
| [04:26] | They have a rock wall. | 他们有攀岩墙耶 |
| [04:27] | Will you climb it with me? | 你可以跟我一起爬吗 |
| [04:29] | Oh, buddy, you know, the whole idea is for you to come here | 小家伙 带你来的目的是想要你 |
| [04:32] | and meet all these other kids. | 认识其他小朋友啊 |
| [04:34] | No, just you and me. | 不要 人家只想跟你玩 |
| [04:35] | Please? | 拜托嘛 |
| [04:37] | All right, I mean, come on. | 好吧 真拿你没办法 |
| [04:39] | How do you say no to those eyes? | 谁有办法拒绝那双星星眼呢 |
| [04:41] | I hear ya. | 我懂 |
| [04:42] | Oh, uh, hey, can I have some money for the snack bar? | 可以给我一点钱去买零食吗 |
| [04:44] | – Please? – No. | -拜托嘛 -不要 |
| [04:46] | It’s not my fault you already spent all your allowance. | 你自己零花钱花完了关我什么事呀 |
| [04:56] | Room for one more? | 能加入吗 |
| [04:57] | Absolutely. | 当然啊 |
| [04:58] | Care for a juice box? | 要来瓶果汁吗 |
| [05:00] | We have cherry, grape and Chardonnay. | 我们有樱桃味 葡萄味 以及夏敦埃酒 |
| [05:02] | Well, what else can I say except, “Chardonn-yay.” | 我还能说啥 除了”夏敦我要喝” |
| [05:07] | Uh, I am Alan. | 我叫艾伦 |
| [05:08] | Uh, that’s Louis over there, he’s mine. | 那孩子叫路易斯 是我孩子 |
| [05:10] | I’m Danielle, and that’s my daughter in the water wings. | 我叫丹妮尔 那里套着游泳扶圈的是我女儿 |
| [05:13] | – Oh, is there a pool here? – No. | -这里有泳池吗 -没有 |
| [05:15] | At some point, you just pick your battles. | 总有一天 你也会放弃 开始喝酒 |
| [05:18] | I’m Laurel, this is Julie. | 我叫罗洛儿 她是朱莉 |
| [05:22] | Oh, hot dad on the rock wall. | 攀岩墙上有帅爸爸哦 |
| [05:24] | I claim this as Mount Louis! | 这座山就是路易斯山 |
| [05:29] | Wow, he’s really cute. | 他又帅又可口 |
| [05:30] | Big time. | 绝对的 |
| [05:31] | Sorry, ladies. | 抱歉 女士们 |
| [05:33] | – He’s taken. – No kidding? | -他名草有主了 -不是吧 |
| [05:35] | Good for you. | 恭喜你啊 |
| [05:36] | How’d you snag him? | 你怎么拿下他的 |
| [05:37] | I met him at a low point in his life, and I took care of him. | 我俩相识于他的人生低谷 当时是我照顾他 |
| [05:40] | And he’s been taking care of me every day since. | 从那之后 天天都是他照顾我了 |
| [05:45] | That’s the kind of man I need. | 我需要的就是这种男人 |
| [05:46] | No, that’s the kind of man I need. | 不 需要这种男人的是我 |
| [05:49] | You’re married. | 你都结婚了 |
| [05:50] | Yeah, to Roger. | 是啊 嫁给罗杰 |
| [05:51] | He hasn’t screwed me since the prenup. | 签完婚前契约后 他就再也没上过我 |
| [05:54] | Classic Julie. | 朱莉就这样 |
| [05:56] | Oh, this is so Sex and the City right now. | 现在好有《欲望都市》的感觉哦 |
| [05:59] | Alan, do we have any wipes? | 艾伦 有湿纸巾吗 |
| [06:01] | The kid above me dripped something on my face. | 我上面的那个孩子不知道滴了啥在我脸上 |
| [06:03] | The best-case scenario is snot. | 鼻涕算是最好的情况了 |
| [06:06] | Here, I’ve got some. | 给 我这里有 |
| [06:07] | – Oh, thank you.- Sure. | -谢谢 -别客气 |
| [06:08] | Walden, this is, uh, Laurel, Danielle and Julie. | 沃顿 这是罗洛儿 丹妮尔跟朱莉 |
| [06:11] | The ladies, the gals. | 女士们 姑娘们 |
| [06:13] | The juice box heroes. | 果汁盒女侠们 |
| [06:15] | – Hi. – Hello. | -你好 -你好啊 |
| [06:16] | Hi, nice to meet you all. | 你们好 幸会幸会 |
| [06:18] | Your son is adorable. | 你儿子真可爱 |
| [06:19] | I’m his husband, silly. | 小笨蛋 他是我老婆好吗 |
| [06:22] | So, uh, which one’s yours? | 哪个是你孩子呢 |
| [06:23] | My daughter, Lily, | 我女儿 莉莉 |
| [06:24] | is the one licking that little boy. | 是在舔那个小男孩的女生 |
| [06:26] | Sweetie, we don’t lick strangers! | 闺女啊 我们家不舔陌生人 |
| [06:29] | Oh, and I thought we were gonna be friends. | 还以为能跟你成为朋友呢 |
| [06:32] | All right. | 好啦 |
| [06:33] | I’m headed to the ball pit. | 我要进球[蛋蛋]池啦 |
| [06:36] | Same thing he said as he dove under the covers last night. | 他昨晚钻进被子里时也是这么说的 |
| [06:38] | Boing. | 硬啦 |
| [06:44] | Thanks for having us. | 谢谢邀请我们过来 |
| [06:45] | I got to say, this is a great spot for a playdate. | 不得不说 这真是个孩子一起玩耍的好地方 |
| [06:49] | This view is amazing. | 这风景真是太美了 |
| [06:51] | Yes. Yes, it is. | 是啊 太美了 |
| [06:53] | You know, I used to walk by houses like this | 我以前从这样的房子下面经过 |
| [06:55] | and think the people on the decks were just | 心里会想 露台上的人一定会 |
| [06:57] | looking down their noses at everyone, | 一脸不屑地看着底下的人 |
| [06:58] | feeling all superior. | 心里充满优越感 |
| [07:00] | Now I know it’s true. | 现在我知道果然没错 |
| [07:03] | Roger sold our beach house | 罗杰卖了我们的海滩别墅 |
| [07:04] | ’cause he said we never used it. | 因为他说我们永远也用不到 |
| [07:06] | Using that logic, we should sell his penis. | 按他的逻辑 应该把他的老二也卖了 |
| [07:11] | Classic Julie. | 朱莉就这样 |
| [07:13] | Hey, w-we should make this a regular thing. | 我们应该经常这样聚在一起 |
| [07:16] | Oh. Yeah, next time we’ll do it at one of your houses. | 下次我们可以在你们其中一个人家里办 |
| [07:20] | Hey, uh, Louis, is everything okay? | 路易斯 一切都还好吗 |
| [07:22] | Over. | 完毕 |
| [07:24] | Lego tower fell over. | 乐高塔倒了 |
| [07:27] | Uh, you didn’t say “Over.” | 你没说”完毕” |
| [07:28] | Over. | 完毕 |
| [07:30] | I said the Lego tower fell over. | 我说了乐高塔倒了[完毕] |
| [07:32] | Over. | 完毕 |
| [07:33] | You’re so good with him. Over. | 你真会教育他 完毕 |
| [07:37] | Actually, I-I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. | 其实我都不知道该怎么带小孩 |
| [07:39] | Join the club. | 大家都是啊 |
| [07:41] | Parenting’s like a yoga class. | 养儿育女就像是参加瑜伽班 |
| [07:43] | You just do what everybody else is doing | 随大流 别人做啥你做啥 |
| [07:44] | and try not to laugh when someone farts. | 然后尽量在人家放屁时忍住不笑 |
| [07:49] | Okay, so all the kids are playing in Louis’ room. | 所有的孩子都在路易斯的房里玩 |
| [07:52] | Well, technically, three of them are playing together, | 严格上来说 有三个人在一起玩 |
| [07:53] | and Louis is in the corner, coloring by himself. | 而路易斯自己在角落给图画上色 |
| [07:56] | That’s perfectly normal. | 这很正常 |
| [07:57] | The parenting books call it “Parallel play.” | 育儿书里把这称作”平行玩耍” |
| [07:57] | 这种情况一般发生在2岁-4岁的孩子中 具体表现为各玩各的 | |
| [08:00] | Oh, that’s good to know. | 这样我就放心了 |
| [08:01] | So, in high school, I wasn’t such a weirdo. | 原来高中时 我不是那么怪胎 |
| [08:03] | I was just a parallel player. | 我只是个平行玩耍人士 |
| [08:06] | My sex life with my first wife was a lot of parallel play. | 我跟第一任老婆的性生活也有很多”平行玩耍” |
| [08:10] | Just give Louis time. | 给路易斯点时间 |
| [08:11] | Remember, this is all new for him. | 记得 这一切对他都是新事物 |
| [08:13] | Kind of like learning on my honeymoon | 就像我在蜜月时才知道 |
| [08:14] | that I wasn’t going to have sex was all new for me. | 原来她不会跟我做爱 所以我得慢慢适应 |
| [08:17] | You know, I just want him to have friends. | 我只是想他交到朋友 |
| [08:19] | You know, like a couple girls, and a couple boys. | 几个女生朋友 几个男生朋友 |
| [08:21] | He’s gonna be fine. | 他会没事的 |
| [08:22] | In the meantime, I have made some friends | 与此同时 我交到了一些朋友 |
| [08:24] | who have welcomed me into the secret world of women. | 她们会带领我进入女人的秘密世界 |
| [08:27] | I am this close to discovering everything about them. | 我马上就能够挖出女人的一切秘密了 |
| [08:30] | What they like, what they don’t like. | 她们喜欢什么 不喜欢什么 |
| [08:31] | And where they don’t like it. | 不喜欢”哪里” |
| [08:34] | We’re supposed to be here helping Louis make friends. | 我们重点应该是帮路易斯找到朋友 |
| [08:37] | Oh, please, I see how you look at Laurel. | 少来 我看到你看罗洛儿的目光了 |
| [08:39] | It’s the same way I look at a five dollar bill in a tip jar | 就像我盯着小费罐里的五块钱钞票那样贪婪 |
| [08:41] | I think I can swap out for a single. | 我总觉得可以用硬币把它换出来 |
| [08:44] | Okay, what are you talking about? | 你胡说什么呢 |
| [08:45] | That is Louis’ friend’s mom. | 她是路易斯朋友的妈妈 |
| [08:47] | And, yes, we get along great. | 没错 我们的确聊得来 |
| [08:49] | And, yes, she’s pretty and nice. | 没错 她的确漂亮人又好 |
| [08:51] | And, yes, she used to be a gymnast | 没错 她曾经是体操选手 |
| [08:53] | and can still put her legs behind her head. | 直到现在都还能把腿折到脑后 |
| [08:54] | And she is out there. | 而她就正站在外面 |
| [08:55] | So why am I still standing here, talking to you? | 所以我干嘛还在这浪费时间跟你说话呢 |
| [08:59] | I can put my legs behind my head, but you’ll never see it. | 我也可以把腿折到脑后 但你永远不会看到 |
| [09:06] | He was a really nice guy, | 他人超好 |
| [09:07] | and I liked hanging out with him, | 我也很喜欢跟他一起玩 |
| [09:09] | but when we got to the bedroom, | 但当我们到了床上 |
| [09:10] | he was just, well… | 他只有… |
| [09:13] | If he were a candy bar, he’d be the fun size. | 如果用巧克力棒比喻 那他就是童趣版 |
| [09:16] | There’s nothing fun about that. | 这种事绝对不会有趣啊 |
| [09:18] | Yeah, nothing worse than a small penis. | 是啊 没有什么比鸡鸡小更惨了 |
| [09:22] | But, seriously, how small is too small? | 但说真的 到底怎么样才算太小 |
| [09:24] | Alan, you are a riot. | 艾伦 你真会搞笑 |
| [09:26] | We should hang out with you more often. | 我们真应该跟你多聚聚 |
| [09:28] | Hey, what do you say, we all go out this Saturday for a girls night? | 这样吧 要不我们这周六来一个闺蜜之夜 |
| [09:31] | You know, get a limo, go out dancing, | 租台加长礼车 去跳跳舞 |
| [09:33] | wear our sluttiest outfits. | 穿上我们最骚的衣服 |
| [09:35] | Julie, you can wear what you’re wearing now. | 朱莉 你身上这件就是了 |
| [09:37] | Uh, I’m bad. | 我真坏 |
| [09:41] | Should we go check on the kids? | 我们要不要去看一下孩子们 |
| [09:42] | Are you kidding? | 开什么玩笑 |
| [09:43] | They’re set up with pizza, popsicles and The Lego Movie. | 他们里面有披萨 冰棒 还有乐高电影 |
| [09:46] | For the next two hours, | 接下来的两小时里 |
| [09:48] | * Everything is awesome. * | * 什么东西都超棒 *[电影中歌曲] |
| [09:50] | Yeah, I’ve seen that movie, like, five times. | 是啊 那部电影我都看了五次了 |
| [09:53] | I should really watch it with Louis at some point. | 真应该找机会跟路易斯一起看一次 |
| [09:55] | I haven’t seen a movie | 我都不知道有多久 |
| [09:56] | that wasn’t for a kid in forever. | 没看过不是给儿童看的电影了 |
| [09:59] | The other night I actually had a sex dream | 有天晚上我还做梦梦到 |
| [10:01] | about an animated character. | 我跟一个卡通人物做爱了 |
| [10:05] | Prince Charming? | 白马王子吗 |
| [10:07] | The old guy from Up. | 《飞屋环游记》的老头 |
| [10:11] | And, sadly, it was the only sex I’ve had in two years. | 更惨的是 那是我两年来唯一一次性爱 |
| [10:14] | Well, if it meant a whole night’s sleep, | 如果能睡上一晚好觉 |
| [10:16] | I’d have sex with an animated Ed Asner, too. | 我也乐意跟动画版的爱德华·阿斯纳做爱 |
| [10:16] | 为《飞屋环游记》主角老头配音的人 主角老头的外形就是他的动画版 | |
| [10:21] | You think you’re tired now. | 你觉得你现在超累 |
| [10:22] | You missed the hardest years. | 但你已经是避开了最累的几年了 |
| [10:24] | The-the… the picky eating, the tantrums, the bed-wetting. | 那些孩子会挑食 发脾气 尿床的日子 |
| [10:27] | Okay, to be fair, I get all of that with Alan. | 但公平来说 这些艾伦全会啊 |
| [10:32] | You guys are a great team. | 你们俩真合适 |
| [10:34] | The only thing my ex would help with | 我前夫只愿意帮我 |
| [10:35] | was driving the babysitter home. | 把保姆送回家 |
| [10:37] | She’d have the kids in bed by 8:00 | 她8点先陪孩子们睡觉 |
| [10:39] | and my husband in bed by 10:00. | 10点再陪我前夫睡觉 |
| [10:41] | Oh… that’s horrible. | 那可真糟糕 |
| [10:44] | Is she a good sitter? ‘Cause we’re looking. | 她是个好保姆吗 我们还缺人手呢 |
| [10:47] | Sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [10:48] | Without that jerk of an ex, | 没有那个混账前夫 |
| [10:50] | I wouldn’t have Lily, | 我也不会生下莉莉了 |
| [10:52] | and even at six years old, she’s my best friend. | 虽然她只有六岁 却是我最好的朋友 |
| [10:54] | I hope I get there with Louis at some point. | 我希望我和路易斯也能这样 |
| [10:56] | You’ll get there. | 你们会的 |
| [10:58] | I hope I stay there with Lily. | 我希望我和莉莉能保持现状 |
| [10:59] | I’m afraid that by the time she’s a teenager, | 我担心等她成为婷婷少女了 |
| [11:01] | she’ll be like, “Mom, you’re a 100! | 她就会说 妈妈 你那么老 |
| [11:03] | Nobody believes I’m your sister!” | 别人才不相信我和你是姐妹呢 |
| [11:05] | Okay, how could anyone say that about someone | 美丽聪颖柔软如你 |
| [11:08] | as pretty, smart and flexible as you? | 哪里会有人敢这么说 |
| [11:12] | You’re so sweet. | 你嘴真甜 |
| [11:14] | You don’t happen to know of a single, | 你不会碰巧认识 |
| [11:16] | straight version of you, do you? | 和你差不多的单身直男吧 |
| [11:18] | I used to know one. | 我曾经认识这样的人 |
| [11:21] | Are you looking for a date? | 你想和人约会吗 |
| [11:23] | I told you, it’s been over two years. | 我告诉过你 我已经空窗两年了 |
| [11:25] | I need a lot more than a date. | 我想要的不止是约会那么简单 |
| [11:34] | Popsicles are awesome! | 冰棍真是好棒哦 |
| [11:38] | Okay, I’m gonna go check on the kids. | 我得去看看孩子们了 |
| [11:40] | I’m gonna wait here for a bit. | 我还是等一会儿再去吧 |
| [11:53] | Hope you are ready to go. | 你准备好了吗 |
| [11:54] | The ladies just Instagrammed a selfie from the limo. | 姑娘们刚发了一张在豪车中的自拍照 |
| [11:57] | #GirlsNightOut is on like Chaka Khan! | 标签是 女生狂欢之夜开骚啦 |
| [12:00] | All right, Louis is eating his dinner. | 路易斯开始吃晚饭了 |
| [12:03] | Oh, great. | 太好了 |
| [12:04] | Hey, thank you again for watching him tonight. | 多谢你今晚来照顾他 |
| [12:06] | And if anything comes up– | 如果有什么事 |
| [12:08] | and I mean anything at all– you call my cell. | 任何事 你都赶紧给我打电话 |
| [12:10] | Got it. | 知道了 |
| [12:11] | Oh, if he wants to play a game, | 如果他想玩游戏 |
| [12:13] | he likes Chutes and Ladders. | 他喜欢滑道梯子棋 |
| [12:14] | And if he want to watch a cartoon, | 如果他想看卡通 |
| [12:16] | he likes Phineas and Ferb. | 他喜欢飞哥与小佛 |
| [12:17] | And who does he like in the Cardinals-Rams game tonight? | 今晚红雀队和公羊队的比赛他会喜欢谁呢 |
| [12:20] | I know I’m being a little bit crazy, | 我知道我有点过度紧张 |
| [12:22] | but this is the first time I’ve left him alone. | 但这是我第一次离开他身边 |
| [12:24] | Relax, I had five kids, | 放轻松 我有五个孩子 |
| [12:26] | 12 grandkids and four great-grandkids. | 12个孙子和4个曾孙 |
| [12:29] | I’ve done it all. | 我什么都干过 |
| [12:31] | Except teach them about birth control. | 除了教他们避孕以外 |
| [12:36] | I don’t feel good. | 我不舒服 |
| [12:37] | Oh, no. What’s the matter? | 你怎么了 |
| [12:39] | I just threw up. | 我刚才吐了 |
| [12:40] | Oh, no. Oh… yep. | 不会吧 真的耶 |
| [12:43] | He’s got a fever. | 他发烧了 |
| [12:44] | I’ll bet it was that snot-nosed kid on the rock wall. | 肯定是被攀岩的鼻涕娃传染了 |
| [12:47] | – Typhoid Tyler. – Yeah. | -伤寒泰勒 -是的 |
| [12:49] | I got this. | 包在我身上 |
| [12:50] | I worked for Charlie for ten years. | 我为查理工作了十年 |
| [12:53] | I know vomit. | 我了解呕吐 |
| [12:55] | Cleaning it up and inducing it. | 不管是清理呕吐 还是引发呕吐 |
| [12:59] | I never threw up spaghettis before. | 我从来没吐过意大利面 |
| [13:01] | It’s kind of fun. | 还挺好玩的 |
| [13:04] | Should we go to the doctor? | 我们该带去看医生吗 |
| [13:06] | Oh, no, no. | 不用 |
| [13:06] | I’m sure it’s just a tummy ache. | 应该只是肚子痛而已 |
| [13:08] | I’ll text the girls and let ’em know we can’t make it. | 我给姑娘们发信息说去不了了 |
| [13:10] | Oh, no. Come on. You go. | 不 不用 你去吧 |
| [13:12] | You sure? | 你确定 |
| [13:13] | Yeah, come on, this is what a parent does. | 确定 这就是父母的责任 |
| [13:15] | This is what I signed up for. | 收养他时就知道会这样了 |
| [13:17] | Besides, you took a half an hour | 再说 你花了一个半小时 |
| [13:18] | getting into those Spanx. | 才把自己塞进紧身衣 |
| [13:21] | All right. Sorry. | 好吧 那就对不起啦 |
| [13:23] | Um… I’ll send pictures. | 我会给你发照片的 |
| [13:24] | Danielle said that if I get her drunk enough | 丹妮尔说如果我能灌醉她 |
| [13:26] | she’ll show me her tattoos. | 她就给我看她的纹身 |
| [13:27] | Uh, she’s got a bird on her hand and two in her… | 她手上有一只鸟 还有两只在… |
| [13:34] | Walden… | 沃顿 |
| [13:35] | I’m sorry I got sick. | 对不起我生病了 |
| [13:37] | What? Come on, man. | 别这样 孩子 |
| [13:38] | Don’t be sorry. | 不需要道歉 |
| [13:39] | It happens. | 食五谷生百病 |
| [13:40] | I’m sorry you don’t feel well. | 你生病才可怜呢 |
| [13:42] | But you were going to go out with Alan | 可你本来要和艾伦出去玩 |
| [13:44] | and now you can’t ’cause of me. | 现在你只能留下来照顾我了 |
| [13:45] | Oh, I’m not missing anything. | 我可不难过哦 |
| [13:48] | You ever seen Alan dance? | 你见过艾伦跳舞吗 |
| [13:52] | All right. | 好了 |
| [13:53] | Now, you get some good sleep | 现在你要好好休息了 |
| [13:54] | and I’m gonna be right here | 如果你想要什么 |
| [13:57] | if you need anything. | 我就在你身边 |
| [13:58] | Oh, and you know who else’ll be here? | 你知道谁也在你身边吗 |
| [13:59] | Your new friend, “Barfy the Bucket.” | 你的新朋友 “巴菲桶桶” |
| [14:03] | * I’m here for you if you’re ready to spew! * | * 如果你想吐 别怕有我在 * |
| [14:18] | Laurel. | 罗洛儿 |
| [14:19] | What are you doing here? | 你怎么会在这里 |
| [14:21] | I bailed. | 我溜了 |
| [14:22] | Didn’t Alan tell you? | 艾伦没告诉你吗 |
| [14:23] | No, the only thing I got was a picture of Alan twerking. | 没 我只收到了一张他摇屁股的照片 |
| [14:29] | With a caption that said, “Alan got his groove back.” | 上面写着 “艾伦再战沙场” |
| [14:34] | Well, when I heard that Louis was sick, | 我听说路易斯生病了 |
| [14:35] | I thought you could use some help. | 所以我想你可能需要帮助 |
| [14:37] | And soup. | 还有一碗热汤 |
| [14:38] | Come on, that is so sweet. | 你真是太好了 |
| [14:39] | You did not have to do this. | 你真的不用这么贴心 |
| [14:41] | – You look amazing. – Oh, thanks. | -你今天真漂亮 -谢谢了 |
| [14:44] | Well, I already had the sitter, and… | 我已经请了保姆 而且 |
| [14:45] | first rule of parenting: Never cancel the sitter. | 家长准则第一条 绝对不要取消保姆 |
| [14:48] | Well, unless she’s banging your husband. | 除非她和你的老公搞上了 |
| [14:52] | Too far? | 太过火了 |
| [14:53] | No, uh, “Too far” was starting a Facebook page | 不 过火是指在脸书上建了页面 |
| [14:56] | called “Tiffany Jones is a Husband-Stealing Little Bitch.” | 名叫”蒂凡尼·琼斯是偷汉子的小婊砸” |
| [15:01] | So…Uh, do you know what Louis has? | 路易斯得了什么病 |
| [15:04] | Uh, well, I went on the Internet | 我在网上查了一下 |
| [15:05] | and I’ve narrowed it down to either the flu, | 把范围缩小到感冒 |
| [15:07] | rickets or early-onset menopause. | 佝偻病和更年期早期症状上了 |
| [15:11] | Second rule of parenting: | 家长准则第二条 |
| [15:12] | Never consult the Internet. | 千万不要求助于网络 |
| [15:14] | How’s he doing now? | 他现在怎么样了 |
| [15:15] | Well, he’s asleep | 他已经睡了 |
| [15:17] | and he’s doing pretty well. | 恢复得还不错 |
| [15:18] | Oh, good, because… | 太好了 因为 |
| [15:20] | I brought this for us. | 我给咱俩带了这个 |
| [15:24] | You know, third rule of parenting: | 家长准则第三条 |
| [15:25] | Kids aren’t the only ones that can drink from a bottle. | 并非只有孩子才可以抱着瓶子喝 |
| [15:30] | * Oh, yes, it’s ladies’ night, and feelings’ right. * | * 没错 这就是女人夜 感觉很赞 * |
| [15:34] | * Oh, yes, it’s ladies’ night, oh, what a night * | * 没错 这就是女人夜 夜晚很艳 * |
| [15:37] | * Oh, what a night. * | * 夜晚很艳 * |
| [15:42] | Easy, there. | 悠着点 亲 |
| [15:43] | I pour strong when the alcohol’s free. | 我酒不要钱时才会喝这么猛 |
| [15:45] | I have to cram a lot of fun into a short amount of time. | 我得在有限的时间内 尽可能多狼吞虎咽点乐子 |
| [15:47] | Kind of like sex with Roger. | 就像和罗杰上床 |
| [15:50] | What is it with guys and their constant need for sex? | 为什么男人总是想上床 |
| [15:53] | Look at Alan here. He’s out with two women, | 看看艾伦 他和两个女人一起玩 |
| [15:55] | but I bet even he wants sex right now. | 我猜他现在也是在想床上的事 |
| [15:57] | I do. I really do. | 好想 真的好想 |
| [15:59] | Oh, my God! Let’s dance! | 我的天啊 来跳舞 |
| [16:05] | Come up here, Alan! | 快上来 艾伦 |
| [16:06] | No, I-I’m good down here. | 不用了 我在下面挺好的 |
| [16:10] | Well, he’s still asleep | 他还睡着 |
| [16:11] | and he feels cooler, | 烧有点退了 |
| [16:12] | but now I’m worried that he might have hypothermia. | 现在我开始担心是不是低体温症 |
| [16:16] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [16:16] | You know, one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn as a parent | 父母经里最难学到的一课就是 |
| [16:18] | is sometimes you just gotta relax. | 有些时候你得放轻松 |
| [16:21] | Relax? | 放轻松 |
| [16:21] | All I do is worry. | 我只会担心 |
| [16:23] | And now that I don’t sleep, | 现在我又没得睡 |
| [16:24] | I have plenty of time to do it. | 所以大把的时间可以担心 |
| [16:26] | Is he exercising enough? | 他运动量够不够 |
| [16:28] | Is he eating right? Does he even want to stay here? | 吃得好不好 甚至担心他想不想留在这里 |
| [16:30] | I mean, this is the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done. | 这是我做过最让我心慌的事了 |
| [16:33] | And– this is scarier than when I bought the big iPhone | 这比我买”比大更大”的苹果手机 |
| [16:35] | and I didn’t know if it would fit in my pocket. | 担心塞不进裤袋更可怕 |
| [16:41] | You think you’re scared? | 你觉得你这叫害怕吗 |
| [16:43] | I have a daughter. | 我家的可是女儿 |
| [16:44] | I worry about all the same things you do, | 你担心的所有事我都担心 |
| [16:46] | plus penises. | 还得担心全天下的鸡鸡 |
| [16:49] | And with you, | 至于你 |
| [16:49] | you have to worry about animated penises. | 你还得担心动画鸡鸡 |
| [16:53] | I should have never told you that. | 我就不应该告诉你 |
| [16:55] | You should never tell anyone that. | 你就不应该告诉任何人 |
| [16:58] | All right, all right. What-what’s your next date? | 好了 你下个约会对象会是什么样 |
| [16:59] | Shrek? | 怪物史莱克 |
| [17:02] | No, no, no. The-the genie from Aladdin. | 不不不 阿拉丁神灯里的精灵 |
| [17:05] | Or-or maybe you’ll have a three-way with the Hakuna Matata guys? | 再不然是和丁丁彭满来个3P |
| [17:10] | Shut up. | 闭嘴 |
| [17:11] | Make me. | 等你来闭 |
| [17:12] | I could make you. | 我可以让你闭嘴 |
| [17:15] | Oh, yeah? | 是吗 |
| [17:17] | I’m right here. | 我就在这 |
| [17:25] | – I’m so sorry. – What? Why? | -对不起 -什么 为什么 |
| [17:30] | You’re married. | 你已婚了 |
| [17:32] | To a man. Oh… | 还是和男人 |
| [17:34] | That. Uh… | 那个… |
| [17:35] | I should go. | 我该走了 |
| [17:36] | No, no, no, no. No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait. | 不 别走 等等 等一下 |
| [17:39] | Here’s… okay, the thing about my marriage is… | 这个…好吧 我结婚是… |
| [17:42] | I’m not gay. | 我不是同性恋 |
| [17:44] | Does Alan know? | 艾伦知道吗 |
| [17:47] | His brain knows, | 他理智知道 |
| [17:49] | but his heart may not. | 但感情上可能不知道 |
| [17:52] | Here-here-here, here’s the thing. Here’s the thing: . | 是这样…事情是这样的 |
| [17:54] | Alan is…he’s my best friend, okay? | 艾伦他是我最好的朋友 |
| [17:55] | And-and he married me as a favor | 他是为了帮我才和我结婚的 |
| [17:57] | so it would be easier to adopt Louis. | 这样领养路易斯会简单点 |
| [18:01] | Well, I mean… the fact that you | 其实你为了领养路易斯 |
| [18:03] | married your best friend | 和你最好的朋友结婚 |
| [18:04] | so that you could adopt Louis is.. | 这事还真挺… |
| [18:06] | actually very sweet. | 挺感人的 |
| [18:10] | So… | 那么… |
| [18:14] | …you’re not mad at me? | 你没有生气吗 |
| [18:16] | Hakuna matata. | 哈库拉马塔塔[彭彭与丁满欢乐歌曲] |
| [18:21] | That’s my philosophy. | 这是我的人生哲学 |
| [18:25] | So… | 那么… |
| [18:29] | – …can we kiss again? – Yeah. | -我们可以继续亲了吗 -好 |
| [18:33] | It’s been so long since I’ve kissed a man. | 我好久没有亲男人了 |
| [18:35] | I wish I could say the same thing. | 真希望我也可以这么说 |
| [18:39] | Julie, your boobs look great in that blouse. | 朱莉 这件衣服显得你的胸好赞哦 |
| [18:41] | I am so jealous. | 人家好嫉妒 |
| [18:43] | Thanks to my kids, | 托孩子们的福 |
| [18:44] | mine went from 34B to 34 “Used to be.” | 我的34B变成了”曾经拥有” |
| [18:47] | I like your boobs. | 我挺喜欢你的胸啊 |
| [18:49] | I don’t know. | 不知道 |
| [18:50] | What do you think, Alan, | 你觉得呢 艾伦 |
| [18:51] | should I get ’em done? | 我用去隆乳吗 |
| [18:52] | Oh, well, I’m no expert. | 我又不是专家 |
| [18:53] | I-I think they’re lovely. | 我觉得你的胸很美 |
| [18:55] | Are you sure? | 真的吗 |
| [18:56] | Oh, my! You just did that. | 老天 你真豪放 |
| [18:59] | Um, you guys, I-I think there’s something I should tell you… | 亲们 有件事我得跟你们说… |
| [19:02] | He has nothing to compare them with. | 他得有个对比才好评论 |
| [19:03] | Here. | 看 |
| [19:07] | You guys are my best friends. | 你们就是我最好的朋友 |
| [19:12] | Okay, okay. | 等等 |
| [19:13] | I-I know you haven’t done this in a while, | 我知道你很久没有做了 |
| [19:15] | so I don’t want to go too fast, | 所以我不想 操之过急 |
| [19:17] | but do you want to go up to my… | 但你愿不愿意跟我上楼… |
| [19:18] | Let’s go. | 走 |
| [19:21] | Walden? | 沃顿 |
| [19:24] | Can you come here? | 你能过来吗 |
| [19:27] | He didn’t say “Over,” so it doesn’t count. | 他没有说”完毕” 所以不算数 |
| [19:31] | Oh, go check on him. | 去看看他吧 |
| [19:32] | It’s fine. | 没事 |
| [19:33] | I’ve waited for two years, I can wait a little bit longer. | 我都等两年了 不在乎多等一会儿 |
| [19:36] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [19:39] | Oh. Don’t start without me. | 别不等我就自己”开始” |
| [19:42] | Or do. | 开始也可以 |
| [19:43] | Oh, uh, by the way, if you want to stay in the mood, | 顺便说一下 如果你想保持”性”致高昂 |
| [19:45] | we get all the cartoon channels. | 我们家有所有的卡通台 |
| [20:05] | Walden? | 沃顿 |
| [20:16] | Parenting rule number four: | 家长准则第四条 |
| [20:17] | Sleep is better than sex. | 睡觉比上床好 |
| [20:27] | This is the best night of my life. | 这是我这辈子最开心的晚上 |
| [20:30] | I love you girls. | 我爱你们 姑娘们 |
| [20:32] | We should get matching tattoos. | 我们应该纹姐妹纹身去 |
| [20:35] | I have a better idea. | 我有个更好的主意 |
| [20:36] | Let’s go to a strip club! | 我们去脱衣舞吧 |
| [20:38] | That is better! | 的确更好 |
| [20:47] | This was a great idea. | 这真是个好主意 |
| [20:52] | That is definitely bigger than fun size. | 绝对大过童趣版 |
| [20:54] | Make it rain! | 撒钱啊 |
| [20:56] | Yeah, give him some money! | 给他钱 |
| [20:59] | Oh, this just keeps getting better. | 真是越来越”好”了 |