| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:02] | Yeah, I see hundreds of potential parents, | 我看过无数家长候选人 |
| [00:04] | but you two are different somehow. | 但你们两个挺不同的 |
| [00:05] | I know we can be good parents. | 我知道我们会是好家长 |
| [00:06] | It is my job to be a hundred percent sure | 我的工作就是百分百确保 |
| [00:08] | before I place a child. | 给孩子找到好的家 |
| [00:10] | We are not believable as a loving couple, | 人家不能相信我们是恩爱夫妻 |
| [00:11] | and I think that’s why Ms. McMartin wasn’t sure about us. | 所以我觉得麦克马丁小姐对我们有疑虑 |
| [00:15] | All right, yeah. | 好吧 |
| [00:18] | We do that in front of Ms. McMartin, we’ll get ten babies. | 我们在麦克马丁小姐面前这么做 领养十个都行 |
| [00:24] | Whew, that was fun. Whew. | 真有意思 |
| [00:26] | That was like a roller coaster. | 感觉像坐过山车一样 |
| [00:29] | Yeah, we went up, we went down. | 我们上上下下 |
| [00:32] | There was the loop-de-loop. | 天旋地转 |
| [00:35] | Yeah, they-they say you want to sit in the front, | 人家还说”前面”好 |
| [00:37] | but I had a great time in the back. | 但我在”后面”也玩得很高兴 |
| [00:40] | Yeah, you know, I’m not sure about that picture | 我觉得我们最后拍的照片 |
| [00:41] | we took at the end. | 不是太好 |
| [00:42] | I think I was making a funny face. | 我好像扮鬼脸了 |
| [00:43] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [00:46] | Hey, have you ever gotten busy in a public place, | 你试过在公共场合”刺激”过吗 |
| [00:48] | like a theme park, before? | 比如在主题乐园 |
| [00:50] | I mean, uh, there was one time in the Chicago airport. | 有过一次是在芝加哥机场 |
| [00:53] | I met this girl on a long layover. | 我遇到了一个转机等很久的姑娘 |
| [00:56] | Let’s just say my bag was never left unattended. | 我的”行李”中间一直有人”照料” |
| [01:02] | What about you? | 你呢 |
| [01:03] | Well, if you get me a hot cup of coffee, | 如果你给我杯热咖啡 |
| [01:06] | I’ll, uh, tell you about my high school trip to Mount Rushmore. | 我就告诉你我高中旅行去拉什莫尔山的事 |
| [01:10] | Okay, please tell me it doesn’t involve four old guys | 别告诉我跟四个老头在山顶上[前总统们] |
| [01:13] | on top of a mountain. | 有关联 |
| [01:16] | I went to an all-girls school. | 我当年是女子学校哦 |
| [01:20] | Coffee, coming up! | 咖啡 马上来 |
| [01:25] | Okay, I don’t know what was going on | 我不知道你跟罗洛儿 |
| [01:27] | up there with Laurel, but… | 是怎么样 但是… |
| [01:32] | Rich, handsome and a master of the boudoir. | 有钱 有脸蛋 床上一条龙 |
| [01:35] | You’re everything I think I am when I’m drunk. | 我喝醉酒后也是这么觉得自己的 |
| [01:38] | What can I say? | 我能说啥 |
| [01:39] | I got a magical tongue, and I can breathe through my ears. | 我有根魔力之舌 还能从耳朵呼吸 |
| [01:44] | Were you just sitting down here, listening to Laurel and me? | 你不会是就这么坐在楼下 听我跟她吧 |
| [01:47] | No, that would be sad. | 不会 那也太可悲了 |
| [01:50] | I was also couponing. | 我边听边搜集折价卷 |
| [01:57] | How’s my favorite couple? | 我最爱的夫妻怎么样啦 |
| [01:58] | My bros without hos. | 我见友忘色的好友们 |
| [02:01] | Ms. McMartin, uh… | 麦克马丁小姐 |
| [02:03] | What are you doing here? | 你怎么来了 |
| [02:05] | Well, I told you guys the state requires | 我跟你们说过州法律规定 |
| [02:07] | a couple surprise inspections to check in on Louis’s home life. | 我得惊喜检查几次小孩的生活情况 |
| [02:10] | Surprise! | 惊喜 |
| [02:12] | I am definitely surprised. | 我绝对是又惊又喜啊 |
| [02:15] | Clearly… Captain Underpants. | 一看就知道啊 内裤队长 |
| [02:17] | Right, yeah, well, I wasn’t expect… | 我没想到你会… |
| [02:19] | You know, Louis isn’t here; he’s actually, he’s at a sleepover. | 路易斯今天不在 他去朋友家过夜了 |
| [02:22] | So, I guess you came all this way to see me in my Skivvies. | 所以我猜你这趟来就只能看我穿小裤裤了 |
| [02:26] | Worth the trip in my book. | 要我就觉得值得 |
| [02:32] | Instagram. | 照片分享 |
| [02:33] | he’s bringing booty back. | 他把屁屁带回潮流 |
| [02:37] | Thanks, honey. | 谢谢你 宝贝 |
| [02:37] | Uh, well, it was, uh, it was good to see you. | 很高兴见到你 |
| [02:40] | Oh, actually, I can just talk to you guys. | 其实我可以只跟你们聊聊的 |
| [02:42] | Great, even better. | 棒啊 这样更好 |
| [02:44] | Come on in. | 请进 |
| [02:45] | Uh, you know, I’m gonna run upstairs | 容我失陪上楼一下 |
| [02:47] | and put on some pants. | 穿上我的裤子 |
| [02:48] | Walden? | 沃顿 |
| [02:51] | Who was that? | 谁 |
| [02:52] | Oh, that was my pants. | 我的裤子 |
| [02:56] | Here I come, pants! | 裤子 我来啦 |
| [02:57] | Stay there! | 等等我 |
| [02:58] | What are you talking about? | 你在说什么 |
| [02:59] | Oh, hi. Sorry. | 你好 抱歉了 |
| [03:01] | What’s going on? | 这是怎么回事 |
| [03:04] | You’re cheating on me?! | 你居然劈我腿 |
| [03:08] | I want half! | 我要一半家产 |
| [03:25] | You lied to me. | 你们居然骗我 |
| [03:27] | I never would have placed Louis here had I known | 如果我之前就知道你们不是真夫妇 |
| [03:29] | you guys weren’t actually a couple. | 我一定不会把路易斯交给你们 |
| [03:31] | – I can explain. – Oh, go ahead, I’d love to hear it. | -我能解释 -请说 我很愿意听 |
| [03:34] | She’s my sister. | 她是我姐 |
| [03:36] | Where was that five minutes ago? | 我五分钟前怎么没想到 |
| [03:39] | There’s no explanation for what you did. | 你们的所作所为没有合理解释 |
| [03:42] | I may have to remove Louis. | 我可能得把路易斯带走呢 |
| [03:43] | Okay, I-I know this looks bad, | 我知道这看起来很糟 |
| [03:45] | but our hearts were in the right place. | 但我们的是心是对的 |
| [03:46] | Yeah, even if our penises weren’t. | 虽然我们的鸡鸡进去的地方错了 |
| [03:49] | Th-The only thing that we’re guilty of | 我们唯一做错的事 |
| [03:51] | is putting on a little show. | 只是演了一场戏 |
| [03:53] | A little show? | 一场戏 |
| [03:54] | Every time I see this one, he acts like he’s auditioning | 每次我见到他 他都是一副想要面试 |
| [03:56] | to host the Tonys. | 当基佬最爱的剧场奖主持人 |
| [03:58] | N-No, that’s just Alan. | 不不不 那是艾伦的本性 |
| [04:01] | Yeah, I-it’s true. | 这是真的 |
| [04:02] | Uh, name any musical, anybody. | 你随便说一部音乐剧 随便一个角色 |
| [04:04] | Okay, uh, West Side Story. | 《西区故事》 |
| [04:05] | * I like to be in America. Okay by me in America. * | *我喜欢在美国 我愿意在美国 * |
| [04:08] | – * Everything free in America… * – Okay, stop. | -* 美国的东西都是免费的 * -好了 够了 |
| [04:14] | Well, excuse me, Officer Krupke. | 抱歉啊 警官[剧中角色] |
| [04:16] | Listen, we may not be gay, | 听我解释 虽然我们不是基 |
| [04:18] | but we are definitely a stable couple. | 但我们绝对是很稳定的夫妻 |
| [04:20] | Yeah, until the adoption is final, | 领养手续一旦结束 |
| [04:21] | and then you’ll, what, get divorced? | 然后怎么着 离婚吗 |
| [04:23] | Are you kidding me? | 你开玩笑嘛 |
| [04:24] | If this one has his way, | 如果这货有办法 |
| [04:25] | he’s gonna be with me for the rest of my life. | 他绝对会赖着我一辈子的 |
| [04:28] | Longer. | 不只 |
| [04:28] | I bought us side-by-side cemetery plots. | 我买了跟你一起合葬的墓穴 |
| [04:31] | No, he’s not kidding. | 你看 他是说真的 |
| [04:32] | And he gave it to me for my birthday, | 他在我生日时送给我 |
| [04:33] | and I pretended to like it, | 我还得假装很喜欢 |
| [04:35] | because that’s what loving couples do. | 因为恩爱的夫妻都是这样的 |
| [04:38] | You pretended to like it? | 你假装很喜欢吗 |
| [04:40] | See that? See, that’s real. | 你看 你看 他是真的不爽 |
| [04:42] | And I’m gonna hear about it for the rest of the night. | 而且他会念叨个一整晚没完 |
| [04:45] | Y-You want to take Louis away from us | 你想把路易斯从我们身边带走 |
| [04:46] | just because we don’t have sex? | 就因为我们不做爱吗 |
| [04:48] | I mean, I can honestly tell you | 我能老实告诉你 |
| [04:49] | that we have as much sex as I had | 跟我前两段婚姻相比 |
| [04:50] | in either of my previous marriages. | 这段婚姻我得到的性爱数量是一样的 |
| [04:52] | None of that matters. | 这些不重要 |
| [04:53] | N-No, of course it matters. | 不 当然重要啦 |
| [04:55] | Because we’re not lying. | 因为我们没有说谎 |
| [04:57] | We are best friends, and we are married. | 我们是最好的朋友 我们真结婚了 |
| [04:59] | And we do love each other. | 而且我们真的爱对方 |
| [05:01] | And I’m sorry, but just, you know, | 抱歉 但话说回来 又有多少人 |
| [05:02] | how many people can say that they are married to their best friend? | 可以和他们最好的朋友结婚呢 |
| [05:07] | Alan Harper-Schmidt can. | 艾伦·哈勃·施密特就可以 |
| [05:10] | My job is to do what’s in the best interest of the child. | 我的工作就是保障孩子们的利益 |
| [05:13] | Now I have to reevaluate what that is. | 看来我得重新评估你们”两口子”了 |
| [05:15] | But him living here… | 不过他在这儿过得… |
| [05:16] | No, I don’t want to hear anything else from you guys. | 我可不想再听任何关于你们的事 |
| [05:18] | I’ll be in touch. | 再联系 |
| [05:21] | I can’t lose this kid. | 我不能失去这孩子 |
| [05:23] | D-Don’t go there. Nothing’s been decided yet. | 别难过太早 什么事都还没定呢 |
| [05:26] | Well, other than the fact | 除了一件事 |
| [05:27] | that you don’t want to be buried next to me. | 就是你不想跟我合葬 |
| [05:31] | This is a disaster. | 我的心好痛 |
| [05:33] | We’re gonna lose everything that we worked for | 我们所做的一切努力都因为这个 |
| [05:34] | over one stupid mistake. | 低级错误而付诸东流了 |
| [05:36] | It’s my chiropractic license all over again. | 让我想起脊椎按摩执照被吊销的原因 |
| [05:41] | Your hand slips into one butt crack. | 手就失误滑进了一个股沟 |
| [05:48] | What you drawing? | 你画的是啥 |
| [05:49] | It’s us. We’re the Justice League. | 是我们 我们是”正义联盟” |
| [05:51] | You’re Batman. | 你是蝙蝠侠 |
| [05:52] | I’m Batman? | 我是蝙蝠侠 |
| [05:53] | I mean… | 我是说 |
| [05:54] | I’m Batman. | 我是蝙蝠侠 |
| [05:56] | Is that Superman? | 那是超人吗 |
| [05:58] | That’s me. | 那是我 |
| [05:59] | Oh, and, uh, there’s Wonder Woman. | 那个神力女超人 |
| [06:00] | Is that Berta? | 是波塔吗 |
| [06:01] | That’s you. | 是你 |
| [06:04] | Oh, well, that’s, uh, a little inaccurate, don’t you think? | 这不太符合事实啊 你不觉得吗 |
| [06:06] | I mean, uh, I wish I had those shoulders. | 要是我也能有这香肩就好了 |
| [06:10] | And, uh, and who’s that? | 那个又是谁 |
| [06:11] | That’s Timothy, he’s Aquaman. | 那是提摩西 他是水行侠 |
| [06:14] | Why can’t I be Aquaman? | 为什么不能让我当水行侠呢 |
| [06:15] | Because Aquaman can keep himself afloat. | 因为水行侠可以浮在水面[自力更生] |
| [06:19] | I drew it ’cause we’re a team now. | 画这个是因为我们现在是一支团队 |
| [06:21] | That’s right. | 没错 |
| [06:22] | We’re a team that’s never gonna break up. | 我们是永不分离的队伍 |
| [06:25] | Stay strong, Wonder Woman. | 挺住哦 神力女超人 |
| [06:28] | Can we go to the park? | 我们可以去公园了吗 |
| [06:30] | I don’t see why not. | 这是当然 |
| [06:31] | Yes, we have to live in the moment. | 对啊 珍惜眼前 |
| [06:35] | “Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.” | “花开堪折直须折”[《死亡诗社》台词] |
| [06:38] | And you ask why you’re Wonder Woman. | 这下知道你为什么是神力女超人了吧 |
| [06:41] | Hey, why don’t you go and get your shoes on, | 你快去门口穿好鞋子 |
| [06:43] | and we’ll get going, okay? | 然后咱们出发 好吗 |
| [06:44] | Cool! | 酷 |
| [06:46] | You’re the best dad ever. | 你是世上最好的老爸 |
| [06:48] | Oh, my God. | 我的天啊 |
| [06:50] | Did you hear that? He used the “D” Word. | 你听见了吗 他说了个爸字 |
| [06:52] | I more than heard it, I felt it. | 何止听到 心窝子里也感受到了 |
| [06:54] | But I am not gonna cry. | 但我不会流泪的 |
| [06:55] | That’s right. | 没错 |
| [06:56] | We got to stay strong in front of the kid. | 在孩子面前咱们得坚强 |
| [06:59] | We can’t let him know something’s going on. | 千万不能泄露内心戏 |
| [07:02] | ‘Cause that’s what a… a good dad does. | 因为 好爸爸永远最坚强 |
| [07:05] | I’m gonna go get my jacket. | 我去拿我的外套 |
| [07:09] | I feel so bad for him. | 心疼这个孩子 |
| [07:10] | Well, what are you gonna do about it? | 你打算怎么办 |
| [07:13] | There’s nothing I can do. | 我啥也做不了 |
| [07:14] | Just gonna throw in the towel before the first round? | 拳赛还没开始就认输啦 |
| [07:17] | What? | 什么 |
| [07:18] | Let me put it in terms you’ll understand. | 我这么解释你就懂了 |
| [07:20] | You’re crapping your tutu before the ballet starts. | 上场前 你把屎拉在了芭蕾舞裙里 |
| [07:25] | After all that Walden’s done for you, | 后来沃顿帮你擦了屁股 |
| [07:27] | you have to help him keep ahold of Louis. | 作为回报你帮他留住路易斯 |
| [07:30] | – How? – I don’t know. | -怎么留 -我哪知道 |
| [07:33] | But if there is anybody in the world | 可如果这世上还有人知道 |
| [07:35] | that can figure out how to keep somebody in this house, | 如何能让人赖在这屋子里不走 |
| [07:38] | it’s you. | 这人非你莫属 |
| [07:51] | Um, is this seat taken? | 这位子有人吗 |
| [07:53] | Uh, actually, no, it’s… | 没人 它 |
| [07:56] | What are you doing here? | 你来干什么 |
| [07:57] | Did you follow me? | 你跟踪我吗 |
| [07:58] | No. | 没啊 |
| [07:59] | But I knew you were here because of the picture | 我看到你上传的蒜香面包照片 |
| [08:01] | you posted of your bruschetta. | 才猜到你在这儿 |
| [08:03] | This is completely inappropriate. | 这么做太不合规矩了 |
| [08:05] | And only jackasses say “brew-sketta.” | 另外 只有白痴才会发音像”酸爽面包” |
| [08:09] | Just-just hear me out, I need to talk to you about Louis. | 听我说 我要和你谈谈路易斯 |
| [08:11] | The time to talk to me about Louis was | 跟我谈路易斯的机会不是没给过你们 |
| [08:13] | before you lied to me to get him. | 那是在你们撒谎之前 |
| [08:14] | I only need five minutes. | 给我五分钟就好 |
| [08:16] | I-I’ll even pay for your dinner. | 我还可以请你吃晚饭 |
| [08:17] | I mean, if you really knew me, | 如果你了解我的话 |
| [08:18] | you’d know what a big deal that is. | 你就会明白其中的意义 |
| [08:20] | Fine, five minutes. | 好吧 就五分钟 |
| [08:22] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [08:23] | Oh, and if you want anything else, order fast– | 要是你还想点别的 赶紧点 |
| [08:24] | the happy hour prices are about to go away. | 快乐优惠餐的时间快结束了 |
| [08:27] | What do you have to say? | 你要说什么吗 |
| [08:31] | Walden is really a great guy. | 沃顿是个很好的人 |
| [08:32] | All he wanted was to be a dad, | 他只是想做个父亲而已 |
| [08:34] | and he tried everything he could think of. | 他已经无所不用其极 |
| [08:36] | I mean, he only married me because I was his last resort. | 他娶我 是因为走投无路了才如此 |
| [08:39] | I’m like peeing in a Gatorade bottle | 就好像堵车时你只能用 |
| [08:41] | when you’re stuck in traffic. | 饮料瓶小便 |
| [08:42] | Nobody wants to do it, but sometimes it’s your only option. | 谁也不想这么干 但有时你没得选 |
| [08:47] | You know what a last resort looks like? | 你知道何为走投无路吗 |
| [08:49] | Like a 33-year-old woman who devoted herself to her career | 一个33岁的女人一心扑在事业上 |
| [08:52] | because she had nothing else and then realized | 因为除了事业她啥也没有 然后她发现 |
| [08:54] | she’s not even good at that because she screwed up | 她的事业也被她亲手搞砸了 因为 |
| [08:56] | and gave a kid to two guys pretending to be a gay couple. | 她把孩子交给了一对假基佬夫妇 |
| [08:59] | I was just named employee of the month. | 我刚单位被评为本月之星 |
| [09:01] | Now I can’t even use my $25 Target gift card | 现在我没法儿安心享用这25美金礼券 |
| [09:04] | without feeling guilty. | 而不受良心谴责 |
| [09:06] | You are a good employee and a good person. | 你是个好员工 也是好人 |
| [09:09] | And, if it’ll help, I’ll, uh, I’ll buy the gift card off you. | 如果能帮忙的话 我愿意买下你手中的券 |
| [09:12] | Uh, what’s fair? | 给你多少钱算合理 |
| [09:13] | Ten? 15? Ten? | 十块 十五块 十块 |
| [09:16] | You know, the worst part of this is | 说真的 最糟糕的是 |
| [09:18] | I actually liked you guys. | 我还挺喜欢你俩 |
| [09:19] | I put your Christmas card on my fridge. | 我把你们的圣诞卡贴在冰箱上 |
| [09:22] | Now I don’t even know who you are. | 现在我发现根本不了解你俩 |
| [09:23] | Who are those people on my fridge?! | 冰箱上冲我笑的人 谁啊这是 |
| [09:25] | We’re the same two people that you trusted Louis with | 我们仍是你一开始认为适合领养路易斯的 |
| [09:27] | in the first place. | 最佳人选 |
| [09:28] | This whole thing is a nightmare. | 整件事就像一场噩梦 |
| [09:30] | Do you realize I could lose my job? | 搞不好我会丢了工作 |
| [09:32] | I have five cats to support. | 我还有五只猫得喂呢 |
| [09:35] | I know, and I-I feel terrible | 我知道 我很抱歉 |
| [09:36] | that we put you in this position. | 让你陷入这种境地 |
| [09:37] | Our only intent was to give a child in need a good home. | 我们只想让一个无家可归的孩子过上好日子 |
| [09:41] | Well, I suppose I can’t fault you for that. | 这点我不能说你们错 |
| [09:46] | Great. | 很好 |
| [09:48] | So… | 那就 |
| [09:49] | we’re done here, we get to keep Louis, | 那就说定了 我们领养路易斯 |
| [09:50] | and I’ll give you eight bucks for the gift card. | 我再用八美元买你的券 |
| [09:53] | I wish it was that simple. | 要是有这么简单就好啦 |
| [09:55] | I just don’t know what the right thing to do is. | 我不知道什么才是正确的决定了 |
| [09:58] | Okay, well, y-you don’t have to decide right now. | 你不用现在就做决定 |
| [10:01] | Let’s, uh, let’s talk about it. | 我们…我们好好聊聊吧 |
| [10:03] | Um, uh, can I get an appletini, uh, sugar rim, extra zest? | 请来一杯苹果马丁尼 加糖粉 多放香料 |
| [10:07] | You don’t have to pretend to be gay anymore. | 你不用再继续扮基佬了 |
| [10:10] | Oh-oh, yeah, uh, right, uh, uh… | 哦哦 你说得对 |
| [10:13] | Uh, make it a mojito. | 那就换成朗姆酒鸡尾酒吧 |
| [10:14] | Skinny. | 少放酒 |
| [10:16] | So, uh, what do you say, Ms. McMartin? | 麦克马丁小姐 |
| [10:19] | Uh, another Chardonnay? | 再来一杯夏敦埃吧 |
| [10:21] | Eh, what the hell? | 管他的呢 |
| [10:22] | It’s not like this week could get any worse. | 反正这一周也不可能更倒霉了 |
| [10:26] | I can’t believe I’m doing this. | 真不敢相信我会做这种事 |
| [10:27] | I can’t believe you’re doing this either. | 我也不敢相信你会做这种事 |
| [10:28] | Oh, oh, Alan. | 艾伦 |
| [10:29] | Oh, Ms. McMartin. | 麦克马丁小姐 |
| [10:43] | This is a disaster. | 这真是一场灾难 |
| [10:46] | I’m sorry. | 我很抱歉 |
| [10:48] | Come on, man. | 拜托了老弟 |
| [10:50] | You like her. Rise and shine. | 你是喜欢她的 快点”起立” |
| [10:52] | What is wrong with me? | 我到底有什么毛病啊 |
| [10:54] | Oh, no, no, it’s not you. | 不 不是你的问题 |
| [10:55] | Uh, although, if I, uh, if I did have one note, uh, | 不过 如果要提意见的话 |
| [10:58] | the beige granny panties didn’t exactly move the needle. | 这米黄色的老太婆内裤实在无法打动我的”针” |
| [11:01] | They’re nude-colored, and they are my work panties. | 那叫裸色 是我的工作内裤 |
| [11:05] | Although your use of the word “Needle” | 不过你用针来比喻 |
| [11:06] | is anatomically accurate. | 在尺寸上来说倒是很准确 |
| [11:09] | I am a grower, not a shower. | 人家是越战越勇型 不是显摆型的 |
| [11:11] | Why do I always make such a mess of things? | 我怎么老是把事情搞砸呢 |
| [11:15] | I’m sorry. | 对不起 |
| [11:16] | Don’t be. | 不用道歉 |
| [11:19] | The crying’s actually helping. | 你这哭声倒起了”助攻”的作用 |
| [11:22] | What? | 什么 |
| [11:23] | Um, your weeping reminds me | 你的啜泣声让我想起了 |
| [11:25] | of having sex with my first wife. | 和我第一任前妻滚床单的情景 |
| [11:28] | How did I get here? | 我怎么会沦落到这个地步 |
| [11:30] | I went to Stanford. | 我是斯坦福毕业的 |
| [11:31] | I turned down a job on Wall Street to help save the world, | 我为了拯救世界 拒绝了华尔街的工作 |
| [11:34] | and now I’m in bed with an old guy | 结果现在我和一个不能勃起的 |
| [11:36] | who can’t get a boner! | 老男人共处一床 |
| [11:40] | Um, actually, that is no longer the case. | 那个 人家现在已经不再是软趴趴了 |
| [11:43] | Seatbacks and tray tables | 座椅和小桌板 |
| [11:44] | are in their full upright position. | 都已经完全立起来了 |
| [11:47] | Flight attendants, prepare for takeoff. | 空姐美眉 准备起飞吧 |
| [11:50] | Get out. | 滚出去 |
| [11:51] | Oh. Oh, okay. | 好吧 |
| [11:54] | Um… | 那个 |
| [11:56] | I, uh… | 我… |
| [11:57] | I, uh, hope this won’t affect your decision about Louis. | 我希望这不会影响到你对路易斯的决定 |
| [12:01] | I would hate it if you held my flaccid penis | 如果你因为我的软老二报复沃尔顿 |
| [12:03] | against Walden. | 人家会难过的 |
| [12:14] | Um, you’re… you’re still up. | 你…你还没睡呢 |
| [12:16] | It’s 8:15. | 现在才晚上8点15 |
| [12:18] | Oh, to be young again. | 又年轻了一把 |
| [12:20] | So, uh, what have you been doing? | 你在干什么呢 |
| [12:22] | Oh, I-I was, uh, making a video montage | 我在制作记录我们和路易斯的 |
| [12:24] | of the time we spent with Louis. You want to see it? | 欢乐时光的视频 你想看吗 |
| [12:26] | Yeah. Yeah, great. | 好呀好呀 |
| [12:29] | * Ooh, child, things are gonna get eas… * | * 孩子啊 一切都会慢慢变… * |
| [12:37] | That’s it? | 就这样吗 |
| [12:38] | Yeah, we really should have taken more pictures. | 我们真该多照几张照片 |
| [12:43] | Where have you been? | 你去哪里了 |
| [12:44] | Oh, I, uh… I, uh… | 我…我… |
| [12:45] | I went to, uh, see Ms. McMartin. | 我去见麦克马丁小姐了 |
| [12:49] | Are you kidding me? | 你玩什么玩笑 |
| [12:51] | She told us to leave her alone. | 她明确说了不要找她 |
| [12:54] | Alan, when people say that to you, they mean it. | 艾伦 当别人这么说时 他们是认真的 |
| [12:59] | Remember how you’re not allowed to go to Subway anymore | 还记得你是怎么被禁止再去赛百味的吗 |
| [13:01] | and suggestively ask for “Double meat”? | 因为你老是想点”肉棒双飞” |
| [13:05] | I-I was just trying to help us keep Louis. | 我只是想帮你留住路易斯 |
| [13:07] | Okay, tell me exactly what you did | 告诉我你到底干了什么 |
| [13:09] | so I can start to undo it. | 我才好开始弥补 |
| [13:11] | O-Okay. Um, I followed her to a bar… | 好吧 我跟着她去了一家酒吧 |
| [13:13] | Oh, God! | 天啊 |
| [13:15] | This is like the time that we saw Kelly Ripa | 这不就像上次我们在杂货店 |
| [13:17] | outside the grocery store! | 遇见凯莉·里帕[美国影星]一样吗 |
| [13:20] | No. No, no, no. | 不 不是那样的 |
| [13:20] | So we-we had a few drinks, | 然后我们喝了几杯 |
| [13:22] | uh, and the funny part is, um, we ended up in bed. | 好笑的地方来了 我们最后滚到了床上 |
| [13:26] | You had sex with Ms. McMartin?! | 你和麦克马丁小姐睡了吗 |
| [13:30] | No! | 没有 |
| [13:31] | No, I did not. | 这个真没有 |
| [13:33] | I was unable to maintain an erection. | 我没法硬起来 |
| [13:38] | This has gone from bad to worse. I might start crying. | 事情越来越糟糕了 我想要哭了 |
| [13:42] | I wouldn’t. | 我不会哭的 |
| [13:47] | How you doing? | 你还好吗 |
| [13:49] | I’ve been better. | 好受一点了 |
| [13:51] | Well, you want to forget the pain | 你是想忘记伤痛 |
| [13:52] | or you want to forget your name? | 还是想忘掉你的名字呢 |
| [13:54] | Got anything to help me forget Alan? | 有什么能帮我忘记艾伦吗 |
| [13:56] | If I did, I’d be asking you, “Who’s Alan?” | 如果有的话 我肯定会问你 艾伦是谁啊 |
| [14:02] | Listen, don’t let yourself get too down. | 听着 别伤心了 |
| [14:06] | It’s like I tell my daughters, | 就像我跟我女儿说的 |
| [14:08] | no use crying until the verdict’s read. | 判决没下之前 先别哭 |
| [14:11] | I tried to sway Ms. McMartin. | 我想说服麦克马丁小姐 |
| [14:13] | She won’t even take my calls. | 可她连我的电话都不接 |
| [14:14] | Well, someone ought to tell her | 总得有人告诉她 |
| [14:16] | that you are the best thing that ever happened for that kid. | 你才是那个孩子命中的大救星 |
| [14:20] | I’m just worried about | 我真的担心 |
| [14:22] | what will happen to him if she doesn’t let me keep him. | 如果我不能留下他 他会怎么办 |
| [14:25] | Being a foster kid makes you tough. | 收养所的孩子会变得坚强的 |
| [14:28] | Before he goes, I’ll teach him | 他走之前 我会教他 |
| [14:30] | how to make a shiv out of a Krazy Straw. | 怎样用吸管制作小刀 |
| [14:34] | Thanks. | 谢了 |
| [14:35] | I needed a laugh. | 我需要这样的笑话 |
| [14:36] | Yeah, ’cause I’m kidding. | 很好 因为我是在开玩笑 |
| [14:41] | I don’t want him to leave either. | 我也不想他走 |
| [14:43] | He’s a good kid, isn’t he? | 他是个好孩子对吧 |
| [14:44] | Yeah. | 没错 |
| [14:46] | If I lose him, all I’m gonna have | 如果他走了 我只剩下 |
| [14:47] | is a five-second photo montage | 一段5秒钟的录像 |
| [14:49] | and a picture of Alan as Wonder Woman. | 和一张把艾伦画成神奇女侠的画 |
| [14:53] | Look, we’re all in this together. | 我永远支持你 |
| [14:55] | Anything I can do for you, you let me know. | 只要我能帮上忙 你尽管开口 |
| [14:59] | Thanks. I appreciate it. | 谢谢你 真的 |
| [15:02] | You know, if you happen to know a guy who specializes | 如果你认识什么人 |
| [15:05] | in making a father and son disappear, | 能让爸爸和儿子一起消失的话 |
| [15:07] | you just might want to keep that number handy. | 你可以把号码找出来 |
| [15:10] | I do know a guy | 我真认识一个人 |
| [15:11] | that could sneak 80 pounds into the country. | 可以把80磅货物走私进来 |
| [15:14] | I don’t see why he couldn’t sneak 80 pounds out. | 我觉得他肯定也可以把80磅货物带出去 |
| [15:21] | Ms. McMartin is 15 minutes late. | 麦克马丁小姐已经迟到15分钟了 |
| [15:23] | You know, we might be a fraudulently gay couple, | 我们可能是死骗子基佬 |
| [15:26] | but at least we’re punctual. | 可至少我们守时啊 |
| [15:29] | We’re not the only ones who lied. | 不光我们说了谎 |
| [15:31] | I know for a fact that blonde is not her natural hair color. | 我发现她也不是天生的”金发”女郎 |
| [15:40] | That’s her. | 她来了 |
| [15:41] | Yeah, and she better watch it, | 好 她最好小心 |
| [15:42] | ’cause I am in mama grizzly mode. | 因为我现在护犊子模式火力全开 |
| [15:44] | Promise me you won’t make this | 跟我保证你不会让事情 |
| [15:45] | more awkward than it already is. | 变的更难堪 |
| [15:47] | You got it, of course. | 我保证 当然保证 |
| [15:51] | Ms. McMartin. | 麦克马丁小姐 |
| [15:52] | Hello, Walden. | 你好 沃顿 |
| [15:54] | Alan. | 艾伦 |
| [16:00] | ‘Sup, girl? | 挺好呗 妹子 |
| [16:05] | Who’s here? | 谁来了 |
| [16:06] | Oh, hey, buddy. | 小家伙 |
| [16:07] | Uh, it’s Ms. McMartin. | 是麦克马丁小姐来了 |
| [16:09] | Hi, Louis. | 好啊 路易斯 |
| [16:10] | Hi. | 你好 |
| [16:11] | Hey, why don’t you go in your room and play, uh, | 你要不要先回房间玩一会儿 |
| [16:14] | while the grown-ups talk for a little. | 大人们要在这聊天 |
| [16:16] | – Sure. – Okay. | -好呀 -去吧 |
| [16:19] | You see how he handled that? | 看他怎么处理的 |
| [16:21] | “Let the grown-ups talk.” | “大人们要在这聊天” |
| [16:22] | Supportive and gentle, | 正能量又温柔 |
| [16:23] | not unlike your delightful beige work panties. | 不像你那可爱的米黄色工作内裤 |
| [16:29] | Alan, let the grown-ups talk. | 艾伦 大人们要在这聊天 |
| [16:33] | I’ve thought about this a long time, | 这件事我考虑了很久 |
| [16:35] | and nobody wanted this to work out more than I did. | 没人比我更希望这事能成了 |
| [16:40] | Please don’t do this. | 求你不要这么做 |
| [16:42] | I have to do my job, | 我必须履行我的职责 |
| [16:44] | and the fact of the matter is you lied. | 而事实就是你们撒谎了 |
| [16:46] | You committed fraud. | 你们犯了欺诈罪 |
| [16:47] | But we are legally married. | 但我们是合法伴侣啊 |
| [16:49] | He is my best friend. | 他确实是我最好的朋友 |
| [16:51] | We’re-we’re good parents. | 我们都是好家长 |
| [16:51] | And-and clearly, we love each other. | 显然我们也爱着彼此 |
| [16:54] | Yes. | 没错 |
| [16:55] | The-the only thing that we don’t do | 我们唯一没做的就是 |
| [16:57] | is, well, “Love” Each other. | 做爱做的事 |
| [17:01] | But if that’s the only reason that we don’t get to keep Louis, | 但要是仅仅因为这样 就不能收养路易斯 |
| [17:05] | i-is because I don’t put my man parts | 就是因为我没有把我的雄风 |
| [17:07] | into Alan’s… mostly man parts… | 放进艾伦的雄不起来风中 |
| [17:11] | …then we will have sex right here in front of you. | 那我们马上就在你面前来一发 |
| [17:15] | I mean… come on, Alan. | 来吧 艾伦 |
| [17:17] | Oh, okay. | 好的 |
| [17:20] | Guys, stop. | 你们别闹了 |
| [17:22] | No, I am serious! | 不 我是认真的 |
| [17:23] | I will have sex with Alan right here | 我会和艾伦马上就在这里 |
| [17:25] | on the living room floor if we get to keep this kid! | 就在客厅地板上来一发 只要能留下孩子 |
| [17:28] | Now, how can you say | 都这样了 你敢说 |
| [17:29] | that this isn’t a great home for a child? | 这个家庭不适合小孩吗 |
| [17:33] | I know you’re upset. | 我知道你们很难过 |
| [17:35] | I am, too. | 我也很难过 |
| [17:36] | But I’ve made up my mind. | 但我已经做决定了 |
| [17:37] | No! | 不 |
| [17:40] | This can’t be it! | 不可以这样 |
| [17:42] | I’m ready. | 我准备好了 |
| [17:46] | What are you doing, buddy? | 你来这干嘛 小伙子 |
| [17:47] | Whenever Ms. McMartin comes | 每次麦克马丁小姐一来 |
| [17:48] | and the grown-ups start yelling, I get taken away. | 只要大人们开始吵架 我就会被带走 |
| [17:52] | Oh, man. | 天啊 |
| [17:54] | I’m very sorry, Louis. | 非常对不起 路易斯 |
| [17:56] | What’s going on? | 怎么回事 |
| [17:58] | She’s taking him. | 她要把他带走 |
| [17:59] | What? | 什么 |
| [18:01] | Hey, Blondie, how many people know you’re here? | 金发女 有多少人知道你来这了 |
| [18:07] | Berta, it’s okay. | 波塔 没事的 |
| [18:09] | And she’s not a real blonde. | 她的金发也不是天生的 |
| [18:14] | Come here. | 过来 |
| [18:15] | I want you to know that this isn’t your fault. | 我要告诉你 这不是你的错 |
| [18:18] | You didn’t do anything wrong and you’re a great kid. | 你什么错都没犯 你是最乖的孩子 |
| [18:22] | I really liked it here. | 我真的很喜欢这里 |
| [18:24] | We are, uh… we’re gonna miss you, kiddo. | 我们会…非常想你的 孩子 |
| [18:27] | Me, too. | 我也是 |
| [18:30] | Here. | 给 |
| [18:33] | No. | 不 |
| [18:34] | T-Timothy’s your best friend. | 提摩西是你最好的朋友 |
| [18:35] | He’ll be your best friend now. | 他以后是你最好的朋友了 |
| [18:43] | Bye, Louis. | 再见 路易斯 |
| [18:44] | Bye. Bye, Berta. | 再见 再见 波塔 |
| [18:46] | So long, kid. | 回见 孩子 |
| [18:48] | Come on, Louis. | 走吧 路易斯 |
| [19:02] | I can’t do this. | 我做不到 |
| [19:04] | What? | 什么 |
| [19:05] | No, the whole reason I took this job | 我做这份工作的全部原因就是 |
| [19:07] | was to help kids. | 是要帮助孩子 |
| [19:09] | No matter how we got here, | 不管我们是怎么走到这步的 |
| [19:11] | this is the best place for him. | 这个家是最适合他的地方 |
| [19:13] | Oh, this is amazing. | 太好了 |
| [19:14] | Come here, buddy. Oh! | 快过来 孩子 |
| [19:16] | Did you grow while you were gone? | 你走了之后是不是长大了 |
| [19:20] | No. | 没有 |
| [19:21] | No? | 没有吗 |
| [19:22] | Get ready for a mama bear hug. | 准备接受护犊子式熊抱 |
| [19:24] | Mama bear. | 熊妈妈 |
| [19:25] | Oh, my goodness, thank you. | 老天啊 谢谢你 |
| [19:28] | No more lies. | 不许再撒谎了 |
| [19:30] | – No. – Unless my boss finds out about this. | -不会了 -除非我老板发现了 |
| [19:31] | Then I totally need you to lie. | 那我需要你们撒谎 |
| [19:35] | Glad to have you back, kid. | 欢迎回来 孩子 |
| [19:37] | Oh, and, Ms. McMartin, | 麦克马丁小姐 |
| [19:39] | you might want to stay away from your house | 你最好先别回家 |
| [19:41] | until I can make some phone calls. | 等我打完几个电话再说 |
| [19:45] | Okay! Okay! | 好 好的 |
| [19:46] | Let’s put your stuff away, buddy. | 先把你的东西收起来 孩子 |
| [19:48] | Hey, you know what? | 我跟你说哦 |
| [19:49] | You can have this now, | 你可以收回它了 |
| [19:50] | ’cause I got my best friend back. | 因为我最好的朋友已经回来了 |
| [19:53] | Technically, I’m your best friend. | 严格的说 我才是你最好的朋友 |
| [19:55] | And I never left. | 而我绝对不走 |
| [19:57] | Still, a touching moment. | 依然是感人时刻 |
| [20:01] | That was really sweet of you. | 你这样非常窝心 |
| [20:02] | I feel good about it. | 我也很高兴 |
| [20:04] | Today you earned your Target gift card. | 你的塔吉特购物卡现在是你应得的了 |
| [20:07] | Thanks. | 谢谢 |
| [20:08] | No, thank you. | 没有 谢谢你才对 |
| [20:13] | Oh. Oh, are you… are you crying? | 你怎么哭了 |
| [20:15] | Yes, but… tears of joy. | 没事 高兴的流泪了 |
| [20:26] | Those work, too. | 依然有效 |
| [20:36] | That was amazing! | 太爽了 |
| [20:37] | Yep. | 没错 |
| [20:39] | Alan may disappoint sometimes, | 艾伦也许偶尔会让你失望 |
| [20:40] | but a little blue pill never does. | 但蓝色小药丸始终坚挺 |
| [20:44] | Hey, could I ask you a personal question? | 能问你个私人问题吗 |
| [20:46] | What do you consider personal? | 你觉得什么叫私人 |
| [20:48] | I already let you try on my work panties. | 连工作内裤我都让你穿了 |
| [20:51] | Well… how do I put this? | 我该怎么说呢 |
| [20:53] | Ms. McMartin, what’s your first name? | 麦克马丁小姐 你的名是什么 |