| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:21] | It’s time. | 时间到了 |
| [00:26] | Thanksgiving has always meant sharing the bounty | 一直以来感恩节意味着 |
| [00:30] | of our rich land, | 享用这片沃土给我们的奖赏 |
| [00:31] | especially turkey. | 尤其是火鸡 |
| [00:34] | But the one thing we will not be sharing this holiday | 不过今年的感恩节上我们不会分享的 |
| [00:37] | is Drumstick or Cranberry. | 是鸡腿和蔓越橘[总统赦免火鸡仪式] |
| [00:40] | Catherine actually | 两个名字是 |
| [00:41] | personally chose those names, didn’t you, honey? | 凯瑟琳亲自起的 对不对啊亲爱的? |
| [00:44] | – Um, yes, I did. – Yes, she did. | – 嗯 是的 – 没错 |
| [00:46] | Help me get a few more details | 再告诉我点这两只火鸡的情况 |
| [00:48] | about these turkeys that I can maybe give the press. | 我到时可以拿来应付媒体 |
| [00:50] | Like are they gonna hit the minibar tonight at their hotel? | 他们今晚回酒店会不会一起去吧台喝点小酒啊? |
| [00:52] | Well, we booked the hotel for a few nights, | 酒店房间我们确实预定了好几天 |
| [00:54] | but I’m taking these guys straight to a petting zoo | 不过庆典之后我就要把这俩家伙直接带到 |
| [00:57] | in Virginia after the ceremony. | 弗吉尼亚的小动物园去了 |
| [00:58] | Oh, they can while away the rest of their peaceful years there. | 他们去那安度余生了吧 |
| [01:01] | Well, they were bred to be eaten, so they’ll probably collapse | 它们就是养来被吃的 估计过一两年 |
| [01:04] | from their own weight and die in a year or two, tops. | 就撑不住自己体重死掉了 |
| [01:07] | Is there a more fun way to say that? | 这结局能修饰得美好一点吗? |
| [01:10] | With the power vested in me, | 以我被赋予的权力 |
| [01:13] | I hereby declare Drumstick and Cranberry | 我在此宣布鸡腿和蔓越橘 |
| [01:17] | pardoned from the Thanksgiving dinner table | 赦免于感恩节的餐桌上 |
| [01:21] | and also for tax evasion. | 以及逃税的惩罚中 |
| [01:25] | There we go. | 这就行了吧 |
| [01:28] | I think they’re trying to fly away. | 他们想飞走啊 |
| [01:30] | Ooh, these birds are filthy. | 这些鸟可真脏 |
| [01:32] | – Dan. – Hey, why have I been greened? | – 丹 – 我怎么还进不去了? |
| [01:35] | – Will you tell our friend over here… – Take it easy. | – 你能不能跟那位朋友说一下… – 别激动 |
| [01:37] | It’s just a screwup with the security office. | 不过是安全部门的一点小问题 |
| [01:39] | Someone’s got a case of the blue badge blue balls. | 有人因为蓝色证件蓝色丁丁闹脾气呢[指性欲不满造成的睾丸胀痛] |
| [01:41] | I’m gonna assign you to Tom James’ office. | 我把你分配到汤姆·詹姆斯那边去 |
| [01:43] | They’re shorthanded since we’re duking it out with Congress. | 自从我们在国会宣战以后他们就有点人手不足了 |
| [01:47] | I’ll escort him in. He’s harmless. | 我带他进去 他是个乖宝宝 |
| [01:48] | Unless you got a sister. | 除非你有个妹妹 |
| [01:50] | You looking forward to Thanksgiving, Marjorie? | 你期待感恩节么 马乔里? |
| [01:52] | – Oh, yes, ma’am. – Where do you spend the holiday? | – 当然了 女士 – 你在哪过节呢? |
| [01:54] | – In Maryland, ma’am. – Oh, that’s where I’m from. | – 在马里兰 女士 – 我就是从那来的 |
| [01:56] | I know, ma’am. | 我知道 女士 |
| [01:58] | Okay, so tell Congressman Price | 行了 告诉国会议员普锐斯 |
| [02:00] | I just pardoned his stanky-ass turkeys, | 我刚赦免了他臭哄哄的火鸡 |
| [02:03] | so I’m gonna expect him to wrap up | 所以国会投票的时候 |
| [02:05] | that Missouri delegation when the House votes, right? | 他最好搞定密苏里代表团 行么? |
| [02:07] | Well played, ma’am. | 一步好棋 女士 |
| [02:08] | Missouri’s the largest turkey-producing state in the union. | 密苏里是国内最大的火鸡生产州了 |
| [02:10] | – Second only to Minnesota followed by North Carolina. – Ma’am. | – 仅次于北卡罗开纳州 在明尼苏达州之前 – 女士 |
| [02:13] | And Arkansas. | 还有阿肯色州 |
| [02:14] | Maybe I can pardon a car with a defective airbag… | 也许我可以赦免个安全气囊有缺陷的汽车… |
| [02:16] | and we can wrap up Michigan. | 这样密歇根就搞定了[指密歇根通用汽车气囊问题] |
| [02:18] | Michigan is actually the largest producer of battery acid. | 实际上密歇根是最大的蓄电池酸液生产州 |
| [02:20] | Can somebody reach around | 能不能来个人 |
| [02:21] | the back of Kent’s head and power him down? | 把肯特的电放了?[机器人肯特梗] |
| [02:23] | Oh, ma’am, latest from Treasury | 女士 财政部的最新数据 |
| [02:24] | is housing starts are down and unemployment’s up. | 住房开工率下降 失业率上升 |
| [02:27] | Any chance we can switch those? | 能不能把换一下? |
| [02:28] | I’ll turn the graphs upside down. | 我只能把这图倒过来 |
| [02:30] | Oh, listen, I’m not gonna need you this weekend or tomorrow, | 对了 明天还有这周末我都用不着你 |
| [02:33] | – so you can take that off, okay? – Oh, fantastic. | – 你就先放个假 – 好极了 |
| [02:36] | My husband and I are having his whole family over for turkey. | 我和我老公正好邀请他家人过来吃火鸡呢 |
| [02:39] | Husband? You’re married? | 老公? 你结婚了? |
| [02:41] | Yes. Last year. | 是啊 去年就结了 |
| [02:43] | 250 people, no one from work. | 请了250个人 都不是工作上的朋友 |
| [02:45] | Mom, can I have a sec? | 妈 我能和你说句话么? |
| [02:48] | – Privately? – Sure, honey. | – 私下说? – 当然了 亲爱的 |
| [02:50] | – What is it? – Okay. | – 什么事? – 好吧 |
| [02:53] | Well, I was just gonna go meet Dad and Monica. | 我正要去见爸爸和莫妮卡 |
| [02:55] | I was just wondering what time you’ll be arriving. | 想来问问你什么时候到 |
| [02:58] | Oh, honey, I can’t. | 亲爱的 我去不了 |
| [03:00] | But it’s the first Thanksgiving since Mee-maw’s gone. | 可这是外婆去世后的第一个感恩节啊 |
| [03:04] | There’s a lot to be thankful for. | 那是挺值得感恩的 |
| [03:05] | But we’re doing a whole dinner at her house. | 可是我们要在外婆的房子里吃一顿纪念她啊 |
| [03:07] | I mean, it… or, well, my house. | 我是说… 好吧 我的房子里 |
| [03:10] | God, it still sounds so weird saying that. | 么说还是好奇怪 |
| [03:12] | Yeah, it really does. | 是挺奇怪的 |
| [03:14] | But I have to be here, sweetie pie, | 可是我必须在这啊宝贝 |
| [03:16] | cause I’ve got to call all of these Congress people. | 我需要和那些国会议员们打电话 |
| [03:18] | Whip the vote. You understand that. Mommy’s got to whip. | 拉选票 你明白的 妈咪需要拉票啊 |
| [03:21] | – Whip it good. What is that? – Devo. | – 好好抽打 这是什么歌来着? – 退化乐队 [Whip译拉票和鞭打] |
| [03:23] | Well, can’t you make those phone calls from anywhere? | 可是你在哪打电话不都是一样的吗? |
| [03:25] | – Nope, it’s got to be Washington. – Right. | – 不一样 必须在华盛顿才行 – 没错 |
| [03:27] | It makes a big difference | 让人知道她是从白宫总统办公室 |
| [03:28] | to know that she’s calling from the Oval. | 打电话来的 效果还是不一样的 |
| [03:30] | But doesn’t it just come up as unlisted? | 白宫的来电显示不是短号吗? |
| [03:31] | They’re like 202 or something? | 不显示地域只显示202之类的啊 |
| [03:34] | Mom, so this is the famous White House mess. | 妈 这儿就是著名的白宫食堂 |
| [03:37] | – Oh, very nice, Joni. – Yeah, isn’t it? | – 太好了 小乔纳 – 是啊 |
| [03:40] | So this was renovated in 1951 by… | 在1951年这里被重新修整过… |
| [03:43] | hey, I’ll be right back. | 等我一下 |
| [03:46] | Okay, just one second. | 马上就回来 |
| [03:47] | Ooh, is that the mandarin chicken salad? | 这不是柑橘鸡肉沙拉么? |
| [03:50] | Looks delicious. Hey, can I see your badge? | 看着很好吃啊 我能看下你的证件吗? |
| [03:52] | My rusty sheriff’s badge? | 我锈迹斑斑的警长证么? |
| [03:54] | Oh, I’m sure that showing your | 在你一般去的地方 |
| [03:56] | anus gets you into all your regular social clubs, | 露出菊花绝对让你更受欢迎[指丹很混蛋Asshole] |
| [03:58] | but this is the White House mess and to be in here, | 不过这里是白宫餐厅 想呆在这 |
| [04:00] | you got to have one of these blue bad boys. | 你得有这个蓝色的小宝贝 |
| [04:02] | Why are you doing this, Jonah? | 你干嘛啊 乔纳? |
| [04:04] | You see the picture of Grover Cleveland? | 你看见那边格罗·弗克利夫兰的照片了吗? |
| [04:06] | Is that a tear in his eye | 他眼中的泪水 |
| [04:07] | because he knows the rules aren’t being respected? | 是不是因为规则没有被尊重啊? |
| [04:10] | Oh, Jesus. Fuck you. | 我天 操你妈 |
| [04:11] | Excuse me, sir. We have an intruder here. | 不好意思 先生 这边有个闯入者 |
| [04:13] | No, we don’t. You know, Jonah, | 不 乔纳 |
| [04:15] | I hope you die a horrible death | 我希望你是吸狗屌 |
| [04:17] | choking on a red, glistening dog dick. | 被噎住惨死的 |
| [04:20] | – Have a lovely Thanksgiving, Mrs. Ryan. – Oh, you, too. | – 感恩节快乐 瑞安夫人 – 你也是啊 |
| [04:23] | – Well, I’m ready if you are. – For what? | – 要是你准备好了我们就走吧 – 干嘛去? |
| [04:26] | I invited Richard to come back with us for Thanksgiving tomorrow. | 我邀请了理查德和我们一起回去过感恩节 |
| [04:29] | Mom, you don’t invite my friends to Thanksgiving dinner. | 老妈 你不能随便邀请我的朋友回去过感恩节 |
| [04:33] | I invite my friends to Thanksgiving dinner. | 我才能邀请我的朋友一起过感恩节 |
| [04:37] | Richard, would you like to come to Thanksgiving dinner? | 理查德 你愿意来我们家吃感恩节晚餐么? |
| [04:43] | Morning. Happy Thanksgiving. | 早上好啊 感恩节快乐 |
| [04:45] | – Are they ready for me? – Yeah. | – 他们就等我了吧? – 是的 |
| [04:46] | It’s this election has just been brutal on me. | 这个选举对我太残忍了 |
| [04:48] | My eyelids are seriously | 我的眼皮完全像是 |
| [04:50] | starting to look like Keith Richards’ ball sack. | 基思·理查兹下垂的蛋蛋一样 |
| [04:52] | Oh, please. He wishes. | 瞎说 他求之不得呢 |
| [04:53] | Ma’am, Mike just announced to the press | 夫人 迈克刚才向媒体发布了消息 |
| [04:55] | that we’re closing up shop for | 说为了庆祝感恩节白宫对外界闭馆 |
| [04:56] | the Thanksgiving holiday and we’re monitoring | 同时我们在密切监视 |
| [04:58] | a North Korean military exercise right now and that’s about it. | 朝鲜的军事演习 就这些 |
| [05:00] | God, all that exercising and Glorious Leader | 我滴娘啊 演习这么频繁 |
| [05:02] | still can’t seem to take off a pound, right? | 也没见着三胖领导瘦一点儿啊 是吧? |
| [05:04] | That haircut’s not doing him any favors. | 他的拉风发型也在帮倒忙 |
| [05:06] | The South Korean PM is asking for a few minutes to discuss. | 韩国总统要求和您通几分钟电话 |
| [05:09] | And the CDC is reporting a few more cases | 疾控中心又上报了几起关于 |
| [05:11] | of salmonella poisoning linked to contaminated poultry. | 受感染家禽导致的沙门氏病菌疫情 |
| [05:13] | Tell the South Korean PM | 告诉韩国总统 |
| [05:14] | I’ll give her a call later this afternoon. | 我下午晚点儿给她回电 |
| [05:16] | – Right. – After, you know. Wish me luck, though. | – 好的 – 那事之儿 那祝我好运吧 |
| [05:18] | – Good luck. – Yeah. | – 祝你好运 – 好 |
| [05:22] | – Madam President. – Dr. Abernathy. | – 总统女士 – 艾伯纳西医生 |
| [05:24] | – If you could please have a seat. Gary. – Dr. Abernathy. | – 您请坐下 盖瑞 – 艾伯纳西医生 |
| [05:26] | – You’re here. – I’m here to assist the president. | – 你来啦 – 我来协助总统 |
| [05:28] | Well, I think that Karen and I can handle this. | 我和凯伦能应付得过来 |
| [05:31] | I’m so sorry. How are you? | 我很抱歉 你没事儿吧? |
| [05:32] | I’m fine, thank you. | 我没事儿 谢谢 |
| [05:34] | I’m just a little nervous, I have to confess. | 我得承认 我有点儿紧张 |
| [05:35] | – You’re gonna be fine. – Yeah. | – 一切都会很好 – 好的 |
| [05:37] | You’re gonna be fine, ma’am. In fact, I usually perform | 您不会有问题的 我一般做的手术都 |
| [05:39] | things that are a bit more complicated than a De-bagging. | 比去眼袋复杂得多 |
| [05:41] | A De-bagging? Is that what you just said? | 你是说去眼袋吧? |
| [05:43] | I thought you said tea-bagging. | 我以为你说了去蛋蛋[字面:茶包] |
| [05:44] | No, no, no. That’s my department. | 不不 泡茶是我的专长 |
| [05:47] | He means that literally. He doesn’t know what the other thing is. | 他说的是字面意思 他不知道另外的意思[tea-bagging指将阴囊放入他人口中] |
| [05:50] | Anyway, listen, can you just | 总而言之 你能不能 |
| [05:52] | talk me through this procedure one more time? | 再跟我讲解一下这次手术? |
| [05:54] | It’s quite simple. I actually | 很简单的 |
| [05:55] | don’t have to make any cuts to the exterior dermis. | 我不会在你的外部真皮动刀 |
| [05:58] | It’s all approached internally from behind the eyelid. | 是直接从眼皮后方切入 |
| [06:00] | There’s gonna be a little swelling | 可能术后会有肿胀现象 |
| [06:01] | and of course a tiny bit of bruising afterwards. | 当然也会有点淤青出现 |
| [06:04] | – Ooh, bruising? – Yes, Gary, bruising. | – 啊 淤青? – 是的 淤青 |
| [06:06] | That’s when a little blood collects underneath the skin. | 是皮肤下面的一点点的血块淤积 |
| [06:08] | It’s not a problem for an actual doctor. | 在专业医生眼里这些都不是事儿 |
| [06:11] | Now, the beauty of this procedure | 这个手术的好处就是 |
| [06:12] | is that we can do it today and you’ll be healed by Monday. | 今天做完 周一你就能恢复了 |
| [06:14] | And I’ll look 10 years younger. | 而且我看起来年轻10岁 |
| [06:16] | That would make you a baby. | 年轻十岁你就变婴儿啦 |
| [06:17] | – Okay, it’s – Shall we get started? | – 够了 – 我们开始吧? |
| [06:19] | – Okay. Yeah. – Gary, if you’ll please excuse us. | – 好的 – 盖瑞 不好意思请回避 |
| [06:22] | It’s very easy for me just to sit right there. | 我就坐在那儿我会很乖的 |
| [06:24] | – I’ve got it. – Easy. | – 我知道了 – 真的很乖哟 |
| [06:29] | Officials are reporting a | 官方消息称 |
| [06:30] | – salmonella outbreak… – You seeing this? | – 沙门氏病菌爆发… – 你看这个报道没? |
| [06:31] | 沙门氏菌病爆发 4州报告37起感染案例 | |
| [06:31] | …that has led to 37 hospitalizations in four states. | …已经导致四个州出现37名患者住院治疗 |
| [06:35] | POTUS is still getting permanently Photoshopped. | 总统还在为自己的脸做永久PS呢 |
| [06:38] | Let’s get the head of the CDC out there, calm everyone down. | 得让疾病防控中心的领导站出来控制局面 |
| [06:41] | Let’s send Tom James out as well. He’s a tall drink of Xanax. | 也让汤姆·詹姆斯出来 他是瓶人形抗焦虑药 胡扯界大佬 |
| [06:44] | The number of people taken ill is | 生病人群数量是达不到 |
| [06:45] | orders of magnitude below statistical significance. | 统计显著性的量级 |
| [06:48] | Do people not understand basic nonparametric statistics? | 人们都不懂非参数统计吗? |
| [06:51] | Or how to cook a fucking turkey. | 也他妈不懂怎么把火鸡烤熟了 |
| [06:53] | Oh, sir, you’re here now. Good. | 先生 您在这儿 |
| [06:55] | – So Ben told me that apparently… – We’re being deployed. | – 本告诉我… – 我们被派遣了 |
| [06:58] | Operation Calm the Fuck Down. | 执行 去你妈的冷静点 任务 |
| [07:01] | – Yes. – Come on in. | – 是的 – 进来吧 |
| [07:02] | Just the guy I wanted to see. | 正想找你呢 |
| [07:04] | Ooh, uh-oh. I know that number. | 我知道这个号码 |
| [07:07] | The number of the beast Sidney Purcell. | 是西德尼·珀塞尔那个禽兽的 |
| [07:09] | I don’t know why he keeps calling me. | 我不知道为啥他总打我电话 |
| [07:11] | His comprehension of the word no | 他对别烦我这种潜台词的理解能力 |
| [07:13] | hovers somewhere around drunk college quarterback level. | 就像是个喝醉酒的大学四分卫的水准 |
| [07:16] | But anyway, sir, how can I help you? | 但是我要怎么帮助您呢? |
| [07:18] | Got a little something for you. | 给你准备了个东西 |
| [07:20] | Carol in personnel owed me a favor. | 人事部的卡罗尔欠我个人情 |
| [07:24] | Oh, this is gonna wipe that crooked smile off Jonah Ryan’s face. | 这东西可以把乔纳·瑞安脸上恶心的假笑刷下来了 |
| [07:27] | I think that’s genetic. | 我感觉它天生就笑得恶心 |
| [07:29] | You know, Egan, I work a little differently than the president. | 伊根你知道吗 我和总统的风格不同 |
| [07:32] | As far as treating my staff, I try not to act | 至少在对待下属方面 我可不像个 |
| [07:34] | like an alcoholic father who has just stepped on a Lego. | 刚踩到乐高玩具的醉酒老爸 |
| [07:37] | I value openness and straight talk. | 我信奉开明和坦率 |
| [07:39] | You’re part of the James team now. | 你现在是詹姆斯团队的一员了 |
| [07:41] | – Part of my inner circle. – I’m honored. | – 是我圈内的人了 – 我很荣幸 |
| [07:43] | So raise your right hand and repeat the oath. | 举起你的右手跟我一起宣誓 |
| [07:47] | I’m fucking with you. Come on, let’s go. | 我逗你的 走吧 |
| [07:50] | That’s very good, sir. | 真幽默 先生 |
| [07:51] | – Mike! Mike! – Mike, is this a salmonella epidemic? | – 迈克!迈克! – 这次的沙门氏病菌是流行性的吗? |
| [07:54] | Is the president going to make a statement? | 总统会出面发言吗? |
| [07:55] | She will be making a full statement soon– | 她很快就会出面发言 |
| [07:58] | sooner than you think, but only when she’s ready. | 比你们想的要快 但她得做点准备 |
| [08:01] | Right now, though, I’d like to bring up Dr. Robert Weinberg | 而现在有请出来自疾病防控中心的 |
| [08:04] | from the Centers for Disease Control. Dr. Weinberg. | 罗伯特·温伯格医生 温伯格医生有请 |
| [08:09] | – This is not good. – It’s fine. | – 真糟糕 – 没关系的 |
| [08:11] | Everybody’s watching football. There’s only a couple cases. | 大家都在看球赛 再说只有几例感染 |
| [08:14] | No, Wendy’s pissed. | 不 温蒂发飙了 |
| [08:15] | I left her at home with her folks and my folks plus her kids. | 她一个人在家应付她父母我父母 还有她孩子 |
| [08:19] | Shit, I don’t even know who’s at my house. | 妈的 我都不知道我家里有谁 |
| [08:23] | I don’t even know if they’re in town. | 我都不知道他们是不是在城里 |
| [08:25] | I hate to admit it, but sometimes | 我不想承认 但是有时候 |
| [08:27] | I’m scared of Wendy. | 我真怕温蒂 |
| [08:29] | She still has a great rack, though. | 不过她还是胸器动人 |
| [08:33] | – What do you think? – Oh, yeah. You did great, ma’am. | – 看起来怎么样? – 很不错 总统女士 |
| [08:36] | – Oh, good. – Excuse me, ma’am. | – 那就好 – 打扰一下 女士 |
| [08:38] | – Hi, guys. – Doesn’t she look amazing? | – 你们好啊 – 她是不是美呆了? |
| [08:41] | Jesus, you look like a southern housewife | 我滴妈 你就跟个搞砸了丈夫晚餐的 |
| [08:43] | who just burned her husband’s dinner. | 南方家庭妇女似的[南部家暴梗] |
| [08:44] | Ma’am, the salmonella outbreak has mushroomed. | 夫人 沙门氏病菌爆发引起了轩然大波 |
| [08:47] | The cases now number over 200. | 已经超过200人感染 |
| [08:49] | Oh, my God. Are you kidding? | 我的天 你在逗我吗? |
| [08:51] | – Should I make a statement? – Ben: No, that’s not a good idea. | – 我要讲话吗? – 不 这可不是个好主意 |
| [08:53] | No one should see you while your face is… marinating. | 您的脸腌好之前还是不要见人了 |
| [08:57] | Okay, she just had 10 years taken off her eyes. | 拜托 她的眼睛刚刚被拿走了十年 |
| [09:00] | – Yes. – Well, I don’t think they left yet. | – 是的 – 我觉得这十年还没走干净 |
| [09:02] | You just stay hidden, okay? Doctor’s orders, right? | 你就先别出现 好吗? 谨遵医嘱 对吧? |
| [09:05] | What are you asking him for? He’s not a doctor. | 你问他干嘛? 他又不是医生 |
| [09:08] | I mean, he doesn’t have any academic qualifications to speak of. | 他都没有啥拿得出手的文聘证书 |
| [09:12] | Well, I have a bachelor’s degree in hotel management | 我可是有着康乃尔大学酒店管理 |
| [09:14] | – from Cornell University. – No, you don’t. | – 学士学位的人 – 你才没有呢 |
| [09:16] | Maybe we should ask the vice president to make a statement. | 或许我们得让副总统去做个声明 |
| [09:19] | No! He’s the old face of this administration. | 不! 别拿他那张老脸出去丢人了 |
| [09:22] | – This is the new face. – It’s a beautiful face. | – 这才是政府的新面孔 – 美丽的面孔 |
| [09:26] | Well, you know… | 你懂我… |
| [09:27] | So may we go ahead and ask Doyle? | 那我们去问问道尔吧? |
| [09:29] | All right, fine. | 好吧 |
| [09:32] | It really hurts to roll my eyes. | 翻起白眼来好疼 |
| [09:35] | Okay, yes, ask Doyle. | 好 让道尔去 |
| [09:37] | But don’t tell him why. | 但别告诉他为什么 |
| [09:40] | It’s okay. It’s okay. | 没事的 没事的 |
| [09:42] | Please don’t keep touching me every day. | 请不要天天摸我了 |
| [09:45] | The first ever Thanksgiving, | 历史上第一个感恩节 |
| [09:47] | there was actually no turkey at all. | 当时完全没有火鸡 |
| [09:48] | – Did you know that? – Fascinating. | – 知道吗 – 神奇啊 |
| [09:50] | The pilgrims, they ate deer | 清教徒们 他们吃鹿 |
| [09:51] | and harvest vegetables like corn, zucchini. | 和收割的蔬菜 比如玉米 西葫芦 |
| [09:54] | They yelled at Grandpa, obviously. | 他们还是会冲爷爷吼[过节亲戚矛盾梗] |
| [09:56] | – Of course. – Some truths are eternal, but no turkey. | – 当然了 – 真理是永恒的 只是没有火鸡 |
| [09:59] | – Thank you, Senator. – You’re welcome. | – 谢谢 议员 – 不用谢 |
| [10:00] | Happy Thanksgiving and early Hanukkah. | 感恩节快乐 预祝光明节[犹太教节日]快乐 |
| [10:03] | Yes. We will be right back after this short break. | 好 休息一下马上回来 |
| [10:05] | – And we’re clear. – I love the Hanukkah bit. | – 直播结束 – 我喜欢光明节那部分 |
| [10:07] | Good. I’m jonesing for a cup of coffee. | 很好 我急需一杯咖啡 |
| [10:10] | I mean sell my sweet white ass on a street corner jonesing. | 我是说可以为此在街角卖身的那种急需 |
| [10:14] | Yeah, tell me about it. | 可不是吗 |
| [10:17] | Oh, yeah. Sure, yeah. | 当然 好啊 |
| [10:20] | Also one cream, splash of half-and-half, one sugar, one Splenda. | 还是一份奶 糖和代糖各半 |
| [10:24] | If that’s not too much trouble. | 如果不麻烦的话 |
| [10:26] | Not at all. I’m… – Egan to please. | 没有 我… 伊常荣幸根你服务[姓伊根 名字笑话] |
| [10:29] | Mr. Vice President. | 副总统先生 |
| [10:30] | Ben, I would have you to the table, but my wife, | 本 我想把你请到桌边坐 但我的妻子 |
| [10:33] | she fucking hates you as do I. | 她和我一样特别恨你 |
| [10:36] | And we had to throw the turkey in the trash. | 我们不得不把火鸡扔垃圾桶里 |
| [10:38] | That’s why I’m here. | 所以我来了 |
| [10:39] | We need you to make a statement about the salmonella outbreak. | 我们需要您发表有关沙氏门菌爆发的声明 |
| [10:42] | Oh, why doesn’t the president make it? | 为什么总统不做 |
| [10:44] | Her mouth is swollen from dental surgery. | 她因为牙科手术嘴肿了 |
| [10:46] | – She can’t make a statement. – You’re fucking kidding me. | – 她做不了声明 – 你特么在逗我 |
| [10:49] | Why wasn’t I informed? | 为什么没人通知我 |
| [10:50] | You know there’s a system in place for this eventuality? | 你知道专门有体制应对这种可能性的吧 |
| [10:52] | It falls between the 24th and 26th Amendment. | 就在第24和第26条修正案之间[25条要求总统无能力时副总统上任] |
| [10:54] | She hasn’t been sedated. She’s not incapacitated. | 她没有注射镇静剂 不是丧失行为能力 |
| [10:57] | So there was no need to invoke the 25th. | 所以没必要启用第25条 |
| [10:59] | Well, if she’s not incapacitated, you don’t need me. | 好啊 如果她没有丧失行为能力 你就用不着我 |
| [11:01] | She’s not not incapacitated. | 她不是没有丧失行为能力 |
| [11:03] | She’s just not fully capacitated. | 她只是不是完全有行为能力 |
| [11:07] | You fucking people. | 你们这帮人 |
| [11:09] | I mean, you treat the | 我说 你把宪法 |
| [11:10] | Constitution like a build-your-own-pizza menu. | 视作DIY披萨菜单 |
| [11:12] | Sir, you’re calm, you’re confident, | 先生 您冷静而自信 |
| [11:14] | you exude a crotchety gravitas. | 散发出一种刚愎自用的庄严感 |
| [11:16] | We need to shut this down | 我们需要了结这件事 |
| [11:17] | like a fucking public school for the arts. | 就像关掉一所破公立艺术学校一样 |
| [11:20] | So I’ve spoken to the president. | 我和总统谈过了 |
| [11:21] | She’s up to date with the situation, | 她时刻关注着形势 |
| [11:23] | which we think is under control. | 我们认为病情已经控制住了 |
| [11:24] | – Yeah, Jeff? – How do you feel about the term Turkeypocalypse? | – 杰夫? – 您对火鸡末日这个词怎么看 |
| [11:28] | I think that’s a term invented by the media. | 我认为这是媒体发明的一个术语 |
| [11:30] | It’s idiotic, | 愚蠢 |
| [11:31] | but it scares people into watching more news, right? | 但能唬住人多看新闻 对吧 |
| [11:33] | – This is amazing. – Yeah, he’s doing okay. | – 真是神奇 – 是啊 他做得还不错 |
| [11:36] | No, I got an email from that surrogate we met with. | 不 我收到我们面过的那个代孕妈妈的邮件 |
| [11:39] | She’s on board. We’re putting a baby in her. | 她同意了 我们可以往她体内塞个孩子了 |
| [11:43] | Jesus, Mike. I’m gonna put a baby in you | 天啊 麦克 如果你再不专心工作 |
| [11:45] | – if you don’t get your head in the game. – Sorry. | – 我就往你体内塞个孩子 – 抱歉 |
| [11:47] | – Where is the president? – James, do me a favor. | – 总统在哪里? – 詹姆斯 帮我个忙 |
| [11:49] | Next time you have a root canal, remind me. | 下次你做牙根管手术 提醒我 |
| [11:51] | I’ll come and pester you to be back at your desk in an hour. | 我会过去缠着你 也逼着你一小时内回到办公桌前 |
| [11:53] | Christ, I thought he was gonna shit the bed. | 天啊 我还以为他会拉一床屎 |
| [11:55] | Instead he’s doing turndown service and leaving a mint on the pillow. | 相反 他做了夜床服务 还在枕头上留了一片薄荷 |
| [11:58] | You know, that can be | 要知道 那可是 |
| [11:59] | the difference between a three- and a four-star hotel. | 三星和四星酒店之间的差别 |
| [12:03] | All right, who’s up first? | 好吧 谁第一个 |
| [12:05] | We’ve got Congressman Jaeger. He’s from Wisconsin. | 我们有国会议员耶格 来自威斯康星州 |
| [12:08] | Is he the one with the prostitute problem? | 有招妓问题的那个? |
| [12:11] | Oh, never mind. They all have that. | 算了 他们都有这个问题 |
| [12:12] | House is like Caligula’s room. | 众议院就像卡利古拉的卧室[以荒淫闻名的罗马皇帝] |
| [12:15] | – Okay, well, you got the– that’s a five. – Yeah, I got it. | – 好吧 你有.. 那个是5 – 好 我知道了 |
| [12:18] | – Hello? – Happy Thanksgiving. | – 您好? – 感恩节快乐 |
| [12:19] | This is the president calling. Is Congressman Jaeger available? | 我是总统 耶格议员在吗 |
| [12:22] | – Oh, sure. Let me get him. – Thank you. | – 当然 我去叫他 – 谢谢 |
| [12:25] | See? President calling herself. | 看到没 总统亲自打电话 |
| [12:26] | That’s gotta be very impressive. | 那可是相当印象深刻 |
| [12:28] | I would die. | 我会开心死 |
| [12:30] | Yes, Madam President, hello. | 总统女士 您好 |
| [12:32] | Congressman Jaeger, how are you? | 耶格议员 你好吗 |
| [12:34] | Well, to be honest, | 说实话 |
| [12:35] | the holidays are a little tough on our family. | 我家的节过得很是艰难 |
| [12:37] | My wife and I are trying to work some things out. | 我妻子和我有些矛盾 |
| [12:39] | Prostitutes. | 妓女 |
| [12:41] | So I’m sure that you know why I’m calling, Congressman. | 我想您一定知道我为什么打电话 议员 |
| [12:44] | Of course. The salmonella outbreak. | 当然 沙氏门菌爆发 |
| [12:46] | Ma’am, have you considered making a statement? | 女士 您考虑过发表一个声明吗 |
| [12:48] | If I have learned one thing about crisis management, | 我学到危机管理中最重要的一点 |
| [12:50] | it’s that you’ve got to get out there | 就是你需要站出来 |
| [12:52] | and talk to the American people. | 告诉美国人民 |
| [12:53] | If they hear it from you directly, | 如果他们直接从你口中听得消息 |
| [12:55] | you can get away with just about anything. | 你就可以逃脱一切责任 |
| [12:57] | Bordello Bill is giving me advice. | 妓院比尔在给我建议 |
| [12:58] | Maybe you should declare a state of emergency. | 也许你可以宣布进入紧急状况 |
| [13:01] | Are you able to do that? | 你能做到吗 |
| [13:02] | Yeah, I am, but unfortunately, I have to run. | 我可以 但很可惜 我要走了 |
| [13:04] | I hope I can count on your support in the upcoming vote. | 我希望你能在下一轮投票中支持我 |
| [13:07] | Happy Thanksgiving. Bye-bye. Oh, my God. | 感恩节快乐 再见 哦天啊 |
| [13:09] | How many more of these do we have to do? | 我们还有多少电话要打 |
| [13:11] | Okay, we’ve got Congressman Coffey. | 我们有国会议员科菲 |
| [13:12] | Coffey. Where does he stick his dick? | 科菲 他的老二又安放何处 |
| [13:15] | Here’s the statement from Health and Human Services. | 这个是卫生与公共服务部的报告 |
| [13:17] | Hey, do you guys know a luxurious but super cheap hotel? | 嘿 你们知道哪家奢华又超级便宜的旅店吗 |
| [13:20] | Yeah, in the Philippines. | 知道 菲律宾就有 |
| [13:21] | Another 60 cases being reported | 报告新增了60例感染病例 |
| [13:23] | including New Hampshire Congressman Harry Sherman. | 包括新罕布什尔州的议员哈利·谢尔曼 |
| [13:26] | Jeez, he couldn’t eat a turkey unless you put it in a blender | 他之前也吃不了火鸡啊 除非你把火鸡放搅拌机里 |
| [13:28] | and fed it to him through a straw. | 然后用吸管喂他 |
| [13:30] | Wait, the turkeys have a hotel room, right? | 等等 那些火鸡在宾馆房间里 对吧 |
| [13:32] | Yes. We better go see the black-eyed pea. | 对 我们最好去看看咱的大熊猫 |
| [13:35] | – Hello? – Big news, babe. | – 喂? – 大新闻 亲爱的 |
| [13:37] | Our surrogate Debralee is a go. | 咱的代孕同意了 |
| [13:39] | Praise Jesus! Are you kidding me? | 赞美耶稣! 你不是逗我吧 |
| [13:41] | We got to celebrate. Afternoon quickie. | 我们要庆祝 下午来一发 |
| [13:43] | Where? In the basement? | 在哪? 地下室? |
| [13:45] | Not this time. Big Mike has a surprise. | 这次不了 大迈克准备了惊喜 |
| [13:47] | I got us a suite at the Willard. | 我在威拉德酒店定了个套间 |
| [13:49] | I’ll text you the no, I’ll sext you the room number. | 我信息发给你 不 我会用性感信息发给你房间号 |
| [13:54] | Any news on Sherman? | 谢尔曼有什么新消息吗? |
| [13:55] | CNN and Fox both say he’s critical, | CNN和Fox新闻台都说他至关重要 |
| [13:58] | but Fox says it with blonder hair and bigger tits. | Fox是用一个金发大波的主播说的[Fox性别歧视梗] |
| [14:00] | What is this? Is that lint? | 这是什么? 是线头吗? |
| [14:03] | – You got one of those—- – Yeah, lint brush. Sure, right here. | – 你有那种 – 有 线头刷 给你 |
| [14:11] | That is amazing. | 太棒了 |
| [14:13] | Can I trouble you for another cup of coffee? | 能麻烦你给我再一杯咖啡吗? |
| [14:15] | – I’m running on fumes. – I’m your man. | – 我都冒烟了 – 没问题 |
| [14:19] | And one cream. | 一份奶油 |
| [14:21] | Splash of half-and-half. | 一半一半的比例 |
| [14:23] | One sugar and one Splenda. | 一份糖 和一份蔗糖 |
| [14:33] | Fuck me. | 我日 |
| [14:35] | Yes, Congressman, | 是的 议员 |
| [14:36] | the vice president is certainly the… | 副总统确实是… |
| [14:39] | the president that never was. | 千年一遇 |
| [14:41] | You know what, actually? | 不好意思? |
| [14:42] | I’m gonna have to call you back, Congressman. | 我等一下回给你 议员 |
| [14:44] | Thank you so much. Happy Thanksgiving. Yes. What? | 非常感谢 感恩节快乐 怎么了? |
| [14:47] | – Sherman’s dead. | – 谢尔曼去世了 |
| [14:48] | Ow! Oh, my God, that hurts so much. | 噢! 天呐 好疼 |
| [14:51] | – Please don’t surprise me like that again. – We just got word. | – 请不要再这样惊吓我了 – 我们刚刚听说 |
| [14:53] | Why couldn’t he have waited until after the weekend? | 他就不能等到这周末结束吗? |
| [14:56] | Well, in many ways, | 某种程度上 |
| [14:57] | this could be the best thing that could happen. | 这也可能是个绝好的事 |
| [14:59] | – Say what, now? – We just lost the oldest member of the House | – 你说什么? – 我们刚刚失去了院里资历最老的一位 |
| [15:02] | and our president can’t make | 我们的总统得顶个纸袋子 |
| [15:03] | a statement without a paper bag on her head. | 在头上才能露面 |
| [15:05] | You’re missing the big picture. Sherman was an O’Brien diehard. | 你没有看到大局 谢尔曼是奥布莱恩的死党 |
| [15:08] | That’s one less vote for O’Brien and possibly one vote for us | 可能奥布莱恩就少了一票 意味着我们可能多了一票 |
| [15:12] | if they can hold a special election in time. | 如果顶替他的特殊选举及时 对我们有利的人上台的话 |
| [15:14] | New Hampshire could give us the presidency. | 新罕布什尔州或许可以成就总统之位 |
| [15:16] | If I had known that, I would have killed him myself. | 如果早知道 我自己就把他杀了 |
| [15:19] | Jonah’s Uncle Jeff is flying down. | 乔纳的叔叔杰夫正在飞过来 |
| [15:21] | He’s still the kingmaker in New Hampshire. | 他仍然是新罕布什尔州的能够左右候选人选择的权威人物 |
| [15:23] | – God, he is such, like, a little man, isn’t he? – He is. | – 天呐 他是那么 小小的人 对吧? – 对 |
| [15:26] | – Fuck! -What? | – 日! – 怎么了? |
| [15:27] | O’Brien is offering condolences to the widow. | 奥布莱恩正在慰问寡妇 |
| [15:29] | We got to get somebody to say something about Sherman. | 我们必须找人就谢尔曼的事说点什么了 |
| [15:32] | Not Doyle. Anyone but the veep. | 绝对不能是道尔 谁都行就是不能是副总统 |
| [15:34] | – We got to lance that Doyle. – No promises, ma’am. | – 我们要弄死道尔 – 我不能保证 |
| [15:36] | – What? – No promises. | – 什么? – 不保证 |
| [15:38] | Come on. | 拜托 |
| [15:41] | – What is that? – It’s your Thanksgiving meal. | – 这是什么? – 你的感恩节大餐 |
| [15:43] | Why are there two place settings? | 为什么准备了两位? |
| [15:44] | You know Charlie’s not coming, right? | 你知道查理不会来的吧? |
| [15:46] | I do. That was just for | 我知道 这只是为了 |
| [15:48] | in case you wanted someone to sit with you. | 以防你想有人陪同 |
| [15:50] | Not to eat, just to talk. | 不为了吃饭 只为了谈心 |
| [15:53] | Or be quiet. | 或者安安静静的 |
| [15:55] | – I’m not hungry. – Me neither. | – 我不饿 – 我也是 |
| [15:57] | – You again? – Sherman’s dead. | – 你又来? – 谢尔曼去世了 |
| [15:59] | We need you to make another statement. | 我们需要你做另一个声明 |
| [16:00] | What is dental surgery code for anyway, Ben? | 本 牙科手术到底是什么的代号? |
| [16:03] | I mean, is it like anal bleaching? | 难道是漂白菊花之类的? |
| [16:05] | Because if it is, you should just come out and say that | 因为如果是的话 你就直接说出来好了 |
| [16:07] | because the American people, they’ll accept it in time. | 因为美国人民 他们慢慢就会接受了 |
| [16:10] | To be honest with you, sir, she’s not looking real good. | 老实讲 先生 她看起来并不好 |
| [16:13] | And I’ll be honest with you. | 我也老实讲 |
| [16:14] | I don’t think you’re being honest about being honest. | 我并不觉得你有对我老实 |
| [16:16] | So you know what? I want to see the president. | 所以你知道吗? 我要见总统 |
| [16:20] | – That won’t be necessary. – No more messengers, Ben. | – 这就没必要了吧 – 别传话了 |
| [16:22] | If she wants me to do her bullshit, | 如果她想我做她的屁事 |
| [16:23] | she can tell me out of her own shining white asshole. | 她可以带着她闪亮亮的菊花来亲自说服我 |
| [16:27] | Today’s media-go-round was a tour De force. | 今天的媒体拜访可是个壮举 |
| [16:31] | More like a waste De time. | 更像是对事件的壮费 |
| [16:33] | Well, maybe you thought I was too busy | 可能你觉得我忙于 |
| [16:35] | sorting through your junk mail folder to realize | 整理你的垃圾邮件而没有意识到 |
| [16:37] | you mentioned things like zucchini and Atlantic City and Pfizer, | 你提到的关于绿皮西葫芦和大西洋城 还有辉瑞[美国制药公司] |
| [16:42] | all clients, of course, | 所有的客户 当然 |
| [16:43] | of Sidney “Why is That Guy Calling Me” Purcell. | 还有”为什么老是打电话给我”的西德尼·珀塞尔 |
| [16:46] | I used a lot of other words, too. | 我还说了其他的单词 |
| [16:49] | I’m pretty sure I said “Be” And also “Careful.” | 我很确定我说了”小” 和 “心” |
| [16:55] | I don’t know what your endgame is, but I want in. | 我不知道你的终极大招是什么 但我想加入 |
| [16:58] | I will bring you back human ears for a necklace. | 我会把人类的耳朵当做战利品带回来给你做项链 |
| [17:00] | I am your guy. | 我是你的 |
| [17:04] | Didn’t you have, like, a nervous breakdown? | 你是不是有过一次 精神崩溃? |
| [17:07] | – You had a nervous breakdown, right? – It was not a breakdown. | – 你有过一次精神崩溃 对吧? – 那不是精神崩溃 |
| [17:09] | It was just more a little bit of psychological indigestion. | 更像是一次心理上的消化不良 |
| [17:12] | You just got back from Nevada and you lost the recount. | 你刚从内华达回来 而且你输了重新投票 |
| [17:14] | It’s got to be a pretty stressful time. | 压力一定很大吧 |
| [17:16] | Seems to me like you’re spinning out. | 给我感觉你在混吃等死 |
| [17:18] | At least that’s what I’m gonna have to tell everyone. | 至少我会这么告诉大家 |
| [17:21] | Which would be a shame. | 真是耻辱啊 |
| [17:24] | You’re right. I don’t even know what we were talking about. | 你说得对 我都不知道我们在说些什么 |
| [17:26] | We’re talking about your mental state, Dan. | 我们在说你的精神状况 丹 |
| [17:32] | Your lips are looking a little dry. | 你的嘴唇看起来很干 |
| [17:33] | – I just want to see if I have that balm. – Oh, goodie. | – 我看看我有没有带润唇膏 – 乖乖啊 |
| [17:37] | Ben is bringing over Vice President Doyle. | 本正在把副总统道尔带过来 |
| [17:39] | He insisted on seeing you. | 他坚持要见你 |
| [17:41] | Forgive me, but you have to be nice to him. | 原谅我 但你一定要对他客气点 |
| [17:44] | What? I know that. | 什么? 我知道啊 |
| [17:46] | Why is everybody always telling me to be nice? | 为什么每个人都在说我要客气点? |
| [17:49] | All right? It is… oh, here. | 好吧? 这是… 里 |
| [17:53] | – Jesus Horatio Christ. – Andrew. | – 上帝的二舅老爷啊 – 安德鲁 |
| [17:57] | Needless to say, I did not have root canal. | 无需多言 我不是做了牙根管手术 |
| [18:01] | Thanks, guys. I got it. Come, sit down, please. | 谢了 大家 我可以了 请坐 |
| [18:03] | Can I just say how much I appreciate | 你都不知道我有多感谢你 |
| [18:07] | your coming down on your Thanksgiving | 在感恩节抽空来见我? |
| [18:09] | and giving it up to come here? Thank you. | 谢谢你 |
| [18:11] | Sherman may have been from the other side of the aisle, | 谢尔曼可能不是一派人 |
| [18:13] | but he’s a decent guy | 但他是一个好人 |
| [18:14] | even though he still used the word coloreds. | 尽管他还用有色人种这种词 |
| [18:17] | Oh, well, nobody’s perfect, right? | 人无完人嘛 |
| [18:19] | You can cut the shit, Selina. | 你可以省了废话了 塞琳娜 |
| [18:21] | I have barely seen you for two months. | 我已经有两个月基本没见到你了 |
| [18:23] | – Well, apologies about that. – Okay. | – 很抱歉 – 好 |
| [18:25] | Listen, I will go out there with my golden boy smile, | 听着 我会出去带着标准的迷人微笑 |
| [18:29] | – give ’em the Doyle dazzle. – Okay. | – 让他们感受到道尔的绚烂之光 -好的 |
| [18:31] | But there’s something I want in return. | 但我想要一些回报 |
| [18:33] | I want to be considered for Secretary of State. | 我想你考虑我作为国务卿 |
| [18:40] | It’s the job I’ve always wanted. | 那个位子是我一直想要的 |
| [18:43] | Hughes said that he would give it to me if he won a second term. | 休斯说过如果他第二期赢了就会把那个位子给我 |
| [18:46] | And he also said he’d kick you off the ticket. | 他还说了他会把你赶下台 |
| [18:49] | See, there’s that Doyle dazzle and I’m a big fan of it. | 道尔的绚烂之光出来了 真迷人啊 |
| [18:55] | Andrew, I’m a woman of my word | 安德鲁 我是个守信的人 |
| [18:58] | and you have my word. | 我向你保证 |
| [19:01] | Fair enough. | 好吧 |
| [19:02] | – Okay, good. All right. – Say, did Ben do this to you? | – 好的 很好 – 你是被本打的吗? |
| [19:04] | Because I can get you to a shelter. | 我可以送你去个家暴庇护所 |
| [19:06] | – That’s so funny. – Seriously, I know he says he loves you, | – 太逗啦 – 说真的 我知道他说过爱你 |
| [19:10] | but if you don’t press charges, he’s gonna kill you someday. | 但你要是不提起诉讼的话 总有一天他会杀了你的 |
| [19:12] | I love it. Domestic abuse jokes. They just tickle me. | 这个我喜欢 和家暴有关的笑话 正好戳我笑点 |
| [19:17] | As most of you already know, | 你们大部分人都已经知道了 |
| [19:19] | Congressman Harry Sherman passed away today | 议员哈利·谢尔曼 |
| [19:22] | in a hospital near his home | 今天在他所热爱的新罕布什尔州 |
| [19:23] | in his beloved state of New Hampshire. | 于家附近的医院里辞世 |
| [19:25] | Hey, I’ve got something for you guys, something big. | 我要告诉你们一个消息 一个重大消息 |
| [19:29] | I think Tom is up to something with Sidney Purcell. | 我觉得汤姆和西德尼·珀塞尔之间有问题 |
| [19:32] | Up to what? | 什么? |
| [19:33] | At each of today’s programs, | 他今天在每个节目里 |
| [19:34] | he mentioned one of Purcell’s clients. | 都提到了一位珀塞尔的客户 |
| [19:36] | I mean, zucchini, Pfizer, farmed salmon. | 比如西葫芦 辉瑞公司 养殖三文鱼 |
| [19:39] | – Tom is not that stupid. – There’s a clear pattern. | – 他可没那么蠢 – 很明显就能看出来 |
| [19:42] | And I noticed it, so I confronted him with the evidence. | 我注意到了 所以我拿证据和他对峙 |
| [19:45] | – And? – And he said that I was crazy. | – 然后呢? – 他说我疯了 |
| [19:47] | – You know what it could be? – What? | – 你知道真相可能是什么吗? – 什么? |
| [19:49] | That you are fucking crazy. | 你他妈真的疯了 |
| [19:51] | You were foaming at the mouth during the election. | 你当时在选举中口吐白沫 |
| [19:55] | Tom James. | 汤姆·詹姆斯 |
| [19:56] | It was a fucking panic attack. | 我当时恐慌发作啊 |
| [19:58] | Tom James. | 汤姆·詹姆斯 |
| [20:01] | Goddamn panic attack. | 该死的我恐慌发作了 |
| [20:02] | You know it was a fucking panic attack. | 你知道是恐慌发作的症状 |
| [20:05] | Well done. | 干得漂亮 |
| [20:06] | Congratulations, Mrs. McLintock. | 麦克林托克夫人 祝贺你 |
| [20:10] | Listen, baby, I have some giblets simmering | 宝贝 锅里在炖着鸡杂 |
| [20:12] | and five really hungry people, | 还有五个嗷嗷待哺的人等着我 |
| [20:13] | so I’m gonna need you to be really quick. | 你得速度快点啦 |
| [20:15] | No problem. Fastest gun in DC. | 没问题 我可是华盛顿特区第一的快枪手 |
| [20:20] | Do you smell something? | 你闻到什么味了吗? |
| [20:22] | No, nothing. Just the whiff of romance. | 并没有 只闻到浪漫的气息 |
| [20:25] | No, I smell something. | 不是 我闻见了点味 |
| [20:26] | You don’t smell anything? | 你什么都没闻到? |
| [20:28] | So what is this Tom James guy like? | 那个汤姆·詹姆斯是什么样的人? |
| [20:30] | – Is he tall? – I should get back to work. | – 个子高吗? – 我还是去工作吧 |
| [20:32] | – The president needs me. – Well, you just got here. | – 总统需要我 – 你才刚到这儿啊 |
| [20:35] | Why don’t you tell me about Vegas? Did you two girls have fun? | 你们不和我说说维加斯的事儿吗? 你们找到乐子了吗? |
| [20:37] | Well, one of us did, | 有一个找到了 |
| [20:39] | but what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. | 但是在拉斯维加斯发生的事就留在拉斯维加斯吧 |
| [20:42] | Jesus, for the final time, it was not Vegas! | 上帝啊 我再说最后一遍 那不是在拉斯维加斯发生的 |
| [20:45] | Amy, please don’t swear like that in front of the kids. | 艾米 请别在孩子面前那么赌咒 |
| [20:48] | I’ll get it. | 我去开门 |
| [20:49] | Do not make me call your fathers. | 别逼我打电话给你们爸爸 |
| [20:52] | What the fuck? You’re not answering your phone? | 搞什么鬼? 你怎么不接电话? |
| [20:54] | – My family hid it. – Look, I’ve got to run something by you. | – 我家人把电话藏起来了- 听着 我得征求下你的意见 |
| [20:56] | I fully support your decision to live as an ugly woman. | 我举双手赞成你像个丑陋的妇女一样生活 |
| [20:59] | – Who’s there, honey? – Just Dan. | – 亲爱的 是谁啊? – 丹 |
| [21:00] | Oh, good. Bring him in. | 快请他进来 |
| [21:02] | – It’s Thanksgiving. – Please don’t make me. | – 今天感恩节呢 – 请别逼我进去 |
| [21:05] | I spoke to the governor. | 我和州长通过话 |
| [21:06] | New Hampshire is gonna hold a special election | 在圣诞节前 |
| [21:08] | for the seat before Christmas. | 新罕布什尔州要为谢尔曼的席位进行选举 |
| [21:10] | – But… – Sounds like a big goddamn but. | – 但是… – 听着真他妈像个巨大的转折 |
| [21:12] | Oh, yeah, this is a giant, juicy, muscular Serena Williams but. | 是啊 这是个和丰满且强健的小威廉姆斯屁股一样巨大的转折 |
| [21:17] | Sherman’s widow is about to announce | 谢尔曼的遗孀将宣布 |
| [21:19] | that she is running for the seat. | 她要竞选那个席位 |
| [21:21] | I have recurring nightmares | 我不断的做着 |
| [21:23] | about running against widows. | 和寡妇们竞选的噩梦 |
| [21:25] | We’ve got a list of vetted names here. | 这儿有经审查的名单 |
| [21:26] | Great, why don’t you send them right over to me? | 为什么不把它直接给我呢? |
| [21:28] | – I’m running low on toilet paper. – Excuse me? | – 我正好要没厕纸用了 – 你说什么? |
| [21:30] | You don’t give me names, Beardo. I give you names. | 大胡子 你没资格给我名单 是我给你名单 |
| [21:33] | So take your list, roll it up real tiny, | 所以拿着你的名单 |
| [21:35] | attach it to the leg of a carrier pigeon, | 把它卷成一团绑在信鸽的腿上 |
| [21:37] | and have it fly up tubby’s dick. | 让它飞得远远的 |
| [21:39] | So who’s your choice? | 那么你选谁? |
| [21:41] | You know I’m grooming my nephew Ezra. | 我推荐我侄子以斯拉 |
| [21:42] | Heard a lot of great things about Ezra. | 久闻其名 |
| [21:44] | Brilliant, handsome, wife’s a solid eight. | 杰出 帅气 妻子肯定有八分 |
| [21:47] | After kids, probably still be a seven. | 有了孩子以后 估计也有七分 |
| [21:49] | Mark my words, he will be president someday. | 你听着 总有一天他会当总统的 |
| [21:52] | But Ezra’s currently serving in Afghanistan. | 但以斯拉目前正在阿富汗服役呢 |
| [21:55] | Besides, for anyone to beat the widow, | 此外 有任何人想战胜那个寡妇的话 |
| [21:57] | they’re gonna have to fight dirty | 都得做点见不得人的事 |
| [21:58] | – and I don’t shit where I eat. – Well, me neither, | – 我可不在吃饭的地方上大号 – 我也不 |
| [22:00] | not since my wife caught me eating yogurt on the crapper. | 自从我妻子逮到我在厕所喝酸奶之后 |
| [22:02] | We need a real piece of cannon fodder here, | 我们需要个炮灰 |
| [22:05] | some spectacular dumbass | 一个愿意牺牲自己的名誉 |
| [22:07] | willing to charge this machine gun nest, | 冲锋陷阵 |
| [22:09] | sacrifice his name and reputation, | 然后滚到一边去 |
| [22:11] | and then fuck off so Ezra can slide right in. | 让以斯拉可以顺利当选的十足的傻逼 |
| [22:14] | So do you have a list of spectacular dumbasses? | 你有傻逼的名单吗? |
| [22:17] | There’s only one name on it. | 名单上只有一个名字 |
| [22:20] | For my family back in Connecticut, we ditched the turkey. | 在康涅狄格 我和家人 |
| [22:22] | That’s because I have a special recipe | 把火鸡切开 |
| [22:24] | for farmed salmon with a side of zucchini. | 因为我有制作西葫芦拌三文鱼的独家食谱 |
| [22:26] | – See? They’re both clients. – Well, what does it mean? | – 看到没 它们都是客户 – 这意味着什么? |
| [22:29] | – I don’t know. – He doesn’t know. Why would he know? | – 我不知道 – 他也不知道 他怎么可能知道? |
| [22:32] | So for dessert, there’s apple and pecan pie. What would you like? | 甜点有苹果派和核桃派 你想吃什么? |
| [22:36] | You know, I would love a little bit of both. | 两个我都想尝一点 |
| [22:38] | Oh, you want both, do you? | 两个你都要 是吗? |
| [22:40] | – Yeah, why not? – I’ll tell you why not, you shit sack Casanova. | – 有何不可吗? – 我来告诉你有何不可 你这个吃屎的好色之徒 |
| [22:43] | You have had sex with both of my daughters. | 你上了我的两个女儿 |
| [22:45] | I mean, have you no shame? Wait a minute, | 你毫无羞耻之心吗? 等一下 |
| [22:48] | sweetie, I just figured it out. | 亲爱的 我才发现 |
| [22:49] | You know what it is? You want to fuck my wife, too, don’t you? | 你知道吗? 你是不是还想上我老婆? |
| [22:52] | – Good night, Brookheimers. – Bye, Dan. | – 晚安 布鲁克海默的一家人 – 再见 丹 |
| [22:54] | Sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [22:56] | Mrs. Ryan, these old Thanksgiving photos are priceless. | 瑞安夫人 这些感恩节的旧照都是无价之宝 |
| [23:00] | Wow, that is some overbite. | 瞧这龅牙 |
| [23:02] | It’s like a wererabbit. | 看着跟兔子一样 |
| [23:03] | Well, I was advanced for my age. | 我发育比较早 |
| [23:05] | I had all my adult teeth by age four. | 四岁恒牙就都长好了 |
| [23:06] | I didn’t know children still wore leashes at this age. | 我都不晓得那个年纪孩子们还在系皮带 |
| [23:09] | – Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. – Okay, Jeff. | – 祝大家感恩节快乐 – 杰夫 |
| [23:11] | I should tell you that | 我得和你说 |
| [23:11] | there’s not enough white meat to go around. | 白肉不够分了 |
| [23:13] | – I don’t want a repeat of 79. – Whatever. | – 我可不想再现79年的惨剧 – 无所谓啦 |
| [23:15] | Listen, the reason I’m here… now that Sherman is dead, | 我来这儿是因为 由于谢尔曼去世 |
| [23:18] | there is going to be a special election | 将会进行特殊选举 |
| [23:18] | special election back home for the seat and… | 来补选席位代表的… |
| [23:22] | Oh, you want me to canvass for Cousin Ezra the war hero? | 你想让我游说战争英雄以斯拉表哥吗? |
| [23:26] | No, I want you to run. | 不 我想让你竞选 |
| [23:30] | You want me to run his campaign? | 你想让我来管理他的竞选吗? |
| [23:31] | No, Jonah, I want you to run for the seat. | 不 乔纳 我想让你竞选这个席位 |
| [23:46] | Joni? | 小乔纳? |
| [23:48] | Dear Lord who guides me and nourishes me, | 指引我并抚养我的上帝呀 |
| [23:51] | I set foot on this path that you have laid before me | 我怀着决心与铁腕走上了这条 |
| [23:53] | with a strong arm and a willing heart | 您指引的道路 |
| [23:56] | to totally rock this shit. Amen. | 就是为了震撼政坛 阿门 |
| [24:00] | The Jonah Ryan story, chapter five. | 乔纳·瑞安记 第五章 |
| [24:03] | The House kneels before the fucking J-man. | 众议院臣服于他膝下 |
| [24:06] | I’m running for Congress! | 我要参与国会竞选了! |
| [24:07] | Oh, my God, that’s great. | 天呐 不错呀 |
| [24:08] | Actual Congress or some fantasy league Congress? | 真正的国会还是一些想象中的国会? |
| [24:10] | Of course, up against the Widow Sherman, | 当然 要想对抗谢尔曼的寡妇 |
| [24:12] | it’s gonna be like climbing Mt. McKinley | 简直像把你的蛋蛋钉在钢琴上 |
| [24:13] | with your balls stapled to a piano. | 然后爬上麦金利山一样困难 |
| [24:15] | She’s got my vote, bless her heart. | 我投她票了 上帝保佑 |
| [24:17] | Ain’t a challenge been invented Jonah Ryan can’t do. | 任何挑战都不能阻挡无所不能的乔纳·瑞安 |
| [24:19] | Ice bucket challenge. You backed out of that. | 冰桶挑战 这个你就不行 |
| [24:21] | Ice bucket challenge can suck my dick. | 让冰桶挑战玩蛋去吧 |
| [24:23] | Well, it did raise a lot of awareness for whatever ALS is. | 它确实引起了公众对肌萎缩性侧索硬化症的关注 |
| [24:25] | – Who is this man? – Richard Splett. | – 这货是谁? – 理查德·史培雷 |
| [24:27] | – Splett? – Splett. | – 史培雷? – 史培雷 |
| [24:29] | Yeah, okay. This is just for one term here, Jonah. | 乔纳 只有一个条件 |
| [24:32] | You’re merely acting as a placeholder for Ezra. | 你只能算是以斯拉的一个占位的 |
| [24:35] | Once I’m in, I’m in. | 只要我进去了就不会出来的 |
| [24:37] | I went to the White House on a three-week placement. | 我在白宫实习过三周时间 |
| [24:39] | I’m a MRSA infection. You don’t get rid of Jonah Ryan. | 我就是个感染源 没人能甩得了乔纳·瑞安 |
| [24:42] | Listen to me, all right? I’m not asking you, I am telling you. | 听我说 我不是问你 我是在告诉你 |
| [24:46] | Yeah, but it’s not my fault | 对 但是如果以斯拉表哥 |
| [24:47] | if Cousin Lezra ends up eating my nut dust | 最后要给我舔精 变成天使嗓音的亚特·加芬克尔 |
| [24:49] | and becoming the goofy | 身旁的傻小弟保罗·西蒙[民谣音乐二人团西蒙和加芬克尔] |
| [24:50] | Paul Simon to my angelic-voiced Art Garfunkel. | 那也不怪我呀 |
| [24:53] | – Can I talk to you down here just a minute? – Yeah. | – 你能弯下腰听我说几句吗? – 好啊 |
| [24:55] | Now listen to me, you walking trisomy. | 听我说 你就是个行走的21三体症 |
| [24:58] | I could get dog shit in a condom elected in New Hampshire. | 在新罕布什尔州 我能让避孕套里的狗屎当选议员 |
| [25:00] | You are my puppet. I’d let you dance. | 你就是我的傀儡 是我让你这么风光的 |
| [25:03] | And when I stuff you back in the toy box to let Ezra lead, | 就算到了我决定废掉你 选择扶持以斯拉的那天 |
| [25:06] | you will be grateful I ever | 你也会对我感激涕零 |
| [25:07] | let your wooden painted face take the stage. | 感谢我曾经让你的榆木脑袋上台过 |
| [25:10] | Now, do you or do you not understand me?! | 现在 你到底听明白了吗? |
| [25:14] | – Yes, sir. I’m sorry, sir. – Yeah. | – 是的 先生 对不起 – 这才对 |
| [25:16] | – Jeff. Jeff. – Hey, leave it. | – 杰夫 – 别来烦我 |
| [25:17] | I don’t want you screaming at Joni. | 我不想让你对小乔纳大喊大叫 |
| [25:19] | Congratulations, sir. May I be the first to join your campaign? | 祝贺您 先生 我能否有幸成为您的第一个竞选成员呢? |
| [25:22] | – Absolutely, chief of staff. – Please let me earn it. | – 当然 你是总参谋长 – 不 我要用实力获得这个职位 |
| [25:25] | There will be a vetting process. | 还有有个审查过程的 |
| [25:31] | Okay, I’ll just take a few questions first, | 那我现在先回答几个问题 |
| [25:33] | then I’ll bring you up again, okay? | 然后我再把你带上来 好么? |
| [25:34] | – All right. – Okay. | – 好 – 那就这样 |
| [25:35] | Oh, hey, is it possible to get salmonella | 等等 如果你在一张火鸡的床上做爱的话 |
| [25:37] | if you were to make love in a turkey’s bed? | 会有可能感染沙门菌吗? |
| [25:40] | – I’m sorry? – I should add the turkeys were no longer there. | – 你说什么? – 火鸡当时不在床上 |
| [25:44] | Never mind. I’ll be back. | 算了 我马上回来 |
| [25:46] | – Mike! Mike! Mike! – You wanted to see me, ma’am? | – 迈克! – 您要见我 女士? |
| [25:49] | How’d it go with the New Hampshire Napoleon? | 跟新罕布什尔州的拿破仑谈的怎么样了? |
| [25:51] | – He’s got a lot of ideas. – Yeah? Good. | – 他有很多奇思妙想 – 是吗? |
| [25:54] | Oh, my God. Would you look at this? | 天呐 你来看看这个 |
| [25:57] | Mike, why won’t she give a statement? | 迈克 为什么她不出来讲话? |
| [25:59] | Somewhere in the world there’s a woman exactly my age | 世上有和我年龄相仿的女人此时正在被舔阴 |
| [26:01] | getting her pussy eaten and I’m stuck here watching this. | 而我却要留在这里看这种东西 |
| [26:04] | God, I’ve got to get out there. | 不行 我一定要出去 |
| [26:10] | When Admiral Burger first suggested this trip, | 当海军上将博格尔第一次向我说起这次行程的时候 |
| [26:13] | it seemed like a very small sacrifice | 我想 放弃与我心爱的女儿凯瑟琳 |
| [26:15] | to forgo a traditional Thanksgiving | 共度传统的感恩节 |
| [26:17] | with my beloved daughter Catherine | 只是一次小小的牺牲 |
| [26:20] | and travel here to be with | 而更重要的事是要到这里 |
| [26:22] | our brave sailors and Marines. | 与我们勇敢的水手和海军们共度佳节 |
| [26:27] | And, ladies and gentlemen of the press, | 各位媒体的女士们先生们 |
| [26:29] | I want to thank you for your understanding | 感谢您们的理解 |
| [26:31] | as to the secrecy of this trip | 并对这次行程保密 |
| [26:33] | and why I’ve had to be incommunicado for the last few days. | 这就是我最近几天为什么不与公众往来的原因 |
| [26:37] | I also want to take this | 同事 我想借助这次机会 |
| [26:38] | opportunity to introduce Congressman Bill Jaeger | 向大家介绍从伟大的威斯康星州第一区 |
| [26:41] | from the first district in the great state of Wisconsin. | 远道而来的国会议员比尔·耶格 |
| [26:44] | They’re ready for you, ma’am. | 他们都准备好了 女士 |
| [26:45] | How was your Thanksgiving, Marjorie? | 感恩节过得怎么样 马乔里? |
| [26:47] | – It was nice, ma’am. – Where were you? | – 还不错 女士 – 感恩节你在哪? |
| [26:50] | – Maryland, ma’am. – Oh, that’s where I’m from. | – 马里兰州 女士 – 我也是那的 |
| [26:53] | I know, ma’am. | 我知道 女士 |
| [26:55] | Okay. | 好的吧 |
| [26:56] | – What? – What just happened? | – 什么? – 刚才是什么情况? |
| [26:58] | – I can’t even look at her. – Yeah. | – 我都不能看她 – 没错 |
| [27:01] | All right, who’s ready for some piping hot tofurkey? | 好啦 谁想要一些热乎乎的豆腐火鸡么? |
| [27:04] | – Where are the tongs? – Ma’am, | – 夹子在哪呢? – 女士 |
| [27:05] | I’ll be happy to hold your sunglasses for you. | 我很乐意帮您拿着您的太阳镜 |
| [27:06] | Oh, no, no, I’m good. | 不不不 我没事 |
| [27:08] | That’s tofurkey. It’s made from… | 这是豆腐火鸡 是用… |
| [27:11] | Wheat, protein, and organic tofu. | 小麦 蛋白 有机豆腐做的 |
| [27:14] | – There you go. – We’re gonna have a mutiny. | – 给你 – 我们要有暴动了 |
| [27:16] | We’re gonna have a mut… let’s get some meat on your bones. | 我们要有暴… 我给你加点肉吧 |
| [27:19] | Or we’ll put this on your bones. | 我给你加点肉吧 |
| [27:21] | – We just got a text from Ben. – Okay. | – 我刚收到本发来的短信 – 好的 |
| [27:23] | He said your trip is playing really well. | 他说你的行程进行得很好 |
| [27:24] | – Keep waving the flag. – Great. | – 继续激发爱国热情吧 – 棒棒哒 |
| [27:26] | And Jonah’s running for Congress in New Hampshire. | 乔纳要竞选新罕布什尔州的国会议员 |
| [27:29] | What? | 什么? |
| [27:30] | What? | 什么? |
| [27:33] | What is that? | 这是什么鬼? |
| [27:34] | Oh, my God. Ah! | 天呐 |
| [27:40] | – Here. – Thank you. | – 给你 – 谢谢 |
| [27:43] | Just… shit. | 简直操蛋了 |
| [27:45] | I bet you there’s about 20 pieces of corn in here. | 我跟你打赌 这里面差不多有20块玉米棒 |
| [27:48] | Could be more. Probably fit a lot of corn in there. | 可能更多 可能有许多玉米棒 |
| [27:51] | Oh, my God. | 我的天呐 |
| [27:54] | What the fuck is going… here. | 这特么都是些什么… 给你 |