| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:27] | So you remember Jimmy, right? | 你还记得吉米吧 |
| [00:29] | Oh, my God. Gretchen. | 我的天 格雷琴 |
| [00:30] | Tough titties, it’s a free country. | 不如意事多着呢 这是个自由国度 |
| [00:32] | Anyway, I have to have this really sucky conversation with him | 总之 我得和他进行一场非常糟糕的谈话 |
| [00:35] | and I don’t want to at all. | 但我根本不想进行 |
| [00:36] | Your appointment isn’t until next week. | 你的预约是在下周 |
| [00:38] | You cannot just show up places. | 你不能就这么出现 |
| [00:39] | Well then, stop Foursquaring yourself every time you leave the house, | 那就别每次出门时都发自己的地点定位 |
| [00:42] | like the Mayor of Thirsty Town. | 跟”饥渴镇”的求操镇长一样 |
| [00:44] | Also, stop using Foursquare like the Mayor of 2011. | 还有 别跟”过时镇长”一样用”足迹”定位发布 |
| [00:47] | Okay. So you need something from Jimmy. | 好吧 你需要从吉米那里得到某种东西 |
| [00:49] | Yeah. I need his dad to have seen a cardiologist! | 是啊 我需要他爸生前去看心脏科医生 |
| [00:53] | snap. | 真犀利 |
| [00:53] | He died? | 他死了吗 |
| [00:55] | – I’m so sorry. When? – Okay. | -我很遗憾 什么时候 -好吧 |
| [00:57] | So here’s the part where you feel like total dog shit. | 接下来这部分一定会让你愧疚无比 |
| [01:00] | Remember you made me open my mail? | 你还记得你让我拆邮件吧 |
| [01:02] | Well I did. And boom. | 我就拆了 然后被炸一脸 |
| [01:04] | There’s his dad’s obit. | 我看到他爸的讣告 |
| [01:05] | And I’m like, “Well, shit! How am I supposed to tell him?” | 我就想 “妈的 我要怎么告诉他啊” |
| [01:09] | So how am I supposed to tell him? | 所以我要怎么告诉他 |
| [01:11] | – You haven’t told him? – No! I couldn’t! | -你还没告诉他吗 -没有 我没法儿说 |
| [01:14] | He was so stoked about selling his book. | 他刚卖出新书 简直高兴得不得了 |
| [01:17] | And then I got busy and forgot for a couple days. | 我也忙 就忘了几天 |
| [01:19] | But then, I was gonna tell him, | 但我刚要告诉他 |
| [01:21] | and I got preoccupied by this iguana on Instagram | 又被这只鬣蜥蜴戳中笑点 |
| [01:25] | who is just so over it. | 一脸冷漠真是太搞笑了 |
| [01:30] | It’s gonna suck so bad. | 到时候一定会特别糟糕 |
| [01:32] | I get it. It’s tough. | 我懂的 这很艰难 |
| [01:33] | The idea of seeing Jimmy in pain… | 想着看到吉米陷入痛苦… |
| [01:35] | Jimmy? No, this is gonna suck for me. | 吉米 不 到时候对我而言会变得糟糕 |
| [01:38] | We’ve been having hella fun lately. | 我们最近特别愉快 |
| [01:40] | Boning like crazy. | 一有机会就打炮 |
| [01:42] | I tricked him into giving me backrubs, | 我骗他给我挠背 |
| [01:44] | saying that it made me horny. | 说那会让我性致盎然 |
| [01:45] | Jokes on you, dummy. I’m horny already. | 被骗了吧 小傻瓜 我本来就性致盎然了 |
| [01:48] | Here’s an idea: what if I just never tell him? | 我有个想法 要是我永远都不告诉他怎么样 |
| [01:50] | I-I don’t like to tell my patients what to do, | 我不喜欢对我的病人指手画脚 |
| [01:52] | but Jesus Christ, you have to tell Jimmy his father died. | 可是老天爷 你得告诉吉米他父亲的死讯 |
| [01:55] | What if he cries, | 要是他哭了怎么办 |
| [01:56] | and I see the sad little boy inside? | 让我看到他内心深处伤心的小男孩 |
| [01:58] | I don’t want to tell him. | 我不想告诉他 |
| [01:59] | I know. And I’ve met Jimmy– | 我知道 我见过吉米 |
| [02:02] | that sounds disgusting– but you have to. | 那听上去好恶心 但你必须告诉他 |
| [02:07] | Fine. | 好吧 |
| [02:09] | I suppose you want me to pay you now. | 我想我现在该付你钱了 |
| [02:14] | Ugh, you owe me a five spot. | 你欠我5块 |
| [02:38] | Right. Remember, | 好 记住 |
| [02:39] | the look we’re going for is jocund but… | 我们想要的形象是欢乐而又… |
| [02:42] | profoundly tormented. Okay? | 饱经沧桑的 懂吗 |
| [02:45] | Uh, what’s going on, Jimbo? | 在做什么呢 吉宝 |
| [02:46] | Jacket photo. It’s a bit early. | 拍宣传照 虽然有点早了 |
| [02:49] | But I’m planning on going full D’Onofrio | 但我计划着 只要预付款打过来了 |
| [02:51] | once the advance money comes in. | 各方面宣传工作都要开展起来 |
| [02:53] | Can you take a little break? | 你能稍微休息下吗 |
| [02:54] | God, no, woman! | 老天 不行 娘们儿 |
| [02:55] | There’s too much to do, | 有这么多事要做 |
| [02:56] | now that the starting gun on the Grand Prix has sounded, | 大奖赛的枪声已经响起 |
| [02:59] | the instant that I take my foot off the proverbial gas to celebrate, | 我将脚从那油门上松开跑去庆祝的一瞬间 |
| [03:03] | shall materialize five other writers in my side mirror | 就有5个作家在高速公路上等着 |
| [03:05] | just ready to pass me on the Autobahn | 从旁边超了我 |
| [03:07] | that is the publishing industry… | 出版业就是这么竞争残酷 |
| [03:09] | to clumsily mix European race car metaphors. | 虽然拿欧洲车赛来作比不是很恰当 |
| [03:12] | As a veteran writer girlfriend now, | 作为一名资深作家女友 |
| [03:14] | you know that the work is never-ending. | 你该明白这份工作永无止境 |
| [03:16] | But you spent the last few months drinking | 但过去几个月你都在喝酒 |
| [03:18] | and jerking it to the Lane Bryant shoe catalog. | 对着女鞋产品目录打飞机 |
| [03:20] | If I have to explain this one more time: | 我再解释一遍 |
| [03:23] | it’s all writing. | 那都是在创作 |
| [03:25] | Um, I’ll be quick. | 我速战速决 |
| [03:28] | – Listen, Jimmy… – No, I’m sorry. | -听着 吉米 -不 不好意思 |
| [03:31] | Look, this is gonna be a very long, arduous– | 听着 在我身边 这会是一场冗长艰巨的旅程 |
| [03:33] | yet certainly rewarding– journey for you, at my side, | 但你在我身边一定会收获颇丰 |
| [03:37] | so before the madness begins, | 所以 在一切的疯狂开始之前 |
| [03:39] | as a pre-ward, I want to take you on a restorative trip. | 我想先带你来一场治愈旅行 |
| [03:43] | Like a cruise? | 游轮航行吗 |
| [03:45] | Can we go on a cruise? | 我们能去享受游轮航行吗 |
| [03:47] | That’s my dream vacation! | 那简直是我的梦想假日 |
| [03:49] | My parents always thought it was tacky. | 我爹妈总觉得这样太没教养 |
| [03:51] | Okay. Well, if your idea of paradise | 好吧 如果你梦想中的天堂 |
| [03:54] | is succumbing to Norovirus on a floating red state, | 就是在漂浮着的人山上死于诺如病毒 |
| [03:57] | then sure! | 那就去吧 |
| [04:00] | There-there is a water slide and-and a musical revue | 有水滑梯和音乐剧 |
| [04:03] | and if the grown-ups are busy gambling, | 如果大人们忙着赌博 |
| [04:06] | you hang out with the other kids and just color! | 我们就跟其他孩子一起玩 到处画画 |
| [04:08] | Okay, I need to get back to my shoot. | 好吧 我得继续拍照片了 |
| [04:10] | I have a liquid brunch with my editor, | 我和我的编辑要去喝早午餐酒 |
| [04:11] | so we can plan marketing strategies. | 制定一下营销策略 |
| [04:13] | Sounds fun! | 听上去真好玩 |
| [04:15] | Gretchen. | 格雷琴 |
| [04:17] | Every mimosa is a chore. | 每滴酒都是一项任务 |
| [04:19] | Okay? Every sip is a brick in a literary wall | 懂吗 我每喝一口酒 都是在给文学之墙的 |
| [04:23] | – that I’m painting… – Got it. Yay! Cruise! | -一块砖上漆 -懂了 真棒 游轮 |
| [04:25] | Okay, back to work. Props. | 行了 继续工作吧 道具拿过来 |
| [04:40] | Ooh, you hungry? | 你饿吗 |
| [04:42] | I could eat. | 我还能吃 |
| [04:48] | – May I help you? – We’re with the network. | -有什么需要帮助吗 -我们是电视网的 |
| [04:52] | So, how’s your gimpy husband? | 你的伤残老公怎么样了 |
| [04:53] | Poor Paul. He’s off the couch, | 可怜的保罗 他下沙发了 |
| [04:56] | but his wound keeps getting reinfected somehow. | 但他的伤口貌似一直在感染 |
| [04:59] | I poked around there with my fingers, | 我用指头来回戳了 |
| [05:01] | and couldn’t find anything. | 没有发现什么 |
| [05:03] | I feel guilty because of how much he suffered. | 我为他的痛苦感到内疚 |
| [05:05] | And because you stabbed him on purpose. | 以及你故意捅了他 |
| [05:07] | I didn’t want to kill him, I just snapped. | 我没想杀他 我只是冲动了一下 |
| [05:11] | I knew it! | 我就知道 |
| [05:13] | Lindser! Oh, my God, | 琳子 我的天 |
| [05:15] | I thought I was scared of you | 你那次在提华纳冲警察大吼 |
| [05:17] | that time you yelled at that cop in Tijuana. | 就让我十分害怕了 |
| [05:18] | You should be scared. | 你理应害怕 |
| [05:20] | And it was so easy. | 而且真的超容易 |
| [05:23] | I was just like… | 我就好像… |
| [05:26] | Poking some cheese. | 戳奶酪一样 |
| [05:29] | Poking some cheese? | 戳奶酪 |
| [05:30] | It’s spooky. | 很诡异 |
| [05:32] | Afterwards, I kept telling myself I didn’t do it, | 过后 我一直告诉自己不是我干的 |
| [05:35] | until I actually believed it. | 直到我自己都信了 |
| [05:37] | Like how Oprah can eat bread now. | 就像欧普拉能吃面包了一样 |
| [05:39] | You don’t love Paul. | 你不爱保罗 |
| [05:40] | That was true for Old Lindsay. | 那对”旧琳赛”来说没错 |
| [05:44] | New Lindsay can put any thought in her brain. | “新琳赛”可以装载任何思想 |
| [05:48] | Like that upside down movie with Juno and the dreidel | 像那部天旋地转的电影 有”朱诺”还有陀螺 |
| [05:51] | and Tom Hardy with the tight pants. | 以及穿紧身裤的汤姆·哈迪 |
| [05:53] | If I can incept myself I didn’t stab Paul, | 假如我能植入”我没捅保罗”的思想 |
| [05:58] | maybe I can incept myself into loving him. | 没准我也能植入”我爱他”的思想 |
| [06:03] | How are things with the Jim-dogs? | 你和吉米那家伙怎么样了 |
| [06:05] | Oh, suck-balls. His pops croaked. | 一塌糊涂 他老爸翘辫子了 |
| [06:08] | – So what’s the probs? – I haven’t told him yet. | -所以问题在哪 -我还没告诉他 |
| [06:11] | And now my therapist is making me. | 现在我的心理医生强迫我告诉他 |
| [06:13] | You can’t tell him, Gretch! | 你不能告诉他 格雷琴 |
| [06:15] | The second those words come out of your mouth, | 你说出这些话的一瞬间 |
| [06:18] | you are no longer Jimmy’s fun sex hole. | 你就不再是吉米的有趣性伙伴了 |
| [06:20] | You’re the guys at the beginning of Saving Private Ryan | 你就变成了《拯救大兵瑞恩》开头那个 |
| [06:23] | who make the moms fall down. | 给士兵家属报丧的信使了 |
| [06:24] | You’re right! | 你说的太对了 |
| [06:26] | That titty-sucking bitch is trying to | 那吸奶的贱人这是想 |
| [06:27] | straight “Lemonade” My relationship. | 直接榨干我的感情 |
| [06:30] | – What do I do? – Get some other sucker to tell him. | -我该怎么办 -找个”替死鬼”告诉他 |
| [06:36] | Colby! Travis! | 科尔比 崔维斯 |
| [06:38] | You two know the policy on roughhousing. | 你们知道不许打闹的规定 |
| [06:40] | I don’t care if you are best friends. | 我不管你们是不是最好的朋友 |
| [06:44] | Ten more minutes and I’m coming in there! | 再闹十分钟我就进去了 |
| [06:48] | As I was saying, we’ve got a killer special. | 我刚刚说了 我们这里有吐血特惠 |
| [06:50] | $49 for three yoga sessions, or three Pilates sessions. | 49美元三次瑜伽课 或三次普拉提课 |
| [06:54] | We also have a cutting-edge new lineup | 我们还有最新潮系列的 |
| [06:56] | of the hottest new hybrid workouts. | 时下最火爆的混合健身 |
| [06:58] | Piloxing: Pilates and boxing, | “普拉击” 普拉提加搏击 |
| [07:00] | yogitsu: yoga and jujitsu, | “瑜柔术” 瑜伽加柔术 |
| [07:03] | Spowing: spinning and rowing, | “动感艇” 动感单车加划艇 |
| [07:06] | Zustified: that’s Zumba while you binge-watch Justified, | “火线桑巴” 就是边恶补《火线警探》边跳桑巴 |
| [07:09] | – it’s actually not really… Edgar, shut up. | -那个其实不是很… -埃德加 闭嘴 |
| [07:10] | We need to tell you a secret. | 我们要告诉你个秘密 |
| [07:11] | No, no, no, no, no. I-I don’t want any secrets. | 不要 不要 我不想听秘密 |
| [07:15] | You love secrets. | 你喜欢秘密 |
| [07:18] | Secrets are your favorite thing. | 秘密是你的最爱 |
| [07:19] | Oh, this is a really bad time. | 现在时机真的不适合 |
| [07:21] | Okay? I’ve been stuck with processing some events, | 好吗 我一直难以消化一些事情 |
| [07:23] | like the time we got pinned down outside of Tikrit, | 就像那次我们在提克里特外被围剿 |
| [07:26] | and we had to improvise body armor with tank shrapnel. | 我们必须临时用坦克弹片做防弹衣 |
| [07:28] | That’s not so bad. | 那还不算太糟 |
| [07:29] | Or like, the time I was so thirsty I shot a camel. | 或者那次我太渴了 就射杀了一只骆驼 |
| [07:31] | Because you thought there was water in the humps? | 因为你以为驼峰里有水 |
| [07:33] | Yeah. Turns out they don’t work like that. | 是的 结果并不是这么回事 |
| [07:36] | Anyway, seriously, | 总之 说真的 |
| [07:37] | I-I don’t have any room in my heads for any more dark… | 我脑袋里装不下更多黑暗的… |
| [07:40] | Jimmy’s dad died, and he doesn’t know. | 吉米的爸爸死了 他还不知道 |
| [07:42] | Jimmy’s dad what? | 吉米的爸爸怎么了 |
| [07:45] | Oh, God. | 天啊 |
| [07:47] | Poor Ronny, poor Jimmy, poor camel. | 可怜的罗尼 可怜的吉米 可怜的骆驼 |
| [07:50] | Poor Bing Bong. | 可怜的”冰棒” |
| [07:52] | Everything’s bad, you guys. | 一切都很糟糕 二位 |
| [07:53] | Everything’s really, really bad. | 真的很糟糕 大事不妙 |
| [07:55] | So you’ll tell him, yeah? Thanks. | 所以你会告诉他的吧 谢了 |
| [07:56] | No, no, no way! I… | 不 不可能 我… |
| [07:59] | I told enough people that someone that they love died. | 我已经告诉太多人他们最爱的人都死了 |
| [08:01] | I have an idea. When my parents got divorced, | 我有主意了 我父母离婚的时候 |
| [08:05] | they told us at Benihana’s | 是在日式铁板烧告诉我们的 |
| [08:06] | so we wouldn’t cause a scene. | 那样就不会闹得太难堪 |
| [08:08] | The chef put a shrimp in his hat. | 那个厨师在帽子里放了只虾呢 |
| [08:10] | – How’d that work? – He just put a shrimp in his hat. | -怎么办到的 -他就把虾放帽子里了 |
| [08:12] | No, I mean, telling you in public. | 不 我是说 在公众场合说出来 |
| [08:15] | It totally made us not freak out as much. | 那确实没让我们太崩溃 |
| [08:18] | Except later, I drank my mom’s mai tai and climbed on the table | 除了之后 我喝了我妈的迈泰酒然后爬到桌上 |
| [08:21] | ’cause I forgot it was a grill. | 我忘了那是烧烤板了 |
| [08:22] | That’s why I don’t have footprints. | 所以我没有脚掌纹 |
| [08:25] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [08:26] | So, maybe I invite a bunch of people over, | 也许我可以邀请一大堆人来 |
| [08:29] | and then everyone tells him together. | 然后大家一起告诉他 |
| [08:31] | And then he associates the sadness with you jerks, | 然后他会认为悲伤是你们带给他的 |
| [08:34] | and not with me. | 而不是我 |
| [08:34] | That suddenly sounds bad for us. | 那似乎是让我们去做恶人 |
| [08:36] | I got to go, you guys. I’m late teaching Treadsparent. | 我得走了 伙计们 要来不及教”跑步家庭”了 |
| [08:41] | It’s running on a treadmill while you watch… | 也就是边练跑步机边看… |
| [08:43] | We get it. | 我们懂 |
| [08:59] | These hand-crutches were all Lindsay could find at the medical supply. | 琳赛在医疗用品店只能找到这副手拐了 |
| [09:03] | I don’t like that place. | 我不喜欢那地方 |
| [09:04] | So many weird toilets. | 有好多奇怪的马桶 |
| [09:07] | I love sneaking an extra dessert, don’t you? | 我喜欢偷偷多吃一份甜食 你呢 |
| [09:10] | One’s for me, one’s for my baby. | 一份给我 一份给我的宝宝 |
| [09:11] | I’m not giving my dessert to your baby. | 我才不要把我的甜点让给你的宝宝 |
| [09:15] | Oh, right, you meant my baby. | 对了 你是指我的宝宝 |
| [09:17] | That’s right, I’m still pregnant. | 没错 我还怀着宝宝呢 |
| [09:18] | Check it out. | 看看这个 |
| [09:19] | Looks like a normal vest with a ton of pockets, right? | 看起来只是件口袋很多的普通背心对不对 |
| [09:23] | Wrong. | 错了 |
| [09:24] | Harmonica vest. | 其实是口琴背心 |
| [09:26] | Ever since I Venmo’d a year’s salary to some chick in the Ukraine, | 自从我把一年薪水都转账给了一个乌克兰妞 |
| [09:29] | I can only have hobbies that cost less than $25. | 我花在个人爱好上的钱不能超过25块 |
| [09:35] | Hell yeah! | 赞爆了 |
| [09:38] | Hey, everybody. | 大家好啊 |
| [09:39] | Uh, thank you so much for coming to | 非常感谢你们来参加 |
| [09:41] | Jimmy’s surprise/congratulations-you-sold-the-book party. | 吉米的惊喜即”恭喜你书卖出去了”派对 |
| [09:44] | Um, small change of plans, though. | 不过计划略有变动 |
| [09:48] | Jimmy’s dad passed away. | 吉米的父亲过世了 |
| [09:51] | What a major tradge, | 实在太悲剧了 |
| [09:53] | but happens every day on my operating table. | 但每天都会发生在我的手术台上 |
| [09:56] | Someone dies every day on your operating table? | 每天都有人死在你的手术台上吗 |
| [09:58] | Not literally every day, dummy. | 不是实指的每天 笨笨 |
| [10:00] | On average. | 是平均值 |
| [10:01] | Our condolences, Gretchen. | 节哀顺变 格雷琴 |
| [10:03] | We should let you two grieve in private. | 你们两个正在悲痛中 我们不该继续打扰 |
| [10:05] | Oh, no, no, no, no! Stay. | 不不不 留下来 |
| [10:07] | Um, in fact — | 其实 |
| [10:08] | Wait, crazy idea. | 等等 我有个疯狂的想法 |
| [10:11] | Um, why don’t we tell him together? | 我们为什么不一起告诉他呢 |
| [10:13] | He doesn’t know? | 他还不知道吗 |
| [10:15] | Well, it happened in England. | 他爸死在英格兰 |
| [10:16] | And there’s a time difference, so — | 和我们这边有时差 所以 |
| [10:18] | Yeah, uh, so, when he comes home, | 好了 等他到家了 |
| [10:21] | I’ll give the signal, you guys drop the bomb, | 我一发信号 你们就宣布噩耗 |
| [10:23] | and boom — it’s your fault. | 那样就是你们大家的错了 |
| [10:25] | Thanks so much for doing this. | 非常感谢大家参与 |
| [10:26] | Eat cheese, have fun. | 吃点奶酪 玩开心点 |
| [10:32] | Can you imagine? | 你能想象吗 |
| [10:34] | He was almost my father-in-law. | 他差点就成我公公了 |
| [10:36] | Of course, I’m much closer to the whole thing | 当然了 我对这件事的感触比你们深多了 |
| [10:37] | now that I’m going to have a daughter. | 因为我就快生下一个女儿了 |
| [10:41] | That’s right. | 没错 |
| [10:43] | We’re having a girl. | 我们的宝宝是个女孩 |
| [10:46] | Isn’t that amazing? | 是不是很棒 |
| [10:47] | Can’t you just die how cute we’re gonna be together? | 将来我们母女相依 简直萌死人 对吧 |
| [10:50] | Of course, it’s such a shame that our gender-reveal party | 当然 我们宣布宝宝性别的派对 |
| [10:53] | was spoiled when those North Korean hackers stole Vernon’s identity. | 被那些盗用弗南身份的朝鲜黑客给毁了 是很可惜 |
| [10:57] | Becca, we all know Vernon was a money-slave. | 贝卡 我们都知道弗南是个钱奴 |
| [11:00] | What? No, no, no. | 什么 不是的 |
| [11:02] | No, that was just a story he told, | 不是的 那个故事是他编的 |
| [11:04] | because he was embarrassed. | 因为他觉得很丢人 |
| [11:06] | Bad passwords. | 密码设得太简单了 |
| [11:07] | Poor Jimmy. | 可怜的吉米 |
| [11:09] | I lost my dad, too. | 我也失去了我父亲 |
| [11:10] | – Your dad died? – No. | -你爸也死了吗 -不是 |
| [11:11] | I just lost him. | 我只是把他弄丢了 |
| [11:13] | Last week, we were at the Beverly Center | 上周 我们在比佛利购物中心 |
| [11:15] | and he told me to go look at puppies while he went to Sunglass Hut. | 他去买墨镜的时候 叫我去看小狗 |
| [11:19] | I think we both knew what was about to happen. | 我想我们都预见到了结局 |
| [11:21] | Oh, no. | 不是吧 |
| [11:22] | So, I’ve been living alone, sleeping in his bed. | 所以我自那以后都是独居 睡在他床上 |
| [11:26] | I’m not ready to be an adult. | 我还没准备好做一个成年人 |
| [11:27] | Contemplate the sundry ways a society handles its elderly and infirm. | 思考一下 不同社会对待老弱病残的不同方式 |
| [11:32] | For instance, the noble Eskimo | 比如 崇高的爱斯基摩人老后 |
| [11:34] | sets himself adrift on an iceberg. | 会让自己在冰山上漂流远去 |
| [11:38] | He’s so smart. | 他真聪明 |
| [11:39] | You love this smart, smart man. | 你爱这个无比聪明的男人 |
| [11:43] | You love his jiggly body and square face. | 你爱他胖得肥油乱晃的身体和方脸 |
| [11:47] | You really do. | 你是真的爱他 |
| [11:49] | He’s here! | 他到了 |
| [11:50] | Get ready. | 都准备好 |
| [11:55] | Gretchen, that brunch was a nightmare. | 格雷琴 那顿早午餐是场噩梦 |
| [11:59] | The publisher just kept telling me, | 出版商只是不停对我说 |
| [12:00] | “When I write the book…” | “当我写书的时候…” |
| [12:01] | Plus the “Bottomless” in “Bottomless mimosas” | 另外 如果服务生消失十分钟不见人 |
| [12:04] | means nothing if the waitress disappears | 那”无限续杯含羞草酒”的”无限续杯” |
| [12:07] | for ten minutes at a time. | 根本毫无意义 |
| [12:08] | Jimmy, look who’s here. | 吉米 看看谁来了 |
| [12:11] | You invited people over. | 你请了客人来 |
| [12:13] | Is it Oscar night? | 今天是奥斯卡之夜吗 |
| [12:14] | Well, keep it down. | 你们声音别太大 |
| [12:14] | I, of course, must handcuff myself to my laptop | 当然了 我得把自己铐在笔记本电脑上 |
| [12:17] | until my book is written. | 直到我把书写完 |
| [12:18] | Good-bye, all. See you in the spring. | 各位再见 春天再见 |
| [12:20] | Wait, Jimmy, uh… | 等等 吉米 |
| [12:21] | Just stay a moment. | 稍等一下 |
| [12:23] | Um, everyone’s here for you. | 大家都是为你而来的 |
| [12:26] | You’re here to celebrate my book sale. | 你们是来庆祝我的书卖出去了 |
| [12:29] | Well, it would be positively unsporting of me | 如果不让你们沉浸在我的成功中享乐一下 |
| [12:31] | to deny you the pleasure of basking in my success, | 那我真是太没有道德和风度了 |
| [12:34] | even though nothing good happened to you. | 尽管你们自己毫无作为 |
| [12:36] | I never understood that impulse, really. | 我从来都不能理解那种冲动 |
| [12:39] | Though we do tend to gather around a fire. | 不过人会向耀眼的火光聚集也是天性 |
| [12:43] | No, Jimmy, you don’t understand, um — | 不 吉米 你误会了 |
| [12:45] | – Hey, everybody, could we, um –? – And, Gretchen, | -大家 我们能不能… -格雷琴 |
| [12:47] | my partner in crime, | 我的犯罪搭档 |
| [12:48] | the diminutive, mole-lipped | 娇小的 嘴唇上长痣的妹子 |
| [12:50] | Lillian Hellman to my | 若我是达希尔·哈米特 |
| [12:52] | Dashiell Hammett. | 你就是莉莉安·海尔曼 |
| [12:53] | You have been so supportive. | 你一直以来是如此支持我 |
| [12:55] | No problem. Uh, the people would like to tell you something. | 没问题 大家有话想对你说 |
| [12:58] | So, I was gonna surprise you. | 我本想给你个惊喜 |
| [13:00] | But I did some research. | 但我做了些调查 |
| [13:02] | And I think I found the perfect cruise for you. | 我想我找到了最适合你的巡游项目 |
| [13:04] | It’s called “The Famous Pets of Instagram Cruise.” | 名字叫做”Ins网红宠物巡游” |
| [13:11] | What?! | 什么 |
| [13:13] | Sombrero Iguana? | 宽边帽鬣蜥 |
| [13:16] | Bus Stop Goat! | 车站羊 |
| [13:19] | Cookie Pig! | 饼干猪 |
| [13:21] | They’re all gonna be there for me? | 我都能亲眼见到吗 |
| [13:25] | When are we delivering the package, you know? | 我们什么时候甩包袱 |
| [13:27] | – The top secret intel? – Shut up. | -那个绝密信息 -闭嘴 |
| [13:29] | After he buys the tickets. | 等他买完票再说 |
| [13:32] | This is the greatest day of my life! | 这是我这辈子最美好的一天 |
| [13:35] | I am gonna meet Grumpy Cat! | 我要面见不爽猫啦 |
| [13:37] | I sold my book! | 我的书卖出去了 |
| [13:39] | We’re gonna live forever! | 我们会永远在一起 |
| [14:16] | Lindsay, I got champagne in my wound. | 琳赛 香槟洒到我的伤口上了 |
| [14:20] | The bubbles, they sting! | 那些泡泡 好刺痛 |
| [14:22] | You have to flush it for me. | 你快帮我冲掉 |
| [14:25] | Okay, Bear, let’s go to the sink. | 好吧宝贝 我们去水池那儿 |
| [14:27] | It hurts so bad! | 好痛啊 |
| [14:28] | Does it smell funny? | 有没有怪味 |
| [14:29] | If it smells like eggs, | 要是闻起来像臭鸡蛋 |
| [14:30] | you have to take me back to urgent care! | 你还得再送我去急诊室 |
| [14:32] | You love him. You love him. | 你爱他 你爱他 |
| [14:34] | Want to get stupid? | 想傻玩一下吗 |
| [14:36] | How can you party like this when you know someone died? | 知道有人去世了 你怎么还能玩得这么开心 |
| [14:40] | I work at a hospital, dude. | 我在医院工作 老兄 |
| [14:41] | Just ’cause a busload of dead kids rolled up, | 只是死了一车孩子 |
| [14:44] | doesn’t make it not Margarita Monday. | 并不意味着就不能享受”玛格丽特周一”了 |
| [15:43] | Congratulations, Jimmy. | 恭喜哦 吉米 |
| [15:46] | It is really great to see you so happy. | 见到你这么高兴 我真开心 |
| [15:54] | You have always been a success in my book. | 你在我眼里一直都很成功 |
| [16:02] | Okay. | 好了 |
| [16:04] | I picked out an ocean suite | 我选了间海景房 |
| [16:06] | with a porthole so we can smoke | 带舷窗的 这样我们就能抽烟了 |
| [16:08] | and I added a meet and greet with Sarcastic Llama. | 还加了场”嘲讽驼”的见面会 |
| [16:11] | They take Apple Pay. | 他们支持苹果支付 |
| [16:12] | You just have to put your thumb on the thing. | 你只需要按下大拇指就行了 |
| [16:18] | They don’t want me to succeed. | 他们不希望我成功 |
| [16:20] | Oh, no, Jimmy, before you turn, | 别啊 吉米 在你翻脸之前 |
| [16:22] | can you just put your thumb on the thing?! | 能不能先按下大拇指啊 |
| [16:24] | – Look at them. – No! | -瞧他们这幅样子 -别啊 |
| [16:25] | Sirens singing, “Come play with us.” | 高唱着 “来和我们一起玩吧” |
| [16:28] | But really they just want me to pilot my literary schooner | 但他们真实的想法却是盼望我文学的风帆 |
| [16:32] | into the rocks of do-nothingness. | 撞上一事无成的岩石 |
| [16:34] | I invited them! | 是我请他们来的 |
| [16:35] | Exactly! | 没错 |
| [16:36] | If you all didn’t want me to fail, | 如果你们不希望我失败的话 |
| [16:39] | then you would’ve listened when I said I have to write! | 那就该听到我刚才说了我得去写作 |
| [16:43] | They’re desperately afraid that I will shine so brightly, | 他们怕得要命 生怕我会大放异彩 |
| [16:46] | it will illuminate how dim their lives are by comparison. | 这样一比较 就显出他们的人生是如此暗淡 |
| [16:49] | Congratulations, Jimmy. | 祝贺你 吉米 |
| [16:51] | Unaccepted. This is attempted criminal derailment. | 不接受 这简直是试图进行的犯罪脱轨行为 |
| [16:54] | I don’t know what you’re saying, but it sounds jerky. | 我听不懂你在说什么 但听起来很混蛋 |
| [16:57] | Yeah, and I’ll be sure to return the favor and sabotage | 没错 作为报复 我会搞砸 |
| [16:59] | your eventual attempt to do something useful with your life | 你为了实现人生意义的最后一搏 |
| [17:02] | like finish your GED | 比如完成高中文凭考试 |
| [17:04] | or dance in your adult tap recital. | 或是跳你那成人踢踏舞 |
| [17:06] | It’s Afro-funk fusion. | 那是非洲放克融合爵士乐 |
| [17:08] | Listen here, buster. | 你给我听好了 混蛋 |
| [17:10] | Lindsay is my bride, | 琳赛是我的新娘 |
| [17:11] | she’s pregnant with my offspring, | 她正孕育着我的后代 |
| [17:13] | and she deserves respect! | 她理应受到尊重 |
| [17:16] | You love him. | 你爱他 |
| [17:18] | It worked. | 真的有用呢 |
| [17:20] | Apologize. | 道歉 |
| [17:21] | I will do you one better. | 我给你来个更带劲的 |
| [17:23] | I’m gonna go downstairs and get my heckle file. | 我这会儿下楼去拿黑话本 |
| [17:25] | And after I put you all in your place, | 让你们都看清楚自己有几斤几两 |
| [17:27] | once and for all, | 彻底了断 |
| [17:29] | I’ll be free to get to work, | 然后我就能去工作了 |
| [17:30] | sans distractions. | 全无干扰 |
| [17:33] | – Yes. – Okay, everybody. | -好棒 -好了 各位 |
| [17:35] | Clock is ticking. Let’s rip off the Band-Aid. | 时间已经不多了 撕下创可贴吧 |
| [17:38] | We’re going home. Vernon? | 我们得回家了 弗南 |
| [17:40] | But I want to get heckled. | 可我想听黑话啊 |
| [17:42] | Fine, you can Uber home. | 行吧 你可以叫优步回家 |
| [17:44] | But only the cheap carpool one. | 但只许叫廉价拼车 |
| [17:46] | I can’t wait to see him cry. | 我已经迫不及待要看他哭了 |
| [17:48] | Oh, no, me Da. | 哦不 我爸 |
| [17:50] | Go tell him, Gretchen! | 快去告诉他 格雷琴 |
| [17:51] | No, Edgar’s gonna do it. | 不 由埃德加去告诉他 |
| [17:52] | Remember? | 还记得吗 |
| [17:53] | I-I can’t. | 我不行 |
| [17:54] | Just do it! | 快去啊 |
| [17:55] | I’m dealing with some major shit. | 我正在面对内心的巨大痛苦 |
| [17:59] | Delivering tragic news is a kind of service. | 传达噩耗是一种奉献 |
| [18:02] | To sacrifice your own comfort | 牺牲你自己的舒适 |
| [18:05] | so they can have the gift of truth? | 让他人获得真相的馈赠 |
| [18:07] | That is true nobility. | 那是种真正的崇高 |
| [18:09] | Like when I was born dead, | 就好比我出生时没有生命迹象 |
| [18:11] | I vividly remember the pain in the doctor’s voice | 我清晰地记得医生话音里的痛苦 |
| [18:14] | when he told my parents, | 他这么告诉我父母 |
| [18:15] | “I have good news and I have bad news. | “我有个好消息和坏消息要告诉你们 |
| [18:17] | “The good news– | 好消息是 |
| [18:18] | “It’s a boy and he’s hella hung. | 是个男孩 他有个巨大的鸡鸡 |
| [18:20] | Bad news– dude’s dead.” | 坏消息是 他是死婴” |
| [18:25] | You’re right. | 你说得对 |
| [18:26] | Jimmy deserves to know the truth. | 吉米应该知道真相 |
| [18:28] | Thank you. You’re a hero. | 谢谢 你是个英雄 |
| [18:29] | Now, get down there. | 赶紧去吧 |
| [18:30] | Ooh, and remind him about the cruise afterwards. | 记得说完之后跟他提一下巡游的事 |
| [18:34] | Oh, no, wait. | 不 等等 |
| [18:35] | Maybe it’s too early. | 或许马上就说太快了 |
| [18:37] | Yeah, hold it. | 没错 先别说 |
| [18:39] | Go! | 去吧 |
| [18:42] | 分类： 轮滑鞋玩家 害羞的人 标清电视 | |
| [18:51] | More like dim… | 更像是黯淡的… |
| [18:54] | Hey, Jimmy. | 嘿 吉米 |
| [18:55] | I’m afraid some of these heckles are a bit out of date. | 恐怕有些黑话太过时了 |
| [18:57] | “Paul, nice It’s Pat cosplay. | “保罗 你模仿<肥仔>挺像的嘛”[电影] |
| [19:01] | “Edgar, I liked you better when you writing | “埃德加 我更喜欢你编剧 |
| [19:03] | “and starring in the hit musical In the Heights. | 并主演热门音乐剧《身在高地》里的样子” |
| [19:06] | “Becca, “Heaven must be missing an angel, | “贝卡 天堂里一定少了一只天使 |
| [19:08] | “Because an angel saw your stupid face and blew its brains out.” | 因为有个天使看到你的傻逼脸 爆头而亡” |
| [19:13] | That one’s evergreen. | 那一条永不过时 |
| [19:14] | Uh, so you know how, uh, people come into your lives | 你明白 有些人进入到你的生命中 |
| [19:18] | and, and they touch you? | 然后触动你[触摸] |
| [19:22] | Is this about you being molested? | 你是在说你被性侵了吗 |
| [19:25] | Every neighborhood had a handsy fishmonger. | 每片住宅区都有个喜欢动手动脚的鱼贩 |
| [19:28] | No, Jimmy, | 不 吉米 |
| [19:30] | It’s about your father. | 事关你父亲 |
| [19:31] | Has Gretchen been infecting you with her therapy? | 格雷琴接受心理治疗难道也传染给你了吗 |
| [19:34] | See, unlike Gretchen, my father is a non-entity in my life. | 和格雷琴不同的是 我父亲并不存在于我的生命中 |
| [19:38] | If this is about anything, | 如果非要说是因为什么 |
| [19:40] | it’s about my need to disprove the notion | 那就是我对”本质上我就是坨屎” |
| [19:43] | that at the core I’m just shit, | 这种观念进行反驳的需求 |
| [19:45] | which all started when I was a kid and– | 一切都始于我的童年时期… |
| [19:49] | Oh, my God. | 天啊 |
| [19:51] | This is about my father. | 的确是因为我父亲 |
| [19:53] | – Yeah, okay, see– – No wonder I can’t take | -没错 是这样的 -难怪我没办法 |
| [19:55] | a moment to enjoy my triumph. | 稍微停下来 享受我的胜利 |
| [19:57] | – I-I wouldn’t– – He’s my true enemy! | -我觉得不… -他才是我真正的敌人 |
| [19:59] | Instead of heckling my friends, | 我不该用黑话攻击我的朋友们 |
| [20:01] | I am gonna call that old twat | 而该打电话给那个老混蛋 |
| [20:03] | – and tear him to pieces. – Uh, no, no, J-Jimmy! | -用撕逼大法把他撕成碎片 -不 吉米 |
| [20:05] | – Thanks, Edgar. – Do not do that. | -谢谢 埃德加 -别那么做 |
| [20:06] | This is the first good idea you’ve ever had. | 这是你有史以来想出过的第一个好主意 |
| [20:08] | Oh, no, Bing Bong! | 不 冰棒 |
| [20:09] | Bing Bong! | 冰棒 |
| [20:12] | Dad… | 爸爸 |
| [20:13] | Oh, no. Oh, this is bad. | 不好 大事不妙 |
| [20:15] | This is bad. | 大事不妙 |
| [20:16] | Is he crying? | 他哭了吗 |
| [20:18] | It’s really snotty and moany, isn’t it? | 他在哽咽抽泣 鼻涕糊一脸 对吧 |
| [20:21] | Bye! | 再见 |
| [20:21] | – I’m gonna move to Arizona and sell turquoise jewelry. – No! | -我要搬去亚利桑那州 卖绿松石珠宝 -不要 |
| [20:23] | He’s gonna call his dad! | 他要打电话给他爸 |
| [20:25] | Wait, wait! You didn’t tell him?! | 等等 你没告诉他吗 |
| [20:26] | Not at all. | 完全没说 |
| [20:27] | Holy crap! | 完蛋了 |
| [20:29] | We have to stop him. | 我们必须阻止他 |
| [20:30] | Or maybe we don’t. | 或许不用 |
| [20:32] | Think it through. | 仔细想想 |
| [20:33] | One of the trash-bag sisters picks up. | 他的某个垃圾姐妹接了电话 |
| [20:35] | Confusion, confusion. | 一阵困惑之后 |
| [20:36] | Oy, ya daft fart. | 你个死混球 |
| [20:37] | We sent the obit. Da’s dead. | 我们给你寄了讣告 爸爸死了 |
| [20:39] | And boom! A couple of weeks from now, | 然后 突然跳到几周之后 |
| [20:41] | I have a tan line shaped like Grumpy Cat, | 我身上会形成一道不爽猫形状的美黑线 |
| [20:43] | because she’s been sitting on my lap on the cruise deck… | 因为在巡游船的甲板上 它一直坐在我的大腿上 |
| [20:46] | Gretchen, you don’t get to be in charge anymore! | 格雷琴 现在轮不到你来发号施令了 |
| [20:49] | What? You can’t do that. | 什么 你不能这么做 |
| [20:50] | My man takes charge. | 一切都听我家男人指挥 |
| [20:52] | Everyone who’s not currently on hobble sticks, | 现在所有没拄着拐杖的人 |
| [20:55] | go down there and stop him from calling his dead father! | 都赶紧给我滚下去 阻止他打电话给他的亡父 |
| [20:59] | A ghost picks up the phone, I’m gonna shit my pants. | 如果接电话的是个鬼 那我一定吓得拉屎在裤裆里 |
| [21:09] | Oh, God. | 天啊 |
| [21:10] | We’re too late. | 我们太迟了 |
| [21:11] | Shh, what’s he saying? | 嘘 他在说些什么 |
| [21:12] | Hey, Ronny, it’s your son. | 嘿 罗尼 我是你儿子 |
| [21:15] | You’re probably at the pub passed out in your stool | 你现在可能在酒吧里 坐在高脚凳上昏睡了过去 |
| [21:17] | over a half-eaten scotch egg in lard sauce, | 嘴里蘸着猪油酱的苏格兰蛋才吃了一半 |
| [21:21] | but I just wanted to let you know… | 但我希望你知道… |
| [21:28] | I sold a book, Daddy. | 我的书卖出去了 爸 |
| [21:36] | Good luck. | 祝你好运 |
| [21:50] | Thanks for sticking up for me earlier. | 谢谢你之前挺我 |
| [21:52] | Of course. | 当然了 |
| [21:54] | That’s my job. | 那是我的使命 |
| [21:57] | I love you. | 我爱你 |
| [22:04] | I think my wound is weeping again. | 我的伤口好像又裂开了 |
| [22:13] | Hey, dude? | 嘿 老兄 |
| [22:14] | Can I give you my profesh medical opinion? | 我能给你一些专业的医学意见吗 |
| [22:18] | Yeah. | 好啊 |
| [22:19] | You need some help. | 你需要帮助 |
| [22:22] | I know. | 我知道 |
| [22:57] | Just got off the phone with my father. | 我刚跟我爸通完电话 |
| [22:59] | Sure gave it to old Ronny. | 把罗尼好好抨击了一番 |
| [23:01] | First, I jabbed him about his illiteracy | 首先 我狂批他是个大文盲 |
| [23:03] | and then his pulmonary oxygen absorption rate. | 然后又损了一下他的肺部氧吸收速率 |
| [23:06] | Jimmy, your dad died. | 吉米 你爸死了 |
| [23:07] | Yeah, when I heckled him so hard. | 是啊 我把他黑那么狠 他气死了 |
| [23:09] | This came in the mail. I’m so sorry! | 这是之前寄过来的 我很遗憾 |
| [23:38] | I’m just gonna… | 我那个… |