| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:18] | I don’t get it. | 我不明白 |
| [00:18] | What’s international night? | 国际之夜是什么 |
| [00:20] | It’s this thing we do with Olivia to broaden her palette. | 是我们为了让奥利维亚拓展知识做的游戏 |
| [00:23] | You and she each pick a country, | 你和她各选一个国家 |
| [00:24] | you do a little presentation on it, | 然后做个国家简介 |
| [00:26] | I pick the winner, and we order food from there. | 我选出赢家 然后我们就点那个国家的美食 |
| [00:29] | Homework? | 那不是家庭作业吗 |
| [00:30] | Oh, my God. Just pick France, wear a beret, | 天啊 你就选法国 戴个贝雷帽 |
| [00:33] | say a fact, and you’re done. | 讲点趣事 就完了 |
| [00:35] | Okay. I’ll do your stupid report. | 好吧 我会做这傻兮兮的报告 |
| [00:38] | And afterwards, I’m gonna suck all the skin off your dick, | 那之后 我要舔掉你鸡巴一层皮 |
| [00:40] | like I’m a… | 就像是个… |
| [00:42] | Speaker phone! Child in the kitchen! | 开着免提 孩子也在厨房 |
| [00:45] | Hi, guys. | 你们好啊 |
| [00:48] | Not that we don’t value | 我们不是不珍惜 |
| [00:50] | listening to you describe fellatio so graphically | 听你如此生动地描绘口交的机会 |
| [00:53] | that I just got vomit saliva, | 以至于我口水都要流出来了 |
| [00:56] | but what are we doing here? | 但我们到底来做什么的 |
| [00:57] | You guys said you wanted to diversify your audience, right? | 你们说过想让观众更多样化一点 对吧 |
| [01:00] | Trying to get that “Shower with the LED mood-lighting” money. | 我们想赚钱买”LED情调灯” |
| [01:03] | Which is why I want to introduce you to a client of mine | 所以我想给你们介绍我的一位客户 |
| [01:06] | who’s looking to collaborate. | 他期望能合作 |
| [01:09] | His name is Ben Folds. | 他叫本·弗茨 |
| [01:12] | Ben Folds? | 本·弗茨 |
| [01:13] | You mean that Billy Joel, Harry Potter-looking dude? | 那个长得像比利·乔和哈利·波特的结合体吗 |
| [01:15] | Yes. He is huge with college educated, affluent white people. | 没错 他很受上过大学的富裕白人欢迎 |
| [01:20] | If you guys did a song together, it would be massive. | 如果你们一起做首歌 肯定能大火 |
| [01:22] | I don’t want to just throw out the phrase, | 我不想随便甩出这句话 |
| [01:24] | “Plays over the Grey’s Anatomy credits,” | “被《实习医生格蕾》选作片尾曲” |
| [01:27] | but, yeah, that. | 不过事实如此 |
| [01:28] | Hell yeah. Yeah, yeah. We’re in. | 好好好 我们同意 |
| [01:30] | You guys are gonna love him, | 你们肯定会喜欢他的 |
| [01:31] | and I will be there to make sure everything goes smoothly. | 我也会在场 确保一切进展顺利 |
| [01:35] | Ben! | 本 |
| [01:38] | This is Sam and Shitstain. | 这是山姆和施斯坦 |
| [01:39] | Guys, this is Ben. | 二位 这是本 |
| [01:41] | – Hey, guys. – Hey. | -你们好 -你好 |
| [01:42] | Really good to meet you. | 很高兴认识你们 |
| [01:44] | This is a really nice place. | 这地儿真不错 |
| [01:46] | You think they serve alcohol? | 你觉得他们供应酒水吗 |
| [01:48] | Uh, yeah. I-I think so. | 我觉得 应该供应吧 |
| [01:51] | – Hey, could we get some alcohol? – Sure. | -你好 可以点酒吗 -当然 |
| [01:55] | I’ll just have whatever your whiskey drink is. | 有什么威士忌饮品就给我来什么 |
| [01:57] | Ooh, that sounds amazing. | 听起来太棒了 |
| [01:59] | Yeah, I’ll have one, too. | 我也来一样的 |
| [02:01] | Damn, you must be thirsty as shit. | 操 你肯定渴爆了 |
| [02:03] | It’s just that back in North Carolina, | 只是在我老家北卡罗来纳州 |
| [02:05] | there are all these regulations on hours and distributors, | 对于喝酒的时间和酒水经销商都有严格的限制 |
| [02:08] | and we definitely don’t have your crazy mixed drinks | 而且绝对没有你们这里那些 |
| [02:11] | like you have out here. | 酷炫的混合酒 |
| [02:12] | I mean, basil in gin? | 在琴酒里放罗勒 |
| [02:14] | Your taste buds are like, “What the heck?” | 让人味蕾狂吼”我的老天啊” |
| [02:18] | Anyway, Ben, | 好了 本 |
| [02:18] | these guys are really excited about the idea of collaborating. | 他们两个非常期待和你合作 |
| [02:22] | Oh, look. | 听着 |
| [02:23] | I’ve been a huge fan since “Pussy On Swole.” | 我听了《被操肿的逼》后就一直超爱你们 |
| [02:25] | I mess around with it in sound check all the time. | 我试音时总是用这首歌 |
| [02:31] | ♪Girl got pussy on swole, uh♪ | ♪那姑娘逼被操肿了♪ |
| [02:33] | ♪She makin’ me crabby♪ | ♪她让我暴躁♪ |
| [02:35] | ♪Uh, I want her heart♪ | ♪我想要她的心♪ |
| [02:37] | ♪And I want her soul♪ | ♪也想要她的灵魂♪ |
| [02:39] | ♪And them titties♪ | ♪她的那对奶子♪ |
| [02:40] | ♪Them titties ain’t shabby.♪ | ♪那对奶子可真不差♪ |
| [02:46] | Damn, dude. That’s tight. | 操 哥们 唱得太好了 |
| [02:47] | Yeah, I like that shit. Okay, okay. | 没错 我喜欢这个版本的 很不错嘛 |
| [02:50] | Why don’t we link up at the studio tomorrow night, | 不如我们明晚在录音棚见 |
| [02:51] | and lay something down? | 做出点作品来 |
| [02:52] | Let’s do it. | 就这么干 |
| [02:54] | Whoa, look at all that alcohol. | 瞧瞧 好多酒啊 |
| [03:28] | Oh, I guess you’re having one, too. | 你也要喝一杯啊 |
| [03:31] | So, what’s the big news? | 有什么大消息 |
| [03:32] | Jimmy, The Width of a Peach | 吉米 《桃色世家》 |
| [03:35] | is number 13 on The New York Times | 登上了《纽约时报》 |
| [03:40] | Best Seller list for Mass-Market, paperback Fiction. | 大众市场平装版小说排行版第13位 |
| [03:44] | What?! | 什么 |
| [03:46] | This is amazing! | 太棒了 |
| [03:48] | I have to admit, I tried to act like | 我必须承认 我之前尽力表现得像 |
| [03:50] | making the Amazon list wasn’t a massive disappointment, | 登上亚马逊排行榜不算很失望 |
| [03:53] | but let’s face it, it’s like winning a Daytime Emmy. | 不过面对现实吧 那就像赢得日间艾美奖 |
| [03:56] | You’re burnt, Ellen. | 你逊毙了 艾伦 |
| [03:57] | So, we have to ride the momentum. There’s Harry, | 我们得借势而上 有小哈利·康尼克的 |
| [04:00] | with Harry Connick Jr., very big with women. | 《哈利脱口秀》 女人超爱看 |
| [04:03] | Watch What Happens Live, women and gays. | 《等着瞧吧》直播节目 女人和基佬都爱 |
| [04:05] | The People’s Choice Awards, | 人民选择奖 |
| [04:07] | women, gays, teens, plus general dummies. | 女人 基佬 青少年 还有一众傻瓜 |
| [04:10] | I can read you the loser suggestions. | 我也可以念出一些不入流的节目 |
| [04:13] | Uh, let’s see. Tomorrow night is Tip of My Tongue, | 我瞧瞧 明晚有《话到嘴边》 |
| [04:15] | an NPR game show for dweebs, | 斯帝博·科里尼主持的一档白痴听的 |
| [04:17] | hosted by Steeb Corniglia. | 国家公共电台游戏竞赛节目 |
| [04:19] | Steeb Corniglia loves me. | 斯帝博·科里尼超爱我 |
| [04:21] | Impressing him would be the ideal way | 给他留下好印象将会是 |
| [04:24] | to show that I can write a hot wanker | 展示我既能写火辣肉文 |
| [04:27] | and still have the respect of a noted literary critic. | 又能获知名文学评论家敬意的理想方法 |
| [04:30] | Book me on that show. | 给我约那个节目 |
| [04:39] | I didn’t exactly know what you meant by | 我不是很明白你说的 |
| [04:40] | “Grab work clothes from France.” | “从公司拿些法国衣服回家”是什么意思 |
| [04:42] | Are you fake going to Paris again? | 你又要假装去巴黎了吗 |
| [04:45] | No, it’s just for this dumb thing | 不 只是为了明晚 |
| [04:46] | I’m doing with Boone tomorrow. | 和布恩的蠢游戏准备的 |
| [04:48] | An Eiffel Tower? | 埃菲尔铁塔游戏吗 |
| [04:48] | 指一种性爱玩法 两男一女 | |
| [04:50] | Jealous. Who’s your third? | 嫉妒死了 另一个男人是谁 |
| [04:52] | But I’m gonna see you afterwards at Jimmy’s radio thingy, right? | 不过那之后我们要在吉米的电台活动见吧 |
| [04:55] | I don’t want to go, | 我不想去 |
| [04:56] | but I’m supposed to be helping people right now, | 可是我现在应该帮助别人 |
| [04:58] | like Lou Diamond Philips told me to. | 就像卢·戴蒙德·菲利普斯说的那样 |
| [05:00] | What radio thingy? | 什么电台活动 |
| [05:06] | “Please join me tomorrow night | 请明晚和我一起参加 |
| [05:07] | “For a live taping of NPR’s Tip of My Tongue. | 国家公共电台《话到嘴边》的现场录制 |
| [05:11] | You can laugh at my delightful jokes | 你可以为我的戏谑笑话 |
| [05:13] | and whatever hilariously tragic look | 及斯帝博为明晚随意拼凑的 |
| [05:15] | Steeb has concocted for the evening.” | 滑稽的悲催打扮而尽情欢笑 |
| [05:19] | I could help Steeb not look so tragical. | 我可以帮斯帝博打扮得不悲催 |
| [05:22] | I’m full of good clothes ideas. | 我满脑子穿衣建议 |
| [05:26] | I’m like an armoire, but I’m a people. | 我就像大型衣橱 只不过我是人 |
| [05:30] | Want me to see if I can get you in? | 想让我问问能不能带你去吗 |
| [05:31] | Jimmy didn’t invite me. Nah, nephew. | 吉米没有邀请我 不了 |
| [05:34] | I’m doing international night with Boone. | 我要和布恩一起过国际之夜 |
| [05:36] | What’s international night? | 什么是国际之夜 |
| [05:37] | More boring dad shit? | 又是无聊的老爸活动吗 |
| [05:39] | Don’t be sleeping on dads. | 别不看好老爸们 |
| [05:41] | Dads know how to bang down real good, | 老爸们做爱技巧超棒 |
| [05:42] | on account of they pregged up a bitch before. | 因为他们之前可是搞大过别人肚子的 |
| [05:45] | That tracks. | 有道理 |
| [05:48] | Happy French day, Booner. | 法国日快乐 小布 |
| [05:53] | Kuwait seeks OPEC oil cuts. | 科威特请求石油输出国组织减少石油出口 |
| [05:58] | Ah. Okay, um… | 好吧 恩… |
| [06:01] | Well, if you Ku-wait on producing that oil, | 如果你”科”以等他们慢慢生产石油 |
| [06:07] | I’ll sleep like I-raq. | 我将”伊”觉睡到天亮 |
| [06:10] | I remember my first time in Kuwait. | 我还记得我第一次去科威特的情形 |
| [06:13] | It was 113 degrees, which sounds bad, | 113华氏度的高温[45摄氏度] 听起来很糟糕 |
| [06:15] | but actually, the pools of blood were… | 但实际上那些血泊… |
| [06:17] | Eject! Right, so, | 闭嘴 好了… |
| [06:20] | we have covered current events, historical limericks, | 我们已经练过了时政 历史五行打油诗 |
| [06:23] | quirky human interest. | 古怪的人情故事 |
| [06:26] | I think Steeb and his listeners are gonna be blown away | 我觉得斯帝博和他的听众肯定会被 |
| [06:29] | by what’s on the tip of my tongue. | 我嘴边的东西震撼到的 |
| [06:32] | – What is it? – What’s gonna be on there? | -是什么东西 -你嘴边有什么 |
| [06:33] | It-it’s jokes. | 段子啊 |
| [06:35] | – Oh. I get it. – Oh, yeah. Right, yeah. | -明白了 -哦是的 没错 |
| [06:37] | – Jokes. Jokes. – Yeah, right. | -段子 就是段子 -没错 |
| [06:39] | You want a little insurance? | 你想要万无一失吗 |
| [06:41] | Explain, Edgar’s friend. | 请解释一下 埃德加的朋友 |
| [06:43] | You have a plant in the crowd | 你在观众中间安插个托儿 |
| [06:45] | shout out a lame, prepared heckle | 用蹩脚的提前准备好的黑话起个哄 |
| [06:46] | that you have a great comeback for. | 而你给予一个机智有力的回击 |
| [06:48] | It’s called a “Mencia.” | 这种手法叫做”门西亚” |
| [06:49] | Isn’t Vernon gonna be there? | 弗南不是会在场吗 |
| [06:51] | – He’ll do it. – Great idea. | -交给他就好 -好主意 |
| [06:55] | I’m sorry Jimmy isn’t a good friend to you. | 我很遗憾吉米算不上是你的好朋友 |
| [06:58] | I always listen to anything you have to say. | 无论你想说什么 我都会认真倾听 |
| [07:00] | Thanks, man. That means a lot. | 谢谢你 兄弟 那对我意义重大 |
| [07:03] | But… | 只是 |
| [07:04] | I’m not really great about opening up. | 我并不擅于袒露心声 |
| [07:07] | Why don’t you tell me what you were gonna tell Jimmy earlier, | 何不就把刚才被吉米打断了的话 |
| [07:09] | but he didn’t let you? | 跟我说说呢 |
| [07:11] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [07:16] | You see, I was stationed in Kuwait before moving into Anfal. | 在进驻安法尔前 我驻扎在科威特 |
| [07:20] | And Anfal, it’s known for its architecture, right? | 安法尔以其建筑闻名 对吧 |
| [07:22] | No, its genocide. So there we were, | 不 是种族灭绝 所以我们到了那儿 |
| [07:27] | three klicks south of Ali Sabah Al-Salem… | 阿里沙巴塞勒姆以南三公里的地方 |
| [07:32] | Check. One, two, check. | 试麦 一二 试麦 |
| [07:36] | Jimmy! | 吉米 |
| [07:38] | So stoked to be here. | 能来参加节目我太激动了 |
| [07:39] | Truth be told, I’ve been on for 72 straight hours, | 跟你说实话 我已经三天没合眼了 |
| [07:43] | and I’m kind of seeing a lot of spiders made out of light. | 我似乎看到了很多光线构成的蜘蛛 |
| [07:46] | But I’m good to go. | 但我能行的 |
| [07:47] | I got a Camelback full of Casamigos and Monster Energy. | 我准备了个饮料袋 装满了龙舌兰和魔爪能量饮料 |
| [07:52] | Right. I need your help with a super-secret heckle. | 好吧 我需要你帮我偷偷地冒出些黑话 |
| [07:55] | If you hear me say the words, “That was a squeaker,” | 如果你听到我说”真是爆好笑” |
| [07:59] | You yell out this prewritten quip | 就把预先写好的段子大声说出来 |
| [08:01] | for which I have prepared a killer comedic response. | 我已经对此准备了富有喜剧效果的绝杀回答 |
| [08:05] | Nice. | 好极了 |
| [08:24] | He needs my help. | 他需要我的帮助 |
| [08:26] | Excuse me. | 抱歉打扰 |
| [08:28] | Hi. I’m Lindsay. | 你好 我是琳赛 |
| [08:30] | Why, hello. | 你好啊 |
| [08:32] | No need to be timorous. | 不必羞怯 |
| [08:34] | I love meeting my fans. | 我很乐意见我的粉丝 |
| [08:36] | No. I don’t know any of this dork crap. | 不 我并不了解这些呆子喜欢的东西 |
| [08:39] | I’m a friend of Jimmy’s, | 我是吉米的朋友 |
| [08:40] | and I’m a stylist. | 我是造型师 |
| [08:41] | Ooh, I adore Jimmy. | 我很喜欢吉米的 |
| [08:43] | Between you and me, | 我们之间私下说 |
| [08:45] | it felt like a cacodoxy to be sidetracked by a genre experiment. | 因文学类型的试验而偏离方向似乎是种异端做法 |
| [08:50] | Concur? | 你同意吗 |
| [08:51] | Listen, I thought you might be looking for someone | 听着 我认为你可能需要找个人 |
| [08:53] | to update your “Tragic look.” | 来改善一下你这副”悲催样子” |
| [08:57] | “Tragic look”? | “悲催样子” |
| [08:58] | Who said that? | 谁说的 |
| [08:59] | Duh. Jimmy. | 当然是吉米 |
| [09:08] | Czesc. My country is Poland. | 大家好 我选的国家是波兰 |
| [09:10] | Poland? | 波兰 |
| [09:13] | Nice choice. What, was Kyrgyzstan already taken? | 选得真好 怎么 吉尔吉斯斯坦已经被选走了吗 |
| [09:16] | Poland is the ninth largest country in Europe. | 波兰是欧洲第九大国家 |
| [09:19] | They boast 17 Nobel Prize winners, | 出了17位诺贝尔奖获得者 |
| [09:22] | and their main foods are pierogies, | 他们的主食是波兰煎饺 |
| [09:24] | kielbasa and golumpkies. | 波兰熏肠和白菜卷 |
| [09:27] | What? “Blumpkins”? | 什么 “拉屎口交” |
| [09:32] | Spoiler alert: this bitch is toast. | 剧透警告 那小婊子完蛋了 |
| [09:37] | From the beginning, I was screwed. | 我这辈子从一开始就倒霉 |
| [09:38] | My mom’s uterus was L-shaped. | 我妈的子宫是L形的 |
| [09:41] | That’s why I have equilibrium problems. | 所以我的平衡感有问题 |
| [09:43] | And then in the fourth grade, my friend pooped his pants, | 然后是四年级 我的朋友把屎拉在裤子里了 |
| [09:46] | so I did, too, out of solidarity, and… | 为了与他共进退 我也照做了 而且 |
| [09:50] | I liked it. | 我喜欢这感觉 |
| [09:52] | So, at first, we just tried, | 一开始我们只是试着 |
| [09:53] | you know, sticking straws directly into the camel’s humps, | 将吸管直接插进骆驼的驼峰里 |
| [09:56] | but he was not having that. | 但他不肯吸 |
| [09:58] | So, I got out a grenade. | 于是我就拿出了手榴弹 |
| [10:00] | And I say, “Hey, man. | 我说 “喂 兄弟 |
| [10:02] | “I’m new to skid row, I just did a shitload of heroin, | 我初到贫民窟 我刚吸了很多海洛因 |
| [10:05] | “And I need to take a nap. | 我需要打个盹儿 |
| [10:06] | I’ll find you a new tent.” | 我会给你找个新帐篷的” |
| [10:08] | Basically the MS-13s were like, | 那群黑帮小子就说 |
| [10:10] | “Do you want to get jumped in or sexed in?” | “你是想被打一顿入帮还是被操一顿入帮” |
| [10:12] | And I had a girlfriend at the time, so here we go. | 鉴于我当时有女朋友 于是就选择被打了 |
| [10:19] | Broadcasting live from Los Angeles, | 来自洛杉矶的播客直播 |
| [10:22] | I am book critic, radio host and failed amateur gardener… | 我是书评家 电台主持 不合格的业余园艺师 |
| [10:27] | Steeb Corniglia, | 斯帝博·科里尼 |
| [10:29] | and this is Tip of My Tongue. | 这里是《话到嘴边》节目 |
| [10:35] | I may have left a trail of vegetable corpses in my wake, | 我虽然可能养死了很多植物 |
| [10:38] | but I am still qualified to introduce our special guests. | 但我仍有资格介绍一下我们的特别嘉宾 |
| [10:43] | Back with us is actor, writer and master improviser | 再次做客的是演员 作家 即兴创作大师 |
| [10:48] | – Andy Daly. – Oh, thank you, Steeb. | -安迪·达利 -谢谢 斯帝博 |
| [10:50] | Hey, is it true that you had a restraining order | 话说 我听说一丛水田芥 |
| [10:52] | placed on you by a clutch of watercress? | 针对你申请了限制令 是真的吗 |
| [10:56] | Also, television writer and comedienne | 以及电视编剧 喜剧女演员 |
| [10:59] | – Emily Heller. – If anyone brought legumes, | -艾米莉·海勒 -如果有人带了豆科植物的话 |
| [11:02] | please know that Steeb can’t be within 500 feet of them. | 千万不要让斯帝博靠近它们500英尺的范围 |
| [11:05] | It’s true. | 是真的 |
| [11:06] | I bean a bad boy. | 我一直”豆”是个坏小子 |
| [11:09] | And, finally, | 最后 |
| [11:10] | erotica writer Jimmy Shive-Overly. | 是情色小说家吉米·希瓦-奥弗利 |
| [11:15] | Thanks, Steeb. Uh, well, | 多谢 斯帝博 那个… |
| [11:17] | I hope they’re not serving carrots at crafty… | 但愿他们的菜单里不含胡萝… |
| [11:19] | Let’s get started with our first game: | 让我们开始第一个游戏 |
| [11:21] | “Who’s Steeb Right Now?” | “斯帝博现在是谁” |
| [11:24] | Well, one thing we know about Steeb | 关于斯帝博 有一点我们是知道的 |
| [11:26] | is that he is a perpetrator of hominy-cide. | 他是玉米粥杀手 |
| [11:38] | Everyone knows that France is the best country. | 人人都知道法国是最棒的国家 |
| [11:42] | They basically won World War II, | 基本上二战就是他们打赢的 |
| [11:44] | and they invented the best type of kissing: | 他们还发明了最棒的亲吻方式 |
| [11:47] | tongue kissing. | 舌吻 |
| [11:49] | Their president is a Benetton model | 他们的总统帅得像个名牌服装模特 |
| [11:50] | who bangs his mom-wife. | 娶了个像妈一样的老婆 |
| [11:58] | ♪ Mon petit chou ♪ | ♪我的小可爱♪ |
| [12:02] | ♪ Mon petit chou ♪ | ♪我的小可爱♪ |
| [12:05] | ♪ Mon petit chou, chou bee doo bee doo bee doo ♪ | ♪我的小可爱 真呀么真可爱♪ |
| [12:09] | ♪ Mon petit chou, chou, chou bee doo ♪ | ♪我的小可爱呀小可爱♪ |
| [12:12] | ♪ Quand je vois ton sourire ♪ | ♪我何时能看见你的笑颜♪ |
| [12:14] | ♪ Tes yeux, tes lèvres, tes cheveux ♪ | ♪你的双眸 朱唇和秀发♪ |
| [12:17] | ♪ Oui, je sais ♪ | ♪我知道♪ |
| [12:20] | ♪ Que tu es le seul ♪ | ♪你是我的唯一♪ |
| [12:21] | ♪ Mon soleil, mon balance, sans pareil ♪ | ♪你就是我的太阳 我的天平♪ |
| [12:24] | ♪ Oui, c’est vrai ♪ | ♪真的♪ |
| [12:27] | ♪ Tu es ce lui que j’adore ♪ | ♪你是我的挚爱♪ |
| [12:31] | ♪ Tu seras toujours mon amour ♪ | ♪我会永远爱着你♪ |
| [12:35] | ♪ Et c’est pourquoi ♪ | ♪这就是为什么♪ |
| [12:36] | ♪ Je suis avec toi ♪ | ♪我要和你在一起♪ |
| [12:38] | ♪ Mon petit chou chou, chou bee doo ♪ | ♪我的小可爱♪ |
| [12:41] | ♪ Mon petit chou… ♪ | ♪我的小可爱♪ |
| [12:44] | Thank you, Gretchen. | 谢谢 格雷琴 |
| [12:46] | Ah, the winner is Poland. Way to go, sweetie! | 冠军是波兰 宝贝你好厉害 |
| [12:49] | – Hooray! – are you kidding me? | -太棒了 -你逗我呢 |
| [12:51] | I-I’m not even done yet. | 我都没表演完 |
| [12:53] | I have a whole thing with a baguette! | 我还安排了一整套拿着法棍表演的动作 |
| [12:56] | This is bullshit! | 这他妈太扯了 |
| [13:04] | Which goes back to my original point: | 于是又回到了我最初表达的观点 |
| [13:05] | don’t open a bottle of Gruner Veltliner with a first-chair oboist | 别跟顶尖双簧管演奏家开一瓶绿维特利纳白葡萄酒 |
| [13:09] | unless you want to end up in her laundry room, | 除非你想沦落到她的洗衣房 |
| [13:11] | peeing into her mop sink. | 对着拖把池狂尿 |
| [13:15] | Okay. Our next game | 好了 下一个游戏是 |
| [13:18] | is “Limerick Lightning Cage Match.” | “打油诗闪电擂台赛” |
| [13:20] | I will read a limerick, and you will complete it. | 我念一首打油诗 你们来完成它 |
| [13:23] | Jimmy, let’s start with you. | 吉米 从你开始 |
| [13:25] | “Astronomers chose just to can it, | “天文学家选择将它除名 |
| [13:28] | “But the little guy’s fans “Couldn’t stand it. | 但这小家伙的粉丝们不能接受 |
| [13:31] | “Now the stars have aligned, | “如今星星已排列成一条直线 |
| [13:33] | “And they’re changing their minds | 它们又改变主意了 |
| [13:35] | by returning its status to…” | 想把它变回…” |
| [13:43] | Granite! | 花岗岩 |
| [13:45] | Who paid you to throw this game? | 谁花钱请你来毁掉这个游戏的 |
| [13:47] | Emily? | 艾米莉 |
| [13:48] | Planet, referring to Pluto, of course. | 行星 显然是指冥王星 |
| [13:51] | But granite was a great guess. | 但猜花岗岩也不错 |
| [13:52] | I mean, scientists can never tell | 毕竟用花岗岩造的东西 |
| [13:54] | when something is made of granite. | 科学家们永远都看不出来 |
| [13:55] | They call it their white whale. | 他们称其为科学界的白鲸[难以征服] |
| [13:57] | Good point, Andy. | 说得好 安迪 |
| [13:59] | So, ten points for Emily, | 艾米莉得10分 |
| [14:01] | and negative five points for our resident smut peddler. | 我们的小黄文写手扣5分 |
| [14:05] | Well, for your information, this “Smut peddler” | 告诉你一声 本”小黄文写手” |
| [14:08] | is on New York Times | 可是上了《纽约时报》 |
| [14:09] | Mass-Market Paperback Best Seller list. | 大众市场平装版小说排行版第13位 |
| [14:12] | The Mass-Market list. | 大众市场排行榜啊 |
| [14:14] | What other books might one find on that list? | 还有哪些书会上那个榜呢 |
| [14:17] | Oh, uh, How My Cat Cured My Cancer. | 我想想 《我的猫是如何治好我的癌症的》 |
| [14:20] | Ooh, yes. | 对哦 |
| [14:22] | American Ninja Warrior: The Novel. | 《美国忍者战士:小说》 |
| [14:24] | The Life-Changing Magic of Throwing Some Things in the Garbage. | 《把东西扔进垃圾桶的惊人魔法》 |
| [14:29] | What are we watching? | 这到底是什么节目 |
| [14:31] | I know a bunch of the sounds they’re saying, | 我听得懂几个字 |
| [14:33] | but I don’t understand the sentences. | 但连起来我就听不懂了 |
| [14:36] | Chicken Soup for the Stomach. | 《暖胃鸡汤》 |
| [14:39] | The DiCaprio Code. | 《小李子法典》 |
| [14:40] | Paul, I’m at a very important Jimmy thing. | 保罗 我在为杰米参加的一个重要节目当观众 |
| [14:42] | Lindsay! I got arrested for biking under the influence. | 琳赛 我因为酒后骑自行车被捕了 |
| [14:47] | Come bail me out, Lindsay, please. | 来把我保释出去 琳赛 求你了 |
| [14:50] | – I need your help. – You need my help? | -我需要你的帮助 -你需要我的帮助吗 |
| [14:53] | Or Angels Are Real, I Swear. | 或是《真的有天使 我发誓》 |
| [14:56] | How about uh, Shakespeare, But With Vampires? | 《吸血鬼版的莎士比亚》怎么样 |
| [14:59] | Improve Your Memory in Zero Easy Steps. | 《增强记忆力只需0步》 |
| [15:03] | Or, uh… | 或者 |
| [15:05] | Killer, uh, B-Ballerinas. | 《绝赞芭蕾舞女》 |
| [15:13] | Well, that was a squeaker. | 真是爆好笑 |
| [15:19] | I said, that was a squeaker! | 我说 真是爆好笑 |
| [15:22] | Hey, Shive-Overly. | 嘿 希瓦-奥弗利 |
| [15:24] | Why don’t you try writing | 你为什么不试试 |
| [15:25] | your own obituary and then kill yourself?” | 给自己写讣告 然后自尽呢” |
| [15:28] | “Jimmy Shive-Overly died this week. | “吉米·希瓦-奥弗利这周死了 |
| [15:31] | His member was stiff, and soon, so was the rest of his body.” | 他的鸡巴很坚硬 很快其它身体部位也要僵硬了” |
| [15:36] | Now, that’s a squeaker. | 那才是爆好笑 |
| [15:48] | Hi. | 嗨 |
| [15:49] | What the hell is wrong with you? | 你到底是有什么毛病 |
| [15:51] | I don’t know how to act with her. | 我不知道该如何跟她相处 |
| [15:54] | I’m not her mom. I’m not her friend. | 我不是她妈 也不是她朋友 |
| [15:56] | I’m trying to make this work. | 我想让我们成功走下去 |
| [16:01] | I feel like I’m supposed to be good at this. | 我感觉这种事我应该很擅长才对啊 |
| [16:03] | Do you think I’m good at this? | 难道你觉得我很擅长这种事吗 |
| [16:06] | Last year I bought her a sword. | 去年我给她买了一把剑 |
| [16:09] | I lost her at the mall | 我还曾在商场把她弄丢过 |
| [16:11] | because I was staring at a Cinnabon too hard. | 因为我在对一个肉桂卷流口水 |
| [16:14] | Just be yourself, okay? | 做你自己就行了 |
| [16:17] | I’m gonna order some pierogies. | 我准备叫波兰饺子外卖 |
| [16:18] | Come down and join us when you’re ready. | 你准备好了就下来跟我们一起吃吧 |
| [16:26] | And so… | 所以… |
| [16:27] | since I still have shrapnel in my body | 我体内仍有弹片 |
| [16:29] | but I don’t have insurance, it’s… | 但我没有医保 |
| [16:31] | it’s kind of like the memory of that day when I lost my best friend… | 就好像 失去我最好朋友那天的记忆 |
| [16:36] | is always inside me, | 一直在我体内 |
| [16:38] | between my colon and my genitals. | 就在我的结肠和生殖器中间 |
| [16:42] | I don’t know what to say. | 我不知道该说什么 |
| [16:45] | My heart. | 我的心 |
| [16:47] | Thank you. | 谢谢你 |
| [16:50] | That feels… really awesome telling you my truth. | 向你袒露真心 感觉真的很舒服 |
| [16:56] | Oh, shit. | 糟了 |
| [16:57] | We missed the entire show. | 我们错过了整个节目 |
| [17:00] | I guess we should get back to work. | 那我们该继续工作了 |
| [17:02] | We still have to write our sketch for this week. | 我们还要写这一周的喜剧段子 |
| [17:04] | What if there’s a dictator who’s a tater, but also a total dick? | 听听这个 有个独裁者 既很孤僻 又很混蛋 |
| [17:09] | Actually, I’m just gonna head home. | 事实上 我要回家了 |
| [17:12] | But I feel so honored that you shared that with me. | 但你对我袒露心声 我深感荣幸 |
| [17:19] | I’m sorry. | 对不起 |
| [17:21] | Did I talk too long? | 我说了太久吗 |
| [17:22] | No. That was a gift. | 不 那很好 |
| [17:26] | Thank you. | 谢谢你 |
| [17:30] | Thank you. | 谢谢你 |
| [17:42] | Lindsay… | 琳赛 |
| [17:43] | it wasn’t my fault. | 那不是我的错 |
| [17:45] | The entire DUI industry is run | 整个查酒驾的体系 |
| [17:48] | by a for- profit organization | 都被一个追逐利益的组织掌控着 |
| [17:51] | called Mothers Against Drunk Driving. | 那组织叫”母亲反酒驾” |
| [17:53] | They keep lowering the legal limit | 他们不断降低合法的酒精含量 |
| [17:56] | so they can raise money | 好筹集钱款 |
| [17:58] | to pay their huge executive salaries. | 来支付他们超高的工资 |
| [18:03] | That’s mothers for you. | 母亲就是这样 |
| [18:09] | Wow, Linds. | 天呐 琳子 |
| [18:11] | The smell, right? | 臭味很大 对吧 |
| [18:12] | I know. I lost a rotisserie chicken in here somewhere, | 我知道 我把一块烤鸡肉丢在家里某个地方了 |
| [18:16] | and I can’t find it anywhere. | 我到处都找不到 |
| [18:19] | No, uh… I’m just impressed. | 不 我只是很震撼 |
| [18:23] | You’ve really moved on. | 你真的翻开新篇章了 |
| [18:27] | I was so excited to be a father, Lindsay. | 我之前真的好激动终于要当父亲了 琳赛 |
| [18:32] | I even… started a… | 我甚至 开始… |
| [18:36] | video diary… | 拍视频日记 |
| [18:40] | …to welcome it into the world. | 以欢迎孩子降生到这个世界 |
| [18:41] | Hi, baby. This is entry number 47. | 你好啊 宝宝 这是第47条视频 |
| [18:45] | Today we’re gonna focus on the constellation | 今天的主题是星座 |
| [18:47] | Auriga, the charioteer. | 御夫座 战车的驾驭者 |
| [18:49] | I’ll take you to Mexico to see it one day. | 我将来会带你去墨西哥观赏它的 |
| [18:52] | Hopefully, by then my stomach will have adapted to the molé. | 希望到那时候我的胃已经适应墨西哥混酱了 |
| [18:55] | I’m so sorry, Bear. | 我真的很抱歉 亲爱的 |
| [18:58] | You can still be a dad someday. | 你以后还是可以当父亲的啊 |
| [19:01] | You just need to find the right… | 你只需要找到合适的… |
| [19:19] | What’s the book about? | 这本书是关于什么的 |
| [19:21] | Great Plains settlers in 1875. | 1875年北美大平原的定居者 |
| [19:25] | So interesting. | 真有趣啊 |
| [19:27] | What’s going on in the part you’re reading? | 你看的这部分讲了些什么 |
| [19:30] | The settlers don’t have enough food, | 定居者没有足够的食物 |
| [19:32] | so the little girl’s dog runs away. | 于是小姑娘的狗就跑了 |
| [19:34] | Oh. Like Bus Stop Goat. | 就跟公车站的羊一样 |
| [19:37] | – Who? – He’s, like, the greatest pet of Instagram. | -谁 -它简直是INS上最棒的宠物 |
| [19:41] | We DM all the time. Look. | 我们经常互发私信 你看 |
| [19:47] | Oh, shoot. | 糟了 |
| [19:49] | I forgot I have to go do this thing with Ben Folds. | 我忘了我得去跟本·弗茨一起做件事 |
| [19:53] | Who’s Ben Folds? | 本·弗茨是谁 |
| [19:55] | Promise you’ll never repeat that in public. | 向我保证你以后永远不在公共场合问这个问题 |
| [19:58] | Okay. I’ll see you later. | 好了 回头见 |
| [20:18] | – Hey, Doug. – Edgar. Doug Benson. | -你好 道格 -埃德加 我是道格·本森 |
| [20:21] | Quick call before I board a flight to Davos. | 在我乘飞机去达沃斯前 迅速跟你通个话 |
| [20:23] | I’m hosting a forum on building investor confidence | 我要主持一个论坛 讨论如何在内战后的摩尔多瓦 |
| [20:26] | in post- civil war Moldova. | 重树投资者的信心 |
| [20:28] | Wait. There’s a civil war in Moldova? | 等等 摩尔多瓦发生了内战吗 |
| [20:30] | Not yet, but we’re aiming for March. | 目前还没有 但三月可能就有了 |
| [20:32] | Listen, you’re gonna be doing | 听我说 从今以后你要专门 |
| [20:33] | all the high- concept sketches from now on. | 做高概念的喜剧小品 |
| [20:37] | I’m moving Max over to episode development. | 我要把麦克斯调到单集开发部 |
| [20:39] | But you have my full confidence. | 但我对你很有信心 |
| [20:41] | Okay, got to run. | 好了 我得走了 |
| [20:43] | Deep state never sleeps. | 暗深势力永不安分 |
| [20:58] | I got your text. | 我收到你的短信了 |
| [21:00] | Uh, what he’s having, but a triple. | 我也要他在喝的东西 不过要三倍的酒 |
| [21:03] | – He’s having a triple. – Right. | -他这已经是三倍的了 -好吧 |
| [21:05] | So make mine… nine. | 那我要 九倍的 |
| [21:10] | Sorry your dumb radio show was mean to you. | 抱歉那个电台节目对你很刻薄 |
| [21:12] | I thought I could be the one writer | 我本以为我可以成为唯一一个 |
| [21:15] | to elevate the romance genre. | 提升爱情小说地位的人 |
| [21:17] | Your book elevated the only thing it needed to: my dick. | 你的书提升了它唯一需要提升的东西 我的性欲 |
| [21:23] | And what’s with the dress? | 你穿这裙子是怎么回事 |
| [21:25] | Are you starting a Serge Gainsbourg cover band? | 你是要成立一个赛日·甘斯布的翻唱乐队吗 |
| [21:28] | No, I just had to go to this stupid thing in Eagle Rock. | 不是 我不得不参加鹰岩区的一个很傻的活动 |
| [21:32] | All things in Eagle Rock are stupid. | 鹰岩区的一切都傻兮兮的 |
| [21:33] | What was it, runny cheese tasting at the Converse store? | 是什么 匡威店举办的松软芝士品尝活动吗 |
| [21:36] | It’s called international night, | 叫做国际之夜活动 |
| [21:38] | with that guy, Boone, and his daughter. | 跟那个叫布恩的和他女儿一起 |
| [21:43] | If you have to be somewhere… | 如果你得赶去某个地方… |
| [21:45] | Mm, no. I have this work thing, but… | 不用 我的确有件工作上的事 但… |
| [21:49] | nobody will care if I’m a little late. | 就算我迟到 也没人会在乎 |
| [22:02] | Gretch, where are you? | 格雷琴 你在哪儿 |
| [22:05] | Ben’s hella late. | 本到现在都没来 |
| [22:06] | You said this dude was professional. | 你说过这家伙做事很专业 |
| [22:08] | This was supposed to be our big opportunity. | 这本该是我们的大好机会 |
| [22:10] | Where is this fool?! | 那个白痴在哪儿 |
| [22:12] | Where are you?! Ugh! | 你又在哪儿 该死的 |
| [22:16] | Hey, guys! | 你们好啊 |
| [22:17] | There he is. | 他来了 |
| [22:19] | You ready to rock? | 你准备好疯狂摇滚了吗 |
| [22:20] | I am indeed. | 那当然了 |
| [22:23] | Can I offer you boys a tooch of rug? | 你们需要来点”地毯”吗 |
| [22:27] | Rug? That doesn’t sound right. | 地毯 那听上去不太对 |
| [22:30] | Hey, Ben, are you…? | 话说 本 你是… |
| [22:33] | – Holy shit! – Holy shit! | -我了个大操 -我了个大操 |
| [22:35] | – Are you okay? – Dude, your head! | -你没事吧 -老兄 你的头 |
| [22:37] | I’m fine. | 我没事 |
| [22:39] | After the restaurant, I stayed me had some couple Manhattan. | 在餐厅见面后 我又喝了些曼哈顿鸡尾酒 |
| [22:43] | And then blue drink. | 然后是蓝色的酒 |
| [22:44] | That was yesterday. | 那是昨天的事了 |
| [22:46] | Well, then why was I in Griffith Park tomorrow? | 那我第二天怎么会出现在格里菲斯公园 |
| [22:49] | All right, let’s do this. | 好了 我们开始吧 |
| [22:51] | All right. Uh, don’t worry about it. | 好的 别担心 |
| [22:52] | Who puts drinks on a piano? Two, three, six. | 什么人会把酒放在钢琴上 二 三 六 |
| [22:58] | I can’t hear it. I can’t hear it. | 我听不到声音啊 听不到 |
| [23:01] | It’s in the key of E, guys. | 是E调哦 各位 |
| [23:09] | I have to tell you something. | 我必须告诉你一件事 |
| [23:12] | I came by your house the other day | 我那天去你家了 |
| [23:14] | and saw you doing some chick on the couch. | 然后看到你在沙发上干一个女人 |
| [23:19] | So who was the nasty slizz? | 那个下流的荡妇是谁 |
| [23:22] | Uh, well, that was Katherine, my old friend from home, | 那是凯瑟琳 是我在老家认识的一个老朋友 |
| [23:26] | but she’s not nasty. | 但她并不下流 |
| [23:29] | I mean, boring, sure. | 不过真的很无趣 |
| [23:31] | She’s unbearably annoying. | 她真是烦人得要命 |
| [23:34] | Completely reeking of unearned snobbery. | 完全一副势利眼 |
| [23:38] | She’s an entertainment lawyer, | 她是娱乐行业的律师 |
| [23:40] | that noble calling. | 非常体面的职业 |
| [23:42] | That’s what John Adams was, wasn’t he? | 约翰·亚当斯当年也是干这行的 对吧 |
| [23:46] | Excuse me. Is this chair free? | 不好意思 这椅子有人坐吗 |
| [23:48] | Does it look like it’s free? | 看上去像是没人坐吗 |
| [23:48] | Obviously my bag is sitting there, idiot. | 显然我的包坐在上面呢 白痴 |