| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [01:02] | It’s absolutely remarkable. | 简直太不可思议了 |
| [01:04] | I’ve never seen anything like this. | 我从没见过这种事 |
| [01:06] | It should be impossible, | 按理说是不可能发生的 |
| [01:07] | but we’ve tried every option. | 但我们所有选项都试遍了 |
| [01:09] | Paul ruins every single table. | 保罗坐到哪一桌都会坏事 |
| [01:11] | See, there aren’t enough borings for a boring table. | 没有足够多无聊的人专门凑个「无聊桌」 |
| [01:14] | I mean, we could put him at the Alzheimer’s table, | 要不把他安排到老年痴呆患者那一桌 |
| [01:17] | and they’ll forget how boring he is. | 他们会忘记他有多无聊 |
| [01:20] | I don’t want him at my wedding. | 我不想请他来参加我的婚礼啦 |
| [01:22] | Why can’t he just go to another wedding? | 他不能去参加别的婚礼吗 |
| [01:26] | Gretchen, put down the Paul. | 格雷琴 把保罗棋子放下 |
| [01:28] | This is insane. We deserve a break | 这简直要逼疯人 我们应该休息一下 |
| [01:30] | from the mind-numbing drudgery of wedding planning. | 暂且放下这沉闷枯燥的婚礼策划工作 |
| [01:33] | Something fun. | 做点有意思的事 |
| [01:34] | Mailbox baseball in Beverly Hills? | 去比佛利山庄用棒球棍击打富豪们的邮箱 |
| [01:36] | ‘Shrooms at the Museum of Tolerance? | 到宽容博物馆嗑致幻蘑菇 |
| [01:37] | Egging golfers at Griffith Park? | 用鸡蛋砸格利菲斯公园里的高尔夫球手 |
| [01:39] | No. Even better. | 不 我有更好的提议 |
| [01:42] | – Fuck Week. – Fuck Week. | -约炮狂欢周 -约炮狂欢周 |
| [01:44] | Fuck Week. | 约炮狂欢周 |
| [01:46] | For a week, we can sleep with whomever we like… | 整整一个星期 我们想跟谁约炮都行 |
| [01:49] | In. | 赞成 |
| [01:51] | You know, to get it out of our systems. | 排掉体内骚动不安的因子 |
| [01:53] | Got it. I’m in. | 懂 我赞成 |
| [01:55] | Oh. Well… wonderful. | 那太好了 |
| [01:57] | Ground rules. Safety is mandatory. Otherwise, no limits. | 基本规矩就是务必保证安全 其他不设限 |
| [02:00] | Location anywhere but here and the Cheesecake Factory bathroom. | 地点不限 只除了这里和芝士蛋糕工厂的厕所 |
| [02:03] | That’s ours. 2:01 next Sunday, it ends. | 那是我们的打炮地点 下周日2点01分结束 |
| [02:06] | Have you done this before? | 你以前是不是做过这个 |
| [02:08] | Good? | 可以吗 |
| [02:10] | Fuck Week? | 约炮狂欢周 |
| [02:11] | Fuck Week. | 约炮狂欢周 |
| [03:06] | Gretch! I have a sitch with Sam and the guys. | 格雷琴 山姆他们那边我遇到麻烦了 |
| [03:09] | Just leak Sam’s tuck shots. | 把山姆用腿夹”鸡”扮女人的照片泄露出去 |
| [03:11] | That should buy you a couple weeks. | 应该能为你争取到几周时间 |
| [03:12] | They want me to publicize their new track, | 他们想让我宣传他们的新歌 |
| [03:14] | but it’s really bad. | 但那首歌实在很烂 |
| [03:15] | Like, Vietnam bad. Wait. Was Vietnam bad? | 烂到越南那种程度 等等 越南是个烂国家吗 |
| [03:19] | Listen, I just really don’t have time to hold your hand through this one. | 听着 我真的没时间手把手教你处理这事 |
| [03:23] | Jimmy proposed that we have sex with other people for the week! | 吉米提议我们这一周都去跟其他人约炮 |
| [03:26] | Oh, my God, Gretch. | 天呐 格雷琴 |
| [03:29] | Let’s go day-dicking like we used to. | 我们像以前那样去白日寻”鸡”吧 |
| [03:32] | We’ll go to Barney’s Beanery, | 我们可以去巴尼餐吧 |
| [03:33] | the Museum of Tolerance, Trader Joe’s on La Brea… | 宽容博物馆 拉布雷亚的商人乔超市 |
| [03:36] | That’s the one with all the hip fuck-dads. | 就是那家超市里有很多很潮的老男人 |
| [03:37] | And Runyon Canyon for fit dick. | 然后再去鲁尼恩峡谷公园约年轻健壮的帅哥 |
| [03:40] | Mrs. Cutler? Nock Nock is here. | 卡特勒太太 敲敲来了 |
| [03:44] | Send him in. | 叫他进来 |
| [03:45] | And, by the way, Mrs. Cutler is my bitch mom. | 顺便说下 卡特勒太太是对我那贱妈的称呼 |
| [03:53] | I have a quick signing meeting. | 我要开个简短的签约会议 |
| [03:55] | Let me make this kid’s day. | 让这个年轻人今天高兴高兴 |
| [03:56] | Then you and I can head down to dick island! | 然后我跟你就可以一头扎进”万鸡岛”了 |
| [04:00] | 2:00 P.M., Runyon Canyon, by the dog water fountain. | 下午2点 鲁尼恩峡谷公园的狗狗饮水器旁见 |
| [04:03] | And remember, Gretch, guys with golden retrievers eat pussy. | 记住 格雷琴 养金毛猎犬的男人喜欢舔逼 |
| [04:12] | Nock Nock, hi. | 敲敲 你好啊 |
| [04:14] | I’m Gretchen. So nice to meet you. | 我是格雷琴 幸会 |
| [04:17] | Have a seat. | 请坐吧 |
| [04:19] | I’ll just jump right in. | 我就开门见山了 |
| [04:22] | Here at Caliber, we do PR and brand management | 我们卡利波公司给一些世界巨星 |
| [04:25] | for some of the biggest artists worldwide. | 做公关和品牌管理 |
| [04:27] | And we want to work with you. | 现在我们也想跟你合作 |
| [04:29] | – Congratulations. – Okay. | -恭喜你 -行吧 |
| [04:31] | Everyone will know your name. | 你的大名将会家喻户晓 |
| [04:33] | How did you get your name, by the way? | 对了 你的名字是怎么来的 |
| [04:35] | Been hearing it my whole life. | 听了一辈子了 |
| [04:37] | – Knock-knock jokes? – Nah. | -是”敲敲门”笑话吗 -不是 |
| [04:40] | We didn’t have a doorbell. | 以前我们家没有门铃 |
| [04:42] | Or a door. | 也没有门 |
| [04:45] | Okay. Uh, should we make this “Offish”? | 好吧 我们正式签约好吗 |
| [04:48] | Cool. I’ll take a look at that when I hear your full pitch. | 好 等我听完你的全套推介方案再看合同 |
| [04:48] | 卡利波公司 艺人合同 敲敲 | |
| [04:52] | Strategy, | 策略 |
| [04:53] | targets, concept art. | 目标受众 概念艺术设计 |
| [04:55] | Of course. | 当然了 |
| [04:57] | Sure. My full pitch. | 没问题 我的整个推介计划 |
| [04:59] | Great. We’ll set something up. | 好的 我们会安排的 |
| [05:03] | Fu… | 操 |
| [05:16] | Well, this is an incongruous costume for you– | 这幅样子跟你可不太相符 |
| [05:18] | “Person Who Cares About Work”. | 你什么时候成了「在乎工作的人」 |
| [05:20] | This signing should be a layup, but no. | 这次的签约本应该轻松拿下 但没有 |
| [05:23] | The hillbilly marathoned Shark Tank, | 那个乡巴佬连看无数集《创智赢家》 |
| [05:25] | and now he knows what a pitch is. | 现在他知道什么是推介计划了 |
| [05:27] | And now that Yvette made me care about my job, | 而且伊维特逼迫我在乎我的工作 |
| [05:28] | I have to land him, and I hate it. | 我必须拿下他 我讨厌这样 |
| [05:31] | Oh. Booty text? | 约炮短信 |
| [05:34] | Sam. He’s pissed he hasn’t heard their song on the radio yet. | 是山姆 他很气还没有在电台听到他们的歌 |
| [05:42] | Sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [05:43] | – This is awkward. – No! | -这下尴尬了 -不会啊 |
| [05:45] | It’s Fuck Week. | 这是约炮狂欢周 |
| [05:47] | As soon as I get this goddamn pitch done, | 只要我一完成这个该死的推介计划 |
| [05:49] | I’m gonna be balls deep in balls. | 我就能尽情跟男人打炮了 |
| [05:53] | Thanks, Edgar. | 谢谢你 埃德加 |
| [05:58] | Then, the day your new video drops, | 然后 你的新视频放出的那天 |
| [06:02] | only your face– not your name– is on billboards. | 只有你的脸会出现在广告牌上 没有名字 |
| [06:05] | People will look up and ask… | 人们抬头一看 然后问 |
| [06:08] | “Who’s there?” | “那是谁” |
| [06:09] | Answer “Nock Nock”. | 答案是”敲敲” |
| [06:13] | Good job. I can see you worked real hard. | 干得不错 我能看出你真的很用心 |
| [06:16] | Great. Then let’s sign that contract. | 好极了 那我们签约吧 |
| [06:18] | Listen, Gretchen, there’s something you got to know about me. | 听着 格雷琴 我有些情况你必须了解 |
| [06:21] | I made everything out of dirt. Whole scratch. | 我的一切都是白手起家 完全从零开始 |
| [06:24] | I’m out here alone since I was 15. | 我15岁起就独自打拼 |
| [06:26] | Mushing. Rectify. | 浑浑噩噩 改过自新 |
| [06:28] | “Knock Knock.” “Come in.” You know? | “敲敲” “进来” 明白吗 |
| [06:33] | Plus, I got Charles. | 此外 我还有查尔斯 |
| [06:42] | I got to take Charles to volleyball. | 我要带查尔斯去打排球了 |
| [06:45] | I believe in you, Gretchen. | 我信赖你 格雷琴 |
| [06:47] | Full heart. | 全心全意 |
| [06:53] | What the hell, Gretch?! | 怎么搞的 格雷琴 |
| [06:54] | I actually had to hike yesterday | 我昨天不得不爬山 |
| [06:56] | because I thought I went to the wrong side. | 因为我以为我走错了边 |
| [06:58] | – You didn’t get laid? – Of course I got laid. | -你没约到炮吗 -当然约到了 |
| [07:00] | – Did he have a golden retriever? – No. | -他养的是金毛猎犬吗 -不是 |
| [07:03] | A Rottweiler. | 是大型猛犬罗威纳 |
| [07:05] | Jesus, are you okay? | 天啊 你没事吧 |
| [07:07] | – Sam’s on the phone for you. – She’s not here! | -山姆打电话找你 -她不在这里 |
| [07:11] | I killed Sam’s garbage track. | 我干掉了山姆的垃圾单曲 |
| [07:13] | Wait a sec. | 等会儿 |
| [07:14] | You killed it as in you called every radio station and media outlet | 你说干掉是指你打给所有电台和媒体渠道 |
| [07:17] | and convinced them not to play the track | 即使他们已经收到了那首单曲 |
| [07:19] | even though they’d already received it? | 也说服了他们不要播放 |
| [07:21] | And I still found time to get all in it. | 而且我还抽出时间享受了一回 |
| [07:24] | You know what? You’re right. | 你知道吗 你说得对 |
| [07:25] | You and Jimmy are both pulling tail. | 你和吉米都约到炮了 |
| [07:28] | – Screw this. – There’s my girl. | -去它的 -这才是我的好姑娘 |
| [07:30] | Tomorrow night, Soho House. | 明晚 苏荷馆 |
| [07:33] | Gretchen goes to slam town. | 格雷琴要大杀全场 |
| [07:38] | Come here, say hi. I’m dying. | 快过来 打个招呼 我要死了 |
| [07:40] | Oh, uh… Oh, I should really take a shower. | 那个 我得去冲个澡 |
| [07:44] | Jesus, did you bone a catfish? | 老天 你是干了一条鱼吗 |
| [07:49] | Fuck Week. | 约炮狂欢周 |
| [07:50] | Fuck Week! | 约炮狂欢周 |
| [07:51] | So you’re ready to finally go out, huh? | 所以你终于准备好要出去狂欢了吗 |
| [07:54] | As soon as I finish this target monetization strat for Nock Nock. | 要等我为敲敲做完这个目标货币化战略 |
| [07:58] | If I can increase his engagement levels, | 如果我能提高他的投入程度 |
| [08:00] | land him a few key endorsements… | 给他搞定一些关键人物的背书 |
| [08:03] | Maybe I can get him a Waze channel? | 也许我能为他建一个韦兹频道 |
| [08:13] | I’m not in it for the money, never have been. | 我不是为了钱 从来都不是 |
| [08:16] | You kidding? | 你在开玩笑吗 |
| [08:19] | Guys! | 各位 |
| [08:20] | Guys, I am in a meeting. | 各位 我正在开会 |
| [08:21] | Lindsay tanked our release. | 琳赛故意祸害了我们的新歌 |
| [08:23] | Now no one’s gonna hear our fire-ass track of fire! | 现在没人会听到我们火力全开的单曲了 |
| [08:26] | I keep telling them the track isn’t ready. | 我一直告诉他们那首歌还没准备好 |
| [08:28] | That’s not your job, messy bitch! | 那不是你的工作 贱人 |
| [08:30] | Guys, that is exactly her job! | 各位 这就是她的工作 |
| [08:32] | But who the hell is she to tell us shit? | 她算老几 敢对我们逼逼 |
| [08:33] | I am your publicist! That’s who I am! | 我是你们的公关专家 我就是干这个的 |
| [08:34] | She’s just some titty girl who used to hang out with you. | 她不过是个以前跟你混的大胸妹而已 |
| [08:36] | – I’m not some titty girl. That’s insulting. – And now, | -我不是什么大胸妹 这太侮辱人了 -现在 |
| [08:38] | – we’re supposed to listen to her? Her? – I have a job, and | -却要我们听她的 就她 -这是我的工作 |
| [08:39] | – it’s whatever Gretchen just said it was. Yes you are! – Her? | -格雷琴说什么就是什么 没错 -就她吗 |
| [08:41] | May I hear the track? | 我能听一下你们的歌吗 |
| [08:47] | ♪ Stand around while you watch ♪ | ♪傻站着 你看着♪ |
| [08:48] | – ♪ How the cookie crumbles, people now ♪ – ♪ Cookie! ♪ | -♪看你是怎么把事情搞砸的♪ -♪破事♪ |
| [08:50] | ♪ All your tracks, mostly made of mumbles ♪ | ♪你的歌 尽是哼哼唧唧♪ |
| [08:52] | ♪ Free-associatin’ shit like a poet ♪ | ♪像诗人那样傻逼的自由联想♪ |
| [08:54] | – ♪ Poetry! ♪ – ♪ Lookin’ fly in my whip… ♪ | -♪诗♪ -♪你看我…♪ |
| [08:57] | Forget we added that cookie line. | 忘掉关于破事的那句 |
| [08:59] | That is so bad. What were you guys even going for? | 太难听了 你们几个到底想干什么 |
| [09:02] | We’ve been getting a lot of moms at our shows, | 我们的演出来了一堆大妈 |
| [09:04] | and… they’re not even coming to the after-party. | 她们连余兴派对都不来 |
| [09:07] | We’re losing relevance, bitch! | 我们无法勾住歌迷了 贱人 |
| [09:09] | Like Alanis Morissette after Jagged Little Pill. | 就像出完《小碎药丸》以后的艾拉妮丝·莫莉塞特一样 |
| [09:11] | You got a wild track in there, | 你们的曲子挺野的 |
| [09:14] | but there’s all this shit covering it. | 只是被一些破烂的东西遮蔽了而已 |
| [09:16] | You got Corn Flakes and Lucky Charms | 你们已经有了玉米片 有了幸运符麦片 |
| [09:19] | and Cocoa Puffs. | 可可泡芙也不缺 |
| [09:21] | But I just want a taste the milk. | 但我只想尝一口牛奶的滋味 |
| [09:24] | – Who the hell is this kid! – Guys… | -这小屁孩到底是谁 -各位 |
| [09:27] | I told Lindsay to hold off on releasing the song, | 我让琳赛推迟发布你们的新歌 |
| [09:31] | because I wanted to link you guys up with Nock Nock. | 是因为我想让你们和敲敲捆绑营销 |
| [09:35] | He’s untested but very promising. | 他还未经市场考验 但很有前途 |
| [09:38] | I think a collab with him | 我认为跟他合作 |
| [09:40] | could help you get your track where you want it. | 可以让你们的新歌达到你们想要的效果 |
| [09:42] | I don’t know this corny, cereal-ass bitch! | 我才不认识这个满嘴麦片的乡巴佬呢 |
| [09:46] | He gets half a million monthly listens on SoundCloud. | 他在声云上每月有50万的播放量 |
| [09:49] | Nice to meet you. Nock Nock, is it? | 幸会 敲敲是吗 |
| [09:51] | It’d be an honor to help you guys out. | 能帮你们一把是我的荣幸 |
| [09:52] | Big Titty Dreams got me through my parents’ divorce. | 《大奶梦》帮我度过了父母离婚的灰暗日子 |
| [09:55] | See? This is a perfect example | 看到没 这就是卡利波 |
| [09:58] | of the extra cross-pollination that Caliber can offer. | 能额外提供”跨领域合作”的绝佳案例 |
| [10:01] | I’m in. | 我这就签 |
| [10:05] | – So we good? – We’re not good, Gretch. | -没事了吧 -事儿还没完呢 格雷琴 |
| [10:07] | You ditched me at Soho House, | 你在苏荷馆抛弃了我 |
| [10:09] | and I ended up pegging an agent from APA. | 最后我只能戴假屌干了个APA公司的经纪人 |
| [10:13] | APA, Gretch. | APA啊 格雷琴 |
| [10:13] | APA是好莱坞 较有名的经纪公司之一 | |
| [10:15] | Oh, shit. You’re on a Fuck Week? | 操 你是在过约炮狂欢周吗 |
| [10:18] | That’s why you’ve been ignoring my texts? | 所以你才一直没回我短信吗 |
| [10:20] | Yes. Duh. | 可不是嘛 |
| [10:22] | Next time just say so. | 下次就直说呗 |
| [10:29] | Thanks, fam. | 谢谢 亲 |
| [10:31] | Okay. | 好嘞 |
| [10:36] | I did it! I got him! Can you imagine how exciting | 成功了 我签到他了 如果他真的特别棒 |
| [10:39] | this would be if he were actually good? | 你能想象这有多令人激动吗 |
| [10:42] | We doing this? | 我们去浪吧 |
| [10:44] | Hell yeah. | 好啊 |
| [10:56] | Oh, these guys are so hot! | 天呐 这些小鲜肉真性感 |
| [10:58] | I can’t wait to put my stuff in their stuff! | 我都迫不及待要把我的洞坐到他们的屌上了 |
| [11:02] | Struggling actors are the best. | 不得志的男演员最带劲了 |
| [11:04] | They have so much to prove. | 他们太想证明自己了 |
| [11:05] | Oh, where are those dummies with our drinks? | 那些蠢蛋买酒买到哪儿去啦 |
| [11:07] | They better hurry, | 他们最好快点 |
| [11:08] | ’cause I’m so ready to get down with their dicks. | 因为我都等不及要给他们舔屌了 |
| [11:11] | You okay? | 你还好吗 |
| [11:13] | You’re shaking, and your eyeballs are real shiny. | 你在发抖 眼睛也泪汪汪的 |
| [11:17] | It’s because I’m so happy we’re doing this. | 因为我很开心我们终于出来浪了啊 |
| [11:20] | – You? – Definitely! I am so pumped | -你呢 -当然 一想到要睡陌生人 |
| [11:22] | to bone down with some strange. | 我就兴奋得不行啊 |
| [11:27] | But you don’t have to. | 但你不用勉强自己啊 |
| [11:29] | You’ve had a busy week. | 你这周又特别忙 |
| [11:30] | My hood is extremely chapped. But I’m still down if you are. | 我的逼干得都快皴裂了 但如果你想继续我奉陪 |
| [11:34] | Unless… you want to go. | 除非你想走人 |
| [11:36] | I mean… | 我觉得… |
| [11:38] | in a way… | 某种程度上说… |
| [11:40] | that might be the crazier thing to do. | 走人可能更疯狂 |
| [11:42] | No one would see it coming. | 出其不意 没人会料到 |
| [11:46] | – I don’t wanna do this. – I don’t wanna do this, either! | -我不想做 -我也不想做 |
| [11:48] | Oh, I’m calling it. Fuck Week’s done. | 我正式宣布 约炮狂欢周到此为止 |
| [11:51] | Oh, thank God. | 感谢上帝 |
| [11:52] | For real, I just want to find my forever dick, Gretch. | 说真的 我只想找到永远属于我的那一根屌 格雷琴 |
| [11:56] | I have this gross feeling. | 我有种恶心的感觉 |
| [11:59] | Maybe I’m actually fulfilled by my job. | 也许工作真的给了我足够的成就感 |
| [12:02] | Like, maybe it’s not just someplace for me to go | 也许工作对我来说不再意味着 |
| [12:06] | to nap under my desk anymore. | 躲在办公桌下睡一觉 |
| [12:08] | And instead of celebrating this win with a bunch of dick, | 我并不想通过跟一群野男人打炮来庆祝这次的成功 |
| [12:10] | all I want to do is go home and tell Jimmy. | 而是只想回家去告诉吉米 |
| [12:14] | Oh, can I crash at your place tonight? | 今晚我能睡你家吗 |
| [12:15] | I’m sick of hearing Becca and Vernon whisper-fight | 我不想再听贝卡和弗南小声吵架 |
| [12:18] | over whose turn it is to rinse out Tallulah’s eye. | 争论该谁去冲洗塔卢拉的眼睛了 |
| [12:23] | Can I borrow your lip balm? | 我能借一下你的唇膏吗 |
| [12:39] | Oh, shit. | 我靠 |
| [12:42] | Look at Jimmy’s Instagram. What a pale booty. | 快看吉米的照片分享网 好苍白的屁股 |
| [12:44] | Geez, have some standards, Jimmy. | 天呐 提高一下挑女人的水平吧 吉米 |
| [12:47] | Good night, Lindser. | 晚安 琳子 |
| [12:52] | Hey, Jimmy, | 嘿 吉米 |
| [12:53] | I forgive you for hooking up with such a flat butt. | 我原谅你跟那个扁屁股约炮 |
| [12:56] | Make room. I’m coming to spoon you. | 腾出点地方 我来抱着你睡觉了 |
| [12:58] | Jimmy? | 吉米 |
| [12:59] | Jim… | 吉… |
| [13:38] | You’re Jimmy Shive-Overly! | 你是吉米希瓦-奥弗利 |
| [13:41] | I love you! | 我超爱你 |
| [13:42] | Sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [13:44] | Are you alone? | 你一个人吗 |
| [13:45] | – Can I join you? – Sorry, I’m on a deadline. | -我能加入吗 -抱歉 我赶稿子呢 |
| [14:15] | There you are. Food’s here. | 你回来了 吃的到了 |
| [14:16] | Mnm, yum! | 太好了 |
| [14:20] | Last night was mindboggling. | 昨晚真是令人震撼 |
| [14:24] | Am I still a little tender? | 我是不是还有点筋软骨酥 |
| [14:26] | Yes. | 是的 |
| [14:27] | Well, I didn’t know it could bend that way. | 我根本不知道身体还能弯曲到那种角度 |
| [14:29] | You should be in Cirque du Soleil. | 你应该去参加太阳马戏团 |
| [14:31] | What, tonight? | 什么 今晚吗 |
| [14:32] | Is Gretchen here? | 格雷琴在吗 |
| [14:37] | I can’t believe you’re cheating on Gretchen, | 我真不敢相信你居然背着格雷琴在外偷腥 |
| [14:38] | after everything you’ve been through. | 你们一起经历了那么多事才走到一起 |
| [14:39] | I’m not cheating. | 我没有出轨 |
| [14:41] | It’s Fuck Week. It’s a week during which | 这是约炮狂欢周 在这一周里 |
| [14:43] | – both parties… – It’s in the name. | -双方都有权… -名字都叫约炮了 |
| [14:45] | But, twist: | 但是 反转来了 |
| [14:46] | I am not doing any cocksmanning. | 我完全没有跟人乱搞 |
| [14:49] | Ho-ho! What?! | 怎么样 想不到吧 |
| [14:51] | I’m abstaining, because I’ve already participated in Fuck Week. | 我在禁欲 因为我已经参与了约炮狂欢周 |
| [14:55] | I just did it before the official kickoff. | 我只是在游戏正式开始前就跟人搞过了 |
| [14:57] | – What do you mean? – Well, having received… | -什么意思 -我接受了… |
| [15:00] | underwhelming fellatio from a florist, | 一位花商技艺非常一般的口交 |
| [15:03] | I’ve contrived this brief fermata in our carnal fealty | 于是我就安排了这段肉体忠诚中的短暂放纵期 |
| [15:08] | to allow Gretchen to get even | 让格雷琴能够跟我扯平 |
| [15:11] | without her ever knowing | 而她根本不需要知道 |
| [15:12] | that there was a connubial imbalance in the first place. | 我们曾有过不平衡的情侣关系 |
| [15:15] | So you did… | 所以你确实 |
| [15:17] | cheat on Gretchen, | 背叛了格雷琴 |
| [15:19] | and only suggested Fuck Week as a scam | 你提出约炮狂欢周只是为了 |
| [15:22] | to get rid of your guilt without ever owning up to what you did. | 消除自己的内疚感 而不需要对曾经的行为负责 |
| [15:25] | – To the simpleton. – Oh, so, what, | -简而言之是这样 -难道说 |
| [15:28] | Gretchen sleeps with a bunch of guys– | 格雷琴跟一帮男人睡了 |
| [15:30] | won’t you be jealous? | 你不会吃醋吗 |
| [15:32] | I am post-jealousy. | 我已经过了吃醋的阶段了 |
| [15:35] | But, as it turns out, Gretchen is too busy with work, | 但事实是 格雷琴忙于工作 |
| [15:39] | as ludicrous as that sentence sounds, | 虽然这句话听起来非常荒唐 |
| [15:41] | thus downgrading my plan to “Flawed.” | 那让我的计划有点”美中不足” |
| [15:44] | Just be honest with her. | 你就跟她说实话吧 |
| [15:46] | Be Jimmy. | 做真实的吉米 |
| [15:49] | “Being Jimmy” | 用吉米的方式 |
| [15:50] | means that, upon hearing advice from Dim Roommate Edgar, | 就意味着 在听完笨蛋室友埃德加的建议后 |
| [15:54] | I should immediately reject said advice and do the opposite. | 我会立刻拒绝该建议 并做出与之相反的事 |
| [15:58] | It’s settled, then. I shall double down | 那就这么定了 我应该加大马力 |
| [16:00] | and lean into the illusion to motivate her. | 继续让她误会 从而刺激她做出行动 |
| [16:03] | Good backwards advice, Edgar. | 你的反向建议很不错 埃德加 |
| [16:05] | You’ve accidentally done it again. | 你再次意外地帮了忙 |
| [16:10] | All right, start slow. | 听我说 开始先慢点 |
| [16:12] | Ease into it. | 慢慢进入状态 |
| [16:13] | The right amount of suction is imperative. | 必须要有恰到好处的吸力 |
| [16:16] | Firm, but with an intermediate amount of pressure. | 吸紧一点 同时还要给予适当的压力 |
| [16:19] | Bit of moisture should help it along, | 稍微湿润一点应该会有用 |
| [16:21] | and remember: no teeth. | 记住了 不准用牙 |
| [16:23] | I’ve done this before, honey. | 我以前干过这事 亲爱的 |
| [16:28] | So, where do you want me? | 你想让我吮吸哪里 |
| [16:30] | Right… | 就在… |
| [16:32] | here. | 这里 |
| [16:53] | Come here, say hi. I’m dying. | 过来 打个招呼 我要死了 |
| [16:55] | Oh, uh, well, I should really take a shower. | 那个 我得先洗个澡 |
| [17:04] | Yo, why are you playing vids during Fuck Week? | 话说 在约炮狂欢周 你怎么会在打电脑游戏 |
| [17:07] | How do you know about that? | 你怎么会知道这事 |
| [17:08] | Your girl told me how much she’s fuckin’. | 你女朋友跟我说了她跟多少男人上了床 |
| [17:11] | She’s probably pregnant by now. | 她现在恐怕都已经被搞大肚子了 |
| [17:13] | But she hasn’t been doing it at all. | 但她完全没跟任何人打炮 |
| [17:15] | She’s been working, nonstop. | 她一直在孜孜不倦地工作 |
| [17:17] | – I’ve observed it myself. – Fool. | -我亲自观察过了 -蠢货 |
| [17:19] | She’s putting on a show. | 她是故意演戏给你看的 |
| [17:21] | Bitch is a pathological liar | 那贱人撒谎成性 |
| [17:23] | who’s weeks away from getting that ring. | 她再过几周就要结婚了 |
| [17:25] | She gonna lie even more now. | 她现在只会更肆无忌惮地撒谎 |
| [17:27] | Once, when she spilled chocolate on her pants, | 她有一次把巧克力吐到了裤子上 |
| [17:30] | she told the dry cleaners that she’d shit herself | 她跟干洗店的人说她把屎拉在裤子上了 |
| [17:32] | because she didn’t want him to judge her. | 因为她不希望那个人评判她 |
| [17:35] | You played yourself, man. | 你纯属自找的 老兄 |
| [17:36] | You let the Hamburglar into McDonald’s on the honor system | 你让汉堡大盗光明正大地走进麦当劳餐厅 |
| [17:39] | and you’re sitting around here just playing video games? | 你竟然还坐在这里玩电脑游戏 |
| [17:42] | Thinking your burgers are safe? | 觉得你的汉堡很安全 |
| [17:44] | Your burgers are not safe! | 你的汉堡可不安全 |
| [17:48] | You’re so stupid, Jimmy. | 你真是蠢爆了 吉米 |
| [17:52] | Game over! | 游戏结束 |
| [18:00] | Stupid, stupid, stupid! | 蠢货 蠢货 蠢爆了 |
| [18:03] | Your burgers are not safe. | 你的汉堡可不安全 |
| [18:06] | I’ve lethally miscalculated. | 我严重误算了 |
| [18:08] | I thought that it would make it even, | 我以为那样就扯平了 |
| [18:09] | but it’s not remotely even. | 但显然离扯平还差得远了 |
| [18:11] | I have to sleep with one person, at least. | 我必须至少跟一个人打炮 |
| [18:14] | And Gretchen is fucking so many guys. | 格雷琴竟然跟那么多男人打炮了 |
| [18:18] | So, so many. | 真的太多了 |
| [18:20] | I thought you were post- jealousy. | 我以为你已经不再吃醋了 |
| [18:22] | I am now mid- post jealousy. | 没进化到那个阶段 属于吃醋中后期 |
| [18:26] | Oh, look! Ecstasy. | 瞧啊 摇头丸 |
| [18:28] | Just the elixir I need to get into the perfect mindset. | 我正需要这种神药 让我的思想进入放纵的状态 |
| [18:33] | Hmm, a bit crumbly. | 有点脆 太易碎了 |
| [18:34] | Better take two to ensure efficacy. | 要吃两颗才能保证药效 |
| [18:37] | When was the last time you wore that jacket? | 你上次穿这件夹克衫是什么时候的事了 |
| [18:40] | Hmm, can’t have been that long ago. | 也没过去那么久吧 |
| [18:43] | Oh, look. My old Zune. | 瞧啊 我的Zune播放器[十多年前的产品] |
| [18:57] | I’m going home. | 我要回家了 |
| [18:58] | I get screwed enough at work. | 工作已经够令我糟心了 |
| [19:13] | Am I sweating? | 我在出汗吗 |
| [19:18] | Let’s go, pal! Open up! | 快出来 老兄 开门 |
| [19:21] | – Dude, come on! – Night, night. | -老兄 搞快点 -晚安 |
| [19:24] | Let’s go, buddy. Pee and go, my man. | 快点 老兄 撒完尿快走 别占着坑位 |
| [19:39] | Rough night, huh, buddy? | 昨晚很狂野吗 老兄 |
| [19:42] | Winning! | 要赢了啊 |
| [19:43] | ‘Twas a crazy night, indeed. | 昨晚的确很疯狂 |
| [19:48] | – You off? – Of course. | -你要走了吗 -当然 |
| [19:50] | Last day of Fuck Week. | 约炮狂欢周的最后一天了 |
| [19:54] | Go, go have fun. | 去吧 尽情玩吧 |
| [19:56] | You’re so cool, Jimmy. I can’t wait to marry you. | 你太酷了 吉米 我迫不及待想嫁给你了 |
| [19:59] | Now I’m going to go get some dick. | 现在我要去找些屌来享受下了 |
| [20:02] | Climb on all the dicks. | 爬上各种屌狂欢去吧 |
| [20:06] | Thank God Gretchen’s finally getting in the goddamn game. | 谢天谢地 格雷琴终于知道要放纵享受了 |
| [20:10] | What do you mean, “Finally”? | 什么叫”终于” |
| [20:12] | She called off her only attempt at Fuck Week | 她取消了在约炮狂欢周唯一的约炮计划 |
| [20:14] | to come home to you, like a lame- o. | 回到家陪你 怂得跟蛋一样 |
| [20:16] | But you were out squirting on dicks, | 但你竟然出去放纵了 |
| [20:18] | like you should be, playa. | 就像你该做的那样 花心公子哥 |
| [20:20] | Thank God you posted that gross, | 谢天谢地 你在网上发了那张 |
| [20:22] | pasty- ass girl butt on your Insta. | 恶心苍白的女孩屁股照 |
| [20:24] | It’s what finally motivated her to go dick hunting. | 那终于刺激她出去寻屌狂欢了 |
| [20:27] | That was my butt. | 那是我的屁股 |
| [20:29] | What?! | 什么 |
| [20:31] | That flat- booty bitch was you? | 那个屁股扁平的贱人是你吗 |
| [20:34] | I didn’t fuck during Fuck Week. | 我在约炮狂欢周并没有打炮 |
| [20:36] | What? | 什么 |
| [20:37] | So neither of you goobers have been banging at all? | 所以你们两个都没有跟人打炮吗 |
| [20:40] | Yeah, Gretchen has. Sam told me. | 不 格雷琴打了 山姆告诉我的 |
| [20:43] | She lied to Sam to look cool. | 她对山姆撒谎了 以显得很酷 |
| [20:46] | God. You both are such gigantic losers. | 天呐 你们两个都是大怂蛋 |
| [20:50] | And I’m the only one who fucked during Fuck Week, | 我是唯一在约炮狂欢周打炮了的人 |
| [20:52] | and it wasn’t even my Fuck Week. | 但这明明都不是我的约炮狂欢周 |
| [20:54] | Well, Gretchen’s about to do it. | 格雷琴现在打算去约炮了 |
| [20:55] | Yeah, she is. | 是啊 没错 |
| [20:57] | Thanks to you. | 多亏了你 |
| [21:06] | Where are you now? | 你现在处于什么阶段 |
| [21:11] | Jealousy. | 吃醋 |
| [21:14] | Yeah. | 好吧 |
| [21:49] | Wha…? | 什么… |
| [21:50] | Oh, you’re home. | 你回来了 |
| [21:52] | Jimmy, thank you so much for suggesting Fuck Week. | 吉米 谢谢你提出「约炮狂欢周」这个主意 |
| [21:55] | Oh, no problem. | 没事 |
| [21:56] | No, really. | 不 说真的 |
| [21:59] | To be perfectly honest, it sounded fun, | 老实说 这本来听上去很好玩 |
| [22:02] | but I just wasn’t feeling it at first, which worried me. | 但我一开始真的没感觉 那让我很担心 |
| [22:05] | So tonight I had meaningless sex with a rando. | 所以今晚我跟一个陌生人打了场无意义的炮 |
| [22:08] | Oh. That’s great, great to hear. | 好极了 真高兴听你这么说 |
| [22:10] | And, well, Jimmy, it made me realize | 吉米 那让我意识到 |
| [22:13] | I don’t want to do that anymore. | 我再也不想那么做了 |
| [22:15] | I’m happy being with just you. | 跟你在一起 我已经很满足了 |
| [22:17] | And I’m not even lying to myself, which, | 我甚至都没有在欺骗自我了 |
| [22:19] | if I’m not lying to someone else is usually the case. | 通常情况下 我能做到不欺骗别人已经够不容易了 |
| [22:22] | But it’s true. | 但这是实话 |
| [22:23] | I just want you. | 我只想要你 |
| [22:27] | Did it work for you? | 这对你有效吗 |
| [22:28] | You get it out of your system, too? | 你排掉体内骚动不安的因子了吗 |
| [22:30] | I actually realized that I didn’t need it before you did, | 实际上 我比你更早意识到我不需要跟别人打炮 |
| [22:32] | so… I didn’t partake. | 所以 我没参与这个游戏 |
| [22:36] | Yes, you did. | 不 你参与了啊 |
| [22:37] | The lipstick, the hickey, the Insta- butt? | 口红 吻痕 还有网上的屁股照 |
| [22:41] | Yeah, well, I didn’t want to take Fuck Week away from you, | 那个 我不想剥夺你的约炮狂欢周 |
| [22:45] | so I just faked it for your benefit. | 所以我为了你 假装跟别人约炮了 |
| [22:50] | No! No! | 不 不要啊 |
| [22:53] | Jimmy! But I did, | 吉米 但我跟人约了 |
| [22:55] | which means now we’re going into our marriage unequal. | 那意味着我们将以不平等的状态进入婚姻的殿堂 |
| [22:58] | No, no, no, no, no. No, no, it’s… it’s okay, it’s okay. | 不 不 不 没事的 没事的 |
| [23:01] | I- I got my dick sucked, so, it’s even. | 有人给我舔屌了 所以扯平了 |
| [23:04] | Oh, I thought you didn’t hook up this week. | 你这周不是没跟人乱搞吗 |
| [23:09] | No, right. No. | 是哦 没错 的确没有 |
| [23:10] | Didn’t- didn’t… didn’t I say I… | 我不是说了…我… |
| [23:13] | I actually had a small encounter, like, | 我实际上有过一次小艳遇 |
| [23:16] | within the margin of error of said week. | 时间是在本周的误差边缘范围内 |
| [23:20] | Margin of error? What does that mean? | 误差边缘 什么意思 |
| [23:22] | Oh, it’s f… it’s funny. Do you remember | 说起来也好笑 你还记得 |
| [23:24] | when I picked out centerpieces alone l- last week? | 我上周一个人选鲜花的事吗 |
| [23:28] | Because I was working. | 因为我当时在工作 |
| [23:30] | Yeah. Yeah, well, while y- you were doing that… | 没错 你在工作的时候 |
| [23:34] | the florist, you know, | 那个花商 |
| [23:37] | she kind of, um… she sucked my dick. | 她算是…给我舔了屌 |
| [23:41] | You… you remember, because y- you said | 你肯定记得 因为你当时说 |
| [23:44] | that I wasn’t… I wasn’t a bad boy. | 我不是个坏男孩 |
| [23:46] | Remember? So, yeah, yeah, technically, | 还记得吗 没错 严格来说 |
| [23:49] | it happened before the commencement. | 那的确发生在本周的游戏开始之前 |
| [23:52] | But that is splitting hairs, | 但那是无伤大雅的小事 |
| [23:55] | really, because | 真的 因为 |
| [23:57] | we both came to the same conclusion. | 我们都得出了同样的结论 |
| [23:59] | That we don’t want that anymore. | 也就是 我们不想要那种刺激了 |
| [24:02] | So, yay, us. | 所以 好棒 我们在一起 |
| [24:05] | So, wait… | 所以 等等 |
| [24:07] | you did all of this- – | 你谋划了这一切 |
| [24:10] | suggested Fuck Week, went to elaborate lengths | 建议搞个约炮狂欢周 费尽心机地 |
| [24:13] | to make it seem like you were fucking- – | 让我以为你跟别人乱搞了 |
| [24:15] | so I’d fuck someone, even though I didn’t want to, | 好让我也跟别人约炮 尽管我并不想 |
| [24:17] | just so you could feel better about yourself? | 就为了减轻你的负罪感 |
| [24:19] | Well, um, uh, I mean, when you put it that way, | 我想说 如果你这么说的话 |
| [24:21] | it does sound a bit foolish. | 那的确听上去有点愚蠢 |
| [24:23] | No. I’m impressed. | 不 我相当佩服 |
| [24:27] | You are? | 真的吗 |
| [24:28] | Makes me feel better to know you’re as big of a dishonest, | 那让我心里好受多了 因为你也跟我一样 |
| [24:31] | disgusting fucking liar as I am. | 是个不诚实的 恶心的骗子 |
| [24:37] | Good night, Jimmy. | 晚安 吉米 |