时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
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[00:03] | Dick…Dick…Dick. [Yelping] | |
[00:05] | Dick, wake up! Wake up, Dick! | |
[00:08] | Wha–ooh! Wha–Wha? Oh! | |
[00:10] | Oh, Sally! Thank god! | |
[00:11] | I had the most horrible nightmare! | |
[00:13] | I dreamt that the big giant head came to earth! | |
[00:16] | And he was an obnoxious, loudmouthed boob, | |
[00:19] | and…and he made you high commander, and… | |
[00:23] | and then I was eating a giant marshmallow… and… | |
[00:27] | oh, my god! Where’s my pillow?! | |
[00:29] | Dick. | |
[00:31] | Get ahold of yourself, Ok? | |
[00:33] | Look. It wasn’t a dream. | |
[00:35] | He did make me high commander. | |
[00:37] | And my pillow? | |
[00:39] | He, uh…he confiscated all our pillows for himself. | |
[00:42] | Oh, my god. Then it’s true. | |
[00:44] | Sally, get me some coffee. | |
[00:46] | Dick… [Chuckles] | |
[00:47] | I’m not getting you anything anymore. | |
[00:50] | You work under me now, and you’re just gonna have to get used to it. | |
[00:53] | Oh, great! | |
[00:54] | Now, get up and get dressed. | |
[00:55] | No. That’s an order! | |
[00:57] | An order? | |
[00:59] | “High commander Sally.” | |
[01:01] | That sounds real impressive. | |
[01:02] | Rally ’round, troops. | |
[01:04] | High commander Sally wants to go to the mall. | |
[01:07] | Did it ever occur to you | |
[01:09] | that I might actually deserve this promotion? | |
[01:12] | Of course it didn’t! | |
[01:14] | Uh, sir… permission to– | |
[01:15] | Dick. | |
[01:17] | What is this? | |
[01:19] | It–it’s called a soap opera, sir. | |
[01:22] | Mmm. | |
[01:23] | What are they doing? | |
[01:25] | They’re having sex. Sir, if–if I may– | |
[01:29] | I want to do that. | |
[01:32] | I want to do what drake is doing to Amanda’s sister. | |
[01:37] | Sir, I’ll– I’ll call some people. | |
[01:41] | But, sir, if I might, | |
[01:42] | how could you make Sally the high commander? I’m the high commander. | |
[01:46] | Well, not anymore. | |
[01:47] | Then what am I? | |
[01:48] | I don’t know. | |
[01:50] | How does “lieutenant” sound? | |
[01:52] | Awful! | |
[01:53] | That’s right. It doesn’t have | |
[01:54] | much of a ring to it, does it? | |
[01:56] | Let’s see. Let’s make you the…transmitter. | |
[02:00] | “Transmitter Dick.” Now, that sounds kind of jazzy. | |
[02:04] | But…I–I can’t be transmitter. | |
[02:05] | Harry’s the transmitter. | |
[02:07] | Fine. Then you’ll be his assistant. But–but–but– | |
[02:09] | no. No. No. No. No. Don’t thank me. | |
[02:11] | Wait. I’ve changed my mind. Thank me. | |
[02:50] | Ok, Tommy. Now, the thing about a cummerbund | |
[02:53] | is that not only is it a nice accent to your ensemble, | |
[02:57] | but you can also hide your stash in it. | |
[03:00] | I’m not hiding a stash in it. | |
[03:02] | Oh. Well, you know, that’s a good idea. | |
[03:04] | You ought to hold it. They never search the girl. | |
[03:07] | That’s just great. I was worried about that, too. | |
[03:09] | I’m leaving. | |
[03:10] | Ha ha ha ha ha! | |
[03:13] | She is the sweetest thing. | |
[03:15] | You be good to her, Tommy. | |
[03:17] | This is the most important night of her life. | |
[03:20] | What about her wedding? | |
[03:22] | Ah! Weddings come and go. | |
[03:25] | But a girl only has one junior prom. | |
[03:29] | Of course… some girls have none. | |
[03:33] | Hello, Vicki. | |
[03:35] | Excuse me. Tommy, did you hear anything? | |
[03:38] | ‘Cause I most certainly did not! | |
[03:41] | [Sobbing loudly] | |
[03:45] | Ah. Good afternoon, Dick. | |
[03:47] | High commander. | |
[03:48] | Look, I…I just want to say I… | |
[03:51] | I completely accept your new position | |
[03:53] | and only hope that you will treat me | |
[03:55] | with the same consideration and respect | |
[03:57] | that I, as high commander, showed you. | |
[03:59] | Of course. Get out of my chair. | |
[04:04] | Sally, I need someone to drive me to get my corsage at 3:00. | |
[04:06] | No problem. Dick, drive him. | |
[04:08] | Yes, sir. Thanks. Dick, get out of my chair. | |
[04:10] | Uh, but– move! | |
[04:13] | Dick, get out of my chair. | |
[04:17] | Good afternoon. | |
[04:19] | All: good afternoon, sir! | |
[04:20] | At ease, at ease. Well… | |
[04:22] | well. What’s going on? | |
[04:24] | We were just discussing Tommy’s prom tomorrow night, sir. | |
[04:26] | Oh. What is this “prom”? | |
[04:28] | Uh, prom. It’s, um… it’s a party. | |
[04:30] | A party! I’m down. Count me in. | |
[04:34] | That’d be great, sir, but it’s only for teenagers. | |
[04:37] | Well, he could go as your chaperone. | |
[04:39] | Or he could not. | |
[04:40] | Chaperone, chaperone. I kinda like the sound of that. | |
[04:43] | Chaperone. Dick, get out of that chair. | |
[04:45] | Yes, sir! Right away, sir! | |
[04:48] | You, um… | |
[04:49] | want to sit down, sir? | |
[04:50] | No. | |
[04:58] | Oh, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, Dick. | |
[05:02] | This happens to all men | |
[05:03] | at some point in their life. | |
[05:06] | It does? | |
[05:07] | Sure. | |
[05:09] | At least, I think so. | |
[05:11] | I wouldn’t really know. | |
[05:12] | I’ve been batting kind of a thousand… | |
[05:15] | up until now. | |
[05:16] | [Groaning] | |
[05:17] | Oh, Dick, what’s wrong? | |
[05:19] | Ohhh… I don’t know. | |
[05:21] | Ever since stone got here– | |
[05:23] | oh, enough about stone! | |
[05:24] | I knew his type back in college. Big man on campus. | |
[05:27] | But you look past that flashy smile, | |
[05:29] | sleep with him a couple of times, | |
[05:31] | do kinky things you never thought you’d do, | |
[05:33] | and then try for days to get him to answer the phone. | |
[05:35] | Then you see the real him. | |
[05:39] | This isn’t really the pep talk I was hoping for. | |
[05:50] | Oh, Vicki, I love ya. | |
[05:52] | Can you ever forgive me? Aah! | |
[05:55] | I just came in to steal one of Vicki’s cigs. | |
[05:58] | So what’s new? | |
[05:59] | Oh, you know. Same old same old. | |
[06:02] | You wanted the cable hooked up in here? | |
[06:04] | Yeah. Right over there, honey. | |
[06:11] | Hey. | |
[06:15] | Oh, good. Stone. Look– | |
[06:17] | oh. If it isn’t crooked ear. | |
[06:19] | Right. Uh, you know, I–I know you and Dick go back– | |
[06:23] | you have a very pretty mouth. | |
[06:24] | It moves a lot, but it’s very pretty. | |
[06:26] | Ok. You know, ever since you got here– | |
[06:28] | I–I can’t help but notice that you’re a woman. | |
[06:31] | And as such, I’d really like to have a go at the sex thing with you. | |
[06:38] | So…why don’t we find a pair of earmuffs | |
[06:41] | and retire to the bedroom? | |
[06:44] | No, I–I don’t think so. | |
[06:50] | Ah. | |
[06:51] | Oh, my god. | |
[06:53] | Oh, my god! | |
[06:54] | I know, and I’m still just getting the hang of it. | |
[06:56] | You pig! | |
[06:57] | No, no! Wait! Wait! Wait! The bedroom’s this way! | |
[07:04] | Oh, man! This shirt doesn’t have any buttons! | |
[07:06] | What a ripoff! | |
[07:09] | Why don’t you try using some of these little black things? | |
[07:12] | Harry, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. | |
[07:14] | Go get me a stapler. | |
[07:18] | You know, you cannot order Harry around like that anymore, Dick. | |
[07:21] | He outranks you now. | |
[07:23] | Oh, right. I forgot. I have too much cellulite on my ass | |
[07:26] | to be a high commander. | |
[07:29] | Yeah, Dick. Maybe if you put on a wonder bra, | |
[07:31] | you could get your job back. | |
[07:34] | Are you guys insinuating | |
[07:36] | that I got this job because of the way I look? | |
[07:38] | Who’s insinuating? We’re saying it right to your face. | |
[07:41] | Yeah. | |
[07:42] | This is so typical! | |
[07:44] | When a woman with a body like this | |
[07:46] | gets a promotion, | |
[07:47] | everybody questions it. | |
[07:49] | But if it were a man with a body like this, | |
[07:51] | there wouldn’t be any question! | |
[07:54] | Ah. Sir. As per my duties as high commander, | |
[07:58] | I have completed the daily status report. | |
[08:01] | If you’ll notice, I’ve organized it chronologically | |
[08:03] | and not as my predecessor used to do, | |
[08:06] | uh, in…limerick form. | |
[08:09] | Excellent work. | |
[08:10] | Excellent work! | |
[08:12] | But you didn’t even look at it. | |
[08:14] | Didn’t have to. I like what I’m looking at right now. | |
[08:18] | What are you saying? | |
[08:19] | I’m saying… | |
[08:20] | vah-vah. | |
[08:24] | Oh, my god. | |
[08:27] | I didn’t want to believe it, but it’s true. | |
[08:29] | You didn’t promote me on my merits. | |
[08:32] | No, ma’am. | |
[08:33] | Oh, god. | |
[08:34] | But don’t get me wrong. | |
[08:35] | I promoted you because I thought you’d be | |
[08:37] | the best possible candidate to give me pleasure. | |
[08:42] | Ok. | |
[08:44] | I’ll give you pleasure, you steaming pile of alien– | |
[08:47] | that’s right! | |
[08:47] | Talk dirty! | |
[08:50] | Hey. I got a limo outside for Tommy Solomon. | |
[08:52] | Yeah. Yeah, I’m ready. | |
[08:54] | Hold that thought. | |
[08:55] | Shotgun! | |
[09:07] | You look really pretty tonight, Alissa. | |
[09:09] | Thank you. | |
[09:12] | Yah-ha! | |
[09:15] | Tommy, I just have a question. Yeah. | |
[09:17] | Who is this man, and what’s he doing here ruining my life? | |
[09:22] | Yaaahhh! | |
[09:23] | Whoo-hoo! | |
[09:24] | Ha– | |
[09:26] | [Choking] | |
[09:27] | I think I swallowed a bug. | |
[09:33] | [Romantic music plays] | |
[09:45] | Excuse me, sir. I would just love it | |
[09:48] | if you wouldn’t play grab- ass with my typing teacher. | |
[09:52] | I would love it if you’d keep in mind | |
[09:53] | which one of us is your supreme leader. | |
[09:55] | Get–shh! All right. Give her my love there… big boy. | |
[09:59] | Tommy. You’re spending more time | |
[10:01] | with your dad’s friend than with me. | |
[10:03] | Yeah. Well, you have to understand. It’s his first prom. | |
[10:07] | Mine, too! | |
[10:09] | Right. Exactly. See that? | |
[10:13] | Hey, kids. | |
[10:15] | Have you seen anything illegal goin’ down? | |
[10:17] | You know, smoking, drinking? | |
[10:19] | No. Oh. | |
[10:20] | Come on, cats. Old Donny’s no square. | |
[10:25] | I’m totally down with your awesome scene. | |
[10:27] | Now, uh… | |
[10:28] | which one of these kids | |
[10:30] | is dancin’ with Lucy in the sky with diamonds? | |
[10:38] | Hey, guys. | |
[10:41] | Hi, Vicki. What are you doin’ here? | |
[10:43] | Well, I was just sittin’ at home–hi– | |
[10:46] | I was just sittin’ at home feelin’ lonesome, and I thought, | |
[10:47] | hey, what the hell? | |
[10:49] | It’s never too late to go to your junior prom. Ha ha ha ha! | |
[10:54] | I’m not sure that’s true. | |
[10:56] | [Sobbing] | |
[11:02] | Dick. | |
[11:03] | Hello, Mary. | |
[11:04] | Is stone around? | |
[11:05] | No. | |
[11:06] | Good. | |
[11:09] | Because I have a little news flash about your friend. | |
[11:12] | This afternoon, he grabbed me and kissed me! | |
[11:15] | What?! | |
[11:16] | Oh, Dick, I know how this must make you feel. | |
[11:18] | Oh, but this is wonderful! | |
[11:20] | What?! | |
[11:21] | Stone likes you! | |
[11:22] | This reflects beautifully on me! | |
[11:25] | Dick, another man put his tongue in my mouth! | |
[11:28] | Tongue! Yes! | |
[11:29] | How can this be a good thing? | |
[11:31] | Mary, don’t you see?! He’s given you his seal of approval! | |
[11:35] | Why do you care what he thinks? | |
[11:36] | The only thing that matters is what you and I think. | |
[11:39] | Tell me, Mary… what do you think? | |
[11:42] | I think you’re way too smart and handsome and sexy | |
[11:46] | to waste a second of your time worrying about that braying jackass. | |
[11:51] | Mary… what?! | |
[11:53] | I think my little problem is gone. | |
[11:58] | Yehh-haww! | |
[12:08] | Tommy, your weird friend is ruining the prom. | |
[12:12] | Which one? | |
[12:19] | He’s in the lead. | |
[12:20] | So sorry, Alissa. I know I’m screwin’ this whole night up for you, | |
[12:23] | and you’re gonna probably end up back here in 20 years like Vicki. | |
[12:26] | It’ll be all my fault. | |
[12:28] | Tommy, it’s bad, but it’s not… | |
[12:30] | that bad. | |
[12:33] | The point is that we’re here together, and that makes me happy. | |
[12:36] | Really? | |
[12:37] | Really. | |
[12:38] | Whoops! | |
[12:49] | I’ll get some napkins. | |
[12:51] | [Drumroll] | |
[12:53] | Ok, everybody, it’s that time! | |
[12:55] | And now the king and queen of the junior prom… | |
[12:57] | Tommy Solomon and Alissa Strudwick! | |
[13:00] | Ohh! Ohh! | |
[13:02] | Oh, my god! We won! | |
[13:03] | Ohh! | |
[13:04] | Oh, thank you so much! | |
[13:06] | Ohhh… | |
[13:07] | this is so beautiful! | |
[13:11] | [Band plays] | |
[13:18] | ♪ Why do birds ♪ | |
[13:21] | ♪ suddenly appear ♪ | |
[13:23] | ♪ every time ♪ | |
[13:26] | ♪ you are near… ♪ | |
[13:29] | oh, my god. | |
[13:31] | It’s like he’s singin’ just for me. | |
[13:34] | ♪ Close to you ♪ | |
[13:38] | ♪ why do stars ♪ | |
[13:41] | ♪ fall down from the sky ♪ | |
[13:43] | ♪ every time ♪ | |
[13:46] | ♪ you walk by? ♪ | |
[13:48] | Oh, dear, just like me… | |
[13:51] | they want to be… | |
[13:54] | ♪ close to you ♪ | |
[14:00] | [Whispering] Oh, stone… | |
[14:07] | you know, this is how I always imagined my prom night would be. | |
[14:11] | I–I was–I was in a bad, bad place, stone, | |
[14:14] | but you’ve… you’ve reawakened the woman in me. | |
[14:21] | Let’s go to my place. | |
[14:24] | No. Not the Solomons’. | |
[14:25] | No, no, no. My place. | |
[14:27] | The view is… [Chuckles] | |
[14:29] | Unbelievable. | |
[14:31] | Take me there. | |
[14:54] | You know, for the first time in days, | |
[14:56] | I actually feel good about myself. | |
[14:58] | I don’t need a fancy title to have self-respect. I have love. | |
[15:03] | You know, we got a little dried-up jelly | |
[15:05] | by the stove here, Dick. | |
[15:08] | On it. | |
[15:11] | Let’s just get this settled once and for all. | |
[15:12] | You know what? Maybe my body got my foot in this door, | |
[15:15] | but you guys know that I deserve this job regardless. | |
[15:17] | Yeah, whatever. Tommy: sure. | |
[15:19] | Shut up! Hey, y’all. | |
[15:21] | Hey, Vicki. Hey, Vicki. | |
[15:22] | That was some prom there. | |
[15:23] | Oh, yeah, it was gr– it was weird. | |
[15:25] | Weird? | |
[15:26] | Well… I was with stone… | |
[15:29] | ahh! You were with– | |
[15:31] | stone? Uh, what happened with stone? | |
[15:33] | Well, it just doesn’t make any sense. | |
[15:35] | All I remember is I’m lookin’ down on the earth | |
[15:37] | from way high up, and there were these pulsating lights | |
[15:41] | and this…this noise, this… | |
[15:43] | skee-bee-Dee-beep-beep. | Skee-Bee-Dee-beep-beep. |
[15:46] | Skee-bee-Dee-beep-beep. | Skee-Bee-Dee-beep-beep. |
[15:48] | And…stone was there, and that was nice. | |
[15:52] | But the next thing I knew, I woke up in my own bed, | |
[15:55] | and I don’t have a clue how I got there. | |
[15:59] | Do you think I might be goin’ crazy? | |
[16:01] | Yes. | |
[16:04] | Yes, you are going crazy. | |
[16:06] | That is a shame. Yeah. | |
[16:08] | My advice is forget about it, | |
[16:09] | don’t tell anyone, and pretend you’re well. Yeah. | |
[16:12] | Um, do y’all have any deviled eggs, | |
[16:13] | the kind with the relish in ’em ? I’ve got this massive craving. | |
[16:16] | You know what? I think we have some of those in the living room. | |
[16:18] | Let’s go, guys! Yeah! Yeah! | |
[16:21] | Oh, my god. He took her up to his bachelor pod. | |
[16:27] | That skunk! Takin’ advantage | |
[16:28] | of my innocent little Vicki? | |
[16:30] | He is seriously out of control. | |
[16:32] | All right. As high commander, | |
[16:34] | I’m gonna go in there, and I’m gonna tell him what’s what. | |
[16:39] | Good morning, sir. | |
[16:40] | With all due respect… | |
[16:43] | you cannot just go around abducting humans. | |
[16:46] | Yes, I can. | |
[16:49] | Well, Ok. But, uh… there are plenty of places on earth | |
[16:53] | to do what you two did. | |
[16:55] | I know. But I wanted to be really loud. | |
[16:59] | You know, you four | |
[17:01] | haven’t done this planet justice in your reports. | |
[17:04] | It’s…infectious! | |
[17:05] | I…don’t want to leave! | |
[17:07] | In fact, I’ve decided to make this place | |
[17:09] | our new base of operation. You have? | |
[17:12] | Yes. I’ve hired an architect. | |
[17:14] | We’re gonna go up… and out! | |
[17:16] | I’m never leaving! Vicki: stone! | |
[17:18] | I–I don’t– I don’t understand this, but I… | |
[17:21] | I think I might be…pregnant. | |
[17:24] | Aah! | |
[17:27] | Well, look at the time. I gotta get going. | |
[17:33] | Whoo! Yes, indeed. I’ve got to get going. | |
[17:35] | Home for me! I’m late! | |
[17:37] | What are you doin’?! | |
[17:38] | I don’t know. I’m suddenly overcome with a desire to flee. | |
[17:42] | Sir! Please! Sir! | |
[17:44] | I hereby upgrade your evaluation to substandard. Keep up the good work. | |
[17:47] | Uh, uh, proceed boldly and with stealth. | |
[17:49] | Shwehhw! | |
[17:51] | Whatever. I don’t know. | |
[17:53] | Ok. All right. We got a big situation here. | |
[17:55] | But we got time. We got 9 months, so we can– | |
[17:58] | you guys…we got a little problem here. | |
[18:05] | Well, 10 minutes ago, these pants fit great. | |
[18:09] | And now–now I can’t even zip ’em up. | |
[18:13] | They– they cost me $40. | |
[18:16] | Hello! | |
[18:17] | Mary! Mary, it’s so good to see you! | |
[18:20] | Well, till tomorrow, then. Sleep well. | |
[18:21] | I just got here! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! | |
[18:24] | Ohh…ohh… ohh…oh. Oh. Wait. Yeah. | |
[18:27] | Oh, my god, Vicki, look at you! | |
[18:29] | She’s put on a few pounds. | |
[18:31] | Sally: yeah. | |
[18:32] | You know, she loves her tacos, so… | |
[18:34] | you look like you’re 6 months pregnant! | |
[18:36] | Yeah! Duh! Where have you been? | |
[18:38] | I had no idea! I mean, this is so– | |
[18:41] | Harry, congratulations! | |
[18:44] | Oh. Why, uh… | |
[18:48] | I do not need this my first week as high commander. | |
[18:50] | I do not need this! What’re we Donna do? | |
[18:52] | All right. | |
[18:53] | All right. | |
[18:54] | First things first. We minimize contact. | |
[18:55] | Dick, you gotta get Mary outta here. | |
[18:57] | Take her to one of those really long foreign films | |
[18:59] | she pretends to like. | |
[19:01] | Ok? Tommy, call the hospital. Tell ’em there’s an incoming. | |
[19:03] | Harry, you go run to the bathroom. | |
[19:05] | I don’t want to have to stop on the way. Now, go! | |
[19:11] | Nice work, high commander. | |
[19:15] | Thank you. | |
[19:16] | For a beginner, I mean. | |
[19:19] | Thanks. [Chuckles] | |
[19:20] | Of course, there were | |
[19:21] | no alien impregnations on my watch– | |
[19:23] | yeah, I get it, Dick. | |
[19:26] | Um…doc– Dr. Albright… | |
[19:32] | it would mean a great deal to me | |
[19:34] | if you would deliver my child into this world. | |
[19:39] | What? | |
[19:40] | Well, you’re the only doctor I trust. | |
[19:43] | Oh…Vicki, I– I’m not that kind of doctor. | |
[19:48] | Oh. I see. | |
[19:49] | Just because I do not have insurance | |
[19:51] | means I’m not a human being. | |
[19:54] | No. No. I–I can’t deliver your baby. | |
[19:58] | But I’ll be there for you. | |
[20:00] | Oh, well, now, that’s good, | |
[20:02] | ’cause I believe my water just broke! | |
[20:06] | Dick, get in here! | |
[20:07] | We’ve got to take Vicki to the hospital! The baby’s coming! | |
[20:11] | [Sally breathes nervously] | |
[20:12] | What are we gonna do? | What are we gonna do? |
[20:14] | You’re the high commander. Give us an order! | |
[20:16] | Chase them? | |
[20:19] | Let’s go! | |
[20:25] | You’re gonna be Ok, honey. | |
[20:27] | Oh, god, Harry, I can feel it! | |
[20:29] | I can feel it coming! | |
[20:30] | Just relax. Breathe deeply. You’re doing great. | |
[20:32] | I can see the head. Boy, is that a big head! | |
[20:36] | [All screaming] | |
[20:44] | is Dick in? Haven’t seen him. Why? | |
[20:47] | Well, his friend stone left this at the prom last night. | |
[20:50] | I think he was spikin’ the punch. | |
[20:52] | What makes you think that? | |
[20:53] | Well, I, uh…woke up on the football field | |
[20:56] | when the sprinklers came on. | |
[21:00] | Well, I’ll be sure to tell him when he– | |
[21:02] | uh–uh… where’s my evidence? | |
[21:03] | I don’t know! | |
[21:05] | Jeez! This happens to me all the time! | |
[21:07] | Guns, drugs…I even lost a whole dead guy once. |