| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:07] | ALL RIGHT, LISTEN UP, PEOPLE. | |
| [00:08] | TODAY, WE’RE GONNA TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS DURING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE. | |
| [00:12] | UM, ARE WE GONNA BE CHOOSING LAB PARTNERS? | |
| [00:14] | ‘CAUSE IF SO, I GOT DIBS ON DONNA HAGEN. | |
| [00:17] | NO, WE’RE NOT CHOOSING LAB PARTNERS, TOMMY. | |
| [00:19] | THEN WE’RE GONNA NEED A MUCH MORE ATTRACTIVE C.P.R. DUMMY. | |
| [00:23] | ALRIGHT, NOW, THE MALE AND FEMALE REPRODUCTIVE CELLS EACH CARRY HALF–YES? | |
| [00:28] | I’M SORRY, BUT THIS MATERIAL JUST LACKS A CERTAIN, UM… | |
| [00:32] | I DON’T KNOW… HOTNESS. | |
| [00:34] | LET’S TALK ABOUT CELLULAR MEIOSIS. | |
| [00:37] | THERE ARE 5 STAGES– UH, YES? | |
| [00:39] | WHEN ARE YOU GONNA TEACH US HOW TO UNHOOK A BRA? | |
| [00:44] | WE’RE NOT LEARNING THAT. | |
| [00:45] | OK. WELL, ALL THIS STUFF IS VERY INTERESTING, | |
| [00:48] | BUT I’M NOT GONNA GET TO ANY OF IT IF I CAN’T UNHOOK A BRA. | |
| [00:54] | SALLY, IS MY SHIRT READY? | |
| [00:56] | IN A MINUTE. | |
| [00:56] | SALLY, I’M STARVING. WHAT’S FOR DINNER? | |
| [00:58] | OH, I MADE YOU SOME HAMBURGERS. | |
| [01:00] | THEY’RE DOWN AT THE HAMBURGER PLACE. | |
| [01:02] | ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GO THERE, ORDER, AND PAY FOR ‘EM. | |
| [01:08] | HI, THERE, SKIPPER. BAD DAY AT SCHOOL? | |
| [01:09] | YEAH. THEY DON’T TEACH YOU ANYTHING YOU CAN USE. | |
| [01:13] | I HAD SEX ED TODAY… | |
| [01:14] | OH. DID THEY TEACH YOU HOW TO TAKE OFF A BRA? | |
| [01:18] | NO. THAT’S THE THING. | |
| [01:19] | IT’S ALL “ED” AND NO SEX. | |
| [01:22] | OH, TOMMY, HOW I WISH WE COULD AFFORD PRIVATE SCHOOL FOR YOU. | |
| [01:26] | WELL, I’M GOING TO DON’S. WE’RE GONNA HAVE SEX TONIGHT. | |
| [01:29] | THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN. OK. | |
| [01:30] | HEY, SALLY, ARE YOU OVULATING? | |
| [01:35] | NO. ARE YOU? | |
| [01:37] | NO. BUT YOU OUGHT TO BE CAREFUL TONIGHT AT DON’S. | |
| [01:41] | YOU KNOW, HE’S GOT MILLIONS OF SPERM. | |
| [01:46] | WHO TOLD YOU THAT? | |
| [01:47] | I JUST LEARNED IT. | |
| [01:48] | I’M JUST SAYING YOU DON’T WANNA GET PREGNANT. | |
| [01:49] | PFFT! YOU CAN’T GET PREGNANT LIKE THAT. | |
| [01:51] | YOU GET PREGNANT FROM SITTING ON A TOILET SEAT | |
| [01:54] | OR SWIMMING IN A POOL WITH SOME GUYS. | |
| [01:57] | OH, NO. | |
| [02:02] | NO, THAT’S NOT HOW IT HAPPENS. | |
| [02:04] | IT’S CAUSED BY SEX. | |
| [02:05] | LIEUTENANT, YOU ARE THE SECURITY OFFICER. | |
| [02:07] | IF YOU GOT PREGNANT, IT WOULD SERIOUSLY JEOPARDIZE OUR MISSION. | |
| [02:11] | YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING BEFORE. | |
| [02:13] | WELL, YOU WEREN’T GETTING THE REGULAR NOOKIE BEFORE. | |
| [02:20] | AND IT’S AN ENDLESS RESPONSIBILITY. | |
| [02:22] | IT’LL MAKE YOUR FEET SWELL UP. | |
| [02:24] | GOD, YOU GUYS ARE RIGHT. I CAN’T GET PREGNANT. | |
| [02:29] | I JUST GOT NEW SHOES. | |
| [03:10] | I’LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH YOUR CHANGE. | |
| [03:12] | YOU KNOW, I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW FLAKY THAT SOLE WAS. | |
| [03:16] | MM. YOU KNOW WHAT I CAN’T BELIEVE? | |
| [03:18] | THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN PREGNANT. | |
| [03:19] | WHAT? | |
| [03:22] | CONSIDERING HOW MANY “GENTLEMEN CALLERS” YOU’VE HAD, | |
| [03:24] | IT’S KIND OF A MIRACLE. | |
| [03:26] | DICK, I CAN’T HAVE CHILDREN. | |
| [03:28] | OH, MARY… WHY NOT? | |
| [03:31] | BECAUSE I HATE THEM. | |
| [03:33] | OH, WELL… WE’RE OK THEN. | |
| [03:36] | THANK YOU. | |
| [03:45] | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? | |
| [03:46] | I’M JUST TAKING THE LITTLE EXTRA MONEY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE FOR ME. | |
| [03:50] | OH, MY GOD! NO WONDER WE’RE TREATED LIKE CRAP | |
| [03:53] | EVERYWHERE WE GO! | |
| [03:55] | HOW CAN YOU BE SO CHEAP? | |
| [03:57] | I-I’M NOT CHEAP. | |
| [03:58] | THEN PUT THE TIP BACK ON THE TABLE. THE WHAT? | |
| [04:00] | THE TIP. IT WAS $10. PUT IT BACK. | |
| [04:02] | UH, OF COURSE. THE TIP. | |
| [04:08] | GOOD NIGHT. THANK YOU. | |
| [04:09] | OH. THANK YOU. | |
| [04:14] | MARY! THAT WAITRESS JUST STOLE OUR TIP! | |
| [04:21] | DON, THIS IS SO SPECIAL– | |
| [04:23] | THE WINE, THE CANDLES… | |
| [04:26] | THE FISH STICKS. | |
| [04:29] | I KNOW YOUR WEAK SPOT. | |
| [04:31] | RRAHHRR! | |
| [04:32] | HA HA HA HA! | |
| [04:35] | YOU KNOW… WE DON’T HAVE TO EAT RIGHT NOW. | |
| [04:41] | OH, YEAH? | |
| [04:43] | WHY DON’T I FIRE UP THE LAVA LAMP? | |
| [04:48] | THE RED ONE? | |
| [04:49] | OH, YEAH, BABY. | |
| [04:51] | WILL YOU TURN ON THE BLACK LIGHT IN THE AQUARIUM? | |
| [04:54] | SURE, BABY. | |
| [04:55] | DID YOU TAKE OUT THE DEAD ANGEL FISH? | |
| [04:59] | I WILL, BABY. | |
| [05:06] | WHAT? I CAN’T! | |
| [05:08] | IS IT BECAUSE OF THE FISH STICKS? | |
| [05:09] | BECAUSE I COULD BRUSH MY TEETH. | |
| [05:10] | NO, NO. I LOVE FISH STICKS. | |
| [05:12] | IT’S JUST… I CAN’T HAVE SEX WITH YOU TONIGHT. WHY? | |
| [05:15] | TOMMY GAVE ME MILLIONS OF REASONS. | |
| [05:19] | THAT LITTLE BASTARD. | |
| [05:25] | DID YOU FIND IT YET? | |
| [05:27] | NO. WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME | |
| [05:29] | THERE WAS A RUSTY MEAL SURPRISE GIFT IN THE BAG? | |
| [05:33] | OH. WAIT A SECOND. | |
| [05:35] | AH! THERE WE GO! | |
| [05:37] | YEAH, I FOUND IT! | |
| [05:39] | [ICE RATTLING] | |
| [05:40] | [ICE RATTLING] | |
| [05:44] | UM… EXCUSE ME… | |
| [05:49] | [ICE RATTLING] | |
| [05:50] | [CHANGE RATTLING] | |
| [06:02] | DUDE, I’VE GOT, LIKE, 40 BUCKS HERE. | |
| [06:05] | HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE? | |
| [06:06] | WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE COUNTING? | |
| [06:13] | HEY, WHERE DID ALL THAT MONEY COME FROM? | |
| [06:14] | PEOPLE GAVE IT TO US. | |
| [06:16] | FOR WHAT? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. | |
| [06:19] | YOU WERE GREAT AT IT. | |
| [06:20] | YOU WERE BETTER, MY MAN. | |
| [06:23] | THIS MAKES NO SENSE. | |
| [06:25] | YOU’RE GETTING PAID TO DO NOTHING. | |
| [06:26] | MEANWHILE, I’M EXPECTED TO PAY TIPS TO PEOPLE | |
| [06:28] | FOR DOING THINGS I’M ALREADY PAYING THEM TO DO. | |
| [06:30] | IT’S ONLY FAIR, DICK. IT’S A REWARD FOR GOOD SERVICE. | |
| [06:34] | YOU KNOW ABOUT TIPPING? | |
| [06:35] | SURE. THAT’S HOW I MAKE MOST OF MY MONEY DOWN AT THE BAR. | |
| [06:38] | BUT I NEVER TIP YOU. | |
| [06:39] | AND THAT’S WHY YOUR DRINK | |
| [06:40] | ALWAYS HAS THAT FUNNY TASTE. | |
| [06:48] | MARY THINKS I’M CHEAP. | |
| [06:50] | YOU’RE NOT CHEAP. YOU’RE THRIFTY. | |
| [06:52] | FRUGAL. ECONOMICAL. | |
| [06:53] | CHEAP. | |
| [06:54] | YEAH, THAT’S IT. YOU’RE CHEAP. | |
| [06:57] | I CAN’T LET HER THINK THAT. | |
| [06:59] | FROM NOW ON, I’M TIPPING A GENEROUS 3% TO 5%. | |
| [07:03] | CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP! | CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP! |
| [07:04] | CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP! | CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP! |
| [07:06] | I AM NOT CHEAP! | |
| [07:09] | DICK, WE’RE HAVING GIRL TALK HERE. | |
| [07:11] | OHH…GIRL TALK! | |
| [07:15] | ANYWAY, DON AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR A WHILE NOW, | |
| [07:18] | AND SO FAR, I’VE BEEN LUCKY, | |
| [07:19] | BUT HOW LONG CAN I STAY LUCKY? | |
| [07:21] | HONEY, WHAT KIND OF BIRTH CONTROL ARE YOU USING? | |
| [07:26] | BIRTH CONTROL? | |
| [07:28] | I CAN CONTROL BIRTH? | |
| [07:31] | SURE, YOU CAN. YOU KNOW, WITH BIRTH CONTROL. | |
| [07:34] | DO NOT COME IN HERE CLAIMING YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS. | |
| [07:36] | BUT I DO. I KNOW THAT, I KNOW TIPPING, | |
| [07:39] | I KNOW EVERYTHING. | |
| [07:41] | AND I’M NOT CHEAP. | |
| [07:42] | CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP! | CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP! |
| [07:49] | THANKS. | |
| [07:50] | DICK, YOU DID NOT HAVE TO COME WITH ME | |
| [07:52] | TO THE GYNECOLOGIST’S OFFICE. | |
| [07:53] | I’VE BEEN WITH YOU FOR ALL YOUR WOMANLY MILESTONES. | |
| [07:57] | I WAS WITH YOU WHEN YOU GOT YOUR FIRST BIKINI WAX. | |
| [08:02] | NO, YOU WEREN’T. | |
| [08:03] | YES, I WAS. YOU JUST COULDN’T SEE ME. | |
| [08:07] | OK, SALLY. SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING. | |
| [08:10] | NICE TO SEE YOU. YOU, TOO. | |
| [08:12] | HELLO. | |
| [08:13] | WELL, LET’S TALK ABOUT BIRTH CONTROL. | |
| [08:16] | WHAT HAVE YOU USED IN THE PAST? | |
| [08:17] | NOTHING. | |
| [08:18] | IT NEVER REALLY OCCURRED TO US TO USE ANYTHING. | |
| [08:19] | OH. WELL, UH, HOW LONG HAVE THE TWO OF YOU BEEN MARRIED? | |
| [08:24] | MARRIED? OH, HE’S MY BROTHER. | |
| [08:27] | OH, NO, NO, NO. I HAVE A BOYFRIEND. | |
| [08:30] | I’M NOT EVEN ATTRACTED TO HIM. | |
| [08:33] | THANKS FOR THE GRATUITOUS SLAM, SALLY. | |
| [08:36] | OK. WELL, WHAT METHOD WERE YOU INTERESTED IN EXPLORING? | |
| [08:40] | WELL, I DON’T WANT HIM TO KNOW I’M USING IT, | |
| [08:43] | SO I DON’T WANT ANYTHING LOUD. | |
| [08:48] | LOUD? | |
| [08:49] | YEAH. I MEAN, IT WOULD JUST CRUSH HIM | |
| [08:50] | IF HE KNEW I DIDN’T WANT TO HAVE HIS KIDS. | |
| [08:53] | OH, RIGHT. | |
| [08:54] | WELL, UH… THIS IS THE SPONGE. | |
| [08:55] | IT’S SMALL AND HIGHLY EFFECTIVE. | |
| [08:58] | SPONGE? | |
| [09:01] | OH, I GET IT. IT’S SO SMALL, | |
| [09:03] | THAT BY THE TIME YOU’RE DONE DOING THE DISHES, | |
| [09:06] | YOU’RE TOO EXHAUSTED TO HAVE SEX, RIGHT? | |
| [09:11] | DO THEY COME WITH A SCOURING SIDE? | |
| [09:15] | NO, NO. YOU SEE, THE SPONGE, THE DIAPHRAGM, | |
| [09:18] | THESE ARE BARRIER METHODS. | |
| [09:19] | YOU INSERT THEM BEFORE SEX. | |
| [09:20] | OOH, MOOD KILLER. | |
| [09:21] | IT’S NOT FOR US. | |
| [09:24] | LOOK, DON’T YOU HAVE ANYTHING SIMPLE, EASY, LIKE–I DON’T KNOW– | |
| [09:28] | A PILL OR SOMETHING? | |
| [09:29] | WELL, OF COURSE, THERE IS THE PILL. | |
| [09:32] | DON’T MOCK ME. | |
| [09:35] | NO. THE BIRTH CONTROL PILL. | |
| [09:37] | IT’S VERY SAFE AND HIGHLY EFFECTIVE. | |
| [09:39] | THERE ARE A FEW SIDE EFFECTS, HOWEVER: | |
| [09:42] | BLOATING, ANXIETY, MOOD SWINGS… | |
| [09:44] | MOOD SWINGS. I CAN HANDLE THAT. BRING IT ON. | |
| [09:48] | I CAN’T SWALLOW THIS. | |
| [09:52] | MAYBE IF YOU MASH IT UP WITH SOME BANANAS. | |
| [09:54] | OH, THAT’S A GOOD IDEA– I’LL TAKE IT. | |
| [10:02] | SOMEBODY ORDERED A PIZZA? | |
| [10:04] | NOBODY HERE. | |
| [10:04] | OH…YES, THEY DID. | |
| [10:07] | LUNCH IS ON ME TODAY, GIRLS. | |
| [10:11] | MONEY IS NO OBJECT, SO PUT AWAY THOSE WALLETS. | |
| [10:14] | I AM PAYING FOR THIS PIZZA– | |
| [10:16] | A PIZZA BEING PAID FOR…BY ME. | |
| [10:21] | THANKS, DICK. THANK YOU, DR.SOLOMON. | |
| [10:23] | OH, IT’S MY PLEASURE. | |
| [10:24] | THAT’LL BE $12. | |
| [10:25] | AND THERE YOU ARE. | |
| [10:27] | AND HERE’S YOUR CHANGE. | |
| [10:28] | MM-HMM. LET’S SEE, | |
| [10:29] | 4.5% OF 12 WOULD BE… | |
| [10:33] | UH, EXCUSE ME. | |
| [10:35] | WHERE’S THE LITTLE PATIO TABLE | |
| [10:36] | THAT KEEPS THE CHEESE FROM STICKING TO THE LID? | |
| [10:39] | WE RAN OUT. | |
| [10:44] | THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A CHEESE LOVER’S DELIGHT, | |
| [10:46] | AND CHEESE LOVERS DO NOT DELIGHT IN LOSING HALF THEIR CHEESE | |
| [10:49] | TO THE BOX TOP. | |
| [10:51] | IT’S JUST A LITTLE BIT. | |
| [10:52] | YOU CAN SCRAPE IT RIGHT OFF. | |
| [10:53] | SORRY, MAN. | |
| [10:55] | THANK YOU. | |
| [10:58] | I SAID THANK YOU, MY GOOD MAN. | |
| [11:04] | YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE. | |
| [11:06] | WHAT? I SPRANG FOR THIS PIE. | |
| [11:09] | YOU HAVE TO GIVE THE GUY SOMETHING. | |
| [11:11] | WHY? A TIP IS SUPPOSED TO BE A REWARD FOR GOOD SERVICE. | |
| [11:14] | HE BROUGHT THE PIZZA ALL THE WAY UP HERE. | |
| [11:16] | BUT THAT’S HIS JOB. WE HAVE A BUSINESS ARRANGEMENT. | |
| [11:19] | I’M NOT HIS MOMMY! | |
| [11:24] | COME ON! COME ON! WHADDAYA GOT? | COME ON! |
| [11:26] | WHADDAYA GOT? COME ON! COME ON! | |
| [11:28] | COME ON! | COME ON! COME ON! COME ON! |
| [11:29] | WHADDAYA GOT? COME ON! | |
| [11:31] | THANK YOU. | THANK YOU. |
| [11:32] | THAT’S REALLY NICE OF YOU. | |
| [11:33] | COME ON! WHADDAYA GOT? HEY, COME ON! | |
| [11:34] | WHADDAYA GOT? COME ON! COME ON! | WHADDAYA GOT? |
| [11:35] | WHADDAYA GOT? COME ON! COME ON! | |
| [11:37] | COME ON, LADY! WHADDAYA GOT? | |
| [11:46] | WHY ARE YOU CRYING? | |
| [11:49] | THE MOVIE’S SO SAD. | |
| [11:53] | IT’S CADDYSHACK. | |
| [11:57] | YEAH, BUT THE GOPHER’S MAKING FUN OF EVERYBODY. | |
| [12:03] | YOU’RE RIGHT, SALLY. I’M–I’M SORRY. | |
| [12:05] | I SHOULD’VE RENTED SOMETHING ELSE. | |
| [12:07] | YEAH, YOU COULD’VE, BUT YOU DIDN’T, DID YOU? | |
| [12:11] | DID YOU?! | |
| [12:13] | WELL, WHY DON’T WE JUST TURN IT OFF? | |
| [12:16] | OH, THANKS, DONNIE. | |
| [12:18] | I LOVE YOU. | |
| [12:20] | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? | |
| [12:23] | PLAYING “KISS THE COW”? | |
| [12:24] | WHAT DO YOU MEAN? | |
| [12:25] | OH, PLEASE, LOOK AT ME. | |
| [12:27] | I’M SO FAT AND DISGUSTING, | |
| [12:29] | MY BOOBS ARE SORE… | |
| [12:31] | I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU CAN LOOK AT ME. | |
| [12:34] | KISS ME AGAIN. | |
| [12:35] | UH, S-SALLY… YOU’RE ALL OVER THE MAP. | |
| [12:37] | WHAT’S GOING ON? | |
| [12:38] | OH, NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL. | |
| [12:41] | PFFT! HA HA… | |
| [12:42] | I’M GONNA GO TO THE FRIDGE AND GET MYSELF A BROWNIE, | |
| [12:45] | AND WHEN I COME BACK… | |
| [12:46] | [SADLY] I WANT YOU TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME. | |
| [12:50] | OH, BOY. I THINK I ATE THE LAST BROWNIE. | |
| [12:53] | NOOOOO! | |
| [12:59] | NOW, YOU HAVE 2 DIFFERENT KINDS OF CHROMOSOMES: | |
| [13:02] | THE “X” AND THE “Y,” AND EACH ONE HAS A PARTICULAR– | |
| [13:05] | THERE YOU ARE. OH, MY GOD. | |
| [13:06] | YES? LISTEN, MY GYNO’S AT LUNCH, | |
| [13:08] | AND YOU’RE THE BIG SEX EXPERT– | |
| [13:09] | HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO UNHOOK A BRA. | |
| [13:12] | TOMMY, HE’S MY ONLY HOPE, OK? | |
| [13:14] | EXCUSE ME. WHO ARE YOU? | |
| [13:16] | A STRANGER. I’M HIS AUNT. | |
| [13:17] | CAN I GO TO THE BATHROOM? NO. SIT DOWN. | |
| [13:20] | I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF TEACHING A CLASS HERE. | |
| [13:22] | BUT I NEED ANSWERS. YOU SEE, | |
| [13:23] | I WENT ON THE PILL, BUT THE PILL’S MAKING ME ACT CRAZY, | |
| [13:26] | AND MY BOYFRIEND THINKS I’M NUTS | |
| [13:28] | ‘CAUSE HE DOESN’T KNOW I’M ON THE PILL, AND I CAN’T TELL HIM, | |
| [13:30] | SO I JUST REALLY NEED YOUR HELP. | |
| [13:32] | WELL, UM… | |
| [13:34] | HAVE YOU CONSIDERED BEING HONEST WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND? | |
| [13:37] | THAT’S NOT AN OPTION. | |
| [13:40] | HOW ABOUT ABSTINENCE? | |
| [13:42] | ABSTINENCE? WHAT’S THAT? | |
| [13:43] | THAT’S…THAT’S NOT HAVING SEX AT ALL. | |
| [13:47] | YEAH! | |
| [13:49] | HONESTY! HONESTY WILL WORK! | |
| [13:54] | HONESTY. ABSTINENCE. | |
| [13:56] | DO YOU SEE WHAT THEY’RE TEACHING US AT THE SCHOOLS THESE DAYS? | |
| [13:58] | SALLY, WHILE YOU’RE HERE, | |
| [14:00] | CAN YOU AT LEAST SHOW US HOW TO UNHOOK A BRA? | |
| [14:02] | HEY, EASY, SOLOMON. | |
| [14:03] | IT’S OK. I’LL HANDLE IT. | |
| [14:05] | ALL RIGHT, LISTEN UP, CLASS. | |
| [14:08] | YOU GOT YOUR FRONT-LOADIN’, AND YOUR BACK-LOADIN’. | |
| [14:12] | I’LL NEED A VOLUNTEER. | |
| [14:20] | AH…THANK YOU. | |
| [14:24] | HELLO. WOULD YOU LIKE SOMETHING FROM THE BAR? | |
| [14:26] | YES. I’LL HAVE A GLASS OF MERLOT, | |
| [14:29] | AND A CHARDONNAY FOR THE LADY WHO WILL BE JOINING ME. | |
| [14:32] | OH, AND, UH… CAN WE ESTABLISH SOMETHING FIRST? | |
| [14:35] | YOU ARE, I ASSUME, EXPECTING A TIP? | |
| [14:39] | WELL…YES. | |
| [14:41] | ALL RIGHT. | |
| [14:42] | NOW, THIS PILE OF ONE-DOLLAR BILLS | |
| [14:45] | REPRESENTS YOUR POTENTIAL TIP. | |
| [14:50] | EVERY TIME YOU PLEASE ME, YOU’LL SEE THE PILE GROW. | |
| [14:55] | HOWEVER, IF I AM UNSATISFIED– | |
| [14:57] | IF YOU’RE SLOW, MOUTHY, OR SNEEZE INTO YOUR HANDS– | |
| [15:00] | YOU’LL NOTICE THE PILE SHRINKING. AGREED? | |
| [15:04] | YES, I GUESS– | |
| [15:05] | ALL RIGHT. GOOD LUCK. | |
| [15:11] | DICK! | |
| [15:11] | OH, HI, MARY… | |
| [15:13] | HI. MWAH! | |
| [15:15] | SO, THIS IS NICE. | |
| [15:17] | MM-HMM. TRUST ME. | |
| [15:18] | I HAVE TAKEN CARE OF EVERYTHING. | |
| [15:22] | OK… THANK YOU. | |
| [15:24] | HERE WE GO. | |
| [15:26] | UH…NO. | |
| [15:34] | SORRY. | |
| [15:36] | ALL RIGHT, WE HAVE SPECIALS TONIGHT. | |
| [15:38] | THERE’S A TRI-COLORED SALAD WITH CANDIED WALNUTS AND GOAT CHEESE. | |
| [15:40] | IT’S VERY, VERY LIGHT– | |
| [15:42] | WHAT KIND OF DRESSING COMES WITH THAT? | |
| [15:44] | [SIGHS] I’LL HAVE TO CHECK. | |
| [15:46] | OUCH. | |
| [15:49] | WHAT ARE YOU DOING? | |
| [15:51] | DON’T WORRY, MARY. EVERYTHING’S UNDER CONTROL. | |
| [15:55] | THERE YOU GO. HMM… | |
| [15:58] | NO. | |
| [16:03] | MMM! | |
| [16:06] | ALL RIGHT, DICK, WHAT’S GOING ON? | |
| [16:08] | MARY, I HAVE REINVENTED TIPPING. | |
| [16:12] | OH, GOD. | |
| [16:13] | NO. I’M BEING GENEROUS, | |
| [16:14] | BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, I’M BEING HONEST. | |
| [16:17] | I’M BRINGING TIPPING OUT OF ITS DARK, LITTLE CAVE | |
| [16:19] | AND INTO THE LIGHT. | |
| [16:21] | IT’S DEMEANING. | |
| [16:22] | IT’S THE TRUTH, MARY. | |
| [16:24] | TRUST ME, IN THE FUTURE, ALL TIPPING WILL BE DONE THIS WAY. | |
| [16:28] | OK. JUST TO LET YOU KNOW, | |
| [16:30] | THE SOUP DU JOUR IS BUTTERNUT SQUASH, | |
| [16:31] | AND, UH…WE’RE OUT OF THE MONKFISH. | |
| [16:35] | UH-OH. | |
| [16:38] | YOU DON’T EVEN LIKE MONKFISH! | |
| [16:40] | THAT’S NOT THE POINT, MARY. | |
| [16:42] | COULD YOU GIVE US A SECOND? | |
| [16:45] | OK, THAT’S IT. CUT IT OUT. | |
| [16:47] | FROM NOW ON, I’M PAYING FOR DINNER. | |
| [16:49] | FINE! | |
| [16:55] | MY WINE TASTES FUNNY. | |
| [17:02] | [MUMBLING IN SLEEP] | |
| [17:03] | AH…ER… ELEANOR ROOSEVELT… | |
| [17:10] | DON? | |
| [17:11] | WHAT? | |
| [17:12] | SALLY…WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? | |
| [17:15] | WE NEED TO TALK. | |
| [17:17] | YOU’RE NOT GONNA YELL AT ME AGAIN, ARE YOU? | |
| [17:19] | NO, DON. I… | |
| [17:21] | I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. | |
| [17:26] | I’VE BEEN TAKING PILLS. | |
| [17:28] | PILLS! I SHOULD’VE KNOWN. | |
| [17:31] | WHAT ARE THEY, UPPERS? DOWNERS? | |
| [17:33] | LUBIES? BEANBALLS? | |
| [17:36] | WORSE. | |
| [17:38] | BIRTH CONTROL PILLS. | |
| [17:40] | THAT’S WHY I’VE BEEN ACTING SO CRAZY. | |
| [17:42] | YOU BEEN TAKING BIRTH CONTROL PILLS? | |
| [17:44] | WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME? | |
| [17:45] | I JUST DIDN’T WANT YOU TO THINK | |
| [17:46] | I DIDN’T WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABY | |
| [17:48] | ‘CAUSE I DO– IF I WANTED TO HAVE A BABY, WHICH I DON’T. | |
| [17:51] | WELL, THAT’S ALL RIGHT, SALLY. NEITHER DO I. | |
| [17:55] | THAT’S WHY I… USE PROTECTION. | |
| [17:57] | YOU DO? | |
| [18:00] | OF COURSE. WHAT’D YOU THINK WAS IN THOSE LITTLE FOIL PACKETS? | |
| [18:04] | I THOUGHT THOSE WERE AIRPLANE PEANUTS. | |
| [18:10] | AIRPLANE PEANUTS? | |
| [18:11] | YEAH. | |
| [18:12] | AND I USED TO WONDER WHY, BEFORE SEX, | |
| [18:14] | YOU’D GO INTO THE BATHROOM AND EAT PEANUTS BY YOURSELF, | |
| [18:18] | BUT I FIGURED, “HEY, WHATEVER GETS YOU IN THE MOOD,” RIGHT? | |
| [18:23] | NO, SALLY, NOT AIRPLANE PEANUTS. | |
| [18:26] | WAIT A SECOND. | |
| [18:28] | IF WE’RE BOTH USING BIRTH CONTROL, | |
| [18:31] | THEN ONE OF US CAN STOP. | |
| [18:34] | BUT WHO? | |
| [18:36] | DEFINITELY YOU. | |
| [18:37] | ARE YOU SURE? DEFINITELY YOU. | |
| [18:41] | YOU’RE SO SWEET. | |
| [18:43] | YOU KNOW… | |
| [18:44] | NOW THAT I KNOW WE’RE BOTH…”SAFE,” | |
| [18:49] | MAYBE WE COULD… YOU KNOW. | |
| [18:52] | I THINK I DO. | |
| [18:53] | HEH HEH HEH… | |
| [18:56] | HA HA HA HA! | |
| [18:58] | [CRACKING UP] | |
| [19:04] | WHAT’S SO FUNNY? | |
| [19:06] | [NOW CRYING] NOTHING! | |
| [19:12] | THIS ISN’T GONNA HAPPEN, IS IT? | |
| [19:14] | I’LL SEE YOU TOMORROW. | |
| [19:25] | COME ON! WHADDAYA GOT? HEY! COME ON! | |
| [19:27] | COME ON! WHADDAYA GOT? WHADDAYA GOT? | COME ON! |
| [19:31] | HEY, RICO. | |
| [19:32] | COME ON! WHADDAYA GOT? | |
| [19:34] | WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING OUT HERE? | |
| [19:36] | MAKING A NICE LIVING. | |
| [19:37] | YEAH, SO MOVE ALONG. YOU’RE SCARING AWAY ALL THE PHILANTHROPISTS. | |
| [19:40] | ALL RIGHT. YOU JUST EARNED YOURSELVES A CITATION. | |
| [19:43] | FOR EXCELLENCE IN CHANGE GATHERING? | |
| [19:46] | [EMOTIONAL] IT’S ALL HAPPENING SO FAST. | |
| [19:49] | HI, GUYS. HOW’S BUSINESS? | |
| [19:50] | GREAT! WE’RE BEING HONORED BY RICO. | |
| [19:52] | THEY’RE GETTING A CITATION. | |
| [19:54] | CONGRATULATIONS, BOYS! | |
| [19:57] | THE TICKET’S $75. | |
| [19:59] | WHA..? OH, WELL…OK. | |
| [20:01] | AND I SUPPOSE YOU’LL WANT 15% | |
| [20:04] | AS YOUR OWN PERSONAL CUT, HUH? | |
| [20:07] | EXCUSE ME? | |
| [20:08] | DON’T WORRY. I KNOW HOW THESE THINGS WORK. | |
| [20:10] | THIS SHOULD TAKE CARE OF IT. | |
| [20:12] | ALL RIGHT, THAT’S IT. GET IN THE SQUAD CAR. | |
| [20:15] | WE’RE GOING DOWNTOWN. | |
| [20:16] | AH…NOW THAT’S SERVICE. | |
| [20:19] | SEE YOU DOWN THERE, BOYS! | |
| [20:21] | COME ON! HEY! | |
| [20:28] | OH, MAN… | |
| [20:30] | THIS PEZ SUCKS. | |
| [20:36] | THAT IS NOT PEZ. IT’S PROGESTERONE. | |
| [20:40] | WELL, THEN THIS PROGESTERONE SUCKS. | |
| [20:43] | THE CALENDAR FUNCTION IS NICE. | |
| [20:45] | YEAH. | |
| [20:46] | SALLY… | |
| [20:47] | DO YOU TIP YOUR GYNECOLOGIST? | |
| [20:49] | COME ON. WITH HIS JOB, HE SHOULD BE TIPPING ME. | |
| [20:55] | YEAH, BUT IT’S STRANGE, THOUGH. | |
| [20:56] | YOU TIP THE GUY WHO DELIVERS YOUR PIZZA, | |
| [20:58] | BUT NOT THE GUY WHO DELIVERS YOUR BABY. | |
| [21:00] | THAT’S ‘CAUSE YOU WANT YOUR PIZZA TO BE HOT. | |
| [21:03] | IF HE DELIVERS YOUR BABY IN 30 MINUTES OR LESS, THOUGH… | |
| [21:08] | THEN YOU TIP HIM! | |
| [21:10] | WELL, THAT’S JUST GOOD SERVICE. | |
| [21:12] | MORE PEOPLE WOULD HAVE BABIES | |
| [21:14] | IF THEY CAME WITH FREE GARLIC BREAD. | |
| [21:16] | NO, THEY WOULDN’T. | |
| [21:17] | YEAH. YOU DON’T KNOW THAT. | |
| [21:18] | YES, I DO. | |
| [21:19] | NO! GIVE ME THAT. |