| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:04] | You wanted to see me, Dick? | 你要见我 迪克 |
| [00:05] | Oh, Mary, thank god. | 玛丽 太好了 |
| [00:06] | I wanted to show you that if you mix up the letters | 我想让你看看把你的姓拆分 |
| [00:08] | in your last name, it spells “Lab right.” | 重新排序 能拼成”莱布欧特”[实验室 正确] |
| [00:15] | Ok. | 好吧 |
| [00:16] | But what was the emergency that couldn’t wait another second | 到底是什么要紧事 一秒都不能等 |
| [00:19] | that made me get off the phone with the chancellor? | 非要我挂断校长的电话过来 |
| [00:22] | “Lab right.” | “莱布欧特”哎 |
| [00:25] | Dick, look. Something weird is going on at work. | 迪克 我上班时出怪事了 |
| [00:28] | Doug’s gonna make me pay taxes. | 道格让我缴税 |
| [00:30] | Everyone pays taxes, Harry. | 地球人都缴税 哈里 |
| [00:33] | It is our duty, nay, our privilege | 此乃人民的义务 不对 人民的特权 |
| [00:35] | to pay taxes when we purchase goods, | 就是买东西要缴税 |
| [00:37] | such as chocolates and combs. | 比如巧克力啦 梳子啦 |
| [00:40] | That’s very noble of you, Dick, in February. | 挺有觉悟 迪克 现在是二月 |
| [00:42] | Let’s see what you say in April | 我倒要看看等到了四月 |
| [00:44] | when you have to file your return. | 轮到你报税时你会怎么说 |
| [00:46] | My return? | 我报税 |
| [00:46] | Your tax return. | 你的纳税申报单 |
| [00:48] | Oh. My tax return. | 我的纳税申报单 |
| [00:50] | The one you file every year. | 你每年都要填的那个玩意儿 |
| [00:53] | Oh, that. Yes. | 哦那个呀 没错 |
| [00:54] | Well, Nina does all my filing. | 尼娜负责我所有的报表 |
| [00:56] | – Uh, Nina! – What? | -尼娜 -干嘛 |
| [00:58] | Uh, bring me my return. | 把我报税单拿过来 |
| [00:59] | – Your return? – My return. My return. | -你报税单 -我报税单 报税单 |
| [01:02] | You see what I have to deal with? My return! | 管理这种员工忒辛苦 我的报税单啦 |
| [01:08] | All right. Form 1040. | 好 表格1040 |
| [01:10] | First name: Dick. | 名字 迪克 |
| [01:12] | Last name: Solomon. | 姓 所罗门 |
| [01:15] | And Mary said this would be complicated. | 玛丽还说这表不好填呢 |
| [01:18] | Dick, this is so boring. Why are we doing it? | 迪克 这也太无聊了 干嘛要填啊 |
| [01:21] | Because, Sally, this is what humans do. | 因为吧 莎莉 地球人都这样 |
| [01:23] | It’s like their national pastime. | 相当于一种全民娱乐活动 |
| [01:25] | And you don’t want us to stand out. | 咱们可不能特立独行 |
| [01:27] | Hey. You know what would be funny? | 你知道怎么填好玩吗 |
| [01:29] | Where it says sex, write “Frequently.” | 要是问性别 就填”频繁” |
| [01:34] | That’s a good one, Harry! | 有意思 哈里 |
| [01:36] | That is funny. | 太好玩了 |
| [01:37] | They don’t ask for your sex here. | 这里没有关于性别的问题 |
| [01:40] | Well, if there’s anyplace you can indicate | 那要是哪里需要你表态说 |
| [01:42] | that you like to have frequent sex, | 喜欢频繁的性生活 |
| [01:43] | I think it’s worth doing. | 这么填就行 |
| [01:46] | “Farm income or loss.” | “农业收入或亏损” |
| [01:49] | So did our farm show a profit last year? | 咱家的农场去年有盈利吗 |
| [01:52] | No. Where is Schedule F? | 没有 程序单F在哪里 |
| [01:54] | Wait, wait. We didn’t have a farm last year. | 等下 咱家去年哪有农场啊 |
| [01:56] | We lost the farm! No! | 咱家居然丢了个农场 不要 |
| [01:58] | Line 14. “Other gains or losses.” | 第十四行 “其他收益或亏损” |
| [02:01] | – I gained 2 pounds. – I lost my virginity. | -我胖了两斤 -我没了处女身 |
| [02:06] | There’s your opportunity | 你机会来了 |
| [02:07] | for that frequent sex thing going to throw in. | 这个可以填性生活问题 |
| [02:10] | “Enter itemized deductions from Page 3, Schedule C, Line 2, | “按照1040表中程序单A规定范围内规定的 |
| [02:13] | to the extent they are allowable | 逐项减税项填写 |
| [02:14] | on Schedule A, Form 1040-NR.” | 第三页程序单C的第二行” |
| [02:16] | “Enter the larger of your itemized deductions | “填写28行的大额逐项减税项 |
| [02:19] | from line 28 or standard deduction shown on the left.” | 或左侧的标准减税项” |
| [02:25] | My left or its left? | 是我的左侧还是表的左侧 |
| [02:28] | “See page 30 to find your standard deduction | “如果你选择了第35行AB两项的任一项 |
| [02:31] | if you checked any box on line 35-A or 35-B | 或你的身份是受赡养者 |
| [02:35] | or if someone can claim you as a dependent.” | 则请阅读第三十页找出你的标准减税项” |
| [02:46] | I’m telling you, there is no Schedule P! | 我告诉你 根本没有程序单P[的确没有] |
| [02:49] | There has to be, damn it! | 明明该有的 你妹的 |
| [02:50] | I don’t understand this! | 我就不明白了 |
| [02:52] | I’m a superior being. | 我堂堂一天才 |
| [02:53] | I can calculate the decaying orbit of a dying moon | 我能算出月亮移动十分之一英寸 |
| [02:56] | to within 1/10 of an inch. | 所产生的衰减轨道 |
| [02:57] | Why can’t I calculate the subtotal of line 59-A? | 我怎么就算不出第59-A的总和呢 |
| [03:01] | Why can’t I find line 59-A? | 我怎么找不着59-A了呢 |
| [03:03] | Where the hell is line 59-A?! | 59-A死哪儿去了 |
| [03:06] | I can’t take this anymore! | 我受不了啦 |
| [03:08] | I hate it! I hate it! | 讨厌 讨厌 |
| [03:09] | I hate it! I hate it! | 讨厌 讨厌 |
| [03:18] | Oh, here it is. | 在这儿呢 |
| [03:20] | Everybody just settle down. | 大家都冷静一下 |
| [04:02] | Ok, you add lines 41 through 47. | 把41行到47行都加起来 |
| [04:06] | Oh, yes, Mary. | 没错 玛丽 |
| [04:08] | You are the sexiest accountant in town. | 你是本地最性感的会计 |
| [04:11] | Yeah. | 行 |
| [04:12] | Just a minute, Dick. I’m not quite done. | 等会儿 迪克 我还没算完呢 |
| [04:14] | Oh, that’s it Mary. Crunch those numbers. | 玛丽加油 把这堆数字都消灭 |
| [04:16] | Crunch ’em good. | 灭成渣渣 |
| [04:18] | So you subtract line 64 | 把64行 |
| [04:20] | from 56… | 从56行除去… |
| [04:22] | Yes. Now deduct my pants. | 对 把我的裤子也除去吧 |
| [04:26] | Dick, I think you’re gonna want to keep your pants on. | 迪克 我看你裤子还是穿着吧 |
| [04:29] | Why is that? | 为什么 |
| [04:30] | Because you’re about to lose your shirt. | 因为你衬衫都快没的穿了 |
| [04:32] | And so are you. | 你也是哦 |
| [04:34] | You owe $9,500! | 你欠税九千五百块 |
| [04:38] | What?! | 什么 |
| [04:39] | You bitch! | 你个贱妇 |
| [04:44] | You didn’t pay any taxes. What did you expect? | 你根本一分钱税都没缴过 你以为呢 |
| [04:46] | Well, I certainly didn’t expect my girlfriend | 我也没想到我的女朋友 |
| [04:48] | to wear my ass as a snowshoe! | 居然会把我往死里整 |
| [04:54] | $9,500? | 九千五 |
| [04:57] | Oh, my god! You guys, what are we gonna do? | 天哪 同志们 咱可怎么办啊 |
| [05:00] | Look at all these receipts from all these meals. | 看看这堆餐厅吃饭的收据 |
| [05:04] | If we’d only talked about business during some of them, | 如果咱某些饭局是在谈生意 |
| [05:06] | we could write off all this money as deductions. | 那就可以免税了 |
| [05:14] | Who says we didn’t… | 谁说咱不是去 |
| [05:16] | talk about business? | 谈生意的 |
| [05:19] | Yes. | 对哦 |
| [05:21] | ‘Cause that’s the only reason | 咱出去下馆子 |
| [05:23] | we ever go out to eat, anyway, right, | 就是为了谈生意 是吧 |
| [05:25] | is to talk… | 去谈 |
| [05:26] | about…business. | 生意 |
| [05:29] | Business. | 生意 |
| [05:32] | Ok, I must tune out, | 好吧 我肯定是走神了 |
| [05:34] | because I never hear us talking about business. | 因为我从来没听过你们谈生意 |
| [05:40] | Yes. | 没错 |
| [05:41] | We can lie | 我们可以 |
| [05:43] | on our taxes. | 报假税 |
| [05:48] | I can’t believe that | 人类以前 |
| [05:49] | no human has ever thought of this before. | 居然都没想到这招 |
| [05:52] | Ok, wait a second, you guys. What if we get caught? | 先别高兴 万一咱被逮住呢 |
| [05:54] | How can we get caught? | 怎么可能呢 |
| [05:56] | All those other dopes out there | 外头的那帮傻蛋 |
| [05:58] | are telling the truth about their taxes. | 报的税都是真的 |
| [06:00] | They’re just going to assume that… | 税务局肯定会以为 |
| [06:02] | we are, too. | 咱报的也是真的 |
| [06:05] | Hey, check this out. | 看这个 |
| [06:06] | You can get a deduction for having a home business. | 如果有居家生意 可以享受减税政策 |
| [06:09] | Really? | 真的吗 |
| [06:10] | Then it’s a good thing that you run one here, Sally. | 那幸好莎莉你 在家有做生意哟 |
| [06:15] | Yes, Dick, | 没错 迪克 |
| [06:16] | it sure is. | 幸好哟 |
| [06:20] | Is this the business | 是不是那个 |
| [06:21] | that I never hear you guys talking about? | 我从来没听你们谈过的生意 |
| [06:25] | Oh, and look at this. | 再看这个 |
| [06:27] | Here’s a receipt for $14.99. | 这张收据是14块9毛9 |
| [06:30] | Or is it… | 也可以是 |
| [06:32] | $114.99? | 114块9毛9 |
| [06:37] | Or is it… | 也可以是 |
| [06:39] | $1,114.99? | 1114块9毛9 |
| [06:44] | Wait, wait, wait. You think they’ll buy that? | 等会儿 你觉得这可信吗 |
| [06:45] | I mean, that’s a lot of money. For a pencil sharpener. | 这么多钱 就买个卷笔刀啊 |
| [06:49] | Simple. | 好办 |
| [06:51] | We just cross out “pencil sharpener”… | 咱们把卷笔刀删去 |
| [06:54] | and write in… | 换成 |
| [06:57] | “Airplane.” | 飞机 |
| [07:01] | It’s brilliant! | 太有才了 |
| [07:08] | Well… | 好了 |
| [07:09] | here is our home business. | 这就是咱们的居家生意 |
| [07:11] | Thanks, Dubie. | 多谢了 杜比 |
| [07:12] | What, we’re selling chairs? | 怎么 咱们是卖椅子的 |
| [07:14] | No, hon. It’s a salon chair. | 亲 你错了 这是美发椅 |
| [07:16] | We put up a sign, take a few pictures. | 咱贴个招牌 拍几张照片 |
| [07:19] | Anybody asks, it was a failed home business. | 要有人问 就说生意倒闭了 |
| [07:22] | Deduction city. | 蹭税万岁 |
| [07:24] | You know, there’s a funny story about how I got that chair. | 话说 这把椅子的来历很有意思 |
| [07:26] | Heard it! | 早听过啦 |
| [07:29] | I got your sign, Sally. | 招牌整好了 莎莉 |
| [07:31] | Great! It looks like a real business. | 很好 看着跟真的似的 |
| [07:34] | You put it up outside, Ok? | 把这个挂外面去吧 |
| [07:36] | Ok, everybody, I’ve got it. | 同志们 我搞定了 |
| [07:38] | I played with the numbers a bit, | 我对这些数字做了点小手脚 |
| [07:40] | entered a few harmless clerical mistakes, and guess what. | 填了几处无伤大碍的笔误 猜怎么着 |
| [07:42] | The government now owes us $375,000! | 现在政府欠咱家 37万5千块 |
| [07:47] | Oh, yeah! | 哦耶 |
| [07:48] | Who needs Ed Mcmahon? | 谁还用艾德·麦克马洪逗乐 |
| [07:50] | We’ve got Uncle Sam! | 咱有美国政府给钱 |
| [07:51] | This is really working out great for us. | 咱这一手玩的太高了 |
| [07:53] | If we keep doing our taxes like this, | 要是一直这么报税 |
| [07:55] | in a few years, we’ll be millionaires. | 过不了几年 咱们就成百万富翁了 |
| [07:58] | You know, I once had a millionaire– | 话说有一回 我跟一个百万富翁… |
| [08:00] | Heard it! | 早听过啦 |
| [08:02] | Excuse me. | 请问 |
| [08:03] | Is this Sally’s Actual Salon? | 这里是”莎莉真实美发店”吗 |
| [08:09] | Uh, yeah. | 是 |
| [08:10] | Well, good! I could really use a cut. | 太好了 我这头发真该剪了 |
| [08:17] | Oh, Ok, I guess. Sure. | 哦行 没问题 |
| [08:38] | – Go on. Give it to him. – Why should I? | -去啊 快给他 -凭啥我去 |
| [08:41] | Well, you’re my assistant. Now give it to him. | 因为你是我助理 赶紧给他送去 |
| [08:43] | You give it to him. You’re sleeping with him. | 你去 你俩还一起睡呢 |
| [08:45] | Well, you can sleep with him. | 你也可以跟他睡 |
| [08:46] | You’re nuts. I’m not gonna do it. | 你有毛病 我才不要 |
| [08:48] | No, just give it! Just give– | 别 赶紧给他 给他就是了 |
| [08:49] | Can I play? | 带我一起玩呗 |
| [08:51] | Unless the rules are very complicated. | 要是规则太复杂的话就算了 |
| [08:54] | Then I’ll just sit it out. | 我在这边看你们玩就行 |
| [08:56] | – You got a letter. – Really? | -有你一封信 -真的吗 |
| [08:59] | – From the I.R.S. – Oh, great! | -国税局寄过来的 -太好了 |
| [09:02] | It’s probably my check. | 八成是给我的支票 |
| [09:03] | I took a second pass on my return, | 我重填了一份税单 |
| [09:06] | and it turns out I don’t owe anything. | 原来我一分钱都不欠呢 |
| [09:08] | It doesn’t look like a check. | 我看不像是支票 |
| [09:10] | It can’t be a birthday card. | 总不能是生日贺卡吧 |
| [09:11] | My birthday isn’t for months, and– | 离我生日还有好几个月呢 再说了… |
| [09:13] | “Notice of audit”? | 审计通知 |
| [09:16] | What’s an audit? | 审计是什么 |
| [09:18] | Oh, boy. | 我去 |
| [09:20] | An audit. | 审计 |
| [09:22] | You are so screwed. | 你完了 |
| [09:27] | Mary, she’s scaring me. | 玛丽 她吓唬我 |
| [09:29] | Dick, sit down. We have to talk. | 迪克 坐下 咱得谈谈 |
| [09:32] | Can’t it wait till after my audit? | 不能等我审计完再说吗 |
| [09:33] | Everything is gonna be fine. | 不会有事的 |
| [09:35] | You just have to tell the truth. | 你只要实话实说就行 |
| [09:36] | It’s not as if you have something to hide, right? | 你又不是有事瞒着他们 对不对 |
| [09:38] | Hide? No. I have nothing to hide. | 瞒着 没 我没什么好隐瞒的 |
| [09:40] | Why would I hide? | 我干嘛要隐瞒 |
| [09:41] | That’s good, | 那就好 |
| [09:42] | because they’re gonna be all over you. | 因为他们会把你查得一清二楚 |
| [09:44] | They’re gonna dig into every aspect of your life. | 彻查你生活的方方面面 |
| [09:48] | Find out everything about you. | 翻出你所有老底 |
| [09:51] | Everything? | 所有老底 |
| [09:52] | They can be pretty brutal. | 他们可是非常没人性 |
| [09:54] | Oh…that’s interesting. | 挺有意思啊 |
| [09:56] | N-now, if you’ll excuse me, | 不好意思 |
| [09:58] | I–I–I have to, uh, nnnnnnnn… | 我我我 我得去… |
| [10:07] | Ok, Nellie, | 好了 奈莉 |
| [10:08] | what we’re gonna do is | 下面我们这样 |
| [10:10] | we’re just gonna give you a little bangs | 给你留出点刘海 |
| [10:12] | to cover up these tiny little worry lines. | 好遮住这些小抬头纹 |
| [10:14] | Then we’re gonna eventually graduate the sides in like that. | 最后把你两边的头发弄成这样 |
| [10:19] | How’s that sound to ya? | 你觉得怎么样 |
| [10:20] | I don’t know. | 我拿不准 |
| [10:22] | Oh, trust us, darling. | 相信我们 亲 |
| [10:23] | We’re just trying to give you a little shape. | 我们只是想给你来点儿造型 |
| [10:25] | I mean, you have a lovely neck here and no one can see it. | 你看你脖子多漂亮 可平时都看不到 |
| [10:29] | Ok, let’s get you washed. Mr. Harry! | 好了 去洗头吧 哈里先生 |
| [10:33] | Ok, hold on, doll. | 好的 等一下 宝贝 |
| [10:34] | I only got 2 hands. | 人家只有两只手啦 |
| [10:37] | Come on. | 来 |
| [10:40] | That’s the stuff. There you go. | 就这儿 我洗 |
| [10:44] | Family meeting! Family meeting! | 家庭会议 家庭会议 |
| [10:52] | Who is this? | 这谁啊 |
| [10:53] | Oh, that’s my 4:00. You can go sit in the chair, hon. Tommy. | 四点做头发的 亲到那边坐吧 汤米 |
| [10:56] | Would you like some mineral water while you’re waiting dear? | 等候的同时要不要来点矿泉水 |
| [10:58] | Why don’t you just go run along, dear? | 你还是直接出去吧 亲爱的 |
| [11:00] | – Um, where should I go– – Get out! | -我应该去哪… -出去 |
| [11:03] | Ok, listen up. | 听好了 |
| [11:04] | I’ve got horrible news. | 坏消息 |
| [11:06] | We’re being audited by the I.R.S. | 国税局要审计咱们 |
| [11:08] | What? Does that mean we don’t get the $375,000? | 什么 那37万5千块是不是泡汤了 |
| [11:11] | It’s worse. Agents of the government | 比那还严重 政府的人 |
| [11:13] | are gonna go through our lives with a fine-tooth comb. | 会对咱们来个身家大起底 |
| [11:16] | Every detail of our past | 把咱过去六年的 |
| [11:17] | examined under a microscope, for the last 6 years! | 一点一滴 都放在显微镜下仔细研究 |
| [11:19] | So? We’ve only been on the planet for 3. | 又怎样 我们在地球才待了三年 |
| [11:22] | That’s the whole problem. | 这就是问题所在 |
| [11:23] | The more they probe into our past, | 他们调查的越深 |
| [11:26] | the more they’ll find out we don’t have one! | 就越会发现咱们根本没有过去 |
| [11:28] | Because we’re aliens. | 因为咱们是外星人 |
| [11:31] | That is the conclusion they will draw. | 那是他们到时会得出的结论 |
| [11:35] | Now, we’ve all got to have detailed explanations | 我们得赶紧编好过去六年的 |
| [11:38] | for the last 6 years: where we’ve been, what we’ve done, | 详尽内容 比如去过哪里干过什么 |
| [11:41] | and the documentation to prove it. | 还要有证明文件 |
| [11:43] | Oh, I did that, like 3 years ago. | 我做过了 三年前就做好了 |
| [11:45] | You did? | 你做好了 |
| [11:46] | Yeah. Complete and airtight. | 正是 全面详尽无懈可击 |
| [11:48] | I gave them to you guys. What’d you do with them? | 我都给你们了 你们放哪儿了 |
| [11:56] | I’m sorry. | 不好意思 |
| [11:58] | That’s just great. You know, sometimes | 好嘛 有时候我就纳闷儿 |
| [12:00] | I don’t even know why I bother! | 我天天瞎折腾个什么劲儿 |
| [12:01] | You’re just gonna have to go and do it again. | 你只能重新再做一遍了 |
| [12:03] | We need foolproof backgrounds by tomorrow. | 明天就需要天衣无缝的背景资料 |
| [12:06] | Now get cracking! Oh, and, Sally? | 赶快行动 还有 莎莉 |
| [12:07] | Bump your 4:00. | 把四点的顾客取消 |
| [12:08] | I’m not gonna battle faceless and hostile government forces | 我要去跟无情无耻的政府作斗争 |
| [12:11] | with this unsightly fuzz on my neck. | 你给我好好收拾一下发型 |
| [12:21] | Oh, hello, Mary. | 你好啊 玛丽 |
| [12:23] | I was just thinking about how long I’ve known you. | 我刚还在寻思我认识你多长时间了 |
| [12:26] | 10 long years. | 整整十年啊 |
| [12:29] | It’s more like 3 years. | 貌似是三年 |
| [12:31] | Well, then you’d be comfortable saying 7 long years. | 要不你就说七年可以吧 |
| [12:35] | No, it’s 3 years, Dick. | 不是 就是三年 迪克 |
| [12:37] | So I can safely quote you as saying | 如果有人问 我可以照你原话说 |
| [12:39] | that you’ve known me for 6 good, verifiable years, then? | 你认识我整整六年 有根有据 是吧 |
| [12:42] | 3. | 三年 |
| [12:44] | Fair enough. | 好吧 |
| [12:47] | But you are quite familiar with what I was doing | 不过想必你对我三年前的状况 |
| [12:49] | in the 3 years prior to that? | 肯定了解的一清二楚吧 |
| [12:51] | Are you kidding me? | 你逗我呢 |
| [12:53] | You never told me anything about your life | 你压根从来没跟我讲过 |
| [12:55] | before you started working here. | 你来这工作前的生活 |
| [12:57] | You hem, you haw, you rush in, you rush out. | 你不是闪烁其辞 就是顾左右言其他 |
| [13:00] | Oh, let’s not forget the spontaneous laryngitis. | 还有喉咙自动发炎什么的 |
| [13:02] | That was going around. | 那是流行传染病耶 |
| [13:04] | How about the truth, Dick? | 说实话怎样 迪克 |
| [13:05] | Tommy’s coming up with the truth right now, | 汤米正编着呢 |
| [13:07] | but in the meantime… | 但是同时呢… |
| [13:09] | I’m going to need you to play ball. | 我需要你的配合 |
| [13:11] | Oh, no. You’re not gonna drag me into this. | 不要 你休想把我牵扯进去 |
| [13:14] | Drag you into this? This whole thing is your fault! | 牵扯你 都是你的错 |
| [13:16] | If it weren’t for you, | 当初要不是你 |
| [13:17] | I never would have filed my damn | 我根本就不会 |
| [13:18] | tax return in the first place! | 填什么鬼报税单 |
| [13:21] | Well, if you hadn’t fudged with my numbers, | 你要是没乱改我算好的数字 |
| [13:23] | – you wouldn’t be in this situation. – Just remember this. | -现在也不会这样 -你记住了 |
| [13:25] | If I go down, you’re coming down with me! | 我要是完蛋 非拉你垫背不可 |
| [13:27] | I hope you burn in hell, Mary Albright! | 去死吧你 玛丽·欧布莱特 |
| [13:35] | Ok, that last bit was a little harsh. | 刚刚最后一句话有点太狠了 |
| [13:39] | But it’s been building up for 8 long years. | 但我已经憋了整整八年了 |
| [13:42] | 3. | 三年 |
| [13:43] | Damn! | 靠 |
| [13:47] | How’s that feel? | 感觉怎么样 |
| [13:48] | Oh–oh, that’s hot. | 挺烫的 |
| [13:50] | Good. | 很好 |
| [13:52] | No! | 不会吧 |
| [13:53] | It is the truth, I am telling you. | 这可是真的哦 我告诉你们 |
| [13:55] | Oh, I’ve got another client–top-secret– | 我有另一个顾客的猛料 |
| [13:57] | I cannot tell you who it is. | 不能告诉你们具体是谁 |
| [13:59] | But she’s had her nose done 3 times, | 她鼻子都整三次了 |
| [14:02] | and she’s still not happy. | 但她还是不满意 |
| [14:04] | Is it Maggie Wright? | 是不是玛琪·莱特 |
| [14:06] | Yeah. | 就是她 |
| [14:08] | But I told her, enough is enough. | 但我也告诉她了 要适可而止 |
| [14:11] | I think she looks like a witch. | 我觉得她整得跟巫婆似的 |
| [14:13] | Ohh! You! | 你呀你 |
| [14:15] | Harry, Sally, can I talk to you for a minute? | 哈里 莎莉 能不能跟你们说句话 |
| [14:17] | Oh, sorry, hon, we’re completely booked. | 抱歉 亲 档期排满了 |
| [14:19] | Yeah. Maybe we can fit you in tomorrow around– | 正是 把你排到明天差不多… |
| [14:21] | Now! | 赶紧的 |
| [14:22] | Now! | 赶紧的 |
| [14:25] | Ok. I got your new biographies done. | 好 你们俩的新背景我弄好了 |
| [14:28] | You have to have them memorized by tomorrow. | 明天必须背熟 |
| [14:29] | All right, Sally. | 好了 莎莉 |
| [14:31] | From 1992 to 1994 you were an unpaid docent | 1992至1994年 你在齐佩瓦族遗迹 |
| [14:34] | at the Museum of Chippewa Heritage. | 博物馆做义务讲解员 |
| [14:39] | No, no, no, no. | 不行不行 |
| [14:41] | In a coma? | 昏迷中 |
| [14:47] | No, no, no, no, miss thing. I don’t think so. | 不要 我不要这样 |
| [14:51] | Ok, you know what? I just spent 2 days | 哥花了两天力气 |
| [14:53] | documenting and falsifying these covers, | 伪造这堆文件 |
| [14:55] | but you go in there tomorrow and say whatever you want! | 你们明天到时候爱说啥说啥吧 |
| [14:57] | It’s your Alien Autopsy, ok? | 想出演《解剖外星人》 请随便 |
| [15:04] | All right, let’s focus and go over it once again. | 好 大家集中精力再来一遍 |
| [15:07] | Before we moved here on January 9, 1996, | 1996年1月9日搬来之前 |
| [15:10] | where did we live…Sally? | 咱们住在哪里 莎莉 |
| [15:12] | 2740 Vernon place, Stewart, | 佛罗里达州斯图尔特市 |
| [15:14] | Florida, sir! | 弗农区2740号 长官 |
| [15:17] | And Florida would be on what, Neptune? | 佛罗里达是哪个星球的 海王星吗 |
| [15:20] | No! Earth, sir! | 不是 是地球 长官 |
| [15:22] | That’s good. | 很好 |
| [15:23] | And during our time in Florida, | 在佛州期间 |
| [15:24] | was I ever gainfully employed? | 我有工作赚钱吗 |
| [15:26] | – No, you were not! – So how did we live? | -你没有 -那我们以何为生 |
| [15:27] | – By our wits, sir! – Good. | -凭我们的智慧 长官 -很好 |
| [15:31] | Oh, by the way, are we from a distant galaxy? You. | 对了 我们是从遥远外星系来的吗 你答 |
| [15:39] | No… | 不是吧 |
| [15:45] | Are you sure? | 确定吗 |
| [15:49] | Yes, sir! | 确定 长官 |
| [15:51] | Ok. | 好 |
| [15:52] | Now let’s go over our return. You, young man. | 现在再复习一下报税问题 你 小子 |
| [15:55] | How could this family have lived for 3 years | 在没有显性收入的情况下 |
| [15:57] | – with no visible income? – We collected cans. | -这三年全家是怎么过的 -捡易拉罐 |
| [16:00] | – How many cans? – 123,450 cans. | -捡了多少 -123450个 |
| [16:02] | And you didn’t report that income? | 所得收入为什么没上报 |
| [16:04] | The income was $6,217, | 所得收入为6217元 |
| [16:06] | which falls well below federal limits for filing. | 远低于联邦政府规定的报税线 |
| [16:08] | Your numbers don’t add up! | 你这俩数据之间对不上 |
| [16:09] | We turned in 30% of those cans in Michigan | 三成易拉罐是在密歇根州卖的 |
| [16:11] | where it’s 5 cents a can, sir! | 当地售价五分钱一个 长官 |
| [16:17] | Oh, yeah? | 是吗 |
| [16:20] | In Michigan, eh? | 密歇根 是吧 |
| [16:22] | Where I was in a coma! | 我就在那儿昏迷来着 |
| [16:30] | Sir! | 长官 |
| [16:36] | Now, Mr. Solomon, | 所罗门先生 |
| [16:37] | there are some irregularities here on your tax return. | 你的报税单有些地方填得不太规范 |
| [16:41] | I must say, I was surprised by some of these numbers– | 有些数字还真挺吓人的… |
| [16:44] | Well, then, let’s go over them, Mr. Gindek. | 那咱们对一遍吧 金德克先生 |
| [16:46] | I’ve got nothing to hide. | 我没有什么好隐瞒的 |
| [16:48] | Me neither. | 我也是 |
| [16:51] | Nor I. | 我也是 |
| [16:52] | – We’re ready to talk. – Yeah. | -我们准备好受审了 -正是 |
| [16:55] | Yes. | 好的 |
| [16:56] | Now, here on Schedule E– | 那个 这里 在程序单E上… |
| [16:58] | Schedule E. | 程序单E |
| [16:59] | Yeah, I remember the first time I saw Schedule E. | 我还记得第一次见到程序单E的情景 |
| [17:03] | It was around 1992. | 1992年前后吧 |
| [17:05] | Do you remember that? | 你们还记得吗 |
| [17:06] | – Oh, incredible. – What a day. | -好难忘 -难忘的一天 |
| [17:09] | I was, uh, right here on earth, | 我当时就在地球上的这个地儿 |
| [17:11] | as carbon based as the next guy. | 跟旁边的哥们一样是个碳水化合物 |
| [17:16] | You claim a $16,000– | 你申报了一万六千块的… |
| [17:19] | Oh, gosh! | 天哪 |
| [17:19] | You guys remember March 20, 1994? | 你们还记得1994年3月20日不 |
| [17:23] | Like it was yesterday. | 恍如昨日啊 |
| [17:24] | Remember that steakhouse we went to? | 还记得咱去的那家牛排餐厅不 |
| [17:26] | Ohh, yes. | 当然记得 |
| [17:27] | I had the porterhouse– no, no, no– | 我点的高级小牛排 不对 |
| [17:30] | – I had the flank. – No, Dick. I had the flank. | -我要的是牛腩排 -不对迪克 是我点的 |
| [17:32] | Are you sure? ‘Cause I’m almost positive I had… | 你确定吗 我基本确定是我点的 |
| [17:34] | No, ’cause I always get the flank. | 不对 因为我总是点这个 |
| [17:37] | Maybe you both had the flank! | 可能你俩点的都是牛腩排 |
| [17:42] | Yes. | 是的 |
| [17:43] | There’s no law against… | 也没有法律规定 |
| [17:45] | 2 people having the flank. | 俩人不能同时点牛腩排 |
| [17:48] | There’s certainly nothing… | 这种事也完全不像 |
| [17:50] | alien about it. | 外星人干的 |
| [17:56] | I’ve just… got to grab something off the printer. | 我得去打印机拿点东西 |
| [18:06] | Oh, my god! Do you think he knows? | 天哪 你们觉得他知道了吗 |
| [18:07] | He definitely knows! | 他绝对看出来了 |
| [18:08] | It was you with the flank steak! | 都怪你的牛腩排 |
| [18:11] | This is what we’re gonna do. | 咱待会儿这样 |
| [18:13] | When he comes back in, I break his neck. | 等他一进屋 我把丫脖子拧了 |
| [18:15] | Then we make our escape, | 然后咱们就跑路 |
| [18:17] | and I snap everyone’s neck from here till we get home. | 然后我把回家路上所有路人都拧死 |
| [18:19] | There’s no way they’ll catch us! | 他们绝对抓不着咱 |
| [18:23] | Let’s call that plan B. | 这个作为B计划好了 |
| [18:26] | Quick, let’s buy some time by barricading the door. | 快点 把门挡住好争取点时间 |
| [18:29] | Just push the desk over against the door. | 把桌子推过去挡住门 |
| [18:32] | That’s right. Push it. | 对 使劲推 |
| [18:34] | I can’t see him. | 他在哪儿呢 |
| [18:42] | What are you doing? | 你们干嘛呢 |
| [18:49] | It… | 那个 |
| [18:51] | It just– it just slid right over. | 这桌子不知不觉就滑过来了 |
| [18:55] | Do your realize this whole floor is slanted? | 你没觉得整个地板都是斜的吗 |
| [18:58] | Look, I think I see what you’re trying to do, | 我知道你们想干什么 |
| [19:02] | and…frankly, it’s not going to work. | 实话告诉你 没用的 |
| [19:04] | All right! | 好吧 |
| [19:06] | It’s time to come clean. | 不坦白不行了 |
| [19:08] | The reason why we haven’t been filing returns is… | 我们以前没报过税的原因是 |
| [19:11] | we were kidnapped. | 我们被绑架了 |
| [19:13] | That’s right! | 没错 |
| [19:14] | Yeah! Yeah! | 对对对 |
| [19:15] | And they said if we filed our taxes… | 绑匪说我们要是敢报税 |
| [19:19] | they’d kill us! | 就弄死我们 |
| [19:21] | Oh, really? | 真的吗 |
| [19:23] | No! | 不是 |
| [19:24] | Uh, no. | 不是的 |
| [19:26] | To be honest, we were in the Witness Protection Program, | 实话告诉你吧 我们是受保护的证人 |
| [19:28] | and they were very bad about forwarding our mail. | 都软禁着呢 写信寄不出去 |
| [19:32] | I don’t think so. | 我不信 |
| [19:33] | Ok. How about this? | 好吧 那这样呢 |
| [19:37] | We’ve spend the last 4 years | 过去四年我们一直在 |
| [19:38] | living in the Canadian rockies with a pack of wolves! | 加拿大落基山脉跟一群狼过日子 |
| [19:41] | A pack of wolves. | 一群狼 |
| [19:42] | Yes. I was the Alpha dog. | 对 我就是领头狼 |
| [19:45] | Mr. Solomon, why don’t you just cooperate? | 所罗门先生 你们好好合作不行吗 |
| [19:48] | You’re only making things harder. | 你这样让事情更难办 |
| [19:50] | All right. | 好吧 |
| [19:54] | All right, you’ve caught us. | 好吧 你逮到我们了 |
| [19:58] | We are aliens. | 我们是外星人 |
| [20:02] | We came here from a barred spiral galaxy… | 我们来自一个螺旋星系 |
| [20:06] | in the Cepheus Draco border territory… | 在仙王座和天龙座交界处 |
| [20:09] | in order to study your species. | 来地球是为了研究人类 |
| [20:13] | I only ask that you take into account our good intentions | 我只求你先想想我们的纯良之处 |
| [20:16] | before you call in your scientists… | 再决定是否要把科学家叫来 |
| [20:22] | to dissect us. | 解剖我们 |
| [20:28] | Sorry, folks. I’ve heard that one before, too. | 抱歉 各位 这理由我以前也听过 |
| [20:35] | Mr. Solomon, you owe $16,143 in back taxes. | 所罗门先生 你拖欠的税款是16143块 |
| [20:41] | Yay! | 好耶 |
| [20:51] | Well, we still have a lot to learn. | 我们还是有很多东西要学习 |
| [20:53] | Could you imagine a real human being afraid of a tax audit? | 真正的人类怎么会怕查税啊 |
| [20:57] | Ha ha! I know. | 就是的 |
| [20:58] | Although I do feel a little more human | 不过被国税局讹了一把 |
| [21:00] | now that we’ve been reamed by the I.R.S. | 我还真觉得自己更像人类了 |
| [21:03] | I think “Reamed” is an understatement. | 我觉得说”讹”都说轻了 |
| [21:05] | We’re paying taxes for years we weren’t even on the planet. | 咱把来地球之前好几年的税都补上了 |
| [21:08] | Yeah, well, luckily, my business is booming. | 是啊 不过所幸我的生意很兴隆 |
| [21:11] | Hey, Mr. Harry, how many appointments for tomorrow? | 哈里先生 明天有多少预约啊 |
| [21:13] | Let’s see. Uh… | 我看看 |
| [21:16] | None. | 一个没有 |
| [21:18] | – What?! – In all fairness, Sally, | -什么 -说句公道话 莎莉 |
| [21:19] | – you have terrible haircuts. – Oh, right. I forgot. | -你理发手艺忒差了 -是哦 我忘了 |
| [21:23] | Hey, by the way, did you guys see Dubcek’s face | 对了 你们看见杜布切克 |
| [21:26] | when she came out of the dryer? | 烘完头发出来时的表情没 |
| [21:37] | Sally, I had no idea you’d gone to beauty school. | 莎莉 我真不知道你还学过美发 |
| [21:41] | Oh, sure. | 当然了 |
| [21:42] | Back in ’92– remember ’92, Tommy? | 那是92年 记得92年吧 汤米 |
| [21:46] | Sure. 1992. | 当然 1992年 |
| [21:48] | The year we danced to the music of Vanilla Ice, | 当年咱随着”香草冰”的音乐起舞呢 |
| [21:50] | and “Scent Of A Woman” introduced America | 《闻香识女人》让全美人民有了 |
| [21:53] | to a young heartthrob named Chris O’donnell. | 新一代的大众情人 克里斯·奥唐纳 |
| [21:56] | Oh, how’s that feel? | 感觉如何 |
| [21:57] | It hurt. | 好疼 |
| [21:58] | Oh, good. | 很好 |