| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:05] | What did people do at their desks | 人们以前都在办公桌上干什么 |
| [00:06] | before BuzzFeed, Candy Crush, instant messaging, | 在没有新闻聚合 糖果传奇 即时通讯 |
| [00:09] | texting, sexting, tweeting, ‘gramming, and snapchat? | 短信 短信聊骚 推特 图片分享和阅后即焚之前 |
| [00:11] | I bet they got buttloads of work done. | 我想他们肯定是忙着完成工作 |
| [00:13] | Suckers. | 弱爆了 |
| [00:14] | What did we say about half-naked snapchats? | 关于阅后即焚半裸照 我们是之前怎么说的 |
| [00:16] | We didn’t say anything. | 啥也没说啊 |
| [00:18] | You said, “This is a place of business,” | 你说 这是工作场所 |
| [00:20] | and then you asked what snapchat was, | 接下来你就问我阅后即焚是啥 |
| [00:21] | and I had to tell you because, as usual, | 我就得告诉你 因为 |
| [00:24] | you have no idea what anything fun is. | 你一如既往地不懂得什么叫乐趣 |
| [00:26] | Once again, Freddy is reinforcing your bad habits | 弗雷迪再一次加剧了你的恶习 |
| [00:28] | – and, quite frankly, stoking some of his own. – What? | -老实说 也恶化了他自己的恶习 -什么 |
| [00:31] | If you two put a fraction of your narcissistic energy | 如果你把自恋的这股劲儿哪怕拿出来一点点 |
| [00:33] | into solving the issues currently plaguing our society, | 用来解决令社会头疼的大问题 |
| [00:35] | perhaps rising sea levels, autism, | 也许海平面上升 孤独症 |
| [00:38] | and the rabidly dwindling bee population | 急剧减少的蜂群数量 |
| [00:39] | would be things of the past. | 可能就会成为过去式 |
| [00:42] | Whoa. Somebody needs to get laid. | 哇 某人得需要女人的”滋养”了 |
| [01:05] | Sometimes I say things that are totally true | 有时 我会说出一些真相 |
| [01:07] | without even realizing how true they are, | 但自己却并没有意识到事实果真如此 |
| [01:09] | like in 2008 when I accidentally said… | 比如2008年 我不经意间说道 |
| [01:12] | I bet you anything the dumb golden girl | 我打赌 《黄金女郎》里那个蠢妞 |
| [01:14] | outlives the man golden girl and the slut golden girl. | 比男人婆和浪荡女活得都长 |
| [01:17] | No chance. Sluts live forever. | 不可能 浪荡得永生 |
| [01:20] | So when I accidentally diagnosed Henry’s sexual frustration, | 所以 当我不小心诊断出亨利缺少性福时 |
| [01:23] | it shouldn’t have surprised me how right I was. | 大家都这么认为 也就不足为奇了 |
| [01:26] | It’s a bed-wetting remedy, | 这是治疗尿床的药 |
| [01:27] | and your primary color is yellow. | 可你却用黄色当主色 |
| [01:29] | Do you really not understand what the issue is? | 你真的搞不清楚状况吗 |
| [01:31] | The box literally looks like it’s been soaked in urine. | 这盒子看上去就像是被尿泡过的一样 |
| [01:33] | Ew. | 恶 |
| [01:35] | Did you pee on my box? | 你在我盒子上尿尿了吗 |
| [01:37] | Somebody needs to get laid. | 某人需要性福滋润呀 |
| [01:39] | Yes. | 没错 |
| [01:41] | I accidentally called that in 2014 like five seconds ago! | 2014年我已经不小心说出了这个事实 就在几秒前 |
| [01:45] | Still, I couldn’t help but feel partially responsible. | 但我不禁觉得我也应该负部分责任 |
| [01:48] | After all, I’d been consuming most of Henry’s free time. | 毕竟 我占据了亨利大部分空闲时间 |
| [01:51] | All right, Eliza. It’s getting late. | 好了 伊莉莎 已经很晚了 |
| [01:53] | Uh, let’s try this again. | 咱们再试一次 |
| [01:54] | Your co-worker returns from maternity leave | 你同事产假归来 |
| [01:56] | anxious to share with you a photo of her newborn baby | 迫不及待地给你看她小宝宝的照片 |
| [01:59] | who happens to look like this. | 可小宝宝却长成这样 |
| [02:03] | And you reply? | 你作何回应 |
| [02:06] | That said, it really doesn’t leave him much time to mack on hoes. | 因此 他真的并没有多少时间去泡妞 |
| [02:09] | And because Henry’s so deficient in vitamin v, | 由于亨利如此缺乏性福滋养 |
| [02:11] | he’s super salty about my relationship with Freddy. | 所以他对我跟弗雷迪的关系感到很不爽 |
| [02:13] | So, long story short — | 简而言之 |
| [02:15] | We need to get Henry some strange. | 我们得给亨利找点新鲜 |
| [02:17] | Exactly. | 没错 |
| [02:19] | You know, there’s a cute girl | 你知道吗 |
| [02:22] | that works in the coffee shop downstairs. | 楼下咖啡店里有个美女 |
| [02:24] | Now, she asked about Henry once. | 她问起过亨利 |
| [02:26] | And for no real reason, I blocked it. | 但不知为何 被我给回绝了 |
| [02:30] | I regret that now. | 我现在后悔了 |
| [02:31] | So, you’ll help me? | 所以你会帮我咯 |
| [02:33] | No. | 不 |
| [02:34] | Oh, see? I don’t know what my problem is. | 知道吗 我也不知道怎么回事 |
| [02:36] | It’s like my default setting is to block. | 好像我的默认设置就是要回绝别人一样 |
| [02:40] | But don’t worry. I-I’ll help you. | 别担心 我会帮你的 |
| [02:43] | Probably. | 也许吧 |
| [02:45] | While Charmonique and I came up with a plan | 夏莫妮卡跟我正在想办法 |
| [02:46] | to not block Henry and the cute barista, | 不否决亨利和美女咖啡师的缘分 |
| [02:49] | he rearranged his desk supplies | 而他重新整理了桌面 |
| [02:51] | like a sexually frustrated lunatic. | 想一个极度缺性福的疯子 |
| [02:53] | I don’t know why three-hole punch gets priority seating over here. | 不知道为什么三孔打孔机会在这么重要的位置上 |
| [02:56] | It’s not like I punch three holes in things all that often. | 我又不会经常给东西打三个孔 |
| [02:59] | You know what? You need to go. | 知道吗 得跟你拜拜了 |
| [03:01] | Just pack your paper holes and get out of here. | 带上你的纸孔滚蛋去吧 |
| [03:07] | Brought you something. | 给你带了个东西 |
| [03:07] | Where did this come from? I don’t even use this. | 这些纸屑哪来的 我根本不怎么用这玩意好吗 |
| [03:10] | It’s a gift card to the coffee place downstairs. | 楼下咖啡店的礼品卡哟 |
| [03:12] | Here. | 给你 |
| [03:15] | Don’t you want to go get a drink? Hmm? | 不想去喝一杯吗 |
| [03:17] | Uh, before 5:00 p.m. or tomorrow from 7:00 to 3:00, | 下午五点前 或者明天七点到三点 |
| [03:20] | or next Tuesday when she covers for R-Romy? | 或者下周二她替罗密代班的时候 |
| [03:27] | The next Tuesday when she covered for Romy, | 到了下周二 她替罗密代班时 |
| [03:29] | Henry finally took the bait. | 亨利终于上钩了 |
| [03:31] | I’m gonna grab a coffee. | 我去喝杯咖啡 |
| [03:35] | Ca-kaw! Ca-caw! | 咯咯 咯咯 |
| [03:37] | Is it going down? | 他要去了吗 |
| [03:39] | It’s going down. | 马上就过去了 |
| [03:40] | But whether or not Henry would notice | 但亨利能否注意到 |
| [03:41] | the cute barista who was covering for Romy | 替罗密代班的美女咖啡师 |
| [03:43] | – remained to be seen. – He’s next! | -还有待观察 -轮到他了 |
| [03:46] | Hey, stranger. | 嗨 陌生人 |
| [03:48] | Ooh, it is taking every ounce of self-control I have not to block this. | 我得用上所有的自控力 才能不去阻止这件事 |
| [03:52] | It’s like I want people to be happy. | 我希望别人幸福 |
| [03:55] | But on the other hand, no, I don’t. | 但另一方面 我并不希望如此 |
| [03:57] | Here you go, Henry. | 给你 亨利 |
| [03:59] | Oh, my God. She gave him a cookie. | 天呐 她给了他一个曲奇饼干 |
| [04:01] | She gave him a cookie he didn’t even order. | 他并没有点曲奇 她却给他了 |
| [04:03] | I didn’t order this cookie. | 我没有点曲奇 |
| [04:05] | I know. | 我知道 |
| [04:06] | I just thought maybe you’d like to try it. | 我就想着 你可能想尝尝 |
| [04:08] | It has nuts. | 这里面有坚果 |
| [04:10] | You can eat around the nuts. | 你可以吃旁边的部分 |
| [04:12] | No, thanks. Too much work. I don’t want it. | 不了 谢谢 太麻烦了 我不想吃 |
| [04:15] | He gave back the cookie. | 他把曲奇还回去了 |
| [04:17] | Now, who gives back a cookie unless it’s oatmeal raisin? | 谁会把曲奇还回去啊 又不是燕麦葡萄干饼干 |
| [04:20] | Look, Henry, the cookie was my way of saying that — | 亨利 给你曲奇是我表达… |
| [04:23] | You’re gonna screw up your inventory. | 你会把存货搞乱的 |
| [04:24] | Where’s Romy? | 罗密去哪了 |
| [04:25] | Wow. He blocked himself. | 他把自己给绝缘了 |
| [04:28] | It’s like he doesn’t even realize she’s hitting on him. | 他好像根本没意识到她在勾搭他 |
| [04:31] | He has no game. | 他驾驭不了情场啊 |
| [04:32] | And if we don’t help him, he’s probably gonna die alone. | 我们要是不帮他 他估计就要孤独终老了 |
| [04:35] | I really hope I didn’t just accidentally predict that. | 真希望我没有不小心说出这样的预言 |
| [04:41] | So, here’s the plan. | 计划是这样的 |
| [04:42] | We covertly gather intel on Henry, | 我们偷偷地收集亨利的情报 |
| [04:44] | post him on every single dating site in existence, | 把他的资料放到所有约会网站 |
| [04:46] | handle the pregame for him so he can’t mess it up, | 帮他做好前期准备 让他万无一失 |
| [04:48] | and then throw a mixer full of women | 然后送上一堆 |
| [04:50] | already predisposed to bang. | 已经准备开约的女人 |
| [04:51] | Mm, okay, so we’re gonna need his height, weight, | 所以我们需要他的身高体重 |
| [04:54] | likes, dislikes, birthstone, and any STDs. | 好恶 诞生石以及是否有性病 |
| [04:57] | And favorite cast member of “Friends.” | 以及《老友记》里最喜欢的演员 |
| [04:59] | Ooh! Mine’s Chandler. | 我最喜欢钱德勒 |
| [05:01] | It’s that sarcasm as a self-defense, though. | 不过是喜欢他用讽刺来自卫 |
| [05:04] | Good morning, Charmo… | 早上好啊 夏莫… |
| [05:08] | …nique. | …妮卡 |
| [05:10] | What’s this? There’s no one here to say “Good morning” to. | 什么情况 没人在 我跟谁说早安去 |
| [05:15] | How then will people know to have a good — | 这样的话 别人怎么才能知道要过一个愉快的… |
| [05:16] | Good morning, Joanna! | 早上好啊 乔安娜 |
| [05:20] | Joanna | 乔安娜 |
| [05:23] | There she is! | 她来了 |
| [05:25] | Linda. | 琳达 |
| [05:26] | Linda in red | 红衣美女琳达 |
| [05:30] | is dancing with me. | 与我摇曳共舞 |
| [05:33] | Thank you for your leadership, Linda. | 感谢你的领导力 琳达 |
| [05:34] | You’re welcome, sir. | 不客气 老板 |
| [05:35] | – Hey, Dad! – Oh, hey, Terrence. | -爸 -哦 泰伦斯 |
| [05:39] | Don’t I get a song? | 我没有歌曲吗 |
| [05:40] | I’m okay with “Terrence in red.” | 你唱”红衣美男泰伦斯”我也可以接受 |
| [05:43] | Actually, it’s more of a ketchup-y color. | 你这应该是番茄酱色 |
| [05:45] | And I wouldn’t want people to think | 我不想让大家以为 |
| [05:46] | I’m favoring you because you’re my son-in-law. | 你是我女婿 我就偏袒你 |
| [05:48] | Oh, right. Good thinking. | 对 想法不错 |
| [05:49] | – Better safe than sorry. – And who do we have here? | -还是小心为上 -看看是谁来了 |
| [05:52] | Who’s this? | 你是哪位 |
| [05:54] | – Oh, my name’s fatima. – Fatima. | -我叫法蒂玛 -法蒂玛 |
| [05:57] | Fatim-a-way, Fatim-a-way | 法蒂玛啊喂 法蒂玛啊喂 |
| [05:58] | Fatim-a-way, Fatim-a-way | 法蒂玛啊喂 法蒂玛啊喂 |
| [06:00] | In the jungle, the mighty jungle | 在广袤的丛林中 |
| [06:04] | Fatima sleeps tonight | 法蒂玛今夜安睡 |
| [06:10] | I bet you get that all the time, don’t you? | 你经常被人这么说吧 |
| [06:13] | I’m sorry. | 不好意思 |
| [06:13] | I’m interviewing for an administrative position. | 我是来面试管理职位的 |
| [06:16] | Fatim-am-am-away | 法蒂玛啊啊啊喂 |
| [06:20] | You’re on the wrong floor, but you can walk down to five. | 你走错楼层了 你可以走楼梯下到五层 |
| [06:22] | Just head straight. | 直走就行 |
| [06:26] | I love this job. | 爱死这个工作了 |
| [06:34] | Here you go. | 给你 |
| [06:35] | So, how’s whatever thing you were whatevering about in your office the other day? | 你那天在办公室里那啥的那个那啥咋样了 |
| [06:38] | Oh, I redesigned the package myself. | 我亲自重新设计了包装 |
| [06:40] | Went with a cool gray, which connotes dryness. | 用了酷雅灰 暗含干燥之感 |
| [06:42] | Oh, my God, yes, cool gray connotes the hell out of –Hey. | 天呐 没错 酷雅灰真的暗示出… 对了 |
| [06:47] | Do you like hiking? | 你喜欢远足吗 |
| [06:48] | What? | 什么 |
| [06:50] | Do you like to go for hikes? | 你喜欢出门徒步远足吗 |
| [06:53] | Why? Do you like hikes? | 为什么 你喜欢吗 |
| [06:54] | Let’s say I did. | 假如我喜欢呢 |
| [06:55] | Would you be all, like, “Awesome! | 你会说 “太棒了 |
| [06:57] | “Let’s go on a hike. Hiking is my favorite thing”? | 咱们去远足吧 我最爱远足了”吗 |
| [07:00] | No. | 不会 |
| [07:01] | Yeah, hiking sucks. | 远足超没劲 |
| [07:05] | Can you lick your lips and look off in the distance? | 你能站远一点然后舔舔嘴唇吗 |
| [07:07] | – What? – I want to add a photo of you to my contacts, | -啥 -我想给你加一张联系人照片 |
| [07:09] | but I don’t have one, so could you unbutton your shirt, | 可我没有你照片 所以你能不能解开衬衣扣子 |
| [07:12] | lean against that doorframe, | 倚在门框上 |
| [07:14] | and just, like, slowly lick your lips like… | 然后慢慢地舔一圈嘴唇呢 像这样 |
| [07:17] | Are you on drugs? | 你嗑药了吗 |
| [07:18] | No, but if I were, would that be a deal-breaker? | 没有 但如果我磕了药 你是不是会果取关呢 |
| [07:26] | Dad? | 爸 |
| [07:27] | Can I — sir? | 我能 老板 |
| [07:28] | Oh, what is it, boy? | 怎么了 孩子 |
| [07:30] | Oh, well, it’s not that I’m at all ungrateful | 并不是我不知感恩 |
| [07:31] | for my position as alternate office floater. | 不喜欢自己办公室轮值游民的职位 |
| [07:33] | It’s just I was wondering since Fatima | 只是我在想 |
| [07:35] | – was being given the opportunity to… – Who? | -法蒂玛都有机会… – 谁 |
| [07:38] | Uh, Fatim-am-am-away? | 法蒂玛啊啊啊喂 |
| [07:41] | Oh. Oh, yeah. I love her. | 对 没错 我超爱她 |
| [07:43] | Right. | 没错 |
| [07:44] | Um, I was wondering if maybe I could also interview for the administrative — | 我在想我是不是也可以面试一下管理层 |
| [07:47] | Don’t be silly, Terrence. | 别傻了 泰伦斯 |
| [07:49] | That job has Fatima’s name written all over it. | 那职位一看就铁定是法蒂玛的了 |
| [07:51] | And this company counts on you to float…alternately. | 我们公司可指着你轮值游动呢 |
| [07:56] | Sam. | 山姆 |
| [07:57] | Honey. | 亲爱的 |
| [08:01] | – Hi, Mom. – Hello, Terrence. | -妈 -你好啊 泰伦斯 |
| [08:03] | I was just, uh, picking Sam up for lunch. | 我来接山姆吃午饭 |
| [08:05] | – Do you want to join us? – Oh, he can’t. | -你要一起吗 -他去不了 |
| [08:06] | He has, uh, a lot of floating to do. | 他要忙着游来游去呢 |
| [08:08] | In fact, he was just about to float away. | 而且他正准备游走呢 |
| [08:10] | Oh, actually — | 其实我… |
| [08:11] | Float away, Terrence. | 游走吧 泰伦斯 |
| [08:16] | Oh! Uh, copy that, Dad. | 哦 明白了 爸 |
| [08:18] | Uh, bye, Mom. Love you. | 再见 妈 爱你哟 |
| [08:21] | Now, my love, let’s go nourish ourselves. | 亲爱的 咱们去美餐一顿吧 |
| [08:23] | Actually, sam, let’s not. | 山姆 还是别去了吧 |
| [08:25] | I beg your pardon? | 你说什么 |
| [08:27] | I’m afraid I just lost my appetite | 看你对泰伦斯如此残忍 |
| [08:28] | watching you be so cruel to Terrence. | 恐怕已经让我没了胃口 |
| [08:31] | He is married to our daughter. He’s family now. | 他娶了咱闺女 是咱们的家人了 |
| [08:34] | I can’t understand why you dislike him so much. | 我不明白你为什么这么不喜欢他 |
| [08:38] | I guess I always pictured Maureen | 我理想中莫琳应该嫁给 |
| [08:39] | with some strapping blue-collar bloke | 一个高大魁梧 |
| [08:41] | who later turned out to be the prince of Zamunda. | 真实身份其实是非洲王子的蓝领男子 |
| [08:45] | Well, I’m sorry. | 不好意思 |
| [08:46] | But until you make things right with Terrence, | 在你能善待泰伦斯之前 |
| [08:48] | I’ll be lunching alone. | 我会一个人吃午餐 |
| [08:49] | Oh, Yazmin. | 亚济明 |
| [08:58] | This is a bad idea. | 这主意太糟了 |
| [08:59] | We have no other choice. | 我们别无他选 |
| [09:01] | Henry didn’t offer up any personal info, | 亨利什么个人信息都不透露 |
| [09:03] | and the only pic I was able to get | 我能拍到他的唯一照片 |
| [09:04] | looks like this. | 是这样的 |
| [09:09] | Okay. | 好了 |
| [09:10] | Darn, it’s password protected. | 该死 有密码 |
| [09:12] | Try “1234Henry.” | 试试 1234亨利 |
| [09:16] | That’s not it. | 不对 |
| [09:18] | Try “Henry69.” | 亨利69呢 |
| [09:20] | I’m sure it’s not — | 肯定不会是… |
| [09:22] | Oh, my God, we’re in. | 我去 进去了 |
| [09:26] | Henry. | 亨利 |
| [09:27] | I got a great idea. | 我有个好主意 |
| [09:30] | Ladies, what’s going on here? | 女士们 这是什么情况 |
| [09:32] | Because it looks to me like you’re rifling | 因为在我看来你们像在 |
| [09:33] | through henry’s personal belongings. | 偷窃亨利的私人财产 |
| [09:35] | Oh. We are. | 是的 |
| [09:37] | But… | 不过 |
| [09:40] | …We have good reason. | 我们有充足的理由 |
| [09:41] | We want to help Henry find a lady. | 我们想给亨利找个女人 |
| [09:43] | He is all work and, like, no play, sir. | 他就知道工作 不知道享乐 老板 |
| [09:47] | And we mean no play. | 我们是说 不知享乐哦 |
| [09:49] | Well, he takes his job seriously. | 他对待工作很认真 |
| [09:51] | He’s a man after my own heart. | 他是追随自己内心的人 |
| [09:51] | Yes, but at the end of the day, | 没错 可工作结束后 |
| [09:54] | you go home to your beautiful wife, | 你回家后可以跟美娇妻相拥 |
| [09:56] | whereas Henry goes home to a salad, usually. | 而亨利一般只能回家拌沙拉 |
| [09:59] | You can’t make love to a salad. | 哪能跟莎拉做爱啊 |
| [10:02] | What can I do to help? | 我能帮些什么 |
| [10:05] | Oh, find out who his favorite “Friend” is. | 查出他最喜欢《老友记》里哪个老友 |
| [10:08] | And if he ever had the clap. | 还有他得过淋病没 |
| [10:13] | Oh, sorry, sir. | 不好意思 先生 |
| [10:14] | Uh, no, Henry, please, join me. | 没事 亨利 过来一起吧 |
| [10:19] | Thought you had a private bathroom in your office. | 你办公室不是有私人卫生间吗 |
| [10:20] | Oh, I do. I do. | 没错 是有 |
| [10:22] | It’s just that sometimes, | 不过有时候 |
| [10:23] | I like to make amongst the masses, you know. | 我喜欢跟群众一起解决问题 |
| [10:26] | – Hmm. I see. – Yeah. Yeah. | -我知道了 -对 |
| [10:28] | Although, you can pick up | 不过 有时候那样 |
| [10:29] | some rather rare ailments doing just that. | 你可能会染上什么罕见的病 |
| [10:33] | You ever pick up any rare ailments, Henry? | 你得过什么罕见的病吗 亨利 |
| [10:37] | Sir? | 什么 |
| [10:38] | You ever contract the she-bola virus? | 你感染过”她博拉”病毒吗 |
| [10:40] | Come down with a… rotten Richard? | 你那里染上过什么…那种病吗 |
| [10:43] | You ever accidentally download a bad episode of “Burn Notice”? | 你不小心下载过”黑名单”类的黄片吗 |
| [10:48] | No, sir. | 没有 |
| [10:49] | No. No, no. Me neither. Yeah. | 没有啊 我也是 |
| [10:56] | – I don’t think it’s gonna happen for me here today, sir. – No. | -我感觉这样我好像尿不出来 -是啊 |
| [10:59] | – No, sure. Sure. – Just gonna shove off. | -确实 当然 -我先走了 |
| [11:08] | He’s clean. | 他没病 |
| [11:09] | – Yeah. Sounded that way. – Yeah. | -嗯 听上去好像是的 -对 |
| [11:11] | Noted. I will remove his profile from hotdatescoldsores.net. | 知道了 那我把他的资料从性病约炮网上撤下来 |
| [11:14] | Good. Yeah. | 对 好 |
| [11:15] | Henry may have been disease free, | 亨利可能没得过什么那方面的病 |
| [11:17] | but we were about to make him go viral. | 但是我们要让他像病毒般疯狂传播 |
| [11:24] | Now, 51% of the mice with symptoms survive the trial, | 出现症状老鼠中有51%在实验中存活了下来 |
| [11:27] | which I’m calling a success. | 我觉得这就算成功了 |
| [11:29] | Good morning, Henry. And how are you? | 早啊 亨利 你好吗 |
| [11:31] | Listening intently, | 我正在认真听汇报呢 |
| [11:33] | as we’re in the middle of a meeting. | 我们正在开会 |
| [11:34] | Listen, I was wondering if you were free on Thursday. | 话说你周四有时间吗 |
| [11:37] | – Free to do what? – Get a drink with me maybe. | -有时间干什么 -跟我去喝一杯吧 |
| [11:39] | There’s something I want to show you. | 我有东西要给你看 |
| [11:41] | He’s free. | 他有空 |
| [11:42] | What do you want to show me? | 你想给我看什么 |
| [11:44] | Um, I thought we could just leave | 那我们到时候下班后 |
| [11:45] | from the office after work and drive together. | 一起开车从单位直接过去吧 |
| [11:46] | – Sound good? – Yes. Very. | -怎么样 -好啊 |
| [11:48] | Great. It’s gonna be a late night. | 那说定了 我们可能会到很晚 |
| [11:50] | So make sure you rest up. | 所以一定要好好休息哦 |
| [11:55] | She’s been acting so weird lately. | 她最近行为很诡异啊 |
| [11:57] | Henry, are you out of your mind? She wants you. | 亨利 你疯了吗 她是想跟你上床啊 |
| [12:02] | Okay, don’t… | 我说你别… |
| [12:03] | Don’t do that. Don’t do that! | 别这样好吗 快住手 |
| [12:06] | She doesn’t want me. | 她才不想跟我上床 |
| [12:08] | You may not be good at reading between the lines, but I am. | 你可能不擅长领会人家的暗示 但是我擅长 |
| [12:11] | “Rest up”? Oh, you are in for it, buddy. | 好好休息 这绝对是对你有意思 老弟 |
| [12:14] | Now, do you want me to go down to the lab | 你想让我去实验室 |
| [12:15] | and whip up some stamina sups? | 给你来点精力增剂吗 |
| [12:16] | – Sups? – Supplements! Yes or no? | -增剂 -增强药剂啊 到底要不要 |
| [12:18] | Larry, you’re being ridiculous. | 拉里 别胡闹了 |
| [12:20] | We’re like brother and sister. | 我们就跟兄妹一样 |
| [12:23] | Or cousins. | 或者是表兄妹 |
| [12:24] | Took my cousin to the prom. | 我有一次带我表妹去参加舞会 |
| [12:26] | And I am not afraid to say | 我可以毫不畏惧地说 |
| [12:28] | that we did more than slow dance. | 我们做的事情可不止跳舞哦 |
| [12:32] | Don’t… | 不要 |
| [12:33] | – …tell people that story. – No? | -告诉大家那个故事 -不能吗 |
| [12:36] | Henry is super, super excited about tomorrow night. | 亨利对明晚超级超级激动 |
| [12:39] | – He is? – Well, Larry is, | -是吗 -拉里反正是 |
| [12:40] | but I’m hoping it’ll trickle down. | 不过我希望他能影响他一下 |
| [12:42] | Good because I found a great venue. | 那就好 因为我找到了个好地方 |
| [12:46] | I think we could each invite, mm, 20 girls? | 我在想咱们每人邀请 20个姑娘怎么样 |
| [12:48] | 20? I’m having trouble finding one who’s right. | 20个 我连一个合适的都找不到呢 |
| [12:51] | Listen to this one. | 你听听这个 |
| [12:52] | “I love nature.” | “我爱大自然” |
| [12:55] | What’s wrong with nature? | 热爱大自然怎么了 |
| [12:57] | Nothing, but the people who love it smell bad. | 没怎么 不过热爱自然的人通常不怎么好闻 |
| [12:58] | And look at this bitch. Ugh. | 你再看看这个贱人 好恶心 |
| [13:01] | She looks nice. | 她还挺漂亮的啊 |
| [13:03] | In a flowers-in-the-attic kind of way. | 她就是电影《阁楼里的花》里的那种[乱伦] |
| [13:04] | Don’t tell me she’s not sleeping with her brother. | 说她没跟自己的哥哥在上床谁信啊 |
| [13:06] | Whoa! Okay, hold up. | 我说你等等 |
| [13:08] | Now you’re the one blocking. | 你这是在否决别人了啊 |
| [13:10] | Block– blocking? I’m not blocking. | 否决 我才没有 |
| [13:11] | I just know Henry’s tastes, and sorry, but people who | 我只是知道亨利的品位 不好意思 |
| [13:13] | “Don’t like animals” | “不喜欢动物”的人 |
| [13:14] | need not apply. | 就没申请的必要了 |
| [13:15] | Henry doesn’t even have animals. | 亨利根本就没养小动物 |
| [13:17] | If you don’t like animals, you’re racist. | 如果不喜欢动物 那就是种族歧视 |
| [13:20] | Mm, disagree. | 这我可不同意 |
| [13:23] | I really hope we’re not wasting our time on this, | 我真的希望我们不是在浪费时间 |
| [13:24] | because we served that cookie up on a platter, | 因为我们给他免费送了一个曲奇饼干 |
| [13:26] | – and he didn’t even bite. – Yeah. | -可是他根本一口没吃 -是啊 |
| [13:28] | We could probably invite a million girls with bad dads, | 我们或许可以邀请无数个有不称职老爸的姑娘 |
| [13:30] | and Henry would still find a way to screw it up. | 可是亨利还是能找到法子搞砸 |
| [13:32] | Mm-hmm. You’re gonna have to coach him up. | 对 你得好好教教他 |
| [13:34] | Get your Mr. Miyagi on. | 找上你的宫城先生 |
| [13:37] | Teach him a little wax on, wax that ass. | 教教他怎么玩儿 好好准备一下 |
| [13:45] | That night, I stopped by Henry’s | 那天晚上 我去亨利家 |
| [13:47] | to help him get his game on. | 帮他准备找到自己的节奏 |
| [13:52] | What are you doing here? | 你来干什么 |
| [13:53] | Henry, let me in. I need to talk to you. | 亨利 让我进去 我要跟你谈谈 |
| [13:55] | – About what? – Open your door. | -谈什么 -先开门 |
| [14:02] | For someone so big on manners, | 对一个那么注重礼貌的人来说 |
| [14:04] | you seem to have forgotten yours. | 你这次好像忘记自己该有礼貌了啊 |
| [14:06] | – Would you like a beverage? – Yes, please. | -你想喝饮料吗 -想喝 谢谢 |
| [14:07] | All right. | 好 |
| [14:09] | You know, it’s, uh, customary | 知道吗 去别人家之前 |
| [14:11] | to call someone before dropping by. | 按照习惯应该先打个电话的 |
| [14:13] | A girl walks into your house, | 有姑娘来你家找你 |
| [14:15] | and that’s the first thing you say to her? | 你开头第一句就跟人家说这个吗 |
| [14:18] | No wonder you’re just sitting around being lonely. | 难怪你会这样一个人孤独寂寞呢 |
| [14:19] | I’m not lonely. I have my good friend Philip Roth. | 我才不寂寞 我有好朋友菲利普·罗斯[著名作家]陪我 |
| [14:24] | Maybe a little lonely. | 好吧 可能有一点寂寞 |
| [14:26] | And maybe I can help you with that. | 或许我可以帮你 |
| [14:28] | Uh, what are you doing? | 你干什么呢 |
| [14:30] | Women like it when you find excuses to touch them. | 你找理由碰女人的时候她们通常会很喜欢的 |
| [14:32] | You never do that. | 可你从来不那样 |
| [14:33] | Well, I don’t like touching people for no reason. | 我不喜欢无缘无故碰别人 |
| [14:35] | Well, I’m not talking about for no reason. | 我说的不是无缘无故的碰 |
| [14:37] | I’m talking about for a very, very specific reason. | 而是有很明确很具体的理由那种 |
| [14:41] | What are we doing here? | 我们这是要干什么 |
| [14:42] | I spend tons of time letting you boss me around, | 你使唤我教训我了那么长时间 |
| [14:44] | and now it’s your turn. | 现在轮到你了 |
| [14:45] | So, lesson number one, while I’m casually talking to you, | 所以 第一课 我随意跟你聊天的时候 |
| [14:48] | find some small excuse to touch me. | 找些小理由来碰我 |
| [14:56] | Great job. Great job. | 不错 做得漂亮 |
| [14:58] | That was excellent progress. | 进步很大嘛 |
| [15:00] | Hats off to you, sir. So, yeah — oh. | 向你致敬 先生 那我先… |
| [15:04] | This is yours. I’m really sorry. | 这是你的 真不好意思 |
| [15:06] | And I will be seeing you tomorrow. | 那我们明天见了 |
| [15:15] | You wanted to see me, sir? | 你找我吗 先生 |
| [15:16] | Terrence, yes, um… | 泰伦斯 对… |
| [15:18] | I had Joan order you some lunch. | 我让琼帮你订了午餐 |
| [15:21] | Well, this will sure make my cube mates jealous. | 我的小伙伴们肯定会嫉妒我的 |
| [15:23] | Thanks, Dad. | 谢谢 爸 |
| [15:24] | I meant for you to eat it here in my office. | 我是想让你在我办公室吃完 |
| [15:30] | With me. | 跟我一起 |
| [15:32] | Seriously? | 真的吗 |
| [15:33] | Seriously. | 真的 |
| [15:35] | I’d be honored. | 万分荣幸 |
| [15:38] | Oh, wow, this looks lovely. | 哇塞 好可爱啊 |
| [15:41] | Is that a frizzled leek? | 这是油炸韭葱吗 |
| [15:43] | Let’s cut the crap, Terrence. I mean… | 我们开门见山吧 泰伦斯 你… |
| [15:45] | Look. Look. | 你听我说 |
| [15:46] | What is it you want from me, huh? | 你到底想要我怎么样 |
| [15:49] | Well, sir, I… suppose I want | 先生 我要的就跟 |
| [15:53] | what everyone else at work seems entitled to — | 其他员工有权得到的一样吧 |
| [15:55] | Love, respect, and… | 爱 尊重 还有… |
| [15:58] | my name worked cleverly into a song. | 巧妙地把我的名字唱进歌里 |
| [16:00] | Well, “Terrence” doesn’t work cleanly into songs. | 可是”泰伦斯”这名字不适合唱进歌里啊 |
| [16:03] | It’s cumbersome, un– ungainly. | 这名字难听 不像样 |
| [16:08] | Oh, what about “Oops, I Terranced again”? | 你觉得”哎呦 我又泰伦斯了”怎么样 |
| [16:11] | Be reasonable. | 别闹好吗 |
| [16:13] | Fine. | 好吧 |
| [16:15] | But I would be remiss, sir, | 但是如果我不表达出 |
| [16:16] | if I didn’t articulate my frustration | 你无缘无故拒绝我让我感到的沮丧 |
| [16:18] | with your unwarranted rejection of me. | 那将是我个人的失职 先生 |
| [16:20] | In fact, it ignites a burning rage in my soul. | 说实话 你这样引燃了我内心的愤怒之火 |
| [16:23] | And this is you with a burning rage in your soul? | 你内心的愤怒之火被引燃就是这样吗 |
| [16:26] | Absolutely, sir. | 是的 先生 |
| [16:27] | This is the angriest I’ve ever been. | 我头一回生这么大气 |
| [16:30] | That’s fascinating. | 真是醉了 |
| [16:34] | What if I said you weren’t good enough for my daughter | 要是我说你配不上我女儿 |
| [16:36] | and you never will be. | 你永远都配不上呢 |
| [16:37] | I would firmly disagree | 我坚决不同意这一说法 |
| [16:39] | and ask if there’s anything else I can help you with. | 而且我会问你还有没有其他的事让我帮忙 |
| [16:42] | Terrence. | 泰伦斯 |
| [16:45] | Don’t you see? | 你明白了吗 |
| [16:45] | You’re not an alternate office floater. | 你不是办公室轮值游民 |
| [16:48] | The way verbal abuse passes right through | 言语攻击对你这个苍白虚弱的小子 |
| [16:49] | your pale, clammy skin, you’re customer service. | 完全不起作用 你简直是天生做客服的料啊 |
| [16:53] | I am? | 是吗 |
| [16:54] | How would you like a promotion? | 我给你升职怎么样 |
| [16:55] | I’d love one! | 好啊 |
| [16:57] | Thank you for choosing Terrence. | 谢谢你为泰伦斯转身 |
| [16:59] | Stop shaking my hand. | 别握着我的手摇了 |
| [17:00] | – Oh, sorry. – Sit. Eat. Eat! | -不好意思 -坐下 吃东西 |
| [17:03] | The big night had finally arrived. | 今晚终于到来了 |
| [17:05] | You look great. | 你看起来很棒 |
| [17:07] | Thanks. | 谢谢 |
| [17:08] | – So do you. – Thanks. | -你也是 -谢谢 |
| [17:13] | Hey, uh, so, uh, don’t forget about | 话说 你别忘了 |
| [17:15] | that smolder you showed me last night. | 昨晚你是怎么向我放电的 |
| [17:17] | Yeah, about that. | 那个啊 |
| [17:19] | Eliza, I would feel a lot more comfortable | 伊莉莎 如果你直接告诉我 |
| [17:21] | if you were to just come out and tell me — hey. | 我可能会轻松舒适一点…我说 |
| [17:24] | What am I doing here? | 你们叫我来到底干什么 |
| [17:25] | Um, okay. | 好吧 |
| [17:27] | You know how you can never tell if someone’s hitting on you, | 你知道你判断不出别人是不是对你有意思吧 |
| [17:28] | – like the barista? – Romy? | -比如那个咖啡师 -罗密吗 |
| [17:30] | No, not Romy. | 不是罗密 |
| [17:31] | Filling in for Romy. The cookie lady. | 替罗密班的那个 给你曲奇的那个 |
| [17:34] | Cookie lady? | 给我曲奇的那个 |
| [17:38] | Was jeopardizing her inventory | 通过免费送我吃的 |
| [17:39] | by expressing sexual interest in me. | 来表达她对我感兴趣吗 |
| [17:41] | Yeah. It’s called flirting, you idiot. | 对 那叫调情 你个笨蛋 |
| [17:43] | So, because you have no game and you’re grouchy | 所以 因为你技术不到家而你又因为 |
| [17:46] | because you aren’t getting any, we decided to help you out. | 找不到妹子抱怨发牢骚 所以我们决定帮你 |
| [17:57] | I see. | 我明白了 |
| [17:58] | These women look remarkably like the both of you. | 这些人都跟你们俩非常相像 |
| [18:01] | This is very telling, and a little sad, frankly. | 这就说明问题了 而且说实话 有点悲哀 |
| [18:04] | What are you talking about? | 你在说什么呢 |
| [18:06] | At least half the women here are downright beautiful. | 这里至少一半的女人美到掉渣好吗 |
| [18:09] | Clearly, this has nothing to do with me | 很显然 此事跟我没有一点关系 |
| [18:10] | and everything to do with the two of you. | 都是你们两个人的事 |
| [18:12] | This is incredibly insulting. | 你们这简直是在侮辱我 |
| [18:14] | I was just trying to help you. | 我只是想帮你 |
| [18:15] | I don’t need help. | 我不需要帮助 |
| [18:16] | Just because I’m not sexually promiscuous | 我不跟别人乱搞滥交 |
| [18:18] | doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with me. | 并不意味着我有问题 |
| [18:22] | And for the record… | 还有我说明一下 |
| [18:24] | …I do all right, thank you very much. | 我一个人很好 谢谢关心 |
| [18:27] | A-and let the record also show | 我还要说明一下 |
| [18:28] | that I’m not interested in that cookie. | 我真的不喜欢吃那种曲奇 |
| [18:32] | And — and — and off the record… | 对了 再说一句 |
| [18:35] | Not everybody thinks that casual sex is a cure-all. | 并不是每个人都觉得滥交是万能的 |
| [18:38] | Some of us happen to be looking for the real thing. | 有些人就是在寻找真爱 |
| [18:43] | Okay, Henry69. | 好吧 亨利69 |
| [18:45] | That — that is in reference to the moon landing, | 那个 那个是参照登月年份取的 |
| [18:48] | and you had no right to be in my office! | 还有你们无权进我的办公室 |
| [18:56] | I couldn’t let Henry walk away mad at me. | 我不能让亨利生气跑开 |
| [18:58] | I needed to apologize. | 我需要道歉 |
| [19:00] | I also needed his credit card to pay for the bar tab. | 我还需要用他的信用卡来付酒吧账单 |
| [19:08] | So, you’re just going to uber-jack me? | 你这是想明抢我的车吗 |
| [19:11] | Oh, that was not my intention. | 不好意思 我不是故意的 |
| [19:12] | I sincerely thought this was mine. | 我真的以为这是我的 |
| [19:14] | You know what? Oh, maybe it is. | 其实 可能就是你的 |
| [19:16] | Are you saying that in a suggestive manner, | 你这是在暗示什么吗 |
| [19:18] | because I’ve been told I’m really bad | 因为刚有人跟我说 |
| [19:20] | at reading cues from women who are sexually attracted to me. | 我真的不擅长理解对我感兴趣的女人的暗示 |
| [19:24] | I think you’re bad at reading cues in general. | 你确实不擅长理解暗示 |
| [19:27] | But then again, the same thing could probably be said for me. | 但是话说回来 我可能也是这样 |
| [19:30] | Really? | 真的吗 |
| [19:31] | So, if I were to say something like, | 那如果我说 |
| [19:32] | “Would you like to go somewhere quiet for a drink,” You’d say? | “你想找个安静的地方喝一杯吗” 你会说 |
| [19:36] | In terms of relative volume, | 就相对音量而言 |
| [19:37] | we’re already somewhere very quiet. | 我们已经在一个安静的地方了 |
| [19:39] | That sounds remarkably like something I would say. | 这跟我想说的真是太相似了 |
| [19:45] | Probably be impossible for two people like us to get together. | 或许我们这样的人是不可能在一起的 |
| [19:50] | Probably. | 或许吧 |
| [19:53] | In that case, goodnight, madam. | 那样的话 晚安 女士 |
| [19:55] | Oh, and to you, sir. | 你也是 先生 |
| [20:00] | Henry! | 亨利 |
| [20:02] | Take the cookie! | 快收下曲奇啊 |
| [20:03] | I — yeah. I was about to. | 我 我正要收下呢 |
| [20:08] | Um, on second thought… | 我又想了想… |
| [20:12] | Watching Henry speed away in that car… | 看着亨利坐上那辆车走掉… |
| [20:14] | You’re welcome. | 不用谢 |
| [20:16] | …was bittersweet, I had to admit. | 真是苦乐参半 我必须承认 |
| [20:18] | Should I block it? | 我该去阻止吗 |
| [20:20] | Yeah. | 好吧 |
| [20:22] | I’m-a block it. | 我要去阻止了 |