| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:09] | It’s a beautiful morning at Dunder Mifflin. | 米福林的早晨很美丽 |
| [00:13] | Or as I like to call it, Great Bratton. | 或者我更喜欢叫它伟大的布拉顿 |
| [00:15] | Keep it running. | 去拿来 |
| [00:18] | CREED: Do I love being manager? | 我喜欢当经理吗？ |
| [00:21] | I love my kids. I love real estate. | 我喜欢我的孩子 我喜欢房地产 |
| [00:23] | I love ceramics. I love my job. | 我喜欢陶艺 |
| [00:26] | I love wrestling. | 我喜欢我的工作 我喜欢摔跤 |
| [00:27] | Find out what language this is. | 查查这是什么语言 |
| [00:30] | (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) | |
| [00:36] | Okay, team building. | 好了 建筑小组 |
| [00:38] | On this side of the room, Stanley, Phyllis, Jim, Ted, Elroy. | 房间这边是斯坦利、菲莉丝、杰姆、泰德、埃尔罗伊 |
| [00:44] | And on this side of the room, Pam, Meredith, Phyllis, Creed… | 这边是潘、梅瑞狄斯、菲莉丝、克里德 |
| [00:48] | He never called a meeting. | 他从不开会 |
| [00:51] | “B” Boboddy. Boboddy. | |
| [00:53] | What does the first “B” stand for? | 代表什么？ |
| [00:56] | What are we doing? | ─ 我们在干嘛？ |
| [00:57] | We’re making acronyms. Okay! What does the first “B” stand for? | ─ 我们在缩写 |
| [01:01] | Um, business! | 好了 “B” |
| [01:03] | I like it! | 代表什么？ —商务 —我喜欢这个 |
| [01:05] | Business. Good, Kevin! | 商务 很好 凯文！ |
| [01:07] | All right, the “O.” | 好了 还有“0” |
| [01:10] | We need a new manager. | 我们需要个新经理 斯克兰顿欢迎您 办公室 你的文件经验很有趣 你觉得你能把那种经验 应用到这里做决策吗？ 当然 我…是的 其实 我有一个三步走的计划 我相信可以用来翻倍你的收益 —真的吗？ —是的 是什么？ 问得好 对不起 你的三步走计划是什么？ |
| [01:53] | So, after the Navy, I thought, | |
| [01:55] | “Cool, me and America are square. I’ve done my bit for the flag, | 我不能直接告诉你我的计划 |
| [01:58] | “and time for me to look out for myself.” | 我是说如果你们给我工作 你们就会知道计划 |
| [02:00] | I had a buddy in the paper biz so I just dove right in. | 好吧 |
| [02:03] | How was your experience in the Navy? | 现在是在面试 我们也不知道你是否真的有计划 |
| [02:05] | It was nuts. Yeah. | 我不会编造的 |
| [02:06] | I was in Hong Kong three times. | 我有计划 相信我 |
| [02:08] | Still have pretty crazy flashbacks from that. | 你们想要计划 你们是纸张产业 对吧？ |
| [02:10] | Really? What kind of thing did you do? | 我们又怎么能知道你有没有计划呢？ 你可能会为了得到工作胡乱说一个 |
| [02:12] | Meteorologist. | 我觉得我可以 |
| [02:14] | What do you mean, like weather surveillance, or… | 如果我… |
| [02:15] | Predictor. Constantly had to predict the weather, | 谁会那么做啊？ 这样如何 |
| [02:18] | which is… I’m not a god. I’m just a guy in a shack | 你先告诉我们你的部分计划 这样我们就知道你确实有 |
| [02:21] | with a pair of binoculars. | 跟你说吧 |
| [02:22] | What do you think about this weather we’re having now? | 我会告诉你我的第二步计划 |
| [02:24] | Don’t even talk to me about the weather, man. | 先不告诉你全部 |
| [02:26] | It just all comes back to me, you know? | 好吧 |
| [02:28] | There was this one night I predicted it was gonna be warm. | 颜色代码说的是文件“TM” |
| [02:32] | I sent 200 men out without their jackets. | —你是说商标吗？ —什么？ |
| [02:36] | It was 60 degrees that night, | 是口头标识 是协议 |
| [02:38] | 52, with windchill. | 我们是人才搜索委员会 是由执行总裁精挑细选 |
| [02:42] | You can’t imagine their faces shivering through that Carrie Underwood concert. | 被任命寻找这个分部的新经理 不是说我们见到的所有人都是优秀的 |
| [02:47] | Your paper experience is very interesting. | 但肯定有人合适 对吧？ |
| [02:49] | And although it’s mostly manufacturing, | 老实说 |
| [02:51] | do you think you could use that experience to inform decisions here? | 我认为这里有许多优秀的候选人 所以我不会太担心找不到人 |
| [02:55] | Absolutely, yes. | 不过我很激动能和托比以及加布共事 |
| [02:57] | In fact, I actually have a three-step plan that I believe could effectively double your profits. | 你知道加布姓路易斯吗？ |
| [03:02] | Really? Yeah. | 我之前都不知道 早上好 |
| [03:05] | What is it? | —早上好 —早上好 早上好 |
| [03:07] | (CHUCKLES) Nice try. | 开车来时顺利吗？ 顺利 |
| [03:12] | I’m sorry. What is your three-step plan? | 我和乔 公司的所有人关系很好 |
| [03:15] | Well, I mean, I can’t just hand you my plan. | 我有当经理的经验 |
| [03:18] | I mean, if you guys give me the job, then you’ll get the plan. | 我和人才搜索委员会的头 吉姆是好朋友 |
| [03:21] | Well, it’s an interview, and we don’t know that you really have the plan. | 而其就算我是… |
| [03:24] | I’m not gonna just make up that I have a plan. | 黑人 也不会受到影响 |
| [03:27] | I got a plan. Believe me, you guys want it. You’re in paper, right? | 如果你是人才搜索委员会的人 请考虑下安迪 |
| [03:30] | How do we know that if you don’t… | 很好 |
| [03:31] | You could just be saying it to get the job. | 我希望你能得到这工作 |
| [03:33] | I guess I could be if I was… | 经理职位吗？ 不 我没兴趣 |
| [03:35] | Who would do that? How about this, | 我只是没法不去争取 你懂吧？ 这不是伯纳德家的做事方法 |
| [03:37] | why don’t you give us a part of the plan, | 我们要努力去争取一下 |
| [03:40] | and that way we know you have it. | 失败的话也要表现得优雅 |
| [03:41] | Tell you what? I’ll give you part three of part two. | 我还是希望能在办公室里 |
| [03:44] | Not gonna give you a whole part. | 看到你坐在老板的椅子上 |
| [03:46] | Okay. | 别想了 |
| [03:48] | Color-code said documents. T.M. | —你坐老板的椅子！ —不 在我家你不用亲自出去买东西 |
| [03:53] | Did you just trademark that? What? | 如果你想要什么就写下来 |
| [03:55] | That’s a verbal trademark. That’s an agreement. | 然后管家会在周三和周五出去买来 |
| [03:58] | JIM: We are the search committee, hand-picked by our CEO | 所以我不知道 我想你可以说 |
| [04:01] | and tasked to find this branch’s new manager. | 这工作是在我的清单上 还有… |
| [04:04] | Not everyone we meet will be good, | 我们看看罗莎带回了什么 |
| [04:06] | but someone’s bound to be, right? | |
| [04:08] | And to be honest, | |
| [04:10] | I think a lot of the decent candidates are right here in house. | 听到什么了吗？ |
| [04:13] | So, I’m not too worried. | 哦 |
| [04:15] | But I’m really excited to spend a lot of time with Toby and Gabe. | 他们有了结果肯定会让我们知道的 结果是艾琳的出生日期和地点 |
| [04:18] | Did you know that Gabe’s last name was Lewis? | 和我送走孩子的时间地点一致 |
| [04:21] | I had no idea. | |
| [04:23] | Good morning. | 所以菲莉丝可能是我妈妈 |
| [04:24] | Morning. Good morning. | |
| [04:26] | Good morning. | 我是说机会很小 可是… |
| [04:27] | Did you have a nice drive in? | 对 可能也不是 |
| [04:30] | I did. | 我是说 那是个婴儿潮 |
| [04:32] | I have a solid relationship with Jo, the company’s owner. | —很多孩子出生 |
| [04:35] | I have management experience. | —是的 我相信我是其中一个 |
| [04:37] | I have a good friendship with Jim, | —不过为何不查一下？ |
| [04:39] | the head of the search committee. And it doesn’t hurt that I’m | —是啊 |
| [04:45] | black! | 你真的要这样明目张胆吗？ |
| [04:49] | We all know this is a popularity contest. | 他们不让我当经理 我也不会就此罢休 |
| [04:52] | And Darryl’s the coolest kid in school. | 很明显 我在这里已经走到头了 |
| [04:54] | Used to be Jim. Hasn’t been Jim in a long time. | 我要去别处施展我的才华了 |
| [05:01] | It’s good. | 你真的要申请斯克兰顿面包店的工作吗？ 面包是食品工业的纸张 |
| [05:03] | It’s just words, which will surprise people. | 你在上面书写你的三明治 工资可以再高一些吗？ |
| [05:05] | Yeah. It’s based on a really successful cigarette ad campaign from a while back. | 很遗憾工资范围是由公司定的 |
| [05:09] | Those were good ads. Yeah. | 那我用车时的旅费呢？ 我是说 |
| [05:10] | They got me smoking when I was eight. | 油价不便宜 你懂吧？ |
| [05:12] | I couldn’t quit smoking until the government put out better ads about not smoking. | 我们觉得25美分一公里已经是很慷慨了 27美分如何 还有… |
| [05:16] | I love smoking. | 我打长途电话时 |
| [05:18] | I really hope you get it. | 他们会监控我吗 |
| [05:20] | The manager job? No, I’m barely interested. | 还是说这是属于荣誉制度体系的？ |
| [05:22] | I just can’t not go for it, you know. It’s not the Bernard way. | 好的 |
| [05:25] | We give it the old college try, | |
| [05:27] | and then in defeat, we show grace. | |
| [05:29] | Still, I’d really like to see this office with you in the boss’s chair. | 真奇怪 |
| [05:33] | Don’t even… (GROANS) | 是从议员办公室打来的电话 |
| [05:35] | You in the boss’s chair! No. | 议员想让我和他在比勒陀利亚植物园吃午饭 |
| [05:37] | ANDY: In my family, you don’t really go out and get things. | 比勒陀利亚植物园 |
| [05:40] | If you want something, you write it on a list and then the housekeeper goes out and gets it | 斯克兰顿的秘密宝藏 |
| [05:44] | on Wednesdays and Fridays. | 不要吃你不认识的浆果 |
| [05:46] | So, I don’t know. I guess you could say this job is on my list | 你要如何贩卖分配给我们的 |
| [05:51] | and we’ll see what Rosa comes back with. | 小型炼油设备？ 你们不是销售部门的 是吧？ |
| [05:58] | Did you hear anything? | 我们是人力资源部门 你们看啊 我坐在一个男人的对面 |
| [05:59] | Oh, I’m sure they’ll let us know when they get the results. | 我看着他的脸 看着他的眼 |
| [06:04] | It turns out that Erin was born in the basic time and region | 那么他想要100美元的纸 |
| [06:08] | that I gave away a child. | 还是一百万美元的深海钻孔设备重要吗？ |
| [06:10] | So Phyllis might be my mom. | |
| [06:12] | I mean, the chances are tiny, but… | 别傻了 |
| [06:15] | Yeah, probably not. | 他想要尊重 他想要爱 |
| [06:18] | I mean, it was a big year for babies. | 他想要年轻 他想要有魅力 |
| [06:20] | Porky’s had come out. Yeah. | 没有这种产品 |
| [06:22] | I’m sure I was just another Porky’s baby. | |
| [06:24] | But why not find out? Yeah. | 想都别想 |
| [06:27] | (CRUNCHING LOUDLY) | 只有性 |
| [06:32] | Should you really be so blatant about that? | 一切都是性 |
| [06:34] | They won’t make me manager, and I won’t settle for anything less. | 你明白我告诉你的是真理吧 |
| [06:37] | I’ve gone about as far as I can here. That’s obvious. | 托比 是的 |
| [06:41] | I’m going to take my talents elsewhere. | 好的 |
| [06:43] | Are you really gonna apply for work at Scranton Bread Works? | 我…我有些担心 这份工作可能会屈就你 |
| [06:46] | Bread is the paper of the food industry. You write your sandwich on it. | 你…你觉得是吗？ |
| [06:52] | Can you do any better on salary? | 我看着像是…那种会浪费自己时间的人吗？ |
| [06:54] | Unfortunately, that range is set at corporate. | 不 |
| [06:56] | What about mileage when I use my car? | |
| [06:57] | I mean, gas ain’t cheap, you know. (CHUCKLES) | 你可以… |
| [06:59] | We think that 25 cents a mile is pretty generous. | 你是… |
| [07:02] | How about 27 and… | 一个很自信的人 能再多说些吗？ |
| [07:04] | When I make long-distance calls, | 和下属谈话时… |
| [07:06] | will they be monitored, or is it on the honor system? | 和下属谈话时… |
| [07:10] | Okay. | 自信有什么用呢？ |
| [07:12] | (EXCLAIMS SOFTLY) | 你的话会有人听吗？ 你能出声吗？ |
| [07:17] | How odd! | 我可以压制你吗？ |
| [07:18] | A very unusual phone call from the Senator’s office. | 你觉得自己的话有人听吗 |
| [07:22] | The Senator wants me to have lunch with him at the Botanical Gardens. | 吉姆？ |
| [07:25] | The Botanical Gardens, | 你现在能出声吗？ |
| [07:27] | Scranton’s hidden gem. | —你可以回答了 —好的 |
| [07:31] | Don’t eat any berries you don’t recognize. | 那是你的选择 不是我的 |
| [07:34] | How will your experience selling refinery equipment | 这种谬论取决于压迫的一方 |
| [07:38] | translate to our smaller scale here? | 取决于客观… 取决于是否会失败 |
| [07:40] | You don’t work in sales, do you? | 从我们的短暂交流中 我看得出 |
| [07:42] | Human resources. | 你不会被任何人打败 |
| [07:44] | You see, I sit across from a man, | 你同意吗 吉姆？ |
| [07:47] | I see his face, I see his eyes. Now, does it matter if he wants $100 of paper | —嗯 |
| [07:56] | or $100 million of deep-sea drilling equipment? | —是的 |
| [07:59] | Don’t be a fool. | 你同意 |
| [08:00] | He wants respect. He wants love. | 他吓到我了 |
| [08:04] | He wants to be younger. He wants to be attractive. There is no such thing as a product. | 但我觉得他或许是个天才 |
| [08:12] | Don’t ever think there is. | 祝你好运 |
| [08:15] | There is only sex. Everything is sex. | 达瑞尔 |
| [08:21] | You understand that what I’m telling you is a universal truth, Toby? | 谢谢 |
| [08:26] | Yes. | 想一下 除了人类之外 |
| [08:29] | Okay, I am… I’m almost a little concerned that | 还有什么哺乳动物也喝别的哺乳动物的乳汁？ |
| [08:32] | you might be overqualified for the position. (LAUGHS) | 我是说你不会看到熊喝浣熊的奶 |
| [08:34] | Do you, um… Do you think that you are? | 这很酷 |
| [08:37] | Do I look like someone who would waste my own time? | 我觉得我们很合拍 |
| [08:41] | No. | 哦 |
| [08:45] | Can you… (CLEARS THROAT) | 我们还没开始面试呢 你开玩笑吗？ |
| [08:47] | You are a man of great confidence. | 呃 |
| [08:51] | Could you speak a little more to that | 是的 小玩笑 |
| [08:53] | and what the role of confidence | 你要如何解决办公室内的人际冲突呢？ |
| [08:57] | would be in a dialog with a subordinate? | 我以为那是你的工作 |
| [09:00] | Will you be heard? | 这算是我的一个专长 |
| [09:02] | Will you have a voice? | 不过这是经理的工作 |
| [09:04] | Will I steamroll over you? | 比如说 两个仓库工人打架的话 |
| [09:07] | Do you feel heard right now, Jim? | 你要如何处理？ |
| [09:12] | Do you have a voice right now? | 我来回答 吉姆 |
| [09:15] | You can answer me. Yes. | 我会以此为契机来教他们… 行为和… |
| [09:17] | That was your choice, not mine. | 后果 |
| [09:20] | The fallacy is that it is up to the steamroller. It is up to the object | 是谁？ |
| [09:26] | whether it will be flattened or not. | 我想一份简历就足够好了 |
| [09:28] | And I can tell just from the small interaction we’ve had already, you won’t be flattened by anybody. | 对吧？ |
| [09:33] | Do you agree with me, Jim? Yes. | 我以为你了解我 |
| [09:36] | Yes, you do. | 对 没什么大不了的 就是看起来像 没问题？ 哦 |
| [09:58] | He creeps me out. | 没问题 你刚刚去面试了吗？ 哦 很遗憾 是的 |
| [10:00] | But I think he might be a genius. | 什么意思？ 这种事业吸引不了任何人 很尴尬 |
| [10:06] | Dwight, there’s a call for you on line 2. | 那些人就像在等待死刑的囚犯… 死亡工厂 |
| [10:10] | No, thanks. | 肯定是可怕的地方 我不知道我想不想要这工作 |
| [10:15] | He’s in the shower. | 如果我得到了工作机会 我就会接下来 |
| [10:31] | Good luck, Darryl. | 如果我接下的话 那我就永远不会辞去 25年过去之后… |
| [10:33] | Thank you. Is that the kind of boss he would be? | 我会死在这里 |
| [10:38] | Completely insensitive to the insecurities of other people in this office who might also be interviewing for the manager position | 面试之后你觉得你有资格评价这地方吗？ |
| [10:43] | and might also want to be wished a little bit of luck | 你在干嘛？ |
| [10:46] | ’cause they’re kind of spinning out a little bit? | 不要试图摸我的底 |
| [10:49] | I don’t want that kind of boss. No, thank you. Not good. | —我已经做了 |
| [10:52] | Good man, though. Nice guy. My best friend. | —你不能这样 |
| [10:56] | Think about it. | —结束了 —不 没有结束 |
| [10:57] | What other mammal, besides humans, drinks the milk of another mammal? | —结束了 —不 没有结束 —我现在了解你的本质了 —你不了解我 —你一点都不了解我 —结束了 |
| [11:01] | I mean, you don’t see a bear drinking raccoon milk. | —滚出我的脑子 |
| [11:04] | How long have you been off dairy? | —没意义继续下去了 |
| [11:06] | As soon as I can say no to those two pushers, Ben & Jerry. | 不要试图摸我的底 |
| [11:09] | (ALL LAUGHING) | 你对纸有任何了解吗？ |
| [11:10] | So this is cool. I think we make a good fit. | 纸是怎么做成的？ |
| [11:14] | Oh, we haven’t started the interview yet. Were you joking? | 我在《芝麻街》上看过一集纸的制作方法 |
| [11:18] | (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) | 出去 |
| [11:21] | Uh, yes. I was. | 我要防止那些下等人用他们冷漠的领导能力 |
| [11:24] | A little joke. | 玷污我的工作产所 |
| [11:26] | So how would you go about settling | 你看到我的帽子吗？没有？ |
| [11:29] | interpersonal conflicts within the office? | 因为我刚扔了 |
| [11:32] | I thought that was your job. | 你们付搬迁的费用 对吧？ |
| [11:35] | Well, it’s one of my strengths, but it’s the manager’s job. | 你已经住在斯克兰顿了 为什么还要搬迁？ |
| [11:39] | Well, for instance, how did you deal with it | 我想搬去远方 就是… |
| [11:41] | when two warehouse guys got into a fight? | 我不想在办公室外遇到同事 可以问一下你为何离开现在的职位吗？ |
| [11:43] | I’ll answer that, Jim. I would use it as an opportunity to teach | 我离职是因为他们都是混蛋 真的 |
| [11:48] | about actions and consequences of actions. | 你了解他们 这里是混蛋 |
| [12:01] | Who’s that? | 那里也是混蛋 所以… 我觉得“我得离开” |
| [12:03] | So I think all we need is a resume and we’ll be good, right? | 这样时机合适吗？ |
| [12:08] | I just thought you knew me. Yeah, it’s no big deal. | 我知道我现在不顺 |
| [12:11] | Just something that looks like that. | 对不起 |
| [12:13] | JIM: Cool? | 如果我们做了什么事让你生气 |
| [12:14] | Let me… | 那一定是无心的 等等 |
| [12:16] | Oh. | 为什么我要相信大厅里那个怪人？ |
| [12:18] | Cool. | 他们是我见过最好的人 |
| [12:28] | Did you just interview? | 谢谢 |
| [12:29] | Oh, unfortunately, yes. | 很漂亮 安杰拉 |
| [12:35] | What do you mean? | 对 我其实了解戒指 |
| [12:36] | That business can’t attract anyone. | 它很漂亮 有些闪耀 |
| [12:39] | It’s awful up there. | 我是说 我是什么？奈欧蜜？ 给我们讲个鬼故事 |
| [12:41] | Those people seem like they’re in prison waiting out life sentences | —对 讲个故事 |
| [12:45] | in a dying industry. | —好吧 他带我去莫内的日本桥复制品那里 |
| [12:48] | Place must be horrible. | 把花放在我耳旁 我一般不喜欢那样 因为那太侵犯人权了 |
| [12:54] | I don’t know if I want this job. | 然后他蹲下说 |
| [12:56] | Well, if I get this job offer, then I know that I’m gonna take it. | “愿意当议员的妻子吗？” |
| [12:59] | And if I take it, I know that I’m never gonna quit. | 哦 他对着第三者自言自语吗？ 是的 潘 |
| [13:02] | And then 25 years are gonna go by, | 不是所有人都像你和吉姆那么不正经 “哦 嗨潘 兄弟 |
| [13:08] | and I’m gonna die here. | 无所谓了 想嫁给我吗？” 不对 然后我看到闪光 |
| [13:09] | What makes you feel qualified to judge a place after a mere interview? | 记者在那里 他们找到了我们 所有人都哭了 甚至是他的助手 |
| [13:21] | What are you doing? | 安杰拉和一个同性恋订婚了 作为一个同性恋 |
| [13:27] | Stop trying to figure me out. | 我很害怕 作为安杰拉的朋友 我很怕 |
| [13:29] | I just did. You can’t. | 作为美丽婚纱的爱好者 |
| [13:31] | It’s done. No, it’s not. | 我有些激动 |
| [13:32] | I know you now, your nature. | 不过总的来说 还是很怕 |
| [13:34] | You don’t know | You don’t know |
| [13:35] | me. anything about me. I’m done. Get out of my head. | |
| [13:36] | Not worth continuing. Stop trying to figure me out. | 安迪？你都准备好了吗？ 好了 |
| [13:39] | (CLEARS THROAT) | 诸位 到时候了 |
| [13:43] | Do you even know anything about paper? | 该到了打气的时间了 告诉我该听什么 |
| [13:46] | How it’s made? | 你确定这是好主意吗？ |
| [13:47] | I saw an episode on how they make paper on Sesame Street. | 我讨厌看到你失望 |
| [13:53] | Get out. | 我觉得安迪该当老板 他很出色 |
| [13:54] | I’m gonna prevent inferior men from sullying my place of work | 客观些的话 就是达里尔 |
| [13:57] | with their weak, passionless leadership. | 当然 那么安迪作为办公室经理你有什么可以改进？ |
| [14:00] | Do you see my hat? No? That’s because I just threw it in the ring. | 首先 我觉得我们可以 |
| [14:05] | You guys pay for relocation, though, right? | —在这里进行流水线型交流 —喔噢 这是对托比很重的指责 |
| [14:08] | Well, why would you need relocation if you already live in Scranton? | —我没有指责… —托比负责 |
| [14:11] | Well, I’d wanna move further away, you know? | 人力资源 也包括交流 |
| [14:14] | Just don’t want any chance of running | 我觉得托比做得很好 |
| [14:16] | into my coworkers outside the office. | 对 我…我不是想要侮辱谁 |
| [14:20] | Can I ask why you’re leaving your current job? | 我没那么觉得 我和安迪有两层关系 私人和工作关系 |
| [14:25] | I’m leaving my other job because they were all jerks. | 私人方面 我认为他是只老鼠 我认为他对 |
| [14:29] | Really. You know, all of them. | 我和艾琳关系的终结抱有责任 |
| [14:31] | You had your jerk-wads and your jerk-offs, so… | 工作方面 |
| [14:35] | Just between the wads and the offs, I just thought, “I gotta get out of here.” | 他毁了办公室里最幸福的一对 |
| [14:38] | Is this a bad time to be doing this? | 纽约有多少窗户？ —什么？ |
| [14:40] | I know I’m having a bad time. | —批判性思维 面试中的常见问题 |
| [14:43] | I’m sorry. If we did something to upset you, | 好吧 呃 我想想 车窗算吗？ |
| [14:46] | I’m sure it was inadvertent. | 不 太阳离我们多远？ 嗯 |
| [14:55] | Wait. | 9300万英里 —是吗？ —对 太阳的直径是870000英里 |
| [14:56] | Oh, why did I believe that weirdo in the lobby? | 比地球宽109倍 重333000倍 |
| [15:00] | These are the nicest people I ever met. | 关掉太阳！ |
| [15:04] | Thank you. | |
| [15:09] | I’m engaged. | |
| [15:10] | Damn, girl. | 我对于 |
| [15:15] | PAM: It’s gorgeous, Angela. | 那次会议的困惑和对抗性感到不开心 |
| [15:17] | Yeah, I actually know about nice rings, and it is gorgeous. | 我想要变的更好 |
| [15:19] | Wow. | 我想要变的更好！ |
| [15:20] | It’s a little flashy. I mean, what am I, Naomi Judd? | 是的 |
| [15:23] | Tell us the freaking story! | 以前有个别书针会跳出来说 |
| [15:25] | Yeah, tell us a story. | “看来你在写信或是简历” |
| [15:27] | Okay. He took me to the replica of Monet’s Japanese Bridge. | “需要帮忙吗？” 我相信他的名字是… |
| [15:31] | And then he put this flower behind my ear, which normally I would hate, | “大眼夹” 我管理我的部门 |
| [15:34] | ’cause it’s so civil rights-y. | 已经很多年了 |
| [15:36] | Then he got down on one knee and he said, | 上帝啊 |
| [15:38] | “Will you be a senator’s wife?” | 这一路我学到了许多人生道理 |
| [15:41] | (LAUGHS) | 你的部门里只有你 对吧？ |
| [15:42] | He talked about himself in the third person? | 是的 吉姆 不过不是很容易管理的 |
| [15:44] | Yes, Pam. Not everyone is as informal as you and Jim. | 好吧 嗯 我们可以… |
| [15:48] | “Hey, Pam, dude, whatever. Wanna marry me?” | 那是什么？ |
| [15:51] | (ALL LAUGHING) | 我们今天有许多认真的候选人要面试 所以… |
| [15:53] | That’s not accurate. | |
| [15:54] | Then I saw flashes. So, reporters were there. | 我不是认真的候选人吗？ |
| [15:57] | They always find us. And everyone was crying. | 你想让我说什么？ 外面有一队有资格的候选人 |
| [16:01] | Even his aide. | 我们还有英国来的视屏简历 |
| [16:02] | Angela’s engaged to a gay man. | 我们就假装… |
| [16:06] | As a gay man, I’m horrified. | 好吧 嗯… |
| [16:07] | As a friend of Angela’s, horrified. | 你的弱点是什么？ |
| [16:10] | As a lover of elegant weddings, I’m a little excited. | 我没有什么 可恶… |
| [16:14] | But overall, horrified. | 我想要面试机会 你家人还好吗？ |
| [16:18] | Andy? You all set? | —很好 是的 |
| [16:22] | Okay, guys. It’s time. | —很好？他们很好吗？ 你的女儿叫什么名字来着？ |
| [16:24] | It’s pep talk time. Tell me what I need to hear. | 皮皮？ 皮帕 |
| [16:27] | Hmm, are you sure this is a good idea? I… | 皮帕 她怎么样？ —很好 —很好！ |
| [16:30] | I hate to see you disappointed. | 哦 那很好 |
| [16:32] | That’s not what I was hoping for. | 我们一直不擅长聊天 是吧 吉姆？ |
| [16:34] | Okay, I just want someone to tell me, “You’re gonna do great.” | —不 —听着… 你不会得到面试机会 |
| [16:39] | You’ll do great. Come on. | 德怀特 这个搜索委员会的目的就是 防止雇佣你这样的人 |
| [16:42] | You guys are my best friends. | 好吧 我知道你为什么要这么说 真的 不过请你这么想想 从坟墓中伸出抓住你的手很强壮 |
| [16:49] | I’d be happy if Andy were boss. He listens to my stories. | —好吧 很生动 |
| [16:53] | And they’re not all A-plus stories, let’s be honest. | 现在我要给你次机会 好吗？ |
| [16:56] | But you know what? He always listens like they’re A-plus. | 你根本不想给我面试 我保证你能得到你梦寐以求的工作 |
| [17:01] | Well, some are A-plus. | 好吗？你早上十点来 |
| [17:04] | I think Andy should be the boss. | 你的私人预订车位 |
| [17:06] | He’s just so great. | 来拿你的每日免费咖啡 |
| [17:08] | If I’m being objective, then Darryl, of course. | —你和潘可以不停做爱 —恶心 |
| [17:11] | So, Andy, what improvements would you make as office manager? | 艾琳会为你的娱乐吃垃圾 |
| [17:14] | For starters, I really think we can streamline communication around here. | 你知道我有多喜欢当伴娘 |
| [17:17] | Whoa. That’s a very heavy accusation to level against Toby. | 可以 乔把工作带走了 因为她不相信你的判断 |
| [17:22] | I wasn’t accusing… | 看起来怎么样 |
| [17:23] | Well, Toby’s in charge of human resources. | 如果我推荐的话？ |
| [17:24] | That would include communication. | 好 我不用你了 |
| [17:27] | I think that Toby’s done a fine job. | —你会后悔的 |
| [17:29] | Right. I really wasn’t trying to insult anyone. | —好吧 |
| [17:33] | I didn’t think you were. | 我去给你拿来 |
| [17:34] | I have two relationships with Andy. | —谢谢 —好的 |
| [17:36] | I have a personal relationship, | 首先 |
| [17:38] | and I have a professional relationship. | 我要谢谢你多年为公司的服务 |
| [17:40] | Personally, yeah, I think he’s a rat and I think he’s responsible for the demise | 我有个坏消息 |
| [17:44] | of my relationship with Erin. | 我们脱离生意了 |
| [17:46] | Professionally… | 为了保存脸面 |
| [17:48] | He broke up the happiest couple in this office. | 对 我理解 |
| [17:50] | How many windows are there in New York City? | 一切都分崩离析了 |
| [17:52] | What? Critical thinking. | 对我来说有什么影响？ |
| [17:54] | Common on-the-spot question asked in an interview. | 等一下 |
| [17:57] | Okay. Uh, let me think. Are you counting car windows? | 公司需要你找出 |
| [17:59] | No. How far away is the sun? | 这两张照片的不同 |
| [18:02] | Ninety-three million miles. | 因特尔告诉我们至少有七处 |
| [18:05] | Is it? Yeah. | 好了 我发现一个 |
| [18:07] | And the diameter of the sun is 870,000 miles, | 给他们吧 好的 |
| [18:09] | which makes it 109 times wider than the Earth | 它们是一样的 |
| [18:12] | and 333,000 times heavier than the Earth. | 那么… |
| [18:14] | Shut up about the sun. | —给你 —好的 |
| [18:16] | Shut up about the sun! | 希望一切都好 肯定会的 我之前面试的那个人 他怎么样？ |
| [18:22] | Okay, I’m not a doctor, | —霍华德凯尔文？ —不 我说的不是他 |
| [18:24] | but I think the medical term for that was a spaz out. | —霍华德凯尔文？ —不 我说的不是他 |
| [18:27] | Gabe just lost it. | —德肖恩威廉姆斯 —是的 —他怎么样？ —他很出色 |
| [18:30] | That’s the best part about convening a tribunal. | 他是罗兹奖学金的获得者 他发明了可以开发手机应用的手机应用 |
| [18:33] | One bunal can go down, and you still have two bunals left. | —神奇接吻者 —来吧 |
| [18:37] | Right? | 我是认真的 |
| [18:40] | Andy, how’d it go? | 别开玩笑 达里尔 |
| [18:41] | I don’t want to brag, but… | 我们都了解你 |
| [18:45] | I did my best. | 你的面试和别人的不是一样重要 潘 |
| [18:47] | Hello! | 我觉得罗伯特是同性恋 |
| [18:49] | I forgot something in my car. | 议员？ 他结过婚也有孩子 |
| [18:53] | You guys are so cute. When are you gonna get back together? | —所以呢？ —别跟我说 |
| [18:56] | Never. We’re just friends. | 许多同性恋都有孩子 |
| [18:58] | Oh! | 我深感怀疑 |
| [18:59] | Okay, my mistake. | 我深感怀疑 |
| [19:02] | You know, you could have any man in this whole office with your legs. | 你在澡堂见过他吗？ |
| [19:06] | I say go for it, if you’re interested. | 什么澡堂？ 没窗户的那种 |
| [19:09] | But you’re not, so never mind. | —什么？ —忘了我说的吧 我永远不会知道到底怎么回事 我的朋友彻底卷了进来 你在同行恋帮派里 你在想别的群体 更有钱 更年长 你说的话很无知 |
| [19:22] | I am unhappy with the confusing | 你们在谈议员吗？ |
| [19:25] | and, at times, confrontational nature of that meeting. | —没有 —没有 为什么我们要谈论议员？ |
| [19:28] | I wanted it to go better. | 因为他是同性恋 |
| [19:30] | I wanted it to go better! | 我怎么知道罗伯特是同性恋？ |
| [19:34] | Yes, there used to be a paper clip that would pop up and say, | 他在凌晨三点赞了我的脸书照片 |
| [19:37] | “Looks like you are writing a letter or resume. Would you like help?” | 你知道怎么样鲍勃注意我吗？ |
| [19:40] | I believe his name was Clippy. | 我每天早上等在他的办公室 除了猫耳什么都不穿 |
| [19:45] | CREED: First of all, I wanna thank you | 这两周我天天如此 第十天 |
| [19:47] | for your years of patronizing our company. | 他走了进来 全身裸体戴着个狗鼻子 |
| [19:50] | I’ve got some bad news. We’re going out of business. | 猜猜接下来发生了什么 —交尾 —我觉得我做不来 |
| [19:54] | Saving face. | —嗯 |
| [19:57] | Yep, yep. I understand that. | —那不符我的个性 如果我女儿问我… |
| [19:59] | Basically everything’s falling apart here. | 对！ |
| [20:01] | How is this on me? | 我会说如果你想要某人 |
| [20:04] | Hang up. | 如果你真的想要 |
| [20:06] | Corporate needs you to find the differences | 就去追求 |
| [20:08] | between this picture and this picture. | 我真的想要他 |
| [20:12] | Intel has told us there were at least seven. | 名字？大卫布伦特 |
| [20:15] | Okay. I already see one. Give me. | 职业？灵感师 |
| [20:16] | Okay. | 状态？与你无关 |
| [20:19] | They’re the same picture. | 不够他年轻 自由而且单身 |
| [20:21] | Well, I manage my department, and I’ve been doing that for several years now. | 谢谢询问 你在找新老板吗？ 有人发泄了很多不满 |
| [20:26] | And, God, I’ve learned a lot of life lessons along the way. | 每天都说着丧气话 是吗？哦 别去管 鼓励怎么样？ |
| [20:29] | Your department’s just you, right? | 如果他们让你不顺眼 |
| [20:31] | Yes, Jim, but I am not easy to manage. | 你想让我开除他们吗？ 我不会那么混账的 |
| [20:34] | Great. Um, can we just… | 再见 |
| [20:37] | What was that? | 让别的公司起诉 啊？ |
| [20:38] | We just have a lot of serious candidates to get through today, so… | 你改变主意了？ 你现在看起来更像领导了？ 也更像女人 |
| [20:43] | Am I not a serious candidate? | 我何时开工？嗯？ |
| [20:46] | What do you want me to say? | 待续 |
| [20:47] | I mean, there’s a line of qualified people out there. | 待续 |
| [20:50] | We have a video CV from England. | 马上让最大的客户接电话 |
| [20:52] | Are we all just gonna pretend to… | 谁是最大的客户？ |
| [20:54] | Okay. Um… | 呃 |
| [20:56] | What are your weaknesses? | 快找他过来接电话 |
| [20:58] | I don’t have any, (BLEEP) | 好的 |
| [21:05] | Erin, I believe you have my resume on file. | 你好 我是客户 |
| [21:08] | Please print out four copies on 32-pound cotton stock, bright white. | 是克里德 |
| [21:12] | No… | 顺便说一下 我要开办自己的纸张公司了 |
| [21:14] | Ivory. Yes, sir. | 我准备要挖一些人 你来吗？ |
| [21:16] | Who’s in there now? Kelly. | 好 很好 |
| [21:18] | For God’s sake. | 这事我们要保密 好吗？ |
| [21:19] | So, Kelly, what do you think the future holds for the paper business? | —我会守口如瓶 —很好 |
| [21:22] | Me peeing on Gabe’s corpse. | |
| [21:28] | I want an interview. | |
| [21:30] | How’s the family? Good. | |
| [21:32] | Good? Are they good? Yeah. | |
| [21:35] | What’s your daughter’s name again? Pee Pee? | |
| [21:37] | Peepa. | |
| [21:38] | Peepa. How is she? | |
| [21:40] | Great. Great! | |
| [21:41] | Oh, that’s great. | |
| [21:44] | We never were very good at small talk, were we, Jim? | |
| [21:46] | No. Now, listen… | |
| [21:47] | You’re not getting an interview, Dwight. | |
| [21:49] | The whole point of this search committee process | |
| [21:51] | is to prevent hiring someone like you ever again. | |
| [21:53] | Okay. I know why you’re saying that, Jim. | |
| [21:55] | I really do. But think of it this way. | |
| [21:58] | The hand that reaches from the grave to grip your throat | |
| [22:01] | is the strong hand you want on the wheel. | |
| [22:03] | Okay. That’s vivid. | |
| [22:04] | Now, I’m gonna make you an offer, okay? | |
| [22:06] | You even do so little as grant me an interview, | |
| [22:09] | I will guarantee you your dream work life, okay? | |
| [22:13] | You roll in at 10:00 a.m. | |
| [22:15] | to your own private reserved parking spot, | |
| [22:17] | pick up your daily free coffee from Dwight’s Caffeine Corner, | |
| [22:20] | unlimited sex breaks for you and Pam. | |
| [22:23] | Yikes. Erin will eat garbage for your entertainment. | |
| [22:25] | Wow. You know how I like taking bribes. (CHUCKLES) | |
| [22:29] | But unfortunately, Jo also took the job away from you | |
| [22:31] | because she doesn’t trust your judgment. | |
| [22:33] | So how would that look for me if I recommended you? | |
| [22:37] | Fine, I’ll do it without you. | |
| [22:39] | You’ll regret this. Okay. | |
| [22:43] | Let me get that for you. | |
| [22:45] | Thank you. Okay. | |
| [22:49] | As long as you keep it moist, it’s easier to work with. | |
| [22:51] | And I can’t just use a tube of crescent rolls? | |
| [22:54] | You know what, go to McDonald’s for dinner. Why cook? | |
| [22:58] | Okay. | |
| [23:02] | Pam, | |
| [23:04] | I think Robert is gay. | |
| [23:06] | The Senator? | |
| [23:09] | He was married before, and he has a kid. | |
| [23:11] | So… And don’t say that thing | |
| [23:12] | about how lots of gay guys have kids. | |
| [23:16] | I have a very strong suspicion. | |
| [23:19] | Did you? | |
| [23:21] | Oh! (CHUCKLES) No. | |
| [23:24] | No. | |
| [23:25] | Did you see him at a bathhouse? | |
| [23:27] | What bathhouse? | |
| [23:28] | The windowless building by the Baskin Robbins. | |
| [23:32] | What? | |
| [23:33] | Forget it. I’m never gonna know what goes on there. | |
| [23:35] | Name: David Brent. Occupation: Inspirer. | |
| [23:38] | Status: None of your business. | |
| [23:40] | Young, free and single, though. Thanks for asking. | |
| [23:43] | Hear you’re looking for a new boss, yeah? | |
| [23:46] | Someone to tell a bunch of discontented, under-encouraged drones | |
| [23:48] | what to do every day. | |
| [23:50] | Is that it? Our out-of-touch powers that be. | |
| [23:52] | Want me to fire them? They don’t see things your way? | |
| [23:55] | Then I ain’t that dude. Bye-bye, baby, bye-bye. | |
| [23:58] | Get some other corporate suit to lay down the law. | |
| [23:59] | What? You’ve changed your mind? | |
| [24:01] | You’re now looking for a leader of men? | |
| [24:03] | Ipso facto. Women too. | |
| [24:06] | When do I start? | |
| [24:07] | Eh? | |
| [24:11] | Hey. Hi. Hey. | |
| [24:13] | I realized I never paid you back for that lunch you paid for, like, a month ago. | |
| [24:17] | Yeah, don’t worry about it. | |
| [24:18] | Well, it’s money. | |
| [24:20] | I was thinking I could make dinner for you tonight, like a Middle Eastern feast. | |
| [24:24] | Chicken shawarmas, shish kebabs, pita with hummus. | |
| [24:28] | Well, I think I only lent you like $3. That would be so much more trouble. | |
| [24:32] | Just bring the money tomorrow. No big deal. | |
| [24:35] | Or else I’ll break your legs. | |
| [24:37] | Not if I can help it. | |
| [24:45] | My friend at the Scranton Blade | |
| [24:47] | is totally plugged into these matters. | |
| [24:49] | You’re in the gay mafia. | |
| [24:51] | You’re thinking of another group, much wealthier, much older. | |
| [24:53] | You sound ignorant. | |
| [24:56] | You guys, um, talking senator? | |
| [24:59] | No. | No. |
| [25:00] | Why would we be talking about the Senator? | |
| [25:03] | ‘Cause he’s totally gay. | |
| [25:05] | How do I know that Robert is gay? | |
| [25:07] | He “liked” my Facebook photos at 3:00 in the morning. | |
| [25:14] | It was a really good photo, though. | |
| [25:16] | Do you know what it took to get Bob to notice me? | |
| [25:19] | I waited in his office every morning | |
| [25:21] | wearing nothing but kitty cat ears. | |
| [25:23] | I did that every day for two weeks. | |
| [25:25] | And on the tenth day, he walked in, | |
| [25:26] | he was naked too, except a dog nose. | |
| [25:29] | Guess what we did then? Bestiality. | |
| [25:30] | I don’t think I can do that… | |
| [25:32] | Yeah. | |
| [25:33] | That’s not my personality. | |
| [25:35] | If my daughter were asking me… | |
| [25:38] | Yes? (LAUGHS) | |
| [25:40] | I would say if you want someone, if you really want them, | |
| [25:45] | go get them. | |
| [25:48] | I do really want him. | |
| [25:51] | So, uh, here you go. | |
| [25:54] | Great. Hope it’s all right. | |
| [25:56] | I’m sure it’s fine. | |
| [25:58] | The guy who was in here earlier, interviewed after me, | |
| [26:00] | how’d he do? | |
| [26:02] | Howard Klein? No, no, no, no. | |
| [26:03] | That’s not who I’m talking about. | |
| [26:05] | Oh. Deshawn Williams. | |
| [26:07] | Yes. How did he do? | |
| [26:09] | He’s an amazing man. He’s a Rhodes Scholar. | |
| [26:11] | He invented an app that invents apps. Fantastic kisser. | |
| [26:15] | Come on, man. I’m being serious. Don’t joke. | |
| [26:18] | Darryl, we all know you. | |
| [26:19] | Your interview is not nearly as important as the other guy’s. | |
| [26:24] | First I’ll take down the cubicle walls. | |
| [26:27] | But there aren’t… Symbol of transparency. | |
| [26:30] | There’d be no titles. | |
| [26:32] | Everyone has the same job. | |
| [26:34] | Same goes for me. | |
| [26:36] | I’ll take your job, but I’d reject the title. | |
| [26:39] | A little unspecific. | |
| [26:41] | Everyone would be known for their accomplishments. | |
| [26:45] | That’s very interesting. Um… | |
| [26:47] | I feel like there might be a conflict there, | |
| [26:49] | and if a conflict did arise, how would that be dealt with? | |
| [26:52] | Oh. Yeah. | |
| [26:55] | Hmm. | |
| [26:56] | Scratch everything from before. I’ll tell you what I’d do. | |
| [26:58] | Go the other way. | |
| [27:00] | More cubicles. | |
| [27:02] | More division. | |
| [27:04] | Everyone is somebody’s boss, | |
| [27:07] | and that person can fire the person below them. | |
| [27:11] | And once a month, the lowest-performing person… | |
| [27:15] | (MAKES CUTTING NOISE) | |
| [27:17] | Bye-bye. | |
| [27:18] | How would you compare like an accountant and HR? | |
| [27:22] | Well, I’ll tell you how, shall I? | |
| [27:24] | I’ll tell you how. Okay. | |
| [27:25] | By splitting the difference. | |
| [27:28] | Just somewhere in the middle. | |
| [27:31] | I think that’s probably all we need to hear from… | |
| [27:33] | Zen office. | |
| [27:34] | Hmm? | |
| [27:36] | Thought of that? That’s what I’d do. | |
| [27:38] | Everyone takes their shoes off before they come in. | |
| [27:42] | Okay? There’d be no desks. You just sit on the floor. | |
| [27:46] | That’s very… | |
| [27:47] | You’ve got a Thai woman out in the back… | |
| [27:49] | Saki. | |
| [27:51] | Okay. Saki. | |
| [27:52] | That’s not… | |
| [27:54] | Saki is her name, okay? | |
| [27:55] | She’s administering massage, all right, if you need it. | |
| [27:59] | If you don’t, whatever. Just talk to her. She’s a person. | |
| [28:02] | Either way, 15 minutes of that, and you… | |
| [28:06] | You are cracking to go. | |
| [28:08] | (CLEARS THROAT) | |
| [28:10] | Office of the future. | |
| [28:13] | Like the inside of a Virgin airplane. | |
| [28:15] | Telecommuting, all right? Everyone’s at home. | |
| [28:18] | The office is just a big empty space. It’s just full of screens. | |
| [28:22] | Sony. Sony. Everything’s just Sony, made of Sony. | |
| [28:26] | From Sony. | |
| [28:27] | I don’t think that’s how telecommuting works. | |
| [28:29] | And then we sell tickets to tourists for them to see the office of the future. | |
| [28:36] | Okay. Wow. Cutting edge. | |
| [28:37] | You have to hire me. | |
| [28:41] | There’s no ideas left. | |
| [28:43] | That’s all the ideas there is. | |
| [28:46] | There’s a lot more where they came from. | |
| [28:56] | Jim, what can you tell us? Is there a frontrunner? | |
| [28:59] | You know what? They all just sort of blend together after a while. | |
| [29:02] | Well, there must be someone who stands out. | |
| [29:04] | No, not at all. In fact, I’m not even taking it seriously. | |
| [29:07] | I think at the end of the day, I’m just gonna pick a name out of the hat. | |
| [29:09] | OSCAR: Well… | |
| [29:10] | The hell you will! | |
| [29:12] | I worked for the last boss for 15 years. | |
| [29:15] | According to my doctor, I don’t have another 15 years | |
| [29:17] | if I wanna keep up the same dietary and sexual lifestyle, | |
| [29:21] | which I intend to. | |
| [29:22] | Oh, no, Stanley. You’ll live forever. | |
| [29:24] | My next boss will be my last boss. He’ll be at my funeral. | |
| [29:28] | So I would appreciate it if you would take this seriously. | |
| [29:34] | You pick a crappy boss, you’re responsible for my crappy life. | |
| [29:37] | Okay, everybody. I was just making a joke. | |
| [29:39] | I am taking it seriously. I promise. | |
| [29:40] | Are you? | |
| [29:43] | Little advice? Take a day off from the whole Jim shtick. | |
| [29:47] | Try caring about something. | |
| [29:49] | You might like how it feels, James. | |
| [29:58] | Gabe, honey! | |
| [30:00] | (DOG BARKS) | |
| [30:02] | Oh, lord. Take all this. | |
| [30:04] | All right. | |
| [30:05] | Here. | |
| [30:16] | Jim. | |
| [30:18] | Did you hear Stern this morning? | |
| [30:19] | No. Was he good? Uh, Robin was good. | |
| [30:21] | She’s always good. Keeps him on his toes. | |
| [30:23] | It’s Howard’s show, though. | |
| [30:25] | Whose is this? | |
| [30:27] | Darryl Philbin. | |
| [30:28] | Oh. Very nice to see a familiar face on top. | |
| [30:32] | My, a little long, aren’t we? Four pages? | |
| [30:35] | Is this the same Darryl Philbin | |
| [30:37] | who’s had two jobs in 10 years at one company? | |
| [30:40] | Yes, thanks to you who promoted me after we, uh, interfaced. | |
| [30:46] | “Coordinated and implemented receipt, storage, | |
| [30:48] | “and delivery of over 2.5 billion units of inventory.” | |
| [30:53] | 2.5 billion, Darryl? 2.5 billion units of what? | |
| [30:57] | Paper material, ma’am. | |
| [31:00] | Paper material? | |
| [31:01] | Pieces of paper. | |
| [31:03] | Anybody have a calculator? | |
| [31:08] | You figure what? | |
| [31:10] | Five hundred sheets a ream, 24 reams a case, | |
| [31:14] | how long you worked here… | |
| [31:19] | I can see how you landed in that ballpark. | |
| [31:22] | Laid end to end, it’s enough to almost stretch 60% of the way to the moon. | |
| [31:27] | I think this resume almost stretches halfway to the moon. | |
| [31:31] | (CLEARS THROAT) Jo, may I speak to you for a second? | |
| [31:34] | Or what? You gonna shoot me? | |
| [31:35] | (LAUGHS) | |
| [31:38] | Oh, I enjoy laughing at my mistakes | |
| [31:40] | because I’ve learned so much from them. | |
| [31:43] | I’d like to be interviewed for the position. | |
| [31:45] | I’ll interview you right now. | |
| [31:46] | Okay. Question one. | |
| [31:48] | Ever shot a gun in the office? | |
| [31:51] | It’s complicated. | |
| [31:53] | Yeah, but see, it’s not. | |
| [31:57] | I will not give up. I won’t even be discouraged. | |
| [32:00] | Why? Because managing this office is my destiny. | |
| [32:05] | My only potential obstacle is | |
| [32:07] | if becoming manager is someone else’s destiny as well. | |
| [32:12] | But, hey, if this is a case of clashing destinies, | |
| [32:15] | enjoy the show. | |
| [32:17] | I don’t think we should tell her. | |
| [32:18] | Angela went a whole day without telling me I had lettuce in my teeth. | |
| [32:21] | Screw her. | |
| [32:22] | I’m a woman. I would want to know. | |
| [32:24] | MEREDITH: Yeah. You gotta know. | |
| [32:25] | Okay. But if Angela can get a gay man to marry her, | |
| [32:29] | maybe I could get a lesbian to marry me. Huh? | |
| [32:33] | Huh? That’s hot. | |
| [32:34] | You have met a lesbian in real life, right? | |
| [32:37] | What we should warn her about is that the whole institution of marriage | |
| [32:41] | is corrupt. That’s the lie. | |
| [32:43] | Okay, we’re not talking about that. | |
| [32:44] | We’re not talking about marriage. | |
| [32:45] | You know, this probably is her last chance at a family. | |
| [32:50] | She does seem happy. | |
| [32:52] | You’re right. | You’re right. |
| [32:54] | She seems happy. We don’t tell her. | |
| [32:57] | We don’t tell her. PAM: Okay. | |
| [32:59] | So what else should we gossip about? | |
| [33:02] | I know, like who’s gonna be the new manager, right? | |
| [33:06] | Will it be… | |
| [33:10] | Me? Yes. Yes, it will. | |
| [33:13] | Yeah, right. | |
| [33:14] | Excuse me, Ms. Bennett, may I have a word? | |
| [33:16] | Okay. | |
| [33:17] | Uh, can it be in private? | |
| [33:18] | Don’t worry. It’s not about you. | |
| [33:24] | As minority executive, I think it’s my responsibility | |
| [33:26] | to let you know that Gabe is gross. | |
| [33:28] | I don’t think it’s professional | |
| [33:30] | that he was sleeping with the receptionist, | |
| [33:31] | and then when Erin dumped him so that she could be with Andy, | |
| [33:33] | he became a total crazy stalker psycho. | |
| [33:36] | Welcome to Scranton, Jo, land of 1,000 problems only you can fix. | |
| [33:40] | (CELL PHONE BUZZES) | |
| [33:43] | Oh, for God’s sake. | |
| [33:46] | (JO SIGHS) | |
| [33:48] | He’s texting me his resume one line at a time. | |
| [33:53] | These are costing me 10 cents apiece, you jackass. | |
| [33:56] | I’m roaming! | |
| [34:00] | Get me our biggest client on the phone, right this instant. | |
| [34:08] | Who is our biggest client? | |
| [34:10] | Uh, just put him through to me. | |
| [34:13] | Okay. | |
| [34:14] | (TELEPHONE RINGS) | |
| [34:15] | Hello, this is the client. | |
| [34:17] | It’s Creed. | |
| [34:19] | FYI. I’m starting my own paper company. | |
| [34:22] | Looking to poach some chumps. You in? | |
| [34:25] | Yes. (CHUCKLES) | |
| [34:26] | Cool! Let’s keep this on the Q. T., okay? | |
| [34:30] | I don’t want you to be a dead mamma jamma. | |
| [34:32] | Great. Bye-bye. | |
| [34:36] | (SIGHS) | |
| [34:39] | Get me our second biggest client. | |
| [34:42] | This is great. I love work. | |
| [34:46] | Again? | |
| [34:50] | Hold, please. | |
| [34:51] | (TELEPHONE RINGS) | |
| [34:54] | Hello? | |
| [34:56] | Who is this? | |
| [34:57] | This is your second biggest client. | |
| [35:00] | I want you to listen very carefully. I’m gonna sing you a song. | |
| [35:07] | (SCATTING) | |
| [35:18] | Jo, you have one more candidate. | |
| [35:19] | He’s a burn victim. Huh? | |
| [35:22] | He’s all messed up. | |
| [35:24] | I can tell him to get lost if you want. | |
| [35:26] | No. Send him in. | |
| [35:28] | Who is this? | |
| [35:31] | I have no idea. I know this guy. | |
| [35:40] | Um… | |
| [35:42] | Hello, Mr. Souvenier. Mr. Jacques Souvenier? | |
| [35:46] | Nice to meet you. It says here you’re French? | |
| [35:49] | So you worked at your last job for 15 years | |
| [35:51] | as assistant to the regional manager. | |
| [35:53] | Assistant regional manager. | |
| [35:54] | Assistant to the regional manager. | |
| [35:56] | Assistant regional manager. What is it? | |
| [35:58] | (WITH ACCENT) Assistant regional manager. | |
| [35:59] | That’s my mistake. Sorry about that. | |
| [36:01] | The last paper company you worked for burned to the ground? | |
| [36:04] | And all because they wouldn’t hire a manager who lived and breathed paper. | |
| [36:07] | JIM: That’s a travesty. | |
| [36:09] | I wanna talk to Dwight Schrute for a second. | |
| [36:11] | I wanna ask him a question. | |
| [36:12] | Get Dwight. | |
| [36:13] | If he isn’t here in 60 seconds… | |
| [36:17] | Wait, wait! No. Stop, stop. Jo… | |
| [36:22] | It’s me. I’m Dwight. | |
| [36:25] | No. | |
| [36:27] | No. Wait. But… | |
| [36:28] | I mean, you’re Dwight and then… | |
| [36:31] | He’s the… | |
| [36:32] | Yeah. | |
| [36:33] | Oh. | |
| [36:36] | Very unprofessional, Jacques. Or should I say Dwight? | |
| [36:40] | Let’s just say I had hired this Jacques Souvenier. Then what? | |
| [36:44] | I would have dressed this way every day, | |
| [36:46] | legally changed my name, | |
| [36:47] | learned French sign language, shown up, | |
| [36:49] | and been the best damn branch manager you’d ever seen. | |
| [36:53] | All that for this job. Yes. | |
| [36:57] | That’s (BLEEP) crazy. | |
| [37:00] | Get out of here. | |
| [37:05] | (DOOR SLAMS) What a nut job. | |
| [37:10] | This guy was good. Although he did keep saying | |
| [37:13] | that he needed two weeks off right at the beginning | |
| [37:14] | for a trip to the Finger Lakes. | |
| [37:16] | Seriously, every five minutes he was like, | |
| [37:18] | “Hey, just making sure the Finger Lakes thing is clear.” | |
| [37:20] | Okay. It’s fun to talk about the rejects, but who’s got you excited? | |
| [37:24] | Finger Lakes guy is good. | |
| [37:26] | Darryl is also very good. | |
| [37:28] | You know, I just wish we’d find a candidate that knows the company | |
| [37:31] | as well as, say, some of the people on this committee, | |
| [37:34] | you know, who’ve been here for a long time. | |
| [37:36] | Interesting. | |
| [37:38] | It’d be a demotion for Gabe and Jim’s not interested, so… | |
| [37:42] | Are you trying to tell me you should be manager? | |
| [37:44] | You pulling a Dick Cheney? | |
| [37:46] | No, I’m just saying if we can’t find someone… | |
| [37:51] | Yeah, sure, I could do it. | |
| [37:54] | You’re funny. Little Dick Cheney. | |
| [37:58] | You want it? Ask for it. | |
| [38:01] | Say you’re the best man for the job. | |
| [38:06] | I would work really hard, and, I mean, you could do worse. | |
| [38:11] | ‘Cause… For God’s sake. | |
| [38:14] | Who’s this fellow? Went to Cornell. | |
| [38:17] | What’s wrong with him? | |
| [38:18] | How much time do you have? | |
| [38:20] | Sales ability, none. | |
| [38:22] | Integrity? See sales ability. | |
| [38:24] | And that’s your unbiased opinion. Yes, it is. | |
| [38:27] | So it’s not relevant that he took the receptionist away from you. | |
| [38:30] | Oh, Jo. Jo, I’m disappointed in you. | |
| [38:33] | Some people let personal things into the work… | |
| [38:36] | Is she with him? Because I thought that she’s just… | |
| [38:38] | Gabe! (SIGHS) | |
| [38:40] | Back when I bought this place, I was looking for a ghost. | |
| [38:44] | Somebody to flitter around, spooking people, | |
| [38:47] | keeping them on their toes, and then disappear. | |
| [38:50] | My girlfriend said she knew a man who looked like a ghost, | |
| [38:52] | and he went to business school. | |
| [38:55] | But a ghost ain’t supposed to date people. | |
| [38:57] | You think you’re Beetlejuice? No. | |
| [38:58] | I’m no Beetlejuice. You’re no good to me up here. | |
| [39:02] | You got all close to these people, got involved in their lives. | |
| [39:06] | Let’s get you back to Florida. | |
| [39:07] | We’ll figure out something for you. | |
| [39:09] | That sounds like a promotion. | |
| [39:10] | It’s not. | |
| [39:12] | Let’s get Kelly in here to take his place. | |
| [39:14] | Uh, why Kelly? | |
| [39:15] | ‘Cause Gabe’s tall and weak. She’s short and strong. | |
| [39:18] | I’m doing an opposites thing. | |
| [39:20] | Okay. | |
| [39:21] | How’d my girl Nelly do? | |
| [39:23] | Oh, I didn’t know you knew her. | |
| [39:24] | She didn’t mention it? No. | |
| [39:26] | The integrity move. I like it. | |
| [39:29] | Yeah, we met at some dumb Women in Business seminar. | |
| [39:32] | I was the speaker, and she was the only person there | |
| [39:34] | who wasn’t trying to sell some Curves ripoff. | |
| [39:38] | You know, she also gave me reason to think | |
| [39:40] | that maybe she wasn’t a good fit. | |
| [39:42] | Well, I’m not saying you must hire her. | |
| [39:44] | If you find someone who’s clearly a fit, then fine. | |
| [39:47] | Just make sure they fit real good. | |
| [39:49] | No more manager turnover. Don’t mess this up, Jim. | |
| [39:53] | And give Dwight an interview. | |
| [39:56] | I like a little bit of crazy. | |
| [40:01] | (SQUEALS) | |
| [40:02] | Erin, what are you doing? | |
| [40:03] | I’ve been turned into a puppet. | |
| [40:05] | Okay. (CHUCKLES) | |
| [40:07] | Look at the puppet. Hi, puppet. | |
| [40:10] | Who are you? | |
| [40:11] | I was going to put on a puppet show today | |
| [40:13] | to warn people about the faulty outlet behind the fax machine. | |
| [40:18] | But change of plan. | |
| [40:20] | I went to drop off the FedEx forms, | |
| [40:22] | and an evil witch named Angela turned me into a puppet! | |
| [40:26] | (CHUCKLES) Yeah. Low blow, puppet. | |
| [40:30] | And there’s only one thing that can change me back into a real girl. | |
| [40:36] | It’s good. | |
| [40:37] | It’s just that I wish the puppets would talk more about the alphabet. | |
| [40:41] | Not for me, but if any kids are watching. | |
| [40:46] | A, B… And so forth. | |
| [40:49] | You know. | |
| [40:51] | M, N, L, O, P. | |
| [40:56] | F. | |
| [40:59] | I need the most special thing in the office. | |
| [41:02] | Silence? | |
| [41:03] | A date with the best salesman, | |
| [41:06] | Andy Bernard! | |
| [41:11] | (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) | |
| [41:17] | Hey, Erin. | |
| [41:20] | Where’d you learn how to puppet like that? | |
| [41:23] | I’ve done it all my life. Listen, I’m really flattered, | |
| [41:25] | but I don’t think we should. | |
| [41:32] | Erin’s my best friend in this office, hands down. | |
| [41:36] | But | |
| [41:38] | when she asked me out, I just didn’t have that feeling, you know? | |
| [41:41] | Aren’t there some things that you really want to like | |
| [41:43] | but you just can’t seem to like it? | |
| [41:46] | Like Mad Men or football. | |
| [41:50] | Let’s not forget. Erin chose Gabe over me. | |
| [41:53] | That happened. | |
| [41:55] | I’m not gonna apologize for getting over her, okay? | |
| [42:00] | I’m sorry. I would go for someone who’s more… | |
| [42:06] | She’s great, though. | |
| [42:14] | Hey, Jim. Elevator man. Hey. Yup. All right. | |
| [42:17] | So, listen. | |
| [42:20] | I feel like I came off terribly today, and I want to just start over. | |
| [42:24] | What can I do? Should I call Jo or… | |
| [42:26] | Maybe have my old boss call her. Listen, listen, listen. | |
| [42:28] | This isn’t you, okay? | |
| [42:30] | The Darryl we all love, he’s calm, he’s confident. | |
| [42:34] | So, just be that guy. Okay. | |
| [42:36] | All right? Okay, yeah. | |
| [42:37] | I was thinking that. All right. | |
| [42:39] | Thanks. Means a lot. Yup. | |
| [42:41] | Of course. | |
| [42:43] | Stanley, I won’t be able to invite everyone to the wedding, | |
| [42:46] | because we wanna keep it to 350. | |
| [42:48] | I’ll get over it. | |
| [42:50] | I mean, we just have to see how many senators | |
| [42:52] | and members of Congress want to attend | |
| [42:54] | before we can open it up to regular people. | |
| [42:57] | Pam, you know how you and Jim did your ironic wedding? | |
| [43:00] | Do you still have the plans for the dream wedding that you couldn’t afford? | |
| [43:04] | That was our dream wedding. | |
| [43:06] | Niagara Falls? | |
| [43:08] | Pregnant? That was your dream? | |
| [43:11] | Pork medallions? | |
| [43:15] | I hope you have a very beautiful wedding, Angela. | |
| [43:22] | So, Angela, are you looking forward to your wedding night? | |
| [43:26] | What goes on in our bedroom is none of your business, Phyllis. | |
| [43:29] | Or yours. | |
| [43:34] | Oscar, you build up these enemies in your head | |
| [43:38] | and you want to see them suffer. | |
| [43:40] | But the thing is, you don’t. | |
| [43:45] | You don’t. | |
| [43:51] | Oh, Oscar. | |
| [43:54] | All right. | |
| [43:56] | Name. Dwight Schrute. | |
| [43:57] | Thank you, Mr. Schnoot. We will let you know. | |
| [44:00] | You have to interview me. I just did. | |
| [44:02] | The answer to that one question told me everything I need to know. | |
| [44:05] | How did I do? To be honest, | |
| [44:06] | I’m leaning towards another man. His name is Jacques Souvenier. | |
| [44:09] | But would you like to be his number two? | |
| [44:12] | God, it’s gonna be hard, but, yeah, I would do it. | |
| [44:16] | Okay, well, there’s a lot to think about, | |
| [44:17] | so we will get back to you. No. | |
| [44:19] | I demand more questions. | |
| [44:21] | All right, guys. Good day. | |
| [44:22] | A lot of candidates. Let’s discuss. | |
| [44:24] | Okay, if you’re not gonna interview me, then I’ll do it. | |
| [44:26] | Yes. | |
| [44:27] | What will be your first priority? | |
| [44:30] | I will have seven first priorities. | |
| [44:33] | Safety, profits, | |
| [44:36] | fostering a community of self-reliance and entrepreneurship, | |
| [44:40] | listening, respect for human life, | |
| [44:43] | bolstering our public image, and getting everyone home on time. | |
| [44:48] | Dwight, let me be frank, | |
| [44:50] | in an accident that no one can blame you for, | |
| [44:52] | an antique gun was discharged while you were acting manager. | |
| [44:56] | How are we ever to trust you again? | |
| [45:01] | That’s a great question. | |
| [45:04] | I am going to institute a strict “No firearms” policy for this office | |
| [45:09] | that extends to myself as well. | |
| [45:12] | Wow. All of my concerns are disappearing. | |
| [45:15] | Thank you, Dwight. Thank you. | |
| [45:20] | (CLEARS THROAT) | |
| [45:21] | You’ll be hearing from us shortly, Mr. Schrute, | |
| [45:24] | and I think you’re going to like the call you’re going to receive. | |
| [45:28] | Oh, come on. | |
| [45:31] | I’m just happy that I got this meeting. | |
| [45:36] | (DOOR CLOSES) | |
| [45:37] | Well, that was quick. | |
| [45:39] | (SIGHS) Very, very interesting. | |
| [45:42] | And you know what? I’m impressed. | |
| [45:45] | He’s not a real candidate. | |
| [45:46] | I don’t know, Jim, ’cause it makes me think about something | |
| [45:48] | that my grandfather used to say, | |
| [45:50] | which is that sometimes the hand that jumps out of the grave | |
| [45:53] | and grabs you around the throat, | |
| [45:54] | that is the hand that you want on the wheel. | |
| [45:57] | You took the deal. Yeah. It was a great deal. | |
| [45:59] | That’s not okay. | |
| [46:00] | I don’t know, Dwight seems like a great leader to me, | |
| [46:02] | and I look forward to the personal perks that he promised me privately. | |
| [46:06] | What do you think, Toby? | |
| [46:07] | Well, we could try him out for a little while, | |
| [46:09] | and if it doesn’t work out, you know, maybe one of us could, you know, step in. | |
| [46:14] | What is happening right now? | |
| [46:18] | Is it true that you’re making Dwight the manager? | |
| [46:21] | No. Why would you think that? | |
| [46:22] | Well, he and Kelly said, then they pre-fired me. | |
| [46:24] | Okay. | |
| [46:29] | Okay, guys, just so you all know, no decision has been made. | |
| [46:32] | And Dwight is definitely not the boss. | |
| [46:34] | That is correct actually, Dwight is not the manager yet. | |
| [46:37] | No, no, no, not ever, ’cause that’s not gonna happen. | |
| [46:39] | Well, it’s not entirely up to you, is it? | |
| [46:41] | Seems to me like someone is getting a little power mad. | |
| [46:44] | Am I the only one who remembers what he did when he was in charge? | |
| [46:47] | I feel like I’m going a little bit crazy. | |
| [46:48] | Tuna, you’re completely sane. Thank you. | |
| [46:51] | Who do you like for the job? | |
| [46:53] | Is there anyone who maybe was a little underwhelming at first | |
| [46:56] | but now seems like a safe, if not slightly unexciting, choice? | |
| [47:01] | Okay. It seems like everybody has an opinion, so who else? | |
| [47:04] | Anybody? Do you mean it? | |
| [47:06] | Anybody? Are you sure? | |
| [47:08] | I suppose I am. | |
| [47:09] | Okay. Well, what do I want in a manager? | |
| [47:14] | Let me see. | |
| [47:17] | What do I want? | |
| [47:20] | I don’t think he meant… | |
| [47:21] | Hey, so now anyone gets to talk at any time? | |
| [47:24] | Go ahead. | |
| [47:26] | What do I want? | |
| [47:30] | I’m looking for someone who… | |
| [47:36] | Everyone is listening to me. | |
| [47:40] | Can I say… JIM: Yes. | |
| [47:41] | I think it should be Darryl. | |
| [47:42] | JIM: Okay. What a surprise. | |
| [47:44] | Minorities sticking together. | |
| [47:45] | Kelly’s on your side. | |
| [47:47] | I’m sorry, is that all you think of me? A minority? | |
| [47:49] | I am so much more than that. I am a dancer. I’m a singer. I’m a fashion designer. | |
| [47:54] | Whoever it is, I think they should be lame. | |
| [47:57] | Kind of a non-threatening, moderate personality. | |
| [48:01] | I want an outsider. Perfect. | |
| [48:03] | There are several outside candidates that we think would be… | |
| [48:05] | No, I mean an outsider. | |
| [48:07] | Like someone on the margins of society | |
| [48:09] | who doesn’t see things the way we do, like a homeless person. | |
| [48:12] | A homeless person. Really? | |
| [48:15] | A homeless person. | |
| [48:16] | No. You’re right, Pam. Let’s just leave them | |
| [48:18] | to the welfare system and let that handle it. | |
| [48:19] | No, I want you to say that you think | |
| [48:21] | the best person to be our new manager is a homeless person. | |
| [48:25] | Let me guess who you want, Pam. | |
| [48:26] | Rachael Ray? The ladies of The View? | |
| [48:29] | I got away with everything under the last boss, | |
| [48:33] | and it wasn’t good for me at all. | |
| [48:35] | So I want guidance. I want leadership. | |
| [48:38] | But don’t just, like, boss me around, you know? | |
| [48:41] | Like, lead me. | |
| [48:42] | Lead me when I’m in the mood to be led. | |
| [48:48] | I just want, for once, | |
| [48:50] | a smart, professional, decisive, well-hung man in his 40s. | |
| [48:54] | Hey, hey, hey! Okay, fine. | |
| [48:56] | Uh, the guy with the tiny penis. | |
| [48:58] | Are you happy? Let’s hire that guy! | |
| [49:01] | She may have a point there. | |
| [49:03] | Would a small penis work? | |
| [49:06] | Small to moderate. | |
| [49:08] | Gotta catch a plane. | |
| [49:10] | Hey, Gabe, I’m sorry. | |
| [49:11] | We didn’t get you a cake or anything. | |
| [49:13] | We’re gonna miss you. | |
| [49:14] | Well, I’m still the corporate liaison to the branch. | |
| [49:17] | You are not leaving without giving me a hug. | |
| [49:21] | Ugh. | |
| [49:22] | Okay, you know what? You don’t need to make that sound. | |
| [49:24] | I’m sorry. You were just a lot bonier than I thought you were gonna be! | |
| [49:26] | There are plenty of people who love touching me. | |
| [49:29] | I’m a terrific hugger. | |
| [49:30] | I’ve been with a bunch of girls | |
| [49:32] | where that’s basically all they wanna do. | |
| [49:34] | I will see you all soon. Later, man. | |
| [49:35] | We’ll miss you. Good luck. | |
| [49:36] | RYAN: Good luck at your new job. | |
| [49:38] | Take care, man. DWIGHT: Gonna miss you, Gabe. | |
| [49:39] | Listen up. Listen up, ladies. | |
| [49:43] | I want the job. | |
| [49:46] | There. I said it. | |
| [49:48] | I’m educated, I’m capable, I like all of you, | |
| [49:51] | and I won’t make any changes. | |
| [49:54] | I see it. | |
| [49:56] | I see it like I see a mountain that I’m standing in front of and facing and I’m liking. | |
| [50:01] | PHYLLIS: Yeah. Yeah. | |
| [50:02] | Andy would be wonderful as boss. | |
| [50:04] | Erin made a good point. | |
| [50:07] | No. We’re not related. I got the call. | |
| [50:11] | But I’ll tell her some other day. | |
| [50:14] | Okay, what’s going on? | |
| [50:16] | I thought I told you guys to expand the company. | |
| [50:19] | It looks exactly the same. I’m very disappointed. | |
| [50:24] | Jordana, get me Jo on the phone. | |
| [50:29] | Okay, nobody say anything. | |
| [50:38] | Hey, Creed, this is Jo. No, don’t say another word. | |
| [50:41] | I need you to take a nap right now. Yes. | |
| [50:45] | I want to talk to you in your dream. Lay down and put the phone… | |
| [50:50] | Great. Very good. Okay, you gonna go to sleep. | |
| [50:55] | Okay, I think we have about 40 minutes. | |
| [50:57] | What about Darryl? | |
| [50:59] | We can all agree that he’s a standup guy, right? | |
| [51:02] | Very nice, laid back. Overall, just a good guy. | |
| [51:05] | What if he brings some of those warehouse types up here? | |
| [51:08] | They’re not carnies. | |
| [51:09] | MEREDITH: Can we see a birth certificate? | |
| [51:11] | I mean, how do we know he wasn’t born in Mubajuba or something? | |
| [51:13] | What difference would that make? | |
| [51:15] | I’m just saying American jobs should go to Americans. | |
| [51:18] | (SPITTING) | |
| [51:20] | Meredith, you can’t just spit in the office. | |
| [51:24] | Okay, I went too far. | |
| [51:26] | Angela. | |
| [51:27] | Well, let me be clear. I only speak for myself, | |
| [51:30] | and not myself and the Senator. | |
| [51:32] | I think we have some wonderful candidates, | |
| [51:34] | and there is a great lively debate here. | |
| [51:37] | But let’s think about… No. No. | |
| [51:38] | No. Sorry. We cut Kevin off for the same thing. | |
| [51:41] | You have to have something to say if you talk. | |
| [51:43] | Exactly. | |
| [51:44] | Jada. No, no, no. Jada, what are you… | |
| [51:47] | Oh. So sorry, guys. | |
| [51:49] | I hope my family didn’t disrupt your meeting. | |
| [51:52] | Daddy, are these the people who are making you manager? (EXHALES) | |
| [51:56] | Maybe, sweetheart. (EXHALES) | |
| [51:58] | Single dad. Challenges. | |
| [52:01] | JADA: I don’t know if he’d be a good manager, | |
| [52:03] | but he’s a really great dad. | |
| [52:05] | Okay. This was a mistake. Let’s go. | |
| [52:08] | It seems like we all know enough to vote. Should we just vote now? | |
| [52:11] | What? No, no, no. It’s not a vote. | |
| [52:12] | Then what was this all about? I don’t know. | |
| [52:15] | This conversation really got away from me. | |
| [52:16] | I don’t care. They can just vote. | |
| [52:18] | No, they can’t. | |
| [52:19] | That’s not how this is gonna work. | |
| [52:22] | (EXHALES) We’re going in this room. We’re gonna have a meeting. | |
| [52:24] | We’re gonna make a recommendation to Jo, | |
| [52:26] | and she’s gonna give you her recommendation on Monday, okay? | |
| [52:29] | What the hell happened out there? | |
| [52:35] | Sometimes you hear people talking about failing upwards. | |
| [52:39] | I think I’m about to do that. | |
| [52:42] | This job? Oh, yeah, I’ll get it. | |
| [52:45] | Jo’s an old friend. | |
| [52:47] | I think I’m her best friend. | |
| [52:50] | She’s not my best friend. | |
| [52:52] | Every day, I have a blueberry muffin. | |
| [52:54] | Today I did not have a blueberry muffin. | |
| [52:57] | Should have had the blueberry muffin. | |
| [52:59] | Especially considering how incredibly superstitious I am. | |
| [53:03] | No. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. | |
| [53:05] | I will be the new boss of… | |
| [53:09] | Vance Refrigeration. | |
| [53:12] | Honestly, I think I sabotaged myself. | |
| [53:15] | It’s like I’m afraid of being happy. | |
| [53:18] | Case in point, | |
| [53:21] | I was supposed to start another job today. | |
| [53:23] | I will get offered the job. | |
| [53:26] | That’s a call I’ve received many times. | |
| [53:29] | The slight hopefulness in their voice, the pregnant pause | |
| [53:33] | while they wait to hear my response. | |
| [53:36] | And then my response. | |
| [53:41] | I want the job. I really do. | |
| [53:43] | It’s just the rest of my family’s in the Finger Lakes right now. | |
| [53:46] | I’m supposed to be in the Finger Lakes right now. | |
| [53:49] | I told them I was on a hike, snuck away to do this interview. | |
| [53:53] | I gotta get back pretty soon. They’ll worry. | |
| [53:55] | People disappear in the Finger Lakes. | |
| [53:58] | I will run this branch or I will destroy this branch. | |
| [54:05] | Or, I don’t know. Something always works out. | |
| [54:14] | You remind me so much of my fourth biggest client. | |
| [54:17] | (IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Is that right? | |
| [54:19] | I think you two should meet. | |
| [54:20] | Well, okay… | |
| [54:21] | Hey, Jordana, patch my ninth and my fourth biggest client together. | |
| [54:30] | (IN MAN’S VOICE) Hello? | |
| [54:31] | (IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Hello! | |
| [54:32] | (IN MAN’S VOICE) Hi, how are you? | |
| [54:34] | (IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Oh, I’m good! | |
| [54:35] | Don’t you just love paper and things about paper? | |
| [54:39] | (IN MAN’S VOICE) Hey, are you single? | |
| [54:41] | This seems like a love connection to me! | |
| [54:43] | It’s kismet. | |
| [54:44] | Personally, I think Darryl would be good. | |
| [54:46] | It has to be Darryl, or someone I don’t know. | |
| [54:50] | I thought the woman who came in, | |
| [54:52] | she seemed like she had a fun energy. | |
| [54:54] | I’m not a sexist. I just really don’t want it to be a woman. | |
| [54:58] | I just feel that women are generally less competent than men | |
| [55:02] | and less rational. | |
| [55:03] | Again, I’m not a sexist. | |
| [55:06] | Even Andy… They need to pick someone. | |
| [55:11] | Just someone. Fast. |