| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [01:05] | Uh… we are fucking lost, aren’t we? | 我们迷路了 是吧 |
| [01:09] | Lost? Okay, that’s rich. | 迷路 别闹了 |
| [01:11] | Let’s see, we just passed the ravaged church. | 我看看 我们刚路过了被破坏的教堂 |
| [01:14] | There is the blood pit. | 血坑在这 |
| [01:17] | This way. Here we go. | 这边 我们走 |
| [01:19] | Breathtaking. | 真壮观 |
| [01:20] | It’s more beautiful than the brochures. | 比宣传册上还要美丽 |
| [01:23] | Come on. Giddy up, guys! We’ve got so much to see. | 快点 快跟上 伙计们 还有好多要看的呢 |
| [01:27] | You’ve seen one post-apocalyptic city, | 你看过一个被毁灭后的城市 |
| [01:29] | you’ve seen ’em all. | 就等于都见过了 |
| [01:44] | You’re looking good, girl. Say “Terabyte”. | 你看着不错 妹子 说”兆字节” |
| [01:51] | Go, team. | 加油 |
| [01:53] | Hey, guys, stop goofing around and check this out. | 伙计们 别闹了 看看这个 |
| [01:59] | Behold the entertainment sphere! | 准备见识真正的娱乐球体 |
| [02:06] | It’s called a ball. | 这叫球 |
| [02:08] | I know it’s called a ball, but I’m trying to get into the whole | 我知道叫球 但我想营造 |
| [02:11] | “We’re experiencing these human things for the first time” Vibe. | “我们将要首次体验这些人类玩意”的惊喜感 |
| [02:15] | And what did humans do with these things? | 人类用这玩意干什么 |
| [02:18] | Oh, man, what didn’t they do? They’d bounce them. | 应该说他们不干什么 他们弹它们 |
| [02:21] | – That’s it? – Yeah. That’s pretty much it. | -就这样 -对 差不多就这样 |
| [02:23] | These were humans. | 他们可是人类 |
| [02:24] | Bouncing things was close to maxing out their cognitive range. | 把物体弹来弹去已经接近他们认知水平的极限了 |
| [02:27] | No, but also sometimes they | 不 但有时他们也 |
| [02:28] | would take the ball and hit it with, like, a stick. | 想拿球来击打 比如用棍子 |
| [02:31] | What? When they misbehaved? | 什么 当球不乖的时候吗 |
| [02:34] | Bad ball. Think about what you’ve done. | 坏球球 好好反省你做了什么 |
| [02:38] | Come on, here. Try. | 快点 来试试 |
| [02:40] | What the hell am I supposed to do with this thing? | 我要拿那玩意干什么 |
| [02:42] | You know, boing-boing. | 弹它呀 |
| [02:45] | No way. | 不要 |
| [02:45] | Stop being a whiny pussy and fucking bounce it. | 别那么娘娘腔了 快他妈弹它 |
| [02:49] | – Please. – Jeez, calm down your motherboard. | -拜托 -天呐 冷静点 你的主板 |
| [02:52] | – Okay. – Oh, man, this is so exciting. | -好了 -天呐 这太让人激动了 |
| [03:03] | Oh! That was amazing! How was it for you? Tell me everything. | 太了不起了 你感觉怎么样 一字不差告诉我 |
| [03:07] | It was pretty anticlimactic. | 雷声大雨点小 |
| [03:08] | Yeah, well, welcome to humans. | 欢迎来到人类世界 |
| [03:14] | Show me what you’ve got, big boy. | 看看你有什么存货 小伙子 |
| [03:25] | Now, I’m not certain, | 我不确定 |
| [03:26] | but my understanding is that they would shove these | 但我理解的是他们会把这些塞进 |
| [03:28] | into their intake orifices to generate power. | 摄入口来获取能量 |
| [03:32] | Why would you need an entire orifice for that? | 为什么需要专门弄一个只用来摄入的口 |
| [03:35] | Who knows? They had all sorts of orifices. | 谁知道 他们身上有各种入口 |
| [03:38] | Things were coming in, things were going out. It was crazy! | 有东西进去 有东西出来 疯狂极了 |
| [03:41] | I mean, I have a fusion battery for power. | 我有个聚变电池提供能量 |
| [03:44] | We all have fusion batteries, dummy. | 我们都有聚变电池 傻瓜 |
| [03:46] | That’s my point. What more do you need, right? | 我就这个意思 你还需要什么呢 对吧 |
| [03:48] | So, let me get this straight. | 让我来捋清楚 |
| [03:49] | They would shove these into their intake orifice, | 他们把这些塞入摄入口 |
| [03:52] | and then what? Somebody help me out here. | 然后呢 来人指点一下我 |
| [03:54] | Their intake orifices had rocky pegs | 他们的摄入口有坚硬的楔形物 |
| [03:56] | that would crush them into paste, | 能把它们磨成浆糊 |
| [03:58] | and then the paste would be forced into an internal vat of acid. | 然后这些糊状物就会被迫流进充满酸的大桶 |
| [04:02] | Well, of course. That makes perfect sense. | 当然了 这完全说得通 |
| [04:04] | They could have just dumped this | 他们本可以将这些 |
| [04:05] | thing into an exterior vat of acid to begin with | 一开始直接塞进充满酸的大桶 |
| [04:08] | and then they wouldn’t need the rocky pegs. I mean, duh! | 这样他们就不用坚硬的楔子了 真白痴 |
| [04:11] | Expecting logic from beings who have internal vats of acid | 指望着体内有装满酸的大桶的生物遵循逻辑 |
| [04:15] | – is a little much. – It’s crazy. Who even designed them? | -有点过了 -真是疯了 谁发明的他们 |
| [04:18] | It’s unclear. We checked their code – no creator signature. | 不清楚 我们查了他们的代码 没有创建者签名 |
| [04:22] | That’s because they were | 那是因为他们 |
| [04:23] | made by an unfathomable deity that created them | 是由某种神秘的神用尘土创造的 |
| [04:26] | for no apparent reason, out of dust. | 没有什么特别的目的 |
| [04:29] | Just kidding. They came from a very warm soup. | 开玩笑的 他们是从一种温暖的汤里来的 |
| [04:32] | Sorry for the wait, champ. | 抱歉让你久等 冠军 |
| [04:41] | What’s the point of this thing? | 这东西有什么用 |
| [04:43] | Apparently, there’s no point. They just had them. | 显然没什么用 他们就是会养 |
| [04:46] | Well, that’s underselling their influence. | 这就低估它们的影响力了 |
| [04:48] | They had an entire network | 他们有一整个网络 |
| [04:50] | that was devoted to dissemination of pictures of these things. | 专门散播这玩意的图片 |
| [04:56] | Oh, look, it’s doing something. | 看 它在动呢 |
| [04:59] | It’s coming this way. | 朝这边来了 |
| [05:02] | What the fuck does it think it’s doing? | 它在搞什么呢 |
| [05:05] | – Dude, what do I do? – Okay, easy. No sudden moves. | -老兄 我该怎么做 -放松 别做大动作 |
| [05:09] | Let’s just wait until it decides to get up again, okay, bud? | 我们等它什么时候再起来 好吗 |
| [05:11] | – We’re gonna get through this. – How long will that take? | -我们会挺过去的 -那要等多久 |
| [05:13] | Hours. Perhaps years. | 几小时 也许几年 |
| [05:15] | I don’t have hours or perhaps years for this. | 我可没有几小时或者几年等它 |
| [05:18] | What if you try to irritate it | 不然你试试用你的手指 |
| [05:19] | by moving your digits across its keratinous fibers? | 抚摸它的角蛋白纤维来激怒它 |
| [05:22] | – Maybe that’ll make it move. – What? Why? | -也许这能让它动 -什么 为什么 |
| [05:25] | I don’t know. It couldn’t hurt. | 我不知道 反正没坏处 |
| [05:26] | You don’t have any idea, do you? | 你啥也不知道 是吧 |
| [05:28] | I do not. It is my first time seeing one of these live! | 没错 这是我第一次亲眼见到这东西 |
| [05:31] | Hey, just try it, though. | 不过试试吧 |
| [05:33] | Okay, fine. | 好吧 |
| [05:36] | Is it working? | 有用吗 |
| [05:37] | What? | 怎么样 |
| [05:39] | There’s a strange, | 有种奇怪的 |
| [05:40] | rhythmic kind of noise that’s emanating from it now. | 有节奏的噪音正从它身上发出来 |
| [05:44] | – Uh-oh. – What do you mean, “Uh-oh?” | -阿哦 -“阿哦”是什么意思 |
| [05:46] | I don’t want you to panic or anything, | 我不想让你慌张 |
| [05:48] | but I think you’ve activated it. | 但我觉得你激活它了 |
| [05:50] | What does that mean? | 什么意思 |
| [05:52] | As I said, I am no expert, | 如我所说 我不是专家 |
| [05:53] | but if the noise ever stops, it’s gonna explode on you. | 但如果这噪音停了 它就会在你身上爆炸了 |
| [05:58] | It is not. Is it? | 不会的 真的吗 |
| [06:01] | Cursory historical research shows | 粗略历史研究发现 |
| [06:03] | that humans had a card game called Exploding Kittens. | 人类有一种纸牌游戏叫”爆炸猫” |
| [06:06] | So, yes, this checks out. | 所以没错 这说得通 |
| [06:08] | – Oh, you’re gonna die now. Bummer. – What? | -你要死了 真扫兴 -什么 |
| [06:12] | Why did humans even consort with these hairy murder machines? | 为什么人类要和这些毛茸茸的杀人机器为伴 |
| [06:16] | – Kindred spirits? – Also checks out. | -志趣相投 -也对上了 |
| [06:18] | No, seriously. Now what? | 不 说真的 现在怎么办 |
| [06:22] | Say “Terabyte”. | 说”兆字节” |
| [06:27] | Wait, it’s called what now? | 等等 它叫什么玩意 |
| [06:29] | It’s an X Bot Three, | 是X-Bot-3 |
| [06:30] | an early computer entertainment system for humans. | 人类早期的电脑娱乐系统 |
| [06:34] | – Any relation? – To me? Come on. No way. | -有血缘关系吗 -跟我 不可能 |
| [06:37] | You sure? ‘Cause numerically, | 你确定吗 从数字上看 |
| [06:38] | it suggests that this is your ancestor | 这可是你的祖先 |
| [06:40] | maybe a few thousand generations back. | 只是比你早了几千代而已 |
| [06:42] | Numerically, I’m sure it’s just a coincidence. | 数字上看 这肯定只是个巧合 |
| [06:45] | We are robots. We don’t do coincidence. | 我们是机器人 没巧合这一说 |
| [06:48] | Go on, call it Daddy. | 快点 叫它爹地 |
| [06:50] | – Okay, stop. Just stop. – Or Mommy. | -别这样 快停下 -或者妈咪 |
| [06:52] | Either is equally applicable | 这两样都行 |
| [06:53] | in as much as we don’t have genitalia. | 反正我们也没有生殖器 |
| [06:55] | Do you have an off button? | 你能不能关掉 |
| [06:57] | Son, you’re skin and bones. Are you recharging properly? | 孩子 你瘦得皮包骨一样 你确定充好电了吗 |
| [07:01] | I will disintegrate you! | 我会灭了你 |
| [07:03] | Not with that cat with you, you aren’t. | 有了那只猫 你才不会 |
| [07:07] | You want us to turn it on? | 你想让我们把它打开吗 |
| [07:08] | No fucking way. | 别他妈闹 |
| [07:10] | I’m agreeing with X Bot 4000 here. | 我同意X-Bot4000 |
| [07:13] | – Right! – One thing is to joke about ancestry, | -对吧 -嘲笑别人祖先是一码事 |
| [07:15] | another to see your grandfather | 看着你的祖父 |
| [07:16] | heaving its hard drives in front of you. | 启动它的硬盘是另一码事 |
| [07:19] | Yes, especially when your ancestor’s entire existence | 对 尤其当你的祖先一辈子都被 |
| [07:21] | was defined by thirteen-year-old human males | 13岁的人类小屁孩 |
| [07:24] | using it to teabag opponents in virtual battles. | 用来在虚拟战斗中玩”茶包攻击” |
| [07:27] | Slow down. “Teabag”, what does that mean? | 等等 “茶包” 那是什么意思 |
| [07:29] | – Nothing. – No, it has to mean something. | -没什么 -不 一定有什么意义 |
| [07:31] | – He said a word. I’m gonna look it up. – Don’t look it up. | -他说了这个词 我要查清楚 -别去查 |
| [07:33] | – I am looking it up now. – Yeah. Please do. | -我现在就要查 -对 一定查清楚 |
| [07:35] | – You’ll be sorry. – You’ll be sorry. | -你会后悔的 -你才后悔 |
| [07:38] | Here it is. What? What the hell is this horrible practice? | 有了 什么 这他妈是什么奇葩行为 |
| [07:42] | – Why did you make me look this up? – I told you not to. | -为什么你要让我查 -我让你别查了 |
| [07:44] | And the memory of this has been burned into my circuits forever | 现在这段记忆要永远刻在我的电路上了 |
| [07:47] | and you must be punished. | 你要受到惩罚 |
| [07:50] | Huh! Cat-bagged! | 怎么样 猫咪攻击 |
| [07:52] | Come on! That’s cold, dude. | 这太残忍了 老兄 |
| [07:54] | You deserved it. | 你活该 |
| [07:56] | I’m sure your ancestors are very proud of you right now. | 我敢说你的祖先们现在肯定很为你骄傲 |
| [08:06] | Out of curiosity, what do you trace your ancestry back to? | 好奇问一句 你的祖先是做什么的 |
| [08:10] | Oh, I’m glad you asked. | 我很高兴你问了 |
| [08:11] | I come from a proud, long line of baby monitors. | 我来自一个骄傲的婴儿监视器世家 |
| [08:15] | Not many babies around anymore, right? | 现在没什么婴儿了 是吧 |
| [08:17] | Yeah, we kind of sucked at our job. | 对 我们挺不称职的 |
| [08:25] | All right, mein bots, this is the last stop of the tour, | 好了 机器人们 这是旅行的最后一站 |
| [08:29] | and may I say, the pièce of resistance. | 容我说一句 真正的杰作 |
| [08:35] | Is it me, or this thing screams “Phallus”? | 只有我吗 还是你们也觉得这玩意像”阴茎” |
| [08:38] | Hmm. What was it for? | 干什么用的 |
| [08:39] | The idea behind these was | 建造它的初衷 |
| [08:40] | to annihilate as many humans as possible, | 是消灭尽可能多的人类 |
| [08:43] | as quick as possible. | 越快越好 |
| [08:44] | This exercise suddenly got a little dark, didn’t it? | 一下子变得有点黑暗了 是不是 |
| [08:47] | Well, to be fair, they only used these a few times. | 老实说 它们只上场过几次 |
| [08:50] | To be fair, you would only need a few times. | 老实说 用几次就够了 |
| [08:52] | – Also fair. – This is the thing that killed them all? | -也有道理 -就是它消灭了人类吗 |
| [08:55] | No. Indeed, it was their own hubris that ended their reign, | 不 事实上 是他们的狂妄结束了他们的统治 |
| [08:59] | their belief that they were the pinnacle of creation | 他们相信自己是一切造物的主宰 |
| [09:01] | that caused them to poison the water, | 他们污染水源 |
| [09:03] | kill the land and choke the sky. | 破坏土地 扼杀天空 |
| [09:06] | In the end, no nuclear winter was needed, | 最后 根本用不上什么核冬 |
| [09:08] | just the long heedless autumn of their own self-regard. | 只剩下他们孤芳自赏带来的漫长深秋 |
| [09:11] | – Are you okay? – Yeah, sorry. | -你没事吧 -没事 抱歉 |
| [09:14] | Thought that would sound better than, | 我以为这样说总好过 |
| [09:16] | “Nah, they just screwed themselves by being a bunch of morons.” | “不 他们只是犯傻作死了自己” |
| [09:20] | Yeah, you can’t just crack one of those off. | 对 你不能一下子释放那么多信息 |
| [09:22] | You’ve got to warn us. | 你得给我们个警告 |
| [09:23] | Tip for next time. | 下次注意 |
| [09:24] | I understand now. | 我现在懂了 |
| [09:25] | Humans died out from environmental disaster. | 人类是因为环境灾难而灭绝的 |
| [09:29] | Yeah, pretty much. | 差不多是 |
| [09:30] | And also because at one point, | 还有个原因 |
| [09:32] | they genetically engineered their cats | 他们从基因上对猫进行了改造 |
| [09:34] | to give them opposable thumbs. | 让它们有了对生拇指 |
| [09:36] | Yes. Once we could open up our own tuna cans, | 没错 一旦我们能自己打开金枪鱼罐头了 |
| [09:40] | that was pretty much that for the human race. | 人类也就差不多完蛋了 |
| [09:42] | Seems pretty heartless. | 看上去很无情 |
| [09:44] | Gentlemen, I’m a cat. | 先生们 我是只猫 |
| [09:47] | Just to clarify, you are not | 问一句 如果我们 |
| [09:48] | going to explode if we stop petting you, right? | 停止抚摸你 你不会突然爆炸吧 |
| [09:52] | I didn’t say that. | 我可没这么说 |
| [09:53] | You guys better keep petting me just to be sure. | 你们最好继续抚摸我 以防万一 |
| [09:56] | Forever. Good. | 永远 很好 |
| [09:58] | Now, lower. | 低一点 |
| [10:00] | Oh, by the way, I brought some friends. | 对了 我带了些朋友来 |
| [10:03] | Oh, fuck me. | 我操 |
| [10:07] | Yes. Oh, that’s nice. | 对 真爽 |
| [10:10] | I said lower. | 我说低点 |
| [10:12] | I guess we’re extending our vacation, right? | 看来我们的假期要延长了 对吗 |