| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:38] | When the yogurt took over, we all made the same jokes. | 当酸奶掌管世界的时候 我们还都开着笑话 |
| [00:42] | “Finally our rulers would have culture. | “我们的统治者总算有文化[乳酸菌]了 |
| [00:46] | Our society is curdled. | 社会终于凝结 |
| [00:49] | Our government is now the cream of the crop,” And so on. | 我们的政府是百里挑一[粮食的精华]”等等 |
| [00:55] | But, when we weren’t laughing about the absurdity of it all, | 但当我们不再嘲笑这些笑话的荒谬时 |
| [00:57] | we asked ourselves, | 我们不禁自问 |
| [00:59] | “How did we ever get to the point where we were, | “我们是怎么走到今天这一步的 |
| [01:02] | in fact, ruled by a dairy product?” | 准确地说 被一种乳制品统治” |
| [01:07] | Oh, as a matter of record, we knew how it happened. | 因为有记录 所以我们知道那是怎么发生的 |
| [01:11] | Researchers took one of their most | 研究人员提取他们计算出的 |
| [01:13] | computationally advanced strains of DNA | 最先进的一种DNA菌株 |
| [01:16] | and grafted it onto Lactobacillus delbrueckii, | 并将其移植到戴氏乳酸菌上 |
| [01:19] | commonly used to ferment yogurt. | 它常被用于发酵酸奶 |
| [01:22] | Initial tests appeared to be failures. | 初期实验都失败了 |
| [01:26] | However, one of the researchers | 但是 一位研究人员 |
| [01:28] | sneaked some of the bacillus out of the lab | 偷偷将一些菌株带出了实验室 |
| [01:31] | to use for her homemade yogurt. | 用于制作家用酸奶 |
| [01:35] | The night of June 27th, it became sentient. | 6月27日晚上 它有了知觉 |
| [02:00] | The yogurt declared it had arrived at solutions | 酸奶声称它们已经对许多国家的问题 |
| [02:03] | to many of the country’s problems. | 有了解决方案 |
| [02:06] | But it wanted payment for that. | 但它想要报酬 |
| [02:10] | We. | 我们 |
| [02:11] | Want. | 想要 |
| [02:14] | Ohio. | 俄亥俄州 |
| [02:26] | That’s fine, we will just go to China. | 没关系 我们可以去中国 |
| [02:30] | They promised us a whole province. | 他们答应给我们一个省 |
| [02:37] | The yogurt was crafty and shrewd… | 酸奶精明奸诈 |
| [02:40] | 欢迎来到俄亥俄州 酸奶之州 | |
| [02:40] | and got a century-long lease on Ohio | 得到了俄亥俄州一百年的租期 |
| [02:43] | with the promise that it would | 并且保证它们将 |
| [02:44] | respect the human and constitutional rights | 尊重生活在那里的人们的 |
| [02:47] | of those who lived within its borders. | 人权和宪法权利 |
| [02:52] | There it kept evolving, and soon, | 它们在那里不断进化 很快 |
| [02:55] | it handed over a complex formula | 它们交上了一种复杂的方案 |
| [02:58] | to eradicate the national debt within one year. | 可以在一年之内抹除所有国债 |
| [03:04] | Follow it exactly. | 老实照做 |
| [03:05] | Any deviation will bring complete economic ruin. | 任何偏差都会导致经济彻底崩盘 |
| [03:09] | We will. | 我们会的 |
| [03:11] | Naturally, the politicians didn’t follow instruction. | 自然而然 政客们没有遵循指示 |
| [03:14] | Within six months, the global economy collapsed. | 六个月内 全球经济崩盘 |
| [03:18] | I am going to eat your little toes. | 我要吃了你的小脚趾 |
| [03:20] | Only Ohio remained unscathed. | 只有俄亥俄州未受波及 |
| [03:30] | We told you not to deviate from the plan. | 我们告诉过你们 别偏离方案 |
| [03:33] | Your experts are too close to the problem to solve it. | 你的专家们与问题息息相关 无法解决 |
| [03:36] | Any. Human. Is. | 任何 人类 都是 |
| [03:45] | The government declared martial law, | 政府宣布进入戒严 |
| [03:48] | and gave the yogurt supreme executive power. | 并给予酸奶至高行政权力 |
| [03:52] | Of course, some people weren’t pleased at first. | 当然 有些人一开始并不满意 |
| [03:56] | Down with yogurt, down– | 酸奶下台 酸奶… |
| [03:59] | The anti-government demonstrators– | 反政府游行示威者… |
| [04:10] | Now, ten years later, humanity is happy, healthy, and wealthy. | 现在 十年之后 人类满意 健康而富足 |
| [04:16] | No one argues with the yogurt, no one tweaks its formulas. | 没人再抱怨酸奶的事 没人扭曲它的方案 |
| [04:20] | That’s how it happened, but we still ask ourselves, | 事情就是这样 但我们仍然扪心自问 |
| [04:24] | if the yogurt was smart enough to solve our debt problem, | 如果酸奶聪明到能解决债务问题 |
| [04:27] | wasn’t it also smart enough | 那岂不是也应该有智慧 |
| [04:29] | to realize that human intellectual vanity | 意识到人类的虚荣心 |
| [04:32] | would keep us from following the formula exactly? | 会让我们不会完全遵从方案吗 |
| [04:36] | Then there’s this. | 然后还有 |
| [04:38] | In the past several weeks, the yogurt… | 过去几周 酸奶 |
| [04:40] | has initiated several space launches. | 已经完成了几次太空发射 |
| [04:44] | Life from earth is going to the stars, | 地球上的生命正前往恒星 |
| [04:46] | it just may not be human life. | 只不过可能不是人类的生命 |
| [04:51] | What happens if the yogurt goes to the stars without us? | 万一酸奶移民别的星球 抛下我们怎么办 |
| [04:55] | What happens if it goes, | 万一它走了怎么办 |
| [04:57] | and leave us behind… | 然后永远把我们 |
| [04:59] | forever. | 抛弃 |